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Inventions & Innovators

Inventions are the ingenious gadgets and machines that have made our lives a little more fun, interesting, and easier. Real inventions are the things that we did not think were possible yesterday, and yet, it would be difficult to live without today. From the tiny paperclip to the massive jet engine, every month we will explore the history behind our world’s most famous inventions and learn about the innovators that designed them.

This month we explore the history behind an invention that most of us likely just take for granted…

The Post-it Note

Post-it Notes are one of the world’s favorite office supplies. Here’s a little fact about those sticky notes that might surprise you – like many of today’s great inventions, they were invented by accident!

In 1968, 3M researcher Dr. Spencer Silver had the job of developing adhesives for 3M. Although his mission was to create a stronger, more reliable adhesive for the aerospace industry, Silver ended up with something else. He created a weak adhesive that could be removed easily without leaving behind a residue. The glue also kept its stickiness when applied with pressure and was reusable. “At the time, we wanted to develop a bigger, tougher adhesive,” Silver said in a later interview. “This was none of those.”

For a number of years, Silver had a solution on his hand looking for a problem. He presented the adhesives at numerous business meetings and proposed their use for bulletin and message boards, but his proposals were rejected.

In Search of a Bookmark

In 1974, fellow 3M scientist, Art Fry, recalled one of Silver’s presentations when seeking out a way to solve a problem he was having with his bookmarks. Fry would use pieces of scrap paper to mark places in his books. However, it seemed like they always fell out. He dreamt up a bookmark that could stick to the pages, but that could also be easily removed without damaging the paper. That’s when Fry remembered the adhesive invention of his colleague. The adhesive would be perfect, he thought, and Fry then started developing the notes using Silver’s adhesive for 3M.

Using Silver’s adhesive, Fry was able to produce reliable and reusable sticky notes, but it became quickly apparent that these sticky papers had much more potential than just bookmarks.

The Color Yellow

Yet, still, one more accident would help shape the future of the Post-it Note. When Fry and his team began developing the product, they could only find yellow scraps of paper to experiment with. The signature Post-it Note yellow of today can be traced back to this “accident.”

After developing the product, 3M released the Post-it Note during a 1977 test run in four cities in the United States. At the time, they were called “Press ’n Peel” notes, and sales were discouraging. Eventually, 3M decided to pull them off the shelves.

The Launch of the Post-it Note

However, in 1979, 3M re-marketed the Press ‘n Peel notes as Post-it Notes. To re-launch the product, 3M gave free samples to offices throughout the Boise, Idaho Metro Area. It was a huge success as more than 90 percent of offices that received a free sample re-ordered them!

And the rest, as they say, is history. 3M released Post-it Notes nationally in 1980, and expanded distribution into Canada and Europe the following year. Since then, Post-it Notes have become a nearly universally-known office supply item, and today, 3M produces and sells more than 50 billion individual notes per year.

Ask Jido – April 2025

Dear Jido,

Our family is planning a vacation this summer, and we want to make sure it’s enjoyable for everyone. We have three children, ages 7, 10, and 12, who have different interests and energy levels. My husband and I are also hoping to find some time to relax and unwind. We’re considering a destination that offers a mix of outdoor activities, cultural experiences, and family-friendly attractions. However, we’re not sure how to balance everyone’s needs and preferences. Do you have any tips for planning a trip that will both keep kids entertained and allow us to have some quality family time?

Sincerely,

Vacation Planner

Dear Vacation Planner,

It seems like you have a group where each one is going to want to do different things all at the same time. So my advice to you is – forewarned is forearmed.

Sit down with your husband well in advance and plan out what you would like to do each day. One day the beach, one day the museum, another day the amusement park, and another day a hiking trip. Make sure you include in there – tonight we’re going for pizza! The next night, the fancy restaurant, and another night a private barbecue on the beach.

Map out the days so that each member has something to do that THEY like to do (including Mom and Dad). Then discuss the plan with the kids so that you can make changes long before you board the plane.

When Morris says, “I don’t want to go to the beach, I want to go hiking!”  And when Leah says, “How come we always have to do what Abie wants?”  Remind each one of them – “That’s right, and tomorrow we’re going to do what YOU like.”

Of course, it can always rain on the day you planned on going to the beach and it could be 85 degrees and gorgeous out the day you’re spending in the museum. But after all, that’s what makes memories!

Enjoy!

