Rabbi Yehuda Finchas 

Miri was due to deliver a baby a few days before Pesach. She phoned me very anxious. “Rabbi, may I find out the gender of the baby? If it’s a boy and the brit mila will be during or right after Pesach, I need to know in advance to have time to plan and prepare!” 

Sara is married to a Kohen and is expecting a child. Unfortunately, her grandfather passed away and Sara asked me if she may attend his levaya. Her husband and sons who are Kohanim could not go because a Kohen may not contract tumat met from a corpse unless he is burying one of seven close relatives (See S.A, Y.D., 373:4). This prohibition even applies to boys under the age of bar mitzva, whose parents are obligated to ensure that they do not come in contact with tumat met (Ibid, 373:1). However, Sara wanted to know whether carrying a Kohen fetus to a levaya is similarly forbidden. She added, “Rabbi, I don’t know if it’s a boy or girl but I can find out if necessary.”  

What Does the Torah Say? 

Regarding the question of whether it is correct to prenatally reveal the gender of a child, there are varying implications from different Torah sources. On the one hand, the Torah depicts a concerned Rivka Imenu beseeching Hashem regarding her complicated pregnancy. Hashem explained to her that she was pregnant with two boys who were diametrically opposed, “There are two nations in your womb… the older one will serve the younger one” (Beresheet, 25:23). Likewise, the mother of Shimshon was notified that she was pregnant with a boy (Shoftim, 13:3; see also Nidda, 31a and Eiruvin, 100b for further examples). These sources imply that it is not a problem to know the child’s gender before birth. On the other hand, the Midrash lists seven things that are concealed from mankind, one of which is the gender of an unborn child (Kohelet Rabbah, 11:4, based on Kohelet, 11:5). This implies that the child’s gender was designed to be concealed, and it is therefore incorrect to find it out. One suggested explanation for why Hashem chose to hide a child’s gender until birth is to avoid parental disappointment if the gender of the baby is different than what they had hoped for. Others explain that matters of bracha such as a developing fetus should be “hidden from the eye.” 

When taken together, the sources imply that while there may be value in keeping the gender of the unborn baby concealed, there is certainly no outright halachic prohibition in finding out. As Miri was stressed out, unsure how to juggle all the Pesach preparations alongside a possible brit mila celebration, I told her that she may ask her doctor to reveal if her baby is a boy.  

What About a Kohen? 

Regarding Sara’s question if she may attend the levaya, Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, (Hazon Ovadia, Aveilut, Vol. 2, p. 62) discusses at length whether a woman pregnant with a Kohen fetus may go to a levaya. He cites various opinions, but concludes that the prohibition of tumat met only applies once a child is born.  He quotes the Gemara (Nidda, 43) that requires parents to distance even their “one-day-old baby” son from tumat met, which clearly implies that this does not imply to a baby in utero. Therefore, there is no reason for Sara to find out the gender of her child, since according to Hacham Ovadia she is permitted to attend the levaya even if the fetus is a boy. (See Hazon Ovadia, Aveilut, Vol. 1, p. 313 regarding the general question of a pregnant women attending a levaya) 

Interestingly, some poskim write that even members of those communities whose minhag is to use three chickens when performing kaparot for a pregnant woman whose fetus’ gender is unknown (a hen for the mother, and both a rooster and a hen for the fetus who may be a boy or a girl), should only use two chickens if the parents know the baby’s gender. 

In conclusion, there is no outright prohibition finding out the gender of a baby, and if parents wish to find out, they are permitted to do so. 

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Pnina Souid 

Since October 7th, the Mitzvah Man Organization has  helped many Israeli families wo were displaced from their homes.  

Here is another letter of thanks to the organization that goes the extra mile.   

Dear Mitzvah Man and the Mitzvah Man Team, 

Apologies for the late letter. You helped me with a displaced family from Israel. Below is my humble thank you note. 

I want to tell you how amazing and overwhelmingly rejoiceful was the experience that I had dealing with you and your team. 

My name is Mrs. B. I live in Queens. I am an Ashkenazi Jew. I have been receiving the Community Magazine for years.  

I always read the Mitzvah Man Hesed Stories, which I find to be almost unbelievable. Until today. 

One morning in November, I received a call regarding a displaced family from Israel that had landed in Queens with four little girls and their parents, and the mother was pregnant.   

