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What’s Your Parenting Direction?

Tammy Sasoon

Many parents feel defeated throughout the course of their parenting career because they find themselves in situations that are the exact opposite of what they had hoped for. For example, Mrs. Cohen is raising her children with hopes that she is really teaching them to be nice to their siblings. A few years in, she begins to notice that more often than not the children are yelling and screaming at each other in condescending ways. She is wondering how this even came about if there is nothing more in the world she wants than for her children to be kind to each other. Since they were very young, she always made a point to read them books about respect, and tell them all sorts of stories about the importance of being kind to one another.

What Mrs. Cohen is not realizing here is that she is allowing a different goal to take precedence over the goal of teaching respect. She has mistakenly been acting as if what is most important when challenges arise, is that things turn out exactly the way she wants them to. The children have been getting a hidden message that in life it is important to have what I want right now. If she is talking down to them in order to get them to stop doing what they are doing, the message is: my mother is modeling how to get what she wants at any cost. That is what they will believe is the goal in their interactions with their siblings.

If, however, she is mindful that her goal is to model for her children that everyone needs to be treated with respect, then she will speak to them in that way knowing that modeling is the best way to teach anything.

Can you imagine what would happen if you were using a GPS to try to get somewhere but did not put the destination on the GPS? You would not be so shocked to know that the GPS was just taking you anyway it wanted. But if you put your goal, your destination, on the GPS and you simply go off course, you do not need to worry because the GPS knows what the destination is, and you simply need to just get back on track.

When you are engaging with your child in a difficult interaction, ask yourself what your goal is. I like to think that some of my goals are to raise children who know that everybody is important and deserves to be treated with respect, that any challenge that gets sent my way is uniquely designed for me as an opportunity for growth, and that I have all the tools I need inside of me to get through any challenge in life.

Most often, when people are disappointed about the way things are panning out with their children it is because their methods of parenting are not aligned with their values. Ask yourself what your goals are in raising your children and then create methods that correspond to that. Unlike the goyim, we don’t have to guess our way through life. The Torah maps out for us exactly how to think, how to live, and how to be in relationships. All we need to do is take that information and use our unique talents to apply that to our family lives.

So next time your children are screaming so loud that you can barely hear yourself think, look ahead 20 years and ask yourself what you want your children to have remembered about solving life problems from that interaction.

One on One with Kay Robyn Ashkenazi

“It makes me happy to see people being happy. I am passionate about family, learning Torah values, listening to good music, and giving my followers easy cooking tips. I am exactly where Hashem wants me to be.”

~~ Kay Robyn ~~

I was thrilled to interview food maven Kay Robyn Ashkenazi, née Mizrahi. Kay Robyn is easy-going, vivacious, and fun-loving. She is a people person and a family person. She is has been crowned “the air-frying queen” and is known for her blog, @Kaysinthekitchen. A woman of many passions who is highly spiritual, she trusted me with her life story.

The wheel came full circle when I met Kay Robyn.

Family Connections

Kay Robyn’s mother, Eileen Mizrahi, the creator of Treats by Eileen Gourmet Granola, was the second community woman I interviewed for the Woman to Woman column in 2017. Eileen is now a dear friend.

Next to be interviewed was Kay Robyn’s cousin, June Aboksis, the founder of Junee, the leading provider of modest clothing for girls and women. Closely following June’s interview was my next candidate, Cindy Antebi, Kay Robyn’s sister, who was featured in September 2018. Scheduling my talk with Cindy, I did not realize that she was Eileen Mizrahi’s daughter. Cindy is the owner of Oakhurst’s iconic candy, toy, and stationery store, Sylvia’s Sweet and Stationery Shoppe. She is also an Executive Board member of The Tawil Family Jersey Shore Branch of Sephardic Bikur Holim.

Gloria Bijou, the first woman I interviewed for Community, connected me with Cindy. Gloria and her husband Fred, along with Dr. Robert Matalon and his wife Barbara, founded SBH in 1973. SBH is the foundation of hesed and charity in our community.

Let’s get back to Kay Robyn, a bubbly and caring woman who derives tremendous joy from making other people happy. As her followers and friends say, there is only one Kay Robyn.

Growing Up

As Kay Robyn told me about her childhood, I thought about what a beracha it is to have a lighthearted and spirited nature. Kay Robyn’s exuberance and positive energy can be traced to her roots and to her family role models. “My parents are warm and loving. They are the best and helped me get through life’s challenges.”

Kay Robyn was born in Brooklyn to Eileen and Marty Mizrahi, both native New Yorkers of Syrian descent. Kay Robyn’s sister, Cindy, is two years older. The Mizrahis were one of the first families to move to Deal, when Kay Robyn was 18 months old, She studied at Hillel Yeshiva from kindergarten through high school. Kay Robyn is very close with her sister and knows she can always reach out to Cindy and her mother and father for whatever she needs.

A spontaneous, friendly, and genuine child, Kay Robyn also described herself as a mediocre student but a great note taker. Her parents called her a “free spirit.” As a tomboy, Kaye Robyn was athletic and excelled at sports, including tennis. Since her dad had no sons, it was Kaye Robyn who lovingly watched all the sports games with him. Tall for her age, Kaye Robyn was outgoing and loud, often accidentally putting her foot in her mouth. Cherishing her crew of childhood friends, Kay Robyn still meets up with them every summer in New Jersey.

“As a tween and teen, I was a bit funky, very colorful, always had fashion style, and was ahead of the trends. I also loved music.”

High School and On

A fun fact: Kay Robyn did not know Robyn was her middle name until she applied for a learner’s permit to drive. “I always thought Kay Robyn was my first name. Kay was my maternal grandmother’s name and my dad liked the name Robyn.”

After high school, Kay Robyn attended Brookdale Community College and studied communications, following her #1 goal to be on the radio. After college, she “tested the waters” and worked in marketing, advertising, and retail sales, searching for her sweet spot. Kay Robyn’s people skills and authentic friendliness enabled her to easily succeed in these jobs. “I am that person who talks to everyone, including the people on line at a supermarket or a bank.”

Kay Robyn confessed that although she appears to be very confident, she is actually “strong but sensitive.” Before falling asleep at night, Kay Robyn plays back her day to see where she can better herself. A true empath, people tell her she would make a great psychotherapist. Both Kay Robyn and Cindy acquired their natural inclination towards kindness and hesed primarily from their mother. They learned about business from both of their parents.

Then Comes Marriage

While Kay Robyn was looking for the right job fit, she was fortunate to meet her naseeb, Shay Ashkenazi, a spiritual and modest Israeli man of Syrian descent. Kay Robyn expressed her immense hakarat hatov to Odette Rishty, Shay’s cousin Franny, and other community shadchanim, for making the match. Kay Robyn is open about getting married only at 28, a bit older than the average Syrian girl. “I tried out different jobs, yearned to be a radio person, but more importantly, I wanted to settle down and have a family.” The couple have two girls and a boy, who study at Sharei Torah and Ateret Torah, respectively. “I have the best of both worlds. I grew up in Deal and moved to Brooklyn when I married Shay.”

