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From The Files of the Mitzvah Man Hesed Stories – The Very First Case

Pnina Souid

The Mitzvah Man relates that when he was first starting out, he learned the valuable lessons of strength in numbers and recognizing his limits. It started with one phone call.

A Call for Help

One summer day thirteen years ago the Mitzvah Man received a call from the friend of a woman who was blind who we’ll call Sarah. Sarah had seen an advertisement for the Mitzvah Man’s offer to do hesed. She had been invited to her friend’s 90th birthday party, and was looking for a ride. However, the Mitzvah man had to decline, as he was not in Brooklyn for the summer.

Sarah was very disappointed, but the Mitzvah Man offered to help her when he returned to Brooklyn after the summer, saying he would be happy to help her with her errands when he was back.

Sarah was delighted at the offer and started listing off her needs. “I need someone to make phone calls for me, order groceries to be delivered, make doctor appointments and take me there, among other things. Besides being blind, I have no family.”

The Mitzvah Man respectfully inquired as to why Sarah did not have a companion or home health aide. She had tried several! But none had worked out for her. The Mitzvah Man felt a little overwhelmed by the jobs she might have for him, but he promised that when he was back in Brooklyn, he would see how he could help her.

True to his word, after the Mitzvah Man was back in Brooklyn he went to pay Sarah a visit. She was living alone on the third floor of a three-story walkup in Coney Island. The building belonged to a yeshiva that occupied the first two floors.

Sarah was so happy to welcome the Mitzvah Man into her home. She knew just where everything was. She had been a true baalat hesed when she was able to see, giving tzedaka and helping people in need. Plaques covered her walls. Although she was blind she knew exactly which plaque was which and she proudly showed the Mitzvah Man a number of laudatory articles. She was familiar with each one was and clearly remembered what was written about her.

The Aha! Moment – Recruit Others

The Mitzvah Man pondered how he could possibly help Sarah with all of her needs. He was working alone, with no team of volunteers to help him. He realized that he could do so much more with the assistance of others. He offered a tefilla to Hashem asking for guidance. The choice was to continue working alone or to recruit other volunteers to join him. He felt Hashem telling him that the thing to do was to take his hesed work to the next level.

To accomplish that goal he placed an ad in the paper to create the Mitzvah Man organization. 20 volunteers answered the call.

Sarah now had a team of volunteers to help her. Team members got to work to make her phone calls and to set up her doctor appointments, and they visited her, as well. One of the volunteers accompanied Sarah to a wedding, helped her on to the dance floor, and danced with her. After the wedding she took Sarah home.

There were many phone calls to be made. A volunteer suggested getting Sarah a special phone that could be programmed, allowing Sarah to make calls just by speaking into the phone.

Another volunteer took it upon herself to take Sarah out for walks on nice days

One night Sarah experienced chest pains. She was able to reach Hatzalah on her voice activated phone. Hatzalah volunteers quickly came and transported her to the hospital. She was having a heart attack. The phone saved her life. Sarah lived another five years.

The modest beginning with 20 volunteers has blossomed into a vibrant team of 3,800 volunteers who answer the call to do hesed in Brooklyn, Manhattan, Deal, and Long Branch, New Jersey.

The Lighter Side – January 2025

Math Lesson

A student fell off his chair during a math lesson and sprained his finger. The teacher grabbed a first-aid kit and applied a splint. Only after the teacher finished did he realize that he’d put it on the wrong finger.
“I’m sorry,” the teacher said, looking rather embarrassed.
“That’s okay,” the student replied. “You were only off by one digit.”

Barbra H.

Cold Water

A young community volunteer offered to mow the lawn for a poor old woman who lived in his village. When he arrived at her house, the woman was so grateful and she invited him in for a cup of tea and a cookie.
As he ate the cookie, the boy noticed a shiny substance coating his plate. When the old woman saw him staring at it, she said, “Sorry, dear, it’s as clean as cold water could get it.”
When he’d finished mowing the lawn the old woman invited him in again for a sandwich. This time, he noticed, not only was there a shiny substance, it also had hard patches of dried egg on it.
“I’m so sorry,” the old woman said again. “It’s as clean as cold water could get it.”
The boy smiled politely and finished his sandwich. When he went to leave, an old dog, that had been asleep on its bed, stood up and blocked the doorway, its teeth bared as it growled at him.
The woman waved her walking stick at the dog. Then she shouted, “Cold Water … get back in your bed!”

Ralph T.

Inflation

My wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car’s gas tank and tires. My wife was surprised to see that the station charged a fee to fill the tires and asked me, “Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!”
I responded, “Inflation.”

Mark D.

Advanced Warning

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. “What are these guys in the big suits doing?”

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder’s message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man’s message was: “Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land.”

Max K.

Like Lightning

A young boy was doing some handiwork with his father. When it came to putting a picture on the wall the father said, “I’ll do this one… You’re like lightning with a hammer.”
The boy said, “Wow, is that because I’m so fast?”
“No, it’s because you never strike the same place twice!”

Jordan B.

Doctor Visit

A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you have to help me. I think I’m a moth!” The doctor says, “You don’t need a doctor, you need a psychiatrist.” The man replies, “I know, but I was passing by, and I saw your light on!”

Marlene A.

Cold Soup

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold.”
His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?”
The boy looked at her and replied, “Up until now, everything has been fine!”

Vivian R.

Back Again

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?”

Dave E.

New Handyman

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.
The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two coats.”

Benjamin G.

