– Avi Kumar
In 1995, Rabbi Victor Harari and his wife Nili founded Nesach Yisrael, an institution that “gives children with learning disabilities a future.”  Rabbi Harari was born in Egypt and grew up Brooklyn. He is of Syrian Sephardic heritage. Harari, a community advocate and businessman in New York, made Aliyah in the 90s along with his wife Nili, who holds a PhD and is an educator by profession.

In an interview with Community Magazine, Rabbi Harari said, “We teach children with all kinds of disabilities and disorders so that they can go back into the regular school system without any stigma. What most people don’t realize is that you can feed a child, clothe a person, and provide them with various other things. But to teach them how to become independent, and do these same things on their own, now – that takes a very high level of charity to accomplish.”

A School Is Created

The Harari’s first opened up a childhood center over twenty years ago. Later, they were approached by many teachers and parents regarding children with a myriad of different disabilities, especially dyslexia, hyperactivity, and reading and learning difficulties. Rabbi Harari calls these challenges, “all the ABCs of life that these children struggle with.” He continues, “So, we asked a few rabbinical leaders for their blessings and guidance with this. Eventually, some of them suggested creating such a school and so we decided to do it.”

The 62-year-old rabbi explained, “Some of our students come from very decent backgrounds, good homes that are not dysfunctional, and have no serious ailments. It is just that they have some problem that they need help to overcome. As the years go by and they fall through the cracks of the system, they become mislabeled or misrepresented by the educational institution and then end up falling out of society. Our job here is to help them at an early age, so that when it is time to enter elementary or high school, they will be better settled and able to interact with others in society.”

Inspiration from Community Elders

“Growing up in the Sephardic community of New York was my inspiration to begin this venture. The elders in this community are the pioneers in helping. We believe in passion with compassion. When we see a child walk in through our doors we don’t discriminate. We don’t see a kid who is smart or not smart, rich or poor. Our goal is to help them with whatever challenges they and their family face in life – this is done with a lot of love!”

Working with Students and Families
“Our school does not function like a regular school.” said Nili. “We have 15 students per class, the teachers all have a BA. The assistants also have the necessary qualifications. We have on board a psychologist, speech therapist, behavioral therapist, and occupational therapists. We have special teachers for everything. Our job is to give them all the tools to upgrade their abilities.” She continued, “We ask the parents, ‘Which school do you want your child to go to?’  We then go to meetings with local principals and talk with them to see what they require. Think of it as an ‘in-between school’ that gives students a much-needed boost before they can go back to regular school.” 

Nesach Yisrael also places an emphasis on extracurricular activities. For example, during the holidays, they take their students to hospitals to give gifts to children or the elderly who are hospitalized. “And I hope, that when they grow up, they gain the maturity to do volunteer work and acts of kindness on their own. This is why we try to celebrate as many special occasions with the children and their families as we can,” explained Rabbi Harari.

Each child has a file, which includes notes on their learning abilities, “So even after they leave, if they fall between the cracks, we can help them once again.”

Today, Nesach Yisrael has around 100 students in total, ranging in age from 3-14 years, with the younger students attending class in the morning and older students in the afternoon, after “regular school” for their supplementary guidance. Many of them go back to “regular” school after getting the help they need! 
 

Individual Approach for Each Child 

“Every situation is different. So, we go deep into the home and sit down with the parents. Sometimes the whole family has difficulties, and it affects everyone. Some kids may need more attention than others,” said Nili. Some families have children with language difficulties because they have made Aliyah, and Nesach Yisrael is geared to assist them with that. One young boy had parents who were deaf, but he was not. So they had to assist both the child and his family to overcome the obstacles they faced. Baruch Hashem we were able to help this youngster to get on track.

There was another case where the parents said that the child was unable to grasp anything at all in school. Nili, realized after a short while that actually the boy had emotional issues stemming from self-consciousness due to acne. After a stint at Nesach Yisrael he returned to his regular school. His teacher was awestruck at how his performance simply shot up and his performance went through the roof! “He had an IQ of 120, he was a genius. He just had to get over certain things!” Nili exclaimed. There are so many similar happy and heartwarming stories here!  

