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The Lighter Side – January 2020

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January 2020

A Better Beggar

Mustafa and Hassan, two immigrants from the Middle East living in Manhattan, both decided to try making money by panhandling on the streets of New York. But after a month of begging, Mustafa was only successful at collecting about $5 to $10 a day, while Hassan would regularly come home with a suitcase full of $100 bills.

Finally, one day Mustafa asked Hassan “How do you always bring home so much money, while I can barely scrape together a few dollars?”

“Tell me,” Hassan replied, “what does your sign say?”

Mustafa read his sign: “I have no work, a wife, and six kids.”

“No wonder you only get a few dollars a day!” Hassan said.

“Why, what’s wrong with my sign?” Mustafa asked.

Hassan showed him what was written on his sign: “Need only $50 more to get back to Iran.”

T. M.

Family Money

Shirley Feldman’s preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller’s window, Shirley lamented to a middle-aged man behind her, “My children are in their 20s, and I’m still giving them money. When does it end?”

“I’m not sure I’m the one to ask,” the man said while glancing uncomfortably at a paper in his hand, “I’m here to deposit a check from my mother.”

Barbra G.

Just Teething

Rivka was holding her little baby, Yitzy, while talking to her mother. “I haven’t slept in three days,” Rivka complained. “Yitzy is teething and he’s up all night crying.”

“Why don’t you just rub a thimble-full of brandy on his gums? That will numb them up and put him right to sleep.” answered the new grandma.

“I can’t give my baby alcohol! Who knows what that will do to him.?”

“Yitzy will be fine, I guarantee it!” said the grandma.

“How can you guarantee something like that?” asked Rivka.

“Because I did it to you every night and you turned out OK!”

Lori Z.

Defective Diagnoses

At an international medical conference, an American, a Frenchman, and a Saudi Arabian were discussing the shortcomings of modern medicine. The American said, “It’s really frustrating sometimes. We treat patients for arthritis, and then we find signs of joint disease.”

“I know what you mean,” said the Frenchman. “We treat them for yellow fever and find out later that they have malaria.”

“We don’t have that problem in our country,” said the Saudi Arabian doctor. “When we treat patients for a disease, they always die of that very same disease.”

Yaakov R.

Sharing the Catch

A matchmaker needed to find eligible young men for two different girls. Traveling to the neighboring village, he was only able to find one suitable boy – and the mothers of both girls wanted him for their daughters. Unable to deal with the bickering, the matchmaker took them to the rabbi for arbitration.

The rabbi listened to the whole story, and finally said, “This is a very difficult situation. Who is truly destined to marry this young man? I will borrow the wisdom of King Solomon to answer this question. Just as King Solomon said to cut the disputed baby in half, I say to cut the young man in half and share him.”

At first everyone was silent, as no one believed the rabbi was serious. But then, one mother exclaimed, “Okay, so cut him!”

The rabbi immediately stood up, pointed to her and said, “Aha! That’s the real mother-in-law!”

Alice N.

Aches and Pains

At the Beth Israel nursing home in Boca Raton Florida a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains. “My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said Applebaum.

“I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied Shiffman.

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said Markewitz, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

“My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” Himmlefarb contributed.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced Goldberg as he slowly shook his head. Then there was a short moment of silence.

“Well, it’s not that bad,” said Rosenbloom cheerfully. “Thank Gd we can all still drive.”

Robert C.

The Angel’s Cake

An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic cake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained painted on his face.

“This is a very special cake,” he explained. “I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, Gd, if you want me to have one of those delicious cakes, let me find a parking place directly in front of the bakery.’”

“And sure enough,” he continued, “by the eighth time around the block, there it was!”

Michael L.

Older and Wiser

Our rabbi announced that admission to a shul social event would be $6 per person. “However,” he added, “if you’re over 65, the price will be only $5.50.”

From the back of the congregation, a woman’s voice rang out, “Do you really think I’d give up that information for only 50 cents?”

Irene D.

Lost in Emotion

Our nephew was getting married to a doctor’s daughter. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause, he explained, “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to make out what I’ve written down.” Looking out into the audience, he asked, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”

Ezra S.

Worshipping in the Digital Age

A young man walked in to shul and, instead of heading for the bookshelves to take a siddur, he just took out his iPhone and began praying. An older person, apparently not too tech savvy, approached and asked him what he was doing.

“I downloaded all the prayers on to my phone,” the young man responded, “so I can read it directly from here instead of from a siddur.”

“Well in that case, why are you saying it?” the older person asked. “Just highlight the text and press ‘Send’…”

Terry M.

100,000 Strong: Unity, Joy, and Pride at the 13th Siyum HaShas

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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100,000 Strong: Unity, Joy, and Pride at the 13th Siyum HaShas

Rabbi Yehuda Beyda

Momentous.

Inspirational.

Historic.

Awe-inspiring.

All of these words can be applied to describe the 13^th Siyum HaShas held on January 1 at MetLife Stadium, and viewed via livestream by Jews around the globe.

But these are just words, and words alone cannot adequately express what we felt, sitting in an open-air stadium on a frigid January day, frozen in place not by the biting wind, but by the dazzling spectacle that we were so privileged to behold.

