I have a very common name and so sometimes I receive invitations from acquaintances (and strangers) who more than likely intended to reach someone else with my name. When it’s an acquaintance, I have the dilemma of whether to attend or not. If I attend but I was not the intended recipient, it will seem as though I am crashing and could be very awkward. On the other hand, if I was the intended recipient and I don’t attend – or reciprocate the invitation for my next occasion, it would look as though I am slighting the other person. What do you suggest?
Signed,
Guess Who
Dear Ikey, Joey, Abie, Eddie, David, or Jack,
Ha, that’s funny! I have the same problem. In real life, I share my name with several other family members. So, many years ago, I took the advice of a community fund raiser. He explained:
Gd bless our community. We name after our grandparents and sometimes even after our favorite relatives. As a result, we have duplicates, triplicates, and multi-cates of the same name, even with the same middle initial. Many times, I would get a check or pledge from one of those names. No address, no phone number, and no middle initial. What I would do is immediately send a bill or a receipt to the one I thought was the most likely. If I was correct (lucky guess), they would send a check or not respond to the receipt. If I was wrong (more often than not), they would immediately respond – “I never made that pledge” or “It wasn’t my check, try so-and-so.”
I do the same thing. When I get an invitation from someone I hardly know, I look at the names of both families as well as the honored grandparents. If I know them (at least one of them), I make plans to attend. If not, I can usually tell which of my family members it was most likely for.
I then either text, call, or get word back to the celebrants that it wasn’t me.
One time, the other party said, “Don’t you remember me? You and I …” We laughed and I said, “Oh, of course, can’t wait to see you again. Thank you so much for inviting me to your farah.”
Be proactive. Don’t wait for the date of the party to find out if you were really invited. Not only do you spare yourself the possible embarrassment, but you also give the correct party the chance to enjoy the party.
David Gindi calls himself “a regular citizen of the great United States of America, probably just like everyone else that followed politics from afar.”
But now, newly elected David Gindi, 49, is not just experiencing a career shift, but is also one of five Republicans in the six-seat Eatontown Borough Council.
The unlikely candidate, formerly a CEO for a wholesale company in New Brunswick, did not really set out to be a politician.
Moving from the Sidelines to the Front Line
“I tell people, ‘My extent of politics was sitting around a fire pit, drinking beers, and complaining about the job everyone else was doing.’ The conversations would always end up, at least from my perspective, where I’d say, ‘You know what? If I ever got the chance, I would try to do it, and make a change.’”
Gindi never went to party-related functions and, “it was just simply a conversation with friends back and forth. That was basically it.”
Up until eight months ago, there was never really an opportunity to make that change, and Gindi never actively sought out that opportunity. “As a side note, I think that’s an overall issue with voters. People want change, don’t like the way things are, but won’t make the effort to go out and cast the vote to change the thing.”
But when Gindi did toss his hat in, he felt strongly that government on all levels was meddling too much. One of the things that pushed him to step forward was when his neighbor, “had one of the roughest times I can imagine a person having, to deal with putting a shed on his property,” Gindi said.
“I found it to be the most ludicrous thing a person had to go through. He wasn’t putting it anywhere [other than on his own property] and it certainly was not an eyesore. The amount of money he spent to do this, and the town still rejecting him, was unsettling.”
Gindi’s Commitment to Affect Positive Change
And so, Gindi decided to become involved on the political level where he could affect real change for locals, be it with properties, property taxes, zoning, infrastructure, or helping businesses thrive.
“The mayor and the council have a lot of access to these things where they can make things right for the residents in their towns. You start moving up the ladder of politics, and it becomes like eating soup with a fork. You can want to eat it all day long, but you are never going to get it into your mouth,” Gindi said.
Then, there were property taxes, another sore spot. “A very big issue I have with that is the town and government using an assessment process that allows them gains on unrealized appreciation on peoples’ homes. I want to strip the entire assessment process out of how our town generates revenue,” Gindi noted.
Helping Residents Improve Their Homes Without Being Penalized
“I believe people will start pouring money back into their homes, helping with beautification. Because people said to me, ‘I would love to improve my house, but I just don’t want to be reassessed for taxes.’”
An example Gindi gives is an individual with an unfinished basement, who refuses to get it finished, due to the fact that “home improvement” will increase his property taxes.
Gindi and former Eatontown Mayor Dennis Connelly at an event.
“Why should the government get the benefit of his investment into his home? Why should he be penalized for working on his house?”
While canvasing, many questioned Gindi’s bona fides as a resident. He has lived in the town for four years, but he said the area has been home for him for over forty years.
“In Eatontown, I grew up going to the local mall. We skated at the Eatontown Roller Rink. This isn’t the kind of area where you stay in your town and don’t visit neighboring towns.”
David with his dog Pluto. David took Pluto with him when knocking on doors while campaigning.
Redevelopment Potential
“In our town, there is a lot of potential redevelopment. The Monmouth Mall, which is currently a $4 million tax ratable, is currently in court fighting their taxes and looking for an abatement because of Covid and because there are residents suing to block any redevelopment. You can’t even begin to imagine the tax ramification on everyone in the borough if they get their abatement. That’s going to be a major pressure on the town and residents. So, we need to sit down with the developers, town leaders – both on council and non-elected citizens – and get together on a plan that works for everybody,” Gindi noted. “Then, we also have the redevelopment of Fort Monmouth, what is referred to as Parcel B, which I think is about 190 acres that’s open for purchase and redevelopment. If that happens, the town will be open for more business and new families.”
Gindi’s Vision – Eatontown as a Destination Not Just a Drive-Through Town
In that regard, Gindi believes the town ought to be more of a “destination,” than “just a place people drive through,” and he hopes his efforts can be part of the solution.
“With the local mall in disarray, a lot of residents will go somewhere else to shop. My daughter, for example, would rather drive the thirty minutes it takes to get to Freehold than go to Monmouth Mall, because it’s a horrible place to shop,” he noted.
