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Chayim Aruchim Hosts Inaugural Event to Create Awareness in the Sephardic Community

Chayim Aruchim, a well-known organization that provides assistance and support to individuals and families during end-of-life situations, hosted a successful event last month to create awareness in the Sephardic community. The event was graciously hosted in the Brooklyn home of  Murad and Paula Nasiri, including rabbinical leaders, community activists, Chayim Aruchim Board members Rabbi Gedaliah Weinberger, Rivie Schwebel, and Chayim Aruchim’s Care Navigator Mrs. Leah Horowitz.  

Attendees were treated to an emotional audio-visual presentation where members of the Sephardic community shared their personal experiences of how Chayim Aruchim stepped in and provided crucial support during their own loved ones’ hospitalization and end-of-life situations.  

The moving testimonies by Sammy and Seymour Esses and Ike Sutton highlighted the importance of having a dedicated organization like Chayim Aruchim to assist and guide families during such trying times. 

The event featured a presentation by Rabbi Shmuel Lefkowitz, who spoke about the many different services that Chayim Aruchim offers to help individuals and families navigate the difficult challenges that arise during end-of-life situations.  

“The overall mission of Chayim Aruchim, a project of Agudath Israel of America, is to help members of the Jewish community make decisions when confronted with critical illness,” said Rabbi Lefkowitz. “With a team of medically-trained Rabbis with many years of experience, doctors, legal experts, and high-level government policy advocates, Chayim Aruchim upholds the right of patients and their family to decide about their care.” 

Rabbi Raymond Beyda, Rabbi Raymond Haber, and Dr. Albert Matalon – who are all respected as leaders within the Sephardic community – are stationed at the helm of what is known as Mahon Hayim Aruhim, and will help guide Chayim Aruchim as it steadily grows. 

“Hayim Aruhim serves as a lifeline for the Sephardic community, by providing valuable guidance and 24-hour support to families navigating end-of-life issues,” said Rabbi Raymond Beyda. “We combine medical knowledge with Halachah to give direction in emotionally stressful situations.” 

Dr. Albert Matalon echoed those sentiments saying, “As a physician and as a Sephardic community member, I can tell you firsthand how much of a valuable resource Hayim Aruhim proves to be for anyone seeking assistance and guidance during difficult end-of-life situations.” 

The creation of Mahon Hayim Aruhim reflects Chayim Aruchim’s commitment to serving the needs of all communities, and ensuring that everyone has access to the support and resources they need during difficult times. By tailoring their services to the unique needs of the Sephardic community, the organization hopes to further spread awareness about what they do and ensure that everyone who needs their help can benefit from it. 

“It was truly inspiring to see so many members of the Sephardic community come together to support this important initiative,” said Rabbi Menachem Horowitz of Chayim Aruchim. “We are thrilled to be able to offer services to this community, and we look forward to continuing to provide vital support and guidance to families during end-of-life situations.” 

Chayim Aruchim’s 24-hour phone hotline is staffed by a team of trained experts who help families facing tough medical or end-of-life decisions choose the best path forward, both medically and halachically. It is for this reason that local families often turn to Chayim Aruchim when the life of a critically ill relative or elderly loved one is on the line.  

“In the Jewish community, there is a strong emphasis on the importance of preserving life,” explained Rabbi Horowitz. “There are many religious and ethical considerations to take into account, including issues related to palliative care, hospice, and end-of-life decision-making. We provide support to ensure the needs of both the individual and the family are being met with sensitivity and compassion.” 

As such, Mahon Hayim Aruhim will be specifically focused on servicing the needs of the Sephardic community. This is a significant development, as it will further spread awareness about what the organization does and ensure that the Sephardic community benefits from its services.   

Perhaps Rabbi Raymond Haber summed it up best when describing the inherent value of Mahon Hayim Aruhim from his perspective.  

“Hayim Aruhim has started to make a real impact in the care of critically and terminally ill patients in our community,” he said. “There’s nothing more sacred to us than life. People now have an address to help navigate these challenging moments.” 

For more information about the launch of Mahon Hayim Aruhim, please call 347-578-8200. For general information about the Chayim Aruchim organization, please call 718-ARUCHIM or visit www.chayimaruchim.com

Downsizing

It’s harder to leave a home if you have lived there for many years, raised your kids there, and experienced many life milestones there.  We develop a close attachment to the place we live in. 

We have many happy memories in our home.  For years our home could have been busy and bustling, but now, maybe not so much. 

Many people in this situation, where the kids have grown up and moved out, choose to downsize to move closer to their kids or to move to a smaller home that is just easier to maintain. 

There are two schools of thought when it comes to downsizing.  Some take a practical view, and see downsizing as a way to not have so many things to maintain. Others focus on the negative.  These people have a harder time, as they look at downsizing as the closing of an era. 

I like to look at downsizing as the start of a new era. 

Many people love the idea of getting rid of all their kids’ items piled high, their eighth grade yearbook, their first grade stash of baby teeth, their sixth grade hobbies and collections.  I feel that many homeowners don’t mind the organizing and cleaning part, but what gets to them is the thought of leaving all the memories behind and starting something new.  That’s the daunting task that I see people facing many times. 

There are innumerable things that you can collect over a lifetime and I’ve seen it all.  Many times, the thought of downsizing leaves people feeling very reflective – reflective of the lives they lived in their homes or reflective of the changes that are coming or the changes that already happened.  So when I meet sellers, if it’s a couple, I tell them they should both be grateful they were able to clean out their house and go through years’ worth of items (junk?) together. It truly is a blessing to be able to organize and clear your house together, to have the mental and physical capacity, and strength to do it, and to do it together as a couple. It doesn’t always happen that way, so when it does, count your blessings. 

We discussed this concept with a few of our clients and we wanted to share some of their comments with you.  The feelings range from feeling extremely nervous and scared to many people telling me that having less has opened the door to so much more for them.  When they had a full home, there was always a laundry list of things to do, and more stuff created more loose ends around the house. But now, they can focus on the creative projects, things that are more important to them that they didn’t have time to do before. 

 

What It Feels Like To Downsize 

Here are some thoughts from our clients regarding downsizing:

What was a fear/worry when you were thinking of downsizing?

JB:As people get older, keeping track of so many spaces and possessions of a large home takes up so much of their headspace. In a smaller home with fewer items, things they need will be right within reach.

PS:  A worry that I had was packing 35 years of things and memories.  I did not know what to do with all my stuff. I was worried it would take me months and months to pack. 

 

What was the actual experience like?

JB: Especially if your home is old, consider moving to a newer construction. Less repairs. Things actually work!

PS:  The experience ended up being very smooth, thank Gd.  I was able to give away or sell a lot of stuff.  I ended up not having as much to pack as I thought.

Reflecting back, can you share a tip with our readers who are thinking of downsizing and moving to a smaller space? 

