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Sailing Relationships with R’ Ali

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October 2024

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I am recently married and I am a bit confused about certain marriage concepts. For example, whenever I tell my husband something about the way that he dresses, he gets so frustrated and it turns into a fight. Aren’t we supposed to be one, which means we’re on the same page on all matters? There are many other examples but they are irrelevant. I’d appreciate some clarity on this concept of being one.

R’ Ali’s Response:

This may seem like the idea of being one is a simple concept. However, this misconception is one of the biggest causes of marital friction. I write and speak about this often. Yes, once we get married we are supposed to become one. Let’s first explain what one does not mean. “One” doesn’t mean that one person dictates how the other should now behave and the other person becomes submissive and completely obliterates their individuality and who they are. That would mean that there is one person here and the other has disappeared.

This reminds me of a joke that I heard from Rabbi Shimon Gruen. Two people got married and someone told them that they will now become one. A while later, they went back to that person and said that they’re confused, which one are they to become? The point is clear – “one” does not mean that you now take the identity of one person.

Every person has their own unique personality and individuality. Everyone has a right to their opinions, thoughts, and tastes. Of course, I’m not talking about dangerous or ridiculous behaviors. If your husband likes gray pants and you don’t, it’s his choice and you should not tell him that he must change, all in the name of being on the same page or of being one. This can manifest itself in multiple ways, well beyond the clothes that he wears. How to raise children becomes a very sensitive topic. People will want the children to be raised a certain way. When their spouse disagrees, they get frustrated and say, “We’re not on the same page.” Really what they’re saying is, “You’re not on my page.”

So, what is this concept of being one that takes place when we get married? “One” means that you are one unit. You are two completely different individuals learning how to work together as a team. There’s no more “you,” there’s “we.” If one spouse doesn’t feel well, “we” have a problem. If one of the two is going through something emotionally or financially, “we” have an issue.

Before marriage, you were the only one who had your own personal struggles and dilemmas. Now that has changed. “One” means that we are now concerned about the unit and not only about ourselves. You wake up in the morning and think about what you both need.

Instead of saying, “I like pizza,” now you say, “ I like pizza and my husband prefers sushi.” Accepting each other’s differences and respecting them is one of the most fundamental concepts of marriage. If this concept is clear, then the stage is set for a healthy marriage. Once the lines get crossed and one person “rules” the relationship, it creates a resentful and frustrated spouse. They might do as you please or demand, but they do so begrudgingly, like a child being coerced by their parents. A husband/wife relationship is much different than the parent/child relationship.

To answer your question, stop giving him orders, especially about the way that he dresses. Believe it or not, if you would approach the situation differently he might even change his clothes. “Hey, I think you look so much better in the white shirt than in the gray one.” Now, he knows which one you prefer, and he just might change to make you happy. This really leads to another point – the more you push someone, the more they don’t want to do as you say.

This is just basic human nature and is not exclusive to men or to women. Try it, you’d be surprised how well your words are taken. Also, your husband will be happy that you mentioned something positive instead of how ridiculous he looks.

This is the way of the Torah. Words that are spoken nicely and gently are received very well. To conclude, it’s important to know that if an issue arises that seems like a halachic or hashkafic issue, a rabbi should be consulted. The ideas I mention here are a basic outline for simple mundane matters.

Positive Parenting – The Importance of a “Fresh Shirt”

Community Magazine

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October 2024

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Positive Parenting – The Importance of a “Fresh Shirt”

Tammy Sassoon

Everyone naturally wants to be a part of society, whether they are three or 100. We crave connections with others, and often when people are not successful at being part of things, they pretend not to care and then engage in behaviors that actually push others away. Then, when someone says unkind things to them, they draw one of two conclusions – the other person is bad or it is me that is unlovable. (We are not saying in any way that every time someone is mean to someone, it was provoked, since sometimes people just act in hurtful ways without being provoked. What we are saying is that in many cases, when a child is not socially successful, it’s helpful to examine whether that child is inviting connection or disconnection.)

Children often may say things like, “Nobody likes me,” without realizing that there ARE things they can do that make other people more interested in them and make themselves more “likable.” While every human being is inherently lovable, some people act in ways where others can actually sense that “lovable-ness.”

The Crumpled Shirt Metaphor

When teaching this concept, use the following metaphor: Tell your children to imagine that they are walking into a store to buy a new shirt, and they see two identical shirts hanging next to each other. The two shirts are exactly the same size, color, material, and brand. The only thing that is different about the two shirts is that one is hanging fresh and new with tags, while the other is all crumpled up without tags. Naturally, any shopper would choose the shirt that is hanging fresh and new. Now, we all know that once you wash either shirt, they would both look the same, and you’d never be able to tell which was which, because they are both, in fact, beautiful shirts. Somehow, our eyes in the store still gravitate towards that fresh shirt.

Amongst friends, we human beings are like the shirts. Let your children know that every single child in their class is a beautiful person, that everyone has a beautiful soul. If a child engages in “fresh shirt behaviors,” other children are naturally more interested in a friendship. If a child engages in “crumpled shirt” behaviors, other children are naturally not interested a friendship.

Teaching Your Kids Helpful Behaviors

Theres are so many “fresh shirt” and “crumpled shirt” behaviors. You can ask your kids to make a list for each. After you teach this idea you can always add to the list. (Remember, we never teach someone in the moment of struggle. The rule of thumb is that we don’t teach someone how to swim while they are drowning. Good teaching ONLY happens when both the student and teacher are in a calm, good mood.)

Start by giving your child at least one “fresh shirt” behavior as they start the school year; SMILING OFTEN. Let them know that people who smile often attract friends. The opposite, a “crumpled shirt behavior” would be FROWNING OFTEN.

Tell your children the truth about life, that people who come across as annoyed often, or complain a lot actually cause others to be uninterested in them, just like the crumpled shirt. Then, together with your child, role-play being a student who FROWNS OFTEN, as well as being a student who SMILES OFTEN. It’s fun and eye-opening for a child to see the difference.

The great news is always that every moment is an opportunity to start fresh, regardless of what happened yesterday. Show your children that you believe in their ability to engage in lots of “fresh shirt behaviors.” If your child needs help, teach and add one skill at a time. Tell your children that you look forward to hearing all about their friends this year, as their classmates begin to see who they really are!

It’s Never Too Late to Go Back to School or to Change Careers

Community Magazine

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October 2024

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It’s Never Too Late to Go Back to School or to Change Careers

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream another dream.”

Are you happy at your current job?

That may be a tough question to answer.

First, what does happy at your job really mean?

Here are some clues. Does your job challenge, stimulate, and fulfill you? Does it meet your financial needs? When you wake up in the morning do you feel energetic or anxious?

It’s never too late to make a career change or to go back to school!

Full-time employees spend 80,000 hours on the job over the course of their working lives. If you’re going to spend that much time working, why not do something that you are passionate about and brings you happiness and fulfillment?

Studies show that making a career change and learning new skills will keep your brain active and challenged.

