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Hosha’na Rabba FAQ

Rabbi Hayim Asher Arking

What Is Hosha’na Rabba?

There are three designated days in the calendar for good judgment, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, and Hosha’na Rabba. A judge can sign a court order; however, it will only go into effect when it is handed over to the clerk. On Hosha’na Rabba decisions from Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are sent out to be delivered. On this day we can beseech Hashem, The Judge, before He hands decrees to His “clerks” to reverse His decision.

Every day of Sukkot we walk around the Torah with our lulav and etrog in hand, asking Hashem hosha’na – to please bring salvation and goodness throughout the coming year. On the last day of hol hamo’ed Sukkot, as this is the seventh time that we encircle the Torah and is the climax of Sukkot, we ask for salvation and help from Hashem in many ways, namely regarding the crops and rain. This is the why the day is called Hosha’na Rabba – hosha = save, na = please, rabba = great.

In the times of the Bet Hamikdash, circling the mizbeach with aravot was performed every day of Sukkot once, and on the seventh day – Hosha’na Rabba – seven times. This was so important, that even if it occurred on Shabbat, circling the mizbeach with aravot was still performed in the Bet Hamikdash. 

What do we do that is special on this day? 

1) We study the tikkun throughout the night reviewing the entire Sefer Devarim before midnight and then we recite Tehillim with excerpts of selihot. We recite Hashem Hu HaElokim in Shaharit as we do during the High Holidays. 

2) After Hallel, we circle the Torah seven times reciting the hosha’not prayers which are all-encompassing, as will be detailed. 

3) After the tefillah, we take a bundle of five aravot and bang it against the dirt. It is customary after banging the aravot to go back inside the bet haknesset, open the hechal, and recite Nishmat Kol Hai until (but not including) the blessing of Yishtabah

What is the meaning of the extra hosha’not prayers?

We circle around the Torah seven times with our lulav and etrog asking “hosha’na” – please help – while mentioning selihot that upon each segment highlight the merit of one of the seven ushpizin, the first one corresponding to Avraham, the second to Yishak, etc. 

After the seventh circuit, we then build upon the refrain of hosha’na to more and more steps of beseeching, totaling ten steps. 

  1. Hosha’na – we open with the core prayer that we have recited every day of Sukkot, asking Hashem to save us. 
  1. Anna hoshia na – we ask for the rebuilding of the Bet Hamikdash.
  1. Ani VaHu hoshia na – we ask for salvation from oppression with the merit of the four species that correspond to parts of our body etrog = heart, lulav = spine, hadasim = eyes, aravot = lips.
  1. Anna El na Hosha’na v’hoshia na – we ask for Him to open the bounty of produce (naming wheat, barley, spelt, oats, rye, rice, millet, beans, lentils, olive trees and their oil, grapes, figs, pomegranates, walnuts, dates, apples, pistachios, almonds, chestnuts, carob, mini fruit, peaches, berries, pears, etrogim, and all types of vegetables and grains).
  1. Anna El na hosha’na v’hatsliha na – we ask to be transplanted back in Eretz Yisrael with its full blessings of bounty and water.
  1. Anna El na hosha’na v’harviha na Avinu attah We invoke the merit of Noah, Avraham, Yishak, Yaakov, and Moshe Rabbenu, who found favor in the Eyes of Hashem, and in their merit, we ask Hashem to not withhold blessed rainwater. 
  1. Anna El na refa na, selah na, hasha’na v’hoshia na, Avinu attah we invoke the merit of Noah, Avraham, Yishak, Yaakov, Moshe, and Aharon to have our prayers today be of glory, praise, cherished, etc. to carry us throughout the year.
  1. Hoshienu Moshi’enu ki lecha enenu u’lecha lishuatenuas tomorrow, on Shemini Aseret, we will switch over to ask for rain reciting morid hageshem, we pray for a year of light, blessing, etc. in Aleph Bet order. Here we ask the first four of the Aleph Bet, seemingly introducing and opening the prayer of Shemini Aseret for rain.
  1. Ha’El l’mosha’ot am nosha B’Adonai, hosha’na behasdicha meyahalim l’Adonai, ki lishuatecha kivinu Adonai, Adam u’behemah toshia Adonai, ki lishuatecha kivinu Adonai. The yearning for salvation from Hashem is the reason and source of us finding favor in the eyes of Hashem. 

We then culminate these prayers with beseeching Hashem to herald the final redemption through Eliyahu HaNavi with the recitation of kol mevaser, mevaser v’omer.

Dear Jido – October 2024

Dear Jido,

I recently took a 15-hour flight that began around midnight. I sat by a window, and both seats next to me (the middle seat and the aisle seat) happened to remain unoccupied. 

After dinner was served, a somewhat older lady (around 60), who was seated across the aisle in the center section, came and sat in the empty aisle seat in my row. She leaned over to me and humbly asked if she can take my window seat and suggested that I either take her seat in the center section or sit in one of the two empty seats in my row.

