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One on One with Sally Alfaks Atlan

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January 2022

“The person I am today is all due to my parents who left Syria in 1992 with absolutely nothing. They escaped from an environment where they were persecuted for being Jewish. Both labored to give us everything and were, and still are, my role models.” ~~ Sally ~~

Ellen Kamaras

Sally Alfaks Atlan emigrated to Brooklyn at the age of three, from Damascus, Syria with her parents, Touneh and Raymond, and her two sisters. Raymond, a manufacturer, dropped

everything to relocate his family to America, safe from the dangerous and oppressive anti-Semitic regime in Syria.

“I don’t remember anything about my journey from Syria to Brooklyn. My parents didn’t speak English and had no family here. They were determined to work hard to give their children ‘the best of the best,’ the finest schools and whatever we needed. My mother gave birth to two sons in Brooklyn. We first lived in an apartment and then moved to a small house in Gravesend.”

As Sally shared her life story, two important character traits became evident. The first was her immense appreciation, hakarat hatov, that she expressed for her parents. Their struggles strongly influenced Sally’s life outlook. The second was her determination. As you read about Sally, you will see how she consistently demonstrates gratitude for everything in her life and exhibits grit to accomplish her life purpose and objectives.

Sally’s friends describe her as strong-willed, trustworthy, determined, accomplished, caring, and bold, which she agreed with. Sally is a woman infused with candor, confidence, and courage. And her out-of-the box thinking and strategy have helped her to reach beyond her community bubble.

Growing up

Sally was tenacious even as a youngster. “I was a little devil, wanting to do things my way. I never gave up, trying different approaches to overcome challenges and meet my goals.”

Sally loved school and studied diligently in grade school, at Ahi Ezer Yeshiva, and at Magen David Yeshivah High School. “I needed to get my ‘A’” she recalls. Her efforts were rewarded with high school honors placement and a scholarship to Brooklyn College.

Sally majored in psychology at Brooklyn College out of a desire to help people. She seriously contemplated going pre-med. She decided that medicine would not fit with her vision of raising a family. When Sally went to the Sephardic Bikur Holim Career Division for help with her resume, her counselor suggested she explore occupational therapy. Sally researched OT and fell in love with the field. It would satisfy her yearning to be a helping professional and her background in psychology would enable her to understand her client’s emotions.

A Match Is Made

How meaningful is it that Sally met her naseeb, Yohan Atlan, twelve years ago, through a young man from Canada Yohan befriended on an Aish HaTorah trip to Israel. Born and raised in Paris, France, Yohan was studying at Yeshiva University when the couple met.

Remember Sally called herself out-of-the-box? Marrying a French Moroccan/Algerian Jew is just one example, and the two meld their backgrounds beautifully.

They still laugh about Sally giving Yohan her Blackberry pin number instead of her cell phone number. Guess What? Her pin number contained her phone number!

Hashem blessed the couple with three boys, Ariel (nine), Gabriel (six), and Eitan (two). “They are my life,” Sally says proudly.

As newlyweds, Sally and Yohan were both completing their bachelor’s degrees. Sally was awarded a scholarship to Long Island University for OT graduate school based on her high GPA. She started her three-and-a-half-year OT program as a new mom. Yohan had another year to go with his accounting degree before he registered in a one-year International Taxation Master’s program at LIU.

“We couldn’t have completed our training without my parents,” Sally told me. “My mother helped tremendously with childcare. They still pitch in.” Both Sally and Yohan agree that the early years were tough. “We built ourselves from scratch, we are a family, we own a home, and are growing. That’s what a marriage is.”

Sally did her field work in diverse settings, including the VA Hospital, Bellevue Hospital, and school settings. She noted how selfless her veteran patients were and how many suffered from PTSD. “Bellevue was a real eye opener for me. I was pregnant and was assigned to a lock down psychiatric ward. I saw and learned about mental illness.” In the school setting, Sally participated in IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meetings, collaborating with the teachers and other specialists to set students’ goals.

Practicing OT

Sally is a pediatric OT. She currently works in a Special Education program in the public school district and enjoys the challenges and rewards of practicing OT, one-on-one, with children on the spectrum.

“My approach to my job is to take it day by day and see what the day brings. – every day is a surprise with the kids I work with.”

Sally thanks Hashem for revealing to her how difficult it is for her clients to do tasks that come naturally for other kids. It’s so rewarding when they can enjoy the playground without a meltdown or use a proper utensil to eat lunch. Involving the kids in play activities is one of Sally’s successful strategies.

“I wake up every morning, not knowing whether a child will reach his/her goal. They work so hard! I learn so much from my students about myself, and I have expanded my skill set as an OT. It’s a wonderful field and so flexible. I have time with my family and do something I love.”

The pandemic was very difficult for Sally’s students who were stuck at home for 18 months. “It broke my heart. When we went remote, these kids regressed. They need physical, in-person interaction.”

Passions

“My utmost accomplishments are my family and career. My husband and kids are what motivate me to get up in the morning and be the person who I am, which in turn makes me love what I do.”

