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The Dangers of Complacency

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April 2023

The day that was to have been one of the most joyous days of all time suddenly turned tragic.

Following the sin of the golden calf, our ancestors spent months constructing the Mishkan, the sanctuary that would accompany them throughout their years of travel in the wilderness, and would ultimately be replaced by the permanent Bet Hamikdash. Gd had promised that if they donated the materials needed for this special structure, and they built it precisely according to His specifications, then the Shechinah – Gd’s presence – would reside among them. Despite the grievous sin of the golden calf, Gd was prepared to not only pardon them, but to fully restore their relationship, to the point where His presence would reside in their midst, represented by the Mishkan.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrived. As we read this month in Parashat Shemini, Gd instructed that the Mishkan should begin functioning on the first of Nissan. On that day, Aharon and his sons served in the Mishkan as kohanim for the very first time, offering special sacrifices to mark this occasion. When the service was completed, a fire descended and consumed the sacrifices – a display of the Shechinah’s arrival among the people.

This moment of indescribable euphoria was then followed by heartbreaking tragedy.

“It Shall be Glorified by My Honor”

Aharon’s two older sons, Nadav and Avihu, brought an incense offering which they were not authorized to bring, and Gd immediately killed them by fire. The day of joy and celebration instantly became a day of mourning and grief.

The Gemara presents additional information regarding this incident, with various sages attributing to Nadav and Avihu other misdeeds, such as acting disrespectfully toward Moshe and Aharon, drinking wine before entering the Mishkan, and refusing to marry. In this context, though, I prefer to focus not on the nature of their sin, but rather on Moshe’s initial response.

Immediately after the tragedy, Moshe turned to his brother, Aharon, and said, “This is what Gd had spoken, saying: I shall be glorified by My sacred ones, and I shall be honored in the presence of the entire nation” (Vayikra 10:3). This verse is vague, and subject to different interpretations among the commentators. Rashi explains that Moshe referred to Gd’s pronouncement after completing His presentation of the commands concerning the Mishkan: “I shall commune there with Beneh Yisrael, and it shall be glorified by My honor” (Shemot 29:43). The word “bichvodi” (“by My honor”), Rashi writes, should be read as “bimechubadai” – “by My honored ones,” referring to the righteous members of the nation.” Already then, Gd informed Moshe that Gd would be “glorified” through the death of His “honored ones,” of especially righteous people. Nadav and Avihu were the righteous individuals who, for reasons we cannot know, were chosen for this purpose, to have their lives taken to bring glory to Gd.

Of course, this requires further explanation. How exactly was Gd glorified through the untimely death of Aharon’s two righteous sons? And why was this tragedy necessary?

The Doctor’s First Patient b

The Maggid of Duvna (Rav Yaakov Krantz, 1741-1804) explained this concept by way of an analogy.

He told the story of a king who ordered his subjects to erect a magnificent city, that would serve as a source of pride and glory to the entire kingdom. He opened his treasuries for the sake of this project, committed as he was to produce a city that would draw the attention and esteem of nations throughout the world. When the project was completed, he commanded the people to bring to the city the world’s leading professionals. He demanded that the cutting edge of every field be represented in this spectacular city. The greatest artisans, builders, designers, manufacturers, artists, scholars, writers and practitioners of every field were found and brought to live in the city, turning it into the pride and joy of the kingdom.

Naturally, the king also demanded that the world’s greatest physicians be brought. His advisors thoroughly researched and identified the most knowledgeable and experienced doctor on planet earth, and he was given a large home in the city. The king wanted the inhabitants of his new special city to receive only the very best that the medical field had to offer, and so he happily funded the greatest doctor on earth. The doctor arrived in his new home amid great excitement and fanfare.

Not long after he moved into town, he was summoned to treat his first patient – a frail, elderly man. The man fell critically ill, and the family frantically brought the doctor to treat him. The family members, and the entire city, were confident that their doctor, with his reputation for excellence, would cure the ailing octogenarian.

The renowned physician briefly examined the man, and knew right away that he would not survive. Nevertheless, he left the room and announced to the crowd that had assembled, “Fear not! This man will be cured!” The crowd jubilantly cheered, and felt immense pride and exhilaration that they had with them such an outstanding medical expert.

Unfortunately, however, shortly thereafter, the patient died. The townspeople were dumbfounded, and terribly disappointed. They felt that they had been deceived, that the physician did not live up to his reputation.

The news reached the king, who had spared no effort and no expense to find the greatest physician on earth and bring him to his special city. The king summoned the king and angrily demanded an explanation.

“Your Majesty,” the wise doctor began, “it is not for naught that my first patient in this new city died. When I arrived here, I sensed the townspeople’s excitement, and this frightened me. I was concerned that having a top-of-the-line doctor would cause widespread laxity. People would not care for their health, and would expose themselves to danger, because they would feel confident that no matter what illness they develop or injury they sustain, it could be cured. Of course, even the greatest doctors can’t cure everything. People need to take care of their health even if they have the best doctors available. And so I decided to disappoint the people, to promise them I could heal this first patient when I knew I couldn’t – so they would realize that I am limited, and will thus not rely on me to cure all their ills. I wanted them to understand that they still need to take care of themselves.”

Taking Responsibility for Our Spiritual Health

By the same token, the Maggid of Duvna explains, Gd made a point of harshly punishing two righteous men for a relatively minor infraction right on the first day of the Mishkan’s operation.

The construction of the Mishkan may be likened to the arrival of the world’s leading doctor. The Mishkan had the ability to “cure,” to bring atonement for the people’s misdeeds. However, as in the case of the doctor, the access to this source of atonement could, potentially, cause the people’s downfall. They might allow themselves to act as they please, to disregard the Torah’s laws feeling confident that the Mishkan would atone for anything they do wrong. And so right at the outset, Gd showed the people that they needed to take personal responsibility for their spiritual “health,” that the Mishkan’s atonement went only so far. Just as the finest doctors cannot help somebody who neglects his physical health, the Bet Hamikdash will not cleanse the souls of those who do not work to keep their souls pure.

The Maggid’s insight brings the tragic story of Nadav and Avihu very close to home, and makes it very relevant to us.

Although we still pray and long for the rebuilding of the Bet Hamikdash, we are truly blessed to have something very similar to the Bet Hamikdash – a beautiful and thriving religious community. We have many wonderful synagogues, schools, yeshivot and adult education programs, and a full range of organizations that enable us to live a rich Torah life. Like our ancestors at Sinai, who generously donated materials and worked laboriously to build the Mishkan, our community has, for made decades, been blessed with righteous donors and volunteers who selflessly and tirelessly exerted and exert themselves to produce the extraordinary “Mishkan,” our beloved religious institutions, which we all are and must be extremely proud of.

But the story of Nadav and Avihu warns us that this great blessing also poses the risk of complacency. When we look at the vast Torah infrastructure that has been built, we might be tempted to rest on our laurels, to rely too much on our communal institutions, such that we absolve ourselves of responsibility. We might feel that our children’s schooling is enough, so we do not need to educate them at home. We might feel that participating in the prayers and synagogue activities is enough, so we can be lax the rest of the time. We might feel that having rabbis and scholars whom we support excuses us from the need to learn and to grow spiritually.

As important as our religious institutions are, we still need to put in the work. Judaism is a “do-it-yourself” religion. Of course, we need rabbis, scholars, educators, and institutions. But these are valuable to us only if we make a personal effort to learn, grow, and perform. As the Maggid of Duvna teaches us – just like no doctor can save a patient who does not take care of himself, no rabbi, synagogue, or yeshiva will help us if we do not invest time and work into our spiritual wellbeing.

