Jenna Ashkenazie

Every November, Americans prepare to turn their clocks back one hour, marking the end of Daylight Saving Time (DST) and the return to Standard Time. This shift effectively moves an hour of daylight from the evening to the morning, helping to brighten the darker winter mornings. In March, the clocks “spring forward” again, and Daylight Saving Time resumes, extending daylight into the evening hours.

Daylight Saving Time was first implemented during World War I as a strategy to conserve energy. It was repealed after the war, reinstated during World War II, and finally standardized nationwide with the passage of the Uniform Time Act in 1966, which set consistent start and end dates.

Who Observes – and Who Doesn’t

Not all countries – and not even all U.S. states – follow DST. Hawaii, due to its equatorial location, and most of Arizona, due to its desert climate, observe Standard Time year-round. The Navajo Nation in northeastern Arizona is an exception and does follow DST.

Most of Asia, South America, and Africa also do not observe Daylight Saving Time. These regions are located closer to the equator, where the amount of daylight remains relatively consistent year-round, making clock changes largely unnecessary.

A National Debate: Should DST Be Permanent?

In recent years, the relevance of Daylight Saving Time has come under scrutiny. Some argue it’s an outdated practice that disrupts sleep and daily rhythms. Others advocate for making DST permanent to take advantage of longer evening daylight.

Among the most vocal proponents of permanent DST is U.S. Secretary of State and former Florida Senator Marco Rubio. Along with Washington Senator Patty Murray, he introduced the Sunshine Protection Act, a bipartisan bill aiming to eliminate the biannual clock change and maintain Daylight Saving Time year-round.

Rubio stated, “Americans are sick and tired of changing their clocks twice a year – it’s an unnecessary, decades-old practice that’s more of an annoyance to families than a benefit to them.”

Health Experts Push Back

Despite public support for permanent DST, many sleep and health experts urge caution. They argue that permanent Standard Time – not DST – is more beneficial to human health.

Dr. Alaina Tiani, a clinical health psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic’s Sleep Disorder Center, emphasizes the biological importance of morning light.

“Sticking to Standard Time is undeniably better for our health. We would have more light in the mornings, and having more of that light exposure at those earlier times is essentially better for our body’s rhythms.”

Morning light helps regulate the circadian rhythm, our internal biological clock that influences critical functions such as blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol levels.

Sleep, Learning, and Behavior

Children, in particular, may benefit from permanent Standard Time. According to Dr. Karin Johnson, studies have shown that students living in areas that follow Standard Time perform better on standardized tests like the SAT.

She notes that earlier sunrises, while sometimes seen as a nuisance, could be beneficial:

“You’re more likely to be able to sleep through those early sunrise hours. They also come with earlier sunsets, which could make falling asleep at night easier – especially for your kids.”

Earlier daylight may also encourage healthy routines such as morning exercise and reduce reliance on artificial light in the mornings.

Lack of sleep due to circadian misalignment has been linked to a range of serious issues, including mental health disorders, risky behavior, poor academic performance, and even lower employment salaries. Dr. Johnson adds,

“We know that a lot of the drivers for people becoming criminals increase in the sleep-deprived population.”

Arguments in Favor of Permanent Daylight Saving Time

Despite medical concerns, many politicians and members of the public support staying on DST year-round, citing both social and economic benefits.

According to The Columbus Dispatch, permanent DST could reduce household energy usage by minimizing the need for lighting and appliance use in the evening—a claim supported by a U.S. Department of Energy study.

Safety may also improve. The Brookings Institution found that crime rates drop when daylight is extended into the evening hours:

“Offenders know they’re more likely to be recognized and get caught if they’re fully visible.”

Steve P. Calandrillo of the University of Washington further explains that:

“Crime rates are lower by 30 percent in the morning-to-afternoon hours, even when those morning hours occur before sunrise, when it’s still dark.”

Potential Downsides to Permanent DST

Still, the shift to permanent DST is not without its risks. Northwestern Medicine reports that DST has been linked to an increased risk of various health problems, from cognitive and mental health issues to heart disease and digestive disorders.

Neurologist Dr. Beth Ann Malow warns:

“The misalignment of our natural circadian rhythms can contribute to obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.”

Lack of sleep and circadian disruption also contribute to lower productivity in workplaces and schools. Dr. Ilene M. Rosen of the University of Pennsylvania notes:

“Employers are recognizing the costs of poor sleep in their employees,” adding that there’s “a strong U-shaped relationship between absenteeism and presenteeism (when employees come to work while physically or mentally not well, which leads to decreased productivity) and hours of sleep.”

In educational settings, students – especially those at earlystarting schools like yeshivot – may find it harder to focus and stay safe when leaving home in the dark.

Lessons from Around the World

Other countries have experimented with permanent DST – with mixed results. In 2011, Russia adopted permanent DST but reversed the decision in 2014 after widespread public dissatisfaction and health complaints.

According to TimeandDate.com, medical studies found a spike in morning road accidents, particularly in northern regions. The backlash was so strong that the government passed a law to reinstate permanent Standard Time instead.

Russia’s experience serves as a cautionary tale: even well-intentioned changes can produce unintended consequences.

What’s Next for the U.S.?

With public opinion split and expert opinions largely favoring Standard Time, the future of clock changes in the U.S. remains uncertain. Bills like the Sunshine Protection Act have garnered support in Congress, but no federal law has yet been passed to make DST permanent.

While it’s tempting to embrace more evening light year-round, the trade-offs to health, safety, and productivity need to be carefully considered. As the debate continues, one thing remains clear: any decision should be made with the full picture in view—not just what feels convenient.

In the end, only time will tell…

Sam J. Sutton

We’ve reached the home stretch of the 2025 M&S Softball season, and every pitch, every swing, and every bounce of the ball is feels heavier. The scoreboard isn’t just telling you the score, it’s telling you your season’s fate.

