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Once Upon A Thyme – Miniature Vanilla Bean Cupcakes

Often, it’s bite-size foods that seem to disappear instantaneously from the dessert table. Its small size appeals to both children and adults, and mini portions makes it seem less daunting to take another. Moist, compact, and delicious, these miniature cupcakes are a delightful dessert to bring your Shabbat hostess or even for mishloach manot. I like to double this recipe and freeze half the baked and unfrosted cupcakes in gallon-size Ziploc bags for another week. Vanilla bean paste can be purchased on Amazon and most specialty baking stores. Little flecks of vanilla bean infuse the batter with intense vanilla flavor, making all the difference. Almond milk can be substituted for soy or coconut milk. I provided three cupcake flavors, but feel free to get creative with other flavors: Biscoff lotus, smores, strawberry shortcake, etc. The possibilities are endless!  

 

Makes 36 mini-cupcakes 

 

1 cup flour 

1 tsp. baking powder 

Pinch of salt 

2 eggs 

¾ cup sugar 

½ stick margarine  

½ cup almond milk 

1 ½ tbsp vanilla bean paste 

1 ½ tsp. canola oil 

1 can vanilla frosting 

2 tbsp fruity pebbles 

 

For Peanut Butter and Cookies & Cream Flavors 

½ cup cocoa powder  

½ cup peanut butter  

2 tbsp peanuts 

12 mini-chocolate sandwich cookies 

 

  1. Mix flour, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. Set aside. 
  2. Place margarine and milk in a small pot and place over a low flame to melt margarine. Make sure not to bubble and boil.  
  3. In a separate bowl, beat eggs with sugar for five minutes. Add flour mixture, do not overmix.  
  4. Add vanilla and oil to the melted margarine and milk mixture. 
  5. Slowly add milk mixture to egg and flour mixture. Mix. 
  6. Divide mixture into three bowls. Leave one mixture plain, add cocoa powder to the next bowl, and peanut butter to the last. Mix each bowl separately. 
  7. Pour batter into cupcake tin with cupcake liners, filling about ⅔ full. 
  8. Bake for 14-16 minutes on 350 degrees Fahrenheit, until the toothpick placed in the center cupcake comes out clean. 
  9. Cupcakes can be stored in Ziploc bags in the freezer until ready to frost.  
  10. Frost cupcakes using a piping bag and tip. Alternatively, you can use a Ziploc bag and cut off the corner to pipe the frosting. 
  11. Add Oreos to the frosted chocolate cupcakes,  peanuts to the frosted peanut butter cupcakes, and fruity pebbles to the frosted vanilla cupcakes. 
  12. To make the peanut butter drizzle, mix ½ cup Confectioner’s sugar with 4 tbsp hot water, and 2 tbsp peanut butter. Mix well until thick syrup consistency. Add 1 tbsp hot water at a time if too thick. Drizzle on top of frosted peanut butter cupcakes

PURIM FAQ – Reading the Megillah

The Megillah embodies “pirsum hanes” publicizing the miracle of Purim, and Hallel, praise and song in honor of the holiday of Purim. Women, as well as men, are obligated to hear the Megillah, as women were also under the threat of annihilation. Furthermore, a woman, Queen Esther, played a significant role in the miracle. Children should also hear the Megillah (as long as they behave appropriately). Publicizing the miracle of Purim makes it preferable to hear the Megillah in a synagogue setting among a large crowd. Therefore, one should endeavor to go to shul and hear the Megillah there. 

 

May I eat before hearing the Megillah? 

As with other misvot, one may not eat a k’beitsah of bread or mezonot before hearing the Megillah. According to many opinions, eating before the night reading is more stringent, and one may not eat or drink anything until they hear the Megillah unless it is very difficult for them to continue fasting from Taanit Esther. 

Do I need my own Megillah? 

To fulfill the misvah of Megillah, one must read or hear from the hazan every word.  Having a kosher Megillah is commendable, as this enables one to read along with the hazan, and not miss any words. If one does not have a kosher Megillah, he should follow along with the hazan. Alternatively, he can follow along with the hazan by reading from Humash or any other text, such as a sefer with the five megillot or an individual Megillat Esther. This reading along will enhance one’s focus and enable him to catch up on missed words if need be. If one “tuned out” and missed a few words, he can make them up by quickly reading from the text, catching up to the hazzan. If you know which words the hazzan just read, then you have fulfilled your obligation even if your mind wandered a bit. 

Concerning a Megillah, if one is touching the parchment without a kerchief he is required to wash his hands before doing so. If one has already washed his hands before prayers, his hands are considered ritually clean and he need not wash them again.  

I was late to the Megillah reading. Can I just listen from where they are up to and hear what I missed afterwards? 

The Megillah has to be read in order. Therefore, if one is only a few minutes late, he may catch up by reading from a Humash, provided that a) he starts from the beginning and catches up to the hazan, and b) more than half of the Megillah is heard from the hazan or read from a kosher Megillah. The berachot should be recited before he starts to read. 

I am unable to make it to synagogue, may I listen via Zoom? 

To fulfill one’s obligation one must hear the Megillah being read in person. If one is unable to make it to synagogue, he may read at home from a kosher Megillah. If he doesn’t know how to read correctly, he can simultaneously listen to a reading on Zoom, or even a pre-recording, as he is reading from his own kosher Megillah, to ensure he is saying the words properly. When reading the Megillah without a minyan only the berachot before the reading are recited. The beracha after the reading is only recited with a minyan. 

