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Positive Parenting – EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

Tammy Sassoon 

With anxiety on the rise these days, it is no longer optional to have a healthy mindset and to possess techniques in our toolboxes that can help us to cope. It is quite fascinating to reach the rock bottom state of feeling like, “Help, before I drown!” because reaching that state causes people to muster up all the strength they have inside of them to survive, thrive, and ultimately see how strong they really were to begin with.  

 

Unlearning Anxiety   

Since we were all born with a clean slate, any beliefs we have today that are disrupting our inner vitality are simply a result of poisonous ideas we have been holding on to. The great news is that Hashem in all His kindness mapped out for us in the Torah exactly how to live and how to think! So we never have to guess!  

I recently met a mother who said she turned into one huge ball of anxiety. She always struggled with these feelings, but recently they have paralyzed her. I had her identify her root thoughts, and she expressed that the most stressful thought she had was that she had no idea what the future would bring. The truth is that nobody ever knows what will be. So what is the difference between her and another person who lives peacefully in their minds and hearts? The answer lies in what a person subconsciously believes about their ability to cope. 

Let’s take a glimpse into our future. Clueless. Stumped. Everyone. Even the most seemingly successful people. However, if someone IS aware that no matter what challenges they have, they will absolutely have every tool they need to cope, they relax quite a bit.  

It is important for us to recognize a principle that was been planted into the universe thousands of years ago — Hashem always gives tools before the challenges. The mother mentioned above just had to learn how to let go of her huge insecurity that perhaps she would be sent challenges without tools to deal with them. And she did learn to let go!  

 

Model, Model, Model 

Many people refuse to let go of their insecurities, to their own detriment. They suffer terribly as a result. 

How can you use this information to raise your children with the emotional freedom we all want so badly for them? 

Model, model, model!! 

Live and breathe this way, and your children will too!! Here is what that would look like: 

  1. Mom feels uneasy about some unfortunate news that she just heard.  
  2. Mom acknowledges her own intense feelings without judging herself.  
  3. With awareness of her irritability, Mom becomes a bit quiet around her children (instead of loud) and may even tell her children that she is in a temporary low-mood state. 
  4. Mom has lots of, “Oh no, how will I cope?!” feelings about the future. Mom reminds herself of the truth that whatever the challenge, Hashem will make sure she will have the tools. 
  5. Mom is okay living with her uncomfortable feelings, and is comforted knowing the truth that all feelings pass. Eventually they do. (Do not pressure yourself about when they will pass because nobody knows when that will be, and pressuring yourself only adds more stress.) 

A child who witnesses these types of episodes will grow up knowing that uncomfortable feelings are not problematic, and they will be able to tap into their own inner emotional resources (which everyone has) to live a passionate and healthy life.  

And yes, no matter what type of toxic beliefs you have, anyone can unlearn anxiety. No exceptions!!

Below are principles which allow a person to experience emotional freedom. 

  • We always have tools to cope before the challenges even arrive. 
  • Challenges are uniquely designed for us by Hashem with love in order to help us to reach our potential (which is so gratifying and fulfilling when we allow that to happen). 
  • All feelings are normal. (Yup, as normal as a house having a roof.) People who allow themselves to feel any feelings, even very intense and uncomfortable ones, experience much more of their inner health than those who fight those feelings. Feelings that are fought just get buried, but they will eventually come out in other ways. So just feel the feelings without judging, and they will pass, as all feelings do. 

No One Else Matters

Rabbi David Ashear

“We don’t work for people, and we don’t work to be noticed or appreciated. We work in order to fulfill the will of Hashem.”

During the time the Chafetz Chaim was compiling his Mishnah Berurah, he learned together with his son-in-law. At one point, they spent three entire days working to resolve a certain issue. Finally, when they resolved it, the Chafetz Chaim wrote the ruling in the book, and it comprised all of two lines.

His son-in-law turned to him and said, “Once the Mishnah Berurah is printed, and Jews around the world will be studying it, will anybody appreciate the amount of time and effort you exerted in these two lines? They’re going to read it in 30 seconds and then move on!”

The Chafetz Chaim responded with a story. At one point when he was younger, during the reign of the czar, the Chafetz Chaim was in Siberia. He saw hundreds of people laying tracks for the czar’s railroad. It was backbreaking labor performed under the harshest weather conditions. The laborers literally put their blood, sweat, and tears into the project. While he was there, the Chafetz Chaim saw a father and son working together, and overheard the son ask the father, “Thousands of people are going to ride on this railroad. Will any of them realize how much backbreaking work went into it?”

The father answered, “It doesn’t matter what people will think or not think, or what they will know or not know. We work for just one reason, for one purpose: to fulfill the command of the czar. He is our leader, he is our father, he is the one who protects the country, and he asked us to build a railroad. That’s all that counts.”

“It’s the same thing here,” the Chafetz Cham told his son-in-law. “The Master of the world is our King. It doesn’t matter if anyone recognizes or appreciates our efforts. We are working for Hashem, and we will do the job to the best of our ability.”

People work very hard in life, and most are underappreciated. A husband wakes up early every morning, he travels quite a distance, and works long hours to provide for his family. A wife spends her entire day caring for her children and caring for the house. Both are underappreciated. The Chovot HaLevavot teaches us that we do not care for our families in order to be appreciated, or so we can exert our control over them. Rather, we do so to fulfill Hashem’s command – “Love your fellow as yourself.”