Jido

Mabrouk – April 2025

Births – Baby Boy

Ezra & Naomi Halawani

Jimmy & Gali Dabbah

Leo & Alyssa Rishty

Tomer & Gal Shua Haim

Isaac & Gayle Eastman

Joey & Sara Mizrahi

Jacob & Linda Gindi

Morris & Danielle Sitt

Max & Florence Cohen

Births – Baby Girl

Leo & Shelly Hanono

David & Miriam Tawil

Eddie & Joyce Serure

Abe & Rachel Tawil

Joe & Esther Levy

Abie &Tunie Harary

Sammy & Jayne Haber

Maurice & Shelly Schmool

Meyer & Ruth Edery

Engagements

Isaac Mishaan to Elizabeth Seruya

Micheal Braha to Vivian Dayan

Benjamin Shalom to Esther Habert

Ronnie Rahman to Pearl Mamiye

Kal Abed to Stephanie Mugrabi

Weddings

Irwin Sutton to Frieda Cohen

Daniel Trakhtenberg to Celia Chrem

Isaac Massry to Shelly Greenstein Billie Kraiem to Marielle Soffer

Medical Halacha

Halachic Perspectives on Feeding Tube Removal: The Nancy Cruzan Case

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

In 1983, 25-year-old Nancy Cruzan was involved in a car accident that left her in a persistent vegetative state, requiring a feeding tube to survive. Her parents requested the removal of her feeding tube, arguing that their daughter would not have wanted to live in such a severely disabled state. However, the hospital refused to remove the feeding tube without court approval.

The case eventually went to the Missouri Supreme Court, which ruled that Nancy’s parents could not have the feeding tube removed. In 1991, the U.S. Supreme Court, in a landmark decision, authorized the removal of Nancy Cruzan’s feeding tube, and she passed away shortly afterward.

Without delving into the legal technicalities, what does halacha say about the removal of a feeding tube?

Halachic Perspective on Self-Starvation

Rabbi Yosef Karo, author of the Shulchan Aruch and Bet Yosef, explains that to starve oneself to death is included in the Biblical prohibition against suicide. This is evidenced by the fact that an oath to abstain from eating for seven days is considered invalid. The Rambam (MishnehTorah, Shavu’ot 1:7) writes that anyone who swears to abstain from food for seven days is guilty of taking a false oath, receiving lashes, and may eat immediately. The reason for this is that such an oath constitutes an intent to transgress a Torah prohibition -essentially, an oath to kill oneself. Therefore, the oath is invalid (Bet Yosef, Y.D., 236).

Fasting and Endangerment of Life

If a person endangers his life by fasting, it is considered an act of possible suicide, even on Yom Kippur. Hacham Ovadia, zt”l,  (Yechaveh Daat 1:61) writes: “If there is concern that fasting may endanger someone’s life, one must listen to the doctor and eat on Yom Kippur, as pikuach nefesh (saving a life) overrides the mitzvah of fasting. If the sick person insists on fasting, far from being pious, they will be punished for it.” Since eating is a matter of life and death, they should be forced to eat (Radbaz, quoted by Sheyarei Kneset Hagedolah, O.C., 618).

Autonomy in Halacha and Medical Treatment

While Judaism values autonomy and recognizes free will, this does not extend to the right to take one’s life or violate Torah laws. A person must live according to halacha, which limits autonomy and free choice in certain circumstances. Therefore, patients cannot autonomously refuse potentially beneficial or life-saving treatment. These principles shape the halachic position on tube feeding – Judaism prioritizes the preservation of life, considering patient autonomy only in exceptional circumstances.

The Obligation to Provide Nutrition to a Goses

Even a goses (a dying person) must be provided with nutrition and hydration, as long as it does not pose a choking hazard: “One should not feed a goses since they cannot swallow, but one can place liquid in their mouth, such as extracted broth from salvia, from the sage plant, to enable them to speak” (Sefer Hasidim, 234). This applies equally to tube feeding (Igrot Moshe, CM 2:74:3, Nishmat Avraham, Vol. 5, p.155).

Conclusion on Removing a Feeding Tube

In conclusion, the removal of the feeding tube actively shortened Nancy Cruzan’s life and is therefore halachically forbidden. Hacham Yitzhak Yosef (ResponsaRishon Lezion, EH 25) writes that it is forbidden to shorten the life of a patient, even if they are in a persistent vegetative state. Regarding the precise extent of the liability, see Rambam (Rotzeach, 3:10), who classifies various forms of causing death by restricting access to food and drink. Halacha does not differentiate between withholding milk from a baby, withholding nutrition from someone in a persistent vegetative state, or withholding tube feeding from an advanced dementia patient who cannot take food orally. In fact, the first practical application of Kibud Av Va’em (honoring parents), as stated in Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:4, is to feed one’s parents. One may certainly not shorten a person’s life by withholding nutrition and hydration from them.

