Ellen Geller Kamaras 

Since a casino may be built close to our own backyard, now is the time to become educated and to raise awareness about compulsive gambling.   

Compulsive gambling is defined as “the uncontrollable urge to keep gambling despite the toll it takes on your life.  Gambling means that you’re willing to risk something you value in the hope of getting something of even greater value.” 

Compulsive gambling may result from a combination of biological, genetic, and environmental factors.  And one can become a compulsive gambler regardless of the form of gambling. Individuals playing in casinos, lotteries, and sports betting can all fall into gambling compulsively.  The gambling industry is invested in  enabling, and even encouraging, these behaviors.  

Studies have shown that children who are introduced to, and begin gambling by age 12 are four times more likely to become problem gamblers.

Exposing kids to gambling at a young age can be the critical factor in the development of a gambling addiction.  More about gaming to gambling below. 

Prevention 

Ike Dweck, the founder and CEO of The Safe Foundation, a New York State licensed OASAS (Office of Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Services) outpatient treatment program located in Brooklyn, is a compulsive gambler, in recovery for over 35 years. 

Ike advocates for parents to partner with school administrators to educate kids about the potential dangers of gambling.  Compulsive gambling is an addiction just like alcoholism or other substance abuse.  We must know who our children’s friends are, the type of activities they engage in, and methods we can employ to manage their screen time.  Let’s also be mindful about giving money to our children too easily. 

Technology and the Internet have dramatically altered how we go about our daily lives.  They certainly have made life easier.  However, new technology and the Internet have also been connected to increased gambling due to the ease, convenience, and accessibility of “gambling from anywhere.” 

The key to success is having effective collaboration between schools and families.  Coordination and collaboration can lead to success in many areas of a child’s life.  

Project Safe  

That’s where Safe steps in. Safe’s programs have been developed to help individuals fight compulsive gambling and other addictions.  Established in 2003, Safe serves as a haven for those experiencing difficulties with cigarettes, vaping, prescription drug addiction, alcoholism, and compulsive gambling. 

Safe’s mission is to combat the chronic disease of substance use and gambling addictions with holistic, person-centered treatment options for struggling individuals and their families.  Safe also strives to be the leader in community-based prevention education and awareness initiatives.  

Project Safe is a curriculum-based program taught in our community schools to students between fifth and twelfth grades.  Teachers through Project Safe work to educate students on healthy behaviors and life skills.  

Project Safe teachers offer a safe space for students to talk and address issues that otherwise might be difficult to address.  One question always seems to come up: “How can we prevent addiction?”  Project Safe works tirelessly to help students develop tools and skills that encourage healthy behaviors.  Some of these tools include decision-making techniques and strategies to overcome the inevitable challenges of adolescence and adulthood.  

The Project Safe curriculum consists of topics under the umbrella of “risk education,” including gambling, drug and alcohol awareness, and vaping.  The curriculum also consists of topics under the umbrella of “life skills,” including emotional recognition, resilience, the value of respect, communication in relationships, decision making, peer pressure, Internet safety, and bullying.    

Ike Dweck’s Story. 

Ike grew up with his three sisters in a loving and stable home. No one in the family ever struggled with gambling addictions. 

But at the young age of 11, Ike’s gambling troubles started. Between the ages of 11 and 23, Ike’s gambling habits included sports betting and casino games.  He did not reach out for help until he felt “tired of being in pain.”  That is when he found a supportive community in Gamblers Anonymous.  When Ike was 14, he went to his first GA meeting with a fellow community member, Joe S. (A”H).  Joe was instrumental in Ike’s recovery, and ultimately Joe became Ike’s mentor.  Although Ike began attending GA at such a young age, he only received the proper support and guidance after about 10 years. “I did not let go of gambling until I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.” 

In 1987, various community members became aware of Ike’s compulsive gambling problem and how he turned his life around to embrace a healthier lifestyle.  Ike inspired others in the community who had been struggling with similar issues to seek help and guidance.  Ike decided that it was time to give back to others after years of selfish and dishonest behavior. Ike has dedicated his life to helping others to relieve their suffering, as he knows just what they are going through.

