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Chef Shiri – French Toast Kebabs

Utensils Needed:

Shallow bowl

Skewers

Whisk

Skillet

Pizza cutter

Measuring cups and spoons

Spatula

Ingredients:

2 eggs

½ cup milk

1 tablespoon honey

¼ teaspoon cinnamon

Pinch of salt

5 slices of brioche or challah, or other bread (3/4 inch to 1-inch-thick slices)

1 cup strawberries, halved

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

2 tablespoons strawberry jam

Syrup or whipped cream for serving

 

Let’s Get Started!

1. In a shallow bowl, whisk the eggs, milk, cinnamon, honey, and salt until combined.

2. Melt the butter in a skillet over medium heat.

3. Dip each slice of bread into the egg mixture until both sides are coated.

4. Place the bread in the hot skillet and cook for 3 minutes on each side, until golden and cooked through.

5. Take the French toast out of the skillet and cut into bite-size pieces using the pizza cutter.

6. Make small ‘sandwiches’ with the French toast pieces and the jam, and thread them onto skewers, alternating with strawberry halves.

7. Serve with syrup or whipped cream (or both!).

Empower Health Center – New Mental Health Practice for the Deal/Long Branch Community

In today’s high-stress world, the demand for excellent mental health care has risen dramatically. Fortunately, the supply of professionals equipped with the skills to address the ever-growing need has increased accordingly, while the stigma formerly associated with therapy has sharply decreased across all communities.  

In the fairly recent past, struggles with mental and emotional health were largely viewed as embarrassing and were consequently hidden, hushed, or ignored completely, resulting in a harmful cycle of shame, deception, and regrettable neglect of personal and familial mental wellbeing.  

Today, we have made great strides in the awareness and destigmatizing of common (and less common) challenges, with our rabbis and community leaders actively advocating for therapy to enhance the quality of life and relationships in our society. 

Empower Health Center of Lakewood, NJ, is a group practice consisting of twenty highly skilled, compassionate psychotherapists, offering a variety of specialties and modalities geared toward clients of all ages, abilities, and needs. Since its establishment in 2018, Empower Health Center has expanded rapidly to meet the needs of community members seeking to improve their mental health and to live their best lives.  

Under the direction of founder Dr. Yossi Shafer, Empower Health Center’s team of psychologists, social workers, and psychiatric nurse practitioners provides individual, couple, and group therapy, as well as medication management, to nearly 300 clients weekly. A significant percentage of the client base comprises dozens of individuals from the Syrian community who trek to Lakewood regularly to take charge of their mental health.  

With the support and encouragement of Rabbis and community leaders of the Deal/Long Branch area, Empower Health Center has launched a satellite office in Deal, NJ, bringing its exceptional care conveniently closer to home for many of their clients. They work closely with a variety of Rabbis and community leaders, including Rabbi David Sutton and his team at SIMHA – the Sephardic Initiative for Mental Health Awareness – to develop a profound understanding of the community’s needs and cultural sensitivities and to ensure the maximum effectiveness of treatment plans. 

Empower therapist Gamliel Beyda, son of the esteemed Rabbi Shmuel Beyda of the Magen David Synagogue, is a proud member of the Syrian community whose inborn familiarity with the population has enabled a smooth and uniquely perceptive transition into the Center’s new territory. With Gamliel’s guidance and the entire team’s eagerness and consideration, Empower Health Center has enjoyed a warm welcome into the community. 

Additionally, Empower has begun working collaboratively with Hillel Yeshiva to deliver compassionate and effective school services. Their expert school psychologist and social workers will offer Project Safe classes to educate the students about personal safety. Empower staff members will perform evaluations, develop and execute preventative and responsive treatment plans, and will work with teachers, students, and parents to create the best possible learning environment for every student. 

Empower Health Center is a discreet, professional practice with constant supervision and transparency to ensure the comfort and confidentiality of each client, evident in its above-and-beyond measures – including separate entrances and exits – to maintain their clients’ privacy while providing superior care. The group is well-regarded in the mental health community, offering an educational platform for mental health specialists, professional advancement courses, and community services such as complimentary skill-based parenting groups for specific populations. 

The varied menu of services at Empower Health Center provides treatment for children, adolescents, adults, and geriatric clients, including: 

  • Individual, couple, family, and group counseling 
  • Crisis intervention 
  • Testing and assessment 
  • Consultations 
  • Psychiatric medication management 
  • DBT groups 
  • Skill and support groups for individuals and families, including – but not limited to – ADHD, BPD, sensorimotor art, expressive art, eating disorders, addiction, and more, with separate groups for men and women and flexible, convenient scheduling 
  • Multi-lingual therapists available 
  • Optional phone and video sessions 

Mental health care has never been more important. Thanks to Empower Health Center, it’s never been more accessible. To learn more or to schedule an appointment, you may call or text Empower Health Center at 732-666-9898 or email them at office@empowerhealthcenter.net. All communications are strictly confidential. Take charge of your mental health – it’s easier than ever. 

Diagnoses and Challenges 

Hundreds of clients have been empowered to change their lives and their futures. Some of the diagnoses and challenges that the Empower team addresses include: 

  • Anxiety 
  • OCD 
  • Depression 
  • PTSD 
  • Trauma 
  • Mood disorders  
  • Phobias 
  • Marriage counseling  
  • Parenting 
  • Self-esteem 
  • Behavior challenges in children 
  • Nutrition counseling  
  • ADHD 
  • Tic disorders 
  • Trichotillomania  
  • Anger management  
  • Borderline Personality Disorder 
  • Eating disorders  
  • Grief and bereavement  
  • Teenagers at risk 
  • Social skills 
  • Perinatal and postpartum mood disorders  
  • Drug and alcohol addiction 
  • Internet addiction 

MSB Brooklyn Softball League Wraps Up Exciting Season

On July 10th, the 2022 MSB season came to an exhilarating conclusion. The postseason kicked off the week prior and we witnessed the underdog Team SAFE, captained by Leo Esses and Ike Chazzanoff, take care of business against the higher seeded Team Care in extra innings. The Care team featured reigning Cy Young, Ray Sakkal, MVP Jack Harary, and captain Mordy Chrem. 

