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Why Didn’t You Ask for Help?

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September 2022

The pasuk in Tehillim (81:11) states “I am Hashem your Gd Who took you from the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.” The Gemara (Berachot 50a) interprets “open your mouth wide, and I will fill it” as a reference to praying for spiritual success. Hashem here invites us to ask for His help in Torah and spirituality.

But what is the connection between the two parts of this pasuk? How does the concept of prayer for spiritual success relate to the fact that Hashem took us from the land of Egypt?

Rav Chaim Shmulevitz (Sichos Mussar, Maamar 28) explained that just as Hashem lifted us from the 49^th level of impurity in which we were submerged in Egypt, and elevated us to the 49^th level of holiness at Mount Sinai, He is similarly capable and willing to assist each and every one of us in our spiritual efforts. The only condition, however, is that we “open our mouth wide,” that we ask Hashem for help. And the wider we open our mouth, the more we pray and beseech Hashem for help, the more help He will provide.

As observant Jews, we face many tests. The Gemara teaches (Kiddushin 30b) that the yetzer hara (evil inclination) is very difficult to overcome, and without Hashem’s help we have no possibility of withstanding the pressure it exerts upon us. A person might feel, Look, what can I do? It’s just too hard. My schedule is so busy and makes it too difficult for me to learn Torah. It’s too hard to always have to watch what kind of food I eat, what kind of things I look at, and the kind of things I hear. I have pressure from my friends, or from my spouse, not to be so religious. It’s just too hard. All these claims are true, but there is one very compelling response: Why don’t you ask Hashem for help?

Rav Shimshon Pincus (Sichos Elul, Amud 33) drew an analogy to a department of a hospital with a team of doctors who were giving instructions to the doctor who would be taking the night shift. They told him that all the patients were asleep; should one of them awaken, he should tend to that patient. If several patients awaken, and he cannot handle the workload on his own, he should call other doctors for help, no matter what time it is. Sure enough, a number of patients woke during the night, and the doctor ably took care of them. As time went on, though, more patients woke and required treatment, and the doctor found himself frantically running back and forth in a desperate attempt to treat them all. Eventually, the workload proved too much for him to handle, and, unfortunately, one of the patients died as a result of the doctor’s failure to meet all his needs.

The next morning, when the other team members arrived at the hospital, they reprimanded the doctor for allowing a patient to die. He explained to them that there were just too many patients to treat, and he couldn’t get to them all.

“You fool!” they exclaimed. “We told you to call us if the situation became too much for you to handle. You were supposed to ask us for help, and we would have come and treated the patient!”

This is precisely our situation with respect to spirituality. Hashem knows the yetzer hara is too difficult for us to handle on our own, and He therefore instructs us to “call” Him for help. If we don’t call Him and pray for assistance in overcoming our spiritual tests, then we are to blame for our inability to achieve spiritual success.

When a person finds himself struggling in a certain area of religious observance, he should pray, “Hashem, please help me; I want to do the right thing, but I need your help!” When a person feels he has stopped growing spiritually and does not have the desire to move forward, he should pray to Hashem for that desire. When a person is having difficulty learning or understanding what he learns, he should pray to Hashem for help. The Ya’arot Devash (Derush 4) comments that if we see a student who has more success than his peers in Torah study, it is not because he is brighter, but because he asks Hashem for help.

This is true regarding our children as well. If someone sees that his child is not properly observing the Torah, or does not want to pray or learn, the parents should pray to Hashem and ask for His help to enable the child to improve. This is part of our hishtadlut, and the more we ask, the more we receive. We must open our mouths wide in prayer; even when we find it difficult to pray, we must ask Hashem to help. Even when we feel our emunah is lacking, we must ask Hashem to give us emunah. He is always listening and always ready to help us overcome any personal challenge we confront

How to Connect With Our Children When They Have Made Poor Choices

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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How to Connect With Our Children When They Have Made Poor Choices

The holidays are approaching, and there is so much to learn from the teshuva process. Teshuva is about how to view one’s mistakes. Hashem loves us so much that He gives us the opportunity to cleanse ourselves through a four-part repenting process. If we examine the process thoroughly, we will see that no part of the process is about beating ourselves up. Yet, when we make mistakes, or when our children make mistakes, we are quick to put down and degrade ourselves or our children. Unfortunately, though, this hurtful attitude only causes one to feel less motivated to fix and clean up and do better.

Imagine the Following Scenario:

Joey takes his brother Sammy’s baseball glove. Sammy screams, “I hate you! Give me back my glove you…” (Use the words of your choice.)

Mom comes along and says, “Joey, how many times am I going to tell you not to touch other people’s things? And Sammy, you are so mean to your brother! Just tell him nicely.”