Daf Yomi, the study program whereby Jews around the world study one page of Talmud each and every day, was the brainchild of Rabbi Meir Shapiro (1887-1933), esteemed Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivat Chachmei Lublin in Poland. He conceived of this program as a way to unite world Jewry through Torah, such that no matter where a Jew travels throughout the world, he can immediately find like-minded people studying the very same page of the Gemara that he is studying that day. The idea of Daf Yomi is to harness the universality of the Torah in order to bring together Gd-fearing Jews the world over. (Indeed, the original proponent of the idea, Rabbi Moshe Menachem Spivak, envisioned people dating their correspondences with that day’s daf in place of a calendar date!)

Agudath Israel officially launched the Daf Yomi program on Rosh Hashanah, 5684 (September 11, 1923), and it has continued without interruption ever since – for nearly a full century.

You’ve Got to the Turn That Page!

Sitting in MetLife Stadium on that January day, all one had to do was look around at the tens of thousands in attendance in order to feel the power of a tzibbur (community).

The rabbis teach us that when Jews gather together, each individual’s influence is amplified by the connection with the others. Just ten Jews praying together is enough to bring the Shechinah – the Divine Presence – into the shul, and the effect only grows with the size of the crowd. Merely joining together with such large numbers of Jews, all with one point of focus, can have a life-altering effect. This power – which was one of the intended goals of the Daf Yomi’s founders – was powerfully expressed by Rabbi Mordechai Sultan, a longtime educator in the community, in a recent interview.

Rabbi Sultan has been learning “the Daf” for 15 years. I asked him how he got started, and what it is that keeps him going.

He explained that he began just before the 11^th Siyum Hashas, a couple of years after he started teaching. The vast amounts of time and attention he was investing in preparing his classes came at the expense of his regular learning time, and he sought a source of motivation to continue his personal growth in Torah. He found it in the Daf Yomi.

“You have family semahot, you have other events and obligations, but the Daf Yomi can’t be ignored,” Rabbi Sultan reflects. “There are no excuses, no considerations. At the end of the day, you’ve got to find a way to turn the page. I’ve learned the Daf at weddings, on trips, even at Yankee Stadium. You gotta turn the page.”

And what about the family? Do they understand when Daddy can’t be there because he’s learning the Daf?

“They’ve been making it happen!” Rabbi Sultan exclaims. “Without their support, it wouldn’t happen.”

This is the koah hatzibbur – the power of a community that Rabbi Shapiro set in motion. And never was this power more dramatically on display than at the 13^th Siyum HaShas last month.

Elevating the Jewish Nation

The first major address was delivered by Rabbi Malkiel Kotler, Rosh Yeshiva of Beth Medrash Gavoha (BMG) in Lakewood. Citing the Gemara’s statement that Abbayeh would make a celebration for the entire yeshiva whenever a student finished a masechet, Rabbi Kotler explained that when one learns Torah, it becomes part of his essence, and this has the effect of elevating the entire Jewish Nation. Even those who did not finish the Shas, said the Rosh Yeshiva, bonded together with those who did in celebrating their accomplishment.

Rabbi Yaakov Perlow, Novominsker Rebbe and the head of Agudath Israel, spoke of Torah’s timelessness, and how it is the very soul of Am Yisrael. The only reason that we are still here while the major empires of ancient times have crumbled, the Rebbe explained, is the Torah. He added that the root of the word “Torah” means “guidance,” as the Torah provides guidance for us in every aspect of our lives.

Rabbi Perlow then made an impassioned plea to the ruling powers in the Land of Israel, emphasizing that they also deserve to take part in Torah learning, and they also have the right to the title of The Chosen People. As stewards of the city of Hashem, he said, they have the responsibility to ensure the continuance of Torah education, both for others and for themselves. The Rebbe implored our brothers to return to the bet midrash and take part in our shared heritage.

Every Single Day

Rabbi Yissachar Frand, Rosh Yeshiva in Ner Yisrael of Baltimore, electrified the crowd with his account of how even the Nazis ym”sh realized that the Talmud is the soul of the Jewish People. He also related the story of how an entire farming community in Israel returned to Hashem as a result of spending some time studying Gemara during a shemittah year. He then exhorted the crowd to “not let the perfect be the enemy of the good!” Though the task of completing Shas may seem daunting, he said, the trick is to view every day as its individual accomplishment. In that way, one step at a time, the mountain of Shas can be climbed.

This sentiment was echoed by Rav Aharon Schiff, Chief Rabbi of Antwerp. He told that one day, when Rabbi Meir Shapiro was a young boy, he found his mother crying because the melamed (private tutor) had quit to take a different job.

“Why are you crying?” little Meir asked. “We’ll find another melamed tomorrow and I’ll continue my studies.”

His mother replied that she wasn’t worried about the next day; she was crying for that day’s Torah learning, which was lost irretrievably. Rabbi Shapiro internalized this lesson and went on to found the learning of the Daf Yomi, predicated on the concept of never missing a day. Each day is precious and must be utilized to its maximum potential.

“You are the Team”

After the 12^th Siyum Hashas in 2012, a group of men from Shaare Zion approached Rabbi Raymond Haber and asked him to deliver a Daf Yomi class in the shul. From that small, core handful of individuals, the group has now grown to over 50 participants, many of whom have completed the entire cycle.

Beyond the phenomenal numerical growth, though, Rabbi Haber sees within his students the profound effects of a long-term commitment to learning Torah. He says that when you need to pull out the Gemara and sweat over the Daf on a plane to China, or review the class recording on your way to work, the commitment solidifies. As he put it in speaking to one of the members at the Siyum: “Usually, when you come to this stadium, you are rooting and cheering for your team. Today, you are the team. It’s your victory.”

