Oftentimes parents say that they feel they are doing everything for their children yet have such a hard time connecting with them when their children act ungrateful, unkind, or selfish. Parents ask, “How do I feel connected to my child when they are treating me this way?” The answer is that both we and our children do not have to do anything at all to be connected to each other because the connection is natural and is always there. Sometimes, however we do need to remove blockages that make us feel disconnected from our children. Blockages can include our thoughts about ourselves or our children. Most of the time those thoughts are judgmental in nature, meaning that our brains are telling us that our children should be doing things differently. All “should” thinking is destructive. There are no “shoulds” in life.
Here is one example: A mother tells her daughter to deliver a package to an older woman who lives down the block. Her daughter answers, “No, do it yourself.” The mother starts yelling at her daughter because she acts according to the root thought of “kids should listen to their mothers, and it’s terrible if they do not.” While her daughter’s response was clearly very disrespectful, and requires wise direction from her mother, the mother needs to be responding from a grounded place of clear thinking in order to tap into that wisdom. Instead of thinking, “My daughter should…” she can think clearer truths such as, “Let me think how to set a healthy limit/help my daughter take responsibility here so she can act respectfully.” (It is not healthy for the daughter to not listen to her mother.) “This challenge is uniquely and lovingly designed for me by Hashem to provide me with an opportunity to grow.” “If I got this challenge, I certainly have the tools inside of me.” “My daughter made a poor choice, and I still see her Real Self beneath that. Her mistakes do not define her.”
Now if the mother is responding to her daughter from a place of clear truths, she will be able to see that her connection to her was never lost in the first place, but rather that her original faulty thinking is what created the blockage.
Consequently, when her daughter says, “No, you do it,” the mother might respond with, “That comes across like you think you do not have to listen, and I know you do not mean that. Now please go and bring the elderly lady down the block this bag.” All that is said with zero judgement in the mother’s voice. She is not thinking less of her daughter and is not worried about her either. Her daughter simply made a mistake. It is just a bump in the road, and she needs to take responsibility.
How to Deal with Disrespectful Comments
If the daughter often makes disrespectful comments, the mother can have separate conversations with her at a different time about it.
Notice I said conversations in plural because it’s two separate conversations, never to be mixed.
Conversation #1: Is there something her daughter needs?
Conversation #2: What is expected of the daughter? (We do not make excuses for misbehaviors.)
I like to always tell the child that we need to have these two conversations and ask the child which one they would like to have first. They usually pick the conversation about what they need first. I then give my undivided attention as the child explains, “You always ask me to help you, and not my sisters.” or “Sometimes I am just not in the mood.” To that conversation I just listen, but I never excuse. Just help the child to feel fully heard.
Then comes the second conversation of, “The real you wants to speak respectfully. You need to find different words to use when you are having these feelings.” We then trust our child to want to do the right thing by smiling and asking, “Can you give me your word that you will work hard to remember that?” People want to keep their word, so the chances of improvement are high.
If they forget after that, do not slip back into “should” thinking. Remember that this is part of your child’s journey with you. Use the challenge as an opportunity to see beyond the misbehaviors, so you can focus on the natural connection between you and your child, which never leaves you. That is when you will come up with the best strategies.
I live in a high Covid-infected area. I do my best to stay home and limit the people I see. Our apartment building has signs up requesting everyone wear their masks, and for one person/party to ride the elevator at a time.
I wear my mask from the minute I leave my door to the minute I come back in. The biggest problem I am facing is with the elevator: people wearing no masks who push their way onto the elevator with me (as in: the door is closing and they stick their hand in to open it). If I see them waiting, I try to step back and say, “I’ll catch the next one,” but sometimes they push their way on and I feel trapped in this situation. I have been trying to take the stairs, but I run into mask-less people there as well!
We are already so far into the pandemic that I can’t imagine anyone with any sense still not wearing a mask, but I don’t want a confrontation or to escalate any situation. I just want to stay safe!
Do you have any advice on how to politely handle this?
Signed,
Elevator Blues
Dear Blue,
Rabbis, doctors, presidents, governors, mayors, publishers, preachers, principals, teachers, store owners, security guards, transit workers, health care workers, Hatzalah volunteers, and policemen all tell you it is important to cover your nose and mouth with a mask when in public areas. Wedding photographers seem to have a different opinion.
Is it unsafe if you don’t? Is it inconsiderate? Is it overrated? Ask ten people and you will get ten answers. Is it frustrating? Yes it is. Can you force people to do something they don’t want to do or feel they don’t need to do? No you can’t. All you can do is to continue taking precautions to protect yourself.
But as long as you are wearing your mask, say a little prayer under your breath for the others who are not, so that they should not be stricken with this sickness because of their own shortsightedness (at least in my humble opinion).
The Israelite nation that left Egypt and stood at Mount Sinai, becoming Gd’s Chosen Nation, consisted of thirteen tribes. Today, however, the Jewish Nation as we know it consists of only three tribes. What happened to the other ten tribes, and will we be reunited with our lost brethren at the time of Mashiah?
Each of the thirteen tribes descends from our forefather Yaakov. Eleven were named after his sons and two were named after his grandsons, the children of Yosef. The tribes lived together for several centuries in the land of Israel, separating into separate kingdoms after the passing of King Solomon. However, in the Hebrew year 3205 (555 BCE), the unrepentant Northern Kingdom of Israel, which consisted of ten of the tribes ruled by the King Hoshea, was invaded and captured by the mighty Assyrian Empire led by the king Sanherev1. The entire Northern Kingdom was exiled to an unknown, distant land. Ever since this calamity, the Jewish nation from which we descend is assumed to consist only of the tribes Yehuda, Binyamin, and Levi. Indeed, after the fall of the Northern Kingdom the Scriptures refer to the Jewish Nation as “Yehudim,” or “Judeans,” because they are mainly from the tribe of Yehuda.2 Throughout Megilat Esther, for example, the Jews are called “Yehudim.”
