Frieda Schweky 

I’d like to start off by reintroducing myself. My name is Frieda Schweky, and I’m a wife, mom, photographer, and part-time writer. Although my work life mainly consists of photoshoots and events, I like to write this monthly column to help keep a pulse on the community I’m living in and servicing. Each month, I, along with the help of my Instagram following, have been choosing a light or semi-light hot topic for this column. Then I use my social media platform (again) to crowd-source different opinions on the month’s chosen topic. Now, let’s get into it: 

I don’t know if I could pinpoint exactly when birthday parties started getting so “extra,” but I’d say that pop culture and social media have a lot to do with it.  

My Personal Perspective 

From a parent’s perspective, I feel blessed that my children’s friends have thrown very understated and modest parties that my kids really enjoyed. If they went “all out” I think I would feel pressured to do the same, even if it wasn’t in my budget. Also, my kids may feel there was a lack in whatever I put together because kids, just like everyone else, compare.  

As a photographer, I attend many extravagant birthday parties. I feel as though that’s what my clients can afford and/or that’s what their friends and family do as well, which it usually is. I say, “Live and let live.” Everyone has different standards of what seems normal to spend on a car, a house, clothing, and yes, events too. (Even events that seem frivolous and optional such as a child’s birthday celebration.) I also know that throwing extravagant parties definitely creates a lot of business for the events industry, which primarily is made up of small businesses such as mine. So, that’s not a bad thing in my book!  

Let’s see what some of my followers and fellow community members have to say. 

Adele Franco 

I say, “Do what makes you happy.” You gave birth and raised your children – you should be able to celebrate them any way you please. We shouldn’t shame people who go extravagant, just like we shouldn’t shame people who bring ices to a park and call it a day. Some of these events look wonderful. No one should judge extravagant parties if the parents want to do that for their kid. No one should count somebody else’s money. 

Elior Navon 

Can we just go back to normal regular kids’ parties?! Kids are happy with whatever you give them, like cartoon-themed napkins and plates from the dollar store. They don’t mind one bit. Also, let’s talk about the swag bags. Why does everyone need personalized merch now? What happened to the kids’ goodie bags with a juice box, a snack, and stickers? I definitely feel the pressure to always make an extravagant party. I literally feel like I have to go all out for all of my guests. It doesn’t even become about the kids anymore! It used to be just feeding the kids pizza, French fries, and cake. Now I feel like I have to make salads and a whole adult menu, as well. I apologize for the rant. I just miss my childhood when things were simple, affordable, and easy.  

Joyce Cohen 

Having an over-the-top birthday party can be really exciting and memorable. However, these parties can also be really expensive and stressful to plan. You might feel pressure to make everything perfect, and it can be hard to manage all the details. Additionally, it can be tough to keep up with the expectations you set for yourself, especially if you’re trying to outdo previous parties. 

Another potential downside to having an over-the-top birthday party is that it can sometimes feel like you’re putting on a show for other people instead of enjoying the day for yourself. It’s important to remember that the party is about celebrating your life and accomplishments, not just about impressing others. Ultimately, it’s important to find a balance between celebrating in a way that feels meaningful to you and not putting too much pressure on yourself to create a perfect event. 

Casey Dweck 

Planning a child’s birthday is a big deal for many parents. It’s a day you brought a life to the world and you want to celebrate it. It also gives a reason to have a get-together with friends and family. I’ve realized over time that the party you end up with ultimately all depends on your budget.  

I personally see lots of stunning parties that I would love to duplicate for my own. But when I saw the prices of all these over-the-top things, I realized it just wasn’t fitting into my budget. As a single mom planning my child’s first birthday, I had a bunch of ideas saved on Pinterest and Instagram, which I collected from time to time over the months. When the time came and I started to price out different vendors and options, I realized that this over-the-top party wasn’t something I was able to afford. Even if I was doing some things myself, I knew it wouldn’t look like how I wanted, and I preferred to avoid that stress. So, I went with a smaller party and a simple theme and I tried to make it as beautiful as I could.  

The truth is, I know regardless of how big or small the party is, it’s the memories that will last. 