We should all be proud of the beautiful community that we have worked together to build. Let us take full advantage of this precious gift by assuming personal responsibility for our and our families’ spiritual growth, so we can bring the Shechinah into our midst and develop a close relationship with our Creator.

Preserving Sephardic Heritage in South Florida

Community Magazine

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April 2023

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Preserving Sephardic Heritage in South Florida

Mozelle Forman

When thinking of Florida, we usually imagine sunny skies, azure seas, intersession vacation, and Passover family reunions. We think of Miami, Sunny Isles, Turnberry, and the Fort Lauderdale airport. We practically never think of Cooper City. We probably don’t even know where it is on the map. Well, most of us have been missing the latest and greatest innovation in the Sephardic world, because Cooper City, which borders Hollywood, rated one of the safest and best places to raise a family in the United States, is the home of Yeshivat Torat Yosef, the first Sephardic yeshiva in the state of Florida. Let’s get acquainted.

With the apt motto of “Someplace Special,” Cooper City is one of the finest suburbs of Fort Lauderdale, with a population of 35,715 distributed over eight miles. Cooper City has the reputation of being one of the best places to live in Florida. The city is bordered by Davie to the north, Pembroke Pines to the south, and Hollywood to the east. Compared to much of Florida, Cooper City is a very recent development. The community was founded in 1959 by Morris Cooper, for whom the city is named. The community has steadily grown, annexing areas and continuing to build new housing developments.

History Repeats for Syrian Emigrees

The “emigration” and community growth in Cooper City almost identically mirrors the Syrian community’s initial migration to New York in 1892. The first Syrian Jews to arrive on the shores of the Lower East Side of Manhattan found there a Jewish infrastructure designed by the Ashkenazi Jews who had preceded them. The Syrian emigrees were unaccustomed to the food, liturgy, and halachic differences of their fellow Jews, and with a strong desire to preserve their Syrian heritage and traditions through religious practices and customs, the Syrian emigrees united to form a synagogue, a burial society, and a Talmud Torah. As the community prospered, they moved to the Bensonhurst area of Brooklyn and began summering in Bradley Beach, where they once again convened a Sephardic minyan and summer day camp.

Realizing that a Talmud Torah, with three hours of daily studies, was not sufficient to impart the heritage and customs of the community, Mr. Isaac Shalom, with the blessing of Chief Rabbi Jacob S. Kassin, zt’l, spearheaded the movement that led to the formation of Magen David Yeshiva, the first of many illustrious institutions serving our community. From Brooklyn, the community expanded to the Jersey Shore, where, once again, the community created a Sephardic enclave with numerous synagogues, mikvaot, community centers, and most importantly, yeshivot.

The incentive of preserving the cultural and halachic heritage of the Sephardic community has driven every relocation and expansion of our community. The creation of Yeshivat Torat Yosef in Cooper City is the most recent endeavor in this movement. Simply put, we do not change who we are because we have changed our zip code.

Currently there are over 1,000 Sephardic families living in the Hollywood-Cooper City area and roughly 40 percent of all children attending the exemplary Ashkenazi yeshivot in the area are of Sephardic descent. Mr. Shlomo Yashar, who moved to the area in 2017, has seen the Sephardic Jewish community grow exponentially, but he felt the void in his children’s education. “While our children were receiving an excellent education at the local yeshivot, we recognized that an integral part of their heritage was not being addressed. There were attempts in the past to start a Sephardic yeshiva but they were not successful. And while my older children did not have the opportunity to attend a Yeshiva steeped in Sephardic tradition, I am excited that, with the leadership of Rabbi Elbaz, our youngest daughter will be benefitting from attending the school.”

Enter Rabbi David Elbaz

In 2017 Rabbi David Elbaz was invited to join a Kollel in Florida. He made the move to Florida with his wife Jill and their four children (they have since been blessed with another child), with the blessings of their rabbinic advisors. The Sephardic community infrastructure included three minyanim, a Sephardic sofer, a Sephardic branch of the chevra kadisha, and shatnez checking with Sephardic halachot. As there was no Sephardic yeshiva yet, Sephardic children, including the children of Rabbi and Mrs. Elbaz, attended Ashkenaz yeshivot. These yeshivot welcomed the Sephardic students, provided them with an excellent education, and attempted to accommodate the student’s traditions, but they were able to do so only in a limited way.

While attending their daughter’s kindergarten graduation, Rabbi and Mrs. Elbaz made a startling discovery. The rabbi was looking at the roster of children in our daughter’s class. As he read the names of the students to himself, he kept repeating ‘this name is Sephardic, this name is Sephardic’ over and over. When he was done reading, he realized that almost 60 percent of the class was Sephardic. Rabbi Elbaz, no stranger to community dedication and leadership (his paternal grandfather Hacham Avraham Masoud learned with Hacham Ovadia Yosef, zt”l, in Egypt and his maternal grandfather, Hacham Sion Maslaton, zt”l, was the spiritual leader of Ahi Ezer) looked at his wife and said, “We have to do something for the community.” And the seeds of Yeshivat Torat Yosef were sown.

A Beautiful Campus

With the vision and vigor of this generation’s pioneers and the financial support of donors, Rabbi Elbaz set out, with the help of Shlomo Yashar, to find a home for the yeshiva that would serve the fast-growing Sephardic community in Hollywood, Florida. “We had many disappointments, deals that fell apart at the last minute,” relates Mr. Yashar. But after three years of intensive searching, with siyata dishmaya, Yeshivat Torat Yosef finally found its home on a ten-acre campus with a building that was already being used as a school, a soccer field, a football field, basketball and volleyball courts, and its very own lake. Rabbi Elbaz says, “The property will allow us to grow with the community, offering summer day camp, recreation programs, a simcha hall, and perhaps in the future a synagogue as well. We hope to make our campus the centerpiece of the community, providing recreation, education, and communal unity.”

When entering the campus of Yeshivat Torat Yosef one is greeted by a sign that signifies the philosophy and defining principles of the school. In bold letters the sign proclaims

להחזיר עטרה ליושנה “Restore the crown to its glory,” which was Hacham Ovadia Yosef’s desire to save and preserve the Sephardic way of life. In the oft quoted phrase and slogan, the crown in this metaphor refers to the communal pride Sephardic Jews should possess. Surrounding this refrain is the pasuk from Mishlei – “Chanoch lana’ar al pi darko” – train a child according to his ways, which is the educational principle on which the school is founded. Rabbi Elbaz elaborates: “We recognize that each child is unique and will learn in different ways and at different speeds. We are not seeking out only A+ students. We want to develop A+ human beings, with the academic skills and middot that will enable them to be successful in whatever path they choose in life.”

Limudai Kodesh and Secular Studies

The school is governed by the regulations of the Florida Department of Education, with the school term beginning in late August and ending in early June. The state emphasizes literacy, and developed guidelines in their “Just Read, Florida!” program based on the latest reading research that includes emphasis on oral language development, phonological awareness, phonics, vocabulary, fluency, and comprehension.  “We, therefore, have on our staff ‘fluency’ teachers for both the English and limudai kodesh departments that will work with students individually as they move up in grades to ensure that every child is mastering reading in both areas.” The curriculum was designed after careful research of the curricula of other community schools in Brooklyn and with input from both rabbis and secular teachers. Recognizing that there are older students who have not had the benefit of attending a yeshiva steeped in Sephardic heritage – especially the boys who do not have a foundation in keriah – an adjunct keriah program was created with a ta’amim teacher to instruct the boys on the proper way to read the Torah and haftara and sing pizmonim.

