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The Lighter Side – August 2020

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August 2020

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The Specialist

Doctor: You really must stop smoking or I’ll have to refer you to a specialist.

Herb: Really? What kind of specialist?

Doctor: A mortician.

Jack V. Grazi

The Chicken Coup

A woman walked into a store and requested a chicken. The butcher, who only had one bird left, didn’t want the woman to think that she was getting leftover stock, so he reached into his ice box and pulled out the lone chicken without letting on that it was the last one.

“That one is too skinny, do you have one a little larger?” she asked.

“Of course” said the butcher. He took the chicken behind the counter, away from view, and made a lot of noise rolling it around the ice as if he were searching for just the right chicken. He then pulled out the same chicken and showed it to her.

“Better,” she said. “Do you have one that’s a little prettier?”

The butcher took the chicken, rolled it in the ice again and offered it up a third time.

“Great,” the woman said. Relieved and proud of his clever ploy, the butcher was about to wrap the bird up for the lady when she said – “I’ll take all three.”

David D.

Watching the Neighbors

Tommy: Mom, I think the people who are living next door are really, really poor!

Mother: Now why do you say that Tommy?

Tommy: Because you should have seen the fuss they made when their baby swallowed a dime!

Danny F.

Domestic Vehicles

A new government study has found that the average American car now weighs 300 pounds more than it did ten years ago. However, this is only true, if the average American is sitting in the car.

Ezra H.

Medicine in the Military

I didn’t enlist in the Army – I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, “Can you read the letters on the wall?”

“What letters?” I answered slyly.

“Good,” said the doctor. “You passed the hearing test.”

Albert N.

Auto Theft

An elderly Florida woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into. Hysterical, she explained her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cried. The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.” A few minutes later, the officer on the scene radios in. “Disregard,” he says. “She got in the backseat by mistake.”

Ellen Z.

Exercise Visualization

A woman needed encouragement to keep pedaling the exercise bike at her gym. So my friend, the gym manager, said, “Close your eyes and imagine you are riding along Broadway in New York City – it will be more interesting.”

Inspired, the woman cycled on, but after a minute she stopped.

“What’s wrong?” asked my friend.

She replied, “The traffic light is red.”

Ralph T.

The Cookie Crime

A very troublesome eight-year-old boy was caught by his teacher stealing a bag of cookies from the cafeteria. His mother was called to school and the boy was brought before the principal.

“What did you steal?” asked the principal.

“A bag of cookies” the boy replied.

“How many cookies were in the bag?” the principal inquired.

“Three,” the boy said.

“Fine, so for the next three days you will stay in detention for two hours after school instead of going home,” the principal decided.

Just then, the boy’s mother spoke up and asked if she could say something.

“Yes, what is it?” the principal asked.

The mother said, “He also stole a bag of M&Ms.”

Raymond S.

Watermelon Wars

The local kids would sneak into Farmer Fred’s watermelon patch at night, and eat their fill of watermelons. One day, Farmer Fred came up with a way to discourage this money-losing situation. He put up a sign that read: “Warning! One of these watermelons has been poisoned!” He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off that night without eating any of his melons. But when Fred returned to the watermelon patch the next day, although he found that none of the watermelons had been eaten, he did find a surprise. Next to the sign he had put up, was another sign that read: “Now there are two!”

Carol L.

Picture This

An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented, “These are very good. You must have a good camera.”

A short time later, when the guests finished the meal, the photographer complimented the hostess saying, “That was a delicious meal. You must have some very good pots.”

Sari A.

Supermarket Sass

I was in the express line at the store, quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Then, the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So, which six item would you like to buy?”

Lauren E.

College Currency

Stanley: “I don’t like to brag, but I am putting two kids through college.”

Bob: “Really? I didn’t even know you had one kid, let alone two!”

Stanley: “I don’t – they both belong to my auto mechanic.”

Abe C.

Legal Eyesight

Irving, an 84-year-old man, was a witness in a burglary trial. The defense lawyer asked Irving, “Did you actually see my client commit this burglary?”

“Yes,” said Irving, “I plainly saw him take the goods.”

The lawyer asked again, “Irving, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?”

“Yes,” said Irving, “I saw him do it.”

Then the lawyer asked, “Irving, we all know that you are 84 years old, and at your age your eyesight is probably failing. Just how far can you see at night?”

Irving replied, “I can see the moon – how far is that?”

Joe L.

The Special Pie

Wanting to make a good impression on her new boss, Jennifer brought in a homemade apple pie. When the boss got home, he cut a piece and took a bite. It was so horrible that he immediately spit it out and threw the rest in the garbage. The next day Jennifer asked her boss how he liked the pie. Thinking fast, he replied, “A pie like that doesn’t last very long around my house!”

Jack V. Grazi

The Case – Scrambling For Camping

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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Jack operates a large summer camp that services his community annually. After collecting deposits from many applicants for the summer of 2020, he needed to cancel the camp’s opening because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Although it was perhaps legal for him to open as scheduled, nevertheless, the restrictions imposed by the state with regard to the number of campers allowed and various other regulations made it nearly impossible for him to operate at a profit. Furthermore, Jack was concerned for the safety of his campers, and opening the camp would seemingly jeopardize the wellbeing of all involved. Upon cancellation, the parents requested their deposit money in return. Many applicants were disappointed with Jack’s decision not to open and were scrambling to find other options for their children’s summer vacation and needed the funds to apply elsewhere. Jack turned to our Bet Din for guidance and instruction. Is Jack required to return the deposits? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

An Important Notification

Due to the current COVID-19 crisis, many financial disputes have emerged and are presently being settled by qualified rabbinical courts around the globe. It is important for parties in dispute to submit their respective claims to competent halachic authorities. The laws governing a pandemic are detailed and complex, and only an experienced Bet Din with a broad knowledge of monetary law can rule accurately. The following article highlights only some of the research done for this case, as part of the information is too intricate to record and is beyond the scope of this article. Since no two cases are the same, it is not recommended to apply this ruling even to a similar case, as often minor details can substantially sway the outcome of a decision. Nevertheless, it is valuable for us to study the laws of the Torah and acquire a basic understanding of monetary laws that apply to a pandemic.

