Cookies and Cream Hot Cocoa Bombs

Adina Yaakov

This treat has maintained its popularity for good reason. It breaks open in the most captivating way, releasing its contents and instantly creating an extraordinary cup of hot cocoa. Cocoa bombs are a great activity for cold winter nights and make great hostess gifts as well. You will need two half sphere silicone mold trays with six cavities each for this recipe. If you don’t want to purchase molds, you can use paper cupcake liners and add enough melted chocolate to cover the hot chocolate and marshmallows completely.

2 ounces high-quality semi-sweet chocolate bars or chips

14 ounces high quality white chocolate bar or chips

6 tablespoons white hot chocolate mix

1 cup mini marshmallows

12 mini sandwich cookies

6 cups whole or 2% milk

If you can’t find white hot chocolate mix, make your own:

2 cups skim milk powder

½ cup Sugar

½ cup Vanilla sugar

1. Fill 2 pots half-way with water and set over medium-high heat. Place 2 heat-proof glass bowls that fit securely on top of each pot without touching the water. Chop each bar and melt separately in the double boilers. Remove the bowl from the double boiler when melted.

2. Coat the molds with the white chocolate. Drop 1 tablespoon tempered chocolate into each well of the half sphere silicone mold trays. Use a brush to spread the chocolate up the sides and over the edges of the molds by just a bit. Place in the freezer to harden quickly, about 5 minutes.

3. Fill half the spheres with white hot cocoa mix and marshmallows.

4. Wearing gloves, gently release the remaining 6 unfilled shells from their molds, but keep them resting in the well. Use a pastry brush to coat the top of the sphere with chocolate and attach to the marshmallow-filled shell.

5. Let sit at room temperature to harden and set, at least 15 minutes.

6. Drizzle with dark chocolate and add sandwich cookies. Drizzle with white chocolate. Use gloves when decorating or moving the cocoa bombs to prevent fingerprints.

To Serve the Chocolate Bombs:

1. Heat 1 cup milk for each hot chocolate bomb gently on the stovetop or in the microwave for about 2 minutes until very hot, almost to a boil.

2. Pour the hot milk into a large mug and gently add the bomb for the most dramatic explosion.

Ellen Gellar Kamaras

Shutting your smartphone for allotted time periods to be totally present for your children will reap enormous benefits.

It will increase their emotional intelligence (EQ) and give them valuable lifelong tools to navigate challenges and relationships. Being emotionally intelligent is key to how one reacts to life’s challenges. Unplugging from your phone will help your kids feel that they are important to you and will help them to develop resilience. And it’s good for you, too.

When You Turn Your Attention to Your Phone

I am blessed to live in Brooklyn Heights, right next to the Promenade, which affords a breathtaking view of the Lower Manhattan skyline and New York Harbor.

Many young families live in this section of brownstone Brooklyn. When I walk my dog, Davy, I see many parents and nannies pushing strollers with infants and toddlers.

It is rare when a parent or nanny is not looking at his/her phone while pushing the stroller. There are times that we need to check our phones. I am guilty of stopping in the middle of the block to check my phone and having pedestrians “excuse me” their way past me.

What do you think is the impact on the child whose parent or nanny is constantly looking at her phone? We have all seen kids trying to get their mom’s attention while the mom was scrolling.

Even my dog gets into trouble when I stop to check my phone for a text or to send a quick email. Inevitably, another dog walks by and Davy pounces or growls.

Might Davy be trying to remind me that this is our special time together and I need to be present? I now make a concerted effort to keep my phone in my pocket.

If we are engrossed with our phone screens, it means we are not engaging with the others we are with.

What is the impact of parental or caregiver phone use on the children? What is the cost of those missed opportunities when we could be connecting with our children? And what is happening at home regarding phone usage in the children’s presence?

First, let’s address the babies.

Why Talking to Your Baby Matters

According to the Essex Child and Family Wellbeing Service, child’s first 1,001 days (from conception to the age of two) are crucial in developing attachment, physical development, communication, and early language. Children need to be experimenting with sounds, babbling, making noises, learning vocabulary, and communicating from as early an age as possible.

This is why we need to talk to our babies while they are out in their strollers and at home. In the first 10 to 12 months, babies enjoy being talked to, move their heads and smile, and move their arms and legs in response. Babies listen when you sing songs and start to understand when you use their name. It is never too early to start reading books to encourage vocabulary building.