Eye Pain

A woman goes to an eye specialist and says, “Doctor, I have a problem. Every time I drink coffee, I get a sharp pain in my eye.” The specialist examines her and says, “I’ve never heard of this before. Can you show me what happens?” The woman takes a sip of her coffee and immediately screams in pain. The specialist looks closely and sees a spoon sticking out of the woman’s eye. The doctor says, “Well, there’s your problem. You’re supposed to take the spoon out of the cup before you drink your coffee!”

Susan K.

Book Request

A woman walks into a library and asks for a book on turtles. The librarian asks, “Hardback?” The woman replies, “Yeah, with a little head and legs.”

Morris C.

Job Interview

A man goes to a job interview and the interviewer asks him, “What’s your greatest weakness?” The man thinks for a moment and says, “Well, I’m brutally honest.” The interviewer says, “I don’t think that’s a weakness.” The man replies, “I don’t really care what you think!”

Victor M.

Secret Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a young boy was using the following password: “MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento.” When asked why such a long password, the boy replied that he was told that the password had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Sharon Z.

New Diet

My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. We didn’t really give it much thought until my brother really started eating his homework for dinner. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, “I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me.”

Sammy S.

Words of Rabbi Eli J. Mansour – The Signature Qualities of the Jewish People

Something about baby Moshe made it clear that he was Jewish.

Moshe’s mother had placed him in a basket in the river, and the basket was soon discovered by none other than the Egyptian princess, Pharaoh’s daughter. She opened the basket, saw a baby crying, and immediately determined, “Miyaldeh ha’Ivrim zeh – This one is from the children of the Hebrews!” (Shemot 2:6). Apparently, Moshe had some feature that was unique to Beneh Yisrael, such that the princess was immediately able to conclude that he was one of “the children of the Hebrews.”

Rashi writes that she saw Moshe’s berit milah, and this was enough for Pharaoh’s daughter to determine that he was a Jew.

There are, however, other approaches that have been taken – and which highlight certain qualities which characterize – and must always characterize – the Jewish Nation.

The Silent Cry

One such explanation I was privileged to hear from the former Ashkenazic Chief Rabbi of the State of Israel, Rav Yisrael Meir Lau, shelit”a.

Rav Lau noted a number of other difficulties in this verse. For one thing, Moshe is referred here in two different ways. The Torah tells that “vatir’ehu et hayeled” – the princess saw “the child,” but then writes, “hinei na’ar bocheh” – “behold, a young lad was crying.” The words “yeled” (child) and “na’ar” (young lad) are not at all synonymous. A yeled is a small child, whereas a na’ar is an older child, a young adult. How could the Torah describe three-month-old Moshe as a “crying na’ar”?

Rashi, based on the Gemara (Sotah 12b), explains that Moshe’s voice resembled that of an older child, an adolescent. Although he was still an infant, he had the voice of a na’ar.

At first glance, this seems very strange. Why would Moshe, at three months old, have the voice of a teenage boy? Indeed, another view in the Gemara dismisses this opinion, refusing to accept that the greatest prophet and leader of all time was blemished in this fashion.

To explain this concept, Rav Lau draws upon his own experience as a young boy in a situation not all that different from Moshe’s.

Born in Poland in 1937, Rav Lau was a young boy when the Nazis broke into his family’s home to take them away. He recalls how his mother tried hiding him to protect him – just as Moshe’s mother successfully hid Moshe from the Egyptian authorities who were bent on carrying out Pharaoh’s cruel edict to kill all newborn boys. Little Yisrael Meir saw the dread and trepidation on his mother’s face, and he himself shared her fears. Still a young child, he naturally felt like crying – but he knew that he could not cry out loud. Any sound he would make would draw the attention of the Nazi troops. Although he was just several years old, the horrific circumstances he endured forced him to have the maturity to cry silently. Normally, only adults have the wisdom and strength to keep their cries to themselves, and

weep in silence, but young Yisrael Meir Lau, on that terrifying day, was, in this sense, an adult, and he cried quietly.

Many years later, Rav Lau realized that this might have been true also of baby Moshe. Although just an infant, Moshe had been trained to cry silently. Ever since birth, he was hidden from those who wanted to kill him, and so he was forced to weep quietly. And for this reason, Rav Lau said, the Torah says that Pharaoh’s daughter saw (vatir’ehu) a weeping child – and not that she heard the baby’s cries. Moshe was a yeled, a young child, but he cried like a na’ar, with the maturity to realize that he must cry silently, and so he was only seen, but not heard.

This is how the princess determined right away that Moshe was an Israelite child. Rav Lau explained that we Jews, having suffered so much persecution and hostility, are accustomed to silent weeping. We have been forced throughout our history to keep our cries quiet, to avoid drawing the attention and the resentment of those who seek to harm us. Silent weeping is a uniquely Jewish quality, and thus Pharaoh’s daughter immediately realized that “miyaldeh ha’Ivrim zeh” – Moshe was a Jew.

But there is a different understanding of this pasuk – one which reflects not only the unfortunate reality of our nation’s silent cries, but also the unique bond which we are to feel toward our fellow Jews.

The Crying Brother

This understanding emerges from a brief but fascinating comment of the Ba’al Haturim (Rabbenu Yaakov Ben Asher, Germany-Spain, d. 1340) in interpreting this verse. The Ba’al Haturim observes that the words “na’ar bocheh” (“a crying lad”), as spelled in this verse, have the same gematria (numerical value) as the words “zeh Aharon Hakohen – This is Aharon the Kohen.” Surprisingly, the Ba’al Haturim asserts that the “crying lad” in this verse is not Moshe, the infant whom Pharaoh’s daughter sees in the basket, but rather his older brother, Aharon, who was standing off to the side. The Torah tells us that Moshe’s sister, Miriam, had gone to the riverbank to see what would happen to her baby brother, but, according to the Ba’al Haturim, Aharon was there, too. And, as Aharon watched his baby brother helplessly floating in a basket on the river, without his parents or anyone to care for him, and exposed to the danger of the ruthless Egyptian authorities, he cried.

