Pnina Souid

The Mitzvah Man shared the following story with me:

One freezing cold winter day I passed by the Mirrer Yeshiva, and I saw a young man about 24 years old standing on the sidewalk, shivering. He appeared to be looking for someone.

I asked him if he needed a ride. I realized he might be suspicious of a stranger offering a ride so I pointed to my tefillin next to me in the car, so he knew I was a religious Jew. He asked where I was going. I answered, “Where are you going?” We should all keep in mind that when doing a hesed the emphasis should be on what you can do for the other person.

The young man told me that he was going to Nostrand and Avenue Z. “That’s right where I’m headed,” I responded. It wasn’t really where I was going, but I knew if I said that he would be taking me out of my way he would not have accepted the ride.

As he thawed out in the warmth of my car, I told him about the Mitzvah Man Organization. I explained that our volunteers give rides, help people who need appliances and furniture, arrange hospital visits, and many other types of hesed. I gave him my card. I thanked him for giving me the opportunity to do a mitzvah. I added that if he ever needed anything to please give me a call.

Two Years Later

I was driving on East 10 and Avenue R, and I saw a young man on a bicycle. He was shouting. It looked like he was following me. I was a little anxious when I realized that some crazy guy was following me, but as he got closer, I realized that what he was shouting sounded like, “Mitzvah, mitzvah!”

I pulled over and the man asked me, “Aren’t you the Mitzvah Man?” I nodded yes. He said, “I recognized your car. A couple of years ago you gave me a ride home when it was freezing cold. I’m sorry I lost your card. But now I need your help again please. I am getting married in two days. We have an apartment, but it is empty. We have no beds, no table or chairs, and no appliances.”

I said, “Not to worry! Let me call my dispatcher. She keeps a database of everyone who has items to donate.”

He heard my end of the call. “I have a young man here getting married in two days and needs his apartment completely furnished, including both furniture and appliances.” “Tell him not to worry,” the dispatcher answered. “I have everything he needs to furnish the apartment including the appliances.”

I gave the dispatcher the man’s number and address. She assured me that everything would be delivered in time. I gave a sigh of relief, thinking that not only will we be able to relieve his burden but in doing so will also give him a beautiful wedding gift.

Take Home Message

The young man and I were both amazed that “by chance” we met again, just when he needed more help.

The Mitzvah Man has a message to share. When you do a mitzvah from your heart you never know where it may lead, and what other mitzvot may follow. Doing hesed in a way that will help another person is acting in the service of Hashem. We never know how Hashem works but we always want to be His partner.

The story of the Tower Babel, which we read this month, is – like many stories in the Book of Beresheet – very well known. We are all familiar with the people’s idea to build a tower to the heavens and challenge the Almighty, and with the way Gd disrupted their scheme by causing them to speak different languages and thus lose the ability to collaborate with one another.

There is one detail of the story, though, which does not receive much attention, but is well worth our consideration – particularly during the times we are living through, when the Jewish Nation finds itself at war and continually targeted by false, malicious accusations.

“Coming Down” to See

The Torah tells that Gd “came down to see the city and the tower that the people built” (11:5). Already Rashi notes the peculiarity of the description of Gd “coming down” to observe the events here on earth. It goes without saying that Gd does not need to go anywhere to see anything; He is keenly aware of all events that occur at all times at all places in all of existence even before they happen. Certainly, He had no need to descend to the earth to see the tower.

Rashi explains, citing the Midrash: “He did not need this [to ‘come down’], but He wanted to teach judges not to convict the defendant until they have seen and understood [the matter].”

Gd here taught by example not to pass judgment flippantly, before definitively determining what happened. He, of course, had firsthand knowledge of the tower – but He wanted to teach human judges not to reach a conclusion before they thoroughly investigate and study the case.

Similarly, the Torah later (18:21) tells that Gd “came down” to see the sinfulness of Sedom, and Rashi there references his comments regarding the Tower of Babel, explaining that Gd set an example by “coming down” to directly observe Sedom’s crimes before condemning it to annihilation.