 

Mishloach Manot 

Mishloach manot, sending gifts, is one of the more exciting misvot of the day. Haman’s decree, to wipe out the Jews, was sold to Achashverosh on the basis that the Jews were not united. Therefore, to show our harmony, we renew and enhance friendships by sending each other gifts of love on the day of Purim. 

Who must give? 

Both men and women are obligated to give mishloach manot. A husband and wife should each perform the mitzvah as individuals, a man giving to a man, and a woman to a woman. Younger children who have reached the age of hinuch should also give.  According to some opinions, it is preferable to give at least one mishloach manot through an agent. 

When should I give? 

The obligation to give mishloach manot can only be fulfilled during the daytime. If you ordered a package before Purim to be delivered to a friend (for example by Amazon), the obligation would be fulfilled only if it arrives on Purim day.  

What should I give? 

Preferably one should give something respectable that befits the stature and honor of both the person giving the gift and the recipient. One should give at least one of their mishloach manot in a way that meets this requirement. 

To fulfill one’s obligation, one must give two different foods. Preferably one should give food that is ready to eat. Drinks are also counted as an item. However, a plain water bottle or seltzer is not counted. Teabags or even fresh ground coffee are not ready-to-eat foods. However, the giving of a hot or iced coffee, tea, or another flavored beverage does fulfill the misvah of mishloach manot. 

How many should I give? 

One fulfills his obligation by giving mishloach manot to one person. However, the more one gives the better, as you are creating or strengthening more friendships. If one has a choice between giving funds to additional needy individuals or giving a larger number of mishloach manot, it is better to give tzedakah to more destitute individuals. There is no greater happiness than making the hearts of poor people, widows, and orphans happy! 

 

Matanot La’evyonim ― Gifts to the Destitute 

How much do I give? 

The misvah is to give tzedakah to at least two poor people. Preferably, one should give enough to buy a meal, which is approximately $10-$20. 

Who gives? 

Both men and women alike must give matanot la’evyonim. Even a beggar who receives charity must also give. A husband may give on behalf of his wife, however, each one gives to two poor people. 

To whom should I give the money? 

One fulfills the obligation of matanot la’evyonim by giving funds to those in need who struggle to pay for their basic needs. This can be done by giving the appropriate amount to trusted people or to organizations collecting on behalf of the poor that will distribute them specifically on Purim day before sundown. 

Can I send the money before Purim? 

You may send the money ahead of time, provided that the poor person receives the money on the actual day of Purim. 

 

Purim Meal 

There are many parties throughout the story of the Megillah. In the end, they are the cause of the miraculous turnaround in the fortunes of the Jewish people. We, therefore, commemorate the miraculous repeal of the decree of genocide through a party. 

What time are we eating? 

The Purim meal or seudah must be eaten during the day of Purim. The prevalent custom is to eat most of the meal in the afternoon before sunset. One should eat bread and meat at the Purim seudah, and ideally, the seudah should be celebrated with family and friends. 

Should I get drunk? 

During the meal, one should drink more alcohol than he usually drinks. The objective is to cause us to praise Hashem both for the miracle of salvation, and for all the blessings that He bestows upon us. If drinking alcohol does not achieve this objective, one should limit drinking. It is preferable to perform the misvah by drinking wine, as opposed to other alcoholic beverages, as many parties and miracles in the Megillah revolved around meals with wine. 

May I pray Arbit when drunk? 

If one has had too much to drink, he should wait until the effect of the alcohol wears off before praying. If one prayed while under the influence of alcohol, but at that time would have been able to speak in front of a king coherently and without slurring, then he does not repeat the tefillah. If at the time of praying, one is so intoxicated that he is incapable of fluent speech, then he is obligated to repeat the prayer once he is sober.  If one misses the time for prayer as a result of being drunk, one should pray the next tefillah twice. 

 

May I go to work on Purim? 

It is preferable not to work on Purim, and one who refrains from going to work will merit blessing. Purim is a meritorious day for strengthening the bonds of friendship, praying, Torah study, and giving tzedakah. 

On Purim, the law is that “whoever extends his hand for charity, we should give and provide.” That is to say, throughout the year we should check the credentials of someone asking for charity. However, on Purim, which is a designated day of giving, we should give to all needy individuals who stretch out their hands without asking for evidence of their need. Regarding prayers, we are again told, “whoever stretches out his hand to Hashem, He will provide.” There are many remarkable stories of salvation for those who prayed sincerely on Purim. Let us use this special day to give and to pray, and may all our tefillot be answered speedily. Amen.  

The Lighter Side – March 2024

Sounds Fishy

A wealthy businessman sees a poor man fishing by the river every day. One day, he approaches him and says, “If you worked harder, you could afford a fishing boat!” The poor man nods and asks, “And then what?” The businessman replies, “You could catch more fish, sell them, and buy a fleet of boats!” The poor man nods again, “And then what?” The businessman, getting excited, says, “You could have a fishing empire and be rich like me!” The poor man smiles, “And then what?” The businessman says, “Then you could relax and fish all day!” The poor man chuckles, “Isn’t that what I’m doing now?”

Victor G.