Factors to Consider

Many factors go into choosing a job or career. You may have been enthusiastic about a chosen career path during college. But now you may be intrigued by a field that may not have even existed when you decided to pursue your career.

Additionally, things may have changed not only with the economy, the job market, and technology, but also concerning your personal situation, location, or financial needs. Your priorities and values may have altered. Or you realize the career you chose was not the right fit.

Life is not linear. It can be a complicated journey with ups and downs. We may feel the need to adjust our careers as our situation changes, as our values change, and as we grow older.

The Choice I Made

Around 25 years ago, I was feeling satisfied with my accounting job and work-life balance. Then my manager announced that he was moving my position from Manhattan to Princeton, New Jersy. I was floored! He gave me a choice – I could commute to Princeton or learn a new job at the company in NYC.

I decided to give the new position a try. I knew I could not manage the NJ commute. I still had children in Brooklyn yeshivot.

The hours at the new job were more demanding and I had to learn a lot of new IT skills. I sat for many hours with several people who I had to support and provide data to monthly. They taught me how to upload files to financial systems and a host of other things including conflict resolution, which have all helped me in my personal and professional life. But I was under more stress, and my new manager was tough. But I succeeded! Adversity can breed strength. I am proud to be technologically savvy and I became more marketable because of the job change.

My former manager recommended I read the book, Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson. The book is a parable about mice and it demonstrates how to handle change and how to avoid pitfalls using these principles: anticipate and prepare for change, overcome fears, envision success, and enjoy change. I resented the gesture at first, but after reading the book I agreed that someone had moved my cheese and I had to pivot to something new.

I learned that it is important to be open, flexible, and even embrace change for our personal growth, self-improvement, and so much more. Yes, change can be positive!

Try It Out

Kate Lee, an executive coach and consultant, wrote, “What makes sense for 20-year-old you is not necessarily what makes sense for the 60-year-old you.” Or for the 35- or 40-year-old you.

If you have a passion that you regret never having pursued, you owe it to yourself to revisit it.

Are you wary of taking that first step?

Imagine waking up in the morning and feeling inspired. You do not feel anxious or stressed, you are not headed to a job you dread. When your feet hit the floor, you start to smile. Feeling that way means having a career that aligns with your values and lifestyle and gives you purpose and fulfillment.

A New Trend

Millions left their jobs in 2022. Bonnie Dowling, co-author of the Great Attrition Report, published by McKinsey on Finance quarterly publication, says that this was not a passing trend or related to the pandemic labor market. “There’s been a fundamental shift in workers’ mentality, and their willingness to prioritize other things in their life beyond whatever job they hold.”

A research study conducted by the American Institute for Economic Research found that in any given year, there are between one and two million older career changers. Another finding was that 90 percent of career changers reported that once they changed careers they felt happier, less stressed, and more successful overall. And many people switch careers more than once.

In 2017, I took the leap, reinvented myself, and downsized from Flatbush to Brooklyn Heights. To promote my new career, I began writing for Community Magazine and discovered I love to write and to connect with new people.

Practical Tips

Explore the new career you are contemplating: Talk to as many people as possible who are in the career or industry that you want to move to. Do your due diligence. Network and make connections. Research the education requirements, the current job market, the opportunities, and the challenges. Google the top careers and the related education requirements, salaries, and growth opportunities.

Ideally, arrange an internship or shadow someone before you enroll in school. I was ready to sign up for a Teaching Fellows program thinking it would be a great career change for a working mom and I would have summers off with my kids. Thankfully, I wrote out pros and cons and discovered that I enjoy the one-on-one connection with kids more than teaching thirty children in a classroom.

Talk to your current supervisor or find a mentor in your organization. My dermatologist has helped send several of her medical assistants to programs to learn to be physician assistants or nurses.

Register for a non-matriculated class (meaning you are not officially enrolled as a student) or for the first course in a certificate program. That’s what I did with life/career coaching. On the first day of class, I was mesmerized by my professor and was inspired by the concept of partnering with people to make positive changes in their lives.

Find a volunteer position, especially if you are interested in a health, educational, or public health-related field. I volunteered at a hospital before applying to health advocacy graduate programs. I met career changers of all ages there.

Recognize that every career has tedious aspects. Physicians are required to input extensive amounts of patient documentation. A film producer must prepare a budget for each project. And even though lawyers can now file motions online they still have a great amount of paperwork to complete.

Is your career making you unhappy or is it the environment, the organization, or your co-workers or your boss?

Make sure the actual work or job responsibilities are the problem before you decide to change careers. Are you just burnt out? Do you need better work-life balance or shorter hours? Consider whether you cut your hours and responsibilities or can move to another division, a different office, or another organization or industry.

If the work itself no longer fulfills you, what would?

Think about what you want to gain from a career change and about what you will lose or leave behind.

Consider consulting with a life or career coach to get clear, intentional, and strategic about your next move or career change. There are also free career support resources in the community, such as at Sephardic Bikur Holim, Propel, OU, and the Jewish Federation.

A coach can provide a safe space to help you get in touch with what you want your career/life to look like and to help you set SMART goals and an action plan to make it happen. It is helpful to have an accountability partner when you make any significant life change. Many of us have an exercise or walking partner to keep us motivated and accountable when we want to create new healthy habits.

Take an inventory of your strengths, skills, and the factors contributing to your job satisfaction or dissatisfaction.

Can you afford the change?

Do you have savings or a spouse or family member who can support you while you go back to school? Or can you take classes at night or on weekends? If you have children, can you afford childcare while you are in school or can family pitch in?

Many people go to school at night or on weekends. Fortunately, many programs are offered online. If you are interested in a health-related field, recognize that even if most of your learning is remote, for some of the learning you will be required to show up in person and may be required to be present at a hospital as part of the program.

Habayit – Home Away from Home

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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Ellen Geller Kamaras

“Habayit performs three important mitzvot all wrapped in one organization: hachnasat orchim (hospitality), hesed (kindness), and bikur holim (visiting and aiding the sick).” ~~ A Habayit founder ~~

Our community is blessed to be home to a phenomenal hesed organization that provides short-term furnished apartments for people who travel to New York City for medical treatment or surgery. Guests (clients) come from all over the world for essential and life-saving treatments.

Habayit, Home Away from Home, has 14 beautiful apartments in NYC including a new apartment close to the Upper East Side hospitals. Exciting plans are in process to build a permanent Habayit home.

Brooklyn Realtors Step Up to the Plate

Habayit, from the Hebrew word “the home,” was launched approximately two-and-a-half years ago by a group of Brooklyn realtors.

These real estate agents frequently received calls regarding short-term leases for individuals who would be traveling from abroad to undergo medical treatments in New York.

Procuring these types of rentals was nearly impossible. Apartment rentals for temporary stays were practically non-existent in our community and many of those who needed housing did not have the financial means to pay rent. Even if they could find landlords willing to provide short-term leases, the apartments would unsuitable as they were unfurnished.

