Frieda Schweky

On Sunday, February 9th, the eve of Tu B’Shvat, a special event was held at Congregation Beth Torah commemorating the legacy of one of the great builders and spiritual leaders of our community, Hacham Matloub Abadi, zt”l, in honor of his 50th yahrtzeit.

Numerous community rabbis were on hand to honor Hacham Matloub and to inspire the audience of over 300 community members with memories and reflections about the great scholar, posek, educator, and author who had a profound impact upon countless people over the course of his illustrious career of leadership.

After the recitation of Tehillim and prayers, the attendees were treated to a special exhibit by the Sephardic Heritage Museum in the hallway, as they made their way downstairs to the social hall. In the social hall, they were greeted by a large table offering them an impressive array of fruits in honor of Tu B’Shvat.

The Picture in the Mansour Family Sukkah

The event opened with the Magen David Boys choir’s beautiful rendition of a pizmon celebrating the occasion of Tu B’Shvat, followed by a moving video presentation.

Jeffrey Dweck, a member of the board at Congregation Beth Torah, welcomed and thanked everyone on behalf of his fellow board members. He also thanked the rabbis and young scholars in our community who perpetuate the hacham’s legacy through their devotion to Torah study. Mr. Dweck also expressed gratitude to the many students of Hacham Matloub who keep his spirit alive by sharing their beautiful stories and memories, enabling us all to learn from and emulate his example of piety.

The first speaker was Rabbi Eli Mansour, who humbly apologized for breaking protocol by speaking first, explaining that he was officiating at a wedding that night. He proceeded to note his personal connection to Hacham Matloub, who was the family rabbi of both of Rabbi Mansour’s parents. And, in fact, in Rabbi Mansour’s childhood, his parents had the picture of just one rabbi hanging in their sukkah – a portrait of Hacham Matloub Abadi with his fist to his chin, deep in thought. Rabbi Mansour inspired the audience with stories of the hacham’s genius and scholarship, and explained how a number of his landmark halachic rulings helped make our community into what it is today.

Advising an Aspiring Rabbi

Rabbi Moshe Shamah described some of Hacham Matloub’s countless accomplishments, and his incalculable impact on our community. He emphasized that the hacham made himself available to individuals, happily addressing any questions they had.

Rabbi Shamah recalled the time when, as a young man, his uncles convinced him to consult with Hacham Matloub and seek advice for choosing his path and direction in life. He was planning to study full-time in an Ashkenazic yeshiva in Baltimore, and the hacham openly and frankly shared his misgivings. He explained that he did not encourage studying far away from home, which meant missing family and community functions. But primarily, the hacham felt uneasy about Rabbi Shamah studying only Torah indefinitely, without preparing a backup plan in case he could not secure a job in the rabbinate. Hacham Matloub urged Rabbi Shamah to attend Yeshiva University, where he could devote the majority of the day to Torah learning while also earning a degree that offered him professional options. In the end, Rabbi Shamah chose to spend his days learning Torah, and, heeding the hacham’s advice, to work towards a master’s degree in education at night. Rabbi Shamah emphasized how this degree proved immensely valuable to him in his rabbinical career.

In his address, Rabbi Shamah recalled Hacham Matloub’s firm commitment to maintaining Sephardic traditions. The hacham would reprimand young Sephardic men whom he saw wearing their tzitzit strings outside their pants, instead of following the time-honored Sephardic practice to tuck the tzitzit strings in one’s pants.

Rabbi Shimon Alouf, who had arrived from Israel just several days before the event, spoke about our debt of gratitude to Hacham Matloub, which we can repay by learning Torah the way Torah was learned back in Halab (Aleppo). The rabbi insisted that our yeshivot must strive to maintain the standards of the yeshivot of yesteryear, and he noted the phenomenal success of several institutions in realizing this lofty goal.

Taking Off the Hearing Aid

Hacham Matloub’s grandson, Chuck Abadi, read excerpts from a forthcoming book about his illustrious grandfather. He then spoke about the hacham’s unique character, recalling specifically his aversion to fame and honor: “As for recognition, he stubbornly resisted. He fled from honor and tribute. When a dinner was proposed to honor his years of community service, he only agreed when he heard it was part of a fundraiser for Magen David.”

