Mozelle Forman
In his seminal work, Mesilat Yesharim, Rabbi Moshe Chayim Luzzatto sets out the framework and format by which one can achieve spiritual and moral perfection. He begins the book with the following: “The root in the perfection of our service of Hashem lies in a man’s coming to see clearly, and recognize as truth, the nature of his duty in the world and the end toward which he should direct his aspiration in all of his labors all the days of his life.”
For the next 25 chapters, he defines the traits one must acquire in order to perfect one’s service of Hashem, including watchfulness, zeal, purity, humility, and holiness, and suggests to us the means by which we may acquire these traits in order to always do what is yashar in the eyes of Hashem and brings pleasure to our Creator.
While we all endeavor to improve our service to Hashem along with our moral character, Rabbi Luzzatto acknowledges that our different roles in life will necessitate variations in our approach to saintliness – the path of the Torah scholar will be different than the path of a businessman or a laborer. The teacher of the Torah must not only work on perfecting his own moral character, he must also be a role model to his disciples as a human being as well as a scholar, someone to whom we look to as an example of ethical behavior, a person of noble character.
Rabbi Michael Haber, zt”l, was such a man – a leader from whom we learned by observing the humble, respectful way he interacted with the world, who put into action all the words of our sages, walked the path of the just, served Hashem with a focused heart, and inspired so many who just wanted to make him proud because he believed in them.
A Life of High Moral Character
Mesilat Yesharim speaks of the Path of the Just, a chassid, describing a person of integrity, morality, and dignity, who possesses a sense of what is right and responsible. Rabbi Haber was someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character, a person living a moral and upstanding life as defined by the guidelines of Mesilat Yesharim. He was watchful of his ways and deeds, ensuring that he was sensitive to all. He was zealous in acquiring mitzvot for himself and helping his kahal have greater access to the mitzvot with the books he published. He walked humbly in his life, never looking around to see if his efforts were noticed and applauded. His deeds and actions were motivated by his desire to do the right thing.
The choices he made throughout his life, many of them difficult, were made with the principle that if you do what’s right and yashar in the eyes of Hashem, you will be fine. About Rabbi Haber, Rabbi Shlomo Diamond says, “He didn’t only live by the letter of the law – he lived with the spirit of the law. Even though something may have been permissible, if he believed ‘it’s not right for me,’ he would let it go. He had a keen mind that saw and understood what he needed to do.” Most strikingly, Rabbi Haber lived this life in a seemingly effortless way. He made doing the right thing seem easy.”
Life with His Eshet Chayil by His Side
With the support of his eshet chayil Molly, Rabbi Haber made, what may seem to us, hard choices. When newly married, in 1972, he made the choice to leave his job and move to Israel to learn at Yeshivat Porat Yosef. Although our sages advocated “exile yourself to a place of Torah” (Pirkei Avot 4, 18) this was almost unheard of in our community. Mrs. Haber made the hard choice to cover her hair when not even a handful of women had undertaken this mitzva. They lived modestly, without a car or telephone for 18 months. Mrs. Haber attests, “Hashem took care of us. We had a lovely life living in Yerushalayim.”
When they returned to America, Rabbi Haber began his 19-year tenure at the Lawrence Avenue Synagogue, leading the community with dedication and lots of mileage. Living two miles from the shul allowed for long walks with his children, who accompanied him to shul on Shabbat. All his sons agree this was a very special time for them to interact with their father. “Our father engaged us in conversations on our level and above our level. He made us feel as if we were everything,” recalls Rabbi Joey Haber.
Rabbi Haber subsequently moved to Brooklyn where he founded his shul Tiferet Torah in the modest basement of an existing shul. Little by little, his kahal grew and they supported the building of a synagogue, where the Rabbi was zocheh to see his dedication to his kahal come to fruition. Mrs. Molly Haber describes the rabbi’s sentiments at the inauguration of Tiferet Shaul, named in memory of Rabbi Shaul Kassin, zt”l. “The Rabbi was overwhelmed by the support and turnout at the shul. It was very meaningful. But his life was never governed by the four walls of a building. He took Torah with him everywhere.” Rabbi Moshe Haber remembers his father saying, “I am not opening a shul; I’m here to open up a place of Torah.”
