QUESTION:  

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I hope I don’t sound like a mean person, but there is something that bothers me, which turns into a fight very often. I work very hard to support my family. When I come home, the house is messy and most of the time food is not ready. I ask my wife to have things somewhat ready. This almost always turns into a fight. Is there a way to get my message across?

R’ Ali’s Response:  

I’d like to highlight one point before I begin to put things into perspective. You mention that you don’t want to sound mean. Many people are hesitant to reach out because they feel petty or embarrassed by their behavior. We need to understand that we are all human and have our own personal struggles. These struggles are nothing to be ashamed of and certainly are not a reason to hold back from reaching out. Although it’s rarely too late to reach out, many times people only reach out very late in the game, making things harder to repair.

You wrote that this issue turns into a fight when you mention something. I’m aware that “communication is the key” (or maybe not),  but there are times when communication can damage a relationship. If you see something is not working, stop doing it. Until you figure out a better way to approach the situation, do not approach the situation.

It would be ideal to actually discuss this point with your wife. “It seems as though we do not see eye to eye on this point. Let’s not discuss it until we figure out what to do.” Your question was, “Is there any way to get my message across?” I think you got your message across. Your wife is well aware of your feelings on this matter. Clearly, there’s something that’s missing here.

A great man once said, “Everyone knows everything.” Meaning, people think that their spouse doesn’t know what they want or how badly they want it. They think that all they need is someone to explain it to them and they will comply. This is a big mistake, for the most part. The question that people have when I tell them this idea is, why won’t they just do it!? 

There are many reasons why they can’t do something that would make you happy. It could be that it’s very hard for them to do certain things. Those things may be easy for you, but hard for them.

Another reason could be that they want to push back due to the way you are approaching the topic. It may be in an aggressive way, which causes them to be resistant. There’s another reason that is common and that is gender differences. Men will look at cooking and cleaning as very simple and something that takes minimal preparation. This could be due to some men comparing their labor to that of their wives. (This applies to how women think about men, as well.)

Speaking to a third party can help you sort out the reason why your wife is resistant. Thereby you can approach the situation in a better, more productive manner. In general, I like to tell people that if you want things done differently, do it yourself. If you don’t like to come home to a messy house, get cleaning help, ask the kids to chip in, or you yourself can chip in. Of course, this is just a general rule and should be applied carefully. 

Pnina Souid

For elderly people who used to be physically fit and capable, being wheelchair-bound or losing their ability to climb stairs can also be a hit to their self-esteem. The Mitzvah Man Organization provides hesed in many areas, and supplying stairlifts for needy individuals is one important area. Providing stairlifts helps recipients’ physical and emotional wellbeing.

How It Works

The Mitzvah Man Organization  receives donations of used stairlifts, refurbishes them to “new condition” and sends them to needy wheelchair-bound individuals or those who have other mobility problems that hinder their ability to climb the stairs in their homes or the stairs leading to their homes. A stairlift is a lifesaver, providing recipients with a feeling of independence that is so important to their self-esteem and their quality of life.

After the second-hand stairlifts have been refurbished, they are provided exclusively to those who cannot afford to buy one for themselves. A new stairlift can cost $7,000 or more. Two years ago, 87 used stairlifts were distributed and last year 83. This year,  43 used stairlifts have been delivered to needy, very grateful recipients.

A Story for the Books

Last week, an elderly gentleman called the Mitzvah Man, saying that he could no longer climb the stairs in his home and he could not afford to buy a stairlift. He asked if the Mitzvah Man Organization had any to stairlifts to donate. The Mitzvah Man explained that second hand stairlifts are available to individuals, and are adapted to suit each situation.

The Mitzvah Man had to think on his feet when the man added, “I am not Jewish. Do you help non-Jews?”

The Mitzvah Man knew that there was a stairlift that was not spoken for. No Jew had requested this item recently. He took a breath and responded, “Of course we help non-Jews. We do have one stairlift available, and it would be our pleasure to bring it over and install it.”

A few days later, the man called to thank the Mitzvah Man for making such a positive change in his life.

