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One on One with Barbara Bensoussan

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“How did I end up living in the Holy City of Brooklyn amidst Orthodox men in black hats and women in custom wigs? My young adult visions of myself ensconced in a little college town teaching undergraduates gave way to a life that is considerably more rich, diverse, and family centered.” – Barbara

Please meet Barbara Bensoussan, an awarding-winning writer who transitioned from an “All-American Jewish girl to a Sephardic observant Jewish wife and mother.”

In her 25-year career as a journalist, writing for magazines and authoring her own books, Barbara has often focused on the Sephardic community. She aims to ensure that regular modern-day, Torah-observant Sephardim are represented in her books.

We met in Barbara’s home, and she warmly greeted me with homemade cookies. I was struck by her lovely, graceful, and calm presence.

Barbara’s life story is entwined with her introduction to Orthodox Judaism during grad school, her journey to becoming shomeret Shabbat, and her first trip to Israel.

Roots

Barbara Greenfield Bensoussan was born in Philadelphia and moved with her family to Rochester, N.Y. at 14 years of age. She has two younger brothers. Her father Joseph David, a”h, and her mother Gladys belonged to a Reform synagogue and had a strong Jewish identity.

Barbara credits her parents with being models of shalom bayit, stability, and integrity. They demonstrated how to face challenges courageously.

Her uncle, Stanley Weintraub, a”h, was a role model for Barbara. He was a university professor who wrote over 60 books.

Barbara’s grandparents were all born in Eastern Europe. However, while writing an article about DNA testing, she did DNA testing herself and discovered that her mother’s DNA group was a Sephardi line.

Barbara describes herself as being a bookish kid who was a social but introspective teen. She attended public schools from elementary through high school.

In Barbara’s early high school years her grades were not stellar, as her friends were more important to her than classes. After she achieved high scores on the PSAT/SAT exams, she said, “people saw me differently and I shaped up academically in response.”

She enrolled at Michigan State University majoring in psychology. MSU was culture shock for her as it was very large and alienating, with very few Jews. Her next step was a doctoral program in psychology at the University of Michigan, which had a larger Jewish population.

A Spiritual Pivot

“I was on my way to a Ph.D. in psychology when I decided to opt out of academia and start a family.”

Halfway through graduate school, a friend drew Barbara into a weekly Judaism class with an Orthodox rabbi. She had preconceived ideas about Orthodox Jews and was pleasantly surprised that this rabbi was shrewd, insightful, and understood a lot more about her world than she did about his. It did not take her long to realize that Judaism was much richer, deeper, and intellectually sophisticated than her Hebrew school education. Her newly religious friends invited her for Shabbat to allow her to really experience it. Although she enjoyed these breaks from school, Barbara still could not see herself becoming Orthodox.

Both the rabbi and Barbara’s friends encouraged her to visit Israel. She received a scholarship to attend a women’s summer learning program at Neve Yerushalayim in Jerusalem. She felt she could not pass up this opportunity to experience Israel for the first time.

Barbara’s summer in Yerushalayim was both an “eye-opening and soul-opening experience – difficult and exhilarating at the same time.”

She struggled to absorb new words and Orthodox Jewish concepts. Her modern-day perspective clashed with a worldview that was wiser and older. Barbara cried at the Kotel and Yad V’Shem and she understood that Yerushalayim was cracking open something that had been closed inside her. She felt that spiritual connection and decided to try to be shomeret Shabbat at Neve.

That summer also opened her heart. She met her future husband Ariel when she took a break from studying one day. Ariel was a university student in France at the time. He had grown up in Morocco and was visiting his parents in Israel. A couple of his brothers had become affiliated with Chabad.

Barbara and Ariel stayed connected. When they decided to marry, they chose to live in Brooklyn as a compromise between France and Michigan. Barbara accepted Moroccan minhagim.

With great siyata d’shmaya, Ariel was able to find a job in his field quickly in Brooklyn. He loved that Brooklyn was so Jewish, with shuls, shiurim, and kosher food available everywhere.

The couple lives in Flatbush and their children are all married in the Sephardi community. Ariel does part-time consulting as a computer programmer and studies in Kollel part-time.

Barbara’s Essence

Barbara is warm, smart, spiritual, grounded, and balanced. She describes herself as someone who loves people and learning about them. “I like to think I’m a good friend and listener – I get that from my mom.” She loves humor and having a good laugh.

Barbara has a wide-ranging curiosity and enjoys learning about diverse things. “I was always a bit artistic – I liked to draw, sew, crochet – but now my artistic side is mostly channeled into writing and cooking.”

Family and Career

After being introduced to Orthodox Judaism in Michigan and spending time in Israel, Barbara recognized that raising children in the Torah way was the only sane path. There was so much she had not known about Torah. “The psychology and human guidelines embedded in halacha are so much more relevant to a stable marriage and good parenting than secular concepts.”

