Are Employees Coasting at Work or Walking Towards the Lives They Want to Live?

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

Have you heard of the latest buzz words, “quiet quitting”?  This phrase has been trending on social media since a TikTok video was posted about quiet quitting in the summer, attracting millions of views. 

Around a month ago, I saw the term quiet quitting for the first time in a group chat and since then it’s been popping up in all my newsfeeds.  I wondered what all the hype was about. Is quiet quitting something new?  How does it relate to me as a Jew? 

Quiet quitting is not a new phenomenon and is primarily used regarding engagement at one’s job.  It is more of a mindset.  It also extends beyond work, to your outlook towards religion, dating, and other relationships. 

Contrary to what it sounds like, quiet quitting is not necessarily something negative.  One decision strategist, Annie Duke says, “Success lies in picking the right thing to stick to and quitting the rest.” 

Let’s explore quiet quitting at work and then talk about how it presents in other aspects of our lives. 

Quiet quitting at the workplace means you are performing the basic tasks required to keep your job. You are not quitting your position, but you are quitting the idea of going above and beyond, and no longer subscribe to the hustle culture mentality that says work is your life.   

What really resonated with me as a Jew, is how the video ended with the statement that your worth as a person is not defined by your labor. Jewish tradition encourages us to treat work as only one facet of a well-balanced life, together with our spiritual growth, family relationships, and connection to the larger world and to tikkun olam. 

What Triggers Quiet Quitting? 

Studies have shown that quiet quitting kicks in when employees feel undervalued or exploited.   

Quiet quitting can be viewed as something positive when an individual decides to prioritize their own mental health, wellness, and personal life over a job where they are not being appreciated.  In that sense, it can be a good thing, and can be considered to be intentional boundary setting and a form of self-care.   

Boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships, both at work and in one’s personal life. Boundaries are created between parent and child, between spouses, between friends, between family members, and between work colleagues.  Personal boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves relative to our level of comfort around others.  Personal boundaries help to keep us safe and allow us to improve relationships by creating clear expectations and responsibilities.  Examples of boundaries are saying no without feeling guilty, asking for what you need, respecting the boundaries your colleagues set, and building professional relationships at work. 

The pandemic was a significant trigger that led to the quiet quitting wave.  Many men and women experienced pandemic burnout from working long days from home (including taking care of young children and school age children doing remote learning), and laboring in understaffed organizations and in uncertain environments.  COVID-19 blurred the lines between work and life and many employees no longer want to sign on to meetings and check emails late into the night or to take business calls on the weekends.   

Rather than calling quiet quitting the Great Resignation or The Big Quit, human resource professionals and business leaders are recognizing that quiet quitting is more about the new life that employees are seeking and is not just about bailing.  

Small business coach and author Jeffrey Shaw writes, “They are walking towards the life they want to live. What people want is a job that fits into the life they want to live – not a life they have to fit into the job they have.” 

According to Dr. Robert Sutton, a Stanford University Professor of Management Science and Engineering, “Bosses should ask employees to do less, not more. Too many leaders think the key to success is to pile on staff, technology, meetings, training, rules – the opposite is true.”  Sutton proposes simplification and a subtraction process. This means eliminating tasks such as completing complicated expense reports and attending too many long meetings that are unnecessarily burdensome and sap too much time and emotional energy

Torah Principles   

A JTA article written by Andrew Silow-Carroll about quiet quitting discusses the Jewish take on work. Did you know that Samuel Gompers, the Jewish-British immigrant and labor leader, fought for the eight-hour workday back in 1886?   The author also addresses the Torah principles of workplace justice and the ideal worker-employer relationship.  For example, employees should work their required hours diligently and employers are obligated to treat their employees with respect and dignity. 

