Rabbi Label Lam

The wicked son, what does he say? “What is this service to you?” “to you,” – “but not to himself.” Since he has excluded himself from the people at large, he denies the foundation of our faith. Therefore, you should blunt his teeth and tell him: “It is because of this, what Hashem  did for me when I went out of Egypt.”- “for me,” – “but not him.” Had he been there, he would not have been redeemed.  – Pesach Haggadah

At the Pesach seder, we have a sacred obligation to “tell your child” about the Exodus from Egypt. It is of vital importance that each and every child exit that Pesach seder feeling that much more attached and committed to the historical mission of the Jewish People. Therefore, the mitzvah of the evening is expressed in terms of speaking to “your child” and not to children in general. Each one needs his or her own special medicine or lesson.

The “wicked son” as he is titled cannot be totally wicked. Otherwise, why is he at the seder, and why do we even engage him in discussion? Why is he called wicked? He has given up! He has surrendered to negativity. Our definition of failure is not falling down but is staying down. Now the wicked son speaks from his lowly perch, having separated himself from the community of Israel and feeling cynical about the possibility of change.

It is interesting that in answering him, most of the conversation is expressed as an aside. The parent is not talking to him at all but rather to the others, in his presence. Yet the mitzvah of the evening is to “tell your child.” Why are we then advised to speak to the assembled? It is as if saying, “Everyone has free choice! If he does not want to be a part of it he is not a part of it!”

Story from the Cemetery

I heard an unbelievable story not long ago from Rabbi Mordechai Twerski. He had recently met with family members of the Debriciner Rov and they shared with him the following incident. They went to the grave site of their holy relative, the Debriciner Rov, ztl. There they saw a youngish couple praying. Not recognizing them as family members they were curious as to why this couple was there. So they asked them what it was that brought them to this place.

They told the following story: “Twenty-two years ago we were young kids who got married to each other.  After a short while it became clear to us that we didn’t know what we were doing together. Every day was a different disagreement and another fight. We were not getting along at all. After trying and trying we were thinking about divorce. Then my wife was expecting, so we stayed together in the meantime. Having a child did not make married life easier. If anything, it complicated matters. So we decided it was time to get divorced. We didn’t know exactly how to go about getting a Jewish divorce so we went to the Debriciner Rov. After hearing about our struggles in marriage he agreed to help us with the divorce. He instructed us to come back the next day and to bring our son. We thought this was part of the process. When we came back the next day with our son, he asked to see the child. He motioned that we hand him over. We did.

He sat with the child, a little baby, in front of us, and he spoke to the child, stroking him affectionately all the while. “From this day forth your life is going to be very difficult. You will be bounced from house to house. You’ll spend one Shabbat with your mother and another Shabbat with your father. Most of the kids in school won’t understand your situation. They might not be eager to play by your broken home. Growing up as a happy child will be a steep challenge for you. Getting married will be difficult as well. It is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. This is the lot that has been handed you. I want you to know that you will need extraordinary strength and courage and tremendous help from Heaven to attain a normal life.”

The Happy Ending

After his little talk with the child he handed the baby back to us. We were both crying. We looked up at each other and decided then and there, for the sake of the child, to give it another try. That was twenty years ago we had that encounter with the Debriciner Rov. We eventually worked out our differences. We are now happily married, Baruch Hashem. Tonight that child, our son is getting married and we wanted to come here today to express our deep feelings of  gratitude to the Rov.”

Sometimes the wise approach is not to speak directly to a person especially if they have demonstrated they are not ready to listen. Speaking aloud to another is a preferred method to land the same powerful message, but indirectly. The natural defense mechanisms of the one who is feeling so hopeless and defeated are relaxed, the words are less likely to be taken as a personal affront, and hey you never know who’s listening.Rabbi Label Lam is a renowned Torah educator and international speaker; his writings can be found on Torah.org.

