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The New Normal Winter Break

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January 2021

Let’s take a breath and give ourselves a pat on the back for the resilience, strength, courage, and especially the emunah we demonstrated for the past ten months. When our world was turned upside down by COVID-19, regardless of age or role, we stretched ourselves to navigate the New Normal and beat this plague. We fortified ourselves and faced the challenges, turning adversity into opportunity.

With intercession (“the winter break”) arriving soon, I have some good news and bad news to share.

First, the bad news. There has been a surge in COVID-19 cases, particularly after millions of people traveled through airports for the Thanksgiving holidays. Also, as the weather gets colder and winter approaches, people will be interacting more frequently indoors, most probably in poorly ventilated places, which escalates the risk of transmission of the Coronavirus. Finally, the general public will most likely not begin to get vaccinated until April 2021.

Now for the good news. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Four pharmaceutical/biotech companies are on the brink of releasing the COVID-19 vaccine in the United States. By the time you read this article, Pfizer and Moderna will have provided enough of the vaccine to immunize 20 million people, health care workers, and nursing home residents in the U.S. In the history of medicine, the quickest vaccine to have ever been developed took four years. This one was ready in eight months.

The other piece of good news is that there are lots of winter pandemic-friendly intercession activities, and staycations have always been a popular option for winter break.

Before we move on to intercession activities, let’s recap some key events and lessons learned.

In mid-March, schools closed on short notice and educators moved quickly to launch remote learning. Parents managed their own work from home and supervised their children’s virtual learning. The warm weather brought with it some relief, certain summer camps opened, and parents organized safe and socially distant happenings such as road trips or outdoor activities for the family. School administrators spent hours during the summer developing safe reopening plans and students returned to either full in-person learning or blended learning in the fall.

The yeshiva winter school break is traditionally a time to hop on a plane or cruise ship, if one’s finances and schedule permits, and escape to a warm climate. Given the uptick in COVID-19 cases and a shortened or even cancelled winter break, flying or cruising are no longer viable or safe choices. Some yeshivot have even scheduled scattered days off within the next months to discourage families from booking air travel plans and having increased exposure to COVID-19.

Let’s give our children credit for the immense emunah, flexibility, creativity, patience, and agility displayed since March. Many are experiencing pandemic fatigue, but we need patience to hang in there and keep our families and others safe. If we do that, next winter we can travel across the country or even to Israel.

The Pandemic Pivot

A word often associated with managing our New Normal is PIVOT. Pivot means to turn or balance on a central point. While this word was used frequently in surviving and pivoting from a business crisis, job loss, or death of a loved one, it can also depict a commitment to shift to a new direction. Some call it the pandemic pivot.

How can we pivot to arrive at safe, fun and socially distant winter break ideas?

Road trips are a popular and safer pivot from getaways requiring air travel. Staying in your own state may be your safest bet to avoid quarantine rules when returning from certain states. Finding a destination that is not going to be crowded, such as a national park, may be a safe, peaceful, and enjoyable option. Most children adore recreational vehicles and hotels. Please review cleaning, social distancing, and cancellation policies before you book a hotel, Airbnb, or any attraction.

As with any pre-pandemic vacation, perform your due diligence and homework before booking a trip.

Keep your plans fluid, based on how the public health landscape continues to evolve.

Venues can close at a day’s notice or stay-at-home orders can be implemented based on the COVID-19 positivity rates, hospitalization rates, and rates of ICU bed availability.

Before winter break, sit down with your children at a family meeting and explain the current pandemic environment.

Clarify why this year’s intercession will look different than others. Encourage your kids to talk about their emotions, expectations, and ideas for winter break. Validate their concerns. Be patient and honest and help them feel safe.

Look for the silver linings in this year’s winter break that does not include an exotic destination (more privacy and bonding, cheaper). Reinforce the practice of the three W’s of COVID-19, Wear, Wait, and Wash – wear a mask, stay six feet apart, and wash your hands regularly for 20 seconds or use hand sanitizer.

Consider a Staycation

A staycation is a stay-at-home vacation that is spent visiting local attractions. Intercession often creates financial and work-related pressures for parents. With the additional pandemic stressors of job furloughs, virtual learning for children, work from home parents,
and potential COVID-19 exposure, staycations are a safer and more economic vacation alternative.

Staycations sidestep long airport lines and the anxiety associated with air travel (such
as security concerns and delayed flights). The need to make every minute count on a pricey and faraway vacation sometimes detracts from the relaxation and bonding we want to experience.

Present a staycation as a win-win and model a positive outlook. If you have teenagers put them in charge of finding appealing activities for the whole family.

Enjoy the Outdoors!

If it snows, play in your own backyard or inspire your children to shovel the driveway and walkway for the family and neighbors in need. Reward your kids with a tip and, of course, a cup of hot chocolate.

Who doesn’t enjoy building a snowman and decorating it or creating a snow fort?

Socially distanced outdoor fun: Try snowshoeing, sledding, having a classic snowball fight, ice skating, or bundling up for a hike.

