Births – Baby Boy
Elias & Rachel Benggio
Joseph & Nataly Sultan
Aaron & Joy Bivas
Mr. & Mrs. Yossi Rouah
Moshe & Molly Esses
Harry & Shelly Shneps
Births – Baby Girl
Shimmy & Ida Azoolay
Ezra & Odette Tebele
Nathan & Claire Tawil
Bar Mitzvah
David, son of Adam and Margalit Romano
Morris, son of Amir and Jeanne Eliahou
Engagements
Jo-Jo Sasson to Jen Anteby
Nechemia Ashkenazi to Julia Shalom
Weddings
Albert Wahba to Sara Douek
Isaac Seruya to Yvonne Uziel
At times, people suffer from what they feel is unbearable pain. They have cried out to Hashem numerous times to prevent the specific situation they feared from occurring. They begged for His mercy, yet not only did the situation occur, but it happened in the worst way imaginable.
It could be a man going through a divorce, being separated from his children and becoming financially strapped. It could be a woman going through a divorce, suffering humiliation beyond belief and believing she has nothing to look forward to other than struggles and more shame.
It could be a man who is trying hard to keep his business afloat but instead it collapses and thrusts him into deep debt. It could be parents experiencing heartache – disrespect, name-calling, public humiliation – caused by wayward children, consuming their every waking hour.
The list goes on. The sufferers begin to question, “I prayed for Hashem to help me. I learned that He is kind and merciful, but how can you call this mercy? Not only didn’t Hashem help me, but He made it much worse than I could have ever imagined! I begged Him and begged Him – and this is what I get? I’m not a bad person. I try hard to follow the Torah. Is this what I deserve? Please, make some sort of sense out of this.”
The Chovot HaLevavot (Shaar HaBitachon 3) teaches us that we never know the exact reasons things happen to people in This World, but our Rabbis tell us that we are living in the End of Days and all the souls in This World have already lived once before. Every single person here is on a mission to fix whatever needs fixing in order for him to live forever in total bliss in Olam HaBa – the World to Come. We don’t know exactly what we have to do to accomplish our missions, but fortunately for us, Hashem does. In His complete and pure mercy, He puts every single person in the exact circumstances he needs to fulfill his purpose here.
Before we even came into the world, we were shown the lives we needed to live to fulfill this purpose. Knowing what was at stake, we practically begged Hashem for it. After we came here, however, we forgot about that. Now we ask, “Hashem, why are You doing this to me?”
Sometimes the situations are embarrassing. Sometimes they are painful, but if we actually knew what we are accomplishing in each circumstance Hashem puts us in, we would be thanking Him for each and every one of them. Perhaps we are pleading to Hashem for a certain result, but Hashem knows that if the results turn out the way we want, we could not accomplish what we are meant to be doing here.
Although it might seem like cruelty, in actuality, even when we get the opposite of what we hoped for, that, too, is mercy. A person could be a tzaddik, doing everything right. Maybe that is why he has the merit to experience what he is experiencing here to be able to take delight in Hashem forever.
Our sojourn in This World is very short: 70, 80, 90 years. The Next World is forever. That is where we are going to enjoy. The only way to do it, however, is to go through This World first.
If we can trust that even during the darkest times it is still our loving Hashem doing what is best for us, we will be greatly elevated. That itself can take the place of other difficult circumstances we were supposed to experience.
Hashem loves us more than we can imagine. Soon He is going to reveal this love to us, but for now, it is our job to trust.
In the past several years, the community has seen a growing trend of young families leaving city life in Brooklyn and moving to the Jersey Shore. In 2020, we have seen a dramatic increase in the numbers of families departing from the city. The double punch of the COVID-19 pandemic and the volatile political climate with the accompanying violence caused droves of families to pack up their homes in Brooklyn and Manhattan and move into their summer homes for a year or even permanently. Families relocating is not at all exclusive to our community. Large numbers of individuals and families in large cities across the country have pulled up roots over the past nine or so months. We interviewed a few community members who made the move. Here is what they had to say.
JAMIE P. COHEN
We moved into our summer home in Deal temporarily due to COVID-19, and then we had a death in the family. We came to Deal for quarantine and stayed through the summer. With fall approaching we decided it was still too soon after the passing to leave my family,
so we switched our children’s schools and began preparing to stay the year in New Jersey.
So far, I’m really enjoying Jersey living. Everything seems more real, like real conversations, real relationships. Looking back, Brooklyn life felt like a rat race, with no free time, just rushing from one place to the next and searching for parking in between. In Jersey I’m doing things for myself that I haven’t done in years – connecting with friends, playing tennis, and I even took up piano again. It’s possible now because I’m able to get all my errands done so quickly here and then have time left over to invest in myself before the kids get home. I’m always signing my kids up for fun programs and now I get to do fun things that I’m interested in, too. All this me-time is making me a better mom.
Thus far, I have no downsides to report. My family is still in Brooklyn; however, I made the conscious decision to travel back for any type of family gathering, large or small. Regularly, I go into Brooklyn for a couple of hours to have lunch with my mom and sisters and then I
drive right back to Deal.
THE ADVANTAGES FOR THE KIDS
I see a big difference in my kids as well. They are all around freer. They play outdoors, both in school and at home, on Shabbat, and during the week, too. I’ve been loving DSN and so have the kids. Everything is organized so well, the kids go straight from school on the bus to their programs at DSN; it’s really so nice.
Another big plus is being in one home. We used to go back and forth not only for the summer, but during the year as well. We would travel to Deal for weekends or when the weather was nice. Now we never miss a beautiful day and we cut the schlepping right out of our lives.
