Blogs | Community Magazine

Spotlight On Mental Health – Help Me Help Them!

-

May 2023

Spotlight On Mental Health – Help Me Help Them!

Dr. Yossi Shafer

As a parent, a spouse, a sibling, or a friend, there are few situations more heartbreaking and difficult than watching your loved one ruin their life, fall victim to addiction, or succumb to depression. All you want to do – understandably – is to force him or her into therapy, make them see reason, and to fix the problems.

However, as counterintuitive as it may seem, your solutions are most likely to push them further into the abyss.

Do Nothing

This is where the “do nothing” concept takes on new meaning – and new urgency. When someone we love is in crisis, it’s only natural to focus on finding solutions, leaving no stone unturned until things change. But when you’ve already exhausted the possible solutions and all you have to show for it is further deterioration, it’s time to try (what may seem to be) a radically different approach.

One of the core concepts of dialectical behavior therapy is the balance of acceptance and change: practicing full and unconditional acceptance while simultaneously aiming for change. When it comes to changing others, though, the old adage rings true: change comes from within. Therefore, it is crucial for us on the “outside” to provide the acceptance and support that will give our loved ones the strength and wherewithal to change.

Think about it this way: whatever you’ve tried hasn’t made a (positive) difference. You’ve told him over and over to get a job, and he’s still wasting his time and talents. You prod her out of bed every morning (and afternoon) but then she stays there all day. You’ve made it clear that you disapprove of his friends and he still hangs out with them. You’ve advised, begged, threatened, grounded, revoked privileges… and all that’s changed is that she won’t talk to you now. 

But here’s the thing: he knows what he should be doing. She knows what you want. What they are definitely craving is your love and acceptance, and it’s crucial that you give it to them, even when it takes extreme self-restraint. Every person has a drive for life, a drive to fulfill their purpose. In a low-pressure, accepting environment, they’ll recognize and pursue that drive for life and the drive to fulfill their purpose.

Provide a Safe Haven

When a person, especially a child, is dealing with complex issues, they have very little meaningful presence in their lives. They don’t have school, friends, stability – all that they have is you and your love. Without that, their lives automatically take a severe turn for the worse. Your love and a safe, secure home can literally spell the difference between life – as tumultuous as it may be – and death.

In this situation, doing nothing means simply being there. It means not telling them how they can improve their life, urging them to see a therapist, or encouraging them to “just try to get out a bit, you’ll feel better.” It means quashing your instincts to point out how everything could be remedied by following your advice. It means not allowing every interaction to cycle back to the source of the problem (“You sleep because you’re depressed! You’re depressed because you don’t have a job! If you’d just get help, your life would turn around!”).

This isn’t what your child wants – or needs – to hear. They don’t want solutions or advice. When you offer advice, they hear “you’re not good enough.” The problem-solving pushes them away, suffocates them, alienates them. All they want is to be heard, loved, and supported, even when it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. So many children hope to reconcile and rekindle a relationship, but are hesitant to reach out due to the fear of being pushed away or smothered with well-intentioned pressure.

While you practice acceptance, never give up hope for change someday – but don’t press for change. Don’t sneak in little helpful tips. Don’t drop hints. Don’t offer the advice that you know will make a huge difference. Never say “I told you so” when things go south. Spend unpressured time with him or her, be a listening ear and a solid presence, and when you create that supportive, loving environment, they will turn to you instead of a therapist or friend. 

No parent is perfect, and you’ll never get it right 100% of the time. But when you tune in to your child’s emotional state – rather than the obnoxious, ungrateful, or disrespectful behavior that masks it – you’ll recognize his pain and approach the relationship with care and love rather than frustration and anger.

Next month, we’ll address the characteristics of anger, how to manage it, and its underlying causes.

Disclaimer: if your loved one is in immediate physical danger, address it without any concern of collateral damage.

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They have offices in Deal/Long Branch and Lakewood and can be reached at (732) 666-9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net.

The Revelation and Us

Community Magazine

-

May 2023

0

This month, we will again celebrate the brief but joyous festival of Shavuot, which is described in our liturgy as “zeman matan Toratenu – the day on which the Torah was given.” It was on this day when our ancestors assembled at the foot of Mount Sinai and beheld the spectacle of Gd’s revelation and the pronouncement of the Ten Commandments. They would have heard the rest of the Torah, as well, if not for their having been terrified by the awesome display, leading them to ask Moshe to receive the rest of Gd’s commands privately, and then relay the information to them.

An Obligation to Remember

Forty years later, before his death, Moshe impressed upon the people the unique importance of remembering this seminal event. He commanded: “But guard yourself, and exercise extreme care for your soul, lest you forget the things which your eyes beheld, and lest they be removed from your heart all the days of your life, and you shall make them known to your children and to your grandchildren – the day when you stood before Hashem your Gd at Horev…” (Devarim 4:9-10).

In especially emphatic terms (“But guard yourself, and exercise extreme care for your soul”), Moshe warned the people that they must always remember and never forget the dramatic event of Ma’amad Har Sinai, Gd’s revelation at Mount Sinai.

Accordingly, the Ramban, in his critique of the Rambam’s listing of the 613 Biblical commands, asserts that these verses introduce a Torah obligation to remember these events. Following the well-established tradition that the expressions “hishamer” (“guard”) and “pen” (“lest”) imply a Biblical prohibition, the Ramban maintains that the Torah here forbids allowing ourselves to forget about Ma’amad Har Sinai, commanding us “not to remove it from our minds, and that instead our eyes and hearts must be there every day.”