We’d be foolish to think that this mother’s comments will inspire Joey or Sammy to think, “You know, she’s right. I want to fix my mistakes and do better.” A judgmental attitude of “What’s wrong with you?” always creates separation. Always.

The Real Story

Instead, let’s take a look at what actually really happened here. All that happened was that both Joey and Sammy made poor choices. If the mother’s goal is to let them know that she becomes insecure when they make poor choices, she will continue in her ways that only produce negative results. The negative results can range from a child believing that something is wrong with him or her, hiding mistakes, becoming defensive, and repeating the misbehaviors.

If the mother’s goal, however, is to help her children be their best selves, she needs to change the story in her brain. She needs to internalize the idea that making poor choices in life is a part of every person’s journey. (If we see a pattern of consistent poor choices, we may need to decide if a child needs more support or intervention). If our children do not feel judged by us when they make mistakes, they are much more likely to take responsibility. It’s human nature. Remember that a judgmental attitude creates separation.

Instead, let’s believe that our children want to do what’s right. Let’s give them a chance to be nice to each other. If our children need to play separately for a few minutes, let’s calmly say just that. “Boys, let’s play in separate rooms for a few. Joey in the kitchen, Sammy in the dining room.” (If your child is not listening to you because he or she is actually stuck in a defiant mode, you need a whole behavior reset, which is a separate topic.) No judgement.

The “New Fresh Moment Strategy”

The “New Fresh Moment Strategy” is a strategy that can go very far in our campaign to build our children. It means that in each moment we interact with our children without holding on to their history. Would you want someone to interact with you as they hold on to all the memories of your past mistakes? As an adult you can try and look past it, but you would naturally feel very disconnected from that person. We actually tell children that it’s such a gift from Hashem that each moment is a new fresh opportunity. If Hashem allows us to start again, we also want to give our children a chance to start again now, too. If while my child is being hurtful to a sibling I am secretly thinking of all the times he did this in the past, I will talk down to him when giving an instruction to stop. If I treat him in this moment as a beautiful soul who just made a poor choice, I will kindly and assertively instruct him to stop. Only then will that free up my child to be their best selves.

NYC Speed Cameras Are Now Running 24/7

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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As of last month, New York City’s speed cameras are operating 24/7. The city’s 2,000 automated speed cameras, which are only situated in school zones, were previously authorized by the state to operate only on weekdays, between 6am and 10pm. But a new state law allows the cameras to operate 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and the City Council subsequently passed a bill to indeed have the cameras run 24/7.

The city says that since the start of the speed camera program in 2014, speeding violations are down 72 percent on average at camera locations in the 750 school zones citywide during the hours they operate.

Opponents of the speed cameras argue that government simply uses them as a revenue source.

“New York should just be honest with people that this has nothing to do with safety and everything to do with a cash grab,” said Councilman Kalman Yeger, who voted against the bill. “A reckless driver doesn’t get stopped by getting a bill in the mail. Cameras don’t target recklessness. They target wallets.”

“The speed cameras initially were a money grab, and just another way to tax New Yorkers,” said State Senator Simcha Felder, a fellow conservative Democrat whose district overlaps with much of Yeger’s. “Now the city has figured out a way to take their money 24 hours a day.”

A speed-camera fine is $50

Governor Hochul Signs Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein’s Legislation Protecting Holocaust Survivors

Photo attached.

Caption: Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein speaking at the bill signin

Last month, Governor Kathy Hochul signed a legislative package to honor and support Holocaust survivors in New York State. The legislation addresses Holocaust education, Holocaust art stolen during the Nazi era, and the requirement of the state’s Department of Financial Services to publish and annually update a list of banks that voluntarily waive transaction fees for Holocaust reparation payments

The new legislation, sponsored by Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein and Senator Zellnor Y. Myrie, will require that the NYS Department of Financial Services publish a list of banks that have agreed to waive their processing fees, post the list publicly on its website, and update it annually. This will ensure that survivors, many of whom live in poverty, can choose to avoid paying these fees, which can add up to substantial amounts. Additionally, this will persuade the banks that have yet to agree to waive these fees to do so.

“Our Holocaust survivors are a precious gift and it is incumbent upon us to assist them in any way we can,” said Assemblyman Simcha Eichenstein. “This bill, which I sponsored with Senator Myrie, will make sure that our Holocaust survivors are aware of which banks are waiving fees on reparations payments, fees that could add up substantially. Thank you Governor Hochul for recognizing the significance of this bill and signing it into law today.”