A month later, the Mitzvah man got calls from two people – one from a rabbi and the other from an elderly woman in the community – both asking for stairlifts. He was forced to tell them that he did not have any available but he I would put them on a waiting list.

Full Circle

A few weeks later, a friend of the non-Jewish man called the Mitzvah Man office. He was so impressed with the difference the stairlift had made in his friend’s life! He and another friend, neither of them Jewish, both had used stairlifts to donate to the Mitzvah Man Organization. Both men had lost family members who had needed stairlifts, and they were available for donation to the Mitzvah Man Organization. Might anyone need them?

These words were music to the Mitzvah Man’s ears. He thanked the man sincerely and said that he would be happy to have a volunteer pick them up.

Immediately after hanging up, the Mitzvah Man thanked Hashem. He had performed the mitzvah of kiddush Hashem, and in return, Hashem coordinated the donation of two badly needed stairlifts. Only Hashem could have coordinated this. Clearly, Hashem approved of this way of bringing kiddush Hashem to the world.

The moral of the story is: Do a kiddush Hashem, whether it is for a non-Jew or a Jew. It will bring beracha for everyone!

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Ikey looked down sheepishly, “Rabbi, I know we don’t listen to music during Bein Hametzarim – the ‘Three Weeks’ between the 17^th of Tamuz and Tisha B’Av. But I’ve been feeling anxious. Music usually helps me calm down. Since I stopped listening to music, I feel worse. Am I allowed to listen, or do I need to push through?” Sandra has the blues after her third child. She’s not sleeping well, which makes things worse. “Rabbi, is there any leniency?” she asked. “Without music, I can barely function.” This question sits at the intersection of halacha and mental health – and the Sephardic poskim have addressed it.

The Nature of the Prohibition

Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l, in Responsa Yechave Da’at (1:45, 6:34), explains that following the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash, Chazal instituted restrictions on music. The Gemara (Sotah 48a) describes a world in which song was diminished, rooted in the verse from Eicha (5:14), and the Rambam (Hilchot Ta’aniyot 5:14) codifies that one should refrain from instrumental music as an expression of mourning. The Shulchan Aruch (O.C. 560:3) adopts this approach.

Hacham Ovadia concludes that even for those who are lenient and listen to music during the rest of the year, during the days of Sefirat HaOmer and Bein Hametzarim, the minhag is that even forms of music that are permitted during the year are avoided as part of the national mourning.

Music As Healing

Hacham Ben Zion Abba Shaul, zt”l, establishes a carefully defined approach depending on the severity of the illness. When a person is suffering from depression, he permits listening to music until Rosh Chodesh Av. And where one is classified as a choleh atzabim – a person with a significant mental or nervous disorder – he permits listening even after  Rosh Chodesh Av, and in extreme situations even on Tisha B’Av itself, since refraining could pose a real danger (Or L’Tzion Vol. 3, Ch. 25, Sec. 2).

This is no longer about enhancing mood. It is about refuah – healing.  Similarly, other authorities write explicitly that Chazal never prohibited music used for healing. Hacham Yitzchak Yosef, shlit”a, (Yalkut Yosef Shavuot, p. 422) reinforces this approach. For a bedridden patient who would benefit from hearing music for recovery, he rules directly: “Healing the body is a great mitzvah, and there is no prohibition in a case of illness.” He cites Rabbi Nissim Karelitz and Rabbi Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg, who both permitted music for the sick or depressed during these restricted periods, adding that it should be done in private, such as with earphones.

The original decree was directed at simha – joy that leads to levity and distraction.
But where music serves to prevent psychological harm, it is no longer an expression of simha – it is a tool of refuah. As the verse states, “Ruach ish yechalkel machalehu”– a person’s spirit sustains him in illness (Mishlei 18:14). Strengthening that spirit is itself part of the healing process.

The Rambam provides general grounding for all of this in his Shemonah Perakim (Ch. 5). When overcome by mara shechora – melancholy – a person should relieve it through music and pleasant surroundings. The purpose is to promote health. Health enables the soul to pursue knowledge of Hashem. As he writes in his Regimen of Health, constant anxiety damages the body, and the physician’s first task is to remove sources of emotional distress.