The Ramban elaborates at great length in explaining the reason behind this command, focusing on the fact that our ancestors personally received direct communication from Gd, rather than hearing His word only secondhand, from a prophet. If the Torah had been given to us secondhand, the Ramban writes, then it could, conceivably, be subject to uncertainly and questioning. At some later point, a different prophet could come along, provide convincing proof that he received the word of Gd, and declare that the original set of laws that we received was faulty, based on errors. If the Torah from the outset had been communicated to us solely through a prophet, then we would have no reason to favor the original transmission of the Torah over a subsequent transmission via a different prophet. Therefore, the Ramban writes, it is a matter of vital importance that we remember Gd’s direct revelation to our ancestors, as it ensures our everlasting commitment to the Torah received at Sinai, protecting it from future challenges or revisions.

The Rambam’s Timeless Epistle

As mentioned, the Ramban advances this theory in his critique of the Rambam’s Sefer Hamitzvot – listing of the Torah’s 613 commands. The Ramban claimed that the Rambam made a number of mistakes in compiling this list, including laws which do not constitute independent mitzvot, and omitting others that do. The Rambam does not include in his list of the mitzvot a command to remember the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai, and the Ramban objects, noting the aforementioned verses in which the Torah very emphatically demands that we never forget this event.

How would the Rambam respond to this challenge? It is possible that the Rambam does not require us to remember the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai each day? How would he then explain Moshe’s unequivocal demand that we always remember the Revelation?

In truth, the Rambam makes his view on this subject very clear, in a separate context – in one of his famous letters, known as Iggeret Teiman – Epistle to Yemen.

The Jewish community of Yemen turned to the Rambam for help as they struggled against mounting pressure from Muslim tribes to abandon their faith, and a false prophet who arose and claimed that he had been sent to introduce substantial emendations to Jewish law. In 1273/4, the Rambam penned a letter reaffirming and reinforcing the traditional beliefs of Judaism, in order to strengthen the Yemenite Jewish community in their struggle against the forces of apostasy.

In this letter, the Rambam places great emphasis on the Revelation, and, citing the aforementioned verses, implores the community to teach their children about this event. Like the Ramban, the Rambam writes that the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai constitutes the foundation of our faith, emphasizing that the perpetuation of its memory safeguards the Jewish Nation against subsequent challenges to its beliefs and principles. Quite explicitly, then, the Rambam, like the Ramban, acknowledges the vital importance of remembering the Revelation at Sinai as part of the effort to solidify Jewish faith, avoid any doubts or uncertainties, and resist any challenges.

We must wonder, then, why does the Rambam not list this command as one of the Torah’s 613 mitzvot?

The answer becomes clear upon a more careful reading of the Rambam’s remarks to the people of Yemen, and their contrast with the Ramban’s comments.

The Ramban, as discussed, sees the Revelation as safeguarding our belief in the Torah’s authenticity and eternal relevance. The Rambam, however, goes further, depicting this event as “the pillar around which our faith revolves.” For the Rambam, all of Jewish faith is affirmed by Ma’amad Har Sinai. It reinforces and safeguards our belief not only in the authenticity of the Torah, but also in Gd’s existence, and it was then when the entire nation beheld a prophetic vision and clearly experienced Him. According to the Rambam, then, remembering the Revelation is of critical importance not only for the particular belief in the eternal immutability of the Torah, but also for our belief in Gd Himself.

This easily explains why the Rambam does not allocate a separate mitzvah for the obligation to remember the Revelation at Sinai. The Rambam already lists as the very first of the Torah’s 613 commands the obligation to believe in Gd – an obligation introduced as the first of the Ten Commandments pronounced at Sinai: “I am Hashem your Gd who took you out of the land of Egypt…” Remembering the Revelation is crucial as a way to safeguard this belief, but it does not need to be listed as a separate command, because we are already commanded to firmly belief in Gd’s existence.

Remembering the Details

One question, however, remains.

The Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (3:8) appears to advance a much different understanding of Moshe’s warning not to forget “the things that your eyes beheld” at the time of the Revelation. According to the Mishnah, this command forbids us from forgetting our Torah knowledge:

“Whoever forgets one thing from what he had learned, he is considered by the verse as though he risks his life, as it says, ‘But guard yourself, and exercise extreme care for your soul, lest you forget the things which your eyes beheld.’”

The Mishnah infers from this verse that we are bidden to remember not the event of the Revelation, but rather the content of the Torah presented at that event. We must make every effort to remember every piece of Torah material that we are privileged to study, and never allow ourselves to forget even a single detail.

Does this Mishnah not contradict both the Rambam and Ramban’s understanding of this verse, that it introduces a command to remember the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai?

Rav Yitzchak Hutner (1906-1980) explains that these interpretations of the verse are, in fact, one and the same. If we would fully recognize, appreciate and internalize the eternal significance of the Revelation, then we would never forget any of the content presented to us at that time. If Matan Torah meant as much to us as it should, then we would be incapable of forgetting the details. If we understood the centrality of the Torah in Jewish life, then every piece of information we absorb would be forever cherished and never lost.

Of course, it cannot be reasonably expected of any of us to achieve the level where we never forget any words of Torah. We all have our limitations, and we will not retain every piece of information. We can, however, strive – especially this month, as we celebrate the event of Ma’amad Har Sinai – to enhance our appreciation of the importance of Torah, of the precious value of every verse, of every halachah, of every insight, and of every commentary. The observance of Shavuot must remind us of the inestimable worth and sanctity of Torah, and lead us to recommit ourselves to not only seize every opportunity we have to learn, but also appreciate its importance so that we treasure every piece of information that we imbibe.