A Three-Pronged Exile
The exile of the ten tribes occurred in three distinct stages over a period of approximately twenty years. The first to be exiled were the tribes of Zevulun and Naftali, in the Hebrew year 3187 (573 BCE), during the rule of the Israelite king Pekach. Eight years later (3195/565 BCE), the tribes of Reuven, Gad and half of Menashe were driven into exile, during the rule of King Hoshea. The final stage occurred in 3205 (555 BCE), when Shomron, the Northern Kingdom’s capital city, was conquered, at which point all those remaining from the ten tribes were captured and exiled.3 The Assyrians attempted to capture the Southern Kingdom of Yehuda and Binyamin, as well, eight years later, during the reign of the righteous Judean King Hizkiyahu. They succeeded in conquering the majority of the kingdom, but when the Assyrian troops reached the capital city of Jerusalem, where the Bet Hamikdash stood, an angel sent by Hashem destroyed their army overnight.4
To Where Were They Exiled?
The book of Melachim II (17:6) relates that the Assyrian Empire exiled the ten tribes to the countries of Halach and Havor along the river of Gozen, and in the cities of Madai. The Midrash5 explains that in each of the three stages of exile, the captives were brought to a different, more distant region. The ten tribes were scattered to such an extent, the Midrash comments, that the distance separating the different groups among the ten tribes
is the same as the distance that separates the land of Israel and the river of Gozen. The Midrash adds that the third and final group of exiled tribes was driven to a remote location beyond “the mountains of darkness.”
A different Midrash6, tells how many members of the ten tribes sincerely repented on their way to exile, and Hashem, accepting their teshuva, sent them a heavenly cloud which lifted them to a magnificent country behind the great seas of ice. These penitent Jews live in that unknown country and will return to us at the time of Mashiah.
The River Sambatyon
The commentaries7 identify the river Gozen (literally, “the throwing river”) as Sambatyon, the churning river which throws sand and boulders all week long, resting only on Shabbat. The name Sambatyon stems from the root “Sabbat” (Shabbat) and thus alludes to its resting on Shabbat. The Talmud8 relates that the Roman governor Turnus Rufus asked Rabbi Akiva for proof of the sanctity of the Sabbath, and Rabbi Akiva noted that the river Sambatyon proves the status of the seventh day as the world’s day of rest. There is also a documented story of a person who took a bottle of sand from the river Sambatyon, and throughout the week it would churn inside the bottle, settling only on Shabbat9. A number of sources comment that the river actually begins its rest on Friday afternoon, two hours before sundown, in accordance with the requirement of tosefet Shabbat-(adding onto Shabbat)10.
Some sources11 also note that no water flows in the Sambatyon during the week, as it consists entirely of sand and rocks churning like the waves of the sea. It is only on Shabbat that water flows in the river.
Travelers who have seen the river testified that the churning noise is louder than thunder, and could be heard as far as two days’ walking distance away!12
The ten tribes were driven across this river, where they have remained trapped ever since. They cannot cross during the week because of the rocks, and of course not on Shabbat because Jewish law prohibits swimming and boating on Shabbat.
The exact location of the river Sambatyon is subject to considerable controversy. The scholars discuss and debate whether it is situated in a remote location in India, Africa, or another distant region. Throughout the ages, the river’s whereabouts have remained shrouded in mystery, but legends abound of people who have come across this extraordinary site. Arguably the most famous of these legends is the story of the pious saddik Rabbi Meir the Hazzan from the city of Worms, Germany. In the year 1096, the rabbis sent Rabbi Meir to cross the Sambatyon and bring a scholar capable of opposing the powers of sorcery used by the wicked bishop in their town to torment the Jews. As the success of his mission was a matter of life and death, Rabbi Meir was permitted to cross the river on Shabbat. After a grueling trek through mountains and deserts, Rabbi Meir crossed the Sambatyon and sent a qualified sage who successfully neutralized the bishop’s sorcery using the powers of kedusha (holiness). Rabbi Meir, who was not permitted to return across the river since the life-saving mission had already been completed, sent back to his colleagues a stirring poem entitled Akdamot which beautifully describes our nation’s desire for redemption. The rabbi instructed his colleagues to read this hymn in the synagogue on Shavuot before the reading of the Torah, a custom observed by all Ashkenazic communities to this very day13.
A Long, Harsh Exile
Unlike the tribes of Yehudah and Binyamin, who remained in exile for only seventy years and then returned to Eress Yisrael, the ten tribes have still not returned. The commentaries14 give a number of reasons for why the ten tribes deserved to endure such a long and difficult exile. Firstly, the ten tribes committed the grave sin of seceding from the Gd-chosen kingship of the house of David during the reign of King Solomon’s son Rehavam, dividing the Jewish people into two separate kingdoms. Secondly, the Northern Kingdom, since its inception, formally annulled the fundamental missva of aliyah leregel, the holiday pilgrimages to Yerushalayim where the entire nation beheld the divine presence of Hashem in the Bet Hamikdash. The northern tribes built centers of pagan worship in the cities of Bet El and Dan as substitutes for the Temple in Jerusalem. This was done in order to prevent people from traveling to Yerushalayim, the capital of the Southern Kingdom, and returning their allegiances to the royal house of David. Finally, and most importantly, idolatry was always widespread in the Northern Kingdom, and its pagan influence spread to the Southern Kingdom, causing the two other tribes to sin. They were therefore liable to the severe punishment for idolatry described in the second paragraph of the daily shema: “Vesartem va’avadetem elohim aherim…va’avadetem mehera me’al ha’aress hatova asher Hashem noten lachem – and you will worship alien Gds…and you will quickly perish from the good land that Hashem has given you” (Devarim 11:16-17).
