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Save Our Kotel

Reform leaders are putting heavy pressure on the Bennett government to expedite the building of a massive new raised section of the Kotel plaza for Reform worship at a cost of millions of dollars. They are demanding control of “their half” of the area known as the plaza, removing this control from the Rav Hakotel and the Israeli rabbanut (rabbinate) and giving it to the Reform movement.

If the Reform movement gets this control, our unity will be in jeopardy, as there will be only one entrance to the Kotel plaza, and divisive signs will direct visitors to go left for “ultra-Orthodox prayers” or right to Reform prayer services.

The Reform movement could possibly implement the use of microphones, have female choirs, rock bands, and video screens, that are routinely used in Reform synagogues on Shabbat. These would be heard throughout the Kotel plaza, which would lead to disruptions in tefilla. The Reform services also include men and women holding hands and dancing together. Sometimes the sermons during prayer services condemn orthodox Jews, and action by Israeli soldiers and the State of Israel.

The goal of the Reform movement is also to take over control of conversions, marriages, and kashrut, and to destroy the role of the Chief Rabbinate.

What Can Be Done?

Mati Dan, chairman of Yeshivat Ateret Cohanim in the Old City of Jerusalem, works hand in hand with Libah Yehudit Organization, headed by Oren Hoenig. Litigation is coordinated to prevent the Reform movement from taking over control of the Kotel.

To show our unity in tefilla, busloads of seminary girls and yeshiva boys come to the Kotel on Rosh Chodesh every month. We show our strength in numbers in order to prevent desecration of the Kotel by members of the Reform movement.

Due to the coalition agreements signed by Bennet with the Reform Knesset members to expedite the Reform Kotel agenda, the situation is urgent.

Jews the world over must band together to support warriors like Libah Yehudit Organization and Mati Dan who are leading the charge.

Show your support before it is too late. For more info and to donate to this cause please go to: www.saveourkotel.org

WITH THE HASKAMA OF: Rav Chaim Kanievsky, zt”l, Rav Edelstein, Rav Sholom Cohen, Rav Shmuel Eliyahu, Chief Rabbis Yitzchak Yosef, Rav Yisrael David Lau, and Rav Shlomo Amar.

Young Storyteller from Our Community Releases Third Album!

Young storyteller, Meir Ben-Dayan, already renowned for his albums “Saved from the Statue” and “Out of Seder” has recently released his third album entitled, “Shuey and the Self-Swapping Shoes.”

Teaming up with over 50 children and adults from our community and others, he has produced a side-splitting, yet thought provoking story-line that leaves children and adults alternating between understanding smiles and hysterical laughter.

Following in the footsteps of the legendary Rabbi Shmuel Kunda, Meir’s moral lessons are delivered through spellbinding stories, wrapped in clever humor and puns, coupled with lively music and sound effects that effectively leave listeners on the edge of their seats until the final track.

Magen David Yeshivah Pre-K Students Learn About Food Allergies

In honor of Purim, Magen David Yeshivah students in Pre-K made delicious gluten-free hamantaschen. They read the book Eating Gluten-Free with Emily by Bonnie J. Kruszka and their teacher explained to the students that there are children just like them that cannot eat certain foods. The children now understand that there are different ways to make the same delicious foods they love, but in an inclusive way! MDY invited Mrs.Yedid and her daughter to help make gluten-free hamantaschen. The children mixed all the gluten-free ingredients, filled them with their favorite fillings, and they placed them into the oven. They tasted just as delicious as regular hamantaschen! Ensuring

the inclusion of children with food allergies helps create a safe environment, and that can’t be done without a group effort.

The Life of Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky, ZT”L

Why did close to a million people go to this rabbi’s funeral?

Imagine discovering at the earliest age a passion for an endeavor for which you have an abundance of natural talent and skill. Add to that the head start of growing up surrounded by the giants in your chosen field, who closely mentor your progress. For decades, thousands flock to your home seeking sagely advice, and you produce dozens of scholarly volumes on the entire breadth and depth of your chosen field.

Add to that a single-minded focus and unwavering devotion to the goal – day after day, year after year – for 94 years.

That was the life of Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky – the undisputed Prince of Torah (Sar HaTorah) – who was buried March 20, 2022 in the city of Bnei Brak in central Israel, as hundreds of thousands converged to pay their last respects.

Early Years

Shmaryahu Yosef Chaim Kanievsky was born in 1928 in Pinsk, now Belarus. His father, Rabbi Yaakov Y. Kanievsky, was the widely revered Steipler Ga’on. When Chaim was six, the Kanievsky family moved to Israel. On the sea voyage, Chaim sat day after day with his father, absorbed in Torah study. As they neared the shores of the Holy Land, they were about to complete study of Exodus, when suddenly his father kissed the book and closed it. “Let’s wait until we arrive,” he explained, “so we can celebrate in the Holy Land.”

