Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Albert is a first responder. He is on call three times a week, ready to jump to the rescue and save people’s lives. He loves his volunteer work and has saved many lives over the years. Albert presented me with the following dilemma: “Rabbi, is there any obligation to rescue people who willingly enter into dangerous situations? Am I responsible to help people who act in a reckless fashion, given that they are not willing to help themselves? And what about Shabbat? I know I’m obligated to desecrate Shabbat to save someone’s life, but does this apply even when someone deliberately endangers themselves?”

Torah Sources

The source of the Torah obligation to take action to save another person’s endangered life is the pasuk, “You shall not stand idly by the blood of another (Vayikra 19:16).” So to rephrase Albert’s question in terms of the pasuk, the question becomes:  Does this mitzva still apply when a person willingly endangers their life?

There is an additional source that one must act to save a fellow man’s endangered  life. The Gemara (Sanhedrin 73a) reasons that if we are obligated to perform hashavat aveda – to return lost property to its rightful owner, all the more so we are obligated to “return” a fellow man’s most precious possession, namely his life itself.

Picking up on this second source, the Minhat Hinuch (237:1) argues that there is no obligation to save the life of a person who deliberately threatened his wellbeing by behaving in a reckless and dangerous manner.  Since the halacha clearly states that one is not required to return lost property that was deliberately lost by its owner (HM 261:4), by extension one need not return the possession of life that was deliberately endangered by its “owner.”

Hacham Ovadia’s Ruling

Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, (Yabia Omer, OC 8:37) however, disagrees. He argues that there is a fundamental distinction between saving lost property and saving an endangered life. Whereas a person is the owner of his monetary possessions, he is not the “owner” of his life. While a person has the right to do as he pleases with his own money, he does not have the right to act recklessly and deliberately risk his life. As the Radbaz (Commentary to the Rambam, Sanhedrin 18:6) writes, “A person’s neshama it not his personal property, it’s the property of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, as the pasuk states, ‘The nefashot belong to Me’ (Yehezkel 18:4).” Therefore, even when a person acts recklessly and disregards his own life – one remains fully responsible to the Divine owner and is still obligated to save him. 

(Although we do not have the right to needlessly endanger our lives, we have explained elsewhere that it is sometimes permitted to entertain a small risk in order to obtain a meaningful positive outcome. For example, to donate a kidney or to undergo elective plastic surgery.)

Hacham Ovadia goes further, insisting that one even desecrate Shabbat to save the life of a person who has acted recklessly. This follows Maran Hida (Birke Yosef, OC 301:6), who writes, “It is obvious that we desecrate Shabbat even for someone who deliberately endangered their life.”  They reject the ruling of Responsa Shevut Yaakov (1:16) that one may not desecrate Shabbat in such instances.  

Hacham Ovadia’s ruling underscores how Judaism views every human life as precious and invaluable. “Whoever saves a single life is considered as if they saved an entire world (Sanhedrin 4:5).” “Guard yourself and exceedingly safeguard your soul (Devarim 4:9)” – do your utmost  to preserve and protect human life (see Brachot 32b). 

In light of the above, the answer to Albert’s question is that the mitzvah to save human life applies, even to someone willingly endangers their life, and even on Shabbat.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Pnina Souid

The Mitzvah Man received a beautiful letter on August 21st. The letter presented below emphasizes how our contributions to this incredible organization truly impact the lives of others. The dedicated Mitzvah Man volunteers give with their hearts and souls to make a difference in the lives of those in need, including individuals living with serious challenges.

Dear Mitzvah Man Organization,

I am writing to encourage every community member, no matter where they are, to donate to the Mitzvah Man Organization.

Let me tell you the story of a boy named Moishy, who, due to unfortunate circumstances, was sent by his parents to live in a government-run home. 

Moishy is now 17 years old and is the only Jewish boy in the assisted-living home where he resides.

It is a miracle that Moishy still does his best to keep kosher and to go to shul,  a block-and-a-half away from the assisted-living home. Rabbi Shimon Hecht, founder of Chabad of Park Slope and Rabbi at Congregation B’nai Jacob, invites Moishy over every Shabbat.

Look how Hashem watches out for this neshama!

Let’s hear how  the Mitzvah Man Organization stepped up to the plate for Moishy.

Some time ago I called the Mitzvah Man hotline and asked for help to provide Hanukah presents for Moishy. The Mitzvah Man surprised Moishy in school and brought many toys that Moishy had dreamed about but never thought he would have himself.