“Where we are located on the Jersey Shore is central. Around us are towns that are drawing dollars into those towns, and making Eatontown a pass-through town. When you get off the Garden State Parkway, you have to drive through Eatontown. The problem is, they will continue going East, or they will head south to the Ocean Neptune area, where all the major retailers are continuing to set up shop. Or they will head north for luxury shopping.”
Gindi is ready to hit the ground running, ready to make a difference, brimming with a fire in his belly. What Gindi is most looking forward to is the opportunity to help bring the area back to life, and to moving forward after COVID-19.
“It’s a great town. The potential is phenomenal,” he said. “It’s exciting to be able to bring some new, fresh ideas to the table, and work with people who will embrace them, and help get them over the finish line.”
Growing up, we used to eat by my Nono and Nona (grandpa and grandma) almost every Friday night. My Nona is one of the best cooks I know! She always has a beautifully set table with the most delicious foods. One of my favorites (but it’s so hard to say that, because really everything she makes is my favorite) are her fish patties. It was such a treat when we saw it coming to the table. Last summer I asked my Nona to teach me in person how to make them. She made sure to measure out each ingredient for me so I can have the exact recipe. I’m happy to share it with all of you. It will definitely enhance your Shabbat meals! This recipe needs ground fish. You can either order it ground or Nona gave me an excellent idea to do if you can’t get the fish already ground.
Boil 3 lbs of flounder until fork tender. Drain the fish and mash. Add the ground fish to a bowl and add in:
3 eggs
1/2 a bunch of cilantro (I used parsley)
1.5 tsp cumin
2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
6 tsp matzo meal
Sprinkle of paprika
Sprinkle of turmeric
8 cloves crushed garlic
Mix well and form into little logs.
Pan fry them and set aside
At this point you can freeze the fish and take out when needed. All you have to do is prepare the sauce. However, you can also freeze the fish in the sauce already. I’ve done it, and it stays fine! Now for the sauce:
5 cups of water
6 tbsp lemon juice
1 can of tomato paste
Sprinkle of crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp cumin
1.5 tsp salt
Sprinkle of turmeric
Sprinkle of paprika
Bring to a boil and add in the fish logs.
Lower to a simmer for 35 minutes.
Recipe by Susan Zayat. For more recipes and ideas follow @Hungrymom on Instagram. Check out her amazing homemade spelt sourdough for sale!
Photo styled and photographed by Sarah Husney. Sarah Husney is a food photographer servicing NY & NJ. She has clients from the food businesses in the community upgrading their photos for Instagram and websites. She also takes photos for restaurants on UberEats, and is featured on Kosher.com for styling and photography. Contact info: 917 626 2991 / @sarahhusney_foodphoto.
The more we recognize how kind Hashem is, the happier we will be. Everything that happens to us is a manifestation of Hashem’s kindness, but we aren’t always capable of understanding how. But if we realize just how small we are in comparison to Hashem, how His plan for us and the world is so far beyond the limits of our understanding, we will be able to trust that everything He does is an act of kindness.
David HaMelech says (Tehillim 23:1) “Hashem is my shepherd, I lack nothing.” Rav Chaim of Volozhin explained that there are times when sheep want to run about freely to the neighboring hills and fields, but the shepherd comes with his rod and does not permit them to do so. The sheep might regard the shepherd as being malicious and cruel by restricting their movement, but this is not the case. The shepherd cares about his flocks, and he knows that there is plenty of grass and water where the sheep are now, whereas if they run for two hours over the hills, they will find themselves famished and thirsty in a place with nothing to eat or drink. He knows something that they do not, and thus although it seems to them that he is heartless, in truth he is extending his kindness to them. David HaMelech describes himself as a sheep shepherded by Hashem, Who knows how to care for us far better than we know how to care for ourselves, and therefore we always know that we are not lacking, that we have precisely what we need. David recognizes that Hashem makes him stay in the meadows, where there is “grass,” and does not let him run free to places where he would not have what he needs.
At other times, the sheep are tired and want to rest, but the shepherd forces them to move to a different location. Once again, it seems that he is bothering them and needlessly denying them the rest they crave. In truth, however, the shepherd knows that the sheep had depleted the water resources in their current locale, and they will soon be thirsty. He prods them to move in order to bring them to a place where they have the water they will need.
Later (ibid. 23:4) in this chapter David says, “Even as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for You are with me.” Since he realizes that Hashem is always caring for him as a shepherd cares for his flock, he has no reason to fear when the situation looks bleak, because he knows with certainty that Hashem is looking out for him.
A businessman told me that he had a long-standing account with a large chain store. The store had nine slots for the product that this businessman’s company supplied, and his company was given six of them. One day, the store hired a new buyer, and when the man met with the buyer to see what he would be ordering for the upcoming season, the buyer said he was not ordering anything. The man was stunned. He told the buyer that the company had been doing business with them for years, and the product always sold well. When the buyer couldn’t be persuaded, the man scheduled a dinner meeting with the buyer’s Supervisor. He respectfully inquired as to why for years the store had been purchasing $3 million in merchandise and now they’re not ordering anything. The Supervisor said he’d think it over, and he called back a few days later to say that they are not overturning the decision, in order not to challenge the new buyer. The man then contacted the president of the company, but to no avail.
He turned to Hashem and said, “I don’t understand. Why am I going from 3 million dollars to nothing?”
A few months later the news broke that this chain store – Caldor – was filing for bankruptcy and couldn’t pay off its debt to its suppliers. The businessman again turned to Hashem and said, “Now I understand. You didn’t take away $3 million – You saved me $3 million!
Even when the situation looks bleak – we have no reason to fear, for we know that Hashem is looking out for us.
No matter what the season, whether in the cold of winter or the heat of summer, hundreds of children – boys and girls – drop whatever they are doing and rush to partake of what Rabbi Maimon Elbaz is dishing out.