Partners in Parenting

Sally calls Yohan “the rock of our family.” “He is my biggest cheerleader and inspired me to be more open-minded.”

Their life perspectives are similar. Yohan wants their children to learn to work hard and to appreciate life and people.

Sally is so proud of Yohan, that he strives to be his best and is caring and humble. “He is a jack of all trades: he has an accounting practice, does a bit of real estate, and he recently bought a plumbing business from a client.”

Yohan partners with Sally to balance family and careers. “I wake up with two older kids around 6:30am and do the morning routine with them. I drive to my job at 7:15, while the kids wait for the bus to pick them up at 7:30. Yohan does the morning routine with Eitan and drops him off at school. I pick him up and get home in time for the school bus drop off, of Ariel and Gabriel. I cook dinner, do homework, showers, and bedtime routine. If Yohan gets home early, he helps me. The most important thing is that we work together.”

Sally taught her children that Mommy loves them, they are number one, but being an OT makes Mommy happy, too. They are so proud of Sally and encourage her daily to get up and do what she loves.

Inspirational Influences

Sally learned unconditional selflessness and hesed from her mom. Her grandmother Sally, a”h, modeled strength and independence. Yohan, who came to New York with 600 Euros to his name, created a life for himself, demonstrating resilience and drive.

Community and Self-Care

Through her husband’s eyes, Sally has grown to value the community even more. “We are part of the strongest community in the world. My husband didn’t have the love and care of this kind in Paris. It’s surreal.”

Sally thrives on working out to destress from her day. She attends Pilates reformer classes a few evenings a week.

What’s Next?

Sally is getting certified as a feeding and oral motor therapist. “I am fortunate that I can be creative and integrate the sensory component. Some students can’t chew and eat only pureed solids, which is hard to see.”

Enhancing her knowledge and skill set by taking continuing education courses is key for Sally.

Sally’s advice and secret to success? Follow your dreams and do what makes you happy. As a woman, be your own person and cultivate independence. Think out-of-the-box and remember that challenges help you grow. Show gratitude when others help you.

What gives her fortitude? “It’s always been Hashem. Trusting that the smooth and bumpy stones along the way have made me the person I am and continue to be.”

I leave you with Sally’s favorite quote: “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible.”

You can call Sally (646-379-7014), email her, sallyalfaks@gmail.com or message her on Instagram @sallyatlan.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Holiness 24/7

Community Magazine

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January 2022

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Where was Gd at the time of Matan Torah, when He gave the Torah to our ancestors?

Of course, all know that He was on Mount Sinai, where Beneh Yisrael had assembled to receive the Torah, as we read this month in Parashat Yitro, which tells the story of the Revelation at Sinai.

This answer is correct, but not specific enough.

Where exactly was Gd? Did He reveal Himself from the heavens, or did He descend to the earth to address our ancestors?

Rashi observes a seeming contradiction between two verses regarding this point. On the one hand, the Torah says explicitly, “Gd descended upon Mount Sinai” (Shemot 19:20) – that He came down from the heavens to speak to Beneh Yisrael. Later, however, following the Revelation, Gd commanded Moshe to tell the people, “You saw that I spoke to you from the heavens” (20:18) – meaning, He remained in the heavens and spoke to the people from there.

To reconcile these two verses, Rashi presents a fascinating description of what happened the day: “He bent the upper and lower heavens and laid them out on top of the mountain like a sheet on a bed, and the Heavenly Throne descended upon them.” Gd, essentially, brought the heavens upon Mount Sinai. He was in the heavens and also on Mount Sinai – because He lowered the heavens and positioned them on the mountaintop.

Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t Gd either speak to our ancestors from the heaven, or come down from the heavens to speak to them?

Taking Residence on Earth

Rashi’s comments must be understood in light of a cryptic passage in the Midrash (Tanhuma, Parashat Naso and Parashat Pekudeh).

The Midrash relates that when Gd created the universe, “He desired to have a residence in the lower world.” His aspiration, so-to-speak, was not to remain in the heavens and govern the earth from there, but rather to reside here in our world. He took residence with Adam and Havah in Gan Eden, but when they sinned, He was forced to leave this world. With each subsequent sin committed by mankind, Gd distanced Himself further from the earth.

It was our patriarch Avraham, the Midrash continues, who began reversing the process. His piety brought Gd one step back towards the world, and finally, at Mount Sinai, the process was complete. At the time of Matan Torah, Gd again took residence here in our world, just as He had done at the time of creation.

This, then, is the meaning of Rashi’s depiction of the heavens being moved onto Mount Sinai. After living for many centuries away from the earth, Gd had now returned. The image depicted by Rashi signifies Gd’s “packing His bags” and moving back to earth, now that Beneh Yisrael had received the Torah.

Needless to say, all this requires clarification. Gd does not actually “live” anywhere. He obviously has no “bags” to pack. His “Throne” does not need to rest in any particular location. What does the Midrash mean that Gd desires to live here in this world?