Raising Children in the Digital Age

According to the Center for Fathers and Children in Sacramento, California, “When it comes to raising children in the digital age, one of the worst things a parent can do is give their kid a smartphone and hope for the best. Turns out, same goes for the grownups.”

That’s right! We talk about the negative impact of screen time and too much access to social media for our kids but are we as parents being appropriate role models?

Robin Nabi, a professor of communications at UC Santa Barbara, headed up a study of parents to observe how different forms of media impacts the emotional intelligence of their kids. The results of her study indicated that the EQ of children can be negatively affected by their parents’ use of smartphones. It’s the very familiar scene that I see on the promenade of a caregiver absorbed with a smartphone screen and their little charge is seeking attention.

Let’s define emotional intelligence or EQ. It is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage both our emotions and the emotions of others. EQ’s key components are self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and relationship management.

Research shows that kids with high EQ are likely to have better academic performance, stronger relationships, and enhanced mental health. EQ provides the tools for children to handle stress, solve problems, resolve differences and arguments, and make healthy choices. A solid connection also exists between EQ skills in kids and decreased depression, anxiety levels, and aggression.

Nabi concluded that children respond to their parents. It does not matter what the content is that the mom or dad is viewing on their phones. To the child having a parent looking at their phone translates to a lack of responsiveness to them.

Her research found that parental phone use is associated with “still face.” This expressionless appearance is frequently taken for depression, which can adversely affect children’s development of emotional skills.

Advice to Parents Based on Research

Nabi’s advice to parents is to be more mindful about phone use around children. “Where their eyes are sends a message to their children about what’s important.”

Dona Matthews, PhD. Is a developmental psychologist and author living in Toronto. She describes the findings of five research studies to support her views on parental phone use – parents on devices distress children and reduce their resilience.

These studies highlight the harm parents can cause when they focus on their phones. Although they may be physically present, they are distracted and less responsive to their kids.

Study #1: Moms on cellphones have children who are more negative and are less resilient.

Study #2: Children feel unimportant and feel they need to compete with smartphones for their parents’ attention.

Study #3: Distracted parental attention harms children’s social/emotional development.

Study #4: Cellphone use interferes with healthy parenting. Study #5: When parents use cellphones kids feel sad, mad, angry, and lonely.

Why Is It So Important for Children To Develop Resilience?

Think about how we as parents/caregivers coped during the pandemic. Our ability to be resilient enabled us to function and take care of ourselves and our loved ones in the new normal. The same is true of Israelis and Jews in response to the atrocities of October 7th and the ensuing war and surge in anti-Semitism. We continue to use our Jewish mindset and practice values of optimism, faith, hope, and positivity. Most importantly, we try to exercise resilience.

After October 7th, Jewish resilience meant the creation of a new normal. Resilience requires not only perseverance but also the ability to adapt to adverse events.

Developing resilience for a child means helping them to deal with life and cultivate the tools and skills they need to manage challenges as they grow up. Resilience will let them stick things out and not give up in the face of adversity or failure.

What Can Parents Do?

School principals and parents concentrate on banning or limiting children’s phone use. Therapists also recommend they address other spaces where phone use/overuse occurs. Dr. Katie Hurley, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, author, and speaker shared what she hears from her teenage clients about their parents’ phone use. They say that their

parents consistently criticize their children’s phone use but do not curb their own use. “Hypocrisy aside, teens tell me that it’s frustrating when their parents can’t give them their focus. Frustrated with their parents over their lack of attention, teens curb negative emotions by watching videos on social media.”

Parents frequently have the same complaint, that their kids are glued to their phones and do not react when they try to engage them. They also turn to their own phones when rejected by their children. Both parents and kids get stuck in an endless loop of fractured communication and hurt feelings because technology steals focus.

Dr. Hurley’s solution involves getting the families to look at the problem from both sides and see how technology is stealing opportunities for quality time and positive interactions.

Both parents and children need to adjust their technology habits to restore trust and positive communication. She emphasizes that it is our parental responsibility to be a good role model for our children.

By prioritizing engaging with each other and having fun together, families can curb tech overuse in a positive way.

Curb & Compromise

Below are some of Dr. Hurley’s suggestions to restore positive and meaningful family conversations without throwing our phones away.

