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What Does a Home Inspector Do and Can I Negotiate Following the Inspection?

Hiring a home inspector is one of the most important steps you can take when purchasing a new home. A home inspector is a trained professional who evaluates various aspects of a home, including all the nooks and crannies. Their job is to look for any current or potential problems in the home and to make the potential buyer aware of the situation.

In most situations, there will be issues or concerns found during the home inspection process. Some of these issues can be minor, such as a chip in a window, or others can require a lot of time and money, such as a foundation or roof concern. If problems arise, both parties can negotiate to determine who fixes these problems. In most cases, the seller will be responsible to make the repairs if it’s a major issue. Asbestos, termites, structure issues, and an active leak are issues that are reasonable to ask for a credit.

However, both parties can agree on a repair process that works best for them. For example, rather than require that all repairs be complete by the closing date, they may agree on a cash credit so the buyer can make the repairs on their own. This allows the buyers to choose the providers they want to complete the work and to ensure the job is done correctly and is not rushed.

Second Home vs.  Investment Property

For a second home, one needs more income because it is another piece of debt. You cannot use any rent to offset that debt. If you just bought a primary home, you won’t qualify for a second home. But the rates on second homes are better than investment properties. The rates are almost like those for a primary residence, and the down payment can be as little as five percent, versus an investment property, for which you have to put down 20 percent. And mortgage rates are slightly higher. But even if you just qualify for a primary residence,
you can still qualify for an investment property and you can use the rental income to offset the debt.

Which is better? It all depends on your needs and current situation. (But please note that buying a second home or investment property presents more hurdles than buying a primary home.)

Fall Maintenance Time!

As I’m sure many of you know, fall is the time to make sure your home is all winter ready. This coincides nicely (or not so well, depending on how you look at it) with your kids being home because of COVID-19. Send the kids to work, raking up piles of leaves and putting away the outdoor furniture. Have them pack away the beach toys and deflate the balls, this way you will be able to enjoy them next summer.

But what should you be doing for your home? Make sure your fireplace and/or heater is in working order. It would be horrible if the first cold snap arrives and your heater refuses to turn on. Schedule time to clean and fix gutters. Trust me, you do not want any fallen ice-filled gutters. Hire a roofer to make sure your roof is ready to take on the snow. Have them also fix any siding issues and the chimney. What you do not need is a home that is not insulated against the freezing wind or that drips from the snow. Make sure to schedule these visits as soon as possible, as roofers will be super busy this season.

The Case – A Dirty Trick

Sol gave an exclusive listing for the sale of his home to Alicia, an experienced realtor in their local neighborhood in Jerusalem. The price Sol was asking for the property was a firm $2.45 million. Nearly four months later, Alicia informed Sol that although the home was overpriced, she had nevertheless found a potential customer willing to pay $2.4 million – $50,000 less than his asking price. Sol knew that even at the asking price he was nearly giving away the property, but he reluctantly agreed, and sold the property to Alicia’s customer for $2.4 million. A month later, Sol met Danny at a wedding, and the two discussed the recent sale of Sol’s home. Danny was surprised to hear that the property sold for $2.4 million, since he had given Alicia an offer matching the asking price of $2.45 million. Sol began to investigate, and he was told by the buyer that Alicia offered to reduce the price by $50,000 if the buyer would agree to transfer to her $25,000. The buyer confessed that it was wrong to make the payout, but at the time he rationalized that it was anyhow common to receive a reduction from the asking price, and no harm was done by paying Alicia. Sol was enraged, and he contacted our Bet Din claiming that Alicia is to forward to him the $50,000 he lost on the sale. Alicia defended her position by explaining that Danny submitted his offer way after Sol agreed to sell the property to the buyer. Although at that point the contract was still unsigned, nevertheless, she claimed, Sol was so desperate for cash he would have likely rejected Danny’s offer because of the time that would be needed to process the new contract. Alicia never openly admitted that she collected $25,000 from the buyer, but she also never denied the allegation. How should the Bet Din rule – in favor of Alicia or Sol, and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of leading halachic authorities, one who withholds funds deposited in his possession may be liable for the loss incurred the money’s owner, if the funds were needed for a profitable investment. This ruling is applicable only if the money’s owner stipulated at the time of the deposit that the money is to be available to him on call. Hence, if it is proven that the money’s owner forfeited a profitable investment because the funds were withheld, he may collect his lost earnings. If, however, it is unclear whether the owner indeed incurred a loss of profit, he is not entitled to claim additional payment after the deposit is returned.

