Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R

Rav Wolbe (Alei Shur, Vol. II, p. 186) explains that one of the most powerful forces of the yetzer hara is the power to rebel, as can be seen from the Gemara (Sanhedrin 91b):

Antoninus, the Roman emperor, asked Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi, “At what point does the yetzer hara begin to rule over a person? Is it from the time of conception, or from the time of birth?”

Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi said it is from the time of conception.

Antoninus disagreed. “If that were the case, the yetzer hara would cause the fetus to kick its way out of the womb! So it must be that the yetzer hara begins to rule over a person from the moment of birth, not before.”

Rabbi Yehudah conceded to his logic.

What kind of craziness is that? How can a fetus kick its way out of the womb before it is fully formed? It would be like a dead fish on the floor!

The Power of Rebellion

Rav Wolbe explains that the yetzer hara says, “I don’t want to be in a locked place like this! Get me out of here,” to the point of suicide. The yetzer hara cannot be under someone else’s jurisdiction. It has to be on its own. That is the koach meridah, the power of rebellion. It is this force that gets us into trouble.

Sometimes, good people start working on themselves, but instead of making steady strides, their efforts backfire and they stop, or they even decline. For example, a young yeshivah boy accepts upon himself a taanit dibbur, a fast from speech. He is not going to utter any superfluous speech all day. What happens the next day? He speaks twice as much lashon hara than on a normal day. What happened?

The young man did not deal with his desire to speak lashon hara. He merely tried to suppress it and push it down, which aroused a force of rebellion from inside of him. The boy may not have felt that force at first; he was very happy with his new commitment, with his taanit dibbur. But

the next day, it surfaced. Rav Eliyahu Dessler compares this to a spring. You can keep pushing a spring down, down, down, but as soon as you let go: BOING! – it bounces back.

Three Key Strategies

Accepting that our desires are natural, while also recognizing our capacity for discipline, involves several key strategies:

The first strategy is understanding why we have those desires. This can be accomplished through self-reflection. Taking the time to reflect on our values, priorities, and motivations can help us to understand why we have certain desires, and makes it easier to stay disciplined when those desires conflict with our long-term goals.

The next strategy is becoming mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, so that we are more aware when we are being driven by desire, and can make conscious decisions about how to respond.

The last strategy is to set clear expectations and goals that are connected to a well-defined purpose. A clear goal can give us the motivation to stay disciplined and reign in our desires.

Also quoting the spring theory, the Siftei Chaim states that when a person is working on guarding his eyes, he should not keep yelling at himself, “Don’t look! Don’t look! Don’t look!” because that has the power to backfire.

As soon as he lets go, his resolve will dissipate and his desire will spring right back.

TAKEAWAY:

The Siftei Chaim promotes a positive approach: to appreciate the opportunity to guard your eyes, and the merit you will gain when you do. In this way, you are not fighting against your yetzer hara, and thereby not activating the renegade within you.

Rabbi Ephraim Nisenbaum

The 15th day of Shevat, Tu B’Shvat, is called the New Year for Trees. Strictly speaking, this title draws a legal distinction related to the laws of tithing in the Land of Israel. Tithes must be separated from any produce grown in Israel before it may be eaten. In a given year, the fruit taken as tithe from one tree may represent the owner’s other trees of the same species. However, one year’s fruit may not be tithed for another year’s harvest.

Tradition teaches the new year for fruit begins on the fifteenth of Shevat, because most of the winter rains will have passed and the sap of the new growth has begun to flow: the dormant tree is waking from its winter sleep. A tree that blossoms before Tu B’Shvat is considered last year’s produce; if it blossoms after Tu B’Shvat, it belongs to the new year.

Other than the day’s significance for tithing, there is no source in the Talmud or Midrash for celebrating Tu B’Shvat. Yet, from later sources we find many customs regarding the celebration of Tu B’Shvat: the practice of eating various fruits, the custom of dressing in one’s Shabbat finery for the New Year for Trees, because the Torah compares the human being to a tree (Devarim 20:19).

Let us examine the comparison between man and trees in order to understand the message on Tu B’Shvat for humankind.