Now Moishy is older, and needs more help. I turned to the Mitzvah Man Organization again.

Within five minutes of my phone call, I received a list of people willing to help Moishy get a particular toy and money for yom tov clothes. The hesed of the Mitzvah Man volunteers is unbelievable.

I want to personally thank the Mitzvah Man and his volunteers for showing this young man that there are still people who care for him.

I’m begging everyone, near and far, to support this great cause. The Mitzvah Man Organization is truly a lifesaver for those who are less fortunate than we are.

I wish everyone who does hesed like this to have only beracha, mazal, parnassa, and long life to continue to help others. 

Help a Jewish soul TODAY!!!

Sincerely,

B. Teitlebaum

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream another dream.”

Are you happy at your current job?

That may be a tough question to answer. 

First, what does happy at your job really mean?   

Here are some clues.  Does your job challenge, stimulate, and fulfill you?  Does it meet your financial needs?  When you wake up in the morning do you feel energetic or anxious?

It’s never too late to make a career change or to go back to school!

Full-time employees spend 80,000 hours on the job over the course of their working lives. If you’re going to spend that much time working, why not do something that you are passionate about and brings you happiness and fulfillment?

Studies show that making a career change and learning new skills will keep your brain active and challenged. 

Factors to Consider

Many factors go into choosing a job or career.  You may have been enthusiastic about a chosen career path during college.  But now you may be intrigued by a field that may not have even existed when you decided to pursue your career.

Additionally, things may have changed not only with the economy, the job market, and technology, but also concerning your personal situation, location, or financial needs. Your priorities and values may have altered.  Or you realize the career you chose was not the right fit.

Life is not linear. It can be  a complicated journey with ups and downs.  We may feel the need to adjust our careers as our situation changes, as our values change, and as we grow older.

The Choice I Made

Around 25 years ago, I was feeling satisfied with my accounting job and work-life balance. Then  my manager announced that he was moving my position from Manhattan to Princeton, New Jersy. I was floored!  He gave me a choice – I could commute to Princeton or learn a new job at the company in NYC. 

I decided to give the new position a try.  I knew I could not manage the NJ commute. I still had children in Brooklyn yeshivot. 

The hours at the new job were more demanding and I had to learn a lot of new IT skills.  I sat for many hours with several people who I had to support and provide data to monthly.  They taught me how to upload files to financial systems and a host of other things including conflict resolution, which have all helped me in my personal and professional life.  But I was under more stress, and my new manager was tough. But I succeeded!  Adversity can breed strength.  I am proud to be technologically savvy and I became more marketable because of the job change.

My former manager recommended I read the book, Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson.  The book is a parable about mice and it demonstrates how to handle change and how to avoid pitfalls using these principles:  anticipate and prepare for change, overcome fears, envision success, and enjoy change. I resented the gesture at first, but after reading the book I agreed that someone had moved my cheese and I had to pivot to something new.

I learned that it is important to be open, flexible, and even embrace change for our personal growth, self-improvement, and so much more. Yes, change can be positive!

Try It Out

Kate Lee, an executive coach and consultant, wrote, “What makes sense for 20-year-old you is not necessarily what makes sense for the 60-year-old you.” Or for the 35- or 40-year-old you.

If you have a passion that you regret never having pursued, you owe it to yourself to revisit it.

Are you wary of taking that first step?    

Imagine waking up in the morning and feeling inspired.  You do not feel anxious or stressed, you are not headed to a job you dread.  When your feet hit the floor, you start to smile.  Feeling that way means having a career that aligns with your values and lifestyle and gives you purpose and fulfillment. 

A New Trend

Millions left their jobs in 2022.  Bonnie Dowling, co-author of the Great Attrition Report, published by McKinsey on Finance quarterly publication, says that this was not a passing trend or related to the pandemic labor market.  “There’s been a fundamental shift in workers’ mentality, and their willingness to prioritize other things in their life beyond whatever job they hold.”

A research study conducted by the American Institute for Economic Research found that in any given year, there are between one and two million older career changers.  Another finding was that 90 percent of career changers reported that once they changed careers they felt happier, less stressed, and more successful overall. And many people switch careers more than once.

In 2017, I took the leap, reinvented myself, and downsized from Flatbush to Brooklyn Heights.  To promote my new career, I began writing for Community Magazine and discovered I love to write and to connect with new people.

