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Our Vote Is Our Voice

Two years ago, I wrote the article below, and it could not be more relevant today. Now, more than ever, we are seeing the ramifications of not voting.  Our quality of life, home values, and the critical organizations we depend on are at stake.

“I have NO idea who my councilman is, let alone my state senator or state assemblyman.”  

“I think I voted once because I was home that day but I can’t remember what election it was for or who I even voted for.”  

Vote?  No, I don’t vote.  I’m a Republican and New York elects Democrats anyway, why should I bother?”     

“I don’t get involved in politics.” 

“I don’t know where to go, or even what to do, and I am embarrassed that at my age I have never voted.”

Unfortunately, these are real responses I have gotten when simply asking, “Do you vote?”

Recently, while on a community-wide zoom town-hall, a woman went through a list of complaints about radical Democrats while the elected official attempted to explain to her the importance of voting. When she finished, I messaged her privately and asked her, “Do you vote?”  I nearly fell off my chair when she typed back, “Why bother?!? Nothing changes. Is my one vote going to change anything?” I replied simply, “Your vote is your voice, and so by withholding your vote, you are silencing not only yourself, but the community as a whole. Mrs. X, it’s time to SCREAM!”

Democratic Primaries Are the Key 

It is true that New York City is predominantly Democrat, but wherever one falls in their personal political views, if registered as a Republican, they are unable to vote in the Democratic primaries.  This can have disastrous consequences.  If we as a community want to shape the landscape of the leadership, we must be willing to shape it. It has never been more important to simply go out and VOTE.

In September of 2019, SCF published an article informing the community that “Progressive Democrats, feeling empowered by a handful of high-profile victories have now thrown their weight behind any progressive trying to unseat moderate Democratic incumbents.”

Virtually all of the competitive elections in Brooklyn, Manhattan, and recently, Queens, are, and have been, decided by Democratic Party primary elections, which are held in June of each year. As of September 2022, the governor, state senate majority, state assembly majority, attorney general, comptroller, mayor, city comptroller, every borough district attorney, NYC public advocate, as well as four out of five borough presidents, and 46 of the 51 New York City Council members are Democrats.

As the city and state continues on a leftward tilt, it is clear that our community must have the ability to vote in the Democratic primaries. This will have an influence on which Democrats run in the November elections. Strengthening our voting numbers in these primaries will greatly encourage candidates to support issues that are vital to our community. The stark choice these days is between a moderate Democrat versus a progressive one. 

The Power of the Community Voting Bloc

Moreover, we must turn out for the general election vote each and every November.  Politicians pay attention to how many people come out to vote – even if not for them. Our community must be seen as  powerful to make our voices heard. 

This is not to be taken lightly.  Recent events have left our community fearful and vulnerable.  We have been too silent.  We must take this seriously and make our concerns known by using our influence as a voting bloc.  Elected officials must see and know that we will go to the polls, we will support those who support us, and we will stand together to take action on the needs of our community.

Make the effort – VOTE in November, VOTE in future primaries, use your vote as your voice.

Sari Setton is the Executive Director of The Sephardic Community Federation. 

Once Upon a Thyme – Salted Caramel Pretzel Hot Cocoa Bombs

This treat has maintained its popularity for good reason. It breaks open in the most
captivating way – releasing its contents and instantly creating an extraordinary cup of hot cocoa. Cocoa bombs are a great activity for cold winter nights and make great hostess gifts as well. You will need two half-sphere silicone mold trays with six cavities each for this recipe. If you don’t want to purchase molds, you can use paper cupcake liners and add enough melted chocolate to cover the hot chocolate and marshmallows completely.

12 ounces high-quality caramel flavored bars or chips
2 ounces high quality chocolate bar or chips
6 tablespoons hot chocolate mix
1 cup mini marshmallows
1 bag pretzels, broken into pieces
Maldon salt
6 cups whole or 2% milk
 

  1. Melt chocolate double broiler style: Fill 2 small pots halfway with water and set over
    medium-high heat. Place a heat-proof glass bowl in each, making sure that it fits
    securely on top of each pot without touching the water.
    2. Place caramel chocolate in one bowl and regular chocolate in the other.
    3. Coat the molds with the melted caramel chocolate. Drop 1 tablespoon into each well of the half-sphere silicone mold trays. Use a brush to spread the chocolate up the sides
    and over the edges of the molds by just a bit. Place in the freezer to harden quickly,
    about 5 minutes.
    4. Fill half the spheres with 1 tbsp hot cocoa mix and marshmallow.
    5. Wearing gloves, gently release the remaining 6 unfilled shells from their molds. Use a
    pastry brush to coat the sphere rim with melted chocolate to adhere to the filled shell.
    6. Let sit at room temperature to harden and set, at least 15 minutes.
    7. Drizzle with melted dark chocolate and quickly top with extra caramel chips, pretzel
    pieces, and Maldon salt. Using gloves when decorating or moving the cocoa bombs
    prevents fingerprints.
    8. To serve the chocolate bombs, heat 1 cup milk for each hot chocolate bomb gently on the stovetop or in the microwave for about 2 minutes until very hot. Place the bomb in an empty mug and then pour the hot milk on top. Stir when chocolate bomb breaks open. 

