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Voices of Vision

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

The huge shift that I made after ten years in the corporate arena to the yeshiva world was good for my Jewish soul. I feel like this is what Hashem wants me to do.”  – Tali Yaakov

Please meet Talia Yaakov, better known as Tali. She simply exudes positive energy and passion.

After a career of ten years as an optician for a global retailer of prescription eyewear, Tali had a “quarter life crisis.” She pivoted and created a new profession for herself as a dance teacher, which also greatly improved her work-life balance.

Tali is not the first family member to appear in this column. Her older sister, Shany Sharabany, a nurse practitioner, was featured during the summer of 2021.  She was a front-line hero during the pandemic.

Tali’s sister-in-law, Adina Yaakov, was featured in the February 2024 Woman to Woman column and is a registered dietician nutritionist. Her column in Community, Once Upon a Thyme, is a favorite of many shaatras.

A Little History

Tali was born in Flatbush to Shaul and Stella Dagmy, both Lebanese immigrants. They worked hard to establish themselves in the United States. Tali is the youngest in her family, with three older brothers and her older sister Shany. The siblings are very close.

Tali attended Shulamith Elementary School and Machon Yakov L’Bnos, Manhattan high school  for girls, whose principal is Rebbetzin Ruthy Asaf.

She was an outgoing child and she blossomed in social settings, including at school.  Tali enjoyed her relationships with her teachers.

“I was always that loud student.  In my yearbook, they referenced me as ‘the one who can be found singing and dancing up and down the halls.’ I received the Spirit Award in eighth grade for my influential positive energy. My favorite part of the day was always gym class – I was naturally athletic and loved sports.”

During her grade school and high school years, Tali performed and flourished in her roles in plays, dances, and skits and she attended dance classes with her friends.  She started crafting dances as early as fourth grade with her classmates. 

Tali continued to use her talents in student government and in helping with the sixth-grade production when she was fourteen.

“My earliest memory of dancing is when, as a little girl, I would hold my father’s hand during Friday night Kiddush and dance while he sang Shalom Aleichem.  Dancing is something I must do. The rhythm gets to me.”

Post High School

After high school, Tali studied at Machon Seminary in Boro Park and Shaare Bina, also in Brooklyn.  She also enrolled in NYC College of Technology and became a NYS licensed optician and dispensed glasses and contact lenses.

Tali describes herself as energetic, positive, loud, outgoing, focused, and regimented.  She likes to have fun, too. She is warm, smart, and is always growing and expanding her toolbox.

Tali met her naseeb, Yoseph Yaakov, who is four years older, through mutual friends.  Two friends living in Israel told her about a Sephardic kollel student living in in Brooklyn. It was true hashgacha pratit!  A shadchanit arranged for the two to meet.  They got along immediately. They both share the ability to relate well and to connect with others.  Yoseph is a yeshiva rebbe and a youth rabbi on Shabbat, and is also a social worker.   The couple have three children and consider themselves blessed to live in a wonderful community.

The Pivot

Tali was thriving at her job at LensCrafters and even met celebrities when she worked in Soho.

Covid hit and the world shut down in March 2020. Tali was furloughed from her position at LensCrafters.  She was itching to do something meaningful during her time off. While her daughter was in day camp, Tali offered to come in once a week and teach dance and sports to the campers.  The camp director was immediately impressed by Tali’s energy and camp vibe, and after the first day she invited Tali to return for the rest of the season.  Since then, Tali has taught in camp every summer.

“I was that girl at weddings that danced and danced and didn’t stop. Over the years, I would attend people’s parties, mostly bat mitzvahs, and everyone would come over and tell me that I should teach dance.  But the timing wasn’t right when I finished seminary.”

In the fall of 2021, Tali returned to LensCrafters.  The following summer, she asked for two days a week off to work in camp. At the end of the summer, Tali realized that she didnot want to go back to her optician position in the City.

“Although I liked the corporate world and the professional aspect, I realized I enjoyed the yeshiva world and wanted something more fulfilling. The yeshiva environment was good for my soul.”

Tali Reinvents Herself

Tali turned her passion for dancing, her positive energy, and her ability to inspire others into a new career.  Her new profession and livelihood give her the flexibility and work-life balance to be home with her children when they get off the school bus.  It helps her to feel fulfilled and gives her life more meaning and a sense of purpose. 

“I love bringing happiness and energy and unifying all girls whether they can or cannot dance. I enjoy bringing joy and spreading joy!  My husband supports me in all my decisions and is my biggest cheerleader.”