She indicated that she has a neck issue, and presumably wanted the window seat so she could rest her head against the wall, as I was planning to do. I told her I would prefer to keep our assigned seats, and I had hardly finished saying this when she nodded vigorously and seemed very embarrassed to have even asked.

However, I began to doubt whether I should have given her my seat. In the morning light, I noted that she was older than I first estimated, maybe 70 or so. I am a healthy male in my 40s. I was torn between guilt and irritation. I paid slightly extra for the window seat because I prefer it, especially if I’ll be sleeping. 

But maybe for this older woman, the polite thing would have been to give up my seat. What should I have done?

Signed,

Weary Traveler

Dear Weary,

If you were wearing a kippah and she was wearing a sheitel, then I would say it would have been the polite thing to do. However, since you paid extra for the window seat, you would not have been obligated to give up your money for a stranger.

For example, let’s say you’re leaving shul one evening after arbit and suddenly it started raining. An older gentleman who you have never met says, “Can I borrow your umbrella? I don’t want to walk home in the rain without one.” He’s walking east and you’re walking west. You might never see your umbrella again. Would you give it to him? He stays dry, you get wet. He has an umbrella and you have none. There’s something called doing more than the law requires. If that’s you – then put your jacket over your head and make a run for it.

Now, on the other hand, if you were wearing a kippah and she was obviously NOT Jewish, the right thing to do would have been to say, “You know I paid extra for this seat but if you really need it, I want you to be comfortable. Here.”  The kiddush Hashem would have been worth millions!

Nothing to feel guilty about.  Travel safe. 

Jido

IDF Crowned 2024 M&S Champions

Sam Sutton

The 2024 M&S Summer Softball season will forever be remembered as the year rookie captain Edmund “The Phenom” Beyda led his team, IDF, to a stunning World Series championship. From the first pitch in May, Beyda’s vision was clear: assemble a team that shared his intensity, passion, and desire to win the M&S Cup. The result was one of the most incredible runs in the league’s storied 17-year history.

Building the Roster

Beyda meticulously crafted his roster to mirror his competitive spirit. From speedy outfielders to hard-hitting sluggers and defensive stalwarts, each player fit into the grand design. In left field, the lightning-fast and tenacious Isaac Sasson patrolled the grass, while rising star David Buca Cohen locked down center field with his athleticism and range. The heart of the lineup revolved around slugger Bernie Pindek, whose power gave IDF a constant threat in the middle of the order.

At third base, Eric Cytryn, known for his clutch hitting and slick defense, anchored the hot corner and brought championship experience, having won the title in the previous season. Meanwhile, Yossi Abramson, a proven winner and a consistent force in right field, rounded out the outfield with his sure glove and veteran leadership.

In the infield, the soft-spoken yet impactful Joey “JoeCo” Cohen made the switch from shortstop to second base, instantly elevating the defense. His smooth fielding and quick throws complemented the infield perfectly. Longtime league veteran and future Hall of Famer Maurice Haber was the glue at first base, his steady presence on and off the field unifying the team. Jack Rueben Bibi, a versatile utility player, contributed invaluable perspective in the locker room, helping to maintain a calm and focused environment, while filling in wherever needed.

Behind the plate, Alfonse Missry was the heartbeat of the team, a gold glove-caliber catcher whose fiery personality injected energy into the dugout. Midseason acquisition Ricky “The Railroad” Rothstein was another rambunctious addition who made an immediate impact, especially in the postseason. Finally, the slick-fielding, clutch-hitting shortstop Mordy Chrem solidified the left side of the infield, rounding out what was, on paper, a championship-caliber roster.

A Humbling Regular Season and the Wild Card Push

Despite the talent on the roster, the regular season presented challenges. After a hot start, IDF hit a bump in the final week of the regular season, suffering a devastating loss that pushed them into the Wild Card round. That defeat was a humbling experience, but it also ignited the fire that would fuel their historic playoff run.

The Wild Card round was a test of resilience. Following a series of play-in games that determined the final postseason matchups, IDF was set to face the Bleacher Creatures. The stakes were high, but Beyda’s squad was not fazed. In fact, they dominated, winning in a blowout, 14-3, as their offense exploded and their defense held firm. It was a statement victory, and it sent a clear message to the rest of the league: IDF was not going to go down easily.

A Thrilling Semi-Final Battle

The semi-finals featured one of the most thrilling series in M&S history, as IDF took on the top-seeded Sarah’s Kibbes team. This was no ordinary matchup – Sarah’s Kibbes had been dominant all season, and many expected them to cruise to the finals. But IDF, having regained its confidence, was ready for the challenge.

Game One saw both teams trading blows in a back-and-forth contest, but it was Game Two that cemented this series as one for the ages. In a gut-wrenching 13-inning marathon, IDF emerged victorious, sealing the series and punching their ticket to the World Series. It was a battle of wills, and Beyda’s leadership and his team’s resilience shone through. The young captain was now back where he had set his sights all season: the World Series.