The tree goes through cycles in its life. The heavy-laden tree of summer empties itself of fruit in the autumn, and then slowly loses its leaves, one by one. By wintertime, the tree stands shorn of its previous glory. For all purposes, it appears to have died.

But then comes Tu B’Shvat. In the midst of the cold winter days, when all vegetation seems frozen or dead, the sap of the tree starts to flow beneath the surface bark. Rising slowly from roots buried in the hardened soil, the sap pushes its way up, pumping new life into outstretched branches that reach towards the heavens.

In life, we too often go through cycles of growth. Periods of renewal and growth may alternate with times of stagnation or dormancy. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe cites that this cycle is part of man’s nature. He adds that a person must not become disillusioned when spiritual growth seems halted; the “low” period will usually be followed by a “high” period that will yield new opportunities for growth.

That is the message of Tu B’Shvat: Even when we feel lethargic, in a rut, and seem to have lost the drive to achieve, we must not despair. Just as winter is an annual hiatus in the life cycle of trees, so bouts of lethargy and unproductivity are necessary phases in the human cycle. Just as with the coming of spring, life-giving sap moves imperceptibly through the trees to branches stretching to the sky, so we too will have renewed energy from deep within our spiritual reservoirs, so long as we set our goal heavenward.

Proper Care and Maintenance Required

There is another message in the New Year for Trees. There is a difference between trees and annual plants. Although trees require some regular maintenance, they produce fruit each year without any new planting. Plants and vegetables, on the other hand, must be reseeded each year in order to grow.

If a tree is not given proper care, however, it will die. Man is like the tree. With good maintenance, we need not start over from the very beginning with each goal we set for ourselves. We can build on past accomplishments to go even further. But, as with the tree, we require the proper care to avoid spiritual damage and to grow anew.

Tu B’Shvat inspires us to remember our similarity to the tree. We must be careful to protect ourselves, in order to strive towards greater achievements without having to constantly start over again from scratch.

Rabbi Ephraim Nisenbaum is the author of Powerlines: Insights and Reflections on the Jewish Holidays, published by Targum Press. He is also the founder and director of the Jewish Learning Connection, an outreach organization in Cleveland, Ohio.

Dave Gordon

Tal Huber was glued to the television set in her Tel Aviv area home, watching as information came in about the Hamas terror attacks on her country. “I was in shock, just like everybody else,” said the Israeli graphic designer.

“That was a nightmare for all of us, and the situation with the hostages, on top of everything, horrible. I thought at that moment I needed to act.”

As the sun came up a day later, Huber headed to her design studio, at Giraff Visual Communications, on a mission to do her part. “I knew that I cannot continue doing my regular stuff, because it wasn’t important anymore.”

A Campaign Is Born

Huber reached out to two Israeli street artists, married couple Nitzan Mintz and Dede Bandaid (yes, that’s a pseudo name), for a brainstorming session on how to get the attention of New Yorkers, who she believed would be the best test case for a marketing campaign.

“I wanted people in the streets of New York to understand the horrible situation, with a visual, emotional language,” Huber said. Those sessions inspired her to design the “Kidnapped” posters of the Israeli hostages – in bold lettering, with the hostage’s name and age.

The format was based on missing persons posters and milk carton campaigns. Initially, it was unclear how many hostages there were, so Huber and her team used the information they had at the time, uploading just twenty posters. The posters fanned across Manhattan within a day, she said.

“People were starting to see that something was wrong. They came closer to the posters, and then they understood,” she said.

The Campaign Takes Off

Soon, the posters popped up in countries in the European Union, and to Huber’s surprise, they got traction in Turkey. “That amazed me, because we didn’t expect that [spreading of posters] to be so fast,

and so big.”

Volunteer teams translated the posters into French, Italian, and Spanish, with demand growing across the world, necessitating translation of the posters into another three dozen languages. By Huber’s reckoning, all but fifty countries in the world saw the faces of the kidnapped, in three thousand cities. It was “amazing to see” how the grassroots campaign has raised global awareness of the hostage crisis. Within six months of the launch, a million posters were downloaded.