Tuition at Yeshivat Torat Yosef, $14,500 for elementary school, is less costly than other yeshivot in the area. There are numerous government grants and government programs for tuition assistance including The State of Florida’s Step Up program, which offers K-12 students who meet the income or other eligibility requirements scholarships worth an average of $7,700 to attend a private school that best meets their academic needs. The yeshiva is committed to helping parents afford the tuition and will offer scholarships for families who may not be eligible for government grants.

In late August of last year, the school opened its doors with 35 preschool students. To date, there are 110 students registered for the Fall of 2023, which will comprise a pre-1a class and two first grade classes – one for boys and one for girls. The plan is to grow the school as students grow – to add grades as the students advance and to hire teachers as needed. The yeshiva has received numerous resumes of teachers planning to move to South Florida, and will only hire licensed teachers with advanced degrees.

With their state-of-the-art campus, licensed teachers, and the strong curriculum, Yeshivat Torat Yosef has been recognized with accreditation by the State of Florida, the only yeshiva in South Florida able to make that claim.

Hakarat HaTov for Outstanding Support

“This is not an endeavor that I could have tackled alone,” concludes Rabbi Elbaz. “As it was for our community in the past, it took vision, financial support, and the passion of those who believed in the project to make it happen. I have been deeply touched by all those who have offered advice and encouragement and I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge Mr. Steven Safdieh who has been an invaluable support to our yeshiva and to me personally.”

Yeshivat Torat Yosef has received wide-range support from community rabbis and lay leaders alike. In a promotional video on behalf of the school Rabbi Eli Mansour said, “Sepharadim need to have their own yeshivot. We have different halachot, different ta’amim, we read differently. We deprive our children of a very rich heritage if we don’t provide them with a tailor-made Sephardic oriented education.”

In an interview with Rabbi Galimidi of the Safra Synagogue in Aventura, he emphasized that this project is a tremendous milestone for the Sephardic community of South Florida. “Our minhagim are part of our common identity. To educate a boy to step up to the teva to read from the Torah, say Shema, or recite the haftarah, guarantees the continuity of our traditions. We are privileged and blessed to see this dream become a reality with the opening of Yeshivat Torat Yosef.”

Mr. Irwin Mizrahi. an ardent supporter, believes that “the numerous Sephardic families who have moved to the Hollywood area must have a school that teaches our minhagim, our pizmonim, the te’amim, and history of our glorious heritage. Our minhagim are the glue that keeps our community together and is the link to our grandparents.” He generously dedicated the name of the school in memory of his father Joseph Mizrahi, a”h. Mr. Joe Cayre, Mr. Harry Adjmi, and Mr. Jimmy Khezrie are also generous benefactors of the yeshiva, giving not only their financial help but sharing their wisdom and experience in building community institutions. Mr. Saul Tawil, Mr. Ray Haber, and Mr. Ezra Erani, themselves founders and patrons of outstanding educational institutions in our community, have lent advice and financial support to the yeshiva as well.

Open Invitation to Come See for Yourselves!

Rabbi Elbaz invites those vacationing in South Florida to visit the campus of Yeshivat Torat Yosef, to witness for themselves the realization of a dream for the entire Sephardic community.

For more information about Yeshivat Torat Yosef, please contact the yeshiva at toratyosefeducation@gmail.com or call Rabbi David Elbaz at 732- 856-3989.

The Case – The Saga of a Destination Wedding

Community Magazine

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April 2023

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The Case – The Saga of a Destination Wedding

Jerry, the father of the bride, chose to celebrate his daughter’s wedding overseas. He invited the family members of the bride and groom, and many of their close friends. Since the extended family members included numerous observant Jews with high kashrut standards, Jerry meticulously chose a well-accepted caterer under the auspices of a reputable kashrut organization. Sometime at the end of the trip, the caterer’s manager boasted to one of the guests of the rare cuts of meat served on the wedding night. Upon further inquiry, it became apparent that the caterer served cuts of meat taken from the hind of the animal. Consequently, many of Jerry’s guests phoned their local rabbi who informed them that it was forbidden to eat such meat. The rabbi explained to them that the method of koshering hind meat properly is largely unknown, and thus the meat’s kosher status was questionable. The rabbi added, that although the meat had kosher certification, it was clearly against their custom to consume it. The uproar of complaints, and the ill feelings of the guests towards Jerry, heavily dampened the end of the trip. Jerry, who prepaid the caterer, demanded a refund from him for what had transpired. Firstly, the meat’s kosher status was questionable and is thus not customarily served. Furthermore, Jerry complained that the caterer violated his advertised kosher certification by bringing meat of a different kosher certification. Jerry was also seeking compensation for his aggravation after violating the trust of his family by serving them meat that was inappropriate.

Is Jerry entitled to a refund from the caterer? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, one who sells unkosher food to another Jew is required to refund the buyer in full. Regardless of whether the food was restricted for consumption by Torah law, rabbinic law, or even by custom, the buyer is entitled to a complete refund. This above ruling is limited to instances in which the buyer did not yet consume the unkosher food purchased. Since the buyer in all instances is restricted from eating the food, he is clearly entitled to a refund upon discovering the food’s unkosher status.

Nevertheless, the law differs in the event the buyer already consumed the unkosher food. In such an instance, if the food was prohibited for consumption by Torah law, the seller is required to provide a full refund. If, however, the prohibition was of rabbinic nature, after it is eaten, the seller need not refund the money collected.

The rationale for the above distinction is that our sages imposed a penalty on the seller of food that is unkosher by Torah prohibition. This penalty requires the seller to provide a refund even if the food was eaten and served as nourishment. On the other hand, in a rabbinic prohibition, our sages did not include the penalty of refund once the food was eaten and served as nourishment.

A further explanation is provided for the above halachic distinction. Since one who eats unkosher food that is forbidden by Torah prohibition is terribly pained by his mistake, the anguish outweighs the nourishment he received. In the case of rabbinic prohibition, the remorse after unintentional consumption is not nearly as severe, and the nourishment is viewed as a benefit offsetting the need for a refund. Furthermore, numerous halachic authorities rule that one who unintentionally eats food of rabbinic restriction is not required to atone for his mistake. While other views argue, all agree that a refund is not required.

The hind meat of an animal is customarily not available at butcher shops in North America and most other locations around the globe. This is due to the complicated process of its koshering, and the lack of experienced men that are qualified to perform such a procedure. It is clearly not the intent of this ruling to change such a practice, which protects the public from possibly consuming unkosher meat. However, in the event hind meat is consumed after its meticulous koshering by a well-known reliable overseas rabbinical source, there is no basis to claim a refund. Our custom to refrain from its consumption is at best due to a rabbinic prohibition, and more likely the prohibition only stems from our inability to perform the required koshering procedure.

Verdict: Case Dismissed

Our Bet Din rejected Jerry’s claim for a refund of the cost of catering for the night of his daughter’s wedding. As mentioned in Torah law, once the food is consumed, one is not entitled to a refund unless he accidentally ate food restricted under Torah law. Hind meat is customarily not available in North America and in most locations around the globe. This is due to the complicated process of its koshering and the lack of experienced men that are qualified to perform such a procedure. It is clearly not the intention of this ruling to change such a practice that protects the public from possibly eating unkosher meat. Nevertheless, since the caterer imported meat from a meticulous, well-known reliable overseas rabbinical source, there is no basis to claim a refund. Our custom to refrain from its consumption is most likely due to our inability and lack of knowledge in the koshering procedure.