The World Series: A Matchup for the Ages

In the final showdown, IDF faced off against the Predators, captained by the legendary Michael Sabon Salomon and featuring MVP favorite Mark Barsano. This was no ordinary matchup – the Predators also had Hall of Famer Allie Marshal and last year’s World Series-winning pitcher, Yitz Sutton, on their side. Sutton had already made history by pitching the only known perfect game in World Series history, and he was looking to repeat the feat as champion.

Game One saw the Predators jump out to an early 3-0 lead, but IDF, as they had all season, refused to back down. Ricky “The Railroad” Rothstein delivered a pivotal triple into the left-field gap, setting the stage for IDF to get on the board. A sacrifice fly brought in their first run, and the momentum shifted. Cytryn drove in another run in the fifth inning, and Joey “JoeCo” Cohen added a clutch two-RBI base hit, giving IDF the lead.

The Predators had a chance to tie the game in the seventh inning with runners on second and third and nobody out. A sacrifice fly appeared to score the tying run, but the celebration was short-lived as the umpires convened and ruled that the runner had left third base early. IDF held on to steal Game 1, and suddenly, the Predators were on the ropes.

Game 2: The Championship Moment

In Game Two, IDF came out firing, building an early 4-0 lead. The Predators, however, were not ready to fold. They chipped away, cutting the lead in half by the sixth inning, setting up another dramatic finish. With two outs in the seventh, the Predators loaded the bases, bringing up their best hitter, Mark “Bam” Barsano. In a moment that would define the series, Barsano smoked a ball to third base, but Eric Cytryn – whose defense had been stellar all season – made an incredible behind-the-head catch and quickly tagged out Alan Jemal to end the game and the series.

The improbable run was complete. Edmund Beyda, in just his first year as captain, had led his team to a World Series title. It was Beyda’s second M&S Cup as a player, but this one, as captain, meant so much more.

The Legacy of the 2024 IDF Team

The IDF’s victory in the 2024 M&S World Series was not just about winning a title. It was about perseverance, resilience, and believing in a team when others doubted them. Beyda’s leadership, the clutch performances from players like Rothstein and Cytryn, and the steady presence of veterans like Haber and Bibi, created a championship-caliber atmosphere that carried them through the toughest moments.

As the dust settled on the field and the IDF players celebrated into the night, it became clear that this team had etched its name into M&S history. The 2024 season was a testament to the power of determination, teamwork, and a captain who refused to let his dream slip away.

The 17th season of M&S concluded with one of the most unforgettable championship runs ever, and the next chapter is eagerly awaited. For now, though, the IDF can bask in the glory of being the 2024 M&S World Series champions.

Mabrouk – October 2024

Births – Baby Boy

Jakey & Jacqueline Winitsky

Moshe & Alexis Rudy

Mr. & Mrs. Victor Khallouf

Sam & Rebecca Cohen

Steven & Celia Gindi

Nissim & Amanda Levy

Morris & Inez Betesh

 

Births – Baby Girl

Don & Miriam Massry

Joseph & Cynthia Kassin

Alex & Allie Chehebar

Aaron & Cynthia Maleh

Jack & Sarah Cattan

Ralph & Arielle Labaton

 

Bar Mitzvahs

Ezra, son of Jack and Rachel Yedid

Max, son of Mr. & Mrs. Selim Levy

 

Engagements

Yehudah Brown to Celia Jemal

Charles Ades to Jacquelyn Salman

JoJo Hazan to Alexa Greenstein

Zeke Kassab to Allison Saka

Eddie Salameh to Stelly Swed

Michael Guindi to Emily Sakkal

Michael Antebi to Edna Skaf  

 

Weddings

Abe Tuachi to Dee Shammah

Michael Safdie to Barbara Jurist

Jack Saadia to Raquel Katri

Joel Nasar to Teera Ades

David Azar to Maital Agami

Eli Tawil to Francine Serouya

Isaac Salame to Becky Dabah

Medical Halacha – Rescuing Those Who Endanger Themselves

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Albert is a first responder. He is on call three times a week, ready to jump to the rescue and save people’s lives. He loves his volunteer work and has saved many lives over the years. Albert presented me with the following dilemma: “Rabbi, is there any obligation to rescue people who willingly enter into dangerous situations? Am I responsible to help people who act in a reckless fashion, given that they are not willing to help themselves? And what about Shabbat? I know I’m obligated to desecrate Shabbat to save someone’s life, but does this apply even when someone deliberately endangers themselves?”

Torah Sources

The source of the Torah obligation to take action to save another person’s endangered life is the pasuk, “You shall not stand idly by the blood of another (Vayikra 19:16).” So to rephrase Albert’s question in terms of the pasuk, the question becomes:  Does this mitzva still apply when a person willingly endangers their life?

There is an additional source that one must act to save a fellow man’s endangered  life. The Gemara (Sanhedrin 73a) reasons that if we are obligated to perform hashavat aveda – to return lost property to its rightful owner, all the more so we are obligated to “return” a fellow man’s most precious possession, namely his life itself.

Picking up on this second source, the Minhat Hinuch (237:1) argues that there is no obligation to save the life of a person who deliberately threatened his wellbeing by behaving in a reckless and dangerous manner.  Since the halacha clearly states that one is not required to return lost property that was deliberately lost by its owner (HM 261:4), by extension one need not return the possession of life that was deliberately endangered by its “owner.”