Rav Yosef’s Steak

To introduce this answer, let us briefly look at a famous story told in the Gemara (Pesahim 68b) about the holiday which celebrates the event of Matan Torah – Shavuot. The Gemara relates that one of the sages, Rav Yosef, instructed his servant to prepare for him an especially choice slab of meat in honor of this occasion. The celebration of the event of Matan Torah warranted enjoying a particularly robust and tasty piece of steak.

“If it weren’t for this day,” Rav Yosef explained, “there are several Yosefs out in the marketplace.”

In other words, Shavuot is what made Rav Yosef different from other Yosefs. It is because we were given the Torah that he became “Rav Yosef,” that he had the opportunity to study Gd’s wisdom and become a righteous scholar.

We must wonder, why a steak?!

It is perfectly understandable why Rav Yosef regarded Shavuot as an especially significant day. But of all the ways to express his appreciation for Matan Torah, why did he choose a large, scrumptious meat meal? Why did he not celebrate by adding extra time for learning? By delivering a special Torah class? Or by arriving at a novel Torah insight? Why a steak?!

The answer arises from a closer reading of the words, “If it weren’t for this day, there are several Yosefs in the marketplace.”

Rav Yosef was saying that because of the Torah, his conduct in the marketplace differed drastically from that of other people. The Torah shows us how to elevate “the marketplace,” even the ordinary, mundane areas of life. The goal of the Torah is not for us to escape from “the marketplace,” from mundane activities, but for us to infuse them with sanctity and meaning.

Torah governs every single aspect of lives – business, to recreation, marriage, parenting, tending to our homes, addressing our physical needs, eating, socializing, and everything else. By committing ourselves to Torah, everything we do becomes infused with meaning. We encounter Gd everywhere we go and in everything we do. Even in the “marketplace,” as we go about our ordinary affairs, we are serving our Creator, we are experiencing sanctity, because we go about our affairs according to the special standards which the Torah demands.

Heaven on Earth

Judaism differs in this regard from other religions, which believe in a complete separation between the sacred and mundane realms. They regard ordinary, physical activities such as eating, drinking, sleeping, material pursuits, and marital life as inherently irredeemable, and things which should be avoided as much as possible, or at least minimized. This is not the Torah’s way. Of course, the Torah demands reasonable moderation and proper prioritization. Many rabbis – myself included – frequently warn against excessive preoccupation with physical indulgence and the pursuit of wealth. But none of us call for withdrawing from physical enjoyment, or encourage poverty as an ideal way of life. The Torah urges us not to avoid mundane activities, but rather to enhance them, to elevate them, to inject them with meaning by engaging in them according to its principles.

This explains the descriptions of Matan Torah presented above.

Gd did not speak to us from the heavens, because this would suggest that Torah life requires us to be heavenly, to transcend our earthly limits and resemble angels. Gd could not leave the heavens, because this would suggest that there is no need to strive for something beyond the earthly domain, to reach for a heavenly, spiritual existence. And so instead, Gd brought the heavens to earth – because this is exactly what the Torah does. It invites us to experience the heavens here in our world, while going about our ordinary, mundane affairs. Matan Torah was precisely about bringing the heavens down into our world, showing us how to live heavenly, spiritually charged lives even while living as normal human beings.

Misguided Compartmentalization

This perspective on Matan Torah serves as a warning against compartmentalizing our lives, assigning certain times of day, of the week or of the year, for religion, and leaving religion out of it the rest of the time.

Some Jews decide they will be “religious” only during the High Holidays. Or on all the holidays. Some, every Shabbat. Others are “religious” each day in the synagogue, but then check religion at the door and do what they want at home and at work. And then there are those who adhere to the Torah during the year but not in the summer months, or when they are in the city but not while traveling.

This is not just inconsistent, but reflective of a fundamentally misguided understanding of what our religion is all about. It is not about taking periodic breaks for spirituality and then getting back to “normal” life. Rather, it is about bringing heaven to earth, about living a holy, Gdly life even as physical beings engaged in physical activities. It is about enjoying the pleasures and delights of our world – but within certain boundaries and according to certain guidelines.

Holiness is not something which is experienced only in the synagogue or the study hall; or only on Shabbat or holidays; or only by rabbis and great Torah scholars. It is something which each and every one of us is to experience, 24/7, around the clock, no matter what we are involved in. Whether we’re home, in the office, on vacation, at the doctor’s office, in a department store, with our car in the mechanic – we can and must make it a “heavenly” experience by conducting ourselves according to Torah values and Torah law.

I am proud to say that we in our community are blessed with so many outstanding living examples of this concept. I never cease to be amazed or inspired by the innumerable professionals and businessmen in the community who infuse their lives with kedushah. Whether it’s Torah study during the commute; finding ways to make time for prayer with a minyan amid a hectic work schedule; sacrificing profitable opportunities for the sake of Shabbat and Yom Tov; or unwavering compliance with the Torah’s strict code of honesty and ethics – we have so many members who show how to turn the office into a sanctuary, into a place of holiness. This is precisely what Torah life is all about – taking the sanctity of synagogue and yeshiva and injecting it into everything one does.