The request was for six beds, as someone had already found an empty apartment for the family. All we needed were six beds within 24 hours.  

I thought to myself, how in the world will I find six beds within the time frame or the money to pay for them? 

Then a thought came to me. This is an impossible feat. 24 hours? I am not a superhero. Ah!  Only the Mitzvah Man Organization in Brooklyn can figure this one out. I called the Mitzvah Man hotline. 

What happened next was no less than miraculous.  

The Mitzvah Man told me, “We really work with Brooklyn and New Jersey since that’s where our resources are, but let me send a few texts to see if somehow we can figure this one out.” 

Within the hour I started getting phone calls – “Hello, Mrs. B., I can donate one bed!” “Hello, Mrs. B., where can I send you money?” Twenty minutes later – “Hello, Mrs. B. I can pay for two beds.” Within the hour I received a call, “I am in the mattress business. Where do you need them delivered? At cost we will cover whatever you are missing.” 

I was trying to recover from the shock of the overwhelming generosity when I got the next phone call. 

“Hello Mrs. B.? Can I please send bedding and blankets and throws and bathroom rugs and some other household items? I want to be a participant in this hesed. Please give me the address. I can have a truck deliver everything before noon tomorrow.” 

Every caller expressed the same intention: Please allow me to be part of this. Like a badge of honor.  

All I could think was how proud I am of Hashem’s people. But then I got the call that was the “cherry on the top.” 

“Hello Mrs. B., this is Mrs. C. Are you telling me that this family is walking into an empty apartment with just beds and sheets? They will need more than that. Please tell me the ages of the girls, their sizes, and tell me their preferences and I’ll make sure that they are taken of.” 

This woman with a heart of gold and strength of a lioness got in her car and drove in heavy BQE traffic to deliver everything in person. The car was filled with 17 huge bags worth of kitchen items, bathroom items, cleaning supplies, kitchen utensils, as well as basic necessities such as shampoo, and soap. You name it – and it was in those bags.  

When I asked her on the phone whether she would prefer to have everything delivered she said, “Do you think that I will let this mitzvah be done by a driver? No way!!! I am jumping into the car with my sister now!” 

I always wonder how the Geulah Sheleima is going to come in the blink of an eye. 

All this tremendous hesed happened in the blink of an eye. I got to experience it with my own eyes. The Mitzvah Man and his team with the Help of Hashem showed by example how fast salvation for His people can happen. 

May the Ribono Shel Olam bless the Mitzvah Man Organization with berachot b’shefa. May Hashem answer all their tefillot as fast as they were able to answer the needs for this beautiful family. 

But most importantly, may we continue to make Hashem proud. 

How fortunate we are to be part of this amazing klal! 

Am Yisrael Hai! 

Mrs. B. 

PS: The mom gave birth to a healthy baby boy, after four girls, the following week.

Jenna Ashkenazie 

The Midwood post office located at 1228 Coney Island Avenue, off of Avenue J, has stood at the same location since the 1940s. The U.S. Postal Service’s lease expires in June and plans are underway to relocate the post office to a new location, which is yet to be determined. The building was purchased in 2022 by the adjacent Yeshiva of Flatbush Houllou Elementary School, which plans to expand its campus. The Yeshivah of Flatbush has not been forthcoming about its plan for the post office branch.  

More Questions Than Answers 

According to employees at the post office, they were not given any information about the move. “Not even the managers know,” said an employee who did not wish to be identified. The employee stated that they will not be getting any information until a new location is found and decided upon. After reaching out to the Yeshivah of Flatbush Houllou Elementary School’s marketing department, similar non-information was given. A source at the school said, “There is no information I can share at this time as we are still in the planning stages.”  

According to city records, construction on the building was supposed to begin in the summer of 2022 with construction to continue over the summers of each of the following two to three years. Had this happened according to the predicted schedule, construction for the new addition to the school should be almost done by now. It seems, however, that construction will not begin until the post office is able to find a new location.  

Senator Simcha Felder’s Position 

Senator Simcha Felder has been very vocal about his disapproval for the post office move. He said, “I cannot blame the post office for moving. They don’t own the building. I don’t know what transpired. I can’t blame Yeshivah of Flatbush. It’s a free market. If they didn’t buy it, someone else would have.”  