What are these delights streaming from this colorfully-attired melamed’s bag of tricks? Are they ice cream, cookies, or other delectables?
Actually, no.
They are “mussarschmoozes” (religious discourses). But tell anyone participating in his “Torah Shows” that that is what they are consuming, and they will look at you as if you descended from some strange faraway galaxy. “Mussar? Impossible! What Rabbi Elbaz is presenting is way too much fun for that.”
But that is, precisely, what it is – profound Torah insights cloaked in the most luscious wrappings.
“Seeing” What the Words are Saying
Take Rabbi Elbaz’s Shemitah Show as one example. Vibrantly colorful slides of lush fields and dripping fruit glide across the screen, accompanying Rabbi Elbaz’s engaging narrative as he takes his audience on a virtual tour of Israel as seen through the eyes of a farmer observing shemitah. But as the children soon learn, this presentation is not only about farmers living far away in a land few of them ever visited, but about themselves and their relationship to Hashem.
“During shemitah, Ican go into a stranger’s field and help myself to allthe fruits my family can eat for three days,” Rabbi Elbaz informs, his voice undulating with drama and meaning.
Then, a child, chosen previously from the audience, interrupts the rabbi’s monologue with questions that everyone is eager to ask.
“Three days?” this charming little voice chirps. “I’m going to take enough for my family for an entiremonth!”
“No,” the rabbi replies, his voice oozing with authority. “We are only allowed to take three days’ worth of food.”
Consider the lessons taught in this short exchange. These elated youngsters learn not only some laws of shemitah, but also about hesed (kindness) and emunah. We needn’t take more than our share because we need to understand that Hashem provides all our needs.
“By answering targeted questions that I know children ask themselves, and by doing it in a fun way,” Rabbi Elbaz says, “I help ensure that the children will remember the lessons taught much longer.”
Rabbi Elbaz tackles not only timely subjects like shemitah, but also “evergreen” topics such as geulah (redemption), Shabbat, Torah learning, gedoleh Yisrael (great Torah sages), and others – each one similarly developed as a labor of love.
The rabbi’s all-time favorite show is the one about the Amidah prayer, also known as the Shemonah Esreh. We recite this prayer three times a day, but do we concentrate on every one of the 18 berachot (blessings) as we should? More of us certainly will after experiencing Rabbi Elbaz’s slide show on this prayer. By watching his real-life photos of blessings that we often take for granted – freshwater, a happy family, the ability to hear – davening takes on more profound, immediate, and personal meaning.
“It’s not enough to only hear the words of the davening,” the rabbi explains. “My audiences ‘see’ what the words are saying. My goal is to make them feel a deeper connection to Hashem in a fun way. My audience – children and adults – is so immersed in the experience that they feel compelled to do the mitzvah.”
This master storyteller has created, over the last 30 years, 24 interactive and technologically laden Torah Shows aimed at bringing significant Torah lessons to his audiences. Rabbi Elbaz is also occasionally invited to entertain and inspire groups, and runs an ongoing Game Show of Q&A to challenge the minds of young and old. He has traveled to over 50 cities, visiting high schools, elementary schools, and shuls, presenting his meaningful Torah Shows Series.
A Master Educator Since Childhood
Most educators will tell you that in our age of technology and instant gratification, keeping students engaged is exceedingly difficult. But Rabbi Elbaz never found this to be the case. Even before his bar mitzvah, while living in Cleveland, Ohio, the young Maimon ran Pirchei, Agudath Israel’s youth group for boys, at the Telshe Yeshiva. As a precursor to his future success as a melamed, Maimon packed his Shabbat programs with captivating programs.
Camp Shaare Torah hosting a Torah Show in the summer.
Later, when running the canteen at Telshe Yeshiva and Camp Kol Torah, he added brain teasers to his repertoire in the form of Torah riddles to initiate conversations with the children on Torah, fear of Heaven, and other subjects. Those who solved these teasers received free pizza and popcorn. He also loved giving out goldfish to recruits.
“Sure, they enjoyed the chance to win a treat,” Rabbi Elbaz recalls, “but they were more pleased to realize that the Torah lessons they learned would profoundly impact their daily lives.”
Noting how children gravitated towards young Maimon (they called him “the Pied Piper,”) the Rosh Yeshiva of Telshe, Rav Mordechai Gifter, zt”l, predicted – accurately – that he would do great things in the world of hinuch (education).
Today, this proud father and grandfather is a fifth-grade rebbe at Yeshivat Ziv HaTorah, and an 11th-grade English Language Arts teacher at Yeshivat Kinyan Torah (YKT), reflecting his love of Torah and abundant artistic and creative abilities. Meanwhile, his extracurricular programs keep thousands of talmidim/fans engaging in Torah study and pursuing a meaningful relationship with Hashem. His classes are available on TorahAnytime.com/kids.
The Merging of Two Worlds
The journey Rabbi Elbaz traveled to arrive at his phenomenal success reflects his unique connection to both the Sephardic and Ashkenazi communities.
The rabbi grew up in a Sephardic home, but his schooling and friendships developed in a decidedly Ashkenaz environment – Telshe in Cleveland and Chicago, and Ner Yisroel in Baltimore. Then, in 1988, Rabbi Avraham Baddouch and Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg invited him and other Sephardic bochurim to Mexico City to help strengthen their growing Sephardic yeshiva, Emek.
Rabbi Elbaz recalls that he found, to his sheer delight, that the community there in Mexico City did not need help, but was in “turbo drive” in its pursuit of Torah knowledge.
“We came to provide hizuk [strengthening],” he says, “but we received more than we gave.”
The community’s impact on him was so substantial that he later looked to the Sephardim for a wife, and he married Malky Vicki Salem, the granddaughter of Hacham Sion and Victoria Maslaton, who encouraged the couple in their respective missions – for him, hinuch, and for his wife, hesed and shadchanut (matchmaking).