He then read a few words written by other members of the rabbi’s family, describing their memories.

“Grandpa loved America,” Chuck recalled, “and said we should all respect patriotic holidays.”

Chuck proudly showed the watch that he wears which belonged to his grandfather. He concluded by displaying another precious artifact – his grandfather’s shofar.

Chuck described how Hacham Matloub loved people, and he loved teaching. His special love and devotion to all his students stemmed from his deep, genuine respect for every single individual. He was also a loving father, and had special nicknames for every one of his daughters. He loved conversing with people whom he respected, had a great sense of humor, and disliked idle chatter. Every Friday afternoon, before Shabbat, he would gather his family to drink coffee. If the conversation ever started drifting towards gossip, he removed his hearing aid and asked his family members to notify him when the conversation moved back onto a valuable subject

Dedication to Education

The final speaker was Rabbi David Tawil, who had the audience chuckling when he noted the irony of a 30-year-old rabbi speaking in honor of a rabbi’s 50^th yahrtzeit, which obviously means that he never had the privilege of meeting the hacham. Nevertheless, Rabbi Tawil explained, he is full of respect and appreciation for all that Hacham Matloub did for the community, and his imprint which is felt even today.

One of the most significant aspects of the hacham’s legacy, Rabbi Tawil said, is his passionate commitment to Torah education, and specifically, educating our children according to our special traditions. Back then, such a commitment was not fashionable, and convincing parents to provide their children with a rich, Torah education according to Sephardic tradition was a formidable challenge. Hacham Matloub’s persistent emphasis on education put into motion processes that helped lead to the outstanding educational infrastructure that our community is so blessed to have today. He taught and repeatedly stressed that providing every child with a yeshiva education is the very foundation of our community, and the single most important key to its future, as Torah can continue and thrive only if children are immersed in its study already at a young age.

A scholar, a posek, a teacher, head of a Bet Din, and an author, Hacham Matloub Abadi bridged the gap between the old world and the needs of the modern generation, working tirelessly to transplant our rich tradition to the new realities of 20^th-century America. The flourishing of our community and its religious institutions are a lasting tribute to his successful leadership, unlimited devotion, and personal piety which left an indelible mark upon the minds and hearts of all who knew him and learned from him.

Rabbi Matloub Abadi, zt”l

Rabbi Matloub Abadi was born in the late 19th century in Halab (Aleppo), Syria. He mastered the basic knowledge of Torah at a very early age and from his youth he was destined to be an outstanding Talmid Hacham and Torah leader. At the age of 20 he emigrated to Israel and continued his higher learning. He was a close friend and colleague of Rabbi Ezra Attieh, zt”l,  who later became a founder and life-long Rosh Yeshivah of Porat Yosef, the flagship Sephardic Yeshivah in Israel and the entire world.

In the early 20th century, Rabbi Abadi emigrated to the United States and began to form the spiritual life in the community. He immediately began teaching in the Talmud Torah in Bensonhurst and eventually became the principal. His Torah education helped create a solid foundation to many of the youth in which helped set them on the course to live a religious and traditional lifestyle. Today many of the elderly members of the community credit Rabbi Abadi for molding them to their religious background. He was also a member of the Magen David Bet Din, involving himself in resolving disputes among members of the community.

For forty years Rabbi Abadi had a loyal group of students that learned from him and followed in his ways. All of these prominent men became founders and leaders of every major community institution including synagogues, Talmud Torah, and yeshivot. The hacham guided them and assisted them behind the scenes in all major decisions in building these institutions. Many of these men are still active in community projects to this very day.

Sarina Roffé

What did the Jews of Syria know about the United States?

That was the question high school students from Magen David Yeshivah High School tried to answer in a presentation given at a conference focused on the end of Jewish life in Arab lands.

Yeshivah of Flatbush students shared family stories of what happened as their families left Syria, some of them with their passports stamped: “Never to Return.” Rabbi Elie Abadie shared the heartwarming story of his family’s journey, bringing some of us to tears, as he told details of their experience.  He also spoke of the legal struggle for the rights of Jews who had left Arab lands.

