QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I know that you speak about marriage, but I was hoping that you could help me with my daughter and son-in-law. I don’t like the way my son-in-law speaks to my daughter and I am not sure how to approach the situation. There are other things, but I am not sure how much I am allowed to say to her or maybe approach his parents. Any guidance would be appreciated.

R’ ALI’S RESPONSE:

Before I give you my perspective on the matter, I’d like to mention two things. Firstly, anyone who is reading my column should know that marriage, parenting, and parents’ relationship with their married children are many times intertwined. People shouldn’t think that advice for in-laws is too different from advice for husband and wife. Anything that can affect the couple’s relationship falls under this category and needs to be addressed just as much as shalom bayit issues need to be addressed. Parents should take these questions very seriously and not rely on what they feel is best. Married children should also take parents and in-laws’ issues seriously as they involve kivud av va’em and can have serious repercussions. 

Second, I am glad that you are reaching out and I encourage more parents to reach out when situations such as these arise. Unfortunately, many disasters could have been averted with some simple guidance. Of course, some situations are complex, but most are very simple. I will try be’ezrat Hashem to put down the basics that everyone should know and then address your specific situation.

There are some rules that all parents should abide by in order to ensure that their children have a happy marriage. The first rule I would say is to never, under any circumstances, get involved in your married child’s relationship. Any well-meaning parent will instinctively attempt to protect their child. The parental instinct to protect their child can come at the cost of damaging the relationship, which means that any hint that they are unhappy will make them completely biased to their child. This can set off numerous disasters. A parent may be tempted to give advice without even hearing the other side. I will address what to do, but advice should definitely be off limits. Many times people will tell me, “ I had no choice but to give him advice on how to proceed.” To this I say, “We don’t do something wrong when we are unsure what else to do.”

Another rule is to never ever confront your son or daughter-in-law! I cannot emphasize this point enough, as I have seen people do this or something like this. People in general cannot accept rebuke. How then will your daughter-in-law respond to any hint that she is making mistakes in her marriage? Not too well. This same rule applies to calling up or approaching your child’s in-laws. This has become common practice and should become a non-practice from now on.

The next rule is not to say anything negative to your child about their spouse. Until now we were talking about situations where you were approached. This rule applies even, or especially, when your child has not even mentioned that something is wrong with their relationship. If you see something that is concerning regarding their relationship, never mention this to your child, for a few reasons. Besides the  aforementioned idea  that you might give some dangerous advice, what you see may not even be bothering your child! 

There are many other rules, however this should serve as a basis for parents to understand proper boundaries and how cautious they must be when dealing with their married child’s relationship.

Getting back to your question, you mentioned that you feel that your daughter is not being spoken to nicely. I have no idea if this is mild or major, but getting involved will cause two problems. The correct approach would be to speak with your rabbi or with a professional in the field. A family rabbi may be able to approach them and guide them properly. I have seen this approach multiple times and it has met with much success. A rabbi who deals with marital issues can tactfully approach your daughter or son-in-law and figure out the best way to proceed.  Of course, it’s not easy to sit back and watch your child be hurt and unhappy, but this is a delicate situation and must be dealt with in a delicate manner. To conclude, I am not speaking about outright abuse, chas ve’shalom. Anyone being abused must be guided to safety immediately using your own discretion.

Mozelle Forman

My husband asked me what I had planned for the day.  This was my answer: “I am preparing the documents for my mom’s tax return, then taking her to the grocery store.  After, I will be cooking with my daughter for Pesach and then babysitting for her two-year-old while she takes the other children to the dentist.  Then, I will drive home, meet with two clients, prepare dinner, and write an article for Community Magazine.”  The world around me labels me as part of the “sandwich generation.”  Me, I call myself “exhausted.”

I am not alone.  According to statistics, 54 percent of adults in the United States are considered the “caught in the middle” generation, caring for their children while also caring for their parents – whether financially, physically, or emotionally.  My peers, who are also caring for grandchildren, are considered the “club sandwich” generation as we have multi-levels of responsibility.