The Case – Take Me Home

Harry and six of his friends borrowed Jack’s van to travel south of New York to a town in South Carolina. When Jack gave the keys of the van to Harry, he was aware of his travel destination and of the other six travel companions. While in South Carolina, the van broke down and the group hired a mechanic to determine the cause of the car’s sudden failure. Upon hearing that the car was not easily repairable, but rather that the engine blew, Harry called Jack, who instructed him to tow the car back to New York. Harry paid for the cost of towing the van back to New York, a sum amounting to $1,750. Thereafter, Harry reached out to each of his six friends to collect $250 to cover the costs of towing. One of the friends was unwilling to participate, and suggested that Jack, the owner, was required to pay for the towing. The young man claimed that since the cause of damage was beyond their control, they are not liable for any of the costs incurred. The parties came before our Bet Din to resolve their dispute.  

Who is responsible to pay for a new engine, the cost of towing, and the fee for the mechanic who originally checked the car? Harry? The group of seven friends? Jack?  How should the Bet Din rule and why? 

Torah Law 

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, a borrower is liable for nearly all damages sustained to the item he borrowed. This includes liability for damages due to circumstances beyond the borrower’s control. The logic behind this ruling is that since a borrower benefits without rendering payment, he is accountable not only in case of negligence or theft, but for accidental mishaps as well. 

Nevertheless, according to all halachic authorities, a borrower is not responsible for damages sustained to the item caused by the negligence of the lender. It is considered negligence on the part of the lender if he gives an item that is unfit for the specific usage requested by the borrower. Hence, if the item subsequently breaks or perishes due to it being unfit for the workload it was borrowed for, the borrower is exempt from payment.  It is the responsibility of the lender to inspect and evaluate the item he is lending and to determine whether it is fit for usage. If he fails to do so, it is viewed as an act of negligence.  

As mentioned, the above ruling is undisputed by all halachic authorities. A further leniency exempting a borrower is suggested by the Shulhan Aruch. If the borrowed item sustains damage by a common and foreseen occurrence during the normal course of use, the borrower is exempt from payment. Since the lender considered the possibility of such an occurrence, he effectively released the borrower from liability when he transferred the item to him.  

By rule of the Shulchan Aruch, a buyer that maintains the legal right to return a defective item to a seller is not required to transport the defective item back to the seller’s location. Since the seller was aware at the time of the sale that the buyer’s intent was to travel out of town with the item, he is responsible for transportation costs. Even if the seller was unaware that he had sold a defective item, nevertheless, he is required to provide the cost of transportation to return the item back to his location.  

Based on the above ruling, it stands to reason that a lender that provides a borrower with an item that is defective or is unfit for use, is required to pay for the cost of transportation or delivery to return the item back to his location. Lending a defective item that is not fit for use is an act of negligence and clearly does not offer a benefit to the borrower. He is therefore exempt of all liability. 

Verdict:  At Owner’s Expense 

Our Bet Din ruled that Jack, the owner of the van, is responsible for the cost of all damages incurred. Although the group of young men borrowed Jack’s van, they are, nevertheless, not responsible to pay for a new engine. Jack negligently lent them a van that was unfit for use, and by Torah law Jack is responsible to pay for a new engine. Since Jack was aware that the group of six were travelling to South Carolina, he is additionally required to pay the $1750 for the towing of the van back to New York from South Carolina. Finally, the cost of paying the mechanic to determine that the engine blew was Jack’s responsibility as well. The obvious reasoning for this ruling is that Jack failed to inspect or evaluate the condition of his van prior to lending it out. He is consequently the cause for all the damage and expenses incurred.

YOU BE THE JUDGE  

Invested Interest 

Alan, president of an established ladies’ wear corporation, needed a loan to operate his business. He approached his brother-in-law Sam for a $750,000 loan, and although Sam was at first reluctant, he eventually transferred the entire sum. The two agreed on a six percent annual interest rate, which was to be paid in monthly installments over a five-year period. Alan lived up to the terms of the agreement and paid back the entire principal, including nearly $120,000 in interest. Taking the loan proved to be a wise decision, as Alan’s business was once again stable, and the future seemed very promising.  Not too long after he finished paying off the loan in full, Alan attended a Torah class in which the topic of the prohibition of collecting interest was discussed. The rabbi teaching the class noted that in many instances a borrower retains the right to recover the interest he paid via a Jewish court of law. Since interest payments are illegal according to Torah law, a lender is required to return collected interest.  Alan approached Sam seeking to recover the $120,000 in interest he paid. However, Sam rejected the claim. Sam explained to Alan that he had forfeited earnings from his previous investment, totaling at least the annual percentage he charged Alan, and brought to his attention that he had graciously lent him a very large sum with no guarantee.  In Bet Din, Sam expressed that he was insulted by his brother in law’s behavior. Nevertheless, he was willing to comply with Torah law. 