The unparalleled joy of triumph was palpably felt by one and all during the dancing after the completion of the Shas at MetLife.

“We were dancing like crazy,” Rabbi Haber said. “All these guys that put in the work, you could really see the simcha [joy].”

Mr. Bert Hidary is one of the community’s Daf Yomi pioneers, and a founding member of the BSZ study group. The class is presented by Rabbi Prag one day a week, and by the members themselves on the other days. The group just began its third cycle of the Daf Yomi together, and several new members joined after the Siyum. The close bonds that develop between the group’s members are evident from the way Mr. Hidary talks about the group. He describes the experience of staying up late at night to work on the Daf, about text messages sent back and forth during the day resolving problems that arose during the class, and about going beyond the basic understanding of the text.

“What we have to remember,” he says, “is that we’re just scratching the surface. We can’t be satisfied with just reading the Gemara.”

He then describes the joy of celebrating together at the Siyum, excitedly telling me about dancing at MetLife, and about the siyum held in Shaare Zion’s social hall on Motzaeh Shabbat. Over 500 people attended the event, which was held jointly by all the different Daf Yomi classes in Shaare Zion, beautifully celebrating the Jewish Nation’s unbreakable bond with the Torah.

Whatever It Takes

No celebration of Daf Yomi is complete without the stories of individual heroism that emerge, and we were not disappointed.

Rabbi Shlomo Farhi, rabbi of the Safra Synagogue in Manhattan, related to the gathering the story of a man who, stricken with ALS, nevertheless persisted in learning the Daf each day. Though the doctors had given him but a few months to live, Mendy Rosenberg committed himself at the last Siyum to finish Shas. Though he no longer has control over his body, he acquired specialized computer equipment that allows him to communicate using the fluttering of his eyelids. This is how he has persevered, and how he has completed the entire Shas. Whatever it takes.

This point was emphasized by Rabbi Reuven Feinstein during his address to the crowd. After reading a letter that HaRav Chaim Kanievsky addressed to the Siyum’s attendees, Rabbi Feinstein encouraged us to do whatever it takes, to never say, “I tried enough.” He referenced the well-known story told in the Gemara about the student who needed to hear every point 400 times before he understood it, and urged us to take that lesson for ourselves, as well.

An Eruption of Joy

HaRav Shmuel Kamenetsky, Rosh Yeshiva of the Philadelphia Yeshiva, was introduced to conduct the actual siyum, reading the final lines of the Talmud. The Rosh Yeshiva noted that the true joy of a siyum lies not in the completion of the material, but in the commitment we display by immediately beginning our learning anew. He illustrated this point by observing the practice to dance with the Torah on Simhat Torah not immediately upon finishing the reading, but after beginning the next cycle.

Rav Kamenetsky then proceeded to recite the traditional “Hadran” text from a volume of Gemara that was printed in the DP camps after the Holocaust, symbolizing how our nation has never let go of Torah learning, even in its darkest periods.

After the siyum, the dancing began. The crowd of nearly 100,000, which had sat respectfully throughout the long ceremony despite the freezing temperatures, suddenly erupted from their seats. Rows of men paraded up and down the rows. People were dancing in place in the stands. Huge circles formed at field level. The massive stadium pulsated with a single joyous heartbeat, every individual participant overcome by jubilant, ecstatic joy. It was overpowering. It was unforgettable. It was the story of a nation and its love for the Torah.

Connecting With Yaakov Avinu

Rav Aharon Feldman, Rosh Yeshiva of Ner Yisrael in Baltimore, immediately began the 14^th cycle with the opening lines of Masechet Berachot. He noted how appropriate it is to start with the halachot of blessings and prayers, which teach us that everything is in the hands of Hashem, and we are in control of nothing – not even our own lives. For everything we must pray to and thank Hashem.

The final speaker of the night was HaRav Uren Reich, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Ohr Zecharia in Lakewood. The Rosh Yeshiva spoke about Yosef Hatzadik, and the message he sent to his father, Yaakov Avinu, with his brothers. The Midrash states that when Yosef was leaving his father’s house for the last time, Yaakov accompanied him partway. Yosef told his father that he did not require accompaniment, as he was not Yaakov’s guest, but Yaakov explained that the reason for accompanying guests is for the departing traveler know that someone cares for him enough to see him off. This awareness gives him the strength and encouragement he needs to confront the dangers that lurk during travel. Many years later, when Yosef’s brothers reported to Yaakov that Yosef was alive, Yaakov asked incredulously, “Is my son Yosef still alive?!” Rabbi Reich explains that Yaakov could not believe that Yosef could still be a worthy spiritual heir to Yaakov Avinu after living for 22 years in Egypt. Yosef therefore sent his father a reminder of their last conversation, to demonstrate that throughout his time in Egypt, he kept Yaakov’s image in his mind, and maintained their spiritual connection. We, too, the Rosh Yeshiva taught, must keep our minds and hearts connected to Yaakov Avinu, to our illustrious ancestry, in order to maintain our spiritual vitality through our dark and difficult exile.

After kaddish and arbit, the crowd finally began to disperse, and we all made our way home. Though the Siyum itself was over, the participants all left with a firm, resolute determination to renew their commitment to learning, and to meet again, please Gd, in seven and a half years, in the rebuilt city of Yerushalayim.

