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Once Upon A Thyme – Southwestern Chicken Salad with Cilantro Lime Dressing

Does eating a salad sometimes leave you wanting more? Leafy greens are a great side dish or snack, but including a source of protein, fat, and carbohydrates turns it into a balanced meal. Protein choices like beans and grilled chicken keep you satisfied and helps with muscle growth and repair. Fats boost your body’s ability to absorb nutrients and vitamins, and are usually found in avocado and savory salad dressings. Complex carbohydrates like whole wheat croutons or quinoa can be added to increase fiber and keep you feeling full. Finally, adding a variety of roasted vegetables adds even more nutrients to complete your salad.

Ingredients:

3 cups Lettuce of choice (spring mix)

2 lbs Cooked southwestern chicken

Julienned carrots

1 ripe avocado

1 can black beans

Juice of half a lime

Drain the can of beans and set aside. Peel and slice avocado and add lime juice.

Southwestern Chicken:

1 tbsp Smoked paprika

1 tbsp cumin

1 tbsp Chile powder

1 tbsp salt

2 tbsp brown sugar

¼ cup olive oil

2 lbs chicken cutlet strips

1 lime

1 tsp black pepper

1. In a Ziploc bag mix the first six ingredients. Add in chicken and shake well coat chicken.

2. Spread chicken evenly on a pan, and squeeze lime on top. Sprinkle with black Pepper and bake on 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 15 minutes uncovered.

3. Turn the oven on high broil and broil for 5 more minutes. Remove from the pan and let cool.

Julienned Carrots:

1 lb carrots, peeled

2 tbsp brown sugar

3 tbsp oil

1. Slice carrots on a slant, julienne shape. Toss on a pan with oil and brown sugar.

2. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit covered for 40 minutes and broil for an additional 5 minutes.

Cilantro Lime Dressing:

6 cloves garlic

1 bunch cleaned and stemmed cilantro

1 tbsp salt

2 tbsp honey

Juice of four limes

In a processor, blend garlic and olive oil until minced. Add the rest of the ingredients until blended.

Assemble: Add lettuce to a bowl. Add cooked chicken, julienned carrots, sliced avocado and drained black beans. Add cilantro lime dressing on top and serve immediately.

We Don’t Even Know

Rabbi David Ashear

“Most of the time we don’t even know from what Hashem is saving us.”

We have a mitzvah every single day to remember what Balak and Bilaam tried to do to the Jewish people in the wilderness – “…so that we will know about the righteousness of Hashem” (Michah 6:5). The Jews there were in grave danger. Bilaam knew the precise moment that his curse could take effect. Yet, Hashem protected His People and didn’t allow it to happen. The Jews had no idea what danger they were in. They went about their daily routine, oblivious to what was going on. But they had Hashem protecting them. That is something we must remind ourselves every day.

There are so many dangers out there about which we have no idea. We have to appreciate that we have Someone protecting us from them. Most of the time we don’t even know from what Hashem is saving us. But, baruch Hashem, we can always feel secure knowing that He definitely is protecting us.

A woman in my neighborhood wanted to sell her house. She found a buyer who was willing to let her continue living there for 12 years following the sale.

He arrived with his engineer to inspect the house, and they discovered that the house was on a slight tilt. He agreed to go through with the deal providing that the woman fixes the main beam of the house to make it perfectly level. She priced the cost of the repair and found that it would be $12,000. She agreed to the condition, saying that eventually she would get around to making the repair. But the man said, “No. I need it to be done right away in order to sign the contract.”

Two weeks later, the contractor came to do the job. After a few hours, he called her over and asked if she recently been feeling woozy upon waking up.

“Actually, yes,” she answered, surprised. “I don’t know what’s causing it.”

The contractor showed her a slow gas leak from behind the main beam. He said, “Lucky you called me when you did, because if this had continued, then, Gd-forbid, one day you might not of have woken up at all.”

This was Hashem protecting her from danger she could not have known about. This is an example of “letting us know Hashem’s righteousness.”

I was sitting in my house one afternoon when I heard a loud explosion. I looked out the window and saw, down the block, a ball of fire in the sky. It appeared to be right over another home. Then suddenly, the power went out!

I raced outside and, along with my panicky neighbors, ran to see what had happened. We ran to the end of the block and saw a fire with black smoke shooting upward from a manhole in the middle of the street. Had anyone been injured? This incident took place at a very busy intersection where two lanes of cars usually lined up waiting for the light to change as many pedestrians crossed the street. We saw that, baruch Hashem, there was not a car or a person anywhere near the explosion!

Who knows who missed a traffic signal a few minutes earlier, which actually saved their lives? Who knows who was delayed and didn’t cross the street?

Only Hashem knows all the dangers, but the same Hashem is protecting us. We have to remember this lesson every day and appreciate His protection all the time.

Our Unconditional Love

Rabbi Avraham Saba (1440-1508) was a brilliant rabbi, kabbalist, thinker, and writer in Spain, who endured a great deal of suffering and hardship throughout his life. He was expelled from Spain in 1492 along with the rest of Spanish Jewry, and went to live in Portugal. Just several years later, his two sons were kidnapped and forcefully baptized. He ended up having to flee Portugal, leaving behind his numerous manuscripts of scholarly writings, which he hid under a tree in Lisbon, hoping to one day return. Unfortunately, he never did, and the vast majority of his priceless scholarship has been lost.

Rabbi Saba died aboard a ship bound for Verona, Italy. The Hida (Rav Haim Yosef David Azoulay, 1724-1806), in his work Shem Hagedolim, relates that two days before Rabbi Saba’s passing, a torrential storm struck, and the ship was in grave danger. The sailors pleaded with the rabbi – who had taken ill – to pray for the ship’s safety. Rabbi Saba agreed, on the condition that if he died on the ship, the sailors would see to it that he receives a proper Jewish burial. His prayers were answered, and the ship was saved. The sailors brought his remains to the Jewish community of Verona, who tended to the burial.

