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Medications on Shabbat – Part 2

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

“Rabbi,” Ikey said, scratching his head, “I’m confused about taking medication on Shabbat. I’ve heard it’s prohibited due to the concern of grinding herbs, but we don’t do that anymore – we buy medicine from the pharmacy. Different people give me different answers. Can you clarify this halacha?”

The Prohibition on Taking Medication on Shabbat

As previously explained, halacha prohibits taking medication on Shabbat by rabbinic decree unless one is bedridden (a choleh she’ein bo sakana). Someone experiencing a maichush be’alma – a minor ailment causing mild discomfort – is typically not permitted to take medication (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 328:1). This rabbinic prohibition, known as gezerat shehikat samemanim, originated from the concern that people might grind herbs to prepare medicines, which would violate anissur d’Oraita (biblical prohibition).

Medication Compared to Other Forms of Healing on Shabbat

It’s important to distinguish taking medication from other permitted forms of healing on Shabbat for a choleh she’ein bo sakana. While such an individual may engage in healing activities, even overriding a rabbinic law (derabanan), this is required to be done in an unusual manner (shinui, ibid. 17). However, this requirement of shinui does not apply to the act of taking oral medications (Halichot Olam 4:164, Ohr Lezion 3:36:9).

The Relevance of Gezerat Shehikat Samemanim Today

A common question, as raised by Ikey, is whether gezerat shehikat samemanim still applies since we no longer grind herbs for medicine, as instead we purchase manufactured medications. The halachic principle is that rabbinic decrees remain in effect even if the original reason for their enactment no longer exists. As the Gemara (Beitzah 5a) explains that once the Hachamim issue a decree, only Hachamim of equivalent greatness can overturn it. Therefore, the prohibition on taking medication for minor ailments on Shabbat generally remains, despite the changes in how medicine is produced.

The Opinion of Hacham Ovadia Yosef, ZT”L

However, Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l, (Chazon Ovadia, Shabbat Vol. 3 p. 358), offers a nuanced perspective. He notes that some halachic authorities consider gezerat shehikat samemanim to be a gezeira (a safeguard or preventative decree) rather than a takana (a formal, established rabbinic enactment). Unlike a takana, which is generally irreversible, it might be argued that a gezeira may no longer be binding once the original concern it addressed is absent. Following this logic, since we now obtain pre-prepared medications, the concern of grinding herbs is no longer relevant, and the safeguard is no longer necessary. While Hacham Ovadia himself disagrees with this view and maintains the general prohibition for minor ailments, he permits relying on this more lenient opinion in specific circumstances.

Examples: Sleeping Pills and Pain Relief

Hacham Ovadia provides examples where leniency is warranted. Regarding sleeping pills (ibid., p. 367), he argues that they do not cure an illness but primarily facilitate sleep. Since promoting sleep is not considered a typical medical therapy (refua) and considering the opinion that gezerat shehikat samemanim no longer directly applies, he permits taking sleeping pills on Shabbat.

Similarly, concerning over-the-counter pain relief, Hacham Yitzhak Yosef (Yalkut Yosef, Shabbat Vol. 4, p. 143) explains that alleviating symptoms like pain or a mild fever is not considered classic refua aimed at a cure. Therefore, such medications are permissible even for a mild ailment. However, Hacham Ovadia (ibid., p. 366) specifically limits this allowance to individuals experiencing pain, even when they are not bedridden.

Conclusion

To answer Ikey’s question: Taking medication to cure an illness is generally prohibited on Shabbat by rabbinic gezira for someone with a minor ailment. However, it is permitted for a choleh she’ein bo sakana. While the underlying concern of gezerat shehikat samemanim (grinding herbs) might seem outdated, the prohibition remains in effect.

Nevertheless, Hacham Ovadia Yosef offers a more lenient approach in specific situations where the medication does not aim to cure but rather to relieve pain or promote sleep, especially when considering the view that the original reason for the gezeira is no longer relevant.

Hacham Ovadia acknowledges the differing opinions on this matter. Given that it concerns health, he advises against excessive stringency as the verse states, “Venishmarten meod lenafshotechem” (Devarim 4:15) – “And you shall guard your souls very carefully” (Hazon Ovadia, p. 357).Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

From the Files of the Bet Din

The Case

A Timely Collection?