When her children were young, Kay Robyn was a stay-at-home mom, but she always made time to do hesed. “First and foremost are my family and home life. I have learned that hesed begins at home and one has to save their own bayit first.”

Kay Robyn’s spirituality continues to flourish. Her children were raised without TV and Wi-Fi and were encouraged to play with blocks and to build things.

Not surprisingly, Kay Robyn’s professional role model was Judi Franco Chalme, a community member and radio host on NJ.105. Kay Robyn’s religious role model is Rebbetzin Molly Haber. Kay Robyn takes classes at the Avenue J Torah Center and listens to LearnTorah.com while she bakes. “I have never burned a batch while listening to Rabbi Joey Haber, Rebbetzin Molly’s son. It’s important to have doses of Torah and Hashem by your side in addition to tefillah.”

Kay Robyn became a substitute teacher, and was an assistant playgroup morah at Barkai Yeshiva for four years. She adored her students. Kay Robyn also worked with children in camps and Shabbatons.

@Kaysinthekitchen is Born

As you recall, Kay Robyn dreamed of becoming a radio host. Her dreams and passions came to fruition with @kaysinthekitchen.

About four-and-a-half years ago, Kay Robyn began her journey as the “air-frying queen.” Air fryers have become one of the trendiest cooking devices and are hailed as the next Instant Pot. Manufacturers invented air fryers as a more healthful way to cook deep-fried foods, using only a fraction of the oil required by deep fryers. The added bonus was the far lower calorie count. Kay Robyn was dieting and working with Eve Elenhorn of FlavorfulFIT.

About the same time, Kay Robyn won a local Kosher Chopped competition hosted by Naomi Nachman. She landed the prize of a free class at The Kosher Culinary Center.

With @Kaysinthekitchen, Kay Robyn entered a new phase of her career, in food services. “Growing up, my mom was very food-oriented, started her own granola business, and I always loved to bake.”

Getting the Word Out in Her Unique Way

Kay Robyn developed an outlet to share stress-free cooking tips, stories, and demos with women on her Instagram blog, @kaysinthekitchen. She does this in “a kosher and unique way.” Kay Robyn asserts, “Life is hard, and I offer quick and easy tools. I use Instagram but don’t abuse it. At 47, I’m doing what I want to do, talking to my followers and helping them make healthy and fun meals.”

Kay Robyn’s family is very proud of her blog. There are, however, moments when her kids exclaim, “Mom, we want to eat dinner, can you please stop taking a video of the food?!”

Before the pandemic, Kay Robyn added a new skill set. She partnered with large kosher food companies, arranging demo tables with food tastings in kosher supermarkets and at KosherFest events. Kay Robyn aspires to become a spokesperson for a Jewish kosher food brand and to start a podcast one day soon.

Kay Robyn also sells homemade clean gluten free cookies.

Community

Kay Robyn feels blessed to be in her community. “There is so much positivity, love, and hesed in our community; it becomes your family.”

Her sister Cindy is in awe of Kay Robyn’s commitment to helping people and calls her a humble superwoman. I met Kay Robyn when she was the MC at a Challah Bake sponsored by MOMS (Moms on a Mitzvah). She is a team member of MOMS, founded by Linda Sadacka in 2013. MOMS is a group of mothers who make hesed their mission by weaving it into their daily lives. Kay Robyn looks forward to more hesed opportunities. To relax, she listens to music and dances, having taken ballet as a child.

Kay Robyn’s Parting Advice

I leave you with a life tip from Kay Robyn. “Be natural. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Just be you and you will succeed.”

Connect with Kay Robyn by phone (718-810-0008), email kayrobyn.ash@gmail.com or on Instagram @kaysinthekitchen.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Dear Jido – May 2021

Dear Jido,

I ordered a wine gift basket for my cousin and his wife who live out of state. I received an email thanking me for my gift. My cousin reciprocated by mailing me a fairly expensive gift card to a restaurant where I rarely dine.

I am contemplating a major hardware purchase and would prefer a gift card from a hardware retailer. Would it be appropriate to return the restaurant gift card to my cousin and ask him to exchange it for a hardware chain gift card?

Signed,

Mis-givinged

Dear Mis,

So let me ask you – how long did it take you to decide to give them a wine basket? Two minutes? Five minutes? Did you discuss it first with your wife? Did you consider other options and then conclude that this is what you think they would enjoy the most?

Probably.

Do you think they did the same thing? Do you think your cousin and his wife thought about you, your family, what would excite you and what might afford you the most joy?

Likely.

Would you be hurt, insulted, offended, or “surprised” if they called up and said, “Would you mind exchanging the Cabernet Sauvignon for a Chardonnay?”

I think so. (You’d be “surprised” to say the least.)

So would they.

Keep it, enjoy it, use it within the next 12 months and if you need an inside price on some hardware, I know a few people in the business.

Jido

Remembering Rabbi Chaim Dahan, zt”l, on His First Yartzeit

Rabbi David Zafrani

Rabbi Chaim Dahan’s passing created a deep void in the lives of many.

He befriended me when he joined the faculty at Yeshivat Shaare Torah, and he brought sunshine and light to my home whenever he visited. I and many others have lost a treasured best friend.

With Rabbi Chaim, all paths led to Telshe Yeshiva, in Cleveland, Ohio. Most people head to a vacation spot for the summer, but he and his wife chose to return to Telz. He treasured the years he spent learning there in yeshiva and kollel, under Rabbi Mordechai Gifter, zt”l, and Rabbi Chaim Stein, zt”l.

From Rabbi Chaim’s Youth

As a single boy, Rabbi Chaim would listen to the recorded weekly shiur of Rabbi Yitzchok Sorotzkin, his rebbe, and would transcribe the shiur into notes. Suddenly, the weekly shiur became scheduled for Thursday nights. The only time Chaim had to transcribe it was on Fridays, the day set aside for the boys to relax in a swimming pool or to play football. (Chaim was the best receiver in football.) One Friday, Chaim remained in the empty bet medrash and began writing the notes. Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder. Startled, Chaim looked up to see Rabbi Gifter, the rosh yeshiva, peering down at him.

“Why are you not relaxing like all the other boys? We want the boys to let out steam on Friday afternoons. Go join them!”

“Oh, Rosh Yeshiva, I need to write down last night’s shiur, before I forget it!” Chaim stammered, not sure what Rabbi Gifter would say.

