Births – Baby Boy
Steven & Elaine Beyda
Aaron & Lauren Kassin
Hymie & Lily Ades
Bar Mitzvahs
Albert, son of Victor and Sheila Douek
Yehuda, son of Mr. & Mrs. Shay Cohen
Engagements
Isaac Arazi to Allegra Timsit
Sam Zalta to Joyce Mishan
Ricky Cohen to Priscilla Baranoff
Max Dweck to Joy Lati
Daniel Dahan to Karen Sasson
Weddings
Eli Mosseri to Arlette Gindi
Michael Deneff to Gabrielle Dwek
The Book of Shemot, which we begin reading this month, opens with the story of our ancestors’ enslavement by Pharaoh, and then proceeds to tell the story of their miraculous redemption.
The first step along the long, circuitous road to redemption was the birth of Moshe Rabbenu, who led Beneh Yisrael to freedom. But before telling us of Moshe’s birth, the Torah makes a point of telling us that his parents – Amram and Yocheved – got married: “A man from the house of Levi went ahead and married a daughter of Levi” (2:1). Seemingly, this verse seems unnecessary. After all, we had every reason to assume that before Moshe was born, his parents got married. Why would the Torah allocate a verse to inform us that before Moshe was born, his father and mother got married?
The Gemara’s understanding of this verse is well known – but upon further reflection, it sheds an entirely new light on the Exodus from Egypt, and provides vitally important guidance for us as we seek redemption from our current exile and from all our troubles.
Amram’s Second Wedding
The Gemara in Masechet Sotah (12a) relates that the wedding spoken of by the Torah in this verse was an extraordinary event. Amram, the religious leader at that time, had already been married to Yocheved, with whom he had fathered two children (Aharon and Miriam). But after Pharaoh decreed that all newborn Israelite boys should be cast into the river, Amram decided it was futile to continue producing children only to see them die at the hands of the Egyptian officials. He promptly divorced his wife, and then all the men in Am Yisrael followed suit, and divorced their wives just as their leader had done.
Amram’s daughter, Miriam, courageously confronted her father, and challenged his decision. She argued that Amram’s measure was actually crueler than Pharaoh’s. Pharaoh’s decree affected only the boys, whereas Amram was preventing even girls from being born. Moreover, Pharaoh decreed only physical death upon the Israelite infants, while Amram was denying the opportunity for souls to come into the world and then earn a share in the world to come after their premature death.
Amram, with great humility, accepted his daughter’s argument. He reversed his decision, and held a large, public wedding, remarrying his wife, Yocheved. The people again followed his example, and remarried, thereby ensuring the survival of Benei Yisrael. The Gemara explains that this is the wedding mentioned in the Torah. When the Torah tells of Amram marrying Yocheved, it speaks of not an ordinary wedding, but their second wedding, which followed Amram’s recognition that his initial decision, to divorce his wife, was mistaken.
Curiously, in the Gemara’s description of this second wedding, it makes a point of mentioning that Amram had Yocheved sit in an apiryon at the wedding. An apiryon is a special kind of carriage, in which the passengers sit comfortably, on cushions, while hired servants transport the carriage by poles.
We must ask, why is this detail noteworthy? The Gemara did not bother to tell us about the flower arrangements or the tablecloths at this wedding. Why did it find it important to tell us that Amram and Yocheved were carried in an apiryon?
The First Halachic Wedding
A fascinating explanation is given by the Gaon of Rogatchov (Rav Yosef Rosen, 1858-1936), in his work Tozfnat Pane’ah, where he suggests finding the answer in a mysterious comment by the Rambam, in Hilchot Melachim (9:1). The Rambam there traces the history of the mitzvot, explaining that Adam was given six mitzvot, and then a seven was added in Noah’s time, thus completing the “sheva mitzvot beneh Noah” (seven Noachide laws) which are charged upon all mankind. Later, the Rambam writes, the three patriarchs – Avraham, Yitzhak, and Yaakov – added a number of mitzvot, such as the three daily prayers, berit milah, and tithing. None of this is very surprising – but then the Rambam adds that when Beneh Yisrael were in Egypt, Amram received additional mitzvot. Without specifying, the Rambam tells us that Amram established certain mitzvot just as the patriarchs had.
The Gaon of Rogatchov points to the Gemara’s description of Amram’s second wedding as the solution to this mystery. The apiryon functioned as the huppah (canopy). When Amram remarried Yocheved, he introduced the concept of a halachic wedding, of a special ceremony whereby a bride and groom formally become married.
The Rambam, in a different context (beginning of Hilchot Ishut), describes how before the Torah was given, there was no formal wedding ceremony. If a man and woman wished to marry, the man brought the woman to his home, and they were then married. The Torah introduced the concept of kiddushin (betrothal), whereby a man creates a legal marital bond with a woman, and only after this status is conferred, he brings her home and they live together. The Gaon of Rogatchov writes that already in Amram’s time, before the Torah was given and the institution of kiddushin was established, the notion of a formal wedding ceremony preceding the couple’s union was conceived. This was Amram’s innovation at the time he marred Yocheved for a second time – that there would be a formal marriage ceremony under a huppah. And once he introduced this practice through his and Yocheved’s apiryon, everyone else followed suit. Marriage was now transformed from a simple agreement to live together into a formal, sacred bond between husband and wife.
Not coincidentally, the product of this first halachic marriage was Moshe Rabbenu. Part of what made Moshe special was this unique background – his being the child born from the first wedding with a huppah. This might be the reason why a groom declares at the time of the betrothal that he betroths the bride “kedat Moshe veYisrael” – in accordance with the law of Moshe of Israel. Special mention is made of Moshe, because he was the very first child born from a union that was formally made under a huppah.
The Sanctity of the Jewish Home
The importance of this innovation which Amram introduced is subtly alluded to us by an anonymous scholar whose numerical calculations appear in some editions of the Humash. After each parashah, these editions point out the number of verses in the parashah, and then provide a “siman” (“sign”) – a word which has the same gematria (numerical value) as the number of verses in the parashah. At the end of Parashat Shemot, we are told that this parashah contains 124 verses. And the “siman,” the word representing this number, is “vayikah” (“he took,” or “married”) – the phrase with which the Torah speaks of Amram’s second wedding. (The letters of “vayikah” equal 6 + 10 + 100 + 8 = 124.)