In light of this ruling, it stands to reason that if an exclusive real estate agent declines a serious buyer without the homeowner’s consent, the homeowner may collect the lost additional funds from the agent. An exclusive real estate agent deliberately withholding vital information concerning a profitable buyer is considered to be causing damage to the client, and is thus liable to compensate for any consequent financial loss. Since the agent controls the property, withholding information that can generate a profit for the owner is similar to withholding deposited funds that could have otherwise been invested and yielded a profit. It must be emphasized, however, that the agent is liable only if it can be proven that withholding the information – such as information about a high offer by a potential buyer – indeed resulted in a loss. In most instances, this cannot be proven, as seldom can one know for certain that a potential buyer who made an offer would have indeed gone through with the transaction. Needless to say, in instances where the seller was likely to reject the potential buyer, the real estate agent is not liable for payment. While a number of halachic authorities disagree with this ruling, a Bet Din will consider this view when formulating a decision.

The rules of the National Association of Realtors state that the fiduciary duties of a real estate broker is to be loyal to the seller – his client – by acting at all times solely in the seller’s best interests. A real estate broker who acts on behalf of both the buyer and the seller without clearly disclosing his status to both parties, is termed an “undisclosed dual agent.” Such activity is universally considered to be a breach of an agent’s duty of loyalty; it is also considered fraud, and a violation of the real estate license law. In addition, a broker representing a seller is restricted from disclosing to a buyer that a seller can, or must be prepared to, sell his property below the listed price. Furthermore, it is the responsibility of the agent to disclose all offers to the client, and failure to do so constitutes breach of contract. Torah law encompasses these aforementioned rules, thereby subjecting an agent violating the law, to forfeit her sales commission.

Leading halachic authorities require a party who benefits from indirect damage he caused, to reimburse the victim for his loss. Although the damage was indirect, and the offender normally would have been exempt, nevertheless, if he profited as a result of his actions, he is required to provide compensation. Therefore, if a real estate agent disclosed to a buyer that he can lower the purchase price asked by the seller he is representing, and the buyer agrees to give the agent a portion of the difference in exchange, the agent is liable for the damage he caused the seller. Although the damage was caused indirectly, nevertheless, the agent benefited from the seller’s loss. Since the buyer was clearly willing to pay the seller more for the property, it is unlawful for the agent to pocket that money, and he must therefore forward it to the seller.

By Torah law, although generally two witnesses are required in order to exact payment from a guilty party, nevertheless, if one unbiased witness testifies that a defendant is guilty, the defendant is required to take an oath before he is excused from liability. However, since various conditions must be met in order for Bet Din to require an oath in such a case, a Bet Din will attempt to reach a settlement between the parties in order to avoid an oath.

VERDICT – Reissuing the Loan

Our Bet Din settled the matter by instructing Alicia to pay $25,000 to Sol. Although Alicia never openly admitted to cheating Sol by making a deal with the buyer, she never denied the allegations. The buyer appeared in Bet Din and testified against Alicia, forcing her to admit that she indeed received from him a payment, though she immediately corrected herself by saying the money was forwarded to her for a different service she had provided. As mentioned in Torah law, if she indeed benefited from the loss she caused Sol, she is obligated to submit to him all proceeds she had collected. Furthermore, Alicia was in violation of her fiduciary duties as a realtor, by not notifying Sol of Danny’s offer which was $50,000 higher than the final sale price. Likewise, according to the allegations, Alicia was working as an undisclosed dual agent, behavior which constitutes fraud, and breach of contract. The severity of Alicia’s conduct is grounds to have her forfeit her commission, and have her license revoked, and thus the ruling obligating Alicia to pay $25,000 was in fact a light sentence relative to Alicia’s offenses. Nevertheless, Sol’s claim of $50,000 on account of Danny’s offer was denied. Upon inquiry, it became evident that Danny’s offer would have most likely been rejected by Sol, who needed to sell his property immediately due to a pressing foreclosure process. Failure to notify Sol of Danny’s offer was illegal and may end up causing Alicia to lose her license, but it is not grounds for monetary compensation.

YOU BE THE JUDGE! 

The Rightful Heir

Jack wrote a handwritten last will and testament back in 2007. Upon his passing in 2019, the will was found with Jack’s papers in his safety deposit box. The will was not prepared by a lawyer nor was it notarized or signed by witnesses. Jack simply fixed his signature to the bottom of a briefly written statement. In the will, Jack offered to gift his private home to the child that provides full time room and board for his son Joey, a child with special needs. In 2007, when Jack wrote the will, his only daughter was not yet married. In 2019, prior to Jack’s passing, his daughter, who was by then married, took Joey into her home for nearly six months before sending him off to a facility that provides for all of Joey’s needs. Jack’s daughter and son-in-law presented the handwritten document to our Bet Din claiming that their father legally gifted them his home since they provided room and board for Joey. Jack’s two sons acknowledged that they were aware of the document their father wrote before their sister provided room and board for their brother Joey, but they were nevertheless unwilling to transfer the property over to their sister. The two brothers defended that it was not their father’s intent to gift his daughter the home for a mere six months of room and board. They explained that back in 2007 the circumstances were different and there was a real concern for Joey’s welfare.