To show how far this principle extends, let’s fast-forward to the Book of Devarim, where we find, startlingly enough, how even the greatest of all men may have been ever so slightly too quick to judge.

The People’s Cries

The context is the upsetting story of Kivrot Hata’avah, when, during Beneh Yisrael’s journey through the desert, they felt discontented, and demanded a richer “menu.” Dissatisfied with their daily ration of miraculous manna, the people expressed their desire for vegetables and meat.

The Torah tells: “Moshe heard the nation crying with their families…and Gd was exceedingly incensed, and it was evil in Moshe’s eyes” (Bamidbar 11:10).

Upon reading this verse, we are immediately struck by its unusual structure and syntax. Rather than simply stating that both Gd and Moshe were disturbed by the people’s complaints, the Torah says that Gd was angry, and then adds, separately, that the complaints upset Moshe, too.

If we examine this verse carefully, we might propose a surprising and novel reading. The Torah at this point does not tell us that Gd was angry at Beneh Yisrael for complaining. It says, “Vayihar af Hashem me’od” – that He was very angry. This anger was not necessarily directed at the people. We might suggest that – astonishingly enough – it was directed at Moshe.

Moshe? What did he do wrong? How was he to blame for what was happening?

We discover the answer by looking carefully at the first part of this verse: “Moshe heard the nation crying…” Moshe did not hear the people complaining – he heard them crying, and he assumed that they were crying because they wanted a more varied diet.

And Gd was “exceedingly incensed” at Moshe for jumping to this conclusion, for determining what the people were crying about before verifying this.

This is truly astonishing. Just before, Moshe heard the people complaining, and this was hardly the first time they complained. Even so, he was not justified in his assumption regarding the reason for their crying.

Moreover, this assumption was 100 percent correct. The people were, in fact, crying because they wanted a variety of food. And even so – Moshe was wrong to prematurely make this assumption.

This is how far the Torah goes in demanding that we reserve judgment, and avoid reaching unfounded conclusions about other people’s wrongdoing. Even when we have very good reason to assume the worst, and even if it actually turns out to be the worst – we are held accountable for making an assumption that has yet to be conclusively substantiated.

Erecting a “Fence” Around Judgmentalism

Our sages expressed for us this concept in the very first Mishnah of Pirkeh Avot, which cites three teachings of the Ansheh Kenesset Hagedolah, the Men of the Great Assembly at the beginning of the Second Temple era. The first two are: hevu metunim badin – be patient and thorough in judgment, when presiding over a trial; and asu seyag laTorah – “erect a fence around the Torah.”

This second teaching is commonly understood as a reference to the enactment of safeguards, instituting restrictions that the Torah itself did not command, as a “fence” keeping us away from possible violations of Torah law.

There may, however, be an additional interpretation of this instruction, “asu seyag laTorah” – that it pertains to the previous instruction, to be slow and patient when judging. The great sages of the Ansheh Kenesset Ha’gedolah teach us to erect a “fence” around the obligation to reserve judgment. Not only must we avoid reaching conclusions before seeing the evidence –

but even after we see what happened, even when we have concrete knowledge about the event, even then we should hesitate before judging.

Just as we saw in the story of Kivrot Hata’avah, we are expected to reserve judgment even when we have good reason to assume the worst about somebody. We are to recognize the inherent potential within every person, the spark of holiness embedded in each soul, and to trust in all people’s capacity for goodness. So much so that even when we think we have reason to assume somebody did something wrong – we must still consider the possibility that they didn’t, that things aren’t the way they seem, that there are mitigating factors, that the person really didn’t act as badly as it appears.

An amusing example is a story I heard about a certain yeshiva in Israel. It came to the administrators’ attention that the students were often using the disposable coffee cups for water, instead of the less expensive plastic cups. Yeshivas are always very cost-conscious and looking for ways to save money, and so the Rosh Yeshiva wrote a strongly-worded letter demanding that the hot cups be used only for hot beverages, and that students who use these cups for water are guilty of stealing from the yeshiva. This letter was hung up in the room where the students came for drinks.