“When I began volunteering, my mind started to work.  I realized there was more to life than taking – it was more important to give. Fortunately, today there are additional zoned-in therapeutic practices, not just GA – rehabilitation centers, clinical work, and therapy.”  

Ike’s Pivot to Full-Time Involvement 

In 2001, 13 years into Ike’s recovery, he received a call from his good friends Carey Sutton and Sam Sutton.  They knew about his extensive volunteer work, and even more, they were aware of the increasing substance, alcohol, and gambling issues within the community.  Carey and Sam strongly encouraged Ike to sell his sneaker business, go to school for his addiction counseling credentials, and open and addiction-focused program at Sephardic Bikur Holim. 

“I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to Carey and Sam.  I found out that there was more to life than selling sneakers.  At 37, I closed my business and went back to school to study addiction.  I was busy 24/7, handling cases during the day, and in school at night.” 

After a year at SBH, Ike recognized that he could not do his job alone.  He needed an army of people solely devoted to combatting the addiction issues in the community.  He left SBH and opened The Safe Foundation.  After establishing a board, fundraising to open an office space, applying for licensure through OASAS, and hiring trained therapists, Safe is approaching its 20th anniversary.  Safe is the only gambling treatment program in Brooklyn that is licensed. 

In 2009, Ike joined the board of NYS Council on Problem Gambling to work on prevention and to help educate the governor’s office about gambling addiction. Ike retired as the vice president in 2021.  For years Ike has been involved in interventions with community members in need of treatment.  Very rarely do people seek guidance and help on their own.  Most of the time, family members and friends are instrumental in beginning the process to get treatment for the person struggling.   

When a potential client calls Safe for help, the first step is to assess their needs, and determine the appropriate type of treatment.  Sometimes, clients are encouraged to complete an inpatient treatment (at a proper facility) prior to participating in treatment at Safe.  When a client is ready for treatment at Safe, he or she enrolls in individual therapy combined with group therapy for about seven to 12 months.  Safe also has a psychiatrist trained in addiction treatment for individuals who require additional support.  Clients at Safe are guided through the early stages of recovery, including orienting them to outside supportive networks such as GA.   

“We see people getting healthy, repairing their lives, marriages, families, and more,” Ike reports.  

From Gaming to Gambling  

How do gambling behaviors begin?  Gambling behaviors tend to arise unexpectedly, as they usually involve video gaming.  Therefore, children tend to exhibit behaviors that, only later in their lives, are connected to gambling concerns.   

Gambling can trigger our brain’s reward system by releasing the “feel-good” hormone, dopamine. If children are exposed to a lot of this, their brains get used to this “high,” and it takes more to trigger their reward system.  In the long term, they may lose interest in other simple activities that don’t have the adrenaline rush of gambling. 

Playing video games, like other forms of addictive behaviors, leads to double the amount of dopamine released in the brain.  Creators of video games have successfully designed games to trigger the release of dopamine, leading to an increased likelihood of addictive game play.  Parents might want to identify ways to limit screen time, in an effort to decrease the potential for addictive game play.   

Seemingly Harmless Exposures 

Children tend to innocently get introduced to gambling.  They may be around family members playing poker with friends, betting on professional sports, and buying lottery tickets or scratch-offs.  The children notice the excitement and frustration as bets are won and lost, chips exchanged, and new hands dealt.  

Children are like sponges. They often behave similarly to their parents, as parents serve as the models for appropriate behaviors.  A child will watch the Super Bowl with his or her father and will be privy to the ins-and-outs of placing bets.  Another child will accompany his or her mother to the convenience store and will be given the opportunity to scratch the ticket in the hopes of winning a dollar.  In each example, the child is being shown the normalization of these gambling behaviors, as they are exposed to them with their parents.   