Rabbi Gifter thought, then said, “Yes, you are right. From now on Rabbi Yitzchok will give his new gemara shiur on Wednesdays, not Thursday nights, so that you can write it on Thursdays!” With that, Rabbi Gifter sent him out to play to get a well-needed break.

Rabbi Yitzchok was notified of the change in schedule, and with his classic humor, sent young Chaim a gift, a helmet and football.

Rabbi Chaim’s Musical Connection

Both roshei yeshiva loved Rabbi Chaim’s singing and invited him many times to be the chazan. Following their advice, Rabbi Chaim began to pray with the Sephardic pronunciation during tefillot. He became close to Sephardic hazanim in order learn about the mesorah. Rabbi Chaim even invited Jo Amar to come to Telz. The roshei yeshiva used to call Rabbi Chaim “Jo Amar Ha-katan.”

I once told Rabbi Chaim that my aging father-in-law enjoyed Moroccan music. Immediately, he sent me music from Chaim Luk and Jo Amar, which I played for my father-in-law, bringing him much joy.

The Gift of Knowing What to Say

It was impossible to be upset, depressed, or despondent with Rabbi Chaim around. He always knew just the right joke or quip to say, and he was a wellspring of inspirational stories. Rabbi Chaim’s love of people flowed from his heart into his eloquent speeches and uplifting songs. The message of emunah resonated in the listeners’ ears. Rabbi Chaim intuitively knew who needed hizuk and he chose just the right words to say. Rabbi Chaim memorized the life stories of holy rabbis such as Rabbi Chaim Pinto, Rabbi Amram Diwan, Rabbi Yaakov Abuchatzera, and many more, inspiring his listeners with their holiness. After having observed his rebbes, Rabbi Mordechai Gifter and Rabbi Chaim Stein, Rabbi Chaim experienced true holiness. He had a gift for making the stories of great rabbis relatable to our own lives.

And Knowing What to Do

It was not only Rabbi Chaim’s gift of speech which endeared him to others, but his care and concern for them. One day I mentioned to Rabbi Chaim that I had bought a computer and wanted to understand some things. He came right over and patiently taught me many important aspects of computer use. When our twins were born, Rabbi Chaim and his wife called and visited often, making sure we had what we needed, even running to a gemach to get us an extra bassinet.

Many previously unknown deeds are coming to light, such as how he helped adolescents and teens to improve their strained relationships with their parents and how he helped others suffering from addictions. Rabbi Chaim lovingly gave strength to these teenagers and guided many to more healthy lives.

We recognize that although now Rabbi Chaim is not with us anymore, even in heaven, his pulsating concern and love for every Jew is still hard at work, and he continues to advocate for us. Rabbi Chaim, please rock the Heavens for us and beg Hashem to send us Mashiach!

Mashiah Revealed – Finding the Ten Lost Tribes Part IX

Rabbi Eliyahu C. Aboud

It seems as though they just fell off the map! Since the exile of the ten tribes of the Northern Kingdom of Israel by the armies of the Assyrian King Sanheriv, the whereabouts of this illustrious people have remained a mystery. However, a number of isolated and ambiguous encounters with members of the ten lost tribes have been recorded over the centuries. Below are abstracts of some of the more famous such encounters.

Eldad Hadani

Around the year 880 CE (4640), a mysterious man named Rabbi Eldad Hadani – “Eldad from the Tribe of Dan” – came before the sages of the time, claiming to be a member of the lost tribe of Dan who had inadvertently made his way to the civilized world. He was found to be an erudite scholar with proficiency in all areas of the Torah, and he earned the admiration of all the hachamim of that time. The most famous of them was Rabbi Semah Gaon, head of the great Babylonian yeshiva of Masa Mahsia, who wrote a detailed letter validating many of Eldad’s claims. Eldad gave a detailed description of the ten tribes, their kings, the wars they waged, and their way of life, as well as their exact locations. He recorded his claims in a treatise which is still in circulation today. It is clear from his description that the ten tribes had remained faithful to the Torah traditions passed down to them from the days of the First Temple. Eldad Hadani’s accounts are the first, and assumed to be the most consistent and authentic, of all descriptions of the lost tribes.

For over half a millennia after Eldad Hadani, reliable news of the lost tribes remained sparse. The limited means of communication and travel made it exceedingly difficult to conduct a competent search or study of their whereabouts. However, in the late-15th century, when, with the invention of the compass and other advances, the civilized world began discovering new regions on the American continent and parts of Asia, renewed interest in locating the vanished Jewish kingdom was sparked. Many books written by Jews and gentiles alike were published at this time which attempted to piece together the tidbits of information and different reports that surfaced concerning the lost tribes.

Our sages tell us that the punishment of the ten tribes included being exiled from the land of Israel to a remote, uncharted land, isolated from the rest of the world, where they would remain until the end of days. At that point, according to the Midrash, the tribes of Yehuda and Binyamin will bring the ten lost tribes from their exile across the river Sambatyon, and return them to the land of Israel. Many scholars concluded on the basis of this Midrash that in our times, as the end of the exile draws near, we must make attempts to determine the whereabouts of the ten tribes and reunite them with the rest of the Jewish nation. Some even claimed that restoring the ten tribes will bring the redemption closer. This added to the newfound interest in searching for the ten tribes that arose in the 15th century, as many Jews, sensing that the final redemption would soon unfold, felt the urgent need to find the lost tribes.

David Hareuveni

In the year 1524 (5284 in the Jewish calendar), a man calling himself David Hareuveni – “David from the Tribe of Reuven” – appeared and claimed to be a messenger from the ten lost tribes. He said he lived in the desert of Havor – one of the places to which the prophets said the ten tribes were exiled – where the tribes of Reuven, Gad and half of Menashe resided. David further claimed that his father, Shlomo, was the previous ruler and was succeeded by David’s older brother, Yosef, who appointed him military general. He had come on a mission ordered by his brother, the king, to convince the Archbishop in Rome and the Christian kings of Eastern Europe to join forces with his Jewish army and invade the Muslim-dominated Middle East, in order to liberate the Land of Israel from Islamic rule.

However, as noted by historians, David Hareuveni had no Torah knowledge, and he conducted himself in a manner which disturbed the hachamim of the time. Remarkably, his attempts at garnering support initially met with resounding success. He managed to meet several times with the Archbishop, who sent him with letters of recommendation to the kings of Portugal and Chavash (Ethiopia) asking them to help validate the claims of “The Reuveni” (as he was referred to by many) and assist him in his mission. However, after several years of diplomatic maneuvering, David was arrested in 1532 by King Karl V of France on charges that he was causing many recent Jewish converts to Christianity to return to Judaism. The French authorities handed him over to the inquisitors in Spain, where he eventually died in prison.