Juggling and Emotional Overload

We are truly a blessed community where the term “sandwich generation” is a way of life.  Walk into any house during any of our haggim, or many houses in Deal in the summer, to find three or four generations cohabiting. This is how we all live, with no need for fancy names or titles.  We are mothers and daughters, sisters and friends, always.  We nurture and take care of our family.  And we’re stressed out. This does not negate our gratitude that our loved ones are close by and that we get to share our time with them.  Caring for our family is a fact of our life that we cherish and need support to navigate.  So much so, that I was asked to run a support group for my sandwich cohorts as caring for our elderly parents adds an extra layer of gratefulness and stress. 

When asked about the roles we play, we can tick off the many chores we perform, as I did for my husband.  What we often can’t articulate is the invisible labor that goes into caregiving – the emotional load we carry that often goes unnoticed and is undervalued, even by ourselves. 

Carrying the emotional load of a family refers to the unseen effort of remembering and thinking through solutions before anyone else even realizes there’s a problem. For instance, the simple act of having to remember to pay Mom’s bills and schedule her doctor’s appointment and to buy balloons for your granddaughter’s Humash play, takes emotional energy.  Keeping track of which pantry items are running low, what needs replenishing and mentally planning for the next grocery trip requires us to be fully in the moment and the future simultaneously like when we plan our sedermenu while listening to the megillah.

Even if we’re not directly handling every task, the cognitive load means we’re still the one overseeing, recalling, and anticipating needs. Think of it as maintaining a mental to-do list of ongoing projects and deadlines in your mind – all day, every day.  This type of mental labor, this constant state of “being on top of things,”demands significant mental space because you feel that you’re never truly “off duty.”  Having to care for your parents in addition to your own family adds more to your mental load, which can lead to chronic stress.

Antidotes

The antidote to this emotional overload is to delegate some of the tasks on your mental to-do list.  Even family members who live far away can pitch in financially, call to schedule doctor appointments, and regularly check in on a parent by phone. Keep the lines of communication open with your family with regular family meetings.  Discuss concerns anyone is having about your parents and have everyone commit to tasks that are needed.  Expect that it may not be done exactly as you would have done it and move on. 

Another antidote to emotional overload is expressed in this motto:  Loving others requires knowing how to say “yes.” Loving yourself requires knowing when to say “no.”

We have perfected the first half of this life lesson.  We are conditioned to say yes, to offer a helping hand, and to volunteer for myriad causes.  In order to succeed at “loving ourselves,” we need to develop the skills and the language necessary to sometimes say “no” comfortably and without guilt.  Many of us have a negative visceral reaction when we would like to say no.  So, exploring the myths surrounding the word “no” is beneficial.

ValidReasons to Say, “No”

No, it is not mean to say “no.”It’s a struggle to say no if you feel guilty or obligated. This might happen when a request comes from a loved one you don’t want to disappoint. Even if someone important to you is the one asking a favor, it doesn’t mean your time and energy aren’t valuable. Saying, “I’m afraid I’m not available today” is perfectly acceptable – whether it’s your daughter asking you to babysit or your mom asking you to take her to the salon. 

No, it is not selfish to take some time for oneself and delegate responsibilities to someone else.Taking care of yourself, while taking care of everyone else, can feel overwhelming. The best thing you can do for yourself and those you care for is to take care of your own needs. Because this can feel impossible at times, put on the calendar what you’re doing for yourself, and then plan work and caregiving around that.  That means giving yourself permission to block out time for whatever gives you joy – whether it’s going to the gym, meeting with a friend, or going to a book group. If you don’t make your health and well-being a priority and something happens to you, who will take care of everyone else? 

“No” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain or justify your decision unless you feel comfortable doing so.  It’s polite to give a brief explanation of why you are saying “no.”  This can help soften your answer and help the person understand why you decline.  You can politely say, “Unfortunately, I have too much to do today.  I can help another time.” This shows both your commitment to your own schedule and your willingness to help.

A Mix of Feelings and Emotions

As we care for our aging loved ones, we experience numerous emotions.  There is often anxiety about the future, how to best care for parents, and the potential financial strain of providing care. And regardless of how much we do, we may feel guilty about not being able to do more for our parents and simultaneously guilty about the impact our busy-ness is having on our husbands and children.  Let the guilt go!  It doesn’t serve anyone.

Frustration and anger can arise from the challenges of caregiving, the feeling of being unable to fulfill parental expectations, or even from the parent’s own reluctance to accept help. So many of my friends have complained that their parent does not take their advice or suggestions. 