Children may also be introduced to gambling by their peers in schools.  It is clear that children are most influenced by peer pressure and the desire to fit in with others.  One is more likely to engage in these behaviors if they see their friends playing online games, even if it is not with real money.  Online gaming has become a social activity that encourages continued engagement.  

The Antidote 

Although there is no confirmed method to cure or fully prevent compulsive gambling, educational programs, especially those that target individuals with predispositions for addiction, can be extremely effective in minimizing the likelihood for addiction.  

If you or a family member has concerns about compulsive gambling behaviors, help is available.  Reach out! 

IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE NEEDS HELP  

CALL 718-GET-SAFE

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com(www.lifecoachellen.com).

Mozelle Forman 

When thinking of Florida, we usually imagine sunny skies, azure seas, intersession vacation, and Passover family reunions.  We think of Miami, Sunny Isles, Turnberry, and the Fort Lauderdale airport.  We practically never think of Cooper City. We probably don’t even know where it is on the map.  Well, most of us have been missing the latest and greatest innovation in the Sephardic world, because Cooper City, which borders Hollywood, rated one of the safest and best places to raise a family in the United States, is the home of Yeshivat Torat Yosef, the first Sephardic yeshiva in the state of Florida.  Let’s get acquainted. 

With the apt motto of “Someplace Special,” Cooper City is one of the finest suburbs of Fort Lauderdale, with a population of 35,715 distributed over eight miles. Cooper City has the reputation of being one of the best places to live in Florida.  The city is bordered by Davie to the north, Pembroke Pines to the south, and Hollywood to the east.   Compared to much of Florida, Cooper City is a very recent development. The community was founded in 1959 by Morris Cooper, for whom the city is named. The community has steadily grown, annexing areas and continuing to build new housing developments. 

History Repeats for Syrian Emigrees 

The “emigration” and community growth in Cooper City almost identically mirrors the Syrian community’s initial migration to New York in 1892. The first Syrian Jews to arrive on the shores of the Lower East Side of Manhattan found there a Jewish infrastructure designed by the Ashkenazi Jews who had preceded them.  The Syrian emigrees were unaccustomed to the food, liturgy, and halachic differences of their fellow Jews, and with a strong desire to preserve their Syrian heritage and traditions through religious practices and customs, the Syrian emigrees united to form a synagogue, a burial society, and a Talmud Torah.  As the community prospered, they moved to the Bensonhurst area of Brooklyn and began summering in Bradley Beach, where they once again convened a Sephardic minyan and summer day camp.  

Realizing that a Talmud Torah, with three hours of daily studies, was not sufficient to impart the heritage and customs of the community, Mr. Isaac Shalom, with the blessing of Chief Rabbi Jacob S. Kassin, zt’l, spearheaded the movement that led to the formation of Magen David Yeshiva, the first of many illustrious institutions serving our community. From Brooklyn, the community expanded to the Jersey Shore, where, once again, the community created a Sephardic enclave with numerous synagogues, mikvaot, community centers, and most importantly, yeshivot.   

The incentive of preserving the cultural and halachic heritage of the Sephardic community has driven every relocation and expansion of our community.  The creation of Yeshivat Torat Yosef in Cooper City is the most recent endeavor in this movement.  Simply put, we do not change who we are because we have changed our zip code. 

Currently there are over 1,000 Sephardic families living in the Hollywood-Cooper City area and roughly 40 percent of all children attending the exemplary Ashkenazi yeshivot in the area are of Sephardic descent.  Mr. Shlomo Yashar, who moved to the area in 2017, has seen the Sephardic Jewish community grow exponentially, but he felt the void in his children’s education.  “While our children were receiving an excellent education at the local yeshivot, we recognized that an integral part of their heritage was not being addressed. There were attempts in the past to start a Sephardic yeshiva but they were not successful.  And while my older children did not have the opportunity to attend a Yeshiva steeped in Sephardic tradition, I am excited that, with the leadership of Rabbi Elbaz, our youngest daughter will be benefitting from attending the school.”   

