QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I would say that this has been an issue in my marriage for as long as I could remember.  At least two to three times a week we argue about money. My wife likes spending lavishly, many times beyond our means, whereas, I like to live a more conservative lifestyle and to save money. She says that I am cheap, but I don’t think so. What does one do when two people just have different approaches to money? Is there any way to deal with this without fighting?

R’ Ali’s Response:

I will address your specific questions, but I’d like to mention a few things that people need to hear on this topic. The peer pressure of the Jewish community can be very intense. Trying to keep up with our friends and neighbors is no easy task. It’s important to understand that some people care very much about keeping up with others and some don’t care so much. If your spouse feels this pressure, it won’t help to debate it. Rather, accept it for what it is and deal with it. This is not to say that your spouse is correct. That is a completely different topic. On the other hand, some people don’t care much about what others are doing and live within their means. It’s important to acknowledge that as a sign of good character and be grateful for that. Calling your spouse “cheap” for not wanting to spend recklessly is wrong and insensitive. The spouse who is calling the other one “cheap” may be looking at a special and noble person and may not even recognize it.

Another important point that I believe all wives must hear, is that your husband cannot “make money.” All he can do is his ownhishtadlut. He works hard because that is what Hashem wants him to do. However,Hashem is the One who ultimately decides how much money he will have. I say this because many women are resentful that their husbands are not “making it” like their friends or family are. If the husband is working hard, there’s not much more that he can do. Complaining to him about his lack of wealth makes him feel horrible, worthless, and possibly makes him feel like a failure. 

Getting back to your question. You specifically asked, “What does one do when two people have different approaches?” I have seen many couples with many differences who seem to work their differences out just fine. However, I see other couples with minimal differences who struggle tremendously. It’s not about the differences, rather how you deal with them. If you have a good relationship, respect each other, and communicate nicely, most things will not become major issues. I don’t know the details about your relationship, but money is not usually an issue, even with different approaches, when the relationship is good. This is not to say that you don’t have a good relationship, I’m just giving you food for thought. Maybe you two need to work on communication, not money philosophies.

You mention that your wife keeps spending beyond your means. I’m not sure how you addressed this in the past but it obviously is not working. I have two ideas on how to deal with this specific problem. I call this a problem for obvious reasons. It seems like your wife spends money that you simply don’t have. If you had the money, that would be an entirely different question. The first idea would be to communicate to her in a different way. Until now you probably just argued with her. I have mentioned this approach in the past but it’s worth repeating. Approach your wife when there is no issue at hand. Make sure she and you are both relaxed. Tell her how you’d love to buy her everything that she wants (and mean it). However, we really need to stick to this budget for now. Hopefully, one day we will be able to spend much more. With this approach, it’s not about pointing the finger at “her spending habits,” it’s about the reality.

If this doesn’t work and she says that she needs more money, you should follow up with the next step. You should calculate the exact amount of your monthly income. Then, tell her this is how much I make and this is how much we can spend. Please understand that we cannot go over this budget for now. There are other ideas regarding setting boundaries, but I believe that anything drastic should be spoken over with a professional or a rabbi. I don’t see why you cannot sit down with your wife and a rabbi and propose the question to him. 

Wishing you much success, and, of course, if you pray to Hashem for assistance and clarity then you’re sure to have a wonderful relationship.

ByEddie Esses and Sari Setton

On the evening of May 20, nervous anticipation quickly turned into excited euphoria… that we had finally done it. That WE, as a community, had achieved something monumental. 

In a historic moment for the Sephardic Jewish Community, Sam Sutton was elected to lead the 22nd New York State Senate District with a commanding 67-32% margin – making him the first Sephardic Jew ever elected to the NY State Senate. This was much more than just a victory for Sam; it was a transformative milestone for our community, which has steadily grown in strength, unity, and civic engagement.

This victory was reached, thanks in large part to our community. Special elections in non-presidential years often see minimal voter participation, but the Sephardic Community turned out in force. Building on the momentum of Joey Saban’s groundbreaking campaign for New York State Assembly just one year ago, we once again demonstrated that we are organized, motivated, and ready to be taken seriously by elected officials at every level. Borough Park, Midwood, and Flatbush voters also came out strong for Sam by a wide margin, contributing to a diverse and powerful coalition.

The election night celebration reflected the joy and meaning of this historic achievement. Sam gathered with close friends, campaign team members, and a host of dignitaries and elected officials. Former Governor Andrew Cuomo, Manhattan Borough President Mark Levine, and many NYC Council Members offered heartfelt remarks, reflecting on their past work with Sam and highlighting his long standing reputation as a thoughtful, effective, and principled leader. Ronnie Tawil, Sam’s fellow co-founder of the Sephardic Community Federation, gave a moving tribute, speaking of Sam’s unwavering devotion to the community and his decades of quiet yet impactful leadership. 

In his remarks that evening, Sam made sure to thank everyone who made the victory possible – but he gave special thanks to his wife, Nancy, a community leader in her own right. Sam acknowledged how much of his communal involvement was inspired and shaped by Nancy’s tireless work, and how grateful he is for her support, wisdom, and example.