If anyone can teach us about maintaining faith and religious devotion during difficult times, it is Rabbi Avraham Saba.

One cherished work which he composed and which we still have today is his Torah commentary, entitled Tzeror Ha’mor. In his discussion of Parashat Tazria, which we read this month, he offers a beautiful insight into one of the more enigmatic laws in the Torah, and encourages us to follow his inspiring example of faith and commitment even when confronting difficult challenges.

The Irrational “Heshek”

The Torah instructs that during the times of the Bet Hamikdash, after a woman delivered a child, she would have to bring two sacrifices, one of which was a hatat – sin-offering. As its name suggests, the hatat sacrifice is brought to atone for a sin which one has committed. The Gemara (Niddah 31b) thus poses the question of why a woman must bring such a sacrifice after delivering a child – something which not only has nothing to do with sin, but is one of the greatest mitzvot. The answer, which the Gemara cites from Rabbi Shimon bar Yohai, is that the excruciating pain of childbirth often leads women to vow never to cohabit with their husbands so that they would never need to endure this suffering again. Several weeks later, after the woman recovers and experiences the euphoria of having a newborn child, she regrets making this vow, and so she brings a sin-offering to atone for having sworn to separate from her husband henceforth.

Rabbi Saba makes a simple but important observation – despite the intense pain of childbirth, women nevertheless later reunite with their husbands and seek to beget more children. Gd implanted within women a natural yearning for intimacy with their husbands which overrides the natural instinct to avoid the agonizing pain of childbirth. This was said by Gd Himself, when He informed Havah after she ate from the forbidden tree, “ve’el ishech teshukatech” – she will have a “teshukah,” yearning, for her husband. And so even after the grueling ordeal of childbirth, the wife eventually seeks to resume her marital life.

Rabbi Saba adds that the word “teshukah” is related to the Hebrew word “heshek,” which is generally understood to mean “strong desire.” However, Rabbi Saba explains that this world actually has a more specific connotation, referring to a desire that transcends logic and reason. It speaks of a powerful drive for a close connection with somebody even when there is no rational explanation for it.

Rabbi Saba cites the example of Shechem, the prince of the city bearing the same name, who abducted and violated Yaakov Avinu’s daughter, Dina. Shechem’s father approached Yaakov and asked if he would agree to allow Dina to marry Shechem, explaining, “Shechem beni hashekah nafsho bevitechem – My son, Shechem, is infatuated with your daughter.” What he was saying, Rabbi Saba writes, is that Shechem had an irrational desire for Dina. There were many beautiful young women in the city who were more desirable than Dina, but nevertheless, Shechem wanted her. This was an irrational desire.

Similarly, Rabbi Saba explains, Gd implanted within women a natural, irrational “teshukah” to continue their relationship with their husbands even after experiencing the ordeal of childbirth, despite realizing that continuing the relationship will likely result in their having to go through that ordeal again.

The Love Amid the Pain

Rabbi Saba proceeds to apply this concept to our relationship with Gd.

The prophet Yeshayahu (26:16) describes how Am Yisrael responds to periods of crisis and hardship: “Batzar pekaducha, tzakun lahash musarecha lamo – In distress they have appealed to You, pouring out prayer as Your chastisement befalls them.” Rabbi Saba cites Rav Yosef Kimhi, a 12th-century Spanish commentator (who later moved to France), as explaining this verse to mean that even as “musarecha” – Gd’s harsh “chastisement” and punishments – afflict us, we do not abandon Him. We turn to Him and pour our hearts out before Him in prayer.

The next verse compares the Jewish Nation to a woman in labor: “Like a pregnant woman nearing both; she falls ill and cries in her labor pains – so were we because of You, O’ Gd.” Although a woman suffers terribly during childbirth, and she knows that this pain was caused by her husband having impregnated her, she nevertheless draws even closer to her husband afterward, and strives to build an even stronger bond with him. Similarly, despite the pain Gd occasionally brings upon us, for reasons we cannot understand, we nevertheless have an instinctive drive implanted within us to continue desiring a close relationship with Him. In fact, the more hardship we endure, the more fervently and intensely we pray and try to strengthen our bond with Him.

Then, the prophet goes even further, likening us to a woman who endures labor and then delivers a stillborn child, Heaven forbid (“…kemo yaladnu ru’ah”). Rav Yosef Kimhi explained that the joy of a healthy, beautiful newborn child helps the mother recover from the trauma of labor and reunite with her husband. Am Yisrael, however, do something even greater – we continue building our relationship with Gd even when He brings upon us pain and suffering that does not appear to yield any positive outcome. We sometimes endure hardship that does not bring us a “child,” any discernibly beneficial result. We don’t see any blessing emerging from the pain, in contrast to a new mother, whose suffering is followed by the unparalleled joy of a new child. Even so, we continue to yearn for a closer relationship with Hashem.

If these words had been written by a rabbi who enjoyed a tranquil, joyous life, we could perhaps be excused for having nagging doubts as to whether this can really be true, whether one can remain

passionately devoted to Gd amid pain and hardship. But these words were written by Rabbi Avraham Saba, whose life was filled with challenges. He suffered so much grief and anguish. We can only assume that the experience he describes here in this passage, the continued desire to cling to Gd even in times of pain and distress, is – at least somewhat – autobiographical. This is something he himself felt, throughout the many ordeals that he suffered.

Learning From Our Own Example

In truth, we ourselves have experienced this feeling firsthand.

When the pandemic struck, and as it lingered well beyond the limited time-frame after which we had hoped it would end, how did the Orthodox Jewish world, and our community in particular, respond?

