Before heading to the city for a recent dental appointment for my daughter, I stopped by a local store to grab some salads for lunch. With many different salad options, I called my daughter at home to see which one she would like. I told her there was romaine, iceberg, kale, and arugula salads. Unsure of which kind of lettuce she wanted, my nine-year-old paused for a moment and answered, “I want the lettuce that gets massaged!” It was a funny moment, but I was super proud of my foodie daughter who knows how to treat her lettuce, even if she may not know it by name. Kale is a nutrient-dense food loaded with vitamin C, vitamin K, and antioxidants, but is naturally tough and fibrous. Massaging it breaks down those characteristics, leaving an easier to digest, easier to chew succulent lettuce, which tastes great in a Caesar salad.
SALAD:
1 bunch kale leaves, washed and cleaned
2 tbsp olive oil
1⁄2 tsp salt
Grated parmesan
Croutons
CAESAR DRESSING:
1 tbsp olive oil
3⁄4 cup light mayo
1 tbsp mustard
3 cloves
minced garlic
1 tbsp salt
1⁄4 cup lemon juice
1 tsp Worcestershire
sauce
1 tbsp honey
1. Remove the stem from the kale with your hands by moving your hand
down the kale stem, and the leafy part of the kale will fall off. Chop kale into small pieces and place into a large salad bowl. Coat the kale in olive oil and salt and massage the kale with your hands. Work the kale with your fingers by pinching and squeezing the kale for about 4 minutes. You’ll be done once kale is tender
and soft.
2. Add the garlic into the food processor and blend until chopped fine. Add the rest of the dressing ingredients until well combined and smooth. This recipe makes extra, it may be refrigerated in a sealed container for up to 2 weeks.
3. Optional: To make croutons, use a knife to chop a few slices of old bread into small pieces. Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and Italian seasoning.
Bake for 10 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit until crispy.
4. To assemble, place kale in a bowl and add Caesar dressing, toss to coat. Top with parmesan and croutons. Serve immediately.
if teriyaki is your usual go-to, try this one instead.
Leah’s mother has been making this salmon recipe for a while, and then her sister began making it. It’s a favorite, and honestly, no one remembers where it originated! It’s more up-to-date than teriyaki, but anyone who typically loves that sweet Asian flavor will love this, too.
1 side of salmon
3 scallions, sliced
Maple Sauce:
1⁄2 cup maple syrup
5 garlic cloves, crushed
1⁄4 cup soy sauce
1⁄2 tbsp honey
1 tsp mustard
3⁄4 tsp crushed black pepper
In a saucepan, combine all sauce ingredients and bring it to a boil.
Place scallions on the salmon. Pour sauce over the salmon. Marinate
for 1⁄2 hour.
Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Bake for 1⁄2 hour.
Tip: Preparing less salmon? Don’t need all the sauce? You can freeze it! Or prepare a double batch so it’s ready to go the next time you make it.
If I had to name a few new disorders that could have developed in 2020 here would be a small list…
“Toothpaste Scarcity Anxiety”
“Will There Be Food” Fright?
“Children at Home Panic Disorder”
“Will There Be Camp? Horror”
“Will There Be School? Uncertainty Disorder” “Will Schools Ever Open? Dread”
Here we are at the end of 2020, having no clue what the future of our family lives or the future of our country will look like. If you are like many people, you may have had lots of nerves creeping up, and all the uncertainty has been getting to you.
So, how do you thrive with all those daunting thoughts in the back (or front!) of your mind? Let’s look at the natural, innate state of psychological wellness that you were born with. All babies are born happy and secure (that means you AND your kids). Nobody has to teach babies how to smile, or how to stop crying once they receive their food. Happiness and security are just part of our hard-wiring. We were not born with any opinions or beliefs. We either learned somewhere that we CANNOT cope with challenges and uncertainty or that we CAN cope with challenges or uncertainty. Now, as adults, we can choose which beliefs we want to hold on to.