Hacham Ovadia’s Ruling

Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, (Yabia Omer, OC 8:37) however, disagrees. He argues that there is a fundamental distinction between saving lost property and saving an endangered life. Whereas a person is the owner of his monetary possessions, he is not the “owner” of his life. While a person has the right to do as he pleases with his own money, he does not have the right to act recklessly and deliberately risk his life. As the Radbaz (Commentary to the Rambam, Sanhedrin 18:6) writes, “A person’s neshama it not his personal property, it’s the property of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, as the pasuk states, ‘The nefashot belong to Me’ (Yehezkel 18:4).” Therefore, even when a person acts recklessly and disregards his own life – one remains fully responsible to the Divine owner and is still obligated to save him. 

(Although we do not have the right to needlessly endanger our lives, we have explained elsewhere that it is sometimes permitted to entertain a small risk in order to obtain a meaningful positive outcome. For example, to donate a kidney or to undergo elective plastic surgery.)

Hacham Ovadia goes further, insisting that one even desecrate Shabbat to save the life of a person who has acted recklessly. This follows Maran Hida (Birke Yosef, OC 301:6), who writes, “It is obvious that we desecrate Shabbat even for someone who deliberately endangered their life.”  They reject the ruling of Responsa Shevut Yaakov (1:16) that one may not desecrate Shabbat in such instances.  

Hacham Ovadia’s ruling underscores how Judaism views every human life as precious and invaluable. “Whoever saves a single life is considered as if they saved an entire world (Sanhedrin 4:5).” “Guard yourself and exceedingly safeguard your soul (Devarim 4:9)” – do your utmost  to preserve and protect human life (see Brachot 32b). 

In light of the above, the answer to Albert’s question is that the mitzvah to save human life applies, even to someone willingly endangers their life, and even on Shabbat.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

From The Files of the Mitzvah Man Hesed Stories – Words of Thanks

Pnina Souid

The Mitzvah Man received a beautiful letter on August 21st. The letter presented below emphasizes how our contributions to this incredible organization truly impact the lives of others. The dedicated Mitzvah Man volunteers give with their hearts and souls to make a difference in the lives of those in need, including individuals living with serious challenges.

Dear Mitzvah Man Organization,

I am writing to encourage every community member, no matter where they are, to donate to the Mitzvah Man Organization.

Let me tell you the story of a boy named Moishy, who, due to unfortunate circumstances, was sent by his parents to live in a government-run home. 

Moishy is now 17 years old and is the only Jewish boy in the assisted-living home where he resides.

It is a miracle that Moishy still does his best to keep kosher and to go to shul,  a block-and-a-half away from the assisted-living home. Rabbi Shimon Hecht, founder of Chabad of Park Slope and Rabbi at Congregation B’nai Jacob, invites Moishy over every Shabbat.

Look how Hashem watches out for this neshama!

Let’s hear how  the Mitzvah Man Organization stepped up to the plate for Moishy.

Some time ago I called the Mitzvah Man hotline and asked for help to provide Hanukah presents for Moishy. The Mitzvah Man surprised Moishy in school and brought many toys that Moishy had dreamed about but never thought he would have himself.

Now Moishy is older, and needs more help. I turned to the Mitzvah Man Organization again.

Within five minutes of my phone call, I received a list of people willing to help Moishy get a particular toy and money for yom tov clothes. The hesed of the Mitzvah Man volunteers is unbelievable.

I want to personally thank the Mitzvah Man and his volunteers for showing this young man that there are still people who care for him.

I’m begging everyone, near and far, to support this great cause. The Mitzvah Man Organization is truly a lifesaver for those who are less fortunate than we are.

I wish everyone who does hesed like this to have only beracha, mazal, parnassa, and long life to continue to help others. 

Help a Jewish soul TODAY!!!

Sincerely,

B. Teitlebaum

It’s Never Too Late to Go Back to School or to Change Careers

Ellen Geller Kamaras

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream another dream.”

Are you happy at your current job?

That may be a tough question to answer. 

First, what does happy at your job really mean?   

Here are some clues.  Does your job challenge, stimulate, and fulfill you?  Does it meet your financial needs?  When you wake up in the morning do you feel energetic or anxious?

It’s never too late to make a career change or to go back to school!

Full-time employees spend 80,000 hours on the job over the course of their working lives. If you’re going to spend that much time working, why not do something that you are passionate about and brings you happiness and fulfillment?

Studies show that making a career change and learning new skills will keep your brain active and challenged. 

Factors to Consider

Many factors go into choosing a job or career.  You may have been enthusiastic about a chosen career path during college.  But now you may be intrigued by a field that may not have even existed when you decided to pursue your career.

Additionally, things may have changed not only with the economy, the job market, and technology, but also concerning your personal situation, location, or financial needs. Your priorities and values may have altered.  Or you realize the career you chose was not the right fit.

