QUESTION: 

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I hear so much about communication, and how it’s the key to a successful marriage. I completely understand that and I try to communicate with my husband. The problem is that most of the time he either shuts down or gets defensive. It seems like he is not capable of having a conversation. Does this mean that I have lost that tool of communication and have to accept it?

R’ Ali’s Response: 

I mention this often, but it’s worth repeating. It’s wonderful when people reach out for help. Most people will try to wing it or accept something that should not or does not need to be accepted. I commend you for reaching out.

I’d like to elaborate on the topic of communication before I give you some practical advice. You mention that a lot of marriage talk is focused on communication. There are many reasons for this. Number one, talking to your spouse is a way to connect. Whether it is expressing how you feel about them or is about a situation, or apologizing for hurtful words (please take this one seriously), communication is crucial for connecting to your spouse. Second, there are many things that need to be discussed.

Topics might concern your children, schools, parents, in-laws, finances, vacations, tuition – the list goes on and on. These things need to be discussed. In addition to the issues being important, many times the husband and wife have differing opinions. Interestingly, many people feel that they will just do things the way they like and their spouse should just go along. This is a mistake. There is so much to talk about, and dismissing addressing issues with, “I’m not good at communication,” is unhealthy and unproductive. 

Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that many people have a hard time communicating. However, I also understand that many people have anger issues. Often anger issues are addressed while lack of communication is not. Obviously, the comparison is a bit extreme. However, both issues can be harmful to a relationship and need to be addressed.

Many people tell me that they do not communicate well, and they would like some advice on how to communicate better. I have a few ideas that work most of the time.

Number one, if you have a more shy, reserved nature, let your spouse know that. Tell them that you realize you are not so great at communicating but you are trying. If there is anything that can make communicating easier for you, let your spouse know. Some people talk better while on a walk, on the phone, or through texting. I know couples who communicate through email!

Whatever it takes to get the ball rolling, try it.

Number two, it is very likely that you do know how to communicate, however, you are very sensitive (or just human). And when your spouse approaches you with emotions, you become fearful of how they will react (due to the many past reactions). Let them know this: “I want to communicate more. But I need to be able to speak freely.”

Lastly, try to set times for important discussions. Many people are very easygoing and abhor serious conversations. If you have time for serious conversations, it can feel like just another chore that you need to do for the relationship and or for the family.

Getting back to your original question, what can you do with a spouse who has a hard time communicating? You can speak to a third party who will be honest with you and try to detect if the problem is rooted in the way you approach your spouse. Maybe you’re too aggressive (unintentionally). There are so many ways to gently approach a topic. Also, as I’ve mentioned, you can set times to speak about important topics. 

And one more thing – many people shut down because conversations go in circles. If this is what’s happening, it makes sense that your spouse has a hard time communicating. My advice would be to think about all of these variables, try to detect if any apply to you, and talk it over with a third party for clarity. 

Miriam Barry

Every child came with instructions? 

Imagine having just given birth, and the nurse brings you your beautiful baby, freshly bathed, sweet smelling and bundled in soft cuddly blanket. Tucked into the corner of the blanket is a small book that says “User Manual.”

Of course this is fiction. 

Each child needs a different manual every year, and sometimes every week!

All stages of childhood are a learning experience for most parents, and as time goes on, we mostly get better at it. School age children can present unique challenges, particularly if they are having difficulty in school. While we can’t offer you a user manual for your child, we can offer you the next best thing and that is the Parent Engagement  Center  – the PEC. The PEC offers parents 2 to 4 months of weekly individual parent coaching to give them the skills and tools to manage  the issues the child may be facing that impact his or her ability to succeed in school.  

This program is free of charge, does not involve any insurance, and is done by phone or Zoom, one-on-one and completely confidential.  

Our counselors are experienced, familiar with our community, and give the parents weekly “homework” to hone the skills they need for successful parenting. Both Moms and Dads are encouraged to participate in the sessions, so that everyone is learning the same tools and at the same pace.  One of the most important facets of this program is that the counselors are well versed in childhood development, which helps parents understand when their child’s behavior is age appropriate and when it isn’t. 

The PEC was created in early 2020 to utilize Title 1 funds – which are earmarked for private schools and Yeshivot.  It was developed in recognition of the concept  that children’s struggles in school could be addressed in the home with direct parent coaching.  At first, only children in schools that had Title 1 were eligible, but the program has expanded to utilize other funding to open it up to all parents of children in our community Yeshivot.  