Parents Pushing Back

One friend shared, “When I proposed to my mom that she attend a program at DSN, she wasn’t interested – she said there were too many old people there!”  Another friend expressed frustration that her mother would never go to the doctor.  “She has these aches and pains but refuses to be seen and if we finally convince her to go, she doesn’t follow the doctor’s directions or take the medication he prescribed.” 

It’s hard dealing with a parent who suddenly reminds us of a recalcitrant child who won’t abide by the rules.  Here is where finesse is required; Mom or Dad have to be brought to the decision with respect and patience.  Give them time to get used to an idea, especially one that further limits their independence, like when it is time for them to stop driving.  They are silently grieving all the losses they are encountering as they age – the loss of friends or spouses, the diminishment of their sight, hearing, and mobility and their necessary, sometimes uncomfortable, reliance on their children.  They may understandably be irritable, sad, or depressed; they don’t want to be a burden to anyone.

Watching parents decline in health and become dependent can be a source of deep sadness for us as well. We are grieving the loss of our vibrant parents whom we have depended on.  One client shared: “Gone are my larger-than-life figures, the couple who have been married for 61 years and built their own business from the ground up. Now I have two elderly loved ones who need me to take care of them.”

Help Parents to Feel in Control

We see them diminish in health, the ability to care of themselves, and to engage in their previous lifestyle and social interactions.  And yet, they are our parents so we must help them preserve whatever independence they currently enjoy and not make decisions for them without their input.  It’s important that we help our parents to feel they are still in control of their lives.

For more insights and support come to the workshop sponsored by  Shaare Tefilah (The Eatontown Synagogue) in Eatontown, NJ,  on May 8^th at 11am.

Sarah Dabbah

On Monday, March 31, SBH welcomed Jewish Communal Fund (JCF) and UJA-Federation of NY to its Kings Highway headquarters to celebrate a major milestone for the community: the official launch of the Jewish Communal Fund Digital Food Pantry Program. For decades, SBH’s Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry has been a resource for so many individuals and families. Visitors can visit the pantry and select the groceries they need, fitting their visits between carpool and work.

Now, thanks to a generous grant by JCF, the Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry just got the “Fresh Direct” treatment with the implementation of a digital system. “You can now order online and you can arrange a pick-up time that’s convenient for you and your family,” said Rachel Schnoll, CEO of JCF. Only instead of paying with cash, “the system uses points instead of dollars,” added Vicki Compter, Vice President of Capital Gifts and Special Initiatives at UJA, at the launch.

Providing Clients Dignity and Choices

“Healthier foods ‘cost’ less points than less-healthier options, incentivizing clients to make better choices,” she said. “The whole goal of this pantry is to give people dignity, to help with health outcomes and to give people choices.”

JCF is generously funding the first three years of the grant, powering the digital pantry system, while UJA has committed to funding years four and five. “We’re stronger together because we’re able to fund so many programs and services through the support of these partners,” said SBH CEO Nathan Krasnovsky. “We’ve proudly offered our clients the most dignified experiences through our other divisions, and now through this new digital panty, we can do the same with our Food Division,” added SBH former president and former JCF board member Lee M. Cohen. “Now there’s no need to wait on line and let the anxiety creep in, as clients can place their orders in advance on their own and pick up a box of groceries discreetly.”

Partnership at Its Best

Ray Chalmé, JCF trustee and board member of the UJA, spoke about the natural synergy between the three organizations – UJA, JCF and SBH. “It’s wonderful to see a partnership that works and continues to work.” Donors have allocated over $11 million in grants to our community institutions through JCF, along with an additional $2.5 allocated by their advisory board for special gifts and projects.

The Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry runs through a few different forms of support. In addition to our generous community donors, bakers, and volunteers, our partners at the Met Council, the Food Bank of New York City and City Harvest help keep shelves stocked. JCF’s support will allow SBH to modernize the way food is distributed, modernizing the entire process.