Let us try to avoid the all-too-common mistake of making this holiday all about scrumptious dairy dishes and desserts, or turning it into a “long weekend.” Let us instead reflect upon the fact that on this day, for the only time in human history, Gd revealed Himself to a people to give them His guide for living a life of spiritual meaning, and for building a close bond with Him. If we take advantage of this unique celebration to enhance our appreciation of the value of Torah, we will, please Gd, emerge from Shavuot with a fierce, passionate commitment to rigorously apply ourselves to its study, and to live by its profound wisdom, each day of our lives.

Focus Education: A New Option

Community Magazine

-

May 2023

0

Business and Career Education Designed by our Community for our Community

Michele Shrem

Our community is proud to welcome Focus Education, a groundbreaking new project that will be opening this autumn – in September 2023 – for young men and women upon graduation from high school, offering them a new option for post-high school study that has never before been available.

Focus Education was established in collaboration with Touro University, an international institution of higher education with over 50 years of experience providing an outstanding education to thousands of students. The project boldly aims to fill the growing – and increasingly urgent – need for quality, accredited business and career education offered in a time-efficient manner, in an environment that is free of the many various distractions and influences present in most colleges today which conflict with our community’s core beliefs and values.

On the evening on April 24th, Focus hosted an open house at the campus, inviting prospective students, parents and concerned community members to learn about the new institution and the exciting opportunities it offers them. The room was filled to capacity with attendees eager to receive information about the program and ask their questions. Abraham Sultan and Michael Tawil provided overviews of the program, and introduced to the audience Touro University’s Dean, world-renowned scholar, author and educator Dr. Henry Abramson, as well as Dean Esther Braun, who fielded many thoughtful questions from the attendees.

A Focus on Accommodation

Focus Education will be conveniently located right in the heart of our Brooklyn community, at 2002 Avenue J, at the corner of Ocean Avenue and Avenue J, in a state-of-the art learning facility that underwent a complete renovation in 2020. The institution will provide courses in various relevant areas and industries of business. Courses will be offered during morning, afternoon, or evening hours, in an effort to accommodate all students’ schedules.

Focus Education’s students will have the opportunity to enroll in a program that currently covers more than ten different professions, including Marketing, Finance, Accounting, Management, Digital Multimedia, JAVA Programming, Cybersecurity & Network, Sonography, Real Estate, Paralegal, and Education.

While some students may be comfortable attending a typical four-year college/campus program, others might choose to pursue different options. Many students prefer not to have to devote four years to obtaining a degree, or feel that many courses which typical colleges require – often in the first year – are simply not relevant to their professional aspirations. At Focus, students can jump right into whatever track they choose, and take classes that not only interest them, but have relevance to their career goals. They are able to immediately delve into the subjects that interest them the most, without having to wait, and without having to take courses which they find unnecessary.

A Program Tailor-Made for Our Community

Focus Education’s program offers numerous attractive benefits to students from our community. First and foremost, the school will be closed on all Jewish holidays. Additionally, the school will be able to assist in securing internships and jobs both during and upon graduation. The staff is committed to both enabling students to gain competence in the field of their choice, and then help them gain hands-on experience in that field. Moreover, students who choose to spend time studying in Israel can use the credits they receive from those institutions towards their degree. This will fast track them even more.

No less importantly, our community’s students will be taking business courses together, forging meaningful relationships with one another and laying the groundwork for future business collaborations. And, the students can further their education in a safe, warm, community environment, without having to deal with the pressure of college environments that can be hostile to our religious values and principles, posing a real threat to our young adults’ religious commitment.

All Touro courses offered at Focus Education are accredited by the Middle States Commission on Higher Education. A student can complete an Associate’s degree in 12 to 18 months, and then follow optional tracks to continue onto pursuing a Bachelor’s degree. There will also be an opportunity to continue with a Touro Graduate program for those seeking a higher degree.

Why choose Focus Education? Students can receive credits from their institutions in Israel, take business courses immediately, fast track, collaborate with their peers, and have the flexibility to schedule their college studies around part-time yeshiva study or work if they so desire. The men and women of Focus Education receive all this in a convenient location, in a new building, with professors from an accredited school, and in an environment that is consistent with our community’s values. These benefits make Focus the perfect option for many of our community’s youngsters taking their first steps toward a future of professional success.

To learn more about this exciting new program, and to find out whether it is right for you, or for your son or daughter, please contact Focus Education to request more information: (718) 426-5040 / info@focuseducation.us.

Focus Education

In Partnership with Touro University

2002 Avenue J, Brooklyn, New York 11230

(718) 426-5040 / info@focuseducation.us

Focus Education is not a college or university and does not offer credit-bearing courses or degrees in New York State. The credits provided, and the degrees described, are offered through Touro University, and are subject to change at their sole discretion.

Once Upon a Thyme – Chicken Wontons En Brodo

Community Magazine

-

May 2023

0

Once Upon a Thyme – Chicken Wontons En Brodo

Spring is in the air, and what better way to celebrate than with some fresh spring vegetables? Brodo is Italian for broth and is essentially a beef or vegetable stock. In this recipe, baby arugula, spring peas, scallions, and asparagus are paired with wontons and served en brodo to create this light spring dish. Ground chicken is mixed with aromatics and then wrapped in dumpling wrappers. The wontons can easily be made in advance and kept in the freezer so your dinner can come together quickly.

