86.8 F
New York
Wednesday, July 30, 2025
spot_img
Home Blog Page 7

Sefirat Ha’omer FAQ

By Rabbi Moshe Arking and Rabbi Hayim Asher Arking

The days of counting from Pesah to Shavuot are in anticipation and preparation for the goal of yesiat Misrayim– receiving the Torah. Regarding Avraham Avinu it is written, “…and Avraham became old, coming in days.” This refers to the greatness of Avraham Avinu that as he grew older, he came with every day, as each day was another step to achieve more. Sefirat ha’omer is a time to prepare for Shavuot when we accept the Torah. We can master that greatness, one day at a time. The counting should be accompanied with a plan that one can visualize and have a takeaway of a tangible accomplishment like each day of Avraham Avinu. We should make every day that we count – count.

When is the best time to count?

One should count right after nightfall, which is approximately forty minutes after sunset, so that he is counting the entire coming day. If one is concerned that he will forget to count, then already after sunset one may count with a beracha.

One who did not count at night, counts by day without a beracha and then on subsequent nights with a beracha. Therefore, we have a custom to mention the count during Shaharit, so that one who forgot last night will fulfill his obligation then.

Can I eat supper before counting?

From a half-hour before the time of a mitsvah, such as tefillah, keriatshema, and counting sefiratha’omer, one may not eat more than a k’beitsah (50 grams) of bread or mezonot. Other foods, including rice, chicken, meat, etc., may be eaten even in larger quantities. However, if one appoints a family member or friend who is not eating to remind him to count after his meal, he would be allowed to eat a full meal of bread or mezonot

Why do we stand?

When we perform mitsvot, such as shofar, lulav, pidyon, etc., we stand. The source of standing by mitsvot is actually from omer as the pasuk states, “from the beginning of the sickle harvesting –bakamah – the standing crop.” The word bakamah also teaches us that we perform the mitsvot while standing.

I mistakenly counted the wrong number. Do I recite a new beracha?

One who counted the wrong day did not fulfill his obligation and is required to count again with a beracha. If the mistake was realized immediately – within approximately one and a half seconds – the correct day should be recited without a beracha. After that time, he will need to recite a new beracha and count.

Can I recite the beracha and then figure out the correct number by following the person next to me?

Like all berachot, before one begins, he should be saying it upon something known and specific, i.e. before reciting ha’ets, he should preferably know exactly which fruit he is reciting upon and even hold it in his hand. Therefore, one should preferably know the correct day before he starts to make the beracha.

Another important point is that one should realize what number he is counting. It is not merely about saying certain words that fulfills the mitsvah, but rather to understand the number counted.

I am not sure if I missed a day, do I continue?

According to some opinions, the forty-nine days of sefiratha’omer require a continuous counting without missing a day. In deference to this opinion, one who misses a day, although he will lose the beracha, is required to continue to count on the following nights. However, if one is not sure if he missed a day or not, he will continue his counting with a beracha.

I always end up missing a day! May I start counting with a beracha?

Yes. Before a day is actually missed, one would still count with a beracha even if he knows that he will definitely miss a day. Therefore, if someone has a scheduled surgery or something that will prevent him from counting a complete day of the omer, he should still begin to count with a beracha.

Do women and children count the omer?

Young boys should be taught to count once they reach the age of hinuch– six years old, like every other mitsvah. A minor who missed a night of counting is different from an adult and should continue to count with a beracha. However, women do not count at all, even without a beracha.

I told someone what day it is. May I still count with a beracha?

When asked what day it is, it is best to respond, “Yesterday was such-and-such.” In order for one to fulfill his obligation, his counting has to be prefaced by saying, “Today is day…” Therefore, if one did not yet count and responded, “today is day six,” he would lose his beracha. However, if he just answered “six” or “it’s six,” he may still count with a beracha.

What if one becomes bar mitsvah in the middle of sefirat ha’omer?

A minor who will become barmitsvah in the middle of sefira should start counting with a beracha until he turns thirteen. After his barmitsvah, the question arises whether it is considered that he is starting anew in the middle of the omer; therefore, he may not be able to recite a beracha. For this FAQ, we would refer one to his rabbi.

When is the earliest time I can take a haircut, listen to music, etc.?

All the customs of the sefira (i.e. weddings, music, haircuts) apply until the morning of the thirty-fourth day. Regarding music, however, the custom is to be lenient on Lagla’omer if the music is being played at a hilula for Ribbi Shimon Bar Yochai.

Can I buy new clothes during the days of sefira?

One may buy new clothes during sefira. However, for clothes that require a sheheianu, it is preferable to wear them first on Shabbat and recite sheheianu then. Sheheianu on fruits may be recited even during the week.

Why do we study Pirkei Avot during sefira? As mentioned, these days are in preparation and anticipation of receiving the Torah. We therefore learn PirkeiAvot which motivates one to the observance of Torah and mitsvot, and the study of the foundation for Torah – our character traits. Secondly, Pirkei Avot focuses a lot on our interpersonal relationshipsthat were at a low point during this period and therefore require our attention to study properly.

Mourning the Loss That Could Have Brought Mashiah Imagine today a rabbinical learning program with twenty-four thousand rabbis going to cities throughout the world. If they had been around even one century ago, the exponential number of religious growth worldwide would be on such a grand scale, the Mashiah could come! This is how we can view the magnitude of this tragic loss of the students of Ribbi Akiva. They passed away over two thousand years ago – it could have been a transformation of our nation beyond epic proportions. In respect to the mourning of this period, we do not marry, have parties with music, take haircuts, and other limitations.

Ask Jido – May 2025

Dear Jido,

My children are being withheld from me for almost three years now. Until recently, I was still able to spend time with my youngest child every other weekend, but that seems to be ending.