Life is not linear. It can be  a complicated journey with ups and downs.  We may feel the need to adjust our careers as our situation changes, as our values change, and as we grow older.

The Choice I Made

Around 25 years ago, I was feeling satisfied with my accounting job and work-life balance. Then  my manager announced that he was moving my position from Manhattan to Princeton, New Jersy. I was floored!  He gave me a choice – I could commute to Princeton or learn a new job at the company in NYC. 

I decided to give the new position a try.  I knew I could not manage the NJ commute. I still had children in Brooklyn yeshivot. 

The hours at the new job were more demanding and I had to learn a lot of new IT skills.  I sat for many hours with several people who I had to support and provide data to monthly.  They taught me how to upload files to financial systems and a host of other things including conflict resolution, which have all helped me in my personal and professional life.  But I was under more stress, and my new manager was tough. But I succeeded!  Adversity can breed strength.  I am proud to be technologically savvy and I became more marketable because of the job change.

My former manager recommended I read the book, Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson.  The book is a parable about mice and it demonstrates how to handle change and how to avoid pitfalls using these principles:  anticipate and prepare for change, overcome fears, envision success, and enjoy change. I resented the gesture at first, but after reading the book I agreed that someone had moved my cheese and I had to pivot to something new.

I learned that it is important to be open, flexible, and even embrace change for our personal growth, self-improvement, and so much more. Yes, change can be positive!

Try It Out

Kate Lee, an executive coach and consultant, wrote, “What makes sense for 20-year-old you is not necessarily what makes sense for the 60-year-old you.” Or for the 35- or 40-year-old you.

If you have a passion that you regret never having pursued, you owe it to yourself to revisit it.

Are you wary of taking that first step?    

Imagine waking up in the morning and feeling inspired.  You do not feel anxious or stressed, you are not headed to a job you dread.  When your feet hit the floor, you start to smile.  Feeling that way means having a career that aligns with your values and lifestyle and gives you purpose and fulfillment. 

A New Trend

Millions left their jobs in 2022.  Bonnie Dowling, co-author of the Great Attrition Report, published by McKinsey on Finance quarterly publication, says that this was not a passing trend or related to the pandemic labor market.  “There’s been a fundamental shift in workers’ mentality, and their willingness to prioritize other things in their life beyond whatever job they hold.”

A research study conducted by the American Institute for Economic Research found that in any given year, there are between one and two million older career changers.  Another finding was that 90 percent of career changers reported that once they changed careers they felt happier, less stressed, and more successful overall. And many people switch careers more than once.

In 2017, I took the leap, reinvented myself, and downsized from Flatbush to Brooklyn Heights.  To promote my new career, I began writing for Community Magazine and discovered I love to write and to connect with new people.

Practical Tips

Explore the new career you are contemplating:  Talk to as many people as possible who are in the career or industry that you want to move to.  Do your due diligence. Network and make connections.  Research the education requirements, the current job market, the opportunities, and the challenges.  Google the top careers and the related education requirements, salaries, and growth opportunities.

Ideally, arrange an internship or shadow someone before you enroll in school. I was ready to sign up for a Teaching Fellows program thinking it would be a great career change for a working mom and I would have summers off with my kids.  Thankfully, I wrote out pros and cons and discovered that I enjoy the one-on-one connection with kids more than teaching thirty children in a classroom.

Talk to your current supervisor or find a mentor in your organization.   My dermatologist has helped send several of her medical assistants to programs to learn to be physician assistants or nurses.

Register for a non-matriculated class (meaning you are not officially enrolled as a student) or for the first course in a certificate program.  That’s what I did with life/career coaching.  On the first day of class, I was mesmerized by my professor and was inspired by the concept of partnering with people to make positive changes in their lives.

Find a volunteer position, especially if you are interested in a health, educational, or public health-related field.  I volunteered at a hospital before applying to health advocacy graduate programs.  I met career changers of all ages there. 

Recognize that every career has tedious aspects.  Physicians are required to input extensive amounts of patient documentation.  A film producer must prepare a budget for each project.  And even though lawyers can now file motions online they still have a great amount of paperwork to complete.

  • Is your career making you unhappy or is it the environment, the organization, or your co-workers or your boss?   

Make sure the actual work or job responsibilities are the problem before you decide to change careers.  Are you just burnt out?  Do you need better work-life balance or shorter hours? Consider whether you cut your hours and responsibilities or can move to another division, a different office, or another organization or industry.  

  • If the work itself no longer fulfills you, what would?  

Think about what you want to gain from a career change and about what you will lose or leave behind. 

Consider consulting with a life or career coach to get clear, intentional, and strategic about your next move or career change.  There are also free career support resources in the community, such as at Sephardic Bikur Holim, Propel, OU, and the Jewish Federation.

A coach can provide a safe space to help you get in touch with what you want your career/life to look like and to help you set SMART goals and an action plan to make it happen.  It is helpful to have an accountability partner when you make any significant life change.  Many of us have an exercise or walking partner to keep us motivated and accountable when we want to create new healthy habits.