A number of  interesting presentations at the conference focused on the experience of Jews from Iraq, Iran, Egypt, Yemen, and Syria. My presentation covered “Post 1948 Persecution of Syrian Jews: Agency Relief and Escape.” I focused on the persecution of Syrian Jews after the creation of the State of Israel, and how agencies joined together to fund relief; the role of Brooklyn’s community leaders (such as Isaac Shalom); and the 1992 airlift.

The one-day conference was held at the Center for Jewish History in Manhattan. It was sponsored by the Dahan Center at Bar Ilan University, Sephardic Heritage Project American Sephardi Federation, and the Yeshiva University Center for Jewish Studies, in collaboration with the World Zionist Organization and the Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

Rabbi Elie Abadie’s Historical Perspective

Rabbi Abadie noted that Jews were a stable and historic community in these countries dating back at least 3,000 years, centuries before Muhammad. “The Aleppo Syrian community dates back to King David 3,000 years ago, the Yemenite community to King Solomon 2,900 years ago, the Iraqi and Iranian community dates back to the first Babylonian exile 2,500 years ago, and the Egyptian community over 1,000 years ago.”

However, after the creation of the State of Israel, Arab nationalism swept the Middle East. “The situation of Jews in the Arab countries worsened dramatically, since many Arab countries declared or supported the war against Israel,” Rabbi Abadie said. “In virtually all Arab countries, official decrees and legislation promulgated by the Arab regimes denied human and civil rights to Jews. They expropriated their property, stripped their citizenship and other means of subsistence. Jews were often victims of murder, arbitrary arrest and detention, torture, and expulsions. The end result was the massive displacement of nearly one million Jews from their birth countries from ten Arab countries.

“Under the persistent repression of the authorities, from 1947 to 1990s many members of the Jewish community sustained the risk in order to escape the persecution. Many attempts at escaping ended in tragedies, with innocent Jews being tortured and murdered. Today, Syria has less than fourteen Jews living in the country. A Jewish community that originated over 3,000 years ago is no more.”

Magen David Student Presentations

Magen David students presented information found in the  research they conducted under the guidance of Assistant Principal Audrey Abade. Victor Saideh, Nathaniel Haser, Ruth Mevorah, and Susie Ezon found literary works about the history of the Jews of Syria, finding documents from as early as 1794. They looked at who the visitors to Syria were and the interactions of Western visitors to the country. The students found reports of Syrians, Christians, Muslims, and Jews traveling to the United States for World Fairs. Syrian Christians marketed products fashioned from wood at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia in 1876. They brought back stories of their visit, and their products created more interest in Syria from American merchants. In 1904, Syrian Jews attended the St. Louis World Fair.

The students learned about capitulation agreements, how Jews were protected by foreign governments, and the famous 1840 Damascus Blood Libel. One of the accused Jews, Isaac Levi Picciotto, was an Austrian citizen and was under the protection of the Austrian consul. His citizenship eventually led to the intervention of Austria, England, and the United States in the affair.

The students spoke about the Alliance de Israelite School and other schools their family members attended. The students concluded that there were a number of small events that put America on the map for Syrian Jews. Aleppo, once an important trading center connecting East and West, declined following the opening of the Suez Canal in 1869. The Jews looked for new opportunities and began venturing beyond Syria to other areas in the Middle East, to Europe and by the turn of the twentieth century, to the New World.

Family Stories from Yeshivah of Flatbush Students

The stories from the Yeshivah of Flatbush students were heartwarming and showed how much the students valued their heritage, as encouraged by their teacher Miriam Wielgus.

Stella Lesser spoke of her grandfather, who owned a factory and a store. The factory and the store were hit and blown up. In order to rebuild, her grandfather had to borrow money from the bank, and so and his family  could not leave the country when others did because he had to repay the loan. Stella’s mother and siblings attended Catholic school. Her uncle was sent away to live in France to avoid conscription. Eventually they paid off a government official to procure travel visas to France. From there they applied for refugee status.