Rabbi  Daniel Levy

Recalling the Ten Makot (plagues) that Hashem performed in Mitzrayim is the highlight of every child’s seder. The specific pasuk in which we learn of our obligation to share the story of leaving Egypt with our children uses unique terminology. In Shemot (10:2), the word “hitalalti”  meaning “made fun of” is used. The Rambam explains that in rendering the damage caused by the plagues, Hashem took revenge for all of Paraoh’s wicked decrees against the Jews. He cites the pasuk from Tehillim: “The one who sits in Heaven will degrade them. Hashem will laugh at them.” Essentially, Hashem made a mockery of the Egyptians. According to Rashi and the Rambam, part of Sipur Yetziat Mitzrayim is discussing this irony.

The Be’erYosef (R’ Yosef Salanter) elaborates on this commentary as follows. When Hashem commanded Moshe to warn Paraoh that Egypt would be plagued with locusts and grasshoppers, He prefaced the warning by saying that He would harden Paraoh’s heart. Up until this point Paraoh had been relatively respectful while interacting with Moshe, but by Makat Arbeh (the plague of locusts) Moshe and Aharon were out of Paraoh’s favor. After Makat Choshech (the plague of darkness) Paraoh’s hostile behavior continued as he warned Moshe: “Get out of here. Be careful. I do not ever want to see your face again.”

Paraoh’s Might Fails

Interestingly, in his time of need, the mighty king of Egypt who purported to act like a god, was running through the streets in the middle of the night screaming, “Where is Moshe? Where is Aharon?” The Jews, his former slaves, were laughing at a man they feared and just months ago. As Makat Bechorot ( the killing of the firstborn) descended Paraoh screamed: “Get up and get out and serve your Gd as you requested!”

Let’s recall that Paraoh went to the bargaining table with Moshe numerous times. First, he completely refused to let the Jews go, and then he relented slightly asking, “Who do you want to go?” He agreed to let only the men go and pray before hardening his heart again. But now, a desperate Paraoh not only totally acquiesced, he was ready to send animals for sacrifices! He begged, “Please pray for me not to die, as I am a firstborn.” Is there a bigger mockery than that? Elaborating on these details is an integral part of our fulfilling the mitzvah of Sipur Yetziat Mitzrayim – the obligation to share the story of leaving Egypt with our children.

For a long time, Paraoh believed himself to be a god. After all, the Nile River came to his feet and he provided food to his humble servants and the whole land of Egypt. By Makat Arbeh however, all the grains of the field were destroyed and a terrible famine was felt throughout the land. Paraoh’s pride took quite a hit, as “the mighty provider” proved to be powerless to feed anyone. The once superior Egyptians were now hopeless subjects with nowhere to turn. They came to realize that their “mighty Paraoh” was a phony, a mere mortal, a human being totally helpless to save even himself. He, like all of us, was subject to the mercy of the one true Gd, Hashem. Sharing these amazing insights with our children and depicting how Paraoh’s ego was deflated is sure to enhance our fulfillment of Sipur Yetziat Mitzrayim on Pesach.

Barad and Arbeh

After Makat Barad (the plague of hail) descended, Mitzrayim looked like a war zone. The grass was ruined, broken trees blocked all the roads and walkways, and the crops of flax and barley were decimated. The Egyptians experienced tremendous shock at seeing the mass destruction before them, but the fact that wheat and buckwheat remained was a small consolation prize. Miraculously these crops were spared from this horrific plague.

Alas, even this small pleasure quickly turned to sorrow as the plague of Arbeh eradicated all the crops in Egypt. R’ Shlomo Homner, who wrote Sefer Eved Hamelech, describes how the Egyptians prepared salted and pickled grasshoppers for dinner. They filed their storage houses with these delicacies, yet they faced disappointment yet again when the grasshoppers flew away. The Jewish people laughed at the Egyptians and teased them saying, “How many grasshoppers did you eat today?”

In a similar fashion, the wild animals left the land after Makat Arov so that the Egyptians could not benefit from the skins. Measure for measure, Hashem mocked the Egyptians, who ridiculed the Jews during their enslavement in Egypt.

May we merit seeing true justice as Hashem shows us the final redemption and His name is sanctified before the world – Amen!

