QUESTION: 

Dear Rabbi Ali, 

I have been struggling with something in my marriage for about a year and it’s only getting worse. My husband has stopped going to minyan in the morning almost completely. He doesn’t go to classes anymore and seems to be falling spiritually in general. I am concerned for him and the family. Our kids see this and I’m worried that they will be lax spiritually as well. I have told him how I feel multiple times, but it turns into a fight every time. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. 

R’ ALI’S RESPONSE: 

There are many points that need clarity. I see many people struggling with this and see many cases that are similar to yours. There’s the point of being a good wife, which does entail caring about your husband and being concerned for his physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. There’s another point of how to approach the situation. And the third point is how your children are being affected, which is not simple at all. 

Let’s start with the first point of being concerned for your spouse’s well-being. The feeling that you have, which is that your husband is not holding spiritually where he used to, is the feeling of a good spouse. To say, “Let him do his job and I’ll do mine,” is not really the approach for a spouse. There is a well-known saying that people often say to women when they are getting married, “You are not your husband’s mashgiah (rabbi, mentor, etc…). We will soon explain what this means. However it does not mean that you are not to be concerned about your husband’s spiritual level, similar to his physical and emotional status. Of course, we all agree that “you are not your husband’s doctor.” However, a good wife will instinctively be concerned if her husband’s cholesterol is too high. This is  included in being a “helpmate” for your husband.  

The second point is where things get tricky. The goal is to help your husband, not to hurt him or create a new problem, namely a lack of shalom bayit. You have to realize that this is definitely a sore topic and needs to be dealt with delicately. I would advise against telling him that he’s falling spiritually or hurting the family. This will not be received well, as you have stated. Actually, this is not exclusive to spirituality. To demand, command, or give any rebuke to a spouse, could be degrading and is the source of many shalom bayit issues. This is where the famous saying of “you are not your husband’s mashgiah” comes into play. It is not advisable to tell him where he is failing. Leave that to the rabbi or to anyone else who has an influence on him. 

Practically speaking, what can be done? I suggest a three-step process. Number one, show concern. Instead of saying, “Why can’t you wake up?” you can ask if everything is okay, and say that you’re concerned, is there anything that you can do to help? If he says that he’s fine, then drop it. The next step would be to give positive praise and reinforcement when he does go to minyan. Wait for that moment. that I do believe will happen, and let him know how beautiful it is to see him go to minyan. It may sound childish, but this is the way we operate in business as well. Any good boss knows that positivity works wonders and negativity is a failing system. 

The third step could be used as a last resort or in conjunction with the first two. Speak to someone who you know that your husband respects and listens to, preferably a rabbi. To get a phone call from a rabbi  saying that he’s missed in shul and that things are not the same without him will make almost anyone feel like a million dollars. 

The third point that you bring up about your kids is a real concern. However, there is so much that you can do on your end. You can read the young ones bedtime stories about big tzadikim, depending on their age. For the older ones, you can give them positive praise when you see them do mitzvot such as going to minyan or making berachot. The more you praise them, the more you will make them excited about the mitzvot that they do. There is a lot to talk about, but I do believe these are the basics. 

The Case 

A Back-to-School Blunder 

During the summer, Solomon borrowed $400 from his good friend and was unable to return the outstanding loan until after the summer. As a schoolteacher, Solomon received his first paycheck at the start of the back-to-school season. Anxious to return the loan, he handed the $400 cash he owed to a ten-year-old student and asked him to deliver it to the lender. Solomon was confident that the ten-year-old would safely deliver the cash to the lender, since the lender resided next door to the young boy’s home. But when the ten-year-old arrived home and told his mother of the cash he was carrying, she immediately confiscated the money and was appalled by Solomon’s reckless behavior. She then placed the money on top of the piano adjacent to the entrance of the home. A short while later, a delivery boy from a local grocer who was dropping off groceries entered the home, and evidently made off with the $400. The lady of the home notified Solomon of the unfortunate turn of events and chastised him for his reckless conduct. Solomon acknowledged that he acted unwisely, but claimed that had she not intervened, the money would have surely reached the next-door neighbor. Unwilling to compensate Solomon for the lost funds, and unable to find the delivery boy for collection, the matter was presented to Bet Din to resolve.  