I granted my ex a religious gett without hesitation or conditions, but now, perhaps because of dissatisfaction with the monetary award decided by the court, exercising my 50/50 visitation rights to see my children has become almost impossible.

I fear they are being turned against me, Gd forbid.

The first time my youngest son asked, “Daddy, do you love me?” I didn’t think much of it. But by the third or fourth time, it became clear that something was seriously wrong.

I wish my ex and her family only good b’ezrat Hashem. But the children we both care so much about will undoubtedly suffer needlessly if their father is pushed out of their lives.

I have pleaded for help from my kids’ yeshiva and from many rabbis who have some connection to my ex and her family, but to no avail. What should I do?

Signed,

Heartbroken Dad

Dear Heartbroken,

What you write is truly sad. The love of a father for his children never ends.

I find it very surprising that the Rabbis would not be willing to intervene. It is a fact that if the custodial parent does not allow the visitation rights as decided by the Court, that that parent can actually be forced to surrender their custodial rights to the other parent. This is unless there is substantial evidence that continued association with the estranged parent would be detrimental to the well-being of the child(ren). I’m assuming that this does not apply here.

This is standard practice of the Courts but it may not be well known to the people you have been speaking with.

My advice is to meet with one of the senior Rabbis of the community. (You choose one based on where you are both holding.) Urge him to contact both your ex and her family and advise them of the potential dangers of her actions and of your intent to pursue your rights.

Of course, the best method is to pursue peace by meeting together with the Rabbi and your ex. Let her detail to him her reasoning and convince him that she is justified in refusing to allow you to spend time with your children. Be prepared to be flexible in whatever compromise can be made in the hopes that as your children grow up, they will naturally gravitate back to you.

If there is no progress, get permission from the Rabbi to go back to the Family Court of New York. Generally, we are prohibited from using the courts of the goyim but in this case, a Bet Din would not have jurisdiction over custodial rights.

I wish you much luck.

Jido

Community Pulse

This Month’s Topic: A Planting Guide for Your Gardens

Michele Shrem 

Spring is here, and the promise of vibrant color fills the air. For gardeners in New York and New Jersey, spring is a time of renewed energy, a chance to transform bare earth into a tapestry of blossoms. But with the region’s unique climate, knowing what to plant and when is key to a successful spring garden. This article will give you a view of what some of our very own community members can show you. Please review these essential steps as a guide with everything from soil preparation to flower selection, ensuring your garden comes to life.

Understanding the Climate: New York and New Jersey fall within USDA hardiness zones six and seven, meaning we experience distinct seasons. Spring arrives gradually, with fluctuating temperatures and the potential for late frosts. This variability requires careful planning.  

Timing Is Everything: Early spring (March-April) is ideal for planting cool-season flowers that tolerate light frosts. Late spring (May-June) welcomes warm-season blooms that thrive in rising temperatures.

Soil Considerations: Our region’s soils can vary, from sandy to clay-rich. A soil test is recommended to determine pH and nutrient levels. Adding compost or well-rotted manure to the soil improves drainage and fertility.

Preparing Your Garden Beds:A thriving garden begins with healthy soil.

Clearing and Cultivating: Remove weeds, debris, and any remaining winter mulch. Loosen the soil with a garden fork or tiller to a depth of 12 inches. Break up clumps of soil and remove rocks.

Soil Amendments:These are additions that improve the quality of your soil. Incorporate compost or aged manure to enrich the soil. If your soil test indicates a pH imbalance, amend accordingly (lime for acidic soil, sulfur for alkaline). Add slow-release fertilizer to provide essential nutrients.

Flower Selections

PANSIES: from Betty S.

I absolutely love pansies! They’re like little bursts of pure joy in the garden, with their incredible range of colors.It’s like having a whole rainbow at your fingertips. I’ve found they thrive best when they get a good mix of sun and shade, so keep that in mind when you’re planting. And don’t forget to keep their soil nice and moist. What I love most is how versatile they are. I use them to create vibrant borders along my flowerbeds and I also plant them in containers to brighten up my patio and windowsills. They add such a cheerful touch wherever you put them!

PRIMROSES: from: Shirley E.

There’s something so charming about primroses. They’re so delicate and pretty, and that sweet fragrance! It’s like a little breath of spring every time I walk by them. I’ve learned they really prefer a bit of shade, and well-drained soil is a must. I’ve found they’re perfect for those tricky spots in my garden that don’t get a ton of direct sunlight – those shady corners where other flowers just don’t seem to thrive. Primroses brighten those shady corners right up!

DAFFODILS: from Judy M.

These are a classic for a reason. When the bright yellows or vivid whites pop up in spring, it’s like the garden is saying, “Spring is here!” I always make sure to plant the bulbs in the fall, but, they’re very forgiving. They do well in full sun, at least six hours of direct sunlight a day. But, if necessary, they can tolerate partial shade.  They need well-drained soil, not soggy. They are very hearty, which is perfect for me because I don’t always have time for fussing over plants. They practically take care of themselves, and then when spring arrives, they pop up and bring a cheerful burst of color. They’re so easy and reliable.

TULIPS: from Frieda C.

My garden must have tulips, and I look forward to them all year! To me, they define elegance and are so classic. I always make sure to get my bulbs planted in the fall, and then the anticipation builds all winter, waiting for those gorgeous blooms. You can have them in partial shade, but they will do much better in full sunlight, and well-drained soil. And the variety is just incredible! You can find them in practically any color you can imagine, and they come in a wonderful variety of different shapes and sizes. It’s like having a whole floral art gallery in your backyard. I love mixing and matching them to create stunning displays. They bring such a sophisticated touch.

HYDRANGEAS: from Lori S.