As far as education, I feel as though my kids are learning much more in Jersey than they did in Brooklyn. Every Friday night the kids teach us a whole two-hour parasha lesson. They love to share what they learned. Hillel has been amazing. We’re only three months in at this point and I already got two calls from the principal, just checking in to make sure we’re happy with everything.
I would definitely recommend this move, especially for families with children.
OGLI HASHEMI
We did not plan this move before the pandemic. We moved into my grandparents’ summer home around April to quarantine and shortly after that things started falling into place. My husband is a dentist, and he found a practice. We also found a great place to live and it just made so much sense. The houses here are more affordable, and you get more bang for your buck.
We are love, love, loving it! This town is far less congested and stressful than Brooklyn. The community here is so welcoming to newcomers and at the same time is very tight knit. Everyone helps each other out. It’s really incredible. My son loves his new school and he’s enjoying being able to play outside on a sunny day. I would definitely recommend the move to young couples with children. The life here is far more seamless and overall enjoyable.
FRIEDA GRAZI
We moved to Jersey in May from Manhattan. Between COVID-19 and the riots taking a toll on the city, it was clear it was time for us to make a change. We didn’t originally plan to stay in Jersey. We just thought we would give up our Manhattan lease because it was getting far too chaotic there, we’d stay by my parents in Jersey for the summer, and then see where life takes us. Unless you grew up in Deal, you don’t generally imagine getting married and living there. I personally always thought I’d live in Manhattan for a few years and then settle down in Brooklyn.
THE UPSIDE
There were many factors that contributed to the decision to move. A major one for us was apartment versus house, buy versus rent. If we moved to Brooklyn after Manhattan, as we had always imagined previously, we would be settling for renting an apartment. Brooklyn homes are very expensive and rarely have sufficient parking, and large backyard space is typically non-existent. In Jersey we found a home and closed right away. This new home has space for my child to run around, a large driveway, and the price was much more realistic than a house in Brooklyn.
I am enjoying Jersey life. Going to the supermarket, or actually going anywhere, really is not a whole production. There’s never traffic along the way and there is always an ample amount of parking outside any place I go to run an errand. It’s an easier life here. I see how nice it is to bring up a family here, and on top of all that, it’s very pretty!
THE DOWNSIDE
But there are downsides for me, too. Things here are different than back in New York. I do have family here and I’m fortunate some additional family members moved at the same time as we did. However, there are things I miss. I miss my friends and the family still in New York. I miss the convenience and ease of walking down the block to my local bodega and getting the odds and ends that I need. I miss stepping outside my home and seeing lots and lots of people. In Jersey you’re less likely to run into people you know. So, you can’t just be spontaneous; you have to make an effort to make plans to get together and do things.
And the commute my husband does from NJ to Manhattan every day is tough for the both of us. For him it’s a three-hour round trip. For me it means being without him all that time. It’s unsettling to know that if anything happens he’s an hour and a half away. I will say it is not as bad as we anticipated. When we thought it over, we realized the alternative isn’t much better. The subway ride from Brooklyn to Manhattan is roughly a two-hour round trip and driving isn’t much better. The current situation is also not so bad because Fridays my husband works from home. I’d tell someone who is thinking about making the move to put the time and stress of commuting into the equation.
SUZY KISHK
We moved to Deal towards the end of March. We came because our kids’ schools shut down due to Covid and Brooklyn was all shut down. So we thought at least here we’ll have outdoor space in Jersey to feel free. At the time we did not expect to be staying, although previously we had discussed making the move permanently.
There were many, many contributing factors that led to this move. Some of the major ones were the Black Lives Matter movement overtaking cities with riots and the defunding of the
police movement, these were major things to consider. We have young children and began to feel less safe with the idea of going back to Brooklyn. Also, we always found the quieter lifestyle of New Jersey very appealing. It felt very safe, especially since it’s a suburb with a strong police force.
So far we are loving the lifestyle here in Jersey. It’s peaceful, I do what I have to do calmly without any traffic or aggravation. Errands are always in and out, quick and simple. We’ve found plenty of places to go out at night, with or without kids, there is an ample amount of entertainment and restaurant options.
We are enjoying it, although there are a few downsides. My family isn’t here, neither are my in-laws. The friends that we do have here are not within walking distance, even though they’re only a short drive away. Also, a funny thing I found is that in Brooklyn, the community has certain doctors and shops etc. that are tried and true. I knew where to go, and if not I would ask around and get clear or similar answers. Here, everyone uses a different doctor, pediatrician, different place to cut hair, different pharmacies, etc. I haven’t yet found my groove. I’m a little lost, but I understand that’s temporary.
I send my kids to Hillel and we’re very happy. The kids are learning a lot, the curriculum is solid. In their Brooklyn school they weren’t taught Hebrew before Kindergarten. Here they do, and again I’m very pleased with the curriculum thus far.
I would highly recommend making the move. In fact, I encourage it! Because I predict that when more people are here year-round, that even more restaurants will open up and will stay open all year round. We do have a nice amount of restaurants, but we would definitely be happier if there were even more!
Many community members do have Israel on their minds!
In addition to loving the Jewish Homeland, many community members are considering purchasing an apartment in Israel for their future full-time residence or are thinking of buying a vacation home in Israel for when they visit. However, often people lack the proper information needed to actualize these plans. But there is good news: a newly formed community group, Syrian-Link Israel, has been doing the research you need. Their stated purpose is: Together we can build a flourishing Syrian Sephardic community in the land of Israel.
Syrian-Israel Link was created to strengthen our connection to the Holy Land together as a community, and serve as a one-stop hub for those seeking to learn more about spending time in Israel – be it in the short term, or long term.