Family Indoor Fun Ideas

Take a family vote and try a new recipe. How about coming up with different themes for dinner and dress up according to the theme? Hawaiian luau anyone?
Have your kids make a wish list of yummy healthy winter foods. Expand your eating horizons with pomegranate hot chocolate, banana pancakes, oatmeal muffins, or a new kind of mac and cheese.
Do winter arts and crafts – snow globes, melted snowman in a mason jar, or winter tree painting.
Try something new – learn how to crochet or knit a scarf.
Have an indoor picnic.
Bake cookies or cook soup for a neighbor.
Work on a family puzzle.
Reconnect with friends and family on Zoom.
Have a trivia contest.

NJ Outdoor Ideas

Monmouth County: http://www.victorystables.com/
Monmouth County Parks: https://www.monmouthcountyparks.com/
Activities include Nature Walks, Hiking, Birding. Check the Calendar of Events.
Skateplex Park – located at Seven Presidents Park in North Long Branch.
Hiking the Trails – in the Monmouth County Parks.
Sledding Down the Monmouth County Hills.
Visit Sandy Hook Gateway National Recreation Area: Check out the website for outdoor activities: https://www.nps.gov/gate/planyourvisit/outdooractivities.htm

Ideas suggested by Joy Betesh (Download Valuable Coupons @ www.couponconnectionnj.com).

Play Tourist and Enjoy Nature

You can play tourist in NY and NJ depending on the COVID-19 environment. If the weather is mild, walk across the Brooklyn Bridge or ride on the Staten Island Ferry. Enjoy Brooklyn Bridge Park, the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, Prospect Park, or the New York Botanical Gardens. It’s easier to stay socially distant at these large grounds.

Like wildlife and nature? Visit the Bronx Zoo’s 265 acres and 8,000 animals. Guests must reserve a date-specific ticket. Or walk on the Coney Island Boardwalk and reserve tickets for the New York Aquarium.

Monmouth County Parks in New Jersey have exciting winter activities for the entire family. Check out the Parks and Program Guide at: https://reg.monmouthcountyparks.com/Documents/ Winter-PPG-2020-web.pdf.

The perks of winter break for kids are sleeping in, not running to catch the bus or a ride to school, and having pure leisure time. Suggest that they unplug from technology and allow their minds and bodies to refuel, recharge, and get positive.

Wishing you a safe and healthy winter break!

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching. Ellen works part-time as an entitlement specialist at Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

A New Era?

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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I totally disagree with the message of last month’s cover story (A New Era?), which suggested that a Joe Biden presidency would not be good for Israel. While I do agree that
Trump was great for Netanyahu – I feel that Biden will be much better for Israel.

For Israelis and Americans, the incoming Biden administration will help preserve and strengthen the relationship. A United States leading the world by working in partnership, rather than dictating, and a renewed good faith effort to defuse regional tensions is overdue. Middle East stability, the national aspirations of Palestinians, and security for Israel were too important to be left in the hands of Trump, who prioritized partisan political interests at the expense of American global credibility, reputation, and national security.

David M.

Presidential Election

The true loser in this election was neither the Democrats nor the Republicans. It was the entire country and its citizens.

America has been something completely unique in the history of the world and I shudder to think of where the world would be today without America having existed. Unfortunately,
academic elitists who believe they are the only people in the world whose opinions should
count are teaching nonstop the ideas behind Socialism, identity politics, and so many other horrific ideas. Far too few people in this country have ever traveled outside America to see these ideas being implemented. As a result they have no clue as to the importance of free press/speech, travel without restrictions, tolerance of others’ viewpoints, and so much more that made America great.

Instead we are being beaten to death with lies about the police specifically attacking African Americans, the free market being evil, how speech must be censored, etc. Unfortunately, the children are easily manipulated into believing so many bad things are good. They have no clue as to what they are demanding or how it will end up destroying themselves and much of the world. Years from now they will complain about how bad everything has become and they will seek to blame others when they have only themselves to blame.

Ida H.

Coping with Grief

Last month’s article about dealing with grief during the pandemic (Coping with Grief) was exceptional. Grief is difficult and there’s not really anything that will heal it except time. I would like to recommend one helpful tip that has worked for me in the past – writing in a journal. Writing notes once every day or two can help you take stock of your emotions, feel more in control, and feel like you’re reflecting on how you’re going about your everyday life. You may feel that life has been passing you by since your loss and that you’ve barely had time to think. Writing in a journal can help you slow down and get in more touch with your emotions.

Meryl T.

Letters

R. Arzi’s letter last month, which bashed your publication for urging people to wear masks, helps explain why there are 300,000 dead Americans. Yes, people die in car crashes, but with seat belts, airbags, safety glass, crash zones, and many other safety devices those numbers are much lower.

If everyone wore masks for the COVID-19 incubation period transmission, like in New Zealand, the pandemic would be over with a reduced toll in blood and treasure.