We faced unprecedented challenges, our lives were thrown into turmoil, and many families suffered illness and even tragic losses. How did we react?

We did not turn our backs to Gd. To the contrary, we rose to the occasion. If we could not assemble for prayers in the synagogues, we prayed on our porches, in our backyards, or privately at home. If we could not get together for Torah classes, we got together to learn over Zoom. If our kids could not attend school, our devoted teachers and school administrators made arrangements for remote learning. If we could not get together with extended family for Shabbat and holiday meals, we had uplifting meals with our immediate families. If businesses were crippled, we generously stepped forward to help families in need.

For reasons we cannot understand, Gd decided to bring this crisis upon us and make Torah life very difficult. But this does not diminish from our desire and our determination to serve Him. To the contrary, it led to the redoubling of our efforts to pray, to learn, to assist those in need, and to perform mitzvot. Our lives were turned upside-down, yet we continued clinging to Hashem – with even greater conviction and greater vigor.

Normally, we are urged to learn from the inspiring examples set by great people. This time, I think we should learn from ourselves, from our own example. We showed what it means to remain devoted to Hashem even in challenging times, to respond to hardship with greater commitment and greater determination. This is a precious lesson that we can learn from ourselves, and take with us into the future.

We of course hope and pray that Gd spare us any further pain and suffering. But we have shown that even in hard times, our faith will never wane, and that our love for Gd is forever unconditional, and strong enough to weather any storm.

One on One with Renee Zarif

“I am a very religious person who believes that it all comes back to Hashem. We develop routines and then life happens and we have to adjust. Life is constantly changing but it’s a lot of fun. I chose physical therapy because I love developing close relationships with people and helping them progress and reach their goals.” ~~ Renee ~~

Renee Zarif, née Spigel, grew up in Brooklyn close to where she lives now. She describes herself as a very spiritual, determined, and passionate person, who commits 100 percent to everything she takes on. Educated at Yeshivah of Flatbush from nursery through high school, Renee proudly acknowledges that her life choices were greatly influenced by Yeshivah of Flatbush, shaping her into the person she is today.

Renee is the oldest of four children and speaks daily to her two brothers and sister.

Her parents, both of Lebanese descent, met in the U.S. and worked hard to build a life here. “We are a very close-knit family and adore our WhatsApp chat. My parents have always supported me in attaining my dreams and goals.”

Renee was a shy and serious child who loved school and stayed in on weekends to study. In high school Renee became more outgoing. She learned to achieve a balance between academics and socializing and graduated with honors.

“I still love school! I finished college with extra credits, was valedictorian of my Doctorate program at Touro, and always take more professional development courses than required.”

Coming of Age

After high school Renee entered Brooklyn College with a pre-med major. She was set on becoming a doctor and immediately enrolled in the prerequisite science classes. During the summer after her sophomore year, Renee volunteered in the Emergency Room at Beth Israel Hospital. Her main assignments were transporting patients from the ER to various floors and bringing specimens to the lab. The experience was disappointing because Renee only got to spend minimal time with the patients. As a social person, she missed the human contact.

Returning to Brooklyn College in the fall for her junior year, Renee befriended a woman in her physics class who told her about a rehabilitation internship opportunity for health-related careers including occupational and physical therapy, pain management, nutrition, and others. Her classmate, Rachel, who was pursuing PT, encouraged Renee to apply for what she described as a very competitive program. B”H, Renee was chosen for a PT placement.

“It was the coolest internship but scary too. I was assigned to the neuro rehabilitation unit at NYU hospital for a month. From 9am to 2pm I shadowed a physical therapist and from 2pm to 4pm the interns from the diverse disciplines got together, participating in breakout groups and classes. Our common goal was to learn how to rehabilitate a patient after surgery. Neuro sounded intimidating – I asked to be moved but was encouraged to try it. The exposure was amazing and I decided to pursue PT. Today I practice neuro PT.”

A Match Is Made

While Renee was busy with her college studies, she met her naseeb, Solomon Zarif, at a simcha. It was hashgacha pratit that Solomon’s best friend was engaged to Renee’s cousin. Seven years older, Solomon was already a businessman, specializing in wholesale men’s and boy’s clothing.

Renee and Solomon got married in September 2009. “I liked that Solomon was very mature. He’s my #1 cheerleader and he and his family are so loving and proud of the work I do.”

Hashem blessed the couple with three girls, aged ten, six, and eighteen months old.

Training

Renee graduated from Brooklyn College after she married Solomon. She was pregnant with their first child when she was accepted to every PT doctoral programs she had applied to. Downstate was her first choice but she opted for Touro College because it offered time off for all the hagim.

“Touro was an excellent decision. I gained freedom to be with my husband and daughter on hagim and received the best education. I started when my oldest was nine months old. My favorite professors influenced my training and views on PT.”

Dr. Robert Schreyer taught Anatomy, Renee’s first class at Touro, as well as the courses on neurological disorders and interventions. It was in those classes that Renee decided to specialize in neuro PT.

“Dr. Schreyer painted the issues and treatments in a way that showed me what PT looked like in practice. People have to live with their disorders but there are ways we can intervene so they live with them in an optimal way.”

Renee was required to do four hands-on affiliations in grad school. She was fortunate to do the fourth one at Dr. Schreyer’s PT clinic. Renee was six months pregnant with her second child when she started this track. For ten weeks, Renee shadowed Dr. Schreyer and was guided by him in the evaluation and treatment of neurological and orthopedic cases.

Her preceding affiliation was in pediatrics, and she noticed overlapping concepts between the two specialties.

What Excited Renee About PT School?

“I was taught how to differentiate between true back pain versus pain that was related to another disease such as kidney disease or a tumor. I learned how to look for symptoms that were presenting from medications that my patients were prescribed. My neurological patients, for example, the ones with Parkinson’s Disease, rely heavily on medications that cause side effects.”