Sometime later, a student was seen reading the sign, and then taking a coffee cup, filling it with water, and drinking. He was harshly reprimanded for this clear violation of the yeshiva’s new rule.

He explained that he was planning to have a cup of coffee, but he wanted some water first. Rather than take a plastic cup for his water, and then a hot cup for the coffee, he decided it would be better to use the same cup for both.

The people who saw what this boy did were convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that he violated the rule. They assumed – for good reason – that they caught him red-handed. But they were wrong.

And this is true of so many of the assumptions we make about other people. We are so sure we know exactly what they did and exactly why they did it, and we cast judgment. But the truth is we know so little. Even when we have firsthand knowledge, we know nothing about the background to the incident, or about the background of the person who committed the act. There is so much about people that we don’t know – how can we judge based on the minuscule amount that we do know?

Let’s Not Do Our Enemies’ Job

This is one of the important areas for us to focus on during the extraordinary times we’re living in, when irrational Jew-hatred has reached levels that we had not before seen in our lifetime.

A ubiquitous feature of this alarming trend is the knee-jerk accusations against us. The moment that Hamas – a terror organization that preaches and glorifies murder, violence, torture and mayhem – puts out a statement alleging some Israeli crime, news outlets across the globe accept it and run banner headlines. The hysterical reports of widespread starvation in Gaza because of Israel’s war effort have largely been proven false. Early in the war, Hamas accused Israel of bombing a Gaza hospital, killing hundreds of patients – when in fact it was a misfired Palestinian rocket that struck the hospital’s parking lot, causing a small

number of casualties. Every Palestinian action against Israel is justified as self-defense, and every Israeli counterterrorism measure is condemned as aggression.

Our enemies are doing a “fine” job on their own jumping to conclusions, rushing to criticize and condemn, and thinking the worst about us. Our response to this trend must include a commitment to do just the opposite – to avoid judgment of our fellow Jews, to look favorably upon them, to think the best instead of the worst, to admire their goodness instead of searching for what’s wrong. Our foes across the world are already doing what they can to find fault in the Jewish Nation. We need to go to the opposite extreme, as far as we possibly can – focusing our attention on all that is good in other Jews, and refraining from judging and condemning.

The more we strive to judge our fellow Jews favorably, the more we will be judged favorably from Above, and earn the same love and affection from Hashem that we extend to others.

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I heard you mention in one of your classes the importance of spending quality time with your spouse. My husband and I do set time aside twice a week to spend time together, however it’s always me who initiates it. This makes me feel as though my husband is not interested in going out with me. How can I either get over these feelings or maybe get him to initiate?

R’ Ali’s Response:

This is a common question. Actually, I hear this equally from men and women. Yes, men also want closeness and connection with their wives. Don’t be mistaken that women are the ones who want to cultivate a loving relationship and men could care less. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Your question was concerning your husband’s lack of initiative to go out and spend time together. I would like to elaborate first on the importance of quality time since it is so important. Many people feel as though quality time is a “nice thing.” I believe it’s more than just a nice thing, it’s extremely crucial for a couple to spend time together for the couple to build and maintain a healthy, loving relationship.

We all agree that we feel close to people who we speak with and meet up with often. And people that we don’t have much contact with – we don’t have such a great connection. So why would our relationship with our spouse be different in this sense? The truth is, that it isn’t.

Many people that I speak with or counsel mention that they don’t spend quality time with their spouse, sadly. They have many excuses, and the main one is that they are simply too busy. While I understand that we all get busy, this is not an excuse. I’m pretty sure everyone can find twenty minutes, three times a week to spend quality time with their spouse.

What does help a lot of people is to schedule specific times and days for quality time. Some people tell me that this feels “unnatural.” To this I say, would you rather have good quality time with your spouse that came about in an unnatural way or “organically disconnect” from each other? I believe the former makes more sense.