Will They Return Before Mashiah?
The Talmud records a debate15 among the Sages as to whether the ten tribes were separated from us forever, or will be reunited with us at the time of Mashiah. According to one view, the ten tribes were permanently banished from the Jewish people, and will never return from exile.
At first glance, this view seems to directly contradict explicit predictions by the prophets that the Jewish Nation will once again be comprised of twelve different tribes16 (the tribe of Levi, which consists of kohanim and leviim is often excluded in references to the “twelve tribes” because they did not receive a portion of land). How can we reconcile this view with the prophecies foreseeing twelve tribes?
The Talmud17 relates that before the destruction of the First Temple, the prophet Yirmiyahu was sent to bring the exiled ten tribes back to the land of Israel, but succeeded in restoring only a small minority of them. These members of the ten tribes joined Yehuda and have stayed with the Jewish people ever since. Thus, even if the exiles never return, the Jewish nation has in its midst representatives of all twelve tribes. Additionally,
some claim that many members of the ten tribes settled in Jerusalem and its environs in order to live in close proximity to the Bet Hamikdash. They were spared the fate of the ten tribes, and have remained as part of the Jewish people ever since.
Returning to the question of whether the exiled tribes will ever return, the widely accepted opinion is that they indeed will return18. This is indicated in the words of the prophet Yeshayahu (27:13): “and it will come to be on that day the great shofar will blow and those lost in the land of Ashur (Assyria) will come…and they will bow to Hashem on the holy mountain in Jerusalem.” Some scholars claim that the ten tribes will return shortly before the coming of Mashiah, while others maintain that this will occur only after his arrival19.
This conclusion leaves us with a rather remarkable thought to ponder: when Mashiah arrives, an enormous multitude of people whom we had never seen or heard of before may suddenly surface and join us. All of today’s Jews will constitute but a small minority of the Jewish nation. We can only hope and pray that we will all live to see that special day and experience firsthand the restoration of our nation’s full glory, Amen.
Next issue: Legends and Encounters with the Ten Lost Tribes
1 See Tractate Sanhedrin 94a 2 Sefer Hatishbi, p. 125 3 See Rashi to Melachim 17:1, and Seder Hadorot by Rabbi Yehiel Halpern 4 Melachim II, chapters 18-19 5 See Yalkut to Yeshayahu, chapter 49, and Bamidbar Rabba – Parashat Shelah 17:28 6 See Sefer Tovah Re’eyata pp. 332-333 7 See Ramban in Perashat He’azinu 32:26 and commentary of Maharzu on Midrash Rabba Perashat Shelah 17 8 Tractate Sanhedrin 65b 9 Shenem Asar Shivte Yisrael by Rabbi Moshe Wienstock, page 52 10 Ibid pp 74-75, 90 11 Ibid pp 50-53 12 Ibid pp 90-91. 13 Ibid pp 70-76 14 Book of Kings II 17:7-23, see Abarbanel 15 Tractate Sanedrin 110b 16 See Yehezkel 37 17 Tractate Megilah 14b, and Rashi to Tractate Sanhedrin 110b 18 See Maharal in Nessah Yisrael 34 19 See Ossrot Aharit Hayamim volume 2, p 26
Rachel decided to improve her computer skills to keep up with her kids who were in the hi-tech industry in Israel. She threw herself into the task with enthusiasm, borrowing two or three instructional books from the Tel Aviv library each week.
After about a month, the librarian commented: “Wow! You must be getting really knowledgeable about this stuff.”
“Thanks. What makes you say that?” asked Rachel.
“Well,” said the librarian, “only one of the books you’re taking out this week has “For Dummies” in the title.”
Carol Z.
Chaim Yankel Goes Golfing
Chaim Yankel wanted to make business connections in the non-Jewish community, and he was told that he needed to improve his golf game. So, he joined a golf club and started practicing. But feeling self-conscious, he would only golf alone, with no one present except for his caddy.
One day he had a new caddy and Chaim Yankel was playing particularly badly.
“I think I am playing the world’s worst golf game,” he confessed to the caddy.
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that, sir,” was the consoling response. “From what the boys were saying about another gentleman who plays here, he must be worse even than you are.”
“What’s his name?”
The caddy replied, “I think they call him Chaim Yankel.”
Morris T.
Here Kitty, Kitty
Little Rivky Goldstein had been a naughty girl in school. By way of punishment, she was directed by Mrs. Applebaum to remain in her seat after school and remain there until she had written an original composition containing not less than fifty words.
Rivky completed her task in a surprisingly short space of time and left the room. Mrs. Applebaum picked up the Rivky’s assignment and read it:
“I lost my kitty, and I went out and called, ‘Come, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.’”
Jeannie L.
Vacationing in Venice
David and Shirah Epstein decided to go on a father and daughter trip to Italy. When they returned, Shirah was giving her mother a rundown of their favorite city, Venice.
“Ah, Venice,” said the mother. “It must have been fantastic. What was your father’s favorite part? The gondolas? The glass makers? The Jewish ghetto?”