For the last few years, I’ve really gotten into hydrangeas, and they are a great addition to a garden. They really give you that lush, full look, and the color is just incredible! You can get those beautiful blues, pinks, even purples, depending on your soil. I’d recommend finding a spot with morning sun and some afternoon shade – they seem to really appreciate that. And don’t forget to keep them well-watered, especially in the summer. Once you see them bloom, you’ll be hooked! They add such a classic, elegant touch to any yard.

ROSES: from Susie E.

Growing roses can be a challenge, but the key is sun and water. They love basking in the sun for at least six hours a day, otherwise they don’t seem to bloom as well. Keep them consistently watered, especially when it’s really hot and dry. You don’t want them to be soaking wet, but the soil should stay nice and moist. Watering them at the base, not overhead, can help prevent pesky diseases. When you get it right, there’s nothing quite like a blooming rose! They add a classic, elegant touch to any garden.

LILIES: from Bella T.

Not only are lilies elegant, but they will fill your home with the scent of spring. Incredible! They especially thrive well if given the proper amount of  water and sunlight. They do best with a good amount of sun – ideally at least six hours. It helps them bloom so beautifully. Keep their soil consistently moist, but not soggy. Putting mulch around them helps keep the soil moist and cool, and it helps keep the weeds down! It’s just breathtaking once they start blooming. The colors, the scent…they just add such a sophisticated touch to any garden!

CROCUSES: from Sara B.

I love to plant crocuses because they are one of the first flowers to bloom in spring. They peek through the cold ground with little bursts of color. After the long winter I keep checking my lawn waiting for them to pop up. They grow low to the ground, but they still make a statement because they are so colorful. I always plant my bulbs in the fall, and they’re pretty easygoing. They need a good amount of sun to really thrive, but they’re not overly fussy. They like moisture, especially when they’re actively growing, but they definitely need well-drained soil, so they don’t get waterlogged. They are a great addition for any garden.

PETUNIAS: from Linda G.

These flowers are a burst of color, and you can find them in practically any shade you can imagine. They’re easy to care for, too – just make sure they get plenty of sunshine and the soil drains well. They look stunning in hanging baskets or containers, and they can add a beautiful touch to your balcony or patio.

MARIGOLDS: from Vicky L.

These flowers are a game-changer! The sunny colors brighten up the whole garden! As a bonus they naturally keep pests away. You’ll want to plant them where they get a lot of sun, and make sure the soil drains nicely. They are incredibly hardy, which means even if you’re not a seasoned gardener, they’re super easy to grow and they will thrive.

SNAPDRAGONS: from Esther A.

This flower is so elegant, standing tall with beautiful blooms in all sorts of colors. If you want to add a little height to your garden, they are perfect! They’re not too fussy, either. They’ll do great in full sunlight or a bit of shade. Just make sure the soil drains well. And when you cut a few stems and bring them inside, they look absolutely stunning in a vase! You’ll be so glad you planted them.

BEGONIAS: from Carol M.

These flowers are very diverse, and come in many shapes and colors. They thrive in shaded areas and are great for containers. They come in many different forms, from those with showy flowers to those grown for their beautiful leaves. They can be used in any garden or even indoors, and have long-lasting blooms. They thrive in shaded or partially shaded areas, making them perfect for those spots where other flowers struggle, and they prefer well-drained soil and consistent moisture. Some have very large and vibrant flowers. They are great for containers and hanging baskets, and add color to patios and indoor spaces. They can also be used in flower beds and borders to create various landscaping designs.

Planting Techniques

Seed Starting: For some flowers, starting seeds indoors six to eight weeks before the last frost allows for earlier blooms.Use seed-starting mix and provide adequate light and moisture.

Transplanting: When transplanting seedlings or purchased plants, dig a hole slightly larger than the root ball, gently loosen the roots, and place the plant in the hole, ensuring the crown is at soil level. Fill the hole with soil and firm it gently. Water thoroughly.

Bulb Planting: Bulbs such as tulips and daffodils are planted in the fall. Plant them at the correct depth, as directed on the bulb packaging. Provide well-draining soil.

Maintenance and Care

Watering: Water deeply and regularly, especially during dry periods. Avoid overwatering, which can lead to root rot.

Fertilizing: Feed flowering plants with a balanced fertilizer every four to six weeks to encourage blooming.

Deadheading: Remove wilted blooms to promote continuous flowering.

Mulching: Apply a layer of mulch around plants to retain moisture, suppress weeds, and regulate soil temperature.

Creating a Colorful Display

Color Harmony: Consider color combinations that complement each other. Use a color wheel to guide your selections.

Height and Texture: Vary plant heights to create visual interest. Combine plants with different textures for added dimension.

Succession Planting: Plant flowers with staggered bloom times to ensure continuous color throughout the spring.

Container Gardening: Container gardening is a great way to add color to patios, balconies, and small spaces. Use high quality potting soil. Ensure adequate drainage. By following these guidelines, you can create a stunning spring garden that brings joy and beauty to your New York or New Jersey home. Remember to embrace the changing seasons, adapt to the region’s unique climate, and enjoy the rewarding experience of watching your garden come to life.

Gardens to Explore

New York and New Jersey offer a wealth of beautiful gardens that showcase the region’s diverse flora and horticultural artistry. Here are a few standout locations:

New Jersey Botanical Garden (Ringwood): This expansive garden within Ringwood State Park features a variety of themed gardens, including a lilac garden, perennial garden, and Italianate gardens. It’s a fantastic place for a leisurely stroll and to appreciate the changing seasons.

Greenwood Gardens (Short Hills): This historic 28-acre garden offers a serene escape with terraced gardens, woodlands, and charming architectural features. It’s known for its tranquil atmosphere and beautiful landscaping.

Van Vleck House & Gardens (Montclair): These gardens offer a delightful mix of formal and informal plantings, with a focus on native plants and trees. It’s a peaceful oasis in the heart of Montclair.

