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The Case – The Art of Deception

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November 2021

Steven is an owner of a residential building complex. By contract, a tenant who wishes to rent in the luxury building is required to prepay a year in advance at the time of signing. Gary, an old friend of Steven’s, showed interest in one of the smaller apartments in the building. Steven quoted Gary the price of $3,800 for the apartment and Gary rejected the offer as the price seemed exorbitant. Steven then showed Gary a larger apartment he had just rented out on the floor below for the whopping sum of $4,500. Steven explained to Gary that based on the larger apartment’s square footage the going rate for his apartment is at least $3,800. Gary was convinced, he signed, and prepaid the first year of his two-year contract. A short time thereafter Gary spoke with the tenant on the floor below and inquired about the size and cost of his rental. The tenant told Gary that he was paying $3,800 for his apartment, which was clearly larger than Gary’s. Gary confronted Steven and demanded his money back claiming that the apartment was rented to him under false pretenses. Steven dismissed Gary’s claim with the wave of a hand, defending his position by claiming that the contract made no mention of any contingencies or considerations regarding the $3,800 cost of rent. He added that he did not necessarily recall the exact figure he told Gary regarding the larger apartment. Furthermore, Steven explained that the larger apartment was indeed valued at $4,500 in the market. Gary contested and refused to be a victim of deception.

Is Gary entitled to breach his contract? Is he entitled to his money back?

How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a real estate buyer or seller is not legally entitled to nullify a sale due to the price at which the property was sold. Once a transaction is final, a buyer cannot claim that the cost of the property was inflated, thus constituting price fraud.

This ruling is not limited to the sale of property but also includes property rentals. Hence, once a rental transaction is complete, neither the tenant nor the landlord can breach their agreement by claiming price fraud.

Interestingly, although the sale of property cannot be nullified due to price fraud, nevertheless, some halachic authorities view such business dealings as a Torah prohibition. Obviously, even according to this view, if a buyer is aware at the time of the purchase that he is overpaying, the sale is halachically permissible.

Some opinions rule that unless the price charged was double the going market rate there is no Torah violation.

Others differ and rule that one is permitted to sell real estate at an exorbitant rate even if the buyer is unaware of the going market rate.

Leading halachic authorities debate whether one can nullify a real estate transaction in instances in which a seller uses an element of deception to get his price. Some rule that although a seller can demand an exorbitant price for a property, it is illegal to deceive a buyer and mislead him to believe that the exorbitant price reflects the going market rate. In such instances in which the buyer’s perception is wrongfully tainted, the sale can be nullified.

Others differ and argue that it is the responsibility of a buyer to be cautious and suspect that it is common for a seller to manipulate and scheme when interacting with a potential buyer. According to this view, a buyer of real estate is expected to spend time on due diligence to avoid getting harmed or damaged. If he fails to do so, the sale cannot be reversed.

The above halachic dispute has far-reaching ramifications for a Bet Din when determining the outcome of a dispute between two litigants. Generally, the party in possession of the funds can rely on the halachic opinion that supports his claim and he may withhold payment from the other litigant. Obviously, if the latter party did not yet pay, he is not required to do so, and he may rely on the opposing opinion that supports his claim.

The above information is only applicable to real estate transactions. As per the sale of other merchandise, the law varies.

VERDICT: Due Diligence

Our Bet Din submitted a split decision in the dispute between Steven and Gary. The prepaid year of rent that Gary forwarded to Steven is halachically unretrievable. However, Gary is entitled to breach his contract and is not required to rent the property for the second year. As mentioned in Torah law, some halachic authorities rule that although Steven was clearly deceiving, nevertheless, Gary is expected to spend time on due diligence and verify the price of the larger apartment in the building prior to prepaying the year’s rent. It is common practice for a seller to manipulate a buyer and Gary was expected to suspect such behavior and act accordingly. Thus, Steven can rely on this halachic view and withhold the one year of rent he collected. Other halachic authorities differ and rule that in instances in which a seller clearly manipulates and schemes a buyer into a higher price, the sale is null and void. Since Steven wrongfully tainted Gary’s perception of the value of the rental, Gary is entitled to breach the second year of the contract. Gary, who is still in possession of the money of the second year, can withhold payment and rely on the opinion which supports his claim.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