His stay in Mexico also pushed him to attend Yeshivat Mikdash Melech, a Sephardic yeshiva in Jerusalem, and he later joined Camp Shivtei Yisrael, an all-Sephardic sleepaway camp in Upstate NY where campers were immersed in a yeshiva environment for two months. He was particularly impressed by how patient the staff was with campers from families that were not religiously observant. He realized that this kind of awareness and sensitivity best reflected who he wanted to be.
SLC was one of the host shuls for the Children’s Torah Program.Lakewood Cheder boys mesmerized by Rabbi Elbaz.
“They Came Because They Felt Loved”
Putting this inspiration into action, Rabbi Elbaz opened the Children’s Torah Center, a father-and-son Shabbat program housed in the Ahi Ezer Torah Center. It later expanded to every second day of the week, and ran for 12 incredible years.
“It was not a babysitting service,” Rabbi Elbaz says, “but a real extracurricular enrichment program. We had a full-functioning minyan, speeches, and a Mishnayot program, all under the auspices of this wonderful shul.”
Reading the Torahific book of Questions & Riddles to eager children.
Some 100 children attended every program, and they were enamored. The atmosphere was magical. The rooms were replete with electronics, sporting goods, Torah tapes, and all kinds of exciting goodies that they could win.
The educational Wheel-of-Fortune that was used on Shabbatot at Young Ahi Ezer.
The program featured Rabbi Elbaz’ famous Torah riddles, over 3,000 of which he later compiled into his popular two-volume book titled Torahific, which he dedicated to his late parents, Rabbi Avraham and Esther Elbaz a”h. The riddles included questions like, “Where in the Torah is it hinted not to overeat candy, nosh, and sweets?”; “When does a ‘little’ equal ‘a lot,’ and sometimes even more?”; and, “When is hametz forbidden even when it’s not Pesach? And why?” These questions had children, fathers, and grandfathers scratching their heads.
“The program was dynamic, exciting, and well organized,” Rabbi Elbaz proudly recalls. “But more significantly, the children came because they felt loved. Whether a child had peyot or wore a necklace, we equally welcomed them to the program.”
The Center has since moved to Congregation Har Halevanon at 820 Ave. S, and runs every Sunday afternoon.
Books on the weekly parashah and Navi shortly followed. His latest volume, The Children’s Sefer Torah Encyclopedia, is a colorful compilation of information – culled from Torah, Midrash, and the Talmud – on making a Sefer Torah, replete with quality photos. He also produced an hour-long Torah Show on this subject.
Rabbi Elbaz says his books, Torah Shows and Shabbat/Sunday programs ultimately serve a greater purpose: to win over the hearts of his audiences, inspiring them to live a Torah lifestyle. “We keep telling our youth what not to watch, so we must create for them alternative materials. If they’re entertained and inspired, they won’t go searching outside the Torah community.”
But when it comes to keeping children engaged, he says, there is no great secret to it all.
“Children want to feel that their rebbe is sensitive to who they are, does not embarrass them, and praises them honestly.” All this comes naturally to Rabbi Elbaz, setting an example for all educators and parents to follow.
The story of Yosef and his brothers, the emotional culmination of which is read this month, ranks among the most famous and most dramatic stories told in the entire Tanach – but is also among the most difficult stories to understand.
Yosef’s brothers, seeing him as a threat to the family, did the unthinkable, selling him to passing merchants as a slave. The merchants brought Yosef to Egypt and sold him to an Egyptian nobleman. A miraculous sequence of events catapulted Yosef from the lowest depths to the greatest heights of wealth, power and prestige, as he became Egypt’s vizier, second only to Pharaoh. Having predicted seven years of surplus which would be followed by seven years of devastating shortage, Yosef was assigned the task to oversee the storage of grain during the seven surplus years, and then preside over the grain’s distribution and sale during the ensuing years of famine.
Back home in Eretz Yisrael, Yosef’s family was hit hard by the famine that struck the ancient world. Like many people in the region, Yosef’s brothers traveled to Egypt to purchase grain, and found themselves standing before the vizier – their brother, Yosef, who recognized them, but whom they did not recognize. Yosef’s only younger brother, Binyamin, remained home, as Yaakov wished to protect him.
Yosef’s conduct upon seeing his ten older brothers is the most puzzling part of this remarkable narrative.
Seemingly without any cause or reason, he accused them of coming to Egypt as spies. He ordered them to prove their innocence by returning to their homeland – while one of them remained in Egypt as “collateral” – and bringing their younger brother. Yaakov initially refused to allow Binyamin to travel to Egypt, but he finally relented after Yehuda announced that he would take personal responsibility for ensuring Binyamin’s safe return home. During the brothers’ second sojourn in Egypt, Yosef had his butler frame Binyamin by planting Yosef’s silver goblet in Binyamin’s luggage. Binyamin was then accused of theft, and Yosef demanded that Binyamin remain in Egypt as his slave.
Yehuda spoke up, pleading with Yosef to allow him – Yehuda – to remain in Binyamin’s place. He explained how Yaakov’s favorite wife – Rachel – had only two sons, one of whom (Yosef) was already gone. Yaakov would not survive the anguish of losing Binyamin, as well.
When Yehuda finished his plea, the Torah relates, “Velo yachol Yosef lehit’apek” – Yosef could no longer control himself, and he told the brothers who he was (Beresheet 45:1-2). He then instructed them to bring their father, their wives and their children to Egypt where he would support them throughout the remaining famine years.
What was Yosef doing? Clearly, a person as righteous as Yosef was not out to take revenge. So why did he insist that they bring Binyamin? Why did he then frame Binyamin as a thief? And, what was his plan which he failed to execute because of his loss of self-control?
Uprooting the Seeds of Fraternal Strife
The key to understanding Yosef’s mysterious conduct is recognizing the cosmic significance of mechirat Yosef (the sale of Yosef as a slave).
These events transpired during the incipient stages of Jewish history, when the spiritual foundations of Am Yisrael were being laid. The actions of our ancestors set into motion certain spiritual forces which would remain with their descendants until our day and beyond.