Although the kashrut organization servicing the caterer failed to detect and prevent the serving of the meat, Jerry had paid a flat rate directly to the caterer and was unaffiliated with the servicing kashrut organization. Additionally, the caterer’s price did not detail a paid additional cost for its specific kashrut certification. Notwithstanding, our Bet Din instructed Jerry to report the caterer to the main branch of the kashrut headquarters, in order to prevent him from repeating such activity.

In Loving Memory of Vera Bat Carol, A”H

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Rent Reduction?

Sally and Jonathan rented a five-bedroom home from David to satisfy the needs of their growing family. After the first two years of rental, immediately after signing a contract for a third year, a water leak developed in one of the bedrooms. The dripping leak partially extended to a second bedroom and after only a short while the entire upstairs reeked of mildew. Without delay, David instructed the couple to provide entry to workers to correct the problem. However, due to complications that included locating the multiple sources of the problem, along with the need for outdoor repairs during the height of the winter, it became evident that the process would be difficult and lengthy. Sally and Jonathan informed David that they were reducing the amount of their monthly payments from the time the leaks began until the problem is corrected. In Bet Din, David refused to lower the rent and countered that if the couple wishes, they can move out of his home and he will reimburse them with all the rent paid since the beginning of the episode. If, however, they choose to stay, David expected to be paid the price of the rent in full, as stipulated in their contract. David, by his own initiative, forwarded a check to our Bet Din, paid to the order of the couple, covering the full cost of rent with an additional amount for the time period required for the couple to move. Sally and Jonathan rejected David’s offer, claiming that they were unwilling to move and they reiterated their right to a rent reduction.

Is David required to reduce their rent?

How should the Bet Din rule and why?

MDY Students Raise Money for Chai Lifeline

Community Magazine

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April 2023

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MDY Students Raise Money for Chai Lifeline

Magen David Yeshivah recently held a successful fundraiser for Chai Lifeline, an organization that supports children with life-threatening illnesses and their families. The school community rallied together and raised an impressive $147,036 for this important cause!

In recognition of the students’ hard work and generosity, Chai Lifeline organized a special magic show at Magen David Yeshivah to reward the students for their efforts. The show was a hit, and the students were thrilled to have the opportunity to enjoy some magic and fun with their classmates.

State Senate Proposes Parking Permits for New York

Car owners in New York City might need permits to park in residential areas, under the State Senate’s one-house budget proposal, set to be released.

The new law would require splitting parking spots in residential areas 80 /20, with 80 percent of spots reserved for people who live in the area and hold permits to park there. Commercial zones would not have the same limitations, but might be regulated during certain times.

Non-residents will be permitted to park in the spots reserved for local residents for at least 90 minutes.

Proponents of the proposal say that the rules would curb air pollution, by limiting car idling and the common practice of circling blocks looking for a parking spot,. Also, the proposal would encourage the use of alternate forms of transportation, such as cycling, which would also reduce air pollution.

Advocates of the measure, which has been implemented in cities such as Chicago and Austin, say that the measure would streamline parking and allow people to park closer to home.

Details such as how large parking zones would be, the date and time of when the rules would be in effect, the definitions of commercial and residential zones, and the cost of permits, would be determined by the City Council.

Fees for parking permits would, however, be capped at $30 a month.

The proposal also leaves it up to the City Council to hold public hearings before adopting the new rules.

Some in the State Senate caution that the project is fraught with potential problems.

“As a homeowner in New York City for more than 30 years, having a spot in front of my house sounds great,” State Senator Simcha Felder said. “But the devil is in the details, and government is notorious for ruining good things.”

Some City Councilmembers are unhappy with the proposal. Councilman Kalman Yeger said that the move is “another Albany cash-grab,” and he states, “I don’t know anyone in city government who asked Albany for this.”

SBH Senior Programs in Brooklyn and Deal

Do you know a senior who could use a friendly visit?

Send SBH (Brooklyn and Deal) their information and SBH will add their name to the SBH Visiting List! All names and information is strictly confidential. To sign up a senior or for more information please contact Jacqueline Mizrachi at: Jmizrachi@sbhonline.org.

Have a Car and Some Time?

The SBH Jersey Branch is looking for drivers to drive seniors to and from programs!

For more info, please contact Linda Faham at Lfaham@sbhonline.org or call: 732 531 1117 ext. 132.

Accept and Decide

Community Magazine

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April 2023

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Life comes with ups and downs. We know that while many life circumstances are out of our control, the way we choose to think and manage our internal world is something we can indeed influence greatly. If we want to raise children who are capable of living joyfully even when challenges hit, we need to model what that looks like for them.

The Gift of Acceptance

I outlined the following strategy that can help us with that – it is called, “Accept and decide or decide and accept?”

A gift that allows us to embrace life with all of its challenges is the gift of acceptance. Two people can have identical experiences, yet deal with them in completely different ways. One person can be falling apart while the other, who is also facing the same type of pain, succeeds in balancing the painful situation with leading a productive life. The person who is able to still produce amidst pain has accepted the challenge, using the “Accept and decide” strategy.

First, they fully accept what was sent their way as a unique and special challenge designed for them by Hashem with love, and then they decide what their next action should be.

So, let’s ask ourselves – do we first decide how life should be and THEN work on accepting, or do we fully accept what came our way, and THEN make decisions about how to move forward? We want to do the latter. When we first decide that life should be this way or that way, that people should treat me a certain way, it becomes much harder to accept disappointments. However, when we fully know that everything that Hashem does is for our best, it is easier to decide what to do next.

Acceptance in Action

For example, you get a call from your son’s principal saying that he was involved in a physical fight and needs to be picked up from school. When you pick him up, he is crying that he really didn’t punch the boy, but rather was trying to reach something on a bookshelf, and the boy screamed, “Get off!” when your son accidentally moved his hand past him.

You call up the school to speak to the principal and the secretary tells you that he left to go on vacation an hour ago. A different administrator takes the call and says that he will check the cameras. He calls you back and tells you that your son did not, in fact, punch the boy who was screaming dramatically just to make a scene, while your son was really just trying to reach a book.

You ask if your son can return to school and this administrator tells you he can’t override the principal’s decision. You can decide and accept or accept and decide. If you first decide that this is completely unfair, when you try to accept, it would be so hard. Instead, first accept that you and your son are supposed to experience this hardship, and that Gd has your back. For reasons you don’t understand you both needed this experience in order to become the great people you were intended to be. Then, it’s much easier to decide, to make a decision about what you should do next. So you get in the car and go out grocery shopping with your son, spending quality time in the car. No time wasted ruminating about the disappointment. Now, don’t get me wrong…the disappointment is real indeed. And all feelings need to be accepted. But when we also accept the situation, then what could have potentially had a dismal outcome of hours lost due to rumination, now becomes a minor discomfort marching alongside the joy of the other parts of our lives.

Sometimes people ask why they experience difficult situations in life. Consider the following. When young children need to take a medicine that doesn’t taste good, we can understand very well that we know better than our child, and we give the dose. We are confident that we as adults are privy to certain information about the child’s welfare that a toddler cannot understand. Because we love the child, we give the medicine, foul tasting as it may be. Hashem also loves us more than we love ourselves and while we can’t comprehend why He gives us certain challenges, we can adopt an “Accept and decide” attitude, and see where it takes us. And as always, proper modeling leads our children on the right path. To learn more go to tammysassoon.com.

SIMHA Celebrates the Completion of Its First Rabbinic Training Cohort 

Community Magazine

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April 2023

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SIMHA Celebrates the Completion of Its First Rabbinic Training Cohort 

(L-R) Rabbi Joey Sultan, Rabbi Alex Mizrahi, Rabbi David Nakash, Rabbi David Mansour, Rabbi David Sutton, Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman, Rabbi Joey Dana, Rabbi Mourad Sardar, Rabbi David Nakash, and Dr. David Katzenstein.