After leaving her optician job, Tali secured a job teaching math to sixth grade yeshiva students.  She likes to have fun with her students while maintaining discipline and a healthy social and emotional environment in her classroom.  No bullying or shaming is permitted in Mrs. Yaakov’s classes.  Students must respect each other as well as the teacher.  “I strive to gain my students’ trust and teach the kids good habits for the future.”

Tali’s children love to dance and even her almost two-year-old child is now dancing.  “Music is always on in my house.”

Her eleven-year-old daughter pitches in at night with the younger ones when Tali is teaching a class.

A Range of Students

Her fitness and dance students come from word of mouth.  Tali teaches Zumba and Pilates two mornings a week and she ensures her students use every muscle in their bodies. She also does girls’ dance parties and senior exercise classes with lots of stretching.   Tali started out as an assistant at bat mitzvah dance parties and advanced to running her own.

Recently, Tali started doing exercises with special needs girls once a week at theelementary school division at IVDU School for Special Education. The occupational therapist complimented Tali on how therapeutically beneficial her exercise routines are.

Tali is always expanding her skill set and knowledge base.  After giving birth to her third child, she enrolled in a fitness center that offered classes for women and she incorporated what she learned into her own programs and events. 

Nachat

At a recent event,one of the girls told Tali that she never gets up to dance. With Tali’s encouragement the girl took the leap to participate, and dance she did! The young girl was so proud of herself.  Tali felt so gratified that she was able to help that girl go from a non-participant to an active participant, and to experience the joy of dancing. “I feel like this is what Hashem wants me to do.”

The following story perfectly captures Tali’s passion.

“I was listening to a podcast interview with Benny Friedman, and they asked him how he knew that he was supposed to be a singer. He answered that it’s something he can’t NOT do. That really resonated with me. For me, dancing is a calling, something I can’t NOT do. It’s a part of who I am at my core.”

Connect with Tali at Mrsyaakov@gmail.com with or by text at 917-674-0484.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Acting President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Confetti Pretzels

A Crunchy Favorite

Pretzels are a favorite snack for millions of people across the country. Americans spend about $1.5 billion on pretzels every year!

Chef Shiri Says…    

Its creamy texture and pale color make white chocolate a popular choice for drizzling, molding, and creating decorative designs on desserts.

The Jewish World of Wonders presents…

Creative Cooking with

Chef Shiri

Kids – See if you have what it takes to become a Junior Chef!

Utensils Needed:

  • Baking tray
  • Wax paper
  • Microwave-safe glass bowl
  • Spoon
  • Plate
  • Oven mitts

Ingredients:

  • 12-ounce bag of parve white chocolate chips
  • 20  Pretzel rods
  • 3 Tablespoons of rainbow sprinkles

Let’s Get Started!

Adult assistance required!

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Line the baking tray with wax paper and set aside.
  2. Pour the white chocolate chips into a microwave-safe glass bowl and melt in the microwave on medium setting for 30 seconds at a time, stirring after each 30-second interval, until completely melted (about 2 minutes).
  3. Dip the pretzel rods into the melted white chocolate and spoon additional white chocolate over the rods until about three-quarters of the pretzel is covered.
  4. Hold the dipped pretzel rod over the plate and shake or spoon rainbow sprinkles onto the pretzel, turning the rod to cover all sides.
  5. Place dipped and decorated pretzel rods on the prepared baking tray and allow coating to set for about 15 minutes before eating.

Makes 20 CONFETTI Pretzels!

Fast Food Fact

White chocolate isn’t technically chocolate because it doesn’t have cocoa solids. It’s made from cocoa butter and has a sweet, creamy flavor, making it great for baking and holiday treats.

Medical Halacha

Medications on Shabbat

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas

“Rabbi, what should I do?” Michelle asked with a concerned look on her face. “I heard it’s forbidden to take medication on Shabbat, but I suffer from terrible migraines and I take blood pressure medication daily. Can I take those medications on Shabbat? And what about Ronnie when he has heartburn?”

Rabbinic Prohibition on Medication

It is generally rabbinically prohibited to take medication or engage in healing on Shabbat unless one is bedridden (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 328:1). This prohibition stems from a decree by the Hachamim, who were concerned that people might grind herbs to make medicine, which would be a violation of an issur d’oraita (Gezerat Shehikat Samemanim, Shabbat 53b).

However, this prohibition only applies to someone with a meichush – a minor ailment that causes mild discomfort but does not incapacitate. Medication may be administered if one is a choleh she’ein bo sakana (an ill person not in danger of death).