Danger and Intrigue Accompany Escape from Syria

Joshua Zebak spoke of his father’s life in Damascus, as well as family members who tried to escape. “Mazal, Lulu, and Fara Zebak, and their cousin Eva Saad planned an escape. Unfortunately, they didn’t make it. They were brutally killed and their remains were left in a cave. They did not see Israel but Israel sees them. Mazal, Fara, Lulu, and Eva did not reach the border, but they have reached our hearts and our history forever.’’

According to Simon Sakkal, “As a Jew in Syria during the 60’s – 90’s, my father was looked at as second class. Even though my father was hated and looked down upon as a Jew, he was still religious. My grandfather was the hazan of his local shul during the weekdays. My father and his family wanted to leave, but they couldn’t because there was a ban for Jews to leave Syria at the time.

“Moving to New York was very difficult because my father moved to an entirely different country, with a different culture and language. He also had to find a new job because he had barely any money coming to Brooklyn. Although it was very difficult, my father adapted to the new life very quickly. He learned English quickly, started working as a jeweler, and bought a house in Brooklyn. What helped him the most was that he was not alone. Most of his friends and family moved to Brooklyn and they all live very close to each other. It is like they never left.”

Frieda Dabbah spoke of her father Jack, who was 12 when he left Syria. One day Jack’s mom said, “We are going shopping to get new clothes and shoes.” It sounded strange and it was suspicious. They said they were going to a barbecue. They actually did go to a barbecue, then suddenly they got a signal and abruptly left the barbecue. About 20 people in two cars started to drive off, with no clue where they were going. They walked at night for 13 hours. The men with them had bags and guns, and Jack had to be kept quiet. They got to Turkey and paid a bribe to cross the border. They were taken to a village, changed clothes, and went to safe houses. Finally, they got to Istanbul, while the embassy got them papers to go to Israel. In 1994, Jack came to the United States.

Danielle Tawil spoke of her mother’s family, the Antebys, and their escape from Syria. It was 1980 and people who tried to revolt were killed. Jews were not allowed to keep their customs or study Torah. Arab kids threw stones at Jews. Even so, the Jewish children were still able to get an education. Born in 1971, Danielle’s mother had no birth certificate, so even to this day she is not sure of her birthday. Danielle’s grandfather was arrested and thrown into jail and was accused of being Russian spy; her grandmother was also arrested a few times.

At a certain point, half of the family was allowed to leave the country, so Danielle’s two uncles and grandmother left in 1980. Her grandfather and mother were left behind. They obtained false passports with fake Arab names. Danielle’s mother’s Arab name was Mahah Dakak. They managed to get to Paris, but they had to leave everything behind. Eventually they got visas and were able to enter the United States. Danielle says it is important to appreciate and “take advantage of religious freedom we have today.”

Legacy from Yemen

Rose Sternberg’s family hails from Sana, Yemen. They were told Mashiach had come and it would be good to go to Israel. Her grandfather Shlomo was an orphan, and he worried about being taken by the government. He came to Israel on Operation Magic Carpet in 1950 when he was 16. Those who were leaving had to walk to Sana, the capital of Yemen, to get to the planes and helicopters that would bring them to Israel.

“In Yemen, Jewish orphans were snatched to be raised as Muslims, and Jewish adults were required to clean the public latrines,” said Rabbi Abadie.

Rose’s grandparents had to change their names from Sleman to Shlomo and from B’naye to Batya. They were 16 and 17 when they married in Israel, and eventually they had nine children. Shlomo became Deputy Mayor of Rosh Ha’ayin and built the city with other Yemenites. He came to America for heart surgery at Stanford University near the end of his life. Now his grandson, Rose’s brother Yaron, is a student there.

Conclusion

Jews lived in Arab lands for thousands of years. Life was better for them under Islamic rule more than under Christian rule, so long as they understood that they were inferior, and followed the laws of Muslim society. In 1948, after the establishment of the State of Israel, nearly 900,000 Jews were displaced from Arab countries. The remaining Jews lived in fear. By 1958, another 560,000 were displaced, in 1968 there were another 76,000. Virtually all Jewish life disappeared from Arab countries when the last Jews left Iran in 2005. Many had their passports stamped: “Never to Return.” Small Jewish communities remain in Turkey and Morocco.