Generally, David’s claims about his origins and the mission he was sent to accomplish were met with considerable skepticism by Jews and gentiles alike. His support came mostly from ignorant Jews and, especially, the affluent anusim, Jews in Italy and Portugal who converted to Christianity under coercion and saw David as their potential savior.

The Jerusalem Scholar’s Letter

On several occasions over the last millennia, Jews living in the land of Israel dispatched messengers to distant countries such as India and Yemen for the purpose of meeting members of the ten tribes and delivering messages to them from the sages of Israel. One such emissary was Rabbi Baruch Gad, a prestigious scholar and dayan (rabbinical judge).

In the year 1646 (5406 in the Jewish calendar), Rabbi Baruch returned from his mission with an extraordinary account of his encounter in the middle of a desert with a certain Rabbi Malkiel, who claimed to be from the tribe of Naftali. Rabbi Malkiel showed the letter sent by the sages of Jerusalem to all the ten tribes, and also brought back to Rabbi Baruch a letter from the leaders of the ten tribes. The letter described the vast territories and wealth possessed by the ten tribes, the peaceful life they enjoy, and their faithful observance of all the Torah’s laws. The leaders also offered consolation to their brethren, the rest of the Jews in exile, adding that Hashem does not allow them to leave their countries and assist the rest of the Jewish people until the end of days.

Although there were those who doubted the authenticity of the letter, it was reprinted and circulated throughout the Jewish world, inspiring hope that we will one day be reunited with the lost tribes.

The Undiscovered Country

Long ago, there were vast regions, like the American continent, that were unknown to the civilized world, so the possibility of an undiscovered country was very much palatable. Today, with all the advances in science and technology, many of us may find it hard to believe that today there exists somewhere in the world an unknown place where millions of Jews from the ten tribes could reside with kings and armies. This question has been raised by many Jewish scholars and philosophers over the years.

Though the discovery of a small heretofore unknown aboriginal tribe does sometimes make news in our time, the generally accepted explanation for the continued concealment of the lost tribes is far more mystical. Since the beginning of time, Gan Eden (the Garden of Eden where Adam and his wife Hava lived right after creation) and Gehinom have existed somewhere in this world, but remained hidden from our view. Similarly, the location of the ten tribes is also concealed from us specifically because Hashem wishes it to remain this way until the end of days.

National Claims

There are also many legends and much speculation about nations or distinct tribes from around the world which claim, or are believed to be, descended from the ten tribes. These theories are not necessarily a direct contradiction to the aforementioned accounts of the ten tribes living in a remote, unknown region. Individual groups could have splintered off from the original ten tribes and settled just about anywhere on earth. Below are a number of the theories that have surfaced concerning discrete peoples who may have descended from the lost tribes of Israel.

Tribes in Afghanistan

There are many who say that certain tribes in Afghanistan descend from the ten lost tribes and practiced Judaism until the Moslems conquered the area and forced them to follow Islamic law. A number of different factors appear to support this claim. For one thing, Afghanistan is situated in the area of the ancient country of Madai, which is one of the destinations to which the ten tribes were exiled according to the Prophets. Secondly, there is an established tradition conveyed by many Afghan natives and officials that they descend from the tribes of Reuven, Shimon, Gad, and Efrayim. Additionally, some of the

Afghan tribes’ names – Afritim, Gadgim, Shinvarim, and Raavanim – clearly resemble the names of Efrayim, Gad, Shimon, and Reuven. Thirdly, these tribes observe customs that closely resemble Jewish practices. Many tribesmen grow beards and peot (side locks), and the wives immerse in water after their nida cycle. Some even light candles on Friday night. Moreover, members of one Afghan tribe carry around an amulet, which they consider a holy charm, containing the verse of “Shema Yisrael.” Finally, over the years, many travelers to Afghanistan recorded hearing older tribesmen state explicitly that they observed Judaism until the Muslim conquest. Unfortunately, all these tribes today consider themselves Moslems, pray in accordance with Moslem tradition, and make pilgrimages to Mecca.

American Indians?

Rabbi Menashe Ben Yisrael (1604-1657), in his book Mikveh Yisrael, brings dozens of proofs to an ancient Jewish presence in parts of the American continent. One piece of evidence is the report of a monument with a Hebrew inscription that was unearthed by the early European settlers in the 16th century. He shows how many of the Indian tribal customs resemble and seemingly originate from Jewish law, and that some tribes even practiced circumcision. There are reports that the Indians were familiar with the story of creation and the great flood in the time of Noah. Rabbi Menashe thus deduces that the Indians were definitely influenced by a Jewish presence in that part of the world. He also cites many eyewitness accounts from early settlers on the American continents, of large beautiful colonies inhabited by white, non-pagan people living in peaceful isolation. According to these reports, the inhabitants all appeared well dressed with beards, and their powerful sentries barred any outsiders from entering their territory. There can be no doubt, Rabbi Menashe concludes, that these people belong to the ten tribes and they have lived in isolation from the civilized world for centuries on the American continent. Eventually, as more European settlers arrived, these groups moved onward to another place in order to once again live in isolation and obscurity.

There are other speculations from various writers and historians regarding nations or parts of nations that may have originated from the ten lost tribes. Some say that the Jews of Yemen, or several groups of Yemenites Jews, descend from one of the lost tribes. Others speculate that the Ethiopian Jews originate from these tribes (and some claim that they came to Ethiopia during the time of Shelomo Hamelech). Other theories point to tribes in India, China, and Japan who, until recently, observed many Jewish customs and quite likely originate from the ten lost tribes.

Regardless of whether these groups are actually remnants of the lost tribes or if they were simply influenced by a Jewish presence, the Jewish belief remains strong that the full glory of the ten lost tribes continues to be hidden by Hashem in an unknown land, where they are fully committed to Torah tradition. This belief is coupled with the sincere hope and prayer that the world shall soon see the return of all segments of the Nation of Israel with the coming of Mashiah speedily in our days.1

Next Issue: Tehiyat Hametim (Resurrection of the Dead)

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1 The information citied within this article has been taken from the following sefarim: Mikveh Yisrael by Rabbi Menashe ben Yisrael Shenem Assar Shivte Yisrael by Rabbi Moshe Weinstock Sippur David Hareuveni Or Hadash Besion by Rabbi Avraham Zonenson

Living With Nobility

Rabbi David Ashear

One who lives his life with emunah will automatically bring glory to Hashem. When others see the way he carries himself and lives his life with such serenity and nobility, they will see Gdliness. Avraham Avinu taught emunah to the world, and the people revered him, calling him “a prince of Hashem.” A person with emunah never loses himself or becomes upset regarding those things that normally upset others. He knows that everything is from Hashem, and that Hashem is always doing what is best for him, even when he doesn’t understand how.

