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Climbing the Spiritual Ladder: A Guide for the Ten Days of Repentance

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September 2024

Climbing the Spiritual Ladder: A Guide for the Ten Days of Repentance

Some of us may feel apprehensive. As the weather turns cooler and summertime becomes a season past, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are weeks away. Another year is upon us, and the usual holiday preparations lead us to supermarkets, butchers, and clothing stores. Soon our minds become consumed as we think about how we will set our tables, what delicacies we will serve and what to wear when the holidays come.

But we may – and should – also have a nagging feeling within, reminding us that the Day of Judgment will soon arrive, when our individual and national fates will be decided and everything hangs delicately in the balance. As the days rush by us at a dizzying speed, it becomes exceedingly difficult to pull away from the preparations that must be done in order to take a spiritual accounting of our lives.

We may find that we’re so busy that we arrive at Rosh Hashanah without a game-plan for how to grow over the course of this critical season. Yet Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, has embedded within the Jewish calendar the Aseret Yeme Teshuvah – the Ten Days of Repentance, from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur, which give us that extra chance to improve ourselves. They are days of growth, change and introspection which afford each Jew the opportunity to take a few steps back and contemplate his or her spiritual standing. This is the time to take stock and become more keenly aware of who we are in relation to who we can be.

In order to help ensure the success of this lofty undertaking, we present here 10 steps that we can take during these 10 special days, climbing rung by rung, one day at a time, up the spiritual ladder towards greatness.

Step 1: Think Long Term

Too many people go through life without ever contemplating exactly what it is they want out of it. The truth is that life is relatively short, and it is therefore incumbent upon each of us to go through it with specific goals in mind. When we’re clear about what our life goals are, we can make sure that our daily actions are geared toward achieving them. On the other hand, if our idea of what we want out of life is hazy, it’s easy to get sidetracked.

It may be difficult to think about, but it is important to ask yourself questions that will clarify what you want your life to look like. What do you want people to say about you after 120 years? Would you like to be remembered as a kind, patient, compassionate and thoughtful person? Or would you be happy to be remembered as the one who wore the latest styles, owned the newest gadgets and knew the top news every hour on the hour?

Step 2: The Business Plan

Once you know your long-term goals, you can think about how you’ll achieve those goals. If you want to stop gossiping, or aspire to be more patient, how do you plan on getting there?

Imagine that you own a business and want the bank to grant you a loan. Before you approach the bank manager, you would do everything in your power to develop a clear business plan which demonstrates how you would use any resources you’re granted to ensure the continued growth and success of your business.

So too, we are coming to Hashem during this time of year and asking Him to grant us a long life filled with blessings. What’s our plan for using the resources He gives us to do His Will and make the world a better place?

Step 3: One Small Step

Rather than jumping into growth headfirst and improving everything all at once, it’s important to be realistic. Time and again, we fool ourselves into thinking we can become perfect overnight. It’s like going to the gym, lifting the 100-pound weight and collapsing. Obviously it’s not possible to gain muscle in an instant, and a person who takes on more than is reasonable will burn himself out.

The only way to be able to lift the 100-pound weight is by beginning with the lightest weights and working our way up from there. The same is true with spiritual muscles. Oftentimes our evil inclination convinces us to do everything at once because he knows it will be impossible for us to keep it up. We must be realistic with ourselves and be careful not to bite off more than we can chew. The important thing to remember is that the idea is progress, not perfection. Choose one or two areas to improve in, and move towards your goal with baby steps.

Step 4: The Wedding Photo

Once you choose one or two areas in which to improve throughout the year, know that the Ten Days is a time to behave with extra stringency. During these days, dress more modestly than usual, adhere to a stricter standard of kashrut and say extra Tehillim. Do extra even if you know you won’t be able to keep it up throughout the year.

“What’s the point?” you may ask yourself. “Who am I fooling?” Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky shared an amazing message through a powerful parable. Imagine it’s the dead of winter. You’ve been sitting in bed all day, until you finally pull yourself out of bed, and as you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you notice that you look like a complete mess. You put on big fluffy slippers and shuffle to the living room. And then you see it – your wedding picture on the mantle. You begin to look closely at the picture, and notice that this is you at your best. With a little extra effort, this is who you can be.

Similarly, we take upon ourselves additional measures of stringency during these Ten Days to give ourselves a picture of what we look like at our best. We let ourselves know just how great we can become to inspire us to inch closer toward that ideal.

Step 5: Know Yourself

We each come down to this world to fulfill a particular mission. One part of this mission is related to our individual strengths. During these days, reflect upon your talents and figure out how you can use them to better the world. Hashem gave you your particular set of gifts for a reason. Try to discover what that reason is.

The other part of this mission relates to our weaknesses. Refusing to fall into the traps that our weaknesses create for us enables us to achieve greatness. If you struggle with anger, anxiety, laziness or any other negative character trait, every time you desist from negative behavior you ignite a powerful spark of holiness that helps illuminate the world.

Step 6: Hold Onto Prayer

In his article, “How to Get Your Prayers Answered,” Rabbi Noach Weinberg, zt”l, wrote: “To pray properly, you have to understand that not only Gd loves you, but His love for you is infinite… If we appreciate what Gd can do for us, it is crazy not to stay in touch.” The Ten Days, when we are asking Hashem to grant us life and blessing, is the most opportune time to harness the power of prayer.

Recognize that Hashem is our Father in Heaven. He is infinitely powerful, infinitely knowing and infinitely loving. He has all the resources we need for a good year. Speak to Hashem in your own words. Thank Him for all that He has done for you, and continues to do for you. Ask Him to bless you with life and blessing, and know that He will give you all that you need.