“Come on Mom, you should know Dad better than that,” the young lady interrupted. “Dad liked it because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window.”
Mark C.
On One Leg
On the 5th floor at Maimonides Hospital all the patients were not only in bed, but they also had one of their legs suspended in a sling above them. One day, Moishe the consultant, together with some of his staff, was making his rounds on the 5th floor. Moishe stopped at the first bed and pulled and twisted the patient’s suspended leg. The patient screamed in agony. This was repeated along the row of beds, while each patient screamed and yelled during the examination.
Moishe finally reached the last bed. This was occupied by Emanuel. But when Emanuel’s suspended leg was pulled and twisted as was done to all the others, Emanuel remained silent and smiling throughout the procedure.
When Moishe and his entourage left the ward, all the patients congratulated Emanuel on his bravery and fortitude.
But Emanuel responded by telling them, “Brave/shmave – I saw what the consultant was doing to you, so I switched my legs and put my good leg in the sling.”
David M
Who’s the Boss?
An insurance agent climbed the steps and rang the doorbell. The housekeeper opened the door.
“Who are you looking for?” asked the housekeeper.
“I want to see the boss of the house,” replied the insurance agent. “Are you the boss?”
The husband of the house then came to the door. The insurance agent repeated his question.
“I’d like to speak to the boss of the household. I assume that you are the boss?”
“Yea right,” replied the man. “I’m only the husband. Step in, I’ll call the boss.”
The insurance agent took a seat in the hall, and in a short time a woman appeared.
“So, you want to see the boss” asked the woman. “Well, just step into the kitchen. This way, please. Rachel, a man is here to see you.”
A 13-year-old girl approached.
“Tell me,” pleaded the insurance agent, “are you the boss of the house?”
“You want to see the boss?” asked the girl. “Well, just come with me.”
Wearily the insurance agent climbed up the stairs. They walked into a room on the second floor and there was the crib of a sleeping baby.
“There!” exclaimed the girl, “That’s the real boss of this house!”
Karen D.
The Right to an Attorney
Shmulie, Chelm’s local thief, was caught red-handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was quickly brought to trial.
“How do you plead?” asked the judge.
“Your honor,” answered Shmulie, “before I plead guilty or not guilty, I ask that the court kindly appoint a lawyer to defend me.”
“You were caught in the actual commission of a crime. What could any lawyer possibly say in your defense?” said the judge.
“That’s exactly my point, your honor,” said Shmulie. “I’m curious also to hear what he could possibly say!”
Ikey F.
What’s the Band Playing?
Itzik’s Bistro in downtown Tel Aviv is usually full even on Open Mic Wednesdays. One particular Wednesday night, crowded as usual, a band was playing and Shuki and his friend Dudu were sitting near the stage, none too happy. At one point, Shuki pipes up and asks the band leader, “Can you play something by request?”
The bandleader beamed and said, “Of course. Whatever you want.”
“Then,” snapped Shuki, “sit down and play a game of shesh besh (backgammon) so I can finish my meal.”
Harry G.
Forgiveness
Rabbi Epstein was giving his Yom Kippur sermon about forgiveness and during his speech he asked his congregation, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
About half held up their hands. He then rephrased his question, “How many of you want to forgive your enemies?” Slowly, every hand in the congregation went up, except for one. Little old Sadie Horowitz.
“Mrs. Horowitz?” inquired the Rabbi, “Are you not willing to forgive your enemies, especially on this Day of Atonement when Gd forgives us all?”
“I don’t have any enemies,” Mrs. Horowitz replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Horowitz, that is more impressive. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight,” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Horowitz, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please stand up and in front of this congregation tell us all how a person can live so long and not have an enemy in the world?”
Little old Mrs. Horowitz got up slowly, smiled, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived all those old yentas.”
Usually, red means “Stop” and green means “Go.” But can you think of a situation in which red means ‘Go” and green means “Stop”?
Last Month’s Riddle: Cats & Dogs
Fido is staring only at Jamie, but Jamie is staring only at Felix. Fido is a dog and Felix is a cat. Jamie is either a cat or a dog, but you don’t know which. Given just this information, is a dog looking at a cat – or are you unable to know for sure?
Solution: A dog is looking at a cat. If Jamie is a cat, then Fido (dog) is looking at a cat. If Jamie is a dog, then Jamie is looking at Felix (cat). Either way, a dog is looking at a cat.
Solved by: Claudine Soffer, Abraham Bamshad, Lauren Lacher, Little Mike, Nathan Mishan, Fortune Ayal, Jennifer Sitt, and Nehorai Avikasis.
Junior Riddle: Lost and Found
What is lost whenever it is shared?
SUBMITTED BY Shelly J.
Last Month’s Junior Riddle: At The Market
The grocery store is charging the prices listed below for milk, juice, cheese, and butter. Your aunt buys one of each, plus spends an additional $7.50 on other products. In her purse, she has several $1, $2, $5, and $10 bills. What is the least number of bills your aunt can use to pay for her groceries? (she does not have any coins).
SOLUTION: Two bills. The four items total $10. With the additional $7.50 – the total is $17.50. You need bills that add up to a minimum of $18. To equal exactly $18, you would need 4 bills. Instead, you can use just two bills by giving the cashier two $10 bills.
Solved by: Haim S., Lauren Lacher, Nathan Mishan, Fortune Ayal, Jennifer Sitt, The Shmulster, Nehorai Avikasis, Little Mike, and Big Mike.