The core team consists of community members Rabbi Moses Haber as president; Moshe Laniado, vice president; Eli Mizrahi, secretary; Ralph Sasson, treasurer; Daniel Levy, marketing and publicity; and Jack Terzi technology director.
New Buzz in the Community about Israel
“At the moment there is tremendous opportunity happening in Eres Yisrael. Our energies to promote investment in and/or support Aliya are not sourced in fear of current politics or the pandemic, rather in the historic realization that the Land of Israel is slated to be a success story for the Jewish people. This realization is surely reaching our community’s population now more than ever,” noted Rabbi Haber.
Rabbi Haber said that in the summer of 2020, more and more community members were discussing Israel. Last summer Rabbi Haber moderated an online conversation with Nefesh B’Nefesh representative Mr. Eli Bialik dubbed “Are You Thinking About Making Aliyah?” which was viewed by 150 people.
“The questions that were sent into the Zoom chat were very practical, which means there are many in the community already thinking about what it is going to take to make Aliyah, have dual citizenship, or begin investing in land or apartments,” Rabbi Haber said, noting also that many reached out to him afterward for more information.
Syrian-Israel Link – Source of Vital Information
Soon after, Rabbi Haber sought to spearhead an official group that would help focus the “disjointed conversations” that people were having in the community.
“Throughout our Zoom calls during the pandemic, we really created an understanding between us that this is an essential and important thing for us to do. But we wanted to do something the right way, in an organized fashion.” said Rabbi Haber.
An apolitical non-profit organization was born.
Currently, the team is focused on gathering data from the community via a formal survey. The information collected will help SY-Israel Link present up to date and accurate information to community members in an organized way. The SY-Israel Link survey will help identify significant information about the respondents, such as their age bracket, their time frame for buying real estate or making Aliya, their projected budgets, and the locations they are considering. Nearly a hundred and fifty people have filled out the confidential online survey.
According to Moshe Laniado, information gleaned from the survey reveals that community members from different socioeconomic groups are looking to make Aliyah. Additionally, the majority of people do not know where in Israel they would like to settle, or buy a home.
Direction towards Areas with Syrian Community Members
That is good news for SY-Israel Link, because it means that potential Olim are open to different locations and helping them to find a place with like-minded community members should be easier if they are all not insistent that they must move to Jerusalem.
“People are looking for guidance in terms of what location would be the right fit for them,” Laniado said.
He noted that the survey also revealed that not everyone wanted to dive right in to moving. “The top responses in terms of reasons for looking to buy a home were for a security home, a retirement home, a steppingstone to making Aliyah one day, and even a vacation home.”
Rabbi Haber said the first step for community members considering Israel is education. The next step is investment guidance, with an eye towards directing community members towards existing Syrian communities in whichever location they choose.
“The long-term goal is to eventually be able to create a community in Israel where people move into, in order to make sure our traditions and way of life continue for generations to come,” said Eli Mizrahi.
The Challenge of Maintaining Our Unique Identity
Eli Mizrahi noted that over the past twenty years or so, those from our neighborhoods who made Aliyah have found it difficult to “mimic the life they had in America, in terms of community, family, and religious values, that they cherished so much. Our goal is to develop similar community experiences in the Land of Israel one step at a time. This effort will bridge our local community’s strengths along with those of us already living in Israel.”
He continued: “We know our community is very unified, whether in communal or religious ways. When our people get to Israel, they oftentimes lose a piece of their identity. They end up getting ‘assimilated into the local society’ that exists in Israel. There is nothing essentially bad about that; it’s just that a piece of our rich heritage gets lost. What we’d like to do is to give people a path to get into Israel, where they can still find a replica of the community lifestyle that they are so used to. That can even be fueled by those who aren’t necessarily making Aliyah, via the purchase of a vacation/investment home, in an area that is already inhabited with some of our community members.”
As such, they’re looking to foster multiple geographic-specific Syrian communities in Eres Yisrael.
“One of the main things we are doing to get everyone together is identifying the areas community members are currently in, as well as identifying the areas members want to go to. That is what we think will give people the unifying sense,” noted Eli Mizrahi.
Syrian-Israel Link’s research has successfully discovered that over the last three decades at least 140 Syrian families have already purchased a home or made Aliyah in five general clusters. The families are Geo Pinned on a Google map, located on the website, without the families’ names. This map will serve as the organization’s launching pad for “Inspiring, Motivating, and Unifying” the next wave of our community members who are en route to the Holy Land for any given reason.
Link Up with Trusted Professionals
Many of the board members already have experience with multiple transactions of buying and investing in the land and are eager to share that information. “They’ve made the mistakes, have gone through the process, and have learned from them,” said Rabbi Haber.
Meanwhile, the group is accumulating their own network of on-the-ground lawyers, mortgage brokers, accountants, and other professionals. “I believe at the right time we will be publishing a list of those people – people who are viable in negotiating those things on behalf of the community,” he added. The group has also connected with some members of the Knesset about the idea. “We’ve had a couple of conversations where they are waiting with open arms for us to facilitate and navigate these opportunities going forward,” said Eli Mizrahi.
In addition to the Syrian-Israel Link website, the board of directors is willing to help and offer support to those who have any questions.
If Israel is on your mind, please do your part and fill out the survey. The information you provide will help SY-Israel Link reach its goals of “Motivating, Inspiring, and Unifying” our community in the eternal Holy Land.
For more information and/or to take the survey, please visit
https://www.syisraellink.com/
Dear Jido,
I have a lovely mother-in-law. She is an amazing grandmother and I can rely on her to do what she says she will do. However, she can also be selfish and overstep boundaries, and this seems to be getting worse as she ages.