When Medication Is Permitted

A choleh she’ein bo sakana is someone who is bedridden or incapacitated, for example, someone suffering from influenza, a serious headache, or stomachache, etc., that prevents them from functioning normally. In such cases, they are permitted to take medication on Shabbat. Hacham Ovadia, zt”l, goes further and rules that in these situations, one should not be stringent and should take the medication to relieve the illness, as there is a mitzvah to experience oneg Shabbat – joy and happiness on Shabbat (Halichot Olam, Vol. 4, p. 163).

The permissibility of taking medication on Shabbat depends on the category or severity of the illness:

Choleh She’yesh Bo SakanaLife-Threatening Illness: In cases of danger or acute illness, such as a severe allergic reaction, serious heart issues, or diabetes, the use of necessary medication is unequivocally permitted and even required. Additionally, in situations involving chronic conditions, like hypertension, where regular medication is necessary to maintain health, it is permitted to take medication on Shabbat forpikuach nefesh, in order to prevent sakanat haim – a danger to life.

Choleh She’ein Bo SakanaNon-Life-Threatening Illness: This refers to someone who is incapacitated or bedridden (nafal lemishkav), where the entire body feels weak or painful, such as in cases of influenza, a severe headache, or stomachache. Although not life-threatening, such an individual is permitted to take medication as they cannot function normally. This is true even if someone is a safek choleh she’ein bo sakana. In other words, taking medicine is permitted when one is in doubt and it is difficult to evaluate the category of illness (Hazon Ovadya, Shabbat).

Meichush Be’almaMinor Ailments: These are minor conditions that cause mild discomfort but do not prevent someone from functioning normally. For example, a person suffering from cold symptoms or heartburn typically falls into this category. These conditions are not severe enough to justify taking medication on Shabbat. On one hand, delaying medication would not cause harm; on the other hand, there is a concern of Gezerat Shehikat Samemanim, as mentioned earlier. Therefore, the prohibition remains in place for minor ailments. However, leniency may be applied if there is a risk of the condition worsening to a category of choleh she’ein bo sakana (ibid).

Conclusion

Although heartburn is unpleasant for Ronnie, it does not usually qualify as a serious illness and is categorized as meichush be’alma unless it is a more serious condition that incapacitates him. Therefore, it is forbidden to treat heartburn on Shabbat, as it falls under the general prohibition of performing refuah (healing) for mild ailments.

However, Sandra’s condition is different. She is classified as a choleh she’ein bo sakana, as she suffers from migraines and is a choleh she’yesh bo sakana for severe hypertension. Even if these conditions are not life-threatening, she should take her medication on Shabbat.

Next month’s column will deal with exceptions when other forms of medications can be taken on Shabbat.

Rabbi Yehuda Finchas is a worldwide expert, lecturer and author on Medical Halacha. He heads the Torat Habayit Medical Halacha Institute. His latest book is “Brain Death in Halacha and the Tower of Babel Syndrome.” To contact Rabbi Finchas, email rabbi@torathabayit.com.

The Importance of Hazzanut and Tradition

Victor Cohen

Our traditions in large part define our community. Many of us are named after our grandparents, giving us a link to past generations. When our community first arrived in the United States, we focused on staying close to each other and to keeping our beloved traditions alive. We treasured our pizmonimand our different customs. Our community was well-known for how connected we were to our past and how we worked together to keep from assimilating.

Over the past century, we have largely avoided being consumed by the culture around us, popular culture has still seeped through, in ways large and small. We follow sports, listen to popular music, and participate in popular American activities. This is not all bad. However, unfortunately, being distracted by the culture outside of our own has meant that over time, our own songs and customs have started to become forgotten. Few people in our community now wake up for Bakashot, like those attend the Ades Synagogue in Jerusalem.

Certainly, our traditions have been completely abandoned. In large part, the younger generation is bringing them back, studying the songs of our ancestors and reviving them. Someone leading the charge is the prominent community hazzan, Ikey Levy. He has been a hazzan for over ten years and has been the hazzan for the Eatontown Synagogue for the last four years. Let’s listen to some of Ikey’s insights into the world of our heritage with traditional music and how it is making a comeback today.

Building a Connection to Our Heritage Through Hazzanut

Ikey has always had a great voice, but he did not always sing. Here’s how he got his start. Ikey’s father liked singing the song Habibi at the Shabbat table with Ikey’s older brother Aaron, who was eleven when Ikey was five. One Friday night, Aaron, who also has a great voice, was not around. So, Ikey’s father called him over to sing, and was astonished by what he could do.