Take an inventory of your strengths, skills, and the factors contributing to your job satisfaction or dissatisfaction.  

  • Can you afford the change?  

Do you have savings or a spouse or family member who can support you while you go back to school?   Or can you take classes at night or on weekends?  If you have children, can you afford childcare while you are in school or can family pitch in?

Many people go to school at night or on weekends.  Fortunately, many programs are offered online.  If you are interested in a health-related field, recognize that even if most of your learning is remote, for some of the learning you will be required to show up in person and may be required to be present at a hospital as part of the program.

Positive Parenting – The Importance of a “Fresh Shirt”

Tammy Sassoon

Everyone naturally wants to be a part of society, whether they are three or 100. We crave connections with others, and often when people are not successful at being part of things, they pretend not to care and then engage in behaviors that actually push others away. Then, when someone says unkind things to them, they draw one of two conclusions – the other person is bad or it is me that is unlovable. (We are not saying in any way that every time someone is mean to someone, it was provoked, since sometimes people just act in hurtful ways without being provoked. What we are saying is that in many cases, when a child is not socially successful, it’s helpful to examine whether that child is inviting connection or disconnection.) 

Children often may say things like, “Nobody likes me,” without realizing that there ARE things they can do that make other people more interested in them and make themselves more “likable.” While every human being is inherently lovable, some people act in ways where others can actually sense that “lovable-ness.”

The Crumpled Shirt Metaphor

When teaching this concept, use the following metaphor: Tell your children to imagine that they are walking into a store to buy a new shirt, and they see two identical shirts hanging next to each other. The two shirts are exactly the same size, color, material, and brand. The only thing that is different about the two shirts is that one is hanging fresh and new with tags, while the other is all crumpled up without tags. Naturally, any shopper would choose the shirt that is hanging fresh and new. Now, we all know that once you wash either shirt, they would both look the same, and you’d never be able to tell which was which, because they are both, in fact, beautiful shirts. Somehow, our eyes in the store still gravitate towards that fresh shirt.

Amongst friends, we human beings are like the shirts. Let your children know that every single child in their class is a beautiful person, that everyone has a beautiful soul. If a child engages in “fresh shirt behaviors,” other children are naturally more interested in a friendship. If a child engages in “crumpled shirt” behaviors, other children are naturally not interested a friendship.

Teaching Your Kids Helpful Behaviors

Theres are so many “fresh shirt” and “crumpled shirt” behaviors. You can ask your kids to make a list for each. After you teach this idea you can always add to the list. (Remember, we never teach someone in the moment of struggle. The rule of thumb is that we don’t teach someone how to swim while they are drowning. Good teaching ONLY happens when both the student and teacher are in a calm, good mood.)

Start by giving your child at least one “fresh shirt” behavior as they start the school year; SMILING OFTEN. Let them know that people who smile often attract friends. The opposite, a “crumpled shirt behavior” would be FROWNING OFTEN

Tell your children the truth about life, that people who come across as annoyed often, or complain a lot actually cause others to be uninterested in them, just like the crumpled shirt. Then, together with your child, role-play being a student who FROWNS OFTEN, as well as being a student who SMILES OFTEN. It’s fun and eye-opening for a child to see the difference.

The great news is always that every moment is an opportunity to start fresh, regardless of what happened yesterday. Show your children that you believe in their ability to engage in lots of “fresh shirt behaviors.” If your child needs help, teach and add one skill at a time. Tell your children that you look forward to hearing all about their friends this year, as their classmates begin to see who they really are!

Sailing Relationships with R’ Ali

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali, 

I am recently married and I am a bit confused about certain marriage concepts. For example, whenever I tell my husband something about the way that he dresses, he gets so frustrated and it turns into a fight. Aren’t we supposed to be one, which means we’re on the same page on all matters? There are many other examples but they are irrelevant. I’d appreciate some clarity on this concept of being one.

R’ Ali’s Response:

This may seem like the idea of being one is a simple concept. However, this misconception is one of the biggest causes of marital friction. I write and speak about this often. Yes, once we get married we are supposed to become one. Let’s first explain what one does not mean. “One” doesn’t mean that one person dictates how the other should now behave and the other person becomes submissive and completely obliterates their individuality and who they are. That would mean that there is one person here and the other has disappeared. 

This reminds me of a joke that I heard from Rabbi Shimon Gruen. Two people got married and someone told them that they will now become one. A while later, they went back to that person and said that they’re confused, which one are they to become? The point is clear – “one” does not mean that you now take the identity of one person.

Every person has their own unique personality and individuality. Everyone has a right to their opinions, thoughts, and tastes. Of course, I’m not talking about dangerous or ridiculous behaviors. If your husband likes gray pants and you don’t, it’s his choice and you should not  tell him that he must change, all in the name of being on the same page or of being one. This can manifest itself in multiple ways, well beyond the clothes that he wears. How to raise children becomes a very sensitive topic. People will want the children to be raised a certain way. When their spouse disagrees, they get frustrated and say, “We’re not on the same page.” Really what they’re saying is, “You’re not on my page.”