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a transfer of funds from a buyer to a seller constitutes a valid transaction. Such a transaction can potentially require both parties to fulfill the remaining terms of their contractual agreement. Hence, even prior to the actual shipping of merchandise, or the start of employment, the transfer of funds creates a relationship between two parties. As per reneging on a sale after funds were transferred, a severe chastising is imposed by a Bet Din on such an individual. For further details on this topic, one is to contact a competent halachic authority, as such information is beyond the scope of this article.

The above ruling is applicable to all standard forms of payment. If, however, the payment provided was in the form of a registration fee or the like, the law differs. Since payment of a registration fee is merely to secure a spot, it does not constitute a transaction that binds the parties to perform as per their agreement. Hence, if either party elects to back out of a deal, the deposit or registration fee is either forfeited or returned. In short, when a party reneges after a registration fee was already paid, the only exposure is the refunding or forfeiting of the money transferred.

Hence, according to Torah law it is irrelevant whether a camp does not open because of a nationwide disaster like a pandemic, or because of a financial decision. In both instances the registration fee is required to be refunded to the parents. As mentioned, the deposit was transferred by the parents to secure a spot for their child in camp. Once camp is cancelled and the spot is unavailable all monies must be refunded.

A Bet Din will at times formulate a payment plan for debtors to reimburse creditors in an efficient and reasonable manner. Quite often a debtor simply does not have the financial stability to pay back the money owed, and in order to enable payment a payout plan is required. Nevertheless, the debtor is not entitled to determine the terms of payment, nor may he demand that the money he owes serve as a credit for camp enrollment for next year.

In instances in which the money collected was rightfully used for preliminary camp expenses, the above ruling may differ. A separate hearing and ruling are necessary to resolve such matters.

Needless to say, parents are entitled to a refund of their deposit even if they are not in need of the money. Torah law makes no distinction between the rich or poor when ruling on a monetary dispute.

By contrast, there are times when one is liable for damages beyond the forfeit of a deposit. If, for instance, a party secures a spot in a camp and subsequently backs out at the last minute, the camp is entitled to payment to offset their loss. A Bet Din will first verify that the camp originally had other potential campers that they turned away, and that presently a replacement camper is not available, before imposing payment for the loss incurred.

VERDICT: Refundable

Our Bet Din instructed Jack the camp owner to refund all money he collected in March. Since the money paid by the parents was to reserve a spot for the upcoming camp season, they are entitled to a complete refund upon Jack’s cancellation. Regardless of whether Jack cancelled because of pandemic restrictions or due to personal financial considerations, he is required to return the funds. Jack was aware early on that the pandemic could possibly force camp to remain closed and he wisely chose not to carelessly use the money collected. Although Jack suggested that the funds serve as a credit for next year, our Bet Din rejected his proposal. While this ruling somewhat put Jack in an uncomfortable financial position, it nevertheless represented Torah law. In the long run Jack will benefit from complying with this ruling, as he will gain the confidence and trust of the parent body he yearly services. Maintaining a good reputation is clearly more valuable than unearned money.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

But You Gave Your Word

Steve and Jennifer were actively pursuing the purchase of Sam’s home for nearly a year. Sam owned a desirable property and was clearly holding out to get his price. Eventually, Steve and Jennifer conceded to pay Sam’s price and in late February they shook hands and verbally committed to the deal. While the lawyers were preparing the final draft of the contract for the sale, the coronavirus spread throughout the Tri-State area. As soon as the couple internalized the potential financial effects of the pandemic, they notified Sam that they were reneging on their word to buy his property. Sam was flabbergasted by the turn of events. In Bet Din, he presented a list of three buyers that he turned away after Steve and Jennifer agreed to the deal. Sam claimed that these buyers were no longer available, and that one buyer already closed on another property. Steve and Jennifer expressed their potential financial hardships and were unwilling to commit to the purchase even at a lower price.

Are Steve and Jennifer required to keep their word and purchase the property? Is Sam entitled to compensation for his loss? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Riddles – August 2020

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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SUBMITTED BY ISAAC P.

Can you arrange the letters in the four odd phrases below to reveal the names of U.S. states? Ignore the spaces – they’re only there to confuse you!
COOL ROAD
A FRAIL COIN
SAW NOTHING
IN NAVY PLANES

Last Month’s Riddle: Clothing Code
A new clothing store just opened. The owner has devised his own method of pricing items. A vest costs $20, socks cost $25, a tie costs $15, and a blouse costs $30. Using the owner’s method, how much would a pair of pajamas cost?

Solution: The pricing method consists of charging $5 for each letter required to spell the item. So, a pair of pajamas would cost $35.

Solved by: The Mizrahi Family, Oma G., Esther Guindi, Ruthy Jradeh, Rachel Jradeh, Henry Jradeh, Jinstein Jradeh, The Shmulster, Maureen E., and Big Mike.

Junior Riddle: Wordplay

SUBMITTED BY KAREN C.

You know that one comes before two, but where does two come before three, and four come before six?

Last month’s Junior Riddle: The Invisible Apple
There are 20 people in an empty, square room. Each person has full sight of the entire room and everyone in it – without turning his head or body, or moving in any way (other than the eyes). Where can you place an apple so that all but one person can see it?

Solution: Place the apple on one person’s head.