This gave young Chaim not only an appreciation for the preciousness of Torah study, but also love for the land of Israel. Since then, he never departed the borders of Israel, and became a lifetime advocate for aliyah, encouraging people to move to Israel.

Rav Chaim’s childhood home was the center of the Torah world, with people from around the world gathering there to confer with some of the greatest rabbis of the 20th century. Besides his revered father, Rav Chaim’s uncle was Rabbi Avraham Y. Karelitz (the Chazon Ish), the premier Torah leader during the critical years of Israeli independence. The Chazon Ish, himself childless, showered Rav Chaim with constant tutelage and individual attention, grooming him in the art of Torah scholarship.

Rav Chaim, a child prodigy with a photographic memory, elucidated complex talmudic teachings at a young age. As a boy, he studied at Yeshiva Tiferes Tzion in Bnei Brak, amusing himself during recess breaks – not with a ball or board game – but by counting the number of times

various sages are quoted in the Talmud. For his bar mitzvah, he completed the Babylonian Talmud (Shas), a feat that many do not manage to achieve in a lifetime. Rav Chaim married Batsheva, the daughter of Judaism’s leading legal decisor, Rabbi Yosef S. Elyashiv (and granddaughter of Rabbi Aryeh Levine, the beloved Tzaddik of Jerusalem). Rav Chaim’s illustrious lineage was unmatched, although that alone is insufficient to ensure success. Metaphorically, “nine zeros is not a billion” unless an actual number is added in front. So too, Rav Chaim was surrounded by Judaism’s leading sages, but what he added at the beginning made it all count.

Torah Study

Rav Chaim was a private citizen, leading no synagogue or yeshiva, and with no official teaching or rabbinic position. For years, he occupied a nondescript seat in Kollel Chazon Ish, conducting uninterrupted in-depth research and writing. Once, as a young man, he considered taking a paid position, but his father said: “Your contribution is to sit and learn. Period.” With commitment and diligence, Rav Chaim never wavered from that advice, becoming this generation’s paradigm of nonstop Torah study.

Inside Rav Chaim’s modest home on Rashbam Street, every room and hallway were lined with bookshelves, crammed with thousands of Torah books. On Shabbat, Rav Chaim would play a game with his children. One of them would name a book title, and Rav Chaim would entertain the children by immediately telling them its precise location among the volumes filling every inch of wall space.

Rav Chaim maintained a breathtaking schedule, waking at 2am for a rigorous 20-hour-a-day study of the entire biblical and rabbinic corpus including Tanach, Mishnah, the Babylonian and Jerusalem Talmud, Midrashim, Zohar, and all the primary works of Jewish law: Maimonides’ Mishneh Torah, Tur, Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law), and Mishnah Berurah.

Rav Chaim toiled day and night, saying that the mental energy expended on Torah study is more physically taxing than digging ditches or laying bricks. Few people manage to study so many intricate works in a lifetime. Rav Chaim completed them all – every single year.

The Kanievsky’s had a small apartment, and the young children slept in a room filled to the brim with beds. When a wealthy visitor once offered to buy them a spacious house, they declined, explaining that it encourages people to see that economic hardship does not preclude devotion to Torah study.

Rav Chaim learned before dawn with a study partner and they wanted to be able to awaken and study right away. Despite the already over-crowded conditions, a spot was found for the study partner to sleep in the Kanievsky’s apartment on a regular basis.

Rav Chaim published dozens of volumes that are modern classics, including Derech Emunah, Derech Chochma, Shoneh Halachos, and Ta’ama D’kra. With unparalleled breadth of knowledge, Rav Chaim was uniquely qualified in obscure topics of Jewish law, such as lunar cycles, and agricultural laws in Israel. In his lectures, Rav Kanievsky delivered groundbreaking

commentary on the Jerusalem Talmud, which are the basis of a book by his son-in-law Rabbi Zelig Leib Braverman.

Additionally, Rav Chaim authored tens of thousands of rabbinic responsa on nearly every conceivable aspect of Torah. Each week he would sequester himself in a room with stacks of hundreds of letters, and patiently responded to every single one. Due to the sheer volume and to maximize his time, Rav Chaim’s responses were record-breakingly brief – typically a single line, and were often limited to one word in microscopic letters, occasionally adding a reference to the Jewish codes.

Rav Chaim made an art out of brevity. When delivering words of encouragement, to save precious seconds, he invented the word “Boo-ha,” an acronym for “blessings and success.”

Servant of the People

As the world’s most learned sage, Rav Chaim had insights into every possible dilemma – personal, communal, or global. Despite his reluctance to take a position of public leadership, tens of thousands of people from around the world – politicians, businesspeople, educators, and foreign dignitaries – flocked to Rav Chaim’s modest home on Rashbam Street.