A man told me he came into work one morning to find his business’ computer system was malfunctioning. He called a team of technicians, and their initial assessment was that all data was lost. The system contained everything; eight years’ worth of information had been wiped out. All the orders that were to be shipped over the next six months, all the records of businesses that owed him money and to which he owed, all the charges and credit: all were gone. The business was a mess. The owners had emunah and accepted the will of Hashem with joy. They carried on to the best of their ability, but the employees were anxious and complaining, wondering how to proceed without that data.

After four days, the technicians were able to solve the problem, and not one piece of information was missing. The office celebrated, and during the celebration one of the employees came over to the man and said, “Boss, we are awestruck by the way you handled the situation. You never lost your cool. We all couldn’t believe it. You are our role model for life.” This is a kiddush Hashem.

*** *** ***

An acquaintance of mine had a doctor’s appointment in Manhattan for a procedure that was to have taken most of the day. He took the day off, canceling all his meetings, and went to the doctor’s office. After one hour in the waiting room, he was finally taken in and he underwent a series of tests and preparatory procedures. He then had to wait for another hour, after which the doctor came out and said very apologetically, “I am so sorry, the machine I need for the procedure is broken. This has never happened to me in all my years as a doctor. I feel terrible, but we cannot do the procedure today. We’ll have to reschedule.”

The man understood that there are no accidents, that everything is caused by Hashem, and so he didn’t lose his cool. He said, “OK, we’ll reschedule.” The doctor could not believe how calmly the person responded. He was certain he would be furious, having wasted an entire day. This created a wonderful kiddush Hashem.

Emunah lends a person nobility. He knows Hashem is calling all the shots, there are no mistakes, everything happens precisely the way Hashem wants, and He only wants to do what is best for us. There are many people who have reasons to complain but they walk around with a smile, happy and content, and in so doing, they create a kiddush Hashem.

A student of the Hazon Ish owned a printing shop in Bnei Brak, and someone opened a similar shop nearby. Most people would be furious when this happens, but this man strengthened his emunah and repeatedly reminded himself that his livelihood comes only from Hashem. Hashem gives me my parnassah, he kept saying to himself, and I am not going to start a fight over this. He befriended his competitor, warmly welcoming him to the area and offering to help in any way he can.

The competitor couldn’t believe it. But those with emunah never compromise their dignity, and always remain calm and composed.

We must work toward developing our emunah so we respond properly to adverse situations, which will then bring glory to Hashem.

Scaling the Mountain

In our prayers and kiddush on Shavuot, we proclaim that Gd has given us this great festival “zecher liytziat Mitzrayim – in commemoration of the Exodus from Egypt.” Surprising as it sounds, the celebration of Shavuot serves to remind us of our miraculous departure from Egypt.

This seems strange, because we are just several weeks away from the seven-day holiday which is all about the Exodus from Egypt – Pesach. We already have a celebration of that miracle. And besides, how does Shavuot celebrate the Exodus? We all know that Shavuot commemorates Matan Torah, our receiving the Torah at Mount Sinai, seven weeks after leaving Egypt. What does this have to do with the Exodus?

True Freedom

The answer, in one word, is: EVERYTHING.

Pesach is referred to in our liturgy as “zeman herutenu – the occasion of our freedom.” It celebrates our attaining our freedom after years of Egyptian slavery. However, there is a common and grave misconception about what “freedom” means. Having no obligations or responsibilities is not true freedom. True freedom is the freedom to realize the purpose for which one has come into this world. Gd did not bring us out of Egypt so we could live an empty life, bereft of meaning and purpose. He brought us out of Egypt so we could serve Him – which is our purpose as human beings.

Once we understand this definition of “freedom,” we understand that the process of Yetziat Mitzrayim (the Exodus from Egypt) was not complete until we stood at Mount Sinai and accepted the Torah, formally entering into Gd’s service. Leaving the service of Pharaoh was only the first phase; the second phase was committing ourselves the service of Gd.

This is reflected in the famous “arba leshonot geulah – four expressions of redemption,” the four promises that Gd made to our ancestors in Egypt (Shemot 6:6-7): 1) vehotzeti (“I shall take you out”); 2) vehitzalti (“I shall save you”); 3) vega’alti (“I shall redeem you”); 4) velakahti (“I shall take you”). The fourth expression – “velakahti” – refers to the time of Matan Torah, when we entered into a covenant with Gd, becoming His cherished nation. This marked the culmination of the process of the Exodus.

As we know, the four cups of wine we drink at the seder commemorate the fulfillment of these four promises. These cups are drunk at specific times during the seder – at the beginning, at the end of the Maggid section, after birkat hamazon, and after hallel. Significantly, halachah permits drinking additional cups of wine in between these four cups, if one wishes, except in between the third and fourth cups. The reason given is that we must make it abundantly clear that the fourth cup – signifying Matan Torah – is integrally connected to the first three, which correspond to the stages of our freedom from Egyptian bondage. There can be no disruption whatsoever between our departure from Egypt and our acceptance of the Torah – because we must understand that we were freed solely for the purpose of entering into the service of Gd.

Thus, Shavuot, which celebrates the event of Matan Torah, is truly “zecher liytziat Mitzrayim” – a commemoration of the Exodus from Egypt, insofar as it marks the culmination of this process.

Our Wedding With Gd

There may, however, be an additional explanation.

Numerous customs observed at weddings bring to mind Matan Torah. Tradition teaches that Gd adorned Mount Sinai with beautiful greenery and flowers – correspondingly, it is customary to decorate the huppah with ornate flower arrangements. The Sages tell that hosts of angels escorted our ancestors from the camp to the mountain – just as the bride and groom are joyously escorted to the canopy. The Gemara famously relates that at the time of Matan Torah, Gd suspended the mountain above Beneh Yisrael, like a huppah.

Indeed, Matan Torah was a wedding. Gd was the groom, and Beneh Yisrael were the bride. Just as a bride and groom stand together under the canopy and express to one another their unbridled commitment and loyalty, so did we stand with Gd at Mount Sinai and make such a proclamation. We entered into an everlasting bond, whereby we are forever devoted to one another.

Extending this idea one step further, we might say that Yetziat Mitzrayim marked the “engagement.” An engagement, after all, is the decision to enter into the marital bond with the other party. This is what happened at the time of the Exodus – Gd singled us out and “invited” us to join Him, as it were. We happily agreed, and the “wedding” took place seven weeks later, on Shavuot.

The question is, why did we need these seven weeks? When a couple gets engaged, the wedding does not take place immediately, because they need time to make the preparations. They need to reserve a hall, hire a caterer, orchestra and photographer, buy special clothes, and set up a home. All this takes time. But Gd didn’t need time to prepare for His “wedding” with the Jewish People. He could have very easily held the ceremony right away. Why did He wait seven weeks?