Modern Medicine

A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. A senior doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on her clipboard.

“What’s the matter with you?” the older doctor demanded. “Mrs.  Bergman is 61 years old, has four married children, and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was expecting?!”

The younger doctor continued writing and, without even looking up, said, “Does she still have the hiccups?”

Freda A.

PURIM PUNS

Q: What was Queen Esther’s royal gown made of?
A: POLY-ESTER!

Q: What berachah did the Jews say upon seeing Haman hanging on the gallows?
A: HA’EITZ!

Q: Who had the tallest family tree in history?
A: HAMAN!

Yaakov M.

Bag of Tricks

It was very crowded at Heshy’s Kosher Market, the local grocery store, and the customer at the checkout had a large order.

As Heshy himself lifted the final bag for the customer, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor.

“They just don’t make these bags like they used to,” Heshy quipped to the customer. “That was supposed to happen in your driveway!”

Cynthia R.

Rained In

After a prolonged drought, it started to rain heavily and all the animals in the forest were happy – except for the kangaroo. When the animals asked the kangaroo why she was nervous, she replied that the rain meant that all her kids would now be playing inside.

Mari T.

Half a Head

A man in the Florida supermarket wanted to buy half a head of lettuce, but the young produce assistant explained that the store sells only whole heads of lettuce. The man persisted and so the produce assistant went to the back of the supermarket to check with the manager.

“Sorry to bother you, sir,” he said to the manager, “but some yo-yo wants to buy half a head of lettuce.”

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him.  He quickly added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”

David S.

Cookie Counter

The afternoon was drawing to a close, and the guests were getting ready to leave.

“Mrs. Goldberg,” said one of the ladies. “I just wanted to tell you that your cookies were so delicious I ate four of them.”

“You ate five,” responded Mrs. Goldberg. “But who’s counting?”

Sharon J.

Breath of Fresh Air

A lady was riding an Egged bus in Jerusalem was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the woman next to her and said, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”

“Really!?” she said. “Have you tried mouthwash?”

Karen W.

Army Exchange Program

A group of Jewish soldiers in the American military were visiting some of their counterparts in the Israeli army.

“What rank are you?” one of the Israelis asked one of the Americans.

“I’m relieved to say that I’ve just been promoted from captain to major.”

“Why do you say relieved?”

“Because,” he replied, “my last name is Hook.”

Marty D.

The Crew Team

Yeshiva University decided to create a crew team. Unfortunately, they lost every race. Each day they practiced for hours but always came in dead last. Finally, they sent Yankel to spy on the best team in the league. Yankel schlepped off to Massachusetts and hid in the bushes off the river from where he secretly watched the team practice. After two days, he returned, satisfied.

“I’ve figured out how they do it,” said Yankel to his eager teammates, huddling around him.

“What?” asked the others eagerly.

“They have eight fellows rowing and only one fellow screaming!”

Carl D.

One-Liner

Hymie: “Doctor, doctor I think I’m shrinking!”

Doctor: “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient!!”

Victor Grazi

Jar #47

Dr. Bernstein was a new doctor in town. He was a well-respected specialist in the big city with a great reputation, but he decided to move to a small town instead. The townspeople were enamored by their new fancy doctor and he soon got a reputation that he could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do – everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.

Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit “Miracle Doctor Bernstein” to prove that he wasn’t anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told Dr. Bernstein, “Hey, doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste anything – so what are ya goin’ to do?”

Dr. Bernstein scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, “What you need is jar number 47.”

So, Dr. Bernstein brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, “This is gross!” he yelled. “Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson,” said Dr. Bernstein. So, Mr. Thompson went home… very mad.

One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to Dr. Bernstein and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem. “Doc,” he started, “I can’t remember anything!” Thinking he had Dr. Bernstein stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, “What you need is jar number 47, it’s…”

But, before Dr. Bernstein could finish his sentence, Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room!

Norman K.

Mabrouk – March 2024

Births – Baby Boy 

Salim & Leah Banbhaji 

Mr. & Mrs. Aaron Marcus 

Mr. & Mrs. Jason Cohen 

Sam & Lily Lanaido 

Moe & Cynthia Hidary 

Miro & Esther Sutton 

Nathan & Naomi Betesh 

Jack & Claudia Mamiye 

 

Births – Baby Girl 

Albert & Vera Zalta 

Sammy & Adele Sitt 

Elliot & Alana Saka 

Raymond & Margo Braha 

Abie & Shula Chera 

Isaac & Lizette Shabot 

Aaron & Susan Harari 

Joey & Florence Cohen 

 

Engagements  

Daniel Mahlof to Leeor Savin 

Jack Guindi to Amanda Dweck 

Sean Azafrani to Rachel Cazes 

Albert Terzi to Kaden Harari 

Weddings  

Eliyahu Shweky to Sara Galili 

Daniel Sitt to Rebecca Azar 

Isaac Soffer to Adele Ayash 

Itzick Cohen to Lillian Louz 

Marty Anteby to Joyce Gaini 

 

How to Defeat the Next Haman

Rabbi Eli J. Mansour 

 

Queen Ester received word that her cousin, Mordechai, who had adopted and raised her, was sitting in the public square dressed like a mourner, wearing torn clothing and sackcloth, and crying.  She immediately sent one of her servants, Hatach, to go find out “mah zeh ve’al mah zeh” – what this was all about (Ester 4:5).  Mordechai replied by informing Ester of Haman’s diabolic plan to exterminate the Jews. 

