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Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein Appointed as New York State Assembly Assistant Majority Whip

On the first day of the 2023 legislative session, NYS Assembly Speaker Carl Heastie announced the appointment of Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein as the new Assistant Majority Whip of the New York State Assembly.

“I am proud to have appointed Assemblymember Simcha Eichenstein to serve as Assistant Majority Whip for the Assembly Majority,” said Heastie. “He is a valued member of the Assembly and will be an asset to our leadership team. It is critical to me that our team be representative of the communities we serve, and I look forward to working with Assemblymember Eichenstein to lead New York forward in the term ahead.

“I am honored to have been appointed as Assistant Majority Whip and want to thank Speaker Heastie for entrusting me to carry out the duties inherent in this position,” said Assemblyman Eichenstein. “As always, I am committed to advocating for my constituents who have put their trust and faith in me by giving me the privilege of representing them in this great chamber. I will do my best to fulfill my responsibilities and will continue to work tirelessly on their behalf.

Assemblyman Eichenstein continued, “I am committed to working together with all members of the State Assembly to ensure a better and brighter future for all New Yorkers. Only by working together as a unified force can we successfully accomplish our goals for the people of this great state. Together we can achieve greatness.”

MDY HS Students Tour Mount Sinai Hospital

Last month, students from Magen David Yeshiva High School’s Medical Explorers Club visited Mount Sinai Hospital, located in Midwood, Brooklyn. As an acute care specialized hospital, the students had the rarest opportunity to walk straight through the entrance into the emergency room during its busiest hours. Both the Club Director, Dr. Jack Fatiha, MD, and Mr. Shimmy Braun, Senior Director at Mount Sinai Hospital Brooklyn, led the trip.

The students, accompanied by Ms. Sarah Gray, were intrigued by the fast-paced environment and the patients’ urgent needs. Dr. Peter Shearer, MD, Emergency Medicine Specialist, elaborated on some of the most common medical devices used in an ER, from the TeladocHealth (which makes use of virtual medical services) to a close-up view of a computed tomography (CT) scan.

The trip allowed the MDY students to get a firsthand look at emergency medicine, which is unusual for high school students who are not patients themselves. This was an eye-opening trip, which offered a special opportunity for students interested in a medical career.

Monthly Update from Assemblywoman Kim Eulner and Assemblywoman Marilyn Piperno

This month, we celebrate our first full year in office as the dutifully elected Assemblywomen of the 11th Legislative District. It is a tremendous honor to represent our constituents, and we are forever grateful for the trust bestowed upon us. We greatly look forward to another year of providing accountable and approachable leadership

A new year provides an opportunity to reflect on all that we have achieved on behalf of the people of New Jersey. However, it is also a reminder that there is much more to do – that fighting for the rights and freedoms of every individual in our state does not end with one year’s accomplishments

We have made it our mission to be readily available and willing to fight for you and your family 365 days a year. With the help of our incredible staff, we successfully introduced 90 pieces of legislation in our first year alone and had 17 co-sponsored bills signed by Governor Murphy. We also brought mobile office hours to 12 of our municipalities while securing assistance for constituents in need across the district

From day one, we have worked hard to make New Jersey safer and more affordable, advocating for reforms to improve residents’ quality of life. But despite our hard work, there is still much to be done. So now, more than ever, is the time to stand together and work towards a common goal – to improve the state we call home and make New Jersey more accessible and livable for all its citizens for years to come.

Bringing the Torah With Us Into the Modern Age

This month, we begin reading the section of the Torah that describes the Mishkan – the portable Sanctuary which Gd commanded our ancestors to construct at Mount Sinai.  This structure served as the site of sacrificial offerings throughout the 40 years of travel in the wilderness, and even after Beneh Yisrael entered the Land of Israel, until the construction of the permanent Bet Hamikdash in Jerusalem.

At the center of the Mishkan stood the aron – the wooden, gold-plated ark which contained the two stone tablets which Moshe received atop Mount Sinai, and upon which Gd had engraved the commandments.  It also contained the first ever written Sefer Torah.

Rabbenu Bahya (Spain, 1255-1340) comments that the aron is given this name because it contains the Torah, our source of light (“or”).  We might say, tongue-and-cheek, that the word “aron” means “lightbox.”  It is the box which radiates the spiritual light of the Torah upon the nation.

There is, however, something startling about the aron that requires explanation.  Namely, it was kept hidden, and hardly ever seen.  Gd commanded placing the aron in the kodesh kodashim – the inner chamber of the Mishkan, which was set off from the rest of the structure by a cloth partition called the parochet.  The ark thus remained concealed.  Nobody was ever permitted to enter this chamber, except the kohen gadol, who was allowed there one day a year – on Yom Kippur, to sprinkle the blood of the special atonement sacrifices toward the ark.  And even then, he had to first create a cloud of smoke by offering incense inside the kodesh kodashim so that he would not see the ark.  

Oddly, the holiest and most important feature of the Mishkan, which symbolized the light of the Torah which is to shine upon the Jewish Nation, was never seen.  It was hidden behind a curtain. 

Why?  Should the aron not have been on public display for everyone to see upon coming to the holy site?  If it is the most important of the all the articles in the Mishkan – and, later, in the Bet Hamikdash – then why was it kept concealed behind a partition? 

The Immutable Torah 

Rav Zalman Sorotzkin (1881-1966), in his classic Torah commentary, Oznayim LaTorah, offers an insightful answer. 

 

All other fields of knowledge, he explains, evolve.  Scholars in every generation carefully study and scrutinize the conclusions of earlier scholars, questioning their theories and ideas, and making new discoveries.  The science of the 20th century is quickly being replaced by an updated, 21-century science.  This is true of every field.   