In late 2021, these realtors found a solution. When I heard about what they did for an elderly couple, I was in tears. The concept from Pirkei Avot of one mitzvah/good deed bringing on another one, was beautifully demonstrated by the realtors. An elderly couple lived in a very neglected and unsafe house. They needed to sell and move to a rental apartment.

The realtors arranged for the couple to move and generously paid the couple’s rent while they took care of getting the house sold. When the sale was finalized, the realtors used their commission to lease a “hesed apartment” for out-of-towners who needed a place to stay while they underwent surgery or treatment in NYC. Brainstorming with friends, the agents came up with the name for their new endeavor, Habayit, Home Away from Home. They created a place where all visitors can truly feel at home.

I learned about Habayit when my editor asked me to interview one of its founders and to share their awesome work with our readers.

Anyone who has been sick or has had a loved one in a hospital for an extended period can understand how meaningful Habayit’s services are. Several years ago, I was able to stay in a similar hesed apartment provided by the Lakewood Bikur Holim Friendship House while my husband was at Weill Cornell Hospital. The experience, including proximity to the hospital, comfort, and kosher food, was priceless. It is no surprise that Habayit and Friendship House collaborate to provide housing when needed. RCCS, Chai Lifeline, and the Sephardic Cancer Center also refer clients to Habayit. The primary source for referrals is by word-of-mouth.

Community Volunteers

And, Habayit volunteers from the community do all the work needed to set up the apartments including painting, updating the kitchen, and cleaning. All the furniture, linens, dishes, cutlery, pots and pans, toys, books, siddurim, and sefarim are donated by community members. Donors even sponsor Uber rides for patients to go to and from the hospital for treatment.

Each apartment is stocked with food for a week. A list of resources is provided, including information about local supermarkets and shuls. Community members also host Shabbat and holiday meals for extended stays and cook food for the visiting family for their first week. Captains and volunteers continue to support and check in with guests during their stay.

A Beautiful System

A captain is assigned to each hesed apartment to ensure everything is in place for the guest(s) and to help the individual, couple, or family settle into their apartment. At times, a family with a sick child will move to NY for a prolonged period. This means enrolling the other children in yeshivot here. The relocation of the entire family often results in loss of income for one or both parents.

Habayit does not charge for their hesed apartments. If the clients can afford it, donations are welcome. Each case is strictly verified by Habayit management to ensure that housing is required for a legitimate medical case.

Incoming calls are handled by Habayit’s office manager, Beth. She helps pick the appropriate apartment for each case and notifies the apartment captain of the upcoming guests. Welcome baskets are provided by Miss Hesssed Foundation, a team of cooks who provide delicious, strictly kosher food for those going through medical treatment. 700 volunteers are on call, available to prepare the apartment for a family. Often, those who support or volunteer for Habayit traveled for surgery themselves or for a family member.

One of the owners of a hesed apartment approached Habayit, expressing a strong desire to be involved with Habayit and to lease an apartment to them. He recalled having to live in Boston with his family while his father was in the hospital there.

Providing for an Array of Guests

Habayit’s first guests were the family of a baby born with a cleft palate. One of the volunteers who helped prepare this apartment had a cleft palate when she was a baby. Her family took her from Syria to New York for the surgeries and they lived in a different house each time. She believes it was hashgachat pratit that she was blessed to help Habayit settle this family.

Since its founding in 2022, Habayit has helped approximately 200 families, including families who came to NYC for fertility treatments. Baruch Hashem, three children were born to these families. Habayit guests traveled to NY for a range of treatments including surgeries, chemotherapy, kidney transplants, cleft palate surgeries, infertility treatments, and more.

Some of the apartments dedicated for long-term stays for a couple or family, and other apartments, near the major hospitals on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, are designated for spouses or family members that need to be close to loved ones staying in the hospital. They are also used by the family members on Shabbat.

Rabbi Shlomo Farhi’s Praise for Habayit

Rabbi Shlomo Farhi spoke about Habayit at a recent fundraiser in Deal. He gave a class in honor of this outstanding organization and said it is a gift to be born into our community. Rabbi Farhi described the calls he receives from panicked community members saying they must stay in Manhattan for medical treatment. Where will they stay? Is there kosher food available? Rabbi Farhi responded that the answer to their problems is a simple four letter word in Hebrew, הבית.

The key takeaway from his talk was that the secret ingredient to a home is knowing that someone will always be there for you.

Habayit was there for a couple who had been trying to have children for 12 years. They traveled from Israel and spent a year in Brooklyn living in a basement apartment. Unfortunately their treatments were not successful. The couple booked the apartment again for another round of treatments and found out on the plane ride that the landlord had given their apartment away. Someone found them an apartment that was small and was not clean. They received a call that a friend of theirs was able to secure an apartment for them with Habayit. They could not believe how beautiful the apartment was and how it was fully stocked with everything they could need. One year later, a large group of Habayit’s team attended the baby’s brit milah in Israel.

Rabbi Farhi also spoke about a woman who came from Canada and stayed in a Habayit apartment. She had a brain tumor, and the recommended surgery was very dangerous and could lead to the loss of both her eyesight and hearing. After the surgery, she screams that she can see and hear! It turns out, everyone in the community said Tehillim for her. A second person had the same experience in that very apartment.

“The miracles are coming from the volunteers who are lovingly preparing the apartment. These apartments are homes of love and hesed, the power of love and concern bring yeshuot, salvation. A home is a warm embrace, something that envelopes you – it can do miraculous things and be a haven. When we build a house, we build it with righteousness and kindness and to serve Hashem. Habayit prepares these apartments for one purpose – to use for the mitzvot of hesed and hachnasat orchim. The apartments are infused with kedusha.”

Partner with Habayit

We are responsible for each other – Kol Yisrael arevim zeh la-zeh.

Please help Habayit continue its hesed, tikkun olam, and life-saving work. It cannot continue without donations and the support from volunteers. The need for funds to pay Habayit’s expenses is great. Operating expenditures include rent, utilities, cleaning, repairs, food, supplies, toys, dishes/pots/pans, and more.

To partner with Habayit, visit https://www.habayit.org/donate. Donate by Venmo @habayit-homeawayfrom home or Zelle: habayitny@gmail.com.

For donations and sponsorship opportunities to participate in the upcoming building of Habayit’s permanent home, please call Eva at 917-579-2564.

To volunteer for Habayit, please call Beth at 580-422-2948.

Follow Habayit on Instagram @habayit_homeawayfromhome.

TESTIMONIALS

The following moving testimonials and hakarat hatov from Habayit guests speak for themselves and express the life-saving and tender loving care provided by Habayit. They reference ahavat hinam (unconditional love), the beauty of the apartments, the kindness and generosity of the Habayit staff, and the angels who saved their lives.

“The apartment is beautiful! I’m moved to tears! No words to thank you all!!!!!”

“Thank you to the Habayit members tszadikim (righteous ones) for ALL THAT YOU DID FOR ME! May Hashem bless you with full berachot!! For 120 years!”

“Incredible hesed! Not enough words!”