Jack extended a loan of $10,000 to his brother-in-law Nathan nearly five years ago when Nathan was out of a job. Since then, Nathan’s financial status has well improved, though he never responded to Jack’s request to pay his outstanding debt. Nearly a year later, at a family wedding, Nathan noticed that Jack was sporting a new wristwatch. Nathan inquired about purchasing Jack’s previous watch and Jack replied that he was interested in selling it for ten thousand dollars. The very next day he gave Jack $10,000 cash for its purchase. Jack received the cash payment and informed Nathan that he was collecting the payment on account of the $10,000 unpaid debt he was owed. Nathan was upset that he was shrewdly lured into such a predicament and pledged to bring an additional $10,000 the following evening to pay back his debt. He told Jack that although he had already purchased the watch, he agreed that it is to serve as collateral until he brings him the money owed. Jack responded that the watch was not for sale, and that he already collected the money owed. The two brothers-in-law brought their case to our Bet Din. Is Jack required to accept another $10,000 and sell Nathan his watch? Can Jack refuse to sell him his watch after he received the cash from Nathan under false pretenses? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, one is required by law to pay back an outstanding loan. In the absence of an agreed upon term to pay back the loan, it is assumed that the lender extended the loan for a thirty-day time period. It is a serious injustice when a borrower has the financial capacity to pay back a loan and withholds the required payment. A borrower who does not pay back his debt promptly is severely labeled by a Bet Din for his misconduct.

According to leading halachic authorities when a borrower and lender explicitly discuss the sale of an item prior to payment, the lender may not retain the payment as collection for his debt. Since the lender verbally agreed to receive payment for the sale, he is required to honor the sale. Nevertheless, in such instances, although the lender must honor the sale, he is entitled to withhold the item sold as collateral until he receives payment for the loan. In short, only after the borrower first pays back the loan is the lender required to honor the payment he received and give the item purchased to the borrower. 

The above ruling is applicable in instances in which the lender verbally consented to the sale. If, however, the borrower initiated the purchase and the lender remained silent throughout the transaction, never consenting to the sale, the lender may collect the payment for his loan. Alternatively, if the lender initially requested his loan and during that same conversation the borrower and lender discussed the possibility of a purchase, the lender is entitled to collect the subsequent payment to cover the debt owed to him. In this instance as well, the lender has the legal right to claim that he never explicitly consented to the sale and accepted the payment in lieu of the outstanding debt.

Leading halachic authorities record a possibility in which a lender is permitted to nullify a purchase even in the instance in which he explicitly consented to the sale. As per nearly all sale transactions, both parties maintain the legal right to immediately nullify a sale. Hence, if within one and a half seconds of the payment the seller announces that he is reneging on the sale, the sale is effectively cancelled. Once cancelled, the lender may retain the payment he received for the outstanding loan. While this technical loophole is legally valid, due to the required swiftness, it is only a remote possibility that it would occur. Upon inquiry a Bet Din can easily determine if such a loophole is applicable.

As with all cash payments for merchandise, it is the legal responsibility of both parties not to renege on a transaction. Nevertheless, if the product purchased was not yet taken into the possession of the buyer, various laws that are beyond the scope of this article determine the status of the sale if one of the parties decides to renege.

VERDICT: It’s About Time

Our Bet Din ruled that since Jack explicitly consented to selling the watch, he is not entitled to nullify the sale and retain the payment for the outstanding loan. Although he did not yet transfer the watch to Nathan’s possession, nevertheless, receiving payment is a form of acquisition and nullifying such a transaction is a complicated matter with undesirable consequences.

Although Jack is required to honor the sale, since he is owed an additional $10,000, he is entitled to withhold the watch as collateral until the debt owed him is paid. Our Bet Din consented to Nathan’s offer to first pay back Jack for the loan and only after is he to receive the watch he purchased. For reasons unknown to our Bet Din, Nathan never did pay Jack the additional $10,000 he owed and agreed to pay him. When we inquired as to Nathan’s future intentions, he responded that he no longer was interested in purchasing the watch. Hence, our Bet Din informed Jack that he was entitled to retain the payment for the outstanding loan. Additionally, our Bet Din took the opportunity to chastise Nathan for having the capacity to pay back his debt, but rather chose to neglect his responsibility and attempt an exorbitant purchase.  A borrower who does not promptly pay back a debt is severely labeled by a Bet Din for his misconduct.

In Loving Memory of Vera Bat Carol, A”H

Page 2

YOU BE THE JUDGE

To Sell or Not To Sell

Upon the passing of their father, Harry and Steven inherited a valuable real estate property. Harry, a father of seven children, expressed to his single brother Steven, that he wished to sell the property as he was in desperate need of funds. Steven responded that it would clearly be a mistake to sell at this time. Steven suggested that they maintain their partnership and share in the rental proceeds equally. In Bet Din, Harry submitted a written offer from a third party for the purchase of the property and commented that it would be a shame to reject such an aggressive offer. Steven refused to agree and instead offered to advance to Harry 100 percent of the rental proceeds as a loan. Steven made it clear that he was in no rush to get paid back his share of the rent, and in the meantime, Harry can use the extra cash flow to provide for his family. Steven’s only stipulation to the loan was that he decides when to sell the property, and that he gets paid back the rent he advanced upon the property’s sale. Harry rejected his brother’s offer, explaining that he was presently indebted to others and is not interested in additional loans.