Trained staff and volunteers at the pantry have been helping clients acclimate to the new system, which many adapted to pretty quickly. “I see the difference this is making first-hand,” said SBH Vice President Michele Levy. “One of our senior clients now places his orders on the phone!” Michele also spoke about a client who has been raving about the digital system. “She’s a single mom who would rush here between carpool and work and run into the pantry and quickly decide what her family would like to eat,” said Michele. “Now with the digital pantry, she can place her order in the comfort of her home at her own pace and plan out her week – the stress is gone!” “Through this grant, SBH will continue serving the community with the heart and soul it always has, only now the process of obtaining food will be further simplified,” said SBH President David J. Beyda. “Our model is to provide hundreds of different programs and services under one roof and now we can ensure our clients have a seamless, stress-free experience when feeding their families.”

Special Election for NY’s 22nd Senate District Set for May 20^th

by Joey C Saban and Sari J Setton

In a historic move, Sam Sutton, one of the Sephardic community’s respected leaders and long-time advocate, has officially launched his campaign for New York State Senate in the 22nd District, seeking to fill the seat vacated by Senator Simcha Felder. The special election will take place on Tuesday, May 20th, and could mark a monumental moment: the first time a member of the Sephardic community would serve in the New York State Senate.

Sutton’s candidacy is more than a political run – it is a powerful statement about representation, community empowerment, and a long-overdue voice for a growing and vibrant constituency. As Sutton put it in his announcement, “Given our community’s growth and needs, we deserve a representative who is deeply rooted in our community and understands its dynamics.”

A Proven Civic and Communal Leader

A lifelong Brooklyn resident, Sam Sutton’s decades of leadership and advocacy stretch across civic, educational, and humanitarian spheres. He served over 30 years on the board of Sephardic Bikur Holim (SBH), including five years as President, helping grow the organization into a multidivisional social service center.

Sam also co-founded and is the President of the Sephardic Community Federation (SCF), the political and public policy arm of the Sephardic Jewish community, and has played a central role in securing government resources and legislative support for key community needs.

His resume also includes supporting his wife Nancy when she founded the New York Cancer Center. He also was a founding board member of the SAFE Foundation. Sam also was privileged to serve as a Trustee at NYU Langone Hospital. 

An Advocate for Education and Jewish Continuity

Education has long been at the heart of Sutton’s public work. Sam was chairman of the education committee at the Sephardic High School and shortly after chaired their fundraising committee as well. A graduate of Yeshiva of Flatbush (67’) and Yeshiva University (71’), he was nominated as a Trustee to CUNY Board of  Trustees by Governor Pataki and served from 2006 to 2012. During his tenure Sam helped hire the Presidents of Brooklyn and City College. He is also the co-founder and current chairman of Teach NYS, an organization committed to securing government support for non-public schools. 

In 1973, Sutton ,along with four other young men, founded the Sephardic Torah Learning Center, which was eventually brought over to Shaare Zion by former President David Cohen.

Sam along with a few other community leaders, including Harry Adjmi, relaunched Ozar Hatorah NY in 2017, helping transfer over 3,200 children in France from public schools into yeshivot -a bold, international effort in Jewish continuity and education.

 A Humanitarian with Global Impact

While his civic accomplishments are impressive, Sam and Nancy are equally admired for their quiet, personal acts of compassion. Sam and Nancy were likely the first Sephardic family to become foster parents, after going through a 3-month training program. They opened their home to 14 foster children, including one with special needs who lived with them for 18 months and became like a sixth child. 

In 2005, in partnership with American Jewish World Service, Sam led a humanitarian mission to Senegal to launch a development project focused on clean water access and sustainable agriculture. Earlier in his life, in 1973, Sutton took part in a mission facilitated by the Nativ Division of the Mossad to the Soviet Union, countering false propaganda against Israel as well as facilitating individual efforts to escape the USSR. 

A Moderate Voice at a Critical Time

If elected, Sutton would bring a much-needed moderate voiceto the State Senate – someone capable of bridging divides and working pragmatically on behalf of all constituents. In a political climate often defined by polarization, Sutton’s balanced, solutions-oriented approach would bring stability, clarity, and credibility to Albany.

Sutton’s top legislative priorities reflect both local concerns and core Jewish values. Among other community priorities, he is committed to:

• Fighting anti-Semitism with zero tolerance, protecting Jewish students and institutions across New York.

• Unwavering support for Israel, ensuring state partnerships and moral backing for the Jewish state.