Enter Rabbi David Elbaz 

In 2017 Rabbi David Elbaz was invited to join a Kollel in Florida. He made the move to Florida with his wife Jill and their four children (they have since been blessed with another child), with the blessings of their rabbinic advisors.  The Sephardic community infrastructure included three minyanim, a Sephardic sofer, a Sephardic branch of the chevra kadisha, and shatnez checking with Sephardic halachot. As there was no Sephardic yeshiva yet, Sephardic children, including the children of Rabbi and Mrs. Elbaz, attended Ashkenaz yeshivot.  These yeshivot welcomed the Sephardic students, provided them with an excellent education, and attempted to accommodate the student’s traditions, but they were able to do so only in a limited way.  

While attending their daughter’s kindergarten graduation, Rabbi and Mrs. Elbaz made a startling discovery.  The rabbi was looking at the roster of children in our daughter’s class.  As he read the names of the students to himself, he kept repeating ‘this name is Sephardic, this name is Sephardic’ over and over. When he was done reading, he realized that almost 60 percent of the class was Sephardic.   Rabbi Elbaz, no stranger to community dedication and leadership (his paternal grandfather Hacham Avraham Masoud learned with Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l,  in Egypt and his maternal grandfather, Hacham Sion Maslaton, zt”l, was the spiritual leader of Ahi Ezer)  looked at his wife and said, “We have to do something for the community.”  And the seeds of Yeshivat Torat Yosef were sown. 

A Beautiful Campus  

With the vision and vigor of this generation’s pioneers and the financial support of donors, Rabbi Elbaz set out, with the help of Shlomo Yashar, to find a home for the yeshiva that would serve the fast-growing Sephardic community in Hollywood, Florida.  “We had many disappointments, deals that fell apart at the last minute,” relates Mr. Yashar.  But after three years of intensive searching, with siyata dishmaya, Yeshivat Torat Yosef finally found its home on a ten-acre campus with a building that was already being used as a school, a soccer field, a football field, basketball and volleyball courts, and its very own lake.  Rabbi Elbaz says, “The property will allow us to grow with the community, offering summer day camp, recreation programs, a simcha hall, and perhaps in the future a synagogue as well.  We hope to make our campus the centerpiece of the community, providing recreation, education, and communal unity.” 

When entering the campus of Yeshivat Torat Yosef one is greeted by a sign that signifies the philosophy and defining principles of the school.  In bold letters the sign proclaims  

  להחזיר עטרה ליושנה “Restore the crown to its glory,” which was Hacham Ovadia Yosef’s  desire to save and preserve the Sephardic way of life.   In the oft quoted phrase and slogan, the crown in this metaphor refers to the communal pride Sephardic Jews should possess. Surrounding this refrain is the pasuk from Mishlei – “Chanoch lana’ar al pi darko” – train a child according to his ways, which is the educational principle on which the school is founded.  Rabbi Elbaz elaborates:  “We recognize that each child is unique and will learn in different ways and at different speeds.  We are not seeking out only A+ students.  We want to develop A+ human beings, with the academic skills and middot that will enable them to be successful in whatever path they choose in life.” 

Limudai Kodesh  and Secular Studies 

The school is governed by the regulations of the Florida Department of Education, with the school term beginning in late August and ending in early June.  The state emphasizes literacy, and developed guidelines in their “Just Read, Florida!” program based on the latest reading research that includes emphasis on oral language development, phonological awareness, phonics, vocabulary, fluency, and comprehension.  “We, therefore, have on our staff ‘fluency’ teachers for both the English and limudai kodesh departments that will work with students individually as they move up in grades to ensure that every child is mastering reading in both areas.”  The curriculum was designed after careful research of the curricula of other community schools in Brooklyn and with input from both rabbis and secular teachers.   Recognizing that there are older students who have not had the benefit of attending a yeshiva steeped in Sephardic heritage – especially the boys who do not have a foundation in keriah – an adjunct keriah program was created with a ta’amim teacher to instruct the boys on the proper way to read the Torah and haftara and sing pizmonim. 