Ikey’s father taught him the basic pizmonim and took him to various sebets on Shabbat so that he could hear how others sang. “He’d take me to two sebets a day sometimes just to hear them,” Ikey reminisced.

Then Ikey’s training really went to another level. “When I studied in Israel,” he said, “I went to study by Moshe Habusha with a group of five other boys. Habusha is one of the top hazzanim in the world.” Ikey studied there for nine months, and Habusha gave Ikey a strong foundation in hazzanut, from which he could expand.

Inhazzanut,there are certain musical scales called ma’amat. They start and end on certain notes, and when training to become a hazzan, you learn how to sing many of them.

One can incorporate his own creativity when it comes to when and how the ma’amat are used within a passage. “Sometimes when you listen to the music or have instructions from another hazzan, you have instructions on how to infuse one maqam with more personality,” Ikey said.

He explained that the key for an aspiring hazzan is to listen to Middle Eastern music, which will help you expand your options. In a way, it is similar to learning to play chess. You can study by learning all of the different openings, or studying different patterns, but there is something special that comes with watching a true master perform. The same goes for hazzanut, and the more a hazzan listens, the more he can become inspired in his own songs to try out different methods. It is a highly creative, fulfilling pursuit with lifelong learning.

Educating the Community

Ikey taught pizmonim in YDE for five years, then taught keriah and pizmonim in Hillel Yeshiva for two years. Currently he tutors privately, and also tries to help encourage knowledge of our community’s traditions. To that end, he began a community minhagim WhatsApp chat, which is not dedicated only to hazzanut. In the chat he informs members about traditions from Aleppo, Damascus, Lebanon, Jerusalem, and Egypt. “Things get mixed up,” Ikey said, adding that “we just want to know where each custom originates from.”

Certain customs we follow today were not always done universally. “In Halab, they did not stand for Alenu Leshabeah.” Everywhere else in the Middle East, they stood.

“Aleppo used to be unique in that way.” Ikey said he knows one elder who, following this custom, still sits during Alenu! “I’m not saying that we all start changing what we do, but to me it is fascinating to see where certain customs originate from. In Syria, some didn’t have the custom to bow at all for Barechu, others did a small bow based on the Ben Ish Hai’s opinion, but in Egypt they stood up and bowed.”

The Weakening of Our Customs

There was a certain beauty to the old customs, accompanied by a level of devotion and a sense of community that is not easy to capture in words. Ikey described how he used to go to Bakashot when he lived in Brooklyn. “In my time in Brooklyn, I’d wake up Shabbat mornings 6am for Bakashot by Rabbi Mansour’s old Knis. Between 6:30 and 7:45, every Shabbat morning, Menachem Mustaki, Mordechai Salem, and Haim Eliyahu, were all there.” When Moshe Habusha, Ikey’s teacher from Israel, came in, the whole room filled up.

“It was very electric in the building,” Ikey reminisced. “It warms my heart when we do those things, because people forget what our community did in the old days in the Lower East Side and in Bensonhurst where they’d sing Bakashot in people’s houses.

“Unfortunately the greater part of Bakashot, most of our community has forgotten,” Ikey said. But pointed out how parts of Bakashot live on in other forms, such as songs, for example: Ki Eshmera Shabbat and Yom Zeh Shiru Lae-l were originally from Bakashot. Today, the Bakashot still are heard early Shabbat mornings at Rabbi Mansour’s new Knis.

Ikey recalled howsebets used to run, “lead by the hazzan, the crowd would sing pizmonim well into the afternoon with the Hacham speaking words of Torah either before or in between. Today, however, there’s more emphasis on speeches from friends and family members along with other genres of songs being sung with much less of our pizmonim in focus. Again, I’m just pointing out the change.”

The New Revival of Our Customs

In an interesting twist, though, this decline is beginning to reverse itself where it was least expected. It is the younger generation that has begun to revive the old music. While some of the melodies are a little archaic, there are many that are still being sung today. “There are nineteen-year-olds singing in Arabic today,” Ikey said. While much of the decline was due to the overwhelming popular culture, we are starting to see a certain yearning for what came before. “If you look at Shaare Zion today,” Ikey said,“the younger crowd is reviving the old ways within the community. That is happening.Our job is to keep it going for as long as possible.”

Ikey pointed to a positive development. “The hazzan David Shiro is putting out albums of new songs, taking our old songs and putting new packaging to them. If people hear it, they might be inspired to hear more.”