The Goal – Prepare Students to Mainstream to Regular Schools
 

The goal at Nesach Yisrael is to be able to prepare the students for regular school. Staff members  are regularly in touch with the Board of Education. And the Board of Education staff often seek advice from the Nesach Yisrael program’s staff. In addition, Nili has been in communication with some of the children who have left Nesach Yisrael. She says that they have “moved on to different places in life – some are working, some are doing their higher education, others have children of their own now. We are like one big extended family. We help our students and their families when they are in great difficulty and they stay in touch,” she affirmed.

Now Nesach Yisrael includes three facilities in the Jerusalem vicinity. Rabbi Harari and his wife have a vision of reaching out and helping more children across Israel in the future. 

“The key secret is that we believe in all the children who come through our doors. And we want to make them believe in themselves. That is how they will become amazing, productive citizens and an integral part of the Jewish state.” Rabbi Harari said.

For more information, please contact Rabbi Victor Harari at: rabbivictorharari@gmail.com. 

– Avi Kumar

David Caspi was born David Zilberman in 1938 in Izmir, Turkey. Caspi’s father’s paternal ancestors were Ashkenazim who moved from Ukraine to Turkey. His mother was of Ladino-speaking Sephardic heritage. In 1948 his family moved to Israel, in the middle of War of Independence.  

During the Six Day War in 1967, Caspi served in a tank unit along the Egyptian border. His battalion boasts having deployed the first tanks to reach the Suez. During that war, he was promoted from Captain to Major. 

After the war ended, Caspi returned to civilian life, and regularly was called to reserve duty, which was routine for Israeli citizens. He lived in Ramle and worked as a high school principal at a school he had founded.  

Called Again – to Serve in the Yom Kippur War 

When Israel came under attack on all sides in 1973, at the start of the Yom Kippur War, Caspi again received the call to return active service. He and his wife had three children and his wife was five months pregnant at the time. “It was a very difficult moment,” Caspi recalled in an exclusive interview with Community Magazine. “I can never forget my pregnant wife’s face as she was waving goodbye from upstairs at the balcony, while I looked on from outside. That memory still stands out as if it were yesterday,” he related with a sigh. Caspi continued, “Two familiar faces I knew from the Six Day War were in the car that came to pick me up.” His comrades were Tuvia Toren from Haifa and Rami Givoni from Kibbutz Mabarot. “It was such an ordeal, being called up again, after a very recent miraculous victory. It would be very emotionally taxing for anyone, especially for fathers, again separated from their children, not to mention their wives. In fact, nobody in the vehicle that headed from Ramle to Jerusalem said a word along the way. We were all sitting there, pensive with our own thoughts and emotions. I cursed to myself, ‘lazazel!’ literally ‘to hell’ as we drove.”

The team then climbed into the tanks and were off to Golan heights. The British-made Centurion tanks of Division 205 had to reach the Syrian border to face the enemy to the North. The other vehicles on the road were mostly tanks and other support vehicles. Caspi recalls how they carried a lot of equipment and ammunition. “We left with 95 tanks, but only 55 reached the Syrian border in time because they would fall apart or get stuck along the way. Rami and Tuvia went ahead of me on the outbound journey, and both would, alas, not return to the tale.” Monday, the eighth of October the battalion first faced the Syrians in battle at the Golan Heights.  “It was mostly armored tanks vs. armored tanks. The Golan is a very hilly and rocky terrain. There was not much infantry against us because the Syrians had a nearly unlimited amount of artillery and Soviet-made weapons, so spending too much time outside would be risky. That’s how our battles ensued. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday just went on like this. Wave after wave of Syrians came through relentlessly but we managed to push them away from the border-zone. After those three days, every inch of Ramat Golan was finally under our wing.”   

Headed into Syria 

Instead of a jubilant smile, when the 84-year-old Caspi continued, he dropped his head and his voice fell into a solemn tone. “The next set of orders were to go inside the border to hunt down the Syrian troops that had not penetrated and ‘to use our success to get more success.’ This was a very bad decision. We should have just finished it then and there. Instead, we went in for so much unnecessary loss of life.”  Caspi stated that he believes that a good soldier knows when to pick his battles.