Establish technology family guidelines together. Even though the rules may vary by age, it is important to explain the differences to your children. One example is no phones at the dinner table.

· Devise systems that easily allow us to decrease our phone use. One idea is to provide a storage basket or central charging station when phones are not to be used.

· Practice active listening skills together. Maintain eye contact while you talk to each other, ask follow-up questions, and reflect on what you heard.

· Create working communication systems. There are exceptions. Parents may have to deal with work issues, for example, a journalist with a deadline or a doctor on call, and kids may get a notification from school. Make a follow-up plan to continue the conversation and be clear when you set boundaries around work.

· Schedule activities your family enjoys doing together that do not involve technology.

Linda Sadacka

In New York, chaos has become the new normal. What should be peaceful protests (which are a cornerstone of democratic expression) too often devolve into violent free-for-alls. We have all seen it – the broken windows, terrified families trying to cross streets blocked by agitators, and police officers caught in dangerous clashes with masked ”protesters” who think they are above the law. This is not just bad optics. This is a direct threat to public safety.

Less than a month after the tragic events of October 7, 2023, it became clear to me that action was urgently needed. The images of horror and devastation shocked us all, but what unfolded in the weeks that followed was equally alarming. Protests, initially intended to express solidarity or outrage, began to morph into something far darker. In response, I personally took steps to sound the alarm – writing letters to the mayor’s office and organizing a successful phone campaign to advocate for laws designed to protect the right to protest while maintaining public order. Yet, here we are, nearly a year later, and New York City continues to drag its feet, allowing this dangerous trend to spiral further out of control.

The Need for Comprehensive Protest Laws

To be clear, this is not about curbing free speech. Protesters have every right to voice their opinions, to march in the streets, and to demand change. But when those marches turn violent – when agitators hide their identities and use protests as cover to wreak havoc – then those marches should not fall under the standard free speech protections, because that right to free speech and protest gatherings does not extend to criminal behavior.

We have seen it play out time and again. The Manhattan Bridge incident in November 2023 is one example, when masked protesters clashed with police, blocked traffic, and hurled projectiles. Another example is the Midtown vandalism in December, where a peaceful demonstration was hijacked by criminals who smashed windows and defaced property, causing thousands of dollars in damage. These are not isolated events – they are part of a growing trend of lawlessness that extends far beyond New York.

Global Patterns

In fact, this troubling pattern is playing out on a global scale. Across the world, chaos is escalating under the false banner of progressivism and inclusivity, leaving communities vulnerable and unprotected. Look at Amsterdam, where a so-called “protest” turned into an

outright pogrom. Jewish landmarks were vandalized, residents were attacked, and anti-Semitic chants rang through the streets. This was not a spontaneous rally – it was a planned, targeted assault on a minority community, unchecked by authorities. This is history repeating itself, and it should alarm every person who values civilized behavior.

In Montreal, we see the same disturbing pattern. Rabbi Adam Scheier and his family were told by police to leave a public area because his kippah might provoke a nearby pro-Hamas mob. Think about that: instead of protecting innocent citizens, law enforcement chose to direct them to leave a place in their own city to appease aggressors. This is not the promotion of inclusivity; it is cowardice.

Closer to home, in Brooklyn’s Nostrand Avenue, Jewish neighborhoods have found themselves under siege. It is both absurd and unacceptable that agitators are permitted to march through predominantly Jewish areas, openly threatening residents and traumatizing entire communities – including children and the elderly. The very notion that such actions are allowed to take place in spaces meant to be safe for minority populations is a fundamental failure of governance and law enforcement.

Designated Protest Areas

Permissive laws and weak leadership have created a dangerous climate where the rule of law is undermined, and communities are left to fend for themselves. Protesters should not have free rein to intimidate and terrorize the locals in residential neighborhoods. This is not an issue of free speech – it is an issue of public safety and basic human dignity. Enforcing designated protest areas is not a violation of civil rights; it is a necessary measure to ensure that protests do not infringe on the safety and well-being of others.

The time has come to draw a clear line: freedom of expression cannot come at the expense of another’s sense of security, especially in communities that have historically faced targeted hate and violence. Designated protest zones must be enforced to ensure that protests remain lawful and respectful, and that vulnerable communities are shielded from unnecessary harm. Anything less is a failure to uphold the principles of fairness and justice.

