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Mabrouk – October 2023

Births – Baby Boy 

Rephael & Esther Sutton 

Eli & Sally Ashear 

Albert & Sari Saadia 

 

Bar Mitzvahs 

Steven, son of Charlie and Etty Cytryn 

 

Engagements 

Leon Sakkal to Rossy Tobal 

Morris Chera to Fortune Saideh 

Harry Falack to Lorraine Levy 

David Salem to Shelly Arazi 

Isaac Soffer to Adelle Ayash 

Jonathan Baum to Esther Chrem 

 

Weddings  

Jack Horowitz to Debra Missry 

Srulie Fischer to Rachel Antebi 

David Sardar to Sarah Anteby 

Joseph Terzi to Regina Saada 

Judah Marcus to Sarah Cohen-Saban 

David Saadia to Frieda Hara 

Joseph Mugrabi to Michelle Cohen 

David Ashear to Margo Zarif 

Ezra Sutton to Marcelle Shammah 

Dealing With an Elephant Invasion

Menuchat hanefesh is not just about peace of mind. The term choli hanefesh refers to someone whose soul is sick, a term for mental illness. Menuchat hanefesh is the ultimate mental wellness. So. let us discuss the concept of tolerating as it refers to mental illness, and how this trait of savlanus (savlanut),tolerance, will help us in this area, as well. 

 

How Anxiety Works 

One of the most common mental challenges of our time is anxiety. If we call someone near and dear to us on their cell phone three times and they don’t answer, we grow concerned and begin to worry. What happened? Were they kidnapped? Were they in a car accident? Every possible frightening scenario flits through our mind. 

That’s anxiety. 

In truth, Gd gave us anxiety for a good reason, so that we should be concerned in dangerous situations. Otherwise, we’d just run into the street, befriend bears and bees, or walk down dark alleyways in crime-ridden neighborhoods. So we need anxiety to help keep us safe. The problem is when it becomes blown out of proportion, when an innocent pussycat looks like a ferocious tiger.  

Nowadays, many people are afflicted with anxiety disorders.  How did this come to be? 

An anxiety disorder stems from the struggle to tolerate uncertainty. The uncertainty is there, but can we tolerate it? That niggling feeling has wormed its way into our heart. Can we just hold it? If we can, then we are able to overcome the natural anxiety before it turns into a disorder. If not… 

Two Approaches to Alleviate Anxiety 

Two of the many approaches to working with anxiety in therapy are CBT and ACT.  In CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, we initiate change in either cognition, behavior, or emotion by attempting to change one or more of these three elements. Another form of therapy, which is gaining in popularity among mental health professionals, is ACT, acceptance and commitment therapy. 

The most obvious difference, in one sentence, is that CBT aims to help identify and change negative or destructive thoughts, whereas ACT maintains that pain and discomfort are a fact of life, and one would benefit more by accepting the feelings of uncertainty. In fact, Dr. Steven Hayes, the developer of ACT, posits that fighting the anxiety will often serve to reinforce it, as we are giving it an excessive amount of attention and thereby keeping these fearful thoughts in our minds rather than allowing them to fade away, out of our consciousness. 

One method to accomplish this is to add the clause I’m having a thought that… to a thought that causes anxiety. For example, if one finds that he is thinking along the lines of: I will never be successful, and then amends it to: I’m having a thought that I will never be successful, the anxiety itself can be decreased. We are not attempting to change the thought (I will be successful), but we are merely identifying what is taking place in real time. And what is truly taking place is not that we won’t be successful (as we don’t know the future), it’s that we are having a thought that we won’t be. 

With the average human brain processing about 70,000 thoughts per day, we don’t need to address most of these thoughts; it’s just that anxiety tricks our brains into thinking we must do so – particularly the thoughts that are negative or frightening.  If we have thoughts akin to: There is an army of elephants invading Brooklyn, we are (hopefully) unlikely to board our windows and doors, as we know it is just a silly thought. We accept the thought as is: a thought. 

Hence, tolerance and acceptance are at the core of alleviating anxiety. 

 TAKEAWAY 

If negative thoughts are seeping into your brain and bringing anxiety in their wake, tolerate and accept them as thoughts, while telling yourself, “The chances of these thoughts coming true are as unlikely as a herd of elephants raiding my neighborhood.” 

 

 

Demystifying Therapy

The world is full of therapy skeptics. 

What can a therapist tell me about myself that I don’t already know? What’s the point? Why should I spend years on a couch talking about my childhood? How did some schooling give therapists all the answers? I’m not crazy, therapy isn’t for me. 

Those are excellent questions – and legitimate ones – that keep people from seeking help and living their best lives. In fact, it takes the average person a whopping 11 years to reach out to a therapist after noticing an issue. 

Nobody should have to suffer for so long when the solution to their suffering is so accessible. Let’s address and clear up some of the most common misconceptions that prevent too many people from achieving healthy and satisfying lives, relationships, and futures. 

 

Why Bother with Therapy? 

Myth: I already know that I have a problem, and I know myself better than any therapist possibly can. Why should I bother with therapy? 