How should the Bet Din rule?  Is Solomon entitled to compensation or not, and why? 

Torah Law 

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a person entrusted with an item to safeguard is liable in case of theft if he had left the item unattended. Even if the third party who was left alone with the item is not a suspicious character, and has no prior criminal record, nevertheless, it is considered negligence, and the custodian is liable. Unpaid custodians are generally exempt in case of theft, but if the item was lost or stolen due to a custodian’s negligence, he bears liability and must reimburse the owner for the loss. This ruling applies even if it is never proven that the third party who was allowed unattended access to the item was, in fact, the thief. Unless the custodian can prove that there is no link between the third party’s access and the subsequent disappearance of the item, he is held accountable for negligently leaving the item unattended. 

These guidelines apply only to a custodian who agrees to safeguard an item. However, in instances where one obtains an item belonging to another through a minor, the degree of responsibility may vary. Certainly, one who destroys or damages an item received from a minor is liable for his destructive actions, but many authorities exempt an offender in instances of mere negligence. Since the owner handed over the item to a minor, it may be assumed that he implicitly relinquished all claims of negligence affected by another. Although the negligent party took the item from the minor’s possession, he does not automatically assume responsibility as a custodian. By willingly entrusting the item to a minor, the owner himself can be said to have already compromised the safety of the item.  So even if the item was intercepted and subsequently lost by another, since the item may have already had a status of misplacement from the onset, the intercepting party can be exempted from liability. 

However, several halachic authorities dispute this ruling and maintain that one who intercepts an item from a minor assumes the status of an unpaid custodian. Since the item may have likely been protected by the minor and ultimately returned to its owner, one who interferes with that process bears liability in cases of negligence.  

Generally, when faced with a case subject to two conflicting views among the halachic authorities, a Bet Din will not issue a judgment for payment. Since there are halachic opinions to rely on, a defendant has the legal right to withhold payment.  

As a side note, in instances where a third party takes an item entrusted to a minor, and afterwards returns it to the minor, he is not liable if the item is subsequently lost. Since the owner himself placed it in the custody of a minor, it is legally acceptable to return it to that same minor. 

Sources: Baba Batra 88a, Shulhan Aruch 188:2, Rabbenu Yonah to Baba Batra 87b, Nimukei Yosef, Netivot  Hamishpat 261:2, Mishpat Shelomoh 3:14, Divrei Mishpat 261:4, Aruch Hashulhan 261:4.  

VERDICT: A Teacher’s Folly 

The Bet Din did not require the mother to pay Solomon the $400, since, as discussed, according to several halachic authorities, one who intercepts and then misplaces an item entrusted to a minor is exempt from liability. Although the mother was most definitely negligent by allowing a stranger access to the money she intercepted, nevertheless, she never explicitly accepted responsibility and according to several opinions she is exempt from payment. 

This ruling was because Solomon gave the money to a minor, thereby implicitly relinquishing claims of negligence affected by the mother. By depositing the money with a minor, he is considered as having partially abandoned the funds and cannot later demand compensation for its subsequent loss due simply to negligence. In essence, he is the one who bears initial accountability for carelessness.

In Loving Memory of Vera Bat Carol, A”H 

YOU BE THE JUDGE 

The Wrath of Milton 

Stanley, a jobber, regularly buys and sells varied merchandise at a small profit. Upon striking a deal to purchase from Harry $7,000 worth of goods, the two agreed that the sale would be on consignment. Stanley stored the merchandise in his private garage, which was protected by a surveillance camera and a sophisticated alarm system. But when Hurricane Milton swept across the Southeast Coast, a tree fell on the garage, starting an electrical fire that caused permanent damage to the merchandise. Stanley immediately notified Harry of the unfortunate turn of events and told him that he had no intention of paying for the goods since they were bought on consignment. Harry did not respond to Stanley but rather summoned him to Bet Din claiming $7,000 in compensation for the lost merchandise. In Bet Din, Stanley explained that although the merchandise was lost while in his domain, by definition of consignment, Harry had retained ownership of the goods until they were sold. Since Harry was the owner of the merchandise, he is to sustain the loss. Harry defended his claim stating simply that while Stanley maintained the right to return the merchandise at any time, if he fails to return the goods for any reason, he is liable for payment.  