Hopefully, the revival of our community’s old ways continues to grow from here. We have the unique ability to look both back to our history and forward to our future at the same time. Informed and enriched by the traditions, songs, and ways of our past, we can strive towards the future, holding close to what makes us special.

Hazzan Ikey Levy performs professionally at weddings and special occasions.  Please contact him at 347-715-0350. He can also be found on Instagram @hazzan_ikey and on YouTube at youtube.com/@IkeyLevy.

Ask Jido – May 2025

Dear Jido,

My children are being withheld from me for almost three years now. Until recently, I was still able to spend time with my youngest child every other weekend, but that seems to be ending.

I granted my ex a religious gett without hesitation or conditions, but now, perhaps because of dissatisfaction with the monetary award decided by the court, exercising my 50/50 visitation rights to see my children has become almost impossible.

I fear they are being turned against me, Gd forbid.

The first time my youngest son asked, “Daddy, do you love me?” I didn’t think much of it. But by the third or fourth time, it became clear that something was seriously wrong.

I wish my ex and her family only good b’ezrat Hashem. But the children we both care so much about will undoubtedly suffer needlessly if their father is pushed out of their lives.

I have pleaded for help from my kids’ yeshiva and from many rabbis who have some connection to my ex and her family, but to no avail. What should I do?

Signed,

Heartbroken Dad

Dear Heartbroken,

What you write is truly sad. The love of a father for his children never ends.

I find it very surprising that the Rabbis would not be willing to intervene. It is a fact that if the custodial parent does not allow the visitation rights as decided by the Court, that that parent can actually be forced to surrender their custodial rights to the other parent. This is unless there is substantial evidence that continued association with the estranged parent would be detrimental to the well-being of the child(ren). I’m assuming that this does not apply here.

This is standard practice of the Courts but it may not be well known to the people you have been speaking with.

My advice is to meet with one of the senior Rabbis of the community. (You choose one based on where you are both holding.) Urge him to contact both your ex and her family and advise them of the potential dangers of her actions and of your intent to pursue your rights.

Of course, the best method is to pursue peace by meeting together with the Rabbi and your ex. Let her detail to him her reasoning and convince him that she is justified in refusing to allow you to spend time with your children. Be prepared to be flexible in whatever compromise can be made in the hopes that as your children grow up, they will naturally gravitate back to you.

If there is no progress, get permission from the Rabbi to go back to the Family Court of New York. Generally, we are prohibited from using the courts of the goyim but in this case, a Bet Din would not have jurisdiction over custodial rights.

I wish you much luck.

Jido

Inventions & Innovators

Inventions are the ingenious gadgets and machines that have made our lives a little more fun, interesting, and easier. Real inventions are the things that we did not think were possible yesterday, and yet, it would be difficult to live without today. From the tiny paperclip to the massive jet engine, every month we will explore the history behind our world’s most famous inventions and learn about the innovators that designed them.

This month we explore the history behind an invention that most of us likely just take for granted…

SUPER GLUE

As a publicity stunt, a Russian program risked a man’s life, just to prove the strength of a new type of Super Glue. They had their producer hanging upside down below a hot air balloon, with nothing but the glue to hold him in place!

The crew glued the soles of the producer’s shoes to a wooden board attached to the underside of the balloon, before flying it up to a height of 5,000 feet. Thankfully, the glue proved to be strong and the man did not fall.

A surprisingly large number of inventions owe a degree of unexpected good fortune to their success. This was certainly the case with the world-famous Super Glue which is found in most households. As a matter of fact., Super Glue was invented by accident, not once – but twice!

In 1942, chemist Dr. Harry Wesley Coover Jr. was attempting to make clear plastic gun sights to be put on guns used by Allied soldiers in WWII. Dr. Coover was experimenting with a form of cryanacrylic which while clear, proved unsuited for the role as it stuck to anything it came into contact with. Dr. Coover abandoned that formulation completely as it obviously wasn’t suitable for his current project, being too sticky.

Nine Years Later…

Nine years later, in 1951, Dr. Coover was working at Eastman Kodak. He was the supervisor of a project looking at developing a heat-resistant acrylate polymer for jet canopies for jet aircraft at Kodak’s Kingsport plant in Tennessee. 