Serving the Community with Love and Understanding
The way he served our community for over 40 years was always infused with a great understanding and love. Rabbi Moshe shares, “I had the privilege of working with my father in the shul these past years. He had an intuitive sense of what the community needed, when they needed to be inspired, when they needed hizuk, and what they needed to tap into their potential for growth, and he believed that everyone had that potential. Without any pressure from him – he was always light and upbeat – the community members witnessed the beauty of a life of Torah and mitzvot and were inspired to grow at their own pace.”
Rabbi Haber approached the entire community as a family. There was never a time when both he and Mrs. Haber were not available to answer questions, dispense advice, and follow up with the caller. They never took a vacation from helping the community, not even during intersession when most of the community was on vacation. Rabbi David Haber understood from observing his parent’s dedication that, “serving the community was not about convenience or making ourselves look good; the focus of community service is about the people – will they feel educated, will they feel inspired, will they feel supported?” Such was their commitment and love of the community.
Working together, the Rabbi and Mrs. Haber helped countless individuals in a harmonious, collaborative way. Rabbi Shaul Haber shares, “I think what was special about my parents’ marriage was that they both supported each other and contributed to each other in a way that let both of them shine in their own way. If you think of my parents and their service to the community – you’ll see two people who served together often, answering questions and advising each with their own very distinct personality and style, yet in such harmony and pride in one another.”
Writing to Inspire the Community
Chapter 21 of Mesilat Yesharim states, “If one possesses much wisdom, he is duty-bound to impart it to those in need of it.” Aside from leading his kahal, Rabbi Haber was a prolific author, with over 25 books to his credit. When choosing topics for the books he authored, he didn’t choose what was popular – publishing his books were not about commercial or financial success – he wrote what was necessary. Rabbi David Haber recalls, “I pointed out to my father that the books he was publishing had no revenue, they were actually costing him money to produce. He smiled at me and said, ‘David, Sephardic Press is not a business. It is about getting the books that people need into their hands. These books are for everybody and they have to be written in a way that everyone can understand.’” Books, like The Holidays, The Blessings, The Passover Home, siddurim for women, and Eternal Life demonstrate the Rabbi’s primary motive of providing the community with guidance in halacha and access to prayers.
Rabbi Diamond attests, “Rabbi Haber had an unbelievable faith in every single person in our community, that they had kedusha. And his philosophy was that if you present the Torah in a proper way, and make it tasteful, they will embrace it and their kedusha can be awakened.”
His book, The Kosher Home, an epic 800-page tome, was written in such a way that everyone could embrace and follow the halacha. He zealously researched every halacha, following the dictates of Rabbi Yehuda in Pirkei Avot Perek 4 Mishna 15 to “be meticulous in study, for a careless misinterpretation is considered tantamount to willful transgression.” Aware that any mistake engendered because of erroneous information was his to bear, Rabbi Haber researched and consulted with numerous poskim – his page of acknowledgements to those with whom he consulted is six pages long – ensuring that everything contained in the book was precise and presented the accurate halacha.
His siddurim Tefila Meshuleshet, Sefer Tefila l’nashim, and Shema Koleinu introduced and enhanced tefilla for so many women who were not afforded a yeshiva education. With an English translation and transliteration, it enabled women to pray and understand the meaning of their words.
Eternal Life, the laws of avelut according to Sephardic tradition, according to Rabbi Joey Haber, “was written as a consolation for the mourner, without any compromise on halacha, so that in their time of grief and vulnerability, they can have the comfort and consolation that they know what to do and how to do it.” Simi Mizrahi recalls, “On my way to my father’s funeral my husband handed me my father’s book, Eternal Life and my first reaction was, ‘I can’t read this book.’ My husband quietly told me, ‘Believe me you can. Your father wrote this book for you.’ And as I read it, I felt like my father was speaking to me, with a comforting sensitivity, in his soft and beautiful way.”
Thoughtful in His Deeds and Manner
His soft and beautiful way was extended to his interactions with everyone he encountered, fulfilling the first stage outlined by Mesilat Yesharim, watchfulness, the need for one to be cautious in his deeds and manner. In the preface to his book, The Kosher home, Rabbi Haber writes, “In a book of halacha, such as this one, it is necessary to reach conclusions. That we have done. However, we often mention as well, opinions that differ from our conclusions… We must all have respect for the halachic opinions of others – even if we do not follow those opinions…and not to look askance at anything that is not exactly what we do.”