 

The Torah, however, is immutable.  We do not update or question our sacred text.  One of the famous 13 articles of faith listed by the Rambam is that the Torah we have received will never be exchanged.  We upgrade our phones and our cars, but not our religion.  Like a sturdy tree that remains firmly in place even during the fiercest storms, the Torah that Moshe brought us at Mount Sinai remains with us permanently, its original form, continually withstanding the gale force winds of change that are blowing all around it. 

 

This, Rav Sorotzkin explains, is the message of the aron which remains hidden and protected inside the inner chamber of the Temple.  The concealment of the aron represents the need to protect the Torah against attempts to reform it, to erase some of the text and add new text.  The original text is to be kept hidden inside the inner chamber of the Bet Hamikdash, where no people ever go, to teach us that we must carefully preserve the Torah in its authentic, original form, and to firmly reject all attempts to tamper with it, to “update” it to conform with modern trends. 

The Ark’s “Feet”  

Someone might then ask, does this not consign the Torah to irrelevance?  If the Torah remains static and immutable, then how does it maintain its importance even today, several millennia after it was first given?  Does this ancient text really have to what say in the 21st century, when life is so drastically different than it was at the time of Matan Torah? 

 

The answer, of course, is a resounding “yes.” 

 

The Torah commands affixing to the ark four rings (“taba’ot”), through which wooden poles were inserted so that the ark could be transported when necessary.  These rings are to be positioned “al arba pa’amotav” (Shemot 25:12) – on its four “pa’amot,” a word which most commentators explain to mean “corners.” 

 

However, Rav Avraham Ibn Ezra (Spain, 1092-1167) notes that the word “pa’amot” is never used anywhere in Tanach in reference to corners. Boldly disagreeing with the majority of the commentators, Ibn Ezra asserts that the word “pa’amot” actually means “feet.”  Thus, for example, the verse in Shir Hashirim (7:2) states, “Mah yafu fea’amayich bene’alim – How beautiful are your steps in shoes…”  Similarly, a verse in Tehillim (85:14) says about the Almighty, “…veyasem lederech pe’amav – He directs his steps toward the road.”  In both these contexts, the root p.a.m. denotes walking.  Accordingly, Ibn Ezra posits that when the Torah commands affixing rings to the four “pa’amot” of the aron, this means that they are to be placed near the aron’s feet.  Ibn Ezra explains that it would be disrespectful to place the sacred ark directly on the floor, and thus, necessarily, it had four “feet,” protrusions on each corner, on which it stood. 

 

What might be the significance of the aron’s “feet”?  Assuming that Ibn Ezra is correct, and the ark did not lie directly on the ground, what might we learn from this intriguing feature of the most sacred article in the Bet Hamikdash? 

 

The “Walking” Torah 

 

Later writers observed that the sources cited by Ibn Ezra to prove this meaning of the word “pa’amot” actually refer not to feet, but, more specifically, to steps.  The “feet” implied by the word “pa’amot” are not stationary, but rather moving forward, marching toward a destination. 

 

The aron’s “feet” signify the fact that although the Torah is unchanging, it comes with us wherever we go.  Throughout our long, tumultuous history, the Jewish Nation has lived in many different places, among many different kinds of societies, under many different sets of circumstances, and under many different sorts of spiritual, ideological and cultural influences.  And wherever we were, we brought the Torah with us.  The Torah remains forever concealed and protected inside the ark, so-to-speak, but the ark does not stay in only one place.  It comes with us wherever we go, throughout our journey through history. 

 

One who reads halachic responsa by the leading Torah luminaries of the modern age, such as Rav Moshe Feinstein (1895-1986), Rav Ovadia Yosef (1920-2013) and Rav Eliezer Waldenberg (1915-2006), will not see questions about horses and buggies, or about ancient methods of agriculture.  The questions they masterfully address concern things like electrical devices, in vitro fertilization, cutting-edge medical procedures, telephones, cars, airplanes, and so on.  And while these and other great scholars often disagree, and reach different conclusions,  their essays have one thing in common: they never reply to their questioner that the Torah has nothing to say about the topic.  Instead, they draw from our ancient scholarly tradition in an attempt to apply the timeless principles of halachah to modern-day realities.  As humankind has entered the modern era, we Jews have brought the Torah with us, protected in its ark, preserving it in its original form.  It continues to guide us and inform our decisions to this very day, just as it did for our ancestors in the wilderness, and for every generation of Jews since.  As the Jewish Nation marches through history, the Torah marches with us. 

 

The image of the “walking Torah” is instructive in another respect, as well. 

 

It instructs that we must bring the Torah with us wherever we go throughout our day.  We don’t leave Judaism behind in the synagogue when we work, tend to our families, go on vacation, socialize, or do anything else.  The Torah has “feet” because it must accompany us to the office, to our homes, on our trips, in restaurants, and everywhere we go.  Everything we do, from the time we wake up until the moment we close our eyes at night, must be informed and governed by the Torah’s timeless values and laws. 

 

The “walking Torah” also accompanies us throughout every stage of life.  The Torah teaches us what to do as youngsters in school and yeshiva, as we get married and enter the workforce, as we raise children, as we help our children get married, and when we retire.  We recite each night in the arvit service before the reading of Shema, “Ki hem hayenu ve’orech yamenu – for they [the words of the Torah] are our lives and the length of our days.”  Throughout our lives, and day in and day out, the Torah accompanies us and shows us the right way to conduct ourselves. 

 

Our world today is changing at a dizzying pace.  Technologies which are considered cutting-edge become obsolete in a matter of a few short years.  Cultural fads come and go, and newfangled ideas are always coming fresh onto the scene.  The Torah is and always was our anchor, our source of stability in our rapidly changing world.  When we commit ourselves to halachic observance and to the Torah’s ideals and values, we always know what to believe and how to act regardless of what the world around us is doing.  Let us, then, strengthen this commitment, and devote ourselves to hang tightly to the “tree of life” that has always withstood and will always withstand even the most powerful cultural winds. 