Parents interested can call Frany at 718 787 1100 ext. 532 to see if they are eligible for this program and to register if they are.  

1. I really didn’t understand why my son was acting the way he was. Once I had a new perspective, it changed the way I reacted.  This in turn, changed his behavior.

2. My daughter was afraid of a lot of things, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I kept trying different things, but none of them worked. My counselor gave me specific tasks and homework to do to help my daughter with her anxiety, which really made a big difference.   
3. I didn’t realize how different my parenting style was from my husband’s. When we both worked with the counselor, we realized that our differences were actually causing the troubling behaviors! Once we got on the same page, things got a lot better.
4. My son did something that really bothered me. I spoke to the counselor about it, and found out that this is pretty normal behavior for a kid his age. Once I stopped freaking out about it, I was able to deal with it calmly and rationally.

Miriam Barry began working for SEARCH in 2001 and became Director in 2006, bringing with her 25 years of teaching experience in community yeshivot. Together with her highly trained staff, Miriam has helped over 5,000 children access services through the New York City Department of Education.

Over the years, she has guided parents through school placement decisions, helped them understand psychological evaluations, and clarified their children’s strengths and challenges. At SEARCH, parents gain a deeper understanding of their child’s learning style and needs, often finding much needed clarity and direction. This empowers families to make informed decisions and better support their children’s success in school.

By Simha Mental Health Series

At SIMHA, our mission has always been to bridge the gap between our community members and the vital mental health support they need. Often, the calls we receive involve the heavy burden of cognitive decline, families struggling to understand why a parent is acting differently, or spouses feeling the weight of a changing relationship. To shed light on this sensitive topic, we recently sat down with Adina Segel, LCSW, the Jewish Community Outreach Social Worker at Caring Kind.

Dementia: More Than Just Memory Loss

One of the most common misconceptions Adina encounters is the confusion between “Dementia” and “Alzheimer’s.”

“Dementia is an umbrella term,” Adina explains. “It’s a syndrome that impacts memory, judgment, and behavior. Alzheimer’s is simply the most common cause of that syndrome.”

During our interview, Adina highlighted that different forms of dementia require different types of understanding:

Vascular Dementia: Often caused by mini-strokes, this form doesn’t always show a straight decline but rather “plateaus” where a person stays stable before another drop.

Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD): This often hits younger individuals (in their 40s or 50s) and presents as drastic personality shifts or language struggles rather than simple forgetfulness.

Taking the Brain Off “Autopilot”

While genetics play a role, Adina is a firm believer in the power of prevention. “We want to take the brain off autopilot,” she says. Her advice is practical and accessible:

Physical and Dietary Health: Adopting a Mediterranean diet and maintaining daily movement are foundational.

Cognitive Novelty: Challenge your brain by doing everyday tasks differently. Brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand, take a new route home, or change your watch to military time.

Social Connection: For our community, staying active in shul or local social groups is not just a mitzvah, it is essential brain health. Social isolation is one of the leading contributors to rapid decline.

The Heart of Caregiving: Validation Over Logic

Perhaps the most moving part of our conversation centered on the “ambiguous loss” caregivers feel, the grief of losing the person you knew while they are still physically present.

Adina teaches a “gold standard” approach for when a loved one becomes paranoid or confused. If a parent insists a caregiver has stolen their wallet, for example, Adina advises against arguing with logic. Instead, use validation and redirection.

“Validate the feeling,” Adina suggests. “Say, ‘It must be so upsetting to lose your wallet. I would be upset, too.’ Then, redirect them. Say, ‘Let’s look for it together,’ and then pivot to a different activity like looking at old photos or having a cup of tea.”

A Resource for Our Community

At SIMHA, we know that mental health is a family affair. Caring Kind provides a 24-hour helpline and support groups tailored specifically for the Orthodox and broader Jewish community.

“We don’t want people to come to us only when they are in crisis,” Adina says. “Whether you are looking for preventative tips or are in the thick of caregiving, there is support available.”

As we continue to navigate these challenges together, remember that knowledge is the first step toward compassion. We are grateful to Adina Segal for her expertise and her dedication to the well-being of our community.