Ingredients

1 package thin wonton wrappers

2 tbsp canola oil

2 lb ground chicken

2 onions, diced

1 bunch scallions, chopped

4 cloves minced garlic

2 chicken legs or thighs

3 stalks celery

3 carrots

1 whole onion

2 cups arugula

1 bunch asparagus

1 cup frozen or fresh peas

Directions:

To make the broth, peel onion and carrots, leave whole. Cut off leaves and stems of celery and leave whole as well.
In a large pot, place chicken, carrots, celery, and onion. Fill pot with water. Add salt and pepper and cover. Let simmer for 2 hours.
In a wide skillet, heat oil. Add diced onions and sauté until golden. Add ground chicken, garlic, and salt. Use a fork or masher tool to separate into small pieces. Add most of the scallions and shut off the flame. (save remaining scallions for later)
To make the wontons, place a wrapper in one hand and place about one teaspoon of beef in the center. Dampen the edges of the wrapper by dipping your finger into a bowl of water and moisten the edges of the wrapper with the water.
Fold the dumpling wrapper in half in a taco formation, pinching it together at the ends. Bring the two edges together to create a circular hat shape. Press out any air bubbles. Repeat until all wontons are filled.
Place wontons in an airtight bag in the freezer until you’re about to use them.
To assemble, remove vegetables and chicken from broth, set aside for another recipe.
Carefully place wontons to boil in the broth, being careful to leave space for them to move without getting stuck to each other. Cook for 3-4 minutes, drain, and remove from broth. Set aside.
Clean asparagus and cut off the two inches off the bottom and discard. Chop into two-inch pieces, add to broth to cook for 2 minutes so they won’t get soggy. Drain and remove from broth.
To assemble individual bowls – divide arugula among your bowls. Place about 5 wontons per bowl and then add asparagus and (uncooked) peas. Pour hot broth on top, and finish with sliced scallions. Serve immediately.

From Employee To Entrepreneur

Community Magazine

-

May 2023

0

Ellen Ades

Annie Sidaoui walked into a school recently and asked the administrators, “What if we take the administrative burden of running the lunch program off your shoulders, reduce your costs, and deliver the additional perk of achieving a productive but painless fundraising campaign while supporting your current vendors?”

The most impressive thing about Annie is that, after she poses the question, if the school takes her up on the offer, she delivers.

Annie and three partners co-own FoodDays.

FoodDays is an innovation in the school lunch ordering system. It essentially takes the burden out of the administrative office by handling all aspects of the process from creating menus, sourcing local vendors, and delivering high quality meals to the school. Additionally, it can be used as a fundraising tool. It’s a premium service that costs the school nothing, while providing much needed solutions.

Although Annie always wanted to be an entrepreneur, she took her time realizing her dream. After earning a degree from New York University’s Stern School of Business, she married her husband Isaac, and raised a family. However, it was not until sixteen years ago, when her children were already in high school, that Annie began working as a bookkeeper at a community yeshiva. She eventually advanced to become the office manager, then inherited the running of what was at the time a small lunch program. Her creativity kicked in and she ended up bringing in new options, a new platform, and a better distribution system. She developed a fundraising perk for the school, too.

Annie states, “When I spoke with PROPEL eighteen months ago, it gave me the chance to hash out my ideas. I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur but I wasn’t ready.” That changed during the summer of 2022. Annie further explains, “Although I always wanted to become a business owner, I didn’t know how to get started. PROPEL helped me take the leap from employee to entrepreneur by giving me confidence. When the opportunity presented itself, I was ready to take the plunge because I made a plan with my coach. I had more confidence because I knew I could always return to PROPEL, and they would continue to help me on my journey.”

It’s not where you start but where you finish. Annie says she prepared for the future by refining her idea over the years. Therefore, she was ready for the opportunity when it arrived.

There are so many talented women in our community. Even if you are not sure about what, when, and how you will start a business, my advice is to prepare yourself. Become a lifelong learner. Continually challenge yourself. Hone your skills. And remember, a humble first job can lead to a very rewarding professional opportunity.

Annie’s mandate as the Director of Food Management at FoodDays.com is to manage relationships between the school and vendors as well as to manage customer service with the parents. Her education and experience working with schools prepared her to be a business owner today.

As an entrepreneur, Annie understands that she carries a bigger load on her shoulders in exchange for potentially greater rewards. She explains, “I feel an enormous responsibility to deliver top quality meals, for the children to enjoy the meals, for parents to be pleased, and for the vendors to be prompt. And the list goes on.”

Annie inspired her grown daughters, Aimee and Natalie, who note, “Our mother always had this fire within her and this drive to accomplish something great. She instilled in us a strong work ethic with the belief that we have to put one hundred percent into everything we do.”

Her husband, Isaac, shares, “My advice for other spouses who want to support their wives is that ‘support’ means so many different things. Support is listening, gently guiding, understanding the day-to-day struggles, and always asking, ‘How was your day?’” Isaac adds, “PROPEL helped my wife gather courage to begin her journey, and I am very grateful to them for that. The support and encouragement is something that cannot be measured.”

One thing is certain. Annie Sidaoui is a force for good in this world and her business, Fooddays.com, is her delivery system.

