QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I’m not sure if this is an issue but it does bother me a lot. I find it hard to connect with my wife due to the fact that she is very quiet and doesn’t speak much. She was always quiet and reserved, but it never really bothered me until recently. Baruch Hashem, we don’t fight but I would  still appreciate some advice on how I can connect with someone who doesn’t speak much.

R’ Ali’s Response:

I would like to start with something that Rabbi Shimon Gruen mentions often. If something bothers you, then it’s not trivial. Which means that we all have certain things that bother us and certain things that we’re okay with. What one considers unbearable, someone else may not even notice. Some people can’t handle a messy house while others could care less. The point is, if it bothers you, then you should address it. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean it is a problem, but you’re entitled to ask and search for a solution.

It’s also important for people to know that the person that they married is the same person that they are seeing now, months or years later. You mention that your wife was always quiet. Not to be cynical, but she is who you married. People should know who they’re marrying and accept who they are. Don’t expect someone to change who they are, or even worse, to try to change them. Of course, it goes without saying, unacceptable behavior should be corrected or at least acknowledged.

You mention that you don’t fight. That’s not a small thing in the slightest. It’s the literal definition of shalom bayit,a peaceful home. Unfortunately, there are many people who cannot say the same and pray so hard to be able to say those magic words, “We don’t fight.” Of course, we should always be striving for more and that’s wonderful when people want to better their relationship. It’s important to put things into perspective and realize what is actually going on. Many people equate shalom bayit with, “where I’d like my relationship to be.” Which means, if it’s not where I’d like it to be, my shalom bayit  isn’t great. I don’t believe this is true. As I mentioned, shalom bayit means peace in the home. Two people that respect each other, don’t fight, and communicate on a basic level definitely seems peaceful to me.

One more idea before I attempt to answer your question is that you mention this didn’t bother you until recently. I don’t know how long you’re married, but it’s definitely worthwhile to think about why this didn’t bother you when you got married and why “ all of a sudden” this started to bother you. It could be that you have more on your mind and need to talk things out. If that’s the case, you should acknowledge that it’s not your wife’s shy nature and maybe find a friend or family member to speak to more at length. This is just one idea and I could be way off on the reason I am giving you. My point is to give you food for thought and maybe you can identify yourself why all of a sudden this bothers you.

How do you connect with someone when they don’t talk much? Of course, there are people who talk less and are shy by nature, but I have noticed that even shy people can be very talkative. Most people open up and speak a lot when they are in their comfort zone. Some people need to be very relaxed or very comfortable with the person that they are talking to. Others need to be in the right setting. I know many people who open up when they go for a walk or out to eat. There are also many people who have a lot to say but get interrupted often which gives them the cue to just not speak at all.

As I mention often, we should never forget the importance of praying to Hashem and asking Him for assistance, no matter how small we may think our issues are.

Yehudit Gindi

You never believed you would make it to the finish line, but here you are, and you’re pretty sure you aren’t dreaming. As you behold the dining room table adorned with your Pesach finest, you realize that you have overcome what once seemed to be a near-impossible feat. After weeks of backbreaking labor, you can relate to those who have climbed to the peak of Everest, for seder night has finally arrived.

At the seder, each person is supposed to feel as if they were redeemed from the harsh slavery of Egypt. For the woman, whose raw hands are a testament to all the sweeping, spraying, sautéing, and scrubbing that she has been up to, this is no problem.  Just as the Jewish people witnessed Hashem’s miracles during the redemption, the Jewish wife and mother experiences Hashem’s miraculous hand in her Pesach preparations each year. So don’t fret. When you find yourself knee-deep in the pre-Pesach pandemonium, rest assured that with the help of these tips, and of course with the ever-present help of Gd, your seder will be spectacular.

Get It All Together

We’ve mentioned it in these pages before, but it is so crucial that it bears repeating: make a list of all the things that you will need on the seder table. Without a written list, the to-dos will be just a big mumbo-jumbo in your mind that will create loads of unnecessary pressure. So put pen to paper and you’ll be off to a successful start. 

Kadesh, Urhatz…

What if you can’t seem to remember exactly what the seder calls for? Well, here’s one way to refresh your memory. When making your “Things for the seder” list, you can either go to Google, or you can take out a Pesach Haggadah. While taking extreme caution to keep it far away from any food, sift through the pages. You’ll probably find a picture of the seder plate and all the significant foods to display, as well as the order of the seder. As you notice items you will need, write them down. (Some key items to remember: haroset, the shank bone, hardboiled eggs, and celery, just to name a few!)