Before I answer your question it’s important to have in mind the main purpose of the quality time and that is, quality. What makes the time “quality”? If the time spent is light and enjoyable as opposed to pressurized and critical. This is not the time to “fix” your spouse (nor is anytime really appropriate for that). People feel connected when they’re heard, understood, and just plain enjoying time together.

Getting back to your question, how can you get your husband to initiate or to manage the uncomfortable feelings? Concerning the feeling that he is not interested in you, I can reassure you that he wants to spend time with you and enjoys it. Some people feel content with the small interactions they have throughout the day and maybe feel connected already.

As I’ve mentioned before, setting times is ideal and this would actually work to your advantage. This way no one’s initiating! The time is set already. However, if you desperately want him to initiate maybe once in a while, just tell him nicely and gently that it would mean so much to you, without blaming or accusations. Maybe he will initiate, maybe he won’t, but with this approach you will have a better chance of having him initiate.

One last thing to bear in mind – many times in an attempt to bring our spouse closer, we push them further away, unfortunately. You would like two things, to spend quality time with your husband and to have him initiate the outing. By pushing an agenda and complaining how he never initiates, you may be creating a situation, chas veshalom, where he becomes disinterested in going out altogether. This way you will lose more than you will gain. Not to say that this is what you were doing, I’m just putting it out there to be aware of this pitfall that entraps many people.

Eddie M Esses and Sari J Setton

The Sephardic Community Federation (SCF) has launched one of the most ambitious voter registration drives in the history of our community. Led by Haim Dabah and Marshall Aronow, in partnership with SCF’s executive team – Ronnie Tawil, Sari Setton, Eddie Esses, Joey Saban, Joe Mansour, and Charles Chakkalo. This unprecedented initiative is already reshaping civic engagement across our community, having registered thousands of new voters with the goal of adding many thousands more before the November mayoral election.

The campaign was launched this past August at a meeting hosted by Haim Dabah at his home in Deal, NJ. Leaders from schools, synagogues, and community institutions gathered for a powerful morning of strategy and planning. Presentations by Haim Dabah Marshall Aronow, and Ronnie Tawil set the tone for the weeks ahead, followed by a lively discussion among the assembled leadership. In addition to uniting our institutions around this mission, the meeting also raised enough money to fund the campaign’s rollout.

From that moment, the SCF team – guided daily by Haim and Marshall – set in motion a wide-ranging and highly coordinated effort:

· Rabbinical Proclamation: A landmark statement, signed by the majority of our community Rabbis, declared that registering to vote is both an obligation and a mitzvah, energizing the effort with moral clarity.

· School-Based Registration: Magen David Yeshivah, under the leadership of Gladys Haddad, mandated voter registration among its parent body in order to receive class cards. The result was extraordinary: a 99 percent registration rate in just three days. Yeshivot nationwide have since reached out, seeking to replicate this model.

· Synagogue Engagement: Congregation Shaare Zion instituted a policy requiring voter registration to reserve High Holiday seats, demonstrating the alignment of our institutions behind this effort.

· Community Registration Tables: Under the leadership of Linda Ebani, along with Rebecca Harary, volunteers have been running registration drives at summer events, synagogues, and local stores across Brooklyn, engaging our community at every level.

· Door-to-Door Canvassing: Joey Saban led a professional door-to-door campaign that has registered significant numbers of voters directly at their doorsteps.

· Direct Texting Campaign: Most recently, the group launched a major texting initiative targeting unregistered voters. In just a few days, the effort has registered hundreds, and it is rapidly expanding to registering thousands.

Together, these initiatives have already registered thousands of voters in just weeks. The goal is to register many thousands more before November, ensuring that our community’s voice is heard loud and clear in this critical mayoral election, and all future elections.

This campaign is a testament to what can be achieved when vision, leadership, and unity come together. The extraordinary dedication of Haim Dabah and Marshall Aronow, combined with the tireless efforts of the SCF team, has inspired a wave of civic engagement unlike anything our community has seen before.