It’s a 12-game campaign, and the math is brutally simple: finish in the top five and you’re in, with seeds four and five battling in a one-game Wild Card showdown for the right to join the big boys. Finish sixth or seventh, and you’re packing up the bats until next summer.

Up top, there’s an extra twist. The first, second, and third seeds get the same bye into the semifinals, but the number one seed gets to choose their opponent, a decision that can swing an entire postseason. The Wild Card winner often rides their momentum straight to a championship. In M&S lore, that one-game scrap is less of a formality and more of a launchpad.

Kaboom! (6-2)
What a Week 6 for Uri Adler’s squad. Kaboom walked into their showdown with the Texas Longhorns tied in the loss column, and walked out with a clean sweep and the best record in the league. Their mix of power hitting, steady defense, and timely pitching has them looking like the team to beat. When you’ve got the talent Kaboom has, plus the confidence of knowing you’ve already taken down the other top contender, it’s a dangerous combination.

Texas Longhorns (7-3)
The Longhorns aren’t panicking. They got stung by Kaboom, but they’ve been one of the most consistent teams all season. Max Yedid’s club has an explosive lineup – 75 runs scored is tops in the league – and they know how to win in bunches. The key for them is bouncing back, reclaiming their swagger, and ensuring they’re peaking when the playoffs hit.

King Salomon Part Deux (5-3)
Michael “Sabon” Salomon’s crew has been riding a roller coaster, but the recent stretch has been on the upswing. Their offense can erupt at any time, and the defense has started to gel. They’ve got the tools to make noise in October, and they know it. With their veteran leadership, this is the kind of team that can quietly put together a run.

Stayin’ Alive (4-4)
After a brutal start, Stayin’ Alive clawed their way back to .500. They’ve found their rhythm, and they’re exactly the kind of fourth or fifth seed no one wants to see in a one-game Wild Card. They have that “dangerous if you let them hang around” vibe, and their resilience matches their name.

Vandelay Industries (5-7)
Sammy Seruya’s squad has officially wrapped up their regular season slate and now enters the most stressful part of the year: scoreboard watching. They’re hoping their five wins are enough to hold off the chasers, but without games left to play, they’re at the mercy of the standings. If they sneak in, they could be a Wild Card landmine – the kind of opponent that’s been battle-tested with nothing to lose.

Sephardic Bananas (1-5)
Don’t let the record fool you – this is a team with opportunity. They’ve played fewer games than anyone, meaning they’ve got a heavy schedule ahead and a chance to climb fast. It’s going to take a strong push, but with talent on the roster and plenty of games left, the Bananas can still write a sweet ending to their season.

Thundering Hooves (2-6)
It’s been a frustrating run for the Hooves. On paper, they’ve got the roster to compete with anyone. On the field, they keep leaving runners on base, which cost them in the win column. If they can start cashing in their scoring chances, they could be a dangerous spoiler down the stretch.

The Road Ahead
Every team knows what’s at stake now. For the top three, it’s about securing seeding and avoiding the Wild Card minefield. For the middle of the pack, it’s about fighting for that 4-5 spot and surviving the do-or-die opener. Buckle up! The playoff push is here, the drama is high, and the next few weeks will decide who gets a shot at immortality – and whose season ends with a quiet walk back to the parking lot at M&S Park.

The holiday of Rosh Hashanah is unique in several respects.  One of its unique properties is a feature which we here in the Diaspora may not notice – namely, the length of this Yom Tov.

Here in the United States, we are accustomed to two-day holidays: the first and last days of Pesach, Shavuot, and Shemini Atzeret/Simhat Torah.  These are all two-day observances – but only here, outside the Land of Israel.  Our brothers and sisters in Israel celebrate only one day of Yom Tov at the beginning of Pesach, at the end of Pesach, on Shavuot, on the first day of Sukkot, and after Sukkot (Simhat Torah).  The reason for this discrepancy between Israel and Diaspora communities relates to the method of determining the calendar in ancient times.  Space does not allow for a full explanation, but suffice it to say that Diaspora Jews, who lived far from Israel, often did not find out before the holiday which day had been declared Rosh Hodesh (the first of the month) – as Jewish months could span either 29 or 30 days.  They were therefore compelled to observe two days of Yom Tov to cover both possibilities.  To this day, Diaspora Jewry commemorates this ancient practice by observing two days of Yom Tov.

Rosh Hashanah is unique in that even Jews in Israel observe this holiday for two days.  Technically, this is due to the simple fact that the date of Rosh Hashanah is, of course, the first of the month (Tishreh), such that even the Jews in Israel could not find out which day was declared the first of the month and should thus be celebrated as Rosh Hashanah.

However, the great sages throughout the generations uncovered for us the deeper significance of the two days of Rosh Hashanah, and why this special occasion of judgment, introspection and repentance requires two days.  We present a particularly profound approach advanced by the Rebbe of Bobov, in Imreh Kodesh.

Double Blowing

The Rebbe introduced his answer by addressing a well-known yet mysterious Talmudic passage relevant to the sounding of the shofar in the synagogue on Rosh Hashanah.

Torah law requires sounding a single series of shofar blasts on Rosh Hashanah.  However, as we know, we sound several series of shofar blasts – primarily, the set of blasts after the Torah reading, before Musaf,and then another series of blasts during the Musaf service.  Why, the Gemara asks, do we add a second set of blasts?  If the Torah obligates just a single series of shofar blowing, why do we blow two sets?

The Gemara (Rosh Hashanah 16a-b) famously – yet enigmatically – answers, “Kedeh le’arbev et ha’Satan” – “In order to confound the Satan.”

Somehow, the additional set of shofar blasts has the effect of “discombobulating” the Satan, compromising his ability to prosecute against us before the Heavenly Tribunal as we stand trial.

How does this work?  What is it about the second set of shofar blasts that disempowers the Satan?