At appointed times each day, the steep staircase outside Rav Chaim’s home would be lined with visitors waiting to enter, with lines often snaking around his house. Thousands would enter his inner chamber for blessings, inspiration, and sage advice from this humble human being, endowed with Divine guidance. Preferential treatment was given to little boys celebrating their third birthday, the day of their upsherin (first haircut), as Rav Chaim recognized the challenge of asking young children to wait in line.

For most of Rav Chaim’s life, he left decisions on communal matters to others. A few years ago, when I went to consult with Rav Chaim regarding a project of communal concern, he listened to my question and then, characteristically, sent me to consult with his Bnei Brak colleague, Rabbi A.Y.L. Shteinman. Rav Chaim often expressed tremendous gratitude to Rabbi Shteinman for shouldering that burden of responsibility, enabling Rav Chaim to continue his studies uninterrupted.

Wealth Is Not Limited to Money

Rav Chaim was renowned for being honored multiple times – every day – as sandek, holding the baby at a bris milah. Serving as sandek is considered a merit for becoming wealthy, and someone once asked Rav Chaim, “If you serve so often as sandek, why are you not wealthy?” He replied that “wealth” is not limited to money, and quoted his father that wealth is attained by publishing Torah commentaries. Rav Chaim added his own opinion that grandchildren are a source of tremendous wealth.

Rav Chaim’s time was highly structured, and keeping to such a rigorous schedule comes with intendant risks, particularly regarding one’s private life. Rebbetzin Kanievsky had every right to voice opposition to this hyper-focus on Torah study, which ostensibly came at her expense. Yet, she was his biggest supporter. Someone once made Rav Chaim a generous offer, which involved

him spending two minutes not related to Torah study or community matters. Rav Chaim presented the proposal to his wife, who nixed the idea, saying that two additional minutes of Torah study were worth more to her than anything else.

Battling Amalek

Fittingly, Rav Chaim passed away on Shushan Purim, a day when Haman – descendant of the biblical Amalek – fought to annihilate the Jewish people. Amalek represents ideologies antithetical to Torah; the best weapon we have against that is the study and practice of Torah. For 94 years, Rav Chaim Kanievsky fulfilled that mandate to the utmost.

 

Editor’s Note

Rav Chaim’s greatness, accomplishments, and contributions to the Jewish Nation could fill volumes. However, as his sudden passing occurred just a couple of days before our deadline, we were, unfortunately, unable to put together a proper tribute to this Torah giant in the current issue of Community. We will, please Gd, include a more extensive tribute in the next issue. We join the family, rabbis, and all world Jewry in mourning this great loss.

Rabbi Shraga Simmons is the co-founder of Aish.com, and co-author of “48 Ways to Wisdom” (ArtScroll). He is also the Founder and Director of Aish.com’s advanced learning site.

Reprinted with permission from Aish.com.

Magen David Yeshivah and NCSY Yom Iyun: Relating the Mitzvah of Shemittah

Visitors to Magen David Yeshivah High School’s gym last February were treated to the sight of some 385 students huddled in groups engaged in animated discussions about a topic that one might think only involves Jews halfway around the world. They learned that, in fact, the mitzvot involved in shemittah, the Sabbatical year, (which is happening now) are important for all of us.

Magen David Yeshivah was proud to host NCSY educators for a spiritually uplifting and meaningful Yom Iyun, a communal day of learning, centered around these beautiful and complex mitzvot.

Shemittah refers to the sabbatical year, which is observed in the Land of Israel. Farmers are dictated by the Torah to leave their land unfarmed and unharvested during this year. It may seem like an archaic concept to contemporary U.S. teens, but Jews in Israel from North to South have learned about the laws of shemittah in order to observe them. This includes both professional farmers as well as city dwellers who happen to have a fruit tree in their yard or herbs growing in their herb garden.

Day of Learning Planned as Team Effort

MDY is dedicated to bringing Torah to life for its students. Since they were aware of NCSY’s excellent educational programming, the MDY staff recruited NCSY to lead an informative and dynamic day of learning for their students.

“NCSY provided our students with a meaningful, interactive, thoughtful program that spoke to the core values of the laws of shemittah, connected our students to the larger Jewish world, and gave our students an opportunity to reflect on their own values,” said Esther Tokayer, MDY’s Assistant Principal.

The Yom Iyun was led by Rabbi Josh Grajower, NCSY’s Director of Day School Engagement, and a team of NCSY educators.

After a video presentation featuring farmers in Israel discussing the challenges of observing the mitzvot related to shemittah, students split into six groups led by NCSY staff. The groups rotated, and with each rotation they focused on different ways to connect to the mitzvah of shemittah. In one group they wrote letters to show their gratitude and give support to these selfless farmers. In another group the students did an activity in which they discussed their personal priorities and life values. In a third group the students discussed the emunah shown by the farmers and how they can inculcate that level of emunah into their own lives.