First class of SIMHA’s 2nd Rabbinic Training Cohort

SIMHA: Building Up, and Looking Ahead

By Rabbi David Sutton and Dr. David Katzenstein.

On January 29 of this year, SIMHA (Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness) celebrated the graduation of its first cohort of seven rabbis, all of whom were awarded certifications of completion in SIMHA’s inaugural, six-month Rabbinical Clinical Training Program.

SIMHA, a mental health organization based in Brooklyn, provides white-glove, expert mental health services, including clinical assessments, expedited referrals, case management, crisis intervention, and support groups, to those within Sephardic communities who are struggling with any and all mental health matters. SIMHA’s founding support group – for mothers of adolescent and adult children struggling with mental illness – is run by group therapist Elisheva Parry, LCSW.

Focus on Education and Prevention

What further separates SIMHA from so many other organizations is its investment in, and focus on, prevention. Its Education and Awareness Division, overseen by SIMHA’s founder/director, Rabbi David Sutton and Chief Clinical Officer, Dr. David Katzenstein, DSW, LCSW-R, has offered to those on the frontlines of the community, at no cost, a myriad of seminars, courses, and professional development workshops, given by experts and specialists in the field.

“Our community educators, rabbis, shadchanim, and hattan/kallah teachers, are often the very first to encounter mental health-related concerns among those with whom they work closely, and it is vital that they be readily equipped with the know-how to address these concerns,” said Rabbi Sutton.

Rabbinical Clinical Training Program

The Rabbinical Clinical Training Program evolved from a vision into reality after a series of ten workshops given by experts on a variety of mental health topics left many of the rabbis wanting and requesting more.

SIMHA’s co-founders and prominent community leaders, Mr. Mark Adjmi and Mr. Nathan Hoffman, together with Rabbi Sutton, tapped renowned psychologist and speaker/author, Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman, Psy.D, to spearhead, develop, and lead the program. Dr. Zimmerman is a leading authority within Jewish communities across the globe on the issues of sexual abuse, community education, and spirituality. SIMHA’s Director of Operations, Shlomo Brecher, LMHC, coordinated all the administrative and logistical components required to help the program run smoothly.

The seven community rabbis, Rabbi Alex Mizrahi of the Yad Yosef Congregation and Kesher organization, Rabbi David Mansour of Yeshivat Shaare Torah and Khal Kol Yaakov, Rabbi David Nakash of YDE and Shaare Zion, Rabbi David Nakash of Khal Bnei Aliyah, Rabbi Joey Dana of the West Deal Synagogue and Hillel Yeshiva, Rabbi Joseph Sultan of the Deal Synagogue and Rabbi Diamond’s Yeshiva, and Rabbi Mourad Sardar of Khal Darchei Noam and Yeshivat Mekor Haim, gathered each Tuesday in SIMHA’s conference room and participated in a weekly three-hour lecture that focused on their integral roles as pastoral counselors. More than providing an extensive course in mental health, Dr. Zimmerman expertly trained the rabbis on the therapeutic nuances of active listening, reflection, validation, empathy, and the many additional skills needed to deal with the multitude of issues that are often presented to them by their congregants.

Success of First Program Leads to Second Cohort

The objective of the course was not to turn rabbis into clinicians, but rather to equip them with the requisite tools to provide knowledgeable and compassionate spiritual care and guidance. Rabbi Joseph Dana, Assistant Rosh Yeshiva at Hillel, strongly concurred that this objective has been well-realized. “The information and hands-on knowledge that we discussed have armed me with what is most crucial: the ability to help those in our community who need it most. As a participant in the cohort, I feel confident that I have the tools to properly discuss even the most sensitive issues with my congregants and students.”

Concurrent with the lectures, the rabbis received bi-monthly individual case supervision from Dr. Zimmerman on cases and issues with which they were actively dealing. Most of the course graduates are continuing their training with ongoing weekly supervision, meeting together in a group led by Dr. Katzenstein.

“The fact that these rabbis, with their hectic schedules and busy lives, have voluntarily enrolled in this program in order to improve their skills and knowledge within the complex world of mental health, speaks to their commitment and dedication to the people who need them most,” Dr. Katzenstein noted. “It is awe inspiring,” 

Thanks to the incredible success of the first cohort, another twelve community rabbis have signed on for the next six-month course, already underway. They are Rabbi Avi Shmueli of Rabbi Diamond’s Kollel, Rabbi David Beyda of Meor Yeshiva High School, Rabbi David Maslaton of Bet Yaakov Orot Sarah and Cong. Shaare Sion, Rabbi Joe Mizrahi of Yeshivat Magen David and Congregation Bnai Yitzchak , Rabbi Joe Srour of Congregation Shaare Sion, Rabbi Meir Barnathan of Yeshivat Magen David and Congregation Ahava V’Achva, Rabbi Mordechai Sultan, Rabbi Ralph Gindi of YDE, Rabbi Raymond Azrak of Congregation Ahi Ezer and YDE, Rabbi Raymond Shamah of YDE, and Rabbi Shelomo Haber of Congregation Magen Abraham and Yeshivat Shaare Torah.

Training for Women Leaders

To meet the needs of the community’s women, SIMHA co-founder Nathan Hoffman understands that an investment in clinical training programs for women leaders fits perfectly within SIMHA’s mission. “Our goal is to help every single individual in our community,” he stated.” So many women and girls seek out help or guidance for mental health struggles, and it is important that the women they turn to be properly trained, just as the rabbis have been.” 

Among the programming already offered were a six-week kallah teacher course given by Mrs. Shevi Samet, the associate director of CORE’s Kallah Conversations Community of Practice and a well-known specialist who coaches brides with mental health issues, as well as a multi-day workshop for shadchanim, presented by Dr. Avi Muschel, Psy.D, an expert on dating and premarital relationships. The most recent experiential workshop SIMHA offered for kallah teachers was led Dr. Sarah Miller, PhD, both a clinical psychologist and rebbetzin, on knowing how to differentiate between typical bride angst and real clinical anxiety.

SIMHA Answers a Significant Community Need

Though SIMHA has opened its doors only a mere twelve months ago, the need for its launch is increasingly evident by the sheer number of cases it has accepted since its inception. Over six hundred members of the community have walked through its doors to receive clinical services. Each client is assessed and subsequently receives a custom-tailored treatment plan that is followed closely by SIMHA’s clinical coordination team, who serve to ensure that services are provided with evidenced-based care and as expediently as possible.

Due to the increasing number of ongoing cases needing clinical expertise and oversight, SIMHA has hired noted psychologist Dr. Eli Mandelbaum, PsyD, to serve as its Director of Clinical Coordination. Dr Mandelbaum, who maintains a private practice in Monsey, New York, serves as a consulting psychologist for well-known organizations ATime (for infertility) and Ray of Hope (for survivors of sexual abuse), will additionally direct the recently developed Psychology Training Program – the first of its kind within the Sephardic community.

SIMHA’s board of directors, among them Mr. Ike Tawil, is keenly aware that so much more work still needs to be done. “Our ultimate aim is to alleviate much of the pain and subsequent confusion surrounding mental illness within our community and eradicate any associated stigma,” he said.

SIMHA’s president, Mr. Adjmi, concludes, “Our community is known to be there for one another when times are challenging, and this is especially true when dealing with mental health matters.”

As Mr. Adjmi succinctly put it, “We are just getting started.”

Rabbi David Sutton is the Rabbi of the Yad Yosef Torah Center as well as the Founder/Director of the SIMHA Organization. Dr. David Katzenstein is the Chief Clinical Officer at SIMHA and maintains a private psychotherapy practice in Brooklyn.

