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The Lighter Side – February 2025

Frozen Windows

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.”
Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with a hammer.”
The wife texts back 10 minutes later: “Computer really messed up now.”

Gladys T.

The Duck at the Pharmacy

A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for some lip balm.

The pharmacist asks, “Will that be cash or credit?”

The duck replies, “Just put it on my bill!”

Morris S.

A Big Catch

An Israeli man named Itzik was returning home from a fishing trip at the Sea of Galilee. He was flying down the highway, going way too fast. He felt secure amongst a pack of cars, all traveling at the same speed. However, it wasn’t long before he saw flashing lights in his review mirror and pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature, and was about to walk away when Itzik stopped him. “Officer, I know I was speeding,” he started, “but I don’t think it’s fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”

The officer tilted his head and gestured at the fishing gear stowed on the passenger seat. “I see you like fishing,” he said.

“Umm, yes I do… so?” Itzik replied, confused.

The officer grinned as he turned to leave. “Ever catch ALL the fish?”

Michael F.

Fish Cakes

Little Moe walks into Yossi’s Kosher Fish Mart with a fish under his arm.

“Do you have any fishcakes?” Little Moe asks.

“Yes, of course,” says Yossi, the store owner.

“Great,” replies Little Moe, nodding at the fish under his arm. “It’s his birthday today!”

Max C.

The Speeding Granny

A police officer pulls over an elderly lady for speeding.

He asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

The granny replies, “Of course I do. That’s how I got here so fast!”

The officer chuckles and says, “Why were you speeding?”

She responds, “Because I wanted to get there before I forgot where I was going!”

Mary G.

The Speeding Ticket

A man is speeding down the highway when he sees flashing lights in his rearview mirror.
He pulls over, and a state trooper approaches his window.
The trooper says, “I’ve been waiting for you all day.”
The man replies, “Well, I got here as fast as I could!”
The trooper, trying to suppress a smile, asks for the man’s license and registration.
“Why were you speeding?” the trooper asks.
“Officer, I’m late for work.”
“Oh, and what do you do?”
“I’m a juggler in a circus.”
“A juggler? Well, that’s interesting. How about you show me what you do?”
The man agrees and gets out of the car, opens his trunk, and takes out some juggling balls.
He begins juggling right there on the side of the road.
Just then, another car speeds by, and the driver looks over, sees the juggling act, and says to himself, “I’m never drinking again! Look at the sobriety test they’ve got now!”

Mark G.

Accounting Worries

David just received his accounting designation and he was looking for a job. He was being interviewed by Alan Goldfarb, a partner at the three-man firm Goldfarb, Applebaum, and Goldman. Alan came across as a very nervous man.

“I need someone with an accounting degree,” Goldfarb said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”

“Excuse me?” the young accountant said.

“I worry about a lot of things,” Goldfarb said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”

“I see,” David said. “And how much does the job pay?”

“I will start you at ninety-five thousand dollars.”

“Ninety-five thousand dollars!” David exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”

“That,” Goldfarb said, “is your first worry.”

Karen Z.

Bus or Bust

Chaim Yankel was visiting Washington, DC, for the first time. Unable to locate the Capitol, he asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”

The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there.”

Three hours later, the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, Chaim Yankel was still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus, and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?”

Chaim Yankel replied, “Don’t worry, officer, it won’t be long now. The 45th bus just went by!”

Mordechai M.

The Forgetful Waiter

A man goes to a fancy restaurant and orders a steak.
After waiting a long time, the waiter finally brings it out.
“I’m sorry for the delay,” the waiter says. “Would you like anything else with your steak?”
The man replies, “How about a few kind words?”
The waiter thinks for a moment, then leans down and whispers, “Don’t eat the steak.”

Lawrence H.

The Laziest Man in the World

A competition is held to find the laziest man in the world.

Three finalists are chosen and brought on stage.

The first man is asked, “Why do you think you’re the laziest?”

He says, “Because I’m too lazy to answer that question.”

The second man is asked the same question. He responds, “I’m too lazy to even think about answering.”

The third man doesn’t say anything, just lies on the floor, holding his hand out.

When asked what he’s doing, he says, “Waiting for someone to give me the prize.”

Jake K.

Baby Sister

Little Moishe was used to being the center of attention, so understandably he was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister Rivka. Moishe’s parents sat him down and said that now that Rivkah was getting older, the house was too small and they’d have to move.

“It’s no use,” Moishe said. “She’s crawling now. She’ll probably just follow us.”

Elana B.

Fire Drill

Joey and his classmates at the Talmud Torah had just finished a tour of the local fire hall.

Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him. He asked little Joey, “What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?”

Joey replied promptly, “I don’t put them on!”

Isaac A.

Riddles – February 2025

RIDDLE: What Am I?

Submitted by: Jesse L.

I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive when the wind blows. What am I?

Last Month’s Riddle: What Am I?

I was known to philosophers a thousand years ago, I have numbers all in a line, and I can tell you if rain will turn to snow. What am I?

Solution:  A thermometer!

Solved by: Sarah Shweky, Mary G., The Dwek Family, Marty Chemtob, The Big Cheese, Raymond Shweky, Jack Chehebar, Fortune Cohen, Ellen Grazi, and The Shmulster. 

JUNIOR RIDDLE:  A Sinking Feeling

Submitted by: Lori P.

You see a boat filled with 100 people. A minute later, you look again and there isn’t a single person on board. If the boat didn’t sink, how is that possible?

Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Time to Chime

A clock chimes 5 times in 4 seconds. How many times will it chime in 10 seconds?

Solution: The clock will chime 12 times in 10 seconds.

Solved by: Sarah Shweky, Raymond Shweky, Rania Joy Chehebar, Eli Beda, M. Gemal, Al Anteby, Sophie Tawil, Big Mike, and The Shmulster.