JB:Realize that you will have to have less stuff. It’s just not possible to fit all of your things (and often “inherited” things) into a smaller space.  Get help! From design to packers to realtors to professional organizers, these people have done it before with so many others, they can really take the stress out of the move. 

PS:There are a lot of gemachs and organizations that would love to take things that you don’t want.  Ask for help with packing!  Don’t sweat it, it will all work out!

Leading Poskim Gather to Celebrate the Release of First Volume of Dirshu Shulhan Aruch

Chaim Gold 

(L-R) Harav Messod Ben Shimon, Harav Yaakov Meir Stern, HaRav Moshe Shaul Klein, Harav Sariel Rosenberg, Harav Yitzchok Zilberstein, and Rav Dovid Hofstedter.  

Last month’s special gathering to celebrate the release of a new sefer was a historic occasion for the Jewish community. 

The memorable gathering, hosted by Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein at his home, was a celebration of the release of the first volume of Dirshu’s groundbreaking Shulhan Aruch on the Yoreh Deah. The new sefer will undoubtedly have a transformative impact on the learning of Yoreh Deah. 

World-Class Poskim 

It is extremely rare to find so many of Eretz Yisrael’s most senior poskim under one roof, but a simha of such magnitude warranted such an august gathering.  

Seated with the prominent posek, Rav Zilberstein were a number of  other highly respected poskim from Bnei Brak, including  Rav Moshe Shaul Klein, Rav Sariel Rosenberg, Rav Messoud Ben Shimon, Rav Yaakov Meir Stern, Rav Shevach Tzvi Rosenblatt, and Rav Shmuel Eliezer Stern, as well as Rav Dovid Hofstedter, the nasi of Dirshu. 

Also attending the celebration was a large, distinguished group of great talmidei hachamim who were involved in the writing and editing the new publication. They were able to take the opportunity to get cogent advice and guidance on various matters pertaining to future volumes, which they are working on.  

The Unique Components of Dirshu’s New Shulchan Aruch  

More than a decade ago, Dirshu gifted the Torah world with the Dirshu Mishnah Berurah, a sefer that has become a classic. It was the first comprehensive sefer written alongside the Mishnah Berurah that brings the piskei halacha and additions of the various poskim in the more than 120 years since the Mishnah Berurah was originally published. It has become the go-to sefer for anyone looking up practical halacha on the Orach Chaim order of Shulchan Aruch, especially for areas of halacha involving the changes brought about by technology and day-to-day modern life.  

There is no Mishnah Berurah on Yoreh Deah and, in general, to learn the Shulhan Aruch on the Yoreh Deah order of the Shulhan Aruch requires significant  background.  

Over the years, wonderful new editions of the Shulhan Aruch have been published with bold, large letters and numerous other enhancements, making it easier to learn. What Dirshu, however, has done with the release of the first volume of a planned nine-volume set on Yoreh Deah is truly innovative. 

The beautiful Shulchan Aruch using the popular tzurat hadaf of Machon Yerushalayim’s edition has added two seminal commentaries on the corresponding page. The first commentary, entitled L’asukei Shemateta, explains the source in hazal for each halacha and then brings the sources for the psak from the Rishonim and Achronim, briefly explaining how the Rishonim understood the sugyot and determined their rulings.  

The second, longer, commentary, entitled Alibah D’Hilchata, concisely encapsulates each halacha, adding halachic rulings from the Achronim and later poskim up to the present time on practical halachot, along with modern-day scenarios based on the original psak of the Shulhan Aruch and its meforshim. 

In addition, Dirshu has included a comprehensive mafteiach (index) in the back, making it easy to find any halacha brought in that volume.  

Dirshu chose to begin with the portion of the regular Shulchan Aruch that comprises the third and final volume of Yoreh Deah, simanim 270-361, which covers hilchot sefer Torah, mezuzah, shiluach hakein, chadash, orlah, kilayim, bechorot, bechor beheima, and petter chamor.

Highlighted Speakers 

The event began with brief remarks by Rav Zilberstein. He quoted a Gemara from Gittin, “The world stands upon certain foundations – and who are those foundations? Those who teach halachot to the public!”  

Rav Dovid Hofstedter followed Rav Zilberstein. He began, “This is a very emotional time. This edition of the Shulchan Aruch has been published after much thought and many nisyonos. Rav Hofstedter concluded the event by citing something he had heard from his rebbi, Rav Simcha Wasserman, zt”l. He asked, “What is the secret of the success of the Mishnah Berurah? So many other great, illustrious geonim wrote sefarim and they have almost been forgotten. The Mishnah Berurah and the Chofetz Chaim’s other sefarim only increased in popularity. 

“The answer is that the Chofetz Chaim didn’t write sefarim to give over his own chiddushim. He wrote sefarim that were needed by Klal Yisrael. He was completely altruistic. Such sefarim, written solely for Klal Yisrael, are eternal. 

“It is our fervent hope that this sefer that is so important for Klal Yisrael will serve a great purpose for Klal Yisrael, and will be successful in being mekadesh Shem Shamayim!”

Up Close and Personal with IDF Brigadier General Bentzi Gruber

DAVE GORDON 

As the State of Israel celebrates its 75th birthday this month, let us honor the brave heroes who protect and defend the state on a day-to-day basis. They toil with unparalleled dedication to keep Israel’s citizens safe, and in doing so they face considerable challenges.

One such hero is Brigadier General Bentzi Gruber, who has served for nearly five decades in the IDF. He considers his service to be a “holy mission.”  It was just over forty-five years ago that Gruber first fought in the IDF, in Operation Litani in Lebanon, in March 1978. Today, Gruber is not only Brigadier General, but he is also the Vice Commander (reserves) of Division 252, an armored division of 20,000 soldiers. 

Gruber is also an entrepreneur, and has established Internet startups, been a real-estate developer, and serves on the boards of a variety of technology companies. Especially close to his heart is his IDF service. Let’s hear about this in his own words. 

Commenting on his army service he states, “After age 40, you can say ‘that’s it.’ But I decided to keep going.”.

“My mother and father survived the Holocaust. I’m named after my grandfather. He was sent to Auschwitz, and two hours later went to the gas chambers. If my grandfather even dreamed that his grandson would be a soldier in the Jewish army [and that dream came true] – that’s a big deal.” 

 

Ethics in the Field

Whereas tens of thousands of soldiers are under Gruber’s purview, tens of thousands elsewhere know him as the public face of the lecture program he launched 20 years ago, Ethics in the Field. The program’s mission is to shatter popular myths and present the facts missing in today’s discussion of how the IDF operates concerning counter terrorism. Ethics in the Field has been presented all over the world, to conferences, synagogues, military academies, campuses, and schools. It provides a window into the moral decision-making process that the Israeli army follows.