A Common Thread

What ties all of this together are the policies disguised as “progressive” that undermine accountability and enable chaos. Today’s bail reform and soft-on-crime policies claim to promote fairness, but in reality, they strip away basic protections for vulnerable communities. This is exactly how dangerous precedents are set. History tells us what happens when governments fail to confront anti-Semitism and lawlessness. Before the Holocaust, laws targeting Jews were implemented under the guise of law and order. Today, we arere witnessing the same erosion of protections, only now what is happening is veiled in the language of inclusivity and equity.

Make no mistake: when a society refuses to enforce its own laws and to hold criminals accountable, it invites disaster. Chaos is not progress. And the parallels to past events in history are too striking to ignore.

Measures to Enforce Safety During Protests

One effective example is the recently enacted Mask Transparency Act in Nassau County, which bans masks at protests to remove the anonymity that violent agitators rely on. While Nassau County implemented this measure recently, I had proposed this very idea in a letter I sent to the mayor’s office just a month after October 7, 2023. In the aftermath of that tragic day, I recognized the growing potential for protests to be exploited by bad actors and emphasized in my letter that removing anonymity was a crucial step toward maintaining public order. While it is encouraging to see Nassau County take action now, it is clear that focusing solely on masks is not enough. New York needs a broader set of measures to ensure protests remain peaceful and productive for everyone involved.

Here’s what that could look like:

Permit Requirements: Cities need to know when and where protests are happening so they can prepare. This is not about controlling speech—it is about keeping people safe.

Designated Zones: Clear, controlled spaces for protests would prevent disruption in residential neighborhoods and local businesses.

Time Limits: Protests stretching into the night are more likely to escalate into violence. Setting reasonable end times will help to maintain order.

Security and Cleanup Plans: Protest organizers should provide their own security personnel and have a plan for medical support and cleanup.

These measures are not intended to only be restrictive – they are common-sense solutions to ensure that protests remain safe, organized, and meaningful.

We Have Forgotten What a Peaceful Protest Looks Like

The sad truth is that we have forgotten what peaceful protests look like. A colleague of mine recently experienced something that underscores just how far we have strayed. While traveling in Budapest, he accidentally walked into a large rally. He was stunned by the atmosphere. The protesters were peaceful, orderly, and respectful. There was no chaos. No violence. Just people expressing their views as part of a functioning democracy.

Contrast that with what we are seeing in New York today – agitated crowds turning protests into battlegrounds. The difference is stark, and it is a lesson we cannot afford to ignore. Without

stronger guardrails, protests lose their integrity, communities suffer, and the public loses faith in the democratic process.

Time to Act

The chaos unfolding in New York and beyond is a clear sign that leadership is failing us. Governor Kathy Hochul and city officials must step up and adopt comprehensive measures to ensure protests remain peaceful. While banning masks is a start, a holistic approach is needed – one that balances the right to protest with the responsibility to protect public safety.

If we do not act now, we risk watching our cities spiral further into violence, leaving innocent people caught in the crossfire. The solution is within reach, but it requires bold leadership to implement it. The time for action is now. Our cities, our communities, and our values depend on it.

Here’s How You Can Help

Call Governor Hochul at (518) 474-8390 and demand statewide adoption of effective protest laws.

Contact Mayor Adams’ office at (917) 909-2288 to urge the implementation of stricter protest guidelines in New York City.

Contact your local legislators and push for a framework that prioritizes safety and order.

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I would like to say my marriage has been good, but the truth is that it’s been anything but good. My husband is a great guy but he is extremely overbearing. He checks my phone calls and emails and interrogates me about my conversations. I have told him multiple times to stop, but he says we’re married and we are supposed to share everything. My question is, are we supposed to share everything?

R’ Ali’s Response:

There are many facets to this question. It is important to note that this situation is common and applies to both women and men.. I will address the topic first and then get back to your question. I must clarify first that if both husband and wife look through each other’s phone freely and there’s a mutual understanding that this is okay, then, for the most part it is fine. I am addressing this specific scenario where one of the two is not pleased with this behavior.