Step 7: Act Charitably

Reach beyond yourself and give to others. Give charity and act charitably toward those around you. Tzedakah has the power to mitigate or even change a harsh decree, so now is the time to be especially kind and generous to others.

Step 8: Study Torah

The Torah is our guidebook for living a successful and productive life. Now’s the time to immerse ourselves in Torah to be reminded what Hashem expects from us and to receive the keys for a good life which He offers us. Suggested areas of study are the laws of Shabbat, laws of lashon hara (negative speech about other people), and works of mussar (general religious instruction).

Step 9: Be Grateful

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in negativity and constantly think about what we don’t have. Practicing gratitude every day allows us to revel in all the blessings that Hashem constantly showers upon us. A Jew wakes up in the morning and immediately says, “Modeh Ani,” thanking Hashem for life. We have eyes, ears, health, hands, feet, food and clothing, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Take a little bit of time to make a list of all that you have to be grateful for, and review it constantly.

Step 10: Trust

Finally, have faith in Hashem. Trust in Hashem’s benevolence and kindness. Be optimistic, and know that Hashem is the ultimate Redeemer and will judge us favorably. All that is required of us is to be the best us we can be.

May Hashem lovingly accept all of our good deeds and growth, and grant us a good and sweet new year, amen.

Pomegranate Braised Short Ribs with Smashed Potatoes

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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Adina Yaakov

One of my favorite people often says that short ribs is one of the delicacies that should be served in Gan Eden, and I have to agree. The pomegranate molasses lends a rich, slightly sweet, yet tart flavor to the short ribs, while the savory smashed potatoes balances out the dish to perfection. Slow cooking the short ribs breaks down the tough connective tissues, creating tender and fall-off-the-bone meat that will have you reaching for more.

Ingredients

5 lbs. bone-in short ribs

6 onions, sliced into thin strips

8 cloves garlic, minced

1 cup pomegranate molasses

½ – ¾ cup pomegranate juice

1 cup red wine

1 tsp salt

½ tsp black pepper

¼ cup canola oil

10 Yukon gold potatoes

1 cup fresh pomegranate seeds

parsley for garnish

Directions

Pat short ribs dry with a paper towel. Sprinkle salt and pepper evenly over both sides.

In a grill pan or wide skillet, heat canola oil. Add sliced onion and sauté on medium flame until golden, about 5-8 minutes. Reserve half the sauteed onions for the smashed potatoes, while leaving the remaining onions in the pan.

Add short ribs to the pan and sear each side for about 3-5 minutes.

Add garlic, wine, pomegranate molasses, and ½ cup pomegranate juice to the pan. Place pot cover and bring to a low flame. Simmer for 2-3 hours, adding 1 tbsp pomegranate juice at a time if liquid completely evaporates.

Meanwhile, prepare the mashed potatoes by placing them in a large pot filled with water. Boil for 20-30 minutes until easily punctured with a fork.

Drain and peel potatoes and place them into a bowl with reserved sautéed onions. Use a fork to break potatoes apart and smash, leaving some chunks. Add salt and pepper to taste.

To serve, place smashed potatoes on serving platter, and place short ribs on top. Sprinkle with pomegranate seeds and garnish with fresh parsley.

One on One with Miriam Barry

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS  

“Our most important work at SEARCH is explaining to parents their children’s strengths and weaknesses, so they understand why a child can succeed in one area but fail in another. We often see the light bulb go off when they understand that their smart child has a particular weakness that impacts their ability to learn. Those ‘Aha’ moments are what make my job so fulfilling.”

We are blessed to have a dynamic, energetic, smart, and compassionate leader like Miriam Barry in our community. She is a woman who possesses poise, intelligence, positive energy, and an eloquent speaking style.

Her use of clever analogies resonated with me and helped me understand the issues she was describing. In addressing life’s challenges, she said, “I don’t write the script; I just read the lines.”

Growing up

Miriam was born in Rochester, NY, to Rabbi Shlomo and June Nahmod Cohen, the third of six siblings. Her father was born in British Mandated Palestine to Moroccan parents, and his semicha (rabbinic ordination) was from Yeshivat Porat Yosef in Yerushalayim. June was born in the U.S. to Syrian parents. The two met at a rally for the fledgling nation of Israel in 1947.

Rabbi Shlomo Cohen served as the only Orthodox upstate mohel, and oversaw Rochester’s kashrut, among his many roles in the community. 

June came to Rochester as a young rabbi’s wife, ran the synagogue ladies’ auxiliary, volunteered for the day school, yeshiva, and hevra kadisha, and so much more.

Miriam’s parents were her greatest mentors. “We were always hosting guests, taking care of people who got stranded in snowy Rochester winters, managing a variety of religious communal needs, and being there for others. It’s no surprise that we’re all in education or community service.”

Miriam has fond childhood memories of the eight-hour drive in the summers from Rochester to Brooklyn, to visit her maternal grandparents for two weeks.

She attended the local Hillel School until seventh grade, then public school for two years.  For tenth grade, her parents enrolled her in Bais Yaakov School for Girls in Baltimore, Maryland, where she boarded with a local family through twelfth grade.  

Miriam was a quiet child who came out of her shell when her late uncle, Joe Nahmod, a”h, gave her a guitar.  “I became quite proficient and led the high school band, sang in the high school choir, and separately performed often for the school with a singing partner.” 

Miriam was a good student and thrived at Bais Yaakov despite missing her family. Miriam babysat and gave guitar lessons to earn spending money, understanding the financial sacrifices her parents made to send her to yeshiva. Only when she became a mother did she understand her parent’s emotional sacrifice.