Place in Sidebar: The Ipuwer Papyrus In the early 19^th century, an ancient papyrus was discovered in Egypt. It was taken to the Leiden Museum in Holland, and interpreted by the renowned British Egyptologist, Sir Alan Henderson Gardiner in 1909. The papyrus was written by an Egyptian named Ipuwer and appears to be an eyewitness account of the devastation wrought by the ten plagues throughout Egypt. Describing the plague of blood, the text in the papyrus states the following:

The Ipuwer Papyrus (Papyrus Leiden I 344), also known as The Admonitions of Ipuwer

2:5-6          Plague is throughout the land. Blood is everywhere.

2:10          The river is blood.

2:10          Men shrink from tasting… and thirst for water.

3:10-13      That is our water! What shall we do…? All is ruin.

Did You Know? 

Ancient Egyptian kings avoided drinking wine because of its resemblance to blood!

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Nearly 15,000 nurses across New York City launched a strike on January 12, 2026, making it one of the largest nursing strikes in the city’s history. The strike lasted over three weeks. What does the halacha say about healthcare workers who withhold their labor – not for higher pay alone, but for the ability to provide safe care?

Medicine Demands Fair Compensation

The Gemara establishes that asia d’magan b’magan magan shaveh – “a physician who works for free is worth nothing.” The Rosh explains: “When the doctor does not receive payment, his heart and mind are not meticulous regarding the core needs of the patient.” Hacham Eliyahu Bakshi Doron (Responsa Binyan Av 3:69)  therefore rules: “The public are obliged to pay appropriate salaries to physicians and allow them to focus on their holy work.” Medicine performed under duress is inherently compromised medicine.

The New York nurses’ argument introduces precisely this nuance: the status quo itself was dangerous. If nurses working under a broken system cannot provide necessary care, then the strike changes from abandonment to preservation – fighting for conditions necessary to fulfill the mitzvah of healing.

The Children of Israel Are Servants to Me

Hacham Eliyahu Bakshi Doron discusses medical strikes at length. He explains this halacha stems from the principle that every employee has the right to stand up for their freedom, and the employer has no power to prevent them from doing so. The Shulhan Aruch writes that “a worker may retract even in the middle of the day” (Choshen Mishpat 333:1). Even if already paid, they may cease work, with the money becoming a debt. The reason: “For the Children of Israel are servants to Me” (Vayikra 25:55) and not servants to servants. This prevents employment from becoming a form of inescapable servitude. Work performed under coercion is slavery, forbidden regardless of economic agreements. Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l, (Yechaveh Da’at 4:48) acknowledges that “the minhag hamdina, the custom of the land, is to strike.” But it does not apply in all situations.

The Red Line: Pikuach Nefesh

Hacham Ovadia Yosef, while permitting teachers to strike under certain conditions, draws a sharp line regarding healthcare. In Yechaveh Da’at IV:48, he writes explicitly that the permission to strike applies “except for matters involving life-saving measures, such as hospital services.” Pikuach nefesh (saving a life) overrides nearly every other commandment. Hacham Bakshi-Doron reinforces this in Binyan Av, arguing that a doctor or nurse is bound by the negative commandment, “Do not stand idly by the blood of your neighbor.” From this perspective, abandoning a patient in immediate danger is akin to bloodshed. No financial grievance or administrative dispute can justify leaving an ICU bed unmonitored.

Medicine as Mitzvah, Not Merely Profession

Hacham Bakshi Doron writes that the medical worker is not a servant of the hospital, but is a servant of Hashem – tasked with the mitzvah of healing. “Medicine is not a profession but a mitzvah, the most sublime mitzvah of saving lives. If they are forbidden to strike, they are indeed slaves – but slaves to the Holy One, Blessed be He.” A caregiver devoted to saving life is no servant to man – “there is no freer person than one who serves Hashem.”

Some argue medical strikes ultimately improve healthcare by forcing better conditions. This must be absolutely rejected. The principle is ironclad: ein dochin nefesh mipnei nefesh – we do not push aside one life for another. There is no halachic justification for withholding lifesaving care from patients before us, even to save more patients in the future. Each nefesh has infinite value; mathematical comparisons are meaningless.