Having completed her master’s in psychology, Barbara withdrew from the doctoral program (she finished all but the dissertation). The Michigan program was very research focused. Barbara wanted to do something more significant, family-friendly, and people oriented so she took a position as a foster care social worker at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. Barbara also taught ESL to Russian immigrants.

After her third child was born, Barbara gave up her Ohel job to be a full-time mother. She raised six children. When her youngest started school, she slowly began her entry into writing.

Why Journalism?

“I had so many ideas percolating in my head after all the changes in my life – non-religious to religious, out-of-towner to New Yorker, American-Ashkenazi background to Moroccan, marriage and six kids real fast. An editor saw my writing and began asking me for articles, and it took off.”

Barbara wrote a column on Sephardic food for Hamodia for several years and then joined Mishpacha Magazine and Jewish Action. She writes fiction serials in The Jewish Press and does editing, ghost writing, copywriting, and speaks at girls’ schools.

Barbara co-leads a book club for JWOW (jewishwomenofwisdom.org), an organization for the 55+ crowd.

Barbara strives to make her articles lively and creative. “Novels are much harder! It’s like putting all the pieces of a puzzle together.”

Her novel, Seven Blessings and a Murder, is a whodunit set in Jerusalem with an all-Sephardi cast. She published a preteen/teen novel, A New Song, with an important Sephardi presence, and a Sephardic culinary memoir entitled, A Well-Spiced Life. Pride and Preference is her best-selling novel, which transposed Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice into the shidduch scene of modern-day Brooklyn.

Barbara’s passions are her family, reading, writing, and making and eating great food!

She feels blessed that all her children and grandchildren are Torah-observant with beautiful middot.

Barbara is proud of the books and hundreds of articles she has written. She has interviewed Yitzhak Perlman, Elie Wiesel, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, Jacob Birnbaum, Rabbi Manis Friedman, Rabbi Joey Haber, Rabbi Armo Kuessous, and more. Her pieces included topics such as the Moroccan men who came to the Mir Yeshiva in the fifties and sixties and the Syrian women who took on greater observance under Rebbetzin Braunstein and Rabbi Raful.

Tremendous Loss

Barbara and Ariel underwent tremendous loss when their daughter, Mimi Chammah, a”h, and their grandson Ariel Shlomo Nahem, a”h, passed away over seven years ago.

“Mimi was smart, beautiful, funny, stylish, and everybody’s favorite morah. She was an amazing mom, cook, was wonderful with children and had immense wisdom about kids and people.”

Barbara wrote a tribute piece in Community to her daughter Mimi, and as an expression of gratitude to the community’s enormous efforts on her daughter’s behalf.

“The community is remarkable. They were there for us in spades when Mimi got sick and then for our grandson Ariel Shlomo Nahem.”

To unwind, Barbara reads, grabs a coffee with her husband or friends, and cooks.

Barbara’s Advice

Barbara’s parting advice: do what you love, and you won’t work a day in your life. Upgrade your skills continuously, be professional about deadlines, accept criticism, and roll with the punches.

Connect with Barbara at bensoussanbarbara@gmail.com and on LinkedIn.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

The Jews of Syria, Post-Assad

Ellen Geller Kamaras

Finally, after many, many years, the small number of Jews who live in Syria can now visit the ancient Eliyahu Hanavi synagogue in Damascus. Jews have not been allowed to pray at this site since 2011, when the violent civil war began between pro-Democratic insurgents and Syrian President Bashar al-Assad’s dynastic regime.

Today, the once-glorious Jewish community in Syria consists, sadly, of only nine people, mainly older men, who are led by 74-year-old Bakhour Chamntoub, a resident of Damascus. Tens of thousands of Jews lived in Syria prior to the founding of the State of Israel in 1948, but since then, the regime’s persecution of Jews, and the violent riots targeting the Jewish population, forced the country’s Jews to flee.

Two months ago, in early December, 2024, the totalitarian regime of Bashar Assad fell, having been overthrown by a sudden, surprising offensive launched by a coalition of rebel groups. The rapid regime change gives rise to the question of what the future holds for the small group of Jews who remain in Syria, and whether it is safe for Jews to go there.

Mohammad Badarieh, a representative of Islamist rebel chief Ahmed al-Sharaa, met with Mr. Chamntoub and promised the Jewish community “peace and security.”

Although Jihadist by philosophy, the new rulers of Syria are trying to portray themselves as moderates to the Western world and have declared that they would protect all the minorities in their country and allow freedom of religion.

Badarieh, Sharaa’s aide, told Chamntoub, “There’s no more Baath Party, no more fear, no more checkpoints, no more secret police. We are in a democratic state.”