Seen from this perspective, mechirat Yosef was far more than a grievous offense committed by the brothers against Yosef. Its consequences were catastrophic. It planted within Am Yisrael the seeds of sin’at ahim – fraternal strife, baseless hatred. This event, we might say, altered the spiritual DNA of the Jewish Nation, plaguing us forever more with the scourge of jealousy and malice among our people. This was truly a catastrophe. Gd made a covenant with our nation so that we would show the world the highest standards of morality and sanctity, that we would set an inspiring example for others to emulate. This goal cannot possibly be realized when we are mired in ugly competitiveness, hostility, backstabbing, and hatred.
Upon seeing his brothers before him, Yosef seized the opportunity to achieve a tikkun – a rectification of the grave sin they had committed. His goal was to uproot the seeds of sin’at ahim before they could sprout and permanently plague our nation.
This idea is developed by the Or Ha’haim (Rav Haim Ben-Attar, 1696-1743), who explains on this basis why Yosef arranged that his brothers would be accused of theft. The brothers had “stolen” Yosef, essentially kidnapping him and then selling him as a slave, and they got away with it. They devised a ruse – dipping Yosef’s cloak in a goat’s blood and showing it to their father, to make it appears as though Yosef had been devoured by an animal. To rectify this sin, Yosef arranged that they would be caught stealing. They would experience the shame, embarrassment and horror of being discovered committing a crime, to atone for the crime they committed against him for which they were never charged.
However, the Or Ha’haim adds, there was also an additional element of the brothers’ process of rectification. The brothers had taken away from Yaakov one of the two sons borne by his beloved wife, Rachel. In order to rectify this sin, Yosef arranged that they would be in a position to do just the opposite – put themselves on the line for the other son of Rachel. Yosef wanted to see how they would react when he decided to keep Binyamin in Egypt and send them back to Yaakov without him – and they passed the test with flying colors. Yehuda, the leader of the brothers, offered himself in Binyamin’s place. This marked the polar opposite of mechirat Yosef: then, they drove away a son of Rachel, whereas now, they were willing to sacrifice everything so that a son of Rachel could return home to his father.
The Missing Link
The question that remains is what Yosef was planning to do before he broke down and revealed his identity to the brothers. After they had endured the humiliation of being charged with theft, and then showed their willingness to do everything possible to allow Binyamin to return home, what else was needed to complete the tikkun for the sale of Yosef?
The answer is provided by the Meshech Hochmah (Rav Meir Simcha Hakohen of Dvinsk, 1843-1926), who notes an oft-overlooked aspect of mechirat Yosef. As the brothers themselves recalled (Beresheet 42:21), Yosef pleaded with them not to carry out their scheme. As they threw him into a pit and then sold him, he begged them to desist, but they ignored his cries.
The brothers needed to endure that dreadful feeling of not being heard, of having their desperate pleas for help disregarded. Yosef’s plan was to ignore the brothers’ petition, to have them experience a cruel, cold-hearted response just as he had experienced when they sold him as a slave. His plan did not succeed, however, because Yehuda’s plea was so genuine and so emotional, as he described the pain Yaakov would suffer if Binyamin would not return, that Yosef simply could not continue. Thus, the tikkun remained incomplete.
We know all too well what the failure to complete this tikkun has meant. The plague of sin’at ahim has remained with us to this very day. The seeds planted by mechirat Yosef has produced unseemly weeds in the beautiful “garden” that is Am Yisrael. We have so much to be proud of, so many outstanding achievements to celebrate, but we remain, sadly, divided and beset by fights and controversies. We are all brothers, like Yaakov’s sons, but we, too, have a tendency to turn against one another instead of loving and embracing one another. And this has brought us so much suffering. The second Bet Hamikdash, as the Gemara famously teaches, was destroyed because of baseless hatred. The ten martyrs cruelly executed the Romans, according to the teachings of the Arizal, correspond to the ten brothers who sold Yosef, showing us that fraternal strife yields devastatingly tragic results even centuries later.
In light of what we have seen, we might say that the “missing link” in rectifying the sin of sin’at ahim is hearing our brother’s cry, even when we feel we have reason not to. The brothers felt justified in selling Yosef, who brought embarrassing information about them to their father. But despite everything, they should have, at very least, heard his cry. When a fellow Jew is in pain, then no matter who he is, we must hear his cries, disregard any differences between us or grudges we may have, and lend a helping hand like devoted brothers.
So many of our fellow Jews are crying. Illness, financial struggles, mental health issues, addictions, family discord, broken homes, rebellious children – we have countless brothers and sisters who are crying for help. Perhaps one takeaway from the story of Yosef is that we mustn’t ignore the cry of any Jew, regardless of which “camp” he or she belongs to, regardless of how he or she votes, and regardless of his or her opinions on the “hot button” issues of the day. There are many different kinds of Jews – but we are all brothers, and we must treat each other as such.
May our generation be the one that achieves the final tikkun to the sin of mechirat Yosef, that once and for all eliminates the ill of sin’at hinam that has afflicted our people for millennia, so our generation will be the one to greet Mashiah in the gates of the rebuilt Bet Hamikdash, with love and unity, amen.
We all know how important it is to model good values to our children.
This month we will take a look at three specific healthy behaviors that we would like to model.
Being Responsible
Being responsible is staying true to our word.
Imagine that you tell your daughter that you are planning to pick up a certain specific pink birthday cake that she really wants for her birthday celebration tonight.
While she is in school, you get a call that your grandmother is in the hospital. You need to go visit her. As much as you want to keep your word to your daughter, you know that visiting your grandmother is the right thing to choose.
When your daughter comes home and starts crying that you did not get the birthday cake for her, you can still show your commitment to being responsible. You can say, “I feel terrible, I got a call from Grandma asking me to come to the hospital. I knew it was the right thing to do. I needed to go visit her. This is how I’m planning to make it up to you….” And you can do something else in lieu of the cake that is cute, or fun, or creative.