Miriam believes she was the only Sephardic girl at Bais Yaakov then and became “bilingual,” adept at Sepharadi inflection as well as Ashkenazic.  “I joke that I can make a mean kibbe, excellent samboussak, but also gefilte fish and cholent.” 

After high school graduation, Miriam studied at Michlala in Israel for one year. There she met her paternal grandmother and her father’s extended family for the first time. Miriam returned to Rochester to teach first grade at her alma mater, Hillel. 

And Then Came Marriage…

Miriam met her husband Ronny at the first American Sephardi Federation Youth Conference in 1973, in Atlanta, Georgia. She was representing her congregation and Ronny was in the Syrian delegation of advisers. Ronny grew up in the Brooklyn Syrian community. He was an alumnus of Ner Israel Yeshiva in Baltimore.

They married in July 1974 and lived in Israel for three years. Ronny studied at Porat Yosef Yeshiva where he earned his semicha and Miriam attended another year of Michlala, studying special education until her first daughter, Esther, was born.  After giving birth, Miriam worked at night as a translator at the Jerusalem Post, and tutored at Neve Yerushalayim for Women, until they returned in 1977 to New York with their two daughters.

They currently live in Brooklyn and have six children, three girls and three boys, in that order (Esther, Reina, Rachel, David, Shlomo, and Ezra). They all studied in Israel and graduated college. Ezra lives in Israel with his family.

Life in New York

Upon returning to New York, Miriam worked at Sephardic High School, at the time it was the only community high school outside of Yeshiva of Flatbush. 

Miriam wore many hats at Sephardic High School – in the financial office, as a special ed tutor, as the girls’ tefilla coordinator, managing students’ community service projects, and as an Israeli dance teacher.

When Sephardic High School closed in 1995, Miriam taught Judaic Studies at Taryag Academy, which opened to accept the students of Sephardic High School.

Miriam’s life was thrown into turmoil in 1988, when her 12-year-old daughter, Reina, was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. There were few specialists in pediatric brain tumors, and Reina underwent surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy.

The doctor explained “there really isn’t much research on this tumor.” He said they would “do their best,” with 50-50 chances for success.

B”H, after 18 months of treatment, Reina slowly recovered.

At the children’s clinic, Miriam met parents forming a group to fund pediatric brain tumor research. Miriam agreed to join, but she could not attend their Friday night meetings. The night was changed to Tuesdays and Miriam’s journey as a board member and other leadership roles at the Children’s Brain Tumor Foundation (cbtf.org), began, lasting 35 years.

CBTF funded doctoral fellows who now head neuro-oncology departments nationwide and began nationally recognized patient education and support programs. Their most ambitious project is the Children’s Brain Tumor Network (cbtn.org) at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, the only entity dedicated to DNA studies of pediatric brain tumors. It has been a game-changer for children with these tumors. Today, 23 member institutions participate in this monumental research effort.

SEARCH and Advocacy

In 1999, Taryag Academy closed, and Miriam took a break. In Spring, 2001, she answered an ad for a part-time position for the Sephardic Bikur Holim Educational Advocacy program, created by Rachel Shamah.

In creating SEARCH – Sephardic Educational Advocacy and Resources for Children, Rachel worked to destigmatize learning disabilities, brought experts to SBH to educate parents, and advocated vigorously for children to access services in yeshivot.

Miriam spent six intense months learning about advocacy. Soon, Rachel had Miriam began representing clients at the Department of Education advocating for them to obtain much needed government services. Miriam’s background in education, and experience in patient advocacy at CBTF served her well. She never imagined being able to advocate effectively for students without being steamrolled by the Department of Education! It was a new, unexpected skill. When Rachel left SEARCH, Miriam remained to meet the community’s growing needs.

In 2022, SBH recognized the need to expand to NJ, and SEARCH now serves many families in Deal. Presently, about 1,600 children of all ages are helped by SEARCH annually. The program brings over $13 million in special ed, counseling, and therapy services to our community.

SEARCH supports parents in navigating the Department of Education process and accessing these services. Most significantly, they help parents understand their children’s strengths and weaknesses.

For Miriam, the best part of her job is being in SBH, with dedicated staff and volunteers who do so much for the community – from giving out food, to providing therapy, to running senior citizen programs. They function as an incredible team to improve the lives of others.

Life Balance

“Work/life balance is always a challenge. It takes real work to be able to disconnect and be there for family and friends – and yourself.”

Miriam’s family has always supported and expressed pride in her career.

Regarding working moms, Miriam says, “Having a job has helped my family understand there are many facets to being a woman and mother, and outside interests can enhance, rather than take away, from family relations.”

Pride, Passions, and Purpose

Miriam’s greatest accomplishment is that she and her husband raised six children “who are kind, honest, compassionate, capable, self-sufficient, and concerned about others. We are proud of them and the children they are raising.”

Miriam’s passions define her and who she is at her core.

Her #1 passion is educational advocacy. A close second is dancing! For 23 years, Miriam taught Israeli and line dance to senior women at the Sephardic Community Center. “I loved my ‘ladies’ and was privileged to teach them.” She also gave dance classes in Ahi Ezer and private lessons for weddings/semahot.

For fun, Miriam does word puzzles, crosswords, and jigsaw puzzles. She still takes line and Israeli dance classes and calendars them as “PT.”

Connect with Miriam at miriam@sbhonline.org.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center would like to share a few messages that they received from their tutors.

“I’ve been working in collaboration with the RG Education Fund and get to see firsthand what a powerful impact they have for children in need of extra educational support. They make it possible to open windows of opportunity and access. Their motives are inspiring and the difference that is made because of the fund is invaluable.”