Chamntoub responded, “Thank Gd.”

According to de facto leader Sharaa, who ousted Assad, the process of drafting a new constitution and holding elections in Syria could take up to four years. He is optimistic that President-elect Donald Trump will lift sanctions on Syria once he assumes the Presidency.

A Millennia-Old Community

Syria boasts one of the world’s oldest Jewish communities and one of the world’s richest and most storied Jewish cultures. Syria has a history that dates back to Biblical times, and its Jews have survived the countless empires that have conquered it.

The Syrian cities of Aleppo, Damascus, and Qamishli held large Jewish thriving communities for centuries.

Moreover, Rabbi Menachem Posner suggests that Avraham Avinu lived in Syria before Hashem instructed him to go west to the Holy Land. He found references to Avraham’s relatives living in Aram Naharayim (or Padan Aram), and his loyal servant, Eliezer, is described as “Damesek” (Beresheet 15:2), which can be understood to mean that he originated from Damascus.

The primary centers of Jewish life in Syria were the cities of Aleppo and Damascus. In Hebrew, Aleppo is called “Aram Tzova,” or, as pronounced by Syrian Jews, Aram Soba. Its Arabic name was distorted into “Aleppo” in English.

A considerable percentage of Syrian Jews immigrated to British Mandate-Palestine, the U.S. and Latin America in the early 20th century. More of the remaining Jews in Syria left the country after the outbreak of the devastating Syrian Civil War in 2011, which resulted in hundreds of thousands of casualties, and left many millions displaced.

One of the World’s Oldest Synagogues

Before the 2011 civil war, Chamntoub and his friends would attend the Eliyahu Shul, which was also referred to as the Joba Synagogue, in the Damascus suburb of Joba. It is considered one of the oldest synagogues in the world. An inscription on a marble slate at its gate states that it was erected in 720 BCE, over a century before the destruction of the First Temple.

All that remains at the site of the synagogue is a few walls and lots of rubble. But Chamntoub said that Jews have been calling him from all over the world offering to rebuild the shul. In an interview with Israel’s Kan news, he stated that Badarieh pledged to fund the restoration of the synagogue and provide security.

According to tradition, the synagogue was constructed on the site where Eliyahu the Prophet anointed his successor, Elisha, and on top of the cave where Eliyahu hid from King Ahab, the idolatrous king of Israel who set out to kill all the prophets of Gd who preached against the worship of the pagan god Baal.

According to a 2013 report by Diarna.org, the Geo-Museum of North African and Middle Eastern Jewish Life, the synagogue was reduced to ruins due to fierce fighting in that year. Chamntoub said it had been beautiful with marble columns, tapestries, carpets and chandeliers. When regime forces took back the neighborhood from the rebels in 2018, the Jewish community was not permitted access to the shul. Now, with the regime’s downfall, access is once again permitted.

Resilience and Hope

Since the brutal massacre by Hamas on October 7, 2023, and amid the surge in anti-Semitism throughout the world, we have enlisted and put into practice the Jewish Nation’s timeless values of optimism, faith, hope, and positivity. Most importantly, we strive to exercise resilience, remaining steadfast in the face of hate and hostility.

The senior rabbi of the Spanish and Portuguese community in the UK, recently wrote about the recent events in Syria. As a Syrian Jew, for whom Syria is a vital part of his Jewish identity and heritage, these developments struck a chord and evoked various emotions. He beautifully expressed how Jewish experience teaches that exile, while painful, does not mean erasure, and instead “shows that cultural memory can endure, that identity can adapt, and that rebuilding is possible.”

He added, “Today, as Syria’s story unfolds, the Jewish experience stands as a beacon of hope, a testament to the possibility of renewal even after the darkest of times. The tragic saga of Syria today compels us to reflect on our own history of resilience and adaptability. From the once vibrant life in Aleppo to the thriving communities we’ve nurtured globally, our heritage continues to thrive against the backdrop of displacement. The lessons of our past, marked by both sorrow and triumph, offer a profound perspective on the power of enduring identity and the unyielding spirit of a people.”

Living Emunah – Earn A Title

Rabbi David Ashear

If a person sets out to do a mitzvah and is confronted with obstacles, his natural reaction might be, Doesn’t Hashem want me to do this mitzvah? Why is He making it so hard for me? For example, a person is out of town and wants to pray with a minyan. He finds out there is a shul about 15 minutes from his hotel that starts prayers at 7am. The next day he wakes up early and arrives to the shul on time. Then someone tells him, “We don’t use this shul during the week anymore. There is another shul about 20 minutes in the other direction, which starts at 7:45am.” The man could think, I already went out of my way to do something good. Why didn’t Hashem let me find out about the other minyan initially? Why did it have to be so much trouble to do this mitzvah?

This is the natural reaction. What is our reaction supposed to be?