Monthly Update from Assemblywomen Kim Eulner and Marilyn Piperno

Use same photo as last month

We are happy to announce that Assembly Bill 4075, which we proudly supported and sponsored, recently passed unanimously through both of New Jersey’s legislative houses and was signed into law by the governor. The bill focuses on school safety and requires school districts to assemble “threat assessment teams.”

Unfortunately, the state’s mental health crises in the youth population necessitates this type of legislation. The isolation of the pandemic has weighed heavily on school-aged children, as, tragically, one in five New Jersey children now suffers from some mental health issue.

This epidemic of mental illness has led to an uptick in horrible tragedies, such as those that occurred in Uvalde, Texas. There were at least 26 other school shootings this year alone.

This bill aims to stop these events from happening by bringing together a team of experts who can help identify possible threats before it’s too late. These teams would consist of a psychologist or counselor, a teacher, a school resource officer, a school safety officer, and a principal or administrator. This multifaceted team will be able to monitor each district and work with law enforcement to communicate possible threats. The members of the team will have a strong understanding of the signs that precede violence in our schools.

The bill was bipartisan, with assembly members from both sides of the aisle agreeing that more must be done to protect our schools. The willingness to work together is a welcomed sign, and we’ll keep working to keep our children and community safe.

EFRAT – Empowering Women to Make the Best Decision for Themselves and Their Families

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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EFRAT – Empowering Women to Make the Best Decision for Themselves and Their Families

Surprisingly, economic distress is the most common reason women in Israel give seek abortions. Very often it is the people closest to them – the spouse or parent – who insists that there is no alternative. Tragically, close to 40,000 Israeli babies are lost each year, primarily due to dire financial straits.

Additionally, for each baby lost there is also a woman who mourns the unborn child, and who is forced to bear a burden of guilt for the rest of her life.

“EFRAT founder Dr. Eli Schussheim, zt”l, coined the slogan “You don’t end a life for lack of funds.” He worked for over four decades to empower women and to save Jewish babies. Through providing information, emotional support, and financial assistance, EFRAT has helped generations of women deal with their unexpected pregnancies, and ultimately, make the best decision for themselves and their families.

“Our mission at EFRAT is to show women that they have a choice,” explains Nir Salomon, Executive Director of Efrat. “There are situations where a woman feels trapped. Everyone around her says that having a child in her circumstances is unfeasible.”

The rationale at EFRAT is that women who are pondering abortion have the right to receive the most updated information relating to all aspects of their physical and emotional health. Ruthy Tidhar, Efrat’s head social worker points out, “The women who come to us are pitifully unaware of the ramifications – medical, physical, and emotional – of such a drastic decision. We will never try to sway women one way or another with arguments based on ideological, moral, or religious grounds. Rather, our goal is to empower them through information and assistance. We show them that other options exist.”

They Are Not Alone

EFRAT manages an army of trained volunteers who are active across Israel, providing women with the support they desperately need. Some of these special volunteers were themselves past recipients of EFRAT’s hesed who want to give back. The volunteers continue to be an active presence in the women’s lives for as long as necessary.

In addition to moral support and counseling, EFRAT provides practical assistance in the form of a complete package to cover all of a new baby’s physical needs: a crib, stroller, bathtub, infant seat, layette, etc. What’s more, for the first two years of her baby’s life, the woman receives monthly deliveries of diapers, wipes, infant formula and more. Often EFRAT will provide staple food items for the mother and the rest of the family.

Last year, EFRAT incorporated a new service aimed at solving the problem at its source and breaking the cycle of poverty. The Working Moms Vocational Support Program, headed by Cintia Beinichis Remeney, empowers women to enter the workforce and become self-respecting breadwinners for their growing families. In addition to vocational testing, which identifies each woman’s strengths, preferences, and aptitudes, the program helps them access professional training and subsidized childcare, positioning them on the path toward financial independence. In the few months that the program has been operational, about 100 women have begun training for gainful employment in fields such as cosmetology, hairstyling, business management, and even law.

Giving Hope to Birth

Today EFRAT has become so efficient that the cost of saving a life, including the entire package, amounts to a mere $1,500. Each donor who saves a life is given the name and date of birth of the child they saved.

The Case – A Year of Sabbatical

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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Danny, already in his mid-40s, decided to move to Jerusalem, Israel and enroll in a yeshiva. Having never received an extensive Jewish education, he was overwhelmed by the large number of Torah laws that he was entirely unaware of. He was particularly intrigued by the agricultural laws of the Sabbatical year (“shemitah”), which apply this year (5782), and dedicated most of his energy to studying these laws. Then, he embarked on the study of the financial aspect of the Sabbatical year, namely, the cancellation of all debts with the conclusion of shemitah, with the onset of the new year on Rosh Hashanah. The cancellation can be averted by signing a special form called a Prozbol. 