According to the Ba’al Haturim, the “yeled” and the “na’ar” in this verse are two different people – Moshe and Aharon. Pharaoh’s daughter saw the child, and then, “behold, there was a lad weeping” – she heard someone else crying for this infant. And it was then that she determined, “Miyaldeh ha’Ivrim zeh” – that this must be a Jewish child.

One of the defining characteristics of our nation is empathy, feeling each other’s pain. We are all brothers and sisters, and we all cry when our fellow Jew is in distress. When we hear of a fellow Jew who has taken seriously ill, we cry and pray. When we hear of a fellow Jew who has fallen into financial straits, we cry and see how we can help. When we hear of fellow Jews in Israel who are killed in war or terror attacks, we cry. We cry and pray for the hostages, for the soldiers waging war, for those who have sustained injuries, and for the grieving families. This is what we do. And so when Pharaoh’s daughter saw a young man crying because of a baby that was floating helplessly in the river, she understood that this was a Jewish child.

“Adam” vs. “Anashim”

Rav Meir Shapiro of Lublin (1887-1933) explained on this basis an otherwise mysterious Talmudic passage which, until his interpretation, was used by antisemites throughout the ages to fuel the flames of hatred and suspicion of Jews. The Gemara in Masechet Yevamot (61a) cites the prophet Yehezkel’s pronouncement to the Jewish Nation (34:31), “Adam atem” – literally, “You are people.” This indicates, the Gemara notes, that “you are called ‘adam,’ but the gentiles are not called ‘adam’.” The Gemara applies this teaching to a halachic concept, to a certain Torah law which depends on the particular status of “adam.” But many a Jew-hater seized upon the Gemara’s remark to provide “evidence” that we are a racist, supremacist people, that we consider all non-Jews as subhuman creatures. It goes without saying that this is a preposterous claim, as Torah law, ethics and tradition teaches us to extend sensitivity and kindness to all people, and to respect the divine image within every human being. But what, then, does the Gemara here mean? In what way are gentiles not considered “adam”?

Rav Shapiro explained the Gemara to mean that gentiles aren’t called “adam,” and are called instead the other word for “person” – “ish.” The difference between the words “adam” and “ish” is that the latter also has a plural form – “anashim.” When we want to speak of two or more people, we say “anashim.” Intriguingly, there is no corresponding plural term for “adam.” This word has only a singular form. The Gemara is teaching us that we, the Jewish People, are always referred to with the singular expression “adam,” even when there are many thousands of us. No matter how many Jews we are talking about, they are always “adam” – a single, indivisible unit. We are all one, like a single body. When one part of the body aches, the entire body suffers – and this is true of Am Yisrael, as well. We all feel each other’s pain, share in each other’s sorrow, and help shoulder each other’s burdens. But other people are called “ish,” or, in the plural, “anashim.” This does not mean that there’s anything wrong with people who aren’t Jewish. It means simply that other nations do not have the same unique cohesiveness and sense of family as Am Yisrael. This is one of our signature qualities, a feature of Jewish life that makes us unique.

Caring Community

I say with great pride that while this is true of the entire Jewish Nation, this is true especially of our beautiful community. One of the things that we excel in is the quality of sharing our fellow’s burden, and coming to his side in his time of need. We are kind, generous, giving, and – most important of all – concerned. We truly care about one another – about our fellow community members, and about our brothers and sisters from outside our community, no matter their background, affiliation, or level of observance. We embody the notion of “adam,” the notion that the entire Jewish Nation comprises a single organic entity that cannot ever be divided.

I hope and pray that in the merit of all the wonderful hesed performed by our community, and of all the heartfelt tefilot recited by our community members for our fellow Jews in need here, in Israel, and throughout the world, Hashem will bless His nation with peace and prosperity, and bring us our long-awaited final redemption, speedily and in our times, amen.

From the Files of the Bet Din

The Case

Cookies and… Scream

Moe and Cindy were returning home Saturday night after spending the weekend with Cindy’s parents. They stopped off at a local ice cream parlor and purchased ice cream cones that they ate in their car in the dark. As Cindy got to the bottom of the cone, she reached with her fingers to the bottom of the cone to eat what seemed to be the last chunk of chocolate. After biting into it, Cindy began screaming and discharged from her mouth a sizeable roach. Utterly repulsed, she repeatedly vomited. After tending to his wife, Moe stormed into the ice cream store and berated the store owner for the incident, demanding compensation for his wife’s mental and emotional anguish. The store owner was sincerely apologetic but refused to resolve the matter that evening.

Moe and Cindy filed a written complaint to our Bet Din, claiming $10,000 in compensation. In Bet Din, the store owner explained that his store had been operating for over nine years and he never encountered a complaint. Furthermore, he recently passed an inspection with the board of health. He felt that the incident was due to circumstances beyond his control and that he should not be liable for the unfortunate experience.

How should the Bet Din rule, in favor of Cindy or the store owner and why?

Torah Law

According to Torah law, one who damages another can be liable to pay the victim for five distinct types of compensation. Obviously, a victim is entitled to compensation for permanent bodily damage sustained. In addition, a victim may, when applicable, collect compensation for pain suffered, the loss of employment, medical expenses, and the humiliation experienced because of the incident. Specific formulas to calculate each type of compensation due is prescribed by our sages. Compensation for mental anguish generally falls under the category of medical expenses, as the money collected serves to offset the cost of the therapy needed to help heal a suffering victim.