Israeli soldiers in Gaza requested posters printed in Arabic, to place them on buildings, and “show the Gazans why we were there, and that we’re not going to leave until the hostages come home.”

Previously, Huber worked on branding projects for the Maccabiah Games, and designed the official stamp for Israel’s 70th anniversary. She intentionally did not include Israel’s blue and white colors on the hostage posters so as not to “turn it into only an Israeli or Jewish” issue.

Vandalism

What was surprising for Huber were the number of times she’s been notified of posters being torn down. “This is anti-Semitism, the brutal way they treated the posters. At first, it was scary. I didn’t know how to react,” she said. In an unexpected twist, the tearing down of posters motivated donors to help her grow the project – including the funding of placing the message on billboards, vehicles, and a large screen at Times Square.

“It was funny,” Huber said regarding people’s ingenuity to smear Vaseline on the posters to make it less likely people would put their hands on them to rip them down. Users on social media took the opportunity to add some levity, by running videos of the vandalism in reverse, to make it look like vandals were putting the posters up, instead of tearing them down. “Those videos went viral and they did a good job. It gave us the opportunity to take the message louder, and bigger.”

With the benefit of hindsight, Huber realized that it became more difficult for people to hit the streets on a postering campaign in the chill of winter, beginning two months after the terror attack. “People were cold, and it was frustrating. People stopped going out for a while,” she told Community. “Looking back, I would have tried to figure out a way to solve this, and keep the movement alive, in high volume.” Fortunately, she said that government officials in the US and Europe still noticed the posters in their cities. “It started to put pressure on governments and decision makers. If I look back, I would try to figure out how to keep it [the hostage crisis] all the time in a high level of discussion.”

Recognition

In recognition of her activism, Huber received the annual Presidential Award for Volunteerism, given by the President of Israel, Isaac Herzog.

In early November 2024, Ronald S. Lauder, President of the World Jewish Congress, presented Huber with the ninth WJC Teddy Kollek Award for the Advancement of Jewish Culture. It was noted at the ceremony that “through her ‘Kidnapped from Israel’ poster art, she has raised global awareness of the Israeli hostage crisis in Gaza and kept alive the hope for their safe return.”

“It’s not my comfort zone to stand in front of a huge crowd and speak, but I did it on behalf of the kidnapped, and the people who took action, and did this campaign around the world. So, it was very important,” she said regarding the ceremony.

“I feel like things are getting back to normal, and people are forgetting, going back to their life and

continuing their life. For me, every event or every recognition, is a chance to talk about the hostages and to keep it focused for everyone.”

The Campaign Continues

For Huber, the project is now more than just a humanitarian effort. She has made personal connections with those affected. “When I first started, I got thousands of messages from the families. They knew something was going on with this campaign, and they wanted their loved ones to be a part of it. I now know all their stories. I learned about all the people who were kidnapped.”

Tala Zilberman reached Huber from Kibbutz Nir Oz, one of the hardest hit communities, where some 74 hostages lived, including the Bibas family and their well known redheaded children, Kfir and Ariel. “She [Tala] started to work with me, giving me the names and pictures of the hostages from their kibbutz.”

With 101 hostages still being held in Gaza, Huber is determined to continue her activism, until they all return home. “I won’t stop until they’re back,” she said.

“I know there’s a lot of despair, and we all get tired. We feel hopeless, feeling that we don’t know if what we’re doing is changing anything. The politicians haven’t pushed this. When the first hostages came back, there was a lot of power in the streets, and people didn’t let go.

“This is why I’m trying to keep on going. We cannot stop. I do believe that people have the power to change and influence.”

Frieda Schweky

Regular readers of my columns here know that I normally cover light community topics. This month, however, I decided to share the thrilling story of my uncle’s escape from Iran.

Allow me to begin with some family background.

A Peaceful Country Devolves Into Chaos

My father, Amin – known in the community as Danny – grew up in Iran, and has fond memories of his childhood. Prior to the 1979 Iranian Revolution, Iran was a modern country, and my father loved it there. I grew up hearing amazing stories about his upbringing. Unfortunately, he never got to give it the proper goodbye.