The answer is rooted in the halachic requirement of a minimum engagement period. Even if no preparations need to be made, and the couple could, practically speaking, get married right after getting engaged, halachah mandates waiting at least seven days. Only then may the bride immerse in a mikveh and thereby complete her process of purification in preparation for marriage.

The Kabbalists explain that Beneh Yisrael, the bride, similarly needed to undergo a purification process. They had spent over 200 years in Egypt, a society that was characterized by idol-worship and decadence. For over two centuries, our ancestors were submerged in the “impurity” of ancient Egypt, and were significantly impacted by its culture. According to Kabbalistic teaching, they plummeted to the “49th gate of impurity” – just one step before the 50th level, from which they would have been unable to recover. In this condition, they could not “marry” Gd. They needed to first undergo a process of purification – just as a bride must purify herself before she can marry her groom.

The Kabbalists further explain that whereas a regular bride requires seven days for purification, Beneh Yisrael had become so contaminated in Egypt that they needed seven weeks. The period between Yetziat Mitzrayim and Matan Torah was earmarked for preparation, for Beneh Yisrael to rid themselves of the impurities of Egypt so they could stand under the “huppah” with Gd where together they would forge an eternal bond.

Mount Sinai is known also by a different name – “Har Horev.” The root “h.r.v.” means “destroy.” Sinai is so named because the event that transpired there – Gd’s revelation and our receiving the Torah – marked the complete “destruction” of the yetzer hara, the evil inclination. The Talmud states that at that time, “paseka zuhamatan” – the nation’s “filth” was eliminated. Over the course of the seven weeks of purification, culminating with Matan Torah, Beneh Yisrael succeeded in fully cleansing themselves, and triumphing over the yetzer hara. This might be the meaning of the term “Har Horev.” The Gemara in Masechet Sukkah says that the yetzer hara is likened to a mountain: just as it demands immense effort to scale a mountain, so does it require immense effort to overcome lures and temptations. “Har Horev,” then, could mean, “destroying the evil inclination.” At the time of Matan Torah, our ancestors completed their rise from the spiritual depths to which they had sunk in Egypt, to the point where they eliminated their sinful impulses altogether, and the yetzer hara was completely destroyed.

Taking “Egypt” Out of the Jew

In light of this, we may arrive at a new understanding of the expression זכר ליציאת מצרים.

The Satmar Rebbe (Rav Yoel Teitelbaum, 1887-1979) suggested that when we speak of Shavuot celebrating יציאת מצרים, we refer not to our departure from Egypt, but rather Egypt’s departure from us. The term יציאת מצרים literally means, “Egypt’s departure” – the expulsion from Egyptian beliefs and values from the people’s hearts and minds. Shavuot celebrates the completion of the process of “Har Horev,” of destroying the negative spiritual forces which our ancestors had absorbed in Egypt, driving Egyptian influence out of their souls.

On Pesach, we celebrate our having left Egypt. On Shavuot, we celebrate Egypt having left us.

Reflecting on our ancestors’ remarkable accomplishment – rising from the depths of impurity to the heights of spiritual greatness – should be a great source of encouragement for us in our generation, when we face enormous religious challenges. We are, on the one hand, blessed to live in a country which guarantees all citizens the freedom to live as they wish, and this freedom is what has enabled our nation to thrive on these shores and to practice our religion without fear or intimidation. On the other hand, this freedom has allowed for the emergence of a culture which, in many ways, is antithetical to our values. And technology has enabled this culture to infiltrate Jewish life, and to have a profound – and, oftentimes, devastating – impact upon our souls. If our ancestors were able to climb this “mountain,” and reach the peak of holiness after having fallen to the lowest depths, then we, too, can climb. As difficult and challenging as religious commitment is in the modern era, we must remember that it is possible. Our ancestors were able to scale their mountain; we can scale ours.

Our celebration of Shavuot should encourage and inspire us to redouble our efforts to “climb,” to persist in our struggle against the strong cultural currents that we face, and continually strive for great spiritual heights, undeterred by the unique challenges that we face.

The Lighter Side – April 2021

What Daddy Does

Richie: “Hey Tommy, what does your daddy do for a living?”

Tommy: “My daddy’s an accountant and he works from home.”

Richie: “That’s cool.”

Tommy: “What does your daddy do?”

Richie: “My daddy’s a Congressman in Washington.”

Tommy: “Honest?”

Richie: “No, just the regular kind.”

Michael L.

Expecting a Diagnosis

A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. A senior doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on her clipboard.

“What’s the matter with you?” the older doctor demanded. “Mrs. Bergman is 61 years old, has four married children, and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was expecting?!”

The younger doctor continued writing and, without even looking up, said, “Does she still have the hiccups?”

Frieda B.

A Winner’s Prize

One day, the shul president snuck out of morning services so he could shoot a round of golf with the whole course to himself. An angel, looking down from Heaven, seethed.

“Gd, this man is abusing his position. We must not let him get away with this.”

The president took his first shot. Amazingly, the ball soared through the air 420 yards and dropped into the cup for a hole in one.

The angel was puzzled. “I thought he was going to be punished?!”

“Think about it,” Gd said to the angel, “who’s he going to tell?”

Jack V. Grazi

Half a Head

A man in the Florida supermarket wanted to buy half a head of lettuce, but the young produce assistant explained that the store sells only whole heads of lettuce. The man persisted and so the produce assistant went to the back of the supermarket to check with the manager.

“Sorry to bother you sir,” he said to the manager, “but some dim wit wants to buy half a head of lettuce.”

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him. He quickly added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”

David G.

The Prize Donkey

Harry moved to Arkansas and bought a fine donkey from a farmer for $100, which he hoped to use to earn a living. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when he finally arrived at Harry’s place he had bad news. “I’m really sorry to have to tell you this, but your donkey died last night.”

“Well, then, just give me back my $100,” Harry replied.

“I can’t do that,” the farmer said, “as I already spent the money.”

“I see,” Harry responded as he thought for a moment. “Then just bring me the dead donkey.”

“What are you going to do with a dead donkey?” the farmer asked.

“I’m going to sell it.”

“You can’t sell a dead donkey!” the farmer mocked.

“Sure I can!” Harry insisted. “I just won’t mention that it’s dead.”

A month later, the farmer met Harry and asked, “So, what happened with the dead donkey?”

“Oh, I raffled him off,” Harry proudly reported. “I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece, and made a profit of $898.”

“Didn’t anyone complain?” the farmer asked.

“Just the guy who won,” Harry said, “so I just gave him back his two dollars.”

Jack V. Grazi

A Real Present

The minute I walked into the beauty salon the manicurist noticed the new earrings my husband had given me. “Those must be real diamonds,” she said.

“Yes,” I replied. “How could you tell?”