YOU CAN SURVIVE THE CHALLENGES HASHEM SENDS YOU
Personally, I like to ONLY hold on to universal truths given to us straight from Hashem (We are so lucky that Hashem gave us an exact road map on how to live and think!). And one of those universal truths is that each challenge that comes a person’s way is uniquely designed with tons of LOVE, as an opportunity to fill their unique purpose in this world! (Yup, each of you has a very special role that nobody else on the planet could fill!)
Imagine that while you are serving your family dinner one night you find yourself barraged by unhelpful thoughts about being sent a challenge that you REALLY can’t live with. Your emotions become so intense that you almost start yelling at your children so loudly that all the neighbors could hear. You stop yourself and recognize that you are simply having unhelpful thoughts. It is time for a reset. You then can move to being in a subdued mood instead of being out of control. With this awareness of your unhelpful thoughts, you realize that you are perfectly capable of sitting with that discomfort, and you can be the mother you wish to be for your children.
Since we really have zero clue what our futures will look like (and indeed we will always experience one challenge or another – how can we grow if we don’t?!), hold on to this truth… Know that way before any challenge comes your way (no matter how huge it is), you have everything you need inside you to push through it and bring more light and joy into the world, as you make it a better place!
Now with that kind of knowledge – what is there to be worried about?
STEPS TO TAKE TO COUNTER YOUR WORRIES
If you find yourself feeling intense emotions, making you feel like you’re drowning in anxiety and worry, follow these steps:
Respect Your Feelings – Know, without judgement, that feeling any feeling is simply a part of the human condition. There is nothing wrong with you if you are feeling afraid!
Identify Your Thoughts – Are they helpful? Are they helping you to plan for the future? Or on the flipside, are they unhelpful? Do they bring you down? Are even they 100% true?
Reset Your Thinking – If you have identified your thoughts as unhelpful, RESET your thinking! It’s time to assure yourself that you are 100% safe, and that Hashem has created each and every one of us with the tools we need to get through any challenge in life.
At times, people suffer from what they feel is unbearable pain. They have cried out to Hashem numerous times to prevent the specific situation they feared from occurring. They begged for His mercy, yet not only did the situation occur, but it happened in the worst way imaginable.
It could be a man going through a divorce, being separated from his children and becoming financially strapped. It could be a woman going through a divorce, suffering humiliation beyond belief and believing she has nothing to look forward to other than struggles and more shame.
It could be a man who is trying hard to keep his business afloat but instead it collapses and thrusts him into deep debt. It could be parents experiencing heartache – disrespect, name-calling, public humiliation – caused by wayward children, consuming their every waking hour.
The list goes on. The sufferers begin to question, “I prayed for Hashem to help me. I learned that He is kind and merciful, but how can you call this mercy? Not only didn’t Hashem help me, but He made it much worse than I could have ever imagined! I begged Him and begged Him – and this is what I get? I’m not a bad person. I try hard to follow the Torah. Is this what I deserve? Please, make some sort of sense out of this.”
The Chovot HaLevavot (Shaar HaBitachon 3) teaches us that we never know the exact reasons things happen to people in This World, but our Rabbis tell us that we are living in the End of Days and all the souls in This World have already lived once before. Every single person here is on a mission to fix whatever needs fixing in order for him to live forever in total bliss in Olam HaBa – the World to Come. We don’t know exactly what we have to do to accomplish our missions, but fortunately for us, Hashem does. In His complete and pure mercy, He puts every single person in the exact circumstances he needs to fulfill his purpose here.
Before we even came into the world, we were shown the lives we needed to live to fulfill this purpose. Knowing what was at stake, we practically begged Hashem for it. After we came here, however, we forgot about that. Now we ask, “Hashem, why are You doing this to me?”
Sometimes the situations are embarrassing. Sometimes they are painful, but if we actually knew what we are accomplishing in each circumstance Hashem puts us in, we would be thanking Him for each and every one of them. Perhaps we are pleading to Hashem for a certain result, but Hashem knows that if the results turn out the way we want, we could not accomplish what we are meant to be doing here.