While working on the project, one of his technicians, Fred Joyner, used the rediscovered Super Glue and tested it by spreading ethyl cyanoacrylate between a pair of refractometer prisms. To his surprise, the prisms became stuck very solidly together without the need of any heat or pressure. Rediscovering the substance, Dr. Coover now realized the great potential of such a product and appreciated its attributes. He tested it on various objects within the laboratory, and sure enough it worked consistently. Providing there was a small amount of moisture on the surfaces to be bonded, the objects stuck permanently each time.

Super Glue is Born

Dr. Coover eventually registered a patent for the glue and worked on refining the product for commercial production. Super glue first went on sale in 1958 under the name Eastman 910 before later naming it “Super Glue.” Eastman 910 was soon licensed to Loctite who dubbed it Loctite Quick set 404.

During the 1970s, various manufacturers produced their own take on the fast-setting glue with the strong bond, using Coover’s cryanoacrylic formula. Today, it has many names such as Krazy Glue, Glue Stitch, and SurgeSeal – but to most people it is Super Glue. Dr. Harry Coover became known as “Mr. Super Glue,” which pleased him.

Daring Stunts

Over the years, publicity stunts demonstrating the extreme fixing power of the adhesive have been publicized. One famous advertisement was broadcast on the Russian program, Chudo Tehniki (Wonders of Technology), which showed a man dangling upside down a hot air balloon at an altitude of 5,000 feet, held only by boots super-glued to a small wooden platform!

Medical Marvel

Dr. Coover was also proud of the adhesive’s lesser known but crucial role in medicine. During the Vietnam War, field surgeons found that cyanoacrylates sprayed over wounds incurred in battle could act as an emergency method of staunching blood blow. Today, newly-developed forms of cyanoacrylates are often used in surgery to close up incisions in conjunction with or in place of traditional sutures.

Acknowledged and Awarded 

Dr. Coover worked for Eastman Kodak until he “retired” in 1984 at the age of 67. But he never slowed down. He started his own consulting company. And for nine years, he was also a board member of a large chemical company.

In 2010, Dr. Coover, who had been involved in obtaining 460 patents during his career, received the National Medal of Technology and Innovation from President Barack Obama.

  • Dr. Harry Coover

Dr. Harry Wesley Coover Jr., the inventor of Eastman 910, commonly known as Super Glue.

  • Eastman 910

Super Glue first went on sale in 1958 under the name Eastman 910.

  • One and the Same

Today, Dr. Coover’s Super Glue is available in a variety of names.

  • Super Glue Patent

A copy of Dr. Coover’s patent which was filed in 1954. 

  • Photo of Dr. Coover receiving the award from President Obama.

Dr. Harry Coover being awarded the National Medal of Technology and Innovation from President Barack Obama in 2010.

Sailing Relationships with R’ Ali

QUESTION:

Dear Rabbi Ali,

I know that you speak about marriage, but I was hoping that you could help me with my daughter and son-in-law. I don’t like the way my son-in-law speaks to my daughter and I am not sure how to approach the situation. There are other things, but I am not sure how much I am allowed to say to her or maybe approach his parents. Any guidance would be appreciated.

R’ ALI’S RESPONSE:

Before I give you my perspective on the matter, I’d like to mention two things. Firstly, anyone who is reading my column should know that marriage, parenting, and parents’ relationship with their married children are many times intertwined. People shouldn’t think that advice for in-laws is too different from advice for husband and wife. Anything that can affect the couple’s relationship falls under this category and needs to be addressed just as much as shalom bayit issues need to be addressed. Parents should take these questions very seriously and not rely on what they feel is best. Married children should also take parents and in-laws’ issues seriously as they involve kivud av va’em and can have serious repercussions. 

Second, I am glad that you are reaching out and I encourage more parents to reach out when situations such as these arise. Unfortunately, many disasters could have been averted with some simple guidance. Of course, some situations are complex, but most are very simple. I will try be’ezrat Hashem to put down the basics that everyone should know and then address your specific situation.

There are some rules that all parents should abide by in order to ensure that their children have a happy marriage. The first rule I would say is to never, under any circumstances, get involved in your married child’s relationship. Any well-meaning parent will instinctively attempt to protect their child. The parental instinct to protect their child can come at the cost of damaging the relationship, which means that any hint that they are unhappy will make them completely biased to their child. This can set off numerous disasters. A parent may be tempted to give advice without even hearing the other side. I will address what to do, but advice should definitely be off limits. Many times people will tell me, “ I had no choice but to give him advice on how to proceed.” To this I say, “We don’t do something wrong when we are unsure what else to do.”