Renee discovered that PT was not just about treating a patient’s pain but was also about evaluating the whole picture.

She developed the confidence to communicate well, which is so essential in treating her clients. “The training got me out of my comfort zone and I love the human connection part of my profession. I am so grateful that, with Hashem’s help, I’ve helped so many people.”

Practicing PT

Six years ago, when Renee began her career at the Aspire Wellness Center her two daughters were four and just four months old. She worked there two days a week, treating adults and children with neurological and orthopedic issues. The other two days, Renee treated young yeshiva students through a school-based agency. She juggled her family responsibilities and two jobs with the help of a babysitter, her devoted mother, and, of course, Solomon.

When Renee graduated from Touro, she wanted to be the best physical therapist and to save the world. However, she began to recognize that she had other precious obligations to her wonderful husband and children, and she worked to create a work-life balance that was fulfilling and manageable.

Renee did a combination of clinical and yeshiva-based PT work for approximately five years and then started seeing patients independently. She currently visits clients in their homes, wearing a mask and working safely. Renee is available for virtual visits and has been leading online Zoom classes for parents, with a focus on exercise, pediatric awareness of red flags, and games to incorporate for children. She has also been doing home exercise programs via Zoom for adults.

“I am so happy and grateful every day that I chose PT as a career. I educate mothers to get PT for their children early on, to avoid problems later. Mothers can often pick up on issues earlier than pediatricians. For example, ‘my nineteen-month-old son is walking on his toes.’ Parents are scared of labels. I encourage them to view intervening early and taking advantage of medical knowledge, as positive steps.”

As Renee and I talked I noted how upbeat, energetic, self-aware, and spiritual she is.

Renee is impassioned about family, Judaism, physical therapy, and exercise. She confessed that she did not exercise during PT school and committed to exercising 100 percent in 2017 when she was focused on losing weight. “I really love exercising in a crazy way. I do cardio, strength training, yoga, Pilates, and barre. It helps me mentally, emotionally, and physically, and most definitely helps me to help my PT clients.”

Renee also makes time for Sephardic Bikur Holim community projects, cooking and baking for families in need, and supporting patients of the Morris I. Franco Community Cancer Center.

Renee encourages aspiring therapists to do as much volunteer work as they can, including shadowing a physical therapist, before applying to PT school.

What’s Next?

Renee is a lifetime learner. She thrives on taking continuing ed classes to sharpen her PT skills. Check out her Instagram page and you will be wowed by Renee’s positive energy and creativity. Renee’s goal is to educate her followers about what PT is and how it can help them. Click on the games for children (gross motor skills) and tips for adults relating to orthopedic and neurological issues.

You can reach Renee by phone – 718-687-3180, email reneezarifdpt@gmail.com, or on Instagram @reneezarif.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com)

From The Files of The Mitzvah Man – In the Zechut of Two Mitzvot

“…his commitment to observe two mitzvot on a consistent basis gave him a special zechut and Divine protection from a difficult situation.”

Pnina Souid

Shelomo, a Mitzvah Man volunteer, wanted to do a special out of the box hesed for Purim. The Mitzvah Man director put him in contact with a rabbi who regularly visits hospital patients and prisoners. The Mitzvah Man suggested the volunteer ask the rabbi if he would arrange a visit with a Jewish prisoner. It would be a big mitzvah to bring along mishloah manot and sit with the prisoner and give him hizuk (words of encouragement).

The way was cleared for Shelomo to go to the high-security prison and on Purim he went to meet Harold, a Jewish man sentenced to 25 years in prison.

Shelomo arrived at the drab prison building and was directed to Harold, who was delighted to have a visitor. Shelomo and Harold sat together talking. Harold told Shelomo that a rabbi comes every week to give a Torah class and he enjoys the learning immensely.

Harold looked at Shelomo and said, “I must tell you a story. Listen to what happened to me.”

Every week I get a delivery from outside the prison of a carton of cigarettes. I look forward to it. Having these cigarettes alleviates some of the pressure and anxiety that I feel in prison.

One day, one of the meaner, menacing prisoners comes over to me and says, ‘From now on these cigarettes are mine – OR ELSE.’

I was petrified. This man just threatened my life for a weekly carton of cigarettes. The cigarettes that I looked forward to would be no more.

The next time the rabbi came I told him what happened and asked him how I should handle this situation. Very simply, the rabbi told me, ‘Take upon yourself the observance of two mitzvot.’ Okay. Two mitzvot. I said that I would put on tefillin each weekday and that I would recite the beracha ‘Asher Yatzar’ when applicable.

Only one week later I had news. I told the rabbi, ‘You are not going to believe this! The scary prisoner was trying to put himself on fire in his cell and was placed in solitary confinement.’

I thought, great! But what happens when he comes out of his solitary confinement! The rabbi encouraged me to continue keeping the two mitzvot.

One week later, I had even better news. This guy was transferred to another prison!

Shelomo was overwhelmed by this story. It was obvious to him that Harold was not religious, although perhaps he once was.

It seems like Harold was not a tzaddik, as he had been found guilty of a crime that merited a long prison sentence.

However, his commitment to observe two mitzvot on a consistent basis gave him a special zechut and Divine protection from a difficult situation.

Trust the Process

Someone recently posted a beautiful picture of a custom cake she made. She wrote, “The best cakes come out when the client gives me full control. The creative part of me comes out.”

But wait! What does that have to do with real estate?

Shockingly, a lot! It really has a lot to do with many fields. I feel there are many aspects of real estate that are very dry and factual, like paperwork (ugh!). And some people like that type of stuff. I personally have a creative side to me that I like to bring to real estate, using my creativity to think out of the box to resolve issues that will come up. Every deal has issues and will need a creative twist to make it through. The whole process goes much smoother when buyers and sellers let go (obviously only to a certain extent) and trust the agent.