Shulhan Orech

Once all your kosher-for-Pesach dishes have been dusted, washed and dried, you can begin setting your seder table. You’ll want to do this hours before the seder begins so you’re able to walk into the main event relaxed and prepared. An elegant white or ivory tablecloth makes for a stunning backdrop; just be sure to cover it with plastic, since you can expect several grapejuice spills. Rhinestone napkin rings are eye-catching accents, and they will complement all types of silverware. Complete the décor with a nice floral centerpiece, and your table is ready.

So the Children Should Ask

The purpose of the seder is to pique the children’s curiosity so they’ll ask questions and give you the opportunity to fulfill the mitzvah of telling about the Jewish nation’s redemption from Egypt. So, to prevent the kids from falling asleep on top of their marror-filled matzah sandwiches, make the seder kid friendly!  Have incentives ready for children who ask great questions or say the Mah Nishtanah. Bring the Pesach story to life by investing in some bright, colorful Haggadot so the children can follow along. And don’t forget some prizes for he or she who discovers the afikoman!  Before you know it, it will be 2am and your children will be awake singing the “Had Gadya” finale with gusto!

Getting Some Zzz’s…

Speaking of staying awake until 2am, which is likely to happen on seder night, it is a must for your children to take a nap pre-seder. You know how it goes: the kids will resist, but you must insist! This way, the children will be well-rested and ready for loads of fun and learning come seder time. Oh, and moms are allowed to take naps, too! So if you can manage to find even a half-hour, try to squeeze in even a short catnap. The seder is a magnificent time, but putting it all together can sometimes seem like an arduous journey. But you’ll be there soon enough, and you can pat yourself on the back knowing it’s the culmination of all your hard work. When you finally sit down and see the smiling faces of family and guests surrounding you, you’ll know that the hours of effort were well worth it.

Promises Made, Promises Kept

Frieda Schweky
Growing up, I thought I’d NEVER be interested in politics. Ever since Trump entered the scene in 2015 I’ve been hooked. I think my generation (millennials) crave authenticity and we think Trump is authentic! We don’t want two-faced politicians. We’re not interested in the sameold politics. We want and deserve to know the truth and Trump seems to be the agent for that.

Word on the Street

I was in Brooklyn this last weekend to visit my parents. I noticed that my parents’ neighbors on Bedford Avenue  were talking about  Trump and what he did to improve our country the past week. One neighbor said, “So, what’s new with Trump?!” My dad answered that Trump was very tough with Zelensky, the President of Ukraine. Although many may disagree with Trump’s treatment of our ally, my dad and his neighbors believe Trump did an amazing job advocating for the American people.  One of Trump’s first moves was removing DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) policies from government agencies including the private sector and the military. Many felt this was important because it challenged the idea that it was reasonable to promote people based on their skin color or other externals. Rather, it makes sense that one’s skillset and merit should be at the top of the list of what is important. I believe that our military should be strong, not colorful. I think that promoting individuals based on their race is not right. However, doing so was a major goal of the past administration. In fact, many of the things Trump did when he first took office were designed to reverse a number of Biden’s policies, which many of us found objectionable.

Women’s Sports

Trump made a campaign promise to bar transgender women from women’s sports. On February 5^th, he signed an executive order that put this into effect.In Maine, instances were cited where transgender women competed in women’s sporting events, contrary to Trump’s executive order. At the 2025 winter meeting of the National Governors Associationthis past February, the president censured the governor of Maine for not complying with his executive order. He noted that even though her constituency is somewhat liberal (Harris won in Maine in the last election), barring transgender women from women’s sports is what the American people want. And if Maine does not comply they willlose federal funding.

Supporters of the ban on transgender women competing in women’s sports feel that there are serious repercussions for allowing men who have become women to participate in women’s sports. Biologically, males are stronger than females. There have been many cases where transgender girls and women have unfairly beaten their female-from-birth opponents. Girls and women are discouraged from participating in sports where they fear they are at an unfair disadvantage with former boys and men competing.