Ask Jido – February 2025

Dear Jido,

A specialist recommended that my father should try a particular diet that may help with his early on-set dementia and other cognitive problems he is experiencing. He doesn’t seem resistant to trying it, but my mother isn’t being supportive at all, and is unwilling to change her diet. I have explained to her that this would be easier for Dad if she joined him and expressed interest in changing her diet with him – but she does not think it is necessary. I know I can’t control her, but it’s hard for me to watch my father decline and for my mom to avoid any potential ways to support him. How can I nudge her, or find other ways to help him deal with this?

Signed,

Food for Thought

Dear Thoughtful,

I’m sure that Mom loves Dad and would do whatever she can to keep him healthy. It’s important for you to understand that it’s not easy for seniors to change their habits – especially about food.

Assure your mom that you’re not talking about giving up mazza or mechshe. She’s also not changing her recipes to a keto, gluten-free, or low-salt diet (which is not such a bad idea anyway).

You’re looking to change black coffee to black tea, Coke and Pepsi to orange juice, iceberg lettuce to green leafy, and cookies to nuts and berries.

Start slow. Maybe YOU go shopping and stock up on just one of these “new” items at a time. Slowly introduce the new stuff and do away with as much of the bad stuff as you can.

If your “specialist” is insisting that your father go cold turkey (that’s a methodology not a food), switch specialists.

Dementia onslaught is a slow process. Reversing or stalling it is also a slow process. Use the same slow process to ease your father’s diet into a healthier regimen.

He should be well.

Jido

Medical Halacha – Saving Lives on Shabbat

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Rabbi, I went to Rabbi Goldberg’s shiur, and he mentioned that whenever possible, pikuach nefesh (saving a life) on Shabbat should be done with a shinui (a modification of the usual practice) or by a non-Jew. If so, why are Hatzalah members Jewish? Is this correct for Sephardim as well?

The Principle of Pikuach Nefesh

Pikuach nefesh is a fundamental principle in Judaism, emphasizing the sanctity of human life. It means the “safeguarding of life” and underscores the importance of protecting life above all else, even at the expense of overriding all other mitzvot, with the sole exception of the three cardinal sins of murder, idolatry, and adultery.

Practically, this means that when someone’s life is in danger, it is not only permissible but obligatory to violate halacha if necessary to save their life. For example, if a person suddenly falls ill on Shabbat, we are obligated to provide lifesaving medical treatment, call an ambulance, or drive to the hospital, even though these actions would otherwise be forbidden.

Shulchan Aruch and the Rema: A Difference of Opinion

The Shulchan Aruch and the Rema disagree on whether it is ideal to perform pikuach nefesh actions with either a shinui or through a non-Jew, as long as it does not cause a delay in treatment. The Shulchan Aruch (O.C. 328:12) rules that when desecrating Shabbat for a choleh she-yesh bo sakana (a person whose life is in danger), one should try to have a Jewish adult perform the action, rather than a non-Jew. The Rema adds that if it is possible to do so without delay with a shinui, it should be done that way. If a non-Jew can perform the action without causing a delay, then a non-Jew should do it. However, if there is concern that the non-Jew might delay, it is better not to have a non-Jew perform the action.

In contrast, when it comes to a yoledet (a woman in labor), the Shulchan Aruch and the Rema agree that a shinui should be employed whenever possible. I will explain why in more detail in the next edition.

Sephardic Practice: Hacham Ovadia and Hacham Benzion

Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, (Hazon Ovadya, Shabbat Vol. 3, p. 281) follows the Shulchan Aruch position and rules that a Jewish adult should perform pikuach nefesh, as there is concern that if you seek a non-Jew, you might not find one in time, thereby endangering the patient. Hacham Benzion Abba Shaul (Ohr Lezion 2:36:2) reasons that, since pikuach nefesh is such a great mitzvah of saving lives, one should rush to the opportunity to save a person’s life, rather than searching for someone else to do so.

Hutra vs. Dechuya: The Underlying Debate

Hacham Ovadia (Yabia Omer, Vol. 10, O.C. 30) explains the difference of opinion between the Shulchan Aruch and the Rema. This difference depends on whether pikuach nefesh on Shabbat is hutra or dechuya. Hutra means the act does not constitute chilul Shabbat at all, it is as if Shabbat is a “weekday” in this regard. Dechuya, on the other hand, means that pikuach nefesh overrides or takes precedence over Shabbat.

Another ramification of this debate is whether one should perform pikuach nefesh with a shinui, even if a shinui would not endanger the patient. If Shabbat is considered dechuya, a shinui should be performed to reduce the severity of the prohibition. However, if Shabbat is hutra, it can be done in a regular fashion.

Conclusion

To answer the original question, there is a difference between Sephardi and Ashkenazi minhag regarding pikuach nefesh on Shabbat. According to Sephardi practice, pikuach nefesh is performed in a regular fashion and there is no requirement to use a shinui or to involve a non-Jew. Ashkenazi practice aims to minimize chilul Shabbat whenever possible. This is done by either asking a non-Jew to perform the lifesaving action or performing it with a shinui. However, this is only applicable when there is no risk of delay or danger to the patient.

This distinction also explains why Hatzalah members are usually Jewish. Every call for assistance is potentially life-threatening, and every second is critical. In such cases, the priority is immediate and decisive action, without unnecessary complications or delays. When someone’s life is at risk and time is critical, immediate intervention is necessary. Even to pause and confirm with a rabbi whether one is opting for the correct course of action could result in a delay that may be fatal (S.A. O.C. 328:2). Those who perform it with urgency and diligence are praiseworthy (Yoma 84b).

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a recognized expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He is the head of the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, please email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

One on One with Barbara Bensoussan

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“How did I end up living in the Holy City of Brooklyn amidst Orthodox men in black hats and women in custom wigs? My young adult visions of myself ensconced in a little college town teaching undergraduates gave way to a life that is considerably more rich, diverse, and family centered.” – Barbara

Please meet Barbara Bensoussan, an awarding-winning writer who transitioned from an “All-American Jewish girl to a Sephardic observant Jewish wife and mother.”