How should the Bet Din rule – in favor of Stanley or Harry, and why? 

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas 

Sara gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy. She was excited that her brother Yosef, a mohel, arranged to fly in from Israel to New York and had agreed to perform the brit mila for his new little nephew. Yosef arrived the day before the brit mila was to take place.  

He looked at the baby and shook his head. “Sara, Mabrouk! But the baby is yellow and I cannot perform the brit mila unless the color clears up by tomorrow.” Sara responded, “But the baby is healthy!” She called her doctor to confirm that the baby was, indeed, perfectly healthy. Dr. Walter Smith had checked the baby and reiterated that  he was, indeed, perfectly healthy.  

When Yosef told Dr. Smith that it was possible to treat jaundice with doves, the doctor was incredulous. “Using doves to heal jaundice?!” he responded. “Is there scientific evidence to support this?!”  

According to Jewish tradition, the “pigeon treatment” has been employed successfully for generations. 

When a Baby Is “Yarok” 

Physiological jaundice in a newborn is not usually considered a medical risk even if the baby has a yellowish appearance. However, the Gemara (Shabbat 134a) notes that a sick child should not undergo a brit mila until he recovers and this includes if a baby is “yarok,” meaning he has a greenish or yellowish appearance. Such a baby should not have a brit mila until he loses the “yarok” complexion. Even though there may not be any medical reason to delay the brit mila, the Rambam (Mila 1:17) and Shulchan Aruch (YD 263:1) rule that one may not perform a brit mila on a baby who is “yarok.” 

The Dove Treatment  

Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, has a responsa (Yabia Omer YD, 9:32) discussing the halachic implications of the healing power of doves in treating jaundice. He quotes a segula from Taamei Haminhagim, where the treatment for curing jaundice (often seen in hepatitis patients) is to place a male pigeon on the navel of a male, or a female pigeon on the navel of a female. Hacham Ovadia, also notes anecdotal evidence of cases in which the pigeon dies and the patient is healed. The claim is that the pigeon draws the jaundice out from the patient, thus eliminating the jaundice. Dr. Walter saw no medical need or benefit to do this ancient “treatment” and even claimed that it should qualify as animal cruelty. 

Hacham Ovadia acknowledges that the doctors question this form of intervention and understands that it may not cure all patients from jaundice. However, Hacham Ovadia recognizes that many patients have been cured this way. 

Rulings of Hacham Ovadia and the Rambam  

Hacham Ovadia further explains that in this instance there is no concern of animal cruelty – tzaar baalei haim, even though this procedure causes the death of the doves. While there are many sources that argue that tzaar baalei haim is a Biblical prohibition according to most poskim, this prohibition is waived when the action is necessary for human benefit. In other words, tzaar baalei haim does not apply when there is human gain. Hacham Ovadia applies this concept to using doves as a segula for health reasons, even if there is no scientific explanation for the phenomena. 

In a different responsa, Hacham Ovadia (Yabia Omer OC, 8:37) discusses using a segula as a treatment for an illness that involves hilul Shabbat. When quoting different opinions among the poskim whether this is permitted, he elaborates on the Rambam’s position. In his Pirush Hamishna (Yuma 8:6), the Rambam explains that you may not use a segula that involves a prohibition unless it is has a proven medical efficacy. In Moreh Nevuchim (3:37) the Rambam explains that the we do find Hazal using segulot that cannot be explained scientifically, but as long as experience demonstrates their efficacy, they may still be used. Therefore, even though using doves to treat jaundice qualifies as segula without scientific basis, Hacham Ovadia writes that it works and it is permissible to use this treatment.  