**************************

If you want to discuss your business, please contact PROPEL

Call: 646-494-0822

Email: info@thepropelnetwork.org or

DM on Instagram: @PropelNetwork

One on One with Sophia Hazan

Community Magazine

-

May 2023

0

“I treasure seeing a child build her skills, where there once weren’t any. I cherish helping parents ease their minds about their children, whether they are now able to eat safely and efficiently by mouth, or whether they now communicate their thoughts effectively.” ~~ Sophia

Meet Sophia Hazan, née Zalta, a young, dynamic, warm, and energetic role model for the women of our community.

Of Syrian descent on both sides, Sophia’s parents and grandparents are American. Her paternal grandfather helped many Syrian immigrants when they arrived in NYC, getting them housing and jobs, and even setting up mattresses for them in his barber shop.

Sophia calls herself a major tomboy. Growing up with three brothers, one older and two younger, she loved sports and was on her high school basketball team.

“My role was the ‘responsible child,’ as I was the only daughter,” Sophia said. “I have a close relationship with my brothers, who support my endeavors.”

School Days

Sophia attended Yeshiva of Flatbush for elementary and high school., She served on a number of committees and enthusiastically participated in extra-curricular activities.

“I enjoyed playing basketball for my high school team, engaging in dance competitions, being involved in the community with Sephardic Bikur Holim, joining the Tzedakah Commission, and the School Trip commission.”

Sophia was very outgoing, had lots of friends, loved to read books, and loved to learn. She was a diligent student.

During her sophomore year of high school, Sophia began to tutor younger children after school. She taught the subjects she excelled in, including Hebrew subjects, English, and social studies.

“I was a babysitter, tutor, homework helper, and a camp counselor. Although it was difficult to balance schoolwork, tutoring, and my social life, I was motivated to earn my own money.”

College and Marriage

Sophia first chose to attend Hunter College, with the goal of becoming a teacher. When her husband observed that she was more drawn to a one-on-one model, imparting knowledge and “seeing when a child gets it,” Sophia applied to Brooklyn College to study Speech Language Pathology. Anatomy and physiology were her favorite subjects. Brooklyn College had an excellent undergraduate speech program, which Hunter did not.

Sophia married her naseeb, David Hazan, at the end of her freshman year in college and settled in Brooklyn.

Sophia’s mindset was education oriented and her goals were to complete college and graduate school. Her parents were on the same page. Sophia bravely approached her in-laws to confirm that they would support her career choice when she and David married. She happily received their blessing.

David works in auto leasing sales. The couple have four children, one girl and three boys, ranging from two and a half to thirteen years old.

In her third year at Brooklyn College, Sophia took a semester off to give birth to her first son. She attended college three days a week and cherished her responsible nanny. Sophia completed her bachelor’s degree and headed straight to graduate school.

Sophia’s Core

Sophia describes herself as driven, committed, empathetic, independent, and diligent. After meeting Sophia, I would add warm and energetic and a lifelong learner.

Sophia shared that her parents and grandparents were wonderful role models and showed her the value of hard work. Her mom partnered with her father to contribute financially. The examples set by her parents and grandparents motivated Sophia to work while she was in high school to lessen the economic burden for her parents. She also enjoyed the freedom that came from earning her own money.

Modesty and humility were also values practiced by her parents and their parents. “We were taught to be grateful for what we had and always to live within our means.”

Sophia also acknowledges her excellent professional mentors. A female practitioner made a lasting impression during an externship. “She treated children and adults, and was confident, smart, decisive, and an excellent clinician.”

In order to grow as a clinician and to expand her client base Sophia searches for and hires experts in the pediatric feeding and swallowing disorders fields.

Family Life – Career Balance

Sophia always knew how to juggle, even in high school. It took her five years to complete her undergraduate degree and four years to finish her graduate program.

“After giving birth to my first child, it was difficult to leave him and return to school. I sought help for my anxiety and acquired the necessary tools to manage the lifestyle of a ‘working mom.’ I became present during my classes and could ‘switch hats,’ so to speak.”

Brooklyn College’s graduate program was extremely intense and competitive and had a reputation for “taking over one’s life.”

“It was a difficult four years. I gave birth to my daughter, Lauren, in my third year. Studying for my six-hour hour comprehensive exam and state exam while caring for an infant was so challenging. I kept my eye on the prize and was finally able to graduate.”

Sophia described how she excelled at managing her time, every minute of each day, including scheduling “me” time. She exercised before work and did lots of planning ahead. Opening her own practice was an adjustment, but Sophia’s being out of the home helped her children to grow. “They are becoming more independent, responsible, and caring for one another when Mommy isn’t home.”

David and the children are Sophia’s cheerleaders. “The time we spend together is quality time. My kids know I am present when I am with them: It’s quality versus quantity.

“Setting an example of working hard and achieving one’s goals is my top priority. Our kids love that Mommy helps children. They ask to come to the office and play with my toys. As they get older, they appreciate how much I juggle.”

Challenges and Accomplishments

One of Sophia’s biggest challenges is finding time to learn more about her specialty while working full time. It’s also the most exciting aspect of her work.

What is Sophia’s secret to success? “It’s approaching work with a mindset of growth and constant learning. Embracing challenges is the best way to grow professionally. I never shy away from a difficult case since they provide a learning opportunity.”

During the pandemic, Sophia decided to open her own practice rather than return to a school or agency setting. She realized she could contribute more to her patients this way.

Passions at Home and at Work

Sophia is passionate about seeing her children grow, succeed, and become independent. She and David are committed to modeling strong values for their children, such as respect, a strong work ethic, determination, and the ability to accept delayed gratification.