One of the secrets behind the fly’s impressive evasiveness is its outstanding vision. A house fly has two large compound eyes that cover most of its head. Each compound eye is composed of up to six thousand individual visual receptors called ommatidia. Each ommatidium (singular for ommatidia) is a functioning eye in itself, and thousands of them together create a broad field of vision for the fly.
Although a fly’s eyes are immobile, their spherical shape and protrusion from the fly’s head give the fly an almost 360-degree view of the world. The thousands of “eyes” allow it to detect even the slightest of movements from nearly every direction.
In 2008, scientists used super-slow-motion cameras to learn more about the fly’s remarkable ability of evading predators and fly swatters (see “A Closer Look At” section). It turns out that when a fly spots a predator, or a person waving his arms about, it doesn’t just jump into the air. In the next one-hundred-thousandth of a second, the fly freezes, repositions itself, and perfectly coordinates its legs and wings to lift and fly off in the opposite direction of the incoming threat. Flies do this so quickly that our eyes can’t even follow their pre-flight maneuvering, or predict the path of their escape. It’s a split-second for us — but for the fly it’s enough time for it to save itself.
I See You!
House flies have three additional simple eyes, called ocelli, located between their two compound eyes.
A Closer Look At…
How the Fly Plans Its Escape
Prior to the scientific experiments in 2008, scientists thought that the fly’s escape response was a simple reflex. But when they studied it in slow motion, they found that a fly uses most of the time it has to carefully reposition its legs and body. In other words, the fly does make planning movements prior to its takeoff. Then, at the last possible moment, the fly jumps in the opposite direction of the swatter. The time it takes from the start of the swatter’s move to the fly’s jump-off is only about 288 milliseconds. The fly uses 287 of those milliseconds to plan its movements, and only at the very last millisecond does it actually fly away.
A fly has six legs. The middle two are called the “jump legs” and are the most critical for the fly’s calculated takeoff. When the fly needs to jump backward because the swatter is coming at it from the front, it puts its jump legs forward so that when they extend, they’ll push the body backward. When the threat comes from the back, the fly (which, as we mentioned, has a nearly 360-degree field of view, and can see behind itself) moves its middle legs a tiny bit backward, so that they’ll push the body forward. When a threat comes at it from the side, the fly keeps its middle legs still, but leans its whole body in the opposite direction before it jumps.
Torah Connection
The fly is mentioned often in the Gemara, and is usually characterized as being annoying. For example, the Gemara (Shabbat 77b) explains that the reason why the ox’s tail is long is so that, while grazing in the meadow, it can beat off flies with its tail. Curtains were hung over beds as a protection against flies (Sukkah 26a). Also, flies were considered such a nuisance that prayers were ordained for their removal (Ta’anit 14a).
But, as we know, everything that Hashem created has a purpose, even a pesky fly. We find the fly indirectly involved in a couple of monumental events in Jewish history.
Parshat Vayeishev (40:1 – 23) relates the story of how Yosef was sentenced to jail in Mitzrayim, and how he was eventually freed from there. Both the baker and the cupbearer of Pharaoh had sinned against the king. Rashi quotes a midrash that the butler’s sin was that he had served Pharaoh a goblet of wine in which a fly had been found. For this lapse of duty, the butler had been thrown into jail, where he met Yosef, who interpreted his dream for him. When the butler was released from prison, and Pharaoh had some strange dreams, the butler told the king about
Yosef the dream interpreter. Pharaoh immediately freed Yosef from jail so that Yosef could interpret his dreams for him.
It turns out that the little fly in Pharaoh’s cup was the trigger that eventually led to Yosef becoming second to the king in Mitzrayim!
Another momentous episode in which the fly is mentioned is in the story of Purim. The Gemara (Megillah 13b) tells us that Haman, who excelled at speaking lashon hara, approached King Achashveirosh and informed him that the Jews had many strange customs that mocked his kingship. He specifically told Achashveirosh that if a fly were to enter a Jew’s glass of wine, the Jew would remove the fly and then drink the wine, but if the king were to touch the wine, the Jew would pour the whole cup out and not drink any of it. After hearing Haman’s words, Achashveirosh agreed to Haman’s plot of destroying the Jewish people.
We learn from the fly that Hashem has many messengers, and that He often causes the fate of an individual or a nation to be determined by an insignificant object, such as…the fly!
The Jewish community of Yemen is an ancient one, thousands of years old. According to tradition, the first Jews who came to Yemen were wealthy Jerusalemites who, 42 years before the Babylonians’ destruction of Jerusalem and the first Bet Hamikdash, heard the prophet Yirmiyahu’s warning of the impending catastrophe, and left for Yemen. Historians place the first Jewish community in Yemen 300 years later.
The Jews of Yemen are known for their talents as artisans, but also for their piety and commitment to Torah. Yemenite Jewry produced a number of outstanding sages, the most famous among them being Rabbi Shalom Shabazi (1619-1720) and Rabbi Shalom Sharabi (1720-1777). But Yemenite Jewish history also contains a great deal of pain and struggle – oppression, forced conversion, imposed second-class citizenship, and poverty. On numerous occasions, groups formed to escape Yemen and travel by foot to Eretz Yisrael – a distance of over 1,000 miles. Sadly, many perished along the way.
The 21st-Century “Magic Carpet”
Shortly after the founding of the State of Israel, in 1949-1950, the newly-established Jewish State launched Operation Magic Carpet, a mission to rescue Yemenite Jews and bring them to the Holy Land. Approximately 49,000 Jews were brought to Israel during this operation. Unfortunately, many of these new immigrants faced enormous challenges in their new home, suffering poverty, discrimination, and efforts to tear them away from their holy traditions.