If you or a loved one are seeking mental health support or a referral, contact SIMHA at (718) 675-3000. For specific dementia-related support, reach out to the Caring Kind helpline at (646) 744-2900.

Since President Trump’s January 2025 inauguration to a second term, the president’s policies have been met with both applause and criticism. His intention is to recalibrate American power abroad and security at home, in ways that many argue are directly relevant to Jewish safety, U.S.-Israel ties, and the fight against anti-Semitic violence and terror.

American Jews are not the only ones watching this second Trump term with a wary eye and a running tally. In Israel, the conversations regarding Trump’s actions are strikingly similar.

Tal Rabina Weighs In

“Trump is the one who brought the hostages [home] alive, and for that he has a place of honor in Israeli history,” noted Tal Rabina, who has a reputation as one of Israel’s most reliable media professionals. Rabina is the Strategic Director for the American Middle East Press Association and is the Strategic Director and head of the Israel office of EJA, the European Jewish Association.

“In Israel, of course, they cherish his [Trump’s] determined fight against pro-Palestinian incitement on campuses, but beyond that, and only after that, do they wonder who he really is, what his motivations are, and especially what he will demand from Bibi in exchange for his personal support. Why does he embrace (Turkey’s) Erdogan so much, and to what extent will his business interests in Qatar – the instigator of institutionalized incitement against Israel in the world – demand prices from Israel that will be difficult for us to pay? I assume that, as in any other place in the world, when it comes to Trump, there are many more questions than answers.”

Focus on Results

Those questions about motives and high price tags for Trump’s programs sit alongside a debate over the president’s performance. Putting aside questions about Trump’s character and his intentions some choose to focus on whether the president has made good on his promises.

“If twenty years in the business sector have taught me anything, it’s that what separates the winners and the losers is execution,” Hillel Fuld told Community. Fuld is a former New Yorker, in Israel many years. He is a strategic business consultant and is an online political advocate. “Trump’s first year brought with it an unprecedented number of accomplishments and, unlike previous presidents, Trump doesn’t just talk, he puts his money where his mouth is and executes.”

Agricultural Trade with Israel

In December 2025, Trump signed a proclamation titled “To Implement the United States-Israel Agreement on Trade in Agricultural Products and for Other Purposes,” implementing a bilateral arrangement to expand agricultural trade with Israel. The move deepens sectorspecific economic integration, giving Israeli producers preferential access to the vast U.S. market while offering American consumers and kosher food chains more Israeli products on American shelves.

For Jews and for Israel, this kind of trade policy is not just about chickpeas; it is a statement that the U.S.-Israel relationship is incorporated into everyday commercial ties.

Combatting Terror Groups

In November 2025, Trump issued an action designating certain Muslim Brotherhood chapters as Foreign Terrorist Organizations (FTOs) and Specially Designated Global Terrorists (SDGTs). The order directs U.S. authorities to treat specified Brotherhood entities as part of the global terror infrastructure, tightening sanctions, travel restrictions, and financial controls against them.

For Jews who have watched Brotherhoodlinked movements traffic in anti-Semitic rhetoric and incitement against Israel, this step signals that ideological hostility crossing into operational support for violence will face real costs.

TikTok

In September 2025, the White House unveiled a policy framed as “Saving TikTok While Protecting National Security,” an attempt to keep the wildly popular platform operating in the United States while imposing new safeguards on data, ownership, and algorithmic control. The action pairs pressure on foreign owners and data flows with a message to young Americans that Washington is not seeking a blanket ban but rather seeks to promote a secure, Americancontrolled version of the app.

TikTok is known for virulent anti-Semitic content, tropes, and rhetoric. For Jewish users, particularly teens and campus activists who rely on TikTok for advocacy around anti-Semitism and Israel, the new policy raises a dual set of stakes. On the one hand, tightening foreign influence over the platform could reduce hostile information operations and disinformation campaigns that have fueled harassment and conspiracy theories about Jews. On the other hand, any restructuring of content moderation and recommendation systems will shape how Jewish stories, from October 7 to synagogue life, are surfaced or buried in the digital square.

Focus on Threats on U.S. Soil and UN Organizations

By June 2025, Trump followed his January immigration security moves with a proclamation titled “Restricting the Entry of Foreign Nationals to Protect the United States from Foreign Terrorists and Other National Security and Public Safety Threats,” issued June 3, 2025. Building on an earlier executive order, this action narrows visa eligibility and travel for categories of foreign nationals deemed highrisk, instructing agencies to reassess visa programs, screening, and derogatory information sharing.