As soon as the Wild Card Game concluded, the top seeded Maskeel El Dal was waiting on the sidelines to take on the winner. Maskeel El Dal is captained by the soon-to-be-named Cy Young winner Dan Braun.  

The semi-finals matchups were set: Maskeel El Dal vs. SAFE and Bnei Malachim (captained by Ralph Wamma Shama) vs. SBH (captained by Edmund Beyda). 

SAFE vs. MED

In Game One, Dan Braun squared off against Joe Sefaradi and battled to a 3-1 victory. In Game Two however, with an opportunity for a sweep, MED choked away a late lead on two costly errors in the 7th and allowed SAFE to push this series to a decisive game three. 

Bnei Malachim vs. SBH

Team SBH finished the regular season as the number two seed. The team was led by their captain, sophomore Edmund Beyda on the mound and powered by the league MVP, Batting Champ, and perennial winner Steven J Gindi. A team well-rounded and defensively sound all season long came into the postseason matchup as poised as ever and swept Bnei Malchim to punch their ticket to the World Series and take on the winner of Game Three of the other semi-finals matchup. 

Game 3: Team SAFE vs. Club Med

SAFE came out swinging and grabbed a quick 3-0 lead. Eli Harary hit a 2-run double in the gap followed by an RBI by Joey Levy. The lead, however, didn’t last long, as the slick defensive shortstop Michael Mann hit a mammoth grand slam to take a 4-3 lead. David Paul Sutton tied the game at 4 with a triple in the 4th, followed by a Victor Chrem Sac Fly to take the lead. But in the bottom of the 6th, Dan Braun tied it up with a sac fly of his own as the game was knotted up at five. Club Med then went on to load the bases for Shnuer “Tree” Silverstein. Tree delivered a base knock through the right side, only to see the back-to-back Gold Glove Winner Lawrence Kurtz peg out the runner at first from right to send this game to the 7th. This game went to the 10th inning and with two outs and a runner on, Sauly “The Kid” Esses delivered a clutch double to give SAFE the lead. Esses scored on a base hit by Kurtz and Safe took a 7-5 lead and wound up winning 7-6 in 10 innings. They advanced to the World Series to take on team SBH.  

World Series: SAFE vs. SBH We were privileged to have two representatives from the amazing SBH organization, Simon Nissim and Carey Sutton. Mr. Carey Sutton threw out the ceremonial first pitch. 

SAFE, who already played Game 3 of the semis just 20 minutes prior, came into this game red y hot and into the swing of things, as opposed to SBH who was on the sidelines, cold and waiting. Boy, did that seem to help SAFE as they pounced early as Kurtz drove in the series’ first run followed by an RBI triple by David Paul Sutton. After rallying again a few innings later, SAFE found themselves up by a commanding 5-0 lead. It could have been more, but Gold Glover Alan Jemal laid out in CF and held them at bay. In the bottom of the 4th, Aaron J.  Levy got SBH on the board to make it a 5-1 game. Ike Salem then drove in a pair to make it 5-3. The captain came to the plate and tied it at 5, but Bernie Pindek broke the tie and gave SBH its first lead. SBH took Game One by a final score of 8-5.   

Game Two 

SBH was now one game away from Softball immortality, but SAFE was 5-0 in elimination games during this magical run. On the mound for SAFE was Joe, who was battling a hamstring injury, opposing the very hungry Edmund Beyda who infamously lost in Game 3 in the 7th last year. In the bottom of the 4th, Victor Chrem hit one up the middle to give SAFE the lead. In the 6th, Steven Gindi tied the game on a hot shot. Then the game got really interesting. In the 7th, with two runners on and two out, the newly married Abe Anteby came through with a clutch base hit. However the winning run stumbled while rounding third and the inning was short-circuited. The game went to the bottom of the 7th giving SAFE an opportunity to walk it off!  

David Paul Sutton, who had a postseason for the ages, hit a towering fly ball that appeared to be  a sure-fire walk-off  homer. But he was robbed as Aaron J. Levy came up with the biggest defensive play of the postseason! Levy made a ridiculous snow cone grab while turning to send the game to extra innings.  

With two out in the top of the 8th, Steven J. Gindi capped off his magical season with yet another clutch 2-run dinger to give SBH a 3-1 lead. In the bottom of the 8th, Edmund Beyda closed the door and took home the World Series MVP honors.

CY Young:  Dan Braun  

Rookie of the Year: Leo Setton  

Ike Miz Character Award: Jack Bibi 

Batting Champion: Steven J. Gindi  

MVP:  Steven J. Gindi  

Gold Glove Winners: 

Catcher:   Vic Boussu 

Starting Pitcher:  Edmund Beyda  

First Base:  Marc Richter  

Second Base:  David Tawil 

Short Center Field:  Jack Mosseri 

Shortstop:  Steven J. Gindi 

Third Base:  Albert Richter  

Left Field:  Lawrence Kurtz  

Center Field:  Alan Jemal
Right Field:  Leo Setton  

MSB would like to thank our award presenters: Former Commissioners Ike Mavorah and Sammy Esses. A special thanks to the legendary Ike Miz who presented the Ike Miz Character award, Simon Nissim of SBH, Max Sutton, and Carey Sutton of SBH, who threw out the ceremonial first pitch.  

MSB would like to thank its sponsor, Sam I Am Productions – video productions for all occasions: samjsutton@gmail.com or call 732-272-7255.

Mabrouk – August 2022

Births – Baby Boy 

David & Emily Anzarouth 

Benny & Rachel Srour 

Michael & Claire Levy 

Eric & Hailey Stern 

Yitzy & Paula Nagar  

Ovadia & Shelly Cohen 

 

Births – Baby Girl 

Jonathan & Liat Zehavi 

Mr. & Mrs. Natan Safdieh 

David & Leah Cohen 

 

Bar Mitzvahs 

Morris, son of Albert and Sheila Mita 

Elie, son of Raymond & Rachel Mouhadeb 

 

Engagements 

Meyer Kassin to Grace Shelby 

Shlomo Shweky to Jacqueline Perlow 

Joey Chehova to Joyce Laniado 

Abie Dweck to Lorriane Cohen 

Robert Haddad to Danielle Tawil 

 

Weddings 

Saul Safdieh to Hannah Shalom 

Yehudah Semah to Judy Rishty 

Abie Anteby to Sarine Zafrani 

Shemuel Menahem to Molly Kassin 

Maurice Sasson to Shirley Sutton 

Moshe Rudy to Alexis Sultan 

Steven Faham to Jacqueline Lubin 

Israelis Head to the Polls – Again

After the coalition in the Israeli Knesset fell apart, Israelis found themselves looking at yet another round of elections, for the fifth time in three years. It remains to be seen whether the new elections, scheduled for this October, will  be any different than the ones before.  