The famous Rabbi Shimon Gruen’s recipe for a strong healthy marriage is called the “mine, yours, and ours” concept. When it comes to decision making in a marriage, things can innocently get confusing and even frustrating. Before marriage, we made our own decisions as to where we go, what we eat, where we live, etc. Once we get married, many of our decisions will affect our spouse indirectly. If they do not like our clothes, for example, then they will be uncomfortable with our choice. If one wants to live in New York and one wants to live in New Jersey, only one party will get what they want. These decisions can be tricky and can be the source of much frustration. So, whose decision is it? People will come into a marriage with different ideas and philosophies of “who calls the shots,” based on upbringing or ideas they have heard.

First, there is the “mine” area. That is the area that directly affects you. Those are the decisions that usually make up who you are as an individual – what clothes you wear, what foods you eat, who your friends are, etc. These decisions belong to you alone. Your spouse should not be dictating how you operate. Of course, each spouse’s decisions and behaviors should be in the realm of what is considered acceptable and normal. To wear a clown suit all day is abnormal and your spouse has a right to tell you that this is unacceptable. It does get tricky, so as a rule of

thumb I tell people in order to determine what is normal is usually something that is a matter of preference. To be clear, this “mine” concept is a healthy way of living, to be your natural self so long as you are not harming anyone else.

The next part is the “yours,” which is the exact opposite of the “mine.” This is allowing your spouse to make decisions that pertain directly to themselves.

The third part is the “ours.” This is a shared area that pertains directly to both parties – where to live, where to send the kids to school, having children, etc.

In this area, both husband and wife have a say and should equally be involved in these decisions. This entire concept may sound mechanical and even confusing, but it is at the core of much marital friction.

There is another element to the “mine” and “yours” and that is privacy. Many people have a hard time with this, but each spouse is entitled to a certain amount of privacy. Not every conversation with everyone must or even should be shared. This does not mean we should hide things from our spouse. It means that everyone has a right to a certain amount of privacy. This does get tricky and is advisable to consult a professional with any questions.

Getting back to your questions, cell phones belong to their owners. There are many private conversations with family members or friends that are not meant for anyone else’s ears or eyes. A wife will hear from her sister that she is pregnant and should not tell anyone. A husband who sees this conversation without permission is breaching her privacy. In short, everyone should respect their spouse’s request not to look through their phone. If you have any questions, just ask! Communication is healthier than snooping around. If you have a specific situation that needs resolving, consult with your rabbi or a professional.

Frieda Schweky

This month, I thought it would be helpful if I asked around for tips on traveling with children. Normally when I introduce a topic, I include the names of the community members who have contributed their ideas or thoughts. However, this time I got a bunch of small tips from a lot of people. So, I didn’t list everyone by name, but instead I organized all the suggestions into helpful categories. Enjoy!

You’re about to spend a ton of hard-earned cash on a trip for your family. Here are some tips to hopefully help things go smoothly.

Ziplock Bags and/or Packing Cubes

When it comes to traveling with a number of children for a longer trip, planning ahead of time and using a simple tool like zip-top bags can make all the difference. For each child, prepare appropriate-sized Ziplock bags with each outfit for each day, and label with a marker what the outfits are intended for to save time once you get to your destination.

For example, prepare a Ziplock bag labeled “Sarah: Monday, Daytime.” In your Ziplock have everything your child might need to wear that day, like a beach dress and bathing suit. Also make an additional bag for nighttime activities. I labeled mine Sarah: Monday, Night.

Pack all toiletries in zip-top bags to avoid spilling mishaps. If Ziplock bags aren’t your thing, you can get packing cubes, either plain ones or even ones that come marked with the days of the week! This is a great option because they are reusable. To be super-efficient, get each family member their own color packing cube so it’s simple to tell the difference!

Bring Cheap Toys

When traveling with young children, it is extremely important to pack quiet toys that will keep them busy on a long flight. Head to a dollar store and pick up a few things you think might hold their attention.

You may be thinking, “I already have great toys.” That’s exactly the point. Leave your great toys at home. The things that you bring with you on your trip should be things you’d be comfortable with losing. Also, since the toys are new to the child they will most likely keep them busy longer.

You have enough to worry about with your kids. You don’t need to be babysitting toys.

Some ideas for travel toys are drawing tablets, the kind that cost $5 on Amazon, or about $8 for a two-pack. Their sole purpose is to doodle and erase. They’re zero mess. Just make sure to get one that has a tether so the pen can’t get lost! Playdough with a couple of molds can keep a kiddo busy for a while. Also, don’t forget to pack headphones!