He continued, “So, on the 10th, we breached the Syrian interior. But we were overconfident, and it took a massive toll. Many of our comrades were killed or gravely injured in front of us in this theater. Going into Syria was just a big mistake. The Syrians had a huge advantage of being on the home turf and on higher ground. The Syrians also had superior numbers and brought forth tons of Soviet-made equipment. They had an added edge at night, with Russian provided night-vision glasses, something that we were unfamiliar with.  

“I lost many comrades in the fateful fighting, and we accomplished nothing. The Soviet-made AT-3 Sagger nicknamed ‘Sagger missile’ was perhaps the most dreaded weapon in the Syrian arsenal. It took out many Israelis. I witnessed firsthand how my friend Rami fell in combat. As the rest of the tank crew managed to escape, Rami was stuck inside a crumbling tank. He was injured, and he slowly succumbed to his wounds. It was very painful to witness the Syrians salvage the tank and capture Rami’s corpse. They would return the body some eight months later. 

My regiment was 25 km away from the Israeli border inside Syrian territory, and his battalion, as well as Division 205, were edging very close to Damascus. We were in the most northern theater of the Yom Kippur War. Yes, the Syrians had so many Russian made gadgets, but we were fortunate that they did not have the best training and knowledge as to how to use them efficiently. Had they had that advantage, things would have been worse for us, undoubtedly.” Caspi was second-in-command during this surge of events. 

Promotion in the Midst of Battle

Inside Syria, Tuvia fell after being hit in the neck by an artillery shell on the 16th. His commander, Yossi Peled, turned to Caspi and announced “David, you are now in charge. Don’t say anything!” Caspi shrugged with a very serious air. “Of course, I could not say anything. We had hundreds of burned-out tanks piled up in front of us and so many dead commanders. Inside the battle I just got promoted up the chain of command in an instant. I had no time to ask or think. I got the order to continue and so I did. I had been a Major, and was now a Lieutenant-Colonel. I commanded through five days of intense shelling, as Iraqi expeditionary reinforcements arrived with planes, artillery, and waves of fresh battle-ready troops. They seemed to be advancing closer and closer – but we would not go down so easily. We had to endure. From morning till nightfall, we would fire away, and we were never sure if we would live another day. But we managed to hold our own.  By the 21st of October they announced a ceasefire.” 

From the Far North to the Far South

“Initially, I felt relief and assumed that the war was over, and we could finally go home to our families. But, alas, this was not the case. I was then summoned to Sinai, escorted by commanders Yossi Peled, Moshe Meler, and Guy Yakobson. It took two days for our tanks to arrive, and in the meantime, I was given a helicopter tour to scout and plan our battle strategy before that attack. I then remember sitting in the tanks near the Suez between the Egyptian’s Second and Third Army Divisions waiting for the orders. Then we got the order that my regiment had to cross the canal and get 101 km from Cairo and hold the military there. 101 is a technical term! The goal was to give a message that we were a formidable opponent.”

“This was my second time in the Suez and, yet again, I was not there for a vacation,” Caspi smiled. He reminisced how his squadron’s tanks were the first to arrive in the Suez in the Six Day War. And this time he crossed the canal once more and got into Egyptian territory – another victory! Caspi continued, “We had won after Kissinger had negotiated a ceasefire! I stayed in the Suez for five months after the war.” When Caspi went home for one of his breaks from service, his wife gave birth to their baby (who they named Golan). He told his officer about the well-timed birth, and the officer replied in disbelief, “How did you make such an arrangement?!” Caspi laughed. “He wondered how I could ‘order’ a woman to deliver a baby on a certain date, but that was Gd’s work!”   

Caspi enjoys his well-deserved retirement in Israel. His riveting book, When Grandpa Was at War – The Story of the “Iron Fist” Brigade in the Yom Kippur War, has been published in Hebrew.  

What is Hoshana Rabbah?  

The meaning of Hoshana Rabbah, literally “the Great Salvation,” comes from  hosha = save, na = please, rabba = great. There are three designated days in the calendar for good judgement, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, and Hoshana Rabbah.  