New York Botanical Garden (Bronx) AND Brooklyn Botanical Garden (Brooklyn): These world-renowned botanical gardens feature diverse plant collections, beautiful landscapes, and stunning conservatories. They are a must-visit for any garden enthusiast.

Wave Hill (Bronx): Overlooking the Hudson River, Wave Hill offers breathtaking views and beautifully manicured gardens. It’s known for its artful plantings and serene atmosphere.

Longwood Gardens (Pennsylvania): While not in NY or NJ, it is close enough to be a day trip for many residents of the area. This garden is truly spectacular, and is worth the trip.

Mabrouk – May 2025

Births – Baby Boy

Jacob & Linda Gindi

David & Francine Zagha

Hymie & Fortune Chera

Felix & Marielle Ades

Ezra & Ester Yedid

Joe & Mollie Betesh

Ikey & Leah Rudy

Jack & Shelly Sasson

Joseph & Rachel Sitt

Births – Baby Girl

David & Pearl Sabbagh

Andrew & Corine Cohen

Sammy & Rakefet Habbaz

Hal & Naomi Doueck

Jesse & Sarine Antebi

Mr. & Mrs. Yehuda Chazon

Mr. & Mrs. David Moses

Mr. & Mrs. Yitz Kanefsky

David & Rhonda Dweck

Steven & Danielle Esses

Bar Mitzvahs

Abie, son of Rabbi and Mrs. Leon Cohen

Michael, son of Jack and Frances Haddad

Engagements

Nathan Botton to Elle Cohen

Sammy Doueck to Jessica Saadia

Mark Gindi to Linda Warren

Meyer Sakkal to Jamie Shamah

Weddings

Ariel Edelstein to Norma Serrur

Michael Salem to Marlene Levy

Eddie Salameh to Stelly Swed

Abie Shomer to Mazal Zami

The Importance of Hazzanut and Tradition

Victor Cohen

Our traditions in large part define our community. Many of us are named after our grandparents, giving us a link to past generations. When our community first arrived in the United States, we focused on staying close to each other and to keeping our beloved traditions alive. We treasured our pizmonimand our different customs. Our community was well-known for how connected we were to our past and how we worked together to keep from assimilating.

Over the past century, we have largely avoided being consumed by the culture around us, popular culture has still seeped through, in ways large and small. We follow sports, listen to popular music, and participate in popular American activities. This is not all bad. However, unfortunately, being distracted by the culture outside of our own has meant that over time, our own songs and customs have started to become forgotten. Few people in our community now wake up for Bakashot, like those attend the Ades Synagogue in Jerusalem.

Certainly, our traditions have been completely abandoned. In large part, the younger generation is bringing them back, studying the songs of our ancestors and reviving them. Someone leading the charge is the prominent community hazzan, Ikey Levy. He has been a hazzan for over ten years and has been the hazzan for the Eatontown Synagogue for the last four years. Let’s listen to some of Ikey’s insights into the world of our heritage with traditional music and how it is making a comeback today.

Building a Connection to Our Heritage Through Hazzanut

Ikey has always had a great voice, but he did not always sing. Here’s how he got his start. Ikey’s father liked singing the song Habibi at the Shabbat table with Ikey’s older brother Aaron, who was eleven when Ikey was five. One Friday night, Aaron, who also has a great voice, was not around. So, Ikey’s father called him over to sing, and was astonished by what he could do.

Ikey’s father taught him the basic pizmonim and took him to various sebets on Shabbat so that he could hear how others sang. “He’d take me to two sebets a day sometimes just to hear them,” Ikey reminisced.

Then Ikey’s training really went to another level. “When I studied in Israel,” he said, “I went to study by Moshe Habusha with a group of five other boys. Habusha is one of the top hazzanim in the world.” Ikey studied there for nine months, and Habusha gave Ikey a strong foundation in hazzanut, from which he could expand.

Inhazzanut,there are certain musical scales called ma’amat. They start and end on certain notes, and when training to become a hazzan, you learn how to sing many of them.

One can incorporate his own creativity when it comes to when and how the ma’amat are used within a passage. “Sometimes when you listen to the music or have instructions from another hazzan, you have instructions on how to infuse one maqam with more personality,” Ikey said.

He explained that the key for an aspiring hazzan is to listen to Middle Eastern music, which will help you expand your options. In a way, it is similar to learning to play chess. You can study by learning all of the different openings, or studying different patterns, but there is something special that comes with watching a true master perform. The same goes for hazzanut, and the more a hazzan listens, the more he can become inspired in his own songs to try out different methods. It is a highly creative, fulfilling pursuit with lifelong learning.

Educating the Community

Ikey taught pizmonim in YDE for five years, then taught keriah and pizmonim in Hillel Yeshiva for two years. Currently he tutors privately, and also tries to help encourage knowledge of our community’s traditions. To that end, he began a community minhagim WhatsApp chat, which is not dedicated only to hazzanut. In the chat he informs members about traditions from Aleppo, Damascus, Lebanon, Jerusalem, and Egypt. “Things get mixed up,” Ikey said, adding that “we just want to know where each custom originates from.”

Certain customs we follow today were not always done universally. “In Halab, they did not stand for Alenu Leshabeah.” Everywhere else in the Middle East, they stood.

“Aleppo used to be unique in that way.” Ikey said he knows one elder who, following this custom, still sits during Alenu! “I’m not saying that we all start changing what we do, but to me it is fascinating to see where certain customs originate from. In Syria, some didn’t have the custom to bow at all for Barechu, others did a small bow based on the Ben Ish Hai’s opinion, but in Egypt they stood up and bowed.”