“We will be coming back in January for CT scans for a week. Please let me know if something will be available. We don’t know how to thank you. Bless you and your group for all the hesed you did for us!”

“Most people would probably be okay with any apartment even if it’s falling apart as long as they have somewhere to stay. It makes such a difference that the place is beautiful.”

“How can we ever thank you for your unbelievable kindness and hesed? My family and I are eternally grateful for the warm and comfortable home away from home that you provided for them for so many months. Every detail was perfect. May you all be blessed by Hashem.”

“I’m back in your beautiful apartment! It is a blessing I won’t take for granted. You should be saved from the birth pangs of Mashiach!”

“It’s very nice to know that there is one more Jewish brother who offers his hand. All the Habayit people are malachim (angels). May Hashem bless you and send you what your heart wants.”

“Tov lehodot le Hashem. We are getting better each day. If we didn’t have your help, it wouldn’t be possible.”

“Hashem, the doctors, RCCS, and Habayit made a miracle for me and my family.”

“I am in tears. Without your organization I would have been lost!”

“My kids are forever grateful to visit their grandparents who live in a different country. We created beautiful memories. You gave my father a place to recover, and my mother a comfortable place while tending to my dad’s needs. It is beyond beautiful, fully equipped with more than we could ever imagine. You help in the most dignified way. Caring for another Jew with so much ahavat hinam. May Hashem give you the strength to continue making the world a better place.”

“You are helping me to save my life. I am forever grateful.”

“If only we got a roof over our heads – it would have been enough for us! Dayenu!! If we got a luxurious and comfortable apartment – it would have been enough for us! Dayenu!! If they only filled our refrigerator – it would have been enough for us! Dayenu!! If only they would call to ask what’s going on, and if we’re okay – it would have been enough for us! Dayenu!! If only they had invited us to Shabbat – it would have been enough for us! Dayenu!! If only we were invited for a holiday – it would have been enough for us! Dayenu!!”

“There are no words to thank you. I don’t know a place in the world that cares so much about the well-being of another Yehudi. When we decided to come, we didn’t know where we would be sleeping or eating.”

“We have a hesed organization, Shaare Hesed, in Panama and we learned how to improve it greatly from you.”

“You made our stay very easy, very pleasurable, and provide a unique service and at no cost.”

“Thank you for anticipating the arrival of the Mashiach with your beautiful acts.”

“Thank you Habayit for unlimited help, always with a smile and the best facilities. You made us feel at home and part of the community. Without Habayit it would have been very complicated and excessively expensive.”

“You helped us unconditionally in the most difficult moments.”

“You are a miracle!

“They were so organized and delivered wonderful meals.”

“Habayit staff called to ensure I arrived home safely. Thank you to those who sponsored the rides to the hospital and the woman who washed/styled my wig. Habayit isn’t a 5-Star hotel. Habayit is hesed, love, protection, caring, compassion, friendship, connection, and strength. It’s home and family.”

Are We Rebels??

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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Sephardic practice is to arise early each weekday morning throughout the month of Elul for the recitation of Selihot, beseeching Gd for forgiveness in preparation for Rosh Hashanah, the day when we are judged for the coming year. At one point during this service, the hazzan exclaims, “L’Hashem Elokenu harahamim vehaselihot – Hashem our Gd has compassion and forgiveness,” to which the congregation responds by pronouncing, “Ki maradnu vo – For we have rebelled against Him!”

This confession to having “rebelled” is included also in the Ana section, where we describe our shortcomings with many different verbs (following the sequence of the Hebrew alphabet), including “maradnu.”

Let us take a moment to try to understand the meaning of this confession.

Are we really being fair to ourselves by saying that we are “rebels”? We have all learned about rebellions. King David’s son, Avshalom, rebelled against him, violently chasing David and his men from the palace and seizing the throne. Twice during the Romans’ rule over Eretz Yisrael, the Jews launched a revolt, attempting (unsuccessfully) to drive the Romans out of the land. In 1917, the communists in Russia rebelled against the Czar and took power over the country.

Are we guilty of this kind of “rebellion”? Have we ever made any sort of attempt to “dethrone” Gd? Have we rejected His right to the rule the world, and attempted to rule it ourselves?

What do we mean when we confess, “Ki maradnu vo”?

The Annual Coronation

This question becomes even more significant when we consider that this notion of “rebellion” is actually central to our yearly observance of Rosh Hashanah.

The dominant theme of Rosh Hashanah, clearly, is malchut – Gd’s kingship over the world. The majority of our prayer service on Rosh Hashanah is devoted to this theme, expressing praise to Gd and proclaiming Him as the sole Ruler over the universe. Essentially, Rosh Hashanah is our annual coronation ceremony, when we formally and jubilantly “crown” the Almighty as King.

This gives rise to an interesting question.

Just two years ago, the entire world was abuzz when Great Britain crowned a new king – King Charles III. Last year – one year after the coronation – this event was not repeated. Neither is it being repeated this year. And it won’t occur next year. Once a king is formally crowned as king, he does not require such a ceremony again. A king is crowned just once, and he remains king for the rest of his life.

It is thus perhaps reasonable to ask why we observe Rosh Hashanah, Gd’s coronation, each and every year. Why is this necessary? Why don’t we each simply proclaim Gd as king once in our life, perhaps at the time of the bar-mitzvah? Why does Gd, unlike human kings, require a new coronation every year?

We can find the answer to our question by looking at the first story in the Tanach about the coronation of a human king.

The first king of Israel was Shaul, who was chosen by Gd Himself, and who was formally crowned at a national ceremony conducted by the prophet Shmuel, as we read in the Book of Shmuel I (chapter 10). Surprisingly, however, not too long thereafter, Shmuel summoned the people to assemble in Gilgal to renew the crowning of Shaul as king (“Lechu venelchah haGilgal unehadesh sham hameluchah” – Shmuel I 11:14). Here we have a clear precedent for a repeated coronation, for conducting a formal crowning of a king a second time.

Understanding why Shaul required a second coronation might thus shed some light on the nature of our yearly celebration of Rosh Hashanah, the need to crown Gd as king each year.

The explanation emerges from the verses that appear immediately following the story of Shaul’s initial coronation. There we read of cynics who mocked and ridiculed Shaul. They felt he was unworthy of the kingship, and they derisively asked, “Mah yoshienu zeh – How is this person going to save us [from our enemies]?” (Shmuel I 10:27). They felt that Shaul was too humble and feeble to defeat the powerful nations that threatened Beneh Yisrael. Shaul’s reign was challenged, as some segments of the population questioned his suitability. Later, however, Shaul led a successful war against the enemy nation of Amon, thereby putting to rest all doubts about his capabilities. At that point, Shmuel called for a second coronation, as the first had been undone by the king’s critics.

This is why we must crown Gd as king each and every year. Since last Rosh Hashanah, we, like the cynics who ridiculed Shaul, have challenged Gd’s rule. We “rebelled” against Him by disobeying His commands. Therefore, we assemble anew each year to fully and unreservedly commit ourselves to His rule, formally crowning Him as our King once again.

