“I am passionate about how things work and understanding all aspects of what happens behind the scenes. That’s why I love my role at SCC.  I also thrive on helping people.”  –  Kathy                  

Ellen Geller Kamaras            

Please meet Kathy Shabot.  Kathy is a mother, wife, and Director of Arts and Culture at the Sephardic Community Center.

Born to Iraqi Jews, Reuben Solomon from Singapore, and Myrtle Ezra from Bombay, India, Kathy’s parents agreed on the name Kathryn.  Although Reuben wanted to name Kathy after her great grandmother, the couple agreed that Kathryn would be better suited for the mostly Ashkenazi community in Los Angeles.  Her mom shortened Kathryn to Kathy.  Myrtle’s family moved from India to London and then to LA where Myrtle met Reuben.  Reuben’s family lived in Singapore with a nice community of Iraqi Jews and made their way to LA.

Kathy is the youngest of three. Her siblings are Tamara and David.   Tamara married and settled in Teaneck, NJ, and David lives in the same Singapore community that her father belonged to. 

Growing up with parents from exotic places prompted a lot of questions from Kathy’s friends.  Many had never heard of Singapore or knew that there were Jews in either India or Singapore.  The foods her family ate were also very different. 

Although Kathy remembers being a very quiet, shy child, she had many close friends that she is still in contact with today.   

Kathy attended Emek Hebrew Academy through 8th grade and Valley Torah High School in North Hollywood, California. 

Extracurricular activities energized Kathy. She played basketball and worked on the school yearbook.  “Logistics was always my thing – I like to know how things work, the behind-the-scenes facets captivate me.”

After two years in college in LA, Kathy headed east and enrolled in NYU and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Hospitality.  Kathy’s sister had studied out-of-state for grad school and most of Kathy’s friends attended out-of-town colleges.  Kathy’s parents supported her choice.                 

Kathy’s Core

Kathy describes herself as caring, compassionate, organized, empathetic, fun, and calm. She is also heart-centered.  Her care and compassion shine through in everything she does. She has a calm demeanor, which she sees as a blessing. And, of course, there is her energy.

“I am very easy going with all my relationships, personal and professional.  I tend not to push very hard and I don’t like conflict.  I do have a problem saying ‘no’ but I am working on it.  I am a work-in-progress.” 

Kathy had many role models growing up but the ones that most influenced who she would become were her grandparents: “I watched them navigate through hard times and be successful in a new environment.  My grandparents were always teaching my siblings and me to look on the bright side, not dwell on the negative, and trust that Hashem is great and will always be on our side.”  

At the Center, Kathy was fortunate to have fabulous work mentors who shaped her development and helped her to develop important skill sets. They helped her to build confidence in her professional abilities.

Kathy is a lifelong learner with a growth mindset, absorbing new information and proficiencies and using them for the future.  One can tell by the diverse projects she supports that she embraces challenges. 

And Then Came Marriage

Hashgachat pratit was present when Kathy was introduced to her naseeb, Toby Shabot, a Brooklyn Syrian Jew, eight years her senior.   Kathy’s first cousin Jonathan, who had moved to the Brooklyn Syrian community, set her up with Toby while she was at NYU.  Her cousin was friendly with Toby’s brother Ezra and thought it would be a good match.   

The two married and raised their family in the Brooklyn Sephardic community.  Since Kathy was close with her family, the Shabot’s visited LA for holidays and vacations. 

Kathy and Toby have four children ranging from seventeen to twenty-four.  “I am proud of the solid relationship Toby and I have.  Despite life’s challenges, we have remained well balanced and have our special time every morning, having coffee together.”

Toby and the kids are so proud of Kathy’s passionate work activities at the Center and her contributions to the community.  When her children were young, she volunteered at Barkai Yeshiva, loved her PTA involvement, and made good friends through her children.

“I tend to be very calm and relaxed. In raising the kids, I was easy going and tried to determine where each child would thrive.  It’s not a parenting style per se, but it’s more about my children showing me what they needed.  I felt it gave them a sense of pride and confidence.  I hope I was right. My children are my proudest accomplishment.  We nurtured and raised them to feel loved, supported, and confident to make appropriate decisions.” 