The Weakening of Our Customs

There was a certain beauty to the old customs, accompanied by a level of devotion and a sense of community that is not easy to capture in words. Ikey described how he used to go to Bakashot when he lived in Brooklyn. “In my time in Brooklyn, I’d wake up Shabbat mornings 6am for Bakashot by Rabbi Mansour’s old Knis. Between 6:30 and 7:45, every Shabbat morning, Menachem Mustaki, Mordechai Salem, and Haim Eliyahu, were all there.” When Moshe Habusha, Ikey’s teacher from Israel, came in, the whole room filled up.

“It was very electric in the building,” Ikey reminisced. “It warms my heart when we do those things, because people forget what our community did in the old days in the Lower East Side and in Bensonhurst where they’d sing Bakashot in people’s houses.

“Unfortunately the greater part of Bakashot, most of our community has forgotten,” Ikey said. But pointed out how parts of Bakashot live on in other forms, such as songs, for example: Ki Eshmera Shabbat and Yom Zeh Shiru Lae-l were originally from Bakashot. Today, the Bakashot still are heard early Shabbat mornings at Rabbi Mansour’s new Knis.

Ikey recalled howsebets used to run, “lead by the hazzan, the crowd would sing pizmonim well into the afternoon with the Hacham speaking words of Torah either before or in between. Today, however, there’s more emphasis on speeches from friends and family members along with other genres of songs being sung with much less of our pizmonim in focus. Again, I’m just pointing out the change.”

The New Revival of Our Customs

In an interesting twist, though, this decline is beginning to reverse itself where it was least expected. It is the younger generation that has begun to revive the old music. While some of the melodies are a little archaic, there are many that are still being sung today. “There are nineteen-year-olds singing in Arabic today,” Ikey said. While much of the decline was due to the overwhelming popular culture, we are starting to see a certain yearning for what came before. “If you look at Shaare Zion today,” Ikey said,“the younger crowd is reviving the old ways within the community. That is happening.Our job is to keep it going for as long as possible.”

Ikey pointed to a positive development. “The hazzan David Shiro is putting out albums of new songs, taking our old songs and putting new packaging to them. If people hear it, they might be inspired to hear more.”

Hopefully, the revival of our community’s old ways continues to grow from here. We have the unique ability to look both back to our history and forward to our future at the same time. Informed and enriched by the traditions, songs, and ways of our past, we can strive towards the future, holding close to what makes us special.

Hazzan Ikey Levy performs professionally at weddings and special occasions.  Please contact him at 347-715-0350. He can also be found on Instagram @hazzan_ikey and on YouTube at youtube.com/@IkeyLevy.

Emotional Wellness – Rabbi David Sutton & Dr. David Katzenstein, LCSW-R

Don’t Fool Yourself!

Suppression is a psychological mechanism that refers to the deliberate effort to consciously avoid or inhibit thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It is a form of self-control that allows individuals to regulate their thoughts and emotions, so they can align with their goals, values, and social norms. From a psychological perspective, suppression is often seen as a coping strategy that can help individuals maintain mental balance, especially in the face of stressful or challenging circumstances.

The Impact of Psychological Suppression

Suppression has been the subject of much research and has been found to be an effective, but also a limited, form of self-control. While suppression makes it easier to navigate challenging situations, it can also have negative consequences, as it requires a significant amount of mental effort and can result in feelings of psychological distress, especially when used over an extended period. Research has shown that repeated suppression can result in emotional exhaustion, and that the energy required for suppression is taken from other cognitive resources, resulting in decreased performance on tasks that require attention and memory.

One study that investigated the impact of suppression on emotions, “The Cognitive Control of Emotion” by James J. Gross, published in the Annual Review of Psychology in 1998, analyzed the effects of emotion regulation strategies, including suppression, on emotional experience and physiological responses. The research found that suppressing emotions did not lead to the elimination of the emotional experience, but instead led to an increase in physiological arousal, which subsequently fostered an increase in psychological distress. Furthermore, suppression was associated with decreased cognitive control and increased negative feelings.

Developing Better Strategies

This highlights the importance of understanding the mechanisms behind emotion regulation, and the need to develop more adaptive strategies for managing emotions. This study and others like it have contributed to our understanding of the impact of suppression on emotions and have helped to inform the development of more effective emotion regulation techniques.

Suppression is also to be avoided when it comes to working on our middot and avodat Hashem. We must acknowledge the negative feelings we have and not suppress them. But acknowledging these negative feelings must be sincere.

 Lesson from Rav Wolbe

There’s a difference between what Rav Wolbe calls a “frum Kriat Shema,” which means just closing our eyes and thinking of all of the high and holy things, and saying Kriat Shema in a real and sincere way. Rav Wolbe discusses how easy it is to fool ourselves, to close our eyes and pray aloud with a lot of kavanah. To imagine walking in joy to die al kiddush Hashem, but having no idea what’s going on inside of ourselves.

Our job is to be sincere and serious and realize what’s going on inside of ourselves. Kabbalat ol Malchut Shamayim means that our ears won’t listen to devarim assurim, our mouths won’t speak devarim assurim or eat prohibited foods or do so l’shem taavah, and so on and so forth. In Rav Wolbe’s words, “If you really know yourself, you’re going to realize all these forces are not agreeing to kabbalat ol Malchut Shamayim.”

TAKEAWAY:

Look at yourself honestly and ask yourself: What am I REALLY willing to give up for the sake of Hashem?

Medical Halacha

Medications on Shabbat

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

“Rabbi, what should I do?” Michelle asked with a concerned look on her face. “I heard it’s forbidden to take medication on Shabbat, but I suffer from terrible migraines and I take blood pressure medication daily. Can I take those medications on Shabbat? And what about Ronnie when he has heartburn?”

Rabbinic Prohibition on Medication

It is generally rabbinically prohibited to take medication or engage in healing on Shabbat unless one is bedridden (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 328:1). This prohibition stems from a decree by the Hachamim, who were concerned that people might grind herbs to make medicine, which would be a violation of an issur d’oraita (Gezerat Shehikat Samemanim, Shabbat 53b).