Conclusion

Nurses and physicians are entitled – indeed obligated – to demand conditions that allow them to practice medicine responsibly and with yishuv hada’at. A system that exhausts its caregivers violates human dignity and ultimately endangers life. Yet the red line remains immovable: wherever pikuach nefesh is present, the duty to heal overrides every tactical consideration. The halachic mandate is disciplined protest – one that preserves emergency care, protects the vulnerable, and refuses to turn human lives into bargaining chips. In this balance, halacha affirms both truths at once: the caregiver is not a slave to institutions, and the patient is never abandoned. Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. He is the author of “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome” and “Nutrition and Hydration in Halacha.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“Keep Moving” has become my guidepost for a healthy life, both physically and mentally.  Exercise helps every part of your body including your mind.  Exercise can help you feel good by improving your mood. 

Good for Body and Soul

When I get stuck or start dwelling on things that are out of my control, I go outside for a walk, rain or shine.  I start my mornings with a stroll on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade and gaze at the lovely Manhattan skyline.  I take three deep breaths, and thank Hashem for creating such beauty and for giving me health and a wonderful family.  Some experts refer to this as an “awe walk.” An awe walk is a brief, intentional walk where the walker focuses outwardly on experiencing sensations of wonder, curiosity, and vastness in their surroundings. Consciously looking for beauty, nature, or novelty helps shift attention away from internal worries, reducing stress and boosting mental well-being.

The American Psychological Association has projected that one out of every four 65-year-olds today will live past age 90.  One way to make that happen, with Hashem’s help, is to maintain a healthy lifestyle, including exercise.  Exercise can help prevent falls and injuries, keep your brain sharp and boost your energy levels.

For adults, the American College of Sports Medicine recommends at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity at least five days per week. Adding in some resistance training to your exercise routine two to three days per week will provide extra benefits.  Engaging in 30 minutes of any type of physical activity five days a week may reduce your risk of dying from any cause by 28 percent and from heart disease by 20 percent.

Youngsters Benefit

The importance of daily exercise for promoting healthy physical and mental development applies to young people, too.60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity every day is recommended for children and teens.   Like adults, they should incorporate bone and muscle-strengthening exercises at least three times a week.

Incorporating biking, running, or swimming into your child’s routine enables them to deal with both physical and emotional challenges more successfully.  Daily exercise strengthens their bones and muscles, improves their cardiovascular health, helps them sustain a healthy weight, and enhances immune function.   Physical exercise improves children’s cognitive function, too, by enhancing brain health, memory, and attention, resulting in better academic performance.   Exercise also reduces the risk of type 2 diabetes and heart disease.   Daily exercise elevates young people’s mood, reduces anxiety and depression, and aids in stress management.

When children form the habit of daily exercise at a young age, it sets the foundation for an active lifestyle as they reach adulthood and, in the future, it will help them to age well.

Indoor Exercise

Did the frigid winter get you down and discourage you from exercising?   Spending moderate amounts of time indoors and enjoying downtime has its perks and can help you reset and relax.  However, spending too much time at home has its drawbacks.  Its pitfalls include, but are not limited to, low levels of Vitamin D, sluggishness, weight gain, stress, anxiety, and depression.

To stay healthy, it’s even more important to exercise when you are stuck indoors for its physical rewards and mental health perks.  People who sheltered in place during the pandemic were encouraged to do regular physical activity at home to avoid becoming sedentary.

I was surprised to see how many steps I could score on my Fitbit watch without leaving home.  Plus, I have several dance and exercise apps on my phone to keep me moving.  My husband calls this “puttering,” but I call it straightening up and organizing the house.    Studies show that household chores count as exercise.  The positive effects were found to be the same whether one was walking or exercising at the gym, walking, or doing chores such gardening or vacuuming.  Mel Robbins is a  bestselling author, award-winning podcast host, and an expert on personal growth. She recommends dancing while doing dishes or cooking.

A 2026 study conducted by the AdventHealth Research Institute and the University of Pittsburgh confirms that consistent moderate-to-vigorous aerobic exercise can significantly slow the structural aging of the brain, making it appear nearly a year younger. The study suggests that 150 minutes of weekly aerobic exercise, (such as brisk walking, cycling, or swimming) can reduce a marker known as “brain-predicted age difference” (brain-PAD) in adults 26 to 58.

To Age Well

Take care to do these actions.  Sit on the floor, and get back up on your own. Do yoga, Zumba, or other regular physical activity, jump, and walk briskly. When asked a question, speaking to the point of the topic and do not ramble. 