WHO SHOULD INHERIT THE FATHER’S HOME?
HOW SHOULD THE BET DIN RULE AND WHY?

The Hidden Sanctity of Hevron

The first piece of real estate ever purchased by a Jew in the Land of Israel is not in Jerusalem or Tel-Aviv. Not even in Bnei-Brak.

It is Me’arat Hamachpelah – the “Cave of the Patriarchs,” in the ancient city of Hevron.

As we read in the Torah this month, Avraham purchased this territory from the local Hittite tribe after the passing of his beloved, righteous wife, Sarah, whom he wished to bury at this site. Later, Avraham himself would be buried there, as would other members of his family. As we know from later in the Book of Bereshit, Avraham’s son – Yitzhak – is buried there along with his wife, Rivkah, as is Yitzhak’s son, Yaakov, with one of his wives – Leah.

Our sages teach us that there is also a fourth couple buried in this cave – the very first people who walked the earth: Adam and Havah. The Torah delves into the story of this transaction with considerable detail. Surprisingly, the Torah found it necessary to present a precise account of Avraham’s dealings with the local Hittites when he sought to purchase the Machpelah cave. Why is this transaction so significant? Why did the Torah find it necessary to go into such

detail telling us that Avraham purchased this territory?

Hidden and Revealed Sanctity

The explanation can be found in a passage in the Zohar, which draws an intriguing association between the city of Hevron and a more famous city in the Land of Israel – our eternal capital, Jerusalem.

The Zohar cryptically comments that Jerusalem is the city of revealed sanctity, whereas Hevron is the place of hidden, concealed sanctity. Jerusalem was, of course, the site of the Bet Hamikdash, where miracles occurred each day, and where people could

come and directly and palpably experience the Shechinah (Divine Presence). It was the central location of the service of Gd, where the sacrificial offerings were brought, and it was also the central location of Torah authority, as the highest rabbinic body was situated there. Jerusalem thus signifies sanctity and spirituality that are clearly manifest and unmistakably tangible.

Indeed, the word “Yerushalayim” consists of the word “yireh” – “see,” alluding to this theme of revelation and visual expression.

The sanctity of Hevron, by contrast, is hidden. There are no special laws to observe or rituals to perform in Hevron. The sanctity of Hevron is rooted in the presence of our saintly patriarchs and matriarchs – who are buried underground. The structure of the Tomb of the Patriarchs which we can visit nowadays sits atop the underground burial site; our patriarchs and matriarchs are buried deep beneath the structure. In fact, their burial site is called “Me’arat Hamachpelah,” which means “double cave.” Our sages explain that they are buried in a cave situated within a cave. This aptly symbolizes the nature of the sanctity of Hevron – a sanctity which does not find expression, that cannot be easily discerned, that lies deep beneath the surface.

To put it succinctly, the sanctity of Jerusalem is expressed through the majesty, grandeur, and mystique of the Bet Hamikdash, whereas the sanctity of Hevron is expressed through the earth on the ground under which our righteous forebears were laid to rest.

This fundamental distinction between Jerusalem and Hebron reveals yet another critical difference between the two cities. Jerusalem was destroyed and set ablaze twice, whereas the city of Hevron was never destroyed. Revealed sanctity can be consumed by fire, but concealed sanctity exists forever. The sacred structure of the Bet Hamikdash, the outward manifestation of Gd’s presence in the world, was set ablaze and burned to the ground. But the remains of our patriarchs and matriarchs are safely preserved beneath layers of earth, which can never be destroyed.

What does this mean?

It means that when the Babylonians and Romans destroyed the two Bateh Mikdash, they destroyed only the revealed sanctity of our people. They took away from us the tangible expression of our nation’s sanctity and connection to Gd. But even after that happened, and throughout the many centuries that have passed ever since, “Hevron” remains intact. The loss of Jerusalem was devastating, to be

sure, but it did not sever the connection between Gd and His treasured nation. Jerusalem was destroyed, but Hevron remains forever.

The root of the name “Hevron” means “attach” – because it signifies our attachment to the Almighty which can never be severed. Even when Jerusalem is destroyed, Hevron remains – because our relationship to Gd is eternal and unconditional.