How should the Bet Din rule?  

Is Alan entitled to recover the $120,000 he paid in interest or not and why? 

The Superhero Within Us

What Causes Ordinary People to Have “Superhuman” Powers During A Crisis? 

 

 

 

I was walking to a friend’s house late one Friday night when I heard a rustling in the bushes. I looked toward the shrubs and saw…a rat. I can’t say I jumped. I can’t say I ran. It was like being zapped with an electric shock. I suddenly found myself 15 feet away with my heart pounding and blood racing.  

 

What I experienced was the “fight or flight” response. When in danger, our bodies switch into emergency mode, and we get a surge of energy that allows us to perform feats of strength well beyond our normal limits. The stories are legendary. A fireman lifts a burning beam that supports an entire wall. A climber trapped under a 1,200 lb. rock shoves it down an embankment. A mom lifts a car, freeing her trapped child. Feats of strength that under normal circumstances would be impossible.

While we recognize the adrenaline rush that brings on this state, the actual process is simply astonishing.

Understanding the “Fight or Flight” Response

Because the “fight or flight” response engages almost every organ and system in the body, the complexity of the operation is baffling. 

At the first hint of danger, early warning signals are sent to the brain via the optic nerve to the fear center, the amygdala, which prepares the body for action. If the danger is confirmed, the disaster center in the brain jumpstarts the body. Nerve impulses are fired down the spinal cord to the adrenal glands just above the kidneys. The glands flood the bloodstream with adrenaline, which boosts heart rate and blood pressure. Blood now races to the muscles. Adrenaline also signals the liver to flood the body with glucose. Blood is shunted away from the digestive tract and other non-life saving areas so more will flow into critical areas. The lungs are signaled to breathe more quickly and deeply, injecting more oxygen into the blood. The metabolism is quickened. The senses are all on high alert. The mind is hyper-focused. The body is primed – ready to lift, run, or fight. 

ATP – Emergency Fuel for Muscles

But this isn’t enough. In a life-and-death situation, milliseconds count. The body must respond immediately. And what kick-starts the sprint to safety or the powerful lunge is instant energy stored in the muscles. 

Long in advance of an emergency situation, the body stockpiles energy – much like a high-energy battery – in the form of ATP, an energy molecule produced by burning glucose or fat. An emergency supply of ATP is housed in the muscles, ready to turbo charge us on demand. For a few seconds, that energy burst can turn a middle-aged man into an Olympic sprinter or a housewife into a power lifter. The supply only lasts about four seconds; then it is consumed. But during that time, we are able to perform superhuman feats of strength, pushing the body well beyond its ordinary limits. 

The dazzling part is that it’s automatic. It usually happens before our conscious mind even recognizes the danger. One minute you might be calmly walking down the street, not thinking about much, and then in an instant – the eyes see, and the brain responds. In a flash, a mild-mannered man is transformed into a superhero ready to save the day. 

Actually, there’s even more going on behind the scenes…  

Looking into Sight

We normally think of our senses in simplistic terms. We see. We think. We hear. We feel. We taste. But what’s actually going on is far more involved. Our brain is taking in sensory input and processing it, making sense of what we are experiencing. To do that, it decodes, assembles, and then compares images that have accumulated over a lifetime. It then puts it all together into one composite, and brings us a coherent version of the world. The steps involved in this process are remarkable. 

Let’s take vision as an example.

When I looked at the bushes and saw that rat, what actually happened was this: First, I heard a rustling sound, and then turned my head to see what it was. The lens in my eye automatically adjusted to focus on an image. That image was projected onto the retina in the back of my eye. Cells in the retina converted that image into electrical impulses, which were sent along the optic nerve into my brain for decoding and deciphering. The question being: What is that object? Is it real? Is it a threat? 

Then began the process of perception. Each second, a billion items of information are sent through the eye. Initially, everything that enters is a blur, with an untold number of patches of light and dark, contours, and lines. Information is then sent to different regions of the brain to piece together the images, refocus the eye for greater detail, and then interpret what it is that I am looking at. To do this, the supercomputer we call the brain must go into high gear.

The Visual Cortex

The first stop for this raw information is the thalamus, where the initial stages of recognition happen. Here the brain begins to collate and interpret the data, reaching some preliminary composites.

“Let’s see… That object is furry and has big ears and a tail. Hmmmmm… What could it be? It’s clearly an animal, but what kind? Is it friendly or predatory?”

Signals are then relayed to the memory center to access previous visual images. Every image a person has ever seen is burned into a cell. These cells are inventoried by category, emotion, and feelings. The catalogue of these cells is consulted to make a connection. Picture after picture is accessed until some recognitions form.

“Ah, there’s my pet hamster. I owned him when I was 10. Nope, not him. What about this? It’s furry and has a tail. No, that’s a dog. Hey, what about this? Yeah, that looks right. I think that’s it. Yeah. But, hey, wait, that’s a… a… a…RAT!”