No question, many businesses, schools, and local governments have been adversely affected by COVID. The federal government should help keep Americans heads above water till the vaccine gives us herd immunity.

Charles P.

The time has finally come. It’s 2021!

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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How many of you have been dreaming of buying a home but it just never seems to happen? Finances, life, everything just gets in the way. I’ve listed some steps that will help you reach your goal – THIS YEAR!

Step 1: Track Your Spending

If you are not sure how much money you earn and save every month, then how do you know how much you can afford?

Track your income and expenses for a month or two. Lay it out in a spreadsheet (Excel, Google Docs, YNAB, or any app you like).

Do not forget to factor in yearly expenses as well, like hagim, camp, clothing, etc.

Step 2: Save for a Down Payment

Now you have a better handle on your finances and know how much you can afford.

Create a realistic budget plan and start saving for your down payment. Cut down on unnecessary expenses. Put your down payment fund into a separate savings account, do not let it get mixed up. If you stick to the plan and all goes well, with Hashem’s help, you should see a significant increase in your savings and you will soon have enough for a down payment.

Step 3: Improve/Maintain Your Credit Score

Your credit score is a significant factor that lenders use to determine your eligibility to buy a home. The better your credit score, the better your chances will be to secure a home loan. Be careful not to damage your score now and try to build it up by paying your bills on time and not spending more than 30 percent of your credit limit.

Step 4: Get Pre-approved

This should always happen BEFORE you start looking for a home. Pre-approval is an official method of determining if you qualify for a mortgage. You will now know your price range for a home and it will save a lot of time and annoyance once you find the perfect one.

Step 5: Hire a Real Estate Agent

We suggest that you find a real estate agent to guide you through the homebuying process. An agent can make this process easier because they will work for you and provide the exact information that you need. They will also ensure that all the small details like a walk-through happen.

Step 6: Begin House Hunting

Woohoo! You’ve reached this point. Keep your eyes and ears open. Take advantage of open houses and visit properties in person. While you are in each home, take photos and notes to compare and contrast all the homes you visit. Good Luck!

Decorating Your House on a Budget

You’re spending a lot of time indoors and think your home needs some sprucing up, but you are on a budget. No need to worry, we have some cool ideas coming your way.

Paint an Accent Wall – Painting is always a great idea, but the costs can add up quickly and painting can get messy and annoying. Paint just one wall, and make it unique. It will change the entire room and breathe new life into it.

Cool Wall Art – Have china from your wedding you never used? Found a cheap set online? Hang china pieces on to wall for a unique upgrade.

Add a Rug – A rug can really pull a room together. Search through Walmart, Target, etc. for some cheap options.

Fairy Lights – If you’re going for a more whimsical look or want to add some coziness, hang up cheap fairy lights. They are cute, cheap, and easy to put up.

Make a Gallery – Have pictures you never printed yet? Print them and see if you can score cheap frames from eBay. Mix and match your frames, spray paint them, accessorize them, get creative. Then cluster them together on a wall and see how all the uniqueness melds into a beautiful display.

Have any other great ideas? Reach out to me and let me know, I would love to share them.

The Case – Another Inheritance Dispute

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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Joan, the eldest child of her beloved father, testified that months before his passing, her father said that he wished to gift her younger sister Sherry a sum of $100,000 from his estate. For many years Sherry selflessly tended to all of her father’s complex medical needs. Their three brothers presented the last will and testament to our Bet Din, which allocated to each of the three sons 25% of the estate, with Joan and Sherry to receive 12.5% each. Upon Joan’s testimony the three brothers responded that they never heard of such a baseless claim. The brothers explained that the reason their father gave each daughter 12.5 %, was in lieu of Sherry’s dedication. Joan was gifted her percentage only on account of Sherry, as their father did not want to leave her out of the distribution. The brothers suggested that perhaps Joan and Sherry conspired against them to collect an additional $100,000, since this is the first time they heard of the extravagant gift. Joan emphatically reinstated her claim and added that Sherry and her husband were in deep debt and were struggling. Joan claimed that it was their father’s last wishes to help Sherry with an additional sum of money.

Is Sherry entitled to an additional $100,000 from the Estate? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch a person who is terminally ill is extended the right to verbally distribute his funds to his beneficiaries. While under normal conditions a will is required to be in writing, in extenuating circumstances oral instruction by a terminally ill patient is a binding transaction. Nevertheless, numerous regulations govern this leniency. The transaction is valid only if the patient verbally distributes all of his assets. However, merely gifting part of his assets is insufficient and ineffective.

The underlying reasoning for this stipulation is that the leniency of verbal distribution is limited to, and in place of, a written last will and testament. When a patient distributes all of his assets it is a clear indication that his oral instruction is in place of a written will. He would not have distributed everything he owned and left himself penniless unless it was, indeed, his last will and testament. In short, the leniency of an oral distribution is not extended to one who wishes to extend a gift to another.