A Short Delivery

Simon was planning a trip to Israel and Robert asked him to take four thousand dollars to his sister who resided in Jerusalem. Robert placed the money in an unsealed white envelope and gave it to Simon. Simon did not count the money and stipulated that he is not assuming responsibility for the funds. He placed the cash in his wife’s bag, which he stowed in the overhead bin on the plane. Upon arrival to Jerusalem, Simon was required by law to quarantine for seven days, and thereafter he took the envelope to Robert’s sister, who counted the cash and found the amount in the envelope was short five hundred and ninety dollars. In Bet Din Robert’s sister reprimanded Simon for carelessly stowing the cash in an overhead bin. Simon responded that the four-thousand-dollar cash envelope he received consisted of many fifty, twenty, and ten-dollar bills, and it would have been an extra time-consuming burden for him to count each bill. Also, the overstuffed envelope was unreasonable to carry on his person for the duration of the flight. Simon added that it was irrational to say that someone stole five hundred and ninety dollars and left the entire balance behind. He therefore suggested that he perhaps never received the complete four thousand dollars from Robert. Robert defended that he carefully counted the money before placing it in the envelope. Robert and his sister suggested that perhaps Simon or his wife mistakenly used the cash for their expenses thinking the cash was their own. The couple responded that for the duration of the flight and the seven days of quarantine they did not even use a total sum near the amount missing.

Is Simon responsible for the missing funds?

How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Mabrouk – November 2021

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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Births – Baby Boy

Eliezer & Frieda Elbaz
Moshe & Carolene Sivan
Albert & Sara Wahba
David & Jenny Zeevi
Danny & Vicki Moses
Ikey & Aura Kassin
Mr. & Mrs. Ben Safdiah
Steven & Claudette Greenstein

Births – Baby Girl

Elie & Luisa Abady
Joey & Adele Massry

Bar Mitzvahs

Irving, son of Mr. & Mrs. David Levy

Engagements

David Zahga to Francine Zafrani
Shlomo Schweky to Simi Srour
Jack Sayegh to Esther Mizrahi
Isaac Saka to Shirley Chera
David Zafrani to Linda Saddia

Weddings

Josh Greenstein to Orly Halawani

YOF Mourns the Loss of Principal Emeritus Rabbi David Eliach, zt”l

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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YOF Mourns the Loss of Principal Emeritus Rabbi David Eliach, zt”l

Rabbi David Eliach, longtime educator of Jewish children in Israel and New York, passed away on Thursday evening, 25 Tishrei/September 30. He was 99 years old.

Rabbi Eliach, whose family lived in Jerusalem for seven generations, originally learned in Hevron Yeshiva. During that time, he was a havrutah of several people who later were known as Torah sages. In addition, soon after the arrival of the relatively unknown Chazon Ish, zt”l, in Eretz Yisrael from Vilna, Rabbi Eliach merited to spend time with him in a ramshackle shanty in the newly formed city of Bnei Brak. He compiled his memories of those days in Mandate Palestine in a book titled Ha’avar Shelo Avar.

In 1943, while preparing to study for a career in law, Rabbi Eliach was asked to teach 70 of the 800 “Yaldei Teheran,” some young, orphaned children who were brought to what was then Palestine. Although the job was meant to last only a few weeks, Rabbi Eliach decided that these children needed guidance, and thus he began his long, storied career in teaching.

In 1953, Rabbi Eliach came to the United States to take a teaching position at the Yeshivah of Flatbush, and shortly thereafter was named Assistant Principal of Judaic Studies. In 1967, he became Principal of the Yeshivah of Flatbush High School and served as Dean of its elementary and high schools. Rabbi Eliach was Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Azrieli Graduate Institute of Jewish Education and Administration at Yeshiva University.

In 1987, Yeshiva University conferred an honorary degree of Doctor of Pedagogy upon Rabbi Eliach, the first educator to receive that honor. In 1992, he was honored with the prestigious Covenant Award. Rabbi Eliach stepped down as principal of the high school in 1997 and served as principal emeritus. He continued to come to the elementary school and high school each week to mentor teachers up until the pandemic began. He officially retired from the Yeshivah of Flatbush this past June. Yihyeh zichro baruch.

Governor Hochul Announces Nearly $25 Million Available to Strengthen Security at Nonprofit Organizations

Last month, NY Governor Kathy Hochul visited the Museum of Jewish Heritage in Battery Park City and announced the availability of an additional $25 million to help nonprofit organizations. The funds will be used to improve the security of their facilities to better protect those at risk of hate crimes or attacks because of their ideology, beliefs, or mission.

“By their very nature, hate crimes strike at the heart of our democratic values and threaten to undermine the very tenets of our society,” Governor Hochul said. “By helping these nonprofit organizations protect themselves against these cowardly acts of violence, we continue to make public safety a top priority. Bigotry and hate have no place in our state, and we will do everything in our power to protect vulnerable people from those who would lash out against them due to their ideology, beliefs, or mission.”