Although it might seem like cruelty, in actuality, even when we get the opposite of what we hoped for, that, too, is mercy. A person could be a tzaddik, doing everything right. Maybe that is why he has the merit to experience what he is experiencing here to be able to take delight in Hashem forever.
Our sojourn in This World is very short: 70, 80, 90 years. The Next World is forever. That is where we are going to enjoy. The only way to do it, however, is to go through This World first.
If we can trust that even during the darkest times it is still our loving Hashem doing what is best for us, we will be greatly elevated. That itself can take the place of other difficult circumstances we were supposed to experience.
Hashem loves us more than we can imagine. Soon He is going to reveal this love to us, but for now, it is our job to trust.
In the past several years, the community has seen a growing trend of young families leaving city life in Brooklyn and moving to the Jersey Shore. In 2020, we have seen a dramatic increase in the numbers of families departing from the city. The double punch of the COVID-19 pandemic and the volatile political climate with the accompanying violence caused droves of families to pack up their homes in Brooklyn and Manhattan and move into their summer homes for a year or even permanently. Families relocating is not at all exclusive to our community. Large numbers of individuals and families in large cities across the country have pulled up roots over the past nine or so months. We interviewed a few community members who made the move. Here is what they had to say.
JAMIE P. COHEN
We moved into our summer home in Deal temporarily due to COVID-19, and then we had a death in the family. We came to Deal for quarantine and stayed through the summer. With fall approaching we decided it was still too soon after the passing to leave my family,
so we switched our children’s schools and began preparing to stay the year in New Jersey.
So far, I’m really enjoying Jersey living. Everything seems more real, like real conversations, real relationships. Looking back, Brooklyn life felt like a rat race, with no free time, just rushing from one place to the next and searching for parking in between. In Jersey I’m doing things for myself that I haven’t done in years – connecting with friends, playing tennis, and I even took up piano again. It’s possible now because I’m able to get all my errands done so quickly here and then have time left over to invest in myself before the kids get home. I’m always signing my kids up for fun programs and now I get to do fun things that I’m interested in, too. All this me-time is making me a better mom.
Thus far, I have no downsides to report. My family is still in Brooklyn; however, I made the conscious decision to travel back for any type of family gathering, large or small. Regularly, I go into Brooklyn for a couple of hours to have lunch with my mom and sisters and then I
drive right back to Deal.
THE ADVANTAGES FOR THE KIDS
I see a big difference in my kids as well. They are all around freer. They play outdoors, both in school and at home, on Shabbat, and during the week, too. I’ve been loving DSN and so have the kids. Everything is organized so well, the kids go straight from school on the bus to their programs at DSN; it’s really so nice.
Another big plus is being in one home. We used to go back and forth not only for the summer, but during the year as well. We would travel to Deal for weekends or when the weather was nice. Now we never miss a beautiful day and we cut the schlepping right out of our lives.
As far as education, I feel as though my kids are learning much more in Jersey than they did in Brooklyn. Every Friday night the kids teach us a whole two-hour parasha lesson. They love to share what they learned. Hillel has been amazing. We’re only three months in at this point and I already got two calls from the principal, just checking in to make sure we’re happy with everything.
I would definitely recommend this move, especially for families with children.
OGLI HASHEMI
We did not plan this move before the pandemic. We moved into my grandparents’ summer home around April to quarantine and shortly after that things started falling into place. My husband is a dentist, and he found a practice. We also found a great place to live and it just made so much sense. The houses here are more affordable, and you get more bang for your buck.
We are love, love, loving it! This town is far less congested and stressful than Brooklyn. The community here is so welcoming to newcomers and at the same time is very tight knit. Everyone helps each other out. It’s really incredible. My son loves his new school and he’s enjoying being able to play outside on a sunny day. I would definitely recommend the move to young couples with children. The life here is far more seamless and overall enjoyable.