“Hi! I just wanted to let you know how the children I’ve been working with are doing. Especially their [a certain family’s] daughter. After break, I started informal assessments to track progress over the past year and she has made great, great strides! We will be continuing to get her through to the end of the program but, BH, to see such improvement with a student with her challenges is truly incredible. Thank you for making this journey possible. The difference this is making for her is invaluable.”

“I’ve been working in collaboration with the RG Education Fund and get to see firsthand what a powerful impact they have for children in need of extra educational support. As a specialist working with struggling students, [I see that] they make it possible to open windows of opportunity and access. Their motives are inspiring and the difference that is made because of the fund is invaluable because the students I’m seeing with great challenges are now making great strides of progress!”

For more information about utilizing the services of the RG Educational Fund, or to sponsor a session for a student, please call Rabbi Norman Cohen 908-917-3901, or Mitchell Gemal 732-829-0794.

To sponsor via Zelle: rgeducationfund@gmail.com

To sponsor via Credit Card: https://secure.cardknox.com/rochellegemaleducationalfund

Councilwoman Inna Vernikov Introduces Resolution in Support of Statewide Mask Ban

Last month, Councilwoman Inna Vernikov introduced the Unmask the Hate resolution, calling upon on the New York State Legislature to pass and the governor to sign S.9867/A.10057 (Skoufis/Dinowitz), which would make it UNLAWFUL for one to conceal their identity [such as by wearing a mask] while participating in a lawful or unlawful assembly or riot. Criminals and bad actors have taken advantage of outdated COVID-era mask policies to protect themselves while participating in hateful acts and causing violence on the streets of New York City, especially in the wake of the October 7th attacks on the State of Israel that caused an explosion of anti-American and Anti-Semitic protests and riots. Similar laws were passed around the country in the 1950s to combat the rise of the Klu Klux Klan, and more recently a ban was made law in Nassau County – just outside of New York City – with great success.

“We’re facing an intense uptick in criminality coupled with anti-American and anti-Semitic hatred in New York City, and these sick individuals are emboldened by their anonymity to the point of openly spewing hatred and acting violently without worry of any consequences. We can no longer afford to allow those engaging in this behavior to protect themselves behind masks and face coverings,” said Councilwoman Inna Vernikov. “At every level of government, we should be doing everything we can to assist law enforcement in catching criminals. This legislation is bipartisan in nature, and I strongly urge my City Council colleagues – particularly those with Jewish constituencies who are feeling unheard and fearful – to pass this resolution and to strongly support the statewide legislation. We have to bring safety back to our streets. Unmask the Criminals – Unmask the Hate!”

Do You Know a Senior Who Can Use a Visit?

COMMUNITY HIGHLIGHTS

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center

The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center would like to share a few messages that they received from their tutors.

“I’ve been working in collaboration with the RG Education Fund and get to see firsthand what a powerful impact they have for children in need of extra educational support. They make it possible to open windows of opportunity and access. Their motives are inspiring and the difference that is made because of the fund is invaluable.”

“Hi! I just wanted to let you know how the children I’ve been working with are doing. Especially their [a certain family’s] daughter. After break, I started informal assessments to track progress over the past year and she has made great, great strides! We will be continuing to get her through to the end of the program but, BH, to see such improvement with a student with her challenges is truly incredible. Thank you for making this journey possible. The difference this is making for her is invaluable.”

“I’ve been working in collaboration with the RG Education Fund and get to see firsthand what a powerful impact they have for children in need of extra educational support. As a specialist working with struggling students, [I see that] they make it possible to open windows of opportunity and access. Their motives are inspiring and the difference that is made because of the fund is invaluable because the students I’m seeing with great challenges are now making great strides of progress!”

For more information about utilizing the services of the RG Educational Fund, or to sponsor a session for a student, please call Rabbi Norman Cohen 908-917-3901, or Mitchell Gemal 732-829-0794.

To sponsor via Zelle: rgeducationfund@gmail.com
To sponsor via Credit Card: https://secure.cardknox.com/rochellegemaleducationalfund

Councilwoman Inna Vernikov Introduces Resolution in Support of Statewide Mask Ban

Last month, Councilwoman Inna Vernikov introduced the Unmask the Hate resolution, calling upon on the New York State Legislature to pass and the governor to sign S.9867/A.10057 (Skoufis/Dinowitz), which would make it UNLAWFUL for one to conceal their identity [such as by wearing a mask] while participating in a lawful or unlawful assembly or riot. Criminals and bad actors have taken advantage of outdated COVID-era mask policies to protect themselves while participating in hateful acts and causing violence on the streets of New York City, especially in the wake of the October 7th attacks on the State of Israel that caused an explosion of anti-American and Anti-Semitic protests and riots. Similar laws were passed around the country in the 1950s to combat the rise of the Klu Klux Klan, and more recently a ban was made law in Nassau County – just outside of New York City – with great success.

“We’re facing an intense uptick in criminality coupled with anti-American and anti-Semitic hatred in New York City, and these sick individuals are emboldened by their anonymity to the point of openly spewing hatred and acting violently without worry of any consequences. We can no longer afford to allow those engaging in this behavior to protect themselves behind masks and face coverings,” said Councilwoman Inna Vernikov. “At every level of government, we should be doing everything we can to assist law enforcement in catching criminals. This legislation is bipartisan in nature, and I strongly urge my City Council colleagues – particularly those with Jewish constituencies who are feeling unheard and fearful – to pass this resolution and to strongly support the statewide legislation. We have to bring safety back to our streets. Unmask the Criminals – Unmask the Hate!”

Do You Know a Senior Who Can Use a Visit?