The Talmud teaches that the three daily prayers have two different origins. On the one hand, they commemorate the three different components of the daily schedule of sacrifices in the Bet Hamikdash – the morning sacrifice, the afternoon sacrifice, and the burning of sacrifices on the altar during the night. But additionally, centuries before the Bet Hamikdash, the three daily prayers were instituted by the patriarchs – Avraham instituted the morning Shaharit service; Yitzhak instituted Minhah; and Yaakov instituted the evening Arvit prayer. Our relationship with Gd exists on two levels – that reflected by the Bet Hamikdash, which is “revealed” and readily visible; and a more subtle connection, represented by our patriarchs who are buried in Hevron but whose legacy and merit continue to sustain us. The destruction of the Mikdash meant the end of sacrifices, but it did not mean the end of prayer, the end of our connection to Gd. The hidden, inner connection between us and Gd continues forever, and will always remain intact.

The Eternity of the Marital Bond

This helps explain the otherwise peculiar connection that we find between Avraham’s purchase of Me’arat Hamachpelah, and the

institution of marriage.
The first indication of such a link is the flow of the text. The

somber story of Avraham’s purchase of Me’arat Hamachpelah is immediately followed by the festive account of the first shidduch in Jewish history – the story of Avraham’s servant who set out to find a wife for Yitzhak. These two very different stories appear side-by- side in the Torah.

But perhaps even more significantly, the accepted method of forming the marital bond – kiddusheh kesef, giving money or an object of value (such as a ring) to the bride – is rooted in the story of Avraham’s purchase of the Machpelah cave. The Gemara in the beginning of Masechet Kiddushin finds a textual link between the Torah’s account of this transaction, and the Torah’s description of the process of betrothal. On the basis of this parallel, the Gemara deduced that just as real estate can be acquired through the transfer of money, a man betroths a woman by giving her money (or an object of value).

Is this not a strange way for the Torah to teach us about the halachic mechanism of betrothal? Is there no more appropriate context in which to convey this information than Avraham’s purchase of a burial plot after his wife’s passing?

In light of what we have seen, however, there is no more appropriate story in the entire Torah through which to understand the nature and essence of marriage. Avraham’s purchase of Me’arat Hamachpelah established the notion of an internal and eternal bond with the Almighty. The concept embodied by this piece of property

is that there exists a deep relationship between the Jewish People and Gd which cannot always be easily seen, but which can never be broken. The same is true of the relationship between a husband and wife. The marital bond exists on two levels – the revealed and the concealed. The husband and wife are to join together through their physical relationship, but also in a deep, spiritual bond. Marriage is thejoiningofbodyandsoul. Andthemore the couple works to build, develop, and nurture their spiritual bond, the more they guarantee that this bond will be eternal and everlasting. As their souls are eternal, a husband and wife’s relationship becomes eternal when it merges the souls, when they come together at the core essence of their beings.

Our Unbreakable Connection to Gd

It is for good reason that the Machpelah cave is the first piece of property in the Land of Israel purchased by a Jew, and that the Torah found it necessary to describe this transaction in such great detail – because the concept represented by the sacred city of Hevron is of extreme importance to each and every one of us.

We sometimes feel as though our personal “Bet Hamikdash” has been destroyed, that our connection to Gd has been lost. We have all had times when we’ve either made a grave mistake, or gone through a period of spiritual malaise, and we feel distant from Gd. This is especially so in today’s day and age, when we have countless distractions and lures all around us. When we slip, when we fall, when we succumb, when we are lax, we might reach the conclusion that our connection to Gd has been entirely severed.

But this is only partially true. Our failings and lapses might, indeed, destroy our “Bet Hamikdash,” our discernible connection to Gd. But our “Hevron” is everlasting. Our inner, concealed bond with the Almighty remains intact forever. We are eternally the beloved children of Avraham, Yitzhak, and Yaakov, of Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, and Leah. And so no matter what we have done in the past – we are still connected to Gd. He still wants to hear our prayers, and He still wants us to perform mitzvot.

Let us never feel discouraged by our failures, our mistakes and our struggles. Let us instead be motivated and driven by the awareness of “Hevron” – of our everlasting bond with Gd, who wants us to continue building and nurturing this relationship at all times, regardless of what has happened in the past.

One on One with Cathy Ades

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

Please meet Cathy Ades, an energetic, positive, dynamic, and talented working mother of four children, who had a dream to open her own real estate agency and made it come true.

While I was talking to Cathy, I sensed how passionate she is; it’s palpable! She lights up when she speaks of her family and her business.

Cathy, née Catherine Levy, grew up in Deal, NJ and attended Hillel Yeshiva. Born to an Ashkenazi American mother and a Sephardic Moroccan father, Cathy has three brothers, two older and one younger. Her father, born in Morocco, was studying in France when he met her mother. Interestingly, her mom, an American, was in France at her teacher’s recommendation. She was told that the best way to learn French and become a language instructor was to live in France. The couple married and settled in the United States.

Cathy describes herself as having been an outgoing child who worked hard to get A’s, loved to dance, and had lots of friends. She was honored to choose Hillel Yeshiva for her children. Not surprisingly, Cathy recently hosted her 20th Hillel High School class reunion at her home.