Solved by: Hailey and Abby G., Esther Guindi, Ruthy Jradeh, Rachel Jradeh, Henry Jradeh, Jinstein Jradeh, Jackie M., and Big Mike.

Exploring The Marvels of Creation Through a Torah Perspective

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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Exploring The Marvels of Creation Through a Torah Perspective

“Bereishit bara Elokim et hashamayim ve’et ha’aretz – In the beginning, Gd created heaven and earth.” (Beresheet 1:1)

When Hashem created the world, He gave us joy and beauty in every square inch. He gave us the sky and the clouds, the moon and the stars, and the sun in all its awe and glory. On the ground, He planted grass and trees and flowers, each bearing the seeds to create more of the same. He poured the rivers and oceans, stacked the mountains and dug the valleys, and placed every speck of dirt and sand in between.

No architectural plan could have produced such brilliance, and no designer could have imagined something so intricate and complex.

But Hashem did not stop there.

The fish and the fowl came next, and the animals – thousands and thousands of them, each unique in its varied shapes and sizes, each exceptional in its own way. When man was created, imagine the splendor that he feasted his eyes upon!

And yet here we are, standing upon the very same earth, enjoying the very same grandeur every morning when we open our eyes. What a miracle.

Freddie Harari, Community’s editor-in-chief, has always been in awe of the wonders of the world. He has always felt a special appreciation for everything about nature, from the dandelion to the leaf, to the apple and banana…from the speedy cheetah to the slow-moving tortoise, and from the ferocious tiger to the peaceful dove; and especially, to our own human capabilities.

When we see the miracles of nature, when we appreciate the wonders that keep us alive, when we contemplate all the things in this world that reflect Gd’s infinite wisdom and the purpose of creation, we are inspired to revere Him in the most powerful way possible. And when we share these wonders and miracles with our children, we set them along the path of awe, reverence, and love for Gd.

Coloring the Mind

This passion led Freddie to launch his newest endeavor: The Jewish World of Wonders KIDS MAGAZINE.

Freddie sees this groundbreaking publication as the perfect way to color the minds and imaginations of children while imparting Torah ideals. He says that kids will become excited “over the weird, the wonderful, and the everyday.” They will be encouraged to get involved, to write letters, join contests, and ask questions, while learning and exploring different continents and countries through vibrant photographs and fascinating scientific information. Most importantly, all this will be presented through the prism of our timeless Torah tradition.

Inspiring fellow Jews with the wonders of the natural world has been a passion of Freddie’s for quite some time. Ten years ago, in 2010, he created The Jewish World of Wonders, an organization with a mission to produce creative content about the beauty and wonders of Hashem’s creations. What began as a weekly newsletter sent to 100 people via email steadily grew into a monthly publication distributed to 1,000 homes in the Jersey Shore region. Two years later, it expanded into a regional publication, and was distributed monthly to 12,000 homes. The magazine became a popular teaching tool in numerous yeshivas and outreach programs around the world. Topics such as the weather cycle, the planets, animals, and other aspects of nature were explored in depth, always with the goal of showing the irrefutable presence of our Creator in our midst.

In 2013, Freddie and Jack R. Cohen, executive publisher of Community Magazine, meshed their efforts to combine the two publications, integrating some fun and fresh content into Community, with Freddie becoming editor-in-chief.

Even while managing Community Magazine, Freddie continued developing the Jewish World of Wonders, turning his attention to publishing large hardcover books and producing almost a book a year for the last seven years.

“Honestly, the only reason I put out the first book was because I was unable to find any animal books with a Torah perspective,” Freddie explains. “I wanted to publish one, as I thought it would bring something of interest for everyone. I think that people of all ages are fascinated by animals and their unique traits.”

A Glimpse Into Hashem’s Greatness

every month, topics such as human anatomy, astronomy, the animal kingdom, planet earth, medicine, meteorology, and other aspects of nature will be explored in depth, always with the goal of showing the irrefutable presence of our Creator in our midst.

The vibrant publications investigate topics such as the wild world of the animal kingdom, the underwater world, and thousands of other features of our planet and our universe. There’s even a book focused on kids cooking, identifying every fruit, grain, and vegetable, yet another dimension of Hashem’s infinite wisdom. These volumes present a chock full of information in a fun and inventive way.

On a personal note, I remember devouring Highlights magazine as a child in the Yeshivah of Flatbush. I still have visions of a lobster in the picture puzzles, and problem-solving that included going to the store on Saturday. These things bothered me then, and I’m sure they bothered the administration, too. Still, the information was always exciting and the opportunity to learn about vast new worlds was invigorating. What’s magnificent about Freddie’s new kid’s magazine is the way everything comes back to Hashem and to our beliefs. For every fact presented there is a piece of Torah information to go along with it. There is always a reminder to be a good person and good friend, and to treat others with love and respect.

The magazine introduces characters such as Professor Noe Ital (pronounced “know-it-all”), Chef Shiri, Heather the weather girl, Makpid & Maikel, and Peleh the Boy Wonder, and features science, tech talk, and current events. It offers answers to questions like, “What is brain freeze?” “How many stars are there in the universe?” and, “What makes a tornado spin?” There is history and humor, and novel Torah insights on topics of faith. There are fun and educational word games and bits about astronomy, zoology, and even creative arts. There are puzzle pages, riddles, and news of record breakers, and through it all there is a clear message of love for Hashem.

For the purpose of writing this article I was lucky enough to receive a copy of each hardcover book and a preview of the new magazine. My three grandsons and my curious husband are all enthralled, thoroughly enjoying learning something new from these spectacular publications every night before they go to sleep. This is a very special collection – a condensed sample of which has been included in this issue of Community to offer readers a taste of what’s to come.*

Reflecting upon this exciting venture, Freddie cites a teaching of Harav Avrohom Chaim Feuer that Gd fashioned the universe with but one purpose in mind – to shower us with unlimited kindness and love.

