Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

Ralph suffers from kidney complications and his wife Sandra is currently pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy. They were each horrified to hear from their respective physicians they must each drink two litres of water every single day, including on Yom Kippur. They have never broken their fast before and asked me if they should fast or at least use IV for hydration instead of actually drinking. 

When Your Medical Advisor Prohibits Fasting 

The Shulhan Aruch (O.C. 818:1) is clear: If a qualified medical practitioner establishes that fasting could potentially endanger a person’s life, he or she must not fast, as it is forbidden to place one’s life in danger. Fasting when medically advised to not do so is considered a grave sin, as the Torah instructs us to “live by them” (Vayikra 18:5) meaning that mitzva observance must not be the cause of a person’s death, including the mitzva to fast on Yom Kippur.  

If a person endangers his life by fasting it is considered an act of self-harm and falls under the prohibition of possible suicide. Hacham Ovadia (Yechaveh Daat 1:61) writes: “If there is concern of possible danger to his life by fasting, one must listen to the doctor and eat on Yom Kippur, because pikuach nefesh overrides the mitzva of fasting on Yom Kippur. If the sick person is stringent and fasts nonetheless, has he not acted in a pious manner; on the contrary, he will be punished for this.” 

According to the Shulhan Aruch (817:1), healthy pregnant women are generally able to fast on Yom Kippur and should do so, making sure to eat and drink sufficiently before the fast. The vast majority of poskim agree there is no blanket rule that exempts pregnant women from fasting; each case should be evaluated individually (Nishmat Avraham 617:1). If a doctor believes that a particular pregnant woman cannot fast due to a medical condition, or has a high- risk pregnancy, or is bleeding, or is experiencing contractions, she must not fast (Ohr Lezion 4:14:1). At the same time, she should find out how much liquid she needs to drink to remain safe and healthy and, if drinking will not suffice, how much she needs to eat.  

Drinking Shiurim – Small Amounts 

Similarly, if a doctor determines that fasting may cause a woman to miscarry, or she has experienced two or more miscarriages while fasting, she should drink shiurim (Hazon Ovadia, Yamim Norayim, p. 295). 

Drinking shiurim means drinking less than the measure of liquid for which a person is liable to receive the punishment of karet for consuming on Yom Kippur – a “melo lugmav”- a cheek-full (not a mouthful). While it is still prohibited, drinking this smaller amount does not carry the same severity of punishment. Therefore, when necessary and appropriate, there are instances where the poskim suggest drinking less than a shiur at a time instead of drinking normally. 

This quantity will vary from person to person. For an average person it is approximately 1.3 oz.; some plastic “lechayim” cups hold precisely this shiur. Alternatively, one can use a baby bottle (or the like) to measure the correct volume.  

To be considered as eating “less than a shiur” one needs to pause for a short period between consuming each volume of liquid. There is a difference of opinion as to the length of the interval necessary between drinking each shiur. Some say that it should be nine minutes; others say six, four, or two minutes. Others hold that “kedey shetiyat revi’it” – the time it takes to drink a revi’it, which is not more than four or five seconds – is enough of an interval (see, Yabia Omer, OC, 2:31). When advised to drink shiurim, a person should drink less than 1.3 oz. at a time, at an interval of at least five seconds is sufficient according to Hacham Ovadia, or up to nine minutes, only if this will not compromise their health. 

To answer Ralph’s and Sandra’s question, when permitted to drink on Yom Kippur, there is also no obligation to opt for artificial nutrition or hydration instead (Hazon Ovadia, p. 298, see, however, notes in Ohr Lezion 4:15:5).  

Some are fearful of eating or drinking on Yom Kippur due to the severity of the fast. However, they should be assured that the same Gd who commanded the healthy to fast, also commanded the seriously ill to eat. In fact, it is a mitzva for them to eat and no atonement is necessary.  

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer, and writer on Medical Halacha, and is the head of the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is entitled “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas or to receive a booklet on the Laws of Yom Kippur, email rabbi@torathabayit.com. 

Vivian Darwish 

This past summer, PROPEL had the privilege of hosting some incredibly impactful events.  