Quiet Quitting in Relationships  

Quiet quitting in relationships can also be a good thing.  When it comes to dating, relationship experts say quiet quitting is about dating intentionally and with boundaries, limiting your time on dating apps, and performing your due diligence before you accept a date.  Knowing what your requirements and “must-haves” are for a soul mate, are congruent with Jewish views about dating for marriage. 

As described earlier, although the term sounds harsh, quiet quitting in personal and work relationships can be a form of self-care and is about setting boundaries. 

If you are a people-pleaser, or can never say no, or are emotionally co-dependent (for example, you always feel like you are responsible for solving others’ problems), learning how to create boundaries can improve your life dramatically. 

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are now behind us. Many of us decide during the holidays to start fresh or set new personal, spiritual, and career goals for the coming New Year. I hope some of the ideas offered above help you to attain a healthier work-life balance, designate time to study Torah, to enjoy your work and personal relationships, and to cherish your time with family. 

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com). 

Has Anyone Advocated for our Community More Effectively than Assemblyman Steven Cymbrowitz? 

Sam Sutton 

Many people in our community believe that they should vote only for Republican candidates, given the current state of the Democratic Party, which, unfortunately, is plagued by antipathy for Israel and for several of our most cherished values as. 

While I understand the reason underlying this sentiment, I believe that there are exceptions to every rule – and when it comes to Steven Cymbrowitz, the Democratic candidate for New York’s State Assembly, an exception should be made.  

Precisely because of our community’s knee-jerk support of Republican candidates – it is vitally important to understand why this election for State Assembly is different. 

First and foremost, Steven Cymbrowitz’s Republican opponent is a six-time Bernie Sanders donor, who became a Republican only several months ago. He does not in any way represent our community’s values. And so while many are instinctively inclined to vote Republican, an exception must be made for Steven Cymbrowitz.  

Moreover, a crucial distinction must be made between elections for federal government figures – the President, Senators and Congressmen – and elections for local bodies of government. 

On the federal level – which is the only area of government which wields international influence – many politicians in the Democratic party are influenced by the scourge of “woke” thought and should not ever receive our community’s support. These people routinely attack the State of Israel, unjustly accusing it of aggression and racism, often as a cover for outright anti-Semitism.  (For the most part, of course, this is not the case with candidates representing our part of Brooklyn, which is considered quite “conservative” by national standards.) But on the local and state levels, this factor is rarely, if ever, relevant to the issues that concern us.  State Assembly members have no say whatsoever in our nation’s foreign policy, and thus our fervent, emphatic support of the State of Israel should have no impact whatsoever on our vote for assemblymen.  This decision must be made purely on the candidates’ records on matters of local importance, such as necessary funding for our community’s institutions. 

There are several other reasons, too, why Steven deserves our vote. 

The NY State Assembly has had an overwhelming Democratic majority since 1975. In fact, Democrats actually have a veto-proof supermajority. Our Assemblyman can influence policy and advocate for an agenda that advances our community’s interests only if he is a senior member with access to the leadership. A Republican would have no voice in the State Assembly, and would wield no influence whatsoever upon the leadership. 

Steven has access to Assembly leadership, and this access has already proven vital for our community. Without it, yeshivas and other nonpublic schools would not have been included in the Smart Schools Bond Act. Steven arranged for a private meeting for me and Ronnie Tawil with then Speaker of the Assembly, Shelly Silver. In that one-hour meeting, we explained that the Governor had proposed a school bond bill that excluded yeshivas. That meeting convinced Speaker Silver to insist that the bill include yeshivas, thus bringing $28,000,000 to Jewish schools in NY State. Rabbi Lefkowitz of the Agudah called me afterward to thank me for my efforts.  

A close relationship with leadership is how things get done – and Steven’s connections have enabled our community to receive vitally important resources. 

A vote for Steven is a vote for the candidate who will continue to deliver for our community.  

I urge all community members to go to the polls on Election Day, Tuesday, November 8th,  and vote to re-elect Steven Cymbrowitz to the State Assembly (45th AD). Vote from the bottom up and cast your vote for Steven Cymbrowitz at the bottom of Column A, or as the Independence Party candidate in Column F. 