A Delicate Balance

For Ikey and Sandra, the halachic path is clear. If they listen to music simply to enhance their mood, it is not permitted. But if their struggle reaches the level of genuine distress – anxiety or depression – then the halacha does not demand that they suffer. In such a case, music is not a violation of mourning, but a necessary means of preserving their health.

Mental health conditions may permit music, and in severe cases even on Tisha B’Av itself. Each individual must have their condition assessed and consult with a qualified posek, accordingly.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. He is the author of Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome and Nutrition and Hydration in Halacha. To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

The Super Soaker quickly became a best-seller that transformed backyard water battles, and later earned a place in the National Toy Hall of Fame in 2015.

Some inventions are carefully planned over many years. Others appear completely by accident. Few inventions prove that better than the Super Soaker – the powerful water gun that became one of the best-selling toys in history.

What makes the story even more remarkable is the man behind it. The Super Soaker was invented not by a toy designer, but by an aerospace engineer and former NASA scientist named Lonnie Johnson.

Johnson’s invention transformed summer fun for millions of children around the world. Yet the path from experimental laboratory equipment to a billion-dollar toy was anything but straightforward.

A Curious Mind from the Beginning

Lonnie Johnson was born in Mobile, Alabama, in 1949. From an early age, he showed an extraordinary interest in science and engineering. While many children spent their free time playing games, Johnson loved building things and experimenting with machines.

His father was a World War II veteran and skilled handyman who taught Johnson how to repair household appliances and to think mechanically. Johnson later said that growing up in the segregated South made opportunities difficult to find, but he refused to let obstacles stop him from pursuing science and engineering.

As a teenager, Johnson built a robot named “Linex” for a science competition sponsored by the University of Alabama. Despite attending an underfunded school, Johnson’s robot won first prize against students from much wealthier schools. The victory helped convince him that he could compete with anyone through hard work, creativity, and determination.

After graduating from Tuskegee University with degrees in mechanical engineering and nuclear engineering, Johnson joined the United States Air Force. He later worked on important aerospace projects involving advanced weapons systems and stealth technology.

Work with NASA and the Air Force

Johnson’s engineering career quickly became impressive. He worked for the U.S. Air Force and later for NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in California.

At NASA, Johnson contributed to several important space missions. He worked on spacecraft power systems and thermal-control technologies connected with missions such as Galileo; the unmanned probe sent to study Jupiter. The Galileo mission dramatically expanded scientists’ understanding of Jupiter and its moons after arriving at the giant planet in 1995.

Johnson also worked on projects involving the B-2 Spirit stealth bomber, one of the most advanced military aircraft ever developed. His work required precision, creativity, and deep scientific knowledge.

But despite his serious work in aerospace engineering, Johnson continued inventing in his spare time. He held dozens of ideas for new technologies and spent evenings experimenting at home.

One of those experiments would unexpectedly change the toy industry forever.

The Accident That Changed Everything

In the early 1980s, Johnson was experimenting with a new type of environmentally friendly heat pump. At the time, many refrigeration systems relied on chemicals such as Freon, which scientists increasingly worried could damage the environment.

Johnson wondered whether water could be used instead.

One evening, while working in his bathroom laboratory at home, he attached a nozzle to some tubing connected to a sink. When he activated the system, a powerful stream of water suddenly blasted across the room.

Most people might have simply cleaned up the mess and moved on.

Johnson immediately saw something else.

“This would make a great squirt gun,” he later recalled thinking.

That single moment sparked the idea for what would eventually become the Super Soaker.

Building the First Prototype

Johnson quickly began designing prototypes in his basement workshop. Unlike the small squirt guns available at the time, Johnson’s invention used air pressure to fire a powerful continuous stream of water over long distances.

The design was revolutionary.

Traditional water pistols relied on tiny squeezable reservoirs that held very little water. Johnson’s invention used a hand pump to build pressure inside a larger water chamber, allowing users to shoot stronger streams much farther than before.

His early prototypes were built from plastic tubing, Plexiglas, and spare parts. Johnson tested them on family members, neighborhood children, and coworkers. The response was immediate excitement.

Everyone who tried the prototype loved it.