To explain the Gemara’s remark, the Rebbe sends us to a different – no less famous – passage in the Talmud (Sanhedrin 105b): “A person should always involve himself in Torah and mitzvot even not for its sake, for through [his involvement] not for its sake, he’ll arrive at [involvement] for its sake.”

The Gemara here urges us to learn Torah and perform mitzvot even if our motives are less than sincere.  Even when we do not feel truly driven and inspired, there is nevertheless great value in fulfilling mitzvot for ulterior motives – because just getting started puts us on the right path, which will eventually lead us to sincere, authentic service of Gd.

The message itself is quite clear – and of course critically important – but there is one word in this passage that strikes us strange.  It urges us “le’olam” – to always – involve ourselves in Torah and mitzvot even for ulterior motives.  Why this emphasis on “always”?  Are we “always” going to perform mitzvot for the wrong reasons?  Isn’t the whole point that we will eventually grow and become sincere?  Why should we “always” be involved in Torah and mitzvot even shelo lishmah (not for Torah’s sake)?

Rav Saadia Gaon & the Innkeeper

It is told that Rav Saadia Gaon (10^th century) once came to an inn and asked for a room, but the innkeeper informed him that there was no vacancy.  Later, the innkeeper discovered that this man who had asked for lodging was none other than the greatest rabbi of the generation.  The innkeeper immediately ran outside to Rav Saadia and profusely apologized.  He brought him inside and found him accommodations.  He then apologized again, and then again, and again.

Rav Saadia asked the innkeeper why he kept apologizing.  He apologized once, and this sufficed.

The innkeeper explained that upon realizing that he mistreated the great sage, a man of such distinction and piety, he felt overwhelming pangs of regret.

Rav Saadia would later teach a lesson from this story.  If we truly understood the greatness of Hashem, we would be overcome by remorse for our wrongdoing.  The more we grasp Gd’s kindness and compassion, and all He does for us, the more pained we are by our religious failings.

In other words, repentance leads to more repentance.  When a person begins doing teshuvah (repentance), he recognizes with even greater clarity what it means to defy Gd, and so he is driven to repent with even greater fervor.

The Rebbe of Bobov explained that sin creates a barrier of sorts between a person and his Creator.  And when the person begins to repent, that barrier comes down – and he can now perceive Gd’s greatness more keenly.  At that point, he experiences even greater shame for his misdeeds.  Thus, once a person repents, he then realizes that he must repent again, because he now more fully understands what it means to betray the Almighty.

We might say that the initial repentance is the “icebreaker,” the first step, whereby the person recognizes the need to improve.  At that point, the real teshuvah begins.

On this basis, the Rebbe explained why the Gemara instructs us to “always” involve ourselves in Torah and mitzvot even insincerely.  Sincerity is not “all or nothing”; there are different levels of authentic service of Hashem.  If we are always growing, we will realize that yesterday’s “lishmah” was really “shelo lishmah.”  If we thought last year that we were sincere in our commitment, we realize now that our sincerity then was deficient.  And, hopefully, next year we will look back upon our present selves and see our current deficiencies.  Once we grow, we feel uneasy about who we used to be. 

A Commitment to Lifelong Change

It is this commitment to continued growth that silences the Satan and pulls the rug out from underneath him.

The Hebrew word shofar is derived from the root sh.p.r., which means “enhance.”  Indeed, in modern Hebrew, shipur means “improvement,” and “leshaper” means “to improve.”  The purpose – or a purpose – of the shofar is to inspire growth.  The Rambam (Hilchot Teshuvah3:4) famously explains that the shofar blowing represents an “alarm” that “wakes” us from our spiritual “slumber,” calling upon us to repent.

If so, then the additional set of shofar blasts alludes to the repentance that follows the repentance.  It shows that once we’ve begun repenting – we realize that we’ve only gotten started, that we have so much more to do.  It shows that ourteshuvah isn’t just a momentary experience, but a commitment to lifelong change and growth.

This commitment immediately takes the Satan out of the picture.  Nothing the Satan can say will be effective in casting us in a negative light once we’ve shown our commitment to continuous growth.  Nothing about our past matters at all if we are genuinely committed to striving to improve.  At that point, the Satan quits.  He has nothing more to say.  If we show that we are in it for the long haul, that each step forward will propel us to the next step, we’ve won.  We’ve guaranteed a favorable judgment.

The Rebbe explained on this basis the reason for the two days of Rosh Hashanah.  The first day is for fixing, the second day is for soaring.  The first day is for us to realize that we need to change, and the second day is for us to realize even more how much we need to change, and to commit to a lifetime of religious growth.

Heads & Tails

Many have the custom on the night of Rosh Hashanah to eat the head of a fish (or a sheep), and to recite the prayer, “…sheniheyeh lerosh velo lezanav” – that we shall be the “head” and not the “tail.”

The implicit assumption of this prayer is that there is nothing in between the “head” and the “tail.”  If we are not pushing ourselves and striving to advance, to reach the top, to achieve greatness, then we will almost inevitably fall to the depths.  Just like there is physical gravity which keeps us on the ground, there is spiritual gravity which pulls us down.  Thus, just as an airplane needs a powerful engine to resist gravity and fly through the air, we need a powerful internal “engine” to propel us upwards, as otherwise we will fall to the ground.

Developing this analogy further – a plane does not fly directly upwards, but rather on a diagonal, gradually but steadily elevating.  Our growth, too, must be gradual.  If we try to grow too fast, our “engine” – our drive, our motivation, our desire to grow – will overheat and break down.  Rapid, drastic change is unsustainable.  Our commitment must be to grow slowly, a little at a time, moving step-by-step toward the “rosh,” toward greatness, consistently pushing upward.

If we make this commitment this Rosh Hashanah, we can rest assured that the Satan will not even bother to show up.  We can feel confident that once we make the decision to never fall into spiritual apathy, to always try, to always make an effort, to make one small change after another, Gd will look favorably upon us and our sincere desire to improve, and we will be worthy of a happy and blessed year for ourselves and for the entire Jewish Nation, amen.

