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One on One with Tania Zeitoune

“I was always very determined and was a strong student. Hashem blessed me in so many ways. Living in three different countries and Jewish communities by the time I was 13 years of age helped me adapt quickly, both personally and in my career.” ~~ Tania ~~

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

Please meet Tania Zeitoune, née Abadi, a vibrant dual language educator in the Brooklyn public school system. What perfect timing that I connected with Tania as we prepare our children and ourselves for the new school year.

One of the first things that Tania told me was that she is an atypical Syrian girl. Every person is indeed unique, but Tania, born in Israel, lived in three countries, Guatemala, Venezuela, and Panama by the time she turned thirteen. She then moved to Brooklyn with her mother, Gina Abadi, her twin sister, and younger sister. Unfortunately, her father, Ezra Abadi, a”h, passed away before they left Panama.

Tania’s father was in the import/export business, which was the reason for the family’s several moves. Both of Tania’s parents were born in Lebanon to families of Syrian descent, and they both emigrated to Venezuela separately. The couple met in Venezuela and married in Israel.

Tania’s mother enrolled her at Magen David Yeshivah and the family prayed at the Sephardic Lebanese Congregation, where Tania and her family are now members.

Tania consistently excelled in school. She was fluent in both Spanish and English. “My mother was very caring. She was committed to education and instilled its significance in us. She gave me the confidence to shine academically. Before we started a new grade, she prepared us for the upcoming year by reviewing the new curriculum and doing worksheets with us. This allowed me to have a head start on the academics and focus on getting comfortable socially.”

It is no surprise that Gina coached her children during the summers. She studied in France to become a French teacher and returned to Lebanon.

College and Career

Tania graduated MDY High School as salutatorian and was accepted into the Willian E. Macauley Honors Program at Brooklyn College. She achieved a perfect score on the math SAT, and declared a major in accounting. Tania later realized that accounting did not come naturally and she switched to business and marketing. Tania scored paid internships, studied abroad in Italy, and thrived while performing marketing in the financial world.

Then Came Marriage

At the outset of her career, Tania was hired to do marketing for a senior home and was putting in long hours. It was hashgacha pratit that Tania met her naseeb, Raymond Zeitoune, at a mutual family friend’s barbeque. After the BBQ, Raymond asked a mutual friend to set them up. Raymond, four years older than Tania, had graduated Fordham Law School and was excited when he was introduced to her. Raymond wanted not only a wife and mother but a partner too, and he was attracted to Tania’s out of the box childhood and energy. Tania was blessed to meet a soulmate who appreciated her passionate nature and would support her professional growth.

Raymond has his own legal practice and the couple have three children, an eleven-year-old daughter and two sons, eight and six years old. They chose Yeshiva Derech Eretz for their children for its blend of authentic Jewish values and its commitment to excellence in Torah education and academic studies.

Career Choices

Tania was set on going for a master’s degree in business, and then pivoted to education. “I was pregnant with my first child and knew I was social, super patient, and liked to teach. In high school I volunteered for an organization dedicated to working with children with special needs. I registered in Touro College for Special Education. I gave birth to my daughter during grad school and attended classes on Sunday and in the evenings.”

Her master’s program included general and special education and a bilingual specialty. Tania shared that it was from shamayim that she drove home a Touro classmate who encouraged her to apply for an internship certificate only a week before the deadline. The certificate would allow Tania to finish her degree while working and getting paid. Tania applied for a paraprofessional/shadow position but was offered a job as a bilingual SEIT. A SEIT is a Special Education Itinerant Teacher who travels to different schools and homes and helps children to integrate into mainstream classrooms, despite their challenges with social/emotional, behavioral, speech, language, or developmental issues.

Tania was a SEIT for eight years for the OMNI Childhood Center, an approved provider of SEITs. She worked in various public schools for the first four years and was placed at MDY for the last four. After Tania completed her master’s degree, Omni paid for her bilingual degree, and she became a bilingual SEIT.

Work-Family Balance

“My years as a SEIT offered me terrific opportunities and flexibility. My daughter was 11 months old when I started. I traveled to several schools and worked 25 hours a week with three- and four-year-olds.” My husband has been my biggest champion emotionally and in every way. He helped me grow my career, pitching in when the nanny wasn’t available and with emergencies. My mother was also there for me especially in the beginning and was my role model as an educator. For the first five years as a SEIT, I worked 12 consecutive months since the bilingual children get twelve months of mandated services.”

Tania was grateful that during her SEIT years, her children never felt that she worked, as she left the house after they went off to school and returned before they came home. The parents of the kids Tania taught greatly appreciated her contributions to their children’s education and development.

Change Can Be Good

When the government limited the funding for SEIT programs, Tania knew it was time for a change. A mother of a SEIT colleague advised Tania that her daughter’s principal was looking to hire. Three years ago, a week before September, the principal of P.S. 90 in Coney Island contacted Tania and hired her as a special education teacher. Shortly thereafter, she transferred Tania to a dual language class.