It was common back then for Iranian youths to go abroad for high school, and so my father was in Brookyln when the radical Islamists took over Iran in 1979. (My Uncle Benny was also studying abroad, in France.) He was thus spared the turmoil that ensued with the Mullahs’ takeover. Needless to say, he has been unable to return ever since.

Stuck in Brooklyn, he was brought up in the Syrian community. To this day, my father is the only member of his family without a Persian accent, although of course he still speaks Farsi fluently. It was here in Brookyln that he met my mother, an immigrant from Egypt (her family was ousted from their home country, as well, but that’s a story for another time…). They got married before my grandparents were able to escape Iran, and so, unfortunately, my grandparents could not meet my mom or attend the wedding.

But the story I wish to tell is that of my uncle, Sean Sabz. Born in Tehran, Iran’s capital city, in 1969, Sean led a normal life during his early years. He attended Hebrew school, spent a great

deal of time playing outside, and would do mischief with his three older brothers whenever he pleased. When he was nine years old, however, everything quickly changed.

A Muslim extremist group began overtaking what was a peaceful country. Their unambiguously-stated goal was to oust Iran’s leader, Shah Pahlavi, and replace him with the rule of the Islamist figure Ayatollah Khomeini. Chaos erupted. Sean recalls hearing gunshots and extremists screaming, “Allahu Akbar” (“Gd is the greatest,” the cry sounded by jihadists as they set out to kill in the name of their religion) outside his house for many nights. The rebels were determined in pursing their cause, and were violent. Iran’s Jewish population knew they faced grave danger, and many fled, leaving behind everything they had built over the course of their lives.

The Shah, meanwhile, announced he had fallen sick with cancer, and went to Egypt for treatment, allowing Iran to fall into the hands of the violent, fanatical rebels while he escaped.

Escape Through the Mountains

After the revolution, life drastically changed. All schools in Iran – including the Jewish schools – were temporary closed, as the new government replaced educators with radical Islamists. Schools were no longer permitted to serve both boys and girls. Jewish subjects were no longer allowed to be taught. Women and girls were required to wear hijabs in public, no matter which religion they practiced. All these new laws were enforced at the threat of death.

Sean’s parents had a lot to sort out before trying to escape, but their son, Afsheen – now known as Alfred – turned 17, which meant that if he did not flee immediately, he would be drafted into the new governing authority’s army.

Sean’s parents devised a plan, hiring drug smugglers to secretly bring Sean and Alfred out of the country, for $1,000 each. The boys were joined by two other Jewish teens, a boy and a girl.

This trip was very dangerous, and Sean personally knew of someone who died while trying to escape along this route. The plan was to travel by foot through the mountains of northern Iran to Turkey, sleeping by day in caves and journeying by night. The nights were so brutal and exhausting that by the time they were able to stop, they had no trouble at all sleeping in caves.

“One could even mistake a rock for a pillow,” Sean says.

Members of the Kurdish population, who opposed the Islamist rebels, were hiding in the mountains, and they happily fed and helped Sean and his fellow travelers for a small fee. Sean quickly learned about the Kurdish people’s unusual traditions. For example, as long as your cup was upright, that meant you wanted more tea, and when you flipped your cup upside down, that meant you’ve had enough. Sean recalls the mountain people feeding him shakshuka with a thick layer of fat on top.

“Hiking up and around mountains took a lot of energy, and for that we needed to load up on calories,” Sean says of his exhausting experience.

The smugglers were surprised by Sean and his brother’s demeanor. They had grown accustomed to smuggling scared and crying children, but the Sabz’s were just the opposite, making jokes and playing around at times along the way, despite the grueling ordeal they were going through.

“We would have to run at night,” Sean tells. “At some points, we were even riding on horses with people chasing after us and bullets flying, like in an action movie.”

When they finally made it to the Iranian Turkish border, Sean and his group were interrogated separately by the Iranian border patrol. The smugglers prepared them for this, and all their stories matched up perfectly. The story was that they were going on vacation to Turkey and fully intended to return to Iran. The group was granted passage and accepted into Turkey as refugees, because at that time, the United Nations was paying the Turkish government $1,000 for each Iranian they helped.