Many conditions apply before a victim can collect payment for damage suffered. While it is outside the parameters of this article to encompass the numerous exemptions applicable to damage liability, the following information serves as an indication to the intricacy of Torah law. A competent halachic authority must always be consulted before determining Torah law.

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, in instances where an offender performs an act that indirectly results in damage, a Bet Din will not forcibly collect payment from him. While the offender is responsible by Divine decree to compensate for the damage caused, a Bet Din will not intervene and collect on behalf of a victim. In addition, if the indirect damage was done without malicious intent, the offender is absolved from all responsibility. Hence, in instances of indirect damage resulting from circumstances beyond the defendant’s control, he is absolved of all liability.

In the classic Talmudic case of an animal that ate poison that was placed in front of it, the decision was not to forcibly collect from the offender who had placed the poison, but rather to inform him of his moral obligation by Divine decree to compensate the owner for the loss of his animal. There is a dispute between leading halachic authorities in explaining the logic behind this ruling. While all authorities agree that the incident constitutes a standard case of indirect damage, they differ regarding the exact rationale. Some commentators explain that an animal, by nature, has a keen sense of smell that protects it from eating dangerous substances. And thus, even if poison is mixed with animal food, it is clearly within the capacity of the animal to refrain from eating it. Therefore, if an animal consumes poison, the act cannot be attributed to the wrongdoing of the one who merely placed the poison in front of it.

Others explain that an offender can only be liable to pay compensation if he plays an active role in inflicting damage. If, however, the offender is completely passive at the time of damage, and it is rather the victim who actively inflicts himself, compensation cannot be forcibly collected from the offender. Therefore, even if it is likely that an animal will eat the poison that is mixed with its food, the offender is exempt, since the animal actively inflicted itself by initiating the consumption of the poison. Although the offender placed the poison within reach, his only liability is to meet his moral obligation of reimbursement prescribed by Divine law.

This halachic debate has far-reaching implications. According to the first opinion, if somebody placed in front of another person food that is not fit for consumption, it may legally be rendered as direct damage, enabling a Bet Din to collect from the offender. Unlike dogs, a human being will not necessarily distinguish an inedible product by its smell, and thus the offender is liable for all subsequent damage. Nevertheless, even according to this opinion, if the victim sensed a potential problem with the food and chose to continue eating, then the act of damage might not be attributed to the offender, since the victim ate the food despite sensing something was awry.

However, according to the second reasoning mentioned, the act of placing inedible food in front of another person to eat renders one liable only by Divine decree. Since the offender was completely passive, and the victim, albeit unintentionally, inflicted himself by consuming the food, a Bet Din will not exact payment from the offender. Hence, if the defendant who placed the inedible food for another to consume was not negligent, and had no malicious intent while serving the food, then, according to this opinion, he is absolved from all liability.

As a rule, a Bet Din will incorporate into Torah law a custom practiced in a commercial market. In the food and restaurant industry, a minimal standard of cleanliness is required. The store

owner implicitly guarantees, and accepts responsibility, to ensure that his product meets these standards. Hence, depending on the specific case at hand, a Bet Din may require an owner to compensate a client when a health violation occurs due to poor environmental standards.

Endnotes: Baba Kama 83b, 47b; Tosafot, Baba Kama 47b “hava lah;” Rosh, op cit, citing Orah Lahaim; Rambam, Hilchot Nizke Mammon 4:2; Hazon Ish, Baba Kama 14:9.

VERDICT: Unintentional Encroachment

From a halachic standpoint, Cindy is not entitled to compensation for the anguish she suffered. She did not incur any medical expenses for the painful incident. Furthermore, as discussed, a defendant is exempt from payment in cases of indirect damage caused by circumstances beyond his control. After investigation and review of the files at the Department of Health, it emerged that the store was running a clean operation, met all environmental standards, and was free of any complaints on record. Furthermore, the roach was found at the bottom of a cone, a product that was supplied by a cone distributor who is unaffiliated with the store owner, making it impossible for the owner to prevent the incident. Moreover, when questioned, Cindy admitted that as she picked up the roach with her fingers, she sensed a potential foreign substance, but nevertheless continued to eat. Hence, since it was within her capacity to refrain from eating, the act cannot be attributed to the store owner. In addition, halachically, the store owner played a passive role in the subsequent damage, as it was Cindy who ate the cone. Since the damage was caused by circumstances beyond the store owner’s control, he is absolved from all responsibility.

Nevertheless, for the sake of peace, and with a commitment from Moe and Cindy that they would not slander the store in the future, the owner agreed to pay Cindy $500.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Lost and Found

Debbie and Joey were married less than a year when they realized that their ketuba was lost. Since Debbie did not remember ever storing her ketuba for safekeeping, the couple decided to review their wedding video to determine who was entrusted with the ketuba. The video indicated that Debbie’s mother had placed the ketuba on a small table at the time of the ceremony and it is very likely that it was left there unattended and was disposed of after the wedding. Although the ketuba was lost, a much more disturbing find was discovered upon study of the video. One of the witnesses of their kiddushin was Joey’s close relative. At this point it was evident that the young rabbi who officiated their wedding was incompetent, as the video showed that he never carefully chose valid witnesses prior to the marriage, but rather randomly picked two people to witness the marriage. Our Bet Din reached out to the rabbi, who admitted that since the witnesses did not object to the appointed role, he assumed that they were not related. With a very embarrassing situation at hand, the couple confidentially reached out to our Bet Din seeking a remedy for their problem. Do they need to remarry? If so, can it be done without a formal ceremony? Are the wedding blessings to be said all over again? Which date is to be written on the new ketuba, the day of their mistaken ceremony or today’s date?