Sam’s leadership has deep roots. A lifelong community leader, he has spent decades shaping key community institutions. He served over 30 years at SBH, including five as president, helping it grow into a comprehensive social service powerhouse. He co-founded and still chairs Teach NYS, which secured a $330 per-child education tax credit and opened the door for yeshivot to receive Title I services from culturally appropriate third-party providers. As a founding board member of the SAFE Foundation, a trustee at NYU Langone Hospital, and a former CUNY Board of Trustees member, Sam has spent his life using institutional roles to deliver tangible results for our community.

Behind the scenes, the campaign ran on passion, dedication, and a clear vision. Campaign manager Joey Saban, whose own run for office catalyzed a wave of civic engagement in the community last year, worked nonstop for months to line everything up for a potential campaign. Once launched, he ensured every detail of the campaign strategy was executed with heart and precision. That same energy carried through to Election Day, where Sephardic Community voters sent a clear and powerful message: we are no longer on the sidelines—we are shaping the future.

Only one week after the election, Sam took office in a special ceremony on the floor of the State Senate. Alongside his wife Nancy and his entire family, Sam was sworn into office using the Aleppo Codex, showcasing just how monumental a feat was achieved. Sam was recognized later that day during his first legislative session with a round of applause by the entire chamber. 

True to character, Sam wasn’t looking to spend time basking in his victory. He was eager to get to work.  With just two weeks remaining before the end of the legislative session, Sam  introduced four of his own bills and passed three of them (!)  – that’s more than many legislators pass in their full terms. One bill prevents the issuing of sanitation tickets to those who put out their garbage on Friday  as opposed to during Shabbat. Another bill supports funding for treatment for those struggling with infertility. In addition to passing multiple bills at a record pace, Sam also secured significant funding for multiple community organizations. 

For our community, this endeavor was much more than an election – it was a moment of long-overdue recognition. The Sephardic community has shown that it is cohesive, active, and ready to build lasting influence with government. With Sam Sutton in the State Senate, our voice is finally where it belongs: at the table.

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“I was named after my Grandma Grace Sasson who published the first Syrian cookbook in the community.  Through her name, she passed her talents to me. B”H, I’m able to earn parnassah and bring people together through food.”~~ Grace Sitt ~~

Please meet Grace Sitt.  Her name is so appropriate for her as it connotes, kindness, charm, goodness, ease, and elegance – exactly her qualities.

As we follow Grace on her personal and professional journey, you will see that Grace’s spiritual and entrepreneurial voice grew strongly and steadily from her teens until now.

Roots

Grace Sasson Sitt, the daughter of Marcelle and Sammy Sasson, lived in Brooklyn until her family moved to Deal when she was in eighth grade. She is the oldest of five children and has three sisters and a brother.  Sadly, her sister Marjorie, a”h, passed away in her thirties due to complications from an illness. 

Grace’s paternal grandparents and maternal grandmother were from Aleppo, Syria. 

The Sassons could only afford to send one child to yeshiva, so only their son had that privilege.  Grace happily attended Talmud Torah classes at East Midwood JC in the afternoons. She learned to read and write Hebrew and learned about Jewish history, Humash, and hagim.

School studies came easily to Grace except for math and science.  She was shy in school butwith time she became more sociable as she adjusted.

Grace felt her transition from Brooklyn to Deal was fairly smooth. It helped that Marcelle’s friends’ daughters warmly welcomed Grace into their friends’ group. 

High School Years

When Grace was 14 years of age, there was no girls yeshiva high schoolin Deal.To the girls’ good fortune, a local teacher, Mrs. Jacobowitz, taught limudei kodeshto the high school girls twice a week.

During 11^{th and} 12^th grade, Grace felt engaged in the school’s co-op program.  She used her new skills at her job at the Tactical Library at Fort Monmouth.

Grace’s father began to learn with the rabbi of the shul they had joined.  Her father became observant, and Grace followed his lead, out of love and respect.

After graduating high school, Grace began working in a wholesale company in NYC.

Married Life

Grace and her husband Steven have been married for 38 years. The couple has seven children and many grandchildren. Family is a priority for Grace and Steven, and they adore seeing their children and grandchildren.

The couple moved to Deal from Brooklyn around 27 years ago.  They are proud of their community, with its wonderful schools, organizations, and centers, where they appreciate that children can spend time safely.

Steven has been an EMT since the Jersey Shore Hatzalah was established in 2002.  He is now the Executive Director, and their son Sammy recently completed his paramedic course and is one of the coordinators.  Grace has been a dispatcher since Hatzalah began responding to calls in 2003.

Grace’s Essence

Grace describes herself as caring, loyal, fun, and easy-going.She also exudes warmth, ease, and calmness, which fit perfectly with her name.

In the morning Grace asks Hashem to help her make her clients happy. Her parents and grandmothers significantly helped to  shape the woman Grace became.

Marcelle and Sammy taught Grace about independence, responsibility, respect, and ethics.  She learned from them that failing provides a lesson to learn from, and to keep moving forward. 