When I ask her questions, like does she want to do this or visit on this date, or when I try to gently establish a boundary, sometimes I get a look and a non-answer. But, it is not because she doesn’t hear me. Typically it’s when she doesn’t want to do something or doesn’t agree with me, but I am not sure. I don’t expect her to agree or to say yes, but sometimes I do need an answer to continue planning. I just feel it’s rude not to respond or say SOMETHING. I have said things like, “What do you think?” and I still get a non-answer. It feels like a control tactic to me.
Any suggestions?
Signed,
Controlled
Dear Controlled,
So what’s the question? Of course, you’re being controlled. It is very likely just one way of her asserting and maintaining her independence. I am not suggesting that you were being disrespectful, just that she is, in effect, telling you, “No, uh-uh, I’m still in charge, not what I want, figure something else out.”
So what DO you do when you need to make a plan? Tread lightly and do it with love. MAYBE even sit next to her and hold her hand. Try this:
“Grandma, I was thinking of doing X on Tuesday, Thursday, or Friday.
Which do you prefer?”
If she answers, fine. If not, say, “I like Thursday. What do you think? 10:30 or 12:00?”
If she answers, fine. If not, say, “It’s better for me at 10:30.”
If she answers, fine. If not, say “Okay, Grandma, so I’ll see you
Thursday at 10:30. Bye. Love you.”
If she answers, fine. If not, say, “Bye, see you then.”
She’ll probably tell you, “Okay, 1 o’clock on Wednesday,” before you get to the door and then you can negotiate from there.
Jido
Rupert, Dale, and Bubba, three middle-aged friends who never really made much of themselves, were sitting around complaining about the sorry state of their lives, when suddenly, an angel appeared and promised to grant each one of them a single wish.
Rupert immediately said, “I wish I were the President.” In an instant, Rupert found himself in the White House and in command of an entire nation.
Next, Dale said, “I wish I was the richest man in the world.” A moment later, Dale was on a on a private mega-yacht anchored off his own private island in the Caribbean, relaxing and enjoying the beautiful weather.
Finally, it was Bubba’s turn. Looking around and seeing that his longtime friends were gone, he said, “Gee, I feel lonely. I wish that Rupert and Dale were back here again with me!”
Jack V. Grazi
Mr. Morris, the 12th grade Latin teacher was always so involved in the text he was teaching that he practically never looked up at his students. He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and without realizing it, he often chose the same student day after day. Out of respect, the students wouldn’t point this out to him.
After being called on four days in a row, an exasperated Nathan asked advice from his friends who came up with a fool-proof plan.
The next day when the teacher said, “Nathan, translate and explain,” Nathan confidently replied, “Sorry, Mr. Morris, but Nathan is absent today.”
“All right,” said the teacher. “…so then you translate and explain.”
Hannah L.
My wife recently ran into the housekeeper who used to clean our house many years ago and was surprised to hear that she was still at it, despite her advanced age. “How do you manage to do all the strenuous work housekeeping entails?” my wife asked.
“I do housework for clients who can’t see the dirt any better than I can,” she replied.
Jack V. Grazi
During our home renovation, my wife was watching me drive in some nails. “You hammer like lightning,” she said.
“Really?” I replied, flattered.
“Yes, really…you never strike the same place twice.”
Alice K.
As the students began their final exam in science, little Tommy was nervous because he didn’t know most of the answers. Not wanting to fail, Tommy decided to copy all the answers off the boy sitting in front of him – the smartest boy in the class. When the test was over, Tommy handed the test to the teacher, confident that he did very well, but feeling bad that he cheated for the first time. As the teacher flipped through the tests, she noticed Tommy’s paper and called him up to her desk.
“Tommy,” she said, “It looks like you failed this test.”
“Failed?!” Tommy exclaimed. “How could I have failed, I’ll bet I answered every question right.”
“Not exactly,” the teacher said. “You answered the first question wrong and that was the most important.”
“Really? What was the first question and what did I answer?” Tommy asked.
“The first question,” the teacher answered slowly, “was, ‘Name’ and your answer was ‘Walter Bernstein.’”
Saide S.
The teacher was collecting homework assignments from everyone in row four. When she passed Amy, she saw there was no paper on the desk, and she gave the young girl a disappointed look.
“Amy, where is your homework? This is the third time this week…”
Amy looked up innocently at the teacher and said, “But I followed your instructions exactly. You said the homework was ‘a piece of cake.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I gave it to my baby brother to eat.”
Amiel T.
Upon entering a local burger joint, Jason ordered a burger with a tomatoes and “minimal lettuce.” The woman behind the counter apologetically replied, “Sorry, but we only have iceberg lettuce.”
Ed G.
A motorist was speeding down the highway when a cop caught up with him and ticketed him for speeding. “What am I supposed to do with this?” the motorist grumbled as the policeman handed him the speeding ticket.
“Keep it,” the cop said. “When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle.”
Renda B.
Phil was exhausted. His wife had just given birth and he had to watch their three older children for a few days. Although it was only for two hours a day, Phil was at his wits’ end and he had a splitting headache. Looking for some relief, he brought the kids over to his parents’ home for a visit. As soon as his father saw him, he noticed his poor condition.
“Phil, you look terrible,” he observed. “Why don’t I get you some aspirin?”
“No thanks, Dad,” Phil replied. “I just took two aspirins.”
“Well, it seems you didn’t follow the instructions,” his father said. Dad brought Phil a bottle and showed him the small print: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.”