We do not want our children to come back to us and say, “But you said you would, and you have to….” That would not be respectful. We just want to model for them that we, on our own, are thinking of how to stay true to our word.
Being Kind and Caring
We want to model to our children that we care about people’s feelings. We care about meeting people’s needs and we are warm and compassionate people. We cannot expect our children to be kind to siblings and friends unless they see that we live by that core value.
Accepting Life on Life’s Terms
This one is hard. We want to model accepting life on life’s terms. That means we recognize that in life there are two categories of events: a) the things that we can control, and b) the things that we cannot control. Of course we want to teach our children that they should put a lot of energy into what they can control. This should not be done with negative emotional energy, but rather with positive energy directed at making good choices.
Then there are all the things that we cannot control in our lives. There are certain parts of our health that we can control, and certain parts that we cannot control. There are certain parts of our relationships that we can control and there are the other people’s opinions, ideas, behaviors, and moods that we cannot control.
We want to show our children that we are accepting life on life’s terms. We are completely accepting of the things in our lives we are not able to control, and we are not fighting them. We do having feelings about them – we may feel sad, but we know that our sadness is okay. We recognize that this is what life is delivering me right now, and I am 100 percent okay 100 percent of the time.
If they see you going about your life that way, they are much more likely to deal with disappointments in the same way. If, for example, when you cannot find a parking spot, your children see you get all agitated and yell at them, they might be thinking that it’s right to only be in a good mood if things go your way. But if when you cannot find a parking spot, you say, “Okay, well this is frustrating,” and you continue looking they will see that you are accepting this challenge even if, say, you have an appointment to get to. From this they will learn that disappointments are okay. We feel and honor our feelings, and then we are 100 percent okay.
There are so many more values that we want to be modeling, so stay tuned for Part Two next month.
We live in a world of easy access to information. At the touch of a button, we can learn something new, shop for our groceries, and buy our clothing. Searching via the internet is the way we all connect today.
PROPEL is thrilled to introduce The Victoria Aronow PROPEL List, a digitized marketplace that will revolutionize the way our community connects to all the amazing vendors and service providers available to us. No longer will people have to call and ask, “Where did you buy that delicious mazza?” “Who did your hair for the wedding?” or “Who is your dentist?” It’s all there on The List! It is to every woman’s advantage in the community to “Get Listed.” It’s an easy process to sign up, and it will allow potential clients and customers to find you, and ultimately to increase revenue in your business.
You can search by name or by trade. Each listing provides comprehensive contact information, including links to Instagram and website accounts.
By using The List, you are also supporting community businesses, and are helping our families to thrive financially. PROPEL will market The List intensely, allowing free advertising for each professional listed.
Women who sell food or other products, provide services, or have a profession are encouraged to sign up and create a profile now in order to be included on the digital directory that showcases women’s businesses, professions, and careers. This user-friendly marketplace will allow community women to grow their clientele and network free of charge.
The List is a win-win for both the professional and the consumer! Don’t delay, Get Listed: www./thepropellist.org/register/ or scan the QR code.
The Victoria Aronow PROPEL List supports and showcases all the great businesses the women in our community have to offer! There are so many talented women in the workplace, and now is your chance to be counted among this remarkable and impressive group. Get Listed!
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If you are interested in a career, please reach out to PROPEL and we can help you take the steps to fulfill your professional goals and dreams..
In the Midrash (Beresheet Rabbah 68:4), we are privy to a conversation between Rabbi Yossi ben Halafta, one of the sages of the Mishnah, and an unnamed Roman woman of rank. During this exchange, Rabbi Yossi attested that ever since Gd created the world, He has been occupied with shidduchim, making matches. The Mishnah’s reference, and the most common understanding of a “shidduch,” conjures up images of brides and grooms, weddings, and the long-awaited happiness of finding a zivug, or “match.”
While single men and women await their life partner with excitement, trepidation, and at times impatience, there are others waiting for a life-saving “match” in the form of a kidney donor.
Here, too, Hashem is the ultimate matchmaker, in this case matching not a bride and groom, but an altruistic kidney donor and an anxious recipient. This shidduch brings together two complete strangers, who miraculously, with undeniable intervention by the ultimate matchmaker, cross paths in a way that alters both their lives.
“Find Someone Who Can Use My Kidney”
Emily Volz has always been aware of the lifesaving gifts that we have inside our bodies that we need to share. From a very young age, she was a conscientious blood donor and signed onto the bone marrow registry. Registering to become a live organ donor, she says, “just felt like the obvious right thing to do. I have always been aware that tissue and organs are needed for people to survive.” Emily believes that her awareness and sensitivity to this need can be attributed to her having lost her father when she was just seven years old.
So last July, in the midst of the Covid spikes and plateaus, Emily underwent the process to gain approval to become a kidney donor. Once she was approved, she was matched with a few transplant hopefuls, but timing and various health issues prevented a transplant from taking place. Then, in December 2020, a definitive match was made. After further testing to ensure the health and safety of both the donor and recipient, a transplant was scheduled. But unfortunately, at the last moment the designated recipient was not well enough to undergo a transplant.
Emily recalls feeling “a bit frustrated, especially since I was going back to Israel at the start of the next school year. But I knew that whoever was supposed to have my kidney would have it. I trusted that it was going to work out well, and I told the doctors, ‘Find someone who can use my kidney before I leave’.”
The Gift of a Better Life
For three years, Elizabeth Yedid Hinden was dealing with the daunting challenges of kidney failure and dependence on dialysis to flush toxins out of her body so she could stay alive. As she describes it: “On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I would get up at 3am, and be picked up at 5:45am to go into the city where I spent four-and-a-half hours tethered to a machine. I would get home exhausted and fall into bed. On the days I wasn’t having dialysis, I was recovering from the procedure. Dialysis stole all my time and energy, and I became a slave to dialysis.” Her only hope for a fuller, richer life was a kidney transplant.