FRUITY PIZZA PIE

Community Magazine

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September 2024

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Creative Cooking with

Chef Shiri

Kids – See if you have what it takes to become a Junior Chef!

Utensils Needed:

Mixing bowls
Measuring cups and spoons
Large spoon
10-inch round pizza pan
Oven mitts
Knife
Pizza cutter

Ingredients:

½ cup margarine (1 stick), at room temperature
¾ cup sugar, divided
1 egg
1¼ cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons each of fresh strawberries, blueberries, and grapes
1 (8-ounce) package of dairy-free cream cheese, at room temperature
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 kiwis
1 mango

Let’s Get Started!

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
In a large bowl, mix the margarine, and ½ cup sugar together, stirring with a spoon until smooth. Mix in egg.
In a separate bowl, combine the flour, cream of tartar, baking soda, and salt. Add dry ingredients to margarine and egg mixture, and mix until well combined.
Press the dough into the ungreased pizza pan.
Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, until crust is lightly browned. Let cool.
While the crust is baking, use the knife to peel and slice the mango and kiwis. Cut each slice in half. Cut the strawberries and grapes in half as well.
In a large bowl, use a spoon to mix together the non-dairy cream cheese and the remaining ¼ cup sugar. Mix in vanilla extract. Spread the non-dairy cream cheese mixture onto cooled crust.
Arrange fruit in circles on the non-dairy cream cheese mixture. Chill in the refrigerator for 1 hour.
Slice with pizza cutter. Serve.

One on One with  Rivka Tawachi

Community Magazine

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August 2024

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ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS  

“My mom was my inspiration for Elegant Cookies NY. She is insanely talented and was always baking when we were growing up. She took many Wilton courses and encouraged us to help and bake from a young age. She literally gave me all her baking tools when I started out.” ~~ Rivka ~~ 

Rivka Tawachi is the founder of Elegant Cookies NY, which she grew into a successful custom bakery niche, reaching corporate America. Her custom cakes and cookies are dairy, nut, and sesame-free and are shipped worldwide.

Rivka was born in Long Branch, NJ, to Rabbi Shlomo Shoub, of Iranian descent and Blimie Aboud, of Syrian descent, from NJ. Blimie’s parents lived in the Lower East Side and were close with Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt”l.

In 1978, when he was 16, Rabbi Shoub came to the U.S. from Iran, to study at Ner Israel Rabbinical College in Baltimore. NIRC’s Rabbi Neuberger’s goal was to bring Persian students to learn in the U.S. and for them to return to Iran to teach Torah. With the outbreak of the Iranian Revolution in 1979, most of the boys stayed in America.

Rivka is number seven of eleven children. She said, “Although our minhagim were primarily Persian, we grew up with one foot in each world. My mom’s Syrian roots had a strong impact on us, expressed in customs and food. We also visited my mother’s family in Deal often. It was the best of both worlds.”

Rabbi Shoub moved his family from NJ to Great Neck, Long Island, when Rivka was two. He joined a kehilla there and eventually opened his own Persian Synagogue, Congregation Shira Chadasha, which is now Congregation Shaare Yashar. Rivka is very proud that the shul is thriving.

Rivka’s mother described her as an energetic and social child. History was her favorite subject. “We were all lively kids and are still close, even though we live all over. It was chaotic but I loved it.”

Rivka studied at BBY, Bnos Beis Yaakov, in Far Rockaway for elementary school and Ateret Torah in Brooklyn for high school.

She and her siblings were very involved with their father’s shul. “My mom ran all the events, and we helped her both in and out of the kitchen. She was always baking and cooking. We were raised to do hesed, to always do things for others, and that shaped who we became.

My parents taught us that people don’t have to know about the good you do. I have seen my parents being there for people in the most beautiful way. We only found out the extent my parents were there for others when we were older.”

Rivka’s Spark

Rivka possesses tremendous positive energy, warmth, and drive. She describes herself as creative, energetic, assertive, and dramatic. She enjoys challenging herself.

Rivka is also very spiritual and has a strong belief in Hashem, saying that if Hashem decides you will be successful, you will be. She believes in determination and hard work and not giving up. “Figure out what went wrong and fix it. You can’t receive Hashem’s blessing if you don’t try and put yourself out there.”

Work and Marriage 

Rivka’s first job out of high school was as a hairdresser. She then landed a job as an office manager for a cardiology practice and loved the fast-paced environment and the chaos. Surely, Rivka saw to it that the office ran smoothly and charmed the patients as well.

Soon after graduating high school, Rivka was introduced to Chaim Tawachi, one year her senior. Chaim, of Syrian descent, from Brooklyn, was introduced to Rivka by his aunt, who made several successful matches for both families.

Rivka and Chaim clicked right away. “We are both straight shooters and have similar backgrounds and values. We both love coffee and having a good time. On our first date, Chaim asked me if I like coffee and before I knew it, we were leaving the restaurant and were on our way to a café.”

Chaim learned in yeshiva in the beginning of their marriage. He then started work in the consumer electronics industry as his family grew.

The couple live in Midwood and have three children, two daughters aged nine and six, and a three-and-a-half-year-old son. Their daughters attend Bet Yaakov Orot Sarah and their son will be entering Yeshivat Mekor Haim this fall.

Community is very important to Rivka. She learned from her parents how essential it is to take care of each other and our community members. The couple’s children are in community schools, they pray at a community shul, Derech Efrat, and Rivka cooks for community families in need.

Elegant Cookies NY Is Born

While working as an office manager, Rivka helped a friend bake a cake for her son’s upsherin. “I said, ‘let’s do it together.’ It was an adorable race car cake. My neighbor came over and said, ‘you must start a business’ and it snowballed from there.”