Can Harry force Steven to sell? Can Steven force Harry to be his partner? Is Steven’s suggestion to extend Harry his share of the rent as a loan an enforceable option? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Gambling with Lives: The New Crisis in Our Midst

Victor Cohen

In recent years,responding to plans to build a casino on Coney Island, right in our backyard, many throughout the community voiced their opposition to the project, and campaigned against it. Thanks in part to these efforts, the project has been struggling to receive the approval of the relevant municipal bodies.

The reason for the widespread opposition in our community should be clear and obvious. Easy access to a casino would, without question, lure many – particularly youngsters – to try out gambling. We all know that gambling is not only inconsistent with our Torah values, but also highly addictive, often destructively so.

Meanwhile, as this battle continues to be fiercely waged, a different gambling crisis has arisen – one which has already embedded itself deeply within our community: sports betting.

A Handheld Casino

Recent years have seen a surge of online sportsbooks and sports betting apps, which are promoted by torrents of advertisements. DraftKings, FanDuel, ESPNBet, BetMGM, and countless other sportsbooks offer free bets to ensnare newcomers. They also partner with celebrities and players, put out live promotions during games, and invest heavily in enticing users to keep betting on games. These sites and apps have, tragically, brought large numbers of youths into the clutches of gambling addiction, creating a whole generation of compulsive gamblers.

Let’s be honest about what many of these online sportsbooks are: a casino located in your pocket, or in the palm of your hand. They allow users to play the full range of typical casino games on their phone. Shockingly, every smartphone is now a Coney Island Casino.

This scourge of online gambling poses a grave threat to our community youngsters.

To learn more about this challenge, which has quickly become a full-fledged community crisis, I sat down with Ike Dweck, the founder of the SAFE foundation –an outpatient drug, alcohol, and gambling addiction facility, with clinics in Brooklyn and Deal. We spoke about the dangers of the sports betting apps, the tactics they use to get users hooked, as well as Ike’s own struggles with gambling and his heroic journey to break free of addiction. We also discussed potential solutions that are currently in the works, and warning signs for those concerned about a friend or child.

“They Don’t Really Care”

Already in 1992, Congress acted to protect our society from the dangers of sports betting, passing the Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act, or PASPA, which prohibited states from allowing sports betting. But in 2014, the State of New Jersey, under governor Chris Christie, challenged the law’s constitutionality by legalizing sports betting within the state.

“People in New York would start gambling on their phones by just going over the bridge into New Jersey,” Ike recalled.

The NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association) sued the state, demanding that it enforce the federal law. The case continued under current New Jersey governor Phil Murphy and reached the Supreme Court in 2018. In Murphy v. NCAA, 584 U.S. 453 (2018), the Court voted to strike down PASPA, thus leaving the decision of whether to allow sports betting up to states. As more and more states followed New Jersey’s lead and legalized sports gambling, the industry of sports betting apps quickly surged, growing into the frightening behemoth that we unfortunately see today. In New York, due to lobbying from DraftKings and FanDuel, online sportsbooks became legal in January 2022.

And so when you turn 21, you are allowed to set up an account through an online sportsbook, which offers an enticing bevy of free bets. Most of the apps give you a few hundred dollars to “play” with. You cannot withdraw this money – you must spend it on a bet, playing their game. This is the primary method these online sportsbooks use to pull in innocent, unsuspecting users – they offer free bets, enabling the new customer to experience the thrill of gambling. This all but ensures that they will come back and continue playing with real money, and even long after these companies made back the money they “lost” by baiting the newbies.

“The website and casinos – they don’t really care,” Ike said. Why should they? They make loads of money off people’s addictions, hardships, and struggles – and will gladly continue to make money if left to their own devices. There is lots of money to be made from addicts. There is money to be made by placing all those expensive advertisements during sports games, given the potential for huge profit if they can get someone to sign up. There is money to be made by having a user place even just one too many bets.

The “free bets” convince your brain that gambling and betting is not just good, but exciting, something that gives you a high. Once that happens, you can easily get hooked and end up coming back again, again, and again – and the greatest thing any company can have is a repeat customer who uses its services frequently.

In other words, addiction is these businesses’ best friend. And so getting people addicted – and keeping them addicted – is their modus operandi.

A Minefield of Triggers

This brings us to their second important strategy –ubiquity. Flooding the internet and airwaves with advertisements helps not only to bring in new customers, but also to bring back customers who had succeeded in breaking loose.

A recovering alcoholic can avoid bars and liquor stores to protect himself from temptation. But a recovering sports betting addict has almost no way of avoiding the lure of gambling. An eye-opening essay in Scientific American(January 23, 2025) by Allison Parshalltitled,“How ‘Dark Patterns’ in Sports Betting Apps Keep Users Gambling” describes the difficult challenge faced by recovering gambling addicts trying to stay away from these apps: “A lapsed customer who receives a push notification, e-mail or text with an enticing ‘limited time’ offer for 10 ‘free bets’ might be someone with a gambling problem who is trying to quit.”

Parshall draws an analogy to a person dealing with alcohol addiction who, after several weeks of sobriety,is approached on his way to work by the fellow who runs his favorite bar, and he says, “Here, take a free shot of tequila!” It would be exceedingly difficult for the recovering alcoholic to decline. This is precisely what happens to recovering gamblers all the time.