It is important to note that the above halachic stipulation is for a terminally ill patient. If, however, a patient is clearly on his deathbed, nearing his end, even a partial transfer of his assets constitutes a binding verbal transaction.

Furthermore, according to many halachic authorities, when a terminally ill patient is verbally distributing his estate, he is required to do so by using specific terminology. Terms such as give, transfer, or award are required for a verbal transaction to be effective. Terms such as “I wish” or “I want,” are invalid, and are halachically ineffective.

Additionally, in the absence of two valid witnesses attesting that the patient instructed a distribution of his assets, it is highly likely that the rightful heirs will contest whether the verbal distribution ever occurred.

While too often the last wishes of the deceased do not meet halachic requirements and are not legally binding, nevertheless, it is a mitzvah for the heirs to carry out the wishes of the deceased. Interestingly, unless the patient empowers one of heirs with the necessary means to execute his wishes, many halachic authorities release the heirs from any required action.

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch one is required to give ten percent of his earnings to charity. This ruling is customarily practiced by our community and applies as well to money inherited by heirs of an estate. Despite whether the deceased already gave ten percent of the bequeathed money, the heirs of an estate need to give ten percent of their inheritance to charity.

By rule of the Shulhan Aruch, one of the highest forms of charity is to give one’s relatives. This preferred form of giving includes giving to parents, children, brothers, or sisters. This
preference is compounded when the charity is given to a family member who is diligently studying Torah.

VERDICT – Charity Begins at Home

Our Bet Din ruled in favor of the three brothers by denying their sister Sherry her $100,000 claim against her father’s estate. As mentioned in Torah law, since Sherry did not have two witnesses attesting that her father verbally gifted her the money, her brothers can rightfully contest the claim. Furthermore, even according to the claim, their father verbally distributed only a portion of his assets by “wishing” they be gifted to his daughter Sherry. By rule of the Shulhan Aruch, a partial distribution, along with only wishing to gift, are legal reasons to disqualify such a verbal transaction. Additionally, in this instance, the brothers are not required to perform the mitzvah of respecting their father’s wishes. In the absence of two valid witnesses, it is possible that the father never instructed to make a payout to Sherry. Also, their father failed to empower one of his children or a third party with the necessary means to execute a $100,000 payout. Hence, their father’s instruction, even if it did transpire, is rendered nothing more than a passing thought and is null and void.

Nevertheless, our Bet Din suggested that a portion of the required maaser from the inheritance money be given to Sherry. By rule of the Shulhan Aruch, one of the highest forms of charity is giving to a family member.

YOU BE THE JUDGE!

A Lost Memory

Sara and Alan were newly married. They enjoyed an extravagant wedding, even during the height of a pandemic. The flowers, music, catering, and photography were from the finest service providers in the industry. Sometime after the wedding, they were informed by Jack, the photographer, that his main office was robbed and the burglars stole all of his valuable equipment, including the pictures and video of their wedding. Sara and Alan were devastated by the news and claimed that Jack was required to return the payment for his services and provide steep monetary compensation for their misfortune. They added that there was ample time between the wedding and the theft during which Jack could have stored their file on a backup online system. Jack responded that since he fully serviced the couple on the night of their wedding, he was entitled to most of the $6,000 he was already paid. As per compensating the couple for the stolen pictures and video, Jack dismissed the
offensive claim. Jack explained that he locked his office door as usual only to return the next day to the scene of a full-fledged burglary. He added that the couple were selfishly thinking of their own loss and not of his far more substantial one. He responded that if the office was safe enough for his valuable equipment it was safe enough to store their wedding file.

IS JACK ENTITLED TO HIS WAGES? IS HE REQUIRED TO COMPENSATE SARA AND ALAN FOR THE LOSS OF ALL THEIR WEDDING MEMORIES? HOW SHOULD THE BET DIN RULE AND WHY?

Challenges are Opportunities

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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“Here’s $100 million. I’m BEGGING you to take it. I’m PLEADING with you.”

These words were probably never spoken since the beginning of time. Why would anyone have to beg somebody to accept an enormous fortune? Nobody would ever need to be begged to become rich, right?

At the time our ancestors left Egypt, however, this is exactly what happened.

As we read this month, Gd informed Moshe of the impending tenth and final plague which would be brought upon Egypt, and he presented a series of instructions in preparation for that night. These included, “Daber na be’ozneh ha’am – Speak, please, to the people,” that they should ask their Egyptian neighbors for their riches before leaving the country (Shemot 11:2). Already the Gemara, in Masechet Berachot (9), noted that Gd seems here to “plead” with the people to take the Egyptians’ riches with them, adding the word “na – please.” The Gemara comments that Gd was telling the people, “I am asking you, request from the Egyptians their silver and gold utensils.” He actually “begged” them to take the Egyptians’ riches!