This is no coincidence. This word was chosen to represent Parashat Shemot because this embodies the essence of the story of redemption which begins to unfold in this parashah. It was Amram’s unique innovation, the formal ceremony of the huppah which precedes the bride and groom’s union, that paved the way for our ancestors’ miraculous redemption from Egypt
But this anonymous scholar did not stop here. He also added another word with the gematria of 124 that represents this parashah – “Ma’adi” (spelled “mem,” “ayin,” “dalet,” “yod” – 40 + 70 + 4 +10 = 124). This word has no meaning, but it is a name – the name of a family mentioned in the Book of Ezra (10:34). In this chapter in Ezra, we read the list of people who had married non-Jewish women during the time of the Jews’ return to Israel from Babylonia, but then heeded Ezra’s stern admonition, and divorced these women. This list includes the men in the families of Amram and Ma’adi.
Remarkably, we find the name Amram associated with the name Ma’adi – the name which is associated with Parashat Shemot, which tells of Amram’s innovative measure to enhance the sanctity of Jewish marriage.
The connection between these two names shows us that Amram’s innovation served the same purpose as the process underwent by the Ma’adi family – sanctifying the Jewish home. The huppah is more than just a technicality, and more than an emotional ceremony. It announces that the bond between husband and wife is sacred, and not haphazard. It signifies that a husband and wife are to create a meaningful, holy bond, and build a beautiful home that is worthy of the divine presence.
“Vayikah” and “Ma’adi” represent Parashat Shemot because they tell the real story behind our ancestors’ redemption from Egypt. They became worthy of redemption through the sanctity of marriage, of the home, of the family. It was the symbolic message of the huppah which elevated Beneh Yisrael such that they were deserving of the miraculous Exodus.
And this is how we, too, become worthy of redemption – through the sanctity of the home and family life. The secret of redemption lies in “vayikah,” in creating strong marriages which are rooted in genuine commitment and loyalty, and in the shared desire to bring Hashem’s presence into the home. There are many wonderful mitzvot which we can and should constantly be striving to perform and to enhance. But the first step in our quest for religious growth is strengthening our marriages, working to reinforce the bonds of love and devotion between spouses, to respect and cherish one another, to sacrifice for one another, and to give to one another.
The process of redemption begins at home, in the most important relationship that a person has – the relationship with his or her spouse. By constantly working to enhance this relationship, we will also succeed in enhancing our relationship with all our fellow Jews, and our relationship with the Almighty, so that we will be worthy of the final redemption, speedily and in our days, amen.
Consequently, yeshivot, synagogues, and institutions that adhere to traditional views of family and marriage may find their tax-exempt status and access to a wide range of federal programs on the chopping block.
It’s not just about teaching children the basics, which Sephardic yeshivot excel in doing. It’s also about being forced to insert progressive values into the classroom.
Machla Abramovitz
On December 8, the Respect for Marriage Act passed the House of Representatives by a vote of 258 to 169, with 39 Republicans breaking ranks to join 219 Democrats on the motion. It also won bipartisan support in the Democratic-controlled Senate in late November, with 12 Republican senators crossing party lines to vote for the legislation. Despite its innocuous-sounding name, this bill does not strengthen traditional concepts of marriage. On the contrary, it codifies same-sex and interracial marriage protections.
Rabbi Uziel Admoni, the founder of Charity Safebox (which investigates the integrity of charities and tsedaka appeals) and a rebbe at Congregation Bnai Yosef, had anticipated its passing since June, when the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and sent the abortion issue back to the states. Rabbi Admoni advocates for Libah Yehudit, an organization with the full backing of Israel’s two Chief Rabbis and other rabbis in Israel and the United States. The organization strives to counter the infiltration of woke (leftist “progressive”) values into the educational system and the medical profession in Israel and the United States. Rabbi Admoni believes that there are real and dire dangers posed to Torah Judaism worldwide.
Torah Values Under Attack
“Forces in Israel and America are united in infiltrating the Jewish schools and getting anti-Torah changes enacted,” Rabbi Admoni states. “In Israel, regardless of who is prime minister, school boards and medical officials have high-ranking positions in all areas, especially in the education and medical ministries. The money is flowing in in great numbers from the U.S. to destroy Torah values of kedusha and morality, and to change those values into an anti-Torah Reform agenda of toeivah.”
What are these forces? “The American Reform movement is working with the New Israel Fund Wexner Foundation, the ‘Israel’ lobby J Street, and progressive anti-Israel billionaire George Soros. Together, they are promoting progressive leftist agendas that fall under the radar. In Israel, schools today teach children about Christianity, about their right to question their gender identities, and encourage the use of puberty blockers. They are out to destroy the Jewish nuclear family.”
Rabbi Admoni’s warnings, though, are not limited to progressive efforts in Israel. “Whatever happens in Israel happens here – but a lot worse. It will be too late if we don’t push back now.”
Potential Fallout from the Respect for Marriage Act
And with the passing of the Respect for Marriage Act, matters are about to become even more challenging for organized Jewish communities and Torah-observant Jews in America.
We don’t yet know the full extent of the consequences of this Act, which theoretically protects federal recognition of non-traditional marriages. Even though the Supreme Court legalized these marriages in 2015, this bill was meant to act as a backstop should a future highly conservative Supreme Court overturn the initial ruling and send this matter back to the states, as with Roe v. Wade.
One might ask, how concerned should faith communities in America be? After all, doesn’t the Act only strengthen an already existing law? But, appearances can be deceptive. According to former prosecutor and National Review columnist Andrew C. McCarthy, “The purpose of the legislation is to provide progressive activists with a cudgel to beat religious believers into submission. If that were not the case, Congress would readily have adopted the amendment offered by Senator Mike Lee (R., Utah). The only plausible rationale for rejecting it [Lee’s amendment] is that proponents of the Respect for Marriage Act precisely intend for it to be deployed as a litigation weapon. For the Left, it is not enough to tolerate same-sex marriage; you are to laud and celebrate it - or else.”
Senator Lee’s amendment prohibited “the federal government from retaliating against any person or group for adhering to sincerely held religious beliefs and moral convictions about marriage” by protecting the First Amendment (Freedom of Religion and Speech) rights of all religious groups and individuals.
If McCarthy is correct, the passing of this Act has now put all religious non-profits and every religious American Jew on notice.
Non-Profits With Traditional Views Are at Risk
Consequently, yeshivot, synagogues, and institutions that adhere to traditional views of family and marriage may find their tax-exempt status and access to a wide range of federal programs on the chopping block. Small businesses, such as web designers and kosher caterers, as well as religious adoption agencies, foster care agencies, and medical facilities, are also not immune. These businesses and institutions might be forced to close or face endless lawsuits and harassment.