The Mesillat Yesharim (Chapter 19) states that those who really know are happy when they find out that a mitzvah they want to do became more difficult. Now they are able to show how much they value the mitzvah and how much they really love Hashem.

The sefer BaYam Derech adds that when someone does a mitzvah that requires self-sacrifice, his status regarding that mitzvah, becomes elevated. From then on, every time he does that mitzvah, even if it is easy, his rewards are much greater, because he has already shown how much he values it.

For example, if a person is in medical school studying to become a doctor, he might reach a point where he already knows exactly how to treat patients and he is ready to practice. However, as long as he is still a student, he cannot charge for his services. The moment he is granted the title “Doctor,” he can start charging for the exact same service. It is the title itself that elevates him. When a person sacrifices for a mitzvah, his title in that mitzvah changes, and he is now rewarded much more for anything he does in that area.

Yosef HaTzaddik earned the title Tzaddik by overcoming one awkward and difficult dilemma, and that title remains with him forever. It is a major zechut to be given an opportunity to do a mitzvah with self-sacrifice and to earn a title.

In Parashat Vayeira, when Avraham was in pain from his brit milah, Hashem made it the hottest day in history to ensure that Avraham could rest instead of having to tend to guests. Then Hashem saw how much Avraham was yearning to have guests, despite his pain, so He sent angels that appeared to be human beings to him. One of those angels was sent to eventually heal him.

The question could be asked: If Hashem felt bad for Avraham and wanted to give him the opportunity to take care of guests, why did He not just heal Avraham first, and make it easier for him? Why didn’t Hashem just make it cooler outside and send regular people? The answer is, since Avraham had such a yearning to do the mitzvah, Hashem gave him the greatest gift of all – an opportunity to receive a new title in hachnassat orchim – inviting guests, to do the mitzvah with self-sacrifice that would in turn earn Avraham unfathomable rewards in that area. Indeed, Avraham became our example of how to do hachanassat orchim.

When a mitzvah becomes difficult, it is a present from Hashem. If we understand how to view Hashem with the proper perspective, our attitudes will change, and we will embrace all of the opportunities that He gives us.

Medical Halacha – Saving Lives on Shabbat

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Rabbi, I went to Rabbi Goldberg’s shiur, and he mentioned that whenever possible, pikuach nefesh (saving a life) on Shabbat should be done with a shinui (a modification of the usual practice) or by a non-Jew. If so, why are Hatzalah members Jewish? Is this correct for Sephardim as well?

The Principle of Pikuach Nefesh

Pikuach nefesh is a fundamental principle in Judaism, emphasizing the sanctity of human life. It means the “safeguarding of life” and underscores the importance of protecting life above all else, even at the expense of overriding all other mitzvot, with the sole exception of the three cardinal sins of murder, idolatry, and adultery.

Practically, this means that when someone’s life is in danger, it is not only permissible but obligatory to violate halacha if necessary to save their life. For example, if a person suddenly falls ill on Shabbat, we are obligated to provide lifesaving medical treatment, call an ambulance, or drive to the hospital, even though these actions would otherwise be forbidden.

Shulchan Aruch and the Rema: A Difference of Opinion

The Shulchan Aruch and the Rema disagree on whether it is ideal to perform pikuach nefesh actions with either a shinui or through a non-Jew, as long as it does not cause a delay in treatment. The Shulchan Aruch (O.C. 328:12) rules that when desecrating Shabbat for a choleh she-yesh bo sakana (a person whose life is in danger), one should try to have a Jewish adult perform the action, rather than a non-Jew. The Rema adds that if it is possible to do so without delay with a shinui, it should be done that way. If a non-Jew can perform the action without causing a delay, then a non-Jew should do it. However, if there is concern that the non-Jew might delay, it is better not to have a non-Jew perform the action.

In contrast, when it comes to a yoledet (a woman in labor), the Shulchan Aruch and the Rema agree that a shinui should be employed whenever possible. I will explain why in more detail in the next edition.

Sephardic Practice: Hacham Ovadia and Hacham Benzion

Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, (Hazon Ovadya, Shabbat Vol. 3, p. 281) follows the Shulchan Aruch position and rules that a Jewish adult should perform pikuach nefesh, as there is concern that if you seek a non-Jew, you might not find one in time, thereby endangering the patient. Hacham Benzion Abba Shaul (Ohr Lezion 2:36:2) reasons that, since pikuach nefesh is such a great mitzvah of saving lives, one should rush to the opportunity to save a person’s life, rather than searching for someone else to do so.