In her 25-year career as a journalist, writing for magazines and authoring her own books, Barbara has often focused on the Sephardic community. She aims to ensure that regular modern-day, Torah-observant Sephardim are represented in her books.

We met in Barbara’s home, and she warmly greeted me with homemade cookies. I was struck by her lovely, graceful, and calm presence.

Barbara’s life story is entwined with her introduction to Orthodox Judaism during grad school, her journey to becoming shomeret Shabbat, and her first trip to Israel.

Roots

Barbara Greenfield Bensoussan was born in Philadelphia and moved with her family to Rochester, N.Y. at 14 years of age. She has two younger brothers. Her father Joseph David, a”h, and her mother Gladys belonged to a Reform synagogue and had a strong Jewish identity.

Barbara credits her parents with being models of shalom bayit, stability, and integrity. They demonstrated how to face challenges courageously.

Her uncle, Stanley Weintraub, a”h, was a role model for Barbara. He was a university professor who wrote over 60 books.

Barbara’s grandparents were all born in Eastern Europe. However, while writing an article about DNA testing, she did DNA testing herself and discovered that her mother’s DNA group was a Sephardi line.

Barbara describes herself as being a bookish kid who was a social but introspective teen. She attended public schools from elementary through high school.

In Barbara’s early high school years her grades were not stellar, as her friends were more important to her than classes. After she achieved high scores on the PSAT/SAT exams, she said, “people saw me differently and I shaped up academically in response.”

She enrolled at Michigan State University majoring in psychology. MSU was culture shock for her as it was very large and alienating, with very few Jews. Her next step was a doctoral program in psychology at the University of Michigan, which had a larger Jewish population.

A Spiritual Pivot

“I was on my way to a Ph.D. in psychology when I decided to opt out of academia and start a family.”

Halfway through graduate school, a friend drew Barbara into a weekly Judaism class with an Orthodox rabbi. She had preconceived ideas about Orthodox Jews and was pleasantly surprised that this rabbi was shrewd, insightful, and understood a lot more about her world than she did about his. It did not take her long to realize that Judaism was much richer, deeper, and intellectually sophisticated than her Hebrew school education. Her newly religious friends invited her for Shabbat to allow her to really experience it. Although she enjoyed these breaks from school, Barbara still could not see herself becoming Orthodox.

Both the rabbi and Barbara’s friends encouraged her to visit Israel. She received a scholarship to attend a women’s summer learning program at Neve Yerushalayim in Jerusalem. She felt she could not pass up this opportunity to experience Israel for the first time.

Barbara’s summer in Yerushalayim was both an “eye-opening and soul-opening experience – difficult and exhilarating at the same time.”

She struggled to absorb new words and Orthodox Jewish concepts. Her modern-day perspective clashed with a worldview that was wiser and older. Barbara cried at the Kotel and Yad V’Shem and she understood that Yerushalayim was cracking open something that had been closed inside her. She felt that spiritual connection and decided to try to be shomeret Shabbat at Neve.

That summer also opened her heart. She met her future husband Ariel when she took a break from studying one day. Ariel was a university student in France at the time. He had grown up in Morocco and was visiting his parents in Israel. A couple of his brothers had become affiliated with Chabad.

Barbara and Ariel stayed connected. When they decided to marry, they chose to live in Brooklyn as a compromise between France and Michigan. Barbara accepted Moroccan minhagim.

With great siyata d’shmaya, Ariel was able to find a job in his field quickly in Brooklyn. He loved that Brooklyn was so Jewish, with shuls, shiurim, and kosher food available everywhere.

The couple lives in Flatbush and their children are all married in the Sephardi community. Ariel does part-time consulting as a computer programmer and studies in Kollel part-time.

Barbara’s Essence

Barbara is warm, smart, spiritual, grounded, and balanced. She describes herself as someone who loves people and learning about them. “I like to think I’m a good friend and listener – I get that from my mom.” She loves humor and having a good laugh.

Barbara has a wide-ranging curiosity and enjoys learning about diverse things. “I was always a bit artistic – I liked to draw, sew, crochet – but now my artistic side is mostly channeled into writing and cooking.”

Family and Career

After being introduced to Orthodox Judaism in Michigan and spending time in Israel, Barbara recognized that raising children in the Torah way was the only sane path. There was so much she had not known about Torah. “The psychology and human guidelines embedded in halacha are so much more relevant to a stable marriage and good parenting than secular concepts.”

Having completed her master’s in psychology, Barbara withdrew from the doctoral program (she finished all but the dissertation). The Michigan program was very research focused. Barbara wanted to do something more significant, family-friendly, and people oriented so she took a position as a foster care social worker at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. Barbara also taught ESL to Russian immigrants.

After her third child was born, Barbara gave up her Ohel job to be a full-time mother. She raised six children. When her youngest started school, she slowly began her entry into writing.

Why Journalism?

“I had so many ideas percolating in my head after all the changes in my life – non-religious to religious, out-of-towner to New Yorker, American-Ashkenazi background to Moroccan, marriage and six kids real fast. An editor saw my writing and began asking me for articles, and it took off.”

Barbara wrote a column on Sephardic food for Hamodia for several years and then joined Mishpacha Magazine and Jewish Action. She writes fiction serials in The Jewish Press and does editing, ghost writing, copywriting, and speaks at girls’ schools.

Barbara co-leads a book club for JWOW (jewishwomenofwisdom.org), an organization for the 55+ crowd.

Barbara strives to make her articles lively and creative. “Novels are much harder! It’s like putting all the pieces of a puzzle together.”

Her novel, Seven Blessings and a Murder, is a whodunit set in Jerusalem with an all-Sephardi cast. She published a preteen/teen novel, A New Song, with an important Sephardi presence, and a Sephardic culinary memoir entitled, A Well-Spiced Life. Pride and Preference is her best-selling novel, which transposed Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice into the shidduch scene of modern-day Brooklyn.