We have only one boss in life. The good news is that He recognizes not only our physical efforts, but also the mental effort we invest in fulfilling His will. Whenever we perform an act of kindness for another person, we do so not only to help that person, but also because Hashem commanded us to act kindly. Sometimes a person makes sheva berachot for a newlywed couple, spending days cooking and arranging, and the couple arrives late, leaves early, and does not even say “thank you.” And the person thinks to himself, I worked so hard, yet they didn’t even appreciate what I did. This person needs to know that he does not have to worry. He worked for Hashem, fulfilling His command, and he appreciated every ounce of effort that was put in.

Some people work for hesed organizations, spending hours on the phone, taking precious time away from their personal lives and jobs, yet no one has any idea of how much work they do. This should not bother them one bit. We don’t work for people, and we don’t work to be noticed or appreciated. We work in order to fulfill the will of Hashem.

Update on Proposed Casino on Coney Island

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

Here are three important updates regarding the contentious and glitzy Coney Project. First, Thor Equities revealed updated renderings on May 21, 2024, for its $3 billion casino, hotel, and entertainment complex, in its quest for the coveted downstate gaming license. Thor’s consortium consists of three partners, Saratoga Casino Holdings, which operates a racino (combination racetrack and casino) in New York’s Saratoga County, the Chickasaw Nation, a Native American Tribe that owns more than 20 gambling establishments, and Legends Global Planning, the proposed entertainment partner. Joe Sitt, Thor Equity’s founder, envisions turning Coney Island into a year-round destination instead of a summertime hangout, primarily limited to the boardwalk.  

Second, on June 27, 2024, the NYS Gaming Commission and Gaming Facility Location Board(GFLB) amended (for a second time) its timeline for the RFA (Request for Applications) to develop and operate a gaming facility in NYS.  The GFLB review process, community comment period, study of the impact on the neighborhood, and determination of who is awarded the license, are scheduled for some time in 2025. 

Over two years ago, in April 2022, Gov. Kathy Hochul signed off on awarding three downstate licenses for casinos in New York. This was part of the $220 billion approved one year state budget.  

Applicants had originally hoped that the licenses would be awarded by the end of 2023 or by early 2024. 

Third, On April 18, 2024, the City Council voted to approve the Gaming Facility Text Amendment, which would create a framework within the zoning text to allow for the possible creation of up to three casinos citywide. NY State’s constitution was amended in 2013 to allow up to seven commercial casinos statewide. 

Coney Island is one of three downstate gambling casino sites in the NYC area for which developers and gaming companies are bidding for licenses.  There are eleven known applicants in the bidding war for these three casino sites. 

The Coney’s supporters predict an ace in the hole with increased employment, visitors, and money.  

Opponents see minimal economic benefits, point to the disappointing outcomes in Atlantic City, and are wary of increased crime and traffic and limited security resources.  They also voice serious concerns about the harmful influence of a casino on our children and families. 

Although the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce is in favor of the Coney, Community Board (CB) 13 and most of its underlying four district neighborhood residents, remain opposed to Joseph Sitt’s application for The Coney Project.  Included in CB 13 is our own community and the Sephardic Community Federation . 

The Coney consortium continues to publicize that The Coney will bring an economic boom and will rejuvenate the iconic and aging summer playland.   

The May 2024 retooled drawings show “the gambling den” in the background of a luxurious 32-story 500-room hotel tower, expensive eateries, a 2,500-seat concert venue, 90,000 square feet of meeting and event space, retail and dining establishments, and a public green space. 

The Sephardic Community Federation (SCF) has worked tirelessly to preserve the community’s values, protect against addiction risks and economic disruption, and ensure a prosperous and vibrant future for all residents of Southern Brooklyn.  They took a leading position in encouraging other community organizations to join their fight against the Coney by creating the No Coney Casino Petition and website (www.noconeycasino.com/#SignthePetition). 

 

What You Can Do

 

  • Sign the Say ‘NO’ to Coney Island Casino!” started by residents of Coney Island and surrounding Southern Brooklyn neighborhoods, who are adamantly against having a casino built on the Coney Island peninsula (https://www.change.org/p/say-no-to-coney-island-casino?signed=true). 

  

  • Contact the officials listed below to find out who is representing them at the Community Advisory Committee meetings.  Communicate your questions and concerns to: 

 

NY State Senator Jessica Scarcella-Spanton, 718-727-9406.  

Assemblyman Michael Novakhov (District 45), 718-743-4078. 

Local City Council member Justin Brannan (District 47), 718-307-7151. 

Brooklyn Borough President Antonio Reynoso, 718-802–3700. 

Mayor Eric Adams, 311. 

Governor Kathy Hochul, 518-474-8390.

COMMUNITY HIGHLIGHTS

The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center

The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center would like to share a few messages that they received from their tutors.

“I’ve been working in collaboration with the RG Education Fund and get to see firsthand what a powerful impact they have for children in need of extra educational support. They make it possible to open windows of opportunity and access. Their motives are inspiring and the difference that is made because of the fund is invaluable.” 