• Delivering increased funding to critical institutions like SBH, The Sephardic Community Center, SAFE, and the community’s Yeshivahs, ensuring they continue to thrive and serve all generations.

• Funding (not defunding) the Police and fighting against the current Bail Reform

A Community Milestone

For the Sephardic community in particular, Sam Sutton’s campaign represents more than a candidacy – it’s a chance to make history. After decades of growth, contribution, and community-building, the opportunity to elect one of our own to such a high level of state government sends a clear message: our voice matters.

“I believe it’s time for me to contribute directly from within government,” Sutton said. “We’ve come so far as a community – this is our moment to take the next step.” As May 20th approaches, the momentum behind Sutton’s campaign is growing, fueled by grassroots support and the recognition that this is a once-in-a-generation opportunity to secure representation that truly reflects the community’s values, heritage, and future aspirations.

Victor Cohen

A group of community members gathered for a special dinner hosted by OP Development on March 25th honoring the Mayor of Jerusalem, Mr. Moshe Lion. This intimate evening was designed to strengthen the bonds between our community and Israel, and especiallywith Jerusalem. It was an awe-inspiring night, that included worthy charitable projects in Jerusalem and words of hizukfrom Rabbi Eli Mansour.

For generations, our community has held a deep spiritual and emotional connection to Israel. We direct our prayers to Jerusalem. We visit when we can. We send our children there to learn in yeshiva after graduatinghigh school, allowing them to connect with the Land of Israel in a profound way. Following the events of October 7th, our community stepped up to the plate to support Israel. We joined solidarity missions, prayed for the hostages and for the Israeli soldiers, and supplied significant financial and humanitarian aid. We reconfirmed that our ties to the land and the people of Israel are real and enduring. Our community has become increasingly more connected with the land itself, and many now think of Israel as their second home.

But for many, the dream of having a home in Israel has felt distant. Where would we find the same sense of community like we have in Brooklyn, Deal, Panama, or Mexico? How do we carry our unity, traditions, and values into our second home – and ensure they grow even stronger? In the past, the idea of owning in Israel, despite being appealing, did not seem practical.

Today, through the dedicated efforts of our community to foster deep connections and build strong networks in Israel, that distant dream is becoming a reality. With a growing number of thoughtfully-planned projects designed around our values and lifestyle, home ownership in Israel is no longer just an idea – it’s a tangible, accessible opportunity to extend our community and spirit into a new home.

Dinner with the Mayor of Jerusalem

The dinner with Mayor Moshe Lion, themed “Building Bridges Between Jerusalem and Our Community,” was a celebration of shared values and forward vision. Held at Castell’s, the event was attended by prominent community members committed to deepening our connection with Israel, all of whom had the opportunity to meet the mayor personally.

Before becoming mayor, Moshe Lion played an influential role in major infrastructure and cultural projects across the country. His work in Jerusalem has focused on bridging the city’s diverse communities, boosting economic growth, and advancing large-scale urban renewal initiatives. Known for his pragmatic approach and deep commitment to the city’s unique character, Lion continues to champion projects that aim to make Jerusalem a thriving, inclusive, and globally connected city.

Inspiring speeches were deliveredby Harry Adjmi, Sammy Ayal, Menachem Lubinsky – an esteemed representative from the Har HaZeitim revitalization project, Rabbi Eli Mansour, and Mayor Moshe Lion.

Harry Adjmi spoke about the unwavering support and mutual assistance that define our community, highlighting how we always stand by one another. “This is what we do. This is who we are. We care so much about our community and about each other.”

When Harry spoke, he recognized that many refer to New York as the greatest city in the world. He disagreed, however, believing the world’s greatest city is actually Jerusalem. “The man who leads it,” Harry remarked, referring to Moshe Lion, “will forever be a friend to the Syrian Jewish community.”

Harry closed by referencing the strong connection between our community and Israel. “We are connected through the spirit of life in Israel, something that will continue forever and ever.” Then, he introduced the founder of OP, Sammy Ayal.

Sammy reaffirmed the important goal of the night. “Tonight is all about our community connecting with the Mayor of Jerusalem and connecting the Syrian community – one unlike any other – with Jerusalem – a city unlike any other.”