Barbara’s passions are her family, reading, writing, and making and eating great food!

She feels blessed that all her children and grandchildren are Torah-observant with beautiful middot.

Barbara is proud of the books and hundreds of articles she has written. She has interviewed Yitzhak Perlman, Elie Wiesel, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, Jacob Birnbaum, Rabbi Manis Friedman, Rabbi Joey Haber, Rabbi Armo Kuessous, and more. Her pieces included topics such as the Moroccan men who came to the Mir Yeshiva in the fifties and sixties and the Syrian women who took on greater observance under Rebbetzin Braunstein and Rabbi Raful.

Tremendous Loss

Barbara and Ariel underwent tremendous loss when their daughter, Mimi Chammah, a”h, and their grandson Ariel Shlomo Nahem, a”h, passed away over seven years ago.

“Mimi was smart, beautiful, funny, stylish, and everybody’s favorite morah. She was an amazing mom, cook, was wonderful with children and had immense wisdom about kids and people.”

Barbara wrote a tribute piece in Community to her daughter Mimi, and as an expression of gratitude to the community’s enormous efforts on her daughter’s behalf.

“The community is remarkable. They were there for us in spades when Mimi got sick and then for our grandson Ariel Shlomo Nahem.”

To unwind, Barbara reads, grabs a coffee with her husband or friends, and cooks.

Barbara’s Advice

Barbara’s parting advice: do what you love, and you won’t work a day in your life. Upgrade your skills continuously, be professional about deadlines, accept criticism, and roll with the punches.

Connect with Barbara at bensoussanbarbara@gmail.com and on LinkedIn.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Building Dreams Together – Living by a CODE

Jack Gindi

My eldest son lived by a silent code – I discovered it only after his passing. Shaun had a way of making people feel seen. He didn’t just ask, “How are you?” – he would say, “What’s going on in your world?”

During his shiva, more than one friend shared how this simple shift in questioning invited genuine warmth and trust. He instinctively knew how to be real with the truth, raw with emotion, and focused on what matters.

This revelation inspired me to reflect on the code of resilience I’ve discovered during my journey of life. The four principles are: being real with our facts, raw with our feelings, and relevant in our focus, to achieve the results we seek.

I found applying this code to current challenges helps me process feelings and guides me in making decisions.

It’s a code for transformation, offering clarity, purpose, and process to reset your direction.

When life hits hard, try applying this code of being REAL, RAW, and RELEVANT, to achieve the RESULTS you seek. This code won’t erase the challenges but it can help you forge a path to resilience.

REAL: Facing the Facts

Every transformation starts with truth. What’s happening? – not what you wish or fear. Being REAL means stripping away the illusions and confronting the raw facts of your situation.

When I first assessed a current building project in Denver, the facts were daunting. It wasn’t in good shape. However, we saw opportunities where others saw problems.

This might mean acknowledging a strained relationship, a financial setback, or a career misstep. Acknowledging the truth isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. It provides the solid foundation upon which everything else is built.

RAW: Honoring Your Feelings

We shouldn’t ignore our feelings; we must understand them. Being RAW means letting yourself feel without letting emotions dictate your decisions.

I felt fear, shame, and regret when I lost my real estate portfolio in 2009. For weeks I avoided those feelings, hoping they’d go away. But it wasn’t until I sat with them – allowed myself to feel – that I began to see a path forward.

Your emotions are like a compass. Fear shows what you value. Regret highlights where you wish to change. Honoring your emotions doesn’t mean wallowing in them – it means listening to them and using them as a guide.

RELEVANT: Focus on What Matters Most

When overwhelmed, being RELEVANT means asking, “What deserves my energy now?” After Shaun’s passing, I found his diary entries, which gave my mission to help teens and their families a new, urgent focus.

Relevance requires discipline. What deserves your energy and attention at this moment? Our biggest breakthroughs come from focusing on what we can create, not on our losses.

RESULTS: Define the Fruits of Action

Defining what success is in each situation is how transformation happens. Big changes can feel insurmountable, so start with small actions.

We didn’t start by fixing everything at once with the Denver building. We reinforced one beam, then another. Each step made the building stronger.

In life, results aren’t about perfection or speed. They’re about consistent progress. “Whatever it is, define success. Then, take purposeful steps to achieve that success, be it repairing a relationship or recovering from an illness.

Bringing It All Together

We applied the principles of the CODE in repurposing the building in Denver. At first glance, the structure seemed beyond saving – its foundation cracked, its purpose outdated. But we embraced the challenge by being REAL with the facts, acknowledging the building’s weaknesses and potential, and RAW with our initial doubts. We stayed RELEVANT by focusing on what mattered – reinforcing key structural points, and defined our desired RESULTS: transforming the building into something stronger and more valuable than ever before.

The CODE points – REAL, RAW, RELEVANT, and RESULTS – don’t exist in isolation. They work together, creating a compass to guide you.

Remember: Every builder follows a code – a set of principles that guides their work. Whether reconstructing a business, rebuilding family bonds, or rediscovering purpose after loss, living by a code can help illuminate your path.

What Challenges Are You Facing?

Try breaking it down:

What are the REAL facts about the situation?

What RAW emotions need acknowledgment?

What’s most RELEVANT right now – what have you been doing, and what must be done to shift it?

What RESULTS would signal progress?

Sometimes, the most significant breakthroughs come from asking better questions.

Escape From Iran – A Family’s Quest for Freedom

Frieda Schweky

Regular readers of my columns here know that I normally cover light community topics. This month, however, I decided to share the thrilling story of my uncle’s escape from Iran.

Allow me to begin with some family background.

A Peaceful Country Devolves Into Chaos

My father, Amin – known in the community as Danny – grew up in Iran, and has fond memories of his childhood. Prior to the 1979 Iranian Revolution, Iran was a modern country, and my father loved it there. I grew up hearing amazing stories about his upbringing. Unfortunately, he never got to give it the proper goodbye.