So, what is this concept of being one that takes place when we get married? “One” means that you are one unit. You are two completely different individuals learning how to work together as a team. There’s no more “you,” there’s “we.” If one spouse doesn’t feel well, “we” have a problem. If one of the two is going through something emotionally or financially, “we” have an issue.

Before marriage, you were the only one who had your own personal struggles and dilemmas. Now that has changed. “One” means that we are now concerned about the unit and not only about ourselves. You wake up in the morning and think about what you both need.

Instead of saying, “I like pizza,” now you say, “ I like pizza and my husband prefers sushi.” Accepting each other’s differences and respecting them is one of the most fundamental concepts of marriage. If this concept is clear, then the stage is set for a healthy marriage. Once the lines get crossed and one person “rules” the relationship, it creates a resentful and frustrated spouse. They might do as you please or demand, but they do so begrudgingly, like a child being coerced by their parents. A husband/wife relationship is much different than the parent/child relationship.

To answer your question, stop giving him orders, especially about the way that he dresses. Believe it or not, if you would approach the situation differently he might even change his clothes. “Hey, I think you look so much better in the white shirt than in the gray one.” Now, he knows which one you prefer, and he just might change to make you happy. This really leads to another point – the more you push someone, the more they don’t want to do as you say.

This is just basic human nature and is not exclusive to men or to women. Try it, you’d be surprised how well your words are taken. Also, your husband will be happy that you mentioned something positive instead of how ridiculous he looks.

This is the way of the Torah. Words that are spoken nicely and gently are received very well. To conclude, it’s important to know that if an issue arises that seems like a halachic or hashkafic issue, a rabbi should be consulted. The ideas I mention here are a basic outline for simple mundane matters.

Words of Rabbi Eli J. Mansour – The Special Sweetness of Sukkot

When we think of the celebration of Sukkot, we naturally think of meals in the sukkah, waving the arba minim (four species), and the special prayers, such as the Hoshanot, which we recite while carrying the arba minim around the synagogue.

In the times of the Bet Hamikdash, however, this special holiday had additional features.  For example, an unusually large number of sacrifices were offered on each of the seven days of Sukkot, including a total of 70 bulls.  And, there was an especially intriguing ritual performed each day called nisuch hamayim – the water libation.

Throughout the year, many sacrifices – including the daily tamid sacrifice – were accompanied by a wine libation, the pouring of wine into a special pipe on the altar.  Each day of Sukkot, at the time of the daily wine libation, water was poured, as well.

On one level, the purpose of this mitzvah relates to the theme of water that features prominently on Sukkot.  The Mishna (Rosh Hashanah 16a) teaches that on Sukkot, which is observed at the onset of autumn, the world is judged with regard to rainfall, as to whether or not sufficient rain will fall during the winter months.  Hence, we approach Gd with a sample of the different types of vegetation (the four species) that depend on rain, and we pour water on the altar, as a means of praying for rain.

Additionally, however, there is deeper significance to the nisuch hamayim on Sukkot, one which gives us a more profound understanding of the nature of this special Yom Tov.

Mixing the Water with the Wine

Let us begin by noting a number of surprising features of the water libation that was performed on Sukkot.

First, the Mishnah (Sukkah 48b) teaches that the tube into which the water was poured over the altar was slightly thinner than the tube used for the standard wine libations.  The reason is that water is more fluid than wine, and flows more rapidly.  In order for the wine and water to descend simultaneously, it was necessary for the water pipe to be somewhat thinner than the pipe used for the wine.

This halachah, of course, works off the assumption that it was important for these two liquids to descend at the same time.  But the Mishnah does not explain why.  For what reason did the wine and water need to flow down to the bottom of the Temple courtyard at the same time?  Would it matter if the water flowed more quickly than the wine?  Moreover, why was it even necessary for the wine libation and water libation to be performed at the same time?  Why are these two linked at all?  Why couldn’t the special Sukkot libation with water be done after the daily wine libation?

This question is compounded by Rashi’s controversial opinion regarding these two pipes.  In explaining this Mishna, Rashi writes that although the wine and water were poured into separate tubes, these tubes then merged together, combining the wine and water.  According to Rashi, then, not only were these two libations performed simultaneously, but they were specifically intended to mix the two liquids, which then descended as a blended mixture down into the drainage system underneath the Bet Ha’mikdash.  Although Tosafot and other commentators challenge Rashi’s position, his view needs to be understood.  What connection is there between the daily wine libation and the special water libation performed on Sukkot?  Why did they need to be mixed?

The answer begins by an examination of the Biblical source of the nisuch hamayim obligation.

Nowhere does the Torah explicitly command pouring water on Sukkot – which is why, incidentally, the heretical Sadducee sect (“Tzedukim”), who rejected the rabbinic oral tradition, and followed only the strict, literal meaning of the text – opposed this practice.  However, the sages found a number of subtle references to nisuch hamayim, one of which appears in the command to offer wine libations to accompany the daily tamid sacrifice.  The Torah speaks of this daily wine libation with the seemingly repetitive expression “hasech nesech” (Bamidbar 28:7).  The rabbis inferred that the terms “hasech” and “nesech” refer to two different libations: the standard wine libation, which accompanied the tamid offering each day of the year, and the additional water libation which was done on the seven days of Sukkot.