This is the epitome of how Rabbi Haber approached everything in his life – with conviction and certitude of his principles alongside deep respect for his fellow man. Rabbi Moshe Haber learned from his father that, “you have to treat people with respect, speak to them in order to lift them up, that everyone deserves your attention, and no one should feel or notice a difference in how you treat them.” To be watchful of our words and deeds, to keep in mind the feelings and sensitivities of our fellow man is indeed an awesome task.
Patriarch of a Beautiful Family
While all would agree that the achievements of Rabbi Haber are great and many, perhaps his greatest accomplishment is his illustrious family. Like Hashem said of Avraham in Parashat Beresheet, Perek 18 pasuk 19: “For I know that he will instruct his children that they keep the ways of Hashem in benevolence and justice.” Hashem knew that Avraham was the kind of father who would do an incredible job of training his children to understand His ways and to adhere to the tenets of justice and righteousness. Hashem knew that he could trust Avraham to create an entire immense, multigenerational family, after him that could really accomplish His will and that is why Hashem chose him to be av hamon goyim, the father of many nations.
Rabbi Haber was zocheh to create such a family – a family of scholars each one serving in our community in such a tremendous capacity – each one unique in their Torah and dedication and devotion to the community. There is much to be learned from the parenting approach of Rabbi Michael Haber and his wife Molly. The one book that we are sorely lacking is Rabbi Haber’s book on parenting. But his children reveal some of the secrets from which we can learn the art of parenting.
Set the Right Home Environment: The optimal home environment begins with a calm, respectful interaction between parents, which models values and behavior for the children. Nechama Srour remembers, “We grew up in a relaxed, calm home. Stress was never a word in our family. Rabbi Joey Haber adds, “that’s not to say that my parents always agreed with one another. But any disagreement was done in such a respectful way that it was never dramatic or uncomfortable.”
Encourage Without Criticism: “Our father quietly but firmly told us, ‘You can and you should and you will be great,’” remembers Chani Shelby. “His message was always clear – ‘I believe in you’ – and so we believed in ourselves.” Rabbi Joey Haber recalls that the Rabbi, “would come to the classes I gave and I would never feel insecure, never fearful that he would criticize. And while he would say ‘good job,’ if he disagreed with what I said he would voice that as well, but never in a way that made me feel lacking.”
Be a Role Model: Rabbi David Haber shares, “Chazal tell us that Hashem puts tzaddikim in every generation to serve as a role model for the rest of us. For my whole life, I had a front-row seat to see such a role model in my father.” Rivka Nakash recalls, “We grew up in a home where my parents were involved with the shul, with learning and with helping people. We watched them do and enjoy what they were doing, and we automatically wanted to be like them.”
Rabbi Yaakov Haber believes the parenting he received was a unique outcome of who Rabbi Haber was. “You had to be my father to be successful in his parenting style. He had one focus in life – serving Hashem faithfully and properly. There were no competing values or goals for him. We knew what to emulate.” Chani Shelby confirms, “He was a living example of what we should aspire to be.”
At the levaya, Rabbi Ozeri expounded, “When children see a father dedicated to learning, writing, and leading and a mother who had such self-sacrifice for her husband’s learning, it’s got to happen.” Mrs. Haber says it most succinctly: “He didn’t preach it; he was it. He taught and led without saying a word.”
Make Sure Your Children Know They Are Important: Chani Shelby asserts that Rabbi Haber “mastered the art of being a father. We always felt like he was zoned into us, like we were the most important thing happening for him. I remember walking into his office where he was surrounded by a mountain of books and he swiveled around on his chair and invited me in to talk.” Simi adds, “It never occurred to us that we might be bothering him when we came into his study to speak to him. He never made us feel like we were intruding.” “And he always remembered what was going on in our lives, not just us but the grandchildren too,” adds Nechama Srour. “Every Thursday night he would take his grandsons out for cholent and when he couldn’t go out after he became ill, they would bring the cholent home to him. He was the grandpa that was attuned to all the things our children were involved in.”
Live According to Your Values: The first sentence in the Ramchal’s seminal work goes as follows, “The foundation of piety and the root of perfect service [of Gd] is for a man to clarify and come to realize as truth what is his obligation in his world and to what he needs to direct his gaze and his aspiration in all that he toils all the days of his life.” The two aspects of this statement are: 1) Clarify your obligations and 2) make all your actions a means to attain this goal. If anyone of us was asked what are our obligations in this world, we would probably respond Torah, gemilut chasadim, and family.