Jewish Boys Chased by Thugs with Tasers in Flatbush

Several men, one armed with a taser, chased a group of Jewish boys in the Flatbush section of Brooklyn last month. “Run Jews, get out of here!” the men reportedly yelled while chasing the boys near Avenue J and East 16th Street, according to Shmira Public Safety.

The incident comes amidst an ongoing wave of anti-Semitic violence in New York City. The New York City Police Department released data showing an 125 percent increase in anti Semitic hate crimes during the month of November.

On December 4, a Jewish man and his son were shot with a BB gun while leaving a kosher supermarket in Staten Island, leading to the arrest of twenty-five-year old Jason Kish on charges of assault, child endangerment, and committing a hate crime. The NYPD also recently arrested a 17-year-old suspected of striking two young Orthodox men before taking off on an electric Citi Bike.

“Everyone has to be vigilant and aware of their surroundings,” a spokesperson for Flatbush Shomrim Safety Patrol said. In April, the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), reported that more anti-Semitic incidents are recorded in New York than in any other state, accounting for “an astounding 15 percent of the total reported anti-Semitic incidents across the country

The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center

My wife and I would like to share with your readers our experience with the Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center in Yeshivat Keter Torah.

Our son was a weak student in Gemara. We hired a tutor to help him, and Baruch Hashem, he was doing a lot better. Then, Covid hit, and I got laid off from my job. Virtual learning was hard on everyone, and we looked forward to in-person class starting again. School xresumed in person again and the kids were adjusting beautifully. There was just one issue – we no longer could afford to hire a Gemara tutor and our son started to fall behind. That’s where the RG Educational fund kicked in. They matched us up with a rebbe and once again our son’s marks were up. The rebbe taught him the necessary skills and he no longer needs tutoring! We are overwhelmed with gratitude to the organization.

For more information about utilizing the services of the RG Educational Fund or to sponsor a session for a student please call Rabbi Norman Cohen 908-917-3901, or Mitchell Gemal
732-829-0794

It’s Not All or Nothing

I was asked the following question: “I thought I had bitachon [trust in Hashem]. I am constantly telling people that Hashem is great and is always taking care of us. But when a problem comes up in my own life, I lose it. I become nervous and worried. So, of what value are all my lessons in emunah? What good are they if they do not help me when I confront a personal problem?”

I answered that each and every lesson in emunah that we learn and internalize is valuable beyond estimation. Emunah is not an “all or nothing” enterprise. Whatever we accomplish is immensely significant, even if there is room for us to grow further.

I once heard a remarkable story from Rav Fishel Schachter that beautifully illustrates this point. There was once a certain Rabbi who was a towering scholar, spending all his time learning, teaching, and writing. He composed pages upon pages of chiddushim (novel Torah insights) which he very much wished to have printed. The nearest printing press was overseas, and so he summoned a student and entrusted him with his precious pages. “Please take this, my life’s work, overseas and have it printed. Guard it with every fiber of your being.”

The student was petrified, being entrusted with such a priceless treasure, but he agreed. Soon after he set sail, a violent storm broke out at sea, and the ship began to capsize. Fortunately, the student somehow managed to survive, but his Rabbi’s papers were lost.

He returned home and told his peers what had happened. The students were all very frightened. How could they break such terrible news to their dear Rabbi? How could they tell him that his life’s work was lost forever?

One boy devised a plan. The next day, when the Rabbi entered the classroom, this student raised his hand to ask a question. He mentioned the Mishnah’s comment (Berachot 60b), “Just as we bless [Hashem] for the good, so do we bless [Hashem] for the bad.” The student asked, “How is this possible? How can one bless Hashem over misfortune just as he blesses Hashem for joyous events?”

“What do you mean?” the Rabbi asked. “Everything Hashem does is good! There is never anything ‘bad’!”

Another student raised his hand and asked, “But what if such and such happens?”

The Rabbi repeated what he had said, this time more emphatically: “Everything Hashem does is good! If something happens, then, of course, this is the best thing for the person.”

One by one, the students raised their hands to ask what the Rabbi would say if this calamity struck or that calamity struck. The Rabbi grew red in the face repeating himself with greater and greater emotion that Hashem is good, and we thus can and must bless Him and be grateful for everything, even for that which might initially appear as bad.

Finally, a boy spoke up and informed the Rabbi that his papers were lost at sea. The Rabbi heard the news and promptly fainted.

The boys realized that their plan had failed. They thought they could prepare their Rabbi for the devastating news, but it didn’t work.

They revived the rabbi and then apologized, explaining that they had hoped to prepare him by speaking about this theme of trusting that everything Hashem does is good, but apparently their efforts were inadequate.

“What do you mean?” the Rabbi replied. “At least I woke up. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t prepared me!”

There are thousands of levels of bitachon, and every lesson we learn and contemplate brings us to a higher level, and is thus immensely meaningful and significant.

Caring for Our Elders

Ellen Geller Kamaras

There is a clear  mitzvah in the Torah (Vayikra 19:32) to take care of our elders. “Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show respect for the aged. Fear your Gd. I am the Lrd.”

Let’s explore the realities facing our older family and community members, and look at how we can fulfill the mitzvah to care for them.

America is graying. The U.S. population is increasingly becoming more dominated by individuals aged 65 and older.

When is someone considered “old”?  We tend to shy away from the label “old” for several reasons. Calling someone old can be considered impolite, as “old” can have negative connotations of weakness or obsolescence.

When Does Old Age Start?

A 2016 Marist Poll surveyed adults, asking if they viewed a 65-year-old as old. Its results were that sixty percent of the youngest respondents, between 18 to 29, said yes.  However, that percentage decreased the older the respondents.  The closer individuals get to 65 themselves, the later they thought old age starts. Only 16 percent of people sixty or older considered 65 old.

Most older adults don’t look at themselves as elderly, yours truly included, as the word “elderly” conjures up an image of frailty.  Some dislike the term “senior” since it singles older adults out as different.