Sarina Roffé is an expert genealogist, historian, and founder of Sephardic Heritage Project. She is the author of Branching Out from Sepharad, Backyard Kitchen Mediterranean Salads and soon to be released, Backyard Kitchen: The Main Course. A well-known writer, presenter, and speaker, Sarina holds a BA in journalism, and MA in Jewish Studies, and an MBA in nonprofit management.

Frieda Schweky

Bonuts.

No, that’s not a typo, it’s a revolution. From a seasonal Hanukah-exclusive menu item to the new focus of her business, home baker Luly Kabasso has her hands full with her newest innovative creation.

A little over a year ago, Luly started her business cooking homemade prepared meals for community members.  Like most startups, Luly turned to social media, specifically Instagram, to advertise her menu options. Her menu catered to those who had no time to cook, and others who wanted high-quality home-cooked dietetic options. Luly’s delectable menu included a quinoa better-for-you version of eggs benedict, salmon salad, steak and potatoes, and much more.

Luly’s Menu Takes Off

In March of 2019, Luly got married and began the mitzvah of baking challot for Shabbat. Shortly thereafter, her delicious challah was added to the Luly’s Kitchen menu. About this time Luly really started to experiment and create original flavors in the kitchen. It was lots of trial and error, but most of her attempts turned was successful. This was soon reflected in her growing menu. Some of the attempts that did not make the menu were lebneh and mozzarella stuffed challah, which were both connected to the holiday of Shavuot. Some of her most popular flavors that did make it to the menu week after week were zataar, olive tapenade, pulled brisket, and szchug and deli.

The next colorful creation to hit the Luly’s Kitchen menu were babkas. With this versatile Shabbat dessert classic, Luly continued to push the envelope with her innovative creations. Funfettie, brownie, cotton candy, kenafe, chocolate covered bamba, macaroon, and Boston cream are just eight of the more than twenty-five babka varieties that have graced the Luly’s Kitchen menu. Due to popular demand, Luly stopped taking on new clients for her meal prep service and began to focus on challahs and babkas, while also offering clients a few Shabbat dishes and salads..

When asked where her creative ideas come from Luly responded, “Most of my creations come about by my trips to the supermarket.”  “I walk up and down the aisles and think: ‘What can I stuff into challah or a babka to make something exciting for my menu this week?’”

Luly’s Instagram followers and client base began growing at a rapid rate in this first year of business. She started her page at about 800 followers, by just switching her personal account into a business account. From the time she started till around December, she grew that 800 follower account into about 2,500 by December of 2019. That is very fast for a new account. Luly’s popularity was growing due to word of mouth. She was constantly creating new things people wanted to try and putting out quality images of her colorful challahs and babkas.

The Bonut is Born

In December, a customer suggested to Luly that she attempt frying one of her babkas for the Hanukah season. Intrigued by the idea of having a special Hanukah offering for her menu, Luly decided to take on the challenge and do just as suggested. The first attempt used the challah and babka dough, which was left to rise for 15 hours like it normally would. Then the dough was formed into balls and filled like a babka before frying. The first trial was a flop. Luly realized if she filled the dough pre-fry, the center wouldn’t cook through. For the next attempt Luly simply fried balls of dough and coated them and stuffed them afterwards, and, voila! the BONUT was born.

Combining a babka and a donut turned out to be the greatest invention since the croissant donut, the cronut. (The cronut was invented in 2013 by NYC pastry chef Dominique Ansel and was popularized in 2015 by Donut Plant, which recently became Kosher Certified.) Luly went to work testing flavor after flavor for the bonuts Hanukah menu debut. S’mores, creme brulee, cinnamon toast crunch, kenafe, red velvet, and vanilla with sprinkles are just a few of the bonut flavors on the continuously growing menu. Orders came flowing in like wildfire! When customers got their hands on some bonuts they were eager to share pictures on social media. The rave was electric, and the demand for bonuts was only getting started.