A Family Reunited at Last

Sean and Alfred spent two months in Turkey with limited contact with their parents, awaiting paperwork for their transfer to Israel. They eventually entered Israel on tourist visas and spent the next four years at Hadasim, a Yeshiva with dormitory facilities. Their next destination would be New York.

When the brothers arrived in Brooklyn, they met their newborn nephew, Joey – also known as Poe – my oldest brother, who had been born just 18 days before their arrival. By this time, their mother Turan (who later chose the name Rachel), my late grandmother, had already established herself in Brooklyn. However, their father – my grandfather Yoseph (who B”H celebrated his 90th birthday this past December) – remained trapped in Iran, due to false accusations. His Muslim business partner had betrayed him, reporting him to authorities as a dishonest Jewish businessman.

During the lengthy court proceedings, officials offered him freedom on one condition – that he sign a document declaring his conversion to Islam. Though not particularly religious, my grandfather responded with remarkable courage: “You can call me whatever you want, but I am a Jew, I have Jewish blood.” Over time, the court officials came to recognize his integrity and eventually granted his release. This story fills me with pride as his granddaughter (which is why I felt it important to mention, despite the deviation from my uncle’s story).

After his release, Yoseph managed to escape Iran and reunite with his family in America, though at great cost – leaving behind his home and business, and having endured years of separation from his loved ones.

Sean’s parents later relocated to Great Neck, Long Island, joining a growing community of Jewish Iranian (also known as Persian) immigrants. Sean has divided his time between Los Angeles and New York over the years. His recent travels included a business exploration trip to Cuba, and he currently works as a contractor in Los Angeles.

Today, Sean cherishes time spent with his family, including his great-nieces and nephews. He and his family make a conscious effort to exercise the freedoms and rights they nearly lost years ago – a powerful reminder of their journey and resilience.

Donald Epstein was awarded the annual Joseph M. Betesh Community Leadership Award on December 28th. The award, in memory of Joe Betesh, a’h, one of the founders of Congregation Magen David of West Deal, was presented by his son, Daniel Betesh.

Working Behind the Scenes

One of the things that makes this year’s recipient special is that he has not tried to grab the spotlight, but has often worked behind the scenes. “Since 1987, Donald has always worked in the background of the community and was involved with things that nobody knew that he was involved with,” Daniel Betesh commented. Donald, a partner in the large real estate firm Matrix Development Company, is often sought out for his expertise in business, construction, and real estate. He served as an advisor for many of the buildings that have gone up in the community. As Daniel Betesh put it, “Everyone goes to him.”

Donald was involved with the synagogue’s most recent project, a footbridge that connected Kramer Court to Brookside, which made Magen David of West Deal more accessible for those walking to the shul on Shabbat.

Donald’s community involvement is not limited to Magen David. He has been active in many community projects over the past four decades. The Chabad of the Jersey Shore went up with his help and Donald also supports the Rutgers Chabad House. Donald is very involved with the JCC, which has always been the hub of the community. Schools have operated out of the JCC (including Hillel Yeshiva in its earliest years) and the building has been crucial to many of the goings-on in Deal. Donald’s mother served as the JCC’s Executive Director, and he joined the board when he was only fifteen years old. Since then, Donald has become one of the mainstays of the JCC. He served at the JCC president for many years and participated on the national JCC board. On top of all that, he helped support the JCC financially.

He opened the JCC up to different institutions that needed a space. In the past, the JCC served as the location of Hillel Yeshiva’s hockey team (Donald himself coached the team for many years). Today, the gym is also used by Maor Yeshivah High School and Ilan High School for their sports teams.

A Little History

In the summer of 1976, Joe Betesh moved his family from Philadelphia to join the

community in Deal. In those days, the Syrian community lived almost exclusively in Brooklyn. Although Deal was a popular summer location, only a handful of families lived there year-round.

Joe Betesh bought the house on the corner of Deal Road and Whalepond, which was surrounded by sprawling forests. People thought he was crazy to move his family to join the Deal community and on top of that, he chose a house in such a remote area. But Joe Betesh was a visionary, and he envisioned the thriving community that Deal could become. He visualized in his mind the opening of a synagogue in the heart of this area. He wrote, “It was then that I had my vision – that someday those 100 homes [to be built in the area] would be occupied by community families, and the hundreds of houses surrounding it [would be] filled with community families.”