Practical Tips

Explore the new career you are contemplating:  Talk to as many people as possible who are in the career or industry that you want to move to.  Do your due diligence. Network and make connections.  Research the education requirements, the current job market, the opportunities, and the challenges.  Google the top careers and the related education requirements, salaries, and growth opportunities.

Ideally, arrange an internship or shadow someone before you enroll in school. I was ready to sign up for a Teaching Fellows program thinking it would be a great career change for a working mom and I would have summers off with my kids.  Thankfully, I wrote out pros and cons and discovered that I enjoy the one-on-one connection with kids more than teaching thirty children in a classroom.

Talk to your current supervisor or find a mentor in your organization.   My dermatologist has helped send several of her medical assistants to programs to learn to be physician assistants or nurses.

Register for a non-matriculated class (meaning you are not officially enrolled as a student) or for the first course in a certificate program.  That’s what I did with life/career coaching.  On the first day of class, I was mesmerized by my professor and was inspired by the concept of partnering with people to make positive changes in their lives.

Find a volunteer position, especially if you are interested in a health, educational, or public health-related field.  I volunteered at a hospital before applying to health advocacy graduate programs.  I met career changers of all ages there. 

Recognize that every career has tedious aspects.  Physicians are required to input extensive amounts of patient documentation.  A film producer must prepare a budget for each project.  And even though lawyers can now file motions online they still have a great amount of paperwork to complete.

• Is your career making you unhappy or is it the environment, the organization, or your co-workers or your boss?   

Make sure the actual work or job responsibilities are the problem before you decide to change careers.  Are you just burnt out?  Do you need better work-life balance or shorter hours? Consider whether you cut your hours and responsibilities or can move to another division, a different office, or another organization or industry.  

• If the work itself no longer fulfills you, what would?  

Think about what you want to gain from a career change and about what you will lose or leave behind. 

Consider consulting with a life or career coach to get clear, intentional, and strategic about your next move or career change.  There are also free career support resources in the community, such as at Sephardic Bikur Holim, Propel, OU, and the Jewish Federation.

A coach can provide a safe space to help you get in touch with what you want your career/life to look like and to help you set SMART goals and an action plan to make it happen.  It is helpful to have an accountability partner when you make any significant life change.  Many of us have an exercise or walking partner to keep us motivated and accountable when we want to create new healthy habits.

Take an inventory of your strengths, skills, and the factors contributing to your job satisfaction or dissatisfaction.  

• Can you afford the change?  

Do you have savings or a spouse or family member who can support you while you go back to school?   Or can you take classes at night or on weekends?  If you have children, can you afford childcare while you are in school or can family pitch in?

Many people go to school at night or on weekends.  Fortunately, many programs are offered online.  If you are interested in a health-related field, recognize that even if most of your learning is remote, for some of the learning you will be required to show up in person and may be required to be present at a hospital as part of the program.

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali, 

I am recently married and I am a bit confused about certain marriage concepts. For example, whenever I tell my husband something about the way that he dresses, he gets so frustrated and it turns into a fight. Aren’t we supposed to be one, which means we’re on the same page on all matters? There are many other examples but they are irrelevant. I’d appreciate some clarity on this concept of being one.

R’ Ali’s Response:

This may seem like the idea of being one is a simple concept. However, this misconception is one of the biggest causes of marital friction. I write and speak about this often. Yes, once we get married we are supposed to become one. Let’s first explain what one does not mean. “One” doesn’t mean that one person dictates how the other should now behave and the other person becomes submissive and completely obliterates their individuality and who they are. That would mean that there is one person here and the other has disappeared. 

This reminds me of a joke that I heard from Rabbi Shimon Gruen. Two people got married and someone told them that they will now become one. A while later, they went back to that person and said that they’re confused, which one are they to become? The point is clear – “one” does not mean that you now take the identity of one person.

Every person has their own unique personality and individuality. Everyone has a right to their opinions, thoughts, and tastes. Of course, I’m not talking about dangerous or ridiculous behaviors. If your husband likes gray pants and you don’t, it’s his choice and you should not  tell him that he must change, all in the name of being on the same page or of being one. This can manifest itself in multiple ways, well beyond the clothes that he wears. How to raise children becomes a very sensitive topic. People will want the children to be raised a certain way. When their spouse disagrees, they get frustrated and say, “We’re not on the same page.” Really what they’re saying is, “You’re not on my page.”