Hutra vs. Dechuya: The Underlying Debate

Hacham Ovadia (Yabia Omer, Vol. 10, O.C. 30) explains the difference of opinion between the Shulchan Aruch and the Rema. This difference depends on whether pikuach nefesh on Shabbat is hutra or dechuya. Hutra means the act does not constitute chilul Shabbat at all, it is as if Shabbat is a “weekday” in this regard. Dechuya, on the other hand, means that pikuach nefesh overrides or takes precedence over Shabbat.

Another ramification of this debate is whether one should perform pikuach nefesh with a shinui, even if a shinui would not endanger the patient. If Shabbat is considered dechuya, a shinui should be performed to reduce the severity of the prohibition. However, if Shabbat is hutra, it can be done in a regular fashion.

Conclusion

To answer the original question, there is a difference between Sephardi and Ashkenazi minhag regarding pikuach nefesh on Shabbat. According to Sephardi practice, pikuach nefesh is performed in a regular fashion and there is no requirement to use a shinui or to involve a non-Jew. Ashkenazi practice aims to minimize chilul Shabbat whenever possible. This is done by either asking a non-Jew to perform the lifesaving action or performing it with a shinui. However, this is only applicable when there is no risk of delay or danger to the patient.

This distinction also explains why Hatzalah members are usually Jewish. Every call for assistance is potentially life-threatening, and every second is critical. In such cases, the priority is immediate and decisive action, without unnecessary complications or delays. When someone’s life is at risk and time is critical, immediate intervention is necessary. Even to pause and confirm with a rabbi whether one is opting for the correct course of action could result in a delay that may be fatal (S.A. O.C. 328:2). Those who perform it with urgency and diligence are praiseworthy (Yoma 84b).

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a recognized expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He is the head of the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, please email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Branching Out – The Spiritual Power of Tu B’Shvat

Rabbi Ephraim Nisenbaum

The 15th day of Shevat, Tu B’Shvat, is called the New Year for Trees. Strictly speaking, this title draws a legal distinction related to the laws of tithing in the Land of Israel. Tithes must be separated from any produce grown in Israel before it may be eaten. In a given year, the fruit taken as tithe from one tree may represent the owner’s other trees of the same species. However, one year’s fruit may not be tithed for another year’s harvest.

Tradition teaches the new year for fruit begins on the fifteenth of Shevat, because most of the winter rains will have passed and the sap of the new growth has begun to flow: the dormant tree is waking from its winter sleep. A tree that blossoms before Tu B’Shvat is considered last year’s produce; if it blossoms after Tu B’Shvat, it belongs to the new year.

Other than the day’s significance for tithing, there is no source in the Talmud or Midrash for celebrating Tu B’Shvat. Yet, from later sources we find many customs regarding the celebration of Tu B’Shvat: the practice of eating various fruits, the custom of dressing in one’s Shabbat finery for the New Year for Trees, because the Torah compares the human being to a tree (Devarim 20:19).

Let us examine the comparison between man and trees in order to understand the message on Tu B’Shvat for humankind.

The tree goes through cycles in its life. The heavy-laden tree of summer empties itself of fruit in the autumn, and then slowly loses its leaves, one by one. By wintertime, the tree stands shorn of its previous glory. For all purposes, it appears to have died.

But then comes Tu B’Shvat. In the midst of the cold winter days, when all vegetation seems frozen or dead, the sap of the tree starts to flow beneath the surface bark. Rising slowly from roots buried in the hardened soil, the sap pushes its way up, pumping new life into outstretched branches that reach towards the heavens.

In life, we too often go through cycles of growth. Periods of renewal and growth may alternate with times of stagnation or dormancy. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe cites that this cycle is part of man’s nature. He adds that a person must not become disillusioned when spiritual growth seems halted; the “low” period will usually be followed by a “high” period that will yield new opportunities for growth.

That is the message of Tu B’Shvat: Even when we feel lethargic, in a rut, and seem to have lost the drive to achieve, we must not despair. Just as winter is an annual hiatus in the life cycle of trees, so bouts of lethargy and unproductivity are necessary phases in the human cycle. Just as with the coming of spring, life-giving sap moves imperceptibly through the trees to branches stretching to the sky, so we too will have renewed energy from deep within our spiritual reservoirs, so long as we set our goal heavenward.

Proper Care and Maintenance Required

There is another message in the New Year for Trees. There is a difference between trees and annual plants. Although trees require some regular maintenance, they produce fruit each year without any new planting. Plants and vegetables, on the other hand, must be reseeded each year in order to grow.

If a tree is not given proper care, however, it will die. Man is like the tree. With good maintenance, we need not start over from the very beginning with each goal we set for ourselves. We can build on past accomplishments to go even further. But, as with the tree, we require the proper care to avoid spiritual damage and to grow anew.

Tu B’Shvat inspires us to remember our similarity to the tree. We must be careful to protect ourselves, in order to strive towards greater achievements without having to constantly start over again from scratch.