Jewish organizations have long walked a fine line on such policies: keenly aware that many jihadist plotters and extremist preachers arrive via legal travel channels, but also mindful of the Jewish experience as refugees and migrants. For some, these orders represent overdue rigor in keeping out those who preach anti-Semitic hatred or glorify attacks on Jews. For others, they require tight oversight to ensure that lifesaving asylum and family reunification are not collateral damage.​

In February 2025, Trump signed an action titled, “Withdrawing the United States from and Ending Funding to Certain United Nations Organizations and Reviewing United States Support to All International Organizations.” The measure directs the administration to pull out of and defund the UNHRC (UN Human Rights Council), UNESCO (UN Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization) and UNWRA (UN Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Middle East). These organizations have been recognized as structurally biased against the United States and its allies, including Israel. After decades of onesided resolutions against Israel at the UN Human Rights Council and other bodies, this measure is longawaited.

White House Faith Office

In February 2025, the president announced appointments to a renewed White House Faith Office, designed to systematize engagement with religious communities, including Jewish organizations. The appointments signal an intent to consult faith leaders on issues from anti-Semitism policy to school safety and international religious freedom, embedding religious perspectives inside the policymaking process.

Jewish groups often struggle to have their concerns about hate crimes, campus harassment, or threats to synagogues translated into federal action. So, for many the renewed Faith Office was welcome, and those in favor believe that the new office can be a crucial conduit. It also sends a broader cultural signal that Judaism is recognized within the American tapestry not only as an ethnic or national identity, but as a religious voice that deserves a seat at the table when Washington debates morality, security, and freedom.​

Houthis Labeled as Terrorists

On January 22, 2025, Trump issued Executive Order 14175, “Designation of Ansar Allah as a Foreign Terrorist Organization,” initiating a process that led the State Department to redesignate the Houthis as an FTO and sanction key leaders. The order cites Houthi attacks that threaten American personnel and international shipping, as well as the group’s ties to Iran and their targeting of civilians.

Houthi missiles and drones have been fired toward Israel, and the group explicitly calls for death to Jews. By restoring terror designations Trump framed the move as aligning U.S. law with the reality of a group whose ideology and actions directly menace Israel and Jewish lives.

Restricting Entry to the US

Two related documents in January 2025 – an executive order “Protecting the United States from Foreign Terrorists and Other National Security and Public Safety Threats” dated January 20, 2025, and the subsequent June 3rd entryrestriction proclamation define an overarching security doctrine at the border. The January order instructs agencies to reassess grounds of inadmissibility, toughen refugee and visa vetting, reviews deficient countries, and led to travel bans on nationals from a number of specific countries including Afghanistan, Iran, and Yemen.

For many Jews, whose synagogues and community centers have increasingly become targets, the focus on keeping out foreign extremists is welcome.

One Big Beautiful Bill Act

The One Big Beautiful Bill Act, signed into law July 4^th, 2025, contains an enormous defense and national security package, including roughly $150 billion in new defense spending including billions for shipbuilding, munitions, a proposed Golden Dome missile defense system, nuclear deterrence, IndoPacific operations, and military innovation in drones and artificial intelligence. For the Jewish community many were concerned by the bill’s massive cuts to Medicare ($1 trillion), projected to remove health coverage from 78 million Americans, and make millions more uninsured. But the bill also includes defense expenditures that can prove important for us including missile defense research, the deterrence of Iran and its proxies, and keeping vital sea lanes open whose closure might otherwise threaten Israeli security.

At the border, the law injects roughly $170 billion into security: wall construction, detention capacity, technology, and a dramatic expansion of Immigration and Customs Enforcement, aimed at deporting up to one million people each year and making ICE the single most heavily funded law enforcement agency. For voters who prioritize strong borders as a defense against terrorists and transnational terrorist networks, these are welcome commitments.​ Others find the measures draconian.

Israel-Iran War

The brief Iran-Israel war of June 2025 began when Israel launched a large, coordinated air operation against key Iranian nuclear and missile facilities that posed an imminent existential threat. Iran responded with more than 500 ballistic missiles and approximately 1,000 attack drones directed at Israeli cities, energy infrastructure, and military bases. Tehran’s strikes also threatened U.S. assets and wider regional stability, raising fears in Washington, Gulf capitals, and European governments of a wider regional war.