“I truly hope that all of my books, magazines and writings will give people a glimpse into Hashem’s greatness through the wonder of His creations,” he says. “Wherever one looks, whether on the ground, below the ground, in the waters or in the skies, one can’t help but be mesmerized by each and every one of Hashem’s creatures.”

* A 24-page sample of the KIDS MAGAZINE was included in the mailing of many – but not all – of the Community magazines.

One on One with Paulette Cohen

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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“A mother wants her child to be healthy and not suffer – there is no greater pain than when your child is not totally healthy. How would you feel if your child couldn’t attend a bris or birthday party? That is why I will never stop advocating for allergy kids.” ~~ Paulette

Meet Paulette Cohen, aka The Nut Job Mom. When her oldest daughter, Elizabeth, was diagnosed with severe allergies 11 years ago, Paulette decided things were going to be different for her child. She turned the worst situation in her life into the best one. Educating and supporting allergy moms and their families, schools, and the community became her life work. Paulette certainly educated me!

Please join me in traveling back to Paulette’s childhood and following her on her journey to becoming an allergy coach, consultant, blogger, and influencer with thousands of followers. Paulette has not only introduced dramatically positive changes to so many kids’ lives, she has also been instrumental in saving lives. Allergies can be a matter of life and death. Let’s see how Paulette’s passions and values developed and learn about the role models who inspired her.

A Little History

Paulette, one of four children, grew up in Deal, New Jersey and attended Hillel Yeshiva from grade school through high school. “I loved growing up in Deal, it’s so laid back and there is an effortless mentality and vibe there.”

One of the first things Paulette told me was that she wouldn’t be the person she is today without the immense support of her family (including her two brothers and sister), husband, and friends.

Very early in our conversation, I noticed that Paulette was so poised and present for a woman of 33. She confided she gravitates to older people because of her strong desire to grow and to constantly learn.

Paulette’s mom recalls that Paulette was a sweet, quiet, calm, and kind child, the type who gave away her party candy bags to her siblings. Her father called her smart and said she could achieve whatever she applied herself to. She found her voice as a teenager and blossomed into “a confident person, a force to be reckoned with, not afraid of challenges, and succeeding at whatever she was passionate about.” One of Paulette’s main passions was medicine. From an early age she was always interested in all things medical.

Paulette’s mother and grandmother were strong role models while she was growing up. They had a knack when it came to diagnosing childhood illnesses based on reported symptoms. Paulette insists she inherited this trait from them.

She still chooses to read a medical journal over watching a movie. Paulette says, “I am also a very no-nonsense person. People say I am real. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but I do have a good sense of humor. I surround myself with positive people. Laughter is the best medicine in my opinion.” Her friends describe her as authentic, bursting with life, energetic, outgoing, fun, kind, quick witted, confident, and smart.

Paulette’s dream was to become a doctor or a psychologist, but she also yearned to be a mother. Fate intervened and she met her naseeb, Sam Cohen, seven years her senior, at a wedding in Brooklyn. The couple settled there and have three girls – Elizabeth, 12, Bette, 9, and Ali, 4. “Sammy is my rock, the love of my life, he believes in me. I wouldn’t be successful without him. Being a mom is everything to me, my children are my greatest accomplishments and make me feel alive.”

Getting the Allergy Diagnosis

Back to baby Elizabeth. She was turning one when she had her first allergic reaction. It appeared when Elizabeth was eating sesame chicken on Shabbat. The doctor diagnosed her with allergies to nuts, sesame, and environmental irritants. Four years later, Elizabeth developed asthma. Paulette experienced multiple emotions when she heard the diagnosis.

“I grew up with allergies and asthma. I understood what it meant to have life-threatening allergies. I felt so helpless and depressed. You don’t want your child to suffer, you just want your child to be healthy, not to have to carry a life-saving EpiPen.”

Paulette, who was only 20 years old, resolved that she was going to do everything within her power to make her daughter’s life as normal and anxiety-free as she could. What is normal? Having play dates, going out to family Shabbat dinners, attending camp, school, and family semahot.

Some allergy kids have severe reactions to ingestion of food that they are allergic to and also to airborne allergens. That was the case with Elizabeth.

Paulette began her research, studying whatever she could find on allergies, interviewing doctors, therapists, and nutritionists, and educating herself about food product ingredients. She went to community stores and talked to managers advising them which products are allergy free. It was easier to control her home environment when Elizabeth was young, but so challenging when she started school or visited a friend. When a mom sends an allergy child out of the house, she worries, “Will I get a call?”

The Nut Job Mom is Born

As Paulette became experienced in managing her own daughter’s life-threatening allergies, she was compelled to share her lessons learned with other allergy moms and dads. Paulette wanted to help young mothers navigate the unknown and terrifying landscape of serious allergies. Her expertise did not develop overnight, but was gained by relentlessly acquiring self-education and by real-life experience. Why “The Nut Job Mom”? Paulette was confiding to a friend that she felt like a nut job, always running around, checking food labels. “I realized I am a nut job mom! I owned it, I love it, and I would do anything to keep Elizabeth healthy and safe.”

Paulette discovered that it was difficult for people to understand what it means to have an allergy child, to see them struggle and fear for their lives. “Some people don’t get it! They say, ‘Just give the child Benadryl, it’s no big deal!’ A little deal, an allergic reaction, can turn into a child not being able to breathe!”

So much of Paulette’s work involves educating the allergy child, the family members in the household, mothers of non-allergy children, and the school administration and teachers. Paulette’s mission and strong desire to advocate for allergy children came from being highly allergic herself and then coping with her own child’s allergic conditions.