Impressive Accomplishment

No one has done more for our community, or has delivered more often or more effectively, than Steven Cymbrowitz.  

• Steven has voted to secure over $326 million in spending and $58 million in STEM funding for yeshivas and other nonpublic schools in this year’s budget. He proposed a bill in the Assembly to set up a $200,000,000 loan fund for parents in Special Ed schools to help parents who often have to lay out hundreds of thousands of tuition dollars before they are reimbursed. 
• Steven was one of the first and most enthusiastic elected officials to support our efforts to launch Teach NYS, which has achieved multiple and major successes in assisting our yeshiva and their parents with millions of dollars in NY State funding earmarked towards yeshiva education. 

• Steven has funded the organizations we depend on. During his tenure, he has secured major grants for SAFE, Sephardic Community Center (SCC), Sephardic Bikur Holim, and the Cancer Center. Just last month, he secured a $250,000 capital grant for the SCC, as well as a $250,000 capital grant for the Cancer Center. Each year, he’s funded Met Council, the nation’s largest Jewish charity serving vulnerable people in need. This is in addition to funding for Holocaust survivors and for Holocaust programs. 

 The Responsibility to Vote 

About 75 years ago, on Election Day, in Lakewood, NJ, a yeshivah student was approached by the Rosh Yeshivah, Rabbi Aharon Kotler, zt”l, who asked him if he had voted yet. The student was Shlomo Carlebach. He told Rabbi Kotler that he lived on the West Side of  Manhattan, and to go would entail a journey of many hours and much effort. Rabbi Kotler replied, “Take a bus immediately and go. You have no idea of the responsibility that each and every person has to vote.” 

Absentee Ballot 

Even if you will be away on Election Day – you can still vote! You can vote from October 29th through November 6th. In order to vote, an application for an absentee ballot must be filled out online or sent by email to the local Board of Election (BOE). The BOE will then send a ballot which can be returned by mail. Please go to findmypollsite.com for details. 

https://www.saveourkotel.org/

Albania and Kosovo are neighboring countries many people have barely heard of, and could not successfully point to on a map. But both countries are rich in Jewish history.

During the Holocaust, Albania was the only country in Europe that, in addition to refusing to cooperate with the Nazis, actively opposed them. Albanians have long practiced a code of honor, “Besa,” which demands that a guest be treated like family. True to their code, Albanians hid Jews, lied about their whereabouts, and ignored orders to harm them. About three hundred local Jews were saved, and another 2,000 were welcomed as refugees.

Few Jews know about this extraordinary heroism. 

These two countries with Muslim majorities have embraced their Jewish minorities as an integral part of their multicultural fabric.

Albanian historian Apostol Kotani wrote that Jews first appeared in Albania just after the Second Temple was destroyed. They were, he asserted, likely hostages of the Roman empire that had lost their way, landing at Saranda’s coast. Earliest documents of Jewish life go back to the thirteenth century, noting Jewish merchants in Durres. 

With the aid of my friend, Donat Syla (former Consul General to Kosovo in Toronto), I set off to learn more about our shared history, to build bridges, and to discover what the Jewish communities in these two countries need from larger Diaspora communities. 

Prishtina, Kosovo

In the middle of the city center, Mother Theresa Square, stands a book-seller booth, which featured an unlikely book in the front row, about Theodore Herzl – translated into Albanian! I concluded that the proprietor would not stock that book if he thought there would be no demand for it. Unrelated to the book stall, I was also introduced to author Kriste Shtufi, who took it upon himself to translate Herzl’s book Old New Land into Albanian. 

Kosovo and Israel, in fact, have close ties.

Since declaring independence from Serbia in 2008, Kosovo has received recognition from about a hundred countries, including Israel. Kosovo is one of a handful of countries that placed its embassy in Jerusalem, after the United States and Guatemala. 