The United States intervened directly, using stealth bombers and cruise missiles to hit deeply buried Iranian nuclear sites at Natanz, Fordow, and around Isfahan. U.S. forces also helped intercept incoming Iranian missiles and drones, effectively backstopping Israel’s defenses and signaling that Washington would not allow Iran to reset the strategic balance in its favor through missile terror or nuclear brinkmanship. The combined IsraeliU.S. strikes badly damaged parts of Iran’s nuclear and missile infrastructure and triggered retaliatory fire on a U.S. base in Qatar before a U.S.brokered ceasefire halted the war after twelve days.

Defense and Security

For Jews, one of the most striking elements is the embrace of advanced missile defense concepts like a Golden Dome, echoing Israel’s Iron Dome and signaling that lessons from Israel’s layered defense are feeding back into U.S. doctrine. The strategy’s emphasis on deterring Iran, hardening alliances, and rejecting “fruitless ‘nationbuilding’ wars” reflects a worldview in which American power is meant to be sharp, targeted, and overwhelming – an approach that many proIsrael advocates see as essential to containing regimes and militias openly dedicated to Israel’s destruction.

Taken together, these actions and doctrines describe a presidency that has invested heavily in a particular version of security: tougher borders, louder deterrence, deeper skepticism of hostile international bodies, and more explicit alignment with Israel’s security concerns. For American Jews, the stakes are immediate – from terror designations that constrain groups firing missiles at Israel, to UN funding cuts that challenge institutions long accused of antiIsrael bias, to trade deals and faithoffice appointments that pull Jewish life and Israeli partnership closer into the American mainstream.

Harley Lippman

Long Island-raised Harley Lippman is the founder and CEO of Genesis 10, a consulting firm. He serves on the boards of many businesses, educational, and cultural organizations and is an Executive Committee Member of AIPAC. Lippman believes that President Trump has brought a blanket of security and assistance to Israel.

“I would give President Trump very high marks in the first-year presidency,” Lippman said, citing tangible real results, including the hostage deal and brokering a ceasefire with Hamas, and secondly, Iran. “Not only did the United States give Israel the green light to attack Iran,” Lippman said, “but more importantly, America jumped in with Israel, to bomb the nuclear reactors. That’s extremely important.” Lippman also noted Iranians were able to stage a new revolution of late partly because they were emboldened by the U.S. and Israel’s actions.

Look to the Future

“What to watch out for?” Lippman asked. “Trump has to stay in the game. He has to make sure he continues to execute and to guarantee that his initiatives are ultimately successful. He needs to stay focused and disciplined… But Trump is feared. Trump is respected,” Lippman said.

Since his swearingin last January, Trump’s secondterm record reflects an effort to craft policies that include defending Israel’s security, confronting anti-Semitism, confronting terror, and building a military and border posture intended to keep Jews – and Americans – safer at home and abroad. Whatever one’s politics, the Jewish community will need to study, understand, and be aware of how these policies affect them, because the president’s policies will influence Jewish security, sovereignty, and moral debates in the years to come.

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“What lights me up? As a nurse, helping people especially in their hardest moments.  Personally, staying grounded and supporting friends and family, raising a family that can add to our amazing community, and supporting my husband, a rabbi, in his awesome work.  It’s a kiddush Hashem, being a successful hard-working Jewish mom in a mostly non-Jewish environment.”  –  Renee

Please meet Renee Tawil, nurse, wife, mother, and a dedicated community member.  Renee is also the sister-in-law of Rachel Tawil Abraham who was featured in this column in July 2021.   

Roots 

Born to Rozie Shamah and David Steinberg, Renee grew up in Brooklyn as the third of four children. The siblings are still very close. 

The Steinberg family followed Sephardic traditions as Rozie is Syrian-Sephardic and David is one half-Ashkenaz but grew up in the Syrian community.  

A very social and creative child, Renee studied at Magen David Yeshiva from elementary through high school.  She became a serious student in 11^th grade when she set her sights on becoming a nurse.   

Although she wasn’t interested in academics in her early years, Renee loved being in the spotlight and overseeing science and dance projects.  As a sixth grader, she won the National Young Inventors Competition.   Renee would get tired carrying luggage on family vacations and she created a suitcase with a chair that folds back.  