FRIEDA GRAZI
We moved to Jersey in May from Manhattan. Between COVID-19 and the riots taking a toll on the city, it was clear it was time for us to make a change. We didn’t originally plan to stay in Jersey. We just thought we would give up our Manhattan lease because it was getting far too chaotic there, we’d stay by my parents in Jersey for the summer, and then see where life takes us. Unless you grew up in Deal, you don’t generally imagine getting married and living there. I personally always thought I’d live in Manhattan for a few years and then settle down in Brooklyn.
THE UPSIDE
There were many factors that contributed to the decision to move. A major one for us was apartment versus house, buy versus rent. If we moved to Brooklyn after Manhattan, as we had always imagined previously, we would be settling for renting an apartment. Brooklyn homes are very expensive and rarely have sufficient parking, and large backyard space is typically non-existent. In Jersey we found a home and closed right away. This new home has space for my child to run around, a large driveway, and the price was much more realistic than a house in Brooklyn.
I am enjoying Jersey life. Going to the supermarket, or actually going anywhere, really is not a whole production. There’s never traffic along the way and there is always an ample amount of parking outside any place I go to run an errand. It’s an easier life here. I see how nice it is to bring up a family here, and on top of all that, it’s very pretty!
THE DOWNSIDE
But there are downsides for me, too. Things here are different than back in New York. I do have family here and I’m fortunate some additional family members moved at the same time as we did. However, there are things I miss. I miss my friends and the family still in New York. I miss the convenience and ease of walking down the block to my local bodega and getting the odds and ends that I need. I miss stepping outside my home and seeing lots and lots of people. In Jersey you’re less likely to run into people you know. So, you can’t just be spontaneous; you have to make an effort to make plans to get together and do things.
And the commute my husband does from NJ to Manhattan every day is tough for the both of us. For him it’s a three-hour round trip. For me it means being without him all that time. It’s unsettling to know that if anything happens he’s an hour and a half away. I will say it is not as bad as we anticipated. When we thought it over, we realized the alternative isn’t much better. The subway ride from Brooklyn to Manhattan is roughly a two-hour round trip and driving isn’t much better. The current situation is also not so bad because Fridays my husband works from home. I’d tell someone who is thinking about making the move to put the time and stress of commuting into the equation.
SUZY KISHK
We moved to Deal towards the end of March. We came because our kids’ schools shut down due to Covid and Brooklyn was all shut down. So we thought at least here we’ll have outdoor space in Jersey to feel free. At the time we did not expect to be staying, although previously we had discussed making the move permanently.
There were many, many contributing factors that led to this move. Some of the major ones were the Black Lives Matter movement overtaking cities with riots and the defunding of the
police movement, these were major things to consider. We have young children and began to feel less safe with the idea of going back to Brooklyn. Also, we always found the quieter lifestyle of New Jersey very appealing. It felt very safe, especially since it’s a suburb with a strong police force.
So far we are loving the lifestyle here in Jersey. It’s peaceful, I do what I have to do calmly without any traffic or aggravation. Errands are always in and out, quick and simple. We’ve found plenty of places to go out at night, with or without kids, there is an ample amount of entertainment and restaurant options.
We are enjoying it, although there are a few downsides. My family isn’t here, neither are my in-laws. The friends that we do have here are not within walking distance, even though they’re only a short drive away. Also, a funny thing I found is that in Brooklyn, the community has certain doctors and shops etc. that are tried and true. I knew where to go, and if not I would ask around and get clear or similar answers. Here, everyone uses a different doctor, pediatrician, different place to cut hair, different pharmacies, etc. I haven’t yet found my groove. I’m a little lost, but I understand that’s temporary.
I send my kids to Hillel and we’re very happy. The kids are learning a lot, the curriculum is solid. In their Brooklyn school they weren’t taught Hebrew before Kindergarten. Here they do, and again I’m very pleased with the curriculum thus far.
I would highly recommend making the move. In fact, I encourage it! Because I predict that when more people are here year-round, that even more restaurants will open up and will stay open all year round. We do have a nice amount of restaurants, but we would definitely be happier if there were even more!
Many community members do have Israel on their minds!