Her mother’s talent for baking inspired Rivka. Every party her mother organized was a family affair and each child had their assignment, “as long as we did our dishes, the kitchen was ours.”

The Elegant Cookies brand is “tasting as good as it looks.” Rivka adds, “I love to watch someone eat something so pretty that it brings a smile to their face.”

“Sometimes cakes look gorgeous, but you can taste the Crisco and you are left with an unpleasant coating in your mouth,” Rivka says. She will tell a customer when an idea won’t work and she will not sell anything that does not taste good.

Rivka chose to make her products free of both nuts and sesame. As a child, Rivka had a friend with many allergies, and it was always challenging when she came over. “I wanted to create something inclusive for people with allergies.”

When Rivka first started her business, she mostly baked custom desserts for community parties. When she launched her website, she found that it was ranking well in Google search results. Their baby cookie gift set was one of five top Google searches for kosher baby cookies.

Elegant Cookies Takes Off

Elegant Cookies now works with large enterprises for their corporate events and gifting, product launch parties, and customize DIY cookie kits for team building exercises.

“We worked closely with the Nike Jordan team to create a cake for a new release and Cocoa Bombs for a new line of moisturizers for Laneige. We did events for LinkedIn, Microsoft, and J & J.”

Rivka learned that the customer base for her products is not limited to caterers and community parties. Any business could have a need for niche products, which means every company is a potential customer. “I’m excited about continuing to explore that,” Rivka says.

During the pandemic, Elegant Cookies sold many DIY cookie kits to moms with children at home and to corporations for Zoom group activities.

“We don’t usually advertise; our business comes from word of mouth. We have a great marketing manager who is taking our business to new levels with social media.”

Passions and Balance

Rivka’s greatest personal passion is her family. Professionally, she loves a challenge and is on fire about growing her business, trying out new products/techniques, and keeping up with the latest trends. Rivka is proud that she was able to grow beyond running a community business and can now bring her products to corporate America.

Rivka maintains a healthy work-family balance but does not take all the credit. “Without Chaim, I wouldn’t have my business. He takes the children when I host business parties and brings professionalism and knowledge to Elegant Cookies. He taught me about sales and handles the administrative end.”

Rivka expressed hakarat hatov for the help she receives from her parents and her in-laws.

And Rivka makes sure to keep her children in the loop regarding what’s happening with her business and what is coming up with her future work schedule.

Rivka’s kids know about her busy work periods, near Rosh Hashanah, Hanukah, Purim, and Shavuot.

“I always try to make an extra dessert for them, so they know that I am thinking of them. They are my biggest supporters. My kids tell people their mommy has a bakery and makes yummy desserts. I send in cookies or cupcakes when they have a school event.”

After each busy season, Rivka takes time off to spend with her family.

Rivka and Chaim are on the same page regarding parenting. They are focused on raising good, independent children with Torah values and a strong work ethic.

The children are their priority: Sundays are usually reserved for the kids exclusively.

To unwind, Rivka loves reading a good book, traveling, and taking road trips with her family. She cherishes spending time with her siblings when they are in town.

What’s Next 

At the right time, Rivka’s plan is to open a bakery, offer baking classes, and acquire an event space.

You can connect to Rivka by phone, 516-423-2711, text, WhatsApp, Instagram @elegantcookiesny and email, Elegantcookiesny@gmail.com.

Once Upon a Thyme – One Pan Chicken and Garlic Orzo with Cherry Tomatoes

Community Magazine

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August 2024

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Once Upon a Thyme – One Pan Chicken and Garlic Orzo with Cherry Tomatoes

Adina Yaakov

This One pan chicken and garlic orzo with cherry tomatoes is just the recipe you are looking for this summer. One pot means less time in the kitchen, less clean up, and more time to spend outdoors. The sauce is made from squashing cherry tomatoes, releasing its juices, which the orzo absorbs along with coconut milk. This results in a creamy pasta with rich flavors of garlic and aromatic basil which will have you believe you are in a restaurant in the heart of Italy. Bon Appetit!

2 cups raw spinach

1 lb chicken strips

2 tbsp canola oil

2 onions, sliced thin

8 garlic cloves, minced

1 can light coconut milk

4 tbsp tomato paste

1 ½ cups chicken or vegetable stock

1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved

1 cup fresh basil leaves, chopped

1 box orzo

1tbsp Salt

¼ tsp pepper

In a wide lipped skillet; sauté onions in oil on medium heat until golden.

Sprinkle chicken strips with salt and pepper and add to the skillet. Cook until opaque, about 6-7 minutes.

Add tomatoes to the skillet with half the minced garlic and stir on a low flame. Smash the cherry tomatoes against the pan with the back of a spoon after a couple of minutes.

Add tomato paste, stock and remaining garlic to the skillet and mix to dissolve tomato paste. Add orzo, basil, salt, pepper and continuously stir over a low flame for 5 minutes. Add spinach and coconut milk and continue to stir until orzo is cooked, about 5-10 minutes.

Orzo should be al dente. If orzo needs more cooking time & liquids are running low, add ½ cup chicken stock at time and continue to stir.

Serve warm and enjoy.