“It was such a privilege and pleasure to be able to run our Shemittah Yom Iyun at Magen David Yeshiva where students were extremely engaged in the activities with our staff. The interactions were genuine and meaningful,” said Rabbi Grajower. “The gym had an incredible energy as we had six groups of NCSY staff educational activities with the students. It was clear that this was a unique experience for the students and one which definitely brought the meaning and purpose of shemittah to life for them.”

The Take Home Message

Rabbi Gideon Black, CEO of New York NCSY, closed the program. He told the students that farmers know their avoda (mission) this year is to leave their fields empty. They can be proud of their tremendous mesirat nefesh (self-sacrifice). Rabbi Black then challenged the students attending to discover their own personal “empty fields.” What for them would be a mitzvah equivalent to shemittah in their own lives that they will take ownership of and prioritize this year?

“I was deeply impressed by the caliber of the students’ and the questions they shared with NCSY’s team of educators,” said Rabbi Black. “Learning is more dynamic when it’s interactive, and Magen David should be very proud of its students for fully engaging with the material presented as they strived to relate it to their own lives.”

Rabbi Mikey Albala, NCSY’s new Chief Development Officer, commented, “NCSY has so much to offer Jewish teens of any community, and we are thankfully able to reach and inspire a diverse swath of young adults who thirst for spiritual inspiration and a way to relate their religion and heritage to their everyday lives. I very much look forward to continuing to build on this incredible partnership between NCSY and Brooklyn’s Sephardic community.”

Riddles – April 2022

Riddle: Flower Garden

Submitted by: Rachel A.

You planted sunflower seeds in your back garden. Every day, the number of flowers doubles. If it takes 52 days for the flowers to fill the garden, how many days would it take for them to fill half the garden?

Last Month’s Riddle: Hairy Situation

A woman describes her daughters, saying, “They are all blonde, but two; all brunette but two; and all red-headed but two.” How many daughters does she have?

Solution: Three. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead!

Solved by: Sarah Haboba, Bella Swed, Adina and Yehuda Levy, Denise Sultan, Jack Kassab, Ezra and Raquel Kassab, Francine and Linda E., Gail B., and The Ades Family.

Junior Riddle: What Am I?

Submitted by: Ronnie T.

I can be driven, but I do not have wheels. I can be sliced, but I always remain whole. What am I?

Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Measured in Hours

My life can be measured in hours, I serve by being devoured. Thin, I am quick. Fat, I am slow. Wind is my foe. What am I?

Solution: A candle!

Solved by: Sarah Haboba, Bella Swed, Jennifer Sardar, Haim S., Ronnie Betesh, Jack Kassab, The Ades Family, and Big Mike.

Yad Ezra V’Shulamit Steps Up to the Plate to Help Ukrainian Refugees

Lena (not her real name), 31, a new immigrant to Israel from the Ukraine, describes her family’s story. “My two children and I are without my husband, their father, who had to stay behind to fight in the army. Three days ago, we brought my mother to be with us. We scrambled to leave our apartment in Kyiv and got in the car to go towards the border with Poland, where we could get out and then get on a plane to Israel. We left everything behind. I believe we barely escaped with our lives because I heard that our building got bombed. I’m glad we made it out, but I don’t know how I can make a new life here in Israel. I’m just living one day at a time. We need food, a place to sleep, and I need formula and diapers for my little one…”

Israel Again Called On To Be a Safe Haven for Jews

Israel is known as a refuge for new immigrants. Once again, Israel has been called upon to absorb Jews in distress. The new refugees from Ukraine present special challenges, as many have fled with little but the shirts on their backs, and their journey to Israel was truly harrowing, making them feel especially vulnerable.

Thousands of new immigrants from war-torn Ukraine, including orphans, have arrived in Israel. Israeli government officials estimate that tens of thousands more will immigrate in the coming weeks. Yad Ezra V’Shulamit is working with the Israeli government to get food to Ukrainian refugees in Israel, distributing both food baskets and vouchers.

These new immigrants to Israel have experienced real trauma. It is hard enough for the new immigrants to cope with dramatic life changes and the fear they experienced with intense worries for themselves and their loved ones. We Jews are known as rachmanim b’nei rachmanim – compassionate children of compassionate parents. As such, it is not surprising that a number of Jewish organizations, such as Yad Ezra V’Shulamit, have stepped up to the plate to ease the immigrants’ burdens so that they will have food to eat and basic supplies. Yad Ezra V’Shulamit, which provides 10,000 food baskets to the needy in Israel every week, has opened a special

warehouse in Bat Yam to help serve the needs of the new Ukrainian refugees. Volunteers from across Israel have joined together and are filling baskets to provide sustenance for the new immigrants.