The transition was challenging but rewarding. The biggest hurdle was that Tania’s work schedule was not in sync with her children’s yeshiva schedule, especially the winter break. “My kids appreciate life and are proud of what I’m doing. They help me prepare presents for my students and watch me grade papers. Raymond steps in and takes them to visit their grandparents in Florida over the winter break. It’s important for kids to know they can’t always get everything.”

Tania explained that the parents of dual language students apply six months in advance to obtain these limited spots for their children, and they are invested in their children’s progress. “The immigrant parents don’t speak English and are unprivileged, but they care a lot about education and are the best assets. I clarify that we are a team. Our partnership leads to victory. I am very warm and caring but can be strong when needed. I want my students to succeed.”

What Lights Tania Up?

Her passions are family and teaching. “I am a working mom and my family is my number one priority and my job is number two. I give my children whatever they need, emotionally and financially, that’s what drives me: my energy revolves around my husband and kids. I have a terrific work-life balance, but it took time and effort to create it. I go above and beyond in the classroom and outside of it. My diverse childhood helped me adjust swiftly and in so many ways.”

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Tania’s young daughter described her mother beautifully in a biography, writing that her mom had moved from country to country and was determined to have a great life. “Tania always focuses on the present, not the past or the future. Growing up, Tania believed in being hard working, responsible, and generous.”

The Pandemic

Tania taught via Zoom from her husband’s office in the basement. She proudly read insights from her daughter’s Covid essay about learning to never give up and being flexible. Her daughter described how everyone had their own space in the house to learn on Zoom, but it was online learning that made it different.

Community

Tania deeply values her community and feels a strong sense of belonging. “I love our community and with my busy schedule as a working mom, the community helps me feel grounded.”

Hobbies and Life Interests

After her top passions of family and teaching, Tania’s interests include a love of exercising, spending time in nature, traveling, relaxing at the beach, and cooking.

What’s Next

Given Tania’s growth mindset and love of learning, she is open to the possibility of returning to school for an advanced degree for an administrator/principal role: “the possibilities are endless.”

Tania emphasized the value of creating a good relationship with one’s administrator. Building relationships with her supervisors allows her to attend her children’s special school events – it’s a give and take.

Tania’s message to community women is that there are obtainable career opportunities. Tania’s mission is to inspire and motivate them with the lessons she learned about knowing one’s self-worth and balancing family and career.

Tania can be reached at tania.abadi@gmail.com.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

The Importance of Hiring a Real Estate Attorney

I hope you all had a relaxing summer. With the holidays quickly approaching and the school year resuming, I hope you find a couple of minutes to read about a very important topic in the homebuying process.

With the real estate market on fire right now, many of you are looking to purchase a new home or will be looking for a new home in the near future.

One vital step of the homebuying process is hiring a real estate attorney.

When to Hire Your Attorney

A question I get often is, when do I hire a real estate attorney?

The moment you start looking for your home and get pre-approved, you need to start asking around and do research about attorneys. Speak to potential lawyers on the phone and feel their vibe. There is no need to meet in person at this point unless there is a specific issue you need to discuss, for example, you are selling and there are estate planning issues.

The worst time to start asking around is when you have an accepted offer on a house that has in multiple bids, inspection was done, and now there is a legal issue. You need an attorney, but you are in a rush and cannot make a proper decision.

How to Choose Your Attorney

What goes into choosing a real estate attorney?

To clear this up, PRICE IS NOT A FACTOR. In Brooklyn, they all charge within the same range, so it is not worth it to skimp on a few hundred dollars and to use an attorney who will not help you as much. Sometimes paying a more expensive attorney is worth it to save all the headaches and negotiations.

What is extremely important is your lawyer’s accessibility. Often there are sensitive factors and issues that need to be resolved, and if your lawyer does not respond in a timely manner big problems can arise. For example, if I send in a deal sheet (which initiates communication between a buyer’s attorney and a seller’s attorney) on Monday morning and I do not receive any response from one of the attorneys until the following Tuesday (nearly 10 days later) this is not ideal for the client. It is important to ask previous clients and the attorneys about their turn-around time and communication style.

Another important factor would be an attorney who explains everything clearly and confidently to first time homebuyers (or any homebuyer), an attorney who will ensure that their client feels completely comfortable before signing there life away, naah, just kidding…

On a serious note, the client needs to understand what they are signing. I always find there are two types of people. One type will never read anything, barely glances at the papers, and takes a second to sign. The second type literally will dissect the papers and ask the attorney all types of questions. You need to make sure your attorney is able to deal with all parties on the deal (the husband, wife co-signer, and all the family members) so you need someone who is able to communicate properly.