Every day of Sukkot we walk around the Torah with our lulav and etrog in hand asking Hashem hosha na – to please bring salvation and goodness throughout the year. On the last day of hol hamo’ed Sukkot, as this is the seventh time that we encircle the Torah and the climax of Sukkot, we ask for salvation and help from Hashem in many ways, especially regarding the crops and rain.  

In the times of the Bet Hamikdash, circling the mizbeach with aravot was performed every day, once, and the seventh day seven times. This was so important, that even if it occurred on Shabbat, circling the mizbeach with aravot was still performed.  

What do we do special on this day?  

1) We study the tikkun throughout the night, reviewing the entire Sefer Devarim and Tehillim with excerpts of selihot 2) after Hallel we recite in the hoshanot, specific prayers for many aspects of agriculture 3) after the Tefillah we take five aravot and bang them against the dirt.  

What is the meaning of the extra hoshanot prayers?  

We go around the Torah seven times with our lulav and etrog asking “hosha na” – please help – while mentioning Selihot that upon each segment highlight the merit of one of the seven ushpizin, the first one corresponding to Avraham, the second to Yishak, etc.  

After the seventh circuit we then build upon the refrain of hosha na to more and more steps of beseeching, totaling ten steps.  

1. Hosha na – We open with the core prayer that we have recited all of the preceding days of Sukkot, asking Hashem to save us.
2. Anna hoshiah na – We ask for the rebuilding of the Bet Hamikdash
3. Ani VaHu hoshiah na – We ask for salvation from oppression with the merit of the four species that correspond to parts of our body etrog = heart, lulav = spine, hadasim = eyes, aravot = lips.
4. Anna El na Hosha-na v’hoshia na – We ask for Him to open the bounty of produce, (naming wheat, barley, spelt, oats, rye, rice, millet, beans, lentils, olive trees and olive oil, grapes, figs, pomegranates, walnuts, dates, apples, pistachios, almonds, chestnuts, carob, mini fruit, peaches, berries, pears, etrog, and all types of vegetables and grains).
5. Anna El na hosha na v’hatsliha na – We ask to be transplanted back in Eretz Yisrael with its full blessings of bounty and water.
6. Anna El na hosha na v’harviha na Avinu attah – We ask Hashem to not withhold blessed rainwater, and we invoke here the merit of Noah, Avraham, Yishak, Yaakov, and Moshe Rabbenu, who found favor in the Eyes of Hashem.
7. Anna El na refa na, selah na, hashana v’hoshia na, Avinu attah – We invoke the merit of Noah, Avraham, Yishak, Yaakov, Moshe, and Aharon that our prayers today be of glory, praise, cherished, etc. to carry throughout the year.
8. Hoshienu Moshi’enu ki lecha enenu u’lecha lishuatenu – As we switch over tomorrow, on Shemini Aseret, asking for rain reciting morid hageshem we pray for a year of light, blessing, etc. in Aleph Bet order, here we ask the first four of the Alpeh Bet, seemingly introducing and opening the prayer of Shemini Aseret for rain.
9. Ha’El l’mosha’aot am nosha b’Adonai, hosha na behasdicha meyahalim l’Adonai, ki lishuatecha kivinu Adonai, Adam u’behemah toshia Adonai, ki lishuatecha kivinu Adonai – The yearning for the salvation from Hashem is the reason and source for our finding favor in the eyes of Hashem.
10. We then culminate with beseeching for the heralding of the final redemption through Eliyahu HaNavi with the recitation of – kol mevaser, mevaser v’omer.  

After musaf, one takes five aravot in a bundle and goes outside to strike them against the dirt.  

What is the meaning of banging aravot against the dirt? 

The aravot represent the lips and represent the non-virtuous, as they have no scent and no taste. Throughout the month and through the holiday we had many mitsvot surrounding and protecting us. As we culminate the season of mitsvot we invoke through aravot representing the lips that all, namely the Satan, which speak negatively of us, to be quieted of lashon hara through hitting them against the dirt [which is the food of the snake, which is the paradigm of lashon hara] that any evil spoken about us shall be quieted.