 SIMHA: Building Up, and Looking Ahead

An in-depth look at SIMHA’s revolutionary rabbinic training program

When “Nothing” Isn’t Enough

Community Magazine

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April 2023

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Dr. Yossi Shafer

As we’ve discussed, the “do nothing” approach can be freeing for your relationships – especially in the parent-child relationship – and, with consistency, can be highly effective. 

But what about the times when “nothing” seems detrimental?

When someone you love is headed down a path of destruction.

When the school threatens expulsion.

When the rest of the family is suffering.

These extreme situations – a child at risk, a loved one battling addiction, self-destructive behaviors, interpersonal abuse – call for a modified approach.

Even when the situation doesn’t threaten life or limb, there are behaviors that our human nature will protest that we cannot or should not tolerate. When your teen is constantly locked in his room and refusing to talk to anyone except when she comes out to demand something (a ride, money, the car keys…), we often resort to bemoaning the attitude of “kids these days.” Is it a generational thing? Am I being too lax? Too demanding? I would never have gotten away with this kind of behavior.

This is when a mindset shift can work wonders. You’ve probably gotten stuck in a pattern of responses – yelling, pleading, ignoring, punishing – and it’s not working. As Albert Einstein professed, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” When you’ve exhausted all “parenting tactics” and haven’t gotten anywhere, it’s time to reevaluate your approach and take a step back.

Stepping back takes the pressure off the child and out of the equation, breaking those cycles and habits you’ve formed. It allows everyone to simply live for a while, free of constant thoughts of “how should I deal with this?” and “what do I do next?” 

Stepping back means treating this child – no matter what kind of heartbreak she’s putting you through at the moment – just like every other child in the family. Put your own strong feelings on the back burner to interact with her calmly, without letting your emotions control your actions and without taking her behavior personally (easier said than done, but well worth it!). Call him for dinner with the rest of your children, and if he doesn’t show up, drop it. Ask her about her day neutrally, like you would your spouse or acquaintance, and don’t push further.

In the vast majority of cases, taking that step back allows the child the space and ability to come to you. This is why many teenagers have plenty to say while in therapy sessions or while speaking to a rabbi, yet will say almost nothing at home. In these other safe spaces, they don’t feel the need to protect themselves from criticism or judgment.

At the same time, you need to be clear and firm about what behaviors will not be tolerated in your home or relationship. This is where consequences come in, in black-and-white terminology, to speak your child’s language and leave no room for negotiation or misunderstanding. Pick your battles carefully and be sure to phrase your limits in ways that do not place blame on your child.

For example: your son wants to stay out at all hours of the night with his friends. When you state the rules, don’t imply that you don’t trust him (or his friends) or believe that he’s irresponsible. Turn the focus onto yourself: Jack, as your parents, we are worried that this is dangerous. Be home by 11pm or you will lose car privileges for the week. This can translate to virtually any situation: We don’t tolerate profanity in this house. Abba expects everyone to be respectful at the Shabbat table. We are the ones concerned about your health and safety.

When you have a struggling teen, you may feel like seizing every opportunity to discuss your concerns with him or her. Do not! Your child will thrive most when he feels safe and accepted. 

Invite her out for ice cream or along on your errands (but don’t be offended if she declines). Never go with an agenda, and never expect her to talk. Simply spend time with her, without any pressure, and without any remarks about what she should or shouldn’t be doing. Even when zero words are exchanged, if you are able to tolerate your natural emotions and not force any conversation, it will be more beneficial in the long run. At some point she will likely initiate conversation on her own. 

The golden rule of parenting (and many relationships) – staying silent and doing nothing – will typically be more effective than attempting to intervene or trying to stop behaviors.

Next month, we’ll discuss strategies for encouraging a loved one to get professional help when necessary.

Disclaimer: the content of this article offers general suggestions for dealing with at-risk individuals. Consult with a professional for personal guidance as needed in specific cases.

Dr. Yossi Shafer, PhD is the clinical director and a clinical psychologist at Empower Health Center, a private practice of multispecialty psychotherapists. They have offices in Deal/Long Branch and Lakewood and can be reached at (732) 666-9898 or office@empowerhealthcenter.net.

The Lighter Side – April 2023

Community Magazine

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April 2023

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Bird on a Wire

Shmuel’s son Chaim lived overseas. As a gift Shmuel sent him a gift of a rare bird. Not being a great expert in ornithology, Chaim thought the bird was a delicacy. When Shmuel called to see how Chaim enjoyed the gift he sent, Chaim replied, “Oh, the bird? I shechted it. It was delicious!”

Incredulous, Shmuel cried out, “You mean you ate the bird? Do you know how valuable it was? It could even speak two languages!”

“So why didn’t he say something?!” Chaim replied.

Mordy S.

Business Class

The kids filed back into Mrs. Carter’s class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Marlene led off: “I sold Girl Scout Cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly. “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said Mrs. Carter.

Little Sally was next: “I sold magazines,” she said. “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”

“Very good, Sally,” said the teacher.

Eventually, it was little Max’s turn.

Max walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the teacher. “What in the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said little Max.

“Toothbrushes?” echoed the teacher. “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Max. “I set up an ice cream stand. I gave everybody who walked by a free sample and they all said the same thing: “This tastes like dirt!”

Then I would say, “It is dirt. Would you like to buy a toothbrush?”

Clara H.

Business Ethics

Sam telephones Albert and says, “Oy vey, Albert. Am I in trouble! My best customer has just gone bankrupt and I have lost $1,000,000. I am going to have to close my store.”

“Although you’re my main competitor,” says Albert, “I’m still sorry to hear that, Sam. So, who is he?”

“Nice try Albert,” replies Sam. “Do you think I’m crazy? You think I’m going to tell you the name of my best customer?!”

Mayer G.

A Blessing at Dinner

Lisa invited some family and friends to dinner, and at the table, she turns to her six-year-old daughter Rachel and says, “Darling, don’t forget to make a blessing.”

“But Mommy, I don’t know what beracha to say,” replies Rachel.

“All you need do,” says Lisa, “is to repeat what you heard Mommy say.”

Rachel thinks for a moment and says, “Gd, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?!”

Sarah A.

Camel Talk

A baby camel was asking his mother a bunch of questions.

“Ma, why do we have huge, padded feet?” asked the baby camel.

“They help us trek across the desert,” answered the mother camel. “Our large toes stay on top of the soft sand.”

“Why do we have such long eyelashes?”

“To keep the sand out our eyes on our long treks in the desert.”

“Why do we have these giant humps on our backs?”

“They help us store great quantities of food and water, so we can make long treks through the desert.”

Summing things up the baby camel said, “So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking in the sand, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store food?”

“That’s right dear,” said the proud mother.

The baby camel thinks for a moment and says, “So why are we living here in the Bronx Zoo?”

Carl S.

New Pair of Shoes

Chaim Yankel walks into the Chelm shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.

“How do they feel?” asks the salesclerk.

“Well, they feel a bit tight,” replies Chaim Yankel.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and Chaim Yankel’s feet.

“Try pulling out on the tongue,” offers the clerk.

“Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” Chaim Yankel says.

Mordechai A.

You Think Money Grows on Trees?

Joey had been asking his father for more and more spending money, so his father finally said to him, “Joey, do you think money grows on trees?”

“Yeah,” said Joey, always somewhat of a smart aleck.

“Well, it doesn’t,” said his father.

“So, what is money made out of, Dad?” asked Joey.

“Paper,” his father replied.

“And what is paper made from?” asked Joey with a smile.

Janet K.