But if we were to examine our day-to-day actions, how many of us can say they accurately reflect our goals and the things we value in this world? Are we truly focusing on doing the right thing at all times? Rabbi Haber’s children knew what he valued, what he saw as his responsibility in this world just by watching him. They saw his dedication to Torah, to being a source of comfort and advice to those in need and understood this was the proper way to live your life.
Mrs. Simi Mizrahi eloquently describes that “he lived by his word. He was authentic and you respected him for that and didn’t want to disappoint him.” When they needed support in making a decision, he had this advice, “Do the right thing – and the right thing is always the hardest.” Chani Shelby recalls her father telling her, “As a Jewish woman you will have to choose between good and good – whatever you choose will be the right choice and never doubt yourself.” His children witnessed both the Rabbi’s and his wife Molly’s single-mindedness in their goal of living a life predicated by the Torah and mitzvot, spending hours upon hours learning Torah, and the children understood this was their parents’ way of life.
Serving Hashem Without Seeking Recognition
The Ramchal emphasizes that the motives of the righteous are always to sanctify Hashem’s name and concern for the good of the entire generation (Chapter 19). Self-interest and self-promotion can never be a goal of the righteous. Rabbi Michael Haber’s intent was never diluted by a desire for recognition but was governed by genuine humility, the recognition that talent and ability are given by Hashem, and that such blessings carry with them the obligation to strive toward the fulfillment of one’s personal potential. As his children acknowledge, “Our father never did anything for personal agenda or gain. Gaining honor was never a motive. He just wanted to help,” explains Rabbi Yaakov Haber.
Rabbi Shaul Haber adds, “My father had a strong will to serve Hashem, the will to serve Torah, the will to serve the people of our community.” His daughter Nechama Srour remembers her father’s attitude, “I’m supposed to do my tafkid – recognition is not part of the equation. Whether someone knows it acknowledges it or rewards it never occurred to him. Everything was leshem shamayim.”
What struck so many of us about Rabbi Michael Haber was his equanimity, his ability to stay level-headed, poised, and composed. His demeanor always exuded an untroubled calmness that set at ease all those who interacted with him. When you sought out his counsel, he gave you his undivided attention, and considered everything you told him. One never felt rushed or insecure in his presence. Rabbi Haber’s unflappable nature did not mean he was unemotional. His quiet demeanor did not indicate that he did not have an opinion. Avoiding machloket and having an appeasing manner was not a sign of weakness. His humility was not a sign of feeling insecure but rather portrayed a confidence that didn’t need recognition or fanfare. His authentic goodness, a genuine concern for others, and acting accordingly was his greatness.
When we remember that just as I want to be happy and do not want to hurt others and we remember that others want the same, we are cultivating goodness. When we remember that others have feelings just like ourselves, we are cultivating goodness. Goodness is from the heart, but is informed by the mind deciding the most effective action to help others. Rabbi Joey Haber admires this aspect in his father, “His goodness was probably better than his greatness. In all his greatness and all his achievements, he was good to every single person along the way.”
Inspiration and Consolation
In one of his perhaps lesser-known books, Don’t Look Down, Rabbi Haber composed his own version of Mesilat Yesharim, a book he hoped would “inspire personal growth and character improvement.” With witty anecdotes and chapter titles like Don’t look Down: Striving for Excellence, The Attic of Your Mind: Taking Action, Face the Music: Taking Responsibility, Left Field: Coping with Frustration, Rabbi Haber addresses the character traits we need to cultivate in order to improve our service of Hashem as well as our inter-personal relationships. Midway through this gem of a book, is the chapter entitled Two Ships: Dealing with Death. The Rabbi’s words here are so appropriate for our community mourning the loss of our great leader but especially for his family.
After a loss, one must pause to reflect upon the deceased’s impact upon others. The mourners must listen with pride to the stories and incidents conveyed by visitors. Yes, the loss is difficult and overwhelming. However, the mourner can take solace in the thought that his loved one made an impact upon the world…The mourner must know that death does not really end life…in effect only the physical life is over. The spiritual dimension of the person – the soul – lives on, that he or she is not powerless to help the deceased…the deeds of the living elevate the deceased. The bond remains.
The Rabbi ends this chapter with a reminder that in mourning, we are not alone, that we will be taken care of. “Gd is your Father, and you are His child.”
May his neshama have an aliya and may his family find comfort. Amen.