“Grandma Grace was my role model in the kitchen. We went there for Shabbat meals and holidays.  She had everyone’s favorites and put out a table that could feed the whole block.”

Cooking – A Family Affair

When the Sassons moved to Deal, Grandma Grace stayed with them for the summer. She was always making something delicious.

Grace had no interest in learning to cook or bake as a teenager.  Grandma Grace would beg her to join her.  “I chose my friends or the beach instead.”  Her grandmother had sons and no daughters and so she taught her daughter-in-law Marcelle how to cook, bake, and entertain.

Grace’s Grandma Marjorie worked very hard. She was always put together, smiling. and laughing. She didn’t have a lot, but she lived life to the fullest, dancing, laughing, and smiling.

Grace’s Trajectory

When Grace married, she started to cook as a creative outlet and enjoyed entertaining for Shabbat and holidays. When her children began yeshiva, Grace studied more and grew spiritually. She felt very fulfilled being a mom.

Until seventeen years ago, Grace was a full-time mom. Then,Grace decided to work to supplement her family’s income.  She wanted a job where she could still be home with her youngest, two-year-old Racheli.  She tried babysitting but didnot enjoy it.  Someone suggested she make and sell mazza out of her house. 

“My career chose me.  A book on emunah that I read, said that Hashem gives us talents, not just for ourselves but [our talents] should be shared or used to make a living or to help others.  When it was time to work, I saw Hashem’s hand in following Grandma Grace’s path of cooking.”

Grace also worked in the kitchens of local food businesses where she learned how to cook very large quantities and she learned about food safety. 

Catering by Grace

Someone asked if Grace would help them to cater a party and Catering by Grace was born. 

“I completely self-taught myself everything, from figuring out quantities of food needed for 100 vs. 200 guests, how to display the food, how to charge my clients, how to be cost efficient without compromising quality, how to create menus, and how to store and transport food.  I never went to culinary or business school.  I went online and did the research. I learned everything on the job.  It was a lot of trial and error, but I kept learning and growing every year.  I really enjoy cooking, otherwise the food doesn’t come out well.”

Many of Grace’s firstjobs were cooking for shiva houses. She cooked three meals a day for a week for mourners and extended family.  “I prepared the favorite dishes of the grandparent or wife who had passed away.  It was healing for those sittingshiva.”

The Business Grows

She began as a one-woman show, working out of her home and sometimes getting her husband, her older children, and teenagers who were off for the summer to help.

In Grace’s early catering days, she sometimes worked from 5am to 2am and then slept most of Shabbat.

Her husband and children support Grace’s career and are proud of what she has accomplished.  “I can honestly say that none of my kids would go into catering – LOL.”

As her business expanded, life normalized and Grace was able to afford a commissary, employ staff, and have an assistant help her manage parties.

Grace caters bar/bat mitzvahs, brit milot, engagements, sebets,sheva brachot, birthdays, baby namings, weddings, and pizza ovens.  She has organized parties ranging from intimate dinner parties for 20 people to events with 500 guests.

A New Partnership

Grace recently partnered with Susan and Jack Zayat under the name Hungrymom Catering.

“It was a sign from Hashem.  My commissary where I cooked was closing. The Zayats approached me wanting to enter the catering/meal prep business and they had a commissary.”

Hungrymom is the Zayat’s Instagram/baking business. The partners are in the process of rebranding.

Their menu is diverse and is made up of traditional kosher Syrian specialties, American, Italian, Mexican, Asian, and Israeli cuisine. Grace always specialized in homemade mazza, both dairy and meat.

Everything is homemade, from their doughs for mazza to their marinades and dressings.  The recipes are passed down from grandparents/parents and contain no preservatives or fillers.  “We make everything fresh to order and we treat each client’s event as if it was our own party.”

Quality is a priority for Hungrymom – the best advertising is a happy client.  Most clients come from word of mouth.

Their vision is to continue with catering events and to expand within the kosher meal prep industry.  They want to offer delicious homemade food whether it’s for vacation, or for the home where both parents work and don’t have time to cook, or just to make life easier.

Lessons Learned

“Make your best effort and leave it to Hashem.”  Grace’s secrets to success – keep learning, ask for expert advice, never compromise on quality, respect your clients, treat your employees with gratitude and deference, and be ready for the unexpected in off-premise catering.”

To de-stress, Grace loves the beach where she can watch the ocean.  She wants to make more time for self-care and for traveling.  “There is nothing better than spending time with family.  There is no greater reward than raising a family, seeing your children as adults and parents, seeing them passing on the values you instilled in them to the next generation.  I always wanted a big family. I love the noise and commotion and seeing everyone together.”

What’s Next

“We are creating a new website to facilitate meal prep orders for home, travel, and shipping.  We will have a spot at Khasky’s this summer for fresh meals takeaway, both dairy and meat during the week, and Shabbat food and mazza on Thursdays and Fridays.”

Contact Grace at gsitt@yahoo.com or on  Instagram:  Hungrymomcatering.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).