It was common back then for Iranian youths to go abroad for high school, and so my father was in Brookyln when the radical Islamists took over Iran in 1979. (My Uncle Benny was also studying abroad, in France.) He was thus spared the turmoil that ensued with the Mullahs’ takeover. Needless to say, he has been unable to return ever since.

Stuck in Brooklyn, he was brought up in the Syrian community. To this day, my father is the only member of his family without a Persian accent, although of course he still speaks Farsi fluently. It was here in Brookyln that he met my mother, an immigrant from Egypt (her family was ousted from their home country, as well, but that’s a story for another time…). They got married before my grandparents were able to escape Iran, and so, unfortunately, my grandparents could not meet my mom or attend the wedding.

But the story I wish to tell is that of my uncle, Sean Sabz. Born in Tehran, Iran’s capital city, in 1969, Sean led a normal life during his early years. He attended Hebrew school, spent a great

deal of time playing outside, and would do mischief with his three older brothers whenever he pleased. When he was nine years old, however, everything quickly changed.

A Muslim extremist group began overtaking what was a peaceful country. Their unambiguously-stated goal was to oust Iran’s leader, Shah Pahlavi, and replace him with the rule of the Islamist figure Ayatollah Khomeini. Chaos erupted. Sean recalls hearing gunshots and extremists screaming, “Allahu Akbar” (“Gd is the greatest,” the cry sounded by jihadists as they set out to kill in the name of their religion) outside his house for many nights. The rebels were determined in pursing their cause, and were violent. Iran’s Jewish population knew they faced grave danger, and many fled, leaving behind everything they had built over the course of their lives.

The Shah, meanwhile, announced he had fallen sick with cancer, and went to Egypt for treatment, allowing Iran to fall into the hands of the violent, fanatical rebels while he escaped.

Escape Through the Mountains

After the revolution, life drastically changed. All schools in Iran – including the Jewish schools – were temporary closed, as the new government replaced educators with radical Islamists. Schools were no longer permitted to serve both boys and girls. Jewish subjects were no longer allowed to be taught. Women and girls were required to wear hijabs in public, no matter which religion they practiced. All these new laws were enforced at the threat of death.

Sean’s parents had a lot to sort out before trying to escape, but their son, Afsheen – now known as Alfred – turned 17, which meant that if he did not flee immediately, he would be drafted into the new governing authority’s army.

Sean’s parents devised a plan, hiring drug smugglers to secretly bring Sean and Alfred out of the country, for $1,000 each. The boys were joined by two other Jewish teens, a boy and a girl.

This trip was very dangerous, and Sean personally knew of someone who died while trying to escape along this route. The plan was to travel by foot through the mountains of northern Iran to Turkey, sleeping by day in caves and journeying by night. The nights were so brutal and exhausting that by the time they were able to stop, they had no trouble at all sleeping in caves.

“One could even mistake a rock for a pillow,” Sean says.

Members of the Kurdish population, who opposed the Islamist rebels, were hiding in the mountains, and they happily fed and helped Sean and his fellow travelers for a small fee. Sean quickly learned about the Kurdish people’s unusual traditions. For example, as long as your cup was upright, that meant you wanted more tea, and when you flipped your cup upside down, that meant you’ve had enough. Sean recalls the mountain people feeding him shakshuka with a thick layer of fat on top.

“Hiking up and around mountains took a lot of energy, and for that we needed to load up on calories,” Sean says of his exhausting experience.

The smugglers were surprised by Sean and his brother’s demeanor. They had grown accustomed to smuggling scared and crying children, but the Sabz’s were just the opposite, making jokes and playing around at times along the way, despite the grueling ordeal they were going through.

“We would have to run at night,” Sean tells. “At some points, we were even riding on horses with people chasing after us and bullets flying, like in an action movie.”

When they finally made it to the Iranian Turkish border, Sean and his group were interrogated separately by the Iranian border patrol. The smugglers prepared them for this, and all their stories matched up perfectly. The story was that they were going on vacation to Turkey and fully intended to return to Iran. The group was granted passage and accepted into Turkey as refugees, because at that time, the United Nations was paying the Turkish government $1,000 for each Iranian they helped.

A Family Reunited at Last

Sean and Alfred spent two months in Turkey with limited contact with their parents, awaiting paperwork for their transfer to Israel. They eventually entered Israel on tourist visas and spent the next four years at Hadasim, a Yeshiva with dormitory facilities. Their next destination would be New York.

When the brothers arrived in Brooklyn, they met their newborn nephew, Joey – also known as Poe – my oldest brother, who had been born just 18 days before their arrival. By this time, their mother Turan (who later chose the name Rachel), my late grandmother, had already established herself in Brooklyn. However, their father – my grandfather Yoseph (who B”H celebrated his 90th birthday this past December) – remained trapped in Iran, due to false accusations. His Muslim business partner had betrayed him, reporting him to authorities as a dishonest Jewish businessman.

During the lengthy court proceedings, officials offered him freedom on one condition – that he sign a document declaring his conversion to Islam. Though not particularly religious, my grandfather responded with remarkable courage: “You can call me whatever you want, but I am a Jew, I have Jewish blood.” Over time, the court officials came to recognize his integrity and eventually granted his release. This story fills me with pride as his granddaughter (which is why I felt it important to mention, despite the deviation from my uncle’s story).

After his release, Yoseph managed to escape Iran and reunite with his family in America, though at great cost – leaving behind his home and business, and having endured years of separation from his loved ones.

Sean’s parents later relocated to Great Neck, Long Island, joining a growing community of Jewish Iranian (also known as Persian) immigrants. Sean has divided his time between Los Angeles and New York over the years. His recent travels included a business exploration trip to Cuba, and he currently works as a contractor in Los Angeles.