Today, only several dozen Jews remain in Yemen, which has been torn apart by a bloody civil war that has raged since 2014. They are suffering dire deprivation as well as violence at the hand of the Houthis, an Islamist rebel group that has taken control of part of the country. Many of them are ill and starving, without water or electricity, and the children have no schools. The plight of Yemen’s Jews was the subject of a New York Times article published on February 19, 2015 entitled, “Persecution Defines Life for Yemen’s Remaining Jews.”
This article was shown to a number of prominent members of our community, including Mr. Morris Missry, and the chairman and executive director of the Sephardic Heritage Museum – Mr. Joseph Sitt and Rabbi Raymond Sultan. They knew right away that something had to be done.
The rescue program began by sending a journalist stationed in Yemen to go door-to-door to find out who wanted to leave the war-torn country. The journalist determined that although many were afraid to come right out and say it, they were all dying to leave – both literally and figuratively.
The Sephardic Heritage Museum proceeded to capitalize on its international web of connections, and vast experience in negotiations and diplomacy, reaching out to foreign governments and agencies. Already in 2015, they managed to bring 11 Yemenites Jews to safety. The story is worthy of an action movie – the group had to pass through 15 checkpoints, and the plane was escorted by an American jet until it touched down at a U.S. Airforce base in an undisclosed location.
Over the next several years, from 2016-2020, another 47 Jews were rescued. One of them, after reaching Israel, was photographed holding a Torah scroll next to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The picture was widely circulated, and when the Houthis saw it, they promptly arrested another member of the Jewish community in Yemen on the grounds of conspiring to steal Yemenite artifacts. Rabbi Sultan and his team have been working to have this man released, but have not been successful. The man’s wife was kidnapped, and his father died from the aggravation caused by his son’s incarceration.
Seventeen Jews remain in Yemen waiting to be rescued.
Reunited in Dubai
The historic recent peace agreements signed last year between Israel and several Arab countries have become a valuable asset in this life-saving effort. The United Arab Emirates (UAE), which has forged a close friendship with Israel, has been instrumental in assisting the Sephardic Heritage Museum with their mission.
A Yemenite Jew in England contacted the Sephardic Heritage Museum and asked for help in rescuing his family members trapped in Yemen, whom he had not seen in 21 years. With the help of the UAE, which welcomed the family to their country, the family was brought to Dubai, which welcomed them. The climate and culture of the Emirates are far more suitable for Yemenite Jews than Western countries, and so the UAE was considered a perfect location for resettling the family.
Past, Present, and Future
The Sephardic Heritage Museum was founded primarily to preserve the rich history of the Syrian/Sephardic community, and to educate the current and future generations about our glorious past, which must continue to guide and inspire us. But in addition, they have shown a commitment to preserve not just history – but Jewish lives wherever they are in danger. To find out more about the museum’s work, and to take part in this life-saving effort, visit www.sephardicheritagemuseum.com.
“I feel blessed to have built The Brooklyn Barista through word-of-mouth. Our community has supported me wholeheartedly since day one, and I am honored to return that support through hesed.” ~ Alisen Chazanoff
Who is Alisen Chazanoff? Alisen was born in Brooklyn, NY and raised in Hollywood, Florida. Her loved ones describe her as real, brave, compassionate, and funny. She considers herself “authentic” and prides herself on always “following her heart.” Our conversation gave me a glimpse into her essence, passions, and loving and laid-back nature. I immediately sensed Alisen’s genuine warmth and enthusiasm. She had cleared her day and reviewed her journals in advance of our interview. Alisen has been documenting her feelings and major life events for almost 30 years. “Writing in my journal helps me become more aware and find solutions to problems. I journal before I go to bed to plan my schedule/priorities for the next day.”
Raised with “unconditional love and encouragement,” it is not surprising that Alisen, affectionately known in the community as “The Brooklyn Barista,” went from “doing good to brewing good.”
Creating a Coffee Niche
Alisen’s daydream about connecting with people through the experience of a beautifully crafted cappuccino became a reality when she was inspired to support her friend and cancer survivor Lynda Levy. Upon learning about Lynda’s annual fundraiser to benefit Sephardic Bikur Holim and the Lymphoma Society, Alisen drew upon her entrepreneurial spirit and proposed the idea of setting up a coffee bar as an event sponsor. The event was a major success! Alisen sold hundreds of cups of coffee. Customers assumed she had a retail business and asked for her card. That day, her close friend Aliza Salem aka “The Ghetto Gourmet,” encouraged her to begin promoting her concept and to create business cards right away. And it was her younger sister, Lorie, who immediately coined her “The Brooklyn Barista.” Alisen explained that “an unexpected business was now organically and officially launched. “
The calls to book The Brooklyn Barista for affairs started rolling in and Alisen received requests to host everything from milestone events and bridal showers to teacher appreciation events and medical conferences.
One might ask, why coffee? Alisen used to prepare a perfect cup of coffee with just the right amount of milk for her mom every morning since she was seven. “This is the best coffee I have ever tasted!” her mom would declare each time. “Over 30 years later, the positive memory of making my mom so happy through a simple cup of coffee came back to me.”
Alisen had observed the magical way her grandmothers and her husband’s grandma would connect over a cup of coffee. “I shared so many precious moments with my Nonna Esther, a”h, over a cup of Turkish coffee. I witnessed my Safta Alice, a”h, gathering friends and family over countless cups of coffee. I had the honor of spending priceless times with my husband’s Grandma Jane, a”h, when she imparted her life’s wisdom over coffee.”
Her vision for The Brooklyn Barista is rooted in the experience of coffee – “It’s a personal experience, it’s about friendship, it’s about connecting.”