How Should the Bet Din Rule and Why?

(This case is from the archives of the files of the Bet Din dating back over a decade ago. Due to the sensitivity of the matter, at that time it was not published. As with all cases published, the names and details are changed in order to protect the confidentiality of the parties involved.)

Once Upon A Thyme

Cookies and Cream Hot Cocoa Bombs

Adina Yaakov

This treat has maintained its popularity for good reason. It breaks open in the most captivating way, releasing its contents and instantly creating an extraordinary cup of hot cocoa. Cocoa bombs are a great activity for cold winter nights and make great hostess gifts as well. You will need two half sphere silicone mold trays with six cavities each for this recipe. If you don’t want to purchase molds, you can use paper cupcake liners and add enough melted chocolate to cover the hot chocolate and marshmallows completely.

2 ounces high-quality semi-sweet chocolate bars or chips

14 ounces high quality white chocolate bar or chips

6 tablespoons white hot chocolate mix

1 cup mini marshmallows

12 mini sandwich cookies

6 cups whole or 2% milk

If you can’t find white hot chocolate mix, make your own:

2 cups skim milk powder

½ cup Sugar

½ cup Vanilla sugar

1. Fill 2 pots half-way with water and set over medium-high heat. Place 2 heat-proof glass bowls that fit securely on top of each pot without touching the water. Chop each bar and melt separately in the double boilers. Remove the bowl from the double boiler when melted.

2. Coat the molds with the white chocolate. Drop 1 tablespoon tempered chocolate into each well of the half sphere silicone mold trays. Use a brush to spread the chocolate up the sides and over the edges of the molds by just a bit. Place in the freezer to harden quickly, about 5 minutes.

3. Fill half the spheres with white hot cocoa mix and marshmallows.

4. Wearing gloves, gently release the remaining 6 unfilled shells from their molds, but keep them resting in the well. Use a pastry brush to coat the top of the sphere with chocolate and attach to the marshmallow-filled shell.

5. Let sit at room temperature to harden and set, at least 15 minutes.

6. Drizzle with dark chocolate and add sandwich cookies. Drizzle with white chocolate. Use gloves when decorating or moving the cocoa bombs to prevent fingerprints.

To Serve the Chocolate Bombs:

1. Heat 1 cup milk for each hot chocolate bomb gently on the stovetop or in the microwave for about 2 minutes until very hot, almost to a boil.

2. Pour the hot milk into a large mug and gently add the bomb for the most dramatic explosion.

Is It Time To Turn Off Your Smartphone?

Ellen Gellar Kamaras

Shutting your smartphone for allotted time periods to be totally present for your children will reap enormous benefits.

It will increase their emotional intelligence (EQ) and give them valuable lifelong tools to navigate challenges and relationships. Being emotionally intelligent is key to how one reacts to life’s challenges. Unplugging from your phone will help your kids feel that they are important to you and will help them to develop resilience. And it’s good for you, too.

When You Turn Your Attention to Your Phone

I am blessed to live in Brooklyn Heights, right next to the Promenade, which affords a breathtaking view of the Lower Manhattan skyline and New York Harbor.

Many young families live in this section of brownstone Brooklyn. When I walk my dog, Davy, I see many parents and nannies pushing strollers with infants and toddlers.

It is rare when a parent or nanny is not looking at his/her phone while pushing the stroller. There are times that we need to check our phones. I am guilty of stopping in the middle of the block to check my phone and having pedestrians “excuse me” their way past me.

What do you think is the impact on the child whose parent or nanny is constantly looking at her phone? We have all seen kids trying to get their mom’s attention while the mom was scrolling.

Even my dog gets into trouble when I stop to check my phone for a text or to send a quick email. Inevitably, another dog walks by and Davy pounces or growls.

Might Davy be trying to remind me that this is our special time together and I need to be present? I now make a concerted effort to keep my phone in my pocket.

If we are engrossed with our phone screens, it means we are not engaging with the others we are with.

What is the impact of parental or caregiver phone use on the children? What is the cost of those missed opportunities when we could be connecting with our children? And what is happening at home regarding phone usage in the children’s presence?

First, let’s address the babies.

Why Talking to Your Baby Matters

According to the Essex Child and Family Wellbeing Service, child’s first 1,001 days (from conception to the age of two) are crucial in developing attachment, physical development, communication, and early language. Children need to be experimenting with sounds, babbling, making noises, learning vocabulary, and communicating from as early an age as possible.

This is why we need to talk to our babies while they are out in their strollers and at home. In the first 10 to 12 months, babies enjoy being talked to, move their heads and smile, and move their arms and legs in response. Babies listen when you sing songs and start to understand when you use their name. It is never too early to start reading books to encourage vocabulary building.

Raising Children in the Digital Age

According to the Center for Fathers and Children in Sacramento, California, “When it comes to raising children in the digital age, one of the worst things a parent can do is give their kid a smartphone and hope for the best. Turns out, same goes for the grownups.”

That’s right! We talk about the negative impact of screen time and too much access to social media for our kids but are we as parents being appropriate role models?

Robin Nabi, a professor of communications at UC Santa Barbara, headed up a study of parents to observe how different forms of media impacts the emotional intelligence of their kids. The results of her study indicated that the EQ of children can be negatively affected by their parents’ use of smartphones. It’s the very familiar scene that I see on the promenade of a caregiver absorbed with a smartphone screen and their little charge is seeking attention.

Let’s define emotional intelligence or EQ. It is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage both our emotions and the emotions of others. EQ’s key components are self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and relationship management.

Research shows that kids with high EQ are likely to have better academic performance, stronger relationships, and enhanced mental health. EQ provides the tools for children to handle stress, solve problems, resolve differences and arguments, and make healthy choices. A solid connection also exists between EQ skills in kids and decreased depression, anxiety levels, and aggression.