What to Look For

You want an attorney who will protect you one hundred percent, someone who will make sure you are covered from all angles. In New York real estate agents do not put together contracts. We draft a deal/term sheet for both the buyers and sellers with all the terms written down and then the respective attorneys take it from there and negotiate with each other. Therefore, you want to have attorneys who are not ego-driven(!!), people who feel comfortable negotiating while protecting you.

FUN FACT

Why is an attorney called an “Esq.”?

According to Black’s Law Dictionary, the title Esquire signified the status of a man who was below a knight but above a gentleman. Over the centuries, the esquire title became common among legal professionals, including sheriffs, justices of the peace, and attorneys.

Once Upon A Thyme – Charcuterie

Charcuterie is the art of preparing and assembling meat products. Pronounced “shahr-ku-tuh-ree,” the charcuterie board is an extraordinary appetizer to serve at any meal and great for parties. Although the typical foods placed on the board are cured meats, olives, nuts, dried fruit, crackers, and jam, there are no hard rules for making a charcuterie. Make it your own and think outside the box! Have some extra mazza? Add it to your board! The flavors on the charcuterie board are both visually appealing and palatable with the combinations of texture and color and the pairing of salty with sweet foods. The addition of honeycomb and dates make the charcuterie board perfect to serve on Rosh Hashanah. Try finding honeycomb at a natural or health food store or order it online to enhance your holiday meal.

Prepared Foods:

  • Glazed Salami
  • Franks in Blanks
  • Beef Bourekas

Additional Ingredients:

  • 1 bunch red or green grapes
  • 1 lemon, cut into wedges
  • Crackers or breadsticks
  • Cherry tomatoes (raw or roasted with olive oil)
  • 1 package pastrami slices
  • 1 jar pickles
  • 4 dates
  • Pesto
  • Parsley
  • Honeycomb

Glazed Salami

  • ½ cup apricot jam
  • ½ cup vodka
  • 2 tbsp ketchup
  • 1 large salami

1. Remove the plastic wrapper from the salami and place chopsticks on both sides of the salami to prevent you from cutting to the bottom of the salami.

2. Cut ¼ to ¼ inch vertical slices while being careful not to slice through to the bottom.

3. Mix together the first three ingredients and then brush on to salami, making sure to get into grooves.

4. Place in a tin and bake uncovered for 25-35 minutes.

Beef Bourekas

  • 1 lb ground beef
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tbsp oil
  • 1 large onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp allspice
  • ¼ cup red wine
  • 8 oz can tomato sauce
  • 1 package of mini puff pastry squares
  • 1 egg
  • 1 red pepper, finely diced
  • Sesame seeds

1. In a large sauté pan, heat oil and sauté onion for 5 to 10 minutes until golden.

2. Add ground beef and use a fork or potato masher tool to separate the beef into very small pieces.

3. Add the red wine, tomato sauce, salt and allspice and bring to a boil. Simmer until most of the liquid has evaporated, being careful not to burn.

4. Turn off the fire and add red pepper and mix.

5. Fill puff pastry dough with 1 tbsp beef and seal well.

6. Beat egg well, brush the tops and finish with sesame seeds.

7. Bake on 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 35 minutes.

Franks in Blanks

  • 1 package puff pastry dough squares
  • 1 package mini hot dogs
  • 1 egg
  • Sesame seeds

1. Slice each puff pastry square into 3 strips.

2. Wrap each mini hot dog in a puff pastry strip.

3. Beat egg well, brush the tops and finish with sesame seeds.

4. Bake on 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 15-20 minutes.

Charcuterie Board Assembly:

1. Prepare a wooden board by washing and drying it.

2. Begin by placing the larger items like the cooked salami and honeycomb on the board.

3. Wash and dry grapes and lay them on the board.

4. Then add the cooked bourekas and franks in blanks.

5. Place small bowls on your board and fill with olives, tomatoes, and pesto (or any other favorite dips).

6. Roll each pastrami slice and add tightly together on the board.

7. Place crackers, and dates around the board.

8. Fill in blank spots with lemon wedges and parsley.

A Son Remembers

Rabbi Moshe Lagnado

On an ancient coin, the images an elderly man and his aged wife are embossed. On the flip side, the pictures a vibrant, youthful couple are engraved.

This coin was dedicated in memory of the father and mother of our nation: Avraham and Sarah (Baba Kama 97b).

They are remembered as being elderly and wizened by their years. In our collective memory, there is no wiser couple than our father, Avraham, and our mother, Sarah. The Hebrew word zaken (“elderly”) is understood by our tradition as representing the expression, “zeh kanah” – “this one has acquired [wisdom].” This quality was embodied by Avraham and Sarah, both of whom used each moment of their lives to mature and draw closer to the Boreh Olam, the Creator.

But on the other side of the coin was a young couple. What did this represent? That although Avraham and Sarah grew old, they were still young. Neither the passing of years, nor the evils which they had seen, hardened their hearts. Even as seniors, they retained their childlike innocence and exuberance. Their enthusiasm did not diminish with the years, if anything, it increased.