Fact: The majority of people who receive therapy already know what the problem is. Many, if not most, therapy clients are well-acquainted with their troubles: I know I shouldn’t be afraid to ask my boss for a raise, but the thought of it makes me break out in a cold sweat. I know I shouldn’t get angry at my wife and kids, but I find myself yelling every day. I know that I need to stop binging if I want to lose weight, but I can’t help myself. I know I shouldn’t be depressed; my life is so good. Why can’t I get out of this funk? 

The point of therapy is not to uncover new, earth-shattering revelations about you and your personality. The point is to help you learn how to deal with your issue and stop it from interfering with your potential. A therapist won’t tell you what you already know, but he or she will help you get unstuck from your rut and progress with your life. 

Myth: I struggle with legitimate concerns about things that can realistically happen. What can a therapist tell me that will allay my anxiety? He can’t promise that there’s nothing to worry about. 

Fact: Most concerns are rooted in reality. Worrying about something that can realistically happen – I’ll get in legal trouble for a financial error at work, my kid may drop out of high school and start using drugs, my parents will die – is normal, and a therapist will never discount or try to eliminate real thoughts. Having concerns like this can be prudent as they may spur you to take necessary precautions, like looking both ways before you cross the street. 

What can be harmful to your wellbeing is when these thoughts become intrusive or disruptive in some way; if they’re constant, last too long, or have physical, emotional, or otherwise severe repercussions. A therapist will work with you to reduce the frequency, intensity, and/or duration of the thought or feeling so that it doesn’t hinder your quality of life. 

 

How Can Therapists Know All? And What About Meds?! 

Myth: How can a therapist profess to have all the answers when she can’t know everything about me? 

Fact: Therapists certainly don’t have all the answers. Therapy isn’t to hand you answers – because you probably know the answers already – but rather therapy can empower you to learn more about yourself and the forces that drive you.  

Often, clients are unaware of the impact of the automatic thoughts and feelings that shape their responses and reactions. Therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, helps clients to explore and work with those thoughts and feelings, which will decrease one’s pain and help them live quality lives. It’s not complicated or scary. It’s simply helping you access what you already know. 

Myth: Therapy and medication is only for people with real issues, like schizophrenia or bipolar or severe mental illness. Why should I go to a therapist who will try to keep me in therapy and on meds for the rest of my life? 

Fact: Therapy and medication can help anyone. It is not reserved for “crazy” people. Quite the opposite! For many common conditions and for people who don’t progress with therapy alone, medication is a vital (and temporary) tool that can and does help countless people overcome their difficulties with minimal side effects (depending on one’s diagnoses – speak to your medical care provider). Additionally, therapists don’t intend to keep you on as lifelong clients. Our goal is to help you work through your problem and emerge stronger and more confident in your ability to navigate your life and its challenges. 

 

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They have offices in Deal/Long Branch and Lakewood and can be reached at (732) 666-9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net

Changing the World

Noach did not have an easy time – at all – during the months he spent inside the ark. 

 

We know this because we have a firsthand account of what life was like for him and his family at that time.   

 

The Torah tells that after Avraham Avinu waged his successful battle against the four kings, he made his way back and was met by a figure named Malkitzedek (Beresheet 14:18), whom the rabbis identify as Shem, one of Noach’s sons.  Avraham asked Shem about the time he spent in the ark – specifically, he inquired as to the merit in which Noach and his family were spared and allowed to exit the ark safely.  Shem explained that they were allowed to leave the ark in the merit of the great mitzvah of tzedakah.  Of course, there were no poor people in the ark for them to support, but they had the responsibility of feeding all the animals.  Shem told Avraham that Noach’s family did not sleep at all the entire time they spent on the ark, as they were constantly tending to the animals.  And, on one occasion, Noach was late feeding the lion, and he was bitten.  In this merit, they were saved. 

 

Indeed, a different passage in the Midrash tells that Noach cried out to Gd in the ark, “Hotzi’a mimasger nafshi – Remove my soul from confinement!” (Tehillim 142:8).  Noach and his family lived in the ark in a state of “confinement.”  It was a prison – and far worse, as they were trapped inside this structure together with the animals, for whom they were responsible to care. 

 

We must wonder, then, why did Gd choose to rescue Noach and his family in this fashion?  Gd, of course, had an unlimited number of ways in which He could have saved Noach.  Not that Gd needs our suggestions – but, for example, He could have instructed Noach and his family to journey to the Land of Israel, where, according to tradition, the floodwaters never came.  Why did He force Noach to live in an ark with all the animals? 

 

The Punishment for Insularity 

 

A number of commentators explain that Noach, as righteous as he was, remaining moral, ethical and Gd-fearing during a time of rampant crime, violence and decadence, had one significant shortcoming.  Namely, he did not go out to the people to try motivating them to change.  Unlike his descendant, Avraham, who actively worked to teach his contemporaries about monotheism, Noach basically stayed at home.  He did not make an effort to educate the people of his time and inspire them to change. 

 

Thus, Rav Moshe Alshich (Safed, 1508-1593) writes, Noach was punished “middah kenegged middah – measure for measure.”  Since he lived privately, in the confines of his home, without going out to try to uplift the people, he was forced to live in the confines of the ark.  As he had preferred the comfort of his home over the challenge of going out to teach the people, he was required to endure the discomfort of the ark.  He lived an insular life before the flood, and so he survived the flood specifically through the insularity of the ark, with the all the hardships and suffering that this entailed. 