The Marriage Box 

PROPEL kicked off the summer with an up-close- conversation with Corie Adjmi, author of The Marriage Box. With women of all ages attending the event, interesting discussions ensued about Corie’s journey to become an author and aspects of her book. Special thanks to Adele and Eli Yedid for generously hosting the event. 

Boutique Show 

PROPEL’s next event this summer was the annual boutique show, PROPEL MARKETPLACE, a 32-vendor supported marketplace of community women entrepreneurs selling jewelry, athletic wear, household products, clothing for children and adults, beauty products, and so much more, at the DSN Beach.  

The Victoria Aronow PROPEL List is a free, digitized marketplace of women who sell food or other products, or provide services or have a profession, including the vendors at the Marketplace. Please sign up and create a profile in order to be included in the digital directory. Get Listed! www.thepropellist.org/register/. 

Let’s Talk Design 

The next event brought us back to DSN Beach for the LET’S TALK DESIGN event under the PROPEL Entrepreneurs Division, generously supported by Sharyn and Ezra S. Ashkenazi. A special thank you to Danielle Dabah for opening the program and discussing her career journey as an interior designer, and to our panelists – Jack Ovadia of Ovadia Design Group, Sarit Ovadia of The Finishing Touch, Jeanie Schrem of Kravet Textile Design, and Renee Mizrahi of RM Architecture Design – who each shared their professional journeys. The panel discussion was beautifully moderated by PROPEL’s Board president, Dr. Gayle Krost, and Board member Heleyne Mishan Tamir, to a standing-room-only group of participants. It was an inspiring evening!  

Talk About It Tuesday  

Next on the summer calendar was TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY for parents, educators, and mental health practitioners under PROPEL’s Paulette Bailey/UJA Mentorship Program. The lessons explored here were invaluable as Dr. Jeff Lichtman, PROPEL’s collaborative partner at Touro University (Touro University Director of Graduate Jewish Special Education), and Minna Hanon Samra, school psychologist at Yeshivah of Flatbush, shared their views on the well-adjusted child, and the school/home partnership. Dr. Lichtman emphasized the importance of teaching children that they can become whatever they want to be, and instilling in them the idea that – a child can grow and make a difference in this world. Special thanks to Ami and Ralph Sasson for generously hosting the event. 

Community Support 

PROPEL greatly appreciates the support of the community members! It is donations from generous community members that help PROPEL fulfill its mission of providing women in our community the opportunity to improve their lives and the lives of their families through education, which leads to greater financial stability. In the words of the Rambam, teaching a person a trade is the highest level of charity. It is these donations that continue to give, as community women continue to earn for many years to come.  

—————– 

PROPEL  

646-494-0822 | info@thepropelnetwork.org | Instagram @PropelNetwork | www.thepropelnetwork.org  

By Rabbi Hayim Asher Arking and Rabbi Ezra Ghodsi  

Regarding the blowing of the shofar on Rosh Hashana, the Rambam writes that it alludes to a critical message: “Awaken from your slumber; those who sleep deeply, rouse yourselves from your stupor. Examine your actions, repent, and remember your Creator. Those who have forgotten the truth… Look into your souls and better your ways and deeds, abandon one’s evil ways and bad thoughts.” 

The halachot surrounding the performance of this cherished mitzvah – shofar – that we will outline, should enable us to have the full effect of reigniting our souls to the highest level of repentance.  

Who is obligated?  

Since hearing the shofar is a time-bound commandment, women are not obligated to hear the shofar. However, because of the significance of this mitzvah and its resounding message, many women have developed the custom to hear the shofar. Since their obligation is not absolute, one who is blowing shofar exclusively for women, should not recite a beracha before blowing.  

How many blasts is one obligated to hear? 

When the Torah discusses the blowing of the shofar, the word teruah is written three times. It definitely resembles some sort of cry; perhaps it is a sound of short groans – what we call shevarim; or a sound of a wailing cry – what we call teruah; or both – shevarim-teruah.  

The Gemara derives from other pesukim that a tekiah (straight blast) must be blown before and after each teruah. This essentially teaches us that we must hear thirty teruah blasts on Rosh Hashana as follows:  

Tekiah – Shevarim–Teruah – Tekiah x 3 

Tekiah – Shevarim – Tekiah x 3 

Tekiah – Teruah – Tekiah x 3 

Total = 30 

Why do we blow more than thirty blasts? 