Indeed, Rashi (Beresheet 23:1) famously states that Sarah was as innocent at 100 as she was at 20, and at 20 she was as beautiful as she was at seven. Our matriarch, Sarah, was always young.

The Exhilaration of Youth, in Old Age

Our mother, Claire Lagnado, a”h, was a disciple of Sarah Imenu. She was always young. Her body may have shown signs of aging, her skin may have wrinkled, she may have slowed down, but her heart and mind were always young. Some may even say she was childlike. When grandchildren came to visit her in San Diego, who would offer to take them to Disneyland? Yes, our mother; she would be thrilled by their excitement. She had the courage to take her granddaughters to France when they were about 12 years old. Both the girls and their grandmother came back exhilarated.

During her later years, her son-in-law would take her on a Shabbat walk. They would stop at a neighbor’s yard which was populated with farm animals. Just like a little girl, she would enjoy observing Gd’s creatures. She truly was forever young.

Her youthful personality served her well in yet another way – like a child, her inquisitive mind constantly sought wisdom. She accumulated a great deal of knowledge during her life. Growing up in Cairo, Egypt, she was conversant in three languages – Arabic, French, and Hebrew. After arriving in America, she added English and a little Yiddish. Even in her later years, after her debilitating stroke, she always asked about the week’s parashah. She would ask her grandchildren, “What did the rebbe say in yeshiva today?” leading to lengthy Torah discussions.

As a child, our mother studied dressmaking, which would prove beneficial in her new country. She would design gowns, simple dresses, and, for a time, rodeo costumes. Her clientele ranged from brides-to-be to actresses and even cowgirls, and my mother got along with all of them, without exception. They all appreciated and loved her. They would compliment her on her “golden hands,” and marvel at how every design of hers was excellent.

But rather than using her skills for only personal financial gain, she used them for tzdakah. Countless Torah scrolls are adorned with her creations. Countless brides walked down to their huppah with a magnificent wedding gown made by mother as a heartfelt gift.

Torah Study – Her True Love

Despite already have mastered this outstanding skill, my mother wanted more. Initially, she applied to the local college to take a few courses in business administration, seeking to fulfill her dream of opening her own business. She found college so intriguing that she soon graduated. Her family and friends were so proud of her as she received her degree at the Balboa Park Organ Pavilion in San Diego. It was the perfect venue for my mother – an old structure that was still modern because it was constantly refurbished and upgraded.

With her degree in hand, she was prepared to move forward with her dream to start a business. Combining her dressmaking acumen with her newfound business skills, she launched a retail outlet. Her store sold exquisite fabrics, and she earned widespread admiration for her sound advice concerning the best use of material.

As the business grew, my mother devoted more time and energy to her growing clientele. But even then, she never abandoned her true love, Torah study. My mother was constantly learning. Whenever the renowned Rav Simcha Wasserman, zt”l (1899-1992), came to San Diego to deliver a Torah class, she ensured to attend. The rabbi recommended to her Rav Avigdor Miller’s book, Rejoice O Youth, and she instantly became Rav Miller’s student, always eagerly anticipating his new publications. Rav Wasserman complimented my mother on her thirst for Torah knowledge and her ability to inculcate a genuine a love for Torah within her children.

There lived in San Diego an exceptional talmid hacham from France named Rabbi Henry Soille, who delivered many different classes on a variety of subjects, such as Kuzari, Midrash, and the Rambam’s Moreh Nevuchim. Whenever he spoke, no matter the subject, my mother made a point of attending. Rabbi Soille stated publicly that his two best students were my mother and my aunt.

Our extended family all mourn the passing of Ora (Claire) bat Miriam. Her optimism and youthful spirit cannot be matched. She loved everyone, and everyone loved her. Our family is much more subdued without her – she was our cheerleader, our mentor, our lifeline. Our dear mother is sorely missed.

Ora bat Miriam, your memory is and will always be a blessing to us. We hope and pray that we follow and perpetuate your legacy of love, hope, and endless optimism. The love which you showered upon us will forever remain in our hearts.

Teheh nishmatah tzrurah bitzror hahaim.

Hungry Mom’s Food Diary by Susan Zayat – Sweet and Savory Lamb Shanks

I hope everyone enjoyed the dinner series. Now is the perfect time to start the next series of holiday and Shabbat recipes. This recipe will be a great addition to any of your holiday meals. May we all be zoche to a year full of health, happiness, and all good things always! Tizku l’shanim rabot!