“Because,’” she explained, “no one buys fake diamonds that small.”

Abhu C.

Splattered Ships

A boat carrying gray paint collided with another boat carrying red paint. Both crews are missing and are believed to be marooned.

Abie K.

The Will to Hear

An elderly gentleman with severe hearing loss went to the doctor who fit him with hearing aids that allowed him to hear at 100 percent for the first time in many years.

When the elderly man returned to the doctor for a checkup one month later, the doctor concluded, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

“Oh, I haven’t told my family yet,” he responded. “I just sit around and listen to the conversations.”

“When do you plan to tell your family?” the doctor inquired.

“Oh they’ll find out soon enough… I’ve changed my will three times!”

Terri A.

My Career Search

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned… couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I couldn’t hack it… so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it… mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory… but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life… but I just didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it… I couldn’t cut the mustard.

I studied a long time to become a doctor… but I didn’t have any patience.

I finally got a job as a historian… until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks… but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So I retired.

Morris M.

Letter to Heaven

A little boy desperately wanted $100 to buy a toy. He prayed for many weeks, but to no avail. Finally, he decided to write Gd a letter expressing his request.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to “Gd, USA,” they figured they should send it to the President. The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill, which he knew the boy would consider a large sum. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill, and he immediately sat down and wrote the following thank you note to Gd:

Dear Gd: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and those crooks deducted $95 in taxes!

A. N.

The Case – Unauthorized Tenancy

Joe recently moved out of his office in Manhattan on account of COVID-19. David, who was renting an office in Brooklyn, offered to sublet half of his office space to Joe for payment of half the rent. The arrangement continued for six months until the landlord claimed that David his tenant was in breach of contract. The landlord presented the contract to our Bet Din, which explicitly restricted David from transferring the property to another tenant. The landlord requested to evict David from his property and demanded that all proceeds illegally collected from the sublet are to be forwarded to him. David responded that he cannot afford to pay the sum of $21,000 but is willing to do so if he is required to by Torah law. He further expressed that since to date he paid in full all of his rent, he should not be required to forward the money he collected from Joe. As per the eviction, David explained that either way he is unable to pay his rent without an additional tenant to supplement the cost and he is happy to leave the property. David then informed his landlord that he needs four to six months to find a smaller property.

Is the landlord entitled to the proceeds of the unauthorized six months of Joe’s tenancy? Does he have the right to evict David? Can David stay for an additional four to six months until he finds a smaller property? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch a tenant who violates the terms of his contract is subject to penalty. A tenant being in material breach of contract is generally grounds for eviction. Nevertheless, contemporary halachic authorities rule in compliance with tenant protection laws that require a slower more methodical process when evicting a tenant. Tenant protection laws are incorporated by Torah law since they were instituted by the government for the safety and welfare of society. More recently, however, new and progressive protection laws were added and do not necessarily represent or comply with Torah law. For further details regarding these recent additional laws, a competent halachic authority should be consulted.

By rule of the Shulhan Aruch a tenant who is authorized to sublet a property is entitled to all proceeds including any profit that is generated from the transaction. However, in the event a tenant illegally sublets the rented property to another, he is required to forward any amount above the cost of his rent to the landlord. The underlying reasoning for this law is that once a tenant vacates the rental for the unauthorized tenant, we view the property as vacant and available for the landlord to rent. Hence, upon entry of the unauthorized tenant to the vacant

property all profits are rightfully forwarded to the landlord. Additionally, an unauthorized sublet is usually a material breach of contract and is therefore grounds for eviction.

The above ruling is applicable in instances in which a tenant vacates a property in order to provide an unauthorized entry to another. If, however, the tenant does not vacate but rather occupies the property while he provides another to share in the space, the above ruling is not applicable. Although providing unauthorized entry to even a portion of the landlord’s property is grounds for eviction, it nevertheless does not entitle the landlord to collect the additional profits generated from the sublet. Since all along the original tenant was occupying the property, so it was not available for the landlord to rent. Hence, we no longer view the new unauthorized tenant as the landlord’s asset. But rather, the unauthorized tenant is viewed as the asset of the original tenant, who minimized his usage of the space in order to offset his rent.

The ruling enabling a tenant to keep the money he collected to offset his rent is only applicable to an unauthorized tenant of the past. Regarding the months going forward, the landlord is entitled to collect all proceeds from both tenants. By Torah law, a landlord can demand of his original tenant to instruct the unauthorized tenant to leave. If the original tenant fails to abide, then the landlord may stipulate new terms going forward, which may include collection from both tenants.

VERDICT: Moving Out

Our Bet Din enabled David to offset his rent by keeping the money he already collected from Joe. Nevertheless, the landlord is entitled to begin an eviction process since David was in breach of contract after enabling Joe’s unauthorized entry. If during the interim of an eviction process David continues to illegally share the property with Joe, the landlord is then entitled to collect payment from both tenants. The underlying reasoning for this ruling is detailed in the Torah law section of this article.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Miles Away

Robert successfully accumulated 420,000 miles on his credit card and sold the miles to Simon for $5,000. Simon, a mileage broker, then sold the miles to Lewis, a well-known travel agent. Lewis issued a ticket to his customer using the miles, but he thereafter cancelled the order since he accidentally misspelled the customer’s name. The airline first deducted the 420,000 miles when Lewis issued the ticket, only to thereafter credit the account upon the ticket’s cancellation. When Lewis reissued the ticket with the proper spelling, he again used the miles available in the account for the purchase. His customer successfully traveled using the ticket he purchased from Lewis. Much to everyone’s surprise, the airline did not deduct the points from the account after Lewis reissued the ticket. The three contacted our Bet Din each claiming ownership of the 420,000 miles still in the account. Robert suggested that as the account holder he is clearly the owner of the miles. After all, he performed his end of the deal by giving access to his account to purchase a ticket with his miles. He claimed that since the process does not include the transfer of the miles to a different account, the balance in his account is his property. Simon and Lewis argued that since they paid for the miles in advance, they were the owners of the miles, even though they were in Robert’s account. The parties expressed that returning the miles to the airline was not an option, as those miles can only be deducted by issuing another ticket.

Which of the three is entitled to the miles?

How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Someone’s Been Helping your Family, Friends, and Neighbors

How the Flatbush Community Fund has Quickly Become a Lifeline for Local Families in Distress?

“We are trying to make it a one-stop shop, so that the people who need help have one address that they can turn to.” – Yitzy Weinberg, Executive Director of Flatbush Community Fund

“I am privileged to be involved in the truly remarkable and heroic work the Flatbush Community Fund does on a daily basis to alleviate the financial stress of needy families in our community.” – Board member David Heskiel

DAVE GORDON

This past Pessah, thanks to a new community initiative, hundreds of needy families who otherwise might have gone without proper provisions for the holiday didn’t have to worry about putting food on the table. For them, this holiday was indeed different from all other holidays – because there was a new organization at-the-ready to step up to the plate.