Maimonides Celebrates Grand Opening of Maimonides Doctors Multispecialty Pavilion

Last month, Maimonides Medical Center celebrated the grand opening of the new Maimonides Doctors Multispecialty Pavilion, Brooklyn’s newest destination for outstanding healthcare.

The state-of-the-art facility located on Ninth Avenue between 48th and 49th Streets, is home to more than 130 world-class physicians and 35 specialty and primary care practices, including: adult medicine specialties; pediatrics specialties; surgical specialties; women’s health and OB/GYN services; primary care; Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) services; and the Maimonides Neurosciences and Heart & Vascular Institutes.

“This new addition to our campus is a significant milestone in our ongoing transformation to better meet the needs of our community,” noted Kenneth D. Gibbs, Maimonides President and CEO. “Maimonides Doctors Pavilion reflects Maimonides’ commitment to making patients’ experience exceptional – delivering the world-class care Maimonides is renowned for and providing easy access in a single location with modern spaces, parking, and the ability to get the ancillary services they need without leaving the building.”

Afghanistan

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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I was already disheartened about the whole Afghanistan fiasco before reading last month’s cover story (Arming the Taliban). But after reading what Marine Corps Major Joshua S. Zager had to share – I literally got sick to my stomach.

The global lesson learned from this tragedy is that the universal revulsion of the mainstream press towards the barbaric Taliban is heavily filtered with bias when reporting on Israel’s enemies, Hamas and Hezbollah. Magically, with a strong dose of anti-Semitism, there is a sudden moral equivalence in the media and the Squad, between Israel and their arch-enemies, that is shocking to basic human logic. What the Taliban is doing to their own people is what Hamas and their ilk want, Gd forbid, to do to Jews, but unimaginably worse.

Moshe K.

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This whole enterprise to remold Afghanistan into a modern democracy was doomed from the very start, and it is a pity that no one dares to analyze why this is so. The Afghan population is very religious Islamic, yet, none of our civilian or military leaders ever studied the Koran and the Sunnah in order to learn what guides, motivates, and inspires most of the Afghan population. If they had studied Islam, they would have known that it was impossible to make a liberal democracy out of a Moslem society. There is no way that we can win the hearts and minds of religious Moslems no matter how much money we give them, and no matter how many roads, schools, water filtration plants, government buildings, and mosques we build for them. The very religious Moslem Taliban will always be closer to the Afghans’ hearts and minds than we will. The Taliban wants a stricter practice of Islam than much of the rest of the population, but all of them want Islam.

Carl G.

Household Help

Thanks for last month’s column about the pros and cons with household help. I believe in designating children to do chores. They should have time to play, study, and do chores. Many moms today try to prevent their kids from doing anything unpleasant. But as a result, we raise lazy kids, young women who don’t know how to care for the house, and young men who don’t know how to cook or do their own laundry. Plus, doing chores together can be fun, creates a common purpose, teaches many lessons, and can bring family together. Oh, and we also save some money!

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I always had cleaning help until about two years ago, and it has taken me this long to realize what a huge mistake it’s been to be without the help of my own children. My kids have learned to clean up after themselves, and we have saved money – but in the end it is not worth it. I’m a mother of a large family and the only overworked person is me! I stay up way too late at night to have some “me” time. The laundry never ends, I don’t have time to exercise unless I’m willing to let other high-priority things go, and the list goes on. A sane, happy mother – now that’s worth something! Unfortunately, now that my husband is unemployed, I don’t have a choice in the matter, But for those that do – think twice before you decide to do it on your own.

Lorraine H.

Judge Gina Levy Abadi

Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed reading the interview with Judge Gina Levy Abadi (The First Orthodox Sephardic Woman to Join the NY Supreme Court). May she be guided by Hashem to judge the facts and the law correctly and may her service be a Kiddush Hashem. Mabrouk!

Susan R.

Riddles – November 2021

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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Riddle: Coin Conundrum

Submitted by Melissa G.

I have a large money box, 12 inches wide, and 6 inches tall. How many quarters can I place in it until my money box is no longer empty?

Last Month’s Riddle: Three Doors

You’re escaping a maze, and there are three doors in front of you. The door on the left leads to a pit of lava. The door in the center leads to a room filled with deadly gas. The door on the right leads to a lion that hasn’t eaten in three months. Which door do you choose?

Solution: The door on the right. A lion that hasn’t eaten in three months would be dead!

Solved by: Lulu Saadia, Abraham Cohen, Elijah Cohen, Label Stein, The Blum Family, Gabe Solomon, Mandomike, and The Shmulster.