New Seniors Division Kicks Off at SBH

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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“SBH Jersey Shore want to be a one-stop-shop for seniors and their families for recreational, educational, and health-related purposes.”

Frieda Schweky

The SBH Tawil Family Jersey Shore branch is thrilled to announce the addition of the Lorraine & Louis Shamie Senior Division. Group activities, informational events for both seniors and caretakers, as well as cultural and educational programs are just a few of the innovative programs the new Senior Division will be offering.

Sarah Azar Named Seniors Coordinator

Sarah Azar was recently named Seniors Coordinator at the Jersey Shore branch of SBH. Sarah began working at the mental health clinic in Brooklyn in 2013. She has since worked as a therapist in the clinic from 2014-2017.

After serving as a therapist, Sarah held various positions including child therapist, case manager, and social worker for seniors. Sarah holds a master’s degree in mental health counseling and has years of community-based experience. She is enthusiastic about her work and has a fresh outlook on how to expand and grow the Senior Division at the Jersey Shore branch.

“Sarah brings energy, enthusiasm, and clinical experience to the team here at the SBH Jersey Shore branch,” said Victoria Sutton, MPA, Director of Senior Division for Brooklyn and Jersey Shore SBH. “She always has new and creative ways to engage. We are so excited to have her on board at our Jersey Shore branch!”

Brooklyn and Jersey Shore Branches Partner in Serving Seniors

The SBH Senior Division is a vital part of community senior living, and the Jersey Branch is proud to offer referrals for the following: medical services, mental health services, food services, home health aide agencies, nursing homes, and rehabilitation facilities.

In the upcoming months, the goal is to have identical programming and services available at both branches of SBH, in the Jersey Shore and in Brooklyn. Already steps have been taken to make this a reality, and soon the programs should be identical to one another. One of the first steps taken to reach this goal is special programming. Many recent events for the Senior Divisions have taken place at the same time and date in both Brooklyn and the Jersey Shore branches.

SBH Honors Veterans

On Veterans Day, SBH teamed up with Hillel Yeshiva High School to honor nine community veterans. The event was a great success. Attendees included the veterans, community seniors, Hillel 9th and 10th graders as well as the families of the veterans. Some veterans had the opportunity to address the crowd of students and each of them received a certificate of appreciation. Isadore Shammah, who can be quoted on several occasions saying “Could you believe I never got a high school diploma…” was (finally) awarded a high school diploma on that special day.

Sunshine Girls

Sunshine Girls is a fairly new initiative that was launched in the spring of 2019 and relaunched after the summer. This invaluable program assures that the seniors in the Jersey Shore are visited at least once a week. About 60 community women are on rotation visiting about 20 seniors. The ratio of volunteers to seniors is high to assure that no senior goes for a week without a visit. If one volunteer can’t make it that week, another will fill in. The Jersey community has never had such a large and organized visiting program before, and this no doubt is aiding the Jersey seniors tremendously.

SBH Fills the Void

Some social programs that SBH Jersey Shore has to offer are Young at Heart and Arts and Leisure Club. Young at Heart takes place every Tuesday. Seniors come in to socialize, have lunch, and enjoy live entertainment. Short Story Book Club, a part of the Arts and Leisure Club, is held on Wednesdays. Each member comes in having already read the assigned short story at home, and when they come in they discuss the short story with a facilitator. About once a month the group takes a field trip. The group has ventured out to the Jewish Heritage Museum in Freehold, NJ, The Ocean Township Historical Museum, cake decorating with Alexis Cohen, and more! The experiences are always educational, cultural, and, best of all, enjoyable for all who attend.

Some other amazing programs at the SBH Jersey Shore branch are: Challah Delivery, which is an initiative whereby local high school students deliver challot to about 30 seniors each Friday, and also Shabbat meals are cooked and delivered by volunteers to elderly participants who can’t cook and/or don’t have close family nearby to host them for Shabbat. Another resource through SBH Jersey Shore is a medical gemach in which equipment is loaned out, such as wheelchairs, canes, crutches, bed rails, etc. This is a volunteer-run program, which happily accepts medical equipment donations. The newest initiative for seniors that SBH of the Jersey Shore has started is Lunch n’ Learn. This program is for community men aged 60 and up. They join Hillel High School students for a monthly class and lunch. Each class features a different community rabbi.

Some recent successful events at SBH Jersey Shore include: Medicare 2019: Get the Facts;

Fall Prevention: How to Stay Safe This Winter; and The Five Documents Your Parents Must Have.

“We are trying to create a lot of programming because we see such a profound need for these courses for both seniors and caregivers,” said new Senior Coordinator Sarah Azar. “SBH Jersey Shore want to be a one-stop-shop for seniors and their families for recreational, educational, and health-related purposes.”

For information on the mentioned programs and more please contact Sarah at (732) 531-1117 x114.

Safe Travels – Tips for Winter Vacation 2020

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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Safe Travels – Tips for Winter Vacation 2020

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

Safe Travels, sound familiar?

I use this phrase every time I wish my friends, family, and colleagues a good trip.

Of all days to share travel tips with you, I am writing this article on December 1^st, the last day of the Thanksgiving weekend, and what was expected to be the busiest travel day for the U.S. airline industry. Over three million passengers were estimated to be flying today!

And that only includes travelers going on planes. What about those using cars, buses, and trains?

As I watched the news, I recognized that safe travels was at the top of everyone’s wish list and was the #1 priority.