Let us all follow this model, so we transform our entire lives into an unending experience of kedushah, and bring Gd into every step we take each and every day.

Once Upon A Thyme – Cream of Potato Soup with Caramelized Onions

Community Magazine

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January 2022

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Once Upon A Thyme – Cream of Potato Soup with Caramelized Onions

With just a few ingredients and minimal cooking time, this creamy potato soup is so easy to make, yet loaded with flavor. Plus, this velvety soup is ultra-rich without any dairy! Caramelized onions blended into the soup and then added again before serving add loads of flavor while coconut milk lends to the creaminess. Virtually any milk will work, so you can swap for soy, almond, or regular. Be sure to dice the potatoes uniformly so they will cook evenly. Just one bowl of this tasty and luscious soup is sure to keep you satisfied and warm on any cold winter night.

3 tablespoons oil
4 large onions chopped
3 garlic cloves minced
6 yellow potatoes peeled and diced
4 cups water
4 cups vegetable broth
1 can coconut milk (or milk of choice)
1 ½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
2 cups croutons

Instructions

Heat oil in a large pot over medium heat and add onions. Cook for about ten minutes until caramelized. Remove half the onions and reserve for later.
Add garlic and cook until fragrant (about 30 seconds).
Add diced potatoes to the pot along with the vegetable broth, coconut milk, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil and then cook for another 40 minutes on low.
Remove from heat and use an immersion blender to puree until smooth.
If needed, add ½ cup of water at a time if too thick.
Serve warm with croutons and reserved caramelized onions.

Peacefully Parenting in Unpredictable Times

Community Magazine

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January 2022

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Peacefully Parenting in Unpredictable Times

How can we parent our children optimally when we ourselves feel so unsettled inside about the lack of stability around us? We have no idea what lies ahead of us as far as schooling, food supply, finances, or how the emotional lives of our children will turn out. Is it possible to feel safe and secure when the future is as known to us as much as life on planet Mars is? The answer is yes!

The reason we can feel okay inside amidst all this turmoil is that our security does not come from knowledge of the future. In fact, nobody ever knew what the future would hold, even when life appeared more predictable in pre-Covid times. But we don’t even need to know what the next minute will bring in order to feel settled inside. Certainly, insecure thoughts will arise in our minds, but that’s okay because our thoughts can’t harm us, and we can let go of them one thought at a time. Security comes from the understanding that every single experience that comes our way in life is uniquely designed for us by Hashem because we need it, and surely we always have the tools to get through any challenge in life.

In order to truly connect with our children, we must be fully present with them. Let’s look at how this would play out the wrong way and the right way, in the context of life these days.

The Wrong Way: Your son comes home from school and tells you that three children were making fun of him on the bus. You start to have lots of insecure thoughts such as, “I hope his self-esteem isn’t damaged forever.” “I hope he doesn’t now go on to bully other children.” “Maybe this means he is lacking the skills to speak up for himself and I failed as a parent.” (Sound familiar?) You start to feel like all these worries about the future must be true and are very helpful, so you ask him why he didn’t just speak up, since you’ve taught him this a thousand times already. The next child walks in and you are short tempered with him too, all because you were engaging with your insecure thoughts about what the future “should” look like, and how your child’s chances of a bright future look very bleak.

The Right Way: Your son comes home from school and tells you that three children were making fun of him on the bus. You start to have lots of insecure thoughts such as, “I hope his self-esteem isn’t damaged forever.” “I hope he doesn’t now go on to bully other children.” “Maybe this means he is lacking the skills to speak up for himself and I failed as a parent.” You recognize that everyone has unhelpful worrisome thoughts about the future, and that you don’t need to know what the future holds in order to be okay right now. You also recognize the parts of your body that are feeling anxious, and you remind yourself that all feelings are normal. You simply listen to your son’s account of his difficult bus ride, and stay with him as an empathetic and loving ear. The next child walks in, and while you are feeling your low mood state, you welcome him home with a gentle smile and tell him how glad you are to see him. About 20 minutes later, your low mood passes, because you allowed yourself to feel the feelings, and once feelings are processed they all pass.

So next time you feel that you can’t feel calm around life’s challenges, remind yourself that that’s just another unhelpful thought, and this will help you stay present with your children.

Helpful and Healthful Tips

It’s amazing how different our quality of life is when we have a healthy understanding of the following truths:

Nobody knows what will happen in the future, and that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be.
Our thoughts can’t harm us, and we can choose not to engage with them when they are unhelpful.
We have all the tools we need to deal with any challenge that we get.
All feelings pass.

From The Files of The Mitzvah Man Hesed Stories – An Unbroken Cycle of Hesed

Community Magazine

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January 2022

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From The Files of The Mitzvah Man Hesed Stories – An Unbroken Cycle of Hesed

Pnina Souid

The connections of hesed made by the Mitzvah Man Organization defy space, time, and place. One extended family’s story is proof of this.

It Started with a Washer and Dryer

A woman named Sarah called the Mitzvah Man hotline in Lakewood, NJ. She said, “We are a large family and have no washer and dryer. Would it be possible for the Mitzvah Man Organization to provide us with these appliances please?”