Today, Sean cherishes time spent with his family, including his great-nieces and nephews. He and his family make a conscious effort to exercise the freedoms and rights they nearly lost years ago – a powerful reminder of their journey and resilience.

Emotional Wellness – The Spring Theory

Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R

Rav Wolbe (Alei Shur, Vol. II, p. 186) explains that one of the most powerful forces of the yetzer hara is the power to rebel, as can be seen from the Gemara (Sanhedrin 91b):

Antoninus, the Roman emperor, asked Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi, “At what point does the yetzer hara begin to rule over a person? Is it from the time of conception, or from the time of birth?”

Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi said it is from the time of conception.

Antoninus disagreed. “If that were the case, the yetzer hara would cause the fetus to kick its way out of the womb! So it must be that the yetzer hara begins to rule over a person from the moment of birth, not before.”

Rabbi Yehudah conceded to his logic.

What kind of craziness is that? How can a fetus kick its way out of the womb before it is fully formed? It would be like a dead fish on the floor!

The Power of Rebellion

Rav Wolbe explains that the yetzer hara says, “I don’t want to be in a locked place like this! Get me out of here,” to the point of suicide. The yetzer hara cannot be under someone else’s jurisdiction. It has to be on its own. That is the koach meridah, the power of rebellion. It is this force that gets us into trouble.

Sometimes, good people start working on themselves, but instead of making steady strides, their efforts backfire and they stop, or they even decline. For example, a young yeshivah boy accepts upon himself a taanit dibbur, a fast from speech. He is not going to utter any superfluous speech all day. What happens the next day? He speaks twice as much lashon hara than on a normal day. What happened?

The young man did not deal with his desire to speak lashon hara. He merely tried to suppress it and push it down, which aroused a force of rebellion from inside of him. The boy may not have felt that force at first; he was very happy with his new commitment, with his taanit dibbur. But

the next day, it surfaced. Rav Eliyahu Dessler compares this to a spring. You can keep pushing a spring down, down, down, but as soon as you let go: BOING! – it bounces back.

Three Key Strategies

Accepting that our desires are natural, while also recognizing our capacity for discipline, involves several key strategies:

The first strategy is understanding why we have those desires. This can be accomplished through self-reflection. Taking the time to reflect on our values, priorities, and motivations can help us to understand why we have certain desires, and makes it easier to stay disciplined when those desires conflict with our long-term goals.

The next strategy is becoming mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, so that we are more aware when we are being driven by desire, and can make conscious decisions about how to respond.

The last strategy is to set clear expectations and goals that are connected to a well-defined purpose. A clear goal can give us the motivation to stay disciplined and reign in our desires.

Also quoting the spring theory, the Siftei Chaim states that when a person is working on guarding his eyes, he should not keep yelling at himself, “Don’t look! Don’t look! Don’t look!” because that has the power to backfire.

As soon as he lets go, his resolve will dissipate and his desire will spring right back.

TAKEAWAY:

The Siftei Chaim promotes a positive approach: to appreciate the opportunity to guard your eyes, and the merit you will gain when you do. In this way, you are not fighting against your yetzer hara, and thereby not activating the renegade within you.

Living Emunah – Earn A Title

Rabbi David Ashear

If a person sets out to do a mitzvah and is confronted with obstacles, his natural reaction might be, Doesn’t Hashem want me to do this mitzvah? Why is He making it so hard for me? For example, a person is out of town and wants to pray with a minyan. He finds out there is a shul about 15 minutes from his hotel that starts prayers at 7am. The next day he wakes up early and arrives to the shul on time. Then someone tells him, “We don’t use this shul during the week anymore. There is another shul about 20 minutes in the other direction, which starts at 7:45am.” The man could think, I already went out of my way to do something good. Why didn’t Hashem let me find out about the other minyan initially? Why did it have to be so much trouble to do this mitzvah?

This is the natural reaction. What is our reaction supposed to be?

The Mesillat Yesharim (Chapter 19) states that those who really know are happy when they find out that a mitzvah they want to do became more difficult. Now they are able to show how much they value the mitzvah and how much they really love Hashem.

The sefer BaYam Derech adds that when someone does a mitzvah that requires self-sacrifice, his status regarding that mitzvah, becomes elevated. From then on, every time he does that mitzvah, even if it is easy, his rewards are much greater, because he has already shown how much he values it.

For example, if a person is in medical school studying to become a doctor, he might reach a point where he already knows exactly how to treat patients and he is ready to practice. However, as long as he is still a student, he cannot charge for his services. The moment he is granted the title “Doctor,” he can start charging for the exact same service. It is the title itself that elevates him. When a person sacrifices for a mitzvah, his title in that mitzvah changes, and he is now rewarded much more for anything he does in that area.

Yosef HaTzaddik earned the title Tzaddik by overcoming one awkward and difficult dilemma, and that title remains with him forever. It is a major zechut to be given an opportunity to do a mitzvah with self-sacrifice and to earn a title.

In Parashat Vayeira, when Avraham was in pain from his brit milah, Hashem made it the hottest day in history to ensure that Avraham could rest instead of having to tend to guests. Then Hashem saw how much Avraham was yearning to have guests, despite his pain, so He sent angels that appeared to be human beings to him. One of those angels was sent to eventually heal him.

The question could be asked: If Hashem felt bad for Avraham and wanted to give him the opportunity to take care of guests, why did He not just heal Avraham first, and make it easier for him? Why didn’t Hashem just make it cooler outside and send regular people? The answer is, since Avraham had such a yearning to do the mitzvah, Hashem gave him the greatest gift of all – an opportunity to receive a new title in hachnassat orchim – inviting guests, to do the mitzvah with self-sacrifice that would in turn earn Avraham unfathomable rewards in that area. Indeed, Avraham became our example of how to do hachanassat orchim.

When a mitzvah becomes difficult, it is a present from Hashem. If we understand how to view Hashem with the proper perspective, our attitudes will change, and we will embrace all of the opportunities that He gives us.