“You can’t watch a baseball game without a commercial telling you to bet,” Ike said.

For a recovering addict, commercials promoting the online sportsbooks create a minefield of triggers that can easily get them sucked back in, especially considering the ease with which these apps can be accessed. One of the great benefits of modern technology – having everything at our fingertips, allowing us to check our email, write up proposals, fill orders, text, call, take pictures, work accounts, and do just about everything with just the tap of a few buttons – is a major pitfall for gambling addicts. The next bet is just a few button taps away. All it takes is the right advertisement during a football game, the right push notification at a time when the algorithm knows you’re looking at your phone, the right offer at the right time, to hook the recovering addict back in and get more money out of him.

It takes just a few taps on your screen to gamble away your entire week’s paycheck – and it takes the same amount of taps to lose a whole year’s paycheck, and even to bet away all your life’s savings. For a compulsive gambler, it is like a giant hole at the bottom of hisfinancial boat, which can cause it to sink at any moment.

Underage Gamblers

“Everybody’s desperate and thinks it’s easy to win,” Ike explained, further noting that although the apps ‘require’ you to be 21, it just does not work like that in practice. “People steal their parents’ credit cards, social security numbers, and open accounts as young as 13 or 14 years old. The email is in their name so their parents would never know.They’ll go on FanDuel and just open an account.”

Unfortunately, that is not the only way underage children can gain access to the online sportsbooks.

“They have friends who have brothers who have accounts who let them bet every night,” Ike says, and – just as in the case with drug addicts – once the money runs out to support their addiction, they find ways to get more. This could be by lying, manipulating those around them, or even stealing from their parents and pawning off jewelry. Once they are addicted, they will do whatever it takes to be able to continue their compulsively betting.

The SAFE foundation has, since its inception, always dealt primarily with alcohol and drug addiction, but this past year, the number of clinical assessments they conducted for gambling problems has risen by 48 percent. This dramatic increase offers a glimpse into how rapidly the issue has escalated.

It behooves us, then, to take a step back and ask ourselves: is this what we want for our future? Do we want the younger generation exposed to all this?

An Addict’s Recovery Story

In searching for solutions, there is perhaps no one better to listen to than Ike, who not only runs an organization that has been dealing with this issue for many years, but has also personally struggled with – and successfully overcome – a gambling addiction.

Ike began betting on sports when he was 12 years old. Back then, there were no sports apps, so he had to rely on other methods to place bets.

“When I was growing up,” he recalls, “there were no apps, so to bet you had to get a ‘bookie,’ who wasn’t the most honest guy in the world.”

He placed bets on all kinds of sports games, and as he got older, it took over his life.

“I couldn’t go on a vacation if it didn’t have a casino,”

His father asked him to join Gamblers’ Anonymous, and he was in and out for many years. However, he didn’t really listen to what they were telling him. This continued until he finally hit rock bottom at the age of 23. His life was out of control, he owed money to the bookies, and he was “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” He went back into Gambler’s Anonymous– and began to listen.

They told him to stop watching TV and stop reading the newspaper, because the sports section in the back could cause him to relapse. He was advised to make a list of all the people he owed, and to pay them back little by little. He was also advised to stop hanging out with the people he used to gamble with. With the help of Gambler’s Anonymous, Ike managed to find his way out.

Later, in 2003, Ike founded SAFE to help those plagued by addictions. He speaks at high schools throughout our community, telling his story and helping as many people as he can.          

“Don’t Do This Yourself”

For those currently gambling who recognize that they need to stop, the most important thing is to reach out to a professional. Compulsive gambling is an addiction, and requires professional intervention to begin the path to recovery.

“Don’t do this yourself,” Ike pleads. “You need help. Even going to a Gambler’s Anonymous meeting could help.”

For the past nine months, SAFE has been lobbying New York State Senators, explaining to them the dangers of online sportsbooks and the prevalence of underage gambling, in an attempt to convince them to change the laws in New York. The problem, Ike says, is that the State makes a great deal of money from the taxes on the gambling companies’ revenue, and so the lawmakers are reluctant to impose restrictions.

Ike concluded by offering some helpful advice for those who are concerned about a friend or family member’s possible gambling addiction.  Some warning signs, he says, are “if they’re borrowing money, or there’s a friend that always wants to play cards on Saturday night, or they’re staying up late for all the games.”

If you are worried about your child, he says, look for “missing jewelry, the kid not doing well in school, or if he’s also always asking to borrow money.”

Technology, with all its extraordinary advantages, has also presented several enormous challenges, some of which have received more attention than others. Ike and the rest of the SAFE foundation hope to draw the community’s attention to the challenge of gambling addiction, and to inform everyone of its unique risks. The first step to curing this destructive ill is spreading awareness. By working together to inform our youngsters of this alluring but dangerous activity, we can begin to tackle the problem of sports betting and help ensure a bright future for all our community’s youth.