In 2021, Naftali Bennett, with just seven of his own Knesset members,  cobbled together an unlikely razor thin majority coalition of 61, which included Arab parties. (The 120 seat Knesset is required to have a majority coalition of at least 61 members to govern.) Two members of the coalition recently resigned, triggering another attempt to form a government.  

After Naftali Bennett finished his term as prime minister, the rotation government agreement stipulated that Yair Lapid would follow. Lapid is now the interim prime minister, although there is no coalition in place. The last election taught us was that anything can happen, and therefore, there is no telling if another politician will take the top spot. According to i24 News the price tag for new elections is a whopping $840M. One factor that differentiates these elections from the previous ones is the post-pandemic economic recovery, which could influence votes. 

To get an idea of Israeli’s take on the prospect of yet another round of elections, we interviewed seven Israelis from various backgrounds. Each one was asked to give his opinion on the following: the issues of the day, the new election, what he thought of the last coalition, and what he believes might be the next chapter in Israel’s political history. 

Rabbi Shmuel Veffer 

A former Canadian, Rabbi Shmuel Veffer is an inventor, computer scientist, entrepreneur, lecturer, and novelist. He invented the Kosher Lamp and is the founder of Kosher Innovations. He lives in Tiberias, where he and his wife run Galilee Green, an olive export company.

Veffer believes the last coalition taught Israelis that “small parties can control the prime minister’s office. You can’t trust even the sincerest sounding politician, like Bennett, to stand by his most unbreakable principles. The country can function without Netanyahu. And, we still don’t know what the fundamental values of the State of Israel are.” 

Former Prime Minister Bennett and sitting Prime Minister Lapid, unified, but for the wrong reason – to end Netanyahu’s career, Veffer contends. “We should be unifying under Jewish values. If all the religious parties would unite together, they would be the biggest party in the Knesset, and things would be totally different.” 

Veffer says that the straw that broke the coalition’s back was the vote to extend the law that applies Israeli law to Israeli citizens in Judea and Samaria. It was set to expire in June, and right-wing members of the opposition refused to vote with the government, against their own interests, in order to create this crisis, and bring down the government, Veffer believes.

“If the law (which was established in 1967) expires, Israeli citizens living in the territories will be forced to live under Israeli military law under the IDF, which is the actual legal authority in the territories. Among other things, that means the Israeli government would no longer be able to collect taxes, conscript soldiers, nor investigate crimes of Israeli citizens in the territories.” 

The Answer to Current Politics: Trust in Gd 

When asked about the political front, Veffer stated that he believes the current process of government is not just flawed, but is dangerous.  

“[It] ultimately leads to terror-supporting, anti-Israel Islamists sitting in the Israeli Knesset, deciding what the law of Israel should be. It allows us to elect a prime minister who can not only be a transgressor of Torah Law, but he or she doesn’t have to be Jewish! This system is not sustainable. And the sooner the people of Israel realize this, and put their trust in Gd and Torah, the sooner we will become secure in our Land and gain the respect of the nations.” 

However, Veffer asserts that the many elections are not frivolous and unnecessary, but are all a part of Gd’s Plan. “I feel the political chaos in Israel is here to teach Israelis that ultimately there is no one to trust other than our Father in Heaven,” he says.  

“As a Torah Jew, I view all events as occurring as a result of Divine Providence. Therefore, everything has meaning and a message in helping us move toward our ultimate destiny. So, another election is not a waste. It is happening for a reason. I hope we learn the lessons.” 

Igal Hecht 

Israeli-born Igal Hecht is a documentary filmmaker, involved in the production of more than 60 documentary films and over 20 television series. He has covered the previous four elections. Hecht’s latest film, featuring interviews with the major Israeli leaders, will soon be aired as a five-part series about what he describes as “the fragility of democracy, and a rare look at Israel’s most historic and turbulent political period.”

“The fact that Israel is heading into its fifth elections in just over three years is a very sad and telling reality, of the state of Israeli politics,” he says. “Aside from the fact that the politicians are placing their own lust for power over the needs of the everyday Israeli, the sheer vast waste of money is also frightening.”

To add insult to injury, he adds, the treasury minister is refusing to increase pay for teachers. And he did not increase the budgets for the health care system, sorely needed due to the pandemic. “But they had no problem finding the 12 billion shekels it took to run the elections.” 

Coalition Downfall Due to Arab Parties 

Hecht believes the dissolution of the coalition was inevitable, due to the coalition’s inclusion of the Arab parties, and those parties’ affiliation with the Muslim Brotherhood.  “At a time when the Muslim Brotherhood was being outlawed in Egypt, its Israel branch was receiving 53 billion shekels to be a part of this coalition. It was a shakedown by the Ra’am party and [PM] Bennett to achieve the dream of the left and the media of ‘anyone but Bibi.’”

Uri Gobey  

Uri Gobey from Yavne concurs. He feels that “Bennett’s continuation of doing things his voters, and other voters, would never expect him to do (such as giving a huge amount of money to the Arab sector, while neglecting the Jewish religious sectors) was only because he wanted to keep the coalition together,” Gobey says. 

The government could not bring about the changes promised, with so many lawmakers holding opposing views, he adds. 

“Most Jews in Israel want peace and unity, no doubt, but it is impossible for a single coalition with such extreme ideological differences to all sit together and agree, and more importantly to take action. The reason is that all of these opposing ideologies conflict way too much, to the point that almost nothing can ever be done the way it should be done, and the majority would always be catering to the minority, which is not democratic,” Gobey says.  