Hacham Ovadia is confident that regardless of the Rambam’s position vis-à-vis segulot, the Rambam would still permit using doves to cure jaundice as he (the Rambam) rules that tzaar baalei haim is only a rabbinic prohibition and should be permissibly violated for human benefit. 

Conclusion 

In conclusion, a brit mila may not be performed on a baby who is “yarok.” But since there is no medical illness, the brit mila may be performed as soon as the baby loses his “yarok” complexion. The Rishon Lezion, Hacham Yitzhak Yosef, explains (Sova Semahot 2:16:3) that even though we must usually wait a full seven days for a baby to recover from an illness, since physiological jaundice is not considered a classic medical illness, one does not need to wait seven days in this instance. He also rules that it is permissible to use doves to try to cure the jaundice. 

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com. 

Experts Offer Advice for Navigating 

the Spiritual Dangers of Today’s Universities 

Victor Cohen 

Growing up in a community like ours made things seem easy. Surrounded by warm and affirming beliefs, we grew up in an enclave of religious observance, steeped in tradition. Attending the community’s yeshivot, praying and being involved in the synagogues, enjoying the rising number of kosher restaurants, and even participating in events at our community centers, we stuck together and we stuck to Judaism. 

However, as many of us came to learn, the rest of the world does not share our values, and upon stepping outside the boundaries of our wonderful enclave of warmth and tradition, it is easy to get swept away by the powerful current of the surrounding culture. Once we leave the spiritual “safety zone” of our community, we run the risk of losing sight of what really matters. Spiritual alienation on college campuses is a real, prevalent phenomenon, and affects many of our youth in some way. 

This phenomenon is not new, but it has been significantly exacerbated by the eruption of anti-Israel and anti-Semitic protests on campuses around the United States. The environment has become more contentious in recent months, and it is easy to feel lost on campus, remote from our families and our community. 

As a recent graduate of Baruch College, currently enrolled in Cardozo Law School, I can attest to having personally dealt with this challenge. However, I realize that to fully understand the problem, I need to hear other people’s accounts and perspectives.  

Rabbi Alter Goldstein has been serving as head Chabad Rabbi of the University of Michigan for 26 years, and I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to speak with him about the sensitive, but crucially important, topic of the risks of spiritual alienation on college campuses. I express my deep gratitude as well to Rabbi Joey Haber, founder and head of the Kesher organization, which works with our community’s post-high school youth, not only for his insights, but also for personally coming to Baruch each week to teach Torah. 

The Game is Rigged 

“You’re coming in knowing that this isn’t an environment conducive to spirituality and religion,” Rabbi Goldstein says. He explains that college students are exposed to many different lures and influences, that come in the form of parties, weekend events like football games (often on Shabbat), and the reality that many schools have classes on Jewish holidays. The hedonistic nature of campus life, and the celebration of wanton indulgence, pose a serious challenge to the religiously-committed Jewish student.  

“It is hard to stay where you are, and even more difficult to grow,” Rabbi Goldstein observes. 

Away from family, synagogues and a communal structure, youngsters are likely to look for something else to latch onto. And with alluring activities at arms-length at all times, it’s only a matter of time until some compromises are made. 

But beyond the spiritual challenges posed by campus life, grave danger lurks inside the classroom, as well, where students are taught by professors with a secular worldview who select texts and devise curricula that promote their personal opinions and perspectives. Many professors come to the classroom with worldviews which are nothing short of appalling, and students are forced to listen to these foreign values presented as incontrovertible, enlightened truth. The young 18 or 19-year-old student has no easy way to oppose the older, academically-trained professor who speaks with authority as he or she tries to impose his beliefs on his or her students.  The student hears only the perspectives the agenda-driven professors provide, and is often lectured to about the validity of these ideas. If the student ignores it or tunes it all out, his or her academic performance will suffer. 