“People don’t understand how much effort we expend, to avoid collateral damage or killing civilians. We think ten times before any planned attack,” Gruber said. 

“You know how many rockets we threw into the garbage? I am talking about very expensive rockets,” he said of missions scrubbed due to humanitarian reasons. “People don’t have a clue how much we think about every target.” Our enemies, in contrast, “don’t blink about doing a lot of immoral things, including using humans as shields.” 

Gruber knows about these things firsthand. He fought in several wars, including the First Lebanon War (1982),  Operation Defensive Shield (2002), the Second Lebanon War (2006), and Operation Protective Edge (2014). His educational background is just as impressive. He is a graduate of Yeshivat Har Etzion, and the Jerusalem Institute of Technology. Gruber also received a PhD from The International University of Business and Law (London).  

 

 

Stress at the Checkpoints

Gruber says, “Checkpoints are very difficult places to be, morning to night. You have those who are belligerent or who are trying to smuggle things, and all the anxiety of dealing with those people. But at the same time, most people [coming through the checkpoints] are civilians. They are human beings.”

Once when Gruber served in a battalion near Bethlehem, one of his soldiers was rude to a Palestinian man at the checkpoint. Gruber instructed the soldier to buy flowers for the man he was rude to, and to deliver the bouquet to him at his house in a Palestinian village.

“The effect of that on his ethical behavior was amazing. Because he understood that I would not tolerate something like that,” Gruber said.

Even the way a soldier asks for identification is crucial, Gruber explained. “For some cultures, dignity and respect are so important. [Take] for instance, an elderly Palestinian man. If you ask for their ID in Arabic in a very stern way, you are off to a bad start. You should say, ‘Good morning. How are you? May I please see your ID?’ This is the way to do it.”  

 

Avoiding Burnout

Over time, it is inevitable that a soldier will get worn down, but Gruber cites that there are coping strategies to help.

“The word is shochek. In a car you have brakes, but the brakes wear and tear and eventually you have to replace them. This is what happens at a checkpoint. You wear down, and you wear down fast. So, what do you do?  If you start at a high, you won’t go down too low, as you continue to work the checkpoint and the days go by. If you don’t start with a high positive attitude, you will end up like garbage, working the checkpoints over time and behaving like an animal.”

It is predominantly for this reason he founded “Chesed in the Field,” a non-profit that brings together IDF reservists and chronically ill and disabled children for special events throughout the year, installing the values of community and social responsibility in the hearts of thousands of soldiers. This serves “to bring more sensitivity to the soldiers,” Gruber explained.  

 

Gruber on Leadership

With so many decades experience of commanding tens of thousands of soldiers, it is Gruber’s belief that the principles of leadership involve knowing what drives people to follow orders. “The main motivation for people all over – in hospitals, in high tech, for students, and in the army – is positive feedback.” 

The second motivator, Gruber said, is what he refers to as “glue.” “One of the secrets of leadership is – you can ask people to do something, but you have to love them. And they know if you love them or not.”

Even now, Gruber still feels a strong bond to two of his former soldiers now serving prison terms (for crimes unrelated to the army). Gruber sends them 200 shekels (about $57.00) every month to buy food in the prison cafeteria, and he visits them a few times a year.  

 

A Tough Decision 

Interestingly, that “glue” makes it more painful when dismissing a soldier for poor job performance. Gruber recalled a story that occurred when he was a commander of an intelligence brigade. He had known that group of soldiers for about fifteen years. After he dismissed them for not meeting expectations, they demonstrated in front of his house.

“It was like getting a divorce with a wife of that many years. I said to myself that my obligation was to have the best people, in the most important positions. If they’re not the best, I have to change them and bring new ones,” he said. 

“This was very tough. We fought together for many years. We knew each other many years. But on the other hand, I have an obligation to four thousand soldiers to do the best that I can. 

“The parents of the soldiers that I had fighting for me were relying on me to have the best people around to ensure their [sons’] safety. So, I had to perform a difficult ‘surgery’ to cut units.” 

 

Role Model to Many

Despite the difficult decisions Gruber has made, he remains a role model to many serving in the Israel Defense Forces. 

Gruber, who worked his way up from overseeing a three-tank squad at age 22, said that today he hears from a handful of people each week who are inspired by the words and deeds he stands for. He said, “They tell me, ‘You’ve changed the way I think about leadership and how to instruct people under my command.’”

He added that he can “see a change in the soldiers” he lectures to, and how they develop their leadership qualities. 

Israel is blessed to have a strong military presence to protect its citizenry, and we wish Brigadeer General Gruber only success as he continues his holy mission. 

Once Upon a Thyme – Moroccan Couscous with Vegetables

This past summer my husband and I took a trip to Morocco. After an adventurous day touring the Marrakech Shouk, we felt conspicuously out of place and were thankful to discover a kosher restaurant called Dar Ima. We ate a variety of delicious foods including Moroccan couscous with vegetables. After a long day of foreign sights and smells, this tasted just like home. When recreating the dish, I added chicken to turn the side dish into a meal. The chicken is first stewed with vegetables and then served on top of  fluffy steamed couscous. The vegetables are cut into large pieces to prevent them from falling apart. The rich broth adds flavor as it is poured over the couscous and vegetables. Sahten! 

 

Ingredients: 

2 cups couscous 

2 tbs olive oil 

1 lb chicken thighs 

1 cup chickpeas 

1 onion, diced 

2 tomatoes, sliced into large chunks 

4 large carrots, cut into large chunks 

1 green zucchini, cut into large chunks 

1 sweet potato, cut into large chunks 

3 tbsp canola oil 

1 tbsp turmeric 

1 bunch fresh parsley and/or cilantro, tied by the stems 

  1. In a medium pot, heat canola oil and add onion.  Sauté onion until browned.
  2. Add tomatoes, zucchini, carrots, chickpeas, chicken, parsley, and water to cover. Add salt to taste. Cover, and bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer for 30-45 minutes.
  3. Remove chicken thighs and debone and shred into pieces. Add chicken back to pot.
  4. In a glass bowl, add couscous, 2 cups of boiling water and olive oil. Give a quick stir and cover with saran wrap. Allow to sit for ten minutes and then fluff couscous with a fork.
  5. To serve, plate couscous in a bowl, and carefully add the vegetables and chicken. Pour some broth on top and finish with some parsley or cilantro.

The Secret to Lasting Weight Loss

Frieda Schweky 

 

Hi everyone! This month, let’s hear from community members about what they do to lose weight after Pesach. Health and wellness are something I value. I do not believe in fad diets or doing things for a quick weight loss fix. At least, not anymore. The results of these (sometimes extreme) diets are temporary. You can’t sustain the behaviors it takes to be on these fad diets, either. The moment you teeter off a dramatic diet you’ll gain it all back. Now, why is this bad? Well, when it comes to your overall health, losing and gaining weight rapidly is ultimately unhealthy. Also, many of these diets cost a lot of money. And, diet culture and the mental aspects, what drives us to do these things to ourselves, well, that’s a whole other topic that we’ll dive into soon. But I digress. Let’s see what fellow community members have to say on the topic! 