This only sharpens our earlier question. Is this really true? Are we actually guilty of “rebellion”? Have we ever questioned Hashem’s rule? Did we really pose a challenge to His royal governance over the earth, to the point where He needs to be crowned anew?

Causing “Distress”

The answer to this question lies in the precise definition of the Hebrew root m.r.d., which is used in reference to rebellion.

The meaning of this word is found in Masechet Ketubot (63), where the Gemara discusses the status of a “moredet” – a wife who has “rebelled” against her husband. This term refers not to infidelity, but rather to a different type of violation of the marital bond, which constitutes halachic grounds for divorce, allowing the husband to divorce the wife without paying her ketubah. Specifically, the Gemara explains, a “moredet” is a woman who says, “Ba’ina leh umetza’arana leh – I want him, and I want to cause him distress.” In other words, she wishes to remain married to her husband, she is happy with the arrangement, but she insists on the right to do what she wants, even if this causes her husband distress. She does not “rebel” in the sense of rejecting him. She continues accepting him as her husband and enjoying the privileges of marriage – but on her terms, acting as she pleases even if this upsets him.

If, indeed, this is the meaning of “m.r.d.,” then we can easily understand why we confess each morning during Elul, “Ki maradnu vo,” that we have – in a certain sense – “rebelled” against Gd. “Rebellion” does not require complete rejection. We don’t need to become heretics to be considered to have “rebelled” against Gd. Even if we believe in Gd and generally accept His rule, we are guilty of “rebellion” if we fail to commit to His laws unconditionally.

We, too, like the “moredet,” sometimes want the best of both worlds. We want the unparalleled joy, satisfaction and fulfillment of religious life, but in a manner that suits us, that does not inconvenience us too much, that doesn’t limit us too much. We don’t reject Gd or the Torah, but we want to continue doing things that “upset” Him, as it were. For some, this means having conversations during the prayer service, or during the Torah reading. For others, it means being dishonest in business. It might be compromising standards of kashrut or tzeniut (modesty) when traveling. If we are honest with ourselves, we will have no trouble identifying the ways in which we occasionally “upset” Gd, so-to-speak, the times when we choose to do what we want to do instead of fulfilling our obligations to Gd. The annual coronation on Rosh Hashanah expresses our commitment to unconditional loyalty, to fulfill Gd’s will even when it is inconvenient, even when we need to sacrifice, and even when we need to exert a great deal of effort or restraint.

A New Beginning

Nothing that we said here should cause anyone to feel down and depressed heading into Rosh Hashanah. To the contrary, it should inspire us with joy and enthusiasm.

According to what we have seen, Rosh Hashanah is comparable to King Shaul’s second coronation, where his formal crowning was renewed (as Shmuel said, “unehadesh”). Rosh Hashanah is about renewal, an opportunity for us to push the “reset” button, to start from scratch, and make a new commitment. Throughout the month of Elul, we confess “Maradnu” so that this time around, we’ll get it right, so that we will fully accept Gd’s rule without any conditions or stipulations.

Rosh Hashanah is observed on the first day of Tishreh – the day when Gd created Adam and Havah, because this is the day when He became King. In order to be a king, one needs subjects. And thus it was only with the creation of the first human beings that Gd became King.

On Rosh Hashanah, we are to resemble Adam and Havah on the day of their creation – embarking on a new beginning, recognizing that we have been created for the sole purpose of serving Gd. This realization will lead us to a new, fresh, wholehearted commitment to fulfill Gd’s will even when it is inconvenient, even when we do not feel like doing so, even when this gets in the way of things we would like to do.

May we all experience a true renewal during this season, and be worthy of a year filled with blessings, and a year of peace and prosperity for the entire Jewish Nation, amen.

Beyond Fashion: The Initiation of A Modest, Yet Stylish Skirt Gemach

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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Beyond Fashion: The Initiation of A Modest, Yet Stylish Skirt Gemach

Jenna Ashkenazie

Many of us are familiar with community gemachim (from the Hebrew abbreviation for “gemilut chassadim” – loving kindness). Although heading to a gemach to borrow tablecloths for a simha does not come with any stigma, it just may feel uncomfortable to go to a gemach for clothing, which is usually due to financial constraints.

Mrs. Suzy Haber, a concerned community member, came up with a novel gemach idea to meet a community need. She saw a trend of community women striving to become more religious and dress more modestly by wearing skirts, but they did not know where to start. Enter the skirt gemach!

A Welcoming Setting for All

Only a few months ago, Mrs. Haber created the skirt gemach, which embodies the spirit of a gemach, to provide a needed commodity, “without the stigma.” The skirt gemach is a place where women, girls, and teenagers can find skirts that they like, in their size and style, free for the taking. No payment is required, and skirts need not be returned in the future.

The gemach is more than just a place for women to get skirts. Mrs. Haber envisions that the gemach will serve as an “emotional and spiritual support to those who want to make the change.”

There is no judgement in the gemach. Whether you walk in ready to make a full switch to modest clothing, or if you are just trying to dress more modestly one day a week, everyone is welcome.

Making the transition from wearing less modest clothing to wearing more modest clothing can be difficult for anyone. It means adopting an entirely new lifestyle, and it does not happen overnight. It takes time to find out what kind of skirt fits your body type and your personal taste. “Dressing modestly doesn’t mean you don’t have to look good,” said Mrs. Haber.

Inspiration Turns into Action

Mrs. Haber’s inspiration came from community women who came to her for advice on how to take the leap towards dressing more modesty, and for guidance on how they could begin their journey. They told her in confidence that they wanted to become more modest, but it was difficult, even overwhelming. And they even didn’t know where to start.

“I felt like I could help. It felt like it was something I needed to do,” said Mrs. Haber. Soon after the idea for a skirt gemach came to her, she saw on a group chat that a friend of hers was starting a gemach. Mrs. Haber reached out to her, to get some advice on how to start a gemach herself.

Mrs. Haber states, “Her insights solidified my belief that I was doing the right thing – that I found my calling.” After listening to her friend, Mrs. Haber knew that creating her skirt gemach was what she had to do. “As soon as I finished speaking to her, I started ordering skirts. I knew that Hashem would help me with what I needed, but I needed to start first.”

Donations Are Welcome!

The skirts are all brand-new, ordered by Mrs. Haber personally. Community stores have graciously pledged to donate skirts, and Mrs. Haber is looking for more community stores or wholesale distributors who would like to donate. She also encourages donations of new skirts from anyone who would like to donate. All skirts are welcome, provided they still have the original tags.

Monetary donations are also greatly appreciated, and can be sent via Venmo@suzyhaber, or via Zelle, at 917-705-0512 for Jack Haber.

“Dressing modestly doesn’t mean you don’t have to look good.”

Tasting Tradition: Exploring Rosh Hashanah’s Symbolic Foods

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September 2024

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Tasting Tradition: Exploring Rosh Hashanah’s Symbolic Foods

Chaya Steinman

As we labor through the sobering month of Elul preparing our souls for the High Holidays which will soon be upon us, shaatras are hard at work preparing meals to ensure that Rosh Hashanah will be as beautiful and uplifting physically as it will be spiritually.