Really? Think back to the Colorado bakery that refused to bake a cake for a non-traditional wedding on religious grounds. The couple, who could have approached other bakeries willing to accommodate their needs, chose to sue this bakery for discrimination, testing the limits of the 2015 Supreme Court decision on marriage. They won their case under the state’s anti-discrimination law. After losing many appeals, the bakery took its case to the Supreme Court (Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission), claiming its rights under the First Amendment. The bakery won its suit, but the Court’s opinion was narrow, referencing only this case. The couple involved had expressed exceptional hostility to the bakery’s religious views. It is still unknown how a future court would rule in cases involving florists, bakers, photographers, web designers, and others claiming religious objections.
Freedom of Religion, Freedom of Speech on Trial
Perhaps case 303 Creative LLC v. Elenis, currently before the Supreme Court, will provide some insight. Jonathan Turley, attorney and George Washington University Law School professor, predicts it could be “one of the most important free speech cases in history.”
Lorie Smith, a Christian Colorado website designer, refuses to design websites for same-sex weddings and wants to post a message on her website explaining her position, which a Colorado law prohibits her from doing. Even though she based her Supreme Court appeal on freedom of religion claims, the Supreme Court chose to focus on free speech.
Conservative Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh noted, “The case comes down to a narrow question: How do you characterize website designers? Are they more like the restaurants, jewelers, and tailors, or more like the publishing houses and the other free speech analogs raised on the other side?” Given Twitter’s unilateral decision to censor the opinions of users and news stories it has disagreed with before, during, and after the 2020 US elections – exposed in Twitter owner Elon Musk’s recently released Twitter files – the Court’s ruling will prove highly timely and relevant.
Will there be more court challenges in the future? There are indications that this conservative Court is leaning in favor of Smith and freedom of expression, but whether its eventual decision will boost religious freedom remains to be seen. Endless litigation requires vast amounts of money, which the progressive Left, financially supported by billionaire donors such as Soros and Silicone Valley, seems eager to supply.
Will Yeshivot Be Pushed to Teach Ideologies Abhorrent to the Torah?
There might also be other challenges to consider: Will the Act give additional fodder to the progressives’ push to force yeshivot to include non-traditional marriage education and different woke ideologies into their curriculum?
Rabbi Admoni is convinced it will. After all, the progressives have been highly influential in the public education system for years, focusing primarily on yeshivot in New York State.
In September, a State Board of Regents ruling required that all private schools prove that they are providing students with “basic” secular education (equivalent to public schools) or risk losing government funding and even being shut down. The ruling resulted from a lawsuit brought by a parent against Yeshiva Mesivta Arugath Habosem in Williamsburg under the instigation of YAFFED – Young Advocates for Fair Education, who claims to advocate “for the educational rights of ultra-Orthodox children in New York.”
The decision issued by State Education Commissioner Betty Rosa requires yeshivot and education officials to develop “an improvement plan,” giving the NY State Education Department the final say. The ruling, the NY Times gloated, “served as a stern rebuke of the administration of Mayor Eric Adams whose Education Department this summer reported to the state that, in its judgment, the yeshiva was complying with a law requiring private schools to offer an education comparable with what is offered in public schools.”
“They are now interfering in our curriculum!” Rabbi Admoni exclaims. “We’ve never had that before. Also, what does the ruling mean by ‘basic’ education and ‘comparable to public schools’? That’s the issue.”
It’s not just about teaching children the basics, which Sephardic yeshivot excel in doing. It’s also about being forced to insert progressive values into the classroom.
“These ‘educators’ don’t have Torah values. Their positions don’t come from the point of caring for our children. Instead, these school board members want to destroy everything,” Rabbi Admoni said.
Libah Yehudit Pushes Back
How is Libah Yehudit pushing back within the Sephardic communities on these threats to Jewish identity and Torah values?
“We must start with awareness and education. We must focus on how we can get more people involved. The next step is meeting with the Ashkenazi community. Once it’s the town talk, we can see how to influence representatives, rabbis, and rebbes. Our big problem is that we can’t talk about these issues publicly because we don’t want our children to hear about them. It’s harder to spread awareness when you are limited,” Rabbi Admoni stated.
So, Libah Yehudit organizers invited community rabbis to attend two meetings held in Congregation Shaare Zion, where attendees heard the Chief Rabbis of Israel by video, and Libah Yehudit representatives spoke movingly about the successful infiltration of woke values into Israeli society by the American Reform movement and their affiliates. Moreover, those present heard that leftist efforts are not limited to Israel, but directly impact the American Sephardic community on its home turf. Also addressed was what Libah Yehudit is doing to counter the leftists’ moves in Israel and the U.S.
Rabbi Baruch Ben Haim of Congregation Shaare Zion attended the November 20th meeting. He acknowledged that getting the message across to the Sephardic community will not be easy, given its reluctance to speak about these matters openly. However, education is crucial in enabling the Sephardic community to respond to these pending threats forcefully and intelligently.
“If I were a yeshiva parent, I would stand up for my rights. All Jewish and non-Jewish organizations with powers should communicate their opposition to this,” Rabbi Ben Haim said.
One of the most effective means for Sephardim to overcome their historical reluctance to exercise their political strength is by voting.
“Even if our preferred candidates don’t win, most elected officials don’t want to fight with the community they represent. Instead, they want to work with their constituents. Most laws are changed not through elections but through protests,” Rabbi Admoni said.
Congregation Bnai Yosef’s Rabbi Haim Benoliel agrees that getting out the vote is vital. Before the midterms, shul president Eddie Sitt publicly encouraged congregants to vote, especially given these ominous threats to yeshivot to and Jewish identity.
More Sephardim voted the recent elections than previously, but the turnout was still not enough.
“I would be happier to see an even bigger change and that more people understand that our future depends on how involved we become. I don’t see that yet. Not enough people are aware of what we are facing as a community. When I tell them, they are shocked,” Rabbi Admoni said.
Rabbi Benoliel was in Israel and missed the November meeting but heard from attendees that Libah Yehudit presented its case well. “Threats to Jewish identity and Jewish tradition are real. Libah Yehudit is on the front lines in countering these threats – in Israel and here – and they need money to do that. We must alert the community to contribute. They can do nothing without money.”
Rabbi Admoni is grateful for the financial support, which is vital to their efforts, but it must not stop with simply the writing of checks.
“As a community, we must do our maximum. There are powerful forces at work to destroy the nuclear family, our way of life, and Torah values. Libah Yehudit has the know-how to help counter these forces, but it needs the community’s full support and participation – financial and otherwise. Saying we’re going to do nothing is not an option. We must do what we can for shamayim. The stakes are too high, otherwise.” For more info, please visit saveourkotel.org.
Parenting advice is more accessible than ever. Books, podcasts, email blasts, speeches, blogs… if you want a parenting tip, you have hundreds at your fingertips.
So why does parenting sometimes feel like climbing an insurmountable mountain?