Danny panicked, as he had recalled collecting a loan of $50,000 after the last Sabbatical year some seven years ago. The loan was collected from his friend Stanley, and Danny was not in a financial position to return the sum. As he was then unaware of the laws of shemitah, he had not prepared a Prozbol form to allow collecting the debt.  

Danny and the yeshiva’s rabbinical staff consulted with our Bet Din to determine whether he needs to return the money to Stanley.

How should the Bet Din rule, and why?

Torah Law

The Torah mandates that all loans extended be cancelled with the conclusion of the sabbatical year. Today, this decree is of rabbinical origin since our nation is in exile. Thus, by rule of the Shulhan Aruch it is prohibited for one to claim a loan any time after sunset on the eve of Rosh Hashanah of the following year. This ruling is applicable to basically all types of loans, though it excludes instances in which a lender previously collected collateral from a borrower in order to secure the outstanding obligation. The rationale behind this ruling is that collection of collateral prior to the conclusion of the sabbatical year is comparable to collection of the loan.

A great sage of the Mishna named Hillel observed that because of this mandate people were growing reluctant to lend money as the sabbatical year approached, fearing the inability to collect the debt prior to the time of cancellation. Since the decree was already reduced to a rabbinic restriction, he effectively instituted a Prozbol, a system that enables one to collect outstanding loans even after the sabbatical year. By process of a Prozbol, creditors submit all loans to a rabbinical court, thereby authorizing the court to collect the debt. This effectively allows the creditor himself to collect the debt, since it is the court that is in essence prosecuting the borrower and not the individual. Additionally, a rabbinical court entrusted with the power of collection is similar to holding collateral against a loan and may be viewed as already collected before the cancellation date.

Legally, it is unnecessary for the lender to appear before a rabbinical court to submit the debts owed to him, as it suffices to fill out a Prozbol form before two witnesses. The witnesses are not to be related to one another, or related to the lender. The Prozbol is effective only for loans extended prior to the signing of the application. It is therefore customary to fill out the form shortly before the time of cancellation.

With the conclusion of the sabbatical year, only loans remaining unpaid that are past their due date are cancelled. If however, the loan is not overdue, rather the time set to repay a loan is only after the sabbatical year, it is not canceled and one need not complete a Prozbol form. Hence, in instances in which a loan extended was set to be repaid by a borrower only after the sabbatical year, it is not cancelled in the event a Prozbol form was not completed by the lender.

Interestingly, contemporary halachic authorities rule leniently with regard to people who were previously non-religious and unaffiliated with Jewish practice who consequently did not complete a Prozbol form. Hence, in the event a loan was already collected after the sabbatical year, in such instances the funds need not be returned to the borrower. The rationale behind this ruling is beyond the scope of this article.

A Prozbol form according to Sephardic tradition is being provided for our readers. As mentioned, once the form is signed by the witnesses it is valid, there is no need to contact or submit the form to the Bet Din. It is perfectly permissible to use the services of any well recognized Bet Din that is appointed by the masses, even if the Bet Din is located outside of one’s area. Renowned sages of Syria would customarily use the services of the rabbinical courts of Israel to officiate a Prozbol.

Endnotes: See Hazon Obadiah, Prozbol

Verdict: The Time Is Right

Our Bet Din ruled that Danny was permitted to withhold the $50,000 he collected from Stanley. Although Danny did not prepare a Prozbol prior to last year’s Sabbatical, by law he was not required to do so. As mentioned, only loans past their due date are cancelled with the conclusion of the Sabbatical year. Since the loan extended to Stanley was only payable after the sabbatical year, it was not cancelled and a Prozbol was not needed. Furthermore, even for other smaller loans Danny collected from borrowers that should have been cancelled, he nevertheless does not need to return the funds. Since Danny was a non-observant Jew unaware of the prohibition at the time he collected the loans, according to leading contemporary halachic authorities he may withhold the funds. Obviously, now that Danny is an observant Jew he is required to prepare a Prozbol for the upcoming cancellation date. If he fails to do so, his loans past due will be cancelled upon sunset the eve of this Rosh Hashanah.

A Prozbol form according to Sephardic tradition is being made available to our readers. Follow the instructions detailed in Torah law when filling out the form.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Get Out!!