The Gemara teaches: Why do we blow some tekiot while sitting and then many more while standing? So, it should bring confusion to the Satan as he sees how beloved are the mitzvot to us. Alternatively, it is explained that when the Satan hears the second blowing he does not know if perhaps it is the day of the final redemption when the shofar will be blown. 

When do we blow the shofar?  

This first set of thirty blasts is initially blown with the berachot while seated before the Amidah. We blow this first set of tekiot before the Torah is returned to the Hechal while standing next to the Torah. The reason for this custom is to invoke the merit of receiving the Torah which took place with blasts of the shofar. As it is written (Shemot 19:16): “And behold the sound of the shofar went and strengthened.”  

The rest of the blasts are integrated with the tefillah of Musaf. The second set of thirty is blown during the silent Amidah; ten tekiot at each segment. The third set of thirty is blown during the hazarah of the tefillah, ten with each segment.  

Initially, the shofar was blown during the prayer of Shaharit. However, in the era of the Mishna, gentiles made a decree forbidding the blowing of the shofar. They would carefully observe the Jews for the entire morning of Rosh Hashana until midday, which is the latest time for Shaharit, to ensure that the shofar would not be blown. The rabbis, therefore, moved the shofar blowing to Musaf, which can be prayed even after noon. Ever since then, we have kept the shofar blowing in the Musaf prayer. It is integrated specifically for the three segments of Musaf as the shofar relates to each segment.  

Why is the shofar also blown after Musaf? 

We blow another ten blasts during the kaddish that follows the Amidah to bring us to a total of 100 blasts. This degree of crying represents the ultimate expression of a heartfelt cry as we see from the story of the mother of Sisera. In the era of the Judges, after we entered the Land of Israel, there was a period when we were oppressed by the Canaanim. Sisera, their powerful general, came to attack us with nine hundred chariots. It was assumed that he would return victorious. And his mother, as usual, was waiting, looking out the window to greet his return from war. When he did not return, she rationalized, “Perhaps he is dividing the loot.” However, as time passed, she came to the realization that Sisera must have been killed. The pasuk describes the crying for her son by the root word – yevava – again and again totaling 100 times. This word – yevava – is the translation of the word teruah as Onkelos writes on the aforementioned pasuk in the Torah. 

There is one more teruah gedola added before Alenu to confuse the Satan.  

Why is the shofar covered before it is blown? 

The shofar should be covered until the berachot are finished. Some reasons for this minhag are:  

1. When Abraham was preparing the altar to sacrifice his son Yishak, he kept Yishak covered until the very last moment, because he feared that Yishak would receive a blemish rendering him unfit to be offered. Since the shofar is a remembrance of the Akedah we cover the shofar until the very last moment.  

1. To prevent the Satan from taking control of the shofar.  

Do I sit or stand during the shofar blowing?  

The one blowing the shofar needs to stand, just as we do for all mitzvot, however, the congregation remains seated during the first set of blasts. Some have the custom to stand while the berachot are recited and then immediately sit for the shofar blasts. Most communities, however, sit during the berachot as well.  

What do I think about while the shofar is being blown?  

First and foremost, one must have in mind that he is fulfilling the commandment of the Torah of hearing the shofar. Secondly, one should bear in mind his or her own confession and renewed commitment to listen to the Word of Hashem. 

Am I allowed to speak during Musaf?  

From the beginning of the shofar blasts until after the hundredth blast, one should not speak of matters not related to the mitzvah at hand. One who uses the restroom in between may still recite the blessing of Asher Yasar.  

What if I came late?  

If one missed the berachot he should recite the berachot when he arrives before hearing the shofar. If one already missed some blasts of the shofar, he should listen to where the congregation is up to, keep count, and make up the remaining missing blasts afterwards.  

I am blowing for someone at home, which berachot do I recite?  

If one is blowing for a man or boy over the age of bar-mitzvah, either the one blowing or the one listening recites two berachot. On the first day: 1. Lishmoa kol shofar; and 2. Shehehiyanu. On the second day, just the first beracha is recited. If the person did not hear the shofar on the first day, Shehehiyanu will be recited on the second day. When blowing for women, no berachot are recited. 