With the upcoming mayoral election, we are living through uncertain times that call for decisive efforts – and community leadership is stepping up to the plate. With the continued energy and unity behind this campaign, the Sephardic Community is poised to play a significant role in shaping the future of our city and state.

By Stuart H. Ditchek, MD Board Certified Pediatrician Faculty, NYU School of Medicine

As a follow up to last month’s article (The Reality of Vaccine-Preventable Diseases), I have been asked to continue the discussion regarding the importance of childhood vaccinations and why parents should understand this complex issue. In addition, I will provide a follow up on the current Israel measles outbreak.

Unfortunately, as of the end of August, Israel saw a reported 700 cases of measles over three months resulting in the death of two toddlers to date. The majority of hospitalized seriously sick children are unimmunized. Historically, both Israel and New York have had outbreaks in similar time periods as there is so much travel between the two locations, especially for the New York Jewish community. Unfortunately, with the number of families who have sought out falsified vaccination records recently, we do not currently know how many children in our communities are unimmunized or under immunized. This makes the risk to susceptible individuals much greater.

Why Vaccine Protocols Have Changed

Understanding historical perspectives and how many of the vaccine protocols have developed is an important part of good parenting. Let’s take a few examples of how recommendations evolved as science advances over time. For example, flu vaccines are recommended now for all children over six months, whereas years back it was only recommended to vaccinate the highest risk individuals such as those with heart or respiratory disease. The answer lies in the complication rates over the past 20 plus years and how it has changed.

In 2010, the flu vaccine was added to the annual recommendations for all children. The two factors that changed the recommendations were bacterial secondary complications and the post swine flu lessons of 2009.

Years back, there was minimal bacterial resistance throughout the United States. Over time with the overuse of antibiotics, we have seen a tremendous emergence of MRSA (Methicillin Resistant Staph Aureus). This dangerous aggressive bacteria finds the most susceptible hosts and wreaks havoc on certain patients.

Flu Patients Have Gotten Sicker

The research supports the fact that as MRSA and other bacterial strains became dominant, those sick with flu were getting hospitalized at much higher rates. The majority of flu complications are the result of secondary pneumonias, many with MRSA. This type of complication often leads to hospitalization and serious complications including respiratory failure.

ICU-level care became more common for the unimmunized. Many of the sickest patients suffered terrible outcomes including deaths and amputations as a result of the severe infections. In children, the overwhelming majority of hospitalized children with flu complications are those not immunized. The fact remains that immunized children have a dramatically lower complication rate specifically for hospitalization.

While the flu vaccine is approximately 60 percent effective to prevent getting the flu, it is more than 90 percent effective in preventing hospitalizations in children. The other factor that has evolved and made the seasonal flu much more serious is the effects of the H1N1 swine flu variant.

Swine Flu

The novel swine flu variant appeared in the late spring of 2009. Existing flu vaccines were ineffective against this variant. That year, many pregnant and postpartum women were very sick and hospitalized with swine flu. Babies were being delivered by C-section in the ICUs as the mothers were too critical to risk transport to the operating room.

Why did the new variants cause such serious disease? Firstly, pregnant and postpartum women lose immunity to many infections as a result of a normal pregnancy. The other factor is related to these newer variants effects on the bone marrow causing an inability to fight infections. The current flu variants cause very significant and often unnoticed suppression of the white blood cells originating in the bone marrow. This suppression can lead to the inability to fight off the bacterial complications seen in flu, especially pneumonias.

In other words, this was not your mother’s seasonal flu that mostly affected those at highest risk. Flu vaccination is critical for all children especially the youngest ones. In my practice, flu vaccine compliance has been very good as the result of efforts to educate families. However, since the recent anti-vaccine movement has erupted, this has become more difficult.

RSV Vaccine

Let’s look at the RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) vaccine, which is now a standard recommendation for all babies either after delivery or by the mother receiving it in the third trimester.