“A coalition’s goal should never be to only bring down one person and nothing more. This is unintelligent and a terrible way to vote, too,” Gobey added. However, he does not fault the system. Rather, he says, the voters need to understand the problems of giving their ballot “to parties that make impossible promises.” 

Outside of Politics Israelis Get Along!

Interestingly, while the parties change and the government changes, the issues for average Israelis have not changed in decades, he says. “Your average Israeli gets along just fine with every other Israeli, on a day-to-day basis. Nobody cares here whether you are left wing or right wing. Friendships and relationships here can have mixed ideologies and people get along just fine that way, as there is a general mutual respect between people, and most Israelis simply avoid talking politics to each other. If there are opposing views, it will only cause non-stop arguments.”  

Jason Swirsky 

Jason Swirsky is a former Canadian living in Haifa. He works as a vice-president for the Online Development and Services Division for a business based in the U.S. He says that “it is easy to overlook what a huge accomplishment passing the budget is,” and the political deadlock adversely affected his community, that has many students in medical school. “Not having a budget created a defacto hiring freeze, because employers didn’t know if they would have the budget to keep their new hires once a budget was passed. This was when there were staffing shortages due to fighting Covid. I am sure there are other professions that were similarly affected.”  

Despite claims to the contrary, Swirsky feels that Bennett and Lapid have demonstrated they can be effective on the diplomatic front. “For the most part we have had quiet on the Gaza border, including Hamas backing down on their threats to once again start a fight on Jerusalem Day over the flag march.” 

Swirsky notes that with the political system, any changes for improvement “tend to be motivated by short-sighted political gain, rather by than meaningful reform.” In 2014, the electoral threshold was raised from 2 percent to 3.25 percent and “the last five elections have demonstrated why there is a need to reform the political system.” 

Aryeh Green  

Aryeh Green is an American Israeli activist and businessman based in Beit Shemesh. He is the former advisor to Natan Sharansky, and is the author of My Israel Trail: Finding Peace in the Promised Land. Green is the Chief Strategy Officer of Gigawatt Global. He felt that the elections were “unfortunate, costly, but ultimately the expression of a robust democracy at work. There is a need for reform of our political system.” Yet, Green also says he is one of the few who were “incredibly impressed” by the coalition.

“Not because I supported all its policies, not certainly all its constituent parts – I did not – but as it demonstrated a number of elements recently lacking in Israeli politics, namely, a sense of national mission, a recognition of the need to compromise on some principles in order to achieve others and to govern, an understanding that the time has come to find practical solutions to some of our complex social and political challenges, and a belief that there is more that unites us than divides us,” Green says. “And this is true most specifically regarding the historic inclusion of an Arab Islamist party in the governing coalition, how ever challenging that has been.” 

Moreover, he notes that the coalition was tougher on security issues and held a hard line on not allowing a consulate for the Palestinians in Jerusalem. “This is an achievement ironically possible only due to the inclusion in the coalition of left and far-left parties.” Continuing issues are the economy, Iran, terrorism, and improvements in education and social welfare, Green says. 

Changes in the Political System Still Needed 

Green asserts that the political system does need to change, including raising the threshold for inclusion in the Knesset, “to reduce inordinate power of small single-issue or sectarian parties to hijack the government.” He also favors restructuring the process for appointing and approving Supreme Court judges to give the public more input and oversight “thus ending the self-perpetuating nature of the elitist, activist Court and leaving the job of legislating law to the parliament.”

Mordechai Ben Avraham  

Jerusalemite Mordechai Ben Avraham says that “most Israelis are frustrated about having a new set of elections – however the Israelis are still optimistic about forming a government. It’s being able to meet the needs of all the different ideologies existing in Israeli society. Regardless, if you’re on the right or left, amongst Israelis, there’s a sentiment that we can do better.” 

In that regard, better government also means tackling the rising cost of housing – near-unaffordable for regular Israelis, but attractive to foreign investors, he says. As always, the Iranian threat is a constant, but there is hope that the Abraham Accords will foster even more normalization with other Arab and Muslims states in coming years, says Ben Avraham. 

Rabbi Aryeh Leifert  

Rabbi Leifert, originally from Teaneck, NJ, is a tour guide, and Prager University editor. He thought that the government was bound to topple sooner than later, particularly given “how many on the right felt betrayed” by Bennett’s broken promise, that he would not partner with the Islamist party, Ra’am. The higher they raise the election threshold for entry into the Knesset, the better, he says. “I’m tired of small parties with a handful of seats holding a potential coalition hostage. Learn to compromise with those who share most, not necessarily all, of your values and concerns, and join forces.” 

Leifert felt his own sense of betrayal from the last coalition, as the Bennett government ended the monthly financial grants of about $2,000 offered to small businesses, like Leifert’s. 

“Finance Minister Avigdor Lieberman told my fellow tourism industry professionals and me that we should look for new professions. Our response at our next protest? ‘You first, Lieberman!’” 

To make matters worse, the government twice canceled scheduled re-openings of Israel to foreign tourists, “which made our company look foolish, after we twice advertised these target dates to tourists.” 

Real Issues? Palestinians – No – Housing – Yes 

Although there are political messes to clean up (domestic issues as well as foreign issues), Leifert is quick to note that there is one thing that most outsiders think is a problem, that really isn’t: Palestinians. 

 “It’s rarely discussed anymore,” he says. “We seem to be fine with the status quo. We’ve moved on to making peace with many other of our regional neighbors.”  

What is a big issue? The cost of housing.  

“It just keeps going up. The supply is artificially kept down by the government, while the demand continues to rise. Especially in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, where building is booming. That’s not a good combination for those without tremendous financial means.” 

In Conclusion 

In the United States, with our two party system, the main question of how the government will rule has to do with how much support is garnered in the House and the Senate. In Israel it’s an entirely different ball game, with a number of parties vying for votes and political power. Elections have become a wildcard, with outcomes almost anyone’s guess. 

But, we know Israelis can turn a drought into a water surplus, make a desert bloom, turn themselves from an energy importer to an energy exporter, and outpace most First World democracies in technology. So, one hopes that, with Jewish and Israeli sechel (ingenuity), they can soon come up with a clever way to solve the political deadlock plaguing the system, and finally be able to have a leader serve a full term. 