The Nut Job Mom involves several components. Paulette is an allergy coach, consultant, and blogger. She also partners with food companies (only kosher ones) to share with allergy parents which products are allergen free. “Moms are spending so much money on food. I take the guess work out of shopping for them.”

The coaching Paulette engages in with the allergy child and family is simultaneously laser-focused and heart-centered, with the child’s best interests at the forefront. When she meets with a child and parents for the first time, her goal is to enable the child to have a normal life and avoid anxieties and possible disorders. Paulette has an aptitude for listening, zoning in on the issues, and developing a plan to resolve them, while respecting the family’s privacy. “Witnessing the constructive changes in their lives is so rewarding!” Paulette may recommend another doctor if the mother expresses that her child’s physician has given up on her. Paulette clearly states that she is not a doctor and whatever recommendations she shares should be verified with one’s own doctor.

Balancing Family and Career

Paulette’s husband and children are very proud and supportive of her work. “If I have to leave the house unexpectedly during dinner to help a client, Elizabeth lights up and totally gets why I am needed,” Paulette relates. “Ali is too young to understand but Bette is very empathetic towards Elizabeth and explains to her friends that if she eats nuts, she won’t be able to hug her older sister.”

Community

Paulette sees that she has been changing the community view about allergies by educating members to understand how allergies impact the affected child and the family. Communication with both the family and the community is key and can lessen or prevent a child’s anxieties and other serious issues. Paulette also arranges programs with the Sephardic Bikur Holim Allergy Division and local yeshivot to educate people in the community. She shares her knowledge and tools in magazine articles, provides support for allergy moms via a WhatsApp Chat group, and much more. Paulette has trained the allergic child, parents, housekeepers, nannies, and grandparents in using the EpiPen, how to maintain an allergy free home, and has demonstrated how to make celebrations allergy free.

To unwind, Paulette loves to listen to music and dance. Music helps her to focus and clears her mind. Paulette is an avid reader and enjoys reading novels in addition to books on health.

What’s next? Paulette confessed that several doctors have urged her to enroll in medical school, saying she has a gift. She admits it’s a definite possibility.

Please connect with Paulette on Instagram @Thenutjobmom.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Mozelle Forman – When Your Brain Lies to You

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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Mozelle Forman – When Your Brain Lies to You

Believe it or not, there are times when our brain lies to us. Our brain is not purposely trying to steer us in the wrong direction, but rather it has traveled down many roads with you and has accumulated a lot of data along the way and has made decisions about those experiences. Now we know data can be tricky. Just look at the way the media manipulates data to make its own subjective point. Well, our brain does the same thing – analyzes an experience (data), makes assumptions about it, and then moves forward through life having decided on the outcome of every single, similar future encounter.

Look at this example. When I was about six years old I had a high fever. In the old days we were given Bayer baby aspirin – tiny orange flavored chewable tablets. As I was six, my dosage was five tablets, which I thought was so unfair because my sister who was one year younger than I was only had to take three. In any case, I bravely chewed up the aspirin and waited to feel better. Instead, about a half hour after taking the aspirin, I threw up. My six-year-old brain decided that the orange flavored tablets had caused me to throw up and forever associated the taste and smell of anything orange with regurgitating. Needless to say, to his day, some 50 years later, I still avoid anything orange flavored – orange juice, orange candy, orange ices – nada, nothing, never!

So, my brain has lied to me about orange flavor. Logically, I know I probably threw up because I had a virus. But my brain has made an association that has not been broken. This seemingly benign example has had an impact on my life, particularly as a child who refused to take baby aspirin ever again and less so as an adult who can’t stomach anything orange tasting or smelling.

Cognitive distortions are a different type of brain lie that occur when we experience stressful life events that shape our way of thinking. We tend to make negative associations and assumptions and then act on them as if they were true. My cognitive distortion “anything orange flavored will make you throw up” is an example of overgeneralization, assuming a rule from a result of one experience.

Aside from overgeneralization, there are many types of cognitive distortions that keep us stuck in negative thought patterns and cause increased anxiety and stress. Following are a few examples. When you read on you will probably be nodding your head saying, “Yeah, I do that, too!”

Catastrophizing – Believing that something is far worse than it actually is. Catastrophizing can be making a catastrophe out of a current situation, and imagining that the current situation will create a catastrophe in the future. Some might call it “blowing things out of proportion.”

Shoulds – Should statements appear as a list of ironclad rules about how every person should behave. These thoughts may go something like, “He should have called me earlier,” or, “She ought to thank me for all the help I’ve given her.” Such thoughts can lead a person to feel frustration, anger, and bitterness when others fail to meet unrealistic expectations. No matter how hard we wish we could, sometimes we cannot control the behavior of others, so thinking about what others should do serves no healthy purpose.

Heavens Reward Fallacy – The false belief that a person’s sacrifices and self-denial will eventually pay off, as if some global force is keeping score, and that the people who work the hardest will get the largest reward. A person who sacrifices and works hard but doesn’t experience the expected pay off will usually feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.

Always Being Right – In his article “15 Common Cognitive Distortions” John M. Grohol, Psy.D. writes: When a person engages in this distortion, they are continually putting other people on trial to prove that their own opinions and actions are the absolute correct ones. To a person engaging in “always being right,” being wrong is unthinkable — they will go to any length to demonstrate their rightness. Being right often is more important than the feelings of others, even loved ones.