Tuition at Yeshivat Torat Yosef, $14,500 for elementary school, is less costly than other yeshivot in the area.  There are numerous government grants and government programs for tuition assistance including The State of Florida’s Step Up program, which offers K-12 students who meet the income or other eligibility requirements scholarships worth an average of $7,700 to attend a private school that best meets their academic needs.  The yeshiva is committed to helping parents afford the tuition and will offer scholarships for families who may not be eligible for government grants.   

In late August of last year, the school opened its doors with 35 preschool students.  To date, there are 110 students registered for the Fall of 2023, which will comprise a pre-1a class and two first grade classes – one for boys and one for girls.  The plan is to grow the school as students grow – to add grades as the students advance and to hire teachers as needed.  The yeshiva has received numerous resumes of teachers planning to move to South Florida, and will only hire licensed teachers with advanced degrees.   

With their state-of-the-art campus, licensed teachers, and the strong curriculum, Yeshivat Torat Yosef has been recognized with accreditation by the State of Florida, the only yeshiva in South Florida able to make that claim. 

Hakarat HaTov for Outstanding Support   

“This is not an endeavor that I could have tackled alone,” concludes Rabbi Elbaz.  “As it was for our community in the past, it took vision, financial support, and the passion of those who believed in the project to make it happen.  I have been deeply touched by all those who have offered advice and encouragement and I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge Mr. Steven Safdieh who has been an invaluable support to our yeshiva and to me personally.”    

Yeshivat Torat Yosef has received wide-range support from community rabbis and lay leaders alike.  In a promotional video on behalf of the school Rabbi Eli Mansour said, “Sepharadim need to have their own yeshivot.  We have different halachot, different ta’amim, we read differently. We deprive our children of a very rich heritage if we don’t provide them with a tailor-made Sephardic oriented education.”  

In an interview with Rabbi Galimidi of the Safra Synagogue in Aventura, he emphasized that this project is a tremendous milestone for the Sephardic community of South Florida.  “Our minhagim are part of our common identity.  To educate a boy to step up to the teva to read from the Torah, say Shema, or recite the haftarah, guarantees the continuity of our traditions.  We are privileged and blessed to see this dream become a reality with the opening of Yeshivat Torat Yosef.”   

Mr. Irwin Mizrahi. an ardent supporter, believes that “the numerous Sephardic families who have moved to the Hollywood area must have a school that teaches our minhagim, our pizmonim, the te’amim, and history of our glorious heritage.  Our minhagim are the glue that keeps our community together and is the link to our grandparents.”  He generously dedicated the name of the school in memory of his father Joseph Mizrahi, a”h.  Mr. Joe Cayre, Mr. Harry Adjmi, and Mr. Jimmy Khezrie are also generous benefactors of the yeshiva, giving not only their financial help but sharing their wisdom and experience in building community institutions.  Mr. Saul Tawil, Mr. Ray Haber, and Mr. Ezra Erani, themselves founders and patrons of outstanding educational institutions in our community, have lent advice and financial support to the yeshiva as well.   

Open Invitation to Come See for Yourselves! 

Rabbi Elbaz invites those vacationing in South Florida to visit the campus of Yeshivat Torat Yosef, to witness for themselves the realization of a dream for the entire Sephardic community.  

For more information about Yeshivat Torat Yosef, please contact the yeshiva at toratyosefeducation@gmail.com or call Rabbi David Elbaz at 732- 856-3989.

SIMHA Celebrates the Completion of Its First Rabbinic Training Cohort  

(L-R) Rabbi Joey Sultan, Rabbi Alex Mizrahi, Rabbi David Nakash, Rabbi David Mansour, Rabbi David Sutton, Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman, Rabbi Joey Dana, Rabbi Mourad Sardar, Rabbi David Nakash, and Dr. David Katzenstein. 