Group Effort Needed to Help New Ukrainian Immigrants

Israel is planning to take in hundreds of thousands of new immigrants. The Israeli government is committed to absorbing these new immigrants and helping them integrate into Israeli society. Many organizations are helping worldwide. Extensive resources are needed. These refugees first need help with the perilous journey to the Ukrainian border. They require basic food and supplies while in transit. And along the way they must stay in makeshift housing in host countries such as Poland, Moldova, Hungary, Romania, and Slovakia. And, then they need to be assigned to flights to Israel.

Once they arrive, they need temporary housing quarters, food, toiletries, and basics such as sheets, towels, clothing, and food.

Jews around the world have rallied to help their Ukrainian brothers and sisters to settle in Israel and reestablish their lives. The founder of the Yad Ezra V’Shulamit, Aryeh Lurie, said, “We can do this. If everyone gives a little, we can help everyone make it here in Israel.”

Please partner with Yad Ezra V’Shulamit here in Israel to help get Ukrainian orphans and families like Lena’s the food and assistance they so desperately need.

To donate, visit www.yadezra.net/ukraine.

Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky Is Inspiring the World

As the war in Ukraine continues, people around the world are rallying around President Volodymyr Zelensky, Ukraine’s unconventional, Jewish, 44-year-old leader. The grandson of Holocaust survivors, Volodymyr Zelensky was born January 25, 1978. He grew up as a native Russian speaker in Kryvyi Rih, the largest city in central Ukraine.

During World War II, the town of Kryvyi Rih was occupied by Nazi Germany. It was home to a sizeable Jewish community, and in the years before the Nazi takeover, many Jews fled eastward. Zelensky’s grandmother was one of the Jews who fled. “My grandmother was living in Kryvyi Rih, in a part of south Ukraine that was occupied by the fascists,” Zelensky explained. “They killed all the Jews who remained. She had left in an evacuation of Jews to Almaty, Kazakhstan. Many people fled to there. She studied there. She’s a teacher. After World II, she came back. That’s where I was born.”

Career as Comedian

Zelensky completed his law degree from Kyiv National Economic University, but never practiced law. He started acting in college and eventually founded his own production company called Kvartal 95 – “Neighborhood 95” – after the area in Kryvyi Rih where he grew up. He tried his hand at comedy and became a hit throughout the former Soviet Union, performing stand up and acting in some comic films. In 2006, he won Ukraine’s “Strictly Come Dancing” television competition. He has also performed in Israel.

President Zelensky

Campaigning for the presidency, Zelensky relied heavily on his comedy background, posting humorous speeches and skits on social media. His unusual campaigning style paid off: In Ukraine’s 2019 presidential election, Zelensky won an astonishing 73 percent of the vote.

His political career was not always smooth. He faced accusations of being close to corrupt figures and was accused of bringing in members of his TV production company to serve as key political advisors. Within days of his election, Russia declared a major provocation, extending Russian citizenship to people living in eastern Ukrainian regions controlled by separatist insurgents whom Russia was backing in Donetsk and Luhansk.

Zelensky responded to this major assault on Ukrainian territorial integrity with humor, posting on Facebook that he would extend Ukrainian citizenship to people in Russia and others “who suffer from authoritarian or corrupt regimes.”

Recognizing Jewish History

When Zelensky ran for office, the Chief Rabbi of Dnipro told the New York Times: “He should not run because we will have pogroms here again in two years if things go wrong.” Those fears proved misplaced. Indeed, Zelensky was open about his Jewishness. He oversaw an ongoing project to rename streets and monuments throughout Ukraine, erasing the names of Soviet figures and replacing them with Ukrainian heroes, including some Ukrainian Jews.

Zelensky began construction on a memorial at Babi Yar, the ravine outside Kyiv where 150,000 Jews were executed. The Ukrainian city of Uman is the burial place of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, and is a major site for Jewish pilgrims. On Rosh Hashana, Uman boasts the largest minyan in the world, as thousands of Jews flock to Uman from Israel and worldwide. Under Zelensky’s administration, a large project is underway in Uman. Zelensky stated, “In the city we are starting to construct a ‘Little Jerusalem.’ So, we have decided to construct a historical museum, to create a big park, and to reconstruct the synagogue [that Rabbi Nachman prayed in].”

Resolution in Wartime

In the first hours of the Russian attack on Ukraine, President Zelensky vowed to remain in Kiyv, Ukraine’s capital. On a video hastily recorded on a cellphone, he declared, “We are all here. Our soldiers are here. The citizens of our country are here…We are all here protecting our independence, our country, and it will continue to be this way. Glory to our defenders. Glory to our heroes. Glory to Ukraine.”