 

Ester’s question to Mordechai, on the surface, seems simple and straightforward, but the Gemara (Megillah 15a) reveals to us that Ester was asking something much deeper.   

 

The phrase “mah zeh ve’al mah zeh,” the Gemara explains, alludes to the Torah’s description in the Book of Shemot (32:15) of the stone tablets that Moshe brought from atop Mount Sinai: “mizeh umizeh hem ketuvim – they were engraved on this side and that side.”  Meaning, the text which Gd had engraved onto the tablets could be read from both sides.  When Ester inquired about “mah zeh ve’al mah zeh,” the Gemara comments, she was actually asking whether the Jews had transgressed Gd’s commandments, which were etched upon both sides of the tablets.  Upon hearing that Mordechai was publicly mourning, Ester immediately understood that the Jews were in trouble.  She promptly sent a message to Mordechai asking whether the Jews were guilty of transgressing the Torah’s laws, on account of which they now found themselves in a dire crisis. 

 

The Gemara’s explanation of Ester’s question leaves us puzzled.  First and foremost, why didn’t Ester simply ask if the Jews had violated the Torah?  Why did she find it necessary to make reference to the two sides of the luhot (tablets)?  Is this not a peculiar way to ask if the Jews were unfaithful to Gd?  How is this seemingly trivial detail about the luhot relevant to the looming disaster? 

 

Moreover, according to the Gemara’s reading, Mordechai does not seem to answer Ester’s question.  She asked whether the Jews transgressed the Torah, and he responded that Haman planned to annihilate them.  How does this response address Ester’s inquiry? 

 

Torah “Inside” and “Outside” 

 

The following, powerful explanation of the Gemara was offered by the “Maggid” (“Preacher”) of Slonim, Rav Yehuda Leib Adel (1757-1828), in Afikeh Yehuda. 

 

Let us begin by posing the question as to the significance of the “two-sided” quality of the luhot.  Gd miraculously engraved the text of the commandments upon the tablets in such a way that it could be read from either side.  Why was this miracle necessary? 

 

This supernatural quality of luhot teaches us that the laws of the Torah are binding upon us both “mizeh umizeh” – inside and outside.  We are required to observe the Torah both inside the Land of Israel, when our nation lives as it is meant to live, with the Bet Hamikdash in place and the Shechinah (divine presence) in our midst, and also outside the land, during periods of exile, when we find ourselves dispersed among other nations.  We might have assumed that the Torah is relevant and binding only under ideal conditions, when we live together in our land, free from foreign influences.  But in the Diaspora, as we live under the constant, pervasive influence of other beliefs, value systems, and cultures, we might find it too difficult to preserve our unique tradition, to resist the current and commit ourselves to a Torah way of life.  The luhot were thus engraved on both sides – showing us that our obligation to Gd’s laws does not depend on geography, or on circumstances.  Whether we are living in Eretz Yisrael with Gd’s presence among us, or we live dispersed among foreign nations, we must faithfully obey the Torah’s laws and follow its values. 

 

Needless to say, as we know all too well, observing the Torah in exile is a difficult challenge.  Living as a small minority, with people all around us embracing beliefs and lifestyles that are very different from ours, makes it exceedingly hard to devote ourselves to our traditions and obey the Torah’s commands.   

 

And it is precisely under such circumstances when Haman and his ilk pose the greatest threat. 

 

On the Shabbat before Purim, we read the section of “Zachor,” in fulfillment of the command to always remember how Haman’s ancestors, the nation of Amalek, attacked Beneh Yisrael as they journeyed from Egypt to Mount Sinai.  In this section, the Torah emphasizes that Amalek launched its assault “baderech – along the road” (Devarim 25:18).  Amalek realized that Am Yisrael is most vulnerable “outside,” on the road, during its sojourn in exile.  Under these circumstances, when we are exposed to foreign influences, we are most susceptible to spiritual failure.  And so this is when Amalek attacks, seeking to capitalize on our frailty. 

 

This explains Ester’s otherwise unusual question.  She was not asking Mordechai simply if the Jews of the time were guilty of wrongdoing.  Rather, she was asking if they had forgotten the message of “mizeh,” if they failed to acknowledge the Torah’s relevance even in exile, while living in Persia, submerged in the decadent, overindulgent Persian society.  Ester suspected that the Jews’ current crisis came as a result of their assimilation, their embracing the surrounding society’s values and norms in place of the Torah.   

 

The Jews’ Spiritual Awakening 

 

Unfortunately, Ester was correct.  The Gemara (Megillah 12a) famously tells that the Jews of Shushan participated in Ahashverosh’s lavish feast.  Leaving aside the technical question of whether or not kosher food and wine were available, their very presence at this seven-day party speaks volumes about their submergence in Persian culture.  This event was characterized by overindulgence, intoxication, merrymaking, frivolity and decadence – and the Jews fully participated, a woeful testament to their embracing Persian culture in place of Torah commitment. 