The Case – A Broken Heart

Community Magazine

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August 2024

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Debbie and Alex were dating for months until the big day finally came, and the two were engaged to be married. After a joyous engagement party, the preparations for the wedding began. Debbie’s parents put a $5,000 down payment on a hall, and prepaid the florist $2,000. Other expenses included $2,000 to reserve a photographer, and $1,000 for invitations. Thereafter, the parents met to finalize the day-to-day finances of the couple, and unfortunately, the conversation resulted in a heated argument. Alex’s parents claimed that they were told by the matchmaker that the bride’s parents were willing to contribute to the financial support of the couple for at least the first few years of marriage. Debbie’s parents responded that no such agreement was made. For the next few days the couple’s parents tried to negotiate the matter, but to no avail. Eventually, Alex’s parents called off the engagement, and Debbie was nothing less than devastated by the news. Debbie’s parents summoned Alex’s parents to Bet Din claiming to collect a total of $22,000. The list of expenses included a rental fee of $2,000 for the hall of the engagement party, the money spent on the wedding preparations, which amounted to at least the sum of $10,000, and $10,000 in monetary compensation for their daughter’s disgrace caused by the broken engagement. Alex’s parents refused to pay the $22,000 claim, on the grounds that they only agreed to the engagement based on Debbie’s parent’s willingness to provide financial assistance. They added that, in any event, they should not be held fully responsible for the unfortunate turn of events, as Debbie’s parents are also responsible for the break-up. Furthermore, their son Alex was as well emotionally pained from the break-up, and although they sympathize with Debbie’s shame, their son is suffering as well.

How should the Bet Din rule, and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, one who terminates an engagement to be married, is generally liable for all expenditures incurred in preparation of the wedding. Although several halachic authorities exempt the cancelling party from responsibility, nevertheless, in instances in which a bride and groom are of Sephardic origin, a Bet Din will exact payment in accordance with the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch. The rationale behind this ruling is that after a couple is engaged to be married, it is considered accepted practice to voluntarily prepare for the wedding. Hence, it is viewed from a legal standpoint as if the cancelling party already gave consent or even explicit instruction for all standard expenditures. Upon terminating the engagement to be married; after giving such consent to the expenses, one is liable for the loss sustained to the other party.

Needless to say, in the event one of the couple conceals information in order to facilitate the engagement, such as failing to disclose a medical defect or the like, the terminating party on account of such claims is absolved of all liability.

According to Torah law, it is a husband’s requirement to assume the responsibility of support of his spouse. Hence, unless stipulated prior to the engagement that the groom anticipates monetary support from the bride’s father for their daily expenses, the groom is to bear the burden of support. In the event the groom terminates an engagement due to a lack of a financial commitment from the bride’s father, and no clear contractual obligation exists, the groom is to be held liable for all expenditures incurred in the interim.

Nearly all terminated engagements are the result of a mutual decision of both the families involved. This is so, since once the fighting commences, unnecessary words are exchanged causing damage and insult to all parties involved. Although presently both parties may be unwilling to go forward with the wedding, a Bet Din will probe into the specifics of the situation to determine who triggered off the dispute and ultimately caused the termination of the upcoming marriage. The party who unlawfully initiated the quarrel is liable for the expenses sustained until the breakup.

By rule of the Shulhan Aruch, one who causes embarrassment and anguish to another is liable to pay for the damage he inflicted. The anguish is compounded if one’s reputation is harmed, and the regard and confidence in which a person is held decreases. Leading halachic authorities throughout Jewish history were most definitely sensitive to these modes of damage, as elaborate rulings dating back to the era of the Mishnah impose liability on an offender. Nevertheless, various restrictions apply before determining liability. By rule of the Mishnah, only if an offender intentionally defames another, is he required to provide compensation. Commonly, after an engagement is terminated, the victim of the unfortunate turn of events suffers a degree of embarrassment. In such instances it is questionable whether one is liable for damages. On the one hand, the terminating of the engagement was done intentionally, and for the benefit of the offender, yet on the other hand there was no malicious intent to inflict pain. Since both views have halachic credibility, a Bet Din is likely to formulate a compromise and request of the victim to pardon the offender in exchange for satisfactory monetary compensation.

VERDICT: Make Amends

The Bet Din submitted a decision to obligate Alex to pay a sum of $16,000 in compensation for Debbie’s claims. As mentioned in Torah law, since Alex did not clearly stipulate prior to his engagement that he anticipated financial assistance from Debbie’s father, he is liable for the wedding expenses after terminating the engagement. After contacting the matchmaker, it became evident that Debbie’s father never committed to two years of support and was somewhat reluctant when the proposition was suggested. Furthermore, the parties attempted to negotiate an agreement in which Debbie’s father offered a modest monthly sum, however Alex rejected the offer as the funds were insufficient. Without a clear financial commitment from Debbie’s father prior to the engagement, Alex may not demand thereafter a specific amount towards financial support. Alex triggered off the dispute and ultimately caused the termination of the upcoming marriage, making him liable for the $12,000 wasted on wedding expenses. (The sum of $12,000 is subject to reduction, in the event the caterer or service suppliers are willing to return a percentage of their deposits.) In addition, the Bet Din awarded Debbie $4000 as compensation for the anguish of her embarrassment, contingent on her pardoning Alex for the pain she suffered. As mentioned in Torah law, some halachic authorities exempt Alex from payment for the embarrassment he caused Debbie, since he did not intentionally or maliciously offend her. Nevertheless, there is halachic credibility for Debbie’s claim, and a compromise was formulated enabling Debbie to forgive her grievances. Alex’s claim that he was also suffering was rejected, since he was the initial cause of the breakup. Hence a total of $16,000 is to be paid by Alex to Debbie as compensation for damages.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