  • 1 package lamb shanks
  • Salt and pepper
  • 2 tbsp. vegetable oil
  • 1 diced onion
  • 2 cups pomegranate juice
  • 1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
  • 4 cloves crushed garlic
  • 3-4 rosemary sprigs
  • 1/4 tsp. chili flakes
  • 1 tsp. honey
  • Pomegranate seeds

1. Preheat oven to 250 degrees Fahrenheit.

2. Season lamb shanks with salt and pepper and sauté on the stove in a deep oven-safe pan (a Dutch oven or roaster is fine) until they’re browned very well on all sides. Once done, transfer the shanks to a plate and set aside.

3. Reserve around 1 tbsp. of the fat drippings, and discard the rest. Lower the heat to a medium flame and add in 2 tbsp. vegetable oil and an onion sliced in thin rounds. Sauté until translucent. Add in 2 cups of pomegranate juice, scraping the bottom of the pan to release any bits. Add in 1/3 cup balsamic vinegar, 4 cloves of crushed garlic, 3-4 rosemary sprigs, ¼ tsp. and ¼ tsp. chili flakes. Bring the mixture to a slight boil.

4. Add the lamb shanks back to the pan with any drippings that may have dripped on to the plate. Cover the pan and bake for around 3.5 hours.

5. Take out the lamb shanks and transfer to a serving plate (or tin).

6. Strain the liquid through a thin strainer and discard the solids that were left behind in the strainer.

7. Pour the liquid into a small pot and bring to a boil. Add in 1 tsp. honey and black pepper. Leave on the stove for around 5-10 minutes until the liquid reduces.

8. When ready to serve, spoon the remaining liquid over the meat and garnish with pomegranate seeds.

Photo styled and photographed by Sarah Husney.

Sarah Husney is a food photographer servicing NY & NJ. She has clients from the food businesses in the community upgrading their photos for Instagram and websites. She also takes photos for restaurants on UberEats, and is featured on Kosher.com for styling and photography. Contact info- 9176262991

@sarahhusney_foodphoto

New Beginnings…

As another year approaches, we are each praying that we and all our family members will have much success in all areas. While hoping and praying for the best is very healthy and normal, we must also realize that each day that we are given provides us with a new opportunity to overcome some challenge.

If you are a mother you will, indeed, have a parenting challenge daily. Whether it is disciplining a child who says he would rather not do homework, helping a child love his siblings, or staying calm after a huge spill, something difficult that requires emotional growth on your part will present itself.

Making the Best of Emotional Challenges

How can we capitalize on our emotional challenges, so that we can grow stronger from them?

I will share with you a conversation that happened in my home at the beginning of the summer to help shed some light on this concept of thriving during emotional challenges:

It was the end of June and one of my kids was all packed up to go to sleepaway camp for his first time ever. The night before he left, we were chatting and I decided to tell him something he already knew, that sometimes kids get homesick in camp. I told him this because I wanted to segue into the following conversation. I continued to ask him, “What do you think is the difference between a kid who gets homesick and isn’t functioning (staying in his bunk, calling his mother all day to come get him, etc.) and a kid who is homesick, and is still functioning well (playing baseball, swimming, etc.)?

He thought for a minute and then said, “The kid who isn’t functioning probably thinks that he is supposed to make himself stop being homesick.” BINGO! I would not have used those exact words, but I loved how he explained it. I probably would have said that the child who is not functioning thinks that something is wrong with him feeling homesick. Same idea. Basically, whenever we experience any form of emotional challenge, it is NEVER the emotion itself that is the problem. It is what we THINK about the feeling that can cause anxiety or out of control huge feelings that lead to dysfunction. So, a healthy child knows that he or she can feel homesick, sad, disappointed, frustrated, or any feeling on earth, and nothing is wrong with that. Feeling a full range of feelings is simply part of the human experience! It would actually be strange if a human being did not have a full range of feelings.

So, look how differently things can look when we acknowledge the normalcy of that.

Your daughter spills an entire container of orange juice all over your new carpet. You are feeling enraged. You acknowledge that your feeling is a normal part of being human, so in your utter frustration, you take out the carpet cleaner and scrub away. Quietly. No harm done. All because you did not judge yourself or think you needed to do something about your extreme feelings. And one of the best parts of all this is that you just modeled awesome emotional health for your children!

Feel the Feelings and Process Them

My daughter recently almost drowned in a pool. You can just imagine how shook up she was afterwards. I was thankful for the opportunity to help her process the trauma in a healthy way. She simply sat on my lap shaking right after this happened, and I barely said a thing. I just hugged her and stayed with her and her feelings. I asked her if she was feeling scared and when she nodded yes, I just told her it is so normal. Of course, I made sure to point out to the rest of my crew that this is what healthy processing of emotions looks like. The feelings eventually subsided (not due to any prompting, but simply because all feelings pass). Within a few minutes I was shocked to see that she was inching back into the pool. Why not? She experienced normal fear, allowed herself to process her feelings, and then was being resilient (which is a natural default setting for all people).

So next time the kids are fighting, nobody wants to listen, and you are wondering what to do next, just feel your feelings, and then you will be able to come up with the smartest solutions to these daily challenges.