As teenagers, Renee and her friends ran dance classes and plays for younger children.   This experience, organizing children’s programming for pay, demonstrated Renee’s early business acumen. 

Intro to Medicine

During eleventh grade, Renee loved training for her EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) certification.  “I was always interested in medicine and thought: how can I turn the EMT into a career?”  Renee researched nursing and decided that being a nurse would fulfill her interest in medicine and would satisfy her desire to help the community and positively impact society. 

“I also love being different and creating my own path and nursing was a great way to do this.”  And, this career path would make her parents proud.  Once Renee chose nursing, she buckled down with her studies. She was very driven, focused, and determined to achieve her goal. 

Staying close to home, Renee enrolled in the Kingsborough College nursing program and received her Associate Degree in Applied Science and her Registered Nurse (RN) license.  She obtained her bachelor’s degree online from Chamberlain College and her master’s in nursing from the University of Phoenix. 

Then Came Marriage 

Renee met her naseeb at an MDY Shabbaton. David Tawil, three years older, was an alumni, and Renee was a senior advisor at the event.  David was also friends with Renee’s brother.  

On their first date, David told Renee that he remembered that she had won the Young Inventors Competition. He was at the contest as his younger brother was Renee’s age. “David was enamored by the idea of my becoming a nurse and called me ‘Renee RN.’” 

The two were married the following year after Renee completed her freshman year of college.  Their first child was born during her second year at Kingsborough during winter break. David, her parents, and in-laws were very supportive of Renee’s nursing career. This gave her hizuk, keeping her motivated. 

Inspired by Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l.  David became a rabbi. He serves as the Head Rabbi of Bet Rachel Synagogue (Larchwood Avenue Shul) and teaches Humash, Navi, and Gemara at Hillel Yeshiva High School.

The Tawils live in West Long Branch and have six children, ranging from two to fourteen.  

Renee’s Essence 

Renee is both a take-charge and hard-working person. She is positive, organized, passionate, and is a team player.  Personality-wise Renee is outgoing, friendly, creative, bright, and super energetic. In her current role as Cath Lab nurse manager, her leadership and team building skills shine through. 

Role Models 

Renee credits her parents for modeling good middot and helping her grow into the woman she is today. 

“My father is hard working, driven, always helping others, thoughtful, and has strong emunah.  My mother is hospitable, caring, loving, and warm, always helping others, and she is dedicated to tradition.” 

Linda Kacher was Renee’s first boss in nursing. Linda, a working mom at NYU Brooklyn Endoscopy, provided Renee with nursing and life lessons, amazing guidance, and inspiration.  Linda encouraged Renee to go for her master’s degree and to invest in herself. Linda believed that Renee had a bright professional future ahead of her.  

Career Trajectory 

Renee’s nursing career was launched at NYU Langone Brooklyn Endoscopy and Ambulatory Surgery Center. She spent seven years there, learned a tremendous amount, and loved her job. Renee’s work-life balance was just right at NYU.  “I thought I would be there forever.”    

Renee’s life changed dramatically when the Tawil family moved from Brooklyn to NJ eight years ago.  David took a founding rabbi position at Bet Rachel Synagogue.  The shul was initially open on weekends only and then a year later it had daily minyamin.  A new building was erected, and last March a mikvah was built. 

Both Renee and David took a leap of faith when they moved to Deal.  David jumped in as Head Rabbi of a new shul in a new town and state and Renee now served as a nurse in a medical center where most of the staff knew nothing about Yiddishkeit and Shabbat.   

Renee emphasized how her faith guided her career decisions, including a move to a new hospital where she had to educate her colleagues about her religious observance and work-life balance. 

Renee started out doing endoscopy work at Jersey Shore University Medical Center, JSUMC,  and within four years had earned the trust of the hospital administration.   

Despite having a limited cardiac background, Renee took on the interim leadership of a cath (catheterization) lab after a previous nurse manager’s departure.  Notwithstanding initial doubts about balancing this new role with her responsibilities as a mother of five, Renee trusted her boss and embraced the challenge. Over the past four years, she led the construction and opening of a state-of-the-art $45 million cardiac unit with 11 procedure rooms, which has since seen a 40 percent increase in volume and become a leading heart care facility in NJ. 