However, Felder does believe that “there are a lot of elderly people who are struggling. I don’t believe a sincere effort was made to find a closer space. I don’t know the facts – it might have been too expensive [to rent a place closer to the original space]. The 11230 post office is [allegedly] moving to another zip code. It doesn’t make sense.” He is referring to the fact that the post office is allegedly looking into acquiring the available space on the corner of Kings Highway and Coney Island, which was until very recently a Walgreens.  

“The location is bizarre. There is a post office about nine blocks away from where the [alleged] 11230 post office will be,” Feder said. He noted that the other option that is being considered is to move the post office to a location on McDonald Avenue, which is just as bad as moving it to Kings Highway. Many elderly people in the area rely on having a post office within walking distance. So,  this could be a big issue for those with limited mobility.  

Senator Felder stated, “Anyone who uses this post office will have to go quite a distance. It isn’t fair. People are being hammered by government policies already. Not everybody drives.” Although he understands that places available on the market right now are quite expensive, and it might not be feasible for the post office to acquire them, Feder claims, “They [the post office] are giving excuses. There are a lot of spaces available on Coney Island [closer to the post office’s current location]. At the very least, they should make a commitment to have a postal truck so the community doesn’t have to suffer. I’m not happy with that but it would show a sign of goodwill.”  

Make Your Voice Heard 

Senator Felder urges everyone who would be affected by this move to contact Congresswoman Yvette Clarke. “This is a federal issue. Congresswoman Yvette Clarke has been responsive in the past. People should reach out to her. We need a federal representative to make this a do-or-die issue. We need them to make a full stop.”  

Concerned citizens can contact Congressman Yvette Clark’s Brooklyn office at 718-287-1142 or via email. Emails can be sent via Clark’s website at Clarke.house.gov.  

To complain to the U.S. Postal Service directly there is only one avenue – to write to USPS Attn: Brooklyn Midwood Station Office Relocation – POB 27497, Greensboro, NC 27498-1103.  

With no official announcement from either Yeshivah of Flatbush Houllou Elementary school or the post office regarding updates, Midwood residents are left in the dark as to what might happen when the post office officially closes and construction at the Yeshiva of Flatbush begins.  

Frieda Schweky 

As a child growing up in the heart of Flatbush, Purim was my favorite day of the year. I remember seeing people delivering large ornate baskets of treats and dancing and even sometimes singing in the streets with a real feeling of ahdut. My mom assigned my sister and me to go around to all our neighbors to deliver mishloach manot. I was so eager to see what each neighbor had come up with for a theme that year. When I was growing up my family dressed up for Purim, but we never had a coordinated theme. The neighbors always did! And their themes weren’t ever simple, they were always super creative. The family members not only had matching costumes, but they also matched their mishloach manot! Right down to the type of candy in the baskets, everything would be right on theme. One time, members of a family in the neighborhood all dressed up as elderly people, complete with gray hair and walking canes. Their mishloach manot was a pill organizer filled with all different treats that looked like pills. I thought: when I have my own family we’re always going to theme-it-up for Purim! And so we do! Here I’m going to discuss some of my past themes, and some of my friends’ and Instagram followers’ themes. I hope to inspire you to put in your creative efforts this year! And if themes aren’t your thing or seem overwhelming, you can still have a perfectly awesome holiday without them. No pressure, just have fun!  

Esther Antar 

We love picking a theme and going “all out.” Generally, I pick the costume and get the materials and then my husband builds and/or spray paints it and he does the finishing touches to make it work.  

Depending on the year, we mostly do it together. As we start building things, we make adjustments to make it more practical. The homemade costumes are unique and it’s fun to see everyone’s reactions to them. I know I won’t get to choose the theme forever, because as the kids get bigger, they get more involved and express their own opinions. Last year I picked a Lego theme. and I let my daughter designate the colors for each family member. That way, she felt she was involved. When we did a pasta theme, she chose what shape of noodle she would be. We also match the mishloach manot to the theme. 

One year our theme was bath time, so my husband dressed up as a person in the tub with an inflatable bath around him, my baby was a rubber ducky, and I was a bar of soap. We  did s’mores one year, and a fast-food theme! 