The day has the power to energize real change and help a person become unrecognizably different.

Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

The spiritual forces operating at moments of beginning are unique. “Hakol holech achar harosh – Everything goes after the beginning” – the entire course of any process is determined by its beginning. This is because a beginning is a conception, and conception represents the laying down of the genes that are the blueprint for everything that is built later. The spiritual rule is that the closer something is to the moment of conception, the more potent and critical the forces: a small injury to the human body may not be of major significance for an adult. However, a fetus during its development is much more sensitive to such an event, and a minute change to the genes may have the most far-reaching results imaginable.

The Importance of New Beginnings

At the moment of conception all details are being coded most potently; it is therefore the most critical moment. No subsequent moment can ever have the intensity and significance of that first moment. The flash of conception contains everything. All later development is simply a revelation of what was created during that first flash.

Rosh Hashanah is the conception of the year and the next ten days are its gestation. That is why these days are so critical to the whole year. That is why a person is judged for the entire year as he appears on Rosh Hashanah – the personality as it exists then is the core. It will take supreme effort to change later. Change on Rosh Hashanah is much easier – one can manipulate the “genes” of one’s character then. People of spiritual knowledge take extreme care to live as perfectly as possible on Rosh Hashanah – the year is being conceived.

Rosh Hashanah’s Unique Energy

What is the source of this special energy? The first Rosh Hashanah ever, which of course must represent its true nature most powerfully, was the day of the Creation of man. That day of Creation was the world’s first Rosh Hashanah, and its climactic event was the Creation of the human. That is why this day always retains its power to re-create man. When we genuinely and intensely decide to elevate our personalities on Rosh Hashanah and become inspired to live the coming year as higher beings, we are using the day’s deeply rooted energy as the day of human creation. The day has the power to energize real change and help a person become unrecognizably different.

There is an idea that Adam was created at the very place that would later be the mizbeach (altar) in the Temple. “Adam mi’makom kaparato nivra – Adam was created from the place of his atonement.” His very first moment of life was generated from earth that was gathered from all parts of the world, but that was concentrated on the one spot that would later become the site of sacrifices – that activity that most powerfully atones and brings man close to the Divine. Adam’s moment of creation is at once the most intense newness possible and also contains the element of the most intense change possible – from sin to atonement, which is really new creation itself. Hence, the unfathomable power of Rosh Hashanah to help us to become new. Little wonder that the mystical custom is to minimize sleep on Rosh Hashanah.

Significance of the Order of the Tefillah

The service of the day reflects this idea of reaching for the root. The order of prayer is based on Malchuyot (kingship), Zichronot (memory), and Shofrot (shofar-blowing).

Kingship

Malchuyotrepresents the effort of renewing the root of all Creation and all service – establishing that Hashem’s rule is absolute and primary. Before accepting the yoke of specific mitzvotwe must accept Hashem’s kingship in general, as expressed in the famous mashal (parable) of a great king who was asked to decree laws for a country. The king agreed only on condition that the people first accept his sovereignty over them. Only then would his laws be binding and meaningful. The root of Creation is Hashem’s Kingship, and so too is the root of all spiritual growth. This realization is the most primary of all on Rosh Hashanah, and it requires a delving into the deepest level of ratzon (desire) during the prayer service to reach the consciousness of and desire for Hashem’s complete rule.

Memory

Zichronot represents the idea of remembering in true spiritual depth the points of origin of the world and of the Jewish people and its destiny. This deep form of memory is a re-entering of the male phase of new conception – to go back to the initial flash or spark and re-live it vividly and literally. The root of zachor, “remember,” is identical with zachar “male.” The connection should be obvious. Maleness is exactly that: a carrying over of the distilled essence of all previous generations in a seed that will form the next generation. The seed is a “memory” of the past. In fact, the words “memory” and “seed” are numerically equivalent in Hebrew. The work of memory, re-living the flash of creation, is perfectly fitting and necessary for Rosh Hashanah. 

Shofar-Blowing

Shofrotindicates, along the lines we have been discussing, reaching for the heart, reaching for the root of the neshama and the personality. The essence of the shofar is that it has a voice but no words. The mystics explain that the voice is the root of speech and contains far more than the individual finite words. Words may convey information, but the voice conveys the essence of a person. This is why prophecy is referred to as “voice,” not words: when Hashem tells Avraham to listen to Sarah’s prophetic advice the verse says: “Shma b’kola – Listen to her voice,” not “Listen to her words.”

Hashem tells the prophet: “Kra b’garon, al tachsoch – Cry out in your throat, do not hold back.” Prophecy is not from the mouth, the origin of words, but from the throat, the origin of raw sound. The blessing we pronounce on hearing the shofar is “lishmo’a kol shofar,” to “hear the voice of the shofar.” The shofar is raw sound, a raw cry, and that is why it has the power to open the neshama. All the words in the world cannot convey the emotion of the scream of a child in the night. The shofar is that scream.

Rosh Hashanah correctly lived should leave one supercharged. The energy achieved should be so great that the rest of the year can be lived accordingly – not as a continuation but as a constant experience of newness! Spark must become flame, and that flame must spark a new blaze, always. That is Jewish living. There is a mystical idea that being alive today because one was alive yesterday is called dying. Being really alive means that one’s life is generated today, not as a passive result of the past, but as an explosion of newness, now and always.

Spiritual Renewal

The Hebrew root ani meaning “I” has two fascinating derivatives, ana and ayin. The word ayin means “is not.” Ana is much harder to translate. It indicates an inexpressible pleading or longing as in: “Ana Hashem hoshi’a na,” the longing for redemption. These words, ayin “is not,” and ana, intense hope for the future, also mean “from where” and “to where.” When one wants to ask, “Where have you come from?” one says, “Me’ayin ba’ta?” When one wants to say, “Where are you going?” one says “Ana telech (or le’an)?” But incredibly, if one stops to consider the literal meaning of these expressions, a most inspiring depth becomes apparent: me’ayin ba’ta – “From where have you come?” literally means “You come from nothingness”! And ana telech – “Where are you going?” literally means “You are going to an inexpressibly great dimension”!