 

This explains Shem’s response to Avraham Avinu, as mentioned earlier.  Shem said that his family earned the right to exit the ark safely through the merit of their tzedakah, their feeding and caring for the animals.  They were forced to endure the grueling experience of the ark because of their failure to reach out to the people of their time, to extend themselves, to help improve society – and they rectified their mistake through the kindness they dispensed on the ark, their selflessly caring for animals, sacrificing their own needs for those of others. 

 

Learning From Noach’s Example 

 

Returning to the Midrash’s account of Avraham’s conversation with Shem, the Midrash tells us that Avraham walked away from this meeting inspired. 

 

He said to himself, “These people – if not for the fact that they performed kindness for animals, beasts and birds, they would not have left there… If I perform [kindness] for human beings, who are in the form and image of angels, then how much more so will I be saved from harm!”  Avraham learned from Shem the unique importance – and power – and kindness and generosity.  The kindness that Noach and his family extended to animals provided the merits they needed to be rescued from the flood that annihilated the rest of humanity.  Certainly, Avraham reasoned, kindness extended to human beings, who are created in the image of Gd, who possess a sacred soul, who are qualitatively higher and more important than animals – must be infinitely times more powerful.  The merits of charity and kindness are boundless, and provide protection from the many different dangers that surround us. 

 

Remarkably, Avraham learned this lesson from Shem.  We must assume that Avraham already understood the importance and value of hesed, but his appreciation of its greatness was considerably enhanced by his conversation with Shem.  Even more remarkably, this encounter with Shem inspired Avraham to launch his famous hospitality initiative.  The Midrash teaches that it was immediately after this meeting with Shem that Avraham planted his “eshel” (Beresheet 21:13) – referring to a free hotel, where he provided guests with achilah (food), shetiyah (drink), and leviyah (an escort for the road) – the first letters of which spell “eshel.”  The example set by Noach and his family on the ark inspired Avraham to become the pillar of hesed that he is forever known to be.  It was this precedent that showed Avraham the singular importance of kindness, motivating him to set up a hospitality center where he helped untold numbers of people, and taught them to believe in and pray to the one, true Gd. 

 

Avraham’s legendary hesed, which forever represents the gold standard of loving kindness, marked the complete rectification of Noach’s mistake.  Noach performed kindness for animals – and this kindness would, ten generations later, inspire Avraham to perform kindness for people.  The process of rectification which began in the ark during the flood reached its completion many years later, through Avraham’s famous hesed project which was motivated by Noach’s example. 

 

The Two Noachs 

 

This Midrashic passage perhaps sheds light on the first verse of Parashat Noach, which seems to unnecessarily repeat Noach’s name.  It says: “Eleh toledot Noach, Noach ish tzadik, tamim haya bedorotav – These are the offspring of Noach; Noach was a righteous man, he was blameless in his generations.”  Why does the Torah twice mention Noach’s name – “These are the offspring of Noach, Noach”?   

 

The answer might be that there were, in fact, two Noachs – the Noach that survived the flood, and the later Noach – our patriarch Avraham, who learned from Noach’s example.  The description “ish tzadik” refers to the first Noach, the Noach of the flood, whom Gd later calls a tzadik (7:1), whereas the description “tamim” refers to Avraham, the second Noach, who is called “tamim” (Beresheet 17:1).  This introductory verse speaks of Noach’s piety bedorotav – in his “generations,” referring to the first Noach, who lived during the flood, and the second Noach – Avraham – who lived in a later generation. 

 

This explanation of the verse demonstrates the kind of impact that every individual can have through his or her actions.  Noach and his family worked tirelessly caring for the animals on the ark, in private, away from public view – and yet, this set an example that was followed by Avraham ten generations later, and Avraham, of course, serves as the paragon of kindness that people learn from to this very day.  Noach lived not only in his generation, but also in the generation of Avraham, because his actions profoundly impacted Avraham, inspiring him to offer hospitality to wayfarers.  Even when people leave this world, they remain through the ripple effect that they set into motion, and which continues for countless generations into the future. 

 

The mitzvot we perform are significant and valuable in their own right, but they also set an example for the people around us.  The way we pray in the synagogue affects everyone in the room.  When we speak to people courteously, others learn from our good manners.  When we conduct our business affairs ethically, we help raise ethical standards in the marketplace, thereby impacting countless people.  When we dispense kindness, we encourage others to do the same.  When we are respectful on social media, we encourage other users to be similarly respectful.  And every ounce of goodness we generate within somebody near to us causes that person to arouse goodness within others, setting into motion a ripple effect that extends far and wide, impacting the future of Am Yisrael and of the world at large. 

 

Nowadays, unlike in the times of Noach, it is all but impossible to live in an “ark,” in seclusion and insularity.  Nearly all of us are involved, on one level or another, with several institutions, organizations, businesses and other groups.  We are constantly engaged with other people, both in real life and digitally.  We must realize that every interaction we have causes a ripple effect and has an impact.  The way we speak, what we speak about, the way we text and post, and the way we act has an influence on somebody, who will then influence somebody else, and so on.  The story of Noach teaches us how much influence can be wielded even by kindness performed in the privacy of an “ark.”  Certainly, then, when we engage with the world around us, we profoundly affect our environment, and even future generations. 