Personal Reflections on a Changing World

Promises Made, Promises Kept

Frieda Schweky
Growing up, I thought I’d NEVER be interested in politics. Ever since Trump entered the scene in 2015 I’ve been hooked. I think my generation (millennials) crave authenticity and we think Trump is authentic! We don’t want two-faced politicians. We’re not interested in the sameold politics. We want and deserve to know the truth and Trump seems to be the agent for that.

Word on the Street

I was in Brooklyn this last weekend to visit my parents. I noticed that my parents’ neighbors on Bedford Avenue  were talking about  Trump and what he did to improve our country the past week. One neighbor said, “So, what’s new with Trump?!” My dad answered that Trump was very tough with Zelensky, the President of Ukraine. Although many may disagree with Trump’s treatment of our ally, my dad and his neighbors believe Trump did an amazing job advocating for the American people.  One of Trump’s first moves was removing DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) policies from government agencies including the private sector and the military. Many felt this was important because it challenged the idea that it was reasonable to promote people based on their skin color or other externals. Rather, it makes sense that one’s skillset and merit should be at the top of the list of what is important. I believe that our military should be strong, not colorful. I think that promoting individuals based on their race is not right. However, doing so was a major goal of the past administration. In fact, many of the things Trump did when he first took office were designed to reverse a number of Biden’s policies, which many of us found objectionable.

Women’s Sports

Trump made a campaign promise to bar transgender women from women’s sports. On February 5th, he signed an executive order that put this into effect.In Maine, instances were cited where transgender women competed in women’s sporting events, contrary to Trump’s executive order. At the 2025 winter meeting of the National Governors Associationthis past February, the president censured the governor of Maine for not complying with his executive order. He noted that even though her constituency is somewhat liberal (Harris won in Maine in the last election), barring transgender women from women’s sports is what the American people want. And if Maine does not comply they willlose federal funding.

Supporters of the ban on transgender women competing in women’s sports feel that there are serious repercussions for allowing men who have become women to participate in women’s sports. Biologically, males are stronger than females. There have been many cases where transgender girls and women have unfairly beaten their female-from-birth opponents. Girls and women are discouraged from participating in sports where they fear they are at an unfair disadvantage with former boys and men competing.

Jews and Israel

Trump has consistently shown hisstrong support for Israel, including its right to self-determination and to defend itself. On March 5th,Trump met with eight former Israeli hostages, Iair Horn, Omer Shem Tov, Eli Sharabi, Keith Siegel, Aviva Siegel, Naama Levy, Doron Steinbrecher, and Noa Argamani. The president listened intently to the former hostages’ stories about the horrors they experienced on October 7th, about their friends and families that were brutally murdered, and the unspeakable conditions they lived under in Gaza. Immediately after the meeting Trump sent an Instagram message to the former hostages’ captors. “’Shalom Hamas’ means Hello and Goodbye – You can choose. Release all of the Hostages now, not later, and immediately return all of the dead bodies of the people you murdered, or it is OVER for you,” Trump wrote on Truth Social. “I have just met with your former Hostages whose lives you have destroyed. This is your last warning! For the leadership, now is the time to leave Gaza, while you still have a chance,” he added. “Also, to the People of Gaza: A beautiful future awaits, but not if you hold hostages. If you do, you are DEAD! Make a SMART decision. RELEASE THE HOSTAGES NOW, OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY LATER!” This is the kind of leadership we needed on October 8th, 2023.Let’s not forget the president’s announcement of his plan to relocate the people of Gaza and make it beautiful again. It has received a lot of flak from the Arab world, but I think that’s the best idea anyone’s had to-date.

Anti-Semitism on Campus

Since October 7th, Jewish students on many college campuses have not felt safe. They have met with threats, bullying, and physical violence. Trump has come out strongly, stating that anti-Semitism on campus, and elsewhere, is unacceptable. The U.S. Department of Justice is sending a federal task force to ten universities – George Washington University, Harvard, Johns Hopkins, NYU, Northwestern, UCLA, UC Berkeley, the University of Minnesota, and USC – where Jewish students and faculty have been left vulnerable to rising anti-Semitism. The task force aims to combat unchecked anti-Semitism and ensure Jewish students can learn in a safe environment. 

Additionally, the Trump administration has cut $400 million in federal grants and contracts with Columbia University because of what the government describes as Columbia’s failure to squelch anti-Semitism on campus. Trump’s message that there will be consequences for our enemies both here and abroad is so refreshing and honestly is just incredible.

My Personal Take

As a Jew and as an American, I felt like my government did not care much about me and my problems. My tax dollars were funneled  overseas or used to aid illegal aliens that were flooding in. I felt that I was the last to be considered. Now, I feel differently! Trump is working to abolish income tax, and I am thrilled, as I’m sure many are. He’s thinking out of the box in terms of how to make our country rich in ways that don’t involve the government’s appropriating our hard-earned money. I am honestly confused when I hear that some people are against any of the president’s policies. However, those who favor Trump are now in the majority, and I thank Gd for that.