Hebrew, the language of holiness, is pregnant with spiritual depth. The simple, mundane idea of a person arriving from some previous place is expressed in common Hebrew as the transition from nothingness to his present state (yesh me’ayin – something from nothing!). In other words, the spiritual grasp of this moment is that it is relative to the previous moment, as existence compared to nothingness! That is newness! And from this moment to the next, the explosion is so great that it cannot be translated! That is the striving of a spiritually sensitive person, to generate a new inner life continually.  Avraham Avinu says of himself, “Va’anochi afar va’efer – And I am dust and ashes.” Torah is never mere poetry – every nuance has infinite meaning. What is the meaning of “dust and ashes”?

The idea is this. Ashes are the bare elements left when a substance has been completely burned. “Dust” of the earth is the rich soil in which growth takes place. Avraham, who most profoundly represents the idea of newness, of being the father, the founder of the Jewish people, who forged a whole new way of living, sees himself as constantly incinerating what he has become, in order to use those elements as soil for new growth. No element of his development is allowed to continue passively, here today because it was here yesterday. All of Avraham’s being is distilled into a memory that is the nucleus for a new birth – constantly! That is the power of hiddush, self-generating newness, the source of spiritual life and growth.

QUESTION: 

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I have been married for 14 years. From the beginning, things were rocky and we knew we needed to seek out help. We were guided to speak with a marriage counselor. Fourteen years later and five therapists later we are pretty much exactly where we started. Maybe we had some success, but ultimately ended up with the same old issues. Are we doing something wrong ? Why can’t we get it right ? I’d appreciate any perspective as I do appreciate your marriage insights. Thank you. 

R’ Ali’s Response: 

With Hashem’s help, I will offer some ideas as to why you are possibly not “getting it right,” and suggest some ideas as to what you can do to head in the right direction. Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon, as many of my clients complain about the same thing. 

When seeking help in marriage (and all areas of life for that matter ) we have to know what it is that we’re looking for. Yes, of course, we’re looking to get our marriage in order or better our relationship, but what exactly do we want ? Do we want a third party to explain to our spouse where they’re going wrong? If so, this approach will inevitably fail (for the most part). This is one of the reasons that I see couples “therapy hopping.” There are three problems with this approach.

One, your spouse may get defensive and feel attacked if they sense that all you want to do is fix them. It’s irrelevant if they are the cause of the problems or not, most people don’t want to be told they are “the problem.”

Two, out of fear or force, they may agree to change things that they either can’t change or need a lot of time to change. For example, a wife may complain that her husband is not “present” when they are together. He may promise to be “present” from now on. This gives the wife false hope and leaves her frustrated when eventually she sees him “slipping up.” 

And third, when one person believes that they are fine and there’s nothing for them to do, while their spouse is faulty, then basically one person is getting “helped,” while the other is waiting around. Meaning to say it never turned into “couples” therapy at all. The couple will continue this cycle with the counselor until they realize they are going nowhere, which causes them to discard the therapist for another.

The next approach is when there are many disagreements, and the couple is looking for someone to “decide” who is wrong and who is right. Each one assumes they are “right” and would like the third party to side with them. I’m assuming they’re hoping the therapist will finally explain to their spouse how they were mistaken all of these years! This fails for obvious reasons and in turn on to the next.

The last approach is better, but also has flaws. When two people are willing to hear someone out (and not put the blame on one another) but become upset at the therapist when they are told that they need to work on certain things they disagree with or they weren’t “validated,” which turns them off. 

I don’t know if this is your situation but I’ve seen these scenarios so many times it’s very likely you fall under one of these categories. Also, it is worthwhile entertaining the possibility that all five counselors were not missing the mark. That’s a lot of professionals who are unable to help. 

So, how should a professional be approached? In my opinion it’s with humility and unity. “WE are not understanding each other (unity).  WE are not getting anywhere, let’s go to a professional and see how WE can work this out. If both parties have an understanding that it’s not me vs. you, rather WE  together are stuck, your starting point is much better. The attitude of “maybe we’re missing something” is a winning attitude. “Maybe I’m doing something wrong,” (humility)  is a way to be successful with marriage counseling. 

Let’s take a common scenario to understand this better: husband and wife have been arguing about finances for years. One says the other is cheap, the other says the other is an over spender. This can go on for years with each one proving their point with zero success. At this point, the couple should stop and say, “Hey, we obviously see things differently and need some help to sort things out, let’s reach out for advice on how to deal with our differences.”  Maybe it’s time to approach the marriage counselor in a unified and humble way, and with Hashem’s help you will finally have seen your last marriage counselor.

Victor Cohen

Over the past several decades, our community has been blessed with tremendous growth and success. Our institutions have flourished, our businesses have expanded, and our schools and synagogues have been beautifully renovated. Families celebrate joyous occasions with Pesach vacations, weddings, engagements, and large sebets. In many ways, community life has never been stronger.

Yet, this picture is not complete. Behind the scenes, there are families among us who quietly struggle to meet even their most basic needs. Some cannot put enough food on the table. Others find it difficult to afford a proper Shabbat meal or the extra expenses that come with our many Jewish holidays. For these parents, the most painful challenge of all is explaining to their children why they cannot provide what others seem to enjoy so easily.

In a community as blessed as ours, it may seem unthinkable that families could be struggling to put food on the table. And yet, this is a reality.