Jews and Israel

Trump has consistently shown hisstrong support for Israel, including its right to self-determination and to defend itself. On March 5^th,Trump met with eight former Israeli hostages, Iair Horn, Omer Shem Tov, Eli Sharabi, Keith Siegel, Aviva Siegel, Naama Levy, Doron Steinbrecher, and Noa Argamani. The president listened intently to the former hostages’ stories about the horrors they experienced on October 7th, about their friends and families that were brutally murdered, and the unspeakable conditions they lived under in Gaza. Immediately after the meeting Trump sent an Instagram message to the former hostages’ captors. “’Shalom Hamas’ means Hello and Goodbye – You can choose. Release all of the Hostages now, not later, and immediately return all of the dead bodies of the people you murdered, or it is OVER for you,” Trump wrote on Truth Social. “I have just met with your former Hostages whose lives you have destroyed. This is your last warning! For the leadership, now is the time to leave Gaza, while you still have a chance,” he added. “Also, to the People of Gaza: A beautiful future awaits, but not if you hold hostages. If you do, you are DEAD! Make a SMART decision. RELEASE THE HOSTAGES NOW, OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY LATER!” This is the kind of leadership we needed on October 8^th, 2023.Let’s not forget the president’s announcement of his plan to relocate the people of Gaza and make it beautiful again. It has received a lot of flak from the Arab world, but I think that’s the best idea anyone’s had to-date.

Anti-Semitism on Campus

Since October 7th, Jewish students on many college campuses have not felt safe. They have met with threats, bullying, and physical violence. Trump has come out strongly, stating that anti-Semitism on campus, and elsewhere, is unacceptable. The U.S. Department of Justice is sending a federal task force to ten universities – George Washington University, Harvard, Johns Hopkins, NYU, Northwestern, UCLA, UC Berkeley, the University of Minnesota, and USC – where Jewish students and faculty have been left vulnerable to rising anti-Semitism. The task force aims to combat unchecked anti-Semitism and ensure Jewish students can learn in a safe environment. 

Additionally, the Trump administration has cut $400 million in federal grants and contracts with Columbia University because of what the government describes as Columbia’s failure to squelch anti-Semitism on campus. Trump’s message that there will be consequences for our enemies both here and abroad is so refreshing and honestly is just incredible.

My Personal Take

As a Jew and as an American, I felt like my government did not care much about me and my problems. My tax dollars were funneled  overseas or used to aid illegal aliens that were flooding in. I felt that I was the last to be considered. Now, I feel differently! Trump is working to abolish income tax, and I am thrilled, as I’m sure many are. He’s thinking out of the box in terms of how to make our country rich in ways that don’t involve the government’s appropriating our hard-earned money. I am honestly confused when I hear that some people are against any of the president’s policies. However, those who favor Trump are now in the majority, and I thank Gd for that.

I smiled when I saw a news alert stating that the Trump administration revamped the CBP One  app, which was formerly used to process asylum claims at the southern U.S. border. Now, the app has been reimaged as a platform for “self-deportation.”The idea is to get illegal aliens to deport themselves, with the hope that they will be allowed to return legally in the future. I believe this is another way Trump is making America great! We have an obligation to help the homeless, our veterans, and low- and mid-income families who need support. I believe we have overextended ourselves when it comes to immigration.I believe that immigration should happen slowly and with intention. We are not anti-immigration. How could we be- we’re all immigrants! We simply want immigrants to be vetted properly.

I honestly can go on and on about the amazing things that Trump has been doing for us and Israel, but I digress. Hashem thank you for saving Trump and for causing him be elected president. Please bring Mashiach as he is our true savior!

Until next time,

Frieda Schweky!Frieda is an event and portrait photographer. Check Frieda out on Instagram @friedaschwekyphoto. For photography inquiries or article topic suggestions email her friedaschweky@gmail.com.

Inspiring conversations with the women shaping our community, one story at a time.

“Fitness has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. As a child I loved walking everywhere, and by high school I got my first gym membership. The gym became my safe space – a place where I could feel strong, confident, and clear my mind.”  – Yael Dayon

Ellen Geller Kamaras

Please meet Yael Frasko Dayon, a passionate mother, wife, and fitness trainer who keeps many of our community women in Long Branch, NJ, healthy and strong.

Yael’s parents, Liat and Yosef Frasko, are of Syrian descent. Yael is the second of seven children and is close with her siblings. She attended Yeshiva Ateret Torahfor elementary through high school.

A social and friendly child, Yael loved being active and in motion and won sports competitions during high school. She admits that she found it challenging to sit at a desk for long hours.

“My favorite part of the day was always gym class – I was naturally athletic and loved sports.”