“I am so appreciative of my marriage to my amazing and supportive husband, my four beautiful children who make me so proud, my education, my private practice, and my independence.”

Career-wise, Sophia is ardent about helping babies and children of all ages to learn to speak and eat.

“I treat my patients using ‘evidence-based practice,’ interventions that are backed by the most current research. I am driven to continuously improve as a clinician. I read the most current literature and take specialized courses, learning from the most respected mentors.”

Sophia’s Specialties

Sophia has certifications in Clinical Competence in SLP and Teaching Students with Speech-Language Disabilities.

Her specialties are pediatric Speech and Language and Feeding and Swallowing Therapy. Sophia treats babies and children up to age twelve.

Sophia’s interest in Feeding and Swallowing Therapy was sparked in graduate school and from a friend who is a pediatric nutritionist. Sophia’s expertise includes working with -infants who have difficulty breast or bottle feeding, babies that need help transitioning to solid foods, weaning infants and children off feeding tubes, treating extreme picky eaters, children who have dysphagia (difficulty swallowing), children with physiological disorders or syndromes who experience feeding difficulties, and other physiological issues (such as gastrointestinal diseases, allergies, etc.).

“What inspires me about my career? I delight in working with my patients and their parents as a team, to reach their speech and feeding goals. I thrive on coaching and educating parents to support their child through the therapy process.

“I treasure seeing a child build her skills, where there once weren’t any. I cherish helping parents ease their minds about their children, whether they are now able to eat safely and efficiently by mouth, or whether they now communicate their thoughts effectively.

“The everyday skills of eating and speaking are often taken for granted. Seeing a child struggle with these vital skills is heartbreaking. When I can make even the slightest difference, I am overjoyed and grateful.”

Hakarat Hatov

Sophia is very connected to the community, and contributes her time and knowledge. She volunteered for SBH-SEARCH and conducted free speech and language/feeding evaluations to community children.

Sophia joined the SBH medical division and recently spoke at a meeting of the Celiac Disease Support Group.

“I adore motivating women to follow their dreams! I addressed students at my alma mater high school about being a working woman.”

Unwinding

Sophia enjoys strength training, running, hiking, playing basketball, attending dance class, a night out with friends or her husband, and a good meal. “Isn’t it apropos that I am a foodie?!” Sophia laughs.

Advice

Set goals and stay accountable! Find a spouse who will support your dreams. For working moms, manage and maximize your time, but also give yourself grace. That means ordering in dinner sometimes, taking a nap, or hiring extra help.

Connect with Sophia at Sophia@speechtosprout.com,

917-435-4325, or Instagram speech_to_sprout.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

The Case – Rent Reduction?

Community Magazine

-

May 2023

0

Rent Reduction?

Sally and Jonathan rented a five-bedroom home from David to satisfy the needs of their growing family. After the first two years of rental, immediately after signing a contract for a third year, a water leak developed in one of the bedrooms. The dripping leak partially extended to a second bedroom and after only a short while the entire upstairs reeked of mildew. Without delay, David instructed the couple to provide entry to workers to correct the problem. However, due to complications that included locating the multiple sources of the problem, along with the need for outdoor repairs during the height of the winter, it became evident that the process would be difficult and lengthy. Sally and Jonathan informed David that they were reducing the amount of their monthly payments from the time the leaks began until the problem is corrected. In Bet Din, David refused to lower the rent and countered that if the couple wishes, they can move out of his home and he will reimburse them with all the rent paid since the beginning of the episode. If, however, they choose to stay, David expected to be paid the price of the rent in full, as stipulated in their contract. David, by his own initiative, forwarded a check to our Bet Din, paid to the order of the couple, covering the full cost of rent with an additional amount for the time period required for the couple to move. Sally and Jonathan rejected David’s offer, claiming that they were unwilling to move and they reiterated their right to a rent reduction.

Is David required to reduce their rent? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a landlord is required to repair and restore structural and interior damage of his property for the duration of his tenant’s term of residence. A damaged roof, leaky pipes, gutter replacement, or a broken boiler, are only some of the common repairs that are the landlord’s responsibility.

If a landlord is negligent and fails to repair substantial damage in a timely manner, a Bet Din will evaluate and adjust the price of rent to reflect the true value of the damaged property. Hence, from the time the tenant notified the landlord of the damage sustained until it is repaired the rent is reduced.

In instances in which the damage is minor and rent reduction is not applicable, a Bet Din is likely to instruct a tenant to apply a portion of his upcoming rental payment to pay for the repairs. Since the landlord is either deliberately or negligently delaying the necessary repairs, the tenant is instructed to withhold the rent and fix the damage.

If, however, the landlord was scrupulous and tended to his damaged property in a timely manner, the tenant is not necessarily entitled to a reduction in his rent. Since the home was first transferred to the tenant’s possession while in good working condition, and the damage was unanticipated by the landlord, it is viewed as a standard turn of events attributed to the misfortune of the tenant.

As mentioned, this is strictly in instances in which the landlord or his representative tended to the necessary repairs in a reasonable amount of time after notification of the damage.

In the event a chronic problem arises, such as mold or the like, a tenant may claim that the property is not fit for residency, and he is entitled to breach his contract. Alternatively, if the chronic problem is limited to a specific area of the property the two can agree on a reduced rental payment to reflect the true value of the property in light of the current chronic issue.

If they are unable to agree on an adjusted rental rate, the tenant reserves the right to breach his contract and move out of the property. The tenant does not have the right to demand that the landlord reduce the rent indefinitely or for the duration of his contractual term. As mentioned, he maintains the right to breach the contract and move out.