Johnson realized he might have invented something far bigger than a backyard experiment.

A Long Road to Success

Although the invention showed enormous promise, turning it into a real commercial product proved difficult.

Johnson initially hoped to manufacture the toy himself, but production costs were far beyond what he could afford. Bringing a new toy to market required expensive molds, manufacturing facilities, packaging, shipping, and retail agreements.

For years, toy companies rejected his invention.

Some executives simply did not understand how different Johnson’s water gun was from existing toys. Others doubted children would want a larger, more powerful water blaster.

Johnson continued improving the design while searching for the right business partner. Finally, after nearly seven years of persistence, he partnered with Larami, a toy company known for producing inexpensive outdoor toys.

Larami agreed to manufacture and market the invention.

The Birth of the Super Soaker

The toy first appeared in stores in 1990 under the name “Power Drencher.”

It sold well, but the following year Larami redesigned and rebranded the toy as the “Super Soaker,” creating one of the most successful toy launches in history.

Children loved the Super Soaker’s ability to shoot water farther and faster than any previous squirt gun. The toy became a cultural phenomenon almost overnight.

During the summer of 1991 alone, more than two million Super Soakers were sold.

Soon, children across the world were staging massive backyard water battles armed with brightly colored Super Soakers of every shape and size.

The toy generated enormous profits and inspired countless imitators. Over time, Super Soaker products generated more than $1 billion in sales, making it one of the most successful toy franchises ever created.

In 2015, the Super Soaker was inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame in recognition of its enormous cultural impact.

The Legacy Continues

Today, more than three decades after Lonnie Johnson accidentally invented the Super Soaker, the famous water blasters are still being sold in stores and enjoyed by children around the world. Modern versions such as the Power Drench, Mega Dunk-Fill, and XP35 continue to fill toy store shelves each summer, carrying on the legacy of one of the most successful outdoor toys ever created. While the designs have evolved over the years, the excitement remains the same – backyard water battles, neighborhood competitions, and hours of summer fun. What began as a simple engineering experiment has become a lasting part of childhood for generations, proving that a single creative idea can make an impact far beyond what anyone imagined.

Jenna Ashkenazie

Debanking has affected many people in our community. As this issue prevails, we, as a community, have begun to conjecture that when this happens, it is not simply a coincidence, but is something more politically charged.

Debanking History

Debanking is defined as “the closure of a person’s or organization’s bank accounts by financial institutions that perceive them to pose a financial, legal, or reputational risk.”

Debanking had become such an issue that on August 7, 2025, President Donald Trump signed an executive order, “Guaranteeing Fair Banking for All Americans,” instructing federal agencies to stop debanking that can be considered politicized or unlawful. The executive order stated, “Bank regulators have used supervisory scrutiny and other influence over regulated banks to direct or otherwise encourage politicized or unlawful debanking activities.”  In 2013 “Operation Chokepoint,” for example, was a well-documented and systemic means by which federal regulators pushed banks to minimize their involvement with individuals and companies engaged in lawful activities and industries disfavored by regulators (such as firearms dealers, payday lenders, and coin dealers calling them “high risk” for fraud and money laundering) based on factors other than individualized, objective, risk-based standards.

As a result, individuals, their businesses, and their families have been subjected to debanking on the basis of their political affiliations, religious beliefs, or lawful (but disfavored) business activities, and have suffered frozen payrolls, debt and crushing interest, and other significant harm to their livelihoods, reputations, and financial well-being.  Such practices are incompatible with a free society and the principle that the provision of banking services should be based on material, measurable, and justifiable risks.

OCC and FDIC Step Up

Ballard Spahr LLP (a leading US law firm) reported that in April of 2026 the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC) and the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) adopted a joint rule to “prohibit the agencies from criticizing or taking adverse action against a financial institution based on reputation risk.”

The rule will also prohibit the agencies from “requiring, instructing, or encouraging an institution to close customer accounts or take other actions on the basis of a person or entity’s political, social, cultural, or religious views or beliefs, constitutionally protected speech, or solely on the basis of politically disfavored but lawful business activities perceived to present reputation risk,” according to a statement from the agencies.