Bring Medication

Tylenol or Motrin is important to bring with you on a flight/trip with young children. You never know whose ears will be sensitive to air pressure changes. FeverAll contains Acetaminophen, the same kind of pain reliever and fever reducer as in Tylenol, but it comes in suppository form. So this could be another option for babies who refuse liquid medicine, especially when you’re not looking for a fight on a plane. They are safe for babies and toddlers. Suppositories really come in handy as they are dry and small, ideal for carry-on purposes, and they work faster than liquid. These are also key to avoiding a red sticky mess. FeverAll is sold over-the-counter and can be found in most pharmacies next to the children’s pain relievers. In general, FeverAll is a great option for young children who are disgusted by the taste of medicine.

What to Pack in Your Carry-On

When traveling with a child under the age of one, it’s safest to pack changes of clothing in your carry-on. You should pack a couple of outfits for your child and one for yourself in case an accident happens on you as well.

Pack double the amount of diapers in your carry-on that you think you need for the flight. You never know if your flight will be delayed or how long it will take to check in and your carry-on may be your only baggage for a while. When it comes to baby wipes, pack one package in your carry-on and one in your checked baggage. Any additional wipes you need should be purchased at your destination. Wipes can add extra weight your luggage may not be able to afford.

Even if all of your children have aged out of diapers, pack a few wet wipes in a Ziplock bag to bring on a flight to clean hands and faces.

Snacks, Spill-Proof Cups, and FOOD Are a Must

A variety of healthy snacks should be packed in your carry-on for your children. Try to start off with savory options like pretzels, chips, fruits, and veggies. Only break out the sweets in case of behavioral emergencies or towards the end of the flight. No one wants a hyperactive child on a crowded flight. However, it’s good to know that lollipops can help with popping ears with cabin pressure changes, so you may want to pack a few. If your kids are old enough, gum can help with popping ears, too.

Something cool you can find on Amazon or at Target is mini-tackle boxes you can use for snacks. This was a social media trend that exploded because of its simple brilliance. It’s a flat container with multiple compartments so you can pack a good variety of snacks that will also help kids stay busy and satisfied on long flights. Best part: hand it over to your kids once and you’re done! They won’t have to bother you for snacks every few minutes.

Additionally, for children four and under, an empty spill-proof cup should be packed. When the flight attendant hands out beverages, you can pour whatever juice of choice into a spill proof cup and not have to think about it or assist the child further.

Also, I’m sure everyone knows this by now but just in case – BRING FOOD. Lots of real food. Travel days are stressful enough. Don’t add finding kosher food on the go to the list of things to stress about. Sandwiches, extra pita, butter noodles, mini pizzas, deli, cut veggies, hard boiled eggs, and all the portable food you can think of. More is more – you never know if a flight will be delayed. Be prepared!

Pack Blankets

Another must-pack item for your carry-on is a small blanket for each child – something comfortable enough to help the child sleep. A sleeping child is the most ideal when on a flight. Don’t forget pacifiers for babies who need them! Even taking the extra step of ordering child-size eye masks (the comfortable kind that have an indentation where the eyes go) can really save you from the unpredictable lights turning on. Pack one for yourself as well, why not! If the kids are busy enough with all this good stuff you’re packing they may let you snooze!

Additionally, a small stuffed animal can be brought to act as a pillow. Again, nothing sentimental that you wouldn’t want lost or ruined.

iPad or Portable DVD Player

For long flights or for children whose attention aren’t held by toys, bringing some portable electronic entertainment is a must. Make sure to charge devices in advance, pack chargers in your carry-on, and again, pack headphones! Bring headphones with wires so you can plug them into the monitor on the plane if it has one. They usually do! But in case they don’t, you’ll have the DVD player or tablet!

Additionally, you may not have Wi-Fi on the flight, so prepare in advance. Download age-appropriate games and some streaming apps like Netflix that have off-line options. Make sure to have that set up ahead of time for quick and easy on-board streaming.

Make a Spreadsheet

When packing for a whole family for a trip, especially if there are a number of children and especially when you have different events to pack for, it’s so important to stay organized. Google Sheets is completely free, and you can make yourself a detailed spreadsheet. Include the different days and events, what each adult or child needs, by name, and check it off first once you buy the

items in one column and check it off again in a different column once it’s packed. Example: Sunday, beach party, Sarah, bathing suit, dress, fancy sandals, bow.