Mabrouk – June 2025

Births – Baby Boy

Solomon & Devora Sultan

Raymond & Leslie Zakaria

Joseph& Karen Terzi

Albert & Danielle Franco

Buddy & Lauren Setton

Jake & Tina Shalom

Ariel & Deborah Sassoon

Rabbi Morris & Chelli Safdie

Walter & Robin Rahmey

JoJo & Jeanne Seruya

Births – Baby Girl

Mark & Sherry Sabbagh

Rabbi Joey & Rebecca Sultan

Nathan & Rosie Bibi

Alex & Roberta Dweck

Elliot & Joyce Shamah

Jack & Carolyn Braha

Marc & Trina Betesh

Michael & Sarah Jemal

Gabriel & Jasmin Abadi

Joey & Diane Savdie

Engagements

Mikael Sadacka to Linda Gammal

Maurice Esses to Isabelle Chehova

Shachar Binyamin to Bella Douek

Joey Greenstein to Molly Zafarani

Maurice Tawil to Samantha Shamah

Michael Dayan to Esther Jacobowitz

Danny Srour to Ronni Kassin

Weddings

Marcus Abisror to Nechama Barkin

Exploring the Wonders of the Human Anatomy

What Are Sinuses?

Every so often, you’ve probably heard people complain about a sinus headache or a sinus infection. Have you ever wondered what sinuses are?

Your sinuses are vital to the health and well-being of your body. Sinuses are pockets of air located within the bones of your head and face. They’re sometimes referred to as sinus cavities.

These sinus cavities are lined with soft, moist tissue, called mucus membranes, which help to moisten the air you breathe. They also make mucus, a sticky substance that helps trap dust and bacteria. As you breathe in air through your nose and mouth, the air moves through the sinus passages on the way to the lungs, and the mucus helps humidify and filter the air.

Very small hairs, called cilia,line the mucus membranes. Cilia move back and forth to push any mucus through tiny openings called ostia, which connect to the inside of your nose. Any fluid or mucus that collects in the sinuses will drain through the ostia into your nose and then down the back of your throat, where it will be either swallowed or coughed out. The draining of mucus helps keep your nose moist, and it filters out dust and bacteria. Sinuses also act as an insulator to help warm the air you breathe.

What Is Sinusitis?

Sinusitis, or a sinus infection, is when sinuses become infected or irritated. Doctors estimate that over thirty-seven million Americans develop sinusitis every year! These infections usually follow colds or bouts with allergies. When someone has a cold or allergies, his nasal passages become swollen and make more mucus…and so do the sinus tissues. The sinuses need to be able to drain regularly and freely in order to clear mucus and function properly. If the drainage gets blocked, it creates sinus problems that can lead to a sinus infection.

The sinuses extend through the cheekbones, the forehead, behind the nose, and between the eyes.

Sinuses are not fully developed at birth, but you have the following four sinuses by the time you reach your teen years:

* Frontal sinuses, which are in the bone of the forehead, above the bridge of the nose, close to your eyes. There is one frontal sinus on either side of the face (one by each eye).

* Maxillary (MACK-suh-lair-ee) sinuses, which are by your cheekbones. These are the largest of the sinuses. There is one maxillary sinus behind each cheekbone.

* Ethmoid (ETH-moid) sinuses, which are between the eyes, behind the bone at the inside corner of each eye. There are three small pairs of ethmoid sinuses.

* Sphenoid (SFEE-noid) sinuses, which are behind your nose. There are two sphenoid sinuses, and they are located behind the ethmoid sinuses.

True or False??

Sinus infections are contagious.

False. There is no evidence to suggest that sinus infections are contagious. However, you may get a cold from someone else, which can then lead to a sinus infection (if not cared for properly). Washing your hands regularly can help keep germs and colds away.

Positive Parenting – Limits are a Form of Nurturing

Parenting is a delicate dance between offering warmth and guidance while also setting boundaries that help children grow into responsible, respectful individuals. It’s natural for parents to want to nurture their children – providing emotional support, love, and encouragement. But we must realize that setting limits IS a part of nurturing.

Imagine a farmer who is trying to grow the most beautiful garden. He plants, sows, plows, waters, and cares for his soil in a huge way. He also pulls weeds because he loves this garden. He does not spend most of his time pulling weeds because he invests the bulk of his energy into planting and growing this garden. When he does need to do some weed-pulling, he is not upset about it. Nor does he wonder what’s wrong and why he needs to do so. He simply understands that taking out the weeds is part of the process.

Children need boundaries. We can use this metaphor to grow beautiful children. Setting limits is a part of nurturing our children. It would be so harmful for a farmer to think he should leavethe weeds, and it would be so harmful for us to think that limit setting is mean. It’s loving, it’s kind, and children crave it. It is extremely important to say “no,” establish expectations, and enforce rules. Striking the understanding that healthy kind limits ARE loving is a cornerstone of effective parenting.