Cathy and her siblings were very fortunate that their parents took them on trips around the globe. These travels cultivated a worldliness and a love of meeting new people for Cathy. “We traveled a lot and my Dad had guests visiting from all over the world. I would take notes and answer phone calls for him. My brothers and I were comfortable being with all kinds of people.”

Cathy still loves meeting and connecting with diverse individuals when she travels. These people skills would later contribute to Cathy’s success as a real estate professional.

After high school, Cathy studied at Bar-Ilan University in Israel for six months. Then she enrolled at Monmouth College, and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in laboratory sciences. She specialized in cytotechnology at a program sponsored by the University of Medicine & Dentistry of NJ. Cytotechnologists are laboratory professionals who study cells using a microscope in order to detect cancer and other abnormalities.

THEN COMES MARRIAGE

Michael Ades, Chief Operating Officer/Realtor of Cathy Ades Real Estate

Cathy met her naseeb, Michael Ades, while she was eating dinner with friends at a local restaurant. Michael, one-and-a- half-years older, was also there with friends who Cathy knew. “Michael lived close by, was well-liked, I knew his friends, and we just clicked!” Cathy shared with me that they are both easy-going, are not aggressive, and they make a wonderful team. Cathy and Michael live in Deal and have four children ranging in age from 8 to 19. Cathy feels blessed and considers their kids to be her biggest accomplishment. “We have a lot of nachat and it’s so exciting to watch them grow and see who they are becoming.”

IF YOU DREAM IT, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT

Cathy was working as a cytotechnologist when she married Michael and continued until she was pregnant with her third child, approximately 15 years ago. She and Michael were searching for their dream house when Cathy, a people person, recognized how much she was enjoying the aspects of house hunting, including meeting the owners, evaluating the homes, and more. Around that time, her mother’s best friend, who owned real estate property, suggested to Cathy that she had the ideal interpersonal skills for selling real estate. The timing was perfect as Cathy had begun to feel that she needed more human connection, which she did not get working in a lab. She took a leap of faith and decided to try something totally different and signed up for a real estate course. Two nights a week, at 6pm, Cathy left the house to attend her class and her young daughters, two and four years old, would ask, “Mommy, where are you going?”

Cathy would reply, “You will see that you will be proud of me and you will learn from it, you too can make your own mark on this world, whatever that may be, if you choose to.” It took 150 hours to earn her license. Cathy’s mom had worked in the insurance business and was her inspiration and Cathy’s role model, demonstrating that a woman can be a wife and mother and have a career too. Cathy also learned solid work ethics from her mother.

Cathy knew that she was good at a lot of things including engaging and connecting with people, negotiation, establishing and developing relationships, and social media. Most importantly, her honesty and passion came through in her interactions with clients. She ignored the naysayers who told her there are so many people already selling real estate and focused on her goal.

Cathy got her license, jumped right in, and started selling houses.

Her journey to become a real estate professional took an immense investment of time, education, focus, and commitment. Cathy observed and learned from her bosses and knew she could do their jobs. Cathy gave up her beloved Sundays with her family and worked for three different real estate firms over a 15-year period, before she achieved her dream of opening up her own firm, Cathy Ades Real Estate, in August of 2017. She shared that she “lives, breathes, and eats real estate to be an expert in her field.”

The reward for her efforts? Cathy Ades Real Estate was ranked as the top real estate agency of Ocean Township and Long Branch in 2019. And guess what? Her children are excited and proud when people make the connection between them and the Ades agency.

Cathy was ready to open her own firm close to when her husband Michael was searching for a new venture and was ready to move on from the jewelry business. Cathy was thrilled that he would help her. “I couldn’t do it on my own. Michael said, ‘I love real estate, too!’ and went for his license. He has built up his own clientele.” Cathy is the Broker of Record and Michael is the Chief Operating Officer/Realtor of their agency.

“What a blessing from Hashem to have my husband with me and to have inspired him to be passionate about real estate, too. We make a great team on and off the court.”

Not many spouses can say they stirred their husbands or wives to engage in a new endeavor.

Cathy is grateful that they built the business quickly from her sphere of influence in Monmouth County. Word got around that she was the person to call. She is emphatic about her success being from Hashem and from hard work. “I had a dream and I reached for it! I feel like I have come full circle.” She and Michael recently bought a building that she had her eyes on before she launched her own business and that is where their agency is now housed.

The Ades agency has 20 real estate associates, men and women who Cathy describes as wonderful and “who go above and beyond.”

CATHY’S BRAND – MAKING YOUR REAL ESTATE DREAMS COME TRUE

Cathy views her firm’s mission to find the right house for their clients as significant as a shidduch or matching of a man and woman for the purpose of marriage. It’s about pinpointing the needs, requirements, and wants of the client and locating the house that can satisfy those standards and expectations.