Let’s talk about integrating safe travels into our planning for winter break and have a safe, healthy, and fun vacation for the entire family.

Before we dive into tips and tools, I want to emphasize the importance of academic breaks.

We all need time off to decompress including time to do nothing. That’s right, nothing. Nothing or “down” time means pausing to take a breath, relax, and smell the roses. In our fast-paced world, we are constantly busy. Unfortunately, doing nothing or taking a break in today’s hypermodern society, is often viewed as negative and is associated with nonproductivity. Studies, however, have shown that it is vital for our mental and physical health to take time to unplug, sit still, and do nothing. Doing nothing can also spur new insights and creativity. Our children are overmanaged and overscheduled much more than we were in the sixties, seventies, and eighties.

Be mindful about not cutting short their childhood years by continuously pressuring them to get the best grades and be accepted to the most prominent schools and/or excel in extra-curriculars.

Popular Safe Travel Procedures

Doing your research, making copies of important documents, notifying the flight attendant of any medical issues, being aware of your surroundings, keeping your valuables in a hotel safe, updating your family back home, and being wary of public Wi-Fi.

Traveling with small children can be particularly stressful and can trigger anxiety in both adults and small children.

Therefore, it’s crucial to plan, prepare, and manage expectations before setting off on your trip. Family meetings help strengthen the family bond, improve communication, and reduce the unease and that feeling of not being in control. They can be used as a vehicle to get everyone on the same page and manage everyone’s expectations, including the parents.

Engage Your Children

Carve out time for a family meeting (no phones allowed but do serve refreshments).

Ask your sons and daughters to assist in whatever planning remains to be done. They can do research and talk to friends and classmates. Allowing children to participate in the decision-making process gives them skin in the game and builds their confidence and self-esteem. It can also help to ensure an enjoyable vacation.

Inquire about concerns and expectations for the upcoming vacation. Address any concerns and anxieties that your children may have about traveling. Identify their triggers. Is it going through security, that sets them off? Or is it boarding the plane, take-off, or landing? Depending on the severity, you may want to talk to a professional about how to deal with these issues. Your children may be worried about unforeseen events and might have what-if questions for you. For example, what happens if I get separated from the family, or if the weather is bad? It’s important to reassure your children with remedies for these what-if scenarios before you head out.

Ask them what their favorite or positive distractions are that they would like to bring with them. They may like video games, coloring books, or crossword puzzles.

You might want to assign an older child to a younger sibling as a travel buddy. These tools will help your kids move away from negative thoughts to positive ones.

Find out what everyone’s expectations are about the trip. Parents and kids who have performed research can contribute brochures and information about the vacation destination. You can create a wish list by brainstorming, and please remember that Mom and Dad get a vote. Parents stay in control by setting realistic and affordable guidelines.

Communicate

Information is power and access to the right information will reduce anxieties and facilitate safe travels. The night before your trip have another family meeting, presenting your children with a detailed overview of your travels. For example, on Sunday morning at 7:00am, Uncle David will drive us to JFK airport. We will check our luggage, go through security, board the plane, and the flight will take four hours. After we land and retrieve our luggage, a bus will pick up us up to take us to the hotel.

Teachable Moments

Teachable moments, those times when your children have an opportunity to learn something new, don’t only occur in a classroom. An airport, and a new destination can offer many teachable moments. Bring along some small notebooks, pencils, and crayons. A notebook can be used as a travel journal (younger children can draw in them). Some of your kids may enjoy writing about their trip and the journal will keep them busy on the flights and during the vacation. It will also provide them with material for their “what I did on winter break” essays.

Let your kids know if they will be in a different time zone when they arrive. You can also educate them about the history and culture of your vacation destination if you are visiting a new state or country. Or your older children can do that particular research and share it with the family. More information and preparation lowers anxiety and leads to learning and a successful vacation. Keep it short and simple for younger children.

Set guidelines in advance regarding cell phone use, taking pictures and videos, and limits on eating junk food and buying souvenirs and gifts. We don’t want our kids to miss beautiful views and other experiences by spending too much time taking pictures or on their phones. Encourage them to learn more about their surroundings while you are taking in the sights.

Prepare a Travel and Packing Checklist

To-do lists and checklists have helped me manage my personal and work life since I was taught to prepare one at my first job.

Have you ever forgotten your child’s antibiotic when you were already halfway to the airport? I have.

Review your checklist and tick off items as you complete them before you head off on your trip (see sidebar).

Work Smarter, Not Harder

Give each child their own carry-on or small backpack and pack their favorite snacks, if permitted, their “positive distractions,” special comfort objects (please don’t forget the blankie) and a few games and activities to keep them engaged on the plane, train, or in the car. Mom, please put some extra small toys, paper, pens and crayons, snacks, band-aids, and Tylenol (remember, if you are flying, liquid Tylenol must be placed in a small Zip lock) in your carry-on. Dad, please carry copies of important documents in yours.

Relax

Please be mindful when you book tours and excursions. Be sure to allot time for pure relaxation, e.g. sitting by the pool or playing a board game. We all need a break from the stress associated with school routines and responsibilities and our jobs. If you overdo the touring and wake up at dawn every morning, you may need another vacation when you come home!

Remember that vacation is a good thing and a blessing. Keep that positive mindset and enjoy! Safe travels!