David rented a home from Steven for ten months, with the rental contract expiring on June 30, 2022. Although David was planning a trip overseas in early June, he nevertheless, as per his contractual obligation, sent Steven payment in full for the month of June. David moved all his belongings out of the house and returned the keys to Steven on June 7th, before he left for overseas with his family. While overseas, David immediately realized that he forgot to empty the vault in the master bedroom prior to his departure. He contacted his brother and gave him the code to the back door to enter and collect his valuables from the vault. Upon his brother’s entry to the home, he was confronted with an entire family living on the premises. The brother contacted Steven, the owner, and he arranged for the vault to be emptied and its contents returned. However, David was exasperated that Steven, without consent, rented out the home to another family before June 30. In Bet Din David demanded of Steven that all proceeds from the new tenants are to be forwarded to him. David explained that since he rented and paid for the home until June 30, he is the rightful owner and is entitled to the earnings. Steven replied that as the owner he had the right to rent out the vacancy especially after David returned to him the keys. Furthermore, Steven explained that he rented his home for the summer at a high summer rate per month and he clearly had no intention of forwarding his earnings to David. David responded by threatening that either the summer tenants vacate the property until July 1, or all proceeds of the three-week term be paid to him.

At War with hate

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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– Avi Kumar

Dov Hikind, Brooklyn’s popular State Assemblyman for District 48, served for 35 years, between January 1983 to December 2018. He is an outspoken campion for Jews rights. He was born and raised in the heart of Williamsburg, New York, to Yiddish speaking parents from Eastern Europe.

In his youth, he was an active member in the Jewish Defense League. “I have been fighting for Jewish rights my whole life,” he says. He has helped every Jewish community, be it Haredi, Hasidic, Modern Orthodox, Ashkenazi, or Sephardic. “If you are Jewish and in pain or facing difficulty and are a victim of anti-Semitism, or ‘Jew-hate’ as I prefer to call it, it is not just my problem and your problem, it is the problem of all Jews. And we must not be afraid and do something.”  Hikind states that he wears his yarmulke openly not because he is more religious than other Jews but because he is not afraid to show his identity.

From Torah Vodass to the JDL

His parents initially enrolled him in a Hasidic Yeshiva, but his mother eventually wanted him to get a more balanced education, including more secular studies in English. He switched to Yeshiva Torah Vodass. He was drawn to the ideology of the JDL as a young adult, stating, “It was a militant organization and was very different from anything else that existed in the U.S. at the time,” the 72-year-old explains.

Hikind speaks highly of the late Rabbi Meir Kahane, who was the leader and figurehead of the organization. “Yes, he was a controversial figure, but he was also a special person who cared a lot for Jews. Lots of people will say that they care about Jews, and this is nice, but when you care, and you do nothing, something important is missing. You must put that care into practice,” he affirmed.

Hikind was inspired to become involved in political activism during the struggle for Soviet Jewry under the Communists.  “I have been arrested many times on behalf of Soviet Jewry for doing many things – but it’s a part of my life that I am extremely proud of. For me personally, I must say that their plight was a big reason why I got involved in the JDL in the first place. Before I was involved in the JDL, I had heard nothing about Jews living in the Soviet Union. When I went to yeshivas, nobody spoke about them, or told us to do anything about it.

“I was the child of survivors. My mother was in Auschwitz in 1944 and most of her family died in the gas chambers as soon as they arrived.  My father was in several forced labor camps. So, given my own background, when I saw what JDL was fighting on behalf of my people, I decided to get involved. I wanted to open the doors.” He continued, “I have also in the past seen demonstrations outside the Syrian mission to help that community flee the Middle East. It didn’t matter which Jewish community was in trouble. I believed that it is important to stand up and fight on their behalf and not be afraid. We call it hadar – Jews should be proud of who we are and not apologize for being Jewish”. Hikind was chased out of the Soviet Union by the KGB in Moscow in 1973 while protesting there.

From Activist to Politician

His entry into mainstream politics began when his friend Alan Rocoff suggested that being in an official position would help him accomplish many things he could not otherwise achieve as an activist. So, in the 1970s he joined the Democratic party. Hikind claims that politics was previously the last thing on his mind, and that the party affiliation itself didn’t matter.

“In 1982, I got elected at the New York State Assembly. I ran against an incumbent; it was very a close race. I did not expect to win, but I did. And after that, I spent 36 years in office helping Jews. Yes, I was a Democrat, but I always said, ‘I’m not a Democrat or Republican,’ but my commitment is to the Jewish people, not to any political party. When you are involved in politics, you should not forget why you are there in the first place. I was there to help my people. In fact, I have supported Republicans in the past. For example, I was one the first people to publicly support Rudy Giuliani for mayor. I also endorsed Al D’Amato, George Pataki, and numerous other Republicans when I felt that they were better for Jews.”

“Whoever would be the best for the community, whoever will ‘do the right thing’ for the Jewish people is who I have supported and will support, plain and simple,” Hikind said. “If you came to my office, we did not just talk and send you away to another person to sort it out. My staff and I did our best to help fix the problem. I also did what I could to help the non-Jews in the district I represented.”