Renee oversees a team of 150 staff members including nurses, technologists, and nurse practitioners. She appreciates the flexibility of her managerial position, but at the same time she has constant responsibilities and occasionally emergencies require her attention even when she is not physically at work. 

“Eric Coyle, my current manager, urged me to take on this new role even though I would never have predicted I would be here today.”  

Thorns and Roses  

 Renee’s roses are watching the amazing talent of her staff, literally saving lives every day, creating a good name for Jews, and debunking some stigmas. “Making a difference one patient at a time.” 

Her challenges include work life balance, juggling Shabbat and holidays, and ensuring that everyone on her staff feels seen and heard.  

Accomplishments 

Personally, Renee is so proud of her amazing children, running an organized home, teaching kallah classes, hosting bnot sherut for Hillel Yeshiva, and modeling good middot for her kids. Renee and David have two teenage girls living with them.   

On a professional level, Renee values her nursing certification and her position as Cardiac Cath Lab Nurse Manager at JSUMC.  

Rebbetzin and Community Leader 

Renee is passionately dedicated to her community, especially Hillel Yeshiva and Bet Rachel. As a rebbetzin, she thrives on teaching kallah classes from both a halachic and medical viewpoint.   

Her key to success?  She is super organized and believes in the “Let Them” philosophy of Mel Robbins.  The “Let Them Theory” is a guide on how to stop letting other people’s opinions, drama, and judgment impact your life.  

Renee believes in talking to the people [connected to certain issues], not about the people, taking a positive spin on everything, keeping everything in perspective, and maintaining religion/Hashem at the center of everything.  

Parenting and Balance 

“We are a great team! Our parenting style is to lead by example and foster independence.” 

Renee and David parent as a team and support each other. Renee can usually break away from work for her children’s special school events.  Renee is grateful for her husband, her leadership team at work, and her parents’ and in-laws’ support. 

Her work-life balance tools include cooking on Sundays for Monday through Thursday’s meals, taking Thursdays off for Shabbat preparation, using a written planner, asking for help when needed, and being nice to herself. 

 “I couldn’t be luckier, even with leaving at 6am and late nights, David and the children always cheer me on.”  

 To unwind, Renee takes a day off, has date night with her husband on Thursdays, schedules “me time,” does meditation, reads, and spends time with friends. 

Connect with Renee at ReneeTawil@gmail.com.

  ​

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com.

By Rabbi Hayim Asher Arking and Rabbi Ezra Ghodsi

Throughout history, wine has been regarded as a distinguished drink that can both elevate the spirit and expose one’s innermost thoughts and feelings. This potency makes it a double-edged sword: it can be used to bless life, as we say L’hayim, or, if handled improperly, to destroy it. Seeing this power, our Hachamim instituted safeguards regarding its consumption, to protect the holiness of the Jewish people and prevent intermarriage. Additionally, wine from a non-Jew may have been used for idol worship (avodah zara). Such wine, like the avodah zara itself, must be destroyed; it is forbidden to derive any benefit from it or its value.¹

Wine used for idol worship is referred to as yayin nesech (wine that was poured), while wine produced or touched by a non-Jew is usually referred to as stam yeinam (their regular wine).

I received a non-kosher bottle of wine as a gift; can I sell it or re-gift it?

As mentioned, it is forbidden to derive any benefit from non-kosher wine. Therefore, one may not purchase non-kosher wine to gift to a non-Jew, such as a co-worker. By the same token, if one receives such wine, it may not be sold or even re-gifted, as there is always some benefit or goodwill that will be gained by the giver. The bottle should be destroyed in a way that prevents anyone from benefiting, such as pouring the wine down a bathroom drain.

Do the laws of stam yeinam apply only to wine?

These laws apply to both wine and grape juice equally. Therefore, if one has a non-mevushal grape juice, it may not be handled by a non-Jew. This makes grape juice concentrate a significant kashrut concern. It is frequently used as a sweetener or flavor enhancer in products like fruit punches, fruit snacks, and “Refreshers” (such as those at Starbucks).

Fortified wines, such as sherry and port, share the same status as regular wine. If they are not mevushal and are handled by a non-Jew, they become forbidden.

What about brandy or vinegar?