The Secret of Dreams

Rabbi Zamir Cohen

The nature and meaning of dreams have fueled the imaginations of modern scientists no less than they challenged the thinkers of the ancient world.

What is a dream and where does it come from?

Do dreams contain hidden messages?

Is there a use for the good or bad information that appears in a dream, or is a dream merely a kind of illusion unworthy of serious reflection?

A survey of the science’s approach to dreams reveals an incremental change that has taken place over the years.

Only 120 years ago, the intellectual community scoffed at the idea that dreams were worthy of serious study, deeming them mental illusions that carried no deep significance.

All this changed with the arrival of Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), the central figure in a movement teaching that dreams are key elements for revealing the deep motivations and obstacles buried in the human soul. Freud claimed that when a person is awake, his or her consciousness serves as a kind of gatekeeper, filtering out some of the richest voices of the soul. During sleep, the “censorship” of the waking consciousness no longer controls the swirling pool of the subconscious, and the mind is flooded with all variety of messages, ideas, and desires normally buried in the furthest recesses of the soul.

But what about the supernatural element of dreams? Freud addressed this question, too, rejecting the notion entirely. In the conclusion to his book, The Interpretation of Dreams, Freud wrote that the idea that a dream could reveal anything about the future was worthless.

Futuristic Insights

However, in the decades since the publication of Freud’s work on dreams, scientific researchers have collected testimonials, evidence, and data demonstrating that dreams can actually provide knowledge of the future. This evidence, verified by careful and precise tests, has forced scientists to reject Freud’s stance on the value of dreams as a source of insight into future events – even while many researchers still remain baffled about the essence of dreams and their interpretations.

Professor Yaakov Bazak, a noted Israeli judge and legal scholar, wrote the following lines in his book Beyond the Senses, after his own experiences confirming the power of dreams:

Taking into account the minute details that came true, it is extremely difficult to explain the actualization of dreams as mere coincidence. Anyone willing to approach this topic without preconceptions must admit – at the very least – that the relationship between dreams and the future deserves serious scientific study. It is simply not logical to claim that there is no basis whatsoever for the power of dreams to relay information about future events. It is true that some dreams can be explained as the result of subconscious reflections on events that happened in reality. In other cases the element of telepathy must be considered. Some dreams really are the result of “sheer coincidence.” But after all is said and done, one cannot deny those dreams that do carry solid evidence of predicting the future and cannot be explained by any of the approaches listed above. Unfortunately, we must continue to wait patiently for scientific tools capable of investigating the prophetic foundation of dreams.

While there is certainly no universal agreement among contemporary scientists concerning the ability of dreams to predict the future, some researchers have indeed concluded that the phenomenon exists, with England leading the international community in this field. Among the most notable examples occurred in 1966, when many people had dreams predicting a disaster in Aberfan, Wales, a small village where a mountain of coal slag collapsed over a school, burying 144 people.

As a result of this incident, a British institute was launched with the expressed purpose of researching the possibility that dreams can predict disasters. Today, a number of similar private institutes – often staffed by volunteers – have taken on similar projects worldwide, gathering data and personal testimonials on the topic. Even though this area of research is still new, the amount of available data has grown dramatically in recent years.

The Torah’s View

Does the Torah completely ignore dreams, as did many scientists of the past? Does it regard dreams as a purely psychological phenomenon, as did Freud? Are we fated to remain in the dark about the concept of predictions through dreams, just like so many researchers of our generation?

Not surprisingly, the Torah sages were far ahead of scientists of the past, Freud, and today’s scientists. A clear understanding of the Torah’s approach to dreams eliminates the confusion surrounding the topic, and answers all the major questions in the field, one by one.

Before we cite teachings of the sages on dreams, let us first briefly consider the phenomenon of sleep in general. Only after gaining an understanding of the various elements and reasons for sleep can we suggest an approach to understanding the nature and power of dreams.

The Torah knew thousands of years ago what science has only discovered recently. Namely, that the true “I” of each of us is an internal, spiritual being wrapped in a material, physical exterior composed of flesh and bones. Just like clothing cannot move without a person wearing it, the human body cannot live and function in the world without this interior, spiritual essence. After hundreds of years of denial and doubt – and thanks to new research in the field of near-death experiences – even noted scientists now understand that death is not the end. Rather, it is the release of the true, spiritual person from the bonds of the material, temporal clothing of the body sewn together from transitory flesh and bones.

What is Sleep?

A sleeping person lies in an unconscious state – almost like death. He does not receive information from his environment or maintain any awareness of what takes place around him. Yet, he still breathes and can be reawakened. Thus, he is not really dead, but neither is he truly living. The Talmud therefore states, “Sleep is 1/60th of death.” In other words, the process and the circumstances of sleep are very similar to those of death, though only to a small extent. To put it another way, we can say that there is a separation of the soul from the body during sleep similar to the separation that takes place at the time of death. If this is true, how does a human being continue to breathe while sleeping and then “wake up alive” afterwards?

The Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Haim Luzzato), a great Kabbalist, writes in his book Derech Hashem (3:1) that the soul is comprised of five parts: nefesh, ruah, neshamah, hayah, and yehidah. Some of these parts leave the body during sleep, which accounts for the deep rest experienced, but others remain, ensuring that basic bodily functions continue. This is why sleep is considered 1/60th of death.

Death separates the soul from the body completely – each and every one of these parts of the soul – and the body moves fully from a living state to a dead one. By contrast, a sleeping person can still live and breathe, despite the unconscious state brought on by the departure of some parts of the soul. These parts return to the body at the conclusion of the required hours of sleep, or as a result of a sudden arousal, such as when a sleeping person hears his name called or hears a harsh, sudden noise. Then his soul returns to the body in a flurry. This is often marked by the deep breath people take before opening their eyes.