It is quite evident that cognitive distortions have a negative effect on our self-esteem, our anxiety levels, and our relationships. In the 1960s, the psychiatrist Aaron Beck developed cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) based on the theory that most of the distress we feel about a situation comes from our beliefs about the situation and not from the situation itself. Beck believed that cognitive distortions, ways that our mind convinces us of something that is not really true, are the driving force in our experience of stress, anxiety, and depression and these cognitive distortions determine how we react in stressful times. He believed that challenging and ultimately changing these negative thought patterns were the key to reducing psychological distress. CBT uses certain techniques to help a person recognize their own negative thought patterns and come to a more realistic understanding of what is really occurring. Below are some of these techniques.

Consider alternative outcomes or reasons. We must be able to understand that our initial explanation of events is only one of many possible explanations rather that the only one there is. For example, when we react with personalization, “she didn’t invite me to the party; I knew she never liked me” we are hurting our own feelings without knowing all the facts. Instead, consider other reasons why you didn’t receive an invitation. She was limited in the number of people she could invite, and she has a large family; the invitation got lost; she forgot to include me on the text… Some people will argue that thinking of alternative explanations for a person’s behavior “let’s the other person off the hook.” And that could be a valid response if the other person was aware of your struggle…but they aren’t! The only person you are letting off the hook is yourself.

Fact vs. Opinion Challenge – Many of us are stuck with cognitive distortions because we mistake facts for opinions. Chris Rackliffe, author of 70 Life Lesson I Wish I’d Learned Sooner, suggests this fix. “Take out your journal or write out your current thoughts on a sheet of paper. Go one by one and evaluate whether each belief is a fact or an opinion. Be honest and candid with yourself. Remember that facts are objectively true and opinions are deeply-held personal beliefs and therefore may or may not apply to others outside of you. For example, “I feel fat” is an opinion. “I didn’t work out today” is a fact. The key is not to judge yourself regarding the opinions and to make behavioral changes when necessary based on the facts.

The Semantic Method – John Grohol suggests: “Every time you find yourself using a should statement, try substituting, “It would be nice if…” instead. This semantic difference can work wonders in your own mind, as you stop “should-ing” yourself to death and start looking at the world in a different, more positive manner. Shoulds make a person feel bad and guilty about themselves. “Wouldn’t it be nice and healthier if I started watching what I ate more?” puts the thought into a more curious, inquisitive phrasing.”

Thinking in Shades of Gray – To reduce the tendency to catastrophize, try to see the middle ground or gray area in a given situation. Instead of allowing yourself to think in extremes, practice rating how bad a situation truly is using a scale of one to ten with one being mild, like stubbing your toe, and ten being the worst, like someone dying. When what you are experiencing is compared to those two extremes, you begin to notice that things are not as bad as your catastrophizing had made them out to be.

If you find yourself unable to manage cognitive distortions and they are causing intense anxiety and disrupting your relationships, seek the advice of a mental health professional who can guide you with the techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy.

Mortgage Rates Forecast

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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Mortgage rates have fallen to a new all-time low.

After reaching a record 3.29% in early March, the 30-year fixed-rate average dipped to just 3.13% in June, according to Freddie Mac. The coronavirus pandemic is suppressing interest rates like few things before it. Will interest rates go lower? They might. But they could also shoot up if the economy recovers faster than expected. Why not grab an all-time-low rate while it’s available?

Questions Sellers Have About the Current Market

There are so many questions and concerns amid the Covid-19 coronavirus outbreak. The real estate market is especially hard hit and sellers are concerned. Real estate at its core is a people business. It relies on person-to-person interaction and the coronavirus necessarily limits this type of contact. As the spring selling season gets started, home sellers will have many questions. It’s important to acknowledge their concerns and to offer practical advice and concrete information to help sellers make the best decisions for themselves and their families.

The Top FIVE Concerns

Should I still try and sell my home?

Of course, there are many aspects to this question. First and foremost, the health concerns of the seller’s family have to be taken into consideration. Unless absolutely necessary, the elderly and those with underlying health issues should not allow unnecessary people into their homes, including buyers and agents. If the household is essentially healthy and is not considered high-risk, then this could be a great time to sell. Consider the advantages of lower inventory coupled with low-interest rates. As listings become rarer, the remaining inventory will get more attention, which could create better offers.

Is it safe to have people come through my home?

This is certainly a concern, but there are practical steps you can take to ensure safer home showings. See below.

What can I do to protect my family during showings?

Protect the home, family, and visitors alike by taking the following precautions:

Keep hand sanitizer at the front door to offer buyers and their agents when they enter the home.
If there is a guest bathroom, keep disposable hand towels and soap for guests to use and ask the showing agent to request all visitors who visit the bathroom use them.
Offer disposable gloves and provide a receptacle for the used gloves.
Limit the showing days and hours so you can properly clean between showings.
Have cleaning wipes handy. Request that agents wipe surfaces, door handles, and banisters that have been touched during the showing.
Ask your agent to offer virtual showings or to host virtual open houses

What happens if my buyer loses their job?

Most real estate contracts include a contingency for the buyer loan approval and funding. Now, more than ever, it’s critical to keep that contingency in place. In the unfortunate event the buyer loses their job or can no longer qualify for the loan during the contingency deadline, the parties typically cancel the contract.

Will I get a higher price if I wait to list my home?

The truth is no one knows. We don’t know how long or short the crisis will be and we don’t know how the financial market will weather the outbreak. While this is a question the seller will ultimately need to decide, the old adage about a “bird in the hand” is important to remember.

The Secret to Life and Prosperity Even During Times of Crisis

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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The Secret to Life and Prosperity Even During Times of Crisis

Every month, according to Jewish tradition, has a special theme. The month of Elul, as we know, is the month when we prepare for the judgment of Rosh Hashanah which follows, and so this month is commonly associated with teshuvah (repentance).

Of course, this is correct, but there is also a more specific theme to the month of Elul.