 

Mordechai thus responded to Ester’s question by informing her of “kol asher karahu” (literally, “all that happened to him”- 4:7).  The Midrash (Ester Rabbah 8:5) explains that Mordechai here was telling Ester that the Jews came under threat by the descendant of Amalek, about whom the Torah says, “asher karecha baderech” – they surprised Beneh Yisrael along the road.  Mordechai told Ester that indeed, the Jews of the time were endangered by Amalek, who always attacks when they are spiritually frail, when they are subjected to the lures and pressures of the “derech,” of their sojourn in exile, where they are exposed to foreign influences. 

 

The Jews responded to Haman’s threat with prayer and repentance, recommitting themselves to Torah faith and observance.  Toward the end of Megilat Ester (9:27), we read, “Kiyemu vekibelu haYehudim – The Jews fulfilled and accepted…”  The Gemara (Shabbat 88a) explains this verse to mean, “Kiyemu mah shekibelu kevar” – the Jews reaffirmed their past commitment.  Having seen the consequences of abandoning the Torah in exile, the Jews renewed their devotion, committing to practice the Torah even there in Persia, while living in a decadent society.  They made the firm decision to reinforce their loyalty to Torah, understanding that it is binding “mizeh umizeh” – even under difficult conditions. 

 

Our Personal Exile 

 

This insight into the Purim has much to teach us about the importance of Torah devotion in our current exile, living in 21st century America, when spiritual challenges abound.  But additionally, it is instructive regarding the personal “exiles” that we often experience. 

 

Some periods of life, and some circumstances, are conducive to religious commitment.  There are times when we find ourselves easily and naturally drawn to study, pray and fulfill the mitzvot, when we encounter few obstacles and challenges, when Torah classes and minyanim fit well into our schedule, and, in general, conditions are favorable for studying and observing.  But, as we all know, there are times when learning Torah and fulfilling mitzvot prove challenging.  Attending classes and minyanim sometimes requires shuffling our packed schedule.  Shabbat and holidays can get in the way of our work, and even affect our income.  When we feel hurt or offended, we are tempted to lose our cool and say things we shouldn’t.  Technology presents us with many lures and distractions.  And, there are times when we just aren’t “in the mood,” when we don’t feel inspired or motivated to put in the effort that Torah observance demands, or to make the sacrifices that Torah observance entails. 

 

The story of Purim is, among other things, the story of reaffirming religious commitment even when it isn’t easy.  It teaches us that even “baderech,” when we find ourselves spiritually challenged, we have what it takes to overcome the obstacles and remain steadfastly loyal to Hashem.  It teaches us that we cannot limit our observance to situations in which it is convenient, and to times when we feel driven to fulfill the mitzvot.  Even when we feel tempted to attend “Ahashverosh’s party,” to go to places where we shouldn’t go, or watch things we shouldn’t watch, we can overcome this temptation and desist.  Even when we are not in the mood to pray or learn, we can push ourselves to do so anyway.   

 

The circumstances of the Jews in Persia were not very conducive to Torah commitment, and they began slipping.  But then, in response to Haman’s decree, they reaffirmed their loyalty – setting for us an example that we must follow, an example of religious observance even when we feel disinterested or unmotivated.  We do not have to be “in the mood” in order to learn and practice the Torah – we need instead to believe in our capacity to serve Gd even under unfavorable conditions, and strengthen our resolve to remain devoted under all circumstances, just like our ancestors in Persia. 

 

Fighting Today’s Battles 

 

Over the last several months, the Jewish Nation has found itself waging a difficult battle on several different fronts.  Our brothers and sisters in Israel are fighting against bloodthirsty terrorists to the south and north, defending themselves against both the terrorists and the bad actors on the world stage hypocritically condemning Israel in the name of “human rights.”  Tragically, Israel’s war on terror has claimed hundreds of soldiers’ lives, in addition to the precious lives lost on October 7th.  Here in the Diaspora, antisemitism has risen alarmingly, to levels we haven’t seen in many decades. 

 

It is perhaps no coincidence that these assaults from the modern-day “Amalekites” occur at a time of unprecedented exposure to foreign culture and values.  We might not be exaggerating if we say that our nation is more “baderech” now that at any other time in our long history.  Technology has made it all but impossible to shield ourselves from beliefs, values and lifestyles that run in direct opposition to ours.  At all times, we are bombarded by the ideas and the culture of the society around us.  We are spiritually fragile – just like the Jews were at the time of the Purim story – and so we are especially vulnerable to the attacks of the “Hamans” of today. 

 

Gd has blessed us with a remarkably powerful and advanced military, with courageous soldiers committed to do anything it takes to defend the Jewish State, with world leaders who have lent their general support for Israel’s operations, and with leaders fighting the scourge of antisemitism.  And we must do our part by lending whatever assistance we can – financial or practical – to those waging this war on the ground.  Additionally, however, we must be aware of the spiritual struggle that we must wage in our effort to defeat our enemies.  On this front, too, Gd has been kind to us – providing us with so many opportunities for spiritual growth.  Proportional to the spiritual threat posed by modern technology are the vast spiritual opportunities offered by modern technology.  Torah study has never been more accessible.  Hesed has never before been possible on as large scales as it is today.  And, just as Gd has given us outstanding, courageous soldiers capable of eliminating terrorists, He has blessed us with wonderful and inspiring rabbis and educators who lead the battle against the spiritual threats that we face. 