In addition to loving the Jewish Homeland, many community members are considering purchasing an apartment in Israel for their future full-time residence or are thinking of buying a vacation home in Israel for when they visit. However, often people lack the proper information needed to actualize these plans. But there is good news: a newly formed community group, Syrian-Link Israel, has been doing the research you need. Their stated purpose is: Together we can build a flourishing Syrian Sephardic community in the land of Israel.
Syrian-Israel Link was created to strengthen our connection to the Holy Land together as a community, and serve as a one-stop hub for those seeking to learn more about spending time in Israel – be it in the short term, or long term.
The core team consists of community members Rabbi Moses Haber as president; Moshe Laniado, vice president; Eli Mizrahi, secretary; Ralph Sasson, treasurer; Daniel Levy, marketing and publicity; and Jack Terzi technology director.
New Buzz in the Community about Israel
“At the moment there is tremendous opportunity happening in Eres Yisrael. Our energies to promote investment in and/or support Aliya are not sourced in fear of current politics or the pandemic, rather in the historic realization that the Land of Israel is slated to be a success story for the Jewish people. This realization is surely reaching our community’s population now more than ever,” noted Rabbi Haber.
Rabbi Haber said that in the summer of 2020, more and more community members were discussing Israel. Last summer Rabbi Haber moderated an online conversation with Nefesh B’Nefesh representative Mr. Eli Bialik dubbed “Are You Thinking About Making Aliyah?” which was viewed by 150 people.
“The questions that were sent into the Zoom chat were very practical, which means there are many in the community already thinking about what it is going to take to make Aliyah, have dual citizenship, or begin investing in land or apartments,” Rabbi Haber said, noting also that many reached out to him afterward for more information.
Syrian-Israel Link – Source of Vital Information
Soon after, Rabbi Haber sought to spearhead an official group that would help focus the “disjointed conversations” that people were having in the community.
“Throughout our Zoom calls during the pandemic, we really created an understanding between us that this is an essential and important thing for us to do. But we wanted to do something the right way, in an organized fashion.” said Rabbi Haber.
An apolitical non-profit organization was born.
Currently, the team is focused on gathering data from the community via a formal survey. The information collected will help SY-Israel Link present up to date and accurate information to community members in an organized way. The SY-Israel Link survey will help identify significant information about the respondents, such as their age bracket, their time frame for buying real estate or making Aliya, their projected budgets, and the locations they are considering. Nearly a hundred and fifty people have filled out the confidential online survey.
According to Moshe Laniado, information gleaned from the survey reveals that community members from different socioeconomic groups are looking to make Aliyah. Additionally, the majority of people do not know where in Israel they would like to settle, or buy a home.
Direction towards Areas with Syrian Community Members
That is good news for SY-Israel Link, because it means that potential Olim are open to different locations and helping them to find a place with like-minded community members should be easier if they are all not insistent that they must move to Jerusalem.
Rabbi Moses HaberRalph Sasson
“People are looking for guidance in terms of what location would be the right fit for them,” Laniado said.
He noted that the survey also revealed that not everyone wanted to dive right in to moving. “The top responses in terms of reasons for looking to buy a home were for a security home, a retirement home, a steppingstone to making Aliyah one day, and even a vacation home.”
Rabbi Haber said the first step for community members considering Israel is education. The next step is investment guidance, with an eye towards directing community members towards existing Syrian communities in whichever location they choose.
“The long-term goal is to eventually be able to create a community in Israel where people move into, in order to make sure our traditions and way of life continue for generations to come,” said Eli Mizrahi.
The Challenge of Maintaining Our Unique Identity
Eli Mizrahi noted that over the past twenty years or so, those from our neighborhoods who made Aliyah have found it difficult to “mimic the life they had in America, in terms of community, family, and religious values, that they cherished so much. Our goal is to develop similar community experiences in the Land of Israel one step at a time. This effort will bridge our local community’s strengths along with those of us already living in Israel.”