The Arizal (Rav Yitzhak Luria, 1534-1572) taught that each of the 12 months is linked to a certain configuration of Gd’s Name. The Name of “Havayah” consists of four letters – “yod,” “heh,” “vav,” and “heh” – and these four letters can be arranged in 12 different configurations. The standard configuration, of course, is the sequence we just mentioned – “yod,” “heh,” “vav,” and “heh” – and it is associated with the month of Nissan.

The Arizal also taught that the configuration associated with each month is embedded in a certain verse in the Torah. By identifying this verse, he explained, we can identify the specific theme of that month.

The configuration linked to the month of Elul, according to this system, is “heh,” “heh,” “vav,” and “yod.” And it is embedded within a verse in the Book of Devarim (6:25), “Utzdakah tiheyeh lanu ki” (“It will be meritorious for us when…”), the final letters of which are heh,” “heh,” “vav,” and “yod.” Significantly, this phrase includes the word tzedakah – indicating that charity constitutes the core essence of this month.

Why is specifically tzedakah the primary theme of Elul? We of course understand that giving charity is a vitally important and precious mitzvah. But why does it play such a prominent role in the month devoted to preparing for the judgment of Rosh Hashanah?

Giving in Order to Receive

The answer is actually quite simple.

The main things we wish for as we look ahead to the new year are life and sustenance. This is especially true this year, when both lives and livelihoods are threatened by the COVID-19 pandemic.

Tzedakah is the most effective means we have to achieve both life and sustenance.

Already King Shlomo taught in the Book of Mishleh (11:4), “Utzdakah tatzil mimavet – And charity saves from death.” The merit of generous charitable donations brings us life.

It also brings us sustenance. Intuitively, we assume that we need to keep our money with us in order to become wealthy. But Torah tradition teaches us that to the contrary – in order to receive money, we need to give away money to charitable causes.

One of the Hebrew words for money is “damim,” which also means “blood.” In ancient times, it was believed that once a month, a person should have blood let out of his body, so that the body can then produce new, fresh blood. The same is true of money. In order to receive more, we need to give what we already have.

Rav Haim Vital (1543-1620), the famous disciple of the Arizal, writes in his Sha’ar Hamitzvot (Parashat Re’eh) that one should never be afraid that he compromises his financial status by giving charity. To the contrary, he writes, when a person gives, he ends up increasing his assets.

This is the Torah approach to personal finances: we create wealth by giving, rather than by keeping what we have.

Elul, then, is the month of tzedakah. The best way to prepare ourselves for Rosh Hashanah, when we beseech Gd for a year of life and prosperity, is to give charity, the secret to life and prosperity.

Making the Seeds Grow

Once we properly understand the Torah’s outlook on finances, we will never be tempted to make money through unethical means. When we realize that Gd grants us blessing based on merit, we realize just how absurd it is to try to violate His rules in the pursuit of wealth.

The story is told of a certain wealthy man who built a multimillion-dollar enterprise over the course of many years, and the time came to retire. Having no children of his own, he decided he would bequeath the business to one of his 50 great-nephews. But how would he choose which one to give it to?

He gathered all his great-nephews and explained to them that he wished to retire, and would be granting this successful enterprise to one of them. He wanted to ensure, however, that the business would be in the best hands, in the hands of the one who would be most dedicated and would work the hardest to maintain and continue building it. In order to determine the best candidate, he said, he was giving all the great-nephews a bag of seeds. Each great-nephew was to take the seeds, plant them, and nurture the tree that grows. A year later, he would go around and measure each tree. The one who grew the tallest tree would have proven himself to be the one most likely to successfully grow the business.

All 50 nephews excitedly got to work planting and then watering and taking good care of their trees. The results were quite impressive. Within just a few months, all their trees grew to remarkable heights.

Except for one of them.

He couldn’t produce a tree at all. He planted the seeds in the ground and did everything right. The location was perfect, he watered them adequately, and he even consulted with the experts for advice. But no matter what he did, nothing grew. All his cousins had dazzling trees, and he had nothing.

His wife mocked him. “Did you see what all your cousins are producing?” she shouted. “You’re losing out. You don’t stand a chance. How could you miss such a precious opportunity?!”

“I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I’ve tried everything, but the seeds won’t grow.”

When the year passed, the great-uncle went around the trees with all his nephews, marveling at the incredible results.

“Wow,” he said, “this is going to be a more difficult decision than I thought. You all did such terrific work!”

But then they realized that one of the 50 cousins was missing.

They went to the place where this 50^th cousin had planted his seeds, and they saw there was nothing there. The cousins all started laughing at his lack of effort.

“Please, gather round,” the uncle announced. “I’ve made my decision.” They all immediately assembled, overcome by suspense.

“There’s something I need to tell you. All the seeds I gave you – I first boiled them in water so they could not produce anything. I made sure that none of them could ever grow into a tree. But 49 of you took other seeds and planted them in order to produce impressive trees. Only one was honest. He was not willing to compromise his integrity, not even for the sake of receiving my multimillion-dollar business. He didn’t produce a tree – because he did not abandon his values and principles.

“He is the one I am entrusting my business to. I worked very hard to build not just an enterprise, but a reputation. And that reputation is far more precious than anything else. I cannot risk sacrificing this business’ reputation by handing it over to people who are willing to cheat to make money.”

Gd, too, entrusts us with money only if He sees that we are honest and ethical, that we can be trusted to use our blessings the right way, to make our “trees” grow without deception.

This is part of the tzedakah theme that characterizes the special month of Elul. Tzedakah means not only dispensing money to help those in need, but also foregoing on potential profits for the sake of our values. The root of the word “tzedakah” – “tz.d.k.” – means “just.” We must be not only generous, but also honest and upright. As part of our preparation for Rosh Hashanah, we must carefully evaluate our financial practices to ensure that we strictly adhere to the Torah’s rigorous ethical standards – so that we can be trusted with the blessing and good fortune which we want for the new year.