“Hi!  I just wanted to let you know how the children I’ve been working with are doing. Especially their [a certain family’s] daughter. After break, I started informal assessments to track progress over the past year and she has made great, great strides! We will be continuing to get her through to the end of the program but, BH, to see such improvement with a student with her challenges is truly incredible. Thank you for making this journey possible. The difference this is making for her is invaluable.” 

“I’ve been working in collaboration with the RG Education Fund and get to see firsthand what a powerful impact they have for children in need of extra educational support. As a specialist working with struggling students, [I see that] they make it possible to open windows of opportunity and access. Their motives are inspiring and the difference that is made because of the fund is invaluable because the students I’m seeing with great challenges are now making great strides of progress!” 

For more information about utilizing the services of the RG Educational Fund, or to sponsor a session for a student, please call Rabbi Norman Cohen 908-917-3901, or Mitchell Gemal 732-829-0794.

To sponsor via Zelle: rgeducationfund@gmail.com
To sponsor via Credit Card: https://secure.cardknox.com/rochellegemaleducationalfund

Councilwoman Inna Vernikov Introduces Resolution in Support of Statewide Mask Ban

Last month, Councilwoman Inna Vernikov introduced the Unmask the Hate resolution, calling upon on the New York State Legislature to pass and the governor to sign S.9867/A.10057 (Skoufis/Dinowitz), which would make it UNLAWFUL for one to conceal their identity [such as by wearing a mask] while participating in a lawful or unlawful assembly or riot. Criminals and bad actors have taken advantage of outdated COVID-era mask policies to protect themselves while participating in hateful acts and causing violence on the streets of New York City, especially in the wake of the October 7th attacks on the State of Israel that caused an explosion of anti-American and Anti-Semitic protests and riots. Similar laws were passed around the country in the 1950s to combat the rise of the Klu Klux Klan, and more recently a ban was made law in Nassau County – just outside of New York City – with great success.

“We’re facing an intense uptick in criminality coupled with anti-American and anti-Semitic hatred in New York City, and these sick individuals are emboldened by their anonymity to the point of openly spewing hatred and acting violently without worry of any consequences. We can no longer afford to allow those engaging in this behavior to protect themselves behind masks and face coverings,” said Councilwoman Inna Vernikov. “At every level of government, we should be doing everything we can to assist law enforcement in catching criminals. This legislation is bipartisan in nature, and I strongly urge my City Council colleagues – particularly those with Jewish constituencies who are feeling unheard and fearful – to pass this resolution and to strongly support the statewide legislation. We have to bring safety back to our streets. Unmask the Criminals – Unmask the Hate!”

Do You Know a Senior Who Can Use a Visit?

The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center

The Rochelle Gemal A”H Educational Center would like to share a few messages that they received from their tutors.

“I’ve been working in collaboration with the RG Education Fund and get to see firsthand what a powerful impact they have for children in need of extra educational support. They make it possible to open windows of opportunity and access. Their motives are inspiring and the difference that is made because of the fund is invaluable.”

“Hi!  I just wanted to let you know how the children I’ve been working with are doing. Especially their [a certain family’s] daughter. After break, I started informal assessments to track progress over the past year and she has made great, great strides! We will be continuing to get her through to the end of the program but, BH, to see such improvement with a student with her challenges is truly incredible. Thank you for making this journey possible. The difference this is making for her is invaluable.”

“I’ve been working in collaboration with the RG Education Fund and get to see firsthand what a powerful impact they have for children in need of extra educational support. As a specialist working with struggling students, [I see that] they make it possible to open windows of opportunity and access. Their motives are inspiring and the difference that is made because of the fund is invaluable because the students I’m seeing with great challenges are now making great strides of progress!”

For more information about utilizing the services of the RG Educational Fund, or to sponsor a session for a student, please call Rabbi Norman Cohen 908-917-3901, or Mitchell Gemal 732-829-0794.

To sponsor via Zelle: rgeducationfund@gmail.com

To sponsor via Credit Card: https://secure.cardknox.com/rochellegemaleducationalfund

 

Councilwoman Inna Vernikov Introduces Resolution in Support of Statewide Mask Ban

Last month, Councilwoman Inna Vernikov introduced the Unmask the Hate resolution, calling upon on the New York State Legislature to pass and the governor to sign S.9867/A.10057 (Skoufis/Dinowitz), which would make it UNLAWFUL for one to conceal their identity [such as by wearing a mask] while participating in a lawful or unlawful assembly or riot. Criminals and bad actors have taken advantage of outdated COVID-era mask policies to protect themselves while participating in hateful acts and causing violence on the streets of New York City, especially in the wake of the October 7th attacks on the State of Israel that caused an explosion of anti-American and Anti-Semitic protests and riots. Similar laws were passed around the country in the 1950s to combat the rise of the Klu Klux Klan, and more recently a ban was made law in Nassau County – just outside of New York City – with great success.