Setting Boundaries

Children want our boundaries. Contrary to popular belief, they actually want to hear us saying no to them. The reason for this is that it’s human nature for a person to feel safe and secure when there are boundaries in their lives.  

As adults, we experience that as well. We appreciate when authorities enforce laws (though we may not enjoy the temporary consequence), and we feel unsafe when authorities are lax about law enforcement. It’s for good reason, because without it, chaos prevails. Imagine that a kind police officer gives you a ticket and says, “Ma’am, I need to give you this ticket because we are working hard to keep our city safe. I know it’s no fun, but you’ll thank me one day when this reminder saves you from tragedy.” The officer is setting a limit in such a kind way that it’s almost impossible to argue with him. 

Feel Secure in Setting the Limits 

Oftentimes, parents mistakenly cringe and make insecure faces  giving the news to their children that they need to say no, or they explain away why the child will be okay with the “no.”  This sends a message to the child that the mother feels insecure and that and that translates to the child as there is a problem with the child accepting “no.”  

A classic example is a child is begging a mother to go to a store. There is a three-minute back and forth between the parent and child where the child begs and the mother says all kinds of things like “not today,” “maybe we’ll go with different day,” “it’s not going to work out,” or “it’s not a good idea,” yet somehow the child continues to have a tantrum. Then, the mother picks up the phone and calls the store and finds out that the store closed for the day already. She lets the child know, and now somehow the child’s tantrum magically disappears. Why is this? It’s because the child doesn’t have a problem accepting an emphatic no. The child has a problem accepting a no that is not really a no. 

Setting Limits is Loving Behavior for Parents 

I recently heard a father tell me that he is afraid that if he sets limits he will be seen as aggressive. However, once he realized that setting limits is one of the most loving things he can do for his children, then was he able to start saying no. And of course he was pleasantly surprised that his children actually never had a problem accepting a confident no to begin with. They had a hard time accepting an insecure no.  

All children are capable of being cooperative. Children are not born defiant. All parents are capable of setting effective limits. Parents were not born insecure. 

 Learning How to Say “No”

Be Clear: Take a minute to think if this is something that’s best to say no to or to allow. If you decide it’s actually good for the child not to have the item or the experience, say no in a confident way. Be kind.

The Wrong Way: Mommy, can I please play outside till nine? All the neighbors are.

No, Joey. Maybe they play outside later than you, but you get other things they don’t get. (Now Joey senses that even Mommy believes that staying outside late is a good thing to “get.”)

The Right Way: Mommy please can I play outside till nine All the neighbors are. 

No, I love you way too much to allow that. 

Come, on Mom, you’re the only mother… 

With a calm and warm confidence, “It’s so normal that you feel disappointed. I don’t allow you to ask me again.” 

Homeschooling…

Not Just for Financial Reasons   

A Perspective on Homeschooling in the Torah World 

Chaya Steinman

I am woken up by little voices screaming “Moooommmmmy” in their adorable sing-song style. My eyes are not fully open as we go through the motions of netilat yadayim. I hurry them through breakfast while simultaneously preparing lunches and then tackling the battle of getting dressed.  

The flurry slowly calms, and the kids share an idyllic brotherly moment reviewing animal sounds with a board book. Their play is abruptly interrupted as the clock strikes 7:55. “Time to go!” I exclaim, happy that we are relatively on time. Yet an unexpected diaper change pushes us into emergency mode, and I hear myself barking orders like a drill sergeant – “Put on your shoes, now! Ugh! Where did your kippah go?!”- as I rush to get them to their ride on time. Gently, and then not so gently, I coerce my reticent children onto the van, and then breathe a sigh of relief, taking in the silence of their absence.  

Yet my relief that the morning hustle is over and my kids are safely on their way to school is quickly replaced by a flood of Mommy worries. Will they be greeted by their teacher with a kind word and a smiling face? Will their friends include them? Will they understand the material that is taught? I say a quick heartfelt tefillah for their success and bolster my spirits with the knowledge that I am giving my kids the gift of a yeshiva education. 

My workday ends and my real job begins as I welcome my children returning home from cheder and gan. Seeing how they are visibly cranky and tired after the travails of school I try to provide them with a positive environment and time to decompress. Their play now is more aggressive and competitive and I overhear words and attitudes that were not learned at home. I notice the transition throughout the afternoon as their tension slowly dissipates and they transform back into the sweet boys of this morning who played together calmly. 

Conventional wisdom touts the benefits of a mainstream school education for social and academic development, but when the schools are riddled with issues – bullying, overcrowding, negative influences, and cookie-cutter lessons – the question that begs itself is why parents are handing over their precious charges to such institutions. 

“Do They Wish They Had an Alternative?” 

In the Torah world, where we so value yeshiva education, we might bemoan the failings of standardized education and aim to improve schools, yet it rarely occurs to us to leave the system altogether for the alternative of homeschooling. Avivah Werner, founder of the annual Torah Home Education Conference, took the courageous and out-of-the-box step to homeschool her children both in America and Israel, and she writes about her refreshing and inspirational views at her website, www.avivahwerner.com. 

As I combed through her website, soaking in her wisdom, I found myself nodding in agreement with so many of her ideas. The contrast between her day and mine is stark: 

This morning we enjoyed a family breakfast once everyone was dressed and ready to start their day. This was so much nicer than rushing to get sandwiches prepared for the day and searching for this one’s shoes and that one’s permission slip and rush, rush, rush. I often looked around at other parents rushing to take their little children to school in the morning, rushing to pick them up, rushing, rushing, rushing… I wondered, are other people also thinking that this feels insane, do they wish they had an alternative?  

She then describes a peaceful day of reading books, playing games and informal learning initiated by her children’s requests. “It’s amazing to see the kids’ interest and even excitement about learning – each morning they tell me what they want to learn about that day and I try to follow through with that.” Avivah explains that a child’s natural love for learning is often stifled in school: “Kids learn to keep quiet rather than ask questions and be engaged […] When it comes time for a test, they scurry to study, spit back the information they learn and then promptly forget it all again – unless a person finds value in information, he doesn’t have reason to remember it.” 