So, what is this concept of being one that takes place when we get married? “One” means that you are one unit. You are two completely different individuals learning how to work together as a team. There’s no more “you,” there’s “we.” If one spouse doesn’t feel well, “we” have a problem. If one of the two is going through something emotionally or financially, “we” have an issue.

Before marriage, you were the only one who had your own personal struggles and dilemmas. Now that has changed. “One” means that we are now concerned about the unit and not only about ourselves. You wake up in the morning and think about what you both need.

Instead of saying, “I like pizza,” now you say, “ I like pizza and my husband prefers sushi.” Accepting each other’s differences and respecting them is one of the most fundamental concepts of marriage. If this concept is clear, then the stage is set for a healthy marriage. Once the lines get crossed and one person “rules” the relationship, it creates a resentful and frustrated spouse. They might do as you please or demand, but they do so begrudgingly, like a child being coerced by their parents. A husband/wife relationship is much different than the parent/child relationship.

To answer your question, stop giving him orders, especially about the way that he dresses. Believe it or not, if you would approach the situation differently he might even change his clothes. “Hey, I think you look so much better in the white shirt than in the gray one.” Now, he knows which one you prefer, and he just might change to make you happy. This really leads to another point – the more you push someone, the more they don’t want to do as you say.

This is just basic human nature and is not exclusive to men or to women. Try it, you’d be surprised how well your words are taken. Also, your husband will be happy that you mentioned something positive instead of how ridiculous he looks.

This is the way of the Torah. Words that are spoken nicely and gently are received very well. To conclude, it’s important to know that if an issue arises that seems like a halachic or hashkafic issue, a rabbi should be consulted. The ideas I mention here are a basic outline for simple mundane matters.

When we think of the celebration of Sukkot, we naturally think of meals in the sukkah, waving the arba minim (four species), and the special prayers, such as the Hoshanot, which we recite while carrying the arba minim around the synagogue.

In the times of the Bet Hamikdash, however, this special holiday had additional features.  For example, an unusually large number of sacrifices were offered on each of the seven days of Sukkot, including a total of 70 bulls.  And, there was an especially intriguing ritual performed each day called nisuch hamayim – the water libation.

Throughout the year, many sacrifices – including the daily tamid sacrifice – were accompanied by a wine libation, the pouring of wine into a special pipe on the altar.  Each day of Sukkot, at the time of the daily wine libation, water was poured, as well.

On one level, the purpose of this mitzvah relates to the theme of water that features prominently on Sukkot.  The Mishna (Rosh Hashanah 16a) teaches that on Sukkot, which is observed at the onset of autumn, the world is judged with regard to rainfall, as to whether or not sufficient rain will fall during the winter months.  Hence, we approach Gd with a sample of the different types of vegetation (the four species) that depend on rain, and we pour water on the altar, as a means of praying for rain.

Additionally, however, there is deeper significance to the nisuch hamayim on Sukkot, one which gives us a more profound understanding of the nature of this special Yom Tov.

Mixing the Water with the Wine

Let us begin by noting a number of surprising features of the water libation that was performed on Sukkot.

First, the Mishnah (Sukkah 48b) teaches that the tube into which the water was poured over the altar was slightly thinner than the tube used for the standard wine libations.  The reason is that water is more fluid than wine, and flows more rapidly.  In order for the wine and water to descend simultaneously, it was necessary for the water pipe to be somewhat thinner than the pipe used for the wine.

This halachah, of course, works off the assumption that it was important for these two liquids to descend at the same time.  But the Mishnah does not explain why.  For what reason did the wine and water need to flow down to the bottom of the Temple courtyard at the same time?  Would it matter if the water flowed more quickly than the wine?  Moreover, why was it even necessary for the wine libation and water libation to be performed at the same time?  Why are these two linked at all?  Why couldn’t the special Sukkot libation with water be done after the daily wine libation?

This question is compounded by Rashi’s controversial opinion regarding these two pipes.  In explaining this Mishna, Rashi writes that although the wine and water were poured into separate tubes, these tubes then merged together, combining the wine and water.  According to Rashi, then, not only were these two libations performed simultaneously, but they were specifically intended to mix the two liquids, which then descended as a blended mixture down into the drainage system underneath the Bet Ha’mikdash.  Although Tosafot and other commentators challenge Rashi’s position, his view needs to be understood.  What connection is there between the daily wine libation and the special water libation performed on Sukkot?  Why did they need to be mixed?