Bonut Craze Fuels Luly’s Change of Direction

Hanukah came and went, and Luly’s business was forever changed. Her account went community viral, and she had nearly 1,000 more followers then she did pre-bonuts. Although the holiday season was over, the craze for bonuts did not die down as Luly had expected. She planned on going back to business as usual, making challah and babka creations, but her clientele could not easily forget the fried treat they now craved. Due to popular demand, Luly began to take bonut orders every few weeks to try to keep them special, hoping the interest would keep for months to come if she kept it exclusive.

On Feb 9th, 2020, Luly exhibited at a pop-up boutique show. She made 300 bonuts for the event and sold out within the first two hours. Only those who had VIP tickets with early admission were able to get their hands on this trendy treat.

Later that week, Luly announced she would shift her business to follow the direction it was leading her. She put out a message to her clients and followers that the weekly menu would from then on consist only of bonuts, and she would still make challahs and babkas upon request. In the same announcement, she let everyone know where she would now be delivering to Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens, and Five Towns in Long Island.

“If I had to choose just two reasons I love what I do, they would have to be: getting to do hafrashat challah every week and also being a part of everyone’s Shabbat table.”

Look out for Purim bonut basket options! And keep your eye out for Luly and her ever-growing list of delicious creations she calls a menu! For more information, please call (347) 409-5806.

Photos by Frieda Schweky – @photos_by_frieda 

David Silverberg

Voting is already underway for the 38^th World Zionist Congress – the legislative body of the World Zionist Organization (WZO) which sets priorities and policies regarding funding and points of focus for the organization’s wide range of activities.

All Jews living in the United States age 18 and over are eligible to vote, the only requirement being affirming their commitment to the WZO’s official platform (called “The Jerusalem Program”), which consists of the basic principles of Zionism.  Voting began on January 21, and ends on March 11.

Voters have the opportunity to choose between 15 slates, one of which is Ohavei Zion – World Sephardic Zionist Organization (WSZO), the only slate with members from our Sephardic community.  The organization was founded by Rabbi Elie Abadie and Rabbi David Bibi in 2015, in advance of the 2016 elections for the World Zionist Congress.  WSZO is a member of the American Zionist Movement (AZM), and is not affiliated with any political party or faction in Israel.  The body won seven seats in the 2016 elections, but unfortunately, three were disqualified due to technicalities.

WSZO’s mission statement explains that the organization was established “so that the Traditional Sephardic community will have a voice and an influence on the direction of Jewish education within our communities and throughout the world.  This will enable us to provide funding for programs in support of Jewish Education and Identity, Zionism and the support of the State of Israel as the Jewish Homeland.”  It expresses the view that Sephardic Jewry “must chart our future within the Jewish People in our unique way based on our Torah Tradition, values and inclusiveness.”  Bemoaning the fact that “for too long we have been silent,” WSZO seeks “to take responsibility to share the beauty of our Sephardic Heritage with our Jewish brethren and to allow our voice to be heard.”

The World Zionist Organization is expected to distribute some $4 billion for Jewish education in the Diaspora during this coming year alone.  Budgetary priorities will be determined by members of the Congress who are now being voted in, making the current elections a matter of great importance.

WSZO is running on a platform that includes “furthering Jewish and Zionist education,” “promoting spiritual and cultural Sephardic values and heritage,” “instilling a love of Torah values and the appreciation of Missvot,” and “pursuing Jewish unity and respect for each other.”  Additionally, it pledges to work towards fighting anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism, as well as “combating assimilation through Jewish pride and identity,” and “protecting and defending Israel and the Jewish People from the secular onslaught and watered down Judaism.”

The organization hopes to have a large representation in the Congress, which will mean access to vitally important funds for Sephardic institutions and programs.