He continued: “We know our community is very unified, whether in communal or religious ways. When our people get to Israel, they oftentimes lose a piece of their identity. They end up getting ‘assimilated into the local society’ that exists in Israel. There is nothing essentially bad about that; it’s just that a piece of our rich heritage gets lost. What we’d like to do is to give people a path to get into Israel, where they can still find a replica of the community lifestyle that they are so used to. That can even be fueled by those who aren’t necessarily making Aliyah, via the purchase of a vacation/investment home, in an area that is already inhabited with some of our community members.”
As such, they’re looking to foster multiple geographic-specific Syrian communities in Eres Yisrael.
“One of the main things we are doing to get everyone together is identifying the areas community members are currently in, as well as identifying the areas members want to go to. That is what we think will give people the unifying sense,” noted Eli Mizrahi.
Syrian-Israel Link’s research has successfully discovered that over the last three decades at least 140 Syrian families have already purchased a home or made Aliyah in five general clusters. The families are Geo Pinned on a Google map, located on the website, without the families’ names. This map will serve as the organization’s launching pad for “Inspiring, Motivating, and Unifying” the next wave of our community members who are en route to the Holy Land for any given reason.
Link Up with Trusted Professionals
Many of the board members already have experience with multiple transactions of buying and investing in the land and are eager to share that information. “They’ve made the mistakes, have gone through the process, and have learned from them,” said Rabbi Haber.
Meanwhile, the group is accumulating their own network of on-the-ground lawyers, mortgage brokers, accountants, and other professionals. “I believe at the right time we will be publishing a list of those people – people who are viable in negotiating those things on behalf of the community,” he added. The group has also connected with some members of the Knesset about the idea. “We’ve had a couple of conversations where they are waiting with open arms for us to facilitate and navigate these opportunities going forward,” said Eli Mizrahi.
In addition to the Syrian-Israel Link website, the board of directors is willing to help and offer support to those who have any questions.
If Israel is on your mind, please do your part and fill out the survey. The information you provide will help SY-Israel Link reach its goals of “Motivating, Inspiring, and Unifying” our community in the eternal Holy Land.
For more information and/or to take the survey, please visit
https://www.syisraellink.com/
I have a lovely mother-in-law. She is an amazing grandmother and I can rely on her to do what she says she will do. However, she can also be selfish and overstep boundaries, and this seems to be getting worse as she ages.
When I ask her questions, like does she want to do this or visit on this date, or when I try to gently establish a boundary, sometimes I get a look and a non-answer. But, it is not because she doesn’t hear me. Typically it’s when she doesn’t want to do something or doesn’t agree with me, but I am not sure. I don’t expect her to agree or to say yes, but sometimes I do need an answer to continue planning. I just feel it’s rude not to respond or say SOMETHING. I have said things like, “What do you think?” and I still get a non-answer. It feels like a control tactic to me.
Any suggestions?
Signed,
Controlled
Dear Controlled,
So what’s the question? Of course, you’re being controlled. It is very likely just one way of her asserting and maintaining her independence. I am not suggesting that you were being disrespectful, just that she is, in effect, telling you, “No, uh-uh, I’m still in charge, not what I want, figure something else out.”
So what DO you do when you need to make a plan? Tread lightly and do it with love. MAYBE even sit next to her and hold her hand. Try this:
“Grandma, I was thinking of doing X on Tuesday, Thursday, or Friday.
Which do you prefer?”
If she answers, fine. If not, say, “I like Thursday. What do you think? 10:30 or 12:00?”
If she answers, fine. If not, say, “It’s better for me at 10:30.”
If she answers, fine. If not, say “Okay, Grandma, so I’ll see you
Thursday at 10:30. Bye. Love you.”
If she answers, fine. If not, say, “Bye, see you then.”
She’ll probably tell you, “Okay, 1 o’clock on Wednesday,” before you get to the door and then you can negotiate from there.
Rupert, Dale, and Bubba, three middle-aged friends who never really made much of themselves, were sitting around complaining about the sorry state of their lives, when suddenly, an angel appeared and promised to grant each one of them a single wish.
Rupert immediately said, “I wish I were the President.” In an instant, Rupert found himself in the White House and in command of an entire nation.