Gayle H. Setton 

These birthday parties are getting pretty ridiculous. The parents may not intend for this, but ultimately extravagant parties place unnecessary pressure on others to do the same. It’s not fair to the parents or the kids. The kids see it and they want the same. If the parents can’t afford it or maybe even don’t have the brain capacity to throw such a large-scale event for a simple occasion like a birthday, they’re instantly disappointing their child or embarrassing them if they throw a simple modest celebration.  

I can’t decide who I feel worse for in these situations, the parents or the children. Either way, I think it’s a lose-lose situation. 

Henriette Sasson 

Short and sweet – I think if you have the means for a fancy celebration, for sure go for it. Nothing wrong with it. Yes, it can make other moms feel bad or jealous, but if it makes you happy to do an over-the-top party for your kid, go for it. I’m sure a lot of parents will say, “But my kids are happy with Dollar Tree decorations!” And, I’m sure that’s true, but that is still no reason not to have a crazy party if you can and you want to. And it’s no one’s business! If it makes someone jealous, that’s really their issue… 

Rena Golden of Bashes by Rena 

Every family has the right to throw themselves an “over-the-top” birthday party, which I like to call a “dream” party. Each one has their own version of what their best party is, and I work with the whole community to plan each family their ultimate “dream” party. I plan a variety of different kinds of events that have different themes, including dance parties, petting zoos, bouncy houses, magic shows, spa day, sports, and more. These parties can be in a variety of venues including a client’s home or backyard, a local dance studio, or sports facilities. My goal is to create and accomplish each client’s individual “dream.”  

Parties are unique to each client and can have it all, and I have done it all. However, in my opinion the most exciting and fun parties for participants and the birthday child are the ones where the children themselves are the focus. I am proud to say that the parties I plan are “all about the fun,” whether they are “over-the-top” or not.  

———–
 

The more I worked on this article and thought about this topic, the more pro – any kind of party I became. We shouldn’t focus on what sets us apart and who has more or less. I don’t believe young children should do that either. I’ve thrown children’s birthday parties for under $100 that my kids and their friends have loved. And some years I feel the urge to put more money and effort towards a party and those, too, are memorable and enjoyable.  

We should all do what feels right to us in the moment. We’re all blessed. Some with skills, some with money, and some with both! If you really want a giant balloon arch for your kid’s birthday but can’t spring $400+ to have a professional do it, there are countless video tutorials on YouTube that can teach you to “DIY” (do it yourself) on a smaller budget. Whether you hire a professional photographer or snap a few pictures on your phone camera, the important thing is making memorable family moments. Just like we don’t want our kids judging each other on what kind of backpack or snacks they bring to school, we should set an example and not judge or comment on how much or little someone spent on a celebration.  

Want to help me choose next month’s topic? Follow along on Instagram @friedaschwekyphoto.  

Mozelle Forman

Every milestone – a birthday, anniversary, graduation, or a siyum – recognizes an achievement or goal accomplished.  We celebrate with parties, lots of food, and surrounding ourselves with our loved ones.  Renewal, the world-renowned organization responsible for facilitating life-saving kidney transplants, is celebrating a milestone – their 1,000th kidney transplant.  And they are celebrating in style with a brand-new state-of-the-art virtual laboratory housed in their new building in Brooklyn, New York. 

On April 28, 2023, the ribbon was cut and the doors opened to the Renewal Aronow-Zupnick International Headquarters, generously donated by Marshall Aronow in honor of his father, Joe Aronow and his father’s gracious kidney donor, Leah Zupnick.  Mr. Aronow expressed his immense gratitude to Renewal for making the match that gave his father a new lease on life.  Located at 4721 New Utrecht Avenue in Brooklyn, the building will be the strategic command center where the logistics of making matches between patients and donors takes place.   Mendy Reiner, founder and chairman of Renewal, addressed the audience with gratitude to the “angel visionary donors” and to David Bawabeh for his encouragement in purchasing the Renewal building.  “Renewal would not be here without you.  When I was first introduced to the Sephardic community, we were a small, struggling organization.  And I was told that the community would give us money but wouldn’t give us kidneys.  But that is not true or possible.  It is within our DNA to help.   

“Membership in Am Yisrael is priceless.  We give from ourselves, to save another and, yes, the community has given kidneys, they have given life.  We are standing in this conference room where lives are saved because of your generous support.” 