Personally, I enjoy revolving my entire Rosh Hashanah menu around the simanim (literally, “signs”), the traditional foods eaten on Rosh Hashanah as symbols of our hopes for a happy and prosperous year. This technique has expanded my cooking repertoire to include some delicious, infrequently-used produce, and has created a festive tradition that my family looks forward to each year. In honor of these unique and meaningful foods that infuse our Rosh Hashanah meals with hopeful prayers for the coming year, let us explore some interesting, little-known facts about some of the simanim, as well as recipe ideas for incorporating them into a holiday meal.

Dates

Packed with a gooey, sweet decadence, dates seem more like an indulgent treat than a health food. Yet, these delicious fruits, famed for being one of the shivat haminim (seven special species of Eretz Yisrael), have been given the well-earned nickname, “nature’s candy,” as they are jam-packed with nutritional value. Grown on date palms indigenous to the Middle East, dates are chock full of essential vitamins, minerals and nutrients such as fiber, vitamin B6, iron, vitamin K, potassium, and manganese. Dates also boast a long list of health benefits which include boosting bone health and strength, preventing abdominal cancer, decreasing allergic reactions, reducing the risk of stroke, promoting healthy digestion and excretion, increasing energy levels and strengthening the nervous system. With about 66 calories per one date, they are also a great choice for people looking to gain weight in a healthy way. If you want to enjoy dates throughout your Rosh Hashanah meal, consider adding chopped dates to a fresh lettuce salad to add an extra dimension of taste. There are also a myriad of cakes, cookies, and dessert bar recipes that feature dates as the star ingredient.

Black Eyed Peas

Black eyed peas were first cultivated in West Africa, and later spread to America in the 17th century. In the Southern United States, black eyed peas are a celebrated staple in traditional soul food cooking. Interestingly, a community of Sephardic Jews who settled in Georgia in the 1730s ate black eyed peas every year at their Rosh Hashanah meal. The surrounding gentiles noticed this custom and jumped on the black eyed pea bandwagon: dating back to the mid-19th century and continuing till today, there is a tradition in the Southern United States to eat black eyed peas for good luck on New Year’s Day. More accurately classified as a bean than a pea, black eyed peas were further popularized when George Washington Carver promoted planting them to add nitrogen to soil and touted their nutritional value. Consider serving this low-calorie, potassium-rich protein as a side dish cooked with sautéed onions, garlic and seasonings, or in a unique salad mixed with other beans, greens, and fresh veggies and dressed with a light vinaigrette.

Leeks

Leeks are part of the Allium family of vegetables which also include onion and garlic. With a milder taste than onions, leeks are great for adding flavor to stock. They can also be enjoyed raw in salads, boiled to create a softer flavor and fried which yields a crunchy, stronger-tasting leek. It is advisable to eat ½ cup serving of Allium vegetables daily to reap their significant health benefits, such as their high content of antioxidants and nutrients that offer cardiovascular support and reduce inflammation. Jews are not the only group that ascribes significance to leeks; in fact, they are one of the national symbols of Wales. Legend has it that Welch soldiers identified themselves by wearing leeks on their helmets in a battle against the Saxons. When they successfully defeated the enemy, the leek rose to prominence as a national emblem of victory. Try a delicious creamy leek potato soup seasoned with thyme to enhance your meal with this flavorful veggie.

Beets

The beautiful, bright red color of beets makes them just as visually enjoyable as they are tasty and healthy. While we think of them today as a root vegetable, during the 19th century it was discovered that beets were a concentrated form of sugar, and a special factory in Poland was built to produce beet sugar. Later, when the British restricted access to cane sugar, Napoleon declared that beets were the new primary sugar source, launching their popularity worldwide. In the Middle Ages, beets were used for medicinal purposes, and throughout history beets have been used for red dye. Adding nutrient and fiber-rich beets to your diet can yield many health benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, increasing energy, fighting inflammation, preventing cancer, and detoxifying the body. Beets are a great addition to your Yom Tov meal. Try them marinated with lemon juice and herbs and served as a cold salad, or roasted with other root veggies and a dash of olive oil to create a colorful, delicious accompaniment to the main course.

Gourd

The term “gourd” can refer to a variety of different crops such as pumpkins, cucumbers, squash, and melons, though squash and pumpkins are the traditional Sephardic choice for simanim. DNA records suggest that gourds were one of the first domesticated plants. Many species of gourds have hard outer shells, known as bottle gourds, several varieties of which have been found at archaeological sites in Africa, Asia, Europe, Peru, and America. The plant originated in Africa and Asia, and until recently, science could not sufficiently explain the evidence of the bottle gourd in America dating back to early history, how a plant species indigenous to one hemisphere somehow made its way across the ocean to another hemisphere. Until recently, the prevailing hypothesis claimed that humans carried the plant with them when migrating from Asia, crossing the Bering Strait into the New World, yet this theory was full of holes, namely, the survival of a tropical plant traveling across the Arctic and the lack of evidence of bottle gourds in Siberia, Alaska, and the Pacific Northwest. A fascinating study was conducted based on newer models of how objects drift in Atlantic currents, solving the mystery with the conclusion that these bottle gourds actually floated to America on their own. Enjoy gourds at your Rosh Hashanah meal with the traditional Sephardic sweet potato and squash casserole baked with dried cranberries, oil, cinnamon, and brown sugar.

Pomegranate

A well-known symbol of both Torah and the Land of Israel, pomegranates are native to Persia and thrive in the dry climates of the Middle East, Mediterranean and Southern Asia. While pomegranates have always been an integral part of Jewish culture as one of the shivat haminim and a Rosh Hashanah ritualistic food, other civilizations have utilized pomegranates in ceremonies. Most notably, in traditional Turkish weddings a bride would throw a pomegranate on the ground and the number of seeds which fell out was believed to indicate how many children she would have. In the past few decades, pomegranates have come into vogue as a super food, as new studies revealed the tremendous health benefits of this jeweled fruit. Punicalgin, a compound found only in pomegranates, benefits the heart and blood vessels and contributes to the extreme potency of the antioxidants in the fruit. These powerful little seeds have been shown to fight cancer, lower cholesterol and blood pressure and prevent heart issues. Get creative with nutrient-dense pomegranate seeds and sprinkle them on top of any dish; they can be used to garnish salads, soups and desserts.