The Gemara explains that Gd had warned Avraham that his descendants would endure a period of slavery and persecution in a foreign country, from which they would emerge with a huge fortune. Gd “begged” Beneh Yisrael before the Exodus to ask their Egyptian neighbors for their riches, so that Avraham would not “accuse” Gd of fulfilling only the first part of the prophecy – about the slavery and oppression – but not the second – the promise of great wealth.

This Talmudic passage seems very difficult to understand. Would Avraham, the bastion of unquestioning faith in Gd, who was prepared to slaughter his beloved son to fulfill Gd’s command, ever “accuse” Gd of anything? Additionally, as mentioned, why would Beneh Yisrael need to be begged to receive wealth? After so many years of suffering, would they not be overjoyed to become rich?

Partnering With Gd

Let us begin answering this question by going back to the very beginning of the Torah, to the time when Adam was created.

The creation of the first human was introduced by Gd’s proclamation, “Na’aseh adam betzalmenu kidmutenu – Let us make man in our image and in our form” (Beresheet 1:26). Surprisingly, Gd here speaks in the plural form – “Let us make man” – as though He “partnered” with somebody in this process. Indeed, our sages taught that by formulating the verse in this way, Gd knowingly ran the risk of pagans misinterpreting the story as indicating that there was more than one creator, Heaven forbid. The sages explained that Gd “consulted” with the angels before the creation of Adam, in order to teach us the importance of humility, and this is why He proclaimed, “Let us make man.”

However, the Ba’al Shem Tov offered an additional interpretation. He explained that in this proclamation, Gd is speaking to man himself, to us. He turns to each and every one of us and says, “Let us partner together to make you. I’m supplying a physical body, as well as vast potential. I’m giving you intelligence, skills, talents, and intuition. You have to do the rest. Together, we are going to create an outstanding being.”

We come into this world with a ton of potential, but it is up to us to maximize it. We are to “partner” with Gd in the process of our own creation by taking what we have been given, all our capabilities and talents, and harnessing them to become the outstanding person that we are each meant to become.

And the way we maximize our potential, the way we grow and achieve, is by overcoming challenges, by withstanding difficult tests.

We know this from the story of what might likely be the most difficult test ever withstood by a human being – the test of akedat Yitzhak, when Gd commanded Avraham to sacrifice his beloved son. Avraham lifted the knife to slaughter his son – and just then,

an angel called out, instructing him to withdraw the sword, as this was but a test. When the angel called to Avraham, he announced, “Avraham! Avraham” (Beresheet 22:11). This repetition of Avraham’s name has been understood to mean that the real- life “Avraham” at that moment was identical to the potential “Avraham.” Having withstood ten difficult tests, including the hardest test of all, the test of the akedah, Avraham had fully maximized his potential. There was no gap whatsoever between the Avraham who existed and the Avraham who could have existed. This is the deep meaning of the angel’s cry, “Avraham! Avraham!” – that he had reached the greatest level he was capable of reaching, by withstanding ten such difficult tests.

This is how we “partner” with Gd in our own creation – by withstanding the tests and challenges that He sends our way.

I have yet to meet a person who has no challenges in life. Every person, no matter who he is, no matter how much money he has, no matter how healthy he is, no matter how beautiful a family he has, faces difficult tests of one sort or another. And no two people’s sets of tests are the same. Gd sends each person the specific tests that he needs to confront in order to perfect his unique soul. Since each soul is different from all others, each person’s challenges are different from those faced by all others. We are given precisely the tests that we need to overcome in order to maximize our unique potential.

The Tests of Wealth

With this background, let us return to Beneh Yisrael’s preparations for the Exodus. For over two centuries, Beneh Yisrael

faced the difficult test of suffering and deprivation. They were persecuted, humiliated, tormented, and starved. They endured harsh conditions that none of us have ever experienced or will ever experience. Intuitively, we might assume that Beneh Yisrael would have been excited over the prospect of achieving wealth, that they would have relished the opportunity to now suddenly become rich. But Gd knew that this was not the case, that the people would actually be reluctant to take the Egyptians’ possessions. After enduring the challenges of poverty, they would not necessarily welcome the challenges of wealth.

All people dream of wealth, but it comes with its own set of difficult tests. We know even in our own time that many lottery winners ended up ruining their lives. Wealth brings with it many different lures, posing the risk of falling into dangerous or addictive behaviors, of wasting time on vanity, and of loneliness, as wealthy people often look disdainfully on others. And, attaining wealth often feeds the urge for more wealth, sending a person into a destructive, never-ending cycle of discontentment.

And so, after withstanding the very difficult test of oppression and poverty, Beneh Yisrael might not have wanted to bring upon themselves the test of wealth. They may have preferred to celebrate their newfound freedom without rushing into a new set of hardships with the sudden acquisition of a great fortune.

If this sounds strange, we need only to look at what happened three months after the Exodus, on the 17th of Tammuz – the

worship of the golden calf. Beneh Yisrael took some of the vast stockpiles of gold which they had taken with them from Egypt and used it to rebel against Gd. Just weeks after beholding Gd’s revelation and committing to observe the Torah, they worshipped a graven image. Can we find a starker example of the dangers of wealth? Do we need to look any further to understand why the people might have been hesitant to take the gold of Egypt?