Since the visual image of a rat was stored with severe emotions attached, it comes back with a red flag, as in, “Watch out! This might be dangerous!”  

Context

But not every rat is a threat. It depends on a number of factors. If I’m standing in the zoo, and the rat is behind a two-inch-thick piece of glass, I am not in harm’s way. So, more information is needed. 

And so after a person realizes what it is that he sees, signals are sent to the hippocampus to determine context. “Where am I? Where are they? Are they real?” 

The answer comes back. “I am standing alone on a dark street late at night. Not good.”

Now comes the major “number crunching” part, when the brain puts it all together. Each section of the brain fires off its conclusion. From the memory center comes the message: “Rat! Rat! This is not a drill! I repeat: This is not a drill!”

The thalamus then puts it all together. “Rat. Night. Alone. TROUBLE! Immediate action is required!” It then shoots out a signal to the crisis center of the brain: “Warning! Warning! Red Alert! Danger!”

The amygdala, the area that controls strong emotions, is then signaled. It flashes a message to the hypothalamus, which then fires electrical impulses down the spine to the adrenal gland. Thirty hormones are released, sending commands to almost every system in the body. The heart and lungs are sent into overdrive. The brain is flooded with chemicals that focus attention. The pupils are dilated to allow in more light. The veins in the skin are constricted to force more blood to the muscles (causing the familiar reaction of goose bumps). The immune and digestive systems are shut down to allow more energy to the muscles. The liver secretes glucose and begins production of replenishments. ATP in the muscles is released, and the body is ready for peak performance.

From start to finish, how long does this process take?

About 0.3 seconds!

This is a system of extreme complexity, more sophisticated than the most advanced machines, systems, or factories man has ever conceived. But even at this level, we’re only scratching the surface of what is happening.

When we contemplate such wisdom, we begin to get an inkling of the sheer brilliance and capacity of our Creator.  

Mother Lifts Car to Save Her Son  

In Georgia, a car jack slipped and caused a 3,000-pound Chevy Impala to fall on top of a young man. Without any assistance, his mother, Angela Cavallo, picked up the car and held it for five minutes until neighbors could pull her son to safety! 

Man Lifts Helicopter to Rescue Colleague 

In 1988, a helicopter lost control and crashed into a drainage ditch. One of the pilots was trapped under the helicopter in the shallow water. His co-worker  ran over and lifted the helicopter, which weighed more than 1,550 lbs.!

Father Saves His Son From Alligator 

In Florida, a huge alligator grabbed a six-year-old boy by the arm and dragged him into the water. The boy’s father, Joseph Welch, began to punch the reptile to make it release his son.  Eventually, with the help of a bystander, the alligator was defeated and released the boy. 

 

Mother Fights Off Polar Bear 

In 2006, 41-year-old Lydia Angyiou was walking with her two sons when a 700-pound polar bear approached them. She told her sons to run, placing herself between them and the bear. Then she attacked the bear, kicking and punching it. Fortunately, a bystander had seen what was happening and shot his rifle into the air several times to startle the bear before killing it.

The Lighter Side – November 2022

Washington’s Secret

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Billy, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?

Billy: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

Rachel Grazi

Faint of Heart

Simon came out of his front door and passed out onto the porch. His wife Sally discovered him, and called Hatzalah immediately.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped Simon regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

“It was enough to make anybody faint,” Simon said. “My son Alan asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!”

Michael B.

Fire Drill

Moishie and his classmates at the Talmud Torah had just finished a tour of the local fire hall.

Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him. He asked little Moishie, “What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?”

Moishie replied promptly, “I don’t put them on.”

Aaron G.

Fishcakes

Little Yitzy walks into Yossi’s Kosher Fish-mart with a fish under his arm.

“Do you have any fishcakes?” Little Yitzy asks.

“Yes, of course,” says Yossi, the store owner.

“Great,” replies Yitzy, nodding at the fish under his arm. “It’s his birthday.”

Barbra K.

Japanese Recession

Japanese banks have been hit almost as hard as American banks. The Origami Bank has folded, and we hear the Sumo Bank has gone belly-up, too. Bonsai Bank plans to cut some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile, staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where workers fear they may get a raw deal.

Jack V. Grazi

Falling Down

A guide is showing a group of Israeli tourists the world-famous Niagara Falls. “I’ll bet you don’t have anything like that in Israel!” said the tour guide.

“You are right, we don’t,” said one Israeli. “But we’ve definitely got engineers who could fix it.”

Eli R.

Family Ties

One afternoon, little Maxie was sitting at the table with his mother and sister when he declared, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry you, Mommy.”

“You can’t marry your own mother,” said his older sister.

“Says who?” asked Maxie.

“Says Hashem,” said his sister.

“Fine,” says Maxie. “Then I’ll marry you.”

“You can’t marry me either.”