Tutu Mulu
After suffering from a miserable cold for a week, Jeff visited his doctor and begged for relief. The doctor prescribed a pill, but it didn’t work. A week later, Jeff returned to the doctor, who gave him a shot. With no improvement in his condition and sicker than ever, Jeff visited the doctor a third time and said, “I’ve tried two medications you prescribed so far and neither of
them helped. So before you recommend another treatment, you had better be sure it’s the right one.”
“Okay then, this is what I want you to do,” the doctor said. “Go home and take a hot bath. Then throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.”
“But I’ll get pneumonia!” protested Jeff.
“Exactly,” the doctor answered, “that I know how to treat!”
Abie C.
My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
A. N.
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell “crocodile”? Billy: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L. Teacher: No, that’s incorrect. Billy: Maybe you think so, but you asked me how I spell it.
R. G.
Working on a computer all day has definitely messed with Sarah’s view of reality. We had just placed our lunch order, and as our waiter walked away, he slipped on a wet spot on the floor. “How about that?” she observed dryly. “Our server is down.”
Carey A.
Frieda Schweky
Many parents are in the habit of yelling at their kids, which hardly ever works. Isaac Setton, a mental health counselor for adolescence and teens, describes the negative effects of yelling and offers tips to help parents avoid shouting at their kids.
Fear and Anxiety – Children and teens look to parents for security. They need to know they can trust a parent for basic needs and for love and affection. A child being scolded may worry: Why are they doing this to me? Do they love me? They’re turning on me, I must be a bad person. Will they talk to me again? (Kids don’t always understand anger is temporary.) Do they still want me? Fear and anxiety ultimately produce an insecure child.
Yelling Is Not Communicating – When fear and anxiety build up because of yelling, kids tend to freeze up. When you suspect they may not be listening it’s because they technically aren’t. Their brain goes into panic mode and isn’t really processing the commands being shouted at them. So ultimately, yelling produces an emotionally stunted child – and your requests bounce off them.
Yelling Makes Parents Look Weak and Not in Control – Shouting signals to children that you have little control over a situation and you have to use the most extreme form of “communication” to convey your point. It can be difficult to gain respect from a child when they don’t see you more controlled. When children respect a parent, they listen, even when the parent is absent, and will behave properly, not wanting to let their parents down.
Empty Threats – When parents yell they tend to make empty threats. “Put your shoes away now or no dessert!” The day progresses, and shoes haven’t been put away. After dinner the child asks for just one cookie, and you cave in because, really, you were just trying to get a reaction at the moment. This teaches your child they can get away with it. When you don’t stick to your word – they know they don’t have to listen since there are no consequences. It conditions them not to fear you.
The Long Route – Parents tend to think the quickest way to get their child to do something is to yell. This may be true the first few times – however, for the reasons above, you will ultimately pay the price for choosing this “shortcut.” Yelling is a vicious cycle. Negative attention is still attention and if that’s the only kind of attention you’re giving, they’ll demand it. You yell, and if the reaction is fight or flight (either way) it is a long and unpleasant response that results in much time wasted. You would get a better reaction by asking calmly.
Verbal Abuse
A two-year study was done to measure the negative effects of verbal abuse vs. physical abuse. Results showed that kids who weren’t touched but were verbally abused were almost as damaged as kids who were physically beaten. These kids displayed low self-esteem, heightened rates of depression, and were more likely to make poor decisions.
When Yelling Is Necessary
Save your outside voice for dangerous situations. When Mommy doesn’t raise her voice and suddenly shouts, that sends a clear message that something is unsafe. Another time it is okay to shout is to shock them out of a situation. Example: two children physically fighting – first shout STOP, then calmly open a discussion.
Ellen Geller Kamaras
You may be wondering what a recent election at the World Zionist Congress (WZC) has to do with you and me in the United States.
You may also be asking yourself why does my vote matter?
Before I answer these questions and expand on the positive and potential ripple effects of the election and the accompanying huge victory for promoting Torah values within the Jewish communities in Israel, abroad, and here in the U.S., please allow me to give you some background and context.
The World Zionist Organization (WZO) was founded in 1896 by Theodore Herzl (1860-1904). For those of you who grew up in the 20th century, Herzl is synonymous with modern day Zionism. Herzl, an Austrian Jewish journalist, published a pamphlet, The Jewish State, introducing Zionism as a political movement with the objective of establishing a Jewish homeland/state as the solution to anti-Semitism.
Herzl spearheaded the First World Congress of Zionists in 1897 (now the WZC), by bringing together 200 delegates in Basel, Switzerland, primarily from Eastern and Central Europe, Russia, and a few from Western Europe and the United States. The delegates ranged from Orthodox Jews to atheists and from businessmen to students but all were united in their goal to create The Basel Program, which advocated for a publicly guaranteed homeland for the Jewish people in Palestine. Herzl became the first president of the WZO. Although he died before the State of Israel’s establishment in 1948, Herzl is remembered and honored as Israel’s founding father.
After the State of Israel was created in 1948, four organizations resulted from the WZC and they remain as influential national institutions in Israel – WZO, the umbrella organization, Keren Kayemet L’Yisrael (KKL), the Jewish National Fund (JNF), the Jewish Agency for Israel, and Keren Hayesod, or United Israel Appeal, a fundraising wing. The current WZC determines the leadership of these organizations, which together have annual budgets of approximately $1 billion.
Fast Forward to Today’s WZO
The WZO is the overall supreme ideological and policy-making body of the Zionist movement.
Its primary goals are to promote Jewish and Zionist education, fight anti-Semitism, and help every Jew who wants to move to Israel to make aliyah.
How Does the WZO Accomplish Its Mission and Objectives?