“We’re facing an intense uptick in criminality coupled with anti-American and anti-Semitic hatred in New York City, and these sick individuals are emboldened by their anonymity to the point of openly spewing hatred and acting violently without worry of any consequences. We can no longer afford to allow those engaging in this behavior to protect themselves behind masks and face coverings,” said Councilwoman Inna Vernikov. “At every level of government, we should be doing everything we can to assist law enforcement in catching criminals. This legislation is bipartisan in nature, and I strongly urge my City Council colleagues – particularly those with Jewish constituencies who are feeling unheard and fearful – to pass this resolution and to strongly support the statewide legislation. We have to bring safety back to our streets. Unmask the Criminals – Unmask the Hate!”

Do You Know a Senior Who Can Use a Visit?

FRUITY PIZZA PIE

Creative Cooking with

Chef Shiri

Kids – See if you have what it takes to become a Junior Chef!

Utensils Needed:

  • Mixing bowls
  • Measuring cups and spoons
  • Large spoon
  • 10-inch round pizza pan
  • Oven mitts
  • Knife
  • Pizza cutter

Ingredients:

  • ½ cup margarine (1 stick), at room temperature
  • ¾ cup sugar, divided
  • 1 egg
  • 1¼ cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon cream of tartar
  • ½ teaspoon baking soda
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • 3 tablespoons each of fresh strawberries, blueberries, and grapes
  • 1 (8-ounce) package of dairy-free cream cheese, at room temperature
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 2 kiwis
  • 1 mango

Let’s Get Started!

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
  2. In a large bowl, mix the margarine, and ½ cup sugar together, stirring with a spoon until smooth. Mix in egg.
  3. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, cream of tartar, baking soda, and salt. Add dry ingredients to margarine and egg mixture, and mix until well combined.
  4. Press the dough into the ungreased pizza pan.
  5. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, until crust is lightly browned. Let cool.
  6. While the crust is baking, use the knife to peel and slice the mango and kiwis. Cut each slice in half. Cut the strawberries and grapes in half as well.
  7. In a large bowl, use a spoon to mix together the non-dairy cream cheese and the remaining ¼ cup sugar. Mix in vanilla extract. Spread the non-dairy cream cheese mixture onto cooled crust.
  8. Arrange fruit in circles on the non-dairy cream cheese mixture. Chill in the refrigerator for 1 hour.
  9. Slice with pizza cutter. Serve.

One on One with Miriam Barry

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS  

Our most important work at SEARCH is explaining to parents their children’s strengths and weaknesses, so they understand why a child can succeed in one area but fail in another. We often see the light bulb go off when they understand that their smart child has a particular weakness that impacts their ability to learn.  Those ‘Aha’ moments are what make my job so fulfilling.”   

We are blessed to have a dynamic, energetic, smart, and compassionate leader like Miriam Barry in our community. She is a woman who possesses poise, intelligence, positive energy, and an eloquent speaking style. 

Her use of clever analogies resonated with me and helped me understand the issues she was describing.  In addressing life’s challenges, she said, “I don’t write the script; I just read the lines.” 

 

Growing up 

Miriam was born in Rochester, NY, to Rabbi Shlomo and June Nahmod Cohen, the third of six siblings. Her father was born in British Mandated Palestine to Moroccan parents, and his semicha (rabbinic ordination) was from Yeshivat Porat Yosef in Yerushalayim. June was born in the U.S. to Syrian parents. The two met at a rally for the fledgling nation of Israel in 1947.  

Rabbi Shlomo Cohen served as the only Orthodox upstate mohel, and oversaw Rochester’s kashrut, among his many roles in the community.  

June came to Rochester as a young rabbi’s wife, ran the synagogue ladies’ auxiliary, volunteered for the day school, yeshiva, and hevra kadisha, and so much more.  

Miriam’s parents were her greatest mentors. “We were always hosting guests, taking care of people who got stranded in snowy Rochester winters, managing a variety of religious communal needs, and being there for others. It’s no surprise that we’re all in education or community service.”    

Miriam has fond childhood memories of the eight-hour drive in the summers from Rochester to Brooklyn, to visit her maternal grandparents for two weeks.  

She attended the local Hillel School until seventh grade, then public school for two years.  For tenth grade, her parents enrolled her in Bais Yaakov School for Girls in Baltimore, Maryland, where she boarded with a local family through twelfth grade.   

Miriam was a quiet child who came out of her shell when her late uncle, Joe Nahmod, a”h, gave her a guitar.  “I became quite proficient and led the high school band, sang in the high school choir, and separately performed often for the school with a singing partner.”  

Miriam was a good student and thrived at Bais Yaakov despite missing her family.  Miriam babysat and gave guitar lessons to earn spending money, understanding the financial sacrifices her parents made to send her to yeshiva.  Only when she became a mother did she understand her parent’s emotional sacrifice.  

Miriam believes she was the only Sephardic girl at Bais Yaakov then and became “bilingual,” adept at Sepharadi inflection as well as Ashkenazic.  “I joke that I can make a mean kibbe, excellent samboussak, but also gefilte fish and cholent.”  

After high school graduation, Miriam studied at Michlala in Israel for one year. There she met her paternal grandmother and her father’s extended family for the first time.  Miriam returned to Rochester to teach first grade at her alma mater, Hillel.   

 

And Then Came Marriage… 

Miriam met her husband Ronny at the first American Sephardi Federation Youth Conference in 1973, in Atlanta, Georgia.  She was representing her congregation and Ronny was in the Syrian delegation of advisers.  Ronny grew up in the Brooklyn Syrian community.  He was an alumnus of Ner Israel Yeshiva in Baltimore.  