I smiled when I saw a news alert stating that the Trump administration revamped the CBP One  app, which was formerly used to process asylum claims at the southern U.S. border. Now, the app has been reimaged as a platform for “self-deportation.”The idea is to get illegal aliens to deport themselves, with the hope that they will be allowed to return legally in the future. I believe this is another way Trump is making America great! We have an obligation to help the homeless, our veterans, and low- and mid-income families who need support. I believe we have overextended ourselves when it comes to immigration.I believe that immigration should happen slowly and with intention. We are not anti-immigration. How could we be- we’re all immigrants! We simply want immigrants to be vetted properly.

I honestly can go on and on about the amazing things that Trump has been doing for us and Israel, but I digress. Hashem thank you for saving Trump and for causing him be elected president. Please bring Mashiach as he is our true savior!

Until next time,

Frieda Schweky!Frieda is an event and portrait photographer. Check Frieda out on Instagram @friedaschwekyphoto. For photography inquiries or article topic suggestions email her friedaschweky@gmail.com.

More Than Just a Story…

Leon Sakkal

Yes, it’s that time of year again! As we clean out the cabinets, sweep the floors, and make all the necessary preparations for Pesach, it is important to remind ourselves of the many meaningfullessons and values we transmit to our children at this special time. 

“Let My People Go!” 

When finally agreeing to let the Jewish people leave Missrayim, Pharaoh instructs Moshe, “Go and serve Hashem, your Gd – butfirst, mi va’mi ha’holchim?” – “Just who will be leaving?” Moshe replies, 

“Bi’narenu u’bizkenenu nelech”— “With our young and our old we will go.” The question arises: why does Moshe mention the young before the old? It is no secret that we, as Jewish people, always give precedence to our elders. Why, then, the uncharacteristic choice of phrasing? 

The answer is one of the essential principles of Passover and of our Jewish tradition. 

Pharaoh agrees to let the Jewish People go, but before giving Moshe the absolute “green light,” he needs to know precisely who will be going. Men? Women? Children? For he fears Moshe will take his most significantmembers of Jewish people: the children. 

Well aware that Pharaoh fears the emancipation of the young, Moshe first stresses “bi’narenu” as if to say, “Indeed, we will be taking our young.” It is then that Pharaoh withdraws his sanction. 

The Evil Strategy 

Although this may shed light on Moshe’s choice of words, one cannot help but wonder: What is so significant about the Jewish children that Pharaoh does not want to let them go? 

In the Purim story, we find a similar interest taken by King Ahashverosh. There, the king throws a tremendous party, inviting everybody “mi’gadol ve’ad kattan” both great and small, young and old. But is it not strange? Surely most people would not want children running around a party of such magnificence and grandeur! And so again we wonder: Why the special interest in the little ones? 

On the night of Pesach we can truly understand the intention of Pharaoh, Ahashverosh, Adolf Hitler, and all of the wicked men who have tried so desperately to annihilate us.   

Throughout history, our enemies have realized that the key to both the construction and destruction of the Jewish people is largely dependent on their youth. “If we get the kids,” they muse, “the rest is history.”    

The frightening truth is that this tactic has not disappeared with time. Modern-day villains likewise prey on the innocence of the young. In fact, a recent study shows that more than 75 percent of ISIS and Al Qaeda terrorists recruited from the United States are teens!   

Both past and present tyrants understand that Jewish children are the lifeline of the Jewish faith, the future of our Holy Torah and traditions. Making it so that Jewish children are disconnected from our People would surely threaten the future of Am Yisrael

The Seder Night 

Perhaps it is more apropos to transmit our people’s ancient story on Succot, when we leave the comfort of our homes to reside in huts. Surely that is deserving of a “Mah Nishtana?” Yet, it is only on Pesach that we entice our children to ask questions, and teach them the story of our redemption. We are commanded, “Ve’higadeta le’bincha,” to tell our children. On the surface, the instruction seems fair and reasonable: Give the kids a nice lesson in Jewish history. This, of course, is incorrect.    

With the recital of the Haggadah we achieve far more than a mere history lesson. We ensure that those who seek our destruction donot have their way by infecting the pure minds of our youth. This is why we tell the age-old story of our exile and redemption from Egypt exclusively on Passover. 

Transmitting our Story  Understanding the wicked intention of Pharaoh can inspire us to have a more meaningful seder. Knowing that our own children are the target of all who seek our demise, we should do our best to transmit our heritage with pride. This seder night, enlighten your children regarding the gratitude they should feel – not only for being part of the Jewish nation, but for belonging to such a unified community. They are so fortunate to have such an extended family.