Recommended Checklist Items

Review baggage restrictions and other significant information, e.g. arrival times at airport, bus, or train, and transfer arrangements upon landing. If you are a visual person, print out a map of your destination or email yourself the links to maps and all other details.
Arrange for cell phone use overseas.
Buy foreign currency in advance if needed.
Notify your credit card company that you will be traveling abroad.
Consider bringing hard copies of travel documents (including passport #’s, flights, hotels, and tour reservations) in the event your phone or laptop crashes, gets lost, or you don’t have Wi-Fi.
Check in for your flights online the day before to avoid long waits at the airport. Consider applying for TSA pre-check (shorter security lines, no removal of shoes, belts, laptops).
Are all medications and medical devices packed in your respective carry-ons? What if your luggage doesn’t make it to your destination upon landing? Pack anything you might need soon after you arrive in your carry-on luggage.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Riddles – January 2020

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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Riddle: Truck Stop

SUBMITTED BY: Alan B.

A truck is stuck under a bridge and the driver cannot get it out. A man walks by and stops to help. He easily gets the truck unstuck. How did he do it?

Last Month’s Riddle: Flower Garden

Karen planted sunflower seeds in her back garden. Every day, the number of flowers doubles. If it takes 52 days for the flowers to fill the garden, how many days would it take for them to fill half the garden?

Solution: Answer: It would take 51 days. If the number of flowers doubles every day, half the garden would be full the day before, on the 51st day.

Solved by: Yaakov Beyda, H. Soleimani, Elimelech Heller, The Blum Family, Sesar Faham, Murad Faham, Blimi Yoffe, Esther Gadeh, Belle Gadeh, Ikey Gadeh, Rena Wahba, Yosef Wahba, and Ness Vachnine.

Junior Riddle: Bat and Ball

SUBMITTED BY: Maurice K.

A bat and a ball cost $1.10. The bat costs one dollar more than the ball. How much does the ball cost?

Last month’s Junior Riddle: What’s In A Name?

Billy’s mother had 5 children. The first was named Lala, the second was named Lele, the third was named Lili, and the fourth was named Lolo. What was the fifth child named?

Solution: Billy!

Solved by: Yaakov Beyda, E. Lousky, Mike Sutton, Fay Chesir, Teddy Mamrout, Haim S., Elimelech Heller, David Yazdi, The Blum Family, Rosie Husney, Blimi Yoffe, Channah Warren, Claudia Harary, Esther Gadeh, Belle Gadeh, Ikey Gadeh, Lauren Batesh, Amy Batesh, Reuvain Schnurmann, Belle S., Wendy Levy, Diana Azrak, Naomi Shalom, Claudine and Jacob Soffer, Merlene Esses, Miriam Harary, Ness Vachnine, Ikey Greenstein, Isaac Salama, and Jack Abadi.

Different Types of Heating: What’s Best for You?

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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Different Types of Heating: What’s Best for You?

Karen Behfar

Now that we’ve officially hit the cold winter weather, there’s really one thing and one thing only on most (if not all) of our minds – HEAT. When looking into different heating options for your home you’ll want to know what choice makes the most sense for your home and your family. The choices you make in terms of heating a home or building can lead to a lot of different impacts in terms of cost, home construction, and management. Here’s a profile on some of the common options and their benefits.

Radiant Heat – There are a lot of different sources you can use to take advantage of radiant heat, which is essentially transferring infrared waves around the home. This can range from using a wood stove to an electric heater to radiators connected to a central boiler. Major benefits are the fact that it’s clean, easy to maintain, and also allows you to zone certain areas of your house based on your heating needs. This costs around $11 per square foot on average.

Central Heating – The benefits of opting for this system include paying less on your bills, being able to heat up parts of your home instantly rather than waiting with radiant heat, as well as lower carbon dioxide emissions. $4,000 to $20,000 is the cost window that has been reported for installation. There can be a large swing depending on your needs and property size.

Gas Heat – Compared to electric heating, gas is a fraction of the price, which is instantly appealing for those on a tight budget. Along with this, it’s also efficient to run, and is reliable. Since natural gas pipelines run underground, you don’t have to worry about rough weather affecting your heating. Expect an $1,100 to $1,300 average cost.

Oil Heat – Oil heat is considered one of the safest and most efficient methods when it comes to heating a home. Compared to other fuels, it’s not combustible and is naturally stable in terms of upkeep. Oil heat flames also burn hotter than natural gas, which can be an asset in cold climates. Expect a $2,000 to $2,300 average cost.

Water Heaters – Modern water heaters are not only efficient, but are also relatively compact in terms of size, which can be an asset to smaller properties. They are also extremely easy to operate and adjust as needed. They generally have different zonings so every zone/floor can be a different temperature as needed.

The Truth Behind Federal Pacific Electric Panels

Part of being a homeowner is wanting to be able to protect yourself and your family no matter what arises. Naturally, the idea of your home itself being a potential threat to your family isn’t something you want to think about, but this is the case with many older homes across America and Canada that have electric panels installed by Federal Pacific.

The major issue here revolves around the Stab-Lok circuit breakers, commonly present in homes that are built with Federal Pacific panels between the 1950s and 1990s. The major issue with these is the fact that, since the 1980s, multiple tests conducted on the breakers have shown that roughly one in four of them are defective and won’t properly trip off. The role of breakers in a panel is to protect your home from electrical issues by tripping, that is shutting down power to the circuit in the event of power surges or circuit overload. If this does not happen, you suddenly have a huge increased risk of fire in the panel and in your home.