The game is rigged against the religious student. The professors control your final grade, so you have no choice to at least appear to agree with them. The problem is, with everyone appearing to agree, with papers being forced to be written in favor of these outrageous ideas, with the higher grades going to those who “buy in” the most, it becomes very difficult not to begin to see some validity in these completely invalid ideas. 

I experienced this many times during my years at Baruch, and, like others, I played the game. I appeared to agree, because I learned that when I didn’t, it would harm my grade. I wrote papers wholly in agreement with ideas that I despise. It required a great deal of detachment to pull that off. 

Reflecting on these two different challenges – the alluring campus life, and the foreign ideologies taught in the classroom – Rabbi Joey Haber observed that “the parties are a bigger challenge than the ideas,” because “the parties are more attractive than the ideas are.” 

At the same time, however, Rabbi Haber believes that the ideological damage can often prove to be more permanent.  He says that in his experience, it’s easier to pull someone back into the community if the main issue is the parties or the lifestyle. When it comes to the foreign ideas, though, “while they are more difficult to get trapped by, they are much harder to be pulled from.” 

Rabbi Goldstein added that students today seem more apathetic and nonchalant about their connection to Judaism. Resisting the spiritually hostile forces that abound requires strength and fortitude, and, unfortunately, many students simply lack the religious passion and commitment to exert this kind of effort. 

Time Constraints 

Another important factor to consider is the limits on a student’s time. Most youngsters who enroll in college do so in order to prepare for what they hope will be a successful professional career, and so, naturally, they take their studies very seriously and want to get good grades. Pursuing academic excellence of course necessitates the investment of a great deal of time – which makes meeting one’s religious obligations a difficult struggle. 

When I started studying at Baruch, I was living in an apartment in Kips Bay, around a 20-minute walk to the nearest synagogue, which had only one minyan in the morning, at 6:45am. As the weather got colder, this walk became less feasible. My family was all the way back in Deal, and I would see them only on weekends. And so I found myself isolated from my support systems, being forced to fend for myself in an unfamiliar world. 

One day, I had to wake up extra early to get to my 7am writing class. Like I had done the day before, I said I would come back to my apartment after the class ended at 9am so I could pray at a (somewhat) reasonable time. I came back, but I had homework to take care of before my history class at 10:45. I did the homework and then left, walking back in at around 1pm. An essay was due at 11:59 that night. I ate lunch and then sat down to work on my essay. I was tired, as I had a long day up to that point, and long nights that entire week. I closed my eyes at around 2pm and woke up again at 4:45. It was getting a little darker out, and I made myself some coffee to wake up. All the while, I felt like I was forgetting something, but had no clue what it was. 

It took me a few minutes to realize that I hadn’t put on tefillin yet. I immediately scrambled to get it on before the day ended, ashamed of myself, but too much in a rush to think too much about it. The sun hadn’t set by the time I got my tefillin on, so I did not actually “miss the day,” but this was a close call that rattled me and made me realize that I needed to change something about my situation. I moved out of the apartment a few weeks later and moved in with my grandparents in Brooklyn. The daily subway ride was annoying, but I was making minyan. 

For some college kids, keeping kosher is a problem – especially in colleges with limited availability of kosher food. Rabbi Goldstein says that in the case of Michigan, while kosher food is available, it is still a big challenge for people, adding, “I don’t know what they do for their personal life” in terms of kashrut. 

Thankfully, this was never an issue for me, partly because I had easy access to kosher food, but also because twice a week, Kesher brought kosher food for the students who attended their classes. In fact, Rabbi Haber says, this is one of the organization’s objectives. 

Responding to my question of why Kesher comes to colleges, Rabbi Haber explains, “We have a chance to give them kosher food easily, inspire students, bring them together, give them a sense of community, and give them an opportunity to pray.” 

Staying Close to Your Network 

What, then, is the solution? What strategies are available to a young man or woman from the community who goes off to college? 