Better Than Red Strings

A woman once showed me the red string around her wrist, which she had purchased for good luck. She asked me what I thought of it.

“I don’t know that much about these things,” I said, “but I know that it brings parnasah [livelihood] – “

“Great!” the woman exclaimed. “This is precisely why I bought it!”

“Wait,” I said. “You didn’t let me finish the sentence. I was going to say that it brings parnasah to the person who sold it to you. I don’t think it will do much for you.”

People today love “segulot” (“charms”), and the more unusual a segulah is, the more popular it seems to become. This is really a shame, because we have verified “segulot” for prosperity in our primary sources, as we have seen. There is no need to resort to red strings. We have already been taught how to be worthy of joy, success, and prosperity – through tzedakah, by being generous, and by being scrupulously honest.

Elul this year is like no other we’ve experienced in our lifetime. We all feel vulnerable and anxious. Professionals and government leaders have no answers, no solutions to this crisis, which is destroying lives and destroying livelihoods. As believing Jews, we instinctively direct our eyes to Gd and plead for His help. During this month leading up to Rosh Hashanah, let us make ourselves worthy of His blessings by recommitting ourselves to our timeless values of tzedakah, to strict ethical standards and generous giving. And then we will, please Gd, be deserving of a year filled with joy, health, blessing, and success, together with the rest of Am Yisrael, amen.

Spotlight on PROPEL Graduates

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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PROPEL is an organization that inspires women to generate income doing what they love while maintaining traditional values. They are proud to congratulate the following PROPEL graduates.

Clarice Soffer Zaboulani

Clarice Soffer Zaboulani is an Associate Teacher at Magen David Yeshivah Elementary School. She currently teaches Judaic Studies to third graders. After graduating from Brooklyn College and Allegra Franco School of Educational Leadership, Clarice continues to achieve. She came to PROPEL during her junior year in college. With the guidance of PROPEL and Allegra Franco, she has found her true calling and is forging a solid path to a profession she loves. Along the way, Clarice got engaged and married.

“I find each day to be meaningful and inspiring both in and out of the classroom. PROPEL has been by my side since the start. I always knew I wanted to be a teacher, but I never thought I could actually do it until I reached out to PROPEL. Ellen Ades, my career coach, constantly encourages me and supports me every step of the way. PROPEL has assisted me in furthering my education by supporting my training through the Allegra Franco School of Educational Leadership. Under the guidance of Gitta Neufeld, currently a PROPEL coach and education consultant, I have recently been accepted into a master’s program in Tanakh and education through the Herzog Tanakh Scholar Collaborative Program.”

Kim Stavrach

Kim Stavrach is a Certified Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselor. She specializes in drug and gambling addictions, as well as focusing on codependency, by supporting families affected by addiction.

“It has always been my passion to go back to college and become a social worker, as I find helping others very fulfilling. I knew going back to college would be a challenging experience at this stage in my life. I waited years for this opportunity. I am a mother of four and a grandmother. Family has always been my priority. Nevertheless, I was ready to grow, get educated, inspire, and give back. Besides, with the added income I will be able to treat my grandchildren to the extra frills.”

Jamie Bailey

Jamie Bailey, a wife and mother of four children, was one of PROPEL’s earliest clients. Jamie had a bachelor’s degree in Fashion Merchandise Management from Fashion Institute of Technology and then went back to earn her certificate as a Graphic Designer. You can check out her designs on Instagram @jamiebaileydesigns.

“As a freelance graphic designer, I offer full services from design to print in all budget ranges with all quality levels. I have worked with non-profit organizations and small businesses. A majority of my jobs are in the event industry, such as designing logos, evites, invitations, itineraries, and menus. I recently started offering event rendering, perfect for the event planner who wants to share her visions with clients. I also design custom wrappers for snacks and packaging solutions. ‘You dream it and I can create it’ is something I always tell my clients. Achieving my clients’ visions is not always easy, but I try very hard to get the job done right! Paying attention to the details is what I strive for!”

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If you are interested in a career, please reach out to PROPEL and we can help you fulfill your professional goal. Follow PROPEL on Instagram @PropelNetwork.

PROPEL 646-494-0822 | info@thepropelnetwork.org

Once Upon Thyme – Fruity Pebbles Ice Cream Bowls

Community Magazine

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August 2020

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Once Upon Thyme – Fruity Pebbles Ice Cream Bowls

Rice Krispie treats – meet your rival! These Fruity Pebbles Ice Cream Bowls are double trouble. Not only is it two desserts in one, it can hold way more than just ice cream. You can try it with mousse, fruit, trifle, snacks, and much more. They’re perfect for a party and always a hit with kids.

Makes 12

4 tbsp. margarine
10 oz. marshmallow fluff (1 standard container)
6 cups Fruity Pebbles cereal
Oil spray
1 quart vanilla ice cream
Sprinkles

Melt the margarine in a skillet over low heat and add in the marshmallow fluff.
Using a spatula, stir until well incorporated.
Turn off the fire and gently fold in the Fruity Pebbles cereal.
Spray 12 small bowls with oil.
Divide the mixture into twelve portions, and with the back of a spoon, carefully press the mixture into the bowls.
Allow the bowls to chill for 30 minutes in the freezer.
Carefully invert the bowls onto parchment paper.
Scoop ice cream into the edible bowls, add sprinkles, and serve immediately.

Recipe, Photo, and Styling By Adina Yaakov, Dietetic Intern and Recipe Developer For more recipes follow @OnceUponAThyme__ on Instagram NEW! Find more recipes on www.OnceUponaThyme.co