Echoing the teaching of our sages, Le’olam yilmod adam Torah bemakom shelibo hafetz”  (Avodah Zara 19a) – learning is best when a person is drawn to the subject matter. Avivah understands that “people learn much more when they’re engaged and having fun.” She therefore offers her children a wide variety of educational games to make learning enjoyable. While she provides structured learning time for her older children to master reading, writing, and math, formal learning is a small fraction of their day. The majority of their lessons are gleaned from the classroom of life. Avivah views a dentist appointment or trip to the grocery store as an educational opportunity, no different than her trips to the zoo or Colonial Williamsburg. “Taking your kids with you to various places is the ideal way to teach them how to behave when in a store, a doctor’s office, when visiting the elderly. They don’t learn about it from sitting at home and hearing you theorize about how to act in public.” 

Individualized Education vs. Institutionalized Education 

Yet, despite her focus on free time, play, and individual interests, Avivah’s kids are not missing out on high-level academic skills. Taking advantage of the many homeschooling resources, the older children start their day with traditional book learning. As free time follows study, they are self-motivated to focus and get their work done. Without the distractions and limits of school – it is estimated that between 30-50 percent of classroom time is wasted on behavior management – Avivah’s children are able to advance swiftly. Sometimes they cover an entire year’s worth of material in just a few weeks. 

Her educational philosophy is extremely powerful and speaks to the beauty of a customized education provided by a loving parent: 

As parents, there is no one more committed to our children’s success in every area of life than we are. Teachers have classes with a large number of children and limited time and ability to get to know each one as an individual. As parents, we know each child’s needs and abilities, we know his learning style and interests, and we are able to tailor their education to them specifically. This means that they benefit from individualized education versus institutionalized education. They can be taught according to their unique needs. 

Avivah has a unique perspective, as her kids have studied in both traditional school and at home, and so she is able to appreciate the difference. She writes about how her children are happier and calmer in a loving home environment. She says of one of her sons, “Something changed once he went to school, when we began seeing an upswing in resistance, defiance, and aggression.”  Recognizing that children need to feel emotionally attached and safe to facilitate optimal learning, Avivah explains the natural consequence of large classes. “In a class of 33 other boys, I don’t think my son felt connected to those taking care of him. When you’re a teacher managing such a large group, your priority is on management, not attachment.” On the other hand, when at home, “He feels loved and secure, and gets lots of time with me. He doesn’t have to vie with a huge group of other kids for a minimal amount of attention. He doesn’t get lost in the crowd as a result of being a well-behaved child.” 

Learning Healthy Social Strategies 

Despite these beautiful benefits, there are still many fears about homeschooling. Do homeschooled children learn proper social skills? Do untrained parents know enough to educate their children? And, as observant Jews, how can we deprive children of the rich communal experience of learning Torah in the yeshiva system? 

Avivah, in her signature logical and thorough style, addresses common concerns about home education. In contrast to the attitude that school is necessary to learn social skills, Avivah reveals that the opposite is true: 

…many parents have personally experienced that most of what kids learn from their peers are the things we want to “unteach” them! Children don’t learn healthy social skills from their peers. They learn coping mechanisms and how to conform to the current fashions. Healthy social strategies are learned by watching and modeling mature healthy adults.  

Avivah’s children have no lack of social outlets. Homeschool gatherings, communal functions, and time spent with friends provide adequate socialization. 

In response to parents lacking confidence as educators, Avivah points to the abundance of both Jewish and secular resources available on the internet for homeschoolers. There is also the benefit of parents broadening their knowledge. “You don’t always have to know something before your children do – you can learn alongside them.  And often your children will teach you about new things!”  

When it comes to the idea that a yeshiva is the only place to receive a solid Jewish education, Avivah believes that although Jewish schools “have widely been credited with saving American Jewry,” Torah and Jewish values can be transmitted by parents, as was done traditionally before Jewish education became institutionalized.   

Giving children a customized education in a loving environment without the confines of a school schedule is a beautiful ideal. And whether or not homeschooling is your preference, everyone can benefit and take lessons from the eye-opening inspirational methods and philosophies espoused by the Torah homeschooling community. 

One on One with Our Community Women

Ellen Geller Kamaras 

Where would the Jewish people be without the discernment and wisdom of Jewish women? The Talmud reveals that it was in the merit of the righteous women that our forefathers were redeemed from the land of Egypt. 

Please celebrate with me.  It’s been over five years since I was asked to write my first Woman to Woman column for the Community issue of March 2017.  The interview was with the inspirational and compassionate Gloria Bijou. 

Shared Stories and Life Lessons 

I am incredibly honored to have interviewed many of the remarkable women of our community. What I enjoy most about this column is hearing our community women’s life stories, passions, words of wisdom, their challenges, vulnerabilities, and secrets to success. When possible, I incorporate their practices into my own life. 

As a matchmaker, I delight in hearing the accounts of hashgachat pratit, how women met their naseebs. 

Sharing the candidates’ life stories became a passion of mine.   I exercise great care in writing the column, and feel as if I am forming a piece of art.  I craft a template of questions in advance of the interview. I  encourage the women to share only what they are comfortable with and clarify that they are in the driver’s seat.   

Fortunately for me, our community women often refer friends or colleagues as potential candidates.   

Before the pandemic, most of the interviews were done in person.  Women who I had never met would invite me into their homes, offering me drinks and snacks.  It was then that I started to grasp what Shaatra was.  Although my kids and I had attended Yeshivah of Flatbush, and we had lived in the Brooklyn Syrian community for 31 years, I had not heard the term until I interviewed the vibrant Dr. Gayle Krost.  She explained that Shaatra is one of the most beautiful things she learned from her Sephardic friends. 

They are warm and hospitable, practicing the mitzva of hachnassat orchim, hospitality and hakarat hatov, gratitude. 

When COVID-19 hit, I switched to conducting interviews via phone or Zoom.  I knew from my coach training that one can establish a strong bond with someone even by phone and that has certainly been the case.  For some, a phone conversation feels safter than a video chat. 