Apples

There are over 7,500 varieties of apples that have been cultivated worldwide, presenting a wide array of color and taste combinations. Two common apple cultivars originated in Israel: the Anna, a yellow-colored apple with a red blush, and the Ein Shemer, a tarter apple which is a cross between a Golden Delicious and a Zabidani. Today, with apples as ubiquitous as they are, many consider them unexciting, but the basic apple has a major surprise up its sleeve. Cut an apple in half horizontally, perpendicular to the stem. The apple’s cross section will reveal five seeds within a five-pointed star, surrounded by a circle of 10 dots, known as a 10-pointed exocarp. Now, here’s where it gets kabbalistic. The stem of the apple can represent the letter vav, whose numerical value is 6. Add these numbers (5+5+10+6) to get the number 26, which is the numerical value of the divine Name of Havayah. Therefore, in the most widely cultivated and consumed fruit in the world, we find the signature of the Creator of the universe! Besides dipping them in honey, try apples baked with cinnamon for a delicious side dish or in a yummy cake for dessert.

May the coming year be filled with sweetness and goodness for the entire Jewish people!

Love, Marriage, and Hakafot

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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Yanki Tauber

Men don’t usually sit over coffee talking about their marriages. That’s why a particular conversation I once had with two other men really sticks out in my mind.

The three of us were sitting and discussing the joys of wedded life. “I love my wife,” Benny said. “That’s why I do everything she asks me to do. She says, ‘Benny, please take out the garbage,’ and right away, I take out the garbage.” We all agreed that Benny loves his wife.

Not to be outdone, I said, “I also do everything my wife asks me to do. In fact, she doesn’t even have to spell out what she wants. It’s enough that she says, ‘Whew! That garbage bag is sure smelling up the kitchen!’ for me to understand that she wants me to take out the garbage. Which I do, of course.” We all agreed that I love my wife even more than Benny loves his.

But in the end, it turned out that Steven’s marriage was the most loving of all. Steven’s wife doesn’t have to ask him to do things for her. She doesn’t even have to drop hints. “I wake up in the morning,” Steven explained, “and I just know that she wants me to take out the garbage. Or buy her a gift like a piece of jewelry. She doesn’t have to crinkle her nose or mention the ring her cousin Sarah got for her birthday. I just know what she wants me to do for her, and I do it.”

Showing Love for Gd – “Steven Style”

The month of Tishre is replete with mitzvot, full of opportunities for carrying out Gd’s will. For more than three weeks, our days are filled with praying, repenting, fasting, feasting, dancing, building a sukkah, acquiring a set of a lulav and etrog, or a bundle of hoshaanot, and dozens of other mitzvot, customs, and observances.

The observances of Tishre fall under three general categories. There are Biblical precepts that are explicitly commanded in the Torah, such as sounding the shofar on Rosh Hashanah, fasting on Yom Kippur, and eating in the sukkah on Sukkot. There are also a number of rabbinical mitzvot – observances instituted by the prophets and the sages by the authority vested in them by the Torah. For example, the five prayer services held on Yom Kippur and the taking of the arba’ah minim (four species) on all but the first day of Sukkot are rabbinical institutions.

Finally, the month of Tishre has many minhagim, customs that are not formally required by the Torah or by the sages. These include eating an apple dipped in honey on the first night of Rosh Hashanah and conducting the kaparot ritual in the wee hours of the morning on the day before Yom Kippur. The minhagim are not mandated by Biblical or rabbinical law, but by force of custom. These are practices that we Jews have initiated ourselves as ways to enhance our service of our Creator.

Most amazingly, the climax of the month of Tishre – the point at which our celebration of our bond with Gd reaches the greatest heights of joy – is during the hakafot on Simhat Torah, when we take the Torah scrolls in our arms and dance with them around the reading table in the synagogue – a practice that is neither a Biblical nor a rabbinical precept, but is merely a custom.

It is specifically through our observance of the minhagim that we express the depth of our love for Gd. The Biblical commandments might be compared to the explicitly expressed desires between two people bound in marriage. The rabbinical mitzvot, which Gd did not directly command but nevertheless constitute expressions of the Divine will, resemble the implied requests between spouses. But the minhagim represent those areas in which we intuitively sense how we might bring Gd pleasure, and in these lie our greatest joy.

Yanki Tauber is an editor and an accomplished author.

The Case – A Ponzi Scheme

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September 2024

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Rich, interested in expanding his wealth, regularly invested in small wholesale corporations that needed capital. His latest investment included buying fifty percent of Yoram’s textile company for 1.9 million dollars. Before purchasing, he reviewed all the accounting history of the company, and thereafter signed and transferred half the sum as his initial payment. Additionally, as part of the purchase agreement, Rich signed as a personal guarantor for a loan previously extended to the company in the amount of $375,000. Less than a month later, Rich discovered that the company he purchased from Yoram was a complete scam. Aside from the company’s accounting, which proved to be fraudulent, the company owed millions of dollars to private investors. Since the company did not generate a profit over the many years, Yoram habitually paid the investors their monthly dividends with the money of each new investor. When the Ponzi scheme became too overwhelming to control, Yoram fiendishly sold the company to Rich, and he presumably ran off to Argentina after being paid. Rich is presently attempting to press criminal charges against Yoram in secular court and is preoccupied in finding his whereabouts. The case brought before our Bet Din was the claim of Jack, the lender of the $375,000, versus Rich, who personally guaranteed the sum. Rich responded to Jack’s claim that since, in retrospect, his purchase of the company was null and void, he has no obligation to the creditors. Furthermore, Rich defended that the $375,000 debt was existent prior to his involvement in the company. He argued that just as he was swindled and suffered a financial loss, the creditors as well were to sustain their share in the damage. Jack presented to the Bet Din the guarantor document with Rich’s signature fixed to the bottom.

Is Rich obligated to pay Jack his $375,000 loan? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a guarantor is responsible to reimburse a lender even in instances in which he secretly warned the lender not to accept him as a guarantor. Since the lender ultimately lent money with the guarantor as his security, full liability is incurred if the borrower defaults on the loan. In a classic case in which a lender returned collateral to a non-Jew in exchange for a Jewish guarantor, the Shulhan Aruch imposed liability even though the guarantor secretly informed the lender that he was not sincere about his commitment for liability. The rationale behind this ruling is that since the guarantor openly agreed to his role in front of the borrower and lender; in doing so he authorized the lender to return the collateral. Since ultimately the collateral was returned on account of the guarantor, he is liable for the damage caused in case of default.

It stands to reason from the above ruling that a guarantor is responsible even if at the time of the loan the borrower never intended to repay it. Although the guarantor would clearly not have offered his security in case of a fraudulent borrower, nevertheless, since ultimately the loan was extended with reliance on the guarantor, he is liable for payment. Hence, a guarantor is responsible for a loan extended to a fraudulent corporation operating a Ponzi scheme. Since the lender extended the funds to the corporation relying on the guarantor in case of default, he is entitled to collect the loan from the guarantor.

By rule of the Shulhan Aruch, the commitment of a guarantor is binding only if it transpires prior to or simultaneously with the giving of the loan. Since at the behest of the guarantor the loan was extended, he is liable even if he only verbally committed to serve as a guarantor. The same ruling applies in instances in which a lender returns collateral to a borrower in exchange for a guarantor. Since it is obvious to the parties involved that the loan was forwarded by the lender in consideration of a guarantee in place, the mere verbal commitment of the guarantor is binding. Hence, the guarantor is liable for the damage sustained by the lender in the event the borrower defaults on the loan.