 

The Purim celebration is our annual reminder that our enemies are powerless against us, that Hashem will always ensure our continued survival.  This is true of those who seek our physical destruction, but also of the cultural forces that threaten to pull us away from our spiritual heritage.  Purim reminds us to trust in our power to overcome any challenge we confront, in our ability to surmount every obstacle that stands in the way of spiritual greatness.  Let us harness this power and resolve to fearlessly wage the struggles that we face, and cling to our sacred heritage despite the societal pressures that try tearing us away.  

How to Build Healthy Self-Esteem

When a child or an adult has healthy self-esteem, they know that there’s nothing in the world that anybody could ever say or do that could change their value. Their value does not depend on anything external. 

There are three different levels of self-esteem. 

Lowest Level:  “I am not valuable.” Oftentimes, those are people who end up in very difficult adult relationships, and struggle with overall success, and with their emotions.  

Middle Level:  A feeling of – my value depends on something. I’m valuable IF…If I look a certain way, If I get certain grades, If I behave a certain way….  

Highest and Healthiest Level: Having full knowledge that every human being is tremendously valuable. Notice I didn’t say, “I am” tremendously valuable. We don’t want people to think that some people are more valuable than others, because that creates insecurity. 

We want our children to understand that a human being is an indescribably amazing and valuable creation. We all have the ability to give, to think, to bring joy to the world, and to love.  

Maintaining One’s Intrinsic Value 

A metaphor that I give to kids is this: let’s say I look at a couch and I tell the couch, “You are a tree.” Is the couch going to turn into a tree? No. How about if I scream, “You’re a tree!” No. How about if 27 people scream, “You’re a tree!”? No. There’s nothing anyone could ever say or do to turn that couch into a tree. 

Kids could be mean to you in class and it hurts. But that’s never going to change who you are.  

Something we can do to help children internalize their value is to expect that mistakes are a part of their journey. And expect them to have very big feelings.  

When we get upset with our children for having very strong feelings, it is as if we’re getting upset at a house for having a door. Human beings are expected to have big feelings, so when your kids are carrying on or having a temper tantrum, and you’re thinking, “Oh my goodness, I have to change this,” realize that they will see the worry on your face, and then they start to believe that they are a problem, and that they are losing value. 

When your kids are having very strong feelings, you don’t have to do anything. You love them, so you want to be there with them. If they’re hurting somebody, you want to separate them or use a stop strategy, but you don’t need to get nervous and wonder what’s going on. 

How to Feel Your Own Value 

Another component of self-esteem is enjoying the gift of actually feeling your value. 

That comes to us when we affect the world around us in a positive way. So, let’s say, for example, you cook a great meal. Of course, you don’t make the meal because you expect anyone to comment about it. But if someone does comment about it or if someone does enjoy it, you get to feel good about your value, right? But it doesn’t mean that you became more valuable. 

It just meant you got to experience the feeling of being valued. You feel, “I am making an impact on someone in my world.” All people need to feel like they are contributing to the world, like they’re making the world a better place, like they’re needed, like they’re important. Sometimes parents will ask me, “What should I do? My child is really suffering from very low self-esteem and I haven’t really found anything yet that they’re so really great at.” 

Bolstering Our Kids 

What I tell parents at that point is that they have to think really, really hard, because there’s no such thing as a person that doesn’t have their own unique set of gifts. Everyone has a unique set of gifts and challenges. You have to find, and you have to create an opportunity for your child to affect the world around them. 

Make sure your children know that their value is inherent and they can make use of their unique gifts (which they do have!). Then they can enjoy healthy self-esteem and accomplish great things. 

Medical Halacha – Is it Permissible to Find Out a Baby’s Gender Before Birth?

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas 

 

 

Miri was due to deliver a baby a few days before Pesach. She phoned me very anxious. “Rabbi, may I find out the gender of the baby? If it’s a boy and the brit mila will be during or right after Pesach, I need to know in advance to have time to plan and prepare!” 

 

Sara is married to a Kohen and is expecting a child. Unfortunately, her grandfather passed away and Sara asked me if she may attend his levaya. Her husband and sons who are Kohanim could not go because a Kohen may not contract tumat met from a corpse unless he is burying one of seven close relatives (See S.A, Y.D., 373:4). This prohibition even applies to boys under the age of bar mitzva, whose parents are obligated to ensure that they do not come in contact with tumat met (Ibid, 373:1). However, Sara wanted to know whether carrying a Kohen fetus to a levaya is similarly forbidden. She added, “Rabbi, I don’t know if it’s a boy or girl but I can find out if necessary.”  

 

What Does the Torah Say? 

 

Regarding the question of whether it is correct to prenatally reveal the gender of a child, there are varying implications from different Torah sources. On the one hand, the Torah depicts a concerned Rivka Imenu beseeching Hashem regarding her complicated pregnancy. Hashem explained to her that she was pregnant with two boys who were diametrically opposed, “There are two nations in your womb… the older one will serve the younger one” (Beresheet, 25:23). Likewise, the mother of Shimshon was notified that she was pregnant with a boy (Shoftim, 13:3; see also Nidda, 31a and Eiruvin, 100b for further examples). These sources imply that it is not a problem to know the child’s gender before birth. On the other hand, the Midrash lists seven things that are concealed from mankind, one of which is the gender of an unborn child (Kohelet Rabbah, 11:4, based on Kohelet, 11:5). This implies that the child’s gender was designed to be concealed, and it is therefore incorrect to find it out. One suggested explanation for why Hashem chose to hide a child’s gender until birth is to avoid parental disappointment if the gender of the baby is different than what they had hoped for. Others explain that matters of bracha such as a developing fetus should be “hidden from the eye.” 