First class of SIMHA’s 2nd Rabbinic Training Cohort 

SIMHA: Building Up, and Looking Ahead 

By Rabbi David Sutton and Dr. David Katzenstein. 

On January 29 of this year, SIMHA (Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness) celebrated the graduation of its first cohort of seven rabbis, all of whom were awarded certifications of completion in SIMHA’s inaugural, six-month Rabbinical Clinical Training Program. 

SIMHA, a mental health organization based in Brooklyn, provides white-glove, expert mental health services, including clinical assessments, expedited referrals, case management, crisis intervention, and support groups, to those within Sephardic communities who are struggling with any and all mental health matters. SIMHA’s founding support group – for mothers of adolescent and adult children struggling with mental illness – is run by group therapist Elisheva Parry, LCSW. 

Focus on Education and Prevention 

What further separates SIMHA from so many other organizations is its investment in, and focus on, prevention. Its Education and Awareness Division, overseen by SIMHA’s founder/director, Rabbi David Sutton and Chief Clinical Officer, Dr. David Katzenstein, DSW, LCSW-R, has offered to those on the frontlines of the community, at no cost, a myriad of seminars, courses, and professional development workshops, given by experts and specialists in the field. 

“Our community educators, rabbis, shadchanim, and hattan/kallah teachers, are often the very first to encounter mental health-related concerns among those with whom they work closely, and it is vital that they be readily equipped with the know-how to address these concerns,” said Rabbi Sutton. 

Rabbinical Clinical Training Program 

The Rabbinical Clinical Training Program evolved from a vision into reality after a series of ten workshops given by experts on a variety of mental health topics left many of the rabbis wanting and requesting more. 

SIMHA’s co-founders and prominent community leaders, Mr. Mark Adjmi and Mr. Nathan Hoffman, together with Rabbi Sutton, tapped renowned psychologist and speaker/author, Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman, Psy.D, to spearhead, develop, and lead the program. Dr. Zimmerman is a leading authority within Jewish communities across the globe on the issues of sexual abuse, community education, and spirituality. SIMHA’s Director of Operations, Shlomo Brecher, LMHC, coordinated all the administrative and logistical components required to help the program run smoothly. 

The seven community rabbis, Rabbi Alex Mizrahi of the Yad Yosef Congregation and Kesher organization, Rabbi David Mansour of Yeshivat Shaare Torah and Khal Kol Yaakov, Rabbi David Nakash of YDE and Shaare Zion, Rabbi David Nakash of Khal Bnei Aliyah, Rabbi Joey Dana of the West Deal Synagogue and Hillel Yeshiva, Rabbi Joseph Sultan of the Deal Synagogue and Rabbi Diamond’s Yeshiva, and Rabbi Mourad Sardar of Khal Darchei Noam and Yeshivat Mekor Haim, gathered each Tuesday in SIMHA’s conference room and participated in a weekly three-hour lecture that focused on their integral roles as pastoral counselors. More than providing an extensive course in mental health, Dr. Zimmerman expertly trained the rabbis on the therapeutic nuances of active listening, reflection, validation, empathy, and the many additional skills needed to deal with the multitude of issues that are often presented to them by their congregants. 

Success of First Program Leads to Second Cohort

The objective of the course was not to turn rabbis into clinicians, but rather to equip them with the requisite tools to provide knowledgeable and compassionate spiritual care and guidance. Rabbi Joseph Dana, Assistant Rosh Yeshiva at Hillel, strongly concurred that this objective has been well-realized. “The information and hands-on knowledge that we discussed have armed me with what is most crucial: the ability to help those in our community who need it most. As a participant in the cohort, I feel confident that I have the tools to properly discuss even the most sensitive issues with my congregants and students.” 

Concurrent with the lectures, the rabbis received bi-monthly individual case supervision from Dr. Zimmerman on cases and issues with which they were actively dealing. Most of the course graduates are continuing their training with ongoing weekly supervision, meeting together in a group led by Dr. Katzenstein. 