What Can We Do to Have Our Prayers Answered?

The Yamim Noraim (High Holidays) are upon us, the time when we take stock of the year that has passed, make commitments for the new year, and come before Gd to express our wishes for the coming year. We bring with us a list of requests – typically, requests for financial security, for our children’s success, for health, for shidduchim for our unmarried children, and so on. With the world still struggling through a pandemic, this list might be longer, and the requests more urgent, than in normal years.

The Zohar makes a comment which, at first glance, appears to be telling us that this entire enterprise is wrong and misguided, that we are not to present to Gd our personal pleas for the upcoming year. In this passage, the Zohar strongly condemns those who “bark hav like a dog.” The Aramaic word “hav” means “give me,” and those who repeatedly say, “Hav” sound like they mimic the barking of a dog. The Zohar teaches that it is wrong to come before Gd “like a dog,” asking for all the things we want – financial success, joy from our children, good health, and so on.

We must ask, why is this the case? Isn’t this what we’re supposed to do? Especially this time of year, are we not expected to beseech Gd for a favorable judgment?

We might also wonder why the Zohar compares someone who presents these requests to a dog. Why do people deserve to be called animals for praying to Gd to fulfill their wishes and grant them their needs?

Hannah’s Prayer

On the first day of Rosh Hashanah, we read a special haftarah – the story of Hannah, the mother of the prophet Shemuel (from the first chapter of the Book of Shemuel I). After being unable to conceive for many years, Hannah recited a stirring, heartfelt prayer to Gd outside the Mishkan. This prayer is regarded as the prototype of Jewish prayer; the Gemara in Masechet Berachot derives a number of crucial halachot relevant to prayer from the description of Hannah’s tearful petition. For example, Hannah prayed with her lips moving but inaudibly – from which the Sages learned that we must enunciate each word, but pray quietly, without being heard.

But what makes Hannah’s prayer particularly instructive is a different element. She pledged to Gd that if she would be blessed with a son, she would “give him to Gd his entire life.” Hannah fulfilled this pledge when, several years after her child, Shemuel, was born, she brought him to the Mishkan and gave him to the kohen gadol, Eli. After desperately yearning for a child, and finally being blessed with a boy, she did not even keep him at home. In fulfillment of her vow, she placed him in the service of the Mishkan, where he grew to become one of the greatest religious leaders our nation has ever known.

This demonstrates to us something critically important about prayer: if we want our prayers to be effective, we must ask for Gd’s sake, and not for our own sake. Just as Hannah begged for a child not to enjoy him at home, but rather so that he would be devoted to Gd’s service – so must we beseech Gd for His blessings not for our personal enjoyment, but rather to help us more effectively serve Gd.

This might sound very lofty and unrealistic – and, indeed, none of us can really expect to reach Hannah’s level of sincerity – but we need to try. We should ask for health because illness makes it very difficult, or impossible, to learn Torah and perform mitzvot. We should ask for financial success so we can raise children, provide them with a Torah education, dispense charity, and help support religious institutions.

The Mishna in Masechet Berachot relates that the “hasidim harishonim” – the “pious men” of the earlier generations – would spend a full hour preparing for each of the three daily prayers. We are not told, however, what they did during that hour. How did they prepare? Did they do meditation? Did they recite kabbalistic texts?

The likely answer is that they spent that hour directing their wishes towards the divine will. They thought long and hard about their purpose in this world – to serve their Creator – so that everything they asked for would be directed toward this purpose. This is what these hasidim did for that hour in preparation for prayer – they developed the mindset of directing all their wishes towards Gd’s will.

Indeed, the Gemara (Berachot 31a) teaches that when one prays, “tzarich sheyechaven libo lashamayim,” which is commonly interpreted to mean that he must pay attention to the meaning of the words he recites. However, the word “lechavein” literally means “to direct.” Thus, this phrase may be read as instructing that we must direct all our wishes and desires to Gd when we pray. We are to follow Hannah’s example, and try to present our requests for the sake of Gd, to ask that He help us so that we can serve Him to the best of our ability.

This explains the Zohar’s teaching. There is nothing wrong with presenting our requests to Gd; this is precisely what we’re expected to do. But we mustn’t present our requests “like a dog” – the way an animal asks for food, strictly for its own enjoyment. Our requests must be made for a far loftier purpose, for the sake of serving our Creator.

No Need to Pay the Bill

This concept has been explained by way of an analogy to a contractor who, one morning, goes to a building materials shop to stock up on what he needs for that day’s work. He waits on line together with the other builders and contractors. But there is one difference – all the others need to pay for their materials before they leave, while this contractor just shows the cashier everything he’s taking and leaves without paying a cent.

The other customers are bewildered. Why, they ask the cashier, was that contractor allowed to run off with a wagon full of merchandise without paying?