Renewal’s Humble Beginning 

Usually, great organizations begins with one gesture of kindness and grow exponentially with the support and guidance of many.  In 2006, Mendy Reiner was made aware that there was a man in his community, a father of four, who needed a kidney transplant. Mendy wanted to help him.   

On the advice of his wife, Mendy put out an advertisement looking for a donor.  He received 30 phone calls from people willing to become kidney donors and one of them turned out to be a match.  Now Mendy knew of 29 potential kidney donors, so he put out a new advertisement looking for patients in need of a kidney transplant.  And just like that, Renewal was born.  For the first few years, the organization was responsible for connecting one to two donors with recipients, and Mendy Reiner was extremely pleased.  Little by little the numbers increased.  Today, Renewal is responsible for 60 percent of all altruistic kidney transplants in New York, and with the formation of Renewal National the organization has created relationships with many major transplant centers across the nation. In addition, Renewal National sponsors awareness events, to educate the public about kidney donation and sponsors swabbing events for potential donors across the United States.  All these efforts facilitate helping more patients and meeting them where they are.  

The Syrian Community Joins In 

In 2014, AJ Gindi joined the Renewal team as Community Advocate and introduced the organization to the Syrian community.  In true form, community members immediately became involved in supporting the organization, both financially and by agreeing to be swabbed as potential donors for other community members in need of a kidney.  The Renewal database continues to grow, as the organization hosts “swab parties” where friends and family gather to be tested to determine if they can be a donor for a loved one.  Those attending who are not a match for the intended recipient are asked, with no pressure, if they would consent to becoming part of the Renewal registry. Many have later become donors for others in need. With over 1,500 participants, Renewal has the largest database of potential altruistic (living) kidney donors in the world.   

In January 2022, AJ was approached by community members, Stanley H. Chera and Joseph Haddad who asked him, “What can we do to help you save more lives?  There’s so much more to be done.  What can we do?”  Their passion for the organization and their sincere desire to help the organization grow inspired AJ.  He consulted with Menachem Friedman, Renewal National Director, who had been doing crossmatch testing for over a decade. He responded that if the organization had its own lab the process of matching donors to recipients could be accelerated.  AJ brought this information to Mr. Chera and Mr. Haddad explaining the multi-faceted and time-consuming science of finding and matching a kidney donor. Mr. Chera and Mr. Haddad immediately pledged their support for a new lab and committed to getting donations from others as well.   

State-of-the-Art Laboratory 

With the financial backing and support of the community, Renewal set out to create its very own state-of-the-art laboratory.  As an organization well known and connected in the transplant world, Renewal knew exactly who they would need to help them succeed in their project – Dr. Massimo Mangiola, Clinical Associate Professor at the NYU Transplant Institute at NYU Langone and Medical Board Member at the National Kidney Registry. With over 20 years’ experience in transplant medicine, and considered to be the top immunologist in the country, Dr. Mangiola was the perfect partner needed to actualize the plan. 

Dr. Mangiola suggested that rather than open a standard lab, which all institutions engaged in kidney transplants already possessed, the organization should, instead, consider creating a virtual laboratory that would use a highly developed computer algorithm to analyze the swab material, identifying all the data into usable, practical information to make the best possible match. However, that software did not exist – yet. Renewal would have to find and hire professional programmers to work with Dr. Mangiola to create the software that would analyze data faster and smarter.  After a year of designing, consulting, and toiling, the team succeeded. 

Grand Opening  

At the grand opening of the Renewal Aronow-Zupnick International Headquarters building in April, Dr. Mangiola addressed the audience of supporters and their families and thanked them for their generosity and foresight in creating the world’s first virtual lab of its kind.  “It is a privilege to work with you and be part of a team that gives patients another chance at life.  It is important to me that you understand what you have done here with this program.  This is not just simply matching [donor and recipient], it is matching to a level of probability that nobody else can provide out there.” He then shared a PowerPoint presentation of the intricate, complex biological explanation of how the matching takes place.  The virtual lab uses the state-of-the-art, high-resolution software that examines hundreds of variables and crossmatches data from both donor and recipient. It utilizes DNA sequencing analysis to find more precise molecular matches. This reduces the probability of rejection, enables patients to safely reduce immunosuppressive medication, and increases the longevity of the transplanted kidney.   