Nabi concluded that children respond to their parents. It does not matter what the content is that the mom or dad is viewing on their phones. To the child having a parent looking at their phone translates to a lack of responsiveness to them.

Her research found that parental phone use is associated with “still face.” This expressionless appearance is frequently taken for depression, which can adversely affect children’s development of emotional skills.

Advice to Parents Based on Research

Nabi’s advice to parents is to be more mindful about phone use around children. “Where their eyes are sends a message to their children about what’s important.”

Dona Matthews, PhD. Is a developmental psychologist and author living in Toronto. She describes the findings of five research studies to support her views on parental phone use – parents on devices distress children and reduce their resilience.

These studies highlight the harm parents can cause when they focus on their phones. Although they may be physically present, they are distracted and less responsive to their kids.

Study #1: Moms on cellphones have children who are more negative and are less resilient.

Study #2: Children feel unimportant and feel they need to compete with smartphones for their parents’ attention.

Study #3: Distracted parental attention harms children’s social/emotional development.

Study #4: Cellphone use interferes with healthy parenting. Study #5: When parents use cellphones kids feel sad, mad, angry, and lonely.

Why Is It So Important for Children To Develop Resilience?

Think about how we as parents/caregivers coped during the pandemic. Our ability to be resilient enabled us to function and take care of ourselves and our loved ones in the new normal. The same is true of Israelis and Jews in response to the atrocities of October 7th and the ensuing war and surge in anti-Semitism. We continue to use our Jewish mindset and practice values of optimism, faith, hope, and positivity. Most importantly, we try to exercise resilience.

After October 7th, Jewish resilience meant the creation of a new normal. Resilience requires not only perseverance but also the ability to adapt to adverse events.

Developing resilience for a child means helping them to deal with life and cultivate the tools and skills they need to manage challenges as they grow up. Resilience will let them stick things out and not give up in the face of adversity or failure.

What Can Parents Do?

School principals and parents concentrate on banning or limiting children’s phone use. Therapists also recommend they address other spaces where phone use/overuse occurs. Dr. Katie Hurley, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, author, and speaker shared what she hears from her teenage clients about their parents’ phone use. They say that their

parents consistently criticize their children’s phone use but do not curb their own use. “Hypocrisy aside, teens tell me that it’s frustrating when their parents can’t give them their focus. Frustrated with their parents over their lack of attention, teens curb negative emotions by watching videos on social media.”

Parents frequently have the same complaint, that their kids are glued to their phones and do not react when they try to engage them. They also turn to their own phones when rejected by their children. Both parents and kids get stuck in an endless loop of fractured communication and hurt feelings because technology steals focus.

Dr. Hurley’s solution involves getting the families to look at the problem from both sides and see how technology is stealing opportunities for quality time and positive interactions.

Both parents and children need to adjust their technology habits to restore trust and positive communication. She emphasizes that it is our parental responsibility to be a good role model for our children.

By prioritizing engaging with each other and having fun together, families can curb tech overuse in a positive way.

Curb & Compromise

Below are some of Dr. Hurley’s suggestions to restore positive and meaningful family conversations without throwing our phones away.

Establish technology family guidelines together. Even though the rules may vary by age, it is important to explain the differences to your children. One example is no phones at the dinner table.

· Devise systems that easily allow us to decrease our phone use. One idea is to provide a storage basket or central charging station when phones are not to be used.

· Practice active listening skills together. Maintain eye contact while you talk to each other, ask follow-up questions, and reflect on what you heard.

· Create working communication systems. There are exceptions. Parents may have to deal with work issues, for example, a journalist with a deadline or a doctor on call, and kids may get a notification from school. Make a follow-up plan to continue the conversation and be clear when you set boundaries around work.

· Schedule activities your family enjoys doing together that do not involve technology.

Positive Parenting – How Do YOU Deal with Neighbors? 

Tammy Sassoon

Much of our children’s understanding of healthy relationships is built upon the interactions they observe between us and the people around us. Whether it’s how we relate to neighbors, friends, or distant and close family members, our actions shape their perceptions of how to navigate complex social dynamics. Before we can even attempt to instruct our children on handling disappointment, respecting others, accepting authority, and practicing kindness, we must first embody these qualities ourselves.

As none of us lives in isolation, we inevitably encounter conflict, providing our children with priceless opportunities to observe our responses. For me it’s important that my children learn two things from watching:

1. How to accept life’s challenges and…

2. How to recognize the inherent worth of both themselves and others, even in the midst of adversity.

If I succeed in modeling this, I am paving a path for respectful and compassionate behavior.

Teaching by Example

When we model these behaviors, we teach our children that it’s okay to feel disappointment, anger, or frustration, but it’s not okay to lash out or resort to hurtful words or actions. We show them that it’s possible to express our feelings in a constructive way, to seek understanding, and to work towards finding a solution. We teach them the importance of empathy, of putting ourselves in another person’s shoes, and considering someone else’s perspective. From watching us do all this, our children learn the value of forgiveness, acknowledging our frustration in a healthy way, and of letting go of resentment and moving forward.

Often parents wonder why their children are act aggressively, not realizing that they themselves are doing the same thing with adults in their lives. Whatever character trait you see in your child, you would be wise to ask yourself if your child is growing up watching you act with dignity. If not, it is never too late to start fresh.

By modeling healthy behaviors, we create a safe and supportive environment where our children can learn and grow. We help them develop the social and emotional skills they need to build

strong, healthy relationships. And we instill in them a sense of compassion and empathy that will benefit them throughout their lives. If you want your child to be kinder, BE KINDER. If you want your child to be more accepting of challenges, BE more accepting of challenges. You get the point.