Junior Riddle: A Hairy Situation

Submitted by Zak S.

How can a man who shaves several times a day still sport a long beard?

Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Making Cents

In my hand, I have two coins that are newly minted. Together, they total 30 cents. One isn’t a nickel. What are the coins?

Solution: A quarter and a nickel.

Solved by: Lulu Saadia, Shmuli Lieberman, The Blum Family, The Shmulster, Carey T., and Big Mike.

Loyalty

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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Last month we discussed Sellers Tips. While Sellers Tips are very important, I wanted to share with you a Buyers Tip that is equally as important. It is the concept of loyalty.

What do I mean by loyalty?

If you’re in the market to buy a home and you have contacted an agent that you have developed a rapport with and you liked, and you are confident that you can trust them, you’re getting good service, and you value their opinion, then stick with that agent. For example, you see a house for sale that is listed with a different agent, call your agent and ask them what they know about the home. More than likely, they will be able to give you information on the home and/or try to arrange a showing for you. They will work directly with the other agent to make that happen. Because of the relationship you formed with your agent, your agent will likely know exactly what you are looking for and is therefore able to eliminate certain homes to find the perfect home for you.

It is to the benefit of the other agent to allow other agents to come and show their home. This is known as co-broke, as it opens possibilities that weren’t presented before. When you are loyal to an agent, they want to help you, they want to show you the off-market homes and give you the best possible service, which in turn will help the you to secure your dream home.

Do You Need a Broker?

Although some sellers want to sell on their own, it’s not easy. Can people sell on their own? 100 percent. Do I think sellers make more money at the end of the day if they sell with a broker? Yes! It’s actually a fact. Can I say that is true for every house? No. Many times Hashem just sends the exact buyer for a specific house, they overpay, and it’s a done deal.

For example – There’s a seller that I know who didn’t want to use a broker to sell their home. They kept saying, “Why should I use a broker?” “Why should I pay a commission?” I helped them a bit through the process of selling their home. Normally a closing should take place within 60 days in NYC, and this was already six weeks after the 60 days. The seller was frustrated. It cost them money in taxes. They wanted to close before the new year. If they would have used a broker, the broker could have pushed the mortgage broker, sent comps to the appraisers, and done things to speed up the process, and be really on top of it. So, they lost four percent of the sale price. The sellers wanted to save money. Here you have a perfect example of “penny-wise and dollar-foolish.”

Brokers can guide sellers on home inspections, buyer financials, time frame, and the overall Market. I feel that hiring a broker is an essential part of selling a home.

HungryMom’s Food Diary – Fried Mac N Cheese Balls

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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HungryMom’s Food Diary – Fried Mac N Cheese Balls

By Susan Zayat

What’s a Hanukah meal without some yummy fried food? Here is a fun twist to a classic dish that’s perfect to enhance any Hanukah meal! Best part is, they can be made in advance, up until the last step. I hope you enjoy!

1 box elbow noodles
Butter
Flour
Milk
Cheddar cheese
Eggs
Marinara sauce

Boil a box of elbow noodles. Drain, and set aside. In a separate pot melt ¼ cup butter. Add ½ cup of all purpose flour and mix until it turns a light brown color. Add 1 cup of milk and mix until thick. Add ¾ cup of shredded cheddar cheese adding a handful at a time mixing in between. Mix until mixture is melted and smooth.
Add the sauce to the cooked noodles and mix well. Transfer to an airtight container and place in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour.
Roll cold noodles into tight balls. If it’s not sticking together, then put it back in the fridge for a little while longer and roll them out again.
Once rolled, put on a parchment lined paper for at least one hour.
At this point you can make these in advance and do the following step before serving.
Beat 2 eggs with ½ cup of milk. Dip the frozen Mac N Cheese balls into the egg mixture, then into panko crumbs, back into the egg mixture and then again into the panko crumbs. Making sure it is covered really well.
Now for the fun part, deep fry! Leave them until they turn a nice golden color. Drain the excess oil on a cooling rack, heat up your favorite marinara sauce and use as a dipping sauce, and enjoy!

Recipe by Susan Zayat. For more recipes and ideas follow @Hungrymom on Instagram. Check out her amazing homemade spelt sourdough for sale.

Photo styled and photographed by Sarah Husney. Sarah Husney is a food photographer servicing NY & NJ. She has clients from the food businesses in the community upgrading their photos for Instagram and websites. Contact info: 917 626 2991 / @sarahhusney_foodphoto.