In reality, the onslaught of advice – whether unsolicited or sought – can be detrimental to your parenting in action. Every moment can be analyzed according to what you’ve learned: Did I give him enough positive feedback before that negative interaction? Am I following the right method while I’m disciplining her? I raised my voice, am I damaging their self-esteem?
Our brains are constantly firing child-related messages at us, which causes parenting to become hard work, a chore, an obligation, a source of pressure.
It doesn’t have to be like that!
Revolutionize Your Relationships
Here’s one parenting technique that will override the others and revolutionize your relationship with your child(ren):
Do nothing.
Well, not exactly nothing. Your responsibility as a parent is to provide your children with a warm, safe, comfortable environment. Children need stability, structure, and the knowledge that you are taking care of their needs, both physical and emotional.
Most of the parenting struggles that you experience – disobedience, chutzpah, fighting – can be addressed by not addressing them at all.
There are three general categories of parenting: authoritarian (“whatever I say, goes”), permissive (“my child runs the home”), and authoritative (“I am caring and supportive as well as firm”). Children raised with either of the two extremes (authoritarian and permissive) have higher rates of delinquency and issues in adulthood. Note there is a significant difference between “authoritarian” and “authoritative” although they sound quite similar. Strive to be authoritative – confident and worthy of respect, and not a dictator.
The Significance of Limits
Kids crave the limits that authoritative parents set – lovingly and firmly – because they thrive in an environment where they know what’s expected of them, where there is an adult in charge, and where they know, unequivocally, that their parents have their backs. When that sense of security is disrupted, either by an overly strict parent who does not allow them any autonomy, or one who gives in and allows the child to make the decisions, children develop anxiety and stress.
Yes, kids push the limits. We want them to do that; it’s normal human behavior. And that’s a crucial part of the “do nothing” approach to parenthood: know what your children are supposed to be doing. When a newborn cries at night, you don’t snap at him to be quiet; you try to figure out what’s bothering him, then address that need. That’s the philosophy that you should apply throughout childhood. Your two year old is developmentally supposed to throw tantrums. Your four-year-old should be coloring on the walls. Your seven year old will spill the milk. Your ten year old will resist putting his shoes away. Your teenager will be impossible to drag out of bed. Your kids will fight over ridiculous things and call each other names. It’s all normal.
Just like you don’t employ parenting “strategies” or “techniques” to deal with a hungry infant, you don’t need them for older children, either. Instead, tune into their needs. Listen to them. Learn what’s bothering them. When your child cries, he’s experiencing pain and needs care and validation, not incentives to “hadj with the complaining.”
Control the Environment Not Your Child
When push comes to shove, you cannot control your child. What you can do is control the environment and your own actions and reactions. Put the markers away. Help her pour the milk. Lock the cabinet. Teach your other children to stand up for themselves and protect them when necessary. Expect your child to act his age and you won’t get frustrated when he does.
“But how will they learn?” you may ask. Simple: they learn from their surroundings, from observation, from natural consequences. If you hit your brother, he’ll hit you back. If you don’t clean up your room, you won’t be able to find anything. If you disrupt the Shabbat table, you’ll be asked to leave.
Now, “do nothing” doesn’t mean that your home will devolve into chaos. Your job includes deciding what’s important, setting limits, managing the expectations in your home, and lovingly yet firmly enforcing them. Be honest with yourself and be confident in your decisions as a parent. Just like your kids won’t push back when you won’t buy non-kosher candy in the checkout line, they won’t push back when they know that your limits are fair yet non-negotiable.
Simply put, see your children as human beings and treat them that way. You’ll find doing “nothing” to be incredibly freeing. Instead of living in constant “what-should-I-do-now?” mode, discover peace and joy in tuning into your children, paying attention, and allowing yourself – and them – to just be.
Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They have offices in Deal/Long Branch and Lakewood and can be reached at (732) 666-9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net.
Checking in on those who made the move
Frieda Schweky
Hi guys,
This month we’re taking a look at what’s the deal with Deal? In June 2020 my husband and I moved our family from Brooklyn to Deal. During the pandemic, many community members headed to the Jersey Shore where many families typically come for the summer. But this time, the move was not so temporary. Many families came to Deal with the mindset to “try-it-out” for a year. Many schools were on Zoom, anyway so it seemed not so much was at stake. It seems that the majority of people who were trying out Deal decided to stay. Some families who thought they’d move to Jersey for good ended up returning to Brooklyn. In 2020, I wrote a roundtable article about this topic. Since then many more families have moved to Jersey. I wanted to check in and see how people are feeling now that they’ve had time to settle in.
Judy H. Dweck
Moving to Jersey was totally unexpected and unplanned. When I got married we moved to a Brooklyn apartment (I grew up in Deal and married a Brooklyn boy). In my mind there was no way we were ever moving to Deal, but I was content with it. My setup in Brooklyn at the time was good, but not so ideal. My apartment was on the second floor and the staircase was outside so whenever I got home, I had to schlep my stroller, and all my groceries and things up a tall flight of steps. It was just hard.
Fast forward to March 2020, my husband and I went on vacation. We unknowingly took the last Royal Caribbean ship that sailed before lockdown. We went from our vacation straight to Deal to spend Shabbat erev Purim with my parents, and we never returned to Brooklyn. Of course, at the time we didn’t know we were moving.
At first we were just there for the weekend, then when the news hit about the pandemic and my son’s school closed, we decided to let him do Zoom school from Jersey. It was just more comfortable, and on the news, they were telling us not to leave where we were. So, we figured we’d quarantine here for spring and summer. Fast forward a few months. It’s mid-August, I’m thinking summer is over and it is time to return to Brooklyn in September. Then one day my husband looks at me and says, “I think we should stay in Deal.” Being a Deal girl originally, this seemed like a very natural and welcome transition, so I agreed. We packed up our Brooklyn apartment in two weeks and scrambled to find a school for our son.
I’ve been in Jersey ever since and I love it! I grew up here, so it’s like being home. I have a huge backyard for my kids, my family is here, many of my childhood friends were already here, and a bunch of my Brooklyn friends moved during the pandemic, too. It’s been a much easier and simpler life than we had in Brooklyn. I’m a blogger and many of my clients are located in Lakewood, so it’s just a quick thirty minute drive from Deal. I go into Brooklyn sparingly for work when I have enough clients to justify the trip. My house has a separate garage that we use as a home office for my husband. He’s nearby but also has his privacy and quiet so he can focus.
Additionally, DSN has become a big part of our lives since we moved here. I go to the gym or exercise classes there every day. They have a babysitting option for the morning hours if you need it. My son is currently enrolled in three different afterschool and Sunday programs at DSN. It’s a great source of socialization and activities for my whole family and it really adds to our lives here. So in closing, I think until Mashiach comes, we’re here to stay!