They married in July 1974 and lived in Israel for three years. Ronny studied at Porat Yosef Yeshiva where he earned his semicha and Miriam attended another year of Michlala, studying special education until her first daughter, Esther, was born.  After giving birth, Miriam worked at night as a translator at the Jerusalem Post, and tutored at Neve Yerushalayim for Women, until they returned in 1977 to New York with their two daughters. 

They currently live in Brooklyn and have six children, three girls and three boys, in that order (Esther, Reina, Rachel, David, Shlomo, and Ezra).  They all studied in Israel and graduated college. Ezra lives in Israel with his family. 

 

Life in New York 

Upon returning to New York, Miriam worked at Sephardic High School, at the time it was the only community high school outside of Yeshiva of Flatbush.   

Miriam wore many hats at Sephardic High School – in the financial office, as a special ed tutor, as the girls’ tefilla coordinator, managing students’ community service projects, and as an Israeli dance teacher. 

When Sephardic High School closed in 1995, Miriam taught Judaic Studies at Taryag Academy, which opened to accept the students of Sephardic High School.   

Miriam’s life was thrown into turmoil in 1988, when her 12-year-old daughter, Reina, was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. There were few specialists in pediatric brain tumors, and Reina underwent surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy.  

The doctor explained “there really isn’t much research on this tumor.”  He said they would “do their best,” with 50-50 chances for success.  

B”H, after 18 months of treatment, Reina slowly recovered.  

At the children’s clinic, Miriam met parents forming a group to fund pediatric brain tumor research.  Miriam agreed to join, but she could not attend their Friday night meetings. The night was changed to Tuesdays and Miriam’s journey as a board member and other leadership roles at the Children’s Brain Tumor Foundation (cbtf.org), began, lasting 35 years. 

CBTF funded doctoral fellows who now head neuro-oncology departments nationwide and began nationally recognized patient education and support programs.  Their most ambitious project is the Children’s Brain Tumor Network (cbtn.org) at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, the only entity dedicated to DNA studies of pediatric brain tumors. It has been a game-changer for children with these tumors. Today, 23 member institutions participate in this monumental research effort.  

 

SEARCH and Advocacy  

In 1999, Taryag Academy closed, and Miriam took a break. In Spring, 2001, she answered an ad for a part-time position for the Sephardic Bikur Holim Educational Advocacy program, created by Rachel Shamah. 

 

In creating SEARCH – Sephardic Educational Advocacy and Resources for Children, Rachel worked to destigmatize learning disabilities, brought experts to SBH to educate parents, and advocated vigorously for children to access services in yeshivot.  

 

Miriam spent six intense months learning about advocacy.  Soon, Rachel had Miriam began representing clients at the Department of Education advocating for them to obtain much needed government services. Miriam’s background in education, and experience in patient advocacy at CBTF served her well.  She never imagined being able to advocate effectively for students without being steamrolled by the Department of Education! It was a new, unexpected skill.  When Rachel left SEARCH, Miriam remained to meet the community’s growing needs.  

 

In 2022, SBH recognized the need to expand to NJ, and SEARCH now serves many families in Deal. Presently, about 1,600 children of all ages are helped by SEARCH annually.  The program brings over $13 million in special ed, counseling, and therapy services to our community.    

 

SEARCH supports parents in navigating the Department of Education process and accessing these services. Most significantly, they help parents understand their children’s strengths and weaknesses.  

 

For Miriam, the best part of her job is being in SBH, with dedicated staff and volunteers who do so much for the community – from giving out food, to providing therapy, to running senior citizen programs. They function as an incredible team to improve the lives of others.  

 

Life Balance  

 

“Work/life balance is always a challenge. It takes real work to be able to disconnect and be there for family and friends – and yourself.”    

 

Miriam’s family has always supported and expressed pride in her career.  

 

Regarding working moms, Miriam says, “Having a job has helped my family understand there are many facets to being a woman and mother, and outside interests can enhance, rather than take away, from family relations.” 

  

Pride, Passions, and Purpose 

 

Miriam’s greatest accomplishment is that she and her husband raised six children “who are kind, honest, compassionate, capable, self-sufficient, and concerned about others.  We are proud of them and the children they are raising.”  

 

Miriam’s passions define her and who she is at her core.   

 

Her #1 passion is educational advocacy. A close second is dancing! For 23 years, Miriam taught Israeli and line dance to senior women at the Sephardic Community Center. “I loved my ‘ladies’ and was privileged to teach them.”  She also gave dance classes in Ahi Ezer and private lessons for weddings/semahot. 

 

For fun, Miriam does word puzzles, crosswords, and jigsaw puzzles.  She still takes line and Israeli dance classes and calendars them as “PT.” 

 

Connect with Miriam at miriam@sbhonline.org.  

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Climbing the Spiritual Ladder: A Guide for the Ten Days of Repentance

Some of us may feel apprehensive. As the weather turns cooler and summertime becomes a season past, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are weeks away. Another year is upon us, and the usual holiday preparations lead us to supermarkets, butchers, and clothing stores. Soon our minds become consumed as we think about how we will set our tables, what delicacies we will serve and what to wear when the holidays come.   