Her clients call Cathy “a straight shooter” and in their reviews, commend her with a host of accolades. Cathy’s honesty, follow- through from start to finish, real estate expertise, ability to reveal a house’s possibilities, and master negotiation skills are examples of what her clients applaud her for.

Cathy is not viewed as a high-pressure broker but as a person who knows how to get the job done. She enjoys the relationships she builds with her clients and stays in touch, following up to see how they fixed up their houses and even getting invited to their semahot.

Cathy’s advice? If you are good at something and really love it, believe in Hashem and keep working towards your dream.

BALANCE, SELF-CARE, AND COMMUNITY

Cathy admits that maintaining a healthy work-life balance is not easy. To ensure she has meaningful family time, Cathy stays super organized and plans dinners and family events in advance. She values the financial freedom that she and Michael have earned and what it enables them to give to their children.

Cathy loves to travel, play tennis, exercise, and dance (hip-hop and Zumba). Yoga and dance help Cathy relax and manage stress. She also loves to cook, and it means a lot to her when she sees people enjoying meals she has prepared.

Her vision for the future? To keep growing the company and see it thrive, b’ezrat Hashem.

Cathy and Michael thank their amazing community for their continued support. Cathy is especially appreciative of how community members are proud to see a business begun by a woman flourishing. The couple raises funds for Sephardic Bikur Holim and other community organizations.

You can reach Cathy at 732-996-5619 and @ cathyadesrealestate on Instagram. Check out her website, https://www.cathyades.com/.

Riddles – November 2020

SUBMITTED BY MARTIN H.

David was going to a party. As he approached,
he could see through the window that it was completely packed with people. David went inside only to discover that there wasn’t a single person in there. How could this be?

Last Month’s Riddle:
Which One Does Not Belong?
Which is the odd word out in each of these sets of five words? Four of the words all have something in common that the fifth one doesn’t.
1. Elephant, Rabbit, Mouse, Turtle, Dog
2. Red, Yellow, Orange, Violet, Indigo
3. Six, Nine, Twelve, Twenty, Thirty
4. Gym, Myth, Rhythm, Cry, Oxygen

Solution:

1. Turtle – the rest are mammals.
2. Orange – the rest are colors of the rainbow.

3. Nine – the rest are even numbers.
4. Oxygen – the rest do not have vowels

(A,E,I,O,U).

Junior Riddle: What Am I?

SUBMITTED BY CAROL A.

What has a thumb but no fingers and is not living?

Last month’s Junior Riddle: Coin Challenge

In the United States, there are four coins that people use on a regular basis: the penny (1 cent), the nickel (5 cents), the dime (ten cents) and the quarter (25 cents). Assuming you have as many of each of these coins as you need, what is the minimum number of coins you need to make up a total of 88 cents?

Solution: 7 coins: 3 quarters (75 cents), one dime (ten cents), and 3 pennies (3 cents).

Send your solutions!

Solved by: Haim S., David Weiss, Ilanit Nakach, The Hara kids, Big Mike, and The Shmulster.

Dear Jido – November 2020

Dear Jido,
My boss is a very intense person. He’s passionately angry about the state of our country (I am too, for the record!) and he can’t talk about anything else. Everything is negative. Everything is outrage.

I can hardly stand to have a conversation with him anymore because it’s always about politics, it’s always very intense, and it always stresses me out. If I try to chime in with some more nuanced thoughts about the problem in a calm voice, he thinks I’m being condescending. I’m at my wit’s end. I’m concerned that if I tell him how I really feel I will lose my job. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Signed,
Shell-shocked

Dear Shell-Shocked,

In the olden days, when there used to be a big contest with a foregone conclusion, like the World Series or Super Bowl, we used to say, “It’s all over but the shouting.”

Well, by the time you read this, it still might not be over yet and, for sure, the shouting has just begun.

And in truth, there’s a lot to be upset about. The pandemic, the economy, the protests, the mayor, the governor, the president (whoever that is).

There’s plenty of positive things to shout about too, of course, Baruch Hashem, but that’s not the topic of your question.

While it’s never proper or acceptable to chew someone’s ear off, as it appears is happening to you, many people are having a hard time coping after these long months with the new normal and this might be his way of dealing with that pressure.

Therefore, I think you have two options. Number One is called Modified Active Listening. When he starts on his tirades, assuming you are forced to listen due to circumstances, respond often, “Yeah, uh-huh, wow, I hear, you’re right, I see.” Let his words go in one ear and out the other, but give him the respect he deserves as the boss.

Second Option: “Hey boss, something just came up, gotta go.” And go back to your desk. If he follows you to your office, make sure you have something important to do. He can’t get angry with you if you’re going back to work.