Rabbi Ephraim Nisenbaum is the author of Powerlines: Insights and Reflections on the Jewish Holidays, published by Targum Press. He is also the founder and director of the Jewish Learning Connection, an outreach organization in Cleveland, Ohio.

Ask Jido – January 2025

Dear Jido,

I’ve always tipped waiters, hairdressers, food delivery drivers, and manicurists, of course, understanding that most of these positions do not pay very well and the person is likely living off tips more than salary.

Within the last year or so, however, I have been told in several different ways, some not very subtle, that I should also be tipping the cable company technician who comes out to correct static on the line, the HVAC technician who gives my system an annual checkup, the appliance repair person who fixed my dryer, and, most recently, the plumber who came out to unclog a bathroom sink.

In all of those circumstances, I paid the company in question a significant fee for the service, and the person they sent out was in a company vehicle, wearing a company uniform. I assume they are making a decent salary.

Are we supposed to be tipping everyone who provides any service now? How can I determine who is supposed to be tipped and how much they should get? What if I cannot afford to tip, say, an appliance technician after I’ve already paid his company over $300 for the work he did?

Do I need to explain that I can’t afford to tip them, especially when they are standing around after the job, making small talk, obviously waiting for something from me?

Signed,

A Fed-Up Tipper

Dear Not-a-Penny,

What! Tip the plumber? You gotta be kidding.

What are tips for? To Insure Prompt Service. If the plumber didn’t come right away, you would probably just find someone else.

Consider this: What’s the average minimum wage across America? About $15 per hour. What’s the minimum wage for a job that receives tips?

The Federal Minimum Wage for tipped workers is $2.13 per hour. If that’s all he’s making, I wouldn’t use him.

You are correct. Not everyone should be tipped. But, even if he’s a skilled worker but he did something “over the top” for you, you still might want to give him/her something “for them.” You wouldn’t be setting a precedent and you would actually feel good about it.

But what should you do when they just hang around waiting for a tip?

As you walk to the front door you could say something like, “Well, we’re all done here. I’ll be sure to tell the boss you did a great job. Thank you. See ya.”

If they don’t get the hint, you could add, “Do you need me to help you bring your stuff to your car”?

If they STILL don’t get the hint, you could do what a lot of people do when they’re in a situation they want to get away from. Make sure you’re carrying your cell phone in your hand (which you’re probably doing anyway). Then quickly, put the phone to your ear and say. “Oh, hi, yeh, just a minute.” Tell the tip-seeker, “I gotta take this call. Thanks for everything. Bye.”

If they still, still, still don’t get the hint, hang up and call a cop.

Jido

Medical Halacha – Is There Jewish DNA?

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Blake entered my office visibly excited. “Rabbi, as far as I know, I’m not Jewish. But out of curiosity, I checked my ancestry on the 23andMe website, and it claims that my lineage includes Jewish heritage. Does that mean I’m Jewish? Can I marry a Jewish girl if 23andMe says I’m Jewish?”

What is DNA Testing?

To answer this question, we need to first discuss DNA testing in general and then focus on genetic ancestry testing. Every person has a unique DNA profile, much like a fingerprint. DNA is found in nearly every cell in the body. In recent years, mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA) has become a popular tool for genetic ancestry identification. Mitochondria, the powerhouses of our cells, have their own genetic material, which is passed down exclusively from mother to child. This means mtDNA is inherited along the maternal line and according to halacha it is the mother who determines if the children are Jewish. So, can mtDNA prove you are Jewish?

There are several types of DNA tests. For example, blood tests can detect hereditary diseases such as Tay-Sachs and Cystic Fibrosis, identifying whether a person carries the genes linked to these conditions. DNA testing is also used in forensic science to identify human remains, ensure that all body parts are buried together, and establish identity. Additionally, genetic testing can be used to establish paternity and confirm direct biological relationships. These tests are highly accurate.

Genetic ancestry testing, however, has several limitations. While general DNA tests can accurately determine close family relationships (e.g., parents, siblings, cousins), any connections beyond that are based on probability and statistical estimates.

Jewish DNA?

There is no specific “Jewish DNA.” However, some researchers have found that certain mtDNA haplogroups – groups of related mtDNA sequences – are more common among Jewish populations than in the general population. For example, Nephrologist Karl Skorecki and researcher in molecular genetics Behar write, “At least 40 percent of the Ashkenazi population carry one of four unique forms of mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA)…” In other words, over 3 million Ashkenazi Jews are descendants of four women who were among the founders of the Ashkenazi population. These haplotypes are more prevalent in Ashkenazi Jews and rarely found in Jews of other origins or in non-Jews.

However, these conclusions have been contested as statistically problematic. Since Jewish people make up less than 1 out of 500 people globally, even if a haplotype is much more common in Ashkenazi Jews – say, 100 times more prevalent than in non-Jews – there is still a higher chance that a person with that haplotype is a non-Jewish outlier rather than a Jewish individual.