One on One with Gali Dabbah

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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Ellen Geller Kamaras

“I knew I wanted to work with children. I checked out various fields in college, did internships and shadowed different professionals before I made my decision. I love what I do and definitely made the right choice in becoming a speech-language pathologist.”

~~ Gali ~~

Gali Dabbah, née Dahan, is one of the young female leaders of our community who I was blessed to interview. Our young women strive and succeed in finding their purpose and raising their beautiful children in an environment infused with Torah values.

A Little Background

As you read Gali’s life story, you will see that she is a positive, hard-working individual who decided on a career path after careful thought and research. She opted for speech-language pathology, a profession that allows her to accomplish her goals of connecting with kids and helping them to be the best version of themselves.

Gali, born and raised in Brooklyn, is a proud graduate of Yeshiva of Flatbush, studying there from pre-school through high school. Her parents, Yaffit and Henry Dahan, were born in Lebanon, lived in Israel, and met and married in New York. Gali is the oldest of three children and has a brother and sister.

The Dahan’s consistently emphasized the importance of education.

“My mom especially encouraged us to aim for success and reach for the stars. The three of us are all professionals: I chose speech, my brother is a doctor, and my sister became a business and finance specialist.”

Gali shared that she was always studious and is still close with a group of friends who all pushed each other to do well academically. School was a very positive experience. Her sister describes Gali as bubbly and friendly and shy at the same time. Gali herself says she is easy-going, hard-working, down to earth, and connects well with people.

Gali started working with children as a tween and always felt that she wanted to pursue a career centered around working with children. Gali just wasn’t sure what that would be. “I have always had a knack with children.” She babysat, worked as a camp counselor, and did peer tutoring and private tutoring in high school. As a junior, she tutored freshmen in her brother’s grade and as a senior, taught sophomores. “I made so many friends through tutoring who I am still in touch with today.”

Gali also got involved in other high school extracurriculars. She was on the volleyball team, yearbook committee, and Tehillim commission. “I signed up for the maximum teams/committees, wanting to soak up as much as I could.”

College and Grad School

Gali’s inquisitive nature, which drove her to get involved in diverse endeavors in high school, continued to motivate her in college. She enrolled at Brooklyn College and took many types of courses to help her clarify what major she wanted to choose. Gali believed she needed to be well-rounded before deciding on a career path. She found her classes to be too large to connect with her teachers individually, so she reached out to people in different fields to have one-on-one discussions about experiences working in different fields. Gali was a substitute teacher for a few months at Barkai Yeshiva, where she also shadowed a speech pathologist. Gali then felt prepared to elect majors in speech pathology and psychology and a minor in education.

Why Speech?

“It was a big decision. I spoke to teachers, psychotherapists, and speech therapists to pinpoint which track was right for me. My mom also guided me in determining which discipline was a good fit. I enjoyed the one-on-one relationship that comes with speech therapy and was also fascinated by learning about the brain, which is a huge part of speech and language. People often think of stuttering and articulation when they hear the term ‘speech therapy.’ They forget the language aspect. It’s also so diverse, you never get bored. You can work with newborns, children, adults, and/or elderly people who are recovering from a stroke.”

Gali studied at Brooklyn College’s graduate program in speech-language pathology. During graduate school, Gali stretched herself to absorb as much as possible and volunteered to work on Sundays for her mentor, Professor Carrie Idler. Professor Idler was looking for a grad student to go to patients’ homes to set up and then run a computer program for students with auditory processing disorders. Gali stepped up to the plate ensuring the program was operating correctly.

Gali graduated with a Master of Science in speech-language pathology and did her clinical fellowship at the Chehebar Academy, Magen David Yeshivah’s special education program. Gali was thrilled to have Prof. Idler as her fellowship supervisor. After completing her requirements, Gali received an offer to work at Chehebar Academy and she stayed there for eight years.

Gali’s Position at Gesher Yehuda Yeshiva

For the past two years, Gali has worked with children on a one-to-one basis at Gesher Yehuda Yeshiva. The students she works with range from kindergarten through eighth grade. Gali’s focus is language-based disorders, comprehension, vocabulary, executive functioning skills (such as organizing and planning) and social functions (for example, how to read a room, and how to maintain friendships).

What excites Gali about her current position?

Gali’s response was quick and enthusiastic. She gets to see the whole picture relative to her clients. Gali shares the strategies she uses with a specific child, with his or her classroom teacher and sits in on “IEP” (Individualized Education Plan) meetings. “I enjoy being part of the entire team, interacting with the occupational and physical therapists, reading specialists, the principal and directors, and reaching out to parents.”