Not Just Coffee
Seven years into her journey, Alisen continues to develop new recipes, maintain strong relationships with her clients and community partners, and consistently strive for a quality product with impeccable service. “I always had the entrepreneurial spirit in my heart and it came to fruition with The Brooklyn Barista. I enjoy creating and offering different options depending on the event and the season.” The Brooklyn Barista offers artisan coffee catering featuring hot and cold brew, cappuccinos, lattes, cold-pressed herbal tea, hot chocolate, and more. Alisen also sells her signature cold brew and cold-pressed herbal tea on her social media platforms.
Through her fundraising efforts, Alisen has supported and created awareness for many nonprofit organizations including SBH, Hatzalah, Sephardic Food Fund, Masbia, Morris Franco Cancer Center, Chai Lifeline, IDF, and Chai for Lyme, among others.
In addition to bringing her traveling coffee bar to private parties, varying from five to five hundred guests, Alisen’s clients are diverse and range from yeshivot such as Yeshiva University, Yeshivah of Flatbush, Magen David, Barkai, and Mazel Day School, to notable caterers including Claudia Bildiricci, Grace Sitt, and Batya’s Kitchen. Upscale retail boutiques such as The Yellow Door, Wishing Well, and Paris Pop often enlist The Brooklyn Barista for their customer appreciation events. The Brooklyn Barista was also an official sponsor of Kosher Food Media.
Alisen’s biggest professional challenge? Her goal of living up to her gold standard and never outsourcing an event has proven to be taxing at times. She has made so many friends through The Brooklyn Barista, being a part of everyone’s smachot is not always feasible.
Her Roots
Alisen is a first-generation American, whose Sephardic roots began in Egypt. Her parents and grandparents on both sides were born in Cairo. With different journeys to the U.S., her parents, Joseph Setton and Rachel Balassiano, ultimately met in Brooklyn. They married and moved to Florida shortly thereafter.
The oldest of four girls, Alisen is ultra-close with her sisters and says their individual accomplishments inspire her. Eileen Alkabes is a respected public relations professional, Jaime
Galapo is the owner of Galapo Group Design, an interior design firm, and Lorie Ofir is an award-winning teaching artist at the Perez Art Museum Miami.
Alisen’s parents were the most incredible role models. “We were my mom’s treasured gems and she made sure we knew it every single day.”
Alisen’s father, Joseph, grew up in Israel, was a paratrooper in the Israeli Army, and fought in the Six Day War. Through his army experiences, he developed resilience and determination which shaped him into a successful self-made entrepreneur. His war stories are what continually drive Alisen to overcome challenges – both personally and professionally. “My dad always displayed courage and integrity.”
Childhood summers were spent in Wildwood, NJ, where the Settons owned a popular fine jewelry and souvenir shop. Alisen and her sisters began helping in the family business at a young age, acquiring a strong work ethic and understanding the value of a dollar. “Whether I was organizing hair accessories or putting price labels on merchandise, our parents made us feel that our contributions were so valuable.”
Alisen learned how to connect with people during those summers in Wildwood. “When I stood behind the jewelry counter, it wasn’t about sales tactics; I discovered how to engage with people and to never judge a book by its cover.”
She earned her Bachelor of Business Administration in International Finance and Marketing from the University of Miami in 1996. Upon graduating, she was offered a position in New York City in the finance industry and eventually accepted a position working for the World Headquarters of Republic National Bank in Manhattan.
As Fate Would Have It…
While living in New York, Alisen’s cousin Joyce Matalon suggested she meet Isaac Chazanoff. It was hashgacha pratit (Divine providence) that he would turn out to be the namesake and grandson of Isaac Mavorah, a”h, Alisen’s grandparents’ guardian angel. It was Mr. Mavorah who had personally guided and offered tremendous emotional support to her grandparents, Joseph and Esther Balassiano, through their first and most difficult years in America. Hashem most definitely arranged that date with Isaac Chazanoff, who is now her husband of 20 years.
Alisen and Isaac live in Brooklyn with their three children who “mean everything” to them. Freddy, 18, is a business student at Baruch College; Norma, 16, is a sophomore at Yeshivah of Flatbush; and Raquel, 14, is a freshman at Ilan in New Jersey. Alisen is mindful about parenting and life balance. She encourages her children to “do life with passion.”
Isaac and their kids are so proud and supportive of Mom’s thriving business. Isaac is a managing director for a major wholesale company and, fortunately for Alisen, is quite tech-savvy. He also founded Times of Your Life Slideshows and used his knowledge to create a logo and catchy digital ads on Instagram to promote The Brooklyn Barista. “Isaac’s endless support and love
have been extraordinary. None of this would be possible without him. Even with his own workload, he has helped with everything from picking up the pieces at home to sourcing bottles and supplies. He has shown up for me in every way. My children were also motivated to experiment with their own businesses.”
And Then Covid-19 Hit…
Determined to use her time meaningfully during the pandemic, Alisen reassessed her life and business. She focused on her family and stayed in touch with loved ones. Alisen also donated a portion of proceeds from her cold brew sales to SBH Crisis Fund, among other pandemic-related causes.
When she’s not brewing, Alisen treasures her family and personal time.
“I am so grateful that my journey came full circle and that Community Magazine asked me to share my story!”
You can connect with Alisen at: thebrooklynbarista18@gmail.com, (917) 533-6340, or on Instagram @thebrooklynbarista.
Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).