Other research challenges Skorecki and Behar’s findings. For instance, Professor Raphael Falk from the Hebrew University (2015) concluded that, “genetic markers cannot determine Jewish descent.” Similarly, in 2016, Dr. Eran Elhaik stated that it is impossible to prove Jewish descent using genetic markers and highlighted several issues with current research. Tofanelli’s research in 2014 also pointed out the limitations of using haplotype motifs as reliable indicators of Jewish ancestry.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, there is no clear scientific evidence that one can rely on to determine Jewish descent based purely on genetic testing. Mitochondrial DNA cannot definitively prove that a person is Jewish. While Jewish populations may share certain genetic markers, there is no unique DNA sequence that definitively establishes Jewish ancestry. Therefore, in practice – halacha l’maaseh – Blake cannot rely on his DNA test to prove his Jewishness. If he wishes to marry a Jewish girl, he must establish that his mother or grandmother is Jewish according to halacha.

Jewish people possess special spiritual traits, as reflected in the Gemara (Yevamot 78b), which lists three defining characteristics of the Jewish people: they are merciful, humble, and engage in acts of loving-kindness. The Gemara teaches that anyone who embodies these three traits is truly deserving of our companionship. These are so to speak the spiritual genes of the Jewish people.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a recognized expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He is the head of the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, please email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Riddles – January 2025

RIDDLE: What Am I?

Submitted by: Leon G.

I was known to philosophers a thousand years ago.  I have numbers all in a line, and I can tell you if rain will turn to snow. What am I?

Last Month’s Riddle: Unique Number

The number 8,549,176,320 is a unique number. What is so special about it?

Solution: This is the only number that includes all the digits arranged in alphabetical order!

Solved by: Eli Bareket, Yehezkel Alfi,  Ralph Sutton, Jake Shalom, Al Gindi, Sammy Gabbay, Norman Esses, Aaron Vilinsky, Raymond Betesh, Perry Halawani,  Alice Sardar, David Maimon, Jacob Ayal, Richie Ayal, and The Shmulster.

JUNIOR RIDDLE:  Time to Chime

Submitted by: Leslie N.

A clock chimes 5 times in 4 seconds. How many times will it chime in 10 seconds?

Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Escape Plan

A man is trapped in a room with only two possible exits. Through the first door is a room with an enormous magnifying glass causing the blazing hot sun to instantly burn anything that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?

Solution: Leave through the first door at night when the sun is down.

Solved by: Yossi B., Isaac Ayal, Jake Shalom, Big Mike, Sammy Gabbay, Norman Esses, Solly Dahan, Aaron Vilinsky, Raymond Betesh,  Perry Halawani, Mayer Cohen, Chehebar Franco Family, David Maimon, The Big Cheese, and Jacob Ayal.

From The Files of the Mitzvah Man Hesed Stories – The Very First Case

Pnina Souid

The Mitzvah Man relates that when he was first starting out, he learned the valuable lessons of strength in numbers and recognizing his limits. It started with one phone call.

A Call for Help

One summer day thirteen years ago the Mitzvah Man received a call from the friend of a woman who was blind who we’ll call Sarah. Sarah had seen an advertisement for the Mitzvah Man’s offer to do hesed. She had been invited to her friend’s 90th birthday party, and was looking for a ride. However, the Mitzvah man had to decline, as he was not in Brooklyn for the summer.

Sarah was very disappointed, but the Mitzvah Man offered to help her when he returned to Brooklyn after the summer, saying he would be happy to help her with her errands when he was back.

Sarah was delighted at the offer and started listing off her needs. “I need someone to make phone calls for me, order groceries to be delivered, make doctor appointments and take me there, among other things. Besides being blind, I have no family.”

The Mitzvah Man respectfully inquired as to why Sarah did not have a companion or home health aide. She had tried several! But none had worked out for her. The Mitzvah Man felt a little overwhelmed by the jobs she might have for him, but he promised that when he was back in Brooklyn, he would see how he could help her.

True to his word, after the Mitzvah Man was back in Brooklyn he went to pay Sarah a visit. She was living alone on the third floor of a three-story walkup in Coney Island. The building belonged to a yeshiva that occupied the first two floors.

Sarah was so happy to welcome the Mitzvah Man into her home. She knew just where everything was. She had been a true baalat hesed when she was able to see, giving tzedaka and helping people in need. Plaques covered her walls. Although she was blind she knew exactly which plaque was which and she proudly showed the Mitzvah Man a number of laudatory articles. She was familiar with each one was and clearly remembered what was written about her.