Ballard Spahr LLP continued to report, “While a bank’s reputation is critically important, and many financial institutions over the years have failed due to a loss of confidence, supervisory focus on ‘reputation risk’ outside of traditional risk channels (such as credit risk or market risk) adds little value to promoting safety and soundness.” FDIC Chairman Travis Hill said, “On the other hand, an explicit or implicit focus on ’reputation risk’ untethered from other risk channels can pressure banks into debanking law-abiding customers who are viewed unfavorably by supervisors.”

Close to Home

While this action – preventing legitimate organizations and individuals from being unfairly debanked – is greatly appreciated by many, the question begs asking, what about those who were affected before the new rules were put into place? For example, about four to five years ago, a very  prominent synagogue and Torah center in our community was debanked.

One day, out of the blue, a letter arrived stating that Chase Bank was closing the synagogue’s account and that they had thirty days to collect the money  in the account, which had been opened over the thirty years ago. . The office manager immediately went straight to Chase Bank. She attempted to get answers as to why that letter was sent, and what could be done to preserve the account.

Instead of providing real answers,  the bank teller told her that new rules had been put in place allowing banks to debank organizations without even providing a reason. There was no explanation, and no ability to negotiate. The office manager’s only option was to take the check, which included the full balance in the account, and open an account at a new bank, which she did.

Connecting the Dots

The synagogue’s office manager stated later, “When I was going through it, I was very surprised. I have never heard of anything like it. But as I was talking to people about it, more people were saying it had happened to them as well. All people from the community, all given no answers as to why. Every day I would hear about two to three people who it had happened to.”

With banks now no longer required to provide reasons for debanking, no one in the community had been given any explanation, leaving room for speculation. “I would believe that it all had to do with international wiring. That is what we were able to come up with.” The synagogue is a nonprofit, which deposits all of their donations into their bank account. They pay all of their bills on time. They did nothing wrong, nothing to warrant being debanked after thirty years of being model banking clients. The only thing that had changed, was about a year or two before they were debanked, the synagogue had begun sending support directly to causes linked to Israel. Is it a coincidence that it was only after this new development that they were debanked? Or a politically motivated attack? It is nearly impossible to know for certain.

As time has passed, similar stories have come out. Another community member was also debanked by Chase with no explanation. To make matters worse, the bank never even sent him advance notice of the account closures. “We had a bunch of checks that were issued to vendors at the time, many of which were already sent for deposit so there was no way to stop them from bouncing. When some of the larger checks we issued to vendors were dishonored, it caused a cascade of check rejections as the payments they issued to their vendors and employees were returned for insufficient funds. We ended up eating thousands in fees from vendors while Chase refused to even acknowledge their negligence.”

Question Left Hanging

He was never provided with a reason for the account closures but noted that he had made a very substantial donation to a Jewish organization just a few months before the account closure. There is no way to know for certain why a particular account was closed, or why certain organizations get debanked. We can only speculate. However, it is difficult not to wonder if things like donations to Jewish organizations, or supporting Israeli organizations are a major factor in the mass debanking.

Frieda Schweky

Summer in our community can be one long string of celebrations. Between semahot, birthday parties, barbecues, end-of-camp blowouts, and everything in between, there’s something happening almost every single day – and if you’re the one hosting, it can feel equal parts exciting and completely overwhelming. Over the years I’ve picked up a few tricks that make the whole thing less daunting, save real money, and make for better memories. Here are some of my favorites.

The Combined Birthday Bash

I’ve pulled this one off a few times and it never gets old. All of my kids have birthdays either in or right around the summer, which makes it surprisingly easy to combine their parties into one epic day. The centerpiece: a giant inflatable water slide. Yes, the rental cost stings a little – but when you consider that one slide replaces the entertainment budget for multiple separate parties, you’re actually coming out way ahead.

Here’s how I run it: the older kids come first, say 10am–12pm. Pizza, the slide, custom coloring sheets (such an easy, low-cost touch that kids genuinely love), and an additional craft to fill out the two hours. Then cake or cupcakes, a round of Happy Birthday, and we send them home happy.  I‘m able to reset, take a breath, and about an hour and-a-half later the second group arrives – usually my friends with their toddlers, so the spread gets a little more elaborate. Another celebration, another birthday song, another very successful party.