Preparing for the Seder – the Last Stretch

Yehudit Gindi

You never believed you would make it to the finish line, but here you are, and you’re pretty sure you aren’t dreaming. As you behold the dining room table adorned with your Pesach finest, you realize that you have overcome what once seemed to be a near-impossible feat. After weeks of backbreaking labor, you can relate to those who have climbed to the peak of Everest, for seder night has finally arrived.

At the seder, each person is supposed to feel as if they were redeemed from the harsh slavery of Egypt. For the woman, whose raw hands are a testament to all the sweeping, spraying, sautéing, and scrubbing that she has been up to, this is no problem.  Just as the Jewish people witnessed Hashem’s miracles during the redemption, the Jewish wife and mother experiences Hashem’s miraculous hand in her Pesach preparations each year. So don’t fret. When you find yourself knee-deep in the pre-Pesach pandemonium, rest assured that with the help of these tips, and of course with the ever-present help of Gd, your seder will be spectacular.

Get It All Together

We’ve mentioned it in these pages before, but it is so crucial that it bears repeating: make a list of all the things that you will need on the seder table. Without a written list, the to-dos will be just a big mumbo-jumbo in your mind that will create loads of unnecessary pressure. So put pen to paper and you’ll be off to a successful start. 

Kadesh, Urhatz

What if you can’t seem to remember exactly what the seder calls for? Well, here’s one way to refresh your memory. When making your “Things for the seder” list, you can either go to Google, or you can take out a Pesach Haggadah. While taking extreme caution to keep it far away from any food, sift through the pages. You’ll probably find a picture of the seder plate and all the significant foods to display, as well as the order of the seder. As you notice items you will need, write them down. (Some key items to remember: haroset, the shank bone, hardboiled eggs, and celery, just to name a few!)

Shulhan Orech

Once all your kosher-for-Pesach dishes have been dusted, washed and dried, you can begin setting your seder table. You’ll want to do this hours before the seder begins so you’re able to walk into the main event relaxed and prepared. An elegant white or ivory tablecloth makes for a stunning backdrop; just be sure to cover it with plastic, since you can expect several grapejuice spills. Rhinestone napkin rings are eye-catching accents, and they will complement all types of silverware. Complete the décor with a nice floral centerpiece, and your table is ready.

So the Children Should Ask

The purpose of the seder is to pique the children’s curiosity so they’ll ask questions and give you the opportunity to fulfill the mitzvah of telling about the Jewish nation’s redemption from Egypt. So, to prevent the kids from falling asleep on top of their marror-filled matzah sandwiches, make the seder kid friendly!  Have incentives ready for children who ask great questions or say the Mah Nishtanah. Bring the Pesach story to life by investing in some bright, colorful Haggadot so the children can follow along. And don’t forget some prizes for he or she who discovers the afikoman!  Before you know it, it will be 2am and your children will be awake singing the “Had Gadya” finale with gusto!

Getting Some Zzz’s…

Speaking of staying awake until 2am, which is likely to happen on seder night, it is a must for your children to take a nap pre-seder. You know how it goes: the kids will resist, but you must insist! This way, the children will be well-rested and ready for loads of fun and learning come seder time. Oh, and moms are allowed to take naps, too! So if you can manage to find even a half-hour, try to squeeze in even a short catnap. The seder is a magnificent time, but putting it all together can sometimes seem like an arduous journey. But you’ll be there soon enough, and you can pat yourself on the back knowing it’s the culmination of all your hard work. When you finally sit down and see the smiling faces of family and guests surrounding you, you’ll know that the hours of effort were well worth it.

Positive Parenting – You Need, I Need

Tammy Sassoon

Sounds like a funny title for an article, but as you read, you will understand how implementing a “You need, I need” approach can turn the most challenging parenting moments into peaceful family interactions.

Balancing Empathy with Limit-Setting in Parenting

Parenting is a dance between showing empathy and setting firm boundaries. While children need to feel understood, they also require structure and guidance to develop into responsible individuals. Striking a balance between these two approaches fosters a secure and nurturing environment in which children can thrive.

We often mistakenly approach our children with our own personal agendas, which we are trying to “get them” to buy into. “I need my kids to finish brushing their teeth, get into bed, stop fighting with siblings,” etc. So, I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen. While all these are important goals, the problem with that mindset is that it doesn’t allow children to learn to interact with people respectfully.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of running a home with firm rules, but when we enforce them, we need to do so in a way that shows we believe all people are always worthy of respect.

The Wrong Way:

“Sara, I need you to get in the shower.”

Sara: “Can I finish playing this game?”

Mom: “Sure.”

Ten minutes pass…

Mom: “Sara get in the shower right now. You finished the game and started a new one.”