“The fact that these rabbis, with their hectic schedules and busy lives, have voluntarily enrolled in this program in order to improve their skills and knowledge within the complex world of mental health, speaks to their commitment and dedication to the people who need them most,” Dr. Katzenstein noted. “It is awe inspiring,”  

Thanks to the incredible success of the first cohort, another twelve community rabbis have signed on for the next six-month course, already underway. They are Rabbi Avi Shmueli of Rabbi Diamond’s Kollel, Rabbi David Beyda of Meor Yeshiva High School, Rabbi David Maslaton of Bet Yaakov Orot Sarah and Cong. Shaare Sion, Rabbi Joe Mizrahi of Yeshivat Magen David and Congregation Bnai Yitzchak , Rabbi Joe Srour of Congregation Shaare Sion, Rabbi Meir Barnathan of Yeshivat Magen David and Congregation Ahava V’Achva, Rabbi Mordechai Sultan, Rabbi Ralph Gindi of YDE, Rabbi Raymond Azrak of Congregation Ahi Ezer and YDE, Rabbi Raymond Shamah of YDE, and Rabbi Shelomo Haber of Congregation Magen Abraham and Yeshivat Shaare Torah. 

Training for Women Leaders 

To meet the needs of the community’s women, SIMHA co-founder Nathan Hoffman understands that an investment in clinical training programs for women leaders fits perfectly within SIMHA’s mission. “Our goal is to help every single individual in our community,” he stated.” So many women and girls seek out help or guidance for mental health struggles, and it is important that the women they turn to be properly trained, just as the rabbis have been.”  

Among the programming already offered were a six-week kallah teacher course given by Mrs. Shevi Samet, the associate director of CORE’s Kallah Conversations Community of Practice and a well-known specialist who coaches brides with mental health issues, as well as a multi-day workshop for shadchanim, presented by Dr. Avi Muschel, Psy.D, an expert on dating and premarital relationships. The most recent experiential workshop SIMHA offered for kallah teachers was led Dr. Sarah Miller, PhD, both a clinical psychologist and rebbetzin, on knowing how to differentiate between typical bride angst and real clinical anxiety. 

SIMHA Answers a Significant Community Need

Though SIMHA has opened its doors only a mere twelve months ago, the need for its launch is increasingly evident by the sheer number of cases it has accepted since its inception. Over six hundred members of the community have walked through its doors to receive clinical services. Each client is assessed and subsequently receives a custom-tailored treatment plan that is followed closely by SIMHA’s clinical coordination team, who serve to ensure that services are provided with evidenced-based care and as expediently as possible. 

Due to the increasing number of ongoing cases needing clinical expertise and oversight, SIMHA has hired noted psychologist Dr. Eli Mandelbaum, PsyD, to serve as its Director of Clinical Coordination. Dr Mandelbaum, who maintains a private practice in Monsey, New York, serves as a consulting psychologist for well-known organizations ATime (for infertility) and Ray of Hope (for survivors of sexual abuse), will additionally direct the recently developed Psychology Training Program – the first of its kind within the Sephardic community. 

SIMHA’s board of directors, among them Mr. Ike Tawil, is keenly aware that so much more work still needs to be done. “Our ultimate aim is to alleviate much of the pain and subsequent confusion surrounding mental illness within our community and eradicate any associated stigma,” he said. 

SIMHA’s president, Mr. Adjmi, concludes, “Our community is known to be there for one another when times are challenging, and this is especially true when dealing with mental health matters.” 

As Mr. Adjmi succinctly put it, “We are just getting started.” 

Rabbi David Sutton is the Rabbi of the Yad Yosef Torah Center as well as the Founder/Director of the SIMHA Organization. Dr. David Katzenstein is the Chief Clinical Officer at SIMHA and maintains a private psychotherapy practice in Brooklyn. 