He demonstrated this by pointing out that Jerusalem is mentioned in Tanach 669 times. It is at the center of our prayers, our hopes, and our dreams as a nation. It is a place that holds, for us as Jews, unmatched historical significance. It also is significant for our future as Jews. Sammy concluded by quoting from Pirke Avot, where Rabbi Shimon answers what is the best trait that a person can acquire – “Haroeh et hanolad” – one who sees what the future holds. “The future is in Jerusalem.”

Menachem Lubinsky, a leader of the Har HaZeitim revitalization project, then shared details of his important work. Har HaZeitim is the final resting place of the Ramban, Menachem Begin, Eliezer ben-Yehuda, and the prophets Haggai, Zechariah, and Malachi, to name a few. Har HaZeitim was significantly damaged during the Jordanian occupation (1948-67). Lubinsky hopes the project will preserve this sacred site for generations to come by building a new visitor’s center.

Rabbi Mansour spoke next and focused on the special status Jerusalem has compared to the rest of the world, even to the rest of Israel. “Rambam writes that there is Jerusalem, and then the rest of Israel. The world began in Jerusalem. Hashem took dirt from the Temple Mount and created Adam.Noah brought his korban in Jerusalem. Abraham was tested with the Akedah in Jerusalem.”

After the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash Israel lost its kedusha, but that is not the case with Jerusalem. “It will be eternal.”

Rabbi Mansour introduced Mayor Lion. Before beginning his speech, the mayor sang in Hebrew. He underscored his appreciation for the Syrian community and how grateful he was to get to know the community better. He reiterated that there is no city like Jerusalem throughout the world. He acknowledged the efforts to restore Har HaZeitim.

It was a beautiful night, and an expression of love for the land of Israel, especially Jerusalem.

Next Year in Jerusalem

“At the end of every seder, year after year, we traditionally say, ‘Next year in Jerusalem.’ It’s a hopeful declaration we make each Passover, envisioning the day we will be in Jerusalem.” By strengthening the ties between our community and the leadership in Jerusalem, as well as by providing a viable pathway to owning in Israel, our community has laid out the roadmap. It is up to us now to take the leap and find ourselves “next year in Jerusalem.”

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

“The huge shift that I made after ten years in the corporate arena to the yeshiva world was good for my Jewish soul. I feel like this is what Hashem wants me to do.”  – Tali Yaakov

Please meet Talia Yaakov, better known as Tali. She simply exudes positive energy and passion.

After a career of ten years as an optician for a global retailer of prescription eyewear, Tali had a “quarter life crisis.” She pivoted and created a new profession for herself as a dance teacher, which also greatly improved her work-life balance.

Tali is not the first family member to appear in this column. Her older sister, Shany Sharabany, a nurse practitioner, was featured during the summer of 2021.  She was a front-line hero during the pandemic.

Tali’s sister-in-law, Adina Yaakov, was featured in the February 2024 Woman to Woman column and is a registered dietician nutritionist. Her column in Community, Once Upon a Thyme, is a favorite of many shaatras.

A Little History

Tali was born in Flatbush to Shaul and Stella Dagmy, both Lebanese immigrants. They worked hard to establish themselves in the United States. Tali is the youngest in her family, with three older brothers and her older sister Shany. The siblings are very close.

Tali attended Shulamith Elementary School and Machon Yakov L’Bnos, Manhattan high school  for girls, whose principal is Rebbetzin Ruthy Asaf.

She was an outgoing child and she blossomed in social settings, including at school.  Tali enjoyed her relationships with her teachers.

“I was always that loud student.  In my yearbook, they referenced me as ‘the one who can be found singing and dancing up and down the halls.’ I received the Spirit Award in eighth grade for my influential positive energy. My favorite part of the day was always gym class – I was naturally athletic and loved sports.”

During her grade school and high school years, Tali performed and flourished in her roles in plays, dances, and skits and she attended dance classes with her friends.  She started crafting dances as early as fourth grade with her classmates. 

Tali continued to use her talents in student government and in helping with the sixth-grade production when she was fourteen.

“My earliest memory of dancing is when, as a little girl, I would hold my father’s hand during Friday night Kiddush and dance while he sang Shalom Aleichem.  Dancing is something I must do. The rhythm gets to me.”

Post High School

After high school, Tali studied at Machon Seminary in Boro Park and Shaare Bina, also in Brooklyn.  She also enrolled in NYC College of Technology and became a NYS licensed optician and dispensed glasses and contact lenses.