Can I use the aravot from my lulav?  

Although one halachically can use the ones from his lulav, it is preferable to use aravot not from the lulav. If one does not have aravot, then after your friend has hit his bundle on the ground if there are still most leaves attached, one should use them again, better than putting together from the ones from your lulav.

The answer to your kids’ question is – yes! There are, in fact, a lot of options within short driving distances to get out and have fun during Hol Hamoed! And yes, many of them are budget-friendly, kid-friendly, and will be worth the drive. So, ask your kids to check out this list and let the fun and excitement begin!

NEW YORK 

Gray Line Hop on/Hop off Tour

Explore more than 40 major New York City sights on this double decker tour bus that allows you to get on and off where you like. With and Uptown and Downtown pass, you can have access to two major tour routes for one low price. Make a day of it, or hop on and off to see a few sights, the choice is yours! Book at: https://www.grayline.com/tours/new-york-city/hop-on-hop-off-new-york-city-uptown-downtown-pass-5870_70_12130_849/. 

Luna Park @ Coney Island

Home of the first Rollercoaster (opened in 1884), Coney Island’s Luna Park has a rich history as the largest amusement park in New York.  With a scenic boardwalk, thrill rides, a spacious park, historic landmarks, and family-friendly entertainment, it is a great spot for family fun. Learn more at: https://lunaparknyc.com. 

National Geographic Encounter: Ocean Odyssey

Through the magic of technology, this immersive experience takes visitors on a virtual journey through the Pacific Ocean. Walk along the ocean floor, explore ocean life, meet beautiful ocean animals and plants, and more. Visit https://www.nationalgeographic.org/education/encounter-ocean-odyssey/. 

The Beast NYC Speed Boat Ride

Looking for a ride to the Statue of Liberty with a little more excitement than the Ferry? Then the Beast might be for you! This high-speed boat takes exciting twists and turns on the way – you might even get a bit wet. Buy tickers at: https://www.thebeastnyc.com.

Intrepid Sea, Air, & Space Museum

This fascinating museum is dedicated to the exhibition of history, science, and military service, as related to its home on the aircraft carrier Intrepid. There are a myriad exhibits that focus on different aspects of science and technology. The museum is full of actual aircraft, submarines, a space shuttle, simulators, and even has even an interactive hall for kids to explore in a hands-on way. For more information go to: https://www.intrepidmuseum.org.

Dewitt Clinton Park

Looking for a more intimate park than Central Park? Dewitt Clinton Park is a small, historically rich green space on Manhattan’s West Side. Dewitt Clinton Park features a playground, a dog run, a historic flower garden, and a myriad of sports fields and courts. Visit https://www.nycgovparks.org/parks/de-witt-clinton-park. 

FDNY Fire Zone

Learn about fire safety and have loads of fun with hands-on exhibits, simulators, and real-life fire trucks. Kids can try on actual gear, learn how to crawl through a smoke-filled hall, meet a real fire fighter, and climb into the cab of a truck, all while learning the important lessons for fire safety. Learn more at: https://www.fdnysmart.org/firezone/. 

Lego Store 

Not just your average Lego Store, the one at Rockefeller Center includes a Lego Mosaic Maker, a Minifigure Factory, a digital brick lab, and many other exhibits that make the process of shopping for Legos fun for everyone. Learn more at https://www.lego.com/en-us/stores/store/5th-avenue?y_source=1_MjI2MjYxMDUtNzE1LWxvY2F0aW9uLndlYnNpdGU%3D. 

Brooklyn Children’s Museum

Open to the public since 1899, the world’s first children’s Museum features a huge outdoor playground, special play areas for toddlers, a mini town, a mass of tunnels to explore, and even Jurassic Park mini golf. Purchase Tickets at: https://www.brooklynkids.org. 

Prospect Park Zoo

Situated beside the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, visitors can enjoy red pandas, sea lions, and dingos to name a few. Besides the exotic animals, there is a petting zoo where you can feed adorable sheep or alpacas. Visit https://prospectparkzoo.com. 