When blowing for someone at home, it is preferable for them to stand. 

May the zechut of shofar bring the sounds of the shofar of the Final Redemption.  

 Meaning of the Shofar 

Rav Saadia Gaon writes ten important ideas regarding the meaning of the shofar:  

1. On Rosh Hashana, Hashem completed the creation of the world and reigned as King over it. It is customary for kings to announce their kingship with trumpets and horns. We, therefore, blow the shofar on Rosh Hashana to show that we are accepting the Kingship of Hashem.  
2. Rosh Hashana is the first of the Ten Days of Repentance. We blow the shofar to arouse everyone to do teshuva.  
3. We remember the giving of the Torah at Har Sinai, which was accompanied by shofar blasts. Essentially, we are recommitting to all of the mitzvot and accepting upon ourselves as we had originally with na’ase v’nishma – we will perform and we will listen.  
4. To remind us of the words of the Prophets that are compared to a shofar.  
5. To remind us of the destruction of the Bet Hamikdash and the wailing sound of war cries. When we hear the shofar, we will ask Hashem to bring the Bet Hamikdash.  
6. To remember Yishak Avinu who was willing to give his life to be sacrificed. We too will accept upon ourselves to give our lives for the sake of Hashem.  
7. The shofar causes us to be afraid, tremble, and break in front of Hashem.  
8. To remember the great Day of Judgement which will take place with shofar blasts.  
9. To remind us of and inspire us to yearn for the Ingathering of the Exiles, which will take place with shofar blasts.  
10. To remind us of the Resurrection of the Dead, which will take place with shofar blasts. 

Michelle Shrem 

The Chehebar Memorial Home, housed in a brand new building at 1107 Logan Road in Ocean Township, New Jersey, is the first memorial home dedicated to serving our community.  

As a close-knit community that takes pride – for good reason – in our tight bonds of friendship, and our commitment to caring for one another, our life-cycle events are often large affairs, with hundreds of friends and relatives in attendance. This is true of our semahot, as well as – lehavdil – our moments of loss and grief.   

Now, for the first time, we have a memorial home built especially for our community’s needs.  Ample parking is available to accommodate the large numbers of people who wish to attend, and the building is easily accessible from both Logan Road as well as from Highway 35 North and through local roads. The building’s interior is large and aesthetically designed in a manner that affords the deceased the honor that they deserve. The design was specifically planned to maximize comfort for the grieving families and their guests who have come to pay their respects to the deceased and offer their much-needed support to the families. 

Grieving in Comfort  

Around seven years ago, a group of community members, recognizing the need for a memorial home that serves our community’s needs, got to work on this project.  After a long, difficult process of getting the necessary approvals, the group broke ground with a 10,000-square-foot, two-story building consisting of an assembly room, two kohanim rooms, taharah rooms (where the bodies are prepared for burial), a mikveh, and several offices and storage spaces. The mikveh in the facility allows for the immersion of the body on site in a mikveh filled with rainwater, in accordance with our community’s custom.  

The state-of-the-art building is spacious, with a 400+ seating capacity, and equipped with a top-quality audio and video system, and an excellent heating and cooling system. Every effort has been made to provide the family and guests with maximum comfort during their time of sorrow.  

Founders of the Chehebar Memorial Home include project leader Maurice Zekaria; Ronnie Shammah, who provided long-term operational support; and Harry and Alex Adjmi, who offered valuable guidance throughout the process, as well as financial support. The project was undertaken under the supervision of Rabbi Rachamim Aboud and Rabbi Edmond Nahum. 

Special Community Hotline  

The ribbon-cutting ceremony was held on July 7, 2023, featuring ten community rabbis who spoke, offered blessings, and inaugurated the building.    

In addition, a new community hotline, run by volunteer operators, is available for families seeking halachic and logistical guidance.  A volunteer will gather the information and direct the question to the proper address to ensure as smooth and comforting a process as possible. The hotline’s number is: (732) 259 4774.