 

Please note this article does not contain medical advice from professionals. Always consult with your doctor before starting your weight loss journey. 

 

 

Nancy P. Cohen 

 

Sleep is so important for weight loss. I’ve listened to many health and wellness podcasts and  I learned that getting sunlight in your eyes every morning (when there is sun) helps set your circadian rhythm and helps your body get tired at night when it’s supposed to. Getting sunlight in the morning is great for children, too. Heard this saying and loved it – basically tomorrow really starts the night before – so make sure you get a good night’s sleep!  

 

Some other things I would like to mention on this topic:  

  1. Eat organic as much as you can.  
  2. Exercise – I’m a big fan of walking outside. There is nothing better than fresh air, even when it’s cold outside. Just bundle up and walk.
  3. Probiotics are major!  An easy way to get these is by eating yogurt. 

Yogurt pouches for kids – try Once Upon a Farm. When you see in  labels for yogurt (and processed food in general) the claim they have “natural ingredients” or “natural flavors,” beware! You’ll want to avoid products with these meaningless claims. 

  1. Prebiotics are important as well. Oatmeal is a good example of how to get in your prebiotics.  Just make sure to go for Organic Bob’s Red Mill oatmeal that has the least amount of contaminants. Quakers had the most amount of contaminants in a study I saw and Bob’s had the least! Oatmeal is fantastic because it doesn’t spike your blood sugar and keeps you full for a while. 

 

Terry Nigri  

 

When it comes to Pesach I don’t buy products that I don’t normally buy just because they are kosher for Passover. This includes such things as junk food, chocolate spread, marshmallows, and things we usually used to snack on during Passover. I try to buy like I normally would, focusing on fruits, veggies, and protein at the supermarket. As far as large holiday meals go, I try to make one plate of food, enjoy it, and then put my plate in the sink as soon as I’m done with that first plate. I also don’t linger on the table at dessert for too long. For each meal I allow myself one dessert and some fruit! Moderation is the best way to go!  

 

Margo Shammah 

 

I’ve had the most success in weight loss when I track my Macros. (Macro tracking or “tracking your macros” refers to the habit of counting and recording how many grams of carbohydrates, protein, and fat you have per meal or per day.) The beauty of tracking macros is that you can technically eat anything. The goal is to hit your protein, fat, and carb goals for the day, which is based on your current weight and what you’re trying to achieve. So as long as you make good choices you can make it work to fit snacks in or whatever foods you really like!  

 

Another thing I like about it: You don’t have to cut carbs or fat like with most diets. It’s not exactly a diet, it just teaches you how to portion. The most proven way to lose weight is to eat in a calorie deficit (burning more calories than you consume). This method of tracking what you eat assures that you can do this without having to guess.  

 

Another significant thing I do to lose weight is to work out five days a week. I do CrossFit and I love it! It’s silly to me for many reasons when other women ask if I’m afraid to “get bulky” from lifting weights. First off, women and men who look very strong have a dedication like no other. It doesn’t happen by mistake. Also, the more weight you have in muscle, the more fat your body burns on its own. So as far as weight loss is concerned, you only have to gain from strength training (pun not intended). CrossFit, just like any sport, shouldn’t be intimidating because you’re not expected to walk on day one and also lift heavy weights. You build up slowly. It’s incredibly fun and satisfying to do an Olympic sport every day and get good at it. I highly recommend it to anyone, male, female, young, and old. 

 

Ronnie Ribnick, Nutrition Consultant and Health Coach  

 

The focus of my work as a nutrition consultant has shifted dramatically in the last few years, as I have realized how often people, despite their best intentions, struggle creating lasting change with their diets. In the typical scenario, I provide them with counsel regarding how to incorporate lifestyle changes – what foods they should be choosing, and what foods they should be avoiding. They will start off very motivated and disciplined and, to their delight, do lose quite a bit weight.  

 

Over time, though, the success tends to erode as they face the everyday stressors of life, the temptation of holiday treats, or pressure from family and friends. They lose sight of their former motivation, fall back into old habits, and end up gaining back the weight once lost. They end up feeling frustrated, hopeless, and like complete failures.  

 

My biggest realization, and the cornerstone of my current approach, is that our relationship with food is one of the biggest determinants of success or failure. If you think about it, food is often quite emotionally charged for us. If you were constantly berated about your weight as a child, you likely have some deep feelings of guilt and shame associated with eating. These sentiments will carry through into your adult years and affect the way you relate to food and manage the challenge of losing weight. Often, these early patterns have developed into invisible scripts that we might not be aware of, and part of my role is to help illuminate them so that the person has a better chance of success.   

 

As an example, I recall working with a young woman who had struggled losing weight since her teenage years. In our work together we were able to uncover the real reason for her inability to stick to her diet. As it turned out, she was self-sabotaging since she was uncomfortable with the attention she got from men when she was thinner. Being overweight had become a safety blanket for her, protecting her from the insecurities she faced as a person. Once we had surfaced this, she was able to challenge the foundational assumption of herself as unworthy of love and attention, and successfully changed her lifestyle to lose the weight and feel better about herself.  

 

Ironically, we all get into these strange battles with ourselves – on one hand, there is the overt and conscious motivation to change. On the other, there is the subconscious striving to retain the status quo, to stay within the boundaries of our invisible scripts and enjoy the “protection” they provide. Surfacing these scripts works to disarm them and create an opportunity for the person to identify new ways to act and behave.  

 

Suddenly, there is no need to “rebel” against the diet and eat a whole bag of cookies. We can start making conscious and positive choices rather than feeling deprived. As a nutritional consultant and health coach, my biggest joy is to help people living healthier lives, whether they are battling weight issues, metabolic disorders, (e.g. diabetes), or digestive disorders.  With this approach, and the success it brings my clients, I have more impact through my work than ever and have never enjoyed it as much. 

 

Camille Dweck 

 

I joined a 16-week challenge at my kickboxing gym. They provided us with an app where you log in your meals and you get an unlimited membership to kickboxing for the 16 weeks. I have been going consistently three  times a week. I have more energy now, my mood has changed drastically, and I’m noticing I’m not bloating as much from food. 

The gym recorded our body measurements and weight the first week and we’re going to take those measurements again the last week. To assure success, I make sure I go to the gym even if I’m too tired. I also try not to eat too much junk food. The workout incorporates both cardio and strength training, and is really enjoyable. 