My goal as an agent is to always put the client’s needs and goals first. I give my professional opinion, but the end decision is always the client’s.

A client once reached out to me and said that an agent was pushing them to take a certain home. I felt that the house had certain unresolved issues that would be costly to fix. They were being pushed for no reason. They needed to step back and reevaluate. I gave my professional opinion on the house and its worth. They ended up giving an offer of about $75,000 more than the house was worth, and I am sure that the seller would have taken significantly less. But they had too many people involved: listing agents, buying agents, me, and family members in the field. It ended up not working out.

My advice is to go to one agent and to stick with that agent. Go to any agent you trust. Trust the process. It has worked for thousands of others. It will work for you bezrat Hashem as well in most cases.

Agents Are Human Too

Almost everyone reading this article is a potential buyer, seller, renter, or landlord. Everyone will eventually interact with an agent. Please do not forget, we are people too.

Sometimes I meet a seller, I pitch my part and explain exactly what I do, and I go through my comprehensive checklist, and they are on board. Three days in, the questions start cropping up, the doubt. They want to know why the house is not advertised enough, the square footage is off by three feet, or Zillow is missing a picture. I ALWAYS want open communication with my clients, but do not forget, your agent is human. A nice word goes a long way.

We appreciate the clients who take the time to phrase their issue nicely, “I love the pictures you took of the inside of the house and the backyard; I was wondering if we could swap the outside picture for the other one, I think it shows it better.” This way of addressing the agent with consideration shows that you care about us as fellow human beings.

Once, there was a house we showed 52 times. 52 times we shut all the lights and locked up. One of the 52 times, an agent accidentally left a light on in the second floor. The seller was very upset, and we really understand. We care about their property and try our best to treat everything with respect. But please be mindful, everything can be said kindly and can be worked out.

Sometimes, we bring well over fifty potential clients into a house and the listing does not work out. Hashem may be saying that we are not the right shaliach. However, we gave amazing service and we hustled and worked hard, and at the end of the day, Hashem decides when and to whom the house gets sold. Remember, as disappointed the seller is, the agent is also disappointed and feels letdown that the seller trusted them, and it did not work out.

There are many other aspects that fall under the “human” side of real estate that we may visit at a different time. However, at this time, we hope to have shed a bit of light on the personal side of real estate.

Staying Connected with Your Children

Tammy Sassoon

Oftentimes parents say that they feel they are doing everything for their children yet have such a hard time connecting with them when their children act ungrateful, unkind, or selfish. Parents ask, “How do I feel connected to my child when they are treating me this way?” The answer is that both we and our children do not have to do anything at all to be connected to each other because the connection is natural and is always there. Sometimes, however we do need to remove blockages that make us feel disconnected from our children. Blockages can include our thoughts about ourselves or our children. Most of the time those thoughts are judgmental in nature, meaning that our brains are telling us that our children should be doing things differently. All “should” thinking is destructive. There are no “shoulds” in life.

Here is one example: A mother tells her daughter to deliver a package to an older woman who lives down the block. Her daughter answers, “No, do it yourself.” The mother starts yelling at her daughter because she acts according to the root thought of “kids should listen to their mothers, and it’s terrible if they do not.” While her daughter’s response was clearly very disrespectful, and requires wise direction from her mother, the mother needs to be responding from a grounded place of clear thinking in order to tap into that wisdom. Instead of thinking, “My daughter should…” she can think clearer truths such as, “Let me think how to set a healthy limit/help my daughter take responsibility here so she can act respectfully.” (It is not healthy for the daughter to not listen to her mother.) “This challenge is uniquely and lovingly designed for me by Hashem to provide me with an opportunity to grow.” “If I got this challenge, I certainly have the tools inside of me.” “My daughter made a poor choice, and I still see her Real Self beneath that. Her mistakes do not define her.”

Now if the mother is responding to her daughter from a place of clear truths, she will be able to see that her connection to her was never lost in the first place, but rather that her original faulty thinking is what created the blockage.

Consequently, when her daughter says, “No, you do it,” the mother might respond with, “That comes across like you think you do not have to listen, and I know you do not mean that. Now please go and bring the elderly lady down the block this bag.” All that is said with zero judgement in the mother’s voice. She is not thinking less of her daughter and is not worried about her either. Her daughter simply made a mistake. It is just a bump in the road, and she needs to take responsibility.

How to Deal with Disrespectful Comments

If the daughter often makes disrespectful comments, the mother can have separate conversations with her at a different time about it.

Notice I said conversations in plural because it’s two separate conversations, never to be mixed.

Conversation #1: Is there something her daughter needs?

Conversation #2: What is expected of the daughter? (We do not make excuses for misbehaviors.)

I like to always tell the child that we need to have these two conversations and ask the child which one they would like to have first. They usually pick the conversation about what they need first. I then give my undivided attention as the child explains, “You always ask me to help you, and not my sisters.” or “Sometimes I am just not in the mood.” To that conversation I just listen, but I never excuse. Just help the child to feel fully heard.

Then comes the second conversation of, “The real you wants to speak respectfully. You need to find different words to use when you are having these feelings.” We then trust our child to want to do the right thing by smiling and asking, “Can you give me your word that you will work hard to remember that?” People want to keep their word, so the chances of improvement are high.

If they forget after that, do not slip back into “should” thinking. Remember that this is part of your child’s journey with you. Use the challenge as an opportunity to see beyond the misbehaviors, so you can focus on the natural connection between you and your child, which never leaves you. That is when you will come up with the best strategies.

Dear Jido – April 2021

Dear Jido,

I live in a high Covid-infected area. I do my best to stay home and limit the people I see. Our apartment building has signs up requesting everyone wear their masks, and for one person/party to ride the elevator at a time.