My guide, Qendrim Shkodra, pointed out that Israel and Kosovo have many similarities. Both countries are small, are newly formed, are surrounded by enemies (in Kosovo’s case, Russia-backed Serbia), are populated by ancient peoples, and have  suffered devastating atrocities. 

Pristina contains several Jewish sites. In 1963, Yugoslavia’s Communist regime determined to build a parliament building on the site of the city’s synagogue. So, the synagogue was moved, brick-by-brick, and relocated several miles away. On the grounds of the parliament (which is still used today), a monument was erected in 2013, memorializing the 92 Kosovar Jews murdered in the Shoah. The monument notes that this was the site where the shul once stood.

My guide, Valon Shkodra, former curator of the Ethnological Museum, showed me the old synagogue, which now houses the American Art Museum. Unfortunately, there is no plaque noting it was formerly a synagogue. Nor is there any marker to note the existence of the former cheder building, now a boxing club. 

Dr. Hysen Hyseni, chairman of the city’s Jewish organization, Bet Israel Kosova, told me their aim is to build a synagogue for their fifty families. The government has already donated land next to the old site. For now, the only “official” real estate is the organization’s office in the Grand Hotel, adorned with Israeli flags, a board room, and hundreds of Jewish books.

An hour away in Priznen, Votim Demiri leads their few dozen Jews, whose numbers swell up to about five hundred during holidays, when families visit from abroad. For a decade-plus, Demiri has been working with local politicians to build a shul on already-purchased land. Both Hyseni and Demiri confirmed that they have regular gatherings for the holidays.

Some Jewish sites do have public markers, including the two Jewish cemeteries, showing they are protected by EU and UN’s “beautification and preservation” bureaus. They have approximately one hundred tombstones, the oldest one I saw dated back to 1899.

At Ferizaj’s now-defunct train station, a newly installed memorial plaque is featured on the outside wall, marking where Jews were deported during the Shoah. In the 1990s, I’m told, it also became the station where Kosovars gathered to flee the Serbian genocide.

Vlora, Albania

Coastal Vlora, in southwestern Albania, is right across from Italy’s eastern heel. It is the third largest city in the country. I had the honor of a one-on-one with the mayor, Dritan Leli, who gave me a certificate of commendation for my efforts to build bridges between Albanians and Jews.

Leli said that approximately 500 years ago, the city was “50-50 Jewish,” populated by many who fled from the Inquisition. In the early twentieth century the city was brimming with Jewish activity. 

To honor the Jews’ historical impact, Leli kickstarted the initiative to build a Jewish museum in Vlora’s city center. Construction is about to start and is set to be completed in three years. The American-Albanian Development Fund is assisting, led by chairman Michael Granoff, former economic advisor to president Clinton. The Israeli firm Kimmel Eshkolot was chosen to provide the lead architects. They plan to use a combination of Albanian and Jerusalem stone for the building. Exhibits will trace Jewish presence and history from antiquity to the present. Organizers are actively seeking to borrow exhibits from Albanian ex-pats, and their descendants.

Also in the city center, a wall plaque commemorates the old “Jewish Street,” or Rruga Ebraia, where the street begins.

Saranda, Gjirokaster, and Tirana, Albania

In Saranda, known for its gorgeous seaside views, beaches, and resorts, lies synagogue ruins from 1600 years ago. About the size of two tennis courts, remnants of the synagogue include tables for placing the Torah, and six rooms. Israeli archaeologists Ehud Netzer and Gideon Foerster explored the site with Albanian colleagues and unearthed two mikvaot.

Stunningly, they uncovered a colorful floor mosaic showing a menorah, shofar, etrog, and symbols of the tribes of Israel. Unfortunately, as funds to preserve the mosaic properly are limited, the mosaic floor now lies covered by a foot of sand. It is my hope that philanthropists will come forward to fund a project allowing these mosaics to be displayed in full view, perhaps under glass, or under a canopy. Ideally, funding would allow for further archaeological digs. 