Rabbi Dweck with his surgeon Dr. Goldstein Hackensack at Memorial Hospital before his surgery.Rabbi Dwek getting a beracha before his surgery from his donor’s husband (who is also a kidney donor).
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, there are over 90,000 people waiting for a kidney transplant, with another person being added to the list every nine minutes. The grim news is that 17 people die each day waiting for that lifesaving organ. AJ Gindi, community advocate at Renewal – an organization that matches organ donors with patients – and a kidney donor himself, adds: “There are 14-16 cases of people in our community who are in need of a kidney, and the best odds of them finding a match is from someone within our community.”
Liz understood that the odds of her getting a kidney, with an average wait of 7-9 years, were slim, unless she got up and proactively searched for a donor.
“I was tenacious,” she said. “I contacted every hospital, every organization. And even after being rejected by several hospitals, I kept on trying. And I prayed – a lot.”
Liz’s family, with the help of Renewal, organized a kidney awareness event for the family, friends and the community. Eighty people attended, and many agreed to be “swabbed” to be tested for possible matching to Liz.
Although Liz was and is so grateful for everyone’s efforts, no match was found at that event, and she continued to wait. Then, on July 27, 2021, at 2:30pm, Liz got the life-changing phone call from NY Presbyterian Weill-Cornell telling her that a potential match had been found for her, and that she needed to be in the city the following day for further testing.
Emily received a similar phone call from her hospital telling her that there was another potential match for her kidney, and off she went for further testing. The next obstacle she faced was a series of negotiations between the two hospitals. Usually, when a transplant occurs, both the recipient and the donor are at the same hospital. In this case, since only one hospital would collect a fee, intervention and negotiations from Renewal were needed to make it happen.
On August 25, 2021, a full year after Emily registered to become a donor, and three years after Liz began dialysis, the long-awaited transplant took place.
Because they were not in the same hospital, the two women met over FaceTime right before the surgery. “I remember asking Emily, ‘Why are you doing this? It is so good of you!’ Emily’s response was: ‘It’s the right thing to do’.”
After a week in the hospital, Liz returned home to recover.
“The transplant has completely changed my life. I went from having all my time dedicated to my health and finding a donor, to enjoying and pursuing the things I love. I have been wearing a bracelet that says ‘blessed’ and that is how I truly feel – blessed and grateful.”
That is another thing she and Emily share. “I feel truly blessed and honored – blessed to be healthy, and honored that I have been able to give someone the gift of a better life.”
Rock-Climbing After Donating a Kidney
The idea of donating a kidney to a total stranger is something which few of us have entertained. A cup of sugar, no problem. My car – maybe, if you have your own insurance and fill it with gas when you’re done. But body parts…umm, not so fast.
One reason for the widespread hesitancy is the lack of knowledge about the nature of kidney donation. AJ Gindi, as a representative of Renewal, spends much of his time educating the public. “The donor process begins with a swab test. The swab will give us quite a bit of information about the potential donor. It will tell us his blood type, his HLA type, and other details which will give us an idea of whether or not he is a match for a recipient.” Extensive medical tests follow to assess if you are healthy enough to donate a kidney. “Because the health and wellbeing of the donor is paramount, they will undergo extensive medical testing to ensure that they will be in perfect health after the donation. Most donors will be in the hospital for 2-3 days, and within three weeks are back to full physical strength.” Emily shared that she went rock climbing just one month after she donated her kidney.
Transplants take place around the schedule of the donor, and the donor is fully reimbursed for expenses incurred, including lost wages. At all times, the donor “owns” his or her kidney and can choose to donate anonymously or become a “directed donor” through an event for a specific recipient. The fact that only 30 percent of the people that sign up to be donors actually qualify to donate underscores the tremendous need for volunteers.
AJ Gindi, community advocate at Renewal.
Gd’s Hand in Kidney “Matchmaking”
Rabbi Yitzhak Dwek, a recent recipient of a kidney transplant, sees kidney donation as a holy endeavor. “Hashem, our creator, is the ultimate giver,” the rabbi says. “A person who gives of himself so selflessly, giving another person the chance for a better life… is tremendously holy.”
When I spoke to the rabbi, I shared my thought that Hashem is hard at work not only making marriages, but matches for kidney transplants, as well. He wholeheartedly agreed, and told me his story as further corroboration that these shidduchim happen with Gd’s clearly discernible assistance.
As a single woman, the donor babysat for Rabbi Shimon and Rebbetzin Russel’s children. Before her wedding, she asked Rabbi Russel to meet her fiancé and give his approval. The rabbi confirmed that he was a fine young man, and they married. Fast forward many years…Rebbetzin Russel is in need of a kidney transplant, and the donor approaches Renewal to be tested as a possible match. Although she was not a match, her husband was so inspired by her willingness to donate her kidney, that he also did the swab test and was a match!! The rebbetzin received her life-saving kidney from him.
Fast forward another several years…and Rabbi Dwek is now in need of a kidney after a debilitating bout of Covid. A community event, with over 500 people attending, was held to find a donor for the rabbi, but no match was found. However, Renewal has a database of past volunteers, and found that the donor who was not a match for Rebbetzin Russel was, in fact, a match for Rabbi Dwek. So her kidney, which she intended for Rebbetzin Russel, who subsequently received her husband’s kidney, went to Rabbi Dwek!
But wait…there’s more! When the rabbi and the donor met, they discovered that she was a childhood friend of his daughter’s, and had been in their home many times!
I don’t know how you express your profound amazement at the events I just described, but I know I have broken the rules of writing by overusing exclamation points… It is the only way I know, as a writer, to convey my excitement at witnessing Hashem’s benevolence at work. There is no denying that the Supreme Matchmaker, Hashem, who actually performed the first transplant when he removed Adam’s rib and created Havah, is present and arranging the needs of His beloved people.