Thankfully, however, struggling families are not without support. For more than 25 years, theTomchei Shabbosorganization has stood quietly at the forefront of this effort – ensuring that families maintain their dignity by enabling them to enjoy large, scrumptious meals on Shabbat and holidays. Working discreetly and with great sensitivity, and without much advertising, publicity or fanfare, Tomchei Shabbos has become a lifeline for countless families.

Today, this vital organization turns to the community it has long served, asking for the help it needs to continue its essential work.

More Food to More Families

Based in Lakewood, NJ, the broader Tomchei Shabbos network is a 14 million-dollar organization, supporting over 2,000 families,each according to its particular financial needs. Those in the greatest need of assistance comeonce a week to receive food for Shabbat. Families who require less help making ends meet receive assistance monthly. There is also a “holiday-only section” providing food for those who need help only with their holiday expenses. Lines extend out into the highway as people receiving weekly or monthly assistance come to the Tomchei Shabbos warehouse where they are generously provided with food.

What sets Tomchei Shabbos apart from other organizations is its direct and efficient approach: it provides food itself, rather than simply offering financial assistance. By leveraging its infrastructure and strategic location in Lakewood, where food can be sourced at lower costs, Tomchei Shabbos maximizes every dollar to deliver more food to more families. With remarkable efficiency and complete discretion, the organization ensures that those it helps receive what they need while preserving their dignity.

For the past 25 years, our community has turned to Tomchei Shabbos under the dedicated guidance of Rabbi Ben Sion Kaye. Rabbi Kaye personally oversaw and carried out countless deliveries, often doing the work himself, to quietly and discreetly support families through Shabbat, holidays, and other occasions. His tireless efforts behind the scenes ensured that no family felt shame and that every table could be filled with the joy and honor befitting Shabbat and Yom Tov.

Tomchei Shabbat of the Jersey Shore

When Rabbi Kaye started this sacred work, he was delivering Pesach meals to 35 families. Unfortunately, the number of families in need of assistance has tripled.

For 25 years, Tomchei Shabbos’ Lakewood headquarters handled all this work themselves, but several months ago, around Pesach time, the organization soberly informed Rabbi Kaye that they would need our community’s assistance in order to continue providing food to our members.

Rabbi Kaye quickly convened a meeting with all the rabbis of the Jersey Shore to discuss the situation. They decided right away to move forward and open a new Sephardic Division of Tomchei Shabbat under the leadership of the director of development,Abie Tawil, who lives in Deal with his wife, Susan.And thus Tomchei Shabbat of the Jersey Shore was born.

The founders of the new division hit the ground running. Fundraising drives were held in the community’s synagogues each week. Numerous conversations were held with prospective donors, and significant sums of moneywere raised for struggling families.

“When we help others welcome the Shabbat, we’re welcoming blessing and peace into our homes,” says committee member Hymie Dana, who is heavily involved with Tomchei Shabbat. “Supporting Tomchei Shabbat is definitely a source of berachah for our homes.”

“Helping to feed those in need is one of the biggest mitzvot,” added Ricky Esses, who is also involved. “But giving a sense of joy and hope to these families on Shabbat and holidays is the greatest mitzvah. We must continue taking care of our community, and we must first start with those most in need. Tomchei Shabbat of the Jersey Shore does that.”

The Call of Our Community’s Rabbis

The initiative has been graced with the involvement of many community rabbis, who have lauded the organization’s work. Rabbi Shaul Kassin of Congregation Magen David said, “Tomchei Shabbat gives a tremendous amount of relief to these families who cannot imagine what they are going to do for Shabbat.”

“It is unimaginable in our eyes, but it really exists,” Rabbi David Ozeri noted. “We know for a fact that there are people in our community who cannot put food on the table for Shabbat.”

“There are families in our community that live down the block from you and me who can’t look forward to Friday night,” Rabbi Joey Haber said. “Tomchei Shabbat will ensure that every family in Deal is able to have the gift that all of us have.”

Rabbi Shlomo Diamond added, “We have an organization in our community called Tomchei Shabbat of the Jersey Shore that actually gives food to families throughout the year.”

Rabbi Moshe Douek of Eatontown Synagogue said that he personally knows many people who receive the boxes from Tomchei Shabbat, and when these packages, arrive, “a huge stress is taken off their head.”

“It is crucial for us to support Tomchei Shabbat because they support our community,” Rabbi Eli Mansour said.

Rabbi Joey Mizrahi called Tomchei Shabbat an “amazing organization” that “gives people basic necessities…that they need for weekdays, Shabbat, and just to live life with dignity.”

Rabbi Avi Harari of Ohel Yishak of Allenhurst described Tomchei Shabbat as “embodying the highest form of tzedakah,” noting how it extends help “with such discretion and dignity that families can rebuild their lives without shame, knowing their community stands behind them in their time of need.”

“Tomchei Shabbat is an organization that provides vital assistance to the families in need in our Jersey Shore community,” Rabbi Reuven Semah of Magen Abraham said. “Especially helpful are their food distributions during holiday times when expenses are high.” The rabbi then appealed to the community, imploring, “Please donate generously.”

“It is an honor to recommend Tomchei Shabbat, an organization which beautifully exemplifies the Torah values of caring for those in need,” Rabbi Aviad Bar Hen of Cedar Avenue Synagogue  said. “With dignity and compassion, they ensure that every family has access to Shabbat meals, fulfilling the sacred mitzvah of ma’achil re’evim – feeding the hungry.”

Many other rabbis also vouched for the organization, including Rabbi Shmuel Choueka, Rabbi David Tawil, Rabbi David Sutton, Rabbi David Nakash, Rabbi Raymond Beyda, Rabbi Meyer Yedid, and Rabbi David Ashear.

Becoming Eliyahu Ha’navi

Last month, to build on its growing momentum, Tomchei Shabbat held its inaugural community event at the home of Franny and Morris Beyda. The evening was both elegant and uplifting, bringing together inspirational speakers and community members united for a common cause.