 

 

 

In conclusion, there is no magic pill. You cannot fast track long-term success. It takes hard work, both mentally and physically, if you want to lose weight in a healthy and lasting manner. Your inner voice is driving your behavior, so listen to what it’s saying. Is it helping or hurting you?  

 

Consistently implementing small changes can result in progress over time, and I think that’s also something to keep in mind. Like Rabbi Shlomo Diamond says about growth in religion, “You can’t jump up the rungs of a ladder or you’ll likely fall down.” You have to go slow, take baby steps, and that’s how you will ultimately reach your goals.  

 

I  sincerely hope this was an enjoyable and helpful read.  Until next time, be well! Frieda Schweky 

 

Follow Frieda on Instagram! @friedaschwekyphoto

If Everything Is For The Best, Why Pray for Change?

The question is often asked, How do we reconcile the concept of prayer with the belief that Hashem always cares for us and does what is best for us? If we do not have something we want, then obviously this is Hashem’s will, and thus, by definition, it must be the best thing for us. So, why should we bother to pray? And why would prayer change the situation? If it is best for us not to have what we want, why would Hashem give it to us in response to our prayers?

One answer is that the greatest kindness Hashem can perform for us is to allow us to draw close to Him. When we pray and submit our requests to Hashem, we get close to Him, and establish a meaningful relationship, which is the greatest privilege of all. And so, Hashem, in His kindness, waits to give us what we want until we ask Him for it, so that we will be compelled to establish a close relationship with Him.

This answer assumes that at times it would be more beneficial for us to have something, but Hashem withholds it from us so that we can have the privilege of bonding with Him. However, we might also suggest that at least in some circumstances, it might be detrimental for a person to have what he wants, but then become beneficial for him as a result of his prayer. To understand how, we turn our attention to a parable told by the Chafetz Chaim in a different context.

A man passed away after 120 years, and his soul ascended to the heavens to stand trial. He was told by the heavenly court that he would have to experience some suffering for the sins he committed during his lifetime, and thereafter he would be allowed entry into Gan Eden. But then they found on his record that he once insulted his fellow.

“Suffering will not help you for that,” the court told him. “You never asked your fellow for forgiveness, and so you cannot earn atonement for that sin. It’s not in our hands.” There was no choice but for the soul to return to earth to correct this mistake. He would have to go back down to the world and treat people properly. The last thing a soul wants is to return to earth, but there was no choice.

“Whatever it takes,” he said to the court.

They informed him that he would be sent down as a wealthy, handsome, and brilliant man.

“What?!” the man exclaimed. “How can I do my job if I am wealthy, handsome, and brilliant? How will I be able to avoid becoming arrogant and condescending? How can I ensure to treat people properly under these conditions, living this kind of life?”

The court explained that he needed to endure this test in order to earn his share in Gan Eden. He pleaded with them to change the decision, noting that he would likely commit even more sins if he returned in this form. Finally, they agreed to send him back as a poor beggar. He was overjoyed, and thanked them profusely.

“I will be so humble,” he said enthusiastically, “and that way I will be able to fulfill my mission!”

And so he returned to earth and suffered bitterly from poverty and hardship. Throughout his life, he wondered to himself, Why is Hashem doing this to me?

The truth, however, is that Hashem is being so kind to him, placing him in the precise position he needs to be in to achieve what he needs to achieve. The best thing for him was to be poor.

Now if that person would go to a rabbi to ask for help, and explain how no matter what he does he cannot earn a living. The rabbi would urge him to pray very hard and beg Hashem for money. And his prayers might very well work. The Mabit writes that the purpose of tefillah is for us to recognize how needy and deficient we are, and how we must depend on Hashem for absolutely everything. If this man would sincerely pray to Hashem, and truly recognize how dependent he is on Hashem for his needs, then earning money would not threaten his mission at all. After going through the experience of heartfelt and sincere tefillah and submission to Hashem, he is now in a position where he can become wealthy without becoming arrogant. If he would acquire wealth without praying for it first, it would be a disaster and undermine the entire purpose of why he was on earth. But being the beneficiary of wealth as a result of tefillah is a positive outcome.

We must trust that Hashem knows precisely what he’s doing, and that He’s full of love and mercy. At the same time, though, He commanded us to pray for all our needs, and there is no contradiction whatsoever.

One on One with Renelle Maslaton

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

“As soon as I began teaching at Magen David Yeshivah, I realized that Hashem gave me a huge gift – the ability to love all my students and see the good in them. I believe every child is special and deserves to be recognized for who they truly are. I hope this enables me to have a part in building their inner wealth for life.”  ~~ Renelle ~~ 

Daughter of Joseph and Frieda Harary, Renelle is honored to have been in the first graduating class of Yeshiva Ateret Torah.  Renelle, one of seven children, was born and bred in Brooklyn.  Her grandparents were from Aleppo, Syria. 

 

Growing up 

 “I was always very motivated, even as a young girl. I took music lessons, babysat, tutored, volunteered, and kept busy. Education was valued in my parents’ home, and I enjoyed learning. I read whatever I could.” 

Renelle credits her parents for imbuing her with confidence and a can-do attitude. 

Already a leader in high school, Renelle arranged a class in special education for her grade in their senior year, and together with a friend she persuaded their beloved principal, Mrs. Zahava Braunstein, a”h, to create a seminary year for their grade. After high school, Renelle spent her mornings learning in Ateret seminary, and her evenings attending college classes at Sara Schenirer Institute for a degree in special education. Renelle also worked in a school resource room and a special ed clinic. 

 

Marriage and Family

At nineteen, Renelle married Rabbi David Maslaton and settled in Flatbush. The couple runs Bet Yaakov Orot Sarah together. In addition, Rabbi Maslaton teaches at Bnei Shaare Zion. 

Renelle’s husband is her inspiration.  “His Torah knowledge, combined with his understanding of people, serve him well in his community work.”

The Maslaton’s have three married children. The couple’s granddaughters are students of Bet Yaakov Orot Sarah, and their grandsons are in Ateret.  

Renelle feels privileged to be part of our community. “It’s a true zechut to raise a family within our community, and it’s a privilege to serve our community,” Renelle stated. “A community like ours is something unique that you don’t find everywhere. Our rabbis, leaders, organizations, and the whole infrastructure of our community keep us connected, protected, and inspired!”  

 

Renelle’s Essence 

Renelle describes herself as passionate, positive, warm, loving, and devoted. I would add spiritual, confident, energetic, and capable. I was impressed by Renelle’s positive energy and attitude, and her educational views and philosophy. 

 

Forging Her Career Path 

Renelle often says that she did not choose her career, “It chose me!” 

In eighth grade, Renelle wrote a report about a special education program called P’tach. 

“I remember my teacher’s comment on my report, ‘Maybe this is something you’ll go into in the future!’ I laughed when I saw it because I was afraid of special needs children. I have since learned how broad and diverse the field of special education is. In ninth grade, I fell in love with high school. That year, I realized that I’d love to teach both high school and special education.”  