But here’s the best part, and honestly the part I look forward to most, the day after. I ask the rental company to hold off on pick-up until late the next day, then I invite my friends over – without kids, who are all in camp by then anyway. We get the water slide entirely to ourselves. We act like absolute children and it is glorious. Maximum fun, maximum value!

Keep a Vendor List

This one is simple and it has saved me so much stress. Throughout the year, whenever I’m at an event and I come across a vendor I love – a caterer, a balloon artist, a DJ, a face painter – I take down their contact info on the spot. I keep a running list on my phone, and when it’s time to plan something, I already know exactly who to call. No scrambling, no asking around in group chats, no settling for whoever someone’s neighbor used two years ago.

As a photographer, I’m at a lot of events, so I’ve had plenty of opportunities to build this list. But honestly, our community is so full of simchas and gatherings that anyone who pays a little attention can do the same thing. Start the list. Future-you will be very grateful.

Pauline Sharabi

Pauline Sharabi has a genius hack that’s equal parts practical and satisfying: freeze your water bottles. They pull double duty as ice packs. Slide them under your fruit trays to keep everything cold, or use them in your coolers instead of regular ice so you’re not dealing with a giant puddle two hours in. And when the day heats up, they’ve thawed into perfectly cold drinks. Two problems, one frozen bottle.

Raquel Sabzehroo

Raquel’s formula for a party people actually talk about comes down to four things: go all-in on a theme and order everything to match (the theme makes it simpler for her so she has direction), put together a fun tablescape, invest in a showstopping cake, and don’t skip the entertainment. When all four elements come together, the party basically runs itself.

Olgi Hashemi

Olgi Hashemi uses a summer party cheat code. First, if you don’t own a splash pad, go buy one from Costco. “It’s the gift that keeps on giving,” she says. Kids are completely obsessed, they get soaking wet, and the best part is that zero supervision is required. No lifeguard, no hovering parent, just happy kids doing their thing. Her second trick is one of those ideas that makes you wonder why you never thought of it yourself: make your craft the party favor. At her daughter’s doggie-themed party, kids decorated collars for little plush dogs, then tucked them into mini-paper doghouses to take home. One activity, zero separate goody bags, and guests walked away with something they actually made and loved. And her third hack? If you have two kids close in age, just combine the parties. (Sound familiar? Clearly, great minds think alike.)

Rain Dates

A community member who prefers to remain anonymous has some hard-won wisdom about outdoor summer events. Always set up a rain date – ideally the very next evening, so all your food and prep can carry right over. And whatever you do, don’t skip the backup generator. “Power goes out very quickly in the summer,” she says, speaking from experience. “You don’t want that to be the reason your event bombs.” She also reminds us to set up umbrellas for shade and to never leave food sitting out too long in the heat. Nobody wants their party to be remembered as the one where everyone got food poisoning.

Don’t Overlook the Gemach

One of the most underutilized resources in our community is right under our noses – our gemachs. We are so lucky to have gemachs dedicated specifically to party supplies — tablecloths, chairs, tables, fake flowers, and more. And they can completely transform what a party costs. Instead of buying decorations you’ll use once or renting equipment that adds up fast, you can borrow beautiful, ready-to-use items and return them when you’re done. It’s one of those uniquely community-inspired resources that makes hosting so much more accessible, and honestly, it’s worth getting familiar with what’s available before you start spending. A little research upfront can save you a lot of money!

The Bottom Line

Summer entertaining doesn’t have to mean spending a fortune or running yourself into the ground. With a little planning, a few smart shortcuts, and maybe a water slide or a frozen water bottle, you can throw parties that people genuinely remember, without the post-party regret. Our community knows how to celebrate, and now you have the insider playbook on how to do it like a pro. 

Happy summer, and happy hosting!

Frieda Schweky

Frieda Schweky is a community photographer, videographer, and writer. For photography & video inquiries or article topic suggestions, email her at friedaschweky@gmail.com or follow her on Instagram @friedaschwekyphoto.