Joe bought his house from the Walter Reade family, who owned the entire forest on the west side of Deal Road. They also owned an old office building. They planned to sell the office building and build houses on the rest of the 6.29 acreage. At the closing for the Betesh’s home, the realtor told the sellers that she had a potential buyer for their office building. Joe’s wife Sonia nudged him and said, “That’s your synagogue!”

With the guidance and support of his wife Sonia, Joe went on to make a deal to buy the old office building and the surrounding 6.29 acres. He bought the property for a great price, promising the sellers that once they opened a synagogue, our community would flock to the area, as they did not drive on Shabbat and needed a synagogue building within walking distance. With Gd’s help Congregation Magen David of West Deal opened its doors in the summer of 1978. The land on which Joe Betsch envisioned 100 homes was, indeed, eventually filled by community members, and the West Deal area was born.

Joe Betesh, a Modest Team Player

Despite his many hours of hard work that went into founding Magen David of West Deal, Joe Betesh gave credit to Hashem for the birth of this area. “I feel that Hashem wrote my destiny when he moved me and my family from Philadelphia to Deal.” He was a man who showed his hakarat hatov to others, and credited two of his good friends, Charlie and Slatzy Cohen, a”h, as being instrumental in helping to start the synagogue.

West Deal prospered and grew. Joe Betsch and a team of community members led the Magen David of West Deal expansion and the construction of a new building. Community members including Charlie Saka, a”h, Elliot Dweck, Maurice Zalta, David Azar Cohen, and many others were dedicated to the synagogue and stayed connected to West Deal in the decades to come.

Once the synagogue was up and running, Joe went on to start many other institutions and programs including the Deal Sephardic Youth Center, (the predecessor of the DSN), programs for senior citizens, young adult programs, and many more.

The Joseph M. Betesh Community Leadership Award

Joe Betesh passed away in 2001. His wife, Sonia, wanted Joe’s legacy to be remembered and honored by the community. To that end, Elliot Dweck created the Joseph M. Betesh Community Leadership Award, to be presented annually to a community member who has shown exemplary leadership and service to the community.

Past recipients include Rabbi Elliot Braha, Brenda Saka, David and Al Azar, Sandy Esses, Maurice Zalta, Ralph Sasson, Morris Ashear, Elliot Dweck, and Emily Labaton.

Daniel Betesh explained what was required of award recipients. “It’s different every year but the common thread between recipients is a long period of service that positively impacted our community. These are people who made it their life mission to make our community better for us and for our future generations.”

Back to This Year’s Award Recipient

Donald was active from the beginning. He was on the synagogue’s committee and was involved with the original financing for Magen David of West Deal, participating in the presentations to local banks to get the financing needed. He was very involved in the original renovations. Staff from Donald’s offices helped to maintain the synagogue in its early years.

Donald also contributes to the quality of life in the community as the owner of two kosher restaurants 656 and Stingers. Both restaurants provide high quality kosher dining options in Deal.

Daniel Betesh noted that over the years, Donald Epstein has been influential in getting our community to where it is today. “He is someone who always cares, and someone who has always been involved. He has given decades of service to our community.”

All would agree that Donald Epstein’s Joseph M. Betesh Community Leadership award is well deserved. In his speech, Daniel Betesh concluded, “Donald Epstein exemplifies the qualities of conviction, loyalty, and intelligence. His life is a testament to the power of faith, hard work, and leading by example. Through his selfless service, Donald has touched countless lives and inspired all of us.”

Rabbi Eli J. Mansour

This month, we find ourselves in the proverbial “dead of winter,” but we are given a small taste of springtime, in the form of Parashat Yitro, which tells the story of Matan Torah, the event which we celebrate in the beautiful, joyous warmth of spring. Indeed, the latter part of this parashah is the portion which we read in the synagogue on Shavuot morning.