Some say 70 is the new 50. As I approach this milestone, I wholeheartedly agree with this positive view of aging.  I am so grateful to Hashem that I feel like I am only fifty.  I sing Moda Ani every morning, thanking Hashem that I can get out of bed, exercise, and can continue to take classes and learn new skills.

Diverse Experiences, Diverse Challenges

Ina Jaffe, an NPR reporter, says older adults have the most diverse life experiences of any age group. These experiences may include working, exercising at the gym, retiring and traveling the globe, volunteering, raising grandchildren, and unfortunately struggling with chronic disabilities.

Many challenges face our aging population. The top two biggest concerns are financial security and health care expenditures.

In addition to our older adults’ financial needs and health care costs, other serious concerns include loneliness, lost sense of purpose, difficulties with everyday tasks, transportation, disease, elder abuse, financial predators, and adjusting to technological changes.

Let’s Help Our Older Family and Community Members to Plan for the Future

We must partner with our aging parents, friends, and community members to plan for their future, when medical conditions may worsen and their mobility and vision declines.  A top priority is determining where they will live when they retire, or when their health deteriorates.

According to AARP, more than fifty percent of adults turning 65 years old will require long-term support and services in their lifetime.

There are many agencies available to contact for eldercare planning.  AARP, an interest group that focuses on issues affecting those over fifty, is a great place to start.  Another resource is the NYC Department for the Aging, or in New Jersey, the Department of Human Services, Aging Services.

We are so blessed to live in a community that has fabulous and expansive resources for our aging adults. Sephardic Bikur Holim and Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services are family services organizations that can assist with planning for one’s loved ones. They  run many activities for older adults and offer support groups for caregivers.  Sephardic Community Center also provides exciting and meaningful programming.  I led a Finding Your Spark workshop at the SCC before Rosh Hashanah in 2016, for its New Beginnings group for widows.

The Pluses of Socially Engaging Our Older Adults

We must also engage our aging adults. The engagement of our older adults  helps them to age gracefully and to live in a safe, supportive, nurturing, and stimulating environment. If you can play a part in helping older individuals in your life to reimagine their older adulthood and transition as they age, you can increase their life expectancy and mental and physical health.

Providing opportunities for our older/retired adults to learn, grow, reset their daily lives, find new purpose, and share their knowledge and skills is the key to helping them to live longer and stay mentally and physically fit.

Researchers concluded that the aging brain is as capable of learning new things as a younger brain. Socialization is essential for the psychological wellness of older adults.   

Volunteering is a wonderful way for older adults to keep their minds sharp, share their talents, find purpose and connection, and feel useful.  Check out the ENGAGE JEWISH SERVICE CORPS at the JCC where older adults use their passions, skills, and leadership abilities to serve the community.  

Companionship  

As our older adults age, the mental and physical benefits of human connection and companionship grow stronger.  Socially active older adults enjoy many benefits. Companionship is literally good for the heart!  Loneliness and isolation increase the risk for heart disease by 29 percent.  

Older individuals who have a robust social life can look forward to a longer and healthier life, prevention of dementia, loneliness, and depression, faster recovery from injury and illness, fewer falls, and peace of mind for their families. 

Intergenerational Relationships – Win-Win 

Intergenerational relationships can benefit both younger people and older adults.  Older adults can serve as a mentor, provide guidance and life lessons, and can act as a life coach, offering a safe space for younger individuals. On the flip side, an older person can see through a new lens when interacting with a young friend, colleague, or adult relative.

Have you had lunch with your grandparent recently or taken them to a shiur or an event?

How about joining your grandparent for a yoga class?

Or showing them how to install the latest iPhone apps to ensure they can communicate as needed?

A grandparent can be an excellent mentor in reviewing a grandchild’s college application essays or brainstorming other decisions.

Many employers have failed to implement a knowledge transfer/succession plan when boomers retire. Boomers have valuable know-how, information, and skills. They can serve a vital role as consultants or volunteers in organizations.

Caring for Our Older Adults – a Mitzvah and a Privilege 

In truth, caring for our aging adults is a huge mitzvah and a privilege.  It’s an opportunity to return the gift of their care for us as children in the same manner that they nurtured us.  

Let’s focus on the life lessons we can learn from our aging adults and avoid treating age as a handicap or treating aging adults as second-class citizens.  They need to be seen and heard.  And please don’t forget to smile.   

Place in Sidebar: Top Concerns of the Elderly

A recent survey from AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) and Politico found that the most important issues for seniors are: 

Health Care – Obtaining expensive prescription drugs 

Medicare – Expanding Medicare to offer increased and better coverage for older adults 

Social Security – Ensuring that the system remains solvent for future generations 

Care Options – Providing increased funding for home care and assisted living options 

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com). 

Mabrouk – January 2023

Births – Baby Boy 

Steven & Elaine Beyda 

Aaron & Lauren Kassin 

Hymie & Lily Ades 

Bar Mitzvahs 

Albert, son of Victor and Sheila Douek  

Yehuda, son of Mr. & Mrs. Shay Cohen 

Engagements 

Isaac Arazi to Allegra Timsit 

Sam Zalta to Joyce Mishan 

Ricky Cohen to Priscilla Baranoff 

Max Dweck to Joy Lati 

Daniel Dahan to Karen Sasson

Weddings 

Eli Mosseri to Arlette Gindi  

Michael Deneff to Gabrielle Dwek 

Redemption Starts at Home

The Book of Shemot, which we begin reading this month, opens with the story of our ancestors’ enslavement by Pharaoh, and then proceeds to tell the story of their miraculous redemption.