The Mitzvah Man volunteer told Sarah to fill out the required legal forms and if she was approved the washer and drier would be delivered. And so, it was! The family was immensely grateful.

Request for a Special Delivery

Months later, a woman named Rivka called the hotline from Israel. She explained that she and her family had made aliya, and her 92-year-old father, Mr. Goldstein, was in the U.S., and was planning to attend her son’s bar mitzvah. Rivka noted why it was especially meaningful that her father attend. The bar mitzvah boy had been critically ill with a life-threatening illness when he was two years old. Baruch Hashem, he recovered and now would be celebrating his bar mitzvah. The family desperately wanted the bar mitzvah boy’s grandfather to be there. However, the grandfather had never traveled alone before. Would it be possible for a Mitzvah Man volunteer pick him up, take him to the airport, and stay with him until the airport personnel took over (where people not flying were not allowed)?

A text message was sent out to all the volunteers and was quickly answered by Eli. He was given all the details and he responded, “I would be happy to do this mitzvah.”

The Mitzvah Man Organization informed Rivka that a volunteer would meet her father at his home, would take him with his luggage to the airport, and would stay with him until the airport personnel took over. Eli performed his part of this special mitzvah without a hitch.

A “Chance” Encounter

On the plane, Mr. Goldstein began chatting with the man seated next to him. Mr. Goldstein told his seat partner that he had never traveled alone before, and he was worried about getting off the plane, having to find his luggage, and then finding his family members that were coming to pick him up.

The man asked him, “How did you manage to come to the airport and deal with all the variables on the home end?”

“Very simply. There is an organization called The Mitzvah Man. My daughter called them from Israel. One of their volunteers picked me up from home and made sure that I would get on the plane without any problems.”

“Why, I am a volunteer for the Mitzvah Man Organization, too! Mr. Goldstein, you have nothing to worry about. Once we arrive at Ben Gurion Airport, I will help you through customs and will stay with you to retrieve your luggage, and to greet your family. I am sure they are looking forward to seeing you and taking you home with them.”

“I don’t believe this! Hashem is really taking care of me,” Mr. Goldstein exclaimed.

All went well for Mr. Goldstein and his new friend, one of the many Mitzvah Man volunteers who just might pop up any place.

But, the story doesn’t end here.

A Family Affair

Once Mr. Goldstein was settled his daughter Rivka called her sister in Lakewood to let her know that their father was fine.

Rivka’s sister asked her how their father made it to the airport in New York and managed to get on the plane. Rivka answered, “I called the Mitzvah Man Organization. They sent a wonderful volunteer who was with our father until airlines personnel took over. On the plane he had such hashgaha pratis. He was sitting next to a man who turned out to be a Mitzvah Man volunteer. We met him when we came to pick our father up.”

“The Mitzvah Man Organization helped you? Wow! This is the organization that provided us with the washer and dryer we needed so badly,” said Rivka’s sister, Sarah.

The sisters were astounded. Rivka emailed the Mitzvah Man to tell him how his organization was there for them – from the family in Lakewood, to New York, to Israel.

This family’s story is just one example of the far-reaching hesed of the Mitzvah Man organization.

Mentorship Magic@Propel

Community Magazine

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January 2022

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Nothing feels better than using one’s knowledge, experiences, and talents to support another woman’s quest for success. Nobody knows this better than Lois Sutton, Esq. and Sandra Nasser Maxwell. Sandy progressed from being a part-time administrative assistant in Lois’ law office (Lois D. Sutton LLC) to having a full-time position as a certified paralegal with the firm in just two-and-a-half years.

Sandy’s Road to Success

This is their PROPEL mentorship success story.

After getting divorced in 2018, Sandy moved to New Jersey. Although she had an associate’s degree in music from Kingsborough Community College, Sandy never had the opportunity to use her training professionally. In 2019, Lois D. Sutton hired Sandy as a part-time administrative assistant for her law office, handling the front desk and performing other secretarial tasks.

“Last month, I completed my paralegal certificate program with honors as a member of Phi Beta Kappa, having maintained a position on the Dean’s list for the duration of my studies at Brookdale Community College,” gushed Sandy when asked about her journey.

The magic ingredient in this story is the power of mentorship and the role it played and continues to play. You never know when an opportunity will arise. Sandy began working at the offices of Lois D. Sutton, Esq., two-and-a-half years ago. If Sandy had not taken the part-time receptionist secretarial job at the firm, she never would have experienced this chance to change her life.

At 59 years old, Sandy continues to work hard to improve herself every day. She truly believes that her maturity and life experience brings value to her employer. “I’ve learned to go out of my comfort zone to succeed in life. For me, it meant adding school to an already busy schedule.” Sandy is happy that throughout this journey she made sure to be there for her family, although she did have to minimize her social life. “I was working two jobs and going to school. I was driven to reach my goal because I knew once I finished my training and could begin working in a professional capacity, I would be able to support myself AND continue to be there for my two grown sons and daughter-in-law.” In other words, the hard work was well worth the sacrifice. Sandy contrasts her vision of the future with what it felt like to be newly divorced and financially vulnerable. “It was a constant struggle, juggling jobs and trying to make ends meet. Today, I feel accomplished. I’m a professional and I love the security of knowing I can support myself,” she says.