“Says who?” asked Maxie.

“Says Hashem,” she replied.

Little Maxie looked confused, so his mother added, “You can’t marry someone in your own family. Hashem says.”

“You mean, Hashem wants me to marry a total stranger?!” he cried.

Jacqueline M.

Military Unintelligence

When I was in military intelligence, an infantryman teased me about my job. “Being in military intelligence is a cinch compared to the infantry,” he scorned.  “You sit at an office desk all day and don’t take any kind of physical training test,” he scorned.  “Nonsense!” I rebutted.  “We take one, twice a year!” “Yeah?” he said. “Well, we take one every six months!”

Avi C.

Family Money

Shirley’s preparations for a visit from her children included a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller’s window, Shirley lamented to a middle-aged man behind her, “My children are in their 20s, and I’m still giving them money. When does it end?”

“I’m not sure I’m the one to ask,” the man said while glancing uncomfortably at a paper in his hand, “I’m here to deposit a check from my mother.”

Maureen A.

Air Reservations

Chaim Yankel phones El Al. “Yes, can I help you?” asks the booking clerk.

“I’m looking to book a flight to Tel Aviv for this coming Sunday,” says Chaim Yankel, “and I’m wondering if there are any seats still available.”

“Before I can answer that,” says the El Al clerk, “I need to know how many people are going to fly with you.”

“Oy vey, what a silly question to ask,” replies Chaim Yankel. “How should I know – it’s your aircraft, not mine!”

Menahem P.

He Answers Before We Call

A woman has recently been experiencing considerable difficulty running the organization she had started several years earlier. She founded the organization l’shem Shamayim, out of sincere desire to help others, but numerous obstacles arose and she was seriously considering shutting it down. She was awake almost the entire night worrying about the situation and trying to decide how to proceed, and the next morning she prayed with genuine emotion to Hashem, begging Him to guide her in the right direction. That day she noticed an Emuna Daily email that she had received several days earlier but had yet to open. She opened it in the hope that it would provide her with some clarity and guidance concerning her current predicament. As she listened to the recording, she almost fell off her chair. The recording spoke of many people who had started charitable organizations with sincere motives but confronted obstacles along the way and considered giving up. However, they preserved and eventually saw the problems resolved. It was as though Hashem was speaking to her to renew her strength. This was precisely what she needed to hear.

But one might ask, how could we be so sure that this was Hashem communicating with her? After all, the email was there in her Inbox even before she prayed. How could this email message be the answer to her prayer if it was there even before?

A similar question could be asked concerning another story I heard of a Rabbi in Eretz Yisrael who every Thursday night would leave money for his wife for Shabbat purchases. Once, however, he had absolutely no money to give her. He was too embarrassed to tell her and he did not want to cause his wife and children to worry, but he did not know what to do. He went into his room and prayed, saying, “Hashem, I know You run the world and provide food and sustenance to all. I know You can provide my family with our needs at any moment.” He prayed for twenty minutes, and when he came out of the room, he saw the kitchen table laden with freshly prepared food for Shabbat.

He asked his wife where the food had come from, and she explained that their neighbors’ daughter who lives in a different city delivered a baby boy two weeks early, and the neighbors were going to her home for Shabbat to attend the shalom zachor.

“They had already prepared food for Shabbat,” she said, “and so they figured they would offer us the food.” The Rabbi’s prayers were answered immediately. But once again, we might ask, wasn’t the baby born before he prayed? Even before he turned to Hashem, the neighbors had prepared their food and then had to change their Shabbat plans. How could this be the answer to the Rabbi’s prayers?

The pasuk (Yeshayah 65:24) states that Hashem promises to answer our prayers even before we call out to Him. Hashem knows what we need even before we do, and prepares the solutions to our problems even before we become aware of them. However, because He loves us so much, He does not provide the solutions until we ask. Building a relationship with Hashem is even more important than obtaining what we want, and Hashem therefore waits for us to cry out to Him and ask Him for help so we can draw closer to Him and build our relationship. The Alshich draws an analogy to a king who has a large cadre of servants. For those servants whom he does not particularly like, he gives them what they need without waiting for them to ask. But for those servants whom he especially likes, he waits for them to come and ask so he can spend time with them. And thus, David HaMelech says (Tehillim 116:1), “I love when Hashem hears the sound of my supplications.” Of course, everybody is overjoyed when Hashem accepts their prayers. But King David is saying that he loves that Hashem gives him what he needs only after he asks for it, for this shows how important he is in Hashem’s eyes.

All the assistance we need has been prepared well in advance, but we need to ask for it in order to access it. Prayers bring us the help that Hashem had already prepared for us in advance. Hashem loves listening to us pray, and when we pray with the recognition that the solution has already been arranged, our tefillot will be even more effective.

Mabrouk – November2022

Births – Baby Boy 

Mordechai & Ruchama Choueka 

Mr. & Mrs. Joe Cohen Arazi – Triplets – two boys and a girl! 