It ain’t easy. People are stressed. Be very grateful he’s yelling at THEM and not at YOU. But if he still continues even after things settle down, then consider your Third Option – SBH Careers Network.

Hashem should quickly bring an end to these crazy times and may He give the president the wisdom to deal effectively with our country (whoever that person will be).

Jido

Once Upon a Thyme – Shakshuka

I’d love to tell you that to make this Shakshuka, you can bust open a jar of tomato sauce, heat it in a pan, and crack some raw eggs inside and call it a day. While some may choose to do the latter, tomato sauce made from scratch is entirely unparalleled. The piquant blend of slow simmering tomatoes with the aromatic garlic and the fine notes of sweet red wine is sensational. When you’re in a pinch, canned whole tomatoes can work instead of fresh. Just don’t use store-bought marinara, because a dish that consists of tomato sauce for the majority of its contents deserves an awesome homemade sauce.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 6 vine-ripened tomatoes (or 28 oz. can whole tomatoes)
  • 2 onions, diced
  • 4 cloves garlic, sliced thin
  • 1 tbsp salt
  • 1 cup fresh basil
  • 1⁄2 cup red wine
  • 1⁄4 cup brown sugar
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • 6 eggs
  • 1⁄2 cup fresh parsley
  • Red pepper flakes, optional
  • French bread for serving
  1. In a large and wide skillet, heat olive oil. Add onions and sauté 10 to 20 minutes until caramelized. Add

    the garlic and cook for another 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, making sure it doesn’t burn.

  2. In a food processor or blender, add tomatoes and process until well blended. Add tomatoes, basil, brown sugar, salt, and red wine

to the pot. Bring to a boil and then simmer on low for about 45 minutes if using vine ripened tomatoes.
If using canned whole tomatoes simmer for just 15 minutes.

3. Using the back of a spoon, make 6 indentations or “wells” evenly in the sauce. Crack your eggs and add them each in the wells you created.

4. Over low or medium heat, cover the skillet and allow the eggs to cook briefly until the whites are settled (shakshuka eggs are meant to be runny, but if you like your eggs hard – you can let them cook longer).

5. Garnish with parsley, and if you like it hot, add red pepper flakes. Serve immediately along with toasted French bread.

Habitual Thinking

At some point in the past several weeks, we have all felt overwhelmed with everything that is going on. Having kids learning remotely indefinitely, the uncertainty of what this year will bring, or worries that you can’t handle whatever is coming this year, can make us feel overloaded and untethered.

OUR BRAIN’S DEFAULT – AUTOPILOT

If you’re feeling very overwhelmed by this it’s because your brain is on autopilot!

Let me explain what this means. Something interesting actually happened in my home a few weeks ago that clarified for me how “autopilot” works: We have had our plastic disposable cups stored in the same spot in our kitchen for the past eight years. A few weeks ago, I decided to switch the cups to a different closet on the other side of the kitchen. I put them in the new spot because I thought it would be more convenient for us and I informed all our family members. But interestingly, for the next two weeks, every single one of us – our kids, my husband, and I – kept going to the old cabinet to get our cups, even though we knew where the new cup closet was. If a guest would come over and ask me where we keep our cups, I would think to myself for a moment and tell them about our new spot. So even though our brain knows something, our minds are on autopilot unless we think something intentional to make our mind go on manual override. We have all been conditioned to have our minds on autopilot, telling us very specific messages (this is called “habitual thinking”) for many years.

Human beings aren’t born with thoughts or any beliefs. We came into this world with the default settings of happiness, security, confidence, resilience, and warmth. Now, the only thing that takes us away from those natural settings are the thoughts or beliefs we have adopted.

AUTOPILOT RESET

Thinking, “I can’t live like this,” or “I need to know what tomorrow will bring in order to feel safe” are a result of our habitual thinking, of our “autopilot thoughts.” The good news is that with our adult minds, we have the ability to look at what our brains are doing and see if it’s taking us to the “right cup closet,” or if it’s taking us to the “wrong place.”

So, if your brain is telling you that you won’t be able to cope with this year and everything that’s going on or that maybe the challenges will be too big for you to handle – you want to recognize these are “unhelpful habitual thoughts.”

Once you’ve recognized you’re having an unhelpful thought, you get more peace around the discomfort. Recognize and be aware that it’s only an unhelpful thought. You don’t have to do anything to fight it in the moment. Just be aware that your mind is taking you to the wrong cup closet; that’s okay. You know where the right cup closet is. You want to be aware that you’re having unhelpful thoughts. The more you become aware of your unhelpful thoughts, the more you are able to get back to your natural calm, clear, secure state.