The Benefits of Sleep

The Kabbalists taught that flesh, like any inanimate object, does not require sleep. However, in order for a person’s soul to function properly, it must occasionally receive sustenance from its supernal source – much like a battery occasionally needs to be recharged. If this source would “charge” the soul while the person is awake, the person would be unable to withstand the power, and would collapse, We might draw an analogy to a strong electrical charge flowing through a fuse, or boiling water suddenly being poured into a thin crystal glass. The fuse would burn out and the glass would shatter. For this reason, the soul must separate itself from the body when it is to be “recharged,” leaving behind the “nefesh” portion to ensure that the body continues to function.

This is the meaning of the verse, “In Your hand I will place my spirit [ruah]” (Tehillim 21:6). A person’s “ruah” leaves him at night, but not the “nefesh,” as its departure would cause death.

Sleep, then, is a process of spiritual replenishment. After the soul receives its bounty of energy as required, it returns to the body to recharge and refuel it so that it can awaken like new. This, too, is the deep meaning of the verse, “New in the mornings, your faith is great” (Echah 3:23). This is also the reason why a person goes to sleep tired and awakens refreshed. The physical body does not experience sensations such as “refreshed,” “tired,” “sleepy,” or “awake.” These terms refer only to the soul – the spiritual being.

(These concepts are developed at length in the writings of the Arizal – Sha’ar Hahakdamot, Derash 3.)

What is a Dream?

Here, as in many other instances, the sages have masterfully condensed a tremendous amount of knowledge into several pithy phrases. We will begin with several Biblical verses and Talmudic statements, and then proceed to explore the deeper meaning of these passages through the teachings of the Ramchal.

The prophet Zecharya (10:2) declares, “False dreams comfort in vain.” And in the Book of Iyov (23:15-16) we read, “In the dream of a night vision…people’s ears will hear.”

The Talmud (Berachot) states, “A dream is 1/60th of prophecy,” but also teaches:

“Just as there cannot be wheat without straw, similarly, there cannot be a dream without some nonsense. A person who dreams sees the reflections of his heart, as it says: ‘You are the King and your thoughts rise up when you lie down’ (Daniel 2:29).”

As discussed earlier, sleep results from the departure of certain parts of the soul from the body. The body continues to function through the soul remaining within it, though it lacks to ability to stand, walk, listen, or understand. Note that our ability to stand erect while awake is due to the soul’s “support” of the physical body allowing it to resist the pull of gravity. When the soul departs at the moment of death, the body loses its ability to withstand the force of gravity, and thus falls to the ground. This is the reason why a dead body weighs a little more than it did during life. As the Talmud says: “A living thing holds itself [up].”

The parts of the soul that separate from the body during sleep – ruah, neshamah, hayah, and yehidah – are the higher and purer forms of the soul. These are also the parts that perform higher functions when one is awake, such as concentration, the retrieval and analysis of information from the brain’s memory banks, decision making, the ability to draw conclusions, emotions, and more.

The lower part of the soul – nefesh – controls breathing, imagination, and other “simple” actions. This part of the soul remains in the body during sleep, as reflected in the continued activity of the respiratory system and the imagination. This is why in a dream a person can see himself in faraway places that he had wished to visit, or winning long coveted prizes, or even witnessing a disaster from which he harbors hidden fears while awake.

A Divine Gift

Sleep is a gift from Hashem that allows us to release our tensions and fears, as well as to recall our hopes and desires – precisely during a period of rest, when we gather strength to awake renewed for a new day. (The physical body itself has absolutely no connection to thought, imagination, or the like. Only the parts of the soul listed above, which are stationed in the body, create the sensation that certain parts of the body can think or feel.)

Concerning these types of dreams, the verse says, “False dreams comfort in vain!” Such dreams have no real meaning and are only a means to release various tensions and fears that have accumulated during the day, saving the person from collapse. They teach us about a person’s inner world: What troubles the person? What frightens him? Where does he or she wish to go? What are his or her desires and hopes? And so on.

However, there is also another kind of dream, one which connects to deeper spiritual elements, and which, if they could be seen, would fill the earth with visions of uncontrollable forces beyond description.

When people are awake and all parts of the soul are grounded in the body and the material realm, the connection with spiritual entities is naturally blocked from normal awareness. However, during sleep, when the body is in some sense “dead” due to departure of the highest components of the soul, these detached parts of the soul are free to encounter other, similar spiritual beings, and receive from them information that they are otherwise unable to access, including facts about what will happen in the future.

Partial Prophecy

This information flows directly into the spiritual element that remains in the body during sleep, appearing in the form of dreams. This is why a person can awake with knowledge of the future. About dreams such as these our sages have said, “A dream is 1/60th of prophecy.” However, an ordinary person, who lacks the pure mind and spirit of a prophet, does not grasp a high level of spirituality. Thus, the Sages have said, “There is no dream without some nonsense.” In other words, even a truthful dream has elements of base human hopes and fears mixed within it, for these continue to operate even as spiritual information flows to the sleeping individual.

The Kabbalah also teaches that the purpose of a bad dream, which predicts dire events, is to give us the opportunity to actually alter the negative decree. By changing our behavior and aligning ourselves with the will of our Creator, we are able to change the future. If a person did not have a chance to preempt the evil occurrence through proper behavior, Hashem would not have sent the dream in the first place.

As noted, the Torah’s knowledge of the nature and meaning of dreams preceded Freud by thousands of years. Even science is now following the Torah’s lead, as the scientific community has little doubt that some dreams do foretell the future – though science itself does not know how to handle or explain this fact. As an example of the scientific community’s confusion concerning the nature of dream, we repeat Professor Yaakov Bazak’s words cited earlier: “Unfortunately, we must continue to wait patiently for scientific tools with the ability to investigate the prophetic foundations of dreams.”

The Creator of the world, however, who knows all the mysteries of His creation, revealed this secret in the Torah, along with the entire compendium of Divine teachings meant for us to use in a proper, helpful, and healthy way.