Rise in Hate Crimes Pushes New Yorkers Away

The former assemblyman lamented, “If the city is not safe, there is no future. Giuliani and his successor, Bloomberg, had control of crime. When Dinkins was mayor in the 1970s, New York was actually much worse than it is even today, if you can believe it.”  

Hikind speaks of his involvement with the Syrian / Sephardic community at large “Their concerns were no different from any other Jewish community. They were and still are concerned about schools, yeshivas, etc. They have the same problems and issues that other communities face – kids getting involved in drugs and facing crime. We cannot be afraid to address these issues.

Lately, many people are leaving Brooklyn, including many people I personally know, including my own relatives. People are leaving by the numbers. However, the Syrian and larger Sephardic community, which are well invested here, are not leaving as much. They are somehow ‘keeping things going.’ I have not spoken to them about this specifically, but I am sure they are concerned about the future of New York. They have beautiful homes, great shuls, they take good care of each other, and do such amazing work to help people of different communities.

As for the Orthodox Ashkenazim, many are leaving to New Jersey or the Five Towns. I do believe that the Syrian community are concerned about what is happening in New York lately, even if they are not leaving as much. Many of them own businesses in Manhattan. Some of them have faced violence in the past and these things could happen again. What I can say is, sadly we don’t have strong leadership in New York.”

“When I left office four years ago, I had many plans, but sadly that was also a time when there was an outbreak of anti-Semitism that we have not seen before. The number of attacks on Jews has been increasing every year. Many Jews take off their kippahs when they come to Manhattan. Why do they have to hide their Jewish identity in a city with over a millions Jews? It is a very sad reality. We have a real problem and the people who commit these acts of hate often get away with it – that is a real tragedy. All over New York, rocks have been thrown and swastikas have been carved into shuls. We had the killings in Jersey City and Monsey. Things have gotten out of control. We cannot say it was a few bad years, it has not stopped.”

Anti-Semitic Acts Increase Not Only in New York

“Recently, a Jewish man (not Haredi, mind you) was attacked in New York on a subway and the attacker said, ‘If I had a gun I would kill you!’ Sadly, incidents like this occur every single day. And this is not only happening in America, but also all over the world: in England, France, Belgium, and a host of other places. This Jew hatred is out of control across the world. And the sad thing is nobody has a solution. The Jewish organizations like the ADL all do the same thing, walking on the circle and no new approaches to fight this. It is not a good situation.  Recently we saw violence in Jersey City and Monsey on Hanukah. These are not isolated incidents.

Jewish families are concerned about their future. New York is out of control, and I do not see things changing for the next 5-10 years with these crazy bail laws. Dubai is probably safer for Jews than New York at this point. It is simply insane what is going on.”

Hatzalah of the Jersey Shore

Community Magazine

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August 2022

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The 8th Annual Carnival

Ahdut and Fun

Pnina Souid

The 8th Annual Carnival of the Hatzalah of the Jersey Shore was held at the JCC in Deal, NJ, on Sunday, July 10th. The first Hatzalah Carnival was created not only to spread Hatzalah’s message of togetherness and community safety, but also to give the community a day of fun and ahdut (unity).

Each year the Carnival gets bigger and better, due to all the volunteers’ dedicated work, which starts every year the very day after that year’s Carnival.

This year’s Carnival was the largest yet, with over 1,000 families attending. The Hatzalah members were positively overwhelmed. Families came from every walk of life, Sephardic, Ashkenazic, and from near and far – from Deal and the surrounding neighborhoods, Lakewood, and even Brooklyn!

The action-packed day featured a petting zoo, pony rides, a dunk tank, amusement rides, games, prizes, a Rolex watch raffle, a Chinese Auction, special treats like ices and cotton candy, and a BBQ hosted by the Hatzalah members. On site were ambulances, open for the public to take a look inside.

Hatzalah distributed 1,500 bicycle helmets and 1,000 reflective vests.

We are all familiar with the life-saving work of Hatzalah. Hatzalah’s EMTs also strive to be a support for the community and to promote safety education, including safety in the home, at school, and on the road. They also are ambassadors to promote bicycle safety and pool safety. Their mission is “total commitment to the sanctity of life.”

Stanley Cohen, the coordinator of the Carnival, said that Hatzalah wanted to have an amazing community event for everyone – a day of togetherness and fun. He said that all the children left with smiles on their faces and prizes in their hands. And the adults were smiling too!

Dear Jido – August 2022

Community Magazine

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August 2022

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Dear Jido, 

Recently I moved into a new neighborhood, not at all close to the last place I was living. There are lots of girls my age here and they all seem so nice. Even though I was excited to move here, now I’m feeling shy and it’s hard for me to make friends with the people on the block. What can I do to meet them and get comfortable? 