Career

While Kathy was in LA,she was thrilled to work in a hotel and use her hospitality education.   She worked a 6:30pm to 3am shift and knew that she wouldn’t be able to work those hours as a mom.  After she graduated from NYU, Kathy began her career in the corporate world.  She progressed at various positions at Aon, a multinational corporation specializing in risk and human capital.

When Kathy was expecting her third child, she left her corporate job.  She pivoted to working at the Center in 2010.  She was hired to work on the Encore Jr. program, a variety show for kids nine years and older.  It later transitioned into a drama program under the Encore music school and continues annually with a musical production.  Kathy learned a lot , conquered spreadsheets, and felt confident at the Center.   “I met many people and my co-workers became my close friends, almost family.  That was wonderful as I was far from my family in LA.  And from there I grew up!”

Kathy was offered a position in the new Gitta Sultan kitchen when the Encore program took a break.  “I was working with a team on educational cooking classes for the women in our community.  I started with logistics.  I bought supplies, organized menus and ingredients, and I stayed in all the classes, learning from the many chefs. I had always been comfortable in the kitchen, but now I knew about all the facets of cooking.”

Joey Tawil, a former CEO, said, “Now you can cater,” and that’s what she did.  “I grew into my position. I took on every role I was asked to and did every task needed.  I loved being part of the team, the family.”  

Kathy became a sous chef.  Some of the chefs at SCC asked her to help them at their private events.

Rewards and Challenges

“I work with so many different departments planning programming and I have my hands in many facets of the projects including the logistics, budgets, and funding.”  Kathy expressed gratitude to the amazing volunteers who work on the project committees.   She enjoys managing and helping them perform their awesome hesed activities and using her vision to achieve success.

One of her favorite projects is Simply Traditional. Two volunteers, Rosie Bawabeh and Rochelle Dweck, spearheaded the project. “We go into family homes, film grandmas, great grandmothers, and whole families cooking together and then we edit the video into a beautiful keepsake for years to come.”

Kathy also specializes in young adult  programming. The SCC Board has a clear and strong mission to grow and cultivate the community’s young adults.    “The Center plans an annual Thanksgiving trip. Watching young adults connect is rewarding, and the excitement when marriages happen is like fireworks!”

Kathy’s Challenge and Balance

Growing professionally meant Kathy had to develop herself.  “I dug deep, learned about myself, becoming more confident, and came out of my shell.”  

Self-assurance and teamwork have led Kathy to thrive in her career.   Building confidence has made her a stronger person and she understands that it’s important to have a team in place and to not work alone.  Getting along with other employees and leading teams with fun and excitement are paramount to her.  She treats everyone with respect and feels like she has a team of friends, not employees.

Kathy has a full work schedule but carves out time to be with family.  When her children were young, she ensured each one had Mommy time and she attended school events and milestones. 

Downtime and Community

To unwind, Kathy enjoys reading historical fiction novels and watching documentaries.   She enjoys cooking, creating healthier, easier meals. And she loves fixing problems!

Kathy believes that community is an integral part of development for children, adults, and relationships.  “Our community is very special in supporting everyone with everything.  Seeing and living it develops good, compassionate and understanding people.”

Kathy strives to continue to grow and stretch herself.

“There is nothing more rewarding than working for a not for profit.  It’s a real job and people count on you. Listen, learn, and work.”

Connect with Kathy at [email protected].                               

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. She can be contacted at [email protected].

September brings a distinct shift in rhythm. As summer fades, families face the hectic transition back to school, marked by chaotic schedules and academic pressures. Simultaneously, the High Holidays arrive, bringing a dense season of reflection, family gatherings, and community expectations. While this time of year can be rich with meaning, the combination of major routine shifts and intense holidays creates a perfect storm for stress, anxiety, and depression.

When seasonal pressure mounts, it can be difficult to distinguish between temporary holiday burnout and a deeper mental health concern. To help clear up this confusion, professionals look at a structured framework to evaluate emotional well-being: Intensity, Duration, and Frequency (I.D.F).

Intensity: The Volume of Your Emotions

Intensity refers to the severity of the emotional distress you are experiencing. It measures how deeply an emotion or state of mind impacts your daily functioning.

Everyone experiences holiday stress or seasonal anxiety. However, normal stress usually allows you to maintain your routines. High intensity means the volume of these emotions has been turned up to a disruptive level. You might find that anxiety prevents you from participating in family gatherings, profound sadness makes it impossible to focus at work, or irritability strains your closest relationships.