Next, Dale said, “I wish I was the richest man in the world.” A moment later, Dale was on a on a private mega-yacht anchored off his own private island in the Caribbean, relaxing and enjoying the beautiful weather.
Finally, it was Bubba’s turn. Looking around and seeing that his longtime friends were gone, he said, “Gee, I feel lonely. I wish that Rupert and Dale were back here again with me!”
Jack V. Grazi
It’s All Latin
Mr. Morris, the 12th grade Latin teacher was always so involved in the text he was teaching that he practically never looked up at his students. He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and without realizing it, he often chose the same student day after day. Out of respect, the students wouldn’t point this out to him.
After being called on four days in a row, an exasperated Nathan asked advice from his friends who came up with a fool-proof plan.
The next day when the teacher said, “Nathan, translate and explain,” Nathan confidently replied, “Sorry, Mr. Morris, but Nathan is absent today.”
“All right,” said the teacher. “…so then you translate and explain.”
Hannah L.
The Vitality Secret
My wife recently ran into the housekeeper who used to clean our house many years ago and was surprised to hear that she was still at it, despite her advanced age. “How do you manage to do all the strenuous work housekeeping entails?” my wife asked.
“I do housework for clients who can’t see the dirt any better than I can,” she replied.
Jack V. Grazi
Lightning Hammer
During our home renovation, my wife was watching me drive in some nails. “You hammer like lightning,” she said.
“Really?” I replied, flattered.
“Yes, really…you never strike the same place twice.”
Alice K.
The Cheating Experiment
As the students began their final exam in science, little Tommy was nervous because he didn’t know most of the answers. Not wanting to fail, Tommy decided to copy all the answers off the boy sitting in front of him – the smartest boy in the class. When the test was over, Tommy handed the test to the teacher, confident that he did very well, but feeling bad that he cheated for the first time. As the teacher flipped through the tests, she noticed Tommy’s paper and called him up to her desk.
“Tommy,” she said, “It looks like you failed this test.”
“Failed?!” Tommy exclaimed. “How could I have failed, I’ll bet I answered every question right.”
“Not exactly,” the teacher said. “You answered the first question wrong and that was the most important.”
“Really? What was the first question and what did I answer?” Tommy asked.
“The first question,” the teacher answered slowly, “was, ‘Name’ and your answer was ‘Walter Bernstein.’”
Saide S.
Easiest Homework Ever
The teacher was collecting homework assignments from everyone in row four. When she passed Amy, she saw there was no paper on the desk, and she gave the young girl a disappointed look.
“Amy, where is your homework? This is the third time this week…”
Amy looked up innocently at the teacher and said, “But I followed your instructions exactly. You said the homework was ‘a piece of cake.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I gave it to my baby brother to eat.”
Amiel T.
Food Service
Upon entering a local burger joint, Jason ordered a burger with a tomatoes and “minimal lettuce.” The woman behind the counter apologetically replied, “Sorry, but we only have iceberg lettuce.”
Ed G.
A Ticket to Ride
A motorist was speeding down the highway when a cop caught up with him and ticketed him for speeding. “What am I supposed to do with this?” the motorist grumbled as the policeman handed him the speeding ticket.
“Keep it,” the cop said. “When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle.”
Renda B.
Dad’s Advice
Phil was exhausted. His wife had just given birth and he had to watch their three older children for a few days. Although it was only for two hours a day, Phil was at his wits’ end and he had a splitting headache. Looking for some relief, he brought the kids over to his parents’ home for a visit. As soon as his father saw him, he noticed his poor condition.
“Phil, you look terrible,” he observed. “Why don’t I get you some aspirin?”
“No thanks, Dad,” Phil replied. “I just took two aspirins.”
“Well, it seems you didn’t follow the instructions,” his father said. Dad brought Phil a bottle and showed him the small print: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.”