The cashier explained that this contractor was building a house for the store’s owner. All the materials he took from the shelves were needed for this project. There was no need to pay, because he was taking goods for the owner’s benefit.

This is what happens on Rosh Hashanah, as well.

When we come before Gd asking for the “merchandise” we want, we are asked to “pay” for it. We will then pull out the “credit card,” but we likely won’t have enough in our “account” to “pay the bill.” Do we really earn all the comforts and joys that we ask for? Sure, we all have plenty to be proud of, but are we so sure that we have performed enough mitzvot and sufficiently abstained from wrongdoing to deserve all our requests – financial success, good health, nahat from all our children, and everything else?

If, however, we are “shopping” not for ourselves, but for Gd, as it were, then we don’t need to “pay.” If we approach Gd and ask that He grant us blessings to enable us to perform His will, then there is no bill to pay, and we can take what we want.

This explains the brief prayer we add in the first blessing of the Amidah prayer from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur: “Remember us for life, He who desires life, and inscribe us in the book of life, for Your sake, O living Gd.” Rav Hai Gaon (Iraq, d. 1038) raised the question of how this insertion is allowed in the first blessing of the Amidah, in which we give praise to Gd. The Talmud (Berachot 32a) instructs that we must first express Gd’s praises before presenting Him with our requests, which is why we recite three blessings of praise in the Amidah before praying for our needs. How, then, can we pray in this first blessing, “Remember us for life”?

The answer that has been given is that for this very reason we conclude, “for Your sake, O living Gd.” Before we submit our requests, we emphasize that everything we ask for is requested “for Your sake,” so we can serve Gd properly. This is certainly allowed – and appropriate – in the beginning of the Amidah.

Why are We Here?

Rosh Hashanah marks the anniversary of the creation of Adam and Havah. It is the birthday of humanity.

Therefore, as we begin the new year, it behooves us to reflect upon the purpose for why are here. Before we think about our wishes for the new year, we must first take a step back and think: “What is expected of me during the coming year? I have not been put here by accident. If I am alive, then there is a purpose to my existence. What is that purpose? What does Gd want of me? How does He expect me to contribute? What is my job, my role, here in this world?”

The “early pious ones” would spend an entire hour before each prayer service contemplating these questions. We cannot do that, of course, but at very least, let us take some time now, as the new year unfolds, to think about what it is we are here to accomplish.

Once we do, we can then draw up a “shopping list” of the things we need in order to fulfill our role. And as long as we are sincere in our desire to do Gd’s work, then our requests will be granted, and we will be blessed with a year of success, joy, health and prosperity, amen.

From the Files of the Mitzvah Man – A Small Item Can Mean the World

Pnina Souid

Sharon, a woman in her mid-40s reached out to the Mitzvah Man organization not knowing if they would be able to help her.

“I am a saleslady and am experiencing severe hearing loss. I cannot properly serve my customers because of my hearing issues. I am afraid of losing my job. The hearing loss is disrupting my life. However, I don’t want to take money from the organization. Perhaps you can find me used, refurbished hearing aids? I would be able to put some money towards that.”

The Mitzvah Man told Sharon that they usually don’t provide this item, but he would send out a text to his volunteers with her request. Refurbished hearing aids. One volunteer responded. “This must be a sign from Hashem!”

Hayim, the volunteer, explained that he has a business selling on the internet. He looks at various new items to sell but always tests them first. Recently Hayim tested hearing aids and was extremely impressed with their high quality. Hayim recently ordered the hearing aids to sell. He would be more than happy to fulfill Sharon’s request with a brand-new pair of hearing aids, free of charge.

Sharon was overjoyed when she heard the news. Now, she is able to hear well, and this has truly given her a new lease on life. While before she was merely surviving, now she feels she is thriving!

The Mitzvah Man posted this story on his personal webpage and soon after received a private message.

“My daughter Frieda is 16 years old. She is deaf in both ears. After a certain age our insurance does not cover the cost of the hearing aids she so desperately needs. She wants to live a normal life, have friends, date, marry, and have a family! Instead, she is living in a world of silence. Is there something that you can do for her?”

The Mitzvah Man reached out to Hayim who was only too happy to fulfill this additional request for a brand-new pair of hearing aids.

Mitzvah Man stated, “We often take our senses for granted. The sense of hearing, just like the sense of sight, helps us to be a part of the world around us, to be with family and friends and enjoy life cycle celebrations. Baruch Hashem, we were able to help this teenager who is so happy with a bright present and b’ezrat Hashem will have an even brighter future. Tizke l’missvot to the donor of the hearing aids. He has made a tremendous difference in other people’s lives.”

To us hearing aids may seem like such a small item. But to Sharon and Frieda, they means the world.

The Top Rated Back-to-School Backpacks

Part of back-to-school shopping is finding the best backpack for your child. Here are this year’s top-rated backpack options.