 

Births – Baby Girl 

Jack & Francis Haddad 

 

Bar Mitzvahs 

Isaac, son of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Tawil 

Moshe Meir, son of Shlomo and Shavie Abecasis 

 

Engagements 

Judah Marcus to Rebecca Sutton 

Jeffrey Ashear to Lee Zebede 

Abie Tawil to Raquel Mann 

Ezra Mosseri to Mia Safdeye 

Michael Deneff to Gabrielle Dwek 

Bunny Escava to Molly Ajzenman 

 

Weddings 

Rachamim Laniado to Mazal Abadi 

Meyer Kassin to Grace Shelby 

Robert Haddad to Danielle Tawil 

One on One with Joy Bijou

“Everything I learned in high school, summer internships, and in college, contributed to the career I now have.” 

~~ Joy ~~

ELLEN GELLER KAMARAS

Please meet Joy Bijou, a talented community event planner and creative designer.  Over five years ago, I did my first Woman to Woman interview with her husband Freddy’s grandmother, Gloria Bijou.  Gloria, a nurse, community leader, and one of the founders of Sephardic Bikur Holim, has been a friend and role model for me ever since. 

What a treat to meet Joy.  I’ve always been in awe of event planners, especially those who can soothe and support brides, hatans, and parents, and make their visions a reality. 

Joy Mamiye Bijou is the daughter of Marlene and Hymie Mamiye.  Joy feels blessed to have been born into her family and grateful for the love, Jewish values, and actions her parents modeled.  

Her parents are of Syrian descent and were born in the U.S.  Marlene is Executive Director of the Sephardic Heritage Museum and Hymie is a partner of Mamiye Brothers, well-known apparel manufacturers. Joy, a Brooklyn girl, is the middle child and has two older sisters and a younger brother and sister. “My mother set the tone in the family, encouraging us to find something we love and to go for it.  All my siblings have a unique job.  Shirley is a nurse practitioner, Ruthie is a stylist, Michael is a real estate entrepreneur, and Marielle is attending NYU.”

School Days 

Joy attended Magen David Yeshivah elementary school and Yeshiva of Flatbush High School.  She needed a lot of help to get though her tests and homework in grade school.  “Somehow things changed, and I carried a 90 average throughout high school.” 

She and her mother still haven’t figured out how Joy became an honor student.  After all, high school is more demanding than elementary school.  Joy says she was born on November 30th and was always one of the youngest in her grade.  Her grades started to improve in middle division, and in high school, she taught herself tricks that helped her to succeed. 

Joy was active in extracurricular activities in high school and joined the volleyball and soccer teams.  She also created a fashion blog. Although she was not a fan of fashion, she had a desire to pursue her entrepreneurial spirit and to explore and share something with others. Joy had a strong yearning to earn her own money.   

“My personality is still the same.  I have my quiet moments and super outgoing ones. Gratefully, I had many friends in elementary and high school, most of whom I am still friends with today.”  

College and Career Choices 

The summer after high school, Joy secured an internship with Teen Vogue.  She worked from 7:30 in the morning until 8pm at night. 

Joy continued her education at the Fashion Institute of Technology.   

She opted for the Fashion Merchandising track and earned her bachelor’s degree.  Her choice was more about the merchandising classes and skills versus fashion.  During college, she interned at a jewelry business, Lee Angel, in SOHO. 

Joy’s Turning Point  

The pivotal moment in Joy’s life was when she attended the New York Gift Show with her mom when she was 18 years old.  From there, Joy formed her own company called IPersonalize, selling personalized party goods (custom placemats, menus, and more) for events from a showroom in her parents’ home.   

When Joy was 21, she and her bestie, Susan Harari, a chef, threw a birthday celebration with 100 guests for their friend Bobbi.  The party was in Bobbi’s Deal, NJ backyard. Joy planned the décor and logistics and Susan did the cooking. The event was a big success! The two friends decided to go into business together and do smaller events where Joy would plan, and Susan would cater.  Herbs and Hydrangeas was launched, and the two friends collaborated on many dinner parties and affairs in private homes. 

After a few years, Joy and Susan agreed to amicably split H &H, as Joy’s dream was to work on larger weddings. That’s how Hydrangeas & Co. became Joy’s company and Susan went on to cater under the name Herbs. 

Speaking of weddings and semahot, Joy met her naseeb, Freddy Bijou, at her bat mitzvah party in Deal.  They are the same age, and got married at 23 years of age. They live in Brooklyn with their two-year old daughter Denice and 8-week-old Marlene. Freddy, a real estate broker, is super supportive of Joy’s business. “Freddy takes over when I leave the house for an evening or a Sunday wedding. For a Sunday wedding, I am gone by seven am and don’t return until one am.  My parents are wonderful and store all my huge boxes of kippot, napkins, and other accessories. My family is there for me in every way, from watching my children, to storing boxes, to talking things out with me.”