Tutu Mulu
A Sure Cure
After suffering from a miserable cold for a week, Jeff visited his doctor and begged for relief. The doctor prescribed a pill, but it didn’t work. A week later, Jeff returned to the doctor, who gave him a shot. With no improvement in his condition and sicker than ever, Jeff visited the doctor a third time and said, “I’ve tried two medications you prescribed so far and neither of
them helped. So before you recommend another treatment, you had better be sure it’s the right one.”
“Okay then, this is what I want you to do,” the doctor said. “Go home and take a hot bath. Then throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.”
“But I’ll get pneumonia!” protested Jeff.
“Exactly,” the doctor answered, “that I know how to treat!”
Abie C.
Inner Harmony
My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
A. N.
Spelling Test
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell “crocodile”? Billy: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L. Teacher: No, that’s incorrect. Billy: Maybe you think so, but you asked me how I spell it.
R. G.
Techno-Diner
Working on a computer all day has definitely messed with Sarah’s view of reality. We had just placed our lunch order, and as our waiter walked away, he slipped on a wet spot on the floor. “How about that?” she observed dryly. “Our server is down.”
Many parents are in the habit of yelling at their kids, which hardly ever works. Isaac Setton, a mental health counselor for adolescence and teens, describes the negative effects of yelling and offers tips to help parents avoid shouting at their kids.
Five Reasons Not to Yell
Fear and Anxiety – Children and teens look to parents for security. They need to know they can trust a parent for basic needs and for love and affection. A child being scolded may worry: Why are they doing this to me? Do they love me? They’re turning on me, I must be a bad person. Will they talk to me again? (Kids don’t always understand anger is temporary.) Do they still want me? Fear and anxiety ultimately produce an insecure child.
Yelling Is Not Communicating – When fear and anxiety build up because of yelling, kids tend to freeze up. When you suspect they may not be listening it’s because they technically aren’t. Their brain goes into panic mode and isn’t really processing the commands being shouted at them. So ultimately, yelling produces an emotionally stunted child – and your requests bounce off them.
Yelling Makes Parents Look Weak and Not in Control – Shouting signals to children that you have little control over a situation and you have to use the most extreme form of “communication” to convey your point. It can be difficult to gain respect from a child when they don’t see you more controlled. When children respect a parent, they listen, even when the parent is absent, and will behave properly, not wanting to let their parents down.
Empty Threats – When parents yell they tend to make empty threats. “Put your shoes away now or no dessert!” The day progresses, and shoes haven’t been put away. After dinner the child asks for just one cookie, and you cave in because, really, you were just trying to get a reaction at the moment. This teaches your child they can get away with it. When you don’t stick to your word – they know they don’t have to listen since there are no consequences. It conditions them not to fear you.
The Long Route – Parents tend to think the quickest way to get their child to do something is to yell. This may be true the first few times – however, for the reasons above, you will ultimately pay the price for choosing this “shortcut.” Yelling is a vicious cycle. Negative attention is still attention and if that’s the only kind of attention you’re giving, they’ll demand it. You yell, and if the reaction is fight or flight (either way) it is a long and unpleasant response that results in much time wasted. You would get a better reaction by asking calmly.
Verbal Abuse
A two-year study was done to measure the negative effects of verbal abuse vs. physical abuse. Results showed that kids who weren’t touched but were verbally abused were almost as damaged as kids who were physically beaten. These kids displayed low self-esteem, heightened rates of depression, and were more likely to make poor decisions.
When Yelling Is Necessary
Save your outside voice for dangerous situations. When Mommy doesn’t raise her voice and suddenly shouts, that sends a clear message that something is unsafe. Another time it is okay to shout is to shock them out of a situation. Example: two children physically fighting – first shout STOP, then calmly open a discussion.
Isaac Setton LMHC, CASAC is a licensed mental health counselor who has worked in at the SBH Counseling Center and The SAFE Foundation as a mental health counselor and substance abuse counselor. He works in Magen David Yeshivah High School as a guidance counselor and Project SAFE teacher. He also focuses on his private practice Flow Therapy NYC counseling children, adolescents, and young adults struggling with mental health issues. For help or more information, Isaac can be reached at: 917-676-6110 or email: Flowtherapynyc@gmail.com