Etty Hazan
In January 2021, we started considering moving to Deal. Once we decided for sure, we moved quickly. We were having our first baby, therefore outgrowing our first apartment. We considered staying in Brooklyn but nowhere felt right. I couldn’t picture my baby growing up in a small apartment or house with little to no outdoor space and being stuck home due to parking inconveniences, etc. By July 2021 we officially moved to Jersey. For us it wasn’t super difficult to move because my brother-in-law and sister-in-law had already moved to Jersey and my parents come in for the summer too. It is a little difficult that my side of the family isn’t here all year round, but my sister comes in from time to time and my mom visits us frequently.
Although I don’t have my whole family here, I don’t feel alone. I have made a lot of friends. The community here is extremely welcoming and warm. Everyone is willing to make new friends. Also, they understand that many of us don’t have much family here so they are very helpful and dependable when you need a hand. Running errands and getting around here is so simple that doing a quick hesed for a neighbor or new friend is pretty easy and common. In Brooklyn we didn’t have that. Neighbors ignored each other on my block, not even a friendly “hello,” let alone help when you needed it.
Another awesome thing that I didn’t anticipate is the enjoyment I get from nature. I now love watching the seasons change, something I never appreciated or even paid attention to in Brooklyn. In New Jersey in the winter the snow is beautiful on the trees as opposed to in Brooklyn where it would turn a nasty black from all the traffic, and was an overall inconvenience. The fall foliage is also really a sight to see.
One downside is that there are not enough school options. In Brooklyn there is something for everyone, every level. Although a few new schools opened up in the past couple of years, we definitely need a few more good options to bridge the gap.
Deal life is really worth the hype. It’s an awesome lifestyle. My mom comes in frequently. She enjoys doing her errands here. It’s convenient and slow-paced. She likes making small talk with friendly strangers at the supermarket and we get to have Grandma around. It’s a win-win!
Fortune Chalme
We came to Jersey in the summer of 2020, like we usually do for the summer. I was sitting on the beach in Deal a week before school began and I thought to myself: if I go back to living in Manhattan, the kids will be stuck at home doing Zoom school and I don’t want that. Jersey schools, on the other hand, were open and starting in-person-schooling. Why go back to sitting in a one bedroom apartment with two kids when I can be in Jersey living a more normal life with kids in school? So just like that we decided to stay. We hustled to find a house in Jersey and rented out our apartment in the city. We put our kids in school in Jersey and that was that.
My favorite part has been being in nature and seeing the kids play outside in the fresh air. Also being able to find parking everywhere has been great. I really like the people here, it’s a really nice community, people are very down to earth and friendly.
My least favorite part is the winter. It can feel very isolating. Also, I have family in Brooklyn and commuting when we have a family event is pretty annoying. Another downside is that I feel like I’m in the car a lot. I like being able to walk to my errands. That’s not such a thing here.
Even though it was my decision, I was very nervous about moving. It was only supposed to be for a year. Within two weeks of officially living in Jersey I realized I’d like to live here for good. It was definitely the right decision. I don’t think with this many kids I’d ever move back to the city. It’s just not practical.
Nina Mizrahi
We moved to Deal in 2018, and moved back two years later. In 2018, my husband and I were looking to buy a house. I’m very close to my family and grew up in Brooklyn, so naturally that’s where we were looking. As we house hunted, we realized we were going to have to compromise a lot on comfort and everything was very expensive. My husband in particular was looking for a house with some land and it became clear that wasn’t going to happen in Brooklyn. Every weekend he began schlepping me to Deal to look for houses. I went begrudgingly, knowing I was too close with my family to ever seriously consider making the move.
One day he found a house that he saw a lot of potential in and without my knowing he put in an offer. That offer was actually accepted and finally, he told me about it. When he told me about the house he said if I really didn’t want to move maybe he’d flip it – but regardless he was going to fix it up, so I came with him to the meeting with the architect. Hearing about the new home got me excited – my girls would have their own rooms, and I would have a nice big kitchen and everything I always wanted in a home. How could I refuse?! It sounded too good so I agreed to move.
The first year I lived in a rental house as my dream home was being built. I really didn’t like it but I decided to wait, thinking maybe once we moved in to the new house I’d like it more. The second year we moved into our new home and I really enjoyed it. A few months in, however, reality began to sink in. I missed my family. They weren’t coming in for visits and I felt alone. My family would have gatherings and my sisters would go to lunch, I felt really left out. I began driving into Brooklyn every Shabbat, which was really hard to do. My kids would even miss school many Mondays because I didn’t want to go back!
I missed my family. I missed the convenience of having stores a block away. I even missed honking! I learned about myself that I need constant action and commotion – I guess I’m just crazy or maybe I was just used to it. Either way, I realized the slow Deal life was not for me. I liked the school my girls attended. Jersey really is beautiful. It’s a nice life and I would really like to like it, but I didn’t! So June 2020 we moved back to Brooklyn.
Roz Ben David
Living in Deal was the best decision we ever made as a family. Things are just simpler here. Everyday life is just simple. Driving around, finding parking, errands, and food shopping is easy and even fun! Every time we go for a trip to Brooklyn we struggle with parking and driving. We can’t wait to get back home. Plus, the ability to turn right on red of course is so nice in Jersey. As amazing as life is here it comes with a few cons. I remember when I was nine months pregnant and I was looking on Uber Eats for kosher restaurants that deliver. The variety was very limited. My husband had to drive to Lakewood to get my sushi! In Deal we miss our quick Sushi Tokyo or Sushi Meshuga order. I really wish we had more fun spots for brunch or a delicious dinner options to go out with friends! Another con is that my husband works in the city and comes home late.
Other than the typical things I mentioned about the ease of living in Jersey there is another major “pro” that I must mention. The community here is very friendly and ever growing! Most couples that we know that moved here have families back in Brooklyn, not locally, so they are more open to meeting new friends. The women have bi-weekly classes and get togethers. The men learn together daily and weekly and our children have school and neighborhood friends. It’s a lot of fun! We even have Shabbat and holiday meals together. In Brooklyn when everyone has family around, it’s not so easy to get opportunities to have meals with friends. I love being here. I would recommend it for young families.
~
So, how am I liking the Deal life? I really love it. For all of the pros mentioned above and a lot more. The community is unlike any other. The young families live in harmony and there is neighborly bliss. It is something I feel very blessed to have. If I had to give a con, I would say that the health insurance and doctors cannot match up (in my experience) to that of New York, but I digress. Whenever someone reaches out to me saying they’re considering making the move, I’m an open book for questions, information, and a friendly hand.