 

When taken together, the sources imply that while there may be value in keeping the gender of the unborn baby concealed, there is certainly no outright halachic prohibition in finding out. As Miri was stressed out, unsure how to juggle all the Pesach preparations alongside a possible brit mila celebration, I told her that she may ask her doctor to reveal if her baby is a boy.  

 

What About a Kohen? 

 

Regarding Sara’s question if she may attend the levaya, Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, (Hazon Ovadia, Aveilut, Vol. 2, p. 62) discusses at length whether a woman pregnant with a Kohen fetus may go to a levaya. He cites various opinions, but concludes that the prohibition of tumat met only applies once a child is born.  He quotes the Gemara (Nidda, 43) that requires parents to distance even their “one-day-old baby” son from tumat met, which clearly implies that this does not imply to a baby in utero. Therefore, there is no reason for Sara to find out the gender of her child, since according to Hacham Ovadia she is permitted to attend the levaya even if the fetus is a boy. (See Hazon Ovadia, Aveilut, Vol. 1, p. 313 regarding the general question of a pregnant women attending a levaya) 

 

Interestingly, some poskim write that even members of those communities whose minhag is to use three chickens when performing kaparot for a pregnant woman whose fetus’ gender is unknown (a hen for the mother, and both a rooster and a hen for the fetus who may be a boy or a girl), should only use two chickens if the parents know the baby’s gender. 

 

In conclusion, there is no outright prohibition finding out the gender of a baby, and if parents wish to find out, they are permitted to do so. 

 

 

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Community Highlights – Senator Simcha Felder Encourages School, Shuls, and Non-Profits to Apply for Security Grants

New York State Senator Simcha Felder is encouraging nonpublic schools, synagogues, community centers, and other organizations that could be a target of hate crimes to apply for a new $60 Million Grant Program to increase their facility’s safety and security.

 

New York State is now accepting applications of up to $200,000 for the Securing Communities Against Hate Crimes Program (SCAHC). This program is aimed at improving safety and security at facilities that are at risk of hate crimes or attacks because of their ideology, beliefs, or mission. “Since the despicable Hamas attacks of October 7, there has been a shameful and dangerous rise in anti-Semitic hate speech and violence,” said Senator Felder. “This funding will help protect our children and families, and unfortunately it is more important than ever before.”

The New York Division of Criminal Justice Services (DCJS) is administering the grants and will accept applications for up to $200,000 per organization. Applications must be submitted to DCJS by Friday, May 17, 2024. To apply for this funding, please visit https://www.criminaljustice.ny.gov/ofpa/index.htm.

This funding can be used to support exterior or interior security improvements, including lighting, locks, alarms, fencing, barriers, shatter-resistant glass, and measures to strengthen cybersecurity.

For more information about the Securing Communities Against Hate Crimes grant program, contact the DCJS Office of Program Development and Funding at (518) 457-9787 or dcjsfunding@dcjs.ny.gov.

 

 

SBH is Offering Free One-on-One Parenting Sessions

Are your children trying your patience? Does your child have anxiety about current events and Israel? Need help understanding what’s “normal” in kids? Do you want to sharpen your parenting techniques?

SEARCH CAN HELP!

SBH’s Parent Engagement Center (PECC) offers one-one-one, confidential counseling to parents, providing them with skills and tools to help them with their parenting. Sessions are free-of-charge and are open to Brooklyn parents of children ages five and up!

To find out if you qualify, or for more information, contact Frany at Fkadoch@sbhonline.org or 718-787-1100 x 532.

 

MDY Solidarity Mission Trip to Israel
The connection and the prayers of the students of Magen David Yeshivah for Israel have proven to be as strong as ever as they gathered at the elementary school last month to hear from soldier Itamar Shapira, and members of our community who attended the MDY Solidarity Mission Trip to Israel in December.

Led in song by Hazan Mordechai Salem, the students and faculty members sang together, cried together, and listened to poetry and inspirational messages together. The students acknowledged the dedication and work of Rabbi Eli Mansour, Mrs. Gladys Haddad, Mr. Zvi Ben Haim, Mrs. Margalit Alnatan, and representing the fundraising efforts of the 8th graders, Zack Dweck and Shefie Kassin.

 

The Case – First Right of Refusal

Avi, a former resident of a yishuv close to Gaza, was evacuated from his home on the seventh of October. Together with his wife and six children, he was transferred to a small hotel in Jerusalem. After living in the hotel for nearly two months, he was bored, frustrated, and his family dynamics were failing. Avi found a job in Jerusalem and decided to leave the Gaza area permanently because of the continuous missile attacks over the years. He rented an apartment in a popular neighborhood in Jerusalem, but after only one month of rental he was informed that his landlord was in contract to sell the property. Avi confronted his landlord and offered to buy the apartment, claiming that as the present tenant he is entitled to the right of first refusal to purchase the property. The landlord was uninterested in dealing with Avi after he already signed with another buyer and dismissed Avi’s claim. In Bet Din, the two presented their respective claims.  