If you can get outdoors to exercise, your body will net additional rewards.  The natural sunlight helps your body produce more Vitamin D, which is essential to a healthy immune system. If you are sun sensitive, or have had Basal cell carcinoma, make sure to apply sunscreen.  

Dopamine is the “feel good” neurotransmitter that acts as a chemical messenger in your brain to signal reward, motivation, and pleasure. It plays a critical role in movement, memory, and focus It is the brain chemical that is transmitted when we experience pleasure. 

Outdoor exercise can increase dopamine as well as serotonin (a chemical messenger that stabilizes mood, sleep, and digestion. It is often called the “feel good” hormone because it promotes feelings of well-being and safety) and other natural endorphin levels that support a positive mood.

What are we waiting for?  Let’s get moving!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career. and dating coaching.  Ellen can be contacted at ellen.kamaras@gmail.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

HABAYIT: Providing Hesed Apartments and Comfort for Families Coming to New York for Critical Medical Treatment

Sometimes, everything changes with one step – not a grand gesture or a carefully planned move, but one small decision made in a moment of need.

No one plans for the moment when life takes an unexpected turn.

A diagnosis, a treatment plan, or an urgent medical need can send someone – or someone they love – across cities and countries to New York for critical treatment or surgery. Routine gives way to uncertainty, and families find themselves navigating unfamiliar ground.

And then, as the reality begins to settle in, a pressing question appears: Where will we stay?

Habayit was born out of that question. Not from a master plan, funding, or an organization already in place – but from one small, brave decision.

The First Step

A small group of real estate agents found themselves receiving the same call again and again. Families arrived in New York during some of the most vulnerable moments of their lives, exhausted and overwhelmed, far from home and desperate to find a place to stay. Short-term housing was nearly impossible to secure, and hotels were both unaffordable and impractical.

So they took one step.

They opened one hesed apartment for people who needed to come to New York for medical treatment – a furnished, dignified place where individuals and families could stay while focusing on healing.

There were no big expectations. The group of real estate agents believed they might be able to sustain one apartment – one family at a time. But the moment the need was shared, something extraordinary happened.

Other Steps

The community showed up.

Beds arrived. Sheets were dropped off. Pots and pans, furniture, toys, mezuzot, and sefarim followed. Volunteers stepped forward quietly and generously, transforming an empty space into a true home.

And then, one step led to another.

Our sages teach, “Open for Me an opening the size of a needle’s eye, and I will open for you an opening like the entrance of a great hall.”

When a person takes even the smallest step toward kindness, Heaven expands that step far beyond what we could accomplish alone. Habayit began with one small opening – and Hashem opened the doors.

Four Years In

Today, just four years later, Habayit has grown from that single apartment into 17 fully furnished hesed apartments, powered by hundreds of devoted volunteers and helping hundreds of families from around the world.

Families have come to New York from Israel, Panama, Mexico, London, Canada, Argentina, Venezuela, Brazil, and from many states across the United States – all in search of life-saving medical treatments. They arrived frightened and uncertain and found themselves held, supported, and cared for at the very moment they needed it most.

Sometimes, the impact of that care reaches even further. Over the years, Habayit has had the profound merit of welcoming four “Habayit babies” – children born to couples who came to New York for fertility treatments and were able to stay because they had a place to call home.

A Legacy of Kindness

At its core, Habayit is about dignity, sensitivity, and quiet hesed. The organization was founded in memory of the Baal Shem of Michelstadt, whose life was defined by compassion, generosity, and kindness towards all. That legacy lives on through every apartment prepared, every family welcomed, and every step taken on behalf of someone in need.

But Habayit’s story is not only about growth. It is about moments – moments when one seemingly small action quietly changed the course of a life.

Last year, Community Magazine published an article about Habayit. In one paragraph, it mentioned a painful reality – families who needed to come to New York for life-saving medical treatment, but there were not enough apartments to accommodate them.

Another Quiet Response

Among the readers was a man who took that paragraph to heart.

After reading the article, he reached out to Habayit. He explained that he had a fully set-up apartment. He didn’t need it at the time. If Habayit was ever full, he wanted them to have his number – just in case someone else might need a place to stay.