Guys, this was so fun and actually helpful (to me) so I really hope it’s helpful for you too! A personal tip from me to you is to be sure to make LISTS – the portable kind. Write on your phone whenever you think of a small detail that you think you may forget. Don’t leave it to chance. Write it down and check that list when you’re packing! Don’t check it off until it is packed! Examples of things you could easily forget to pack: Siddur, puddle jumpers, brushes, your favorite hair conditioner… This list is going to be different for everyone! I wish you best of luck in your travels – safe, fun, and successful!

Frieda Schweky

Frieda is an event and portrait photographer. Check Frieda out on Instagram @friedaschwekyphoto For photography inquiries or article topic suggestions email her friedaschweky@gmail.com.

Mozelle Forman

In life, we like to be prepared. We like to know what’s coming next and what we can look forward to. This psychological disposition is primarily driven by a desire for control and a belief that by anticipating events we can reduce our anxiety. Also, it is a natural human tendency to think about potential outcomes. Doing so allows us to plan and make informed decisions based on predicted future scenarios. Essentially, knowing what the future will bring can provide a sense of security and allows us to make a plan of action in an uncertain world. When the unexpected happens, we become agitated and anxious. We can be momentarily thrown off our game while we contemplate our actions based on the changed circumstances. And when an unexpected, untimely death occurs, the shock, anxiety, and grief throw us into a tailspin.

The community at large, and the Mishaan family in particular, experienced this phenomenon when Zak, a”h, was suddenly taken from this world on Hol Hamoed Sukkot, just the day before his beloved holidays of Hoshana Raba and Simhat Torah. The disbelief, the question of “how could this be?” was a haunting echo for his family, as they struggled to make sense of something that made no sense. Visitors to the family endeavored to offer consolation, even while knowing that words were hollow and the grief was deep. Yet, as Rabbi Eli Mansour stated at the arayat, “You don’t have to have answers when you have friends. The greatest consolation for the mourners is to be there for them, and cry with them, and hold their hand.”

Community Rabbis’ Words of Consolation

Rabbi Meir Yedid described the sense of disorientation Zak’s family and friends endured with his sudden passing. “We ask ourselves, eichah, how could it be?” as we do in Megilat Eichah, pondering the loss of the Beit Hamikdash. “How could it be that Zak is gone?” In an effort to offer consolation and understanding to his family and friends, Rabbi David Ozeri shared the story of Hanoch who died at the young age of 365 years old, when his contemporaries were living between 800 and 900 years. “The Torah tells us, ‘Hanoch walked with Elokim, and then he was no longer there, because Elokim had taken him.’ No explanation, no preparation. One day he was just gone. In the same way, Zak was taken from us.” We cannot comprehend the why’s of Hashem’s world and Rabbi Mansour confirms that “Gd is supposed to be beyond our comprehension. If I understand every move that my Gd makes then I have demoted Him to human intellect.”

Rabbi Azencot likens Zak’s short but powerful life to the life of our matriarch Sarah. When the Torah recounts her life, it is written, “The life of Sarah was 100 years and 20 years and 7 years; the years of Sarah’s life.” Rashi famously tells us that the repetition of “the years of Sarah’s life” indicates that, while they were not many in number, they were equally good. Rabbi Azencot explained that, like Sarah, all of Zak’s years were good. “He lived his life with a sense of urgency, running to catch every mitzvah. His life was full of achievement with concern for everyone and kavod for the Torah with majesty and dignity. He is a role model to all of us of how to live an achieved life.” Focusing on the achievements of his life can bring an acceptance that he fulfilled his mission in this world assuaging our need to ask why? Rabbi Mansour shared the advice he personally heard Rabbi Amar give to a grieving mother: “You have enough pain in your loss. Don’t pain yourself more in trying to figure it out.”