Although the biology was lost on most of the audience, Dr. Mangiola made it clear that finding matches is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and that Renewal’s program is making miracles in the kidney transplant world, looking deep into the genetic material, and finding matches they were never able to find before.  Dr. Mangiola continues to work with the Renewal staff, once a week consulting, overseeing, and reviewing to ensure the best, most compatible matches are found. 

“Patient Zero”

While new buildings and virtual labs are cause for tribute, the real celebration is in the transplant success stories of which there have been almost 1,000.  The story that was on everyone’s minds at the open house was that of “patient zero,” the first patient matched using the technology of the virtual lab.

Idie Lieber needed a new kidney. The transplanted kidney, which her friend graciously donated 23 years before (an unprecedented amount of time for a transplanted kidney to survive), was failing.  Her children, who were swabbed and found to be matches 23 years before but deemed to be too young to donate, were no longer compatible donors, as her body had built up so many antibodies to the existing kidney.  Her daughter, Shani, had for years reassured Mrs. Lieber, “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ve got your kidney right here.  I’m just keeping it safe for you.”  Shani was distraught when the news came that she was no longer a match for her mother.  Mrs. Lieber reached out to Renewal, whose staff immediately began searching through their database for a match.  After further researching, they discovered that Mrs. Lieber’s chance of finding another kidney was only about one percent, even if they searched worldwide.  Moshe Gerwitz, Executive Director of Renewal, describes how, “Our hearts sunk when after extensive searching we could not find a single match.”  But before the Renewal staff gave the heartbreaking news to Mrs. Lieber, they decided to “try out” the program that Dr. Mangiola was developing, inputting all the data manually, to see if they could find a match for her.  And they did! Dr. Mangiola described this as “nothing short of a miracle.”

In Mrs. Lieber’s words, “My first transplant experience, before Renewal existed, was frightening and lonely.  There was no one to hold my hand during the grueling process.  But as soon as I contacted Renewal, I felt support and connection.  Mendy Reiner said to me, ‘I don’t want you to worry. I don’t want you to stress.  I am going to worry for you.’  Renewal never gave up on their promise to find me a kidney and I became the first recipient of Dr. Mangiola’s brilliant work.” 

Mrs. Lieber’s successful transplant is not the end of the story.  “My daughter Shani felt her kidney did not really belong to her, as she had pledged it to me 23 years before.  She contacted Renewal and in March donated her kidney to a 74-year-old man who is doing wonderfully well.” 

Mr. Raymond Ashkenazi’s Story

Raymond Ashkenazi, who at the age of 82 was told he would need kidney dialysis for the rest of his life, was another one of the almost 1,000 Renewal success stories. Sharon, his wife, tells of their first encounter with Renewal.  “From the very beginning, AJ and the whole Renewal family were so positive and reassuring that we felt so secure.  We thought his age would be a factor but the surgeon reassured us that he would never consider doing the transplant if he didn’t believe it would be successful.  They gave us all the information we needed and stayed with us every step of the way.  AJ even got to the hospital before us on the day of the surgery and never left us.  We are truly a part of the Renewal family and couldn’t be more grateful to them and to Ikey Rudy [Mr. Ashkenazi’s kidney donor], for his generosity – an amazing young man.”   Ikey Rudy sees his role as a no-brainer.  “I was best friends with Raymond’s grandson. I grew up in their home calling Raymond ‘Jido’ and Sharon ‘Grandma.’  As a teenager in high school, I went to a swabbing event with my friends never thinking that I would actually donate a kidney.  When I heard that Raymond needed a kidney, I didn’t think twice – if I matched, I was going to be the one.  If I could add an extra day, a week, a year to his life, I wanted to do it.”  As for Mr. Ashkenazi, he was not told who his donor was because Sharon believed her husband is the type to say, “I don’t want it.  You keep it.”  And indeed, when the two met after the surgery and Mr. Ashkenazi saw his donor was Ikey, he just cried and blessed him. 