This ruling is further applicable when the landlord willingly returns all collected rent for the duration of the time his tenant struggled with a chronic issue on his property. Even more so, the above ruling is applied if the landlord provides an additional amount to his tenant to assist him with the cost of moving. Hence, in such an instance the tenant is not entitled to demand a rent reduction..

Verdict: False Alarm

Our Bet Din ruled in favor of David, the landlord. Since David scrupulously tended to the leaky roof, he was not required to return or reduce the cost of rent as per his tenant’s claim. Since David provided Sally and Jonathan with a property in good working condition, the painstaking interim until the roof is fixed is attributed to the misfortune of Sally and Jonathan.

Even if the damaged roof proves to be a chronic problem, making the home unfit for use, David countered by depositing all the rent he collected from the couple with our Bet Din. Hence, while Sally and Jonathan maintain the right to claim breach of contract and move out, they do not have the right to insist on staying at a reduced rental rate.

In the end, the leak proved not to be a chronic issue as feared from the onset, as the repairs were completed in approximately two weeks’ time. Hence, as mentioned in Torah law, Sally and Jonathan were not entitled to breach their contract, nor were they entitled to rental compensation. Nevertheless, David, on his own initiative and as a gesture of goodwill, agreed to exempt the couple of one week’s rent.

In Loving Memory of Vera Bat Carol, A”H

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Undefined Terms of Employment

Stan, the owner of a childrenswear company, needed funds to further develop his business. Additionally, he was searching for a popular brand name to help market his product. He approached Jack and offered to sell him 50 percent of the shares of his business in return for a cash investment, and the exclusive rights to use Jack’s privately owned brand name for his childrenswear products. Stan and Jack agreed, and the venture was underway. However, some three years later, Stan was unable to turn his company around, and although there were no substantial losses, no profitable income was generated. Stan then opened, with Jack’s consent, a sock division in Jack’s accessory company, selling socks with the same name brand. The division was a huge success, and after only its first season it was evident that the company was on course to net substantially. Stan requested Jack advance him payment against his share of the profits as an equal partner. Jack refused, claiming that Stan was not a partner in the sock division. Jack explained that as opposed to the childrenswear company, which was owned and operated by Stan, the sock division was not. The finances, overseas contacts, design team, and warehousing were all his sole responsibility. According to Jack, Stan was acting merely as a commission salesman with a base salary. Stan counter-claimed, that before he founded and launched the sock division, he verbally confirmed with Jack his role as a 50 percent partner. Jack responded that he does not recall any such conversation. Stan insisted that he invested time and energy like an owner, and he is unwilling to accept terms that do not compensate him accordingly.

Is Stan a partner in the sock division or a commission salesman? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Shavuot – Celebrating Our Bond with Hashem

Community Magazine

-

May 2023

0

Shavuot – Celebrating Our Bond with Hashem

LEON SAKKAL

More than 3,300 years ago, the Jewish nation received their most precious gift. It is a gift so grand and so profound that it is coveted by all who comprehend its value.

Surviving the Test of Time

Over the course of history, there have been those who have reconstructed this special gift, and those who have tried to replicate its profundity with counterfeits. It has been the victim of evil innovators who have tried to modernize it and has been misconstrued by outsiders who erroneously absorbed its breadth of wisdom. It is only the Jewish People, the chosen recipients of this gift, who have held on to its authenticity, tightly preserving its purity through the test of time. I am referring, of course, to the Torah given at Har Sinai.

Holy Matrimony

Soon, we will celebrate our acceptance of the Torah with the holiday of Shavuot. Our rabbis have compared this special time to the moment of marriage. With Mount Sinai serving as a most suitable canopy, the holiday of Shavuot is considered the long-awaited wedding day between the Almighty and the Jewish people. Instead of a ring or a coin, Gd gives his bride, the Jewish People, something far more precious. He betroths them with his holy Torah, to which we respond, “Na’asaeh ve’nishma.”

Why is this transmittal of the Torah specifically compared to marriage? Why not compare it to the relationship between a mother and her child, or maybe to that of a boss and an employee?

The answer lies in what separates marriage from all other relationships: Marriage is a testament of commitment. It represents the deepest connection two parties can share. That is why the marital knot is so difficult to break in both an emotional and a spiritual sense – because both husband and wife have invested so much in one another. It is this commitment that is celebrated so joyously at a wedding.

The Proper Perspective

Put yourself in a modern-day wedding hall, observing the emotional display of unity as the bride extends her hand to receive her long-awaited ring. Now imagine the groom, instead of taking out a ring, pulls out a large textbook. “Here!” he says. “Here is a list of the 613 laws you must follow in order for this marriage to work.”

Certainly, that would be a surprising tactic! Indeed, if one views the “ring” we received at Har Sinai as solely an oversized book of laws, they would find it utterly impossible to reconcile this difficulty.

Consider a different perspective, however. Before once again accepting the Torah on Shavuot this year, let’s recall the utter greatness and pricelessness of our most treasured possession. Let’s remember that our Torah is the ultimate wellspring of truth, “for everything is in it.”

Is it comprised of many laws and statutes? It is – as it should be. After all, they are the guidelines and procedures we rely on for living a life of meaning and gratification in both this world and the next. Put in this light, can the Torah really be called a “book of laws?” To the contrary! It is rather a precious diamond we will never let out of our sight.

Lastly, let us remember that the Torah is ours to consult in every situation. It is an unchanging and unerring source of direction for the entire Jewish nation.