The first step along the long, circuitous road to redemption was the birth of Moshe Rabbenu, who led Beneh Yisrael to freedom.  But before telling us of Moshe’s birth, the Torah makes a point of telling us that his parents – Amram and Yocheved – got married: “A man from the house of Levi went ahead and married a daughter of Levi” (2:1).  Seemingly, this verse seems unnecessary.  After all, we had every reason to assume that before Moshe was born, his parents got married.  Why would the Torah allocate a verse to inform us that before Moshe was born, his father and mother got married?

The Gemara’s understanding of this verse is well known – but upon further reflection, it sheds an entirely new light on the Exodus from Egypt, and provides vitally important guidance for us as we seek redemption from our current exile and from all our troubles.

Amram’s Second Wedding 

The Gemara in Masechet Sotah (12a) relates that the wedding spoken of by the Torah in this verse was an extraordinary event.  Amram, the religious leader at that time, had already been married to Yocheved, with whom he had fathered two children (Aharon and Miriam).  But after Pharaoh decreed that all newborn Israelite boys should be cast into the river, Amram decided it was futile to continue producing children only to see them die at the hands of the Egyptian officials.  He promptly divorced his wife, and then all the men in Am Yisrael followed suit, and divorced their wives just as their leader had done.

Amram’s daughter, Miriam, courageously confronted her father, and challenged his decision.  She argued that Amram’s measure was actually crueler than Pharaoh’s.  Pharaoh’s decree affected only the boys, whereas Amram was preventing even girls from being born.  Moreover, Pharaoh decreed only physical death upon the Israelite infants, while Amram was denying the opportunity for souls to come into the world and then earn a share in the world to come after their premature death.

Amram, with great humility, accepted his daughter’s argument.  He reversed his decision, and held a large, public wedding, remarrying his wife, Yocheved.  The people again followed his example, and remarried, thereby ensuring the survival of Benei Yisrael.  The Gemara explains that this is the wedding mentioned in the Torah.  When the Torah tells of Amram marrying Yocheved, it speaks of not an ordinary wedding, but their second wedding, which followed Amram’s recognition that his initial decision, to divorce his wife, was mistaken.

Curiously, in the Gemara’s description of this second wedding, it makes a point of mentioning that Amram had Yocheved sit in an apiryon at the wedding.  An apiryon is a special kind of carriage, in which the passengers sit comfortably, on cushions, while hired servants transport the carriage by poles.

We must ask, why is this detail noteworthy?  The Gemara did not bother to tell us about the flower arrangements or the tablecloths at this wedding.  Why did it find it important to tell us that Amram and Yocheved were carried in an apiryon?

The First Halachic Wedding

A fascinating explanation is given by the Gaon of Rogatchov (Rav Yosef Rosen, 1858-1936), in his work Tozfnat Pane’ah, where he suggests finding the answer in a mysterious comment by the Rambam, in Hilchot Melachim (9:1).  The Rambam there traces the history of the mitzvot, explaining that Adam was given six mitzvot, and then a seven was added in Noah’s time, thus completing the “sheva mitzvot beneh Noah” (seven Noachide laws) which are charged upon all mankind.  Later, the Rambam writes, the three patriarchs – Avraham, Yitzhak, and Yaakov – added a number of mitzvot, such as the three daily prayers, berit milah, and tithing.  None of this is very surprising – but then the Rambam adds that when Beneh Yisrael were in Egypt, Amram received additional mitzvot.  Without specifying, the Rambam tells us that Amram established certain mitzvot just as the patriarchs had.

The Gaon of Rogatchov points to the Gemara’s description of Amram’s second wedding as the solution to this mystery.  The apiryon functioned as the huppah (canopy).  When Amram remarried Yocheved, he introduced the concept of a halachic wedding, of a special ceremony whereby a bride and groom formally become married.

The Rambam, in a different context (beginning of Hilchot Ishut), describes how before the Torah was given, there was no formal wedding ceremony.  If a man and woman wished to marry, the man brought the woman to his home, and they were then married.  The Torah introduced the concept of kiddushin (betrothal), whereby a man creates a legal marital bond with a woman, and only after this status is conferred, he brings her home and they live together.  The Gaon of Rogatchov writes that already in Amram’s time, before the Torah was given and the institution of kiddushin was established, the notion of a formal wedding ceremony preceding the couple’s union was conceived.  This was Amram’s innovation at the time he marred Yocheved for a second time – that there would be a formal marriage ceremony under a huppah.  And once he introduced this practice through his and Yocheved’s apiryon, everyone else followed suit.  Marriage was now transformed from a simple agreement to live together into a formal, sacred bond between husband and wife.

Not coincidentally, the product of this first halachic marriage was Moshe Rabbenu.  Part of what made Moshe special was this unique background – his being the child born from the first wedding with a huppah.  This might be the reason why a groom declares at the time of the betrothal that he betroths the bride “kedat Moshe veYisrael” – in accordance with the law of Moshe of Israel.  Special mention is made of Moshe, because he was the very first child born from a union that was formally made under a huppah.

The Sanctity of the Jewish Home

The importance of this innovation which Amram introduced is subtly alluded to us by an anonymous scholar whose numerical calculations appear in some editions of the Humash.  After each parashah, these editions point out the number of verses in the parashah, and then provide a “siman” (“sign”) – a word which has the same gematria (numerical value) as the number of verses in the parashah.  At the end of Parashat Shemot, we are told that this parashah contains 124 verses.  And the “siman,” the word representing this number, is “vayikah” (“he took,” or “married”) – the phrase with which the Torah speaks of Amram’s second wedding.  (The letters of “vayikah” equal 6 + 10 + 100 + 8 = 124.)