A True Friend

The short and meaningful life that Zak lived, was the epitome of verse 1:6 in Pirkei Avot, “Make for yourself a Rabbi, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every person to the side of merit.” Zak’s friends and family overwhelmingly cited his love and respect for the Rabbis and described his yearning for and connection to them. He sought out their counsel, supported their causes, and was proud to know the rabbis and be known by them. Rabbis David Ozeri, Meyer Yedid, and David Sutton considered Zak to be a friend and they shared a close relationship with him. They applauded his successes and were awed by his commitment and devotion to tefillah and hesed. Rabbi Ozeri cites Zak’s delight at being able to donate generously, proactively writing a ma’aser check before he had even earned the money and celebrating with a l’haim, not to his earnings, but to his zechut for giving the money to charity.

Zak acquired many friends in his lifetime – you might say he sought out friendship from many and those he sought felt better for having known him. Ikey Mandalawy, a more recent friend, expressed the sheer comedy of his friendship with Zak given their 20-year age difference and lack of commonality. What was most impressive to Ikey was Zak’s conscientious adherence to the third element of our Mishna – judge your fellow favorably. Zak had on the spur of a moment joined Ikey and a group of men on a short trip to Israel. Ikey recounts a conversation he had with Zak on that trip. “Zak came to me and said, ‘When I first met you, I sized you up and made up my mind the kind of guy you are. But that’s not who you are. You are different than I thought you would be and I apologize for thinking that.’ I was surprised. I would have never known what he thought of me if he hadn’t said anything. But even thinking wrong about me upset him and he had to acknowledge it.” Zak’s inner conscience and his desire to achieve maximum growth motivated him to acknowledge his mistake and to deliver an apology even when not necessary.

A Man of Intense Dedication

Zak’s dedication to Torah, tefilla, hesed, and emet, and his profound respect for the Rabbis comes as no surprise to those who knew him well. Zak’s fierce dedication and loyalty, his enthusiastic energy, were all part of his DNA. He adored his parents, was passionately devoted to his wife and children, and held his friends dear. Every tefilla, said with deep fervor and intent was in the zechut of his children. Rabbi Ozeri witnessed his deep concentration during tefilla and believes that Zak “built a real relationship with Hashem through his prayers.” His children attest to the fact that he was their greatest fan and greatest support. He poured his love into them with his

heart and with his time. His mother, Sally Mishaan, described Zak’s singular ability to “make each person feel uniquely valued…and made them feel that you truly understood their struggle.”

We are told that anything we experience or witness in our life has significance from which we can learn and grow. What is the legacy that we inherit from Zak’s passing at the prime of his life? We can learn much by listening to the thoughts and emotions his children expressed at his arayat. Sally, described as her father’s princess, expressed her gratitude for all the shared times she had with her father and his excitement and encouragement of all her endeavors. Jackie began with words of thanks, as did both of his brothers. “My Dad used to say you can never say thank you enough, so I thank the community and give hakarat hatov to Hashem for creating this amazing community.” Jackie believes that clinging to Torah was the most valuable choice Zak ever made for his family and advises, “never take your parents for granted.” Zak’s son Sam witnessed his father invest in making a mark on people. “Dad,” he said at the arayat, “you believed in me, gave me strength, uplifted me, and built my inner confidence.” Richie summed up his father’s legacy of persistently working on himself and passing Torah values to his family. “It is our time to live as he lived – seize each moment of every day, fear Hashem in all of our doings, love unconditionally, and be relentless for our families.”

Zak’s World View

Rabbi Meyer Yedid observed that Zak lived his life with an intuitive understanding that the world we live in is not permanent. “When one recognizes that the world is temporary it gives you power, it gives you strength, it makes you value life, and the opportunities that life gives us…we start to love people, start to ask what are we responsible for, and we become givers.” Zak looked for the opportunities that would bring him closer to Hashem, he focused on the love he felt for his family and friends. He understood his responsibilities to his community and his avodah and sought out any occasion to become a giver. The length of our life does not determine the impact that we can make on the world. Zak is proof of this. The prerequisite for living a full and fulfilled life is the desire to show up and make a difference. And Zak made a difference in the lives of so many. In a loving tribute to his brother, Saul Mishaan expressed what he believed Zak would have liked to say to his friends and family. “Life is short; use your time wisely. Keep your friends close, draw strength from one another, enjoy your family, and always be grateful.”

These are words of wisdom that can help us to live our fullest, most connected life. May Hashem send comfort to his family, friends, and the entire community. And in the merit of trying to emulate Zak’s approach to life, may his neshama have an aliyah. Amen.