What’s particularly insidious about this issue is the fact that the panel can work perfectly fine for most of its lifetime, only to develop this issue when the breaker is actually needed. At the time the news story first broke in the 1980s, the Consumer Product Safety Commission never actually issued a recall, and closed its investigation due to budgetary issues, despite determining there was a problem. Because of this, homeowners with older properties should check their panels to see if they were installed by Federal Pacific between 1950-1990.

Changing the panel can cost as low as $1,200 approximately, but it’s super important and is many times overlooked.

Habits of Highly Effective People – PART II

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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Habits of Highly Effective People – PART II

Tammy Sassoon, M.S. ED

In last month’s column we discussed the first 3 habits in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which are about taking control of your own life. Habits 4, 5, and 6 are about enjoying healthy relationships with others, and habit 7 is about taking care of yourself so you can live habits 1-6 with strength and joy. Below is a brief summary of habits 4 through 7.

Habit 4: Think WinWin

Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing – that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Like, as if there is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me;

it’s not fair, so I’m going to make sure you don’t get any more. We don’t have to play life’s game that way because we know that Hashem has enough resources and success for everyone.

Win-win sees life as a cooperative game, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are satisfying to you AND to the other person.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Communication is one of the most important skills in life. We spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening?

Most people seek first to be understood; they want to get their point across. And in doing so, they may unintentionally ignore the other person completely, pretend that they’re listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation, or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. We listen to the other person as we prepare in our minds what we are going to say, the questions we are going to ask, etc. And consequently, we decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating.

People who seek first to understand have much better communication skills and learn much more than most people who seek first to be understood.

Habit 6: Synergize

To put it simply, synergy means “two heads are better than one.” To synergize one must make a habit of creative cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old problems. Synergy lets us discover jointly things we are much less likely to discover by ourselves. It is the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. One plus one equals three, or six, or sixty – you name it.

When people begin to interact together genuinely, and they’re open to each other’s influence, they begin to gain new insight. The capability of inventing new approaches is increased exponentially because of differences.

Valuing differences is what really drives synergy. Do you truly value the mental, emotional, and psychological differences among people? Or do you wish everyone would just agree with you so you could all get along? Differences should be seen as strengths, not weaknesses. They add zest to life.

Habit 7: “Sharpen the Saw”

If you take the time to sharpen your saw it obviously works more efficiently. This means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have – yourself. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in all areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual.

As you renew yourself in each of these areas, you create growth and change in your life. “Sharpen the Saw” keeps you fresh so you can continue to practice the other six habits. You increase your capacity to produce and handle the challenges around you. Without this renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish.

Study and practice these 7 Habits in order to help you reach your goals, and enjoy the process as you are on life’s journey.

Is It A Sign from Hashem?

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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Rabbi David Ashear

If a person tries to do something good but obstacles come in the way, he should not interpret this to mean that Hashem wants him to stop. We do not know how to interpret “signs.” Our job is to try our hardest to do what is correct, and make every effort to surmount any obstacles that we confront along the way. For all we know, Hashem may have placed the obstacles in our way for the precise opposite reason: so we can earn more reward by having to invest extra effort to overcome the hurdles. Only after one has tried his hardest, there is nothing left to do, and he sees his efforts did not succeed, should he then conclude that Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, felt that this undertaking should not work out, and he should accept Hashem’s will joyfully.

For example, if a person wakes up early to pray with a minyan, but when he goes outside he sees his car is blocked, he should not say, “I guess Hashem does not want me to go to shul this morning, so I won’t go.” Instead, he should explore other ways of getting to shul. For all he knows, Hashem may have decided to present this challenge so he can overcome it and his prayers will then be especially powerful, and that day he needs a powerful tefillah. If, however, one made every effort to get to shul, but through circumstances beyond his control he missed the minyan, then he should accept the facts that Hashem, for whatever reason, did not want him to pray with a minyan that day.

This lesson applies to many different areas in life. We do not know how to read “signs,” and we should not even try. We should always just make our best effort to do what is right.

One area in which this lesson is especially relevant and important is shidduchim. Sometimes the road is bumpy and laden with large obstacles. When things do not work out immediately, one should not rush to decide that Hashem does not want the shidduch to come to be. Instead, he or she should try to do what seems to be in his best interests, and only if all efforts fail can it be conclusively determined that Hashem did not want this shidduch to work.

In the Torah, we find two stories of shidduchim: one which was completed very quickly and smoothly, and another which was plagued by hardship before working out for the best. And both were quite clearly Hashem’s will. In Parashat Chayei Sarah, we read that Avraham sent Eliezer to find a match for Yitzhak. Avraham did not give any detailed instructions, saying only that Eliezer should go to Avraham’s homeland and find a girl. We might have expected this to be a difficult process, with so little information to work with, but in a matter of several hours the right girl was found and the shidduch was finalized.

Later, in Parashat Vayeitze, we read that Yaakov Avinu’s parents sent him to Paran Aram with very detailed instructions, telling him to marry one of Lavan’s daughters. It looked like it would be a very simple and straightforward process, but in the end seven years passed until Yaakov was able to marry, and even then he was given Leah, and not the daughter he preferred to wed. At that point, we might have expected him to say to himself, Look, what can I do? It must be that Hashem does not want me to marry Rachel. But this is not how he approached the situation. He persisted, doing what he thought was the right thing, and ultimately married Rachel. As it turned out, these obstacles that had to be overcome are what enabled Yaakov and Rachel to have children together. Our sages teach that Rachel was physically incapable of conceiving, but Hashem gave her the ability to bear children in reward for her giving the signals to Leah before her wedding to Yaakov, to spare her embarrassment. It was specifically because of the difficulties they confronted that the shidduch worked out as well as it did.