This is no coincidence.  This word was chosen to represent Parashat Shemot because this embodies the essence of the story of redemption which begins to unfold in this parashah.  It was Amram’s unique innovation, the formal ceremony of the huppah which precedes the bride and groom’s union, that paved the way for our ancestors’ miraculous redemption from Egypt

But this anonymous scholar did not stop here.  He also added another word with the gematria of 124 that represents this parashah – “Ma’adi” (spelled “mem,” “ayin,” “dalet,” “yod” – 40 + 70 + 4 +10 = 124).  This word has no meaning, but it is a name – the name of a family mentioned in the Book of Ezra (10:34).  In this chapter in Ezra, we read the list of people who had married non-Jewish women during the time of the Jews’ return to Israel from Babylonia, but then heeded Ezra’s stern admonition, and divorced these women.  This list includes the men in the families of Amram and Ma’adi. 

Remarkably, we find the name Amram associated with the name Ma’adi – the name which is associated with Parashat Shemot, which tells of Amram’s innovative measure to enhance the sanctity of Jewish marriage. 

The connection between these two names shows us that Amram’s innovation served the same purpose as the process underwent by the Ma’adi family – sanctifying the Jewish home.  The huppah is more than just a technicality, and more than an emotional ceremony.  It announces that the bond between husband and wife is sacred, and not haphazard.  It signifies that a husband and wife are to create a meaningful, holy bond, and build a beautiful home that is worthy of the divine presence.

Vayikah” and “Ma’adi” represent Parashat Shemot because they tell the real story behind our ancestors’ redemption from Egypt.  They became worthy of redemption through the sanctity of marriage, of the home, of the family.  It was the symbolic message of the huppah which elevated Beneh Yisrael such that they were deserving of the miraculous Exodus. 

And this is how we, too, become worthy of redemption – through the sanctity of the home and family life.  The secret of redemption lies in “vayikah,” in creating strong marriages which are rooted in genuine commitment and loyalty, and in the shared desire to bring Hashem’s presence into the home.  There are many wonderful mitzvot which we can and should constantly be striving to perform and to enhance.  But the first step in our quest for religious growth is strengthening our marriages, working to reinforce the bonds of love and devotion between spouses, to respect and cherish one another, to sacrifice for one another, and to give to one another. 

The process of redemption begins at home, in the most important relationship that a person has – the relationship with his or her spouse.  By constantly working to enhance this relationship, we will also succeed in enhancing our relationship with all our fellow Jews, and our relationship with the Almighty, so that we will be worthy of the final redemption, speedily and in our days, amen. 

Respect for Marriage Act Leads to Potential Assault on Jewish Values

Consequently, yeshivot, synagogues, and institutions that adhere to traditional views of family and marriage may find their tax-exempt status and access to a wide range of federal programs on the chopping block.  

It’s not just about teaching children the basics, which Sephardic yeshivot excel in doing. It’s also about being forced to insert progressive values into the classroom. 

Machla  Abramovitz 

On December 8, the Respect for Marriage Act passed the House of Representatives by a vote of 258 to 169, with 39 Republicans breaking ranks to join 219 Democrats on the motion. It also won bipartisan support in the Democratic-controlled Senate in late November, with 12 Republican senators crossing party lines to vote for the legislation. Despite its innocuous-sounding name, this bill does not strengthen traditional concepts of marriage. On the contrary, it codifies same-sex and interracial marriage protections. 

Rabbi Uziel Admoni, the founder of Charity Safebox (which investigates the integrity of charities and tsedaka appeals) and a rebbe at Congregation Bnai Yosef, had anticipated its passing since June, when the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and sent the abortion issue back to the states.  Rabbi Admoni advocates for Libah Yehudit, an organization with the full backing of Israel’s two Chief Rabbis and other rabbis in Israel and the United States. The organization strives to counter the infiltration of woke (leftist “progressive”) values into the educational system and the medical profession in Israel and the United States.  Rabbi Admoni believes that there are real and dire  dangers posed to Torah Judaism worldwide.  

Torah Values Under Attack  

“Forces in Israel and America are united in infiltrating the Jewish schools and getting anti-Torah changes enacted,” Rabbi Admoni states.  “In Israel, regardless of who is prime minister, school boards and medical officials have high-ranking positions in all areas, especially in the education and medical ministries.  The money is flowing in in great numbers from the U.S. to destroy Torah values of kedusha and morality, and to change those values into an anti-Torah Reform agenda of toeivah.” 

What are these forces?  “The American Reform movement is working with the New Israel Fund Wexner Foundation, the ‘Israel’ lobby J Street, and progressive anti-Israel billionaire George Soros.  Together, they are promoting progressive leftist agendas that fall under the radar.  In Israel, schools today teach children about Christianity, about their right to question their gender identities, and encourage the use of puberty blockers.  They are out to destroy the Jewish nuclear family.” 

Rabbi Admoni’s warnings, though, are not limited to progressive efforts in Israel.  “Whatever happens in Israel happens here – but a lot worse.  It will be too late if we don’t push back now.” 

Potential Fallout from the Respect for Marriage Act 

And with the passing of the Respect for Marriage Act, matters are about to become even more challenging for organized Jewish communities and Torah-observant Jews in America. 

We don’t yet know the full extent of the consequences of this Act, which theoretically protects federal recognition of non-traditional marriages.  Even though the Supreme Court legalized these marriages in 2015, this bill was meant to act as a backstop should a future highly conservative Supreme Court overturn the initial ruling and send this matter back to the states, as with Roe v. Wade. 

One might ask, how concerned should faith communities in America be?  After all, doesn’t the Act only strengthen an already existing law?  But, appearances can be deceptive.  According to former prosecutor and National Review columnist Andrew C. McCarthy, “The purpose of the legislation is to provide progressive activists with a cudgel to beat religious believers into submission.  If that were not the case, Congress would readily have adopted the amendment offered by Senator Mike Lee (R., Utah). The only plausible rationale for rejecting it [Lee’s amendment] is that proponents of the Respect for Marriage Act precisely intend for it to be deployed as a litigation weapon.  For the Left, it is not enough to tolerate same-sex marriage; you are to laud and celebrate it - or else.” 