Signed, 

New Kid on the Block 

Dear New Kid,

Yes, there are several easy things that you can do, even if you’re shy.

Number One – SMILE!  It’s something we all should do all the time. It creates an instant bond with people. When you pass one of your “neighbors” on the street or in school, look them in the eye and smile. Maybe even nod hello and give a little wave. The natural tendency is to look down at the cement as you pass. Don’t. Smile!

Number Two – Make a BBQ. It might be too late in the summer for one by the time you read this or maybe everyone is away. In that case, make a Succah Party. Everyone loves to eat. Make sure you invite some of your cousins and current friends so that you don’t feel excluded. And while you’re at it, practice - 

Number Three – Always have an amusing story to tell. (Make sure you don’t tell it to the same person twice.) People crave attention. When you engage them in something they enjoy, it keeps them coming back for more. And while you’re doing that, practice - 

Number Four – Ask open ended questions. For example – How did you like class today? or What did you do for the summer/the holidays? Many people have crawled into their shells due to Covid and isolation. Be that sunny spot that opens them up.

Number Five – Most of all – be yourself. If you enjoy sports or crafts or baking or doing hesed, join a group of girls your age who share your interests.

If all else fails, I’ve got plenty of granddaughters who would love to have a new friend. 

Welcome to the neighborhood!

Jido

PROPEL + Raquel Gadeloff = Success

Community Magazine

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August 2022

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Raquel’s story is inspirational, but more importantly, it is a lesson about never giving up hope and working hard to achieve a goal.

In 2019, Raquel Gadeloff worked part time in a real estate office. Although she had her realtor’s license, she was earning next to nothing. She needed a steady paycheck.

Raquel’s husband, David, was diagnosed with late-stage cancer, so the pressure on her to support the family became extreme. He needed major surgery and would be unable to work for months.

Raquel had a heavy heart when she first spoke with her career coach at PROPEL. She had no idea what we could do to help her but she was open to ideas.

We suggested she become proficient at using Microsoft Office suite to become a more valuable asset in her office and hopefully to get additional job offers. Raquel began a comprehensive course in January 2020. Her father passed away in March. After sitting shiva, COVID hit. Classes went to ZOOM. From July through December 2020, her husband had three additional surgeries. Raquel kept trying to finish her course, work at her real estate job, and study for her Microsoft Office exam.

All this time her husband remained very ill and yet Raquel prevailed. “I always trusted the idea that you have to work hard in life; your body will achieve what your mind believes.”

Raquel completed her studies and became proficient in using Microsoft Office and other computer programs. Her newly acquired skills allowed her to process her own contracts

and provide her own back office support for closed sales. She no longer had to wait for help from others. This changed the trajectory of her life as a realtor.

Today, Raquel is one of the top realtors in the State of New Jersey having earned the New Jersey Realtor Gold Circle of Excellence. Raquel proudly points out that she was only one sale away from winning platinum.

Fluent in Hebrew, Spanish, and conversational Arabic, she shared her thoughts in a recent conversation.

“My husband sold accessories in New York City until he became ill. I NEVER believed I would be able to support my family. PROPEL knew what I needed and provided it. They are the reason I am able to take advantage of opportunities today. PROPEL helped me get the skills I needed to succeed.”

Not everyone goes through the challenges that Raquel did, but everyone has challenges to overcome. If those challenges include finding a career or earning money, PROPEL is here to provide information, support your journey, and inspire your decisions.

For women searching for a path forward, please contact PROPEL.

In the words of Raquel Gadeloff, “Women can earn significant money. We can be resilient and get through anything.”

Back to School Sanity

Community Magazine

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August 2022

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Preparing for the Summertime-to-School Transition

Frances Haddad

The summer heat has settled, and believe it or not, those first days of school are closer than they may appear. New beginnings are known to be difficult, and approaching the unknown future can be scary, especially for a child who will enter preschool, elementary, or even high school in just a few weeks. As such, it can be expected that children (and even parents and teachers!) may come down with a sudden case of the jitters in the days leading up to the start of school.

Preparation and anticipation can be overwhelming, but there are ways to harness the calm and ensure that the transition from those fun days of camp to the grueling days of school is (almost!) effortless. So spend these weeks preparing your children for what is to come, and they can return to school invigorated, ready to learn and to succeed.

Brain Power

Summertime may be a period of relaxation, but don’t let it become a break from the kids using their brain power. Like any other muscle, the brain must be exercised in order to maintain strength and agility. While it is true that children need a breather from the intense workload that school often imposes, it is imperative to encourage some amount of reading and writing over summer vacation. The sense of dread that accompanies the summer book list is likely to be felt no matter what, but flexing the brain during the summer months is necessary to prevent it from turning to mush.