 

Every word we speak, and every action we perform, leaves an imprint on the world.  Let us try to ensure that our imprint is a positive one, that we influence the world through goodness, through kindness, through faith and mitzvah observance, thereby bringing humanity one very important step further along the road to its ultimate perfection.  

Dear Jido – October 2023

Dear Jido,  

 

I’m a new mom to an adorable baby girl and I decided to take a big leap and change jobs after my maternity leave. My new job has all the bells and whistles – new title, better pay, and more ownership. It’s everything I’ve always wanted in my career but the timing has been really tough. The hours are long, the pressure is extremely high, and all I want to do nowadays is spend every waking moment with my baby.   

 

I’ve always been career-driven so it was a no-brainer to accept this job offer – but now that I’m actually living it, I feel so much guilt and pressure to “do it all.” I feel like I can’t give anything 100 percent and I’m struggling with balancing mom life, work life, time with my husband, and time for myself. I can’t afford not to work but it’s been so hard to stay motivated when my mind is always on my baby. Do you have any advice on how to balance it all?  

 

Signed, 

Home or Work? 

 

 

Dear Homework, 

 

First and foremost, mabrouk for your new baby daughter. May she be the first of many more happy and healthy children for you and your husband. 

 

You bring an interesting dilemma – sincerely wanting to raise a family versus personal fulfillment as well as financial support of your growing family. How does one choose? 

 

To begin, the Torah teaches us early on in the fields of Mamre, the angels ask Avraham Avinu – where is Sarah your wife and he replies – she’s in the tent. Even though she herself was not yet a mother, she was tending to the needs of Avraham’s family.  

 

So it would appear the Torah is telling us – the first priority of a woman is to be a wife and mother. 

 

That being said, I am personally a big believer that a person should look to maximize his own potential. It seems you’ve landed a position that allows you to do that – albeit at the possible sacrifice of being your best with your husband, your child(ren), and yourself. 

 

Being a stay-at-home mom can be very difficult for a talented, career-minded woman. Therefore, I would recommend one of two options: 

 

  1. Relinquish part of the job accountabilities. Not the work itself, but the responsibility to implement and carry out the results of your work. Do the details that you’re good at but let someone else be responsible for making them happen in the workplace. Even though it will likely result in a cut in pay, it will relieve you of a lot of the pressure you have that takes you away from what is ultimately more important.

 

  1. With the advent of remote work, find an even better job that allows you to use your talents working at home with flexible hours in order to be there whenever your family needs you. I have a list of eight Jewish job boards that post dozens of remote jobs every week. Let me know if you want to see it. Find one, and enjoy being a mommy. (It’s almost as good as being a grand mommy.)

The Case – Big Deal

Bobby rented a four-bedroom summer home, with a pool, on the Jersey Shore, at a cost of $55,000. Four families resided at the summer home, with a total of twenty-seven people. The three families other than Bobby’s included his son’s family, his son-in-law’s family, and his nephew’s family. Alan, the landlord, was informed by the neighbor across the street of the number of people residing in his home. Alan sent a friend to converse with Bobby’s son-in-law and he discovered that the three extra families were each contributing $13,750 towards the $55,000 cost of rent. Thereafter, Alan contacted our Bet Din claiming that by contract Bobby was restricted from subletting all or part of his home. Alan is therefore claiming that all money collected from the three tenants is to be forwarded to him in addition to Bobby’s $55,000 contractual obligation. Bobby rejected Alan’s claim and responded that on the Jersey Shore it is customary to bring other family members to share the rented home. Bobby continued that the premium price of $55,000 clearly includes as many residents as possible who could fit in the property. Alan countered that Bobby is abusive and irrational in his one-sided position, since there are inflatable beds all over the living room, dining room, and hallways of his home.  

Is Alan entitled to his monetary claim? Does Bobby have to pay anything more for the additional families? Or, is Bobby entitled to bring in three other families into a four bedroom house? How should the Bet Din rule and why? 

 

 

Torah Law 

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a tenant that sublets a property in violation of the terms of his lease is required to forward all additional earnings above the cost of his rent to his landlord. If, however, the tenant is authorized by the landlord to sublet the property, the tenant is entitled to collect all earnings generated from the sublease.  

The above ruling is applicable in instances in which the tenant vacates the property and sublets it to another party. Thus, when the tenant is in violation, the additional rent is forwarded to the landlord.   

If, however, the tenant does not vacate, but rather illegally sublets part of the property to offset his cost of rent, the ruling differs. Since the original tenant is still occupying the premises, the landlord is as well restricted from bringing another tenant to his property. Without the ability to rent to a new tenant, the landlord is not entitled to the additional earnings when the property is illegally shared.  

Hence, the landlord is not entitled to back rent paid by the shared tenant. Rather, it belongs to the original tenant who already collected the funds to offset his own rent. After all, in hindsight, the additional tenants did not come at an expense to the landlord, but rather it was the tenant who was inconvenienced by the additional people residing at the property. 

Nevertheless, since the tenant is in breach of contract by illegally subletting part of the property to another, the landlord has the right to evict him. If the tenant refuses to leave and continues to illegally share the rental with another party, the landlord has the right to increase the rent, going forward. Although the additional unwarranted tenants do not come at an expense to the landlord and he is therefore not entitled to back rent, the landlord is nevertheless entitled to stipulate the new price of rent going forward.  