Another rule is to never ever confront your son or daughter-in-law! I cannot emphasize this point enough, as I have seen people do this or something like this. People in general cannot accept rebuke. How then will your daughter-in-law respond to any hint that she is making mistakes in her marriage? Not too well. This same rule applies to calling up or approaching your child’s in-laws. This has become common practice and should become a non-practice from now on.

The next rule is not to say anything negative to your child about their spouse. Until now we were talking about situations where you were approached. This rule applies even, or especially, when your child has not even mentioned that something is wrong with their relationship. If you see something that is concerning regarding their relationship, never mention this to your child, for a few reasons. Besides the  aforementioned idea  that you might give some dangerous advice, what you see may not even be bothering your child! 

There are many other rules, however this should serve as a basis for parents to understand proper boundaries and how cautious they must be when dealing with their married child’s relationship.

Getting back to your question, you mentioned that you feel that your daughter is not being spoken to nicely. I have no idea if this is mild or major, but getting involved will cause two problems. The correct approach would be to speak with your rabbi or with a professional in the field. A family rabbi may be able to approach them and guide them properly. I have seen this approach multiple times and it has met with much success. A rabbi who deals with marital issues can tactfully approach your daughter or son-in-law and figure out the best way to proceed.  Of course, it’s not easy to sit back and watch your child be hurt and unhappy, but this is a delicate situation and must be dealt with in a delicate manner. To conclude, I am not speaking about outright abuse, chas ve’shalom. Anyone being abused must be guided to safety immediately using your own discretion.

Less Clutter, More Offers: How to Make Buyers Fall in Love with Your Home

Decluttering is an essential step in preparing a home for sale. Beyond making a space look more spacious, it creates a welcoming environment that helps potential buyers visualize themselves living there. Research shows that most people use only 20 percent of their belongings, meaning the rest takes up unnecessary space. When selling a home, the focus should be on the house itself, not the items inside.

Areas to Focus On

Hallways should be kept tidy. They are often narrow and are one of the first areas seen upon entry. Coats, shoes, pet leashes, and other everyday items should be neatly stored. Investing in good storage solutions can make a big difference in creating a clean and organized first impression.

The kitchen, a focal point for many buyers, should be free of unnecessary appliances, personal photos, and cluttered countertops. Cupboards and drawers should be neatly arranged, and excess décor removed to enhance the sense of space.

The living room, another key selling point, should feel warm and inviting while remaining neutral. Personal items like family photos and memorabilia should be stored away so buyers can imagine their own lives unfolding in the space. Extra furniture can make a room feel crowded, so keeping only essential pieces helps create an open and airy atmosphere. In the master bedroom, a neatly made bed with minimal decorative elements conveys a sense of tranquility. Overstuffed closets give the impression of limited storage, so paring down clothing and organizing drawers ensures a more spacious feel.

Declutter and Depersonalize

Although these main areas are crucial, every room in the home should be decluttered and depersonalized. A well-maintained home not only looks more attractive but also suggests to buyers that the property has been well cared for. The time and effort spent decluttering can directly impact how quickly a home sells and the price it commands.

A truly clean home goes beyond dust-free surfaces. Hidden “toxins” in the form of outdated or unused items should also be removed. Old clothes, broken objects, expired products, and unnecessary paperwork contribute to a cluttered and stagnant atmosphere. Letting go of these items can create a healthier and more appealing space while simplifying the staging process. Sorting unwanted belongings into categories – donate, discard, or sell – helps streamline the process.

Benefits of a Structured Approach

Starting small can make the task of decluttering less overwhelming. Setting aside just five minutes at a time builds momentum, and a daily habit of letting go of even one item can lead to significant progress over time. A structured approach, such as setting limits on the number of clothes kept in a closet or following a decluttering checklist, ensures efficiency. Viewing the home through the eyes of a guest can also provide insight into areas that need attention. Taking before-and-after photos serves as a visual motivator, highlighting the transformation and reinforcing the benefits of an organized space.

Decluttering is not just about selling a home; it’s about creating a space that feels calm, spacious, and filled with positive energy. Whether preparing to move or simply wanting a more peaceful home environment, the benefits are undeniable. Less cleaning, reduced stress, and a sense of order make the effort worthwhile. By adopting decluttering as a habit, homeowners can ensure their space always feels inviting, whether for themselves or for potential buyers in the future.

Exploring the Wonders of the Human Anatomy

Are Teenage Brains Really Different from Adult Brains?

Although your brain is full size by the time you are a teenager, your prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until your mid-twenties. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher brain functions, such as reasoning and good judgment.