I’m so happy to be back writing, and I look forward to continuing doing so. Have an idea for a roundtable topic? I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to email me at: Frieda@sephardic.org.
My three-year-old son stuck out his hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Daddy.” Since he was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust his contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap. After sitting him down to finish his pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?” Between bites, he said, “I hit it with my pickle!”
Mark T.
Chaim and Rivkah were recently married and setting up their apartment with the necessary furnishings. One morning, Chaim proudly came home with a new refrigerator. Unfortunately, he noticed that it was taller than the old one, and there wasn’t quite enough space for it. Not wanting to disappoint his new bride, he told her not to worry that he would fix everything. To do so, he would cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make the refrigerator fit.
Chaim got some tools and tried to figure things out, but he wasn’t quite having success. A little embarrassed, he went into the other room and closed the door. He called in to a local radio program dedicated to home fix-it problems for advice. Chaim was in the middle of getting the guidance he needed, when suddenly his wife burst into the room.
“You won’t believe this!” she said. “There’s a guy on the radio with the exact same problem you’re having!”
Eli T.
Shira volunteers for Bikur Cholim, a wonderful organization that delivers meals to the sick. Shira usually visits the elderly, and on one visit she decided to take her four-year-old daughter, Rena, along. Rena was intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs.
Then, Rena noticed a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As Shira braced herself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Rena merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”
Eddie A.
Mr. Stern was coming over to take his grandson Isaac to the park.
“Okay Isaac, we’re going to the park!” said Mr. Stern. “Go get your shoes on!”
Being only four years old, Isaac said, “Okay, but will you tie them for me?”
“Sure,” Mr. Stern replied with a big smile.
Isaac bolted into the next room to put on his shoes, returning with a big smile and the shoes on the wrong feet.
Looking at his shoes, Mr. Stern smiled and said, “Isaac, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”
Isaac looked down, then looked back at Mr. Stern with a very sad face and replied, “These are the only feet I have.”
Hannah G.
Mickey had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.
After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it.
So Mickey went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night’s sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.
“Boss,” he said, “the pill my doctor prescribed actually worked!”
“That’s all fine,” said the boss, “but where were you yesterday?”
Jacky L.
The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It’s an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with no fears about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of other long and expensive security techniques.
So basically, you’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement:
“Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is pleased to announce that a seat is now available on flight 670 to London. Shalom!”
David E.
Little Moishe walked to and from school daily. On one particular morning, the weather was questionable, as clouds were forming and the sky was grey. But Moishie made his daily trek to school anyway.
As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up and the thunder and lightning began to roll. Moishie’s mother was concerned that her son would be frightened as he walked home from school and feared that the electrical storm might harm him.
Worried, Mrs. Rosenbloom got into her car and drove along the route to Moishie’s school. Upon finding her son, she noticed her boy was walking along just fine, but at each flash of lightning, Moishie would stop, look up and smile. More lightning followed and with each flash Moishie would look at the streak of light and smile.
Puzzled, the mother approached him in her car, lowered the window and asked him, “What are you doing?”
Moishie answered, “I am trying to look nice. Hashem keeps taking my picture.”
Colette C.
One year, Suzie decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties.
As a result, their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given for their birthdays.
The next year things were different, however.
“The children came over in person to thank me,” the grandma told a friend, triumphantly.
“How wonderful!” the friend exclaimed. “What do you think caused the change in behavior?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” the grandmother replied. “I hadn’t signed their checks.”
Melanie C.
Zukie enlisted in the IDF and wanted to join the famous tzanchanim – the paratroopers. So he went to one of the instructors in charge and asked how you jump out of a plane with a parachute.
“Well, one thing you need to know,” said the instructor, “is that it’s important to start preparing for your landing at around 300 feet.”
“How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?” asked Zukie.
“A good question,” replied the instructor. “At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
Zukie thought about this for a while before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Lauren J.
A customer was really hassling an El Al agent at the ticket counter in Tel Aviv – yelling and using foul language. But the agent was polite and pleasant, and smiled while the customer continued to verbally abuse her.
When the man finally left, the next person in line, a tourist from Canada, said to the agent, “Does that happen often? I can’t believe how nice you were to him.”
The El Al agent smiled and said, “No problem, I took care of it. He’s going to Detroit. His bags are going to Bangkok.”
Alan P.
Zelig and Mendel, two prominent members of a well-known Hassidic sect, served as primary distributors of tallitot for their community. As per the specifications established by their Grand Rebbe, only tallitot manufactured in Tunisia were to be sold by the two distributors. This requirement was implemented in order to avoid the prohibition of sha’atnez. Since Tunisia did not grow flax, it was the ideal country for purchasing sha’atnez-free wool tallitot. Rahamin, a Tunisian Sephardic Jew, was their exclusive importer who purchased the tallitot from Arab factories in Tunis, and sold the merchandise to Zelig and Mendel, the retail distributors. After twelve years of successful cooperation, a major crisis arose. Rumors spread through the market that their tallitot were not one hundred percent wool. These rumors prompted Zelig and Mendel to do laboratory testing of their stock. The report determined that although the tallitot did not contain any linen, they nevertheless had an approximate forty percent polyester content.
In Bet Din, Zelig and Mendel claimed nearly $600,000 in damages for their defective stock. They insisted that they were entitled to return the goods and have their money refunded. They explained that they could not sell the defective tallitot to their clients, since they did not meet the religious standards practiced in their circles. In addition, due to the extra-large size and heavy weight of each tallit, they could not be sold elsewhere and were virtually worthless. Rahamim defended his position claiming that although the purchase order was for a hundred percent wool garments, he stipulated at the time of sale that he was not responsible for the quality control of the merchandise. Contrary to standard practice in wholesale transactions, both parties agreed that the inspection of goods for quality control rested with the retailers. Rahamim expressed that he did not at any point come into contact with the merchandise, as it was picked up by the buyers directly from the port. He was therefore unwilling to take back six months of stock that should have been inspected by the retailers upon initial delivery. Rahamim pointed out that their failure to do so in a timely manner caused him to pay the Arabs in Tunis in full. As such, the merchandise is no longer returnable to its original source. Zelig and Mendel persisted that they were sold defective merchandise as per the purchase order signed by Rahamim.
How should the Bet Din rule and why?
Torah Law
According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, when an item is sold with a concealed defect the buyer is entitled to return the item for a cash refund.
This ruling is applicable even if the item perishes in the buyer’s possession because of the defect. Furthermore, even if the buyer had the opportunity to inspect the item he purchased and prevent it from ruin, he is nevertheless entitled to his money back from the seller.