However, this story has a prologue which introduces it. Before we read of Gd’s revelation on Mount Sinai and pronouncement of the Ten Commandments, we are first told of Yitro, Moshe’s father-in-law, a former pagan priest, who came to the Sinai desert to join Beneh Yisrael and undergo conversion. Fascinatingly enough, the result of this seemingly unimportant episode is that the Torah portion that tells of the most significant event in human history, Gd’s revelation to give us His body of law, is called “Parashat Yitro.” Since this portion opens with the story of Yitro, and the name “Yitro” is the second word of this parashah, this became its name.

Is this merely a random coincidence, that the name of this most significant portion is “Yitro,” or might there by some deeper meaning and significance behind this name?

We must also note the irony of the fact that this parashah is named after the ultimate outsider – a man from a different country, a former leader of idolatrous cults, who joined Beneh Yisrael just prior to the Revelation. Apparently, his story, what he brought us, is so vital and fundamental that it was chosen as the appropriate introduction to Matan Torah, and to have the portion named after him.

Yitro’s Berachah

The answer to these questions begins with Yitro’s jubilant reaction upon hearing Moshe’s report of the miracles that Gd had performed for Beneh Yisrael – the plagues that befell the Egyptians, the splitting of the sea, the supernatural food and water provided in the desert, and so on. Yitro was overjoyed, and exclaimed, “Baruch Hashem asher hitzil etchem – Blessed is Gd who has saved you!” (18:10).

The Gemara (Sanhedrin 94a) finds it jarring that nobody until Yitro made such a proclamation. It is a source of great shame to Beneh Yisrael, the Gemara comments, that they did not bless Hashem for the miracles He performed for them, but Yitro did.

At first glance, this criticism of Beneh Yisrael strikes us as unfair. Beneh Yisrael sang the beautiful Az Yashir, a song of praise to Gd, following the splitting of the sea, as we read in the

previous parashah (Shemot 15). Why are they criticized for not exclaiming, “Baruch Hashem asher hitzil etchem” like Yitro did, if they actually sang a lengthy song expressing their joy over the miraculous salvation that Gd had wrought?

The Brisker Rav (Rav Yitzchak Zev Soloveitchik, 1886-1959) offered a brilliant answer, based on a halachic analysis of birkat hagomel – the blessing required after being delivered from a situation of peril.

Halachah obligates one to recite this berachah after safely emerging from one of the four following situations: captivity, illness, desert travel, and sea travel. Beneh Yisrael faced all four dangers – having been held as slaves, been dealt brutal blows by their ruthless taskmasters, traversed the sea and journeyed through deserts. Yet, at no point do we find that they recited birkat hagomel to thank Gd for rescuing them from these dangers.

The Brisker Rav explains that when Yitro declared, “Baruch Hashem asher hitzil etchem,” he did so in fulfillment of the obligation of birkat hagomel. Of course, Yitro himself did not endure these travails, and was thus not required to recite birkat hagomel, but he recited this blessing on the people’s behalf. The Shulhan Aruch (Orah Haim 219:4) rules explicitly that one who is required to recite birkat hagomel may fulfill this obligation by having somebody else recite it on his behalf. Let us imagine, for example, a gravely ill patient who has recovered, but still feels too weak to recite an unfamiliar blessing. Such a person may ask his friend to recite birkat hagomel for him, and fulfill the mitzvah by listening attentively to the berachah and answering “amen” (just as we do for the obligation of kiddush, for example).

This is precisely what Yitro did – he recited birkat hagomel on the people’s behalf. The Gemara finds fault in Benei Yisrael for failing to have recited this berachah earlier, and waiting until Yitro came along and recited it for them.

Sharing the Emotional Burden

If, indeed, Yitro’s exclamation was actually a halachic act – reciting birkat hagomel on the people’s behalf – then we can develop this point further to gain insight into Yitro’s unique character.

The Taz (Rav David Segal, d. 1667), one of the most important commentators to the Shulhan Aruch, introduces a vitally important qualification to this halachah, which permits someone to recite birkat hagomel on his fellow’s behalf. He writes that this works only if the person reciting the berachah truly and genuinely experiences the other person’s sense of joy and relief. In order for the rescued individual to fulfill his obligation through another person’s berachah, that other person must share his emotions, his feelings of jubilation over having been rescued from a perilous condition.