I would like to thank Ronnie Shammah and Maurice Zekaria for taking time out of their busy schedules to meet with me and discuss this important undertaking. And, of course, the entire community owes them, and everybody involved in the creation of the Chehebar Memorial Home, an enormous debt of gratitude for their vision and the hard work they invested to bring this project to fruition.  

A Midseason Overview of the 2023 M&S Summer Softball League 

The summer of 2023 has brought both scorching heat and sizzling action to the M&S Summer Softball League, sponsored by the iconic “Sarah’s Tent,” affectionately known as “The Tent.” With the league reaching its midway point, softball aficionados have been treated to an exhilarating display of skill, determination, and camaraderie. As teams jockey for playoff positions, the stage is set for an intense showdown at the Wild Card matchup, making for an electrifying second half of the season. 

The Leaders of the Pack 

At the forefront of the league’s proceedings is the “One Team One Dream” organization, commanded by the charismatic Steven Gindi. Gindi’s squad has taken the top spot with an impressive 7-1 record, leaving a trail of awe-inspiring performances in its wake. Gindi himself, no stranger to MVP-caliber seasons, continues to showcase his prowess both on and off the field. His leadership has been instrumental in galvanizing his teammates, while his consistent batting has sent shockwaves through the league. 

Adding to the spectacle is the emergence of a young starting pitcher, Yitz “Irwin” Sutton. With a moniker like “Irwin,” Sutton has certainly been taking the league by storm. His ability to command the mound and dictate the rhythm of the game has been nothing short of extraordinary. With Gindi and Sutton as their cornerstones, “One Team One Dream” seems destined for greatness. 

The Ageless Wonder of Gucci 

Nipping at the heels of the leaderboards is the “Gucci” organization, masterfully led by Michael Sabon Salomon. With a 7-3 record, Gucci has enjoyed a fiery start to the season, much of which can be attributed to the ageless wonder, Allie Marshall. A remarkable transition to starting pitcher at this juncture of his career has not only defied expectations but has also propelled Gucci to its impressive position. 

Marshall’s remarkable determination and experience have made him an inspiration for teammates and a source of bewilderment for opponents. His unwavering commitment to reinventing himself demonstrates that age truly is just a number. With Marshall at the helm, the Gucci organization is poised to remain a formidable contender as the season progresses. 

Diamond Busters’ Renaissance 

Securing the third spot is the “Diamond Busters,” under the leadership of Gabe Abadi. With a 5-3 record, this team has all the attributes necessary for success, poised to embark on a deep playoff run. A key element in their resurgence is the veteran Teddy Ishak, whose renaissance season has elevated the team’s performance to new heights. Ishak’s experience and skill have been a guiding light for the Diamond Busters, igniting their journey to prominence. 

A Battle for Playoff Spots 

As the league season advances, the competition at the bottom of the standings intensifies, as four teams vie for the last two coveted playoff positions. The thrilling twist in the league format sees the 4th and 5th seed teams clashing in a Wild Card matchup – a showdown of epic proportions that promises nail-biting action and unexpected heroes. 

Chasing Playoff Dreams 

Occupying the 4th place is the “Title Town” squad, led by Sammy Esses, with a record of 3-5. Despite being hailed as a preseason favorite, the team’s early stumbles have cast a shadow over their aspirations. However, with the second half of the season on the horizon, Esses and his team are determined to regain their footing and mount a comeback. 

In the 5th seed sits the “RELAX” organization, under the leadership of Ray “Berry” Esses, with a 2-4 record. Possessing half of their games in front of them, the team remains upbeat and focused on making a strong second-half push. Last year’s MVP, Albert “Al-Co” Cohen, leads the charge, instilling confidence in his teammates. 

The 6th seed belongs to the “Tomahawk” organization, currently at 4-8. A team that underwent experiments, particularly with former superstar CF Michael “MC” Cohen, has struggled due to a poorly constructed lineup. The off-season will undoubtedly be a period of strategic recalibration for MC. 

In the 7th and final seed is the “Massai Warriors,” captained by Shimi Cohen, with a 2-6 record. Four games remain on their schedule, providing ample opportunity to close out the season strongly and position themselves for a potential playoff berth. 