First and foremost, Rabbi Goldstein strongly recommends learning for a year in Israel before college, even if no college credits are earned during that year. The experience of immersing oneself in our sacred texts in the Holy Land provides a degree of fortification that can help a youngster withstand the spiritual challenges posed by college life. 

And while in college, the student needs to gird himself with strength and confidence. 

“The number one thing I tell them is that they’re a leader, not a follower,” Rabbi Goldstein says. The student must realize that he charts his own course, rather than blindly following the crowd. 

Furthermore, students should try to keep their education close to home.  

While acknowledging that certain colleges offer a better education in some areas than others (Michigan, for example, is renowned for its engineering program), both Rabbi Goldstein and Rabbi Haber say if you want to keep the values you grew up with, stay close to your family and your network, and strongly consider close-to-home options. 

It is not uncommon for a community youngster to face the decision between an out-of-town college which specializes in his or her field of choice, and a less prestigious institution that is located nearby and offers the option of commuting from home. Rabbi Goldstein unhesitatingly and strongly recommends the second option. 

“Especially in today’s day and age, staying closer to home is so important,” he says. “Specifically in the Sephardic world, there’s a very, very strong family-oriented atmosphere.” 

Rabbi Haber concurs, explaining, “When you’re closer to home, your family, your shuls and your friends are surrounding you – and all three of those are a great guide to your life.” 

I can relate to this. After a while, I left Brooklyn and just started commuting directly from Deal every day. I adjusted my schedule to make it reasonably work, and took Metro Park into the city. I felt spiritually connected in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time, and got more involved in my local synagogue, taking part in planning and helping out on Shabbat. This coincided with the rise of the hate-filled anti-Israel protests on campus, so I was glad to come home, away from all the chaos. Staying close to home, to your family, friends, and shul, is the best way to maintain one’s spiritual connection. 

Additionally, Rabbi Haber says, the college that appears to best prepare the youngster for his or her career might not necessarily turn out to be the best choice.  

“It’s very hard to predict how your career is going to go, and even harder to know in advance what will be better for your career.” It’s simply not worth it to risk one’s spiritual connection for the sake of studying at a school which might potentially offer long-term career benefits. 

Fighting Fire with Fire 

Strange as this might sound, it is important also to “fight back” when this is necessary and possible, to find creative solutions to problems created by the college system. 

In my final semester, Baruch threw me a curveball: it required me to find and complete an internship at a communications company in order to graduate. As I was nearing the finish line, about to complete a four-year degree in only two years, and having just been admitted to Cardozo, I had zero interest in getting bogged down by more red tape.  

Earlier, I mentioned that to succeed in college, you have to play their game. But while this is generally true, with enough skill and determination, you can beat the system and come out on top. 

“How are you guys with nonprofits?” I asked. 

“We’re good with non-profits,” They answered. “Just send us an approval letter.” 

And so, instead of working at a company of their choosing, which would likely bring with it some degree of spiritual compromise, I walked into my local synagogue and got a volunteer job as an assistant twice a week. I restructured my schedule to Zoom classes on those days, and suddenly, I was only going into the city two days a week. The other two days? I was working in the synagogue, giving back to my community, all on a school-accredited internship. For all the punches they’ve thrown at me, it felt good to land one of my own. 

Spiritual alienation is a battle. You are in a fight to keep your values, to keep close to your community, even as outside forces seek to rip you away from it. But do not for a moment think that this battle cannot be won. Be proactive. Be creative. Fight fire with fire. Start a minyan on campus. Find a havruta with whom to learn daf yomi. Build something into your daily routine that strengthens your connection to your heritage. 

And what if a student was already alienated, drifting away from religious commitment, and now wishes to return? 

“If it’s a girl, find a religious mentor, and if it’s a boy, find a rabbi to learn with,” Rabbi Haber says. 

Rabbi Goldstein’s message to college students is: “Try to be an inspiration to others.”  