A Bet Din will analyze and review the claim of a tenant who asserts that bringing additional family tenants to a rental property is customarily practiced in his circles. Upon inquiry and review, although bringing one’s married children to a summer rental home is sometimes common, bringing a nephew and his entire family is not.  

Furthermore, one who brings immediate family members to a rental home most likely does so with the prior consent of the landlord. Hence, the custom is likely premised on the fact that the tenant is from the onset completely transparent with the landlord concerning the number of families staying in the home. In the absence of the said transparency, as aforementioned, the landlord seemingly has the right to evict the tenant.  

 

 

VERDICT: No Deal 

Our Bet Din ruled that Bobby was required to immediately evict his nephew and his family from the home he rented from Alan. As mentioned in Torah law, even according to Bobby’s claim, it is not common practice to invite one’s nephew and his entire family to a rented home for the summer. Additionally, the custom to include the immediate families of one’s children at a summer rental, is likely only after notifying the landlord from the onset of how many families will be residing at the home. Nevertheless, Bobby is not required to forward to Alan the back rent he collected from his family.  Since Bobby was physically living on the premises he rented, he is entitled to withhold the money he collected from the unwarranted tenants. As explained in Torah law, only in the instance in which a tenant moves out of the property and illegally sublets to a third party, is he required to forward all proceeds to the landlord. While Bobby is entitled to withhold back rent, halachically, Alan is entitled to stipulate the price and terms of the rental going forward for the duration of the summer. Thus, our Bet Din warned Bobby that if his nephew stays for the duration of the summer, he will be liable for a substantial increase in rent. As per Bobby’s son and son-in law residing at the property, our Bet Din indicated to the parties that since Bobby was not transparent from the onset, a minimal increase in rent is appropriate. Our Bet Din instructed Alan and Bobby to resolve the amount between themselves. The two agreed to evict the nephew for the balance of the summer and they successfully finalized on a small increase in rent without further involvement of our Bet Din.  

In Loving Memory of Vera Bat Carol, A”H 

 

YOU BE THE JUDGE 

Back to School 

Mrs. Goldenberg is a math teacher in a community school. She is known to be a stern disciplinarian, and she has acquired the respect and admiration of her high school students. David, a student in her classroom and definitely a challenging personality, consistently interrupts the class. On the third day of school, Mrs. Goldenberg confiscated David’s iPad air due to the disturbance it was causing the classroom. Although David initially resisted, Mrs. Goldenberg assured him that she was confiscating the iPad temporarily and he reluctantly handed it over. The iPad was stored by Mrs. Goldenberg in the teacher’s closet. Before the holiday break, David asked for his property to be returned. However, the iPad was missing from the closet. David placed a phone call to our Bet Din demanding that Mrs. Goldenberg reimburse him for the loss he sustained. Mrs. Goldenberg responded to our call explaining that she felt that she was not responsible for the loss, since David was in violation of using the device during class. She explained that David must take responsibility for such a violation, and frankly, he is the ultimate cause of his own loss. She felt it was a perfect opportunity for David to learn the consequences of breaking the rules.  

Is David or Mrs. Goldenberg responsible for the lost iPad?  

How should the Bet Din rule and why? 

 

Clash of Titans in the 2023 M&S World Series

Sam Sutton

In the annals of sports history, some matchups transcend the boundaries of competition and transform into legendary showdowns that capture the hearts of fans around the world. The 2023 M&S World Series promises to be one such epic battle, featuring the number one seeded One Team, One Dream, captained by Steven Gindi, and the number two seeded Diamond Busters, led by the indomitable Gabe Abadi. These two titanic teams have taken their regular-season prowess and translated it into a dominant playoff performance, setting the stage for a classic World Series showdown.

Road to the World Series

One Team, One Dream (OTOD) has been nothing short of sensational throughout the season, capturing the coveted top seed with a combination of stellar pitching, clutch hitting, and flawless teamwork. Captain Steven Gindi has been the steady hand guiding his team’s ship, fostering a culture of unity and a shared vision that reflects in the team’s name itself: One Team, One Dream. This unity was on full display in the playoffs, where every player on the roster contributed their fair share, proving that OTOD is more than just a one-man show.

While the stars often shine the brightest, it was the unsung heroes toward the bottom of the lineup who played pivotal roles in OTOD’s remarkable journey to the World Series. Albert Sitt, Eric Cytryn, and Danny Chabbot may not have the spotlight as often as some of their teammates, but their clutch performances in the playoffs have been the backbone of OTOD’s success. Their unwavering determination and ability to come through in pressure situations have earned them the respect and admiration of fans and teammates alike.

Diamond Busters 

On the other side of the diamond, the Diamond Busters have lived up to their name by bulldozing through their opponents en route to the World Series. Gabe Abadi, the inspirational leader of the Diamond Busters, has been a driving force behind the team’s success. His leadership, both on and off the field, has motivated his teammates to perform at their absolute best when it matters most.

In the Diamond Busters’ playoff series against Gucci, they showcased their mettle with big-time performances from key players like Yehuda Fallas, Carlos Abadi, Leo Setton, and Edmund Beyda. These players stepped up in critical moments, proving that the Diamond Busters are a force to be reckoned with. Their journey to the World Series was not just about winning games; it was about making a statement and establishing themselves as worthy contenders.