When emotional pain peaks to the point where it impairs your ability to work, socialize, or care for yourself, the intensity indicates that standard self-care is no longer sufficient. Therapy provides a safe space to de-escalate this intensity and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Duration: The Persistence of the Struggle

Duration tracks how long the emotional distress has been occurring. A difficult, overwhelming week during the peak of holiday preparation is a natural reaction. But when that heavy cloud stretches long past the season without relief, or persists even when the stressor itself wasn’t particularly intense, it may signal a formal mood disorder.

In clinical settings, the length of time a symptom persists helps differentiate between temporary situational stress and conditions like clinical depression or bipolar disorder. Diagnostic guidelines typically require symptoms to last consistently for weeks or months before a mood disorder is identified.

If you realize you have been feeling “off,” hopeless, or constantly overwhelmed for weeks on end, you are dealing with a prolonged duration. Therapy can help identify if a mood disorder is present, disrupting these long-standing cycles so a temporary autumn transition does not solidify into a chronic struggle.

Frequency: The Consistency of the Incidents

Frequency examines how often the distress or negative behavior occurs within a given timeframe. It measures the regular occurrence of your symptoms.

Experiencing a single panic attack during a chaotic week or having an occasional sleepless night due to a busy schedule is manageable. However, if panic attacks occur weekly, or if emotional crashes happen multiple times a week, the high frequency demands attention.

When negative thoughts, bursts of anger, or tearful episodes happen regularly, they chip away at your resilience. Tracking the frequency helps you see patterns that are otherwise easy to minimize. A high frequency of distress means your mind and body are continuously operating in a state of alarm, and a therapist can help you identify and address the underlying triggers.

Listening to the Signals

The I.D.F framework removes the guesswork from mental health care. You do not need to wait for all three metrics to reach a critical maximum before you deserve support. A high score in any of these areas is a valid reason to connect with a professional counselor. Listening to these signals early allows you to take control of your well-being and begin the healing process.

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi  Ali,

I have been married for many years and things have never been good. I don’t think there’s much to do since my husband will not join me for counseling. We fight all the time and I know without help nothing will change. Do you have any advice for me?

R’ ALI’S RESPONSE:

You mention that nothing will change without both of you present in front of a counselor. This is one of the greatest misconceptions concerning marriage and all interpersonal relationships. I have seen countless people get help in their marriage without their spouse accompanying them to a counselor. Of course, it’s ideal to have both spouses going for help and working together to better the marriage, but it does not mean that you cannot get help if your spouse is not interested in going.

The reasons for this are simple. Both husband and wife have an obligation to do what’s right and beneficial for the success of the relationship. This obligation has nothing to do with your spouse’s obligation. If they are failing to do what they need to do, that doesn’t  absolve you from doing your job. For example: a man must work to provide for his family. Whether his wife is fulfilling her duties as a wife, a husband still must provide. 

Although, this concept has its upside (that you can work on the relationship by yourself if need be), the downside is that people have a hard time working on the relationship when they don’t see their spouse working on it, too. However, I have never met someone who says they decided not to work on the relationship. Everyone is trying hard to make the relationship work. Whether or not they’re doing the proper work is another issue. 

It’s also important to watch out for some of the pitfalls of getting advice without your spouse. One is that sessions without your spouse can turn into a weekly venting session without actually making progress. Remember – the goal is to try to understand yourself and your spouse and to come up with new ways to navigate the relationship.

Also, you have a better chance of getting your spouse to join you if you approach the topic in a gentler way. If you have been telling your spouse, “We need help,” he might take it as if he is the problem. Being vulnerable and proposing the idea as though you want help and would appreciate it if your spouse join, will yield better results.

This way of communicating works wonders. Many times, people are resistant to pressure and not so much the actual idea or request. In short, get help with or without your husband.

You and others in your situation should understand a few facts that many struggling couples should know. First, there is a strong possibility that you are not understanding your spouse. Second, know that fights are mostly misunderstandings that are emotionally charged. Third, asking a third party about your situation in an honest and sincere way could be helpful in seeing another perspective. Instead of telling your spouse how he’s failing at his job, you should ask a third party if you’re correct in your assessment of the situation. Much friction would be avoided if people would approach a rabbi or a counselor with this approach. 

In conclusion, speak to a third party. In addition, try your best to understand your husband, see things from his point of view, and learn tips and tools on how to have healthy interactions with him.