Two female role models made a huge impression on Renelle and influenced her entry into education. Mrs. Zahava Braunstein, a”h, her high school principal, molded and shaped Renelle in her warm, wise, and loving way. “I wouldn’t be who I am without her! She was my role model in everything, and she influenced my core being in ways I only realized afterwards.” 

Careerwise, Dr. Helene Ribowsky was Renelle’s most influential role model. Dr. Ribowsky is a top professional in the field of special education for students with learning differences. Renelle apprenticed with Dr. Ribowsky as much as she could, bringing students to Dr. Ribowsky’s  office so she could observe the sessions. 

“Dr. Ribowsky has a magical way of building up each student, of teaching them in her systematic and creative ways, and of lifting them up to meet her expectations. With a role model like her, the bar was set high! I loved watching the transformation in my students as I worked with them using her methods.” 

“As far as becoming a principal, I didn’t have to look too far! Two superb principals, Mrs. Aviva Ben Haim and Mrs. Shany Gurwitz, preceded me at BYOS, and they showed me the l ropes. I still haven’t caught up yet but I hope to!” 

Most of Renelle’s classroom teaching positions were at Magen David Yeshiva.  “I loved the girls, the school, the administration – everything!”  Renelle taught many subjects across the grades, including tefillah, marriage, Chumash, Mishle, Iyov, and ben adam li’chavero. 

When she started her job at MDY, Renelle recognized the huge gift that Hashem had given her: the ability to love all her students and to see what is special and unique about each one. What excites her about her career is the thought of developing her students and helping to shape their lives. 

In addition to teaching at MDY, Renelle had her own rewarding private practice in special education for fourteen years. 

“I taught a boy with Down’s Syndrome from age five until he was fifteen. He attended a regular school, and he learned to read English and Hebrew, learn Chumash, Navi, Megilla, and English subjects. He was like part of my family and my children felt close to him, too. What a nahat moment when he became the assistant to the rebbe in my son’s pre-1a class last year!”

A Pivot to School Principal 

When the Maslaton’s brought their oldest daughter to BYOS over twenty years ago, they were struck by the warmth of the staff. 

“Did you know that music is played in the halls? Everything is done with a Syrian touch,” my friend told me. “It’s so your type, just go see.” 

And today – “It’s a warm, positive, loving, and happy school. After so many years and so many students later, the warmth is still the school’s trademark.”   

Approximately twelve years ago, Rabbi Maslaton was told that BYOS would be closing. He then approached Renelle with the idea that the two of them would assume the leadership roles at the school. 

Renelle was hesitant. She was at a good place in life, their children were getting older, and she wanted to be more present for them. After a number of  consultations with Hacham Yosef the couple decided to take the leap. 

It’s no surprise that Renelle is a principal at BYOS, a school that was founded with the vision to create a Sephardic educational institution for girls that would cater to each student and family.

Renelle and parenting expert Tammy Sassoon built a social and emotional wellness program at the school, and created a unique culture that is part of the fabric of the school. 

Renelle likes to say that the school is built on three pillars: spiritual, social-emotional, and academic, and in that order. “We’re passionate about each pillar and committed to excellence in each one, from nursery through high school. 

“Our mission is to foster inner wealth in each girl and to provide her with the best possible opportunities so she can excel wherever life brings her, and contribute to building her home and community in a way that makes Hashem proud.”  

Work-Life Balance 

Renelle acknowledges that she can’t do everything, and it took years to adjust to running a school and a family. “I learned to plan weekly menus on Sunday and to prepare my shopping lists from them. I have a regular weekly order that I adjust as needed, and that gets emailed and delivered. My kids help a lot. I love having them in the kitchen with me. They are my very proficient holiday and party planners!” 

 

Passions and Pastimes 

“I have so many passions. . . about seeing the good in others, about teaching, about knowing my place…knowing that it’s not about me but is about Hashem and His children.” 

Renelle strives to make her family her #1 priority. “My children are my greatest joy, challenge, vehicles for growth, and inspiration. They’re the products of our tefillot, the love, and the hinuch we give them. I’m so proud of each one!” 

Renelle is passionate about Orot Sarah and adores her students, staff, and the parents. “I wake up excited to work with my amazing staff each day. There’s no place like school. And a classroom is a most magical place!” 

Renelle also includes self-care in her busy life, so that she can carry out her many responsibilities with goodwill. Finally, she is passionate about learning and prays that she will always be a lifelong learner. “There’s so much wisdom that Hashem put into our world, so much to learn!”  

Renelle’s special education background strongly influenced her teaching paradigm and role as principal at Orot Sarah.  Her teaching philosophy (that includes the belief that kids should learn at their own level, children should not sit at a desk all day, and that the school should provide social and life skills workshops), her use of art media, creativity, and collaborative learning, were all impacted by her education and training in special education as well as her years in MDY. 

“I’m humbled to see my MDY students’ daughters dancing in the halls of Orot Sarah. I’m proud of my unparalleled staff and beautiful students and their amazing growth mindset. I love when my students tell me how learning together has impacted their lives.” 

Connect with Renelle at Renellemaslaton@icloud.com. 

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights She can be contacted at (www.lifecoachellen.com).

A Casino in Our Own Backyard?

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS  

“The operator of the casino will become very, very, rich and successful. Everybody else will suffer. Especially the area around the casino. Drugs, prostitution, crime, mental health issues, suicides, depression, family breakups, all kinds of robberies. It’s the last thing that Coney Island needs.” – City Council Member Ari Kagan 

Coney Island is the site for the third public proposal for a gambling casino in New York City, as developers and gaming partners bid for licenses. The possibility of a casino complex is raising concerns among community residents.  Is it too close for comfort? 

Thor Equities, a real estate development, leasing, and management firm, is hoping to be awarded one of three downstate casino licenses.  Thor has put together a consortium of three partners, Saratoga Casino Holdings, which operates a racino (combination racetrack and casino) in New York’s Saratoga County, the Chickasaw Nation, a Native American Tribe that owns more than 20 gambling establishments, and Legends Global Planning, the proposed entertainment partner.  Their goal is to turn Coney Island into a year-round destination instead of a summertime hangout primarily limited to the boardwalk.  If Thor wins the license, it is expected that $3 billion will be spent to redevelop five acres between Stillwell Avenue, West 12th Street, Surf Avenue, and Wonder Wheel Way. The entertainment complex will include a casino, a roller coaster, an indoor water park, hotels, and museums.   

Approval Process for New Casino Licenses 

New York State officials released the criteria they will use to determine how up to three new casino licenses will be awarded. The operators awarded licenses to run any of the NYC-area properties will be required to pay the state at least $500 million in fees for the permits, according to the rules of the New York Gaming Facility Board.  