As the umbrella organization for the four major Zionist institutions described above, the WZO influences the agenda and Jewish education of the organized Jewish communities in Israel and the Diaspora. It sends shlichim (emissaries) of the Zionist federations to Jewish communities globally. Shlichim promote Zionism and also help with campus activities, social events, educational programs, and advocacy sessions that promote Jewish culture, and depending on who that shaliach is (pro-greater Israel or pro-Palestinian rights), push the State of Israel and assist Diaspora Jews to keep strong ties with Judaism, again depending on the religious affiliation, or lack of, of that shaliach.
The 2020 WZC 38th Congress and its Groundbreaking Shift in the Ideological Balance of Power from the Left to the Religious and Right-Leaning Secular Slates
The WZC meets every five years in Yerushalayim. This year, the “parliament of the Jewish people” met virtually for the first time in its history, due to the novel coronavirus. The virtual platform allowed more delegates than ever before to attend the Congress.
Of the 525 delegates at the 38th Congress, approximately one-third came from Israel and two-thirds from the Diaspora. Of the Diaspora segment, 152 elected seats came from the U.S., nearly a third of the total delegates.
Almost 124,000 votes from all 50 states were collected to compete for the 152 seats, almost double the number from the 2015 WJC election and the largest number of votes since American Jews started voting 30 years ago.
Of these record-breaking votes, the newly created Eretz Hakodesh (The Holy Land) slate, which champions “traditional religious values and Jewish rights in the entire Land of Israel,” garnered over 20,000 votes and was the third-largest block in the elections. Eretz Hakodesh represents the American chareidi and right-wing Orthodox communities. The success of the Mizrachi and ZOA slates, the other more right-wing parties, urged on by the entrance of the Eretz Hakodesh slate, also helped shift WZC’s balance to the right. The WZC has historically leaned towards the left/secular ideology.
The Birth of the Eretz Hakodesh Party
The Eretz Hakodesh party is the brainchild of Rabbi Pesach Lerner, Chairman of the slate. Rabbi Lerner is the former Executive Vice President of the National Council of Young Israel and President of the Coalition for Jewish Values. Rabbi Lerner described his party as “an American chareidi initiative established to protect the kedusha and mesorah in Eretz Yisrael.” He urged chareidim and Orthodox Jews to express their love for Israel, Torah, and the Jewish people by voting in these elections.
“The Torah and chareidi world wasn’t represented. We had the chance to lessen the influence of the left and increase the Torah right’s influence. How could we continue to sit by on the sidelines and complain? Monies were being allocated to programs and projects that were harmful to Torah values and to what we would consider pro-Israel. Eretz Hakodesh ran in these elections to diminish the control of the liberal and left organizations and to gain positive influence. And it succeeded in doing just that.”
What Is the Impact of This Shift at the WJC?
One Example: Israeli law currently provides that every student in the Israeli public school system must receive some weekly education in Judaism. Thanks to the Eretz Hakodesh slate, Rabbi Lerner explains that the Torah community will be in a position to guide the education of these Israeli students. Until now, the Liberal-left shaped that educational curriculum. Eretz Hakodesh will also remain in charge of the KKL education department for the coming 2 ½ years and a new WZO department was established for “charedi spiritual services.”
Let’s talk about our own Sam Sutton who represents the Sephardic Community with Eretz Hakodesh. Sam is the president of the Sephardic Community Federation, the founder and co-chairman of Teach NYS and is the former Executive Vice President of Sephardic Bikur Holim.Five years ago, Mr. Sutton helped register Sephardic community members to vote in the 37th Congress. At that time, Rabbi Elie Abadie, Rabbi of the Edmond Safra Synagogue in Manhattan, founded the World Sephardic Zionist Organization, also known as Ohavei Zion. Rabbi Abadie was motivated to do so by Hacham Ovadia Yosef’s backing and directive to participate in the Congress for the advancement of Torah. Sam was active in recruiting people to register and vote for Ohavei Zion.
Sam was approached by Rabbi Lerner to run on the Eretz Hakodesh slate. He would not consider it unless he received the approval of Rabbi David Ozeri, Rabbi of Yad Yosef Congregation, and spiritual leader of Brooklyn’s Syrian Orthodox community. Rabbi Lerner and Rabbi Ozeri studied together in Ner Yisroel Yeshiva in Baltimore. Sam received Rabbi Ozeri’s blessing and, indeed, his encouragement. Rabbi Lerner tells of the special mandate Eretz Hakodesh had and the berachot from the gedolim that he received behind the scenes, including a beracha from HaRav Chaim Kanievsky, shlit”a and from the Hacham Yosef Harari-Raful.
Mr. Sutton is impassioned about the huge potential positive effects of the Eretz Hakodesh victory. “There are so many opportunities now to support Jewish education in the Diaspora and combat assimilation. Most importantly, we hope that the WZO will now be more disposed to send Orthodox shlichim to educate Jewish communities both in Israel and abroad and support Torah values and Zionism. This can improve the face of Judaism around the world and could help support Jewish educational organizations.”
Sam knows about the power of Israeli involvement in the Diaspora. He has worked with Dvir Kahana, the Director General of the Diaspora Ministry of the State of Israel. Together, through the work of Ozar Hatorah, more than 1,800 Jewish children transferred to yeshivot from public schools in France, in the last three years alone. The assimilation rate in France is over 60%. For children in yeshivot, the assimilation rate is only a tiny fraction of that.
Please stay tuned for updates about the Eretz Hakodesh party and remember to protect our love of Israel and vote at the next WZC. It is so easy and inexpensive to vote. You can affect the culture and atmosphere in Israel and the galut with just a few clicks.
Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).