The obvious reasoning behind this ruling is that a seller is responsible to inspect his product prior to its selling. If he fails to do so, he is responsible to reimburse the buyer, and bear the loss of any consequential damages caused by the concealed defect.
If, however, it is understood at the time of sale that the inspection of the product is the sole responsibility of the buyer, the above rule differs. Since the item ultimately perished because the buyer failed to inspect it in a timely matter, he is not entitled to any reimbursement from the seller. The buyer is to bear the consequences of his negligence. Had he performed his basic duty of inspection he could have spared the item from ruin and returned it to the seller for a refund.
While the above ruling is the opinion the Shulhan Aruch and is viewed as common law for all Sephardic Jewry, nevertheless, the view of leading Ashkenazic authorities differs. In their view, a seller of an item is always responsible for the consequences and damages of a concealed defect. Hence, according to this latter view, even if the seller does not come into physical contact with the item and inspection is the responsibility of the buyer, nevertheless, the seller is to bear the loss when the item is wasted or perishes because of the defect. The reasoning of this view is that a seller is always accountable when selling a defective item in the market.
A defendant of Sephardic origin is absolved of payment when his claims of defense is in accordance with ruling of the Shulhan Aruch. Since he has possession of his funds, he is entitled to withhold payment by relying on the halachic authorities that are true to his heritage.
Verdict: Failure to Inspect
Our Bet Din ruled in favor of Rahamim and absolved him of paying Zelig and Mendel for the defective tallitot. Since Zelig and Mendel were responsible for the quality control and inspection of the tallitot they must bear the loss. From the very onset Rahamim stipulated with them that it was their responsibility since he never came into contact with any of shipments. Had Zelig and Mendel inspected the tallitot in a reasonable amount of time, the tallitot could have been returned to the Arab factory in Tunis for a cash refund. By failing to conduct a basic inspection for over six months they consequently damaged the value of the goods. Nevertheless, prior to exempting Rahamim, we first verified that Rahamim did not deliberately buy defective tallitot at a cheaper price to increase his profit margin. This was verified with the help of a professional team of accountants appointed by our Bet Din, that reviewed Rahamim’s purchase costs and found that he paid nearly the same price for the tallitot throughout the many years of doing business.
Although Ashkenazic halachic authorities require Rahamim to reimburse Zelig and Mendel, Rahamim, who is of Sephardic origin, is entitled to withhold payment and rely on the opinion of the Shulhan Aruch.
YOU BE THE JUDGE
Buyer’s Remorse?
Eddie, an affluent businessman, was for years interested in purchasing Gladys’s private home. Gladys, a recent widow, was upset with how Eddie allegedly manipulated her late husband in their business dealings. She therefore rejected his multiple business offers and swore to him that she would never agree to sell him her home. Consequently, Eddie requested of Morris, his business associate, to purchase the home with the intent of selling it to him thereafter. Morris agreed, and the two signed a document, which read, “Upon Morris’s purchase of the home, he agrees to immediately sell the home to Eddie.” Morris purchased Gladys’s home using his own funds and thereafter refused to sell the property to Eddie. Eddie began to verbally harass Morris for reneging on their deal, so Morris suggested the two resolve the matter in Bet Din. Eddie was reluctant to sign on a binding of arbitration with our Bet Din, but ultimately did so to resolve the dispute in a timely manner. In Bet Din, Morris explained that he reneged on his commitment since he regretted getting involved in a deal that will bring extreme pain to a widow. Eddie contested, claiming that the agreement they signed was binding, and by law Morris is required to sell him the home. Furthermore, he countered that Morris was not truly concerned with the widow and is only reneging on the deal since the value of the property appreciated in the interim.
Is Morris required to sell the home to Eddie as agreed upon or not?
How should the Bet Din rule and why?
If you’re considering buying a new home, visit that home and the surrounding neighborhood during a time when neighbors are likely to be out and about. Visit during different times. If you’re a night owl or an early riser, take note of the noise or quiet during the evenings and mornings.
Neighbors can affect the quality of your life. Before you buy, meet the neighbors! They can make or break your experience and can impact the value of your equity.
Costs of Property Taxes and Homeowners Insurance
Taxes will go up, as will insurance. It’s a given. Make sure you can afford MORE THAN you are approved for, as even with a fixed rate mortgage, costs will increase steadily – and often more quickly than you may be prepared for.
Place in colorful sidebar: FuN fAcT
Having a mortgage will strengthen your credit. Taking on a mortgage and making your payments on time can do wonders for your credit rating. Showing that you’re able to consistently pay off a large sum shows lenders that you are credit-worthy and reliable.
How to Maintain Your Home on a Proactive Schedule
I know it is not always possible, but it is worth your while to schedule a time to clean your gutters. Regularly check your roof and take action when you need to paint the exterior or replace rotted pieces.
Keep a calendar for scheduled repairs and stick to it.
Things to Look for When Buying a Home
When buying a home, we often overlook things that we only realize later were actually very important. After talking to some of our followers, we would like to share with you their thoughts and insights.
Zoning
“I didn’t realize how important zoning is when buying a house! Due to the zoning, after buying our home, we found out that we couldn’t build the way we were hoping to. This shows you that it is very important to speak to an architect or expeditor prior to buying if you plan on extending or building.”
Check the Sewer Lines
“I’ll tell you what happened to me. No one advised me to run a camera down my sewer main line. The home inspector did not mention it, so it wasn’t done. He simply turned on all the faucets in the sinks and if the water went down, he said it was fine. The week I moved in, the bathtubs started backing up and the plumber came over and said the sewer main line had collapsed! It cost me $12,000 to replace it. The plumber said, had I ran a camera inspection prior to closing on the house, he would have seen it right away and we could have negotiated with the seller for a lower price or to replace the sewer main line. So, make sure you have the sewer main line inspected with a camera by a professional plumber and make sure to sign up for sewer main insurance from the water company (which also nobody advised me to do).”
“My parents’ focus in life was helping others around them. Their actions, what they modeled to their children, seeped into all of us.” ~~ Adina ~~
What a zechut it was to interview Adina Mezrahi, the youngest child of Rabbi Shlomo Lankry, zt”l. Rabbi Lankry was the rabbi of Chesed L’ Avraham, the rav of the Moroccan Jewish community of Flatbush, the owner of Sisu bookstore, and the leader of the Chevra Kadisha for the Sephardic community for fifty years. Rabbi Lankry and his eishet chayel Zahava, ad meah viesri, lived their daily lives in a manner that greatly shaped their children’s character.
Rabbi David Ozeri wisely said, “Sisu was a front for the Rabbi to do hesed, to save people’s lives, to be mekarev people.”