Each year on Passover, Jews around the world sit down to the Passover seder to remember the difficult years their ancestors spent as slaves in Egypt, and their miraculous deliverance. At the seder, we read the story, eat certain foods, and pass on the story to our children and grandchildren.
When preparing the Passover seder, it is important to understand the importance and symbolism of each of the traditional foods. The word “seder” itself means “order,” and we call the seder by this name because we must do things in a certain sequence. That order reflects priority, as indicated by Rabbi Avraham Dayan, a”h, of Aleppo.
The Seder Plate
When setting the table for the Passover seder, we prepare a special seder plate, which sits in the center of the table. The plate can be a fancy silver platter, or a simple child’s plate made in school. What’s important is not the plate, but the items on the plate. Six foods are placed on the plate, each of which is symbolic, reminding us of the bitterness of bondage of our ancestors.
The seder plate is topped with three matzot and covered.
The six foods on the seder plate are:
1. a roasted lamb shank
2. karpas, usually a celery heart
3. maror (romaine or endive heart)
4. haroset
5. hard boiled or roasted egg
6. salt or vinegar water
The word “karpas” contains the word kaper (“atone”) and the letter “samekh” (“60”), referring to the atonement for the sins of the 60 ten-thousand (or 600,000) Jews who left Egypt.
After kiddush, and the drinking of the first cup of wine, we wash our hands, and the blessing is recited on the karpas (celery), which is dipped in either salt water (according to Ashkenazic
custom) or vinegar water (Sephardic custom) to remind us of the bitter tears of bondage. The karpas represents hope and redemption.
The Three Questions
Then the person leading the seder takes the three matzot and breaks the middle one into two pieces, designating one as the afikomen and wrapping it in a sack. At this point, the tray is removed from the table, usually by the eldest unwed girl.
It is customary among Syrian Jews for the sack to go around the table, and for each person to take it in their left hand and place it on the right shoulder. They are asked three questions – “Where are you coming from?” (Answer: Egypt); “Where are you going?” (Answer: Jerusalem); “What are you carrying?” (Answer: matzah).
Moroccan Jews take the sack and tap it on the head of each person at the table while saying in Hebrew, “In haste we went out of Egypt.”
The Festive Meal
The tray is brought back to the table, and the reading of the Passover story begins. After the second cup of wine, and before the meal is served, various berachot are said over foods.
First, we wash hands, say the blessing and eat a portion of matzah. Next comes the maror (bitter herbs) dipped in haroset. This symbolizes our hope that all the bitterness of exile will be eliminated, and the Holy Temple will be rebuilt.
The sticky haroset reminds us of the cement with which the slaves made bricks in Egypt. It can be made from any number of dried fruits. Syrian Jews usually make a paste using dates, wine, finely chopped nuts, wine and cinnamon.
Next comes the korekh, a sandwich of matzah, bitter herbs (romaine), and haroset.
It is the custom of Aleppan Jews to eat the shank bone from the seder plate, before eating the egg. Syrians customarily serve lamb shanks as an entrée, with rice. (Sephardic tradition permits eating rice during Passover, whereas the practice among Ashkenazim is to refrain from rice throughout the holiday.).
Last, each person eats the hard-boiled egg before the meal, symbolic of the festival sacrifice which was offered at the Temple in Jerusalem.
While every culture offers unique ways of entertaining guests, Syrian hospitality has always been concerned with opening one’s home to friends and family in the most gracious, generous way. So the seder meal will be generous, and will include soup, a chicken dish, a beef dish, a stuffed vegetable, a rice dish and vegetables.
While each family adapts their seder to particular traditions handed down from generation to generation, the Passover story and associated foods remind us of Hashem’s hand in our lives, past, present, and future.
Sarina Roffé is a journalist and author of Backyard Kitchen: Mediterranean Salads and Backyard Kitchen: The Main Course, cookbooks based on her grandmother’s catering company Salem Catering, as well as the Sarina’s Sephardic Cuisine cooking app. The books are available on Amazon.com.
How do you feel about a person going on a trip just for relaxation?
It depends what you mean by a “trip.”
If you want to take a trip down Ocean Parkway, I’m all for it. It’s fresh air, it’s exercise, and you’re not wasting money. But a trip someplace by vehicle, airplane, or whatever it is, is not refreshing or relaxing.
Sometimes a person finds himself so confused that he needs to do anything necessary to get his mind off his troubles. I’m not talking about this kind of situation. Ordinarily, for relaxation, you don’t go on trips. Trips make you tired, and you don’t get the exercise and fresh air that help a person come back to himself. And therefore, it’s a complete waste of money.
If you’re serious about relaxation, you would take up a system of touring the city streets – by daytime, not by night – walking for miles and miles, and then coming home and eating a nice meal and going to sleep; and if necessary, going out again for a walk. But traveling is not the way to experience relaxation. People travel back and forth; they go to Israel, and to Florida, and some go to Switzerland, too. And all they do is spend money and get more and more tired…so when they come back, they need a vacation.
In Egypt, on the night of the plague of the firstborn, our ancestors were commanded to keep their doors closed and locked. Why, then, do we specifically leave our doors open on the seder nights?
We don’t.
On seder night, we open our doors to symbolically welcome Eliyahu Hanavi. But other than that, we keep our doors closed on seder night, and we make sure they’re locked. Always make sure your doors have good locks on them! We open the doors only as a symbol of our anticipation of the time when the doors will open for Am Yisrael to return home, as the verse says, “Pit’hu she’arim veyavo goi tzadik shomer emunim” (“Open the gates, and the righteous nation shall enter, keeper of the faith”). It’s only a symbol. Open the door for a short while, not for too long.