Gali recently became a supervisor and she mentors and supervises clinical fellow students who completed graduate school.

Gali is on vacation from her school job in the summers and her girls are in day camp. She explores other areas of speech pathology, including taking on private patients. Gali thrives on knowledge sharing with the large community of therapists that she meets on Instagram. She also takes many continuing education courses to sharpen her skills.

Family and Career Balance

Gali first met her soulmate, Jimmy Dabbah, in 2013. They have been married since 2017, live in Brooklyn, and have two daughters, two and three years old.

Gali is impassioned about her family. “My kids are amazing, and I love doing everything for them.” Listening to Gali describe her work as a speech-language pathologist, I could tell that her career most definitely fulfills her and lights her up.

Gali works full-time and is grateful that her work hours match her children’s school schedule. “It’s a balancing act. My husband is a huge help! We drop them off at playgroup and Yeshiva in the morning and I pick them up from school at 3:00 pm. When I bring them home, I switch gears from speech-language pathologist to mom and begin a new marathon, cooking dinner and concentrating on my daughters. Although the girls are very young, they are beginning to understand that Mommy works.”

Gali explained that she is a mom 100 percent but also enjoys professional achievement and personal growth development. To her, what is important is the quality of time she devotes to her family and not the quantity. “Even if you only get to spend one hour with your children after school, make sure to engage with them, be fully present and put aside distractions,” Gali advises.

Both sets of grandparents are on standby to step in when needed, such as when a child needs to be picked up early. “I couldn’t be a working mom without their loving support.”

Covid

When the pandemic hit, Gali began zooming with her students and her husband was also working from home. With her young daughters at home, Gali and her friend Leah Lati developed activities to keep their own children occupied and engaged. Gali got to use skills that she had learned about but had never used.

Guess what? The two moms crafted “My Activity Kit” and their business was born. They sell kits with targeted skills for kids, “fun activities to enhance learning.”

Gali was fortunate that her school had a limited shutdown, and she was able to return in person before many others.

Hakarat Hatov

Gali feels very fortunate to live in the community. “What we have really doesn’t exist in other places. Our community is a special one to be a part of. There are so many resources, and everyone helps each other.”

Unwinding

To relax, Gali enjoys traveling and spending time with friends and family. She absolutely loves to walk, particularly to the beach. With her girls in a double stroller, she heads to the Coney Island boardwalk. The girls adore the aquarium.

Her advice to teenagers? Take time to explore different fields. If you are undecided on a college major, volunteer and talk to a range of professionals.

Please visit Gali’s Instagram pages, @thesavvyslp and @my_activity_kit to find out more about Gali’s specialties. You can contact Gali by messaging her on Instagram @thesavvyslp or emailing galidabbah@gmail.com.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

The Menorah’s Testimony

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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Hanukah, of course, celebrates our nation’s miraculous triumph over the Greeks, who had ruled over Eretz Yisrael and set out to obliterate Jewish observance. While many Jews at that time simply surrendered and gave up Jewish practice, the Hashmonaim, a courageous group of kohanim, refused to accept the situation. Armed with very few weapons but a great deal of determination and faith in Gd, they waged war against the mighty Greek Empire, driving them from the land. The Hashmonaim then cleansed the Bet Hamikdash, which the Greeks had defiled, and rededicated it for the service of Gd.

A mysterious passage in the Midrash perhaps adds to our understanding of what it was exactly that the Greeks militated against – and in so doing, it may profoundly enhance our appreciation of this very special holiday.

The Midrash comments on the second verse in the Torah, which describes how at the beginning of the process of creation, “hoshech al peneh tehom” – darkness filled all of existence. According to the Midrash, this description is an allusion to the Greek Empire, “which darkened the eyes of Israel.” The Greeks’ evil decree made our lives dark, like at the beginning of creation, before light came into existence. Curiously, though, the Midrash does not point to the Greeks’ ban on Torah learning, circumcision, or Shabbat observance. Rather, it states that the Greeks forced the Jews of the time to “write on the horns of the ox: We have no share in the Gd of Israel.”

Certainly, this was a terrible decree. It is akin to a government edict nowadays requiring all Jews to place bumper stickers on their cars announcing their rejection of Judaism. But why is this, in particular, the essence of the “darkness” wrought by the Greeks? What is the deeper meaning behind this decree?

Our Direct Line

The Ben Ish Hai (Rav Yosef Haim of Baghdad, 1833-1909) develops a profound answer, explaining that this decree touches upon the core essence of our nation’s identity, our status as Gd’s treasured nation.