Why Are Limits So Important?

Nurturing without limits can lead to entitlement, a lack of discipline, and poor coping skills. On the other hand, enforcing rules without a healthy relationship can create fear, rebellion, and low self-esteem. Children thrive when they feel unconditionally loved while also understanding that their actions have consequences. Consider your child’s feelings, and set clear, consistent limits.

Why the Relationship Matters

Children need a secure attachment to their caregivers to feel safe in the world. This bond is formed through consistent nurturing: physical affection, listening attentively, validating emotions, and being present. These gestures teach children that they are valued and loved.

Nurturing also builds trust, which is crucial to setting limits. When children feel emotionally connected to their parents, they are more likely to respond positively to guidance and rules. They don’t see limits as punishments, but as part of a supportive framework that helps them learn and grow.

Create a Home with Loving Limits

Creating a home with loving limits is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your child. By creating an environment where love and structure go hand in hand, you help them feel secure, confident, and capable of facing life’s challenges. Parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present, setting thoughtful boundaries, and growing alongside your child every step of the way.

Strategies for Setting Loving Limits

Stay Calm and Consistent: Children test limits – that’s part of their development. The key is to respond calmly and consistently. When we lose our temper or waver on rules, it sends mixed messages. Consistency builds trust and helps children internalize expectations.

Use Empathy with Discipline: Acknowledge your child’s feelings, even when enforcing a rule. For instance, “I know you’re upset that we can’t stay at the park longer. It’s hard to leave when you’re having fun, but it’s time to go.” This shows you understand their emotions while still holding the boundary.

Offer Choices Within Limits: Give children a sense of control by offering choices that respect the boundaries you’ve set. For example, “You can either brush your teeth now or in five minutes – your choice.” This empowers them while reinforcing the expectation.

Be Present and Engaged: Quality time builds your connection with your child, making them more receptive to your guidance. Listen without judgment, play together, and show interest in their world.

Model the Behavior You Want to See: Children learn by example. Show them how to handle frustration, speak respectfully, and solve problems with patience and empathy.

Building Dreams Together – Pause. Breathe. Listen.

Jack Gindi

How often do we seek success, peace, or validation, believing they will make us feel complete? How frequently do we rush past our stillness? What are we afraid might come up if we stop doing and simply allow ourselves to be? Have you ever met someone who can’t sit in silence? Maybe that someone is you…

I remember sitting in a hotel room once after a long day of meetings. I was mentally wiped out and physically restless, laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling in silence. For the first time in weeks, I stopped moving. A clear truth struck me in that quiet moment: “The present holds wisdom, and I haven’t been paying attention.I haven’t been listening.”

Most of us don’t spend much time just being. We’re hustling, planning, proving, fixing. Consider this: Who are we when we stop?

I’ve struggled with that question. Maybe you have, too. Stillness feels uncomfortable. It forces us to look at things we’d rather avoid, but avoidance doesn’t work either.

Some of the world’s most brilliant insights didn’t come from chaos – they came from quiet. Einstein imagined the theory of relativity during a daydream. Newton noticed gravity while sitting under a tree. These weren’t just accidents. They happened because people made room for something more profound to emerge.

If we’re always avoiding silence, we never hear the truth we need to hear. If we’re always chasing the next thing, we never see what’s already within us and in front of us.

So how do we return to simply being? Here are four powerful shifts that have helped me reconnect with what matters most:

Wake Up to the Present – The most sacred moments are often the smallest, like the breath before a big decision. The sound of someone you love laughing. The silence before dawn. You don’t need to change your entire life to be present – you just need to be where your feet are. Put down the phone. Look someone in the eye. Rub two fingers together and feel the ridge of your fingerprint. Take one deep breath and feel it. Awareness changes everything.

Create Space for Stillness – Stillness doesn’t mean doing nothing, it means making room to hear your own wisdom. Try five minutes a day with no phone, no music, and no tasks. Just sit. Breathe. Let the noise settle. Walk without headphones. Journal without an agenda. The insights you’ve been chasing might already be trying to reach you if only you’d pause long enough to hear them.

Be a Friend to Yourself – Let’s be honest: most of us are harder on ourselves than anyone else ever could be. But here’s the truth, self-compassion is strength, not weakness. You’re a work in progress, not a problem to solve. You can face your truth without beating yourself up. Growth doesn’t come from shame; it comes from kindness. Start by speaking to yourself like you’d talk to a dear friend on their worst day. What would change if you did?

Anchor to Your Purpose – What values ground you? What lights you up? When the world feels loud or uncertain, your purpose keeps you rooted and clear. It’s not always flashy. Your purpose can be as simple as showing up, listening, or choosing integrity, even when it’s hard.

These four shifts – presence, stillness, compassion, and purpose – aren’t a checklist. They’re a return. To yourself. To the treasure you already carry. To the version of you that isn’t waiting to be validated.