We are all familiar with the teaching that the word “Elul” – the name of the Hebrew month devoted to repentance in preparation for the High Holidays – is an acrostic representing the verse, “Ani ledodi vedodi li – I am for my Beloved, and my Beloved is for me” (Shir Hashirim 6:3).  This allusion points to the notion that acknowledging Gd’s great love for us is crucial for the teshuvah experience.

This idea comes into sharper focus when we considered another – far less known – allusion to Elul in the Bible.

Consolation Before Repentance

Each morning, in the final section of the shaharit service, we recite a series of verses that begins with a verse from the Book of Yeshayahu (59:20): “Uva leTzion goel, ulshaveh fesha beYaakov – And the redeemer shall come to Zion, and to those in Jacob who have repented from sin.”  The word goel ends with the letters alef and lamed, and the next word – ulshaveh – begins with the letters vav and lamed.  These four letters, of course, spell the word “Elul.”

What is the special significance of this allusion?  Is this verse associated with Elul simply because it mentions repentance – “Ulshaveh fesha” – or is there a more specific point of connection?

To answer this question, let us look at the sequence of the haftarot read on the Shabbatot during the summer and early autumn.

During the period of the Three Weeks, which we spend reflecting upon the destruction of Jerusalem, we read a series of haftarot prophesying the calamity.  On the first two Shabbatot, we read prophecies from the Book of Yirmiyahu, and on third Shabbat, the Shabbat immediately preceding Tishah B’Av, we read the famous first chapter of Yeshayahu (“Hazon Yeshayahu ben Amotz…”).  Then, on the seven Shabbatot that follow Tishah B’Av, we read haftarot of nehamah – consolation.  These are seven beautiful, uplifting prophecies from the Book of Yeshayahu that speak of Gd’s eternal and unconditional love for the Jewish Nation, and His promise to ultimately end our sorrow and bring our final redemption.

Then, on the two Shabbatot after these seven weeks, as we begin the new year, we read two haftarot devoted to the theme of teshuvah, prophecies exhorting us to repent and to return to the service of the Almighty.

Surprisingly, the Rabbis who instituted this sequence determined that we should first focus on the theme of comfort and redemption before focusing on teshuvah.  We would have expected that after the period of mourning and grief, we should be immediately urged to do teshuvah, to work to improve so we are worthy of redemption.  But instead, we are first repeatedly reminded of Gd’s promise of redemption before we hear the call to repent and make ourselves deserving of it.

The reason for this is that we need Gd’s encouragement and reassurance to motivate us to repent.

For thousands of years, we’ve been despised, ridiculed and targeted.  We’ve been accused – and are still accused – of all kinds of horrible wrongs.  We have been told that we cannot possibly be Gd’s “chosen people,” and that even if we had been chosen in the past, we forfeited this status through our misconduct, and we are now His rejected people.  We have always been a tiny minority viewed with suspicion and disdain – and this is increasing, alarmingly, in our time.

At a certain point, Jews might begin asking themselves if perhaps there is some truth to all this.  They might consider yielding to this pressure, and thinking that perhaps Gd truly did reject us, perhaps the rest of the world is right and we’re wrong, perhaps all the tragedies and persecution that we’ve suffered prove that Gd has forsaken us, that our nation has no future, that it is time to move on and forget about Gd and His Torah.

We would likely have entertained such thoughts – if not for the beautiful, stirring words of our prophets that we read each and every year during the weeks after Tishah B’Av.  After reflecting on the fall of Jerusalem and the numerous catastrophes that have befallen our nation ever since, we are immediately reminded of Gd’s unconditional love for us, and reassured that a glorious future awaits us.  The prophecies we read during these weeks emphasize that Hashem has not abandoned us, He has not rejected us, and He will redeem us.  This message is necessary to motivate us to repent and do what we can to be worthy of redemption.

This idea may help us explain the verse “Uva leTzion goel…” and its connection to the month of Elul.

This verse begins with the promise of redemption – “Uva leTzion goel” – and then continues with the theme of repentance – “ulshaveh fesha beYaakov.”  Once we are assured of the future redemption, after we receive Gd’s promise that He has not rejected us, we have the motivation to move forward and to put in the work needed to make ourselves worthy of redemption.