I wear my mask from the minute I leave my door to the minute I come back in. The biggest problem I am facing is with the elevator: people wearing no masks who push their way onto the elevator with me (as in: the door is closing and they stick their hand in to open it). If I see them waiting, I try to step back and say, “I’ll catch the next one,” but sometimes they push their way on and I feel trapped in this situation. I have been trying to take the stairs, but I run into mask-less people there as well!

We are already so far into the pandemic that I can’t imagine anyone with any sense still not wearing a mask, but I don’t want a confrontation or to escalate any situation. I just want to stay safe!

Do you have any advice on how to politely handle this?

Signed,

Elevator Blues

Dear Blue,

Rabbis, doctors, presidents, governors, mayors, publishers, preachers, principals, teachers, store owners, security guards, transit workers, health care workers, Hatzalah volunteers, and policemen all tell you it is important to cover your nose and mouth with a mask when in public areas. Wedding photographers seem to have a different opinion.

Is it unsafe if you don’t? Is it inconsiderate? Is it overrated? Ask ten people and you will get ten answers. Is it frustrating? Yes it is. Can you force people to do something they don’t want to do or feel they don’t need to do? No you can’t. All you can do is to continue taking precautions to protect yourself.

But as long as you are wearing your mask, say a little prayer under your breath for the others who are not, so that they should not be stricken with this sickness because of their own shortsightedness (at least in my humble opinion).

Jido

Mashiah Revealed – Part 8: Where are the Ten Lost Tribes?

Rabbi Eliyahu Haim Aboud

The Israelite nation that left Egypt and stood at Mount Sinai, becoming Gd’s Chosen Nation, consisted of thirteen tribes. Today, however, the Jewish Nation as we know it consists of only three tribes. What happened to the other ten tribes, and will we be reunited with our lost brethren at the time of Mashiah?

Each of the thirteen tribes descends from our forefather Yaakov. Eleven were named after his sons and two were named after his grandsons, the children of Yosef. The tribes lived together for several centuries in the land of Israel, separating into separate kingdoms after the passing of King Solomon. However, in the Hebrew year 3205 (555 BCE), the unrepentant Northern Kingdom of Israel, which consisted of ten of the tribes ruled by the King Hoshea, was invaded and captured by the mighty Assyrian Empire led by the king Sanherev1. The entire Northern Kingdom was exiled to an unknown, distant land. Ever since this calamity, the Jewish nation from which we descend is assumed to consist only of the tribes Yehuda, Binyamin, and Levi. Indeed, after the fall of the Northern Kingdom the Scriptures refer to the Jewish Nation as “Yehudim,” or “Judeans,” because they are mainly from the tribe of Yehuda.2 Throughout Megilat Esther, for example, the Jews are called “Yehudim.”

A Three-Pronged Exile

The exile of the ten tribes occurred in three distinct stages over a period of approximately twenty years. The first to be exiled were the tribes of Zevulun and Naftali, in the Hebrew year 3187 (573 BCE), during the rule of the Israelite king Pekach. Eight years later (3195/565 BCE), the tribes of Reuven, Gad and half of Menashe were driven into exile, during the rule of King Hoshea. The final stage occurred in 3205 (555 BCE), when Shomron, the Northern Kingdom’s capital city, was conquered, at which point all those remaining from the ten tribes were captured and exiled.3 The Assyrians attempted to capture the Southern Kingdom of Yehuda and Binyamin, as well, eight years later, during the reign of the righteous Judean King Hizkiyahu. They succeeded in conquering the majority of the kingdom, but when the Assyrian troops reached the capital city of Jerusalem, where the Bet Hamikdash stood, an angel sent by Hashem destroyed their army overnight.4

To Where Were They Exiled?

The book of Melachim II (17:6) relates that the Assyrian Empire exiled the ten tribes to the countries of Halach and Havor along the river of Gozen, and in the cities of Madai. The Midrash5 explains that in each of the three stages of exile, the captives were brought to a different, more distant region. The ten tribes were scattered to such an extent, the Midrash comments, that the distance separating the different groups among the ten tribes

is the same as the distance that separates the land of Israel and the river of Gozen. The Midrash adds that the third and final group of exiled tribes was driven to a remote location beyond “the mountains of darkness.”

A different Midrash6, tells how many members of the ten tribes sincerely repented on their way to exile, and Hashem, accepting their teshuva, sent them a heavenly cloud which lifted them to a magnificent country behind the great seas of ice. These penitent Jews live in that unknown country and will return to us at the time of Mashiah.

The River Sambatyon

The commentaries7 identify the river Gozen (literally, “the throwing river”) as Sambatyon, the churning river which throws sand and boulders all week long, resting only on Shabbat. The name Sambatyon stems from the root “Sabbat” (Shabbat) and thus alludes to its resting on Shabbat. The Talmud8 relates that the Roman governor Turnus Rufus asked Rabbi Akiva for proof of the sanctity of the Sabbath, and Rabbi Akiva noted that the river Sambatyon proves the status of the seventh day as the world’s day of rest. There is also a documented story of a person who took a bottle of sand from the river Sambatyon, and throughout the week it would churn inside the bottle, settling only on Shabbat9. A number of sources comment that the river actually begins its rest on Friday afternoon, two hours before sundown, in accordance with the requirement of tosefet Shabbat-(adding onto Shabbat)10.

Some sources11 also note that no water flows in the Sambatyon during the week, as it consists entirely of sand and rocks churning like the waves of the sea. It is only on Shabbat that water flows in the river.

Travelers who have seen the river testified that the churning noise is louder than thunder, and could be heard as far as two days’ walking distance away!12

The ten tribes were driven across this river, where they have remained trapped ever since. They cannot cross during the week because of the rocks, and of course not on Shabbat because Jewish law prohibits swimming and boating on Shabbat.