A Creative Diagnosis

Abe goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife Sara’s test results. The receptionist tells him, “I’m sorry but there’s been a bit of a mix-up. When we sent your wife’s samples to the lab, they got mixed up with the samples from another Mrs. Cohen and we don’t know which one is your wife’s. The bottom line is that the situation is either bad or not so bad.”

“What do you mean?” asks Abe.

“Well,” says the receptionist, “one Mrs. Cohen has tested positive for amnesia and the other for gingivitis. We can’t tell which is which.”

“That’s terrible,” says Abe. “Can you do the test again?”

“Normally, yes. But your health insurance won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”

“Well, what should I do?” asks Abe.

The receptionist replies, “The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t borrow her toothbrush.”

Raymond E.

Canine Complex

A man walked into the office of Dr. Seymour Epstein, a well-known psychiatrist, and sat down to explain his problem.

“Doctor Epstein, I’ve got this problem,” the man said. “I keep thinking that I’m a dog. It’s crazy. I don’t know what to do!”

“A common canine complex,” said Dr. Epstein soothingly. “Relax. Come here and lie down on the couch.”

“Sorry Doc,” the man said nervously, “I’m not allowed up on the furniture.”

David M.

Job Interview

Norman applied for job after being dismissed by his previous employer.

“So, tell me, Norman,” asked the interviewer, “have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?”

“Actually, yes,” Norman said modestly. “Last year I had two short stories published in a local Jewish magazine, and I just finished my first novel.”

“Very impressive,” he commented, “but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours.”

Norman explained brightly, “Oh, that’s what I plan on doing during office hours.”

Frieda S.

NYC Ends Vaccine Mandate for City Workers

Community Magazine

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March 2023

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NYC Ends Vaccine Mandate for City Workers

Last month, Mayor Eric Adams announced that New York City will no longer have a COVID-19 vaccine mandate for municipal employees.

The policy was among the strictest employee vaccination mandates anywhere in the country, and while that has ended, the lawsuits have not.

“The number of cases, hospitalizations, and deaths have remained relatively stable over the past months, without the dramatic peaks that we saw during the winter of 2021 into 2022,” said NYC Health Department Deputy Commissioner Dr. Celia Quinn.

Many city employee unions are celebrating the change. However, a number of public sector unions remain in ongoing litigation against New York City as they try to get their members’ jobs back.

The mandate – imposed on all municipal workers – prompted angry demonstrations and a blizzard of lawsuits. Nearly 1,800 workers, including sanitation workers, police officers, and firefighters refused the vaccine and were fired.

Last month’s vote means the city will do away with the requirement that workers show proof of vaccination. It also means that visitors to city schools do not have to show proof of at least one dose.

Health care workers still have to be vaccinated because of separate state and federal mandates.

However, state officials will allow masking requirements in health care facilities to lapse, lifting a requirement that had applied to staff, patients, and visitors in hospitals and health care settings, regardless of vaccination status.

HGTV Team of MDY Visits New Project Site

The HGTV teen team of Magen David Yeshivah High School Club, led by Mrs. Beth Goldberg, hit the ground running last month as they made their way to a highly regarded rehab facility, the Triboro Center in the Bronx, to visit their upcoming project site. Mrs. Goldberg described the club’s current project. “This facility houses over 400 residents and the hardworking staff surely deserves a great deal of appreciation for ALL that they do each day. Our team has decided to ‘gift’ the staff with a renovated coffee and break area in which they can enjoy a few minutes to relax, refuel, rewind, and recharge.”

“Our creative team met with the administrator of the facility as well as the Director of Maintenance to discuss some of our ideas as well as to be briefed on certain requirements. While we were there, two professionals came into the area and we were able to hear from them some of their requests for the updated space. We are so proud of our students that are reaching out and helping those who give selflessly to a special group of individuals,” said Mrs. Goldberg.

Senator Felder, Assemblyman Eichenstein, and Councilman Yeger Welcome the Installation of All-Way Stop Sign at 46^th Street and 11^th Avenue

Community Board 12, Senator Simcha Felder, Councilman Kalman Yeger, and Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein appreciate the NYC Department of Transportation’s installation of a long advocated for stop sign at 46^th Street and 11^th Avenue in Boro Park. For years, DOT’s response to their efforts was that “traffic conditions did not meet nationally recognized traffic engineering standards required for installation of a traffic control.” They sought clarification as to the “standards” DOT would consider sufficient to make the intersection safer. In June 2021, DOT advised that the standards were dependent on reported accidents.

In January, Senator Felder renewed efforts to bring a traffic calming device to that intersection and joined by Councilman Yeger, Assemblyman Eichenstein, and District Manager, Barry Spitzer, fired off a letter to the Commissioner of Transportation demanding an on-site visit so the commissioner can see the dangerous conditions for himself. The letter made such an impact that instead of scheduling a visit, DOT decided to finally install a stop sign.

“This is a lesson in never giving up,” said District Manager Barry Spitzer. “Our neighbors know we will never stop fighting for them, no matter how long it takes. We would like to thank Commissioner Rodriguez and the DOT for installing the sign and Senator Felder, Councilman Yeger, and Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein for constantly being in the trenches with us on behalf of our community.”

Sephardic Relief – A Helping Hand During a Time of Need

Community Magazine

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March 2023

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Sephardic Relief – A Helping Hand During a Time of Need

Sephardic Relief is a phenomenal organization, right here in our community. This organization is dedicated to helping grieving families, to make the week of shivah go as smoothly as possible. Sephardic Relief is available for everyone. It’s not about money, but rather is about providing guidance and giving help to those coping with a loss.

Volunteers deliver essentials needed for a house of mourning at no cost to the family. Sephardic Relief provides everything from household necessities to religious items required (such as siddurim, etc.). They also field questions about halachot having to do with mourning practices. The organization provides access to resources including important numbers that a bereaved family may need. Sephardic Relief is a real blessing to our community, and offers compassionate help to families at the most difficult time.

A Little History

Sephardic Relief was inspired by an incident that occurred approximately eight years ago. A local community woman who I will call “Sarah” (she wishes to remain anonymous) was paying a shiva call with some friends. The man who had passed away was the father of a mutual friend of the girls paying the shiva call. The girls all wanted to help their friend in her time of need. They not only wanted to be there for her and comfort her. They also wanted to help get everything in order at the friend’s home. When they got to the house, they realized that there was a myriad of things to be done. One of the girls volunteered to buy groceries. Another volunteered to buy paper goods, and so on. However, not everything that needed doing was accomplished, as there was not a formal game plan that included all of the many tasks required.

It was at that shiva house that Sarah realized that in order to help a family sitting shiva in an efficient and timely manner, those wanting to help would need direction and an understanding of which tasks were immediately critical, and which could wait. Sarah saw firsthand that having people running off in different directions without coordination was not an efficient way to handle things. Sarah recognized that help had to set in motion immediately, so that bereaved families would feel some relief, so that the weight of the world (so many tasks to be accomplished, all while dealing with great loss) could be lifted from their shoulders. Help with the many tasks to be taken care of had to be done methodically, and systematically, to ensure everything ran smoothly, easily, and in a timely fashion.

Sarah recognized that many issues must be tended to when a loved one passes away. She wanted to do something significant, to insure that a number of the immediate issues could get resolved in an efficient and helpful manner. Her idea was truly innovative. And bringing her idea to fruition was also a huge undertaking.

A Team Effort

Sarah had always dreamed of running an organization, and helping people in our community. Founding an organization to help families in need during the time of shiva helped Sarah to accomplish both goals. After an intensive period of thought and planning, Sarah launched Sephardic Relief. She herself is in charge of the daily operations. Sarah is the one who answers initial calls and voice message. It is Sarah who dispatches boxes (which contain basic home necessities that a family sitting shiva would need) and a captain to oversee each family’s needs.