The eyes of the world stay glued to Zelensky and the Ukraine. Vladamir Putin did not expect resistance from the Ukrainians and thought his military action would be swift and relatively easy. Putin was mistaken. Tentative peace talks are underway and Zelensky has suggested Jerusalem as a possible venue for negotiations. The world is holding its breath.

Dear Jido – April 2022

Dear Jido,

I’ve always had a great relationship with my son, who is now 14, but I’m finding his teenage self very hard to deal with. It’s not that he’s a bad kid, he’s just much less pleasant to be around and is increasingly withdrawn. I’m having trouble connecting with him. There are still moments where we enjoy each other’s company, but more and more often, our interactions are tense, cut short, or full of conflict. I need some advice on how to keep our relationship strong.

 

Signed, Teen Troubles

 

Dear Father of a Teenager,

 

What you and your son are experiencing is quite common. Fourteen-year-old boys are going through many changes in their bodies, their hormones, and their emotions that are often difficult for them to assimilate. The usual response for them is to withdraw, usually to the quiet of their rooms, accompanied frequently by depression and aggression.

There are several things you can do to make sure your son makes the most of these formative years:

1. Keep the lines of communication open – even though it is not always easy to get his attention, be sure to let him know how much you love him. That includes with words, hugs, back rubs, and high fives. Dinner table talks are usually not the best time to connect. Try private times such as during carpools (when he is the only one in the car with you), late nights alone, or walks to the shul are best.

2. Make sure he gets plenty of exercise – that includes sports, helping clean the house, and walking to school and shul. This helps his body work through its new overload of hormones.

3. Encourage, don’t discourage – his moodiness might prompt you to yell or criticize. Understand that he is not totally in control of his emotions, and likely won’t be for a while.

4. Set an example – your young man just went through his bar mitzvah and is on his way to becoming a man. Who better than his father, and his mother, to be his role model of what to aspire to. Show patience, don’t nag, offer solutions, and maximize fun in the good times.

We’ve all been through the exercise. With the proper attitude and actions on your part, your son will continue to be a source of pride for you and the entire family.

One on One with Tammy Sassoon

“Every person is created by Hashem with unique potential, purpose, and contributions to make. Every life experience is designed as an opportunity to become greater.

~~ Tammy Sassoon ~~

I was excited to meet Tammy Sassoon, whose columns serve as a guiding light for many community parents. Tammy’s popular Positive Parenting column in Community Magazine provides parents with valuable, practical tools.

Let’s travel back in time to Tammy’s childhood and teenage years and follow her journey from teacher to parent coach and educational consultant.

Tammy and her older brother were born and raised in Brooklyn. Her father, Yaakov Zaga, is from Anteb, a town on the border of Turkey and Syria. He moved to Israel when he was five. After serving in the Israeli army, Yaakov traveled to New York and met his bashert, Miriam Liffman. An Ashkenazi Jew of German descent, Miriam grew up in Washington Heights and speaks fluent German.

Early Years

Educated at Yeshivah of Flatbush from elementary school through high school, Tammy called herself a “an average student.” “I had no interest in sitting at a desk and studying. However, I did pick up my strong work ethic in high school and from my parents. My parents are wonderful role models and I so appreciate the life lessons they taught me. They raised us to always try our best. We weren’t afraid of hard work and pushed to figure things out.”

When asked what kind of child she was, Tammy replied, “I was very outgoing with tons of energy. I specifically remember that wherever I went, people used to often ask me to ‘please slow down, or to be quiet.’ That’s why, as a young adult, I became passionate about working with difficult children. I understood that I, too, was born with potential and with contributions to make as Hashem envisioned.”

Revelations

Tammy had her “aha moment” as a camp counselor. She began to combine her own childhood experiences with her adult critical thinking skills. Her epiphany was that children who are viewed as difficult or disruptive shut down when they are often just told to be quiet or to slow down. That’s why she believes in bringing out their potential, while also telling children in a non-judgmental way, “I am holding you accountable for your actions because I believe in you.”

“Every human being is unique and created by design by Hashem, with unique potential, purpose, and qualities and contributions to offer, regardless of what stage of life they are in. We also each have unique gifts and challenges, and every challenge is an opportunity for growth.”

Today, as an ardent believer that Hashem created every person with a unique ability to make the world a better place, Tammy comes across as warm, caring, lively, quick, and solution oriented.

College and Career

After high school, Tammy enrolled at Brooklyn College and majored in Math Education. She graduated in three-and-a-half years, energized to start teaching. Since it was the middle of the school year, there were not many job openings, but she did hear about a position as a Special Education teacher at P.S. 163. Even without experience in the field, Tammy was up for the challenge, and immersed herself in her new class of twelve students.