A Ponzi Scheme

Rich, interested in expanding his wealth, regularly invested in small wholesale corporations that needed capital. His latest investment included buying fifty percent of Yoram’s textile company for 1.9 million dollars. Before purchasing, he reviewed all the accounting history of the company, and thereafter signed and transferred half the sum as his initial payment. Additionally, as part of the purchase agreement, Rich signed as a personal guarantor for a loan previously extended to the company in the amount of $375,000. Less than a month later, Rich discovered that the company he purchased from Yoram was a complete scam. Aside from the company’s accounting, which proved to be fraudulent, the company owed millions of dollars to private investors. Since the company did not generate a profit over the many years, Yoram habitually paid the investors their monthly dividends with the money of each new investor. When the Ponzi scheme became too overwhelming to control, Yoram fiendishly sold the company to Rich, and he presumably ran off to Argentina after being paid. Rich is presently attempting to press criminal charges against Yoram in secular court and is preoccupied in finding his whereabouts. The case brought before our Bet Din was the claim of Jack, the lender of the $375,000, versus Rich, who personally guaranteed the sum. Rich responded to Jack’s claim that since, in retrospect, his purchase of the company was null and void, he has no obligation to the creditors. Furthermore, Rich defended that the $375,000 debt was existent prior to his involvement in the company. He argued that just as he was swindled and suffered a financial loss, the creditors as well were to sustain their share in the damage. Jack presented to the Bet Din the guarantor document with Rich’s signature fixed to the bottom.

Is Rich obligated to pay Jack his $375,000 loan?

How should the Bet Din rule and why?

In Loving Memory of Vera Bat Carol, A”H

Medical Halacha – Medical Creams, Suntan Lotion, and Hand Sanitizer on Shabbat

Community Magazine

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August 2024

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Medical Halacha – Medical Creams, Suntan Lotion, and Hand Sanitizer on Shabbat

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Sarah and Ikey enjoy walking to their parents’ home on Shabbat afternoons. It’s a long walk and Sarah has sensitive skin. She therefore asked me whether during the summer months she may apply sunscreen lotion to prevent sunburn. Ikey, on the other hand, tans well in the sun. He asked me if he may apply cream for his eczema.

Healing and Smoothing

There are two potential halachic issues with applying medical creams or sunscreen lotion on Shabbat. Firstly, it is rabbinically prohibited to take medication or to engage in healing on Shabbat, unless one is bedridden.

Secondly, there is a Torah prohibition of memachek – smoothing animal hides. Memachek is the av melacha – one of the 39 melachot derived from activities that were required in the setting up and maintenance of the Mishkan – and it is forbidden on Shabbat. It is the act of smoothing hard substances like animal hides, that cannot be molded into a shape.

Memareyach – smoothing or molding – is the tolada, subsidiary melacha, and refers to smoothing softer substances that can be molded into a shape (such as wax) and retain their original firm consistency even after they have been smoothed. A rabbinic prohibition of memareyach extends this to include semi-solid substances that lose their original firm consistency during smoothing (e.g., creams).

Regarding the prohibition of medicine, suntan lotion does not fall within the scope of this prohibition. Only medicines that seek to cure or heal an existing ailment are forbidden, not those that work to prevent an ailment such as sunburn. For this reason, Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, permits using toothpaste on Shabbat. Toothpaste does not heal the teeth and gums; it prevents the development of decay (Yabia Omer, OC 4:29:16). On the other hand, using medicated cream for eczema does fall under the prohibition of healing on Shabbat.

The second prohibition of memareyach, smoothing substances on Shabbat, is more problematic. Hacham Ovadia (Hazon Ovadya, Shabbat Vol. 3, p. 403) rules that thick textured creams are included in this category. The same applies to sun lotion with a thick, creamy consistency.

However, this does not mean that Sarah must subject herself to sunburn. According to Hacham Ovadia (ibid. Vol. 3, p. 384), the rabbinic prohibition of memareyach does not apply when cream is fully absorbed into the skin during smoothing (based on Magen Avraham O.C. 316:24). The rationale for this is that something that disappears as it is smoothed is not considered “smoothed.”

Based on this, the Rishon Lezion Hacham Yitzhak Yosef, permits using hand sanitizer on Shabbat (Ein Yitzhak #241). Therefore, if Sarah ensures that the sunscreen lotion is fully absorbed into the skin and no residue is left behind, she will not commit memareyach. This would similarly apply to a medical cream. In other words, there is no prohibition of memareyach if the cream is fully absorbed into the skin. However, since it is used for a healing purpose, there would still be an issue of healing on Shabbat, so it would only be permitted for someone who is bedridden, which would rule out the treatment of eczema (Hazon Ovadya, ibid).

Note however, that this leniency is subject to dispute. Hacham Benzion Abba Shaul forbids smoothing creams even when they are absorbed in the process. In times of illness with pain, he only permits the topical application of cream to a wound if one refrains from performing a smearing or smoothing action (Ohr Lezion 2:36:6. Regarding toothpaste see Yabia Omer, OC 4:29:2 as to why there is no problem of memareyach and Ohr Lezion 2:35:6 who is concerned with memareyach).

Practical Answers

To satisfy all opinions, Sarah can use a spray-on or liquid sun protection. These are comparable to liquid soap, which Hacham Ovadia (ibid. Vol. 4, p. 162) permits using on Shabbat since smearing and smoothing do not apply to liquid substances (see OC 328:22).

Regarding tanning on Shabbat, Hacham Ovadia (Hazon Ovadia, Shabbat Vol. 5, p. 21) rules that one may sit outdoors on Shabbat even if one’s skin will be tanned so long as one does not intentionally sits outside in order to tan.

So, as long as Ikey does not intend to tan by walking to this parents, he need not be concerned about improving his tan. Hacham Ovadia adds that regardless of the problem of intentionally tanning on Shabbat, one should not spend a long time outdoors being hot and uncomfortable. Shabbat is a day of taanug – enjoyment and holiness. It should, therefore, be set aside for loftier engagements.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.