However, this prohibition only applies to someone with a meichush – a minor ailment that causes mild discomfort but does not incapacitate. Medication may be administered if one is a choleh she’ein bo sakana (an ill person not in danger of death).

When Medication Is Permitted

A choleh she’ein bo sakana is someone who is bedridden or incapacitated, for example, someone suffering from influenza, a serious headache, or stomachache, etc., that prevents them from functioning normally. In such cases, they are permitted to take medication on Shabbat. Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, goes further and rules that in these situations, one should not be stringent and should take the medication to relieve the illness, as there is a mitzvah to experience oneg Shabbat – joy and happiness on Shabbat (Halichot Olam, Vol. 4, p. 163).

The permissibility of taking medication on Shabbat depends on the category or severity of the illness:

Choleh She’yesh Bo SakanaLife-Threatening Illness: In cases of danger or acute illness, such as a severe allergic reaction, serious heart issues, or diabetes, the use of necessary medication is unequivocally permitted and even required. Additionally, in situations involving chronic conditions, like hypertension, where regular medication is necessary to maintain health, it is permitted to take medication on Shabbat forpikuach nefesh, in order to prevent sakanat haim – a danger to life.

Choleh She’ein Bo SakanaNon-Life-Threatening Illness: This refers to someone who is incapacitated or bedridden (nafal lemishkav), where the entire body feels weak or painful, such as in cases of influenza, a severe headache, or stomachache. Although not life-threatening, such an individual is permitted to take medication as they cannot function normally. This is true even if someone is a safek choleh she’ein bo sakana. In other words, taking medicine is permitted when one is in doubt and it is difficult to evaluate the category of illness (Hazon Ovadya, Shabbat).

Meichush Be’almaMinor Ailments: These are minor conditions that cause mild discomfort but do not prevent someone from functioning normally. For example, a person suffering from cold symptoms or heartburn typically falls into this category. These conditions are not severe enough to justify taking medication on Shabbat. On one hand, delaying medication would not cause harm; on the other hand, there is a concern of Gezerat Shehikat Samemanim, as mentioned earlier. Therefore, the prohibition remains in place for minor ailments. However, leniency may be applied if there is a risk of the condition worsening to a category of choleh she’ein bo sakana (ibid).

Conclusion

Although heartburn is unpleasant for Ronnie, it does not usually qualify as a serious illness and is categorized as meichush be’alma unless it is a more serious condition that incapacitates him. Therefore, it is forbidden to treat heartburn on Shabbat, as it falls under the general prohibition of performing refuah (healing) for mild ailments.

However, Sandra’s condition is different. She is classified as a choleh she’ein bo sakana, as she suffers from migraines and is a choleh she’yesh bo sakana for severe hypertension. Even if these conditions are not life-threatening, she should take her medication on Shabbat.

Next month’s column will deal with exceptions when other forms of medications can be taken on Shabbat.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

Amalek Within – Defeating the Power of Cynicism

Rabbi Yehuda Beyda

In the prophecies of Bil’am (Bamidbar 24; 20) it is written, “Amalek is the first of the nations, and his end will be everlasting oblivion.” The Torah describes Amalek as a nation that, at the end of days, will cease to exist. Even in the Days of Mashiah, when the entire world will be brought to its perfect state, Amalek will not exist. When every other nation in the world will be fulfilling its function assigned to it at the dawn of time, Amalek will best serve the world by leaving it. But why is this so? What is it about Amalek that precludes any hope of salvation? Why is this one nation the only one that cannot be brought to fulfill a higher purpose?

The answer is alluded to in the beginning of the above pasuk, that Amalek is “the first among the nations.” Though all the nations of the world opposed the existence of B’nei Yisrael at one point or another, Amalek was the first to do so, thereby earning everlasting destruction. Let us probe this idea further.

The Power of Cynicism

In the Torah, the attack of Amalek on the Jews in the desert is immediately followed by the words, “Vayishma Yitro – And Yitro heard.” What did Yitro hear? The Midrash Rabba says that he heard about the war of Amalek and Hashem’s decree in its aftermath, that He would erase all memory of Amalek from the world. The Midrash applies the pasuk (Mishlei 19; 25)that states that when a cynic is punished, the fool gains wisdom. Amalek and Yitro were both involved in Par’oh’s scheme to destroy us, but when Yitro heard of Hashem’s intent to destroy Amalek, he took the lesson to heart and repented. Though the cynic himself gets no benefit from being punished, he serves as a lesson for others to improve their behavior. Amalek here is labeled a cynic, who by definition allows all rebuke to roll off of him with no lasting impact. Yet, he can serve as a lesson for others. Where, though, does this label of cynic come from? How does Amalek’s behavior earn him the title of letz? Let us examine this.

The Gemara (Megilla 25b) tells us that all cynicism is prohibited, besides that which mocks idol worship. Certainly this applies to all mockery of evil, on any level. The reason that the Gemara chose to single out idol worship for this statement is that the essence of cynicism is to devalue that which others hold in high esteem. Rabbenu Yona explains the pasuk (Mishlei 27: 21) that states, “as a crucible is for silver and a furnace for gold, is a man according to his praise.” He says that this means that the essence of a man can be discerned by that which he praises. If one is constantly praising and admiring those who are far from the will of Hashem, then we can know for certain that he himself is far from Hashem, as well.

Though he may spend his days studying Torah and doing mitzvot, by seeing where he puts his admiration his true allegiance can be known. Conversely, we may find someone who does not study Torah as much as he should, and doesn’t expend much effort in doing mitzvot. Yet, when a talmid hacham enters the room, he shows honor and respect. His children hear the way he speaks with reverence about those who study Torah. His admiration and praise are reserved for those who are following in Hashem’s ways. This man is closer to Hashem than the other, who studies the Torah but has no respect for it. A man according to his praise.