 SIMHA: Building Up, and Looking Ahead 

An in-depth look at SIMHA’s revolutionary rabbinic training program 

Dr. Yossi Shafer 

As we’ve discussed, the “do nothing” approach can be freeing for your relationships – especially in the parent-child relationship – and, with consistency, can be highly effective.  

But what about the times when “nothing” seems detrimental? 

When someone you love is headed down a path of destruction. 

When the school threatens expulsion. 

When the rest of the family is suffering. 

These extreme situations – a child at risk, a loved one battling addiction, self-destructive behaviors, interpersonal abuse – call for a modified approach. 

Even when the situation doesn’t threaten life or limb, there are behaviors that our human nature will protest that we cannot or should not tolerate. When your teen is constantly locked in his room and refusing to talk to anyone except when she comes out to demand something (a ride, money, the car keys…), we often resort to bemoaning the attitude of “kids these days.” Is it a generational thing? Am I being too lax? Too demanding? I would never have gotten away with this kind of behavior. 

This is when a mindset shift can work wonders. You’ve probably gotten stuck in a pattern of responses – yelling, pleading, ignoring, punishing – and it’s not working. As Albert Einstein professed, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” When you’ve exhausted all “parenting tactics” and haven’t gotten anywhere, it’s time to reevaluate your approach and take a step back. 

Stepping back takes the pressure off the child and out of the equation, breaking those cycles and habits you’ve formed. It allows everyone to simply live for a while, free of constant thoughts of “how should I deal with this?” and “what do I do next?”  

Stepping back means treating this child – no matter what kind of heartbreak she’s putting you through at the moment – just like every other child in the family. Put your own strong feelings on the back burner to interact with her calmly, without letting your emotions control your actions and without taking her behavior personally (easier said than done, but well worth it!). Call him for dinner with the rest of your children, and if he doesn’t show up, drop it. Ask her about her day neutrally, like you would your spouse or acquaintance, and don’t push further. 

In the vast majority of cases, taking that step back allows the child the space and ability to come to you. This is why many teenagers have plenty to say while in therapy sessions or while speaking to a rabbi, yet will say almost nothing at home. In these other safe spaces, they don’t feel the need to protect themselves from criticism or judgment. 

At the same time, you need to be clear and firm about what behaviors will not be tolerated in your home or relationship. This is where consequences come in, in black-and-white terminology, to speak your child’s language and leave no room for negotiation or misunderstanding. Pick your battles carefully and be sure to phrase your limits in ways that do not place blame on your child. 

For example: your son wants to stay out at all hours of the night with his friends. When you state the rules, don’t imply that you don’t trust him (or his friends) or believe that he’s irresponsible. Turn the focus onto yourself: Jack, as your parents, we are worried that this is dangerous. Be home by 11pm or you will lose car privileges for the week. This can translate to virtually any situation: We don’t tolerate profanity in this house. Abba expects everyone to be respectful at the Shabbat table. We are the ones concerned about your health and safety. 

When you have a struggling teen, you may feel like seizing every opportunity to discuss your concerns with him or her. Do not! Your child will thrive most when he feels safe and accepted.  

Invite her out for ice cream or along on your errands (but don’t be offended if she declines). Never go with an agenda, and never expect her to talk. Simply spend time with her, without any pressure, and without any remarks about what she should or shouldn’t be doing. Even when zero words are exchanged, if you are able to tolerate your natural emotions and not force any conversation, it will be more beneficial in the long run. At some point she will likely initiate conversation on her own.  

The golden rule of parenting (and many relationships) – staying silent and doing nothing – will typically be more effective than attempting to intervene or trying to stop behaviors. 

Next month, we’ll discuss strategies for encouraging a loved one to get professional help when necessary. 

Disclaimer: the content of this article offers general suggestions for dealing with at-risk individuals. Consult with a professional for personal guidance as needed in specific cases. 

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They have offices in Deal/Long Branch and Lakewood and can be reached at (732) 666-9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net.