The request for applications document was approved by the board, and rules indicate applicants will be scored based on their potential economic activity, impact on the surrounding communities, workforce and responsible gaming plans, and their commitment to diversity. To see updates on what is happening with the Coney Island casino project’s request for application please see https://nycasinos.ny.gov/2023-request-applications.   

The approval process for these proposals opened in January, and is expected to be lengthy.  Real estate developers and casino operators are preparing their official proposals. 

When Will the Casino Locations Be Announced? 

NYS gambling regulators have said no determinations will be made “until sometime later in 2023 at the earliest.” 

The New York Gaming Commission created and made appointments to a Gaming Facility Location Board, which is tasked to oversee the application process and select three casino sites in the NY City area for licensure. 

The Board’s powers consist of issuing a Request for Approval, creating criteria for assessing applicants, overseeing investigative hearings regarding the conduct of gaming/gaming operations, setting the license fee price, and promulgating all rules and regulations. 

New York’s newly formed Gaming Facility Location Board will start reviewing applications this yearAfter reviewing the applications, the Board will make recommendations to the Gaming Commission, which has the authority to decide which licenses to award.  The Commission has made it clear that it will not overrule the Board’s recommendations unless it finds a problem with the fitness and character of the applicant. 

The conditions required for the Gaming Commission to approve a casino application (as of an April 2022 version of a 2013 law) include gaining public support from community advisory committees as well as compliance with state and local zoning laws.  

This is a competitive process for three brand new licenses.  The law requires that any applicants to this Request for Approval must first be approved by a community advisory committee and they must complete the municipal zoning process before any applications are evaluated. Therefore, only those projects that have been embraced by the community will ultimately be presented to the Board for consideration.  

Does Local Support Matter? 

YES!   

The application process has been structured in such a way that allows strong community opposition to defeat a casino bid before state regulators can even review the application. 

Therefore, for each application, a local Community Advisory Committee will be formed to hold public hearings and issue formal findings of how much community support the proposed casino has. 

For New York City sites, the local committees would have six members: the governor, the mayor, the local state senator, the local state assembly member, the borough president, and the local city council member, each choosing one member. 

At least two-thirds of the committee members must approve the project before state regulators begin evaluating the application. 

Please contact Jessica Scarcella-Spanton, NY State Senator, Assemblyman Michael Novakhov (District 45), and Ari Kagan, the local city council member (District 47), to voice your feedback, questions, and concerns regarding the Coney Island Casino project. 

 

Community Reactions to the Coney Island Casino Project 

The Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce stands in favor of the Coney Island casino.  Its president, Randy Peers, believes that the project will stimulate the economy by turning Coney Island into a year-round destination and will create all-year full-time employment for local residents.  

Brooklyn Borough President Antonio Reynoso also voiced his early support for the Coney Island resort in November 2022.  He believes the project would “revitalize the seaside town.”  He wants to remain open-minded, see what the proposals look like, putting the Coney Island residents first, given that Coney Island has one of the highest unemployment rates in Brooklyn.   

While real estate developers and some government officials tout the financial benefits casinos can bring (area revitalization, significant revenue, well-paying union jobs), there are major negative factors to consider.  Take the Atlantic City referendum in 1976.  The casinos did breathe life into Atlantic City’s tourism industry and created 43,000 jobs at its peak in 2006, but jobs have since decreased to 33,000.  Atlantic City grapples with competition from nearby states, and casinos did not repair the long-rooted social problems of the city, such as poverty, unemployment, and crime. 

Ida Sanoff, an environmental activist and longtime Coney Island resident, along with a number of Coney Islanders, is against a casino in their already crowded backyard.  They refer to a lack of transportation services to support the new attraction (most seniors cannot take a subway and climb the stairs) and minimal benefits to the local community.  A casino will further drain resources, such as police manpower, maintenance, and program funding, from the rest of Coney Island.  

Opening a gaming house will also aggravate traffic in the neighborhood, as most people will drive their cars to the casino, increasing congestion to the amusement park district in the summer. 

Although New York law states that one must be at least 21 to gamble at tribal/commercial casinos or online sportsbooks, citizens are concerned that even youngsters will be negatively affected by the casino scene. 

Area City Council Member Ari Kagan (D), a vocal critic of the Coney Island project, reiterated his past critiques.  He points to the failure of Atlantic City developers and the negative effect of casinos on heavily residential areas. 

“The operator of the casino will become very, very, rich and successful. Everybody else will suffer. Especially the area around the casino. Drugs, prostitution, crime, mental health issues, suicides, depression, family breakups, all kinds of robberies. It’s the last thing that Coney Island needs.” 

Instead, Kagan declared that Coney Island needs a new ferry, another supermarket and bank, and better public transit.  

He also believes that a casino will not hire locally, despite the developers’ assertions, and that it will not assist local businesses. 

“Everything will be inside the casino. The whole point of the casino is nobody leaving the casino, everybody’s in, nobody’s out,” Kagan stated.  

Outgoing State Senator Diane Savino (D Brooklyn, Staten Island) said that she is agnostic on the prospect of a Coney Island casino and expects a lot of community pushback. 

Compulsive Gambling – A Growing Community Concern

Ellen Geller Kamaras 

Since a casino may be built close to our own backyard, now is the time to become educated and to raise awareness about compulsive gambling.   

Compulsive gambling is defined as “the uncontrollable urge to keep gambling despite the toll it takes on your life.  Gambling means that you’re willing to risk something you value in the hope of getting something of even greater value.” 

Compulsive gambling may result from a combination of biological, genetic, and environmental factors.  And one can become a compulsive gambler regardless of the form of gambling. Individuals playing in casinos, lotteries, and sports betting can all fall into gambling compulsively.  The gambling industry is invested in  enabling, and even encouraging, these behaviors.  

Studies have shown that children who are introduced to, and begin gambling by age 12 are four times more likely to become problem gamblers.

Exposing kids to gambling at a young age can be the critical factor in the development of a gambling addiction.  More about gaming to gambling below. 

 

Prevention 

Ike Dweck, the founder and CEO of The Safe Foundation, a New York State licensed OASAS (Office of Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Services) outpatient treatment program located in Brooklyn, is a compulsive gambler, in recovery for over 35 years. 

Ike advocates for parents to partner with school administrators to educate kids about the potential dangers of gambling.  Compulsive gambling is an addiction just like alcoholism or other substance abuse.  We must know who our children’s friends are, the type of activities they engage in, and methods we can employ to manage their screen time.  Let’s also be mindful about giving money to our children too easily. 

Technology and the Internet have dramatically altered how we go about our daily lives.  They certainly have made life easier.  However, new technology and the Internet have also been connected to increased gambling due to the ease, convenience, and accessibility of “gambling from anywhere.” 

The key to success is having effective collaboration between schools and families.  Coordination and collaboration can lead to success in many areas of a child’s life.  