The Clash of Titans

As One Team, One Dream and the Diamond Busters prepare to face off in the 2023 M&S World Series, the stage is set for a showdown of epic proportions. Both teams have demonstrated an unwavering commitment to excellence and a winning mentality throughout the season and the playoffs. Their remarkable journey to this point has captured the imagination of fans and has the makings of a classic World Series.

The matchup between OTOD and the Diamond Busters promises to be a showcase of baseball at its finest. From the strategic prowess of the captains to the skill and determination of each player, every aspect of the game will be on full display. The tension on the field will be matched only by the roar of the crowd, creating an electrifying atmosphere that can only be found in the World Series.

Key Players to Watch

In a series of this magnitude, there are always standout players who have the potential to make a significant impact on the outcome. For One Team, One Dream, the spotlight may shift to Albert Sitt, Eric Cytryn, and Danny Chabbot once again. These players have proven their ability to rise to the occasion, and their contributions may prove to be the difference-makers in key moments of the series.

For the Diamond Busters, the trio of Yehuda Fallas, Carlos Abadi, and Leo Setton will be players to watch. Their playoff heroics have already made them stars in their own right, and they will undoubtedly be called upon to deliver crucial plays in the World Series. 

Stay Tuned…

An Evening to Remember: The Unveiling of Ohel Simha’s Expansion Project

Victor Cohen

If you did not make it to the Park Avenue Synagogue (Congregation Ohel Simha) fundraising event this past August 31st in Long Branch, NJ, you missed out on something special. The event, dedicated to raising funds for the synagogue’s expansion, was hosted in the beautiful backyard of Lauren and Ike Levy. 

 

An Evening to Remember 

Everyone who attended was warmly greeted by the former shul president, Michael Fallas, who presented each person with a beautiful book about Ohel Simha, detailing its history and highlighting the reasons for its needed expansion.  

As the guests entered they were treated to the music of a live band, led by renowned hazzan David Shiro. The lovely scenery and twinkling lights made for a festive atmosphere. No community event is complete without special food, and attendees were not disappointed, as the bountiful spread of different delicacies were pleasing to every palate.   

The he  program opened with a special award presented to Ike Levy, the shul president. Ike was honored for his “unparalleled leadership, mastership, and dedication” to Ohel Simha’s expansion project.

 

Inspiring Speeches 

The speeches and video highlighted the importance of the expansion project, the pressing need to accommodate the growing numbers in the shul, and the importance of giving back to the community.  

The first speaker was Rabbi Meyer Yedid. He spoke about hearing a bat kol, a Heavenly voice. There have been individuals who were able to pick up on a bat kol and acted upon that voice, to build and to support our community however they could. Rabbi Yedid said, “There are some people out there, special, great people, that get involved. They don’t just know what’s going on, but make what’s going on.” Rabbi Yedid noted that the night was not about a specific need in the community that would serve only specific people. Rather, the event was about Ohel Simcha, which serves the entire community. 

Rabbi Yedid then  spoke about the perek in Tehillim, “Hanukat Habayit” for the Beit Hamikdash, David Hamelech composed this psalm although he himself did not build the Beit Hamikdash. How could he write a psalm celebrating something that was not yet built? Rabbi Yedid answered that David did the very most he could, in terms of creating the blueprints and securing the location. If you do the most that you can for a project, it is as if you yourself finished it. It is as if it became yours. “The Beit Hamikdash was named after a man who wasn’t even alive when it was complete. Why? Because he did everything he could while alive to make it complete.” 

Rabbi Yedid concluded with praise for the Sephardic community, which is growing in both quality and quantity. He emphasized the importance of becoming involved now, and doing so in the best way that you can, not just for yourself, but for your children. He asked those gathered, “What prouder thing could we say to our children than we built the building? 

 

Rabbi Shmuel Choueka, the next speaker, smiled as he spoke of the shul as a space that is always bustling, both night and day. He said, “The parking lot is jammed. If I come in the morning at 6am I’m late!” 

 

Rabbi Choueka spoke about the nature of kedusha. He quoted from the gemara, saying that if you made part of something holy, then the holiness spreads through the object and envelops it. So too, with the community, kedusha can spread out from a single point and ripple through everyone and everything it surrounds. This highlighted the importance of what Ohel Simcha is fundraising for. How much greater would the community be overall if Park Avenue could expand and exude more kedusha? It would benefit everybody. 

 

Book Dedicated to Ohel Simha’s Past and Future 

Many in attendance commented on the inspiring book that was handed out. Included was the beautiful story behind the founding of the Park Avenue Synagogue. In July 1989, four sons, Mal, Eddie, Jack, and Mike Mamiye a”h, were looking to honor the memory of their beloved mother, Simha Mamiye Dabbah a”h. They transformed the local minyan into Congregation Ohel Simha.  

With Gd’s help, the community flourished and Park Avenue Synagogue has become the thriving center of Torah and prayer that it is today. The book included some of the history of the Sephardic community, and noted the reverence the community has for our rabbis and the important role they play. 

 

The Legacy Wall 

The book also describes Park Avenue’s newest initiative to honor community rabbis – The Legacy Wall. “Through the Legacy Wall we pay homage to our revered Rabbis who have guided us and nurtured us, ensuring that their impact endures for generations to come. It will serve as a testament to the enduring spirit of our community and our commitment to preserving our heritage.” 