“I cannot commend Sandy enough for her diligence and persistence in reaching her goal,” says Lois, her employer and mentor. “I am grateful to PROPEL for enabling and empowering her to do it. I am proud of Sandy and look forward to her continued growth in the paralegal field,” continues Lois.

Lois Sutton Steers Community Women to Paralegal Field

Lois Sutton is a sole practitioner in New Jersey who brings four decades of experience to her legal practice, both academically and professionally. She specializes in wills, trusts, estate planning, probate, real estate, and business law. Lois earned her Bachelor of Science at Brooklyn College and graduated Magna Cum Lauda from the Rutgers School of Law-Newark, after she had married and had her first two children. Lois held positions as in-house counsel for what is now Wells Fargo Bank, was the Endowment Director for Jewish Federation of Monmouth County, and worked as an attorney for several well-established law firms before opening her own legal practice eleven years ago. Her experience has allowed her to successfully represent the interests of generations of community families with a wide range of legal needs. Lois acknowledges the support of her husband and family throughout.

“I’ve been trying to steer community women into the paralegal profession for years because it’s a lucrative, very rewarding career and many times it can be structured with flexibility in mind,” says Lois.

Paralegals are in high demand in New Jersey, New York, and elsewhere. Being a paralegal is a dynamic profession. A paralegal can work part-time, full-time, or per diem, in an office or remotely. The paralegal is typically the first person a new client speaks with, maintaining this relationship, often meeting with the client and making sure the client is kept informed and the file is moved forward expeditiously. A paralegal has many responsibilities: handling the court and appointment calendar and deadlines, maintaining the files, and reviewing and preparing documents and other materials under the supervision of an attorney. “If Sandy doesn’t do her job, I can’t do mine,” says Lois.

An experienced paralegal can build her own practice or service providing support for other law offices and even supervise other paralegals. As Lois further explains, “A paralegal can also specialize in the type of law and office that interests her most: fast-paced litigation in a large firm, real estate and contracts for a solo practitioner, and everything in between.”

Mentoring as the Magic Ingredient

So, how did Sandy go from getting hired as a part-time receptionist-secretary to become a full-time paralegal? MENTORING is the answer. Lois says that when she first hired Sandy, she immediately recognized her aptitude. She was intelligent, inquisitive, conscientious, had a great phone manner and client rapport, and she was eager to learn and acquire new skills. With the retirement of the office’s long-time paralegal, Sandy was positioned to make the move.

Lois truly enjoys being a mentor. Over the years, she has met with and guided many community members interested in becoming lawyers, paralegals, and legal assistants. She finds immense gratification helping a person move forward. Therefore, it was natural for Lois to encourage Sandy to engage with PROPEL. The rest, as the saying goes, is history.

For her part, Sandy is thankful and appreciative. She describes her mentor as being generous and informative, sharing in-depth context that helps her understand what is behind the tasks she is asked to perform. “I come to the office every day with a smile on my face, ready to proceed with the work at hand,” says Sandy. She says the work is never routine, which keeps the work interesting and fulfills her desire to keep learning new things. She especially enjoys assisting clients, building rapport, and keeping them updated. Mentorship plays a continual role in this relationship because Sandy is new to the profession. A portion of their daily interactions as lawyer and paralegal is specifically and intentionally dedicated to mentorship.

PROPEL’s Mentorship Program Is a Game Changer

Thanks to a grant that PROPEL received from the UJA Federation of New York, PROPEL’s “Weaving a Network: Women Helping Women” mentorship program was established. The goal of the program is to help women in a variety of professions to form these mentorship relationships, to support each other, and to expand their career opportunities. Supervised by PROPEL’s educational consultant, Gitta Neufeld, the first groups are actively engaged in team-building and mentoring. Lois believes that this new mentorship program at PROPEL will have an enormous impact on our community. “The hardest thing about identifying and traveling down a career path is finding a mentor,” says the attorney. “PROPEL’s mentorship program is a game changer.”

“I am very excited to be part of this initiative and look forward to using my experience and contacts in the legal world to benefit our mentees,” states Lois. And as for Sandy, she says, “Bless PROPEL and the new Mentorship program. PROPEL made this positive change possible.”

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If you are interested in joining PROPEL’s cohort of mentors in PROPEL’s “Weaving a Network: Women Helping Women” program or being paired with a mentor, please email PROPEL at Info@thePropelNetwork.org.