Nothing dramatic happened that day. There was no fanfare – just a reader who saw a need and chose to take one step.

A couple of months later, Habayit received another call – this time from a man who had come to New York from Israel for stage-four cancer treatment. Nearly seventy years old and alone, he had spent hours calling Jewish organizations, unable to find a place to stay. By Friday morning, he believed he would be sleeping on the street.

When he reached Habayit, there were no apartments available. All were full. But, because one man had read that article months earlier and acted, there was another option. He was given that phone number.

What happened next is best told in his own words.

A Letter Written to Habayit

The following letter was written by Yosef (name changed for privacy):

My name is Yosef. I came to New York from Israel to be treated for stage-four cancer.

I am almost seventy years old and could not afford to stay in a hotel while receiving treatment. One Friday morning, I spent three hours calling Jewish organizations, asking for help finding a place to stay. I was unsuccessful and did not know where to turn. Sleeping on the street felt like my only option.

I have no relatives in New York. Each call led me somewhere else, and it became clear I had nowhere to go.

When I spoke with someone from Habayit, I was given the phone number of a family who might be able to help. By then, I had very little hope left. Still, I called.

A man answered. After hearing my situation, he immediately told me that he and his wife were inviting me into their home.

I took the subway and arrived at their house. I was shown a private room and told I could stay as long as I needed. That was the first time I cried since being diagnosed with terminal cancer.

I am not a religious person, and I do not remember crying since childhood. Being welcomed by a Jewish family who had never met me before was overwhelming.

That Friday night, I sat at their Shabbat table. Only hours earlier, I believed I would be sleeping on the street. The warmth, kindness, and generosity I experienced is something I will never forget.

Thank you and Shabbat Shalom,

Yosef

A Series of Small Steps

That life was changed through a series of small steps.

Community Magazine shared the story. One reader carried it in his heart and responded. And through those quiet choices, a man who feared sleeping on the street found warmth, dignity, and a place at a Shabbat table.

But his story is only one glimpse into the quiet ways small acts of hesed reshape lives. There was another moment – different in setting, but identical in spirit.

At a summer Habayit event, Rabbi Shlomo Farhi spoke about the quiet work being done behind the scenes – the phone calls, the apartments, the families arriving in need. By the time he finished speaking, there were tears throughout the room.

Before leaving, he added one more sentence. He explained that there was an urgent need for an apartment near Sloan Kettering. Families were coming for treatment, and there was simply nowhere for them to stay.

A few days later, the phone rang.

Someone who had heard about the urgent need reached out. The message had stayed with her. She explained that she had a furnished apartment right near Sloan Kettering and that Habayit was welcome to use it.

Within days, a family moved in. In the middle of fear and uncertainty, they had a place to stay. Since then, it has served as a safe haven for dozens of families whose loved ones were undergoing life-saving treatments.

Rabbi Farhi’s words did not end when the event was over. They traveled beyond the room, reaching a woman who chose to act. One small step – offering an apartment – became comfort, stability, and dignity for families in their most vulnerable moments.

A High Schooler Steps Up

Another time, the step seemed even smaller.

A high-school intern came to help at Habayit for the day. There were no urgent calls or emergencies. Instead of leaving early, he chose to organize the warehouse, which had become so crowded that it was difficult to move through. By the time he finished, everything was accessible and in its place.

That night, the phone rang.

A 36-year-old man from Panama had received devastating news from his doctors: if he did not get to New York immediately, he would not survive. He was flown in on an emergency medical evacuation flight and rushed straight to the hospital upon arrival. His family needed a place to stay – immediately.

Habayit had no available apartments. Brooklyn was full. Manhattan was full. Every other organization was full. There was only one option: an apartment that had not yet been set up.

Because the warehouse had been organized earlier that day, the team could immediately reach what they needed. Volunteers came running. Furniture was moved. Food was brought. Essentials were gathered.

By early evening, the apartment was no longer empty. The fridge was stocked. The beds were made. The space felt like a home.

While the man was in the hospital, his family arrived exhausted and terrified – and they had somewhere safe to walk into.

That life was saved because one small step had been taken earlier.

The Quiet Miracle

This is the quiet miracle of Habayit.