Ellen Geller Kamaras
“I grew up in a loving home in which we were encouraged to achieve our dreams and goals. My passion as a midwife is to offer women superb healthcare, which is both holistic and patient-centered.” ~~ Jacklyn ~~
I enjoyed an enthralling three hours with Jacklyn Lahav, a certified nurse-midwife, wife, and mother of three children, a gifted singer, and a strong proponent and volunteer for animal rescue. Let’s look at Jacklyn’s story to learn about who she is, her life purpose, and her goals.
A Little Family History
Jacklyn Lahav, née Salama, was born in Gravesend, Brooklyn, to Barbara Shreety Cohen and Maurice Salama. She is the fourth in a family of five children. Barbara, of Egyptian and Syrian descent, is American and Maurice is one of the fortunate children from Egypt who was rescued by Rabbi Avraham Kalmanowitz, the founder of Mirrer Yeshiva, in the late 1950s. Maurice, only 12, arrived in Brooklyn with his brother, who was two years older. Their parents followed later.
Jacklyn began with a narrative of her family and how loving they were and still are. “I grew up in a household full of love and one that was rich in closeness. We were packed into our apartment and there was a large age difference between the first-generation kids and the second generation (three before me and one after). I still love hanging out with my parents and siblings.”
As a life coach, I understand the significance of one’s family of origin. It is the family that has the strongest impact on the child and shapes a child’s learning and socialization. A child’s family is their primary social group, and positive childhood relationships with parents and siblings lead to more positive and healthy behaviors in adult life. As Jacklyn and I spoke, I observed how much her early family life influenced the woman she is today.
Her siblings describe Jacklyn as creative, humane, persistent, and curious. Jacklyn added compassionate, open, friendly, and spirited. You will see these attributes as her story unfolds.
Jacklyn’s Interests and Talents Blossom
Jacklyn attended Yeshivah of Flatbush elementary school and high school and called herself a very diligent and serious student. Having three siblings ahead of her, Jacklyn easily acclimated to school. High school opened a whole new world to Jacklyn. “I realized I could exercise more than my academic muscle and blossomed into my own with dramatic arts.”
Jacklyn appreciates her parents greatly for seeing and reinforcing their children’s talents and unique qualities. “They were supportive of my passions and roles in school productions. There was never a question about higher education. Sons and daughters would go to college no matter the cost.”
Maurice and Barbara were ardent role models and Jacklyn credits them for the Salama kids’ strong work ethic. Jacklyn fondly recalls visiting her mother’s office at shul and her mom bringing home her typewriter to help the Salama children prepare their college applications.
Jacklyn first noticed her affinity toward life sciences during high school. Her dad was also impassioned about chemistry and physiology, and having Lonny Benamy, A”H, as a professor, Jacklyn found her interest in reproductive medicine.
Passion for Medicine and Holistic Health Care
Jacklyn was accepted at Barnard College, her first choice, but chose New York University, which did not require her to dorm. The jobs that Jacklyn secured during the summers “stirred her passion” for medicine and allowed her to witness doctors in action and learn more about the medical field.
Jacklyn interned with an ophthalmologist and worked in an administrative capacity in a fertility doctor’s office, enjoying them both immensely.
Jacklyn followed her heart and transferred to Barnard College after her sophomore year at NYU. While at NYU, something nagged at her regarding her pre-med studies. Jacklyn wanted to be a healthcare practitioner, but the culture of medicine deterred her. Jacklyn preferred a more holistic approach to healthcare, specifically for women. She thought about switching to midwifery, and met with the Columbia University Midwifery Program Director.
Jacklyn learned about the focus and scope of midwifery during her meeting and knew it was her calling. As she took many diverse classes at Barnard, she became well-educated and fascinated with culturally specific healthcare for women.
Jacklyn graduated from Barnard in 2002 with a Bachelor of Arts in biopsychology.
Balancing Career and Family
Jacklyn is married to Etai Lahav. Etai, of Ashkenazi descent, is an intellectual property litigator.
The couple has three children, Rivkah, 14, Shlomo, 11, and Moshe, 9. The family proudly practices both Ashkenazi and Sephardic minhagim.
After marrying in August 2003, Jacklyn and Etai partnered to balance their careers. Jacklyn worked as a paralegal and executive assistant while Etai was in law school. During Etai’s third year of law school, Jacklyn enrolled in Columbia University’s accelerated nursing program, a direct-entry program for advanced practice nursing, and chose the specialty of Midwifery. She was pregnant with her first child during the bachelor’s portion of the program. “My classmates practiced finding a fetal heartbeat on me.” Jacklyn graduated two weeks after Rivkah was born, in May. “Rivkah was a blessing, sleeping through the night by the end of the summer.” Jacklyn chose to continue her master’s studies at the NYU Meyers Midwifery Program, which offered more flexibility than Columbia’s curriculum.
“When I interviewed with Patricia Burkhardt, the NYU Program Director and a pillar in NY midwifery, she stood up and opened her arms to welcome me and I knew this was my home.”
Etai came home from his job as a law clerk and cared for Rivkah while Jacklyn attended night classes the first year of midwifery school. She became a full-time student the next year and loved her clinical rotations and the teaching methodology called “problem-based learning.” “They taught us the big picture, how to tease out the most important problems, take command, and create a treatment plan. Learning Gemara in Yeshivah of Flatbush was the best preparation for this educational model.”
Difficult Birth Experience Spurs Jacklyn to Help Others
During midwifery school, Jacklyn started a support group for mothers who had C-section deliveries. The support group gave these moms the chance to process their births and think about future births. Jacklyn focused her master’s thesis on hospital policies surrounding mothers’ wanting to try for a non-cesarean birth after having a cesarean. She received her M.S. in Midwifery in June 2009 and gave birth to her son Shlomo in July.