Is Avi entitled to purchase the apartment? Does his landlord have the halachic right to sell his apartment to an outside party? How should the Bet Din rule and why? 

 

Torah Law 

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a next-door neighbor is entitled to the right of first refusal (ROFR) when a property is up for sale. However, multiple rules and regulations govern these laws. Thus, prior to determining that a next-door neighbor is within his right to force a purchase, a competent halachic authority is to be consulted. 

A considerable debate exists between early halachic authorities regarding whether a tenant residing at a property is entitled to the right of first refusal to purchase a property next door. Leading Ashkenazic halachic authorities view a tenant as an owner for the duration of his termed contract, thereby affording him the right to match an outside bid for the purchase of an adjacent property. 

However, leading Sephardic halachic authorities, namely the Rambam, and the author of Shulhan Aruch, differ. In their view, since a tenant does not own the property and is only temporarily residing at the property, he does not possess the benefits of the right of first refusal. 

Additionally, according to this latter view, even in the instance in which a tenant is seeking to purchase the property he is renting, he can be denied the right of purchase by the seller. Hence, even if the tenant is willing to match or increase the bid of an outside buyer, the property owner and the outside buyer are not required to consider his offer.  

The underlying reason for the benefit of the right of first refusal extended to a neighbor, is to enable a homeowner to maximize his property’s location. This benefit was instituted by our sages to help people consider others needs by acting justly and offering the property next door to the neighbor first.  

Although at times it is just to consider a tenant, especially in the present state of war in Israel, nevertheless, when all parties involved are of Sephardic origin a Bet Din will not intervene on a tenant’s behalf. This ruling is especially accurate after a seller already signed with another buyer.  

 

VERDICT:   Shopping the Market 

Our Bet Din ruled in favor of the landlord and permitted him to proceed with the sale of his apartment to an outside party. Since Avi is only a tenant temporarily residing on the property, he is not entitled to the benefit known as the right of first refusal. By rule of the Shulhan Aruch only a homeowner can exercise such a right. Avi, the tenant, the landlord, and the outside buyer were of Sephardic origin and are required to follow the halachic opinion of the Rambam and Shulhan Aruch. Although the view of Ashkenazic halachic authorities differs, in light of the origin of the participants we ruled accordingly.  

Notwithstanding, our Bet Din requested of the landlord to consider Avi’s traumatic experience due to the present war, but the landlord replied that it was too complicated for him to retract and begin the process all over. Our Bet Din resorted to blessing Avi that he should find the perfect property to satisfy his family’s needs. 

In Loving Memory of Vera Bat Carol, A”H 

YOU BE THE JUDGE 

 

A Snowball Effect 

Due to severe snow conditions, Alan chose to park his car in front of his home, instead of in his snow-filled driveway.  The following morning, he found his left taillight smashed and a note on his front window. Sari, his next-door neighbor, when pulling her car out of her driveway, skidded on ice, and crashed into Alan’s car. Alan assessed the cost of damage by his mechanic, and Sari agreed to pay the $500 cost of repairs. The car repair was scheduled for the following morning. That evening, Alan chose to park his car on the opposite side of the street, to distance his car from Sari’s driveway. However, his efforts were to no avail, as Jacklyn hit Alan’s right taillight as she exited her driveway. Once again, Alan found a note on his front window, and naturally Jacklyn was willing to cover the cost of repairs. As scheduled, Alan brought his car to the garage the following morning, now repairing two identical smashed taillights. The garage mechanic quoted him a total price of $800, which included repairing two taillights, body work, and parts. The mechanic explained that although each side of the car is estimated at $500, since both sides are being done together, the collective price is $800. The three neighbors came before Bet Din, to determine how they should split the payment between them.  

Is Sari to pay $500 for the left tail and Jacklyn $300 for the right, each bearing liability according to the sequence of events? Or perhaps, since the total of damage is $800, each is to pay $400. Or is Alan entitled to collect from both Sari and Jacklyn $500 each and pocket a $200 balance? Since each neighbor caused $500 worth of damage, perhaps the discounted price is to be credited to Alan.  

How should the Bet Din rule and why? 

Riddles – March 2024

RIDDLE: Cats & Mice

Submitted by: Morris A.

 

If two cats can catch two mice in 3 minutes, how long will it take 100 cats to catch 100 mice?

 

Last Month’s Riddle: What Am I?

Pronounced as one letter, and written with three, 2 letters there are, and 2 only in me. I’m double, I’m single, I’m black, blue, and gray, I’m read from both ends, and the same either way. What am I?

 

Solution: An eye!

 

 

Solved by:  Michael Levy, Rose Weissler, The Shmulster, Family Sanado, Rami Fatiha, Morris Kabani, Haim S., The Big Cheese, Maxine T., and The Blum Family.

 

Junior Riddle: What’s on the Menu?

Submitted by: Caroline S.

 

First, I threw away the outside and cooked the inside. Then I ate the outside and threw away the inside. What did I eat?

 

Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Pop Quiz

What three numbers give the same result when multiplied and added together?

Solution: 1, 2, and 3. (1 + 2 + 3 = 6 / 1 x 2 x 3 = 6)

 

Solved by:. Jennifer Gindi, S. Antabi, Rose W., Morris Kabani, Family Sanado,  Rami Fatiha,  H. Soleimani, The Blum Family, Leon C., and Big Mike.