If, however, the loan was previously extended to a borrower, and only thereafter does a guarantor attempt to assume responsibility, a verbal commitment is clearly insufficient. Since the guarantor did not enable the loan, he is not considered the cause of damage when the borrower defaults. Hence, after a loan is already extended to a borrower, only a specific contract including various halachic provisions, has the power to establish a guarantor’s liability.

By Torah law, a contract signed under false pretenses is rendered null and void. While numerous examples of this ruling are listed in the Babylonian Talmud, a staff of rabbinical judges will generally need to apply their wisdom to determine whether a contract is indeed invalid. Hence, in instances in which a loan was previously extended to a borrower and a contract was signed by a guarantor to establish his liability, the contract may be susceptible to disqualification. Since the guarantor was not a consideration of the lender when he extended the loan, the guarantor may be absolved. Thus, in instances in which a loan was previously extended to a corporation operating a Ponzi scheme, a guarantor unaware of the fraudulent activity is absolved of his contractual obligation.

Endnotes: Baba Batra 173b, 176b, Shulhan Aruch Hoshen Mishpat131:6, 129:2, 129:4, Tosafot Kiddushin 49b, Baba Batra 146a, Pithei Teshuva Hoshen Mishpat 241:3.

VERDICT: Null And Void

Our Bet Din absolved Rich, the guarantor, from the $375,000 liability. As mentioned in Torah law, although a guarantor who authorizes a loan is liable even if a borrower is fraudulent, nevertheless, Rich never endorsed Jack’s loan to the corporation. Jack had extended the loan well over a year prior to Rich’s purchase of the company. Since Rich was not a consideration in Jack’s decision to extend the loan, he is not responsible for the damages. Furthermore, upon investigation by our Bet Din, it was evident that Jack’s loan to the corporation was, from the onset, not retrievable. Prior to Rich’s involvement, the company was borrowing large sums of money on the black market at a 25 percent monthly interest rate. The cash borrowed was used to prolong the Ponzi scheme by paying monthly returns to investors. Jack’s loan was long gone, as at the time of the loan the company did not have the funds to pay back the principal to any of its investors. Although Rich had signed a document establishing him as a personal guarantor for the loan, nevertheless, since it is beyond the shadow of a doubt that the document was signed under false pretenses, it is rendered null and void. Rich’s signature did not affect Jack‘s monetary position, and since it was signed by deception it is invalid. Jack and Rich were instructed by our Bet Din to pursue Yoram in civil court and to press criminal charges against him.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

To Catch a Thief

Vicky was pushing her child in a stroller while window shopping in Boro Park. She went into a lady’s apparel store, and upon entering she was asked to deposit the stroller and her packages at the far end of the store, to allow free passage for other shoppers. At first Vicky resisted, as her stroller and packages were not obstructing the large passageway, but eventually she complied with store policy and took her child out of the stroller. After selecting several garments, she proceeded to the fitting room to try on her selections. Upon exiting the fitting room, she glimpsed at the far end of the store to check on her stroller and packages, and noticed they were missing. Alarmed, she ran outside the store to catch the thief, but she was unsuccessful. She then attempted to collect her loss from the store owner, claiming that he had assumed responsibility for her belongings, since she deposited it in the corner of his store at his behest. The store owner sympathized with Vicky’s predicament but was unwilling to bear responsibility for the loss. The two presented their dispute to Bet Din to rule on the matter.

How should the Bet Din rule – in favor of Vicky or the store owner?

From the Files of the Mitzvah Man Hesed Stories – Spot On!

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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Pnina Souid

In addition to doing hesed locally, the Mitzvah Man and his extraordinary organization also come to the rescue of other hesed organizations around the globe.

A recent letter received by The Mitzvah Man Organization came from Mrs. Channie Goldstein, the Director of Operations of Detroit Chesed, an umbrella organization that raises money for many hesed activities in the Detroit area including, hachnasat kallah and a respite program for special children.

Shoes for the Needy

Detroit Chesed has a history with the Mitzvah Man and his volunteers. It began with shoes. Mrs. Goldstein had received a donation of coats. Detroit winters are brutal, and warm winter coats are a necessity. Once, when Mrs. Goldstein was distributing coats, she noticed a young boy with wearing open shoes – certainly not appropriate for the Midwest winter!

Mrs. Goldstein wanted him to have good winter shoes, and realized that others must need, as well. She had a friend who dedicated specific funds to provide shoes for those in need. The funds had been exhausted, but the friend told Mrs. Goldstein, “Reach out to the Mitzvah Man!”

Mrs. Goldstein called the Mitzvah Man hotline.

Word went out to the Mitzvah Man volunteers and one man answered. “I have 600 pairs of shoes from a shipment that just came out of customs but I cannot sell them.”

The shoes went to Detroit, and a relationship between Channie Goldstein, representing Detroit Chesed and the Mitzvah Man Organization was forged. 4,000 thousand pairs of shoes were donated along with 200 coats.

Summer Camp Saved from Closure

The following letter is in response to a fundraising request. Mrs. Goldstein’s fundraising abilities in Detroit are limited due to the size of the city and the amount of donors.

One of the organizations that the Detroit Chesed funds is called ‘The Spot.’ It is a respite organization for children with special needs. Their an after-school program allows the families of these children time to focus on the others in the family while their special child is being well taken care of for a few hours.

The Spot also has a respite summer camp. This camp for special needs children is something that they look forward to all year.

This year, the camp was in danger of closing. The Mitzvah Man Organization prevented the closing of the camp and sponsored twelve children with various physical and mental challenges.

Dear Mitzvah Man and Volunteers,

In a world bustling with endless activities, it’s rare and precious to witness the selfless acts of volunteers who give their time and resources to make a difference. This week has been nothing short of extraordinary, thanks to the unwavering dedication of Mitzvah Man’s incredible volunteers!

Reaching out to Mitzvah Man is always a humbling experience. Take, for instance, the conversation with the Mitzvah Man, who despite his busy schedule, took the time for a brief phone call.

I told him about our current struggle with our camp for children with special needs and due to some challenges, we were going to have to shut down our camp. He told me that he was going to the gym to work out and after that he would try to help. Let me tell you, it was some kind of workout!

Within a few hours, I was able to tell my staff that we could remain open and not disappoint Hashem’s special children or their hardworking parents. These are children with autism, Down syndrome, and other challenging diagnoses.

There is no other Jewish option in our city for summer care. The children look forward to it so much; it’s the year’s highlight! The families rely on this respite to get through the summer.

The experience of making calls from the list the Mitzvah Man gave me and collecting pledges is so humbling and inspiring. The donors are so eager to thank me for the opportunity to help and appreciate that I have called on them to partake in the mitzvah. I know that it is the gold standard of giving. Their actions are a true kiddush Hashem, sanctifying Gd’s name, through their deeds and setting an inspiring example for others.

Please accept our deepest gratitude for your guidance, support, and generosity.