The message there is that my mom had her agenda and is willing to speak in an unkind way to me as long as I just get in the shower.

The Right Way:

“Sara, I need you to get in the shower.”

Sara: “Can I finish playing this game?”

Mom: “Sure.”

Ten minutes pass…

Mom: “Sara, you told me you wanted to finish the game. What happened?”

Sara: “I just want to play another game.”

Mom: “This game looks like a lot of fun.” Pause for a second so child hears your “connect.” (You have to really empathize because you care about what’s important to your child, not in order to change their behavior. Children always feel our vibes, so if they think you are empathizing because you need to move the night along, they will feel controlled and resist their desire to cooperate)

Mom: “I need you to get into the shower, and you can continue the game after.”

The message there is that my mom has a rule that I have to listen, and she also cares about what I like. Two truths. Hence the strategy “I need, you need.” I need you to be respectful and listen to me, you need to feel respected.

Why the Empathy?

Empathy is at the heart of a strong parent-child relationship. It builds trust. When a child feels heard and understood, they are more likely to develop emotional intelligence and resilience.

Demonstrating empathy means actively listening to your child’s concerns, acknowledging their emotions, and responding in a supportive manner. For this child who was upset about having to stop playing to go shower, another empathetic response might be: “I know you’re having fun, and it’s hard to stop when you’re enjoying yourself.” This acknowledgment helps children feel respected and understood, making them more receptive to following rules.

Why the Limit-Setting

While empathy nurtures emotional well-being, setting limits teaches children discipline, responsibility, and self-regulation. Boundaries provide children with a sense of security and help them to understand acceptable behavior. Without clear limits, children may struggle with self-control, leading to difficulties in social and academic settings.

Effective limit-setting involves consistency, clarity, and fairness. Rules should be age-appropriate and communicated in a way that children understand. For example, if a bedtime is set at 8:30pm, parents should consistently enforce this rule.  Teach your children that, “Getting enough sleep helps you feel good and do well in school.”

Balancing Empathy and Limits

Balancing empathy with limit-setting means setting rules while validating your child’s feelings. It helps children feel secure, valued, and guided. This approach fosters emotional intelligence, responsibility, and trust, creating a foundation for healthy development and positive parent-child relationships.

Keep the “I need, you need” phrase in your head so that when you feel challenged you can remind yourself that in your role as a parent, one of your jobs is to enforce the rules and always model being respectful.

Words of Rabbi Eli J. Mansour – The Power of Gratitude: More is Truly More

The text that we read at the Pesach seder, as we all know, is commonly referred to as the Haggadah. What is the origin of this term, and what exactly does it mean?

One simple answer, perhaps, is that this word stems from the Biblical origin of the obligation of sippur Yetziat Mitzrayim – telling the story of the Exodus on the night of the seder.  The Torah introduces this obligation in the Book of Shemot (13:8) with the words, “Vehigadeta levincha bayom hahu…” (“You shall tell your son on that day…”).  The word Haggadah means “telling,” and is the noun form of the verb “vehigadeta,” and this might be why we refer to the text of the seder with this word.

However, the Maharal of Prague (1512-1609), one of the great giants of Jewish thought, offered a deeper explanation, one which goes to the heart of the essential nature of the seder experience.

Too Much Praise?

The Maharal begins by drawing our attention to a story told in the Gemara (Berachot 33b) of a hazzan who, we might say, went a bit too far.  He stood up in front of the congregation and began singing Gd’s praises, using as many adjectives as He could to describe Gd’s unparalleled greatness.  He exclaimed, “HaKel hagadol hagibor vehanora veha’adir veha’izuz vehayar’ui hehazak veha’amitz vehavadai vehanichbad…” 

When he finally finished extolling Gd’s might and power, Rabbi Hanina turned to him and sarcastically asked, “You completed all of your Master’s praises?!” 

By using so many descriptions to express Gd’s greatness, the hazzan implicitly conveyed the message that this is all there is to say, that he successfully exhausted all the praise that could be said about Gd.

Rabbi Hanina explained that when we give praise to Gd in the shemonah esreh prayer, we are to describe Him simply as “HaKel hagadol hagibor vehanora – The great, mighty, awesome Gd.”  We are permitted to use these three adjectives only because Moshe Rabbenu used them in describing Gd (Devarim 10:17).  In principle, it should be forbidden to praise Gd with any adjectives, because this would imply a limit to Gd’s praises.  But since Moshe praised Gd with these three adjectives, we are allowed to, as well.  Any additional praises, however, are improper.  When it comes to praising Gd, more is less.  As Gd is infinite, and His greatness and power are infinite, we must avoid giving the impression of comprehensively expressing His might.