Sarah also handles all aspects of incoming donations. And she keeps track of the inventory of items provided to grieving families. Sarah tirelessly manages all the daily tasks involved in running the organization, including a significant amount of paperwork.

Sarah’s husband, who we will call “Avraham” also wishes to be anonymous. Avraham takes care of the technical side of things. He created the organization’s website, and set up systems to oversee the administrative end. Sarah’s brother- in-law, Isaac Katri, oversees the packaging and delivery of all the items sent to families. Isaac, a businessman, is able to get low prices through wholesalers. He arranged with a local warehouse to store the supplies until they are needed.

As the word started getting out on Instagram, a young man named Ricky Tawil, volunteered to help. At the time, he was studying accounting. Since graduating, he took on all bookkeeping tasks for the organization. The organization is blessed to have Ricky, who responsibly fulfills his very important role for Sephardic Relief..

How to Get Help

Only a phone call or a completed online form is needed for a volunteer to go straight to the shiva home. The phone call or form (which only asks for simple, basic information, such as family member or friend’s name who fills out the form, address of the shiva home, and contact number) will set in motion help for the bereaved family. The contact person can include the number of people sitting shiva, as well as the requested date for delivery of all the needed items. It is a real hesed for the family to have all the basics delivered straight to the door, as opposed to having multiple people headed to shop at different stores to provide all that is needed – which often leads to some basic necessities being overlooked or overbought.

The boxes that bereaved families receive contain most basic home necessities that a family would need during shiva. (See below.) The boxes are lovingly packed and are stored in the organization’s warehouse, awaiting for the need to arise for their delivery to shiva houses. Family members, and those helping them, are almost instantly relieved of pressing, overwhelming responsibilities for physical items. Now, close family members that are not sitting, but who are also feeling the loss, do not have to be tasked with this responsibility. They are freed to focus on the family and not on mundane tasks. Family members have reported back to Sephardic Relief that, in addition to the heartbreak of losing a loved one, they felt that facing the multitude of tasks to be handled felt like being hit with a brick, and dealing with so many details was just too much to bear. Sephardic Relief volunteers stepping in quickly and handling so many details in a timely and compassionate way was truly a lifesaver for them.

It Starts with a Box

Sephardic Relief provides mourning families with a box containing the following items. For the berachot table – disposable plates and bowls, cups, cutlery, napkins, and bottled water. Supplies for a hot drinks corner include Styrofoam cups, sugar, coffee, tea, creamer, stirrers, serving trays, serving plates, serving pieces, and plastic tablecloths.. (Upon request, a hot water urn will be lent to the family, and will be picked up after the conclusion of shiva.) Home items provided include paper towels, toilet paper, dish soap, hand soap, sturdy garbage bags, plastic wrap, aluminum foil, Windex, sponges, tissues, vinyl gloves, aluminum tins, Ziploc bags, a seven-day mourning candle, Purell, tape, matches, permanent markers, Lysol, scissors, paper to cover mirrors, note pads, pens, writing paper, print cards, and kippot. Books included are Tehillim, Kol Yaakov siddurim, and copies of two books by Rabbi Michael Haber (Eternal Life and Sur Olamim: The Cemetery Visit Guide).

Always dedicated to providing what will help the most, in the most dignified manner, Sephardic Relief has paid attention to how families feel about what they received, and what other incidentals they may have required. Over time, the organization carefully refined the list of items sent, determined the appropriate quantities, and improved the quality of goods provided.

Sephardic Relief Expands and Improves

The organization grew through word of mouth. It now has over 900 Instagram followers and provides boxes to families in Brooklyn and New Jersey. It started slowly and grew significantly after COVID-19 hit. Three years ago, the founders unfortunately experienced a personal loss themselves. They used their own experience to fine tune how Sephardic Relief helps bereaved families, and they made significant improvements. Two years ago, the organization held its first fundraiser.

A new innovation has been the appointment of 12 Sephardic Relief captains. These women volunteers are stationed throughout Brooklyn. Bezrat Hashem New Jersey will also have a team of volunteer captains. In addition to the volunteers who deliver the boxes, the captain’s job is to go to a house of mourning to help set it up for the week of shiva. If help with set up is not necessary, the captain will leave her number for the family to call if such a need arises. These captains each keep a hot water urn and siddurim in their cars, which facilitates easy drop off. After shiva, the captains retrieve the urns and siddurim for the next family in need. Captains may also assist in other ways, such as finding household help or homework help for the children during the shiva week, or locating a larger urn, getting a specific siddur, etc. Their shlichut is to help bereaved families in any way needed during such a very difficult time.

The captains’ job is not easy. It is difficult for everyone to walk into a house of mourning. But the captains do so quite often, with the motivation of helping to ease a mourning family’s pain as much as they can, by helping with the services they offer. The Brooklyn program continues to get a stronger, Baruch Hashem, and in the near future a New Jersey team will get underway. Several women in New Jersey have already signed up.

During Covid Sephardic Relief members met with the Sephardic Bikur Holim Crisis Team via Zoom to brainstorm about the best ways to compassionately assist members of the community. All of the captains participated and they shared ideas about the best way to speak to people they were helping, taking into account community, social, and family norms.

Future Plans – Focus on Food

In the future Sephardic Relief hopes to provide grieving families with additional items having to do with food, such as a berachot platter, and a printed list of resources, including significant information about local stores, caterers, and restaurants Family members sitting shiva, of course, need to eat. Often community members provide meals for their neighbors, but these meals may not cover three full meals per day. Offering families help in this area takes another burden off their shoulders. In the works are lists not only of restaurants and their menus, but also suggestions for breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, with calculated prices per person, simplifying the process of ordering food needed so it can be accomplished quickly and easily.

In Conclusion

I would like to publicize the wonderful work of Sephardic Relief, especially because I know that not all community members are familiar with the organization. Only after recently sitting shiva for my father, Mordecai Ackman, a”h, did I learn about Sephardic Relief. I had not even known that it was Sephardic Relief that had provided many of the important items for my family. I was amazed at the array of items they provided for the shiva.

I encourage community members to help by donating their time and their tsedaka. Currently the organization needs a volunteer driver for deliveries in New Jersey. In just the last few weeks alone, they have sent 23 packages out to community homes.

It is truly a mitzvah to help other Jews who are mourning. Sephardic Relief brings nachat and comfort to our community’s families during the most difficult week of shiva. Supporting this organization surely helps to fulfill the mitzvah of v’ahavta l’reiacha kamocha – loving your neighbor as yourself.

Sephardic Relief Needs Our Help

Donations in any amount are most welcome, and appreciated. Sephardic Relief is dedicated to growing even larger, with community support. That way, they can help even more families. To sponsor everything needed for a shiva home the cost is $501. Donations may be designated in memory or in honor of a loved one, or as a merit for a refuah sheleima for an ill family member or friend. A $251 donation funds half of the cost of providing necessities for a shiva home, and a $101 donation will fund one-quarter of those costs. Donors may also provide Tehillim books in memory of a loved one. Please visit the organization’s website at https://sephardicrelief.org/.

Checks may be sent to: Sephardic Relief, POB 230532, Brooklyn, NY 11223. It is possible to donate via Venmo: @sephardicrelief, or via a Chase Quickpay: Suzy@Sephardicrelief.org. The Sephardic Relief telephone number is: 347 983 2483. Sephardic Relief is a nonprofit organization, which provides proper receipts for tax purposes.