RSV is a very dangerous respiratory virus that affects tens of thousands of babies annually, often resulting in hospitalization and sometimes, unfortunately, death. This virus is benign to most healthy older children and adults (with the exception of seniors) but is very serious in newborns.

In the past two years, a recommendation came about to give babies these monoclonal antibodies to prevent complications. Those who object to vaccines would have you believe that this is a brand new vaccine and not studied. That is false. RSV vaccine is a passive antibody administration, much like the monoclonal infusions that saved so many during early COVID. There is no immune response required by the infant. The vaccine simply provides long-acting antibodies to the infection that lasts for a period of months.

This monoclonal antibody is not new. Pediatricians have been giving a product called Synagis to preemies and high risk infants since 1999. Synagis is very similar to the RSV monoclonal product (Beyfortus) except that it is a short acting antibody that requires five doses per season rather than one, as required for Beyfortus. Since the introduction of the RSV monoclonal vaccine, hospitalizations have been dramatically reduced. It is very well tolerated with minimal side effects as the baby is not required to actively mount an immune response. The antibody is given to protect the baby during RSV season in the first year of life and in the second year for higher risk babies. It is very important for parents to understand the critical nature of how this simple passive immunization with monoclonal antibody is saving lives.

Chickenpox Vaccine

One more vaccine innovation that did not exist until the early 1990s is the vaccine for Varicella (chickenpox), initially developed for use in high risk children recovering from cancer or other immunosuppressive treatments.

The recommendations changed in the early 1990s to now give this vaccine to healthy children. This is due to the complication rates from MRSA and other bacterial risks. When I was a child, chickenpox was a rite of passage with minimal bacterial secondary complications. Once antibiotic resistance and MRSA came about in the late 1980s, we started seeing children hospitalized with bacterial sepsis (blood infections), cellulitis (soft tissue infections), and serious complications.

The reason is that a typical child with Varicella has a large number (sometimes in the hundreds) of open wounds that are easy penetration points for bacteria such as MRSA. Once again, this is not your mother’s chickenpox of past years. As a young practitioner, it took me two years to adopt this recommendation as I wanted to see more data before using it broadly with my patients. It was clear that the vaccine led to dramatic hospitalization reduction and the associated complications. Is it as perfect as natural immunity? No. But the benefits far outweigh the risks. Once again, in my private practice, I have not seen a single case of chickenpox since the mid-1990s.

Mercury in Vaccines?

As you can see, understanding disease processes and solutions is critical for parents. I am often asked if vaccines contain thimerosal (ethyl mercury), a preservative. The thimerosal scare is a myth often touted by anti-vaccine activists. In my 35-year history, my practice has never used the only thimerosal containing vaccine, which is the multi-dose flu vial.

These vials are primarily used in countries where storage and shipping of single dose vaccines is difficult, such as third world countries. More importantly, ethyl mercury is excreted easily in all humans and not stored in tissues. Methyl mercury present in carnivorous fish (i.e. tuna) and present in certain environmental exposures is potentially toxic. In the book that I authored in 2001 on integrative pediatrics, Healthy Child Whole Child (Harper Collins Publishers), I advise no fish during pregnancy and limited carnivorous fish for all children and adults in general. Mercury is not an issue in childhood vaccinations in almost all medical practices.

In Conclusion

In closing, be smart and don’t let the politics of vaccination influence your decision process. We have an obligation to protect our own children and all children in our communities. When we allow those who refuse vaccinations into our schools, it puts many at risk. I have many families with children who are in the highest risk categories in schools all over Brooklyn and Manhattan. These are children recovering from cancer, immune disorders who are on immunosuppressive therapies, and others.

They must often wait until their immune systems recover from the effects of their treatments to receive boosters or get re-immunized after their immune system gets washed out by the treatments. That makes them very susceptible. The parents of those children are terrified right now as they are well aware that there are those in the community who have falsified their children’s vaccination status. That is not who we are as a community.

Please listen to your doctor and do the right thing to protect all children.