Scenario with the Neighbor

Imagine that your neighbor keeps on playing loud music late at night, disturbing your sleep.

If your children observe you engaging in a disrespectful response, they would see you blasting your own music even louder in retaliation, or yelling across the fence, expressing your annoyance in a hostile manner. This approach is likely to escalate the situation and damage your relationship with your neighbor.

If your children observe you engaging in a kind and boundary-setting response, they would watch you approaching your neighbor calmly and politely, explaining how the late-night noise is affecting your sleep. You could say something like, “Hi Sara, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I’m having trouble sleeping because of the late-night noise. I was wondering if we could come up with a way to compromise, maybe by turning down the volume after a certain time?”

This approach demonstrates respect for your neighbor while assertively stating your needs. It opens the door for a constructive conversation with the neighbor and a potential solution that works for both of you.

So, the next time you’re faced with a challenging situation, remember that your children are watching. Model the behavior you want them to emulate. Show them how to handle conflict with grace and dignity. Teach them the importance of kindness, respect, and understanding. By doing so, you’ll be giving them the greatest gift of all: the ability to build strong and healthy relationships.

Importance of Exterior Maintenance

Karen Behfar

Over the past few years, we’ve sold a few homes that had vines and weeds on the exterior of the home. In one home, the seller was actually surprised when the home inspector recommended having the vines and weeds removed, as they are not good for the health of the home’s structure. Let’s explore and delve into it some more.

Weeds and Vines

While vines on exterior walls may look charming, they can cause structural damage to a home. Weeds and invasive plants tend to grow into cracks, expanding them over time and allowing moisture to seep in, which may lead to mold and mildew. Vines can also trap moisture against walls, accelerating decay in wooden or brick surfaces. Additionally, they may attract pests, such as insects and rodents, creating further issues. Regularly removing weeds and managing vine growth helps protect a home’s structural integrity and curb appeal, saving homeowners from potentially expensive repairs and maintenance. Vines, scrubbings, and greenery on the exterior walls of a home may look charming, but they can lead to serious issues. These plants trap moisture against the walls, which promotes mold, mildew, and rot, damaging the structure. Their roots can penetrate cracks, widening them and compromising the wall’s integrity

Garage Maintenance

Garages are an interesting thing. I find that many people who maintain their home very well also maintain their garage very well. I can usually tell if a homeowner is meticulous by looking at the exterior of their home and at their garage. That being said, many people only use the garage for storage, so they don’t put too much emphasis on garage maintenance, despite how important it is.

Basic garage maintenance is important because when you do eventually want to sell, it can add value to your home. When the buyer wants to check your home, the home inspector always checks out the garage and makes sure that it’s dry and the roof is intact. Usually, if there are small holes or openings, moisture builds up whenever it rains. While small holes or openings may not interfere on a daily basis, termites love moisture and they can cause potential damage to the garage.

A well-maintained garage can add value and functionality to a home, but neglecting it can lead to costly repairs. Winter months especially demand extra care, as cold weather can affect garage doors, hinges, and seals. Regularly inspecting the garage door opener, lubricating moving parts, and checking for any drafts or gaps can help maintain energy efficiency and security. Also, make sure to organize and clear any clutter that may become hazardous. By keeping the garage in good condition, homeowners ensure that their garage remains a useful and attractive feature, enhancing overall property appeal and market value.

Building Dreams Together

Building Through Loss: Finding Purpose in Pain Jack Gindi

Each morning, as the sun rises over the Rockies, I see nature’s reminder: after darkness comes light. This truth is more profound than ever. My family and I face life’s most challenging journey – coping with the loss of my beloved son, Shaun.

Like many who suffer a significant loss, we haunt ourselves with the question: How do we move on when our world has stopped? I have learned the answer is often found in unexpected moments. They are usually found in conversations, communities, and helping others through similar challenges.

The path through grief is not linear. Some days feel impossible, while others offer glimpses of purpose. It becomes clear that deep pain changes us. It nudges us forward to uncover meaning. It lights our direction toward change. In that journey, we begin to piece together a path that is bigger than ourselves.

This morning, I meditated. I reflected on Shaun’s dreams and our work with struggling teens and families. I realized something profound: moving forward does not mean moving on. It means carrying our loved ones’ vision with us.

After years in real estate development, I learned that every structure needs a solid foundation. But building through loss teaches us something different. Sometimes, our most robust foundations are on the most broken ground. When we channel our grief into purpose, remarkable transformations become possible.

I learned this lesson first in 2008 when I lost my real estate portfolio. Every building I had constructed, every deal I had made – gone. Starting over in my fifties seemed impossible. Yet, that experience taught me that true building is not about properties. It is about building lives.

The rebuilding taught me lessons. They helped me develop tools to guide other families facing similar setbacks. My son, Shaun, embodied this spirit of transformation. He struggled with anxiety and depression. Still, he wanted to help other young people find their way. His words guide me: “I want to transform kids’ lives… I want people to experience an accomplishment in a way that they might have thought was beyond them.” He dreamed of showing kids that their struggles do not define them. I’m struck by the irony that I’m only learning of his dream now in his diary.

I am in my office as I write this. The morning light beams through my window. It reminds me that while some dreams end too soon, others are beginning. I invite you to feel your way through your pain and find your new chapter. We can all discover new meanings because of our losses, not despite them.

Remember: We often discover our most meaningful purpose in our darkest moments. The key is to remain open to the possibilities. It may not feel like it in the moment, but your greatest pain can often become your greatest gift to others.