LIVE MINDFULLY AND PUT HASHEM IN THE PICTURE

Choose to live and think mindfully and intentionally. What does Hashem want us to think about all that’s going on? That He loves us more than we could ever imagine loving ourselves, and that the challenges are uniquely designed for each of us as tremendous opportunities for growth! I like to thank Hashem for the unhelpful thoughts as they, too, are a unique challenge wrapped with love, even when they do not feel like it. We can understand how we say no to children precisely because we love them, even though they don’t see it and are saddened by it.

Be aware of your unhelpful thoughts, respect your feelings of discomfort, and take each challenge one at a time. Remember, Hashem gave you everything that you need inside of you to deal with any challenge that comes your way!

Mabrouk – November 2020

Births – Baby Boy

Yohay & Hannah Albo

Ophir & Merlene Zehavi

Births – Baby Girl

Dan & Miriam Massry

Yitzhak & Sara Gindi

Manny & Denise Abraham

Marom & Liat Unger

Mr. & Mrs. Ahron Manopla

Jack & Tina Farhi

Bar Mitzvah

Yitzhak, son of Rabbi Yoel and Rutie Zafrani

Engagements

Joey Salama to Barbara Erani

Jacob Gindi to Sarah Sananes

Aharon Gemal to Vivian Chrem

Weddings

Benny Avot to Marcia Harary

Abie Chera to Bracha Seror

Moshe Alaluf to Tikvah Kabani

Ikey Cohen to Raquel Tbeile

Jeffry Cohen to Suzie Dana

If Only…

RABBI DAVID ASHEAR

A sentence appears towards the end of the Shaar HaBitachon section of Chovot HaLevavot, which if we internalize and follow its message, could spare us a great deal of heartache and angst. It states, “The one who trusts [in Hashem] says: I never decided to do something and then wished I had done something else.”

When it comes to mundane matters, everything is under Hashem’s complete control. If a person purchases a car, and the next day he hears of a better deal on a nicer car, he might say to himself, I should never have bought this car. What a mistake! I hate this car. I could’ve done so much better! But one who trusts in Hashem, recognizes that Hashem did not grant him access the previous day to the information he now has about the other car, and so the vehicle he purchased is the one Hashem decided he should have, for his benefit. He is therefore perfectly content and happy with his purchase.

Likewise, if a person bought a house and soon after learned about a larger house in the same neighborhood with more sunlight and a driveway, which was selling for the same price, will not regret his purchase if he lives with genuine bitachon. He will realize

that Hashem did not allow him to know about this larger house because, in His infinite wisdom, He knew it was best for this person to live in the house he purchased.

This is even true about marriage. If soon after his wedding a man has second thoughts and begins asking himself why he married this woman, wondering if perhaps he made a mistake, he must recognize that these thoughts are instruments of the yetzer hara, evil inclination, which is trying to ruin his life. When he got engaged and married, he was thinking very clearly and it made perfect sense to him. Hashem guided him to that girl and made sure everything would work out so they would get married. He should not regret it now, after the fact, once he is married.

Of course, in situations where something can still be done to improve a person’s condition, he must make an effort to do so. But once the situation is finalized and nothing can be done to change it, he should feel confident and happy knowing that Hashem guided him to make the decision that ultimately works out to his greatest benefit.

Two years ago, a man by the name of Moe* told me the following story:

Every year, he would spend the summer with his family at a camp in upstate New York where he held a certain position, in exchange for which he received room and board for his family and free camp for his children.

During the winter of that year, Moe was not well and decided to take some time off to relax and recuperate. He phoned the camp’s owner and informed him that he would not be joining them that summer.

Toward the end of the school year, though, he felt much stronger and decided he would be able to assume his regular position. Moreover, his family was very disappointed at the prospect of not spending the summer in camp.

Moe called the camp, but the owner informed him that someone else had already accepted his position for that summer. He endured a great deal of heartache and frustration over the decision he had made. “What was I thinking?” he asked himself repeatedly. “Why did I give this up?”

He needed to internalize the words of the Chovot HaLevavot – One who trusts in Hashem never regrets a decision he made. During the winter, he felt he would be unable to handle the summer job. Hashem knew the future, and He certainly knew that Moe would feel better by the summer. Yet, He did not put the thought in Moe’s mind that he might feel stronger in a couple of months, and that his family would be very disappointed if they did not spend summer in camp. Hashem knew what was best for him, and so he was led to make this decision.

At this point, when there was nothing more he could do, Moe should have acknowledged that Hashem’s will was for his family not to spend the summer in camp, and make the most of this situation.

Hashem is in full control of our lives. He arranges the situations that He knows will be best for us. We need to trust Him and feel perfectly at ease knowing that He is directing us, He knows our thoughts and feelings, He knows the future, and He always puts us exactly where we need to be.