It turns out, then, that the Torah introduces the mitzvah of nisuch hamayim in the context of the daily wine libations.  From the sages’ reading of “hasech nesech” it seems clear that the nisuch hamayim obligation is required on Sukkot as part of the daily wine libations.  This is not a separate mitzvah that is observed on Sukkot, like eating in the sukkah and waving the four species.  Rather, the Torah commands that on Sukkot we perform the daily libations in a unique fashion – together with water. 

This easily explains why the water libation was performed on Sukkot simultaneously with the regular wine libations, and why, according to Rashi, these liquids were actually mixed together.  The Torah precisely commands that on Sukkot, the standard wine libation accompanying the tamid sacrifice must be performed in a special way – together with wine.  The mitzvah is precisely to mix these two liquids.

Diluting Judgment with Mercy

What remains to be understood, then, is the meaning behind this mixing of water and wine.  Earlier, we mentioned that the obligation of nisuch hamayim is part of our prayer for plentiful rain during the winter months.  But if this were the full extent of the meaning behind nisuch hamayim, then why would the Torah require mixing it with wine? 

The rabbis explained that the mixing of the wine and water on Sukkot symbolizes the kabbalistic notion of mituk hadinim – the “sweetening of the judgments.”  Like all kabbalistic teachings, this concept lies well beyond the grasp of our limited comprehension.  Nevertheless, we will endeavor to understand the idea behind mituk hadinim on a level that is accessible to us.

Throughout the Yamim Noraim (High Holidays), we are subject to dinim – harsh judgment.  We are all guilty of certain misdeeds, and thus during this period of din (judgment), when Gd applies strict justice, we face the risk of being found culpable and deserving of punishment, Heaven forbid.  Therefore, during the Yamim Noraim, we are in a state of fear, and we repent and beseech Gd for forgiveness in an effort to protect ourselves from the dinim.

We might have thought that once Yom Kippur ends, and we begin the festive season of Sukkot, the force of the dinim no longer prevails, and we now enter a period characterized by compassion and grace.  But in truth, the dinim remain in force even during Sukkot.  However, instead of responding with fear, attempting to shield ourselves from the dinim, we are able to “sweeten” them, and transform the harsh judgment into kindness.  This is because on Sukkot, we come before Hashem not with fear, but rather with joy.  The Talmud famously teaches that repenting out of fear has the effect of erasing our guilt, but repentance driven by genuine love of Hashem goes even further – actually transforming our guilts into merits.  When we joyously celebrate our relationship with Gd, we not only earn forgiveness, but earn His special love and affection.

We need the period of fear, the days of the Yamim Noraim, to begin our process of repentance and change.  The prospect of harsh judgment shakes us from our complacency, and motivates us to take steps to improve.  But once we complete this stage, we advance to the next stage, which is teshuvah me’ahavah – repentance out of love.  On Sukkot, instead of reflecting on our wrongdoing and wallowing in remorse, we festively rejoice over the great privilege we have to serve our compassionate, loving Creator.  And this joy brings us much more than forgiveness – it achieves the “sweetening of judgments,” the transformation of our guilt into sources of merit, thus bringing us great blessings.

This is symbolized by the merging of the wine and the water on the altar.  The red wine signifies harsh judgment, whereas the fresh, life-sustaining water represents love and mercy.  The joy of Sukkot, the exhilaration of our relationship with Hashem, has the effect of pouring “water” onto the “wine,” in a sense “diluting” the judgments, thereby arousing Gd’s love, compassion and kindness, which we hope will remain with us throughout the coming year.

Why is this so important for us to know?

There is an unfortunate phenomenon of “High Holiday Jews,” of Jews whose attendance in synagogue and general involvement is limited to the Yamim Noraim.  I want to emphasize that these Jews should be warmly welcomed and made to feel at home; no Jew should ever be made to feel uncomfortable in the synagogue or at any religious function because of his or her level of observance.  However, this phenomenon is most unfortunate – not only because our religion is relevant to our lives each and every day of the year, but also because the Jewish experience must never be seen as focused primarily on fear.  Torah life is not about being scared, about avoiding the wrath of a harsh, mean, vengeful Deity.  Quite to the contrary, Torah life is meant to provide unparalleled joy, fulfillment and meaning.  Observing the frightening Yamim Noraim without then festively celebrating Sukkot and Simhat Torah is like stopping in the middle of a trip without reaching the destination.  The dread and fear of judgment is meant to be followed by a period of unbridled joy, celebrating our special relationship with Hashem.

The special “sweetness” of Sukkot reminds us that Jewish life is to be joyous, vibrant and full of positive energy.  It prepares us for cold, dark, dreary winter months by injecting within us a healthy dose of enthusiasm and rigor, reminding us that we are privileged to live as Gd’s faithful service, and to thus be worthy of His unlimited blessings.