WSZO is running an impressive and diverse slate, consisting of prominent and influential figures from across the spectrum of the Sephardic community.  These include:

• WSZO cofounder Rabbi Elie Abadie, M.D., rabbi of Manhattan East Synagogue, former rabbi of Edmond J. Safra Synagogue, founder of the Moise Safra Center, NYC, and of Sephardic Academy Manhattan, and President of Justice for Jews from Arab Countries.
• WSZO cofounder Rabbi David Bibi, rabbi of Long Beach Sephardic Congregation and editor of Sephardic Congregation Newsletter.
• Rabbi Sion Setton, Principal of Yeshiva Prep High School and Rabbi Emeritus of Magen David of Manhattan.
• Rebecca Harary, founder and President of CASEpac, and founder and board member of Imagine Academy, Gesher Yehuda Yeshiva, Yeshiva Prep, and Propel Network.
• Sarina Roffé, head of Sephardic Genealogy and Sarina Roffe Group, and President of Sephardic Heritage Project.
• Lea Srour, executive director of Bnai Yosef Congregation.

More information about the upcoming elections, as well as instructions for registering and voting, are available at www.zionistelection.org.  A video about the elections was produced by the American Zionist Movement and is available on YouTube under the title, “Vote in the World Zionist Congress Election.”

The current elections offer our community a rare opportunity for our voice to be heard in the boardrooms of one of the largest and most influential Jewish bodies in the world.  With $4 billion at stake, it behooves all of us to take a few minutes to cast our vote in order to help strengthen our own community, the State of Israel, and worldwide Sephardic Jewry.

Kelly Sabbagh

Here are some practical tips to consider before, during, and after a date. May you have siyata d’shmaya in finding your naseeb!

BEFORE A DATE IS EVEN  MADE:

Alternate color or use a shaded background for every other line so each point is clearly distinct from each other.

Do your hishtadlut – don’t just sit back until things happen to you – be proactive.

Be open-minded – you never know how and where a match will come from.

Don’t get upset if a suggestion is not what you expected to hear-  try it! You never know.

Do your own homework if someone suggests a name.

Have a mentor – either a rabbi, matchmaker, or a parent help guide you.

Don’t rely on any one means of meeting. Try them all.

Believe that Hashem will find the right one at the right time. Pray!

Don’t rely on social media photos – you need to see someone in person to appreciate them.

Don’t look for perfection- it doesn’t exist.

Don’t say no to a friend or say you know them already.  You don’t really know someone until you’ve dated them.

Always look your best and always smile.

PRE-DATE:

Be discreet – don’t tell everyone your business.

If a shadchan made the match you may allow her to set up the date for you if that’s what you both agree on, or tell her you’d prefer direct communication instead.

Don’t text to ask her out. Only permissible text is “Hi, would like to speak to you – when is the best  time to reach you.”

Don’t push off the date to accommodate your social calendar.

Think of interesting stories and topics to discuss on date.

Men should advise girls where they are taking them so she knows how to dress.

Approach the date with realistic expectations.

Go for coffee or a soda if it’s a blind date and you don’t want to commit to a full evening just yet.

Focus on one date a time.  Don’t make plans to date someone else until you know for sure your current date is not a match.

Approach the date with care. Don’t  squeeze a date it in because you are busy, take time to prepare  yourself properly.

ON THE DATE:

Go with a positive attitude. Talk positive.

Be on time.

Men – Don’t text or to say you are at her house and she should come outside. Be a gentleman and go to her door to pick her up.

Relax and be yourself – have fun!

Don’t talk too much about yourself – listen and ask questions as well.

Don’t disclose too much on the first date- some things are best saved for subsequent dates.

Don’t brag, show off, or name drop.

Don’t send a girl home in a cab or train. See to it yourself that she gets home safe.

Don’t dismiss the date prematurely.

Don’t worry about the little things.

Ask questions with meaning – don’t just discuss topical things.

Trust your own instincts.

Don’t talk about your ex or previous dates.

When asking questions, don’t make it sound  like a job interview.

Don’t check your phone all night.

AFTER THE DATE:

If you are not sure about the person keep dating until you know 100% they are for you or not for you.

In a timely fashion,  let your matchmaker, mentor, or rabbi, know how the date went.

Remember it may take more than one date to know if this is a match or not. First dates are often awkward. Always  go on a second date even though you are unsure.

Space dates in timely fashion – not every other day and not every two weeks. Don’t lose momentum!