Let Them be Great!

Gd therefore “begged” the people to take the Egyptians’ riches with them, so that Avraham would not complain. Avraham might have otherwise said to Gd, “You gave them the test of poverty – You must also give them the test of wealth. Let them be great! Let them reach their fullest potential! If they withstood the great test of poverty, then they can withstand the great test of wealth.”

Gd insisted that the people bring with them the riches of Egypt precisely because tests are for our long-term benefit. It is how we grow, how we refine ourselves, how we perfect ourselves, how we move closer to realizing our full potential. When our ancestors left Egypt, having been relieved of the test of destitution, they would now have to face the test of wealth, because this is how people become great – by withstanding tests.

This insight should not depress us. To the contrary, it should encourage us, and invigorate us.

This insight means that whenever we face a difficult situation, we are given a precious opportunity to become great. Every challenge we confront causes us to free some of our latent, hidden potential from its cage, to discover

some strength, some power which we never knew we had. These opportunities are precious!

This also means that Gd never gives us a test we cannot pass. When He gives us a challenge, it is precisely the challenge we need to help refine our unique soul at that moment. And so, by definition, it cannot be too difficult for us to pass. If Gd tests us, it is because He knows we can pass – and because He knows that we become greater by passing.

When we confront difficult challenges, let’s stay strong, optimistic and positive. Let us embrace these opportunities, recognizing that these are the times when we can partner with Gd in creating ourselves, in turning ourselves into the truly remarkable creatures that we are capable of being.

One on One with Robin Shaoul

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

As I approach my four-year anniversary of writing this column, I feel incredibly honored to have interviewed many of the remarkable women of our community. What I enjoy most about this column is meeting these women, hearing their life stories, and taking away valuable lessons.

Robin Shaoul kicked off our interview with a clear-cut goal – to make a positive impact on the people who read this column. I can certainly affirm that hearing about Robin’s life, passions, goals, and insights, influenced and inspired me.

GROWING UP

Robin Shaoul, née Hafif, was born in Brooklyn and grew up on East 9th Street and Avenue R, the youngest of four children.

Her parents, both of Syrian descent, married at 19 and 20, respectively, and as Robin affectionately put it, “They figured their life out together.”

Robin’s parents were positive and active role models when Robin was growing up and are still her ardent fans. “My father has been a cheerleader for my progress in life and often has wise counsel to offer.”

ROBIN’S LOVE OF LEARNING

Robin’s passion for learning can be traced back three generations. Both Robin’s great-grandfather, who was born in Aleppo, Syria, and her American grandfather were very learned. Robin’s mother’s education and love of learning also deeply shaped Robin.

“My mother attended Magen David Yeshivah elementary school, which was rare for girls then. When my mother was older, her commitment to attending classes was inspiring.

Robin described herself as a shy child. However, at the same time, she added, “I had a sense of motivation towards advocacy and change. I didn’t like accepting the status quo if I disagreed with it. I would say to my classmates, ‘Let’s take this to the principal.’”

Robin admits that she was not the most serious student in the earlier grades, but she enjoyed high school much more. In high school Robin got the chance to meet students from diverse backgrounds, including Ashkenazi kids who came from other elementary schools. In college, Robin’s horizons expanded even more, as she discovered psychology, had to make more adult decisions, and became more independent.

After graduating from high school Robin went straight to Brooklyn College. She regretted not studying in Israel for the gap year but explained that at that time it was uncommon for Syrian girls to attend seminary in Israel.

MARRIAGE, CAREER, AND FAMILY

Robin met her husband, David Shaoul, while she was in college. She had learned from mentors to look for a partner who will help you fulfill your potential and be your best self. So, she kept this in mind as she and David got to know each other. He encouraged her to pursue her goals and passions. Robin realized that David possessed the attributes and values she was seeking in a life partner. “We complement each other and have a real partnership.”

David, six years older than Robin and also of Syrian descent, is a physical therapist who manages a home care agency. The couple married in Robin’s third year of college. Robin completed her undergraduate studies at Brooklyn College and went directly to Fordham University Graduate School for Social Work. She gave birth to her first child, a girl, while still in graduate school. Robin is so grateful to both her mother and mother-in-law for taking incredible care of their granddaughter while Robin finished her MSW.

Robin and David have three children. Their oldest daughter, Celia, 18, is studying in the Sha’alvim for Women seminary in Yerushalayim. Their 15-year-old son, Abie, and 13-year-old daughter, Shelly, attend Yeshiva of Flatbush.

“David has always championed my career and passions, graciously acknowledging my various roles and being readily available to step in and assist.”

As parents, the couple strives to create an environment in which their children do not have to be afraid to ask questions or explore any topic.

ROBIN’S PASSIONS

“I am very lucky to practice a profession that I love.”