Olgi Hashemi 

Themes are my favorite, so Purim is where I get to have fun with planning my family’s costumes and matching mishloach manot! I’d love to just share some of the themes we did, so hopefully I can inspire others to get creative or even just copy me! One theme was milk and cookies. My husband and I were the milk and cookie and my baby son was a cow. We did a safari theme when I was pregnant with my daughter and was feeling extra-large. I was an elephant, my husband was a man on a safari with a blow-up alligator, and my son was a lion. A cute one that I’m proud of is my garden theme. We were a garden gnome, gardener, beekeeper, bumble bee, and a flower in a flowerpot.  

Michelle Sabo 

I do a theme because I like how it looks when we’re coordinated. I also match our mishloach manot to our costume theme. The first year doing a family theme we did a bee theme because my son’s name is Abie. As my kids got older, I started to let them choose the theme each year. This is what we did so far – fireman/dalmatian, superhero, knights/dragon/princess, sailors, circus, and a baseball theme (our baby was a mascot). 

Yours Truly, Frieda Schweky  

One year, my family members dressed as fruit. I was a giant watermelon slice, my husband wore a pineapple tee shirt and hat, and the kids were a bunch of grapes, a strawberry, and the baby was a pineapple. For mishloach manot I got berry containers, lined them with white and red checkerboard tissue paper, and filled them with a bottle of homemade strawberry milk, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and fruity candies.  

Another time we dressed up as farmers, which was easier and less expensive. We all dressed in flannel and denim from our closets, and those who had overalls wore them. All the girls wore pigtail braids. Our baskets were similar to the fruit theme with the berry carton and the checkerboard tissue paper, except this time I gave an apple and apple juice in addition to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  

Another affordable theme we did was French mimes. We all wore black and white striped shirts with black berets. The girls wore red tutus for the bottoms. My mom had glass jars with red tops that she wanted to get rid of, so I grabbed them and filled them with red and black treats with some red tissue paper.  

I don’t generally make multiple different kinds of baskets. That would really overwhelm me. My kids and I give out the same baskets. If they have a specific class mishloach manot exchange where they just need about six mishloach manot to swap, then I give some candy and snacks with a small gift like a hairbrush or a pop-it. And, of course, I include our custom family label with our theme for the year.  

Rivka Grazi 

Last year’s theme was really my best one yet – and I’m honestly not sure if I can ever top it! We did IKEA! My husband, kids, and I all wore custom blue sweatshirts with the IKEA logo on front and “Hej!” on the back in yellow with black bottoms and white sneakers. I made us each employee lanyards with yellow straps, including the IKEA logo, picture of each family member, and name. Instead of making my baby’s lanyard into a necklace like the rest, his was a pacifier holder. My mishloach manot was a cardboard box with IKEA labels, including hot dogs, buns, pastrami, mini cardboard boxes with condiment packets, and bottles of soda. We also included the instructions! There were no words, just the box contents and directions in pictures that were hard to understand. Everyone got a kick out of our costumes. They knew what we were right away from the bright blue sweatshirts and contrasting yellow lanyards. 

I had another original idea I wanted to share. We dressed up in rain gear with yellow hats and boots, etc. We got my husband a yellow umbrella hat. Mishloach manot included all things in the “if all the raindrops” song – including dots for gumdrops, a water bottle, lemon drops. The thing that tied it all together was a picture of my daughter Roslyn all dressed up with an umbrella and the words to the song on it. It was very cute. 

My sister-in-law once dressed her entire family as Six Flags workers! It was so funny. She somehow matched her mishloach manot, too. 

Final Thoughts  

Wow, the creativity out there is really amazing! The spirit of the holiday is so exciting. Since I am writing about six weeks before Purim, I’m not sure what this year’s theme will be, but I’m sure it will work out in the end!  

I think it’s important to note that having a simple holiday with mismatched family costumes and mishloach manot with candy and snacks in a bag with a premade label can also be super special. If you’re inspired by this article but have too much on your plate to do something elaborate this year, that’s fine! There’s always next year or the year after. Life has seasons, especially as parents. There are times we can focus on making extra creative things, and there are times when we just get by. Hashem loves you, regardless! So, HAPPY ADAR! 

Until next month, 

Frieda Schweky  

Frieda is an event and portrait photographer. Check Frieda out on Instagram @ friedaschwekyphoto. For photography inquiries or article topic suggestions email her friedaschweky@gmail.com.