Additionally, there is a specific region of the brain, called the amygdala,which is responsible for the person’s immediate reactions, including fear and aggressive behavior, and this region develops early. This explains some of the risky behavior of older teens, as their actions and decisions are guided more by the emotional and reactive amygdala and less by the thoughtful, logical prefrontal cortex.

Other changes in the brain during the teenage years include a big increase in the connections between the brain cells and in the effectiveness of the brain pathways. Also, the teen years is when nerve cells in the brain are developingmyelin, an insulating layer that helps the cells communicate better. All these changes are essential for the development of coordinated thought, action, and behavior.

These brain differences don’t mean that teenagers can’t make good decisions or tell the difference between right and wrong. It also doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions. However, an awareness of these differences can help parents and teachers understand, anticipate, and manage the behavior of teens.

Adult Brain versus Teenage Brain

On the outside, the brain looks similar throughout one’s life. But some parts of the brain develop faster than others, especially in the early years. The parts that seek new thrills and exciting events develop faster than those parts that think through situations and avoid danger. Older teenagers are almost twice as likely to take risks than anyone else. As we grow older, and different parts of our brains develop, we tend to make safer choices rather than take risks.

Fact or Fiction??

Your brain gets smaller as you get older. This is true! As a person ages, hisbrain loses weight and shrinks a bit; however, only a few ounces are lost by age eighty, and most of that is water.

SBH Celebrates the Jewish Communal Fund Digital Food Pantry Program

Sarah Dabbah

On Monday, March 31, SBH welcomed Jewish Communal Fund (JCF) and UJA-Federation of NY to its Kings Highway headquarters to celebrate a major milestone for the community: the official launch of the Jewish Communal Fund Digital Food Pantry Program. For decades, SBH’s Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry has been a resource for so many individuals and families. Visitors can visit the pantry and select the groceries they need, fitting their visits between carpool and work.

Now, thanks to a generous grant by JCF, the Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry just got the “Fresh Direct” treatment with the implementation of a digital system. “You can now order online and you can arrange a pick-up time that’s convenient for you and your family,” said Rachel Schnoll, CEO of JCF. Only instead of paying with cash, “the system uses points instead of dollars,” added Vicki Compter, Vice President of Capital Gifts and Special Initiatives at UJA, at the launch.

Providing Clients Dignity and Choices

“Healthier foods ‘cost’ less points than less-healthier options, incentivizing clients to make better choices,” she said. “The whole goal of this pantry is to give people dignity, to help with health outcomes and to give people choices.”

JCF is generously funding the first three years of the grant, powering the digital pantry system, while UJA has committed to funding years four and five. “We’re stronger together because we’re able to fund so many programs and services through the support of these partners,” said SBH CEO Nathan Krasnovsky. “We’ve proudly offered our clients the most dignified experiences through our other divisions, and now through this new digital panty, we can do the same with our Food Division,” added SBH former president and former JCF board member Lee M. Cohen. “Now there’s no need to wait on line and let the anxiety creep in, as clients can place their orders in advance on their own and pick up a box of groceries discreetly.”

Partnership at Its Best

Ray Chalmé, JCF trustee and board member of the UJA, spoke about the natural synergy between the three organizations – UJA, JCF and SBH. “It’s wonderful to see a partnership that works and continues to work.” Donors have allocated over $11 million in grants to our community institutions through JCF, along with an additional $2.5 allocated by their advisory board for special gifts and projects.

The Sarah Sutton a”h Food Pantry runs through a few different forms of support. In addition to our generous community donors, bakers, and volunteers, our partners at the Met Council, the Food Bank of New York City and City Harvest help keep shelves stocked. JCF’s support will allow SBH to modernize the way food is distributed, modernizing the entire process.

Trained staff and volunteers at the pantry have been helping clients acclimate to the new system, which many adapted to pretty quickly. “I see the difference this is making first-hand,” said SBH Vice President Michele Levy. “One of our senior clients now places his orders on the phone!” Michele also spoke about a client who has been raving about the digital system. “She’s a single mom who would rush here between carpool and work and run into the pantry and quickly decide what her family would like to eat,” said Michele. “Now with the digital pantry, she can place her order in the comfort of her home at her own pace and plan out her week – the stress is gone!” “Through this grant, SBH will continue serving the community with the heart and soul it always has, only now the process of obtaining food will be further simplified,” said SBH President David J. Beyda. “Our model is to provide hundreds of different programs and services under one roof and now we can ensure our clients have a seamless, stress-free experience when feeding their families.”