People who go into social work want to make a difference in others’ lives. The field also allows one to pursue a passion for advocacy and social action. Robin’s love for spirituality is intertwined in her career.

Robin is honored to be a part of her clients’ journeys. In addition, she takes time for self-reflection to assure that she, too, is continuously growing.

Robin’s career as a social worker began at the SAFE Foundation, an outpatient treatment program to help patients dealing various addictions. Robin first connected with SAFE’s predecessor when she did her second year of graduate field work at a division of Sephardic Bikur Holim. This division was spun off into a separate organization called SAFE in 2003. Robin spent twelve years at SAFE, first as a general clinician, then as head of the Family Division, and finally as clinical supervisor.

ROBIN’S PRIVATE PRACTICE

In 2010, Robin opened a private practice. She currently assists with a variety of challenges including trauma, addictions, depression, and anxiety. Her treatment modalities include, but are not limited to, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Somatic Interventions (using the body as a resource in healing).

Robin feels an immense sense of satisfaction as she helps her clients on their journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Beginning with her work at SAFE, Robin witnessed how extreme crises or challenges can lead individuals to the discovery of underlying strengths, empowerment, and a healthier life.

“When people face extreme crises, it often feels like the end of their world. They turn for help and in the process of healing, they discover parts of themselves they would otherwise have never known – a part that could use some nurturing, a perspective that could use shifting, a strength lying just beneath the surface, a dream yet to be fulfilled. They have no choice but to work on these parts that otherwise would have been left dormant. Finally, they discover life in a new way, with new lenses and new opportunities. They may realize that the original crisis was a blessing in disguise. They end up so much healthier and happier for it.”

WORK-LIFE BALANCE

Putting her family first, Robin always opted for part-time work to achieve work-life balance. “Mothering is so important and a mother needs time for self-care, too.”

To unwind, Robin loves to get lost in a good book. She chooses hiking as the ultimate way to disconnect from life’s distractions and reconnect to herself, her family (if they are with her), and Hashem.

I leave you with Robin’s uplifting advice.

“Pleasedon’tsellyourselfshort. Ifthereissomethingthat’simportant to you, find the resources you need to support you and go for it.”

You can connect with Robin by email at robinshaoul@yahoo.com or by phone – 917-723-5875.

Riddles – January 2021

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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Riddle: A Numbers Game

SUBMITTED BY MARK F.

What number comes next in each of these four mathematical sequences?
A) 6 9 12 15 18 ____
B) 29 25 21 17 13 ____

C) 2 4 8 16 32 ____ D) 13 17 19 23 29 ____

Previous Month’s Riddle: Party Mystery

David was going to a party. As he approached, he could see through the window that it was completely packed with people. David went inside only to discover that there wasn’t a single person in there. How could this be?

Solution: Everyone was married!

Junior Riddle: What Am I?

SUBMITTED BY ALICE P.

Each letter in the cryptogram below has been replaced by the letter that comes immediately after it in the alphabet. For example, B has replaced A, C has replaced B, and so on throughout the entire alphabet. Can you figure out the message below?

Dpohsbuvmbujpot po efdpejoh uijt tfdsfu nfttbhf. Zpv bsf b nbtufs tpmwfs!

Previous Month’s Junior Riddle: What Am I?

What has a thumb but no fingers and is not living?

Solution: A mitten!

Send your solutions!

Solved by: Ikey Gadeh, Belle Gadeh, Sarah Cohen, Fortune Azrak, The Shayo Family, Mark F., Celia Kassin, and Big Mike.

Once Upon a Thyme – Kale Caesar Salad

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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ADINA YAAKOV

Before heading to the city for a recent dental appointment for my daughter, I stopped by a local store to grab some salads for lunch. With many different salad options, I called my daughter at home to see which one she would like. I told her there was romaine, iceberg, kale, and arugula salads. Unsure of which kind of lettuce she wanted, my nine-year-old paused for a moment and answered, “I want the lettuce that gets massaged!” It was a funny moment, but I was super proud of my foodie daughter who knows how to treat her lettuce, even if she may not know it by name. Kale is a nutrient-dense food loaded with vitamin C, vitamin K, and antioxidants, but is naturally tough and fibrous. Massaging it breaks down those characteristics, leaving an easier to digest, easier to chew succulent lettuce, which tastes great in a Caesar salad.

SALAD:

1 bunch kale leaves, washed and cleaned
2 tbsp olive oil
1⁄2 tsp salt
Grated parmesan
Croutons
CAESAR DRESSING:
- 1 tbsp olive oil
- 3⁄4 cup light mayo
- 1 tbsp mustard
- 3 cloves
  minced garlic
- 1 tbsp salt
- 1⁄4 cup lemon juice
- 1 tsp Worcestershire
  sauce
- 1 tbsp honey
  
  1. Remove the stem from the kale with your hands by moving your hand
  down the kale stem, and the leafy part of the kale will fall off. Chop kale into small pieces and place into a large salad bowl. Coat the kale in olive oil and salt and massage the kale with your hands. Work the kale with your fingers by pinching and squeezing the kale for about 4 minutes. You’ll be done once kale is tender
  and soft.
  