If so, then we must conclude that this is how Yitro felt upon hearing of the miracles that Hashem performed for Beneh Yisrael. He felt real exhilaration, as though he himself experienced this deliverance from bondage.

Indeed, the Torah uses an unusual term in describing Yitro’s joyous reaction to the stories of Beneh Yisrael’s salvation – “Vayichad Yitro” (18:9). While the word “vayichad” has been interpreted in several different ways, it seems clear that Yitro experienced a unique level of joy, which the Torah sought to emphasize by using this term. Perhaps, the Torah wishes to convey that Yitro did not merely rejoice, but truly sensed the people’s elation. He had this

unique quality of empathy, genuinely feeling other people’s pain during times of hardship, and other people’s exuberance in times of joy and triumph.

This quality of Yitro is manifest also in the next story told about him.

He observed his son-in-law, Moshe, spending the entire day working very hard, tending to the people as they brought to him their problems and disputes to resolve. Yitro urged Moshe to appoint other judges to work under him, so he would not have to shoulder this burden of responsibility alone. This was not just another instance of the all-too-familiar phenomenon of a father-in-law offering unsolicited advice to his son-in-law… Yitro, true to his nature, felt Moshe’s physical and mental stress as he struggled to guide the people all by himself, and so he stepped in to help.

Yitro thus emerges as a paragon of the quality referred to by our sages as noseh be’ol im havero (Avot 6:6) – literally, “carrying the burden with one’s fellow.” The great rabbis of mussar elaborated at great length on the importance of this quality, of sharing other people’s emotional burdens, genuinely feeling their pain and sorrow, and seeking to alleviate it as though it was one’s own. This quality is not just an important moral imperative – it is an actual prerequisite for Torah commitment. We cannot take upon the obligations of the Torah without first taking upon ourselves the obligation to look out for our fellow in distress, which requires genuinely feeling his pain.

Yitro may have been an outsider, but he brought us precisely what we needed at the exact time we needed it. We could not receive the Torah before first learning from his example of empathy.

The story of Yitro introduces the story of Matan Torah because before we accept the Torah, we must first accept the burdens of our fellow Jews. Their problems must be our problems; their hardships must be our hardships; and their joys must be our joys.

Indeed, when we look at the personalities of great Torah sages, we notice that they are not only outstanding scholars, but also people who shoulder the burden of their fellow Jews. Torah scholars have always been at the forefront of charity and advocacy work, constantly working and exerting immense efforts on behalf of individuals in distress and of the Jewish community as a whole.

It should not surprise us at all that these giants maintained their outstanding standards of scholarship even while devoting a great deal of time and attention to helping people in need – because to the contrary, shouldering the burden of others is a prerequisite for becoming a Torah scholar. It is precisely due to these sages’ outstanding empathy and concern for other people that they were able to achieve greatness in Torah – because this quality is an indispensable prerequisite for Torah devotion.

This insight speaks directly to us, as our brothers and sisters in Israel continue to deal with the pain, loss, and hardships of war. There are so many bereaved parents. There are so many widows and orphans. There are so many wounded soldiers, some with permanent conditions and disabilities. There are so many soldiers dealing with PTSD. There are so many reservists whose families are buckling under the heavy burden of life without a husband, father and breadwinner. So many parents cannot sleep because their son or sons are fighting. So many have had their homes damaged or destroyed.

“Yitroism”

As Torah Jews, we cannot for a second be indifferent to the plight of our brothers and sisters in distress. We religiously-committed Diaspora Jews must be at the forefront of the effort to lend assistance and support, in addition, of course, to our heartfelt prayers. The ABCs of Torah Judaism is “Yitroism,” empathizing with those in need, and this is our duty at this difficult time. Each of us has something to contribute, in terms of financial assistance, advocacy efforts, or logistical support for the organizations who work on behalf of Israelis affected by the war. We must each find the way we can help out and lend a hand to our beloved brothers and sisters in Eretz Yisrael.

May Hashem bless our efforts with success, bring an end to the tragedies and suffering, and send us our long-awaited final redemption, speedily and in our times, amen.