The Natural Tendency to Put Down Others

Yet before the discernment is made about what one’s praise is for – a different question must be asked. Does he have the capacity for praise and admiration in the first place? In each of us lurks a powerful urge to devalue and bring down anything that others hold dear. We will seek out and find the “chink in the armor,” and expand that to totally destroy any admiration we may feel for someone or something worthy of such.

“That rabbi? People think he’s so great. I remember when he was a kid, we used to play basketball every Shabbat together!”  “You’re saying Tehillim with 40 people? Waste of time. All these are tricks and segulot.

We have the tendency to try and knock anything that may lead us – or others – to a higher state of existence. This is the power of cynicism – leitzanut – which is anathema to all spiritual growth. Leitzanut has the power to negate even the most powerful and awe-inspiring display of Hashem’s presence. Indeed, Eliyahu Hanavi himself, when making his demonstration at Mount Carmel, gave a special prayer that no cynic should toss out a careless word and undo all his work. Cynicism is among the most destructive powers that exist, and those who practice it are excluded from the Presence of Hashem.

The Power of Praise and Elevation

So, before we can ask if we are praising and admiring those people or actions that deserve our praise, we must first ask ourselves – do we have the capacity to admire in the first place? Are we bringing ourselves and those around us to a higher plane of existence, or do we indulge in leitzanut to denigrate and devalue the Word of Hashem? Once that question can be satisfactorily answered, we may then examine the direction of our admiration and ensure that its targets are the proper ones.

This, then, is why Chazal chose the example of idol worship to illustrate the proper use of mockery. Idol worship is the extreme case where men built up and admired – to the point of worship and servitude – a false ideal. They used the power of elevation not for its intended purpose of increasing the honor of Hashem, but rather to promote falsehood and debauchery. This is the perfect illustration of what we must mock, and all other examples flow from this. This form of mockery is not the destructive leitzanut,but rather is a natural outgrowth of the power of elevation – of the proper type – by which we must negate all that which opposes the will of Hashem.

Amalek the Cynic

This returns us to the actions of Amalek. The simple test to determine whether we are on the path of elevation or of mockery is to examine how we react to being corrected or rebuked. If we cannot stand to be told that we have been doing wrong – that is the classic symptom of the letz. Only one who is actively seeking a higher existence can be rebuked effectively. When we can thank the one who points out an error in what we are doing, then we know that we are on the path of elevation.

Amalek, on the other hand, is the embodiment of that destructive power of leitzanut. Rashi (Devarim 25:18) tells us that Amalek “cooled down the boiling water” of the fear that gripped the nations when they attacked us so soon after we left Egypt. All the world had witnessed the might of Hashem and the strength of His love for us, and they were all in awe – and admiration – of Hashem and His nation. Amalek couldn’t stand that. They set out to prove that we were just like all the others. The Jews aren’t untouchable. We can be attacked, and though they were defeated Amalek made a real fight of it. They cooled the ardor. They found the chink to exploit.

Amalek embodies the essence of mockery and cynicism. And that is why they must be destroyed forever.

In a world that has returned to its intended mission, a world where every nation is serving its higher purpose, all will be on the path of elevation. The time of Mashiah will usher in a reality where every person and every nation will know their place, and how they are expected to increase the honor of Hashem. Even the bitterest enemies that we have known will be devoted to and praising Hashem. As we say each morning in Pesuke d’zimra – “Malchei eretz v’chol leumim…yehallelu et Shem Hashem. Kings of the land and all nations…will praise the name of Hashem.” That world has no place for a cynic. Amalek and his power can serve no purpose on the path of elevation, for theirs is one of mockery and denigration.

The only thing they can do is disappear. May we see it soon and in our days. Amen.Adapted from the Sefer Pachad Yitzchak, by Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner, zt”l, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivat Rabbeinu Chaim Berlin.

Inventions & Innovators

Inventions are the ingenious gadgets and machines that have made our lives a little more fun, interesting, and easier. Real inventions are the things that we did not think were possible yesterday, and yet, it would be difficult to live without today. From the tiny paperclip to the massive jet engine, every month we will explore the history behind our world’s most famous inventions and learn about the innovators that designed them.

This month we explore the history behind an invention that most of us likely just take for granted…

SUPER GLUE

As a publicity stunt, a Russian program risked a man’s life, just to prove the strength of a new type of Super Glue. They had their producer hanging upside down below a hot air balloon, with nothing but the glue to hold him in place!

The crew glued the soles of the producer’s shoes to a wooden board attached to the underside of the balloon, before flying it up to a height of 5,000 feet. Thankfully, the glue proved to be strong and the man did not fall.

A surprisingly large number of inventions owe a degree of unexpected good fortune to their success. This was certainly the case with the world-famous Super Glue which is found in most households. As a matter of fact., Super Glue was invented by accident, not once – but twice!

In 1942, chemist Dr. Harry Wesley Coover Jr. was attempting to make clear plastic gun sights to be put on guns used by Allied soldiers in WWII. Dr. Coover was experimenting with a form of cryanacrylic which while clear, proved unsuited for the role as it stuck to anything it came into contact with. Dr. Coover abandoned that formulation completely as it obviously wasn’t suitable for his current project, being too sticky.

Nine Years Later…

Nine years later, in 1951, Dr. Coover was working at Eastman Kodak. He was the supervisor of a project looking at developing a heat-resistant acrylate polymer for jet canopies for jet aircraft at Kodak’s Kingsport plant in Tennessee. 