The Maharal notes that when it comes to the Pesach seder, we are to follow the opposite policy.  Toward the beginning of the maggid section, when we discuss the basics of the sippur Yetziat Mitzrayim obligation, we announce: “Vechol hamarbeh lesaper biytziat Mitzrayim hareh zeh meshubah” – the more one speaks about the miracles of the Exodus on the night of the seder, the more praiseworthy he is.  The text of the Haggadah is not all that we can or should say at the seder.  We are encouraged to extend well beyond this text, and spend as much time as reasonably possible describing the wonders and miracles of Yetziat Mitzrayim.  To illustrate this point, the Haggadah tells the story of the five great sages who joined together in Bnei-Brak for the seder, and spent the entire night discussing the Exodus.  They stopped only when their students entered to inform them that morning had arrived and it was time to read the morning shema.

Whereas we are normally discouraged from speaking at length of Gd’s praises, at the seder, we are specifically encouraged to devote as much time and attention as we can to discussing the miracles of Yetziat Mitzrayim.  Why?

The Jews’ “Thanksgiving Dinner”

The Maharal explains by drawing a critical distinction between praise and gratitude.  When it comes to praising Gd, describing His greatness, more is less.  As Rabbi Hanina said, expressing praise gives the mistaken – and in fact heretical – impression that His power and capabilities can be quantified, and accurately expressed through the spoken word.  But when it comes to expressing gratitude, the guiding principle is “kol hamarbeh hareh zeh meshubah” – more is more.  We can never say “thank you” enough for the blessings we have received.

The Pesach seder, the Maharal writes, is less about praise than about gratitude.  The idea of the seder is not to give Hashem praise for the miracles of the Exodus, but rather to express our gratitude for them.

As we know, halachah requires reciting a special berachahbirkat hagomel – upon emerging from any of four situations of danger: captivity, illness, desert travel, and a sea voyage.  Our ancestors who left Egypt experienced all four situations.  They were held captive as slaves, unable to leave; they were beaten and tortured, thus becoming dangerously frail; and after leaving, they crossed the sea and the desert.  Now in the times of the Bet Hamikdash, a person who emerged from one of these situations would bring a special sacrifice called the korban todah – the thanksgiving offering.  The Pesach seder, which, when the Mikdash stood, was centered around the special pesach sacrifice – could thus be seen as a korban todah – or, what we might call the Jewish version of a “thanksgiving dinner.”  Indeed, some commentators suggested that the four cups of wine that we drink at the seder correspond to the four deliverances listed above.  The entire seder revolves around the notion of todah – expressing gratitude to Gd.  And for this reason, “kol hamarbeh hareh zeh meshubah” – the more the better.

The Pesach Seder&Bikkurim

This theme comes into sharper focus when we examine more closely the heart of the maggid section. 

After a number of introductory paragraphs, in which we present some basic information about the mitzvah to speak of the Exodus on this night, we proceed to perform this mitzvah, which we do by analyzing four verses in the Book of Devarim (26:5-8).  This series of verses (which begins, “Arami oved avi vayered Mitzrayema…”) is taken from a declaration known as mikra bikkurim, which a farmer would recite when he brought his first fruits (bikkurim) to the Bet Hamikdash each year.  After presenting his first fruits to a kohen, he would made this pronouncement briefly recounting the story of his ancestors’ enslavement in Egypt, and ultimate miraculous redemption.  At the seder, we go through this brief text, one phrase at a time, and analyze it based on earlier verses in the Torah.  At first glance, we might wonder why this specific text was chosen for the purpose of telling the story of the Exodus.  Why do we study these verses, instead of simply reading the actual narrative of the Yetziat Mitzrayim story, which is told in the Book of Shemot?  Why was the mikra bikkurim proclamation deemed the most suitable text for the seder?

The answer is found in an earlier verse regarding the procedure of bikkurim.  The Torah (Devarim 26:3) commands that when the farmer arrives at the Mikdash with his first fruits, he should say to the kohen, “Higadeti hayom l’Hashem Elokecha.”  The Aramaic Targum Yonatan Ben Uziel translation renders this to mean, “I give thanks on this day to Hashem your Gd.”  And Rashi, commenting on this verse, writes that the person says this to the kohen to avow that he is “not ungrateful.”  The bikkurim obligation is all about gratitude, expressing to Gd one’s appreciation for the new fruits that he successfully produced, acknowledging the journey his people have undergone from the depths of Egyptian bondage to the heights of prosperity in their homeland.

Appropriately, then, this is the text chosen for our “thanksgiving dinner,” our Pesach seder, which is all about expressing our gratitude to Hashem for all He has done for us.