So here’s my challenge to you: Pick just one: A) Slow down for ten seconds. B) Sit still for five minutes. C) Say one kind thing to yourself. D) Name one thing that gives your life meaning.

Start where you are. Let that be enough.

Pause. Breathe. Listen.

Your inner wisdom is already speaking. Are you ready to hear it? Believe. Become. Be you.Jack Gindi helps families face life’s challenges with the I Believe in Me Foundation. Contact: jack@ibelieveinmefoundation.com.

Burger Bites

A Bite of History

The hamburger made its first recorded appearance in America at the Louisiana Purchase Exhibition in St. Louis, Missouri, in 1904.

Chef Shiri Says…   

Use cold hands if you can. This prevents the meat from heating up and becoming rubbery. (You can just wash your hands with cold water first.)

The Jewish World of Wonders presents…

Creative Cooking with

Chef Shiri

Kids – See if you have what it takes to become a Junior Chef!

Utensils Needed:

Large mixing bowl

Parchment paper

Baking sheet

Frying pan

Knife

Spatula

Ingredients:

9 ounces ground beef

¼ cup fresh bread crumbs

1½ table spoons olive oil

½ garlic clove, crushed

1 tablespoon onion, finely chopped

1 egg

1 teaspoon dried oregano

Olive oil, for frying

To Serve:

16 mini hamburger buns

2 tomatoes, sliced

Cole slaw

14-ounce jar of tomato sauce

Sliced pickles

Let’s Get Started!

Adult assistance required!

DIRECTIONS:

  • Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, and set aside.
  • Combine all the ingredients for the burgers in a large bowl. Use your hands to mix everything together.
  • Form the mixture into balls and then flatten them. Place on baking sheet. Wash your hands well.
  • Chill the burgers in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
  • Prepare to fry the burgers. Place the frying pan on the stove. Add olive oil in the pan.
  • Ask an adult to fry the burgers over medium heat.  Fry for 5 minutes on each side.
  • Remove the pan from the heat. Let the burgers rest for a few minutes before serving, which lets the juices settle.
  • Carefully cut the buns in half. Fill each bun with a cooked hamburger, a tomato slice, Cole slaw, sliced pickles, and tomato sauce.

Makes 16 Mini Burgers!

The Tomato Palette 

True, red is the most common color among all tomato varieties, but it certainly isn’t the only one. You can find tomatoes in shades of yellow, orange, green, pink, purple, white, and even black! 

Large mixing bowl

Parchment paper

Baking sheet

Frying pan

Knife

Spatula

Ingredients:

9 ounces ground beef

¼ cup fresh bread crumbs

1½ table spoons olive oil

½ garlic clove, crushed

1 tablespoon onion, finely chopped

1 egg

1 teaspoon dried oregano

Olive oil, for frying

To Serve:

16 mini hamburger buns

2 tomatoes, sliced

Cole slaw

14-ounce jar of tomato sauce

Sliced pickles

Community Highlights – Flatbush Shomrim Step Up After Anti-Semitic Attack in Brooklyn

A troubling incident in Brooklyn that occurred last month has once again highlighted the importance of standing up to hate – and the power of community action. A Jewish man was assaulted and called a hateful slur at a Dunkin’ Donuts on Flatbush Avenue and Avenue L. The attack, believed to be fueled by anti-Semitism, is a harsh reminder that acts of hate still happen far too often, even in diverse neighborhoods like Flatbush.

The attacker lashed out without warning or reason, showing just how dangerous unchecked hatred can be. But what happened next shows the strength and unity of the community in the face of hate.

The Flatbush Shomrim acted fast. As soon as they were alerted to the assault, they mobilized to help track down the suspect. Thanks to their quick thinking and teamwork, the person responsible was identified and turned over to the NYPD.

The Shomrim’s response wasn’t just impressive – it was essential. Their presence sends a powerful message: hate has no place here, and the community looks out for each other. In situations where every second counts, the Flatbush Shomrim are often the first to respond, working closely with law enforcement to keep our neighborhoods safe.

MDY Kindergarten Students Celebrate Yom Ha’asmaut

Last month, the Kindergarten students of Magen David Yeshivah were  busy learning about Medinat Yisrael and preparing for Yom Ha’asmaut.

On that day, the students visited various parts of Israel in each classroom. Of course, before any of them can visit Israel, they need passports. The students filled out their own passports, including first and last names, hair color, eye color, and age. They wrote their place of origin (U.S.A.) and their destination (Israel), and drew their own passport pictures.

Additionally, they have been reading a special book about Israel called My Special Flag by Barbara Berl. Each student received his/her own copy without illustrations. As each page was read, they discussed what the illustrations should include, and then they colored away.

Illustrations are such an important part of books, and what better way to hone in on the details of a story than to illustrate those details. It was a great literacy activity that was tied into our celebration of Israel’s birthday!

Renewal Reaches Next Plateau of 1,300 Kidney Transplants

Is this really possible?