Mabrouk – January 2022

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January 2022

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Births – Baby Boy

David & Ruthie Gindi
Solly & Allegria Antebi
Abie & Sarah Husney

Births – Baby Girl

Mikey & Miriam Cohen
Ralph & Esther Sutton
Abraham & Carol Serouya
Ezra & Renee Dayan

Bar Mitzvahs

Michael, son of Mr. and Mrs. Yonah Shemueli
David Victor, son of Yehezkel and Amelia Yehoshua

Engagements

Victor Didia to Rebecca Gartenberg
Moshe Chazon to Libby Alfie
David Cohen to Amanda Cohen
Max Yedid to Jennifer Falack
Albert Ebani to Bella Tobal

Weddings

Elliot Serouya to Jenny Yedid
Jacob Moyal to Vera Antebi
Jojo Betesh to Mollie Turner
Isaac Saka to Shirley Chera
Josh Greenstein to Orly Hawani
Eddie Gindi to Ruth Senior
Harry Schweky to Maya Arazi

Mabrouk – January 2023

Community Magazine

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January 2022

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MABROUK

Births – Baby Boy

Steven & Elaine Beyda

Aaron & Lauren Kassin

Hymie & Lily Ades

Bar Mitzvahs

Albert, son of Victor and Sheila Douek

Yehuda, son of Mr. & Mrs. Shay Cohen

Engagements

Isaac Arazi to Allegra Timsit

Sam Zalta to Joyce Mishan

Ricky Cohen to Priscilla Baranoff

Max Dweck to Joy Lati

Daniel Dahan to Karen Sasson

Weddings

Eli Mosseri to Arlette Gindi

Michael Deneff to Gabrielle Dwek

Why Isn’t Your Home Selling?

Community Magazine

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December 2021

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I always like to share a little bit about the back end of real estate. Many times, sellers call me up with the following complaints. Either they’re currently listed with another broker and their home is just not selling, or their listing expired with another broker and they’re deciding to do it on their own. If it’s for sale by owner, there are different reasons why a home won’t be selling with or without a broker.

Many times, they will call and give me a short description of the home and ask me if I have a buyer. But that’s not how it works. I always like to hear the whole story, although be aware that some sellers appreciate that, and some sellers do not; they just want the buyer to list with them.

But if your house is on the market for nine months and it’s on a great block there has to be a reason why it is not selling. There can be many reasons. I believe that when this is the case, Hashem is holding the home for a specific buyer. I see it A LOT. Below are some of the reasons why a home doesn’t sell.

Reasons Why Your Home Is Not Selling

Open permit, no Certificate of Occupancy, or violations: These are issues that can be resolved. Resolving these issues requires more than just filing the needed documents. Sometimes there is a monetary fine or the issues can be a combination of things and can take six months to resolve unless you use an expeditor to help expedite the process to get rid of the violations.

TOO Unique: Is it a modern home near an apartment building, or is it overextended for that particular block, etc.? Are the taxes way higher than average?

Unrealistic Price: The price of the home that the sellers initially wanted was unrealistic (as the market showed us) or sellers rejected multiple good offers.

Home Sale Strategies

To put up a sign or to not put up a sign? That is the question (after, to sell or not to sell, lol).

The sign in it of itself does not sell a house! I have generally not yet heard of a single home which sold ONLY because someone was walking down the block, saw a

for sale sign and bought the home. One needs to have multiple strategies to sell a home.

Putting up a sign can be one strategy, but should not be the only one. Examples of other strategies are, perfecting negotiation skills, social media accounts, excellent marketing campaigns, and relationships with other agents and community members.

All of these alone do not sell a home, but together they’re an immense help.

Some sellers give me an entire list of what I cannot do but still expect to get top dollar. I can’t put up a sign, can’t post on social media, can’t take pictures, basically I can’t use any of the tools I usually use. These restrictions do create a challenge, especially when the sellers still expect top dollar. I have had sellers who had used this same strategy with another agent for eight months, still did not sell, and expected me to have some sort of power to make it happen while not being able to use any or all of my usual strategies. Though I understand the need or want for privacy, sometimes these needs should be measured against what you gain if the sign is up. It’s definitely a personal decision. It also definitely depends on the type of house, location, and price. Those all affect our decisions.

Many times, I suggest to those who are hesitant about the sign that they start without a for sale sign, then as showings or offers come in (or don’t) a sign can be put up to help further interest. So yes, a sign helps along with many other actions, but each house and situation is unique and should be looked at accordingly

The Case – A Short Delivery

Community Magazine

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December 2021

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Simon was planning a trip to Israel and Robert asked him to take four thousand dollars to his sister who resided in Jerusalem. Robert placed the money in an unsealed white envelope and gave it to Simon. Simon did not count the money and stipulated that he is not assuming responsibility for the funds. He placed the cash in his wife’s bag, which he stowed in the overhead bin on the plane. Upon arrival to Jerusalem, Simon was required by law to quarantine for seven days, and thereafter he took the envelope to Robert’s sister, who counted the cash and found the amount in the envelope was short five hundred and ninety dollars. In Bet Din Robert’s sister reprimanded Simon for carelessly stowing the cash in an overhead bin. Simon responded that the four-thousand-dollar cash envelope he received consisted of many fifty, twenty, and ten-dollar bills, and it would have been an extra time-consuming burden for him to count each bill. Also, the overstuffed envelope was unreasonable to carry on his person for the duration of the flight. Simon added that it was irrational to say that someone stole five hundred and ninety dollars and left the entire balance behind. He therefore suggested that he perhaps never received the complete four thousand dollars from Robert. Robert defended that he carefully counted the money before placing it in the envelope. Robert and his sister suggested that perhaps Simon or his wife mistakenly used the cash for their expenses thinking the cash was their own. The couple responded that for the duration of the flight and the seven days of quarantine they did not even use a total sum near the amount missing.