Moved by how much progress students with special needs can make if teachers believe in them, Tammy headed back to the classroom as a student again, studying for a Master of Science in Special Education at Brooklyn College.

Two years later, Tammy was offered a position at Gesher Yehuda. Though she was really enjoying her public school teaching position, she decided to start teaching children in our own community.

Tammy taught grades three, five, six, and seven, and became a social skills trainer at Gesher Yehuda over the course of her ten years there. She also began to build her private practice as a behavioral therapist, which later evolved into her parent coaching practice when Tammy realized that the results are much more transformative when parents do the work. She started seeing parents one-on-one and giving parenting courses.

Tammy found that no matter how difficult a child is, parents can experience significant results when they use specific methods to highlight their children’s strengths and purpose, while setting effective limits.

Divine Providence

In her early twenties, Tammy went to Israel to study for four months at Neve Yerushalayim College. Although she had a solid Jewish foundation, she wanted to expand her knowledge and get her burning questions resolved at Neve. One of the Neve rabbis was Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen, author of To Kindle a Soul.

It was hashgachat pratit that Tammy met her naseeb two years later through Rabbi Kelemen. On a phone call to Israel, he asked Tammy if she would like to meet a young

man he had recently connected with, David Sassoon. Rabbi Kelemen said that although he only met David for a five minutes, he saw a passion for truth and extreme kindness in David. Tammy decided to spend her winter break in Israel and greatly enjoyed her outings with David. David had studied at Mikdash Melech and at Mir Yerushalayim. “I had clarity when I was with David and realized we had the same goals.”

They were married four months later and spent their first year of marriage in Israel. While David was in yeshiva, Tammy taught English at a girl’s school in Har Nof.

Hashem blessed the couple with four boys and then a girl. “I was 28 when I married David and we were so grateful that we had our first son a year later. I remember being shocked at how hard it was to mother a baby. But I also knew that wherever there is a challenge, there is potential for growth, and Hashem always gives the tools. We had five children in nine years, and they are of the greatest gifts in our life.”

After one of her workshops at Orot Sarah, a Sephardic Bet Yaakov school, Mrs. Renelle Maslaton asked Tammy to interview for an assistant principal position. Tammy hesitated to consider the job, as she had four children, and two were babies. “It was love at first sight. Mrs. Maslaton and I had the same vision and ideas about education and growing each individual student. I followed my heart and took the position. Together we built a social and emotional wellness program and created a culture that was part of the curriculum.”

Now Tammy teaches that curriculum in many schools.

Tammy’s Special Approach

Tammy’s premise is that every child can be kind to others. By combining a culture of warmth and kindness with limit setting and accountability, Tammy found that in a few weeks, any classroom or home can go from being in upside-down mode to functioning as a healthy environment. “We can help even the most disruptive child thrive within the context of respecting people.”

This spotlights what is unique about Tammy’s parenting approach and her life perspective.

Do you remember Tammy’s “aha moment” that we are all created by Hashem with our special spark and potential?

Tammy’s distinctive methodology is about empowering moms of defiant children to turn a chaotic home into a calm one. Drawing on her own parenting tools, training, research, coaching, and experience as a principal, Tammy guides parents to use and develop their inner resources to help their children develop healthy self-esteem and behavior.

Tammy’s Current Focus

After what Tammy describes as seven beautiful years in Orot Sarah, she recently stepped down from her principal role to focus on her coaching practice:

· A to Z Parenting Academy, an online independent program.

· Lives courses (Zoom too) three times a year, including a crash course on emotional detox.

· One-on-one parenting sessions.

· Coaching principals and teachers, towards creating a school and classroom culture of kindness, motivation, and making contributions.

A short time ago, Tammy introduced a safe parenting series with a marriage component. “It’s crucial to work on one’s marriage even before parenting. Kids need healthy modeling from their parents. When women demonstrate respect for their husbands instead of judgment, husbands are free to be their best selves. They want to see their wives happy.”

Passions and Pastimes

Tammy is passionate about her family and delights in doing home decorating projects with her children such as painting and building. To unwind, she loves needlepointing, walking and taking in the fresh air, and reading books on perfecting one’s nature.

Home Inspections

Home inspections offer a chance to walk through the home with a professional who can point out any structural, electrical, or plumbing issues in the home. Home inspections are needed when buying a residential property. Many buyers feel they don’t need a home inspection for new construction. I personally feel it’s always necessary. In New York, it’s done once a buyer has an accepted offer, before they sign the contract.. Obviously, these inspections are conducted in order to point out the negatives and the positives of the home.