In light of all this, the Maharal answers our original question, of why we refer to the text recited at the seder with the term “Haggadah.”  The word “higadeti,” as we saw, denotes expressing gratitude.  As this constitutes the primary theme of the seder, it is fitting that we refer to the text read on this evening as the “Haggadah,” the text through which we express our gratitude to the Almighty.

The More the Better

In closing, let us all honestly compare the amount of time we spend complaining with the amount of time we spend giving thanks. Many of us, I’m afraid, are guilty of expressing dissatisfaction more frequently and more passionately than we express satisfaction and gratitude.  Whether it’s toward Gd, toward our world, or toward the people around us, many of us have lots of criticism and complaints, but precious few words of appreciation.  This common tendency is detrimental to our own emotional wellbeing, and also creates an aura of negativity which is destructive to our relationships, to our environment, and even to our souls.

One of the lessons we can take from the seder experience is that “kol hamarbeh hareh zeh meshubah” – we can never say “thank you” enough.  Gratitude should not be reserved for rare moments or special occasions; it should be a constant presence in our lives.  Feeling and expressing gratitude elevates us, strengthens our relationships, and brings us and those around us a sense of joy and fulfillment.  By accustoming ourselves to see the good in the world, to appreciate the kindness of others, and to recognize the countless hidden gifts we receive each day, we live joyfully and contentedly.  A grateful heart is a happy heart, and those who make gratitude a habit will find themselves leading richer, more meaningful lives.

May we all strive to increase our expressions of thanks – not just in moments of joy, but as a daily practice, shaping the way we interact with others and how we view our own lives.  Because when it comes to gratitude, more is truly more.

The Hidden Costs of Selling Your Home Alone

Selling a home on your own may seem like a way to save money, but it often leads to costly mistakes, especially when it comes to pricing.  Properly pricing a home requires a deep understanding of the local market, access to comparative sales data, and the expertise to interpret trends and buyer behavior.

The Plus of Professional Experience

Negotiating the sale of a home is far more complex than many homeowners realize, and doing it alone often results in missed opportunities or costly errors.  Experienced brokers bring a wealth ofnegotiation strategies designed to protect your interests, including knowing how to handle counteroffers, gauge a buyer’s seriousness, and anticipate tactics like last-minute renegotiations.

A professional broker brings the experience, market insights, and negotiation skills needed to price the home accurately and attract serious buyers, ultimately maximizing your profit and ensuring a smooth transaction.

Without the assistance of a professional broker, homeowners may struggle to push buyers to increase their offers or to read subtle cues that suggest a buyer might try to lower the price at the eleventh hour.  A skilled broker not only advocates for the best possible price but also manages the delicate balance of keeping the deal on track while safeguarding you from being taken advantage of, ensuring a smoother and more profitable transaction.

Consider the Risks of Going It Alone

Without the knowledge and skill that a professional broker has, homeowners risk undervaluing their property, leaving money on the table, or overpricing it, causing it to sit on the market for too long, which can cause it to develop a negative stigma. Within the past two months, we had two cases where the seller received an offer over $200K more then what they were going to accept before hiring a broker.

While selling your own home may seem appealing at first, one must consider the challenges that come with it and the risks involved.  A successful sale is more possible if you find an expert real estate broker or agent that you can trust. I personally believe sellers get more even while paying a broker’s fee.

Costly Consequences

The following are some costs that sellers may incur without the guidance of a professional broker:

  • Pricing Pitfalls – Determining the right asking price is a crucial part in the process of home-selling.  It requires in-depth knowledge of the real estate market in the area, including recent sales data, neighborhood trends, and the current demand for properties.  When you sell your home without this comprehensive knowledge, you risk overpricing or underpricing your home.  This can lead to an extended time on the market, thus decreasing your future buying power.  A real estate agent is a key piece of the pricing puzzle who can ensure proper pricing based on local expertise and data, especially in Brooklyn where each block can be a few thousand off.
  • Negotiation Challenges – Negotiating the terms of a home sale can be challenging and overwhelming, especially when emotions are involved.  Buyers want the best deal possible and the buyer’s agent will use their expertise to advocate for their client.  Sellers will also have to deal with the home inspection company and the home appraiser.  FSBO (for sale by owner) sellers may not have strong negotiation skills, risking concessions that hurt the sale.  Rather than going through all these parties alone, lean on an expert real estate broker who can skillfully negotiate and advocate for you to secure the best deal.
  • Legal Risks and Closing Costs – FSBO sellers may make legal mistakes that lead to delays or lawsuits. Agents navigate complex contracts and closing costs to protect your interests.
  • Marketing And Exposure – In the world of real estate, effective marketing is a very important part in the process of attracting buyers.  If you sell on your own, you may have difficulty when it comes to matching the reach of agents, resulting in limited exposure and less potential buyers.