Tali describes herself as energetic, positive, loud, outgoing, focused, and regimented.  She likes to have fun, too. She is warm, smart, and is always growing and expanding her toolbox.

Tali met her naseeb, Yoseph Yaakov, who is four years older, through mutual friends.  Two friends living in Israel told her about a Sephardic kollel student living in in Brooklyn. It was true hashgacha pratit!  A shadchanit arranged for the two to meet.  They got along immediately. They both share the ability to relate well and to connect with others.  Yoseph is a yeshiva rebbe and a youth rabbi on Shabbat, and is also a social worker.   The couple have three children and consider themselves blessed to live in a wonderful community.

The Pivot

Tali was thriving at her job at LensCrafters and even met celebrities when she worked in Soho.

Covid hit and the world shut down in March 2020. Tali was furloughed from her position at LensCrafters.  She was itching to do something meaningful during her time off. While her daughter was in day camp, Tali offered to come in once a week and teach dance and sports to the campers.  The camp director was immediately impressed by Tali’s energy and camp vibe, and after the first day she invited Tali to return for the rest of the season.  Since then, Tali has taught in camp every summer.

“I was that girl at weddings that danced and danced and didn’t stop. Over the years, I would attend people’s parties, mostly bat mitzvahs, and everyone would come over and tell me that I should teach dance.  But the timing wasn’t right when I finished seminary.”

In the fall of 2021, Tali returned to LensCrafters.  The following summer, she asked for two days a week off to work in camp. At the end of the summer, Tali realized that she didnot want to go back to her optician position in the City.

“Although I liked the corporate world and the professional aspect, I realized I enjoyed the yeshiva world and wanted something more fulfilling. The yeshiva environment was good for my soul.”

Tali Reinvents Herself

Tali turned her passion for dancing, her positive energy, and her ability to inspire others into a new career.  Her new profession and livelihood give her the flexibility and work-life balance to be home with her children when they get off the school bus.  It helps her to feel fulfilled and gives her life more meaning and a sense of purpose. 

“I love bringing happiness and energy and unifying all girls whether they can or cannot dance. I enjoy bringing joy and spreading joy!  My husband supports me in all my decisions and is my biggest cheerleader.”

After leaving her optician job, Tali secured a job teaching math to sixth grade yeshiva students.  She likes to have fun with her students while maintaining discipline and a healthy social and emotional environment in her classroom.  No bullying or shaming is permitted in Mrs. Yaakov’s classes.  Students must respect each other as well as the teacher.  “I strive to gain my students’ trust and teach the kids good habits for the future.”

Tali’s children love to dance and even her almost two-year-old child is now dancing.  “Music is always on in my house.”

Her eleven-year-old daughter pitches in at night with the younger ones when Tali is teaching a class.

A Range of Students

Her fitness and dance students come from word of mouth.  Tali teaches Zumba and Pilates two mornings a week and she ensures her students use every muscle in their bodies. She also does girls’ dance parties and senior exercise classes with lots of stretching.   Tali started out as an assistant at bat mitzvah dance parties and advanced to running her own.

Recently, Tali started doing exercises with special needs girls once a week at theelementary school division at IVDU School for Special Education. The occupational therapist complimented Tali on how therapeutically beneficial her exercise routines are.

Tali is always expanding her skill set and knowledge base.  After giving birth to her third child, she enrolled in a fitness center that offered classes for women and she incorporated what she learned into her own programs and events. 

Nachat

At a recent event,one of the girls told Tali that she never gets up to dance. With Tali’s encouragement the girl took the leap to participate, and dance she did! The young girl was so proud of herself.  Tali felt so gratified that she was able to help that girl go from a non-participant to an active participant, and to experience the joy of dancing. “I feel like this is what Hashem wants me to do.”

The following story perfectly captures Tali’s passion.

“I was listening to a podcast interview with Benny Friedman, and they asked him how he knew that he was supposed to be a singer. He answered that it’s something he can’t NOT do. That really resonated with me. For me, dancing is a calling, something I can’t NOT do. It’s a part of who I am at my core.”

Connect with Tali at Mrsyaakov@gmail.com with or by text at 917-674-0484.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Acting President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).