People have tremendous respect for those who adhere to their values, even through hardship. If you win this battle, and remain steadfastly committed even in the face of the pressures on campus, you will be a role model to others, and you will have set yourself on the path to success in all areas of life, having gained invaluable experience in the art of struggle and triumphing over adversity.  

Don’t stop fighting to maintain your fealty to the traditions of our community. You can do this!

Carolyn Orfahli, MS, OTR/L 

You’re a new mom who’s looking forward to your baby’s first Mommy and Me class. Around the room babies are sitting, facing their mothers, and playing “peak a boo” with colorful scarves. Your baby isn’t able to sit yet. You start to wonder if your child should be sitting like his peers. This is not something you foresaw to be a concern. You’re a pro mom, you’ve been acing it for the past seven months.  Your baby eats well and sleeps through the night, but sitting, who even thinks about it? 

Occupational therapists (OTs) are experts in developmental milestones that begin in infancy. These milestones occur at specific windows of time to progress your baby throughout development. Milestones help integrate primitive reflexes and keep your baby playing and feeding age-appropriately.  

As a mother, you aren’t supposed to inherently know about when these milestones occur. Fortunately, your pediatrician goes over a list of milestones at each well visit. Your pediatrician may ask: “Is your child rolling?” or “Is your child pointing?” At a glance these questions may seem like easy yes or no questions. However, if you think about it, does anyone speak about how excited they are that their baby is rolling?  

You may answer yes to the milestone questions at the appointment. That afternoon, while playing with your baby, you notice that your baby is only rolling to his left and is only using one hand to reach for toys. This observation may be nothing of concern or possibly your baby may benefit from OT.  

What do you do? With any concern, always consult with your pediatrician first. They may advise to seek OT right away, the earlier your baby is in therapy, the quicker they progress. Sometimes, your pediatrician may advise you to “wait and see.” Now, the power is in your hands. If you are worried about your baby, you can decide to seek therapy instead of waiting. You are the expert on your baby. You are taking notice to how he plays compared to his peers. If your OT recommends therapy, now your baby has the best possible chance to get on track. Once your child is evaluated, your OT may recommend physical or speech therapy instead. If your baby doesn’t need therapy, your baby is doing well and your mind is set at ease. 

When an OT evaluates your baby’s skills, they are analyzing each of your baby’s body movements, checking their primitive reflexes and overall strength. For example, in regard to rolling: Is your baby rolling to his right and to his left? Is your baby rolling from his back to belly and from his belly to back?  

During OT sessions, you’ll receive guidance on stretches, positioning, exercises, and different activities to help your baby achieve his milestones.  

The developmental milestones occur within a range of months. As a general rule, OTs give the baby time to “catch-up” before suggesting therapy. Each baby’s case is specific. Whether they were born prematurely, have a muscle tightness, or have a specific diagnosis will dictate the urgency of initiating OT.

The following is a list of milestones that your baby should be able to do by each age. Other milestones related to standing/walking and speech/communication are not listed. Consult with a physical or speech therapist accordingly.  

2-3 months:  

• Lifts head briefly during tummy time 

• Brings hands to mouth 

• Visually tracks toys  

4-5 months: 

• Bears weight on forearms during tummy time 

• Rolls from back to belly and belly to back 

• Reaches and grasps toys 

6 months: 

• Sits unsupported 

• Grasps small objects using all their fingers 

8 months: 

• Crawls on hands and feet  

12 months: 

• Pincer grasp with index finger and thumb with both hands 

• Self-feed finger foods 

• Transitions between all positions: laying down, sitting, crawling 

Additionally, if your baby seems floppy, rigid, or seems to exhibit sensory seeking behaviors (rocking or spinning) or sensory avoidant behaviors (refuses to touch certain textures in food or during play), an OT may be of assistance.  

Carolyn Orfahli, MS, OTR/L is a Pediatric Occupational Therapist and founder of MamaBear OT. She has extensive experience working at NYU Rusk Rehab pediatric outpatient unit and in Early Interventions/School settings. She can be reached at: (718) 490-5045.