L.L. Bean Deluxe Book Pack

This backpack from L.L. Bean combines most of the features both parents and kids look for: It has a durable, weatherproof construction thanks to its ripstop nylon fabric and storm flap, a padded back panel with lumbar support, and multiple pockets for organization. Its ergonomic design equips padded, adjustable, and curved straps, along with a waist belt that tucks away when it’s not in use. Available in nine colors.

North Face Youth Recon Squash Backpack

The North Face Youth Recon Squash Backpack is designed for kids ages six to ten. This durable backpack is made of polyester with a durable water-repellent finish. It features a comfortable stitched-foam back panel for daily use, mesh water bottle pockets, and an internal name label.

Fjallraven Kanken Classic Backpack

A stylish backpack option to start your child’s school year is the classic Kanken by Fjallraven. They can stash away their school supplies in the main zippered compartment and store smaller items in the front zippered pockets and two open side compartments. It’s made from the brand’s proprietary Vinylon F material, which the brand claims is dirt and water resistant, and easily wipes clean

JanSport SuperBreak

The JanSport SuperBreak’s classic silhouette is free of the bells and whistles commonly found on many other kids backpacks. Available in more than 30 colors, this backpack has one main compartment, a front utility pocket and a side water bottle pocket.

JWorld New York Sunrise Rolling Backpack

If your child sometimes wears their backpack and other times rolls it along, this one from J World is a great choice. This convertible wheeled backpack offers the load carrying ability of a rolling bag with wheels and the portability of a school backpack. It has a durable rubber bottom that’ll withstand dragging on hard floors and pavement. For extra durability, it’s made from ripstop polyester fabric with a metal frame and reinforced edges.

Mountaintop Kids Backpack

Mountaintop’s kids backpack is made of a water-resistant polyester material that can withstand unexpected rain showers. Ideal for kids ages three to six, it has a main compartment to hold books, folders, and other school essentials and has an elastic mesh pocket in the front for additional storage.

North Face Jester Backpack

If your child carries a laptop or tablet to school, the Jester backpack from The North Face features a padded laptop sleeve that can protect their tech from falls, bumps, and contact with other gear inside the main compartment. The brand also boasts a padded back panel and breathable lumbar panel certified by the American Chiropractic Association. Available in 16 colors.

Terra Thread Zem Mini Backpack

Sustainability can still be part of your child’s school supplies. This option from Terra Thread is certified by the Global Organic Textile Standard and is made from heavy-duty 14-ounce organic cotton canvas. It’s available in 14 colors and patterns and you can machine wash it in cold water for added peace of mind

Dear Jido – September 2021

Dear Jido,

Although it is a bit early, my husband and I are already having our annual dilemma about the High Holidays. The problem is that my three children (ages 11,13, and 16) and I prefer to go to my parents’ home in Brooklyn for the holidays, while he would much rather stay home in Deal.

The last two years, I was able to convince my husband to spend the holidays in Brooklyn. But he is dead set against it this year. He said that it is only fair to take turns. However, my children feel that it is so much more fun and exciting to spend the holidays with their cousins in Brooklyn.

I know my husband reads your column regularly. So, I’m hoping that you can offer some sage advice and he will change his mind.

Signed,

Holiday Hopper

Dear Holiday Hopper,

It is certainly nice to know that your husband enjoys my column. Let’s see if he feels the same way after reading about himself.

Classic answer – one year you go to Brooklyn, one year you stay in Deal. Compromise. After all, isn’t that what marriage is all about?

I don’t particularly think so. Now you might be thinking, okay, so what’s so bad? One year he will be unhappy and one year the kids will have to learn to deal with it and they’ll be unhappy. You know, that’s not what really happens. If your husband is unhappy, you will also be unhappy. If your kids are miserable, then both of you will be, too. In short, everybody loses. Every year.

So how do you find a solution? Well, we already know why you and the children want to go, but why doesn’t your husband? He likes sleeping in his own bed? He wants to pray with his rabbi and friends? He doesn’t like your mother’s cooking? They raised the tolls on the Verrazano, and he refuses to pay?

When you fully understand his position, then you can more easily arrive at a solution that works for both of you. The idea is to come up with a third plan where you both win. Perhaps the 16-year-old goes to Brooklyn and some younger Brooklyn cousins come to your house. Perhaps you invite your parents and some cousins to Deal. Maybe you convince his learning partner to go to Brooklyn to his parents so your husband will have someone to pray with (if that’s why he wants to stay).

But let’s say that nothing works. Then here’s the sage advice:

Shalom bayit is number one. Bottom line, it is up to the husband to be the leader and keep shalom in the family. If Hashem could have His Name erased to keep peace and if He could change Sarah Imenu’s words to prevent discord, then the man of the house has to be flexible and giving enough to make sure that at this most holy time of the year, that his house is blessed with peace. Mr. Hopper, it’s up to you.

Tizku leshanim rabot.

Jido