Wine derivatives, such as brandy, cognac, and wine vinegars, are still forbidden if they were produced from non-kosher wine. Although they are no longer considered wine, the change in status does not remove the original prohibition. Nevertheless, kosher brandy or vinegar that was produced from kosher wine, may be handled by a non-Jew, since it is no longer classified as wine. Similarly, if kosher non-mevushal wine is used to prepare a marinade or sangria, the final product may be handled by a non-Jew, as the addition of numerous other ingredients significantly alters the wine’s original taste. However, if non-kosher wine or vinegar is added to a recipe, it will render the entire dish forbidden.

Why is “mevushal” wine different?

Because cooked wine is of lower quality and historically less common, the Hachamim did not extend the prohibition to wine that was cooked prior to being handled by a non-Jew. However, cooking the wine after it has been produced or handled by a non-Jew will not reverse its forbidden status.

Modern “mevushal” wine is typically flash pasteurized in a closed system rather than boiled, a process that minimally affects its quality. While the common custom in America is to treat such wine as mevushal, some are more stringent and do not apply this status to wine that has only been pasteurized.

What’s the story with Scotch aged in sherry, port, and madeira casks?

The distinct look and taste of premium Scotch often come from wine barrels. Whether the whiskey is aged the whole time in a “first-fill” sherry cask or just given a quick “wine finish,” the goal is the same: to give the drink a deep ruby color and rich notes of dried fruit. These flavors come from barrels that previously held fortified wines like sherry (from Spain), port, or madeira (from Portugal). “Fortified” means these wines have been strengthened with extra alcohol, making them more potent than standard table wine. While this process creates a popular and exquisite drink, it also creates a complex halachic reality where the wine’s presence is no longer just a background detail, but a main highlight of the final product.

There are varying degrees of “sherry cask” aging, ranging from barrels containing actual liters of wine (as testified by industry experts), to “wet barrels” that remain very saturated, to “second-fill” barrels that impart only a subtle flavor.

Much has been written regarding the questionable permissibility of sherry casks in Scotch production. Some authorities argue that the sherry does not render the Scotch forbidden based on two main points:

1. The Shulhan Aruch (137:6) rules that water and other beverages stored in a wine cask remain permissible, as the wood’s absorption is not consequential enough to affect the liquid.
2. Many authorities maintain that when wine is diluted at a 1:6 ratio, its taste is “ruined” to the point that it loses its identity and becomes nullified.

However, it is difficult to apply these leniencies here for a number of reasons: (a) since the wine is fortified, it imparts a stronger flavor and can potentially penetrate deeper into the wood; and (b) the casks are selected specifically to impart flavor. This becomes even more problematic for “first-fill” or “special finish” Scotches, where significant amounts of actual sherry wine, sometimes many liters, are left in the barrels to be mixed with the Scotch. It is difficult to argue that the wine is “nullified” when its presence is being celebrated and sought after. In fact, some Scotch companies go so far as to own large stakes in wineries simply to secure a steady supply of sherry casks.

Given these complexities, it is important for the kosher consumer to be more discerning when selecting a bottle. One should recognize that Scotch aged in sherry casks presents a significant halachic concern, and even within this grouping, the level of concern increases with the intensity of the wine’s influence. Often, the bottle’s labeling and the depth of the Scotch’s color can indicate the volume of sherry involved, serving as a practical guide for those looking to maintain a higher standard of kashrut. One can also check the cRc Liquor List or the Star-K Liquor List for a list of approved alcohols without any questionable additives.

What type of drinks can I order at a bar?

It is not only the drink itself, but also our environment, the ambiance and company, that help us retain our identity. Therefore, drinking alcohol in the company and place of non-Jews, such as a non-Jewish bar or party, is not allowed, even for drinks that pose no concern of containing non-kosher wine. Similar to the above-mentioned restrictions on wine, the Hachamim put these guidelines in place to prevent intermarriage.

More to come next month…

A project of “Ohr Halacha..” This is Part One of a two-part series. The full article with the footnotes can be viewed on our website: ohroftheshore.com. For question and comments, or for general halacha questions, please call/text the “Ohr Halacha Hotline” – (732- 359-3080. We can also be reached via email: halachaquestion@ohrhalacha.com.

1^ This is the ruling for Sefardim. For Ashkenazim, in a case of a loss, one may derive benefit from wine handled by a non-Jew. Drinking, however, remains forbidden according to all opinions.