The answer begins by an examination of the Biblical source of the nisuch hamayim obligation.

Nowhere does the Torah explicitly command pouring water on Sukkot – which is why, incidentally, the heretical Sadducee sect (“Tzedukim”), who rejected the rabbinic oral tradition, and followed only the strict, literal meaning of the text – opposed this practice.  However, the sages found a number of subtle references to nisuch hamayim, one of which appears in the command to offer wine libations to accompany the daily tamid sacrifice.  The Torah speaks of this daily wine libation with the seemingly repetitive expression “hasech nesech” (Bamidbar 28:7).  The rabbis inferred that the terms “hasech” and “nesech” refer to two different libations: the standard wine libation, which accompanied the tamid offering each day of the year, and the additional water libation which was done on the seven days of Sukkot.

It turns out, then, that the Torah introduces the mitzvah of nisuch hamayim in the context of the daily wine libations.  From the sages’ reading of “hasech nesech” it seems clear that the nisuch hamayim obligation is required on Sukkot as part of the daily wine libations.  This is not a separate mitzvah that is observed on Sukkot, like eating in the sukkah and waving the four species.  Rather, the Torah commands that on Sukkot we perform the daily libations in a unique fashion – together with water. 

This easily explains why the water libation was performed on Sukkot simultaneously with the regular wine libations, and why, according to Rashi, these liquids were actually mixed together.  The Torah precisely commands that on Sukkot, the standard wine libation accompanying the tamid sacrifice must be performed in a special way – together with wine.  The mitzvah is precisely to mix these two liquids.

Diluting Judgment with Mercy

What remains to be understood, then, is the meaning behind this mixing of water and wine.  Earlier, we mentioned that the obligation of nisuch hamayim is part of our prayer for plentiful rain during the winter months.  But if this were the full extent of the meaning behind nisuch hamayim, then why would the Torah require mixing it with wine? 

The rabbis explained that the mixing of the wine and water on Sukkot symbolizes the kabbalistic notion of mituk hadinim – the “sweetening of the judgments.”  Like all kabbalistic teachings, this concept lies well beyond the grasp of our limited comprehension.  Nevertheless, we will endeavor to understand the idea behind mituk hadinim on a level that is accessible to us.

Throughout the Yamim Noraim (High Holidays), we are subject to dinim – harsh judgment.  We are all guilty of certain misdeeds, and thus during this period of din (judgment), when Gd applies strict justice, we face the risk of being found culpable and deserving of punishment, Heaven forbid.  Therefore, during the Yamim Noraim, we are in a state of fear, and we repent and beseech Gd for forgiveness in an effort to protect ourselves from the dinim.

We might have thought that once Yom Kippur ends, and we begin the festive season of Sukkot, the force of the dinim no longer prevails, and we now enter a period characterized by compassion and grace.  But in truth, the dinim remain in force even during Sukkot.  However, instead of responding with fear, attempting to shield ourselves from the dinim, we are able to “sweeten” them, and transform the harsh judgment into kindness.  This is because on Sukkot, we come before Hashem not with fear, but rather with joy.  The Talmud famously teaches that repenting out of fear has the effect of erasing our guilt, but repentance driven by genuine love of Hashem goes even further – actually transforming our guilts into merits.  When we joyously celebrate our relationship with Gd, we not only earn forgiveness, but earn His special love and affection.

We need the period of fear, the days of the Yamim Noraim, to begin our process of repentance and change.  The prospect of harsh judgment shakes us from our complacency, and motivates us to take steps to improve.  But once we complete this stage, we advance to the next stage, which is teshuvah me’ahavah – repentance out of love.  On Sukkot, instead of reflecting on our wrongdoing and wallowing in remorse, we festively rejoice over the great privilege we have to serve our compassionate, loving Creator.  And this joy brings us much more than forgiveness – it achieves the “sweetening of judgments,” the transformation of our guilt into sources of merit, thus bringing us great blessings.

This is symbolized by the merging of the wine and the water on the altar.  The red wine signifies harsh judgment, whereas the fresh, life-sustaining water represents love and mercy.  The joy of Sukkot, the exhilaration of our relationship with Hashem, has the effect of pouring “water” onto the “wine,” in a sense “diluting” the judgments, thereby arousing Gd’s love, compassion and kindness, which we hope will remain with us throughout the coming year.

Why is this so important for us to know?