The verse in the Book of Devarim (32:9) states, “Ki helek Hashem amo – For Gd’s share is His nation.” The commentators understand this verse to mean that we enjoy a special, direct relationship with Gd. All other nations have an angel assigned to serve as the intermediary between them and Gd. All nations are welcome and encouraged to pray to Gd – in fact, Gd exclaims through the prophet Yeshayahu (56:7), “For My home shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations.” However, the prayers of the other nations are brought to Gd via the agency of an angel, whereas our prayers ascend directly to Gd. He has chosen us as His “helek,” His “share.” Each angel chose a nation – and Gd Himself chose, as well, and His choice was Am Yisrael.

The Ben Ish Hai explains on this basis the verse in the Book of Mishleh (7:3) in which King Shlomo instructs us, “Tie them [the mitzvot] on your fingers.” The difference between Am Yisrael and the other nations, the Ben Ish Hai writes, is the difference between the thumb and the other fingers. The four other fingers have a second joint attaching them to the

hand, whereas the thumb attaches directly. Am Yisrael, the Ben Ish Hai writes, resembles the thumb – enjoying a “direct line” with Gd just as the thumb is connected directly to the hand. We are symbolized by the thumb because we stand apart from the other nations, just as the thumb stands apart from the other fingers. And thus Shlomo urges us, “Tie them on your fingers” – to contemplate to symbolism of our fingers in order to appreciate the special relationship we have with our Creator.

The Golden Calf

The Ben Ish Hai writes that this is the meaning of the phrase which the Greeks ordered the Jews to pronounce: “En lanu helek b’Elokeh Yisrael – We have no share in the Gd of Israel.” The Greeks demanded that the Jews renounce the belief in the doctrine of “helek Hashem amo,” that Am Yisrael enjoys a unique relationship with Gd. They insisted that the Jews see themselves as no different than any other people.

This is why the pronouncement was to be written on the horns of the Jews’ oxen. The so-called “proof” drawn by the Greeks for their claim, that the Jews had no special status, was the sin of the golden calf. The calf – a young ox – represents Am Yisrael’s greatest moment of failure, the moment when – in the Greeks’ distorted perception – Am Yisrael forever lost their special stature among the nations of the world. A number of commentators – most notably, the Ramban (Rav Moshe Nachmanides, Spain, 1194-1270) – explained that Beneh Yisrael did not actually worship the golden calf, or believe that this statue – which they had made from their golden jewelry – was a god. Rather, they built the calf to serve as an intermediary of sorts between them and Gd. After spending centuries among the Egyptians, it was difficult for them to immediately transition to a direct relationship with Gd, without any agent or conduit. This was the motive behind the fashioning and worship of the golden calf.

For the Greeks, this grave mistake signified the Jews’ own abrogation of their special relationship with Gd. After all, they themselves showed that they did not want a “direct line,” that they wanted to be like all the other nations, whose relationship with Gd is indirect, working by way of an intermediary force.

The Ben Ish Hai writes that this is the meaning of the Greeks’ decree: “Write on the horns of the ox: We have no share in the Gd of Israel.” They were, in essence, telling the Jews, “You yourselves announced through the ‘ox’ – the golden calf – that you are not Gd’s special ‘share,’ that you are like all other nations, without any stature of distinction.”

We might add that this perhaps explains the text of the Al Hanissim prayer which we add to the birkat hamazon service and Shemona Esreh throughout Hanukah. In this prayer, we proclaim, “Masarta giborim beyad halashim, rabim beyad me’atim, teme’im beyad tehorim” – You gave the mighty in the hand of the weak, the many in the hand of the few, the impure in the hand of the pure…” We repeatedly emphasize the “yad” – the “hand” of the Jews that defeated the Greeks. The miraculous triumph over the Greeks reaffirmed the symbolism of the “hand” – that Am Yisrael, like the thumb, stands separate and apart from other nations, and enjoys a special, direct relationship with Gd.

The Menorah’s Testimony

What, then, is our response to the Greeks? How do we continue believing in our nation’s uniquely direct, unmediated relationship with Gd, if our ancestors knowingly made a golden calf to serve as the intermediary between them and Him?

The answer is found in the menorah – the most obvious symbol of Hanukah.

The Gemara (Menahot 86b) teaches that one of the seven lamps of the menorah in the Bet Hamikdash miraculously burned longer than the other six lamps. In essence, a miniature Hanukah miracle occurred every night: the same amount of oil was poured into each lamp, but one continued burning after the others had extinguished. This miracle, the Gemara comments, provided “testimony to everyone in the world that the Shechinah [divine presence] rests among Israel.” The supernatural kindling of the menorah provided proof that although Am Yisrael failed at the time of the golden calf, their repentance was sincere – and thus accepted – and Gd lovingly took residence, so-to-speak, among them.