Rabbi Shlomo and Zahava Lankry were born and married in Morocco. Both taught in yeshiva and preschool. As a young man, Rabbi Lankry embarked on his calling to teach Torah and practice hesed towards his Jewish brothers and sisters.
The couple emigrated to the U.S. when hostility towards Moroccan Jews intensified after Israel’s victory in the Six Day War.
Adina attended Bet Yaakov Ateret Torah for elementary school and high school. This Brooklyn school, which is close to her father’s store and shul, is part of the Ateret Torah Synagogue community. The school follows Sephardic nussach and minhagim but has a yeshivish hashkafa and derech halimmud. Its founding rosh yeshiva, Rav Harari-Raful, shlit”a, was praised for synthesizing the school’s two facets beautifully.
Adina was very studious and was rather quiet. She loved going to overnight summer camp as a child. She fondly recalled that her mother worked as a cook in Camp Agudah, an Ashkenaz camp, and part of the boy’s division of Agudath Israel. Adina attended its sister camp, Bnos, which was down the road. She had the best of both worlds, melding Sephardic and Ashkenaz traditions.
“My childhood friends are like family. I grew up going to sleepaway camp. I have great friends and great memories from Bnos.”
And Then Came Marriage . . .
Adina met her naseeb, Eliyahu (“Eli”) Mezrahi, of Syrian descent, after graduating high school. They spent the first seven years of their marriage in New Jersey. Eli studied in the Deal Kollel and Lakewood Yeshiva. When Adina married Eli, she saw how similar the Moroccan and Syrian customs were. Eli now works with his father in Seuda, a Syrian catering business, known as “the place to sample kosher Syrian Jewish fare in Brooklyn.”
Back to School
After her third child was born, Adina decided to return to school. It is no surprise that Adina chose a helping profession after growing up in a house where her parents demonstrated a consistent commitment to doing hesed. “Helping people and finding peace and happiness in what you are doing is what I am passionate about. It’s also the key to success. My parents ingrained this in all of us. My sister is the clinical director at Amudim, one brother is a rabbi, and another brother has a pizza restaurant in New Jersey where he quietly helps many teenagers at risk.”
From both her parents, Adina learned that “whatever you do in your life, you can help people and elevate your situation to be a spiritual one.”
Adina recalls her father always comforting those who were grieving. He encouraged people to find a meaningful purpose in their loss and to help others.
Adina saw that her mom, who cooked both in schools and camp, did much more than just cook. Former students told her, “Your mother helped us in ways you cannot imagine.” The same is true of her father. His daughter Emily said, “So many people approached me and began, ‘You don’t know what your father did for me.’”
As a spiritual person, Adina lights a candle every Friday night for her father, keeping him close to her heart.
Adina chose a path that would not compromise her family’s care. Her family members would always come first. “I didn’t want to miss my children’s important events and other milestones.”
At the age of twenty-six, Adina enrolled in Touro College. It took her four years to get her b.s. in biology and another two years to earn her bachelor’s in nursing. Adina also studied two-and-a-half years at Pace University towards her Family Nurse Practitioner Master’s degree. She is currently working on her nursing doctorate to gain leadership and management skills.
A Balancing Act
Adina arranged her classes around her children’s schedules, returning to school in the evenings for weekly science labs.
Adina’s husband fully supported Adina’s nursing aspirations. Her mother was also a tremendous help. Zahava Lankry babysat for the little ones and helped fill in when needed. “My mother was my right hand when I was getting my nursing education.”
Adina’s children have wonderful memories of going on the toy elephant rides on Kings Highway with their grandmother. Adina’s parents lived above her father’s shul, and her dad cherished hearing the babies wake up and then joining them to play. “I am blessed to have a supportive family who saw my potential, guided me, and taught me the importance of giving back,” Adina said.
She did her hospital training at Maimonides Medical Center and Coney Island Hospital. The experience was intense, but she focused on taking one step at a time.
“Hashem provided me with the strength to get through it,” Adina recalls. She also had mentors and friends during each stage of her education, who supported her throughout her journey
Adina expressed immense gratitude to both Dr. Jack Sadacka and Dr. Melinda Mann, who were willing to give her clinical experience and training during her family nurse practitioner degree. Dr. Sam Bekhar hired her as a new graduate and taught her a tremendous amount when she worked in his practice.
“They took the time to train me and to educate me. I learned a lot about caring for the pediatric population and how to talk to the parents.”
Adina’s training with Dr. Mann, an obstetrician-gynecologist, is what led to her developing a keen appreciation and passion for women’s health.
Her first position as a registered nurse was at First Response Ambulance. She then moved to HASC (Hebrew Academy for Special Children) and is gratified with the care she has provided for the past five years. Although Adina has advanced degrees, she retains her role as an RN because of her commitment to helping the developmentally disabled.
At HASC, Adina manages the medical care of adults in group homes. Her patients have developmental disabilities and range from low-functioning individuals who require assistance with daily living activities to high-functioning adults who can hold down jobs. The ages of the approximately 30 patients she cares for vary from young adults to senior citizens in their eighties. During the height of the pandemic, Adina’s responsibilities became more challenging, as she attended to her patients’ care remotely on FaceTime. BH all of her patients did well despite the challenges.
In June, Adina took a part-time position at Parcare Community Health Network, a women’s health practice. She works alongside her mentor, Dr. Mann. Adina is passionate about women’s healthcare, and finds the job extremely rewarding. “I deal with all kinds of issues facing women. Women go through different challenges. I educate and help women of all ages. I help them to address their health issues and to relieve their anxieties. It’s a blessing, to educate them and calm their fears.”
How Does Adina Do It All?
Adina and Eli have six children. Their oldest, a boy, is studying at Mikdash Melech Yeshiva in Israel and their youngest is a baby girl. They are grateful to live in a unique community whose members care about and help each other.
Adina’s children are very proud that she is a nurse practitioner. They appreciate it when Adina checks their ears and throats, and they don’t have to go to the pediatrician’s office so often!
Adina’s her formula for juggling work and family is proper organization and balance. “Like anything in life, you need to juggle and prioritize. I try to be organized and make lots of lists. I plan my time off around the kids’ vacation schedules. It’s the hardest when the children are little, but it does get easier. My older ones help in many ways.”
Adina recommends staying focused on what’s right for you and your family and to avoid comparing yourself to others. Getting support from like-minded people in a similar situation is essential.
Hobbies and Outlets
Adina says it is key to have an outlet, and hers is swimming. She tries to swim as often as she can. Adina loves to read and enjoys nature and spending time at Marine Park.
Advice for Future Nurses
“If your goal is to help people, you’ll be successful. Find good mentors, friends, and support groups. It can make or break you.”
Please connect with Adina at amezrahi01@gmail.com
Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).
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