While working on the project, one of his technicians, Fred Joyner, used the rediscovered Super Glue and tested it by spreading ethyl cyanoacrylate between a pair of refractometer prisms. To his surprise, the prisms became stuck very solidly together without the need of any heat or pressure. Rediscovering the substance, Dr. Coover now realized the great potential of such a product and appreciated its attributes. He tested it on various objects within the laboratory, and sure enough it worked consistently. Providing there was a small amount of moisture on the surfaces to be bonded, the objects stuck permanently each time.

Super Glue is Born

Dr. Coover eventually registered a patent for the glue and worked on refining the product for commercial production. Super glue first went on sale in 1958 under the name Eastman 910 before later naming it “Super Glue.” Eastman 910 was soon licensed to Loctite who dubbed it Loctite Quick set 404.

During the 1970s, various manufacturers produced their own take on the fast-setting glue with the strong bond, using Coover’s cryanoacrylic formula. Today, it has many names such as Krazy Glue, Glue Stitch, and SurgeSeal – but to most people it is Super Glue. Dr. Harry Coover became known as “Mr. Super Glue,” which pleased him.

Daring Stunts

Over the years, publicity stunts demonstrating the extreme fixing power of the adhesive have been publicized. One famous advertisement was broadcast on the Russian program, Chudo Tehniki (Wonders of Technology), which showed a man dangling upside down a hot air balloon at an altitude of 5,000 feet, held only by boots super-glued to a small wooden platform!

Medical Marvel

Dr. Coover was also proud of the adhesive’s lesser known but crucial role in medicine. During the Vietnam War, field surgeons found that cyanoacrylates sprayed over wounds incurred in battle could act as an emergency method of staunching blood blow. Today, newly-developed forms of cyanoacrylates are often used in surgery to close up incisions in conjunction with or in place of traditional sutures.

Acknowledged and Awarded 

Dr. Coover worked for Eastman Kodak until he “retired” in 1984 at the age of 67. But he never slowed down. He started his own consulting company. And for nine years, he was also a board member of a large chemical company.

In 2010, Dr. Coover, who had been involved in obtaining 460 patents during his career, received the National Medal of Technology and Innovation from President Barack Obama.

  • Dr. Harry Coover

Dr. Harry Wesley Coover Jr., the inventor of Eastman 910, commonly known as Super Glue.

  • Eastman 910

Super Glue first went on sale in 1958 under the name Eastman 910.

  • One and the Same

Today, Dr. Coover’s Super Glue is available in a variety of names.

  • Super Glue Patent

A copy of Dr. Coover’s patent which was filed in 1954. 

  • Photo of Dr. Coover receiving the award from President Obama.

Dr. Harry Coover being awarded the National Medal of Technology and Innovation from President Barack Obama in 2010.

Building Dreams Together – Thoughts Become Things

Jack Gindi

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to create success with little effort? The difference isn’t luck; it’s knowing a simple truth: what you focus on, you create.

Thirty years ago, I stood at a crossroads in my life. I had stepped into the fiercely competitive world of commercial real estate. I was new, unproven, and surrounded by seasoned brokers with deep networks. I had no connections, but I had a vision.

I made a choice that changed my life. I decided to be successful in my mind first, before it happened in real life.

Every morning, I asked myself, “How would a top broker approach today? How would they dress? How would they speak? How would they handle rejection?” I didn’t just ask – I lived the answers. I wore the clothes. I organized my day with a purpose. I walked into meetings like I belonged at the top.

Was it comfortable? Not always. I faced doubts, awkward moments, and more rejection than I expected. But something remarkable happened: how I thought began to shift how I showed up. Soon, the world around me started to reflect the vision in real experiences.

By the end of my first year, I became the top broker in my office.

This wasn’t luck. It was the quiet power of thoughts becoming things.

Your Mind Is the Blueprint

Today, I teach kids and families how to step into the lives they want and become the people they want to be. It’s more than just positive thinking. It’s about deliberately choosing how you think – and using your thoughts to design your life.

Most people don’t realize they have between 40,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day. Every single one is like a brick in the life we’re building. When you become conscious of your thoughts, you start building with intention instead of default.

Here’s what I’ve learned about making this principle work:

Get Clear on What You Want: You can’t build what you can’t see. Success starts with clarity. I didn’t just want to be “successful.” I pictured myself doing the things successful people do – walking with confidence, closing deals, being respected. That mental picture became my blueprint.

Act as If: This isn’t pretending. It’s preparing. When you act like your goal is already true, you train your subconscious to accept it. You also show others who you are becoming. My transformation began when I stopped waiting for success to show up and started living like it already had.

Stay Focused: The mind naturally wanders. The real challenge is learning to redirect your focus. I faced constant rejection that first year, just like everyone else. The difference? I didn’t let it become my story. I’d feel the sting, then shift my focus back to my vision. Success doesn’t come from avoiding failure – it comes from refusing to dwell on it.

Feel It Deeply: Seeing the dream is powerful, but feeling it is where the magic happens. When I visualized closing a deal, I didn’t just imagine the handshake. I felt the excitement, the pride, the joy. When your thoughts are backed by genuine emotion, they fuel belief. And belief drives action.

What would you love to create in your life? What vision, if realized, would transform everything?

Get specific. Picture it in detail. Feel it. Start showing up as the person who already lives that reality. Then, watch what begins to shift within and around you.

This isn’t a theory or a nice idea. It works. I’ve lived it. And I’ve seen it change the lives of countless others through life. All it takes is a decision.

You don’t have to wait for the world to give you permission to become who you were meant to be.

Thoughts become things. It’s simple – not always easy – but it works.

Believe. Become. Be You.


Jack Gindi is a mentor, writer, and family coach. He helps people tackle life’s challenges with his Believe Become Be You platform. Drawing from 50 years of entrepreneurship and personal growth, he guides individuals and families in building strong, resilient lives. Reach him at papajack@believebecomebeyou.com