For those of us on the Renewal email list, it seems like we are getting an email almost every day about another kidney or liver transplant being done. Many times it’s more than one a day!

Last year, they did 158 transplants, which was a new record for them. And this year they’re already on pace to break that record. They perform close to 70 percent of transplants done in New York, which is the hub of all transplant centers. Where are all these people coming from and a better question is, before Renewal – where did they all go?

As Renewal reaches the next plateau of 1,300 transplants, we can only stand back and be in awe of what they have been fortunate to do.
Our rabbis tell us that if you save a life it’s as if you saved a world. Renewal is saving galaxies.
For info on how to test to be a potential kidney donor go to www.renewal.org.

Haas & Zaltz, LLP: Helping You Plan for Peace of Mind

Believe it or not, most people have an estate. That estate might include a big house or a more modest one. An estate can include jewelry, financial securities, and even art. The question is, however, what becomes of the estate, or rather, where will it go, once its owner passes?

Emmanuel Haas and Ari Zaltz, of Haas & Zaltz, LLP, are general estate planning attorneys who also specialize in elder care. They say that one of the biggest mistakes people make is waiting too long to make an estate plan.

The Torah addresses halachic issues as they pertain to inheritances, and of course, estate plans, and it provides several halachically-approved ways of establishing one. For many of their Orthodox clients, Haas and Zaltz will come up with several provisions when helping them plan their estates and will even provide their clients with a shtar – a halachically legal document. A shtar can ensure that the intent of the person who creates the estate plan will be carried out, without prejudicing his children, who may or may not be “heirs,” at least according to halacha.

Unfortunately, a majority of estates still go through surrogate courts, inviting people to challenge and contest a will on any number of criteria. Even if a will is accepted, another potential area of conflict could be in the accounting, where an appointed executor must marshal the assets and then distribute them according to the terms and conditions as outlined in the will. In order to avoid as much conflict and dispute as possible, Haas and Zaltz advise clients to set up a trust which typically discourages people from going to court.

In addition to making an estate plan, which should include provisions for long-term care, and setting up a trust to protect assets, Haas and Zaltz also advise clients to establish a health care proxy. There are several different types of healthcare proxies, including halachic ones that could require an appointed agent/individual to consult with a rabbinic authority in the event that a serious life and death decision must be made. In any given health care proxy, there are many different options that people may choose, and Haas and Zaltz make sure to discuss any and all options and potential issues with their clients.

“It’s something people want to consider,” Haas cautioned. “People never know what their situation will be.” He said it’s important that one trusts their agent and feels comfortable with them. In preparation, a person should discuss with their appointed agent the overall approach that they want taken should a situation arise.

“Every individual and every family has some kind of need, whether it is a young family with minor children who are concerned about guardianship – which could be the single most important provision in a will – or whether they are a little bit older and have accumulated some assets and have become concerned about the dreaded probate process,” Zaltz said.

By setting up trusts, assets are protected for both parents, while they are still living, and for the children, after the parents pass. In some situations, parents are concerned about the risks associated with leaving a substantial amount of money to an adult child who they fear might be a spendthrift, and a trust can prevent an inheritance from being distributed outright. “Even if a child has significant control over the trust, it would not be vulnerable to creditors or even to marital partners, which may or may not become a problem at some point in the future, should there be a divorce,” Zaltz said.

Ensuring their hard-earned money doesn’t end up in the hands of a child’s ex-spouse is a very realistic concern that parents should consider when planning their estate. Another concern is how to ensure that a spouse’s assets will end up with his or her children and not go to children from a second marriage.

For families that wish to leave money to a child or grandchild with special needs, Haas and Zaltz have emerged as specialists in this particular practice area, dealing with it on a regular basis, carefully planning and drafting solid provisions unique to this circumstance.

Another crucial part of estate planning includes burial arrangements and Haas and Zaltz tell people that those cannot be included in the will since the document is examined long after the burial takes place. Instead, those plans should be clearly communicated to family and loved ones. Because tragedies occur quite suddenly, or because people often don’t want to address such topics during their lifetime, the ChevraKadisha or similar organizations will usually step in and make the necessary arrangements. However, this may not be at all what the decedent would have wanted.

While many people do not feel comfortable discussing these topics, Haas and Zaltz want to do what they can to encourage it. “It’s brought down in seforim that if you address these issues, it’s a segulah for arichas yomim,” Zaltz said. Planning ahead makes for a significantly less expensive burial and takes away a lot of stress and anxiety from the family. Not making arrangements can lead to chaos during an extraordinarily difficult process and can lead to unnecessary arguments at the worst possible time.

“There are people who prefer not to discuss it for any number of reasons, but it is certainly something that should be considered. Everyone knows that eventually they will go…” added Haas.

“We’re not the most exciting conversation, and people don’t love addressing the issue in general,” said Zaltz. “We try to make the conversation as easy as possible.”

To learn how to protect you and your family visit www.haaszaltz.com or call 718-412-5288. You can also email them at info@haaszaltz.com.