 

Project Safe  

That’s where Safe steps in. Safe’s programs have been developed to help individuals fight compulsive gambling and other addictions.  Established in 2003, Safe serves as a haven for those experiencing difficulties with cigarettes, vaping, prescription drug addiction, alcoholism, and compulsive gambling. 

Safe’s mission is to combat the chronic disease of substance use and gambling addictions with holistic, person-centered treatment options for struggling individuals and their families.  Safe also strives to be the leader in community-based prevention education and awareness initiatives.  

Project Safe is a curriculum-based program taught in our community schools to students between fifth and twelfth grades.  Teachers through Project Safe work to educate students on healthy behaviors and life skills.  

Project Safe teachers offer a safe space for students to talk and address issues that otherwise might be difficult to address.  One question always seems to come up: “How can we prevent addiction?”  Project Safe works tirelessly to help students develop tools and skills that encourage healthy behaviors.  Some of these tools include decision-making techniques and strategies to overcome the inevitable challenges of adolescence and adulthood.  

The Project Safe curriculum consists of topics under the umbrella of “risk education,” including gambling, drug and alcohol awareness, and vaping.  The curriculum also consists of topics under the umbrella of “life skills,” including emotional recognition, resilience, the value of respect, communication in relationships, decision making, peer pressure, Internet safety, and bullying.    

Ike Dweck’s Story

Ike grew up with his three sisters in a loving and stable home. No one in the family ever struggled with gambling addictions. 

But at the young age of 11, Ike’s gambling troubles started. Between the ages of 11 and 23, Ike’s gambling habits included sports betting and casino games.  He did not reach out for help until he felt “tired of being in pain.”  That is when he found a supportive community in Gamblers Anonymous.  When Ike was 14, he went to his first GA meeting with a fellow community member, Joe S. (A”H).  Joe was instrumental in Ike’s recovery, and ultimately Joe became Ike’s mentor.  Although Ike began attending GA at such a young age, he only received the proper support and guidance after about 10 years. “I did not let go of gambling until I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.” 

In 1987, various community members became aware of Ike’s compulsive gambling problem and how he turned his life around to embrace a healthier lifestyle.  Ike inspired others in the community who had been struggling with similar issues to seek help and guidance.  Ike decided that it was time to give back to others after years of selfish and dishonest behavior. Ike has dedicated his life to helping others to relieve their suffering, as he knows just what they are going through.

“When I began volunteering, my mind started to work.  I realized there was more to life than taking – it was more important to give. Fortunately, today there are additional zoned-in therapeutic practices, not just GA – rehabilitation centers, clinical work, and therapy.”  

 

Ike’s Pivot to Full-Time Involvement 

In 2001, 13 years into Ike’s recovery, he received a call from his good friends Carey Sutton and Sam Sutton.  They knew about his extensive volunteer work, and even more, they were aware of the increasing substance, alcohol, and gambling issues within the community.  Carey and Sam strongly encouraged Ike to sell his sneaker business, go to school for his addiction counseling credentials, and open and addiction-focused program at Sephardic Bikur Holim. 

“I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to Carey and Sam.  I found out that there was more to life than selling sneakers.  At 37, I closed my business and went back to school to study addiction.  I was busy 24/7, handling cases during the day, and in school at night.” 

After a year at SBH, Ike recognized that he could not do his job alone.  He needed an army of people solely devoted to combatting the addiction issues in the community.  He left SBH and opened The Safe Foundation.  After establishing a board, fundraising to open an office space, applying for licensure through OASAS, and hiring trained therapists, Safe is approaching its 20th anniversary.  Safe is the only gambling treatment program in Brooklyn that is licensed. 

In 2009, Ike joined the board of NYS Council on Problem Gambling to work on prevention and to help educate the governor’s office about gambling addiction. Ike retired as the vice president in 2021.  For years Ike has been involved in interventions with community members in need of treatment.  Very rarely do people seek guidance and help on their own.  Most of the time, family members and friends are instrumental in beginning the process to get treatment for the person struggling.   

When a potential client calls Safe for help, the first step is to assess their needs, and determine the appropriate type of treatment.  Sometimes, clients are encouraged to complete an inpatient treatment (at a proper facility) prior to participating in treatment at Safe.  When a client is ready for treatment at Safe, he or she enrolls in individual therapy combined with group therapy for about seven to 12 months.  Safe also has a psychiatrist trained in addiction treatment for individuals who require additional support.  Clients at Safe are guided through the early stages of recovery, including orienting them to outside supportive networks such as GA.   

“We see people getting healthy, repairing their lives, marriages, families, and more,” Ike reports.  

From Gaming to Gambling  

How do gambling behaviors begin?  Gambling behaviors tend to arise unexpectedly, as they usually involve video gaming.  Therefore, children tend to exhibit behaviors that, only later in their lives, are connected to gambling concerns.   

Gambling can trigger our brain’s reward system by releasing the “feel-good” hormone, dopamine. If children are exposed to a lot of this, their brains get used to this “high,” and it takes more to trigger their reward system.  In the long term, they may lose interest in other simple activities that don’t have the adrenaline rush of gambling. 

Playing video games, like other forms of addictive behaviors, leads to double the amount of dopamine released in the brain.  Creators of video games have successfully designed games to trigger the release of dopamine, leading to an increased likelihood of addictive game play.  Parents might want to identify ways to limit screen time, in an effort to decrease the potential for addictive game play.   

 

Seemingly Harmless Exposures 

Children tend to innocently get introduced to gambling.  They may be around family members playing poker with friends, betting on professional sports, and buying lottery tickets or scratch-offs.  The children notice the excitement and frustration as bets are won and lost, chips exchanged, and new hands dealt.  

Children are like sponges. They often behave similarly to their parents, as parents serve as the models for appropriate behaviors.  A child will watch the Super Bowl with his or her father and will be privy to the ins-and-outs of placing bets.  Another child will accompany his or her mother to the convenience store and will be given the opportunity to scratch the ticket in the hopes of winning a dollar.  In each example, the child is being shown the normalization of these gambling behaviors, as they are exposed to them with their parents.   

Children may also be introduced to gambling by their peers in schools.  It is clear that children are most influenced by peer pressure and the desire to fit in with others.  One is more likely to engage in these behaviors if they see their friends playing online games, even if it is not with real money.  Online gaming has become a social activity that encourages continued engagement.  

The Antidote 

Although there is no confirmed method to cure or fully prevent compulsive gambling, educational programs, especially those that target individuals with predispositions for addiction, can be extremely effective in minimizing the likelihood for addiction.  

If you or a family member has concerns about compulsive gambling behaviors, help is available.  Reach out! 

IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE NEEDS HELP  

CALL 718-GET-SAFE

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com(www.lifecoachellen.com).