“I Never Felt Alone”
Rabbi Dwek expresses his enormous hakarat hatov (gratitude) for the extraordinary communal support system that was at work throughout this process, to all those who have been praying for him daily, and to each of the 500 people who came to be tested as potential donors on his behalf.
“I always knew that our community is great. Throughout the whole ordeal, I never felt alone. I had Hashem and the community behind me. Our hesed and charity is amazing. But donating a life-saving organ is on a whole other level.”
Liz also expresses her heartfelt gratitude, not only to Hashem and Emily, but to the hospital staff and nephrologist Dr. John Lee, who monitor her recovery on a monthly basis. “I am grateful to have so much time on my hands, to pursue the things I love, like teaching art to the seniors at DSN and SBH. I am happy and excited to be able to give back, especially to the seniors. They need something to do, too.”
These miraculous, happy endings are but two of the many stories of selfless giving and grateful receiving. Emily Volz speaks from the heart when she says, “I believe anyone with the gift of health can think of someone else on the other end who is relying on the kindness of a stranger to save their life. And although it may seem scary, we are sharing a tremendous gift.”
Although it is clear that Hashem’s divine intervention is at work in these “matches,” the process begins with us. For more information about becoming a donor, or if you know of someone suffering from kidney failure, please contact our Renewal community Advocate, AJ Gindi, at 732-996-4040. That phone call could very well end up saving a life.
A grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.” She continued, “There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out, I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.” “Grandma, that sounds easy,” replied the grandson, “but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?” To which she answered, “You’re coming empty handed?”
Sally F.
Chicken Little
Emma, the teacher, is reading her class the story of Chicken Little. Emma gets to the part where Chicken Little tries to warn the farmer. “So, Chicken Little went over to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’”
Emma then asks her class, “And what do you think the farmer said then?”
Little Maxie raises his hand. “I don’t know what the farmer said. But I would have said, ‘I can’t believe it! A talking chicken!’”
Joe B.
Gym Membership
Saul Epstein joins a local gym in Jerusalem called “Dudu’s.” He can never find the time to go, but when he gets a letter in the mail saying that Dudu’s will cancel his membership unless he renews, he rushes down to make a payment.
When he arrives, his speaks to the gym’s owner, Dudu, and says half-jokingly, “So be honest with me, do you have a name for guys like me who join and never show up?”
“Yes,” says Dudu. “Profit.”
Eli M.
New Father
Sam picked up his wife Becky and their new baby from the hospital and brought them home. It was not long before Becky suggested that Sam try his hand at changing a diaper.
“I’m busy,” he said. “I promise I’ll do the next one.”
The next time soon came around, so Becky asked him again.
Sam looked at Becky and said, innocently, “I didn’t mean the next diaper, I meant the next baby.”
Danny S.
Yiddish Waiter
During the first day of Hanukah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent, impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday. The Jewish men were dumbfounded. “Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?” they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?” The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else would hear and said… “Shhhh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”
Ronnie L.
Raise Request
Paul goes to see his boss one day and says, “My wife Natalie says I should see you. She says I should go up to you and ask for an increase in my salary. She says I’m entitled.”
Paul’s boss replies, “Come back tomorrow. I’ll ask my wife if I should give it to you.”
Carol A.
Note Worthy
Little Mikey was having a tough time adjusting to first grade. At least twice a week, his parents would receive a note from his teacher outlining his latest infractions.
Finally, his parents sat him down and said, “Mikey, we’ve had enough! We don’t want any more notes from your teacher!”
Mikey replied, “Alright. Do you guys want to tell her or should I?”
Frieda C.
First Week of School
It’s Friday afternoon and Miriam picks up her five-year-old daughter Esther at the end of her first week at primary school. When they get home, Miriam asks Esther, “Well, darling, how was your first week at your lovely new school? Was it as nice as Mommy told you it would be?”
“No, Mommy,” replies little Esther, looking very serious. “No it was not!”
“Oh, my poor wonderful darling,” says Miriam sadly, “why didn’t you enjoy yourself?”
Little Esther replies, “Well Mommy, I think I’m just wasting my time going to school.”
“Why is this, my beautiful princess?” asks Miriam.
“Because, Mommy,” replies little Esther, “I can’t read or write at all. I’m afraid this school thing just isn’t for me.”
Sara R.
Tradition
A young Jewish mother is preparing a brisket one Friday for Shabbat dinner. Her daughter watches with interest as the mother slices off the ends of the brisket before placing it in the roasting pan. The young girl asks her mother why she did this. The mother pauses for a moment and then says, “You know, I am not sure – this is the way I always saw my mother make a brisket. Let’s call Grandma and ask her.”
So, she phones the grandmother and asks why she always slices the ends off the brisket before roasting. The grandmother thinks for a moment and then says, “You know, I am not sure why, this is the way I always saw MY mother make a brisket.”
Now the two women are very curious, so they pay a visit to the great-grandmother in the nursing home. “You know when we make a brisket,” they explain, “we always slice off the ends before roasting. Why is that?”
“I don’t know why you do it,” says the old woman, “but I never had a pan that was large enough to fit in the whole brisket!”
Janet K.
Bank Account
Moshe is sitting in his office one morning when his phone rings.
“Mr. Minkovsky,” says the caller, “my name is Peter Burton and I’m the manager of your bank. As you know, you hold your business account with us and I’m calling to inform you that at close of business yesterday, your account was overdrawn by nearly $600.”
“Thank you, mister bank manager for letting me know this,” replies Moshe. “Do you have access to my account statements for the last three months?”
“Yes, I have them in front of me,” replies the bank manager.
“So could you tell me what my account balance was at the end of each of the last three months?” asks Moshe.
“Yes, of course,” replies the bank manager. “Over the last three months, your account ended the month in credit by $789.26, $1,245.90, and $444.01.”
“So, nu, mister bank manager,” says Moshe, “did I phone you up on those occasions?”