Launching Women to Women 

Let’s get back to my launch into the Woman to Woman world.   Gloria Bijou invited me into her home, and we sat, woman to woman, at the very same dining room table where Dr. Robert Matalon, his wife Barbara, and Fred and Gloria Bijou sat and together planted the seeds of the amazing SBH in 1973. Gloria had no idea back then that these meetings and subsequent hospital and home visits to community members would grow and flourish into a major social services organization serving as the foundation of charity and hesed in the community. 

Gloria became a friend and has introduced me to other talented and amazing community women who she suggested I interview. 

The fifty plus women I have profiled all share passion, purpose, and positivity.  It’s no coincidence that this is my coaching brand.  I help individuals make positive changes in their lives, reigniting that spark of their passion, purpose, and positivity in their work and their relationships. 

The scope of my Woman to Woman interviews has been broad.  The women have ranged in age from 25 to 91, and their careers and life purposes vary greatly. 

I have met creative and talented women who are doctors, dentists, nurses, nurse practitioners, patient advocates, teachers, professional organizers, entrepreneurs, coaches who specialize in health, life, mindful eating, and parenting, as well as dietitians, physical, occupational and speech therapists, psychologists, social workers, guidance counselors, interior designers, caterers, chefs, bloggers, artists, writers, journalists, genealogists, attorneys, real estate brokers, graphic designers, hair stylists, administrators, political activists, not-for-profit professionals, and leaders and women who devote their entire lives to helping others and doing hesed.

Each time I think to myself this woman is the most fascinating person I have interviewed – I meet yet another who is even more incredible. 

If I had the space, I would list what I learned from each woman.  Instead, I will share some of their names and vocations, and summarize some of the key take-away lessons.  

Family is Not an Important Thing – It’s Everything     

Family comes first with our community women.  Children and grandchildren are viewed as gifts from Hashem.  Balancing their commitments to family, education, and careers is a constant challenge and something our women strive to do every day.  Many women were already starting their families when they embarked on courses to become medical professionals or teachers or do other training to pursue their career goals.  The community women I interviewed expressed immense hakarat hatov for husbands and grandparents who supported them through their journeys. The children of these amazing women cheer them on and admire them, proud to see their moms also doing homework.  The children are proud of the work their mothers do and even brainstorm with them to support them.  Our women are humble yet driven, and practice focus and determination while keeping their eyes on the ball. 

I noted how women successfully achieve work-life balance, knowing their priorities, and finding the right fit professionally for each stage of their lives. 

Passion and Purpose 

I hear the special spark in these women’s voices when they talk about family and careers, about the organizations they dedicate time to, and their love of our community.  Some went through struggles as young children, emigrating from other countries or being separated from a parent due to their parent’s physical or mental health issues, yet they persevered.

Emunah and Spirituality 

Many of the women are very spiritual and have tremendous emunah. They remain positive during adverse conditions, believing that Hashem gives us what we need for our life’s circumstances.  Most have a growth mindset and believe that each life experience is designed as an opportunity to become greater. To get through difficult times they draw upon their emunah and their toolbox of skills and resources, even in frightening cases such as a baby or spouse becoming very ill.  

Resilience 

During the pandemic, our women adapted to the New Normal, juggling remote work with helping little ones get on Zoom for their classes. Our women bolstered their children’s sense of safety and security during uncertain and frightening times. They arrived at out-of-the-box strategies to accomplish their objectives, earn a parnassah, and nurture their families and the community.

We had heroes who nursed hospitalized patients in Covid units and also volunteered their time visiting homebound Covid sufferers.  Others advocated for patients and caregivers supporting them through the stress, fear, and frustration that accompany a hospital stay.  

Our women remember self-care and put their own oxygen masks on first so they can be there for their loved ones.

Community and Hesed 

I am in awe of the hesed performed by the community women.   Each one exercises her hesed and kindness muscles, serving as a role model to her children and to Klal Yisrael.  Many told me how blessed they feel to be a part of a unique community that does not exist in other places.  The resources available are vast and everyone supports one another.  You need only scan the pages of Community to see evidence of this. 

Partners in Parenting and Achieving Life Goals 

As I listened to their life stories, it warmed my heart to hear how many couples buoyed each other during their respective career trajectories, helping each other achieve their goals and potential.  Some articulated that their success in business allowed them to help others and do hesed.  

Another unique Sephardic concept that I was introduced to is suffeh.  Rochelle Dweck, partnered with Rosie Bawabeh to launch Simply Traditional right before the pandemic. Its mission is to capture recipes and a sense of suffeh of our community’s matriarchs and to bring together generations of families through food.  Suffeh is portrayed by our grandmothers in many ways: opening your home and welcoming family and friends, doing things with love, sitting around the table, talking, and enjoying food and every aspect of being together. 

Take Home Lessons0

I would like to conclude with some tools from our women that I use in my own life.  Cindy Antebi shared that she cooks for Shabbat on Thursday night and buys mazza from the local businesses to make her life easier.  A confident woman may feel that she doesn’t have to prove that she can cook everything, provided she can afford to supplement her menu with purchases.  By buying some of the dishes, she also contributes to the success of her fellow business owners. 

Shelly Antebi taught me to take 30 minutes to relax and chill before my guests arrive.  Her mother said that people would feel uncomfortable and would not enjoy the meal if she looked tired and stressed.  How insightful is that?  

From Joyce Harari I discovered how meaningful it is to create something with my hands.  She inspired me to return to crocheting. 

From our health coaches and others, I was reminded to eat and cook with cleaner ingredients, to remember self-care, and to get out in nature and exercise.

A special shoutout to the women who referred other candidates to me:  Karen Behfar, Joy Betesh, Gloria Bijou, Gali Dabbah, Stacey Gindi, Shifra Hanon, Eileen Mizrahi, Renee Zarif, and more. 

Thank you, dear sisters, for allowing me to share your life stories with our readers.  Several of you said that I made you sound so special.  Please know that you are indeed special! 

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights.  She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com). 

From the Files of the Mitzvah Man – COMPASSION CARE GIVING

The Mitzvah Man was sitting at home on a freezing winter day when he heard a knock at the door. To his surprise, an Israeli woman, who we will call Gittel, was standing outside. Of course, he immediately invited her in. Gittel was hesitant, but the Mitzvah Man was insistent.  