 

Some home inspectors only point out the negatives. I don’t agree with only focusing on the negative since there is always going to be something positive as well, so just point out both. A home inspection should make you more aware of the ins and outs of your home. If you are doing construction, you will learn what you need to focus on. A home inspection is not an opportunity to knock down on a price for no reason. Sometimes, people who have given an offer of $1.8 million, will want to go down to $1.7 after the inspection. I say straight out, “You’re asking for a $100,000 price cut for no reason!” If after the home inspection there are legitimate reasons to make an adjustment, we have the seller take care of the issues or we work with the buyer to give them a credit, but this is only for major issues that were not noticed beforehand. Many times, there are high ticket items, like a roof or boiler, that are aged but are currently working very well. If this is the case, the seller is not obligated to give credit for those things. I understand buyers coming into the home and planning on doing renovations, but they are not really interested in putting a new roof in. But at the same time, because the roof is on its last leg, credits are not given. This situation comes up a lot that the buyer wants a credit because a big ticket item is old but still functioning.

 

Home Insurance

When buying a home, a buyer needs to purchase home insurance. We asked Jeffrey Weitz of MBJ Insurance a few questions to help guide our buyers through the process.

 

When does one need to get home insurance?

In general, you purchase homeowners insurance before closing on a home. By securing the coverage you need before you even move into your new home, you safeguard your purchase from potential disaster. It is important to research various insurance policy options as they may offer different levels of coverage.

 

What type of incidents does home insurance cover?

The most common insurance claims we are seeing are for wind & hail, water damage & freezing, fire & lightning, vandalism, liability, and theft.

 

 

I remember once a home had a fire, no one was hurt, but the insurance hardly paid them back because they had the “wrong” insurance. Can you speculate what it was? What can we learn from this?

Homeowners are under the impression that a standard home insurance is always the correct policy needed. However, there are special policies that are needed when a home is vacant, is under construction, or is rented out (not owner occupied). Please always consult your insurance professional to get the proper guidance for your property.

 

 

Include Burst: Fun Fact

The term “housewarming” is descended literally from the act of warming a new house, from the days before central heating. All the guests would bring firewood and build fires in all the available fireplaces, offering firewood as a gift.

How to Help a Child Who Is in a Behavioral Rut

When a child is stuck in a negative pattern of behavior for a long time, adults often give up, thinking that this behavior is who the child really is. But that can’t be the case since every child, regardless of personality and biology, is capable of being kind, responsible, and caring. Positive character traits are available to all of humanity. Nobody is excluded from the ability to get there.

If the difficult behavior is one that is not moral, such as being unkind towards others or rejecting healthy loving limits, you can be sure that the child is capable of acting differently. Logically, it doesn’t make sense to believe that being able to follow certain rules or society norms, like having basic respect towards people around you or accepting authority, are only limited to those who haven’t struggled in the past. Since the child wasn’t born thinking that they are incapable of being kind, how do we get the child back to their state of realizing how capable they really are, after being in a negative pattern for many years?

Relationship Reset

This is where I teach “The Relationship Reset Strategy.” It is a deep thorough cleanse that uproots the child’s unhelpful thinking that got the child into this mess in the first place. If a child is on the path of being hurtful towards others or of not accepting authority for a long time, chances are that the behavior of someone on that path defines who the child believes that he or she really is.

The “The Relationship Reset” is a healing conversation. This is how it works: A parent schedules a calm and quiet time outside the home to speak with the child. The goal is to come across calm, relaxed, confident, and sincere. The conversation goes as follows:

“I’ve been giving it some thought, and I realize that I have been mistakenly thinking that when you were struggling with ‘xyz’ behavior, that that behavior is who you actually are…as if there is such a thing as some children not being able to be kind or cooperative. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Since children are very influenced by their parents’ thinking, it would make sense that you would believe that about yourself as a result of my mistake, and that belief would make it very hard for you to be your regular kind self.

I am so sorry and I am planning to move ahead very differently. It’s as if I put a sticky label on you that says, ‘I am a child who is unkind, disrespectful, etc.’ We will peel this label off together. As I start thinking the truths about you, which is that the real you, of course, wants to be kind and cooperative, it will be easier for you to see that as well. I might make mistakes sometimes but you will see that I will be interacting with you very differently.”

Soul Search

Then moving ahead the parent has to commit to relating to the child differently and not to interact with the misbehaviors, but to interact with the soul beneath the misbehaviors. As parents, we can feel insecure when children misbehave, thinking that perhaps this behavior indicates that this is who they are. Their misbehaviors are not them! At worst, they are their poor choices. See past the label through to the soul and that will free your child up to be their best self.

This strategy is not necessarily to be used alone. If your child needs support or services or something to help him or her acclimate better to society, of course as parents we need to be responsible and make sure that the child receives that.

If your child has been in a behavioral rut, no matter how old he or she is, never give up on resetting. Every moment is the gift of a new beginning, so interact with your child as if there is no history, giving them a chance to start fresh. Then let go of the results, and you might see amazing things happen!