Jacklyn’s first childbirth experience informed and influenced her practice as a midwife and her mission to provide patient-centered care. Rivkah’s birth was by C-section in a hospital and Jacklyn believes the experience could have been less traumatic. Shlomo and Moshe were born at home.
After her initial midwifery position in a Staten Island Women’s Clinic, Jacklyn worked in private practice with an obstetrician and attended births at a major Brooklyn hospital. Jacklyn practiced what she learned in her training, to be “with women,” to listen, inform, and support their journeys. She thrived on offering the type of care that doctors did not.
After Moshe’s birth, Jacklyn opened her own midwifery practice. She performed services at her patients’ homes, which included general women’s care, post-partum care, and lactation care. After women reached out to her with pelvic pain complaints, Jacklyn pursued independent courses and educational opportunities to be able to care for women with these specific needs.
Healthy Moms Make Healthy Families
Jacklyn’s tone of care is guided by midwifery. In other countries, midwifery is more the mainstream care and the value of the mother’s post-partum care and other services are acknowledged and more prevalent. Research supports that when mothers are healthier, families are healthier.
“Women are the most important and active participants in their own healthcare and deserve high-touch and excellent care, not only during pregnancy and childbirth, but always. I’m a gateway to their overall wellness.”
It’s vital to give women the opportunities and skills to articulate their physical and other problems and practitioners need to know the right questions to ask, how to listen, and to give patients time to exercise their voices.
This Family Backs Up Each Other
Jacklyn’s family members appreciate the value of her work and what midwifery entails, and also know that they are her priority! “Etai and I take our family seriously and divide and conquer.” Her kids understand when Jacklyn is on a telemedicine video call, that her oldest child is called upon to pitch in to help with the youngest.
Two years ago, Jacklyn joined the Kol Ram choir at Ramaz and is enjoying exercising her voice again. Her family encouraged her to do it as they recognize that singing is very much a part of her.
Jacklyn communicates to her children that she is a person with her own passions. After singing, cooking is Jacklyn’s second creative outlet and she recently became a vegan. The Lahav’s love hosting meals for the holidays.
Jacklyn is a passionate and active volunteer for rabbit rescue and the family has rescued two rabbits who are very much family members. The children help her with rescue work. For relaxation, Jacklyn likes gardening, the beach, and reading cookbooks.
Connect with Jacklyn at www.jlmidwifery.com and at @kindkitchen_eats on Instagram.
Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).
It’s December, the last month of 2020, which also includes the first day of winter, December 21. Winter evokes cozy memories of blankets, snow days, and hot cocoa with floating marshmallows. But it also means a lot more time spent indoors. It becomes dark early, the wind is strong, and ice is slowly creeping everywhere. This makes it a perfect time to work on the interior of your home. Now’s the perfect chance to spruce your home up.
Are your walls peeling? Are they covered in scribbles? Or are you ready for a new color?
Here are some tips to ensure your painting is splatter free.
First off, paint brushes are great for edges and details, but if you do not want to be painting forever, invest in a roller and a roller tray. This will speed up your painting and will give you a smoother wall.
If you want to paint like a pro, first paint the trim, then the ceiling and then finally the walls. While painting the trim and ceiling don’t worry about painting within the lines, focus on getting a nice finish. Remember you are going to paint the walls after so any mishaps will be covered up. Once the trim and ceilings are done, don’t forget to cover the edges with painters tape and then paint the wall. And don’t pull off the tape until the paint is COMPLETELY dry. You don’t want all your hard work ruined by gummy paint at the edges.
If you are painting over grimy, oily surfaces, clean the area well before painting. The dirt will get in the way of the paint bonding with the wall and it will mess with the texture and sheen of your wall. A little soap and elbow grease goes a long way in ensuring beautiful walls.
Color of the Year
Need inspiration for your paint color? Look no further than the 2021 paint color of the year. According to Benjamin Moore, the color is Aegean Teal, a blend of blue and green, with grey undertones. It is described in Benjamin Moore’s catalogue as “an intriguing mid-tone that creates natural harmony.” This color creates an organic and sun baked look, perfect for kitchens and other living spaces.
Sometimes I get asked, “Do I have to paint before I sell my home?” It depends on your house. If your house is older and not newly renovated and the buyers will anyway do work on the house, as long as the house looks clean there is no need to paint. But if you have a nicely done house and the walls are a bit dirty, you will definitely benefit from painting. And paint the house neutral colors that are appealing to everyone.
Broker vs. No Broker
There are many benefits to having a broker. I will address only one in this article, but please feel free to reach out to me with any questions.
I understand that when selling a house there is a lot of money at stake and sellers may think, “cheaper agent = more money in my pocket.” But a good real estate agent will look at the house and see how to net the seller the most money. Numerous times I have lost listings to agents who take half the commission that I do or to agents who have a flat fee. Everything is min hashamyim. But I didn’t do a good enough job of educating my clients if they only look at the commission. There are certain things in a home that need to be taken care of, and if these things are done, they will increase the value of the home. It may be a leak from 20 years ago that is no longer active but there is water damage. Or there is asbestos in the basement, or active termites. There are numerous scenarios that come up that I look for that I then explain to the seller.
We then have to work out between the buyer and seller who will fix what and what terms they are agreeing upon.
The highest offer is not necessarily the best. The highest offer plus good terms equals a good buyer. There are a lot of issues that come up and having a broker can solve many of them.
Hopefully, you understand a bit more the value a broker brings to the table. In general, the broker will make the process of selling your home a lot smoother. They make sure you end up with the most money in your pocket, and your home is bought for a great price with great terms.
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