The Legacy Wall rabbis include Rabbi Avraham Hamra, Rabbi Yom-Tov Yedid, Rabbi Jacob S. Kassin, Rabbi Shaul J. Kassin, Rabbi Hacham Baruch Ben-Haim, Rabbi Shlomo Diamond, Rabbi Hacham Sion Maslaton, and Rabbi Shmuel Choueka. These esteemed rabbis have helped to shape and support our community. Their guidance was critical for the community as it grew and prospered. The Legacy Wall is a fitting tribute and a show of sincere hakarat hatov. 

The book closes with several pictures of what will be in the future, with Gd’s help – from a new social hall to a larger Torah Center, and even a ladies mikveh. 

Final Speech and Conclusion 

The final speaker was Ike Levy. He spoke about the practical aspects of the expansion project. He said Ohel Simha has “no other option other than to expand the building.” An expansion will allow the shul to serve the growing community and the growing interest in learning Torah. Ike discussed the next phase, which will be an expansion of the learning room and the creation of a second floor to ensure that their morning and night programs could keep growing. The community is growing and Ohel Simha is dedicated to meeting the needs of the community. He noted, “We’re a shul that accommodates the entire community.” 

After Ike spoke, the evening concluded with an inspiring, beautifully done video. 

People left with a sense of achdut, and with a feeling of increased commitment to support Ohel Simha. Despite the incredible amount of hard work that went into the event, Ike’s wife, Lauren, said simply, “It’s an honor to host this beautiful event for the benefit of the shul.”  Certainly, those in attendance felt honored to participate.

Oraysa’s Big Siyum

Victor Cohen 

 

Over 100 Oraysa learners gathered together on September 6th for a festive celebration in honor of the completion, “siyum,” of the tractate of gemara Rosh Hashana at Kol Yaakov Synagogue in Brooklyn.  

 

What Is the Oraysa Program? 

 

The Oraysa Amud V’Chazara Program was founded just three years ago to promote gemara learning and retention for learners of all levels, and to give them the tools to succeed. There are already 5,000 learners participating in 115 “chaburas” (learning groups) in 30 cities around the world, including places as far-flung as Phoenix, Jerusalem, Zurich, London, and New York. 

Participants in the “daf yomi” program cover a full two-sided blat (page or “daf” of gemara) each day, seven days a week. The Oraysa program focuses on slower, more comprehensive learning and review, with participants learning one amud (one side of a page of gemara) Sunday through Thursday, reviewing the previous day’s learning each day, and on Friday and Shabbat the participants review the last five days of learning – two-and-a-half blat. Learners test their retention with regular bechinot (tests). It is possible to apply for a stipend, as well. 

Learners can access the daily shiurim via the Oraysa website, email podcasts, or call-in hotline. They can network with other learners worldwide. As their website states, “The beauty of this program is its versatility and ability to be tailored to the level of each participant.” 

 

A Night to Remember 

 

The siyum was a true tribute to Torah learning, complete with a delicious array of food, a professional singer, joyous dancing, and, of course, speeches. Attendees engaged in spirited discussions, as each chabura group sat together. The esteemed rabbis in attendance were seated at the front.  

It was a special feeling for the learners to have completed the masachet of Rosh Hashana so close to the holiday. They had, indeed, toiled in Torah learning, studying, reviewing, and mastering the material together. This requires a strong level of commitment on the part of each participant. One of the things that helps keep these learners going is the shared commitment to the endeavor, and the spirit of engaging in a holy project with other Jews. This creates a special camaraderie for the participants, who are dedicated to the same goals of in-depth gemara learning and retaining what they learned.  

 

Honored Rabbis   

 

The community rabbis in attendance were Rabbis Eli and David Mansour, Rabbi Nathan Escava, and Rabbi David Ozeri. Representing Oraysa were Rabbi Shlomo Yehuda Shuster, Rabbi Aharon Gobioff, and Rabbi Chaim Zell. 

The first speaker, Rabbi David Mansour, focused on how the Oraysa program is perfectly suited for the community, which includes many different people with different levels of learning. Oraysa, through the resources on their website and their monthly newsletters, as well as the sense of togetherness they offer through the schedule, is able to cater to each and every member of our community, each on their own level. And, the rabbi said, “B”H, each one on their level is growing tremendously.” 

Rabbi Eli Mansour delivered a beautiful dvar Torah about the word “oraysa” from a pasuk in the Torah. He gleaned that from the specific placement of the word that oraysa is what allows us to properly connect with Hashem. Then he asked: what is the point of learning? He explained that learning tis not simply an exercise in analytical ability. Rather, the point of learning is in order to reach a new level of closeness with Hashem. He said, “The purpose is to reach a level called debekut. Debekut means attachment, closeness, to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.”  

Rabbi Nathan Escava was honored with making the ritual siyum. He told the audience that it would take 20 years to complete shas through Oraysa’s program, which on the one hand is a long time. On the other hand, 20 years can go by in the blink of an eye. He continued, “Imagine we had Oraysa 20 years ago. We could have finished shas by now! This program enables us, day by day, to learn an amud, to gain ground. It brings the best out of everyone.” He said that on Rosh Hashanah we can tell Hashem: “We’re in this for the next twenty years. Give us 20!” 