On the day of Mr. Ashkenazi’s surgery, two other kidney transplants facilitated by Renewal were taking place in London and South Africa, and on the day of the ribbon cutting of the new building, three transplants took place.  The altruism, the hesed, and the selflessness of each and every donor gives hope and the promise of a quality of life that patients with renal failure never dreamed of.  And none of those transplants would have been possible without Renewal.  As one donor has expressed, Renewal has made kidney donation something “normal.”  The care, empathy, guidance, encouragement, and support they give to both donors and recipients make the transplant process a relatively seamless and very rewarding event, as one person selflessly gives another a new life.   

Join the Effort

Renewal’s services would not be possible without the generous support of its donors – including those who donate their kidneys and those who donate financially.  To join the Renewal family and support their lifesaving work please contact Renewal at 718.431.9831 or info@renewal.org and visit their website at www.renewal.org.

Pnina Souid 

Every week Mitzvah Man volunteers head out on erev Shabbat to visit the homebound, many of whom are Holocaust survivors. Volunteers are told where to pick up flowers nearby to bring with them in honor of Shabbat. 

The Mitzvah Man received the following text from one of these volunteers. 

I must tell you this story that happened to me. Every week the Mitzvah Man texts the volunteers asking whether anyone is interested in visiting a homebound senior on erev Shabbat, to visit them with flowers. I answered the text and was given the name and address of the person to visit and the address of the place to pick up the flowers. 

I was surprised to see that the name was that of my Aunt Celia, whom I had not seen in seven years! Of course, I was so excited to see her and saw the Hand of Hashem, acting through the Mitzvah Man organization. 

However, there was more in store for me than I could have dreamed! 

I went that erev Shabbat, flowers in hand, to my aunt’s house. Was she ever surprised to see me! Sitting in the living room was another Mitzvah Man volunteer, a young man named Abe, who also came to visit my Aunt Celia. Abe and I started a conversation and discovered that we had much in common. 

Much to my Aunt Celia’s pleasure, I continued to visit her weekly. Abe and I also started to visit other homebound seniors together. 

We started dating. It has been two years since our first meeting at my Aunt Celia’s house and our wedding date is coming up very soon. 

The Mitzvah Man organization under Hashem’s Guidance orchestrated it all! 

The hesed I did as a Mitzvah Man volunteer led to my reunion with Aunt Celia and to meeting my future husband as well! 

Thank you, Mitzvah Man, for giving me the opportunity to do hesed and have a special merit! 

Michele Shrem 

Rabbi Yisrael Abisror is a living example of the adage, “Anyone can make a difference.” Rabbi Abisror grew up in Deal, New Jersey, moved to Aventura, Florida, and then moved his family to Orlando, Florida in order to direct the Orlando branch of YEHUDI. The organization is housed  at the University of Central Florida and focuses on outreach to the university’s 6,000 Jewish students and local young professionals.  

YEHUDI Makes a Difference  

YEHUDI encourages students to participate in learning programs, and those who attend regularly are eligible to participate in trips to Israel and/or other destinations, such as Morocco.  

“We have been blessed to open our home to so many students over the years. We recently did a count and realized we host approximately 2,000 students for Shabbat meals a year,” said Rabbi Abisror. Many of these students previously did not even know about Shabbat.  

“We have minyanim during the week and on Shabbat, kosher food nearby, and an almost complete eruv. The community even incentivizes young couples to come to live in the area. They receive a stipend of $1,000 a month for two years. The houses are large and affordable, and you can raise a family in a beautiful environment without the pressure of keeping up with others,” said Rabbi Abisror.  

Daily Giving 

Rabbi Abisror also serves as the Vice President of Daily Giving, a platform that allows individuals to automate their charitable giving by signing up to give as little as one dollar a day. To date, $10 million has been donated to more than 80 organizations. “This only happened with the help of over 14,000 ‘Daily Givers’ who are making a small difference go a very long way,” said Rabbi Abisror. 

Political Advances – School Vouchers 

Rabbi Abisror is also working to build up a small community nearby in Northeast Orlando. He has worked hard to impact the local community through his  involvement in local politics. He gave the opening invocation to the Florida House of Representatives, invited by Representative Fred Hawkins, through his legislative aide, Ben Rembaum, an alumni of the University of Central Florida. 

Rabbi Abisror recently worked with the OU Teach Coalition organization to lobby for subsidized tuitions for Jewish students from kindergarten through twelfth grade. 