An organization built not on buildings, but on people. Volunteers who answer calls at all hours. Donors who give quietly. Families who open their doors. Teenagers who stay late to help.

The need continues to grow. Families are still calling. More lives can be helped.

If you would like to be part of this work – whether through donating, volunteering, or getting involved – Habayit would love to hear from you. And if you or someone you know has an empty or underused apartment in Brooklyn or Manhattan that could be used for hesed, that one step could change a life.

For all inquiries, please contact the Habayit office: 580-HABAYIT (580-422-2948). Because the story of Habayit doesn’t end here. It continues every time someone chooses to take one step.

Michele Shrem

This month we are discussing whether families should discuss finances with their children. Should the kids know about financial struggles that are going on in the household? When I was growing up, money was always a hushed subject.  But, these days should our children still be in the dark? Should families be open about their finances? Should children be told about family financial struggles? Let’s see what our community members have to say.

Sarah

When I was growing up we never knew anything about finances or any struggles. Everything was discussed behind closed doors. And, it was the same with other topics such as religion and politics. There was a sealed lid on family finances that was not opened until much later on, maybe when I was a teenager. I did learn how to handle a bank account through my mom. She took me to the bank to open an account when I started to babysit. I was lucky that she showed me how to save from a young age. Now, instead of saving for a special toy, I can save for a nice vacation!

Anonymous

As a Certified Financial Planner, I feel that shielding children from money discussions is a form of educational neglect. You can’t expect a young adult to have a credit card or to sign a lease if they have never even looked at a utility bill. They will have no conception of money and how to use it properly. I think it is a good idea to discuss finances early and often. You can start with the concept of earning, saving, spending, and giving, even at a young age. If a six year old does a household chore, you can give them a quarter to put into a piggy bank. Then, when it starts to add up, you can take them to a store to spend a little of it. You can also have a home tzedakah box to show them how to give, and even bring them to the organization to deliver the box. I also believe that children should know about struggles going on in a household. There is no need to make them feel nervous, but they can become more resilient. If you can’t go on a vacation one year, you can tell them why. You can suggest a weekend trip instead, and let them know that in the future, they will hopefully go on a larger vacation. When children are in the dark, they can imagine worse-case scenarios. If they know, they may even be able to help by assisting in the home, or not asking for high-priced gadgets.

Jojo

I am very cautious about treating children like adults. I In the current world, that is probably a very old-fashioned thing to say. I feel that discussions should be age-appropriate. I would not want my child to feel anxious. A home should be a very safe and supportive place for them. I advise against sharing serious financial struggles like a job loss for instance, unless they are at least in their teens. I don’t think that children younger than that can understand that problems are solvable, and that the problem may not be permanent. Financial instability can feel like a threat to a child’s safety.

Kelly

When I was growing up, money was very tight, and I knew that my parents struggled through the years. Because they kept me in the loop, I do pretty well for myself now, and I credit my parents for teaching me these skills. Now, I passed that down to my kids so they know the costs of things. I want them to be prepared and understand the value of a dollar. To me, total transparency is the way to go. If the water gets shut off, they should know why, because it builds hunger and a drive to never be in that position themselves.

Mrs. E

I don’t think that children should ever know about family financial hardships. I want my children to play and learn, while my husband and I share the burden. I would never even think of it as a topic for the dinner table. If my kids think that I’m scared, that will be the end of their childhood. My husband and I will hold onto the stress. As adults, I feel that we can handle stress better. There is plenty of time for them to stress about things later on in life. 

Diane

As a teacher of middle school students, I find that many of them have not had any discussions about finances at home. Kids actually do need help to understand why they have different things than their peers. There is a middle ground approach. You don’t need to tell them if you are broke, but you can tell them that certain things will take priority for a little while. This way, they can understand some of what is going on and understand the concept of a budget, without feeling inferior to their classmates and friends.

Mike

I like to have family meetings once in a while in order to talk about several things with my kids, including chores, issues they are having inside and outside of my home, and, of course, finances. I want my kids to see where the money goes. I try to be honest with them. For instance, if we overspent on groceries, and they can’t go to the movies.  Then they can see the math for themselves. They mystery of why I said “no” is then understood with logic.