It’s incredible that, during the Communist regime (1917-1990) the stones of the mosaic floor remained untouched. Had authorities known the site of the mosaic floor was Jewish in origin, most assuredly it would have been swiftly and vindictively destroyed, to make way for shops and apartments, like those that abut the site on all sides. 

The town of Berat is the proud home to the “Solomon Museum,” curated and independently financed by the late Prof. Simon Vrusho, who was not Jewish. It is overseen today by his widow. All four walls are adorned with photographs and descriptions of Albanian Jewish life in the last century. 

Gjirokaster, a UNESCO world heritage site, is about 90 minutes south of Berat. Historical records show it welcomed Jewish refugees during the Shoah. It too, has a “Jewish street.” Its claim to fame is its cobble-stoned Ottoman-era bazaar, originally built in the 17th century.

While in Tirana, the capital, I met with a local historian, Professor Elena Kocaqi, who informed me that more than 90 percent of Kosovars are Albanian, and the Albania of antiquity (Dardania) was five times the current size. Millennia ago, Jewish traders or exiles would invariably have been in contact with locals, as ancient Rome and Greece were right next door. It would come as no surprise, she insists, if some Albanians could trace their heritage to Jews, and vice versa.

Now a Chabad operates here, and the city’s Grand Park is home to a new Holocaust memorial that features three large plaques in Albanian, English, and Hebrew, honoring the Albanians who saved Jews. 

But it must be said, my guides Ruki and Miri Kondaj showed me that, much like Kosovo, Albania contains a wealth of natural beauty, including mountains, age-old towns, and cities. They are both modern, bustling metropolises, each with their own character and culture. I experienced much warmth and generosity from the people I spent time with and with strangers alike.

I am working with local officials to place commemorative plaques in a number of places as part of my mission to preserve the memories, dignity, and significance of the Jewish landmarks I visited.

I feel a certain hakarot hatov (obligation of gratitude) to do so. 

My trip was made possible with the generosity of a few individuals who feel, like I do, that remembrance, forging allies, and building bridges across our communities, is imperative. They are Ismet Mirena, Paulin Marku, Bedri Tocani, and Dardan Emini.  

Do you have difficulty falling asleep at night? Do you get up in the middle of the night and then can’t fall back asleep? Do you feel the pressure to produce at work and try to get some precious sleep so you have strength to do it? Here are some tips, both physical and psychological, that will help you to fall asleep quickly. 

Physical Tips 

Research shows that cool temperatures help with falling asleep. First, try cooling off your room. Open the window or turn on the air conditioner. If you get your room to 15-19 degrees Celsius, 59-66 degrees Fahrenheit, you will get to what researchers say is the ideal temperature that helps you fall asleep. Cold helps the body produce melatonin, which helps to bring on sleep.  The right temperature, together with darkening the room, should work. 

If cooling off the room does not help, try cooling yourself off. Wash your face with cold (even ice) water for half a minute. This helps calm pressures and also stimulates the “diving reflex,” which mammals and humans both have, which slows the heart rate and lowers blood pressure. Washing your face will help bring on drowsiness. 

Psychological Tips 

Quite often people cannot fall asleep due to the pressure to fall asleep. People are so under pressure to fall asleep and get as much sleep as they can that the pressure prevents them from falling asleep. So, the first thing to do is to hide your watch. Stop checking what time it is every few minutes to determine how many hours you have left to sleep, and just calm down. 

Or try using reverse psychology. Instead of trying to go to sleep, or even relaxing and calming down, which doesn’t always work, try staying up! A study from the University of Glasgow, Scotland found a way to fall asleep quickly. Lie down and try to force your eyes to stay open until they start closing on their own. For some reason, trying to stay awake makes drowsiness come quickly and with it comes sweet, restful sleep. Try it!