Appropriately, then, the symbol of the Hanukah miracle involved the menorah, which burned miraculously for eight nights. The menorah represents our response to the Greeks, showing that “the Shechinah resides among Israel,” that despite our mistakes and failings, Gd’s love for us remains, our special relationship with Him has not ended. Gd does not expect us to be perfect, but rather to acknowledge our imperfections and seek to improve. As long as we do that, His presence remains with us.

Our kindling of the Hanukah lights reenacts the kindling of the menorah in the Bet Hamikdash, reaffirming our unique connection to Gd. The Hanukah lights give “testimony” that the divine presence remains in our midst, that His boundless love for His nation has not waned.

Sometimes we might feel that our spiritual world is “dark,” that because of everything we’ve done wrong, “we have no share in the Gd of Israel.” We look back at the many different “golden calves” on our record, and conclude – as the Greeks wanted us to – that we are no longer worthy of a special bond with our Creator. The light of the Hanukah candles illuminate the darkness, assuring us that despite it all, we are still loved and cherished by Gd. As long as we continue working to kindle the light of Torah and sanctity, as long as we sincerely regret our mistakes and commit to try harder, we are worthy of the divine presence. This is the “testimony” given by the Hanukah candles in every Jewish home.

Hanukah is observed during the darkest time of year – shortly before the winter solstice, and at the end of the lunar month (Kislev), when the moon barely shines. The message of this beautiful holiday is precisely that even when we experience “darkness,” when we feel despair, when we wonder whether Gd is with us, we must realize that He is. His love for us remains even during our “darkest” periods – as long as we are striving to “illuminate” our lives and our world with the brilliant light of the Torah.

Getting Back to Old Respect

Community Magazine

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November 2021

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Can Every Child Really Cooperate?

The answer is, absolutely! How do we know? Fortunately, the Torah is our complete road map for life, and it teaches us that respect is for everyone. There are no exclusions. That means that children with ADHD need to be respectful, children who have sensory challenges need to be respectful, children with social challenges need to be respectful, and children with emotional challenges need to be respectful! Let’s examine a few reasons why children these days may find being respectful to be a struggle, and how we can restore the necessary old-fashioned respect in every home and school.

Firstly, many parents are afraid to enforce rules because they believe that if done too harshly, it can cause long term damage to their children. While it is true that harsh speech can, indeed, hurt a child, enforcing rules can be accomplished with soft speech, so long as it is done with complete confidence. Since children are able to feel our vibes, if we feel insecure about enforcing our rules, our children will believe that the rules are not so important. All children are capable of accepting limits (unless there is a cognitive delay that impedes their actual understanding). When little three-year-olds go into stores with their parents and ask for a food item that is not kosher, they stop begging when the answer is no because the child sees that the parent means business. Oftentimes when children are struggling to cooperate it is because they can sense the wavering feelings of the adult about the importance of the rule.

For example, a mother tells little seven-year-old Isaac who is playing outside to come in. He says no or simply ignores her. She is secretly feeling bad for him that he needs to stop playing now. She is not realizing that Isaac is sensing that ambivalent feeling from her. If Isaac was to almost bite into an unkosher item that she forbids, this mother would figure out a way to stop him, because she is confident and secure that she is doing the right thing.

Let’s follow the following protocol to regain the respect that children so desperately want to give.

1. Raise your children with a healthy attitude towards rules. Rules are there to protect us and Hashem loves us so much that He gave us the clearest possible guide on what rules to follow. Let your children know that people who know that live much happier and healthier lives than people who are constantly fighting authority.

2. Before you state a rule or instruction to your children, stop and think if you believe it is important. If not, skip it and do not say anything. If you do believe it is important, lower your voice and let your child know exactly what you do or do not allow. Then enforce it exactly as you would for the unkosher food situation. You will be surprised at how capable you and your child are!

3. If your child is struggling to cooperate, he or she probably is just stuck in old patterns of behavior. Deep down all people want to do what is good and right. (You may need a bit of help from a mentor to help your child move away from this pattern.) For starters, let your child know that you see through this, and that the real him or her wants to cooperate.

4. Discuss a plan with your child for how your child can hold himself or herself accountable, telling them that you know that they do care, and nobody wants to come across as, “I just do whatever I want in life, even if it disturbs others.” Follow through on the plan.

We do not connect to our children’s behaviors; we connect to their souls. The more they see that we truly believe that they want to do what is right, the more respect they will show.