The program opened with words from Rabbi Moshe Malka, who emphasized the importance of cultivating gratitude and avoiding attitudes that withhold blessing – such as excessive worry, anxiety, and ingratitude. When Hashem grants us blessings, he noted, we must share them. In this way, the work of Tomchei Shabbat – easing the worries of families in need and extending the blessings of our community to those less fortunate – embodies the path to continued success and divine favor.

Abie Tawil then spoke passionately about the responsibility we share as a community. “Through these few weeks,” he reflected, “I realized that we had to create this as a community. There are over 100 families who need our help. We have the sources, the distribution, and the mechanics to continue it. So we have to, and we have to save the ones who call the rabbis, saying, ‘We can’t afford to live without it.’ It’s so special that we have our community to step up and help our people.”

Shmuel Kairey told a story about a man who very much wished to meet Eliyahu Hanavi, and so he approached the Baal Shem Tov to ask where he could find him. The Baal Shem Tov told him to bring food to a certain town on Friday, and ask around for somebody to host him for Shabbat. He would then find Eliyahu Hanavi.

The man did precisely as he was told. He purchased food, brought it to the town, and asked around for hospitality. He ended up in the home of a poor orphan and widow. It was a beautiful Shabbat, but the man did not find Eliyahu Hanavi.

After Shabbat, he returned to the Baal Shem Tov, who told himto do the same thing the next Shabbat. Once again, the man bought food and went to the town. This time, already knowing the orphan and widow, he proceeded to their home, and spent another uplifting Shabbat with them – but once again, without encountering Eliyahu.

The Baal Shem Tov told him to go back once more, and so he made his way back to the town for Shabbat with more food.

This time, the window to the orphan’s house was open, and the man could hear the orphan, lying weakly in bed, saying to his mother, “I’m very sick, I don’t know what to do.”

The widow replied: “Hashem will send Eliyahu Hanavi again this Shabbat. He sent him the past two weeks, Hashem will send him again!”

The man stopped looking for Eliyahu Hanavi, as he understood what the Baal Shem Tov was trying to teach him. If you want to meet Eliyahu Hanavi, you should be like him. Take care of the orphan, take care of the widow, help those who cannot help themselves.

Through the work of Tomchei Shabbat, Shmuel Kairey said, “We are emulating Eliyahu Hanavi,” expressing his fervent hope that, with Gd’s help, the organization will continue assisting everyone in need.

Harry Adjmi, who led the fundraising rounds, spoke of his relationship with Rabbi Ben Sion Kaye of The Sephardic Torah Center, saying, “I don’t believe there is a single Jew in the world whom Rabbi Kaye does not have empathy for.”

He then added, “You couldn’t have heard more. Every rabbi in the community, whether they were on Joe Mansour’s video, or came this morning, showed up to support Tomchei Shabbat.”

Rabbi Meyer Yedid also spoke, emphasizing the important role that Jews have in the world. He explained that we were not chosen as Gd’s special nation because of our ability to do great things. Rather, “Hashem chose us because even when we are so big, when we get bigger, we ask more of ourselves.” We Jews are always saying, “I’m not doing enough!” – and this, Rabbi Yedid said, is one of the most special qualities of a Jew, his desire to continue doing more.

One committee member commented, “Since I started fundraising, we’ve gotten dozens of calls from people you’d never think of. The father’s trying to work and trying to make it work, even the mother is working. A lot of them are widows or divorcees.” People come to Tomchei Shabbat at their lowest, and it’s up to Tomchei Shabbat to help give these families the support that they need to get back on their feet.

No matter the circumstance – whether a family faces the loss of a loved one, a sudden job loss, or any unforeseen hardship – Tomchei Shabbat is there to lift them up, restoring hope, stability, and dignity with quiet compassion. It is a truly beautiful organization, built on the values of kindness and discretion, ensuring that no member of our community is left behind. With the continued support of the Jersey Shore community, Tomchei Shabbat will remain a steadfast source of strength, ready to help every family who turns to them in their time of need.

“Drawing and painting are what I love to do. It’s demanding and hard work, but I love the challenge. Before I put brush to canvas, I approach my easel with a prayer to Hashem asking for success. I know that success depends on siyata dishmayah,  Divine intervention.”

~~ Chava Roth ~~

Ellen Geller Kamaras

Chava Roth is a gifted and passionate artist and teacher. She is a loving sister, wife, mother, and grandmother.  She has an extensive background in the visual arts and throughout her flourishing career has won scholarships and prestigious prizes for her art.

Her Flatbush home and art studio is a visual delight.  Portraits adorn the walls, including a beautiful rendition of Rabbi Avigdor Miller, zt”l, Chava’s husband’s rebbe.Another touching portrait features her husband sitting at a table learning, with their young son gazing at him.

Chava recently completed a stunning oil painting, a scene featuring the charming Yemin Moshe neighborhood in Yerushalayim.  Yemin Moshe was the first settlement built outside the Old City walls in 1892. Adding her own special touch, Chava included her personal vision and perspective to the painting, so you will not find the exact house or even block in Yemin Moshe if you go looking.

Her most popular painting is titled “Four Soldiers.” It depicts two soldiers and two Chassidim wearing talletim walking in Jerusalem’s Old City.

Chava’s studio is lovely, well-lit, and spacious. Her easel was signed by a mentor and close friend, the artist Itzshak Holtz, a”h.  Holtz was considered the most influential contemporary Jewish genre painter of his time.

Let’s explore Chava’s roots, her childhood and education, her professional trajectory, and Chavathe Jewish woman.

Roots

Of Ashkenazic descent, Chava was born and bred in Baltimore, Maryland. Her parents, Hadassa and Chaim Shapiro, were Polish Holocaust survivors who met and married in a D.P. camp in Germany before emigrating to the United States. 

Hadassa spent four of her teenage years in a concentration camp. After raising her children, she worked as a mashgiach for the OU and Star K. “My mother was a tremendous ba’alat hesed.”