Brooklyn Bridge Park

With several kinds of playgrounds, your kids will never grow bored – from Slide Mountain to Sandbox Village and Swing Valley, to the Water Lab, this park is a child’s dream. It’s a great place to have a picnic, with many tables and a beautiful flower garden. Learn more at: https://www.brooklynbridgepark.org/places-to-see/pier-6/.

Shipwrecked

Opened in 2016, Shipwrecked is an entirely indoor entertainment complex with mini-golf, escape rooms, an arcade, and a restaurant. While there is plenty of fun for the whole family, there is an outdoor terrace, specifically designed for adults. Visit  https://www.shipwreckednyc.com/things-to-do.

NEW JERSEY

Sky Zone

Sky Zone Trampoline Park in Ocean, New Jersey, is the place for energetic kids and adults alike.  Walk in or make reservations. The massive indoor playground is filled with trampolines, foam pits, basketball courts, climbing walls, Ninja Warrior-stye obstacle courses, foam jousting, ultimate dodgeball spaces, and zip line.

Monster Mini Golf

It’s fun for all ages at the Monster Mini Golf in Eatontown, New Jersey. Families can partake in 18-hole black light mini golf, a state-of-the-art video arcade, and virtual reality attractions where you can immerse yourself in numerous adventures. Visit the website to look at timely deals and take a virtual tour. Visit https://monsterminigolf.com/eatontown/.

Solve It Sherlock Escape Room

Think you can crack the code, solve the puzzle, and escape the room in time? With five different rooms to choose from, ranging from the moderately hard (5/10) Pirates of the Golden Skull to the very hard (8/10) The Magician’s Secret. Rooms range from two to eight players and are great for friends, family, or coworkers. Solve It Sherlock Escape Room is located in Neptune, New Jersey. To read about the different experiences and book a room visit the website at: https://solveitsherlockescape.com.

Just Play

For families with younger children, Just Play in Oakhurst, NJ, is an indoor playground designed specifically for children up to six years old. Besides open play available every day of the week, Just Play offers private play date options by the hour. For more information, visit www.justplaynj.com.

Holland Ridge Farms 

For a Sunday jaunt until October 23rd, Holland Ridge Farms in Cream Ridge, New Jersey, invites visitors to pick sunflowers and take pictures in their beautiful fields of sunflowers, lilies, mums, dahlias, gladiolus, and more. And check out the petting zoo. Tickets must be purchased online. Visit https://www.hollandridgefarms.com.

Monmouth County Parks

The Monmouth County Park System has facilities and activities for all seasons, including many community activities such as craft shows, and the parks are home to beaches, campgrounds, disc gold courses, off-leash dog parks, skating rinks, fishing, and boating. Explore the area parks online at: https://www.monmouthcountyparks.com/index.aspx. 

Gateway National Recreational Area 

Located in Staten Island, the Gateway National Recreational Area is the perfect spot for enjoying the beautiful outdoors. Catch the stretch of beach for swimming, the cycling lanes, hiking trails, camping, boating, archery, fishing, and myriad of sports fields. Also on site is Sandy Hook, the oldest continuously operating lighthouse in the United States. Check out: https://www.nps.gov/gate/marking-50-years-as-a-national-recreation-area.htm 

Victory Stables

Victory Stables is a beautiful horse farm in Colts Neck, New Jersey with riding lessons, trail rides, horse shows, and various boarding and leasing options. Great for both new and experienced  horseback riders.

Eastmont Orchards

Family owned since 1923 in Colts Neck, New Jersey, the Orchard at one time transported fresh fruit to nearby cities. Now, it sells directly to consumers. How fun to pick your own apples on a crisp fall day! Pick up some honey there, too. Visit the website at: http://eastmontorchards.com.

Allaire Community Farm

Allaire Community Farm in Walls Township is a special place for special animals. The petting zoo animals are all rescues. Check out the horseback riding, too! The low admission price is reinvested in worthy causes like helpings both adults and children with special needs, supporting those with mental health issues, and supporting cancer survivors. Visit the website at: https://allairecommunityfarm.org.