Dear Jido – January 2020

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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Dear Jido,

I have a 10-year-old daughter who does not want to go to school anymore. She says that she doesn’t fit in and that the other kids pick on her. She wants to stay home and get home schooled. Meanwhile her younger brother goes to the same school and he loves it and is doing well. She argues with me about this all the time and I just do not know what to do.

Any advice?

Signed,

Potential Home Schooler

Dear Potential,

The sage advice offered by the Department of Education is to:

Tell your child how much you love her
Build up her self-confidence, and
Involve her in projects that build her self-esteem.

All worthy notions, but they don’t address the problem. Youngsters need friends and have to feel part of a peer group. Keeping her home and teaching her knitting isn’t going to help. And besides, that is only running away from the problem, not making it better.

Bullying has become a nagging issue in our community schools. Boys, and now girls, are teasing, taunting, and excluding those who are not part of their “group.” Unfortunately, this clique-ish behavior is reinforced by some of the parents who support the idea of remaining above and aloof from others.

The first solution is to let the teacher know what is going on in her classroom. She is responsible for teaching and enforcing good behavior – at least during school hours. Without pointing out the culprits, you have to explain how your child is being treated by her classmates. She needs to observe the interactions between your daughter and her classmates during class, lunch, and recess. A perceptive teacher will determine who is at fault and must act to make everyone in her classroom feel accepted.

If that does not work, you must speak with the principal and members of the administration. Chances are your daughter is not the only one who is made to feel like an outsider.

Teaching proper midot is an essential part of a yeshivah education. You will be doing your daughter and her school a big hesed in bringing to light what is happening in the classrooms. With a special emphasis on “va’ahavta lere’acha kamocha” being presented in the classroom, your daughter will feel right “at home” in school.

J.

What is The Largest Kosher Fish?

Community Magazine

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January 2020

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The female blue marlin is the largest kosher fish in the sea. Female blue marlins, which can grow up to four times the weight of males, can reach up to sixteen feet in length and weigh over 1900 pounds! Males rarely exceed 350 pounds.

The blue marlin is quite a magnificent creature, with deep cobalt blue coloring on top, a silvery-white belly, and a very distinct dorsal fin. But its most noticeable feature is its long upper jaw that is spear-shaped, and extremely deadly. Blue marlins use their “spear” to slice and slash their way through a large school of their chosen prey, and then turn and come back to eat the dazed and wounded fish. They feed mainly on mackerel and tuna, but will also dive deep in the ocean to prey on squid.

Blue marlins are also among the fastest fish in the ocean, swimming up to 60 mph. They are found in the tropics and subtropics of the Atlantic, Pacific, and Indian Oceans. Blue marlins are migratory, which means they will move to warm ocean currents, hundreds and even thousands of miles away, every winter.

No Fishing!

Although various types of kosher animals and birds qualify as korbanot, no type of fish is allowed to be brought on the Mizbei’ach as a sacrifice.

A Closer Look At…

Why the Blue Marlin Is Kosher

The blue marlin and the swordfish look very similar, and both fish are members of the billfish family – yet one is kosher and one is not!

One of the signs that a fish needs to have (see Torah Connection below) to be considered kosher is kaskesses, which is generally translated as scales. According to the Torah, real scales are those that can be easily removed without damaging the fish’s skin.

The swordfish does not seem to have scales when one looks at it. However, some say that it has scales but they are embedded so deeply into its skin that it is impossible to remove them without making a hole in the swordfish’s skin. Others say that it has kosher scales but only on parts of its body, and even those scales fall off during the swordfish’s development. As the accepted rule, the swordfish is not considered kosher.

The scales of the blue marlin, on the other hand, can be properly removed without tearing the fish’s skin. So, despite resembling the non-kosher swordfish, the blue marlin is kosher, as it has the requirements necessary for a kosher fish.

(Rabbi Y. Ephrati wrote a psak in regard to the blue marlin being kosher in the name of Rav Elyashiv, zt”l, in a teshuvah dated 11 Elul, 5763.)

Torah Connection

The Torah (Vayikra 11:9) gives two signs that determine if a fish is kosher: fins and scales. In order for a fish to be kosher, it must have both of these signs. According to the Gemara (Niddah 51b), any fish that has scales also has fins. So, if one is certain that a particular fish has scales, it is considered a kosher fish.

However, there are certain conditions that the scales need to meet in order to be considered real scales by the Torah. They must be visible to the naked eye (Aruch Hashulchan 83:15), and they must be easy to remove, whether by hand or with an instrument, without tearing the skin of the fish.

Examples of fish that do have scales but are not kosher include the sturgeon and the sand lance. The sturgeon has scales, but its scales are classified as ganoid, which means they are covered in a hard substance that’s similar in texture to fingernails. These scales cannot be removed without tearing the skin. The sand lance may have tiny scales, but they are not visible to the naked eye.

Any sea creature that does not have fins or scales is not kosher, regardless of whether it is scientifically classified as a fish or whether it actually resembles a fish. This means that whales, prawns, shellfish, octopuses, lobsters, crabs, and shrimps are all not kosher.