But we may – and should – also have a nagging feeling within, reminding us that the Day of Judgment will soon arrive, when our individual and national fates will be decided and everything hangs delicately in the balance. As the days rush by us at a dizzying speed, it becomes exceedingly difficult to pull away from the preparations that must be done in order to take a spiritual accounting of our lives.   

We may find that we’re so busy that we arrive at Rosh Hashanah without a game-plan for how to grow over the course of this critical season. Yet Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, has embedded within the Jewish calendar the Aseret Yeme Teshuvah – the Ten Days of Repentance, from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur, which  give us that extra chance to improve ourselves. They are days of growth, change and introspection which afford each Jew the opportunity to take a few steps back and contemplate his or her spiritual standing. This is the time to take stock and become more keenly aware of who we are in relation to who we can be.  

In order to help ensure the success of this lofty undertaking, we present here 10 steps that we can take during these 10 special days, climbing rung by rung, one day at a time, up the spiritual ladder towards greatness.  

Step 1: Think Long Term 

Too many people go through life without ever contemplating exactly what it is they want out of it. The truth is that life is relatively short, and it is therefore incumbent upon each of us to go through it with specific goals in mind. When we’re clear about what our life goals are, we can make sure that our daily actions are geared toward achieving them. On the other hand, if our idea of what we want out of life is hazy, it’s easy to get sidetracked.  

It may be difficult to think about, but it is important to ask yourself questions that will clarify what you want your life to look like. What do you want people to say about you after 120 years? Would you like to be remembered as a kind, patient, compassionate and thoughtful person? Or would you be happy to be remembered as the one who wore the latest styles, owned the newest gadgets and knew the top news every hour on the hour?  

Step 2: The Business Plan 

Once you know your long-term goals, you can think about how you’ll achieve those goals. If you want to stop gossiping, or aspire to be more patient, how do you plan on getting there?  

Imagine that you own a business and want the bank to grant you a loan. Before you approach the bank manager, you would do everything in your power to develop a clear business plan which demonstrates how you would use any resources you’re granted to ensure the continued growth and success of your business.  

 So too, we are coming to Hashem during this time of year and asking Him to grant us a long life filled with blessings. What’s our plan for using the resources He gives us to do His Will and make the world a better place?  

Step 3: One Small Step 

Rather than jumping into growth headfirst and improving everything all at once, it’s important to be realistic. Time and again, we fool ourselves into thinking we can become perfect overnight. It’s like going to the gym, lifting the 100-pound weight and collapsing. Obviously it’s not possible to gain muscle in an instant, and a person who takes on more than is reasonable will burn himself out. 

The only way to be able to lift the 100-pound weight is by beginning with the lightest weights and working our way up from there. The same is true with spiritual muscles. Oftentimes our evil inclination convinces us to do everything at once because he knows it will be impossible for us to keep it up. We must be realistic with ourselves and be careful not to bite off more than we can chew. The important thing to remember is that the idea is progress, not perfection. Choose one or two areas to improve in, and move towards your goal with baby steps. 

Step 4: The Wedding Photo 

Once you choose one or two areas in which to improve throughout the year, know that the Ten Days is a time to behave with extra stringency. During these days, dress more modestly than usual, adhere to a stricter standard of kashrut and say extra Tehillim. Do extra even if you know you won’t be able to keep it up throughout the year. 

“What’s the point?” you may ask yourself. “Who am I fooling?” Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky shared an amazing message through a powerful parable. Imagine it’s the dead of winter. You’ve been sitting in bed all day, until you finally pull yourself out of bed, and as you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you notice that you look like a complete mess. You put on big fluffy slippers and shuffle to the living room. And then you see it – your wedding picture on the mantle. You begin to look closely at the picture, and notice that this is you at your best. With a little extra effort, this is who you can be. 

Similarly, we take upon ourselves additional measures of stringency during these Ten Days to give ourselves a picture of what we look like at our best. We let ourselves know just how great we can become to inspire us to inch closer toward that ideal.  

Step 5: Know Yourself 

We each come down to this world to fulfill a particular mission. One part of this mission is related to our individual strengths. During these days, reflect upon your talents and figure out how you can use them to better the world. Hashem gave you your particular set of gifts for a reason. Try to discover what that reason is.  

The other part of this mission relates to our weaknesses. Refusing to fall into the traps that our weaknesses create for us enables us to achieve greatness. If you struggle with anger, anxiety, laziness or any other negative character trait, every time you desist from negative behavior you ignite a powerful spark of holiness that helps illuminate the world.  

Step 6: Hold Onto Prayer 

In his article, “How to Get Your Prayers Answered,” Rabbi Noach Weinberg, zt”l, wrote: “To pray properly, you have to understand that not only Gd loves you, but His love for you is infinite… If we appreciate what Gd can do for us, it is crazy not to stay in touch.” The Ten Days, when we are asking Hashem to grant us life and blessing, is the most opportune time to harness the power of prayer. 

Recognize that Hashem is our Father in Heaven. He is infinitely powerful, infinitely knowing and infinitely loving. He has all the resources we need for a good year. Speak to Hashem in your own words. Thank Him for all that He has done for you, and continues to do for you. Ask Him to bless you with life and blessing, and know that He will give you all that you need.  