The Aha! Moment – Recruit Others

The Mitzvah Man pondered how he could possibly help Sarah with all of her needs. He was working alone, with no team of volunteers to help him. He realized that he could do so much more with the assistance of others. He offered a tefilla to Hashem asking for guidance. The choice was to continue working alone or to recruit other volunteers to join him. He felt Hashem telling him that the thing to do was to take his hesed work to the next level.

To accomplish that goal he placed an ad in the paper to create the Mitzvah Man organization. 20 volunteers answered the call.

Sarah now had a team of volunteers to help her. Team members got to work to make her phone calls and to set up her doctor appointments, and they visited her, as well. One of the volunteers accompanied Sarah to a wedding, helped her on to the dance floor, and danced with her. After the wedding she took Sarah home.

There were many phone calls to be made. A volunteer suggested getting Sarah a special phone that could be programmed, allowing Sarah to make calls just by speaking into the phone.

Another volunteer took it upon herself to take Sarah out for walks on nice days

One night Sarah experienced chest pains. She was able to reach Hatzalah on her voice activated phone. Hatzalah volunteers quickly came and transported her to the hospital. She was having a heart attack. The phone saved her life. Sarah lived another five years.

The modest beginning with 20 volunteers has blossomed into a vibrant team of 3,800 volunteers who answer the call to do hesed in Brooklyn, Manhattan, Deal, and Long Branch, New Jersey.

The Lighter Side – January 2025

Math Lesson

A student fell off his chair during a math lesson and sprained his finger. The teacher grabbed a first-aid kit and applied a splint. Only after the teacher finished did he realize that he’d put it on the wrong finger.
“I’m sorry,” the teacher said, looking rather embarrassed.
“That’s okay,” the student replied. “You were only off by one digit.”

Barbra H.

Cold Water

A young community volunteer offered to mow the lawn for a poor old woman who lived in his village. When he arrived at her house, the woman was so grateful and she invited him in for a cup of tea and a cookie.
As he ate the cookie, the boy noticed a shiny substance coating his plate. When the old woman saw him staring at it, she said, “Sorry, dear, it’s as clean as cold water could get it.”
When he’d finished mowing the lawn the old woman invited him in again for a sandwich. This time, he noticed, not only was there a shiny substance, it also had hard patches of dried egg on it.
“I’m so sorry,” the old woman said again. “It’s as clean as cold water could get it.”
The boy smiled politely and finished his sandwich. When he went to leave, an old dog, that had been asleep on its bed, stood up and blocked the doorway, its teeth bared as it growled at him.
The woman waved her walking stick at the dog. Then she shouted, “Cold Water … get back in your bed!”

Ralph T.

Inflation

My wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car’s gas tank and tires. My wife was surprised to see that the station charged a fee to fill the tires and asked me, “Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!”
I responded, “Inflation.”

Mark D.

Advanced Warning

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. “What are these guys in the big suits doing?”

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder’s message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man’s message was: “Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land.”

Max K.

Like Lightning

A young boy was doing some handiwork with his father. When it came to putting a picture on the wall the father said, “I’ll do this one… You’re like lightning with a hammer.”
The boy said, “Wow, is that because I’m so fast?”
“No, it’s because you never strike the same place twice!”

Jordan B.

Doctor Visit

A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you have to help me. I think I’m a moth!” The doctor says, “You don’t need a doctor, you need a psychiatrist.” The man replies, “I know, but I was passing by, and I saw your light on!”

Marlene A.

Cold Soup

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold.”
His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?”
The boy looked at her and replied, “Up until now, everything has been fine!”

Vivian R.

Back Again

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?”

Dave E.

New Handyman

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.
The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two coats.”

Benjamin G.

Eye Pain

A woman goes to an eye specialist and says, “Doctor, I have a problem. Every time I drink coffee, I get a sharp pain in my eye.” The specialist examines her and says, “I’ve never heard of this before. Can you show me what happens?” The woman takes a sip of her coffee and immediately screams in pain. The specialist looks closely and sees a spoon sticking out of the woman’s eye. The doctor says, “Well, there’s your problem. You’re supposed to take the spoon out of the cup before you drink your coffee!”

Susan K.

Book Request

A woman walks into a library and asks for a book on turtles. The librarian asks, “Hardback?” The woman replies, “Yeah, with a little head and legs.”

Morris C.

Job Interview

A man goes to a job interview and the interviewer asks him, “What’s your greatest weakness?” The man thinks for a moment and says, “Well, I’m brutally honest.” The interviewer says, “I don’t think that’s a weakness.” The man replies, “I don’t really care what you think!”

Victor M.

Secret Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a young boy was using the following password: “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento.” When asked why such a long password, the boy replied that he was told that the password had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Sharon Z.

New Diet

My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. We didn’t really give it much thought until my brother really started eating his homework for dinner. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, “I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me.”

Sammy S.