  2. Add the garlic into the food processor and blend until chopped fine. Add the rest of the dressing ingredients until well combined and smooth. This recipe makes extra, it may be refrigerated in a sealed container for up to 2 weeks.
  
  3. Optional: To make croutons, use a knife to chop a few slices of old bread into small pieces. Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and Italian seasoning.
  Bake for 10 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit until crispy.
  
  4. To assemble, place kale in a bowl and add Caesar dressing, toss to coat. Top with parmesan and croutons. Serve immediately.

Dinner Done! – Maple Salmon

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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if teriyaki is your usual go-to, try this one instead.

Leah’s mother has been making this salmon recipe for a while, and then her sister began making it. It’s a favorite, and honestly, no one remembers where it originated! It’s more up-to-date than teriyaki, but anyone who typically loves that sweet Asian flavor will love this, too.

1 side of salmon
3 scallions, sliced
Maple Sauce:
- 1⁄2 cup maple syrup
- 5 garlic cloves, crushed
- 1⁄4 cup soy sauce
- 1⁄2 tbsp honey
- 1 tsp mustard
- 3⁄4 tsp crushed black pepper
1. In a saucepan, combine all sauce ingredients and bring it to a boil.
2. Place scallions on the salmon. Pour sauce over the salmon. Marinate
  for 1⁄2 hour.
3. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Bake for 1⁄2 hour.

Tip: Preparing less salmon? Don’t need all the sauce? You can freeze it! Or prepare a double batch so it’s ready to go the next time you make it.

Yield: 6-8 servings

Hitting the Reset Button

Community Magazine

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January 2021

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TAMMY SASSOON, M.S.ED

If I had to name a few new disorders that could have developed in 2020 here would be a small list…

“Toothpaste Scarcity Anxiety”
“Will There Be Food” Fright?
“Children at Home Panic Disorder”
“Will There Be Camp? Horror”
“Will There Be School? Uncertainty Disorder” “Will Schools Ever Open? Dread”

“Voter’s Anxiety Disorder” “Generalized 2020 Anxiety Disorder”

UNCERTAINTY TAKES AN EMOTIONAL TOLL

Here we are at the end of 2020, having no clue what the future of our family lives or the future of our country will look like. If you are like many people, you may have had lots of nerves creeping up, and all the uncertainty has been getting to you.

So, how do you thrive with all those daunting thoughts in the back (or front!) of your mind? Let’s look at the natural, innate state of psychological wellness that you were born with. All babies are born happy and secure (that means you AND your kids). Nobody has to teach babies how to smile, or how to stop crying once they receive their food. Happiness and security are just part of our hard-wiring. We were not born with any opinions or beliefs. We either learned somewhere that we CANNOT cope with challenges and uncertainty or that we CAN cope with challenges or uncertainty. Now, as adults, we can choose which beliefs we want to hold on to.

YOU CAN SURVIVE THE CHALLENGES HASHEM SENDS YOU

Personally, I like to ONLY hold on to universal truths given to us straight from Hashem (We are so lucky that Hashem gave us an exact road map on how to live and think!). And one of those universal truths is that each challenge that comes a person’s way is uniquely designed with tons of LOVE, as an opportunity to fill their unique purpose in this world! (Yup, each of you has a very special role that nobody else on the planet could fill!)

Imagine that while you are serving your family dinner one night you find yourself barraged by unhelpful thoughts about being sent a challenge that you REALLY can’t live with. Your emotions become so intense that you almost start yelling at your children so loudly that all the neighbors could hear. You stop yourself and recognize that you are simply having unhelpful thoughts. It is time for a reset. You then can move to being in a subdued mood instead of being out of control. With this awareness of your unhelpful thoughts, you realize that you are perfectly capable of sitting with that discomfort, and you can be the mother you wish to be for your children.

Since we really have zero clue what our futures will look like (and indeed we will always experience one challenge or another – how can we grow if we don’t?!), hold on to this truth… Know that way before any challenge comes your way (no matter how huge it is), you have everything you need inside you to push through it and bring more light and joy into the world, as you make it a better place!

Now with that kind of knowledge – what is there to be worried about?

STEPS TO TAKE TO COUNTER YOUR WORRIES

If you find yourself feeling intense emotions, making you feel like you’re drowning in anxiety and worry, follow these steps:

Respect Your Feelings – Know, without judgement, that feeling any feeling is simply a part of the human condition. There is nothing wrong with you if you are feeling afraid!

Identify Your Thoughts – Are they helpful? Are they helping you to plan for the future? Or on the flipside, are they unhelpful? Do they bring you down? Are even they 100% true?

Reset Your Thinking – If you have identified your thoughts as unhelpful, RESET your thinking! It’s time to assure yourself that you are 100% safe, and that Hashem has created each and every one of us with the tools we need to get through any challenge in life.