Lisa

I knew growing up that my parents struggled. I could feel the tension in the air. My parents did not talk about it, and my imagination made it ten times worse. I think families should be in a situation together. As a kid left to guessing, I can tell you that it made me anxious and scared. Years later I found out that it was not as bad as I had thought. If I had known, all those years of worrying could have been avoided for me.

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Ultimately, the line between helpful and harmful financial transparency is drawn at stability. Money discussions are helpful when they serve as a lesson for future independence. They become harmful when they serve to vent parental stress or become a source of childhood fear. By treating money as a neutral tool rather than a secret shame, families can equip the next generation with something money can’t buy: the wisdom to manage it well.

Michele

Jack Gindi

If you’ve been following my work, you know that last year I lost my eldest son, Shaun.

Nothing prepares a parent for that sentence. Nothing prepares you for waking up in a world that looks the same but feels entirely different.

A little more than a year has passed. I’ve learned that time doesn’t heal grief. It teaches you how to carry it. Some days feel steady. Others still knock the wind out of me. What has surprised me most over this past year is how many parents are walking this same road. In the United States alone, an estimated 60,000 to 80,000 families lose a child or young adult every year.

We are living through a quiet and deeply troubling moment in this country. After decades of steady progress, child and youth mortality rates have reversed course. In the last five years, deaths among children and young adults have risen drastically – driven by fentanyl, mental-health crises, gun violence, and despair. One public-health researcher called the shift “a red flashing light.” Behind every number is a family standing in the aftermath, trying to breathe through the unthinkable.

I know that place.

What I want to share here isn’t advice. It’s simply what helped me survive the first year after Shaun passed, moment by moment, breath by breath.

Earlier that day, before I knew Shaun had passed (November 20, 2024), I recorded a short video and posted it online.

“Don’t build a home in hardship. Don’t make mourning your address. Don’t let yesterday steal your tomorrow.”

At the time, I had no idea those words would become a lifeline, first for me, and later for others. After Shaun’s passing, I couldn’t imagine ever standing in front of a camera again. I wasn’t trying to get back to “normal.” That life no longer existed. My work, my health, and my sense of purpose all had to change.

Grief doesn’t just break your heart. It disorients you. It pulls you out of your body, out of your relationships, and out of any sense of direction. In the first months after Shaun’s passing, I gained weight, slept poorly, and felt the edges of myself blur. I wasn’t broken. I was overwhelmed.

What helped me wasn’t trying to fix my grief. It was giving myself something steady to return to.

L.I.F.E

I leaned on the same L.I.F.E. Mapping process I had originally built for families. It helped keep me going when everything felt unstable. I used it to notice when my body was taking the hit of grief and needed care, to stay connected to what I was feeling instead of shutting down, and to make sure I didn’t disappear from my family and friends.

Doing this didn’t make the loss easier. It helped me to keep living while carrying the loss.

Some days, “mapping my life” meant nothing more than getting outside and walking. Other days it meant sitting quietly and letting the tears come. Sometimes it meant reaching out instead of pulling away. And sometimes it meant remembering that even in grief, life still asks for presence, not perfection.

What I’ve learned this year is that grief doesn’t want to be rushed, but it’s not a place to live. Mourning is necessary. Pain needs processing. But if we don’t gently orient ourselves, if we don’t check in with our bodies, our inner world, our relationships, and our sense of meaning, grief can quietly become isolating.

For anyone walking a road of grief now, please hear this. You are not weak for feeling lost. You are human. And you don’t need a grand plan to survive. Sometimes a simple reminder, a daily check-in, or a steady structure is enough to get you through the next hour.

I don’t have your answers. I only have my story. But I believe this deeply. Our greatest heartbreak can also become a doorway to new meaning. Love doesn’t leave us when our loved ones pass on. It changes form. It asks us to carry it differently.

Shaun still walks with me – in my life, my work, my choices, and the families I support. His life ended in shock and pain, but it continues with purpose.

If you’re reading this as a person who has lost someone you love, or fears losing one, know this: You are not alone, and you don’t have to figure life out all at once. Stay connected. Stay honest. Take care of your body. Lean on others. And don’t let grief be the place where you live. Onwards, one breath, one day at a time.