Cause for Celebration

Like a marriage, Shavuot marks a total commitment between two parties who love each other, Gd and His chosen people. The Jewish nation’s declaration of “Na’asaeh Ve’nishma, We will do and we will understand,” was a promise to follow the laws under all circumstances, just as the bride pledges her unconditional faithfulness to her beloved. In the same manner that the groom accepts upon himself to love and cherish his bride forever, Gd commits himself continually to the never-ever-forsaken Jewish People.

We celebrate Shavuot because it is the anniversary of the original commitment made at Mount Sinai. The festival does not only commemorate ancient history. It is a yearly renewal of the original nuptial vows between us and Gd. The word “Shavuot” has the same root as the Hebrew word shevuah, an oath. Each year on Shavuot, we renew our oath to our beloved Creator.

Many people have the custom to stay up all night, engaged in Torah study. This practice reenacts the great excitement and love of the wedding night. The Torah is our wedding ring. We show our admiration of it through our study of its laws and lessons. Living a Torah-based life with great pride is a sign of our eternal commitment to Gd.

As Shavuot is truly the wedding season of the Jewish people, allow me to wish you all a mabrouk & mazal tov!

The True Meaning of Travel

Community Magazine

-

April 2023

0

Kelly Jemal Massry

According to the dictionary, the verb “travel” means “to make a journey, typically of some length, or abroad.” There’s a lot to be gleaned from this definition, with insightful nuggets that can be used to fully appreciate the unique gifts offered by the travel experience.

First, let’s consider the act of making a journey. The symbolic undertones can’t be ignored. They beg the question: how will you emerge changed from the process you’ve undertaken to uproot yourself from one place to go to another? How will you make good on the financial, physical, logistical, and even psychological efforts you’ve expended on this endeavor?

Travel does take a lot out of us. The hassle of baggage check-in, airport security, connecting flights, red eyes, and jet lag is enough to send us spinning. So, before you get on that plane and make your journey, consider why you’re doing so. Is it to spend much-needed time with loved ones? If so, then when you get to your destination, truly look at them. Engage them in deep conversation. Stop to take note of the radiance of their smile and the peal of their laughter. Put away the phones, the computers, even the Kindles – anything that will sink you into the mindless black hole that has no place on your trip. In today’s day and age, “unplugging” may entail withdrawal symptoms, but the detox is necessary in order to get the most out of this time of closeness.

Consider the next part of our definition – “to make a journey, typically of some length.” Focus on the stretch of time you’ve given yourself to live outside your routine. Make the most of the blissful respite you now have, by relaxing and releasing tension. All trips come to an end, but until they do, they last a certain amount of days. Stretch out those days to the last minute. Revel in the gift of leisure, which really amounts to the gift of time – to sleep, to read, to enjoy family and friends.

There is nothing like these moments Hashem grants us – when the normal rhythm of our lives seems to freeze and we exist in whatever exotic bubble we find ourselves in. Whether the travel is for the occasion of a holiday or a winter vacation, the fact of the matter is, it’s special because it’s separate from our regular routine. On that note, seal your boundaries hermetically. Draw a clear line between work and play, and do your best not to bring work along with you. Take a similar attitude towards distractions that knock you off-center, that keep you from being in the moment. Unburden yourself of all of it, and let that lightness carry you through to a new state of being. If you’re fortunate, even after the “length of time” has expired and your vacation has regrettably ended, some of that special feeling will remain, and you’ll return to your workplace reenergized and happier.

Now for the final part of our definition, one word that has us traversing the globe in our minds: abroad. While this may not true for everyone traveling this season – or at least for those who will not leave the country – the term still calls attention to setting. It bids us to look around, to appreciate where we are, whatever locale we’re in. While you’re traveling, observe differently. Walk more slowly. Find the right words to employ to comment on what amazes you. Get your scenic snapshots, if only to remind yourself of the picturesque images when you’re back home. After all, you’ve planted yourself in a new part of the natural world, and part of honoring that fact is letting it seep into you.

This year, as you make your journey, for whatever length of time, whether it’s close to home or abroad, consider what it is you’re really after. Remind yourself that when you travel, you hope to gain a new perspective, to be someone other than yourself for a while, and to be with the people you love in new contexts. We should view our trip as the grandest of opportunities – to unplug, to relax, to not work, to squeeze the life out of every moment. Seen that way, the act of travel doesn’t seem so exhausting. It seems, in fact, like a cause for celebration – what a gift we’ve been given!

It is our hope that this attitude of hope, renewal, and gratitude will enrich your travel experience – and that you can bring some of that positive attitude back with you, even after you’ve returned home.

Safe travels!

Mabrouk – April 2023

Community Magazine

-

April 2023

0

Births – Baby Boy

Robert & Naomi Rezak

Mr. & Mrs. Eli Yazni

Jack & Stacy Hanan

Births – Baby Girl

Daniel & Marilyn Hedaya

Joey & Rital Saban

Engagements

Eddie Cohen to Shelly Betesh

Shlomo Dancour to Rachel Shami

Reuven Jurrist to Esther Eiler

Judah Esses to Emily Blumberg

Ezra Schweky to Michelle Kairey

Bert Chabot to Lizzy Nasar

Joseph Moyal to Simmy Kaplan

Raymond Braha to Esther Kishk

Irwin Leventer to Raisy Jrada

Weddings

Martin Cohen to Rachel Serouya

Joey Saban to Linda Sasson

Jack Shekfati to Rosie Halbieh