The word “Elul” is embedded in this verse for the same reason it is embedded in the verse “Ani ledodi vedodi li” – because this month is about reminding us of Gd’s unconditional love for our nation.  In order to be driven to repent, we need a reminder not to believe to what the antisemites say about us.  We need a reminder that we are unconditionally loved by Gd, that we are a special nation, that our many imperfections do not define us and do not break our everlasting bond with the Almighty.  During the month of Elul, we prepare for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur by reminding ourselves of Hashem’s love for us, by reminding ourselves that “Uva leTzion goel,” that He is still committed to us, that He cherishes us and wants us to improve.  In fact, on the Shabbatot during Elul, we are still reading the haftarot of consolation – because this is the crucial first step to teshuvah: realizing that Hashem still loves us is prepared to bring our redemption.

The Redemption Unfolding Before Our Eyes

In our times, this love can be easily seen – because we are, very clearly, already deep into the redemption process.

Although this has not received much publicity, the Jewish Nation has recently reached a major milestone, a historic tipping point.  For the first time since the end of the First Commonwealth, there are more Jews living in Eretz Yisrael than throughout the rest of the world. 

For millennia, Jews read the promises in the Torah and the Prophets about kibutz galuyot – the ingathering of the Jewish exiles – and wondered how this could possibly happen.  How could Jews from across the globe, dispersed among so many different countries, and in places so far from Israel, all return there?  But this is, in fact, happening, right before our eyes.  The Prophets foresaw the Land of Israel lying barren and then suddenly coming to life with the return of its people – and this is happening.  For example, on the second day of Rosh Hashanah we will read Yirmiyahu’s prophecy (31:4) – delivered before the destruction of the First Temple – about how vineyards will again be planted in Shomron (Samaria).  Sure enough, today you can visit several successful wineries in Shomron that grow grapes and produce award-winning wine.  Prophecies that our ancestors believed were true when they seemed impossible are being fulfilled right before our eyes.

We are witnessing the process of “Uba leTzion goel” – and we must therefore respond with “ulshaveh fesha beYaakov,” with greater efforts to improve.  The more Hashem shows us His eternal love for us, the greater the responsibility we have to show our love and dedication to Him.  Now that we see with our very eyes the fulfillment of the prophecies of redemption, it behooves us to invest in teshuvah, in the process of spiritual growth.

A Time for Giving

We conclude with one final allusion to Elul in the Tanach.

Toward the end of Megilat Ester, the Megillah tells of how Purim was established as a day of festivity, and a day for “mishloah manot ish lere’ehu umatanot la’evyonim” – sending food packages to one another, and giving gifts to the poor (9:22).  The first letters of the final four words of this verse (“ish lere’ehu umatanot la’evyonim”) spell the word “Elul.”

Of course, Purim is celebrated in Adar, many months before Elul.  But Elul is alluded to in this verse – which speaks of the mitzvot of giving that apply on Purim – because generous giving is a crucial part of the Elul experience.  We show our commitment to teshuvah and our desire for closeness with Hashem through sacrifice – by giving of our time, of our energy, and, yes, of our money, to important causes.

This includes giving to those on the “front lines” of the process of “ulshaveh fesha beYaakov,” those who devote their lives to outreach and to Jewish education, to bring Jewish children and adults closer to observance.  They are leading the effort to accelerate the process of redemption, and they deserve our full support.

A verse in the Book of Daniel (12:3) says that matzdikeh harabim – those who bring merit to the public – are comparable to the stars.  The Gemara (Baba Batra 8b) explains that this refers to the schoolteachers, those who invest a great deal of time and effort to educate Jewish children so they become knowledgeable, committed Jews.  It has been suggested that schoolteachers are compared to the stars because they are often undervalued.  A star appears in the sky as a tiny dot, but it is actually enormous, several times larger than our planet.  Likewise, too many people view educators as “small” and unimportant – when in truth they are doing the most vital work of all, teaching our children.  They deserve our recognition and appreciation – and, most of all, a respectable income.  People doing the most important work should not be earning the lowest salaries.

As part of our teshuvah efforts, let us together resolve to give more to those who are leading our nation’s spiritual growth, and leading the struggle against the pervasive negative influences to which our youngsters are exposed.  Let us do what we can to embolden the matzdikeh harabim of our time, so they can succeed in their work to bring the Jewish People forward and make us worthy of our final redemption, amen.