Embracing the Excitement 

With the 2023 M&S Summer Softball League hurtling toward its climax, spectators and enthusiasts can savor the action through the league’s YouTube channel, where live games are streamed, and professional highlight packages are produced nightly. As the competition heats up and the playoffs approach, the league website (www.MandSbaseball.com) stands as the beacon of up-to-date information for all things M&S.  

The thrilling battles, the unexpected triumphs, and the indomitable spirit of the players promise to make this summer’s softball spectacle one for the books. 

Dr. Yossi Shafer 

Anger is often an all-consuming entity, an exceedingly strong feeling that overrides emotion and logical thought. That is because, as explained in previous articles, anger masks underlying emotions that typically stem from taking someone else’s opinion of or behavior toward you personally. When you dig deeper, tune into yourself, and allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to explore your true emotions, you can deal with the root of the problem rather than the symptom. 

A life ruled by anger is an unpleasant life for everyone, but most unpleasant for the angry person. You may defend the need for anger – I must show them how badly their words or actions affected me – but while it may seem like the easy way out, it’s never a long-term solution. 

Empower Yourself 

Empower yourself to overcome the anger and work through what is actually happening beneath the surface. 

Instead of succumbing to anger, indulge in a little introspection. Ask yourself: how does this make me feel? Followed by: what can I do about it now? 

The answer to the second question is always one of two choices: accept and move on or find a solution. As the adage goes: For every evil under the sun, there is a remedy or there is none. If there be one, try and find it; if there be none, never mind it.  

Try it in any scenario where angry responses are common. 

Sample Scenarios 

Your son comes home at 11:45pm even though his curfew is 11:00pm. You’re ready to explode. Why? How does this make me feel? The answer may be: betrayed, worried, unappreciated, unheard, losing control. (These responses are especially common if you are a survivor of childhood trauma or neglect.) Then, what can I do about it? The answer there is either (1) accept it: teenagers break curfew all the time, it’s nothing personal or (2) work toward change, either with a consequence for breaking curfew or with an incentive to be home on time. With either solution, you have removed the personal affront from the equation, so the anger dissipates. Feel free to express your true emotions when appropriate: I’m worried about your safety or I’m disappointed and frustrated when you’re not responsible. 

Your boss is a certified degrading person who called you irresponsible after you messed up an account. You’re burning with rage. That makes me feel worthless, embarrassed, like a failure. Think: just because he called me an idiot, does that mean I am one? Stop determining your self-worth based on someone else’s judgment of you. As unconventional as this may sound, the same applies to anyone in your life who judges you, including your close friends and family members. Am I really the most selfish husband/friend/parent as alleged?  

With your boss’s comment, be honest with yourself: was that a stupid mistake? If it was, you can be disappointed with yourself and then (1) resolve to do better next time or (2) accept your shortcomings without attempting to improve. Both are valid responses, though the first will help you more in the long run. Then, you can choose what to do about your unpleasant work environment: (1) accept it or (2) work toward change, either by having a frank conversation with the boss or looking for a new job. Yes, itis as simple (although not easy) as that.  

Your sister calls you selfish for not inviting your parents for the hag. You are furious. If you have a legitimate reason for not inviting them, you feel misunderstood and hurt that your sister, who “knows” and loves you, thinks so little of you. You can (1) explain or (2) keep your reason to yourself and be okay with her thinking that you are selfish, because you are confident that you are not selfish.  

On the other hand, if your reasons are selfish, you may feel bad about yourself because she called you out on it. Anger masks your defensiveness and shame over your shortcomings. Now you can (1) admit that selfishness is a fault of yours and try to improve or (2) deny that you are selfish sometimes or simply accept that you would rather not work on it. 

There is no shame in having or expressing emotions – in fact, emotions are crucial for effective relationships and functional living – but anger is damaging and unconstructive. When you are consumed by an emotion – sadness, despair, insecurity – you can consult with a professional, mentor, rabbi, trusted friend, or family member, and learn strategies to cope with it. When you are consumed by anger, there is no effective resolution; that is why it is possible – and life-changing – to eliminate it. 

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD, is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They have offices in Deal/Long Branch and Lakewood and can be reached at (732) 666-9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net