Is Simon responsible for the missing funds? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, one who is entrusted with money for safekeeping is required by law to store the cash in a wall or floor safe. If travelling, one is required to keep the cash in hand or in a front pocket for safekeeping. Unless agreed upon otherwise by the owner, one who deviates from these requirements is liable in the event the cash is lost or stolen. This ruling is applicable even to an unpaid watchman since deviating from the above-mentioned instructions is viewed as an act of negligence.

Interestingly, by rule of the Shulhan Aruch, if loose cash is deposited for safekeeping, the guardian of the funds is viewed as a paid watchman. The guardian of loose cash is liable for theft or loss even if he protected the money as required by law. The underlying reasoning behind this ruling is that since the money was deposited loosely, the watchman is entitled to use the funds deposited if needed. The right to use another’s funds constitutes a clear benefit extended to the safekeeper and he is thus liable for loss or theft of the cash. By contrast, if the money is deposited in a sealed envelope, the watchman is not entitled to temporarily use the funds and is consequently not liable for loss or theft. Since such a custodian is not receiving a benefit or payment for his services he is viewed as an unpaid watchman and is exempt unless he is negligent.

According to leading halachic authorities a watchman can stipulate a clause of exemption at the time the item is first received. Hence, even an unpaid watchman can, from the onset, stipulate exemption of all liability including the loss of the item even due to his own negligence. Contemporary halachic authorities suggest that although a watchman who does not specify the level of exemption he is seeking is limited in his liability, he is not completely exempt. Hence, if a paid watchman vaguely states that he is willing to protect the item without assuming responsibility, he is exempt from claims associated with theft, but is still liable for all acts of negligence. Unless he clearly stipulates when first receiving the item that he is not assuming responsibility for his negligence, he is held accountable. If, however, an unpaid watchman vaguely stipulates he is not assuming responsibility, he is exempt in case of loss due to his negligence. Since a standard unpaid watchman is only liable for negligence, it is obvious that his unclear stipulation included his only kind of liability.

According to early halachic authorities, a messenger sent to deliver cash to another is not considered a paid watchman even if the cash he received is loose. The reason for such a distinction is that since the messenger is required to deliver the cash at the first opportunity available, his access to using the funds if needed is limited. Hence, if he is not getting paid for his services, the mere fact that the cash is temporarily loose is not grounds to make him liable for loss or theft.

By rule of the Shulhan Aruch, one who deposits an item for safekeeping assumes that both the guardian and his wife will be involved in protecting the item. Unless otherwise stipulated from the onset, a plaintiff may not accuse a defendant of wrongfully transferring the deposited item to his wife’s possession.

By Torah law, if a plaintiff states that he trusts the defendant and does not insist he take an oath to validate his claim, a Bet Din will release the defendant of the required oath. The defendant’s position is accepted as fact, and the case is adjudicated accordingly.

VERDICT: A Legal Exemption

Our Bet Din ruled in favor of Simon and found him not liable for the missing cash. As mentioned in Torah law, although the money was in an unsealed envelope, nevertheless, Simon was instructed to deliver the cash to Robert’s sister. A delivery boy is viewed by Torah law as an unpaid watchman. Although an unpaid watchman is responsible if negligent, since Simon stipulated that he is not assuming responsibility for the cash, his stipulation obviously included negligence. An unpaid watchman is only liable in case of negligence; hence the stipulated exemption was intended in case of his negligence. Robert and his sister expressed that they trusted Simon and his wife when they asserted that they did not mistakenly spend the missing cash. Thus, our Bet Din ruled that Simon was exempt from payment.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Moving Out of State?

Deborah is an experienced general studies teacher working in a local New York school. She and her husband planned to move out of state immediately after winter intersession. Deborah notified the school of her post-intersession plans and resigned from her position. With nearly two months’ notice, the school interviewed many teachers to fill her post for the second half of the year and narrowed down the potential candidates for the job to one teacher. Sometime thereafter, before the winter intersession, Deborah and her husband had a sudden change of plans and notified the school that she intended to stay longer at her job. The school board rejected her notification, explaining that it was too late to reverse her resignation. Deborah responded that her resignation went into effect only after intersession and prior to that date she still has the right to choose to continue her employment. The board further claimed that they finally found a qualified teacher to fill the post and they were unwilling to jeopardize the new teacher’s hiring. They added that Deborah is actively pursuing to move out of state and the school is likely to be stranded without a qualified teacher for their students. Deborah responded that she is willing to give notification two months before leaving, just as she did in the past, and that is sufficient time to find another teacher.

Is the school required to further employ Deborah after intersession? Is the school allowed to release her as planned? How should the Bet Din rule and why?