Ingredients for Success 

Interestingly, Joy says her creativity spark kicked in when she started to work after high school.   Everything she learned at FIT, including Microsoft Office Excel, public speaking, and advertising, all contribute to her success as an event planner.  “FIT was amazing!  All the classes I took gave me the skills I needed to run a business and to put together proposals for clients.  My father helped me crunch the numbers with Excel.  Even doing my fashion blog in high school helped me later when I built my own Hydrangeas & Co. website.  Whatever I did in high school and college helped me at some point.” 

 

Joy describes herself as calm and organized.  She is also a self-starter and was certainly brave to open a business at the age of eighteen. The longing to have her own money and her own business demonstrates how driven Joy was.   

She is passionate about her family and children and is on fire when she is planning and running an exciting event.  Her proudest accomplishments are building a family with Freddy, raising their daughters, and her career. 

Joy’s Business Model  

When Joy first went out on her own, she was racing around constantly, living and breathing event planning.  With experience, she learned to work slower and smarter.  Now that she has two little ones, Joy focuses her energies on the bigger events. 

She has developed her own unique approach and business model, doing events the way that works for her and brings her joy.  She treats each event as if it were her own and really gets to know her clients and their families.  After a client calls, Joy meets with them or speaks to them several times to ensure they both are in alignment. She will only send a new client a proposal after ensuring that she can partner with them and make their vison come true.  

Some clients have a mental picture of the event they are striving for while others have no idea.  For example, if a client wants a particular setting, Joy will ask her to share some pictures of what she would like. 

In the beginning, Joy tries to ascertain who will be driving the wedding plans or celebration, the bride, the groom, or the parents.   

Joy will also create a digital mood board with her client to set the design, décor, and setting for the event. 

From September through June, most of Joy’s design projects (weddings, engagements, showers, dinners, bar/bat mitzvot, brit milot) are in Brooklyn and Manhattan.  In the summer, the semahot are primarily in Deal.  Word of mouth has landed Joy affairs in the Pierre Hotel, the Liberty Warehouse, the National Bohemian Hall, and many more great venues. Joy can also transform a yeshiva gym or other social hall into a garden or beach or whatever the client’s dream is.  Click on Joy’s stunning posts on www.instagram.com/hydrangeasandco/. 

Staying calm and finding solutions to hurdles is her secret to success. 

Community  

Joy loves her community and admits she couldn’t have her career and business without the awesome support of the community.  For as long as she can remember, her mother has been dedicated to community organizations.  When her schedule permits, Joy will help plan and coordinate a community charity event free of charge. 

To unplug from work, Joy walks, nourishes herself with self-care, and meets friends for dinner.  She enjoys shopping for new decorative pieces for her home and filling her vases with flowers. 

Her advice for aspiring event planners? 

It’s a never-ending learning process.  “My first two years were my education and training ground and I still learn something new with each event. Fake it till you make it!” 

Connect with Joy on Instagram or email her at hydrangeasandco@gmail.com.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com). 

The New ArtScroll Sephardic All-Hebrew Siddur

Sephardic Heritage With Artscroll Quality: An Incredible Combination!

Walk into virtually any synagogue or bet midrash in the world and you’ll find ArtScroll’s all-Hebrew siddurim on the tables, on the shtenders, and lining the shelves. This siddur, in Nusach Sefard, has become the standard volume used by hundreds of thousands of people for their daily tefillah.

Now, ArtScroll is proud to present the Sephardic community with Siddur Tefillah LeDavid, an all-Hebrew ArtScroll Sephardic siddur with English instructions.

Created by a team of experts in Sephardic liturgy, this siddur incorporates the text, traditions, laws, and customs of various communities, so all can use it with confidence.

The new Artscroll Sephardic Siddur features crystal clear, easy-to-follow instructions in English. Relevant halachot conveniently appear next to the tefillot, with a comprehensive halachot section in the back of the siddur, along with a user-friendly chart delineating the laws of interruptions during prayer.

The Hebrew text in Siddur Tefillah LeDavid has been meticulously edited for accuracy, with typographical differentiation to help with proper pronunciation. Specially designed typography and graphics indicate when there are differences in text between various communities.

The siddur also features the Shem Hashem with kavanot, and taamim for Biblical selections.

There are many additional prayers, supplications and enhancements as well, and the siddur includes the complete Sefer Tehillim.

As can be expected in an ArtScroll product, this siddur is produced with high-quality paper and an extra-sturdy reinforced side-binding.

To purchase this new siddur, visit artscroll.com or your local Judaica store.

Monthly Update from Assemblywomen Kim Eulner and Marilyn Piperno

As the spotted lanternfly has reached every corner of New Jersey, we are working to combat the insect invasion before lasting damage permanently changes the Garden State.

The spotted lanternfly is not harmful to humans, but is devastating to plant life. These flies emit honeydew, which causes the growth of a black sooty moss that is deadly to whatever tree or plant the insects inhabit. As a result, the invasion of spotted lanternflies can cause severe economic damage to agricultural areas.