Allaire State Park

Home to the Historic Allaire Village – a living history museum – and Pine Creek Railroad, Allaire State Park is a wonderful opportunity to explore the past up close and personally. Complete with a blacksmith shop, bakery, general store and post office, school, and various other staples of mid-19th century life, visitors can experience history rather than just learning about it. Learn more at: https://allairevillage.org.

Miss Belmar Whale Watching 

Boasting the cleanest and fastest ships, Miss Belmar offers sunset and stargazing cruises, whale watching tours, and fishing charters with excellent crews. Book a trip at: https://missbelmar.com.

This article was compiled with kind assistance from Joy Betesh of Coupon Connection (www.couponconnectionnj.com).

David is the go-to man in the community whenever anyone needs a favor, a donation, or a listening ear. He’s a member of numerous committees, a star employee, the default “busy person,” who others always feel comfortable approaching for help. He’s also crumbling under the stress of his myriad responsibilities and has grown resentful and irritable in private, but as a people pleaser who has been one for as long as he can remember, he can’t bear to disappoint anyone. David’s wife has reached out to her rabbi numerous times complaining how David goes to the end of the earth for others, yet is never home, how their children feel that he never spends time with them, and how, although David is a nice guy to her, she doesn’t feel like she has a relationship with him and is beginning to regularly feel resentment toward David.   

Sara is the resident trendsetter among her family, friends, and acquaintances. She is always up-to-date and ahead of the game in seemingly every area of her life, from clothing to housewares to cooking to parenting. Somehow Sara is able to walk the streets with her seven children under the age of 12, all matching, as calm as can be, leaving everyone around her wondering how she does it. Sara recently had her first panic attack, is having difficulty falling asleep, and has increased her time on Instagram more than she ever could have imagined.  

David and Sara may not seem like your stereotypical therapy clients. They haven’t necessarily experienced major trauma or faced acute psychological illness. Yet each can strengthen themselves and their relationships by prioritizing their mental health. They’re the personification of people who can change their lives for the better by becoming self-aware, understanding what makes them tick, and changing their personal narratives to achieve greatness, confidence, and serenity. 

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to be stuck in the throes of a can’t-get-out-of-bed depression, recovering from severe trauma, dealing with out-of-control compulsions, or teetering on the brink of disaster to benefit from therapy. Therapy is not the clichéd lying-on-a-couch-and-talking-about-your-mother experience where the therapist’s only input is a sagely tell me how that makes you FEEL.  

So what exactly happens in therapy, and who goes there? 

Most people visit a therapist without really knowing why. They know that they should be more assertive, yet they can’t get themselves to be assertive. They know that they should be happy with the good in their lives, yet they are consistently sad. They know that they are well-liked and successful, yet are always questioning if they really are.  

There’s a science behind this, and it’s fairly simple: there’s a big gap between your logic and emotions, and therapy helps clients to bridge that gap. 

The human brain has both left and right hemispheres, and they operate almost fully independently. Your left hemisphere operates fully logically, with zero emotions, and within time frames (your logic says: why should it still bother you that your boss fired you if it happened so many years ago?). Your right hemisphere operates fully emotionally, with zero logic, and time frames do not exist (that is why you can still feel the pain from when you were humiliated in 9th grade). This explains how one can read a fictional book or watch a movie knowing that the characters aren’t real and that the jump-scares don’t actually pose a threat to you, but yet you still feel the emotions that they’re designed to evoke even with your logic telling you,” It’s just a movie. It’s fake.”  

David may know (logic/left hemisphere) that real kindness starts at home, and that he could and should say no to people just like everyone else does, yet he constantly fears (emotions/right hemisphere) “Would my friends really be friends with me if I said no?” or “Would the community really still respect me if I gave a lame $100 charity donation when they know I could afford more?” Sara may logically know that true happiness is not about being and keeping things perfect but about being present with herself and her children, yet the feeling of shame and embarrassment of making a mistake or not keeping it all together all of the time overrides her ability to listen to her logic.

Mental health professionals help clients notice these discrepancies and learn how to use both sides of the brain effectively.

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They can be reached at 732.666.9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net.