The exact location of the river Sambatyon is subject to considerable controversy. The scholars discuss and debate whether it is situated in a remote location in India, Africa, or another distant region. Throughout the ages, the river’s whereabouts have remained shrouded in mystery, but legends abound of people who have come across this extraordinary site. Arguably the most famous of these legends is the story of the pious saddik Rabbi Meir the Hazzan from the city of Worms, Germany. In the year 1096, the rabbis sent Rabbi Meir to cross the Sambatyon and bring a scholar capable of opposing the powers of sorcery used by the wicked bishop in their town to torment the Jews. As the success of his mission was a matter of life and death, Rabbi Meir was permitted to cross the river on Shabbat. After a grueling trek through mountains and deserts, Rabbi Meir crossed the Sambatyon and sent a qualified sage who successfully neutralized the bishop’s sorcery using the powers of kedusha (holiness). Rabbi Meir, who was not permitted to return across the river since the life-saving mission had already been completed, sent back to his colleagues a stirring poem entitled Akdamot which beautifully describes our nation’s desire for redemption. The rabbi instructed his colleagues to read this hymn in the synagogue on Shavuot before the reading of the Torah, a custom observed by all Ashkenazic communities to this very day13.

A Long, Harsh Exile

Unlike the tribes of Yehudah and Binyamin, who remained in exile for only seventy years and then returned to Eress Yisrael, the ten tribes have still not returned. The commentaries14 give a number of reasons for why the ten tribes deserved to endure such a long and difficult exile. Firstly, the ten tribes committed the grave sin of seceding from the Gd-chosen kingship of the house of David during the reign of King Solomon’s son Rehavam, dividing the Jewish people into two separate kingdoms. Secondly, the Northern Kingdom, since its inception, formally annulled the fundamental missva of aliyah leregel, the holiday pilgrimages to Yerushalayim where the entire nation beheld the divine presence of Hashem in the Bet Hamikdash. The northern tribes built centers of pagan worship in the cities of Bet El and Dan as substitutes for the Temple in Jerusalem. This was done in order to prevent people from traveling to Yerushalayim, the capital of the Southern Kingdom, and returning their allegiances to the royal house of David. Finally, and most importantly, idolatry was always widespread in the Northern Kingdom, and its pagan influence spread to the Southern Kingdom, causing the two other tribes to sin. They were therefore liable to the severe punishment for idolatry described in the second paragraph of the daily shema: “Vesartem va’avadetem elohim aherim…va’avadetem mehera me’al ha’aress hatova asher Hashem noten lachem – and you will worship alien Gds…and you will quickly perish from the good land that Hashem has given you” (Devarim 11:16-17).

Will They Return Before Mashiah?

The Talmud records a debate15 among the Sages as to whether the ten tribes were separated from us forever, or will be reunited with us at the time of Mashiah. According to one view, the ten tribes were permanently banished from the Jewish people, and will never return from exile.

At first glance, this view seems to directly contradict explicit predictions by the prophets that the Jewish Nation will once again be comprised of twelve different tribes16 (the tribe of Levi, which consists of kohanim and leviim is often excluded in references to the “twelve tribes” because they did not receive a portion of land). How can we reconcile this view with the prophecies foreseeing twelve tribes?

The Talmud17 relates that before the destruction of the First Temple, the prophet Yirmiyahu was sent to bring the exiled ten tribes back to the land of Israel, but succeeded in restoring only a small minority of them. These members of the ten tribes joined Yehuda and have stayed with the Jewish people ever since. Thus, even if the exiles never return, the Jewish nation has in its midst representatives of all twelve tribes. Additionally,

some claim that many members of the ten tribes settled in Jerusalem and its environs in order to live in close proximity to the Bet Hamikdash. They were spared the fate of the ten tribes, and have remained as part of the Jewish people ever since.

Returning to the question of whether the exiled tribes will ever return, the widely accepted opinion is that they indeed will return18. This is indicated in the words of the prophet Yeshayahu (27:13): “and it will come to be on that day the great shofar will blow and those lost in the land of Ashur (Assyria) will come…and they will bow to Hashem on the holy mountain in Jerusalem.” Some scholars claim that the ten tribes will return shortly before the coming of Mashiah, while others maintain that this will occur only after his arrival19.

This conclusion leaves us with a rather remarkable thought to ponder: when Mashiah arrives, an enormous multitude of people whom we had never seen or heard of before may suddenly surface and join us. All of today’s Jews will constitute but a small minority of the Jewish nation. We can only hope and pray that we will all live to see that special day and experience firsthand the restoration of our nation’s full glory, Amen.

Next issue: Legends and Encounters with the Ten Lost Tribes

1 See Tractate Sanhedrin 94a 2 Sefer Hatishbi, p. 125 3 See Rashi to Melachim 17:1, and Seder Hadorot by Rabbi Yehiel Halpern 4 Melachim II, chapters 18-19 5 See Yalkut to Yeshayahu, chapter 49, and Bamidbar Rabba – Parashat Shelah 17:28 6 See Sefer Tovah Re’eyata pp. 332-333 7 See Ramban in Perashat He’azinu 32:26 and commentary of Maharzu on Midrash Rabba Perashat Shelah 17 8 Tractate Sanhedrin 65b 9 Shenem Asar Shivte Yisrael by Rabbi Moshe Wienstock, page 52 10 Ibid pp 74-75, 90 11 Ibid pp 50-53 12 Ibid pp 90-91. 13 Ibid pp 70-76 14 Book of Kings II 17:7-23, see Abarbanel 15 Tractate Sanedrin 110b 16 See Yehezkel 37 17 Tractate Megilah 14b, and Rashi to Tractate Sanhedrin 110b 18 See Maharal in Nessah Yisrael 34 19 See Ossrot Aharit Hayamim volume 2, p 26

The Lighter Side – March 2021

Catching up on Computers

Rachel decided to improve her computer skills to keep up with her kids who were in the hi-tech industry in Israel. She threw herself into the task with enthusiasm, borrowing two or three instructional books from the Tel Aviv library each week.