The Mitzvah Man and his family sat Gittel by the heater. After a cup of tea and a hot meal, Gittel relaxed. She told the Mitzvah man her story. She had come from Israel to New York to collect funds for her daughter’s upcoming wedding. She was also hoping to find size 16 dresses for herself and her daughter for the wedding. She was scheduled to stay in New York for ten days. Gittel was given a list of places visit, and when she knocked at the Mitzvah Man’s door, she thought she was the office of the Mitzvah Man Foundation. That address was the first place on her list.  

Gittel provided the proper paperwork, confirming who she was and her desperate situation. Included were letters of recommendation from rabbis in Israel and the United States. 

The Mitzvah Man’s Response 

“We can give you a certain amount of money as our budget allows, but it will not be enough. In order to help you to get all that you need, we will drive you around. You are not walking out in that cold again. But first, I am going to post a request for funds to our volunteers and followers.” 

The post read: 

We have a woman from Israel with credentials who is collecting money for her daughter’s upcoming wedding. She is in my car now. If you can donate any amount, please respond. She is also in need of two size 16 dresses. One wedding dress for her daughter and one mother of the bride dress for herself. Should you happen to be in possession of these items – we will pick up. 

Responses started pouring in. Dozens of volunteers answered with texts such as the following. “Please come to my home, I’ll meet you outside,” and “Please come to me, I’ve collected hundreds of dollars from my friends.” 

The Mitzvah Man drove Gittel from place to place, collecting the pledges made in response to the post. 

After two hours, Gittel had the entire sum that she needed.  

However, the day wasn’t over. 

The Icing on the Cake 

Hadas, the renowned hair stylist in the community, saw the post. She had in her possession the two gowns that Gittel needed! 

Immediately, Hadas contacted the Mitzvah Man and told him to please come pick up the dresses. She also wanted to tell the story behind these beautiful high-end gowns. 

“About two years ago a customer came in and told me, ‘I am giving you a wedding gown and mother of the bride gown, both size 16. Don’t ask any questions. Please take them and one day you will find someone to give them to.’” 

Hadas really did not want to take the gowns. What would happen if she got stuck with them? Then what would she do?  

The customer would not take no for an answer, so eventually Hadas acquiesced, and agreed to keep the gowns for safe keeping. The woman insisted that one day Hadas will be given the opportunity to help someone with these dresses. She said to Hadas, “You never know.” 

That day came. 

Hadas responded after reading the post, “I can’t believe it. Come to my shop and I will give you the dresses and some money for the mitzvah of hachnasat kallah.” 

Gittel was so overwhelmed with gratitude to Hashem for leading her to the right address, and for helping to provide her for all she needed. Gittel also had tremendous hakarat hatov to the Mitzvah Man Organization, the volunteers, and followers in our community. Now Gittel was able to return to Israel as soon as possible instead of worrying, stressing, and dealing with the unknown for ten long days. 

Our Sages taught that the Torah instructs us to put ourselves in another’s shoes. By doing so, we can feel what it is like to be in that person’s situation, and that leads people to helping another Jew in accordance with his needs. The Mitzvah Man volunteers live by this creed. 

That type of compassion and caring leads to giving sincerely and to tremendous siyatta d’Shmaya (assistance from Above). 

Hashem Is Waiting For You To Ask

The Sefer Hachinuch, in discussing the mitzvah of tefillah (431), writes that Hashem wants to bestow goodness upon us, and so He provides a means whereby we can obtain all forms of goodness, and that is prayer. He describes prayer as follows:

“They should ask Him, blessed is He, Who has the capacity and ability, for all their needs, for He will answer from the heavens to all who call out to Him with sincerity.”

There is so much good waiting for us, but Hashem wants us to ask for it, in order to develop a relationship with Him. The source for this concept is in Beresheet, where the Torah relates that even after the vegetation was created Hashem did not immediately allow it to grow, because “there was as yet no human being to cultivate the earth.” Rashi explains this to mean that Hashem waited for the creation of Adam, who would recognize the need for vegetation and pray for it. Rav Yerucham Levovitz (Daat Torah, Vol. 2) commented in light of Rashi’s explanation that there is an abundance of blessing at the edge of the heavens waiting for us, but Hashem created a system whereby prayer is required to bring forth that blessing.

This answers the question that many people ask as to the purpose of prayer if everything has already been decreed on Rosh Hashanah. Just as we obviously cannot sit around at home all day waiting for Hashem to miraculously send us a check, and we must instead do our hishtadlut (personal effort) to earn a living, similarly, we must pray for our blessings to arrive. Prayer is also part of our hishtadlut, because it is part of the system through which the world operates. In fact, prayer is the primary hishtadlut. Our livelihood derives mainly from our recitation of bareich aleinu, and only secondarily from our input. Our health derives primarily from our recitation of refa’einu, and only secondarily from our medical treatments. Hashem is our Provider and Healer, but He created the world in such a way that we must ask Him for His blessings. If we do not pray with the proper kavanah (intent), we deprive ourselves of all the goodness that is waiting for us.

We read in Parashat Shemot (6:12) that when Hashem first appeared to Moshe and assigned him the task of leading Bnei Israel out of Egypt, Moshe initially refused. One of the reasons he gave for his refusal is that he suffered from a speech impediment, which compromised his ability to

effectively confront Pharaoh. Hashem replied that he should nevertheless approach Pharaoh, and his brother Aharon, will serve as his spokesman. The Ramban (Shemot 4:10) raises the question of why Hashem did not simply cure Moshe’s impediment, rather than have Aharon speak in Moshe’s place. The answer, the Ramban explains, is that Moshe did not ask to be cured. The Ramban suggests a reason why Moshe did not ask, but what is significant for our purposes is the fact that Hashem was prepared to provide the cure, but He withheld it because the request was not made. Asking is necessary and required to bring down the berachah.

Let us utilize this wonderful gift of prayer, and constantly ask Hashem for anything and everything we need and want, so He can bestow upon us all the many berachot waiting for us.