There is an unfortunate phenomenon of “High Holiday Jews,” of Jews whose attendance in synagogue and general involvement is limited to the Yamim Noraim.  I want to emphasize that these Jews should be warmly welcomed and made to feel at home; no Jew should ever be made to feel uncomfortable in the synagogue or at any religious function because of his or her level of observance.  However, this phenomenon is most unfortunate – not only because our religion is relevant to our lives each and every day of the year, but also because the Jewish experience must never be seen as focused primarily on fear.  Torah life is not about being scared, about avoiding the wrath of a harsh, mean, vengeful Deity.  Quite to the contrary, Torah life is meant to provide unparalleled joy, fulfillment and meaning.  Observing the frightening Yamim Noraim without then festively celebrating Sukkot and Simhat Torah is like stopping in the middle of a trip without reaching the destination.  The dread and fear of judgment is meant to be followed by a period of unbridled joy, celebrating our special relationship with Hashem.

The special “sweetness” of Sukkot reminds us that Jewish life is to be joyous, vibrant and full of positive energy.  It prepares us for cold, dark, dreary winter months by injecting within us a healthy dose of enthusiasm and rigor, reminding us that we are privileged to live as Gd’s faithful service, and to thus be worthy of His unlimited blessings.

Frieda Schweky

After Labor Day, the number one thing on every mom’s mind is back-to- school shopping and preparing for the holidays. The moment the kids get off to school our minds turn to holiday prep. Since it’s our job to take care of clothing, our family, and cooking the meals, holiday prep is mostly physical. We plan what we’re buying, and making, then we shop and prepare. Generally, we don’t have time to think about the spiritual part of Elul, which is so important. Isn’t the whole point of the holiday is to prepare your soul for the coming judgment? But the fact is, as the ones who run the household, we moms rarely have any time to ourselves to reflect and grow at this time of year, when we’re supposed to do it most. But this year, the holidays don’t start until October. Personally, I’m still busy with editing my photos from the summer (I’m a professional photographer). However, I know I have some time I can dedicate to growth. Since this is the first time in my adult life I’ve had this opportunity, I realized that I really don’t know what to do to get ready! I recognized that a lot of moms are in the same boat, so I decided to ask people who I feel really do prepare, what they do ahead of the holidays to get ready spiritually. Let’s hear from them. 

Dorit Kanik 

We need to think of our year like a business would. Towards the end of the year, we do an honest review. Check the books, what we did well, what we did wrong, what we can do better, what should I do to  invest in learning and improving, how much time can I realistically invest, and so on. We must reflect. Hashem is so kind to us, he lets us reflect and start new each year! We’re going on trial. We should prepare like a business would. We get the best lawyer (figuratively speaking), we do our best to get our story straight and prepare our plan for going forward before the judgment on Rosh Hashanah. This is no small thing, How we do determines our next year. Sit and think with a clear mind. You can make a list, what you did good, why is my life great, what do I need to work on, and so on. Evaluate your relationships. Are you a valuable friend, are the friends you keep adding value to your life or do they talk too much lashon hara? If so, maybe they’re not the best people to surround yourself with. If you’re fighting with someone, try to clear the air and make amends. Make peace. In this time leading up to the holidays, every minute of Torah counts for more, mitzvot count for more! Hashem wants to tip the scales in our favor and give us a great year. He’s our father. He loves us. The best thing for us is to put in the effort. That is what He wants from us at this time.

Sofia Schweky

This time of year, the main thing I do is I breathe and I connect inside myself. When I meditate it’s easiest to think clearly. In my opinion, our souls are already ready for the holidays, it’s our minds and our bodies that we need to prepare, so our souls have the space that we need. 

Millie Schweky

This month has so many deep and beautiful concepts, and intense energy to tap into. But, if someone doesn’t know where to get started, I would recommend figuring out how to do cheshbon hanefesh, which basically translates into taking an accounting of everything they did this past year and figuring out where exactly they need to improve.

Journaling practices are the pathways to starting cheshbon hanefesh, a yearly review and deep dive into your inner world.

Here are some journal prompts my teacher sent us starting with dealing with hardships:

What have these past three weeks taught me about myself? What were my opportunities for growth? Where could I have done better and why? What lesson am I taking from this? 

What am I proud of myself about concerning how I handled the challenge/hardship? 

What hidden good came from the hardship?

What decreases my happiness or doesn’t serve a good purpose in my life? 

How does it feel knowing this [going through hardships] is a natural phase and there’s hidden comfort that is yet to be revealed? 