Consider this: What could you build if setbacks were new beginnings, not endings? What meaning could you create from life’s most challenging moments?

Let’s build dreams together, one story at a time.

Update on Proposed Coney Island Casino

Ellen Gellar Kamaras

The ongoing debate around the $3 billion Coney Island casino project, The Coney, recently deepened on both sides. Opponents continue to claim that the casino will only benefit the developers and investors, and will bring many harmful consequences to residents, our children and families, local businesses, and visitors. The Coney’s advocates persistently argue that it will offer necessary economic prospects of new jobs and revitalization, to a neighborhood that has grappled with seasonal ebbs and flows.

There are two important updates.

Demapping Plan

A September 2024 article by Charles Denson, the Executive Director of the nonprofit Coney Island History Project, highlighted that the developers, in their June 27 presentation to the NYC Planning Commission, included a dangerous land-grab demapping plan of epic proportions.

The consortium asked NYC to close and “demap” the three main streets in the amusement zone that connects Surf Avenue to the oceanfront and to transform these critical city streets into “landscaped pedestrian walkways” for the casino and the adjoining hotel’s benefit. These three streets are Stillwell Avenue, West 12th Street, and West 15th.

This plan would jeopardize the safety of the millions who visit Coney Island in the summer to enjoy the free access it offers to the Boardwalk, beach, and ocean, and would destroy the existing businesses encircling the casino complex.

Denson cited the following negative consequences if the city signs off on this plan.

These three streets are currently used as designated fire lanes by ambulances, police cars, and fire trucks. If the plan is approved, emergency access to the Boardwalk,

beach, and amusement park will be a quarter of a mile away. Firefighters will need to pull hoses for long distances to fight a fire and medical staff would push stretchers from gridlocked Surf Avenue to help people on the Boardwalk, beach, or rides. First responders must have these streets as access points to save lives. Cutting vehicular access will lead to increased response time, and the loss of lives.

· Disability parking and wheelchair accessibility to the Boardwalk and beach would be limited in violation of the ADA Accessibility Standards.

· Deliveries to local businesses and amusement parks will be blocked.

· Utility and repair vehicles will not be able to service businesses south of Surf Avenue.

· 160 public parking spaces would be cut and would turn West 12th Street into a short driveway leading to the casino’s private 1,500-car parking garage. Cars entering and exiting the casino garage will cause a bottleneck at the already overcrowded intersection of Surf Avenue and West 12th Street.

· Public School 90 is on West 12th Street, a block north of the proposed casino. When casino traffic gridlock backs up on West 12th Street, it will cause delays for parents dropping off or picking up their kids from school by car.

Denson summarizes his arguments against the demapping plan with a history lesson: “Stillwell Avenue, West 12th Street, and West 15th are vital to the life of the amusement zone and must be kept open. These streets were cut through to the ocean in the 1920s when the beach was still private property. The City built these thoroughfares to provide access for the public to enjoy a free beach and Boardwalk.”

October 2024 Town Hall Meeting

At a packed October town hall meeting led by local activist Ronald Stewart, a diverse group of adversaries of the Coney expressed their fears over the effect of gambling on the community and claimed that a casino would hurt rather than help Coney Island. They voiced concerns about the crime, escalated traffic, and addiction that go along with

casinos. According to Mr. Stewart, this will take value from the people who gamble their money away.” Local business owners maintained that the Coney would harm their livelihoods and drive away customers who travel to Coney Island for its distinctive vibe and entertainment.

Sarah Jenkins, longtime resident and community activist said, “We do not want Coney Island to become a haven for gambling and vice. This is a place where families come to enjoy the beach, the rides, and the unique culture that makes Coney Island so special. A casino has no place here.”

Supporters of the Coney also made their voices heard. Joseph Packer believes that the Coney could keep entertainment spending within Brooklyn. He and his family frequently travel to NJ since Coney Island does not have the facilities that Atlantic City has. Other advocates claim that the Coney will attract visitors and thereby benefit local businesses, raise property values, and create tax revenue for public services.

Coney Island is one of three downstate gambling casino sites in the NYC area for which developers and gaming companies are bidding for licenses. The Gaming Facility Location Board review process, community comment period, study of the impact on the neighborhood, and determination of who is awarded the license, remain scheduled for some time in 2025.

Governor Kathy Hochul was recently criticized after anonymous reports appeared that she would support legislation benefiting Mets owner Steve Cohen for a casino near Queens’ Citi Field.

Although the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce is in favor of the Coney, Community Board (CB) 13 and most of its underlying four district neighborhood residents, remain opposed to Joseph Sitt’s application for the Coney Project.

While not geographically included in CB 13, the Sephardic Community Federation is firmly opposed to the application for a Coney Island Casino.

SCF has worked tirelessly to preserve the community’s values, protect against addiction risks and economic disruption, and ensure a prosperous and vibrant future for all residents of Southern Brooklyn. SBC took a leading position in encouraging other community organizations to join their fight against the Coney by creating the No Coney Casino Petition and website: https://p2a.co/slDezlj.

What You Can Do

Complete the form on https://p2a.co/slDezlj to help protect our neighborhood by saying “no coney island casino.” Send an email to your officials with one click.

to your input

Contact the officials below to find out who is representing them at the Community Advisory Committee meetings. Communicate your questions and concerns to:

NY State Senator Jessica Scarcella-Spanton, 718-727-9406.

Assemblyman Michael Novakhov (District 45), 718-743-4078.

Local City Council member Justin Brannan (District 47), 718-307-7151.

Brooklyn Borough President Antonio Reynoso, 718-802–3700.

Mayor Eric Adams, 311.

Governor Kathy Hochul, 518-474-8390.