For over a year, the state has advised residents that the best thing they can do is to stomp the bugs should they see them, but that method has proven far from effective. We have decided to be more proactive, sponsoring a bill establishing a task force to finally find workable long-term strategies

The task force would consist of leaders from the Department of Environmental Protection, the Secretary of Agriculture, the Commissioner of Health, the State Forester, and experts from the New Jersey Agricultural Experiment Station at Rutgers. The task force members would be assigned a variety of jobs, such as testing, creating policy, planning, and outlining long-term solutions for other insect infestations

This bill is a great way to address the spotted lanternfly issue. Also, the bill is important because we serve as a travel hub for the east coast, so we have to be better prepared for future threats other invasive species will pose.

Connect with SBH Senior Division – Two photos attached.

The Lorraine and Louis a”h Shamie Senior Division is a one-stop shop for seniors and their caregivers. SBH offers comprehensive and holistic services for the entire family, allowing seniors to age gracefully in their homes among family and community.

INTRODUCING CONNECT

For the past seven years, the SBH Senior Division has been at the forefront of caring for the legends of our community. Now, SBH has the opportunity to open its doors for our seniors 60+ with programming ALL day, EVERY day. Through robust activities, timely lectures, and space to socialize, their aim is to support, energize, and care for every senior in our community. Limited transportation is available upon request.

Programs include:

  • Mah Jong Instruction & Free Play with Paula Schwecky 
  • Knitting Club with Paula Schwecky 
  • BINGO and awesome prizes
  • Instructor Levi Claiborne!! Instructing Get Your Beat On! and Music & Meditation
  • Tech classes with Jane Choueka (Bring your devices and questions!!)

Daily Programming Schedule:

Monday through Friday from 10:30am – 3pm

Located at SBH 425 Kings Highway, Brooklyn, NY

There Are No “Shoulds” in Life

One of the secrets to being happy is to look at what we do have instead of focusing on what we do not. If we all know this truth, why do we sometimes find ourselves so miserable?

Confronting Mistaken Thinking

Whenever someone asks me how to help their child feel happy or satisfied, I offer them strategies based on their child’s mistaken “shoulds” and “should haves.” That means, their child mistakenly believes that they “should have” x item or circumstance in their lives, and if they do not, they will be miserable. 

If a child often complains, “it’s not fair!” perhaps the child believes that he or she “should have” what others have. If, for example, a child is miserable because a certain boy on the bus does not want to sit next to him, perhaps the child believes that everyone “should” want to sit with him, or he  “shouldn’t” ever feel hurt. Of course, these challenges can be hurtful, but that does not mean we “shouldn’t”  experience them. Only Hashem decides what we “should have” and must experience, and whatever we go through is always uniquely designed with Hashem’s absolute love for us, and is actually for our own good, even when we often don’t see it that way. We want to model for our children that we believe only Hashem determines what we “should” have. We need to check our own behavior to make sure we do not act like we are the ones who decide how life should be

The Healthy Approach to Challenges

There’s a big difference between feeling hurt, disappointed (or any challenging feeling for that matter) in a healthy way, and experiencing those feelings in an unhealthy way. For example, if we apply to a school or a certain class for our child and he gets rejected, it’s so normal to feel sad. But in addition to feeling sad, do we also feel that we shouldn’t even be experiencing this rejection, that our child “should have” been accepted over another child?

If someone says something we don’t like, do our children see that we act as if we believe that people should only say things we do like?

If we want to raise healthy-minded, happy children we need to balance the ability to empathize when they have intense feelings along with giving the message that there are no “should haves” in life. 

Pain vs. Misery

Pain is natural, but misery doesn’t have to be.

When a doctor pokes us for a blood test, it hurts. That is a sign that our skin is healthy. and the nerves are working well. If we know the pain is normal we can accept it more peacefully. If we think it’s not supposed to hurt, we can end up feeling anxious.

Emotional pain works that way as well. If we have a challenging experience we may feel hurt, embarrassed, disappointed, or frustrated. However, if our emotional system is intact, we know this pain is normal and can accept it peacefully. But if we start to wonder why this is happening, and then create lists of all the reasons why it should not be so, we can find ourselves unnecessarily miserable.

The great news is that we were not born thinking our lives “should” be a certain way, so we can let go of those “should” thoughts one at a time.

Strategies to Help Your Children Embrace Their Challenges  

Tell your children that happy people know that there are no “shoulds” in life. 

Live by this philosophy and model it for your children. Try asking your older children to read this article and to share with their younger siblings that you are working to let go of all the “shoulds” you have in your own brain. 

When your children are frustrated empathize but never pity. If Hashem decided they need a certain challenge in order to grow, why should we pity them? Empathy without pity is very healthy. It means put yourself in their shoes, so you can really try to understand what they are going through. Be kind, supportive, caring, and loving.  

These strategies can give your children the tools they need to embrace life with all its ups and downs, knowing that all their feelings are normal, and they can feel peaceful inside, even amidst internal or external challenges.