In March of this year, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill to establish a statewide voucher program in which every child will be eligible to receive nearly $8,000 toward schooling, tutoring or other education-related expenses. This is an incredible achievement and significantly helps parents of parochial school children to afford the high tuition costs. Now many more Jewish parents will be able to afford to provide their children with a strong Jewish education.  This bill would not have been passed without many individuals personally taking a stand. 

Get Involved to Make a Difference 

A person does not need to have great wealth or influence to make a difference in the world. It is important lesson for us all to recognize that anyone, even a seemingly “regular ordinary person,” can make a difference, too.  

“Around the world we need to focus on our young people who can make a difference by inspiring them and giving them the tools. The most important thing is to get involved and find a way to take responsibility for the Jewish people,” said Rabbi Abisror.  

To find out more about YEHUDI, please visit www.YEHUDI.today. To find out more about Daily Giving, please visit www.dailygiving.org.  

Yissachar is like a donkey with strong bones, who rests between the boundaries. He sees that tranquility is good, and he tilts his shoulder to carry the load (Bereishis 49:14-15). 

Yissachar is the tribe that is sovel, who carries, the load of Torah. But what does that have to do with peace and tranquility? If someone wants peace and tranquility, we wouldn’t expect them to carry a load, but to sit down and relax.  

Rav Yerucham Levovitz (Daas Torah vol. I, p. 280) tells us otherwise. Though we are led to believe that menuchah comes from giving the body rest, it’s the exact opposite. If our serenity derives from physical contentment and fulfillment and having every need met, that’s the source of all confusion, the opposite of menuchah. If we are only accustomed to serenity under specific conditions, and we need to have all those conditions met to attain that serenity, then when those conditions are lacking, we’re going to be thrown out of whack.   

When we get used to any luxury, it quickly becomes a necessity. This is known as the law of diminishing returns. A brand-new luxury car provides a wonderful feeling of pleasure and excitement when first driven. A week goes by, and that excitement begins to diminish. In a month’s time, it no longer feels luxurious. A few weeks later, the driver begins to think about the lease expiring in about three years, and his mind veers to the various makes and models even more luxurious.    

This can also apply to air travel. If we are accustomed to flying only business class, we are going to be miserable when business class is booked and we are “demoted” to coach.  

If we wish to train ourselves to enjoy flying, we are best off sitting in economy class.  

Feeding our wants is like attempting to extinguish a fire with oil. Yes, for a moment, the fire will go down, but soon enough it will flare up even more fiercely. This can also be compared to quenching one’s thirst with salt water. For a moment the thirst recedes, but in time we find ourselves even thirstier. 

 So what do we do?  

Rav Yerucham gives another illustration. How is a soldier trained? Not in air-conditioned hotels with lavish meals and days spent lounging on beach chairs. Navy SEALs, for instance, undergo rigorous training under brutal conditions, with minimal nourishment and sleep, and absolutely no pleasures or extras.  Yet after completing their formal training, they are equipped to endure the physical and mental challenges of any mission with a clear mind.  

This, continues Rav Yerucham, is the meaning of the pasuk cited above. Yissachar saw the true meaning of menuchah and said to himself, “If I want menuchah, I must be sovel; I must be able to tolerate difficult situations.” 

In today’s world, Rav Yerucham laments, we are so fragile. If a groom is missing a small item (nowadays something along the lines of cuff links), he falls apart. We can’t handle when every little detail isn’t exactly the way we like. We think that we’re making ourselves stronger and better by putting recessed heat in the bathroom tiles, so that when we go into the bathtub, our toes won’t be cold! 

This fragility goes beyond our inability to handle insults and affronts. We have difficulty tolerating even a bit of pain. If we think we may possibly be coming down with a mild headache, we immediately pop some ibuprofen or acetaminophen.   At the end of the day, our inability to tolerate any inconvenience or discomfort causes a lack of peace of mind, not the peace of mind one would expect.  

TAKEAWAY  

The next time you are faced with a minor inconvenience, such as sitting in traffic, don’t fix it. Don’t change lanes. Remain in your lane, despite the crawling traffic, and tolerate it, accept it, and live with the situation.  

Learn to “fly economy class.”