Flatbush Community Fund (FCF) has, for the past three years, been a lifeline for countless community members – those struggling paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet, those in desperate need to pay for the necessitates of life. And that is particularly true during the past year, when so many have been economically devastated by the pandemic.

Thankfully, more than $1.5 million in food aid was given out to community members, so that they could partake in festive meals, without empty stomachs, shame or indignity.

But one might ask: what about the scores of existing community social safety nets? Aren’t they already taking care of struggling families?

The answer, surprising as it sounds, is that some families fell through the cracks. Although there are scores of charitable organizations all doing fine work, only one – Flatbush Community Fund – has arisen to forge partnerships with other assistance programs in order to reach more people in need.

“A One-Stop Shop”

Three years ago, a philanthropist in our community who had been helping a family in financial distress quickly came to the realization that there were other families like them who didn’t know where, or to whom, to turn. Not everyone who needed help knew of a program or a person to ask. And this donor wasn’t alone; some of his peers who helped the needy also understood the problem. So many in the community were defaulting on mortgages, facing utility shut-offs, or going into overdraft to simply buy the basics – with nowhere to turn for the help they desperately needed.

Together, these generous donors decided to plug the gaps, and provide more resources, by creating a central hub where anyone of any background could find help: the Flatbush Community Fund.

FCF touts itself as a unique multiservice organization, helping with food, bills, clothing, and interest-free loans.

“We are trying to make it a one-stop shop, so that the people who need help have one address that they can turn to,” said Yitzy Weinberg, Executive Director of Flatbush Community Fund. “At the same time, we are rallying our community around those hit by poverty, illness, pandemic, and unemployment to bring us all together to help each other.”

The rapid growth of the organization in such a short amount of time is astonishing, with millions of dollars fundraised and distributed. Its success in three short years is nothing short of stunning. It has distributed $2 million in aid to 1,200 families, distributed more than $400,000 worth of grocery vouchers to over 550 families, helped raised funds for 65 weddings, and funded $500,000 in interest-free loans.

And, FCF has evolved from a small organization with a cubical in a shared office space, to a real location and two full-time staffers.

Some 400 volunteers have stepped up to the plate to distribute goods and services, and the board is dedicated to investing their own spare time to help in as many ways as they can.

Board member David Heskiel proudly states, “I am privileged to be involved in the truly remarkable and heroic work the Flatbush Community Fund does on a daily basis to alleviate the financial stress of needy families in our community.”

Unique to our community, they provide free tutoring services to 200 children on a monthly basis, as part of a program that has demonstrated enormous tangible results, receiving praise from schools, donors, and students. The goal of the tutors, say organizers, isn’t merely to attend to those students who have slipped academically, but also to ensure they are proactively keeping up with their studies.

These initiatives have received the emphatic endorsement of an exceptionally wide range of community institutions and leaders. They have the support of 200 local shuls, and of prominent rabbis such as Rabbi Yisrael Reisman, Rabbi Elya Brudny, Rabbi Moshe Tuvia Leiff, and Rabbi Moshe Bergman.

Teamwork

Realizing that no one single organization can do it all, FCF immediately networked with an array of other organizations to more effectively serve the community. UJA Federation, Met Council, Tzur, and COJO are just a few agencies that have teamed up with FCF to provide more assistance to more families.

Tzur has a wedding fund matching scheme, dollar-for-dollar, that has given a half-million dollars to offset simha costs. Leon Goldenberg and COJO have offered various resources to process interest-free loans, with $1.5 million already collected by FCF and given out to those who need a helping hand. For their part, UJA has offered grants and funds, financial mentoring, and helping with the food pantry. And Met Council has also joined in, as a channel to help those with emergency utility and rent expenses.

“We just gave wedding assistance to a single mother,” Weinberg says. She reached back out to me to thank me. She was incredibly amazed. She couldn’t believe it. She filled out the application, we went through the vetting process, and she got thousands of dollars toward her wedding expenses. She wrote a whole long letter. She couldn’t contain herself about the burden taken off of her. Besides the financial burden, there was the emotional component of feeling that there are people there for her.”

This wasn’t unusual, Weinberg noted, as thank-you letters, voicemails and emails come in on a constant basis from those who have felt incredibly impacted by the work FCF does.

“It was also the fact that someone was there for them, and cared about them, that they were part of a community. It meant something to someone. It really brought home, to me and others, that these efforts really help.”

Streamlining Charitable Efforts

Weinberg became involved shortly after the organization was conceived, and quickly learned that there was a widely-held misconception that the need wasn’t so dire, a belief that because so much money is typically raised for so many causes, everyone was taken care of. Alas, that wasn’t the case. As Weinberg puts it, “Many people were getting lost in the shuffle. There were gaps, despite the number of programs available.”

And even when an individual could be helped with several different services, he noted, “a person, especially in a crisis, doesn’t have the headspace to go from organization to organization.”

What he saw in FCF were committed and dedicated individuals who wanted to create a better, more streamlined, solution, and he jumped at the chance to become involved.

“It’s so gratifying to be able to know that you are on the front lines of providing help, every day, for people when they need it,” Weinberg reflects. “There are many needs in the community that aren’t being met sufficiently. We are trying to fill those areas. We are trying to be the organization that everyone in Flatbush knows they can turn to if they have a problem.”

Weinberg works with Yonason Schwartz, FCF Director of Operations, both the only hired hands at FCF.

“We’ve taken on this monumental challenge and helped create this unique organization that we now have,” Schwartz says proudly.

Of critical importance for him to express is that FCF provides not only critical aid, but also a method whereby people can request help discreetly, in the form of an online application.

“People already go through a lot of shame, and discomfort, when things get bad,” Schwartz explains, noting that this is one of the reasons why many people shy away from asking. “They shouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of reaching out for help.”

A Plea for More “Fuel”

As incredible as the growth of the organization has been, however, there is an ever-growing need for donor contributions, in order to keep up with rapidly increasing demand for grocery store vouchers, food pantry items, loans, and other vital forms of assistance.

If there was a time-sensitive message to our community Schwartz and Weinberg want to leave us with, it’s that we can all chip in wherever we can, and all do our part to come to the aid of our fellow Jews.

“We have the vehicle to help people, but we need to be fueled more,” Schwartz pleads. “Help your friends and neighbors, and let’s all give to this cause!”.

Added Weinberg, “We need to get community leaders to buy in, and help us help the community. The sum is greater than its parts in the Flatbush community. There are needs in every shul in Flatbush. A stronger Flatbush community is better for everyone.”

For more information, please visit FCF’s website, www.fcfund.org.