What are five things I love about myself that I show others? 

What are five things I love about myself but don’t show others? 

Notice your hidden good in hopes of revealing it. Bring to the surface and engage in a dialogue with your shadow side. This can include hidden fears, suppressed emotions, acknowledging feelings, and the parts of yourself you tend to avoid.

Take the next two weeks to work on these journaling questions and be intentional with your time. Letting life happen to you is easy, but you’re not here for that. You are here to show up to your life, to make decisions aligned with your truth, and to do the real work of getting to know yourself deeper and reaching your greatest potential. Even when going through hardships, you still show up for yourself.

Danielle Renov 

As Elul approaches, my whole mindset shifts to a more purposeful look backwards, in order to facilitate my looking forward toward the future.

With the arrival of Rosh Hashanah comes an almost month-long period of intense prayer and introspection. Like everything else that truly matters, I like to be prepared.

I want to determine what I really want to pray for, what my goals for the coming year are, and what areas I need to work on to achieve those goals. The answers come only through the process of a detailed internal accounting. Taking stock of what was accomplished in the last year, noticing areas where improvements could be made, and recognizing the places I haven’t begun to work on are all part of my process. 

Usually by the time Rosh Hashanah approaches I have a few areas picked out in specific categories that I want to work on for the coming year.

My process feels personal and not something I’d ever considered sharing.   However, if this helps even one person then it’s worth it to share. We all know that the process of preparing for Tishrei can be overwhelming My categories are: 

Getting close to Hashem – All the things related to how I interact with Hashem fall this category: praying, Tehillim, berachot, kavana, bitachon…

Family- Seeing my role within in my family relationships and noticing where my own character traits created stumbling blocks in those relationships and focusing on working on them (patience, acceptance, quality time…).

Community – This includes everything from friends to kids’ schools, to shul, to spending time in the park and noticing where I need to work on myself. I think about the following: acceptance, lashon hara, hachnosat orchim, bikur cholim, etc. 

Self – these are the areas that I need to work on in order to build my own character and to enable myself to work on everything else. Here I include boundaries, self-respect, confidence, anger, and pride.

Adele Cohen

The two books I always want to read this time of year are Elul by Dovid Goldwasser and My Father, My King by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin. One of the main themes of the high holidays is recognizing Hashem  as our king. Especially during an election year, when we can get so wrapped up and reliant on one person winning over another, it does not matter as long as Hashem is our king. What my husband does to prepare for the holidays, as well as others do, I’m sure, is go through a Hebrew/English machzor and just read the prayers and learn what they mean. This is so important because it helps a person understand what they’re saying. Once you understand, it allows you to pray from the heart! Additionally, to take Post-it notes and write down beforehand what you want to pray for the coming year and stick them inside of your machzor. A lot of the times we think we know what we want to pray for, it’s obvious to us. And then the moment we open the book in shul our mind goes blank. This small preparation can really help you to reflect and also to remember!

Mari Gindi

The women of Deal, myself included, instituted a goal-oriented program that is really helping us get and stay in touch with Hashem. Our program started right after Oct 7th. We felt like we had to do something. We decided to learn for the protection of am Yisrael and to bring Hashem’s hesed down. We partnered up in pairs of two and we committed to read a lesson-a-day kind of book with our partner over the phone once a day. The phone calls aren’t very long but they are impactful. We’ve been learning books that are inspiring, mostly on the topic of ahavat Yisrael, shmirat halashon, and things like that. Everyone is literally on the same page and we’re all learning the same material. So, whoever I see on the street (which happens often in this small Deal community) we’re learning the same thing and we can discuss it. It’s very cool. We’re going strong and going forward and we’re going  to keep going. It’s made people a lot more aware of their actions, words, and overall ahavat Yisrael!

Now, just in time for Elul, we are starting our fifth book together. This book is geared to preparing for the high holidays. It’s a workbook. We started on Rosh Hodesh Elul, which is 40 days until Yom Kippur. Each day there is another small task we can do to keep us aware via self-introspection.

Wow, so beautiful. I hope to be able to take some of these things and apply them to make the holidays even more special. I pray that everyone has an incredible and uplifting holiday season.

Until next month,

Frieda Schweky!

Frieda is an event and portrait photographer. Check Frieda out on Instagram @ friedaschwekyphoto For photography inquiries or article topic suggestions email her friedaschweky@gmail.com