Senator Lee’s amendment prohibited “the federal government from retaliating against any person or group for adhering to sincerely held religious beliefs and moral convictions about marriage” by protecting the First Amendment (Freedom of Religion and Speech) rights of all religious groups and individuals. 

If McCarthy is correct, the passing of this Act has now put all religious non-profits and every religious American Jew on notice. 

Non-Profits With Traditional Views Are at Risk 

Consequently, yeshivot, synagogues, and institutions that adhere to traditional views of family and marriage may find their tax-exempt status and access to a wide range of federal programs on the chopping block.  Small businesses, such as web designers and kosher caterers, as well as religious adoption agencies, foster care agencies, and medical facilities, are also not immune.  These businesses and institutions might be forced to close or face endless lawsuits and harassment. 

Really?  Think back to the Colorado bakery that refused to bake a cake for a non-traditional wedding on religious grounds.  The couple, who could have approached other bakeries willing to accommodate their needs, chose to sue this bakery for discrimination, testing the limits of the 2015 Supreme Court decision on marriage. They won their case under the state’s anti-discrimination law.  After losing many appeals, the bakery took its case to the Supreme Court (Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission), claiming its rights under the First Amendment.  The bakery won its suit, but the Court’s opinion was narrow, referencing only this case. The couple involved had expressed exceptional hostility to the bakery’s religious views.  It is still unknown how a future court would rule in cases involving florists, bakers, photographers, web designers, and others claiming religious objections. 

Freedom of Religion, Freedom of Speech on Trial 

Perhaps case 303 Creative LLC v. Elenis, currently before the Supreme Court, will provide some insight.  Jonathan Turley, attorney and George Washington University Law School professor, predicts it could be “one of the most important free speech cases in history.”  

Lorie Smith, a Christian Colorado website designer, refuses to design websites for same-sex weddings and wants to post a message on her website explaining her position, which a Colorado law prohibits her from doing.  Even though she based her Supreme Court appeal on freedom of religion claims, the Supreme Court chose to focus on free speech.  

Conservative Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh noted, “The case comes down to a narrow question: How do you characterize website designers?  Are they more like the restaurants, jewelers, and tailors, or more like the publishing houses and the other free speech analogs raised on the other side?” Given Twitter’s unilateral decision to censor the opinions of users and news stories it has disagreed with before, during, and after the 2020 US elections – exposed in Twitter owner Elon Musk’s recently released Twitter files – the Court’s ruling will prove highly timely and relevant. 

Will there be more court challenges in the future?  There are indications that this conservative Court is leaning in favor of Smith and freedom of expression, but whether its eventual decision will boost religious freedom remains to be seen.  Endless litigation requires vast amounts of money, which the progressive Left, financially supported by billionaire donors such as Soros and Silicone Valley, seems eager to supply. 

Will Yeshivot Be Pushed to Teach Ideologies Abhorrent to the Torah? 

There might also be other challenges to consider: Will the Act give additional fodder to the progressives’ push to force yeshivot to include non-traditional marriage education and different woke ideologies into their curriculum?   

Rabbi Admoni is convinced it will.  After all, the progressives have been highly influential in the public education system for years, focusing primarily on yeshivot in New York State.   

In September, a State Board of Regents ruling required that all private schools prove that they are providing students with “basic” secular education (equivalent to public schools) or risk losing government funding and even being shut down.  The ruling resulted from a lawsuit brought by a parent against Yeshiva Mesivta Arugath Habosem in Williamsburg under the instigation of YAFFED – Young Advocates for Fair Education, who claims to advocate “for the educational rights of ultra-Orthodox children in New York.”   

The decision issued by State Education Commissioner Betty Rosa requires yeshivot and education officials to develop “an improvement plan,” giving the NY State Education Department the final say.  The ruling, the NY Times gloated, “served as a stern rebuke of the administration of Mayor Eric Adams whose Education Department this summer reported to the state that, in its judgment, the yeshiva was complying with a law requiring private schools to offer an education comparable with what is offered in public schools.” 

“They are now interfering in our curriculum!” Rabbi Admoni exclaims.  “We’ve never had that before.  Also, what does the ruling mean by ‘basic’ education and ‘comparable to public schools’?  That’s the issue.”  

It’s not just about teaching children the basics, which Sephardic yeshivot excel in doing. It’s also about being forced to insert progressive values into the classroom. 

“These ‘educators’ don’t have Torah values. Their positions don’t come from the point of caring for our children.  Instead, these school board members want to destroy everything,” Rabbi Admoni said.  

Libah Yehudit Pushes Back 

How is Libah Yehudit pushing back within the Sephardic communities on these threats to Jewish identity and Torah values? 

“We must start with awareness and education.  We must focus on how we can get more people involved.  The next step is meeting with the Ashkenazi community.  Once it’s the town talk, we can see how to influence representatives, rabbis, and rebbes.  Our big problem is that we can’t talk about these issues publicly because we don’t want our children to hear about them.  It’s harder to spread awareness when you are limited,” Rabbi Admoni stated. 

So, Libah Yehudit organizers invited community rabbis to attend two meetings held in Congregation Shaare Zion, where attendees heard the Chief Rabbis of Israel by video, and Libah Yehudit representatives spoke movingly about the successful infiltration of woke values into Israeli society by the American Reform movement and their affiliates.  Moreover, those present heard that leftist efforts are not limited to Israel, but directly impact the American Sephardic community on its home turf. Also addressed was what Libah Yehudit is doing to counter the leftists’ moves in Israel and the U.S. 

Rabbi Baruch Ben Haim of Congregation Shaare Zion attended the November 20th meeting.  He acknowledged that getting the message across to the Sephardic community will not be easy, given its reluctance to speak about these matters openly.  However, education is crucial in enabling the Sephardic community to respond to these pending threats forcefully and intelligently.  

“If I were a yeshiva parent, I would stand up for my rights.  All Jewish and non-Jewish organizations with powers should communicate their opposition to this,” Rabbi Ben Haim said. 