Step 7: Act Charitably 

Reach beyond yourself and give to others. Give charity and act charitably toward those around you. Tzedakah has the power to mitigate or even change a harsh decree, so now is the time to be especially kind and generous to others.  

Step 8: Study Torah 

The Torah is our guidebook for living a successful and productive life. Now’s the time to immerse ourselves in Torah to be reminded what Hashem expects from us and to receive the keys for a good life which He offers us. Suggested areas of study are the laws of Shabbat, laws of lashon hara (negative speech about other people), and works of mussar (general religious instruction). 

Step 9: Be Grateful 

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in negativity and constantly think about what we don’t have. Practicing gratitude every day allows us to revel in all the blessings that Hashem constantly showers upon us. A Jew wakes up in the morning and immediately says, “Modeh Ani,” thanking Hashem for life. We have eyes, ears, health, hands, feet, food and clothing, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Take a little bit of time to make a list of all that you have to be grateful for, and review it constantly.  

Step 10: Trust 

Finally, have faith in Hashem. Trust in Hashem’s benevolence and kindness. Be optimistic, and know that Hashem is the ultimate Redeemer and will judge us favorably. All that is required of us is to be the best us we can be.  

May Hashem lovingly accept all of our good deeds and growth, and grant us a good and sweet new year, amen 

Sukkot FAQ

By Rabbi Hayim Asher Arking and Rabbi Ezra Ghodsi

Before entering the sukkah, one should have in mind that Hashem commanded us to sit in the sukkah to remember that He surrounded our ancestors with the Clouds of Glory when they left Egypt. 

Throughout Sukkot, one should view the sukkah as his house. Therefore, eating, drinking, sleeping, and relaxing should be done in the sukkah. Nevertheless, while one fulfills a mitzvah every time he performs any of these activities in the sukkah, only the activities of eating, drinking, and sleeping strictly require a sukkah.  

 

What foods must be eaten in the sukkah? 

It is an admirable practice to ensure to eat all foods and drink all beverages – even water – in the sukkah. Foods made from any of the five principal grains – wheat, oats, barley, spelt, and rye – must be eaten in the sukkah if one eats a quantity of more than a ke’betzah, which is approximately 2 oz, or the volume of half an average pita.  Other foods (including rice, even though we recite the berachah of “mezonot” over rice) may be eaten outside of the sukkah.  

If one started eating a meal that includes at least a ke’betzah of bread, he may not eat or drink even the slightest amount of food or drink outside of the sukkah during his meal. One should not even leave the sukkah with food in his mouth during the meal. He may leave the sukkah during the meal only after he has swallowed the food or drink in his mouth. 

 

Which foods require the recitation of the berachah of “leshev basukkah”? 

The berachah is recited only when eating at least a ke’beitzah of bread or three ke’betzim of mezonot foods, excluding rice. 

 

When should one the berachah of “leshev basukkah”? 

Generally, when one eats a meal with bread, he recites the berachah together with the berachah of hamotzi recited over the bread.  On Shabbat and yom tov, however, the berachah of “leshev basukkah” is recited when reciting kiddush before the Shabbat or yom tov meal.  

 

If one forgot to recite the berachah before he started eating, does he recite the berachah in the middle of the meal? 

As long as one is still eating, even if he is eating dessert or just drinking, he may recite “leshev basukkah.” If, however, one is no longer eating or drinking, or if he already recited birkat hamazon, he may no longer recite the berachah. 

 

May one recite arvit early on the first two nights of Sukkot? 

On the first two nights of Sukkot, there is a requirement to eat bread in the sukkah. This is derived from the comparison indicated by the Torah between Sukkot and Pesach: just as there is an obligation to eat matzah on the first two nights of Pesach, there is an obligation to eat bread in the sukkah on the first two nights of Sukkot. As this constitutes a Torah obligation, it cannot be fulfilled until after dark, and therefore, one should not begin yom tov early. 

Similar to erev Pesach, one should not eat bread or mezonot foods after the 10th halachic hour of the day (around 4:30 pm) on erev Sukkot. 

 

How much bread must one eat on the first two nights of Sukkot?  

On the first two nights of Sukkot, one should eat at least one kezayit – approximately one ounce – of bread, within a time frame of four to five minutes. According to some opinions, one should eat a bit more than this amount. Throughout the remainder of the holiday, one is not required to eat bread.  

 

Must one repeat Birkat Hamazon if he forgot to add “ya’aleh veyavo” during Sukkot? 

On the first and second nights of Sukkot, when there is an obligation to eat bread, one who forgot to add ya’aleh veyavo in Birkat Hamazon must repeat it. At all other times during Sukkot, one does not repeat Birkat Hamazon. If one ate inside on the first or second night of Sukkot due to rain, and he forgot to add ya’aleh veyavo in Birkat Hamazon, he does not repeat it. Women never repeat Birkat Hamazon if they forgot ya’aleh veyavo during Sukkot. 

 

What does one do if he forgot to recite the berachah of shehehiyanu on the first night of Sukkot? 

The next morning, when he recites the berachah on his lulav and etrog, he should have in mind for the berachah of shehehiyanu to apply also to his sukkah.  