After about a month, the librarian commented: “Wow! You must be getting really knowledgeable about this stuff.”

“Thanks. What makes you say that?” asked Rachel.

“Well,” said the librarian, “only one of the books you’re taking out this week has “For Dummies” in the title.”

Carol Z.

Chaim Yankel Goes Golfing

Chaim Yankel wanted to make business connections in the non-Jewish community, and he was told that he needed to improve his golf game. So, he joined a golf club and started practicing. But feeling self-conscious, he would only golf alone, with no one present except for his caddy.

One day he had a new caddy and Chaim Yankel was playing particularly badly.

“I think I am playing the world’s worst golf game,” he confessed to the caddy.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that, sir,” was the consoling response. “From what the boys were saying about another gentleman who plays here, he must be worse even than you are.”

“What’s his name?”

The caddy replied, “I think they call him Chaim Yankel.”

Morris T.

Here Kitty, Kitty

Little Rivky Goldstein had been a naughty girl in school. By way of punishment, she was directed by Mrs. Applebaum to remain in her seat after school and remain there until she had written an original composition containing not less than fifty words.

Rivky completed her task in a surprisingly short space of time and left the room. Mrs. Applebaum picked up the Rivky’s assignment and read it:

“I lost my kitty, and I went out and called, ‘Come, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.’”

Jeannie L.

Vacationing in Venice

David and Shirah Epstein decided to go on a father and daughter trip to Italy. When they returned, Shirah was giving her mother a rundown of their favorite city, Venice.

“Ah, Venice,” said the mother. “It must have been fantastic. What was your father’s favorite part? The gondolas? The glass makers? The Jewish ghetto?”

“Come on Mom, you should know Dad better than that,” the young lady interrupted. “Dad liked it because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window.”

Mark C.

On One Leg

On the 5th floor at Maimonides Hospital all the patients were not only in bed, but they also had one of their legs suspended in a sling above them. One day, Moishe the consultant, together with some of his staff, was making his rounds on the 5th floor. Moishe stopped at the first bed and pulled and twisted the patient’s suspended leg. The patient screamed in agony. This was repeated along the row of beds, while each patient screamed and yelled during the examination.

Moishe finally reached the last bed. This was occupied by Emanuel. But when Emanuel’s suspended leg was pulled and twisted as was done to all the others, Emanuel remained silent and smiling throughout the procedure.

When Moishe and his entourage left the ward, all the patients congratulated Emanuel on his bravery and fortitude.

But Emanuel responded by telling them, “Brave/shmave – I saw what the consultant was doing to you, so I switched my legs and put my good leg in the sling.”

David M

Who’s the Boss?

An insurance agent climbed the steps and rang the doorbell. The housekeeper opened the door.

“Who are you looking for?” asked the housekeeper.

“I want to see the boss of the house,” replied the insurance agent. “Are you the boss?”

The husband of the house then came to the door. The insurance agent repeated his question.

“I’d like to speak to the boss of the household. I assume that you are the boss?”

“Yea right,” replied the man. “I’m only the husband. Step in, I’ll call the boss.”

The insurance agent took a seat in the hall, and in a short time a woman appeared.

“So, you want to see the boss” asked the woman. “Well, just step into the kitchen. This way, please. Rachel, a man is here to see you.”

A 13-year-old girl approached.

“Tell me,” pleaded the insurance agent, “are you the boss of the house?”

“You want to see the boss?” asked the girl. “Well, just come with me.”

Wearily the insurance agent climbed up the stairs. They walked into a room on the second floor and there was the crib of a sleeping baby.

“There!” exclaimed the girl, “That’s the real boss of this house!”

Karen D.

The Right to an Attorney

Shmulie, Chelm’s local thief, was caught red-handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was quickly brought to trial.

“How do you plead?” asked the judge.

“Your honor,” answered Shmulie, “before I plead guilty or not guilty, I ask that the court kindly appoint a lawyer to defend me.”

“You were caught in the actual commission of a crime. What could any lawyer possibly say in your defense?” said the judge.

“That’s exactly my point, your honor,” said Shmulie. “I’m curious also to hear what he could possibly say!”

Ikey F.

What’s the Band Playing?

Itzik’s Bistro in downtown Tel Aviv is usually full even on Open Mic Wednesdays. One particular Wednesday night, crowded as usual, a band was playing and Shuki and his friend Dudu were sitting near the stage, none too happy. At one point, Shuki pipes up and asks the band leader, “Can you play something by request?”

The bandleader beamed and said, “Of course. Whatever you want.”

“Then,” snapped Shuki, “sit down and play a game of shesh besh (backgammon) so I can finish my meal.”

Harry G.

Forgiveness

Rabbi Epstein was giving his Yom Kippur sermon about forgiveness and during his speech he asked his congregation, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”

About half held up their hands. He then rephrased his question, “How many of you want to forgive your enemies?” Slowly, every hand in the congregation went up, except for one. Little old Sadie Horowitz.

“Mrs. Horowitz?” inquired the Rabbi, “Are you not willing to forgive your enemies, especially on this Day of Atonement when Gd forgives us all?”

“I don’t have any enemies,” Mrs. Horowitz replied, smiling sweetly.

“Mrs. Horowitz, that is more impressive. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight,” she replied.

“Oh Mrs. Horowitz, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please stand up and in front of this congregation tell us all how a person can live so long and not have an enemy in the world?”

Little old Mrs. Horowitz got up slowly, smiled, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived all those old yentas.”

Marvin S