 

A Fitting Closing  

 

After Rabbi Escava completed the siyum, the music started and attendees headed to the dance floor for lively dancing. Clearly, the learners were filled with the special joy of a significant accomplishment. And there was a real feeling of achdut for these men who had learned together with a common goal. The excitement on the dance floor was palpable.  

Rabbi Ozeri’s speech concluded the evening after the dancing. He discussed the concept of how things work in Olam Haba. There, in the Next World, everyone who has completed shas gets a “seat.” However, not everyone will get the same seat. He said that the type of effort you put into your learning in this world will determine the type of seat you get in the next one. He used a sports stadium metaphor to illustrate his point, calling the best seats in Olam Haba the “box seats.” He looked out at the audience and  said that Oraysa learners will get the box seats in Olam Haba, and that the learning Oraysa has done and will continue to do is strong enough to take them far into Olam Haba. It was an inspiring message and a perfect end to a wonderful evening. 

 

Start Your Own Chabura 

 

What better way is there to start the new year than making a commitment to daily learning? Oraysa’s website includes a page where you can set up a chabura of your own. An Oraysa chabura is simply a group of people who want to learn the daily amud together. To create a chabura, just fill out the form, Oraysa will get the ball rolling. They make setting up a new group easy and convenient. They believe that the best way to learn is to do so with others, and their goal is to make it possible wherever there is an interest. Find them at oraysa.com.

Caring for a Parent at a Spouse’s Expense

Albert has a tough dilemma that is keeping him up at night: His elderly mother’s health is deteriorating, requiring her to receive round-the-clock care. She wants to move in with Albert. Miri, Albert’s wife, loves her mother-in-law very much, but she is worried that their house is too small and is also concerned that having Albert’s mother move in will stress their marriage and negatively affect their shalom bayit. Miri suggests sending her mother-in-law to a nearby nursing home instead. Albert asked me what should he do – listen to Miri or his mother? 

 

The decision to invite an elderly parent to move in with a child or instead reside in a nursing home is a complex issue, requiring carefully considering the balance between the mitzva of kibud av va’em with shalom bayit. The obligation to honor parents extends beyond mere words; it encompasses actions and deeds. The Fifth Commandment: “Honor your father and your mother” (Shemot 20:12) includes the obligation to provide for a parent’s needs, including food, clothing, and even health care. But even while the obligation to honor one’s parents is paramount, shalom bayit is also the cornerstone of Judaism and Hashem’s holy Name is erased for the sake of shalom bayit (Sukkah 53a). So, what does Albert do if this mitzva comes at the expense of his wife Miri’s concerns?  

  

Take into Consideration 

 

There are a few matters to consider. If Albert’s mother requires professional medical care and round-the-clock supervision, it may very well be that Albert’s family does not have the ability to care for her at home. A suitable nursing home may be the more reasonable option, providing it can meet all of her medical needs and offer professional care and safety. On the other hand, being cared for by family in their home is often more comforting and provides the elderly parent with a loving home, something that cannot be easily replicated elsewhere. Sending a parent to a nursing home should therefore not be done simply out of convenience or to relieve a sense of personal responsibility, especially if this will cause emotional distress to the parent.  

 

Hacham Yitzchak Yosef, Shlit”a, writes that whenever possible, one should try to care for parents in one’s home. However, if there are space constraints or bringing a parent into the home may cause friction and marital strife, shalom bayit takes precedence (Yalkut Yosef, Dinim Laisha, 52:5, based on S.A. E.H. 74:10).  

 

Considering the general preference to care for a parent at home whenever possible, if a child is faced with the challenge that doing so may lead to conflicts with one’s spouse, it is important to recognize that there are many different options for possibly making things easier. Examples include employing a full-time caregiver in the home, enlisting the support of other family members, and modifying the home environment to accommodate the parent’s needs. Ultimately, the goal should be to balance the sacred duty of kibud av va’em by ensuring the parent’s well-being while maintaining one’s shalom bayit 

 

Rabbinic Advice 

 

Because the Shulchan Aruch (Y.D. 240:5 and Beit Yosef ibid) rules that a child need not spend their own funds to fulfill the mitzvah of kibud av va’em, if a parent does need to live in a nursing home, the costs should be borne by the parent. If the parent cannot afford to pay and the children have enough funds, the children should pay. However, if the children are unable to afford this, they can use their tzedaka funds to support their parents (ibid) 

 

In a situation where the parent has sufficient funds but is unwilling to pay, Hacham Yitzchak rules that the children should use their own funds but can later be reimbursed from the inheritance. That said, it is best to first speak with a rabbi to avoid any potential issues, as inheritance law is fraught with halachic and emotional challenges. 

 

In grappling with the decision of placing a parent in a nursing home, it is essential for families to seek guidance from knowledgeable halachic authorities. Rabbis can provide personalized guidance, taking into account the specific circumstances of the family and the parent’s condition. Each situation is unique and there may be different approaches based on factors such as the parent’s health condition, the availability of other caregivers, financial considerations, the overall well-being of the family unit, and balancing kibud av vaem and shalom bayit. 

 

 

 

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and writer on medical halacha, and is the head of the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome. To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.