Fulfilling Her Vision

After high school, Yael went straight to a hands-on sales job, not wanting to work at  a desk job. After work, she would head to the Sephardic Community Center gym, where she trained friends for fun. “Fitness was something I had always loved, and over time it became more than just a hobby.”

Yael turned her passion into a career.  She started with a few clients, training them for free, just to gain experience. Next  she enrolled in school to become a certified fitness instructor. After earning her certification, she started training clients professionally and later began teaching classes at DSN Community Center, which inspired her to open her own home studio.

Yael is also a certified boxing trainer, certified nutrition coach, and is AED (Automated External Defibrillator)/CPR certified.

During the summer of 2023, Yael worked with Nutrition by Tanya as an EMSCULPT tech and earned the honor of employee of the month. She helped women gain confidence about their bodies and view themselves as strong, powerful, and beautiful.

And Then Came Marriage

Yael met her naseeb, David Dayon, one year her senior, through mutual family members and they clicked right away. David, also of Syrian descent, grew up in the Deal area. He works in ecommerce, advising and managing companies on Amazon. 

Yael moved to New Jersey when she married David ten years ago. Living away from Brooklyn was hard at first, but thanks to Yael’s work and dedication, she has built a fulfilling social life and a supportive community in New Jersey.

The couple has been blessed with four children.

Yael’s Essence

Yael describes herself as friendly, outgoing, hardworking, organized, and continually growing closer to Hashem. She is also warm, positive, and energetic. 

Having children was pivotal for Yael. She desired to feel strong and confident in her own body, and that fueled her passion for helping other women feel the same way.  Yael wanted every mother to feel proud of her body through its changes and to embrace becoming the strongest and best version of herself. Yael also understood that prioritizing fitness plays a crucial role in supporting the mental health of mothers, giving them a necessary outlet for self-care and personal well-being.

“My proudest accomplishments are getting my certifications, and empowering women in my community while balancing my career and family life.”  Having a nutrition certification enables Yael to guide her fitness clients about eating healthily.

Work/Life Balance

Yael’s fitness career allows her perfect work/life balance, giving her the flexibility to work from home, set her own schedule, raise her family, and be involved in the Jewish community.

“Balancing work and home life can be challenging. Mornings are hectic, knowing I have a client coming ten minutes after my kids get on the bus.  Some days, I miss out on personal time or the ability to drive my kids when they want, but the trade-off of being my own boss and setting my timetable is worth it.”

Yael starts her day at 5am with her own workout, followed by prayer, breakfast, and getting her kids ready for school. Her first client arrives at 8:40am, and she usually sees clients until the early afternoon and then she is free for her children. Yael works some evenings,as well. 

Over the years, she has transitioned from cardio to weight training, realizing that the heavier she lifted, the better her results and the stronger she became. She noticed the same pattern with her clients.  The more they focused on strength training, the less pain they experienced daily and the more energetic they felt, as opposed to the exhaustion that often comes with excessive cardio.

Yael is grateful for the huge and beneficial impact her career has had on her family. Her children have grown up seeing their mom prioritize fitness and the value of strength and health. Fitness has become a natural part of their lives. “We don’t focus on being skinny but on being strong and healthy. My family is proud of my career, and I know I’m setting a positive example for my children.”

The pandemic was a major turning point for Yael’s fitness business. With big gyms shutting down, people needed a space to train, and that’s when her home training and classes really took off. It afforded Yael the opportunity to build a strong clientele and expand her reach in ways she hadn’t expected.  As an extra boost to her business Yael started to sell juices and healthy desserts. Her clients are primarily women aged twenty and over.  Sometimes shealso trains high school students.

Community

Yael is deeply involved in the Syrian community and teaches in DSN. One of the most wonderful aspects of her career is training people she sees every day, building friendships, and strengthening the community. “Fitness isn’t just about working out – it’s about creating connections and supporting each other in our health journeys.”

For Fun

Yael enjoys activities that allow her to unwind while taking care of her body. That includes lifting weights, going for a run, or spending time in the sauna.  Self-care time slots for massages or recovery time are also a must for her.

Tips

Yael encourages young people to follow their dreams. “Don’t be afraid to start. Everyone begins somewhere, and success comes from consistency, dedication, and hard work. No one achieves success overnight.”

Although there were many instances where Yael questioned whether her career would work, she pushed forward. Over time, she is proud to have formed a strong clientele and a thriving business.  Her challenges helped her grow.

Connect with Yael on Instagram @yael_dayon or by text 703-853-6340. Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career and dating coaching.  Ellen can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).