One of the most effective means for Sephardim to overcome their historical reluctance to exercise their political strength is by voting.   

“Even if our preferred candidates don’t win, most elected officials don’t want to fight with the community they represent.  Instead, they want to work with their constituents.  Most laws are changed not through elections but through protests,” Rabbi Admoni said. 

Congregation Bnai Yosef’s Rabbi Haim Benoliel agrees that getting out the vote is vital.  Before the midterms, shul president Eddie Sitt publicly encouraged congregants to vote, especially given these ominous threats to yeshivot to and Jewish identity.   

More Sephardim voted the recent elections than previously, but the turnout was still not enough.  

“I would be happier to see an even bigger change and that more people understand that our future depends on how involved we become.  I don’t see that yet.  Not enough people are aware of what we are facing as a community.  When I tell them, they are shocked,” Rabbi Admoni said. 

Rabbi Benoliel was in Israel and missed the November meeting but heard from attendees that Libah Yehudit presented its case well.  “Threats to Jewish identity and Jewish tradition are real.  Libah Yehudit is on the front lines in countering these threats – in Israel and here – and they need money to do that.  We must alert the community to contribute. They can do nothing without money.” 

Rabbi Admoni is grateful for the financial support, which is vital to their efforts, but it must not stop with simply the writing of checks.  

 “As a community, we must do our maximum.  There are powerful forces at work to destroy the nuclear family, our way of life, and Torah values.  Libah Yehudit has the know-how to help counter these forces, but it needs the community’s full support and participation – financial and otherwise.  Saying we’re going to do nothing is not an option.  We must do what we can for shamayim.  The stakes are too high, otherwise.” For more info, please visit saveourkotel.org.

Why You Should NOT Be a Perfect Parent

Parenting advice is more accessible than ever. Books, podcasts, email blasts, speeches, blogs… if you want a parenting tip, you have hundreds at your fingertips.  

So why does parenting sometimes feel like climbing an insurmountable mountain? 

In reality, the onslaught of advice – whether unsolicited or sought – can be detrimental to your parenting in action. Every moment can be analyzed according to what you’ve learned: Did I give him enough positive feedback before that negative interaction? Am I following the right method while I’m disciplining her? I raised my voice, am I damaging their self-esteem? 

Our brains are constantly firing child-related messages at us, which causes parenting to become hard work, a chore, an obligation, a source of pressure. 

It doesn’t have to be like that! 

Revolutionize Your Relationships 

Here’s one parenting technique that will override the others and revolutionize your relationship with your child(ren): 

Do nothing. 

Well, not exactly nothing. Your responsibility as a parent is to provide your children with a warm, safe, comfortable environment. Children need stability, structure, and the knowledge that you are taking care of their needs, both physical and emotional. 

Most of the parenting struggles that you experience – disobedience, chutzpah, fighting – can be addressed by not addressing them at all.  

There are three general categories of parenting: authoritarian (“whatever I say, goes”), permissive (“my child runs the home”), and authoritative (“I am caring and supportive as well as firm”). Children raised with either of the two extremes (authoritarian and permissive) have higher rates of delinquency and issues in adulthood. Note there is a significant difference between “authoritarian” and “authoritative” although they sound quite similar. Strive to be authoritative – confident and worthy of respect, and not a dictator. 

The Significance of Limits 

Kids crave the limits that authoritative parents set – lovingly and firmly – because they thrive in an environment where they know what’s expected of them, where there is an adult in charge, and where they know, unequivocally, that their parents have their backs. When that sense of security is disrupted, either by an overly strict parent who does not allow them any autonomy, or one who gives in and allows the child to make the decisions, children develop anxiety and stress. 

Yes, kids push the limits. We want them to do that; it’s normal human behavior. And that’s a crucial part of the “do nothing” approach to parenthood: know what your children are supposed to be doing. When a newborn cries at night, you don’t snap at him to be quiet; you try to figure out what’s bothering him, then address that need. That’s the philosophy that you should apply throughout childhood. Your two year old is developmentally supposed to throw tantrums. Your four-year-old should be coloring on the walls. Your seven year old will spill the milk. Your ten year old will resist putting his shoes away. Your teenager will be impossible to drag out of bed. Your kids will fight over ridiculous things and call each other names. It’s all normal. 

Just like you don’t employ parenting “strategies” or “techniques” to deal with a hungry infant, you don’t need them for older children, either. Instead, tune into their needs. Listen to them. Learn what’s bothering them. When your child cries, he’s experiencing pain and needs care and validation, not incentives to “hadj with the complaining.” 

Control the Environment Not Your Child 

When push comes to shove, you cannot control your child. What you can do is control the environment and your own actions and reactions. Put the markers away. Help her pour the milk. Lock the cabinet. Teach your other children to stand up for themselves and protect them when necessary. Expect your child to act his age and you won’t get frustrated when he does. 

“But how will they learn?” you may ask. Simple: they learn from their surroundings, from observation, from natural consequences. If you hit your brother, he’ll hit you back. If you don’t clean up your room, you won’t be able to find anything. If you disrupt the Shabbat table, you’ll be asked to leave.  

Now, “do nothing” doesn’t mean that your home will devolve into chaos. Your job includes deciding what’s important, setting limits, managing the expectations in your home, and lovingly yet firmly enforcing them. Be honest with yourself and be confident in your decisions as a parent. Just like your kids won’t push back when you won’t buy non-kosher candy in the checkout line, they won’t push back when they know that your limits are fair yet non-negotiable. 

Simply put, see your children as human beings and treat them that way. You’ll find doing “nothing” to be incredibly freeing. Instead of living in constant “what-should-I-do-now?” mode, discover peace and joy in tuning into your children, paying attention, and allowing yourself – and them – to just be.

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They have offices in Deal/Long Branch and Lakewood and can be reached at (732) 666-9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net.