 

What is the proper practice to follow if rain falls on the first night of Sukkot? 

Preferably, one should wait for a short while for the rain to stop, and if it persists, then one may eat inside. If the rain stops after he ate his meal inside, before he went to sleep, he must eat at least an ounce (kezayit) of bread – preferably two ounces – in the sukkah.  

If one did not eat in the sukkah on the first night of Sukkot due to rainfall, he nevertheless does not recite the berachah of shehehiyanu the following day, even though he then eats in the sukkah for the first time. 

 

What if only a light drizzle falls? 

One should determine whether that amount of rain would force him to relocate if it were falling in his house. If it would, then at that point he is exempt from the obligation of sukkah and should eat inside. Otherwise, he should eat in the sukkah, though one who starts eating when a small amount of rain falls does not recite the berachah of “leshev basukkah.” 

When it comes to sleeping, even a slight amount of rain suffices to exempt a person from the obligation to sleep in the sukkah and allows him to sleep inside. 

 

What if the rain has stopped, but water is still dripping into the sukkah? 

If the amount of water dripping into the sukkah would be enough to force a person to move elsewhere if this were happening in his home, then he is not required to sit in the sukkah. But if the shechach is thick enough such that the rain is not entering his sukkah, he must eat in the sukkah. 

 

If one covered his sukkah with an awning when it started raining, must he remove the awning when the rain stops? 

Even if one is in the middle of his meal when the rain stops, he must interrupt his meal to remove the awning.  

If one had continued eating under the protection of the awning when rain fell, he does not repeat the berachah of “leshev basukkah” after removing the awning when the rain stopped. 

 

Must one return to the sukkah if the rain stops after he had moved inside? 

If one already sat down to eat inside because of rain, he is not obligated to return to the sukkah when the rain stops. If he nevertheless wishes to return to the sukkah, he recites a new berachah of “leshev basukkah.” Similarly, if one went to sleep indoors due to rain, he is not required to move back into the sukkah in the middle of the night when the rain stops. 

 

Is one allowed to travel on Sukkot to a place where he will not have access to a sukkah? 

One who must travel to a different city for business on Sukkot, and has no sukkah available to him where he is staying, is exempt from the mitzvah of sukkah. However, one who is traveling for vacation or pleasure is still obligated to eat and sleep in the sukkah, and thus such trips may not be taken on Sukkot if no sukkah will be available. 

 

Are children required to eat in the sukkah? 

Boys from the age of five or six, depending on maturity, are required to eat in the sukkah. Nevertheless, one may give such a child food that requires a sukkah even if the child might not eat in the sukkah. However, one may not tell the child that he must eat inside, and if the father sees his son eating inside, he should tell him to eat in the sukkah. 

 

Must one eat in the sukkah if it is full of mosquitoes, or if it is very cold? 

If the sukkah causes significant discomfort, such as if it is infested with flies or mosquitos, then one is exempt from the obligation to eat and sleep in the sukkah. If it is cold outside, one should wear warm clothes and eat in the sukkah. One who eats in the sukkah when it is very cold but wears warm clothing recites the berachah of “leshev basukkah.” One should also sleep in the sukkah with warm blankets, but if he is afraid of getting sick, he may sleep inside. 

Pomegranate Braised Short Ribs with Smashed Potatoes

Adina Yaakov 

One of my favorite people often says that short ribs is one of the delicacies that should be served in Gan Eden, and I have to agree. The pomegranate molasses lends a rich, slightly sweet, yet tart flavor to the short ribs, while the savory smashed potatoes balances out the dish to perfection. Slow cooking the short ribs breaks down the tough connective tissues, creating tender and fall-off-the-bone meat that will have you reaching for more. 

 

Ingredients 

5 lbs. bone-in short ribs 

6 onions, sliced into thin strips 

8 cloves garlic, minced 

1 cup pomegranate molasses 

½ – ¾ cup pomegranate juice  

1 cup red wine 

1 tsp salt  

½ tsp black pepper 

¼  cup canola oil 

10 Yukon gold potatoes 

1 cup fresh pomegranate seeds 

parsley for garnish  

 

Directions 

  1. Pat short ribs dry with a paper towel. Sprinkle salt and pepper evenly over both sides. 
  1. In a grill pan or wide skillet, heat canola oil.  Add sliced onion and sauté on medium flame until golden, about 5-8 minutes. Reserve half the sauteed onions for the smashed potatoes, while leaving the remaining onions in the pan. 
  1. Add short ribs to the pan and sear each side for about 3-5 minutes.  
  1. Add garlic, wine, pomegranate molasses, and ½ cup pomegranate juice to the pan. Place pot cover and bring to a low flame. Simmer for 2-3 hours, adding 1 tbsp pomegranate juice at a time if liquid completely evaporates. 
  1. Meanwhile, prepare the mashed potatoes by placing them in a large pot filled with water. Boil for 20-30 minutes until easily punctured with a fork. 
  1. Drain and peel potatoes and place them into a bowl with reserved sautéed onions. Use a fork to break potatoes apart and smash, leaving some chunks. Add salt and pepper to taste. 
  1. To serve, place smashed potatoes on serving platter, and place short ribs on top. Sprinkle with pomegranate seeds and garnish with fresh parsley.