Her father Chaim, a”h, was a renowned speaker and author who told of his war experiences of hiding and survival. He is the author of the popular memoir, Go My Son. As a young yeshiva student, he went from frozen tundra to battlefields, fleeing from the Nazis and barely escaping death. His account is an upbeat story of survival, faith, and ingenuity laced with miracles and Divine intervention.  He was the first to write about the Gedolim of Europe in his many articles in the Jewish Observer and his book Once Upon a Shtetl.

The second of five children, Chava describes her childhood as very happy.  Her parents chose to speak about the Shoah with their children. They always provided an uplifting and loving atmosphere filled with Yiddishkeit.

Chava studied at Bais Yaakov institutions from 1^st through 12^th grade. After high school she spent a year at “BJJ” Bais Yaakov of Yerushalayim Seminary in Israel.

“I had no formal art lessons until after seminary.  I recall my mother showing me how to draw flowers at a young age.”

In sixth grade, Chava had a school assignment to create a booklet of the 39 melachot, the categories of creative activity that are forbidden on Shabbat. Her fellow classmates illustrated their booklets with pictures from magazines.  Since her parents didnot subscribe to any magazines, Chava drew her own illustrations of the 39 melachot. Upon returning the graded booklets, her teacher praised Chava profusely and she became the “artist of the class” and the school artist as well.

Awarded a scholarship to the prominent Maryland Institute of Art, Chava began her studies there after studying in seminary in Israel.  While pursuing her degree, she taught in a Baltimore Hebrew school.  A summa cum laude recipient of a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree, Chava moved to New York to study for her master’s in fine arts at Queens College. 

Chava’s Essence

She possesses a special spark, charm, and chen (grace).  Her friends and family say she is creative and fun, and she lights up when speaking about her family and her art.

And Then Came Marriage

Chava was introduced to her husband, Dovid Roth, in her second year of graduate school.  He was a math lecturer and later became a statistical analyst working in medical research and for retail companies.

They adopted the hashkafa of Rabbi Avigdor Miller, Dovid’s rav, and raised their children accordingly. Rabbi Miller teaches that, “In Hakodesh Boruch Hu’s beautiful world, a person has to utilize everything around him to attain perfection of his soul. And to know that this temporary world is a corridor to Olam Haba, the true everlasting world.”

Now retired, Dovid is the gabbai at Rabbi Miller’s shul and instructs people of all ages how to learn Gemara. He studies and teaches Rabbi Miller’s sefer, Lev Avigdor, which imparts how to live successfully in this world. Lectures are available on Zoom.

During graduate school, Chava’s work was primarily abstract expressionism.  She appreciates her husband’s encouragement for her subsequent focus on realism.  Shortly after they married, he asked Chava to paint a charcoal portrait of Rabbi Miller.

“Several people saw it and commissioned me to paint the Rav’s portrait in oil. So began my career in portrait painting.”Chava has created portrait paintings of many famous rabbis including Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, zt”l.

She was given a photo of the Lubavitcher Rebbe delivering a lecture surrounded by his followers.  After obtaining written permission from the photographer, she began the painting. It took her a full six months to complete.  Leaving the Rebbe’s portrait for last, she spent all night working on it. In the morning the news spread that the Rebbe had passed away that night. 

Chava has created captivating, realistic Jewish marionettes, which are beautifully crafted.  She even madea marionette that looks like of herself as a narrator.  At the Maryland Institute, Chava took a course in puppet making.  Her teacher was a famous puppeteer who had performed in the White House for President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s family.  When her teacher retired, Chava bought his marionette stage (used in the White House performance) that he had spent a lifetime building.  She constructed the marionettes and stage sets and developed shows based on midrashim.

Her first puppet performance was in a notable Manhattan gallery, along with her paintings.  Metropolitan Museum of Art and Jewish Museum representatives attended. As a young newlywed, Chava received a government grant to create and perform puppet shows all over NY in hospitals, nursing homes, community centers, and schools.  She and her puppets appeared on television.

“When I was expecting our first child, I gave up puppeteering because the stage setup was physically too taxing.  But the puppets still accompany us to weddings to be misameach the chattan and kallah and for our grandchildren on Hanukah.”

Chava focused on two-dimensional projects for the next years, drawing and painting classical realism. She uses the classical approach to paint true-to-life strikingly beautiful scenes.

She took a position as an art teacher for women at the Boro Park Y when her youngest child started school.  Chava has been there for over 35 years, teaching Chassidic, Sephardic, and Ashkenazic women of all ages.  “These classes are so much fun and [are] an important part of my life.”  

Chava also gives art lessons to developmentally disabled adult women in HASC residences. These students especially enjoy the creative process.

She established her own company, Judaica Fine Art, where she sells originals, reproductions, and accepts new commissions.

Balance

Chava always found time to draw and paint.  When her kids were young, she focused on pastels instead of oils as this medium was neater, which was necessary in her small apartment. She worked on many commissions.

Her children appreciate her art.  Before leaving for camp one summer, one of her sons set up a shul scene in her living room for her to paint.  He borrowed a Sefer Torah cover and a parochet, (the Ark cover) from his yeshiva.  Chava added her own vision by inserting a sewing machine, thereby making it relatable to her. Portraits of her grandchildren are often included in Chava’s scenes, which gives them her own personal touch.

For over 40 years, Chava has created Judaica paintings portraying the Jewish people and religious places and objects that are close to her heart.  Her paintings have been showcased in galleries, museums, and private collections throughout the U.S., Europe, and Israel.

”It’s a privilege that I don’t take lightly to be able to focus on the beauty and splendor of Hashem’s world, for it is truly breathtaking.”

Fun Facts

Chava illustrates and paints portraits for invitations and benchers for semachot. Prints of her pictures hang in kosher restaurants and other venues. You can email Chava at chavaroth@verizon.netand check out her website, www.judaicafineart.com.Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.   She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com.