If reading and writing skills are practiced during the summer months, then when the children return to their desks come September, they won’t feel like they have set foot onto such unfamiliar territory. And parents, it is up to you to strongly encourage your children to read and read some more during the summer. For younger children, read to them their favorite stories and be sure to practice A-B-Cs and Aleph Bet.

When children practice literacy skills over the long summer break, they return to school with their knowledge intact, thus sparing them a good deal of frustration when the academic workload returns. It goes without saying that summer reading and writing should be accompanied by motivational techniques such as cool prizes to give kids the extra push they may need. And of course, the reading should be light and enjoyable. But remember, intellectual fitness is just as important as all that running, jumping, and climbing that has kept your kids physically fit during the summer. So, get thinking and keep that brain moving!

Act It Out

For a preschool child, the first days of school can be frightening. The kids will be expected to walk into a big classroom, and confront the unfamiliar faces of new teachers and peers. They will be leaving the comfort of Mommy’s side, and will spend a long day away from the scents and sounds of home. Therefore, it is Mommy’s job to prepare her child both mentally and emotionally before school begins.

Goldie Schechter, a seasoned educator with extensive experience in the field of psychology, says, “In order to help a young child overcome the trepidation of a new experience, it is important to give them the tools they will need to face obstacles. With my own preschool-aged children, I role-play the entire scene of going to school, in order to give them the tools to face the inevitable emotions that will arise. I tell my child to pretend that a room in my house is her new classroom, and as I hold my child’s hand, I say, ‘Ok! We are going to school today. Let’s walk there together. We’re here! It is time to stay in the classroom and Mommy will come back later.’

“Then, I address certain emotions that may arise by saying, ‘Mommy left and you feel sad. It’s okay to be sad, but let’s remember that Mommy will come back to pick you up soon.’ It is crucial to address a child’s feelings. Sometimes people try to deny kids’ feelings, and say things like, ‘School is so exciting!’ or ‘There’s nothing to be scared of!’ But this is the wrong approach, since it does not validate a child’s feelings, which is so important. It is up to us as adults to remember that it is very scary for a child to be dropped off by their mother for the first time, and they need tools to handle it.”

Mrs. Schechter also offers us some sound advice for handling a high school student’s fears about the first day of school. “When a teenager is afraid of the first day of school, it is important to address his concerns, and help him find practical solutions to his fears. If your child says, ‘I don’t want to go to school. I won’t make any friends,’ show that you understand his fears, validate his concerns and say, ‘I hear you, and that’s a real concern. Let’s talk about how to handle it.’ If you talk about different situations, your child will be better prepared to face whatever comes their way.”

In general, it is imperative to keep the channels of communication open with children. You want to promote an atmosphere where your children feel they can be open with you. If they are open with you, and if you learn to practice active listening, you can play a large part in assuaging their fears. If you have given your children tools to use in case of difficulty, they will see you in their mind’s eye, cheering them on, whenever they face a challenging situation.

Beat the Mad Rush

“It is as clear as yesterday,” says Cindy Shasho. “It was the first week of September, and I needed to buy notebooks for my children. I ran to one Staples, and the line was out the door. When I finally made my way through the aisles, I saw that the shelves were empty. I must’ve gone to four or five stores before I found what I was looking for.”

Cindy is not the only one who has experienced the stress of last-minute school supplies shopping. Those of us who have scavenged for school supplies, pulling out the last package of ballpoint pens from underneath the last stack of loose-leaf paper, learned the hard way that buying school supplies should be done early.

Skip the stress-inducing scenario of running up and down the aisles last minute. After taking inventory of the supplies in your home, and putting together a comprehensive list of exactly what each child needs (some teachers provide the list for you – check if your child’s teacher has done so), go to the closest school supplies depot and stock up on necessities already a few weeks before the first day of school. Many school supplies can even be ordered online.

“What Do You Want From Me?”

In general, it is important to let people know what is expected of them. A boss must make job responsibilities clear for his employee. And a wife can’t expect her husband to be a mind-reader. If you want him to take out the garbage, then say so! Parents and teachers, the same applies to your children and students. Expectations must be made clear, so children know how to proceed and succeed.

It is to our benefit, and to the benefit of the young people in our homes and classrooms, to spell out what we expect. Parents and teachers alike can sit down with their children and write up a list of expectations, such as, “Lauren will place her knapsack in the front closet each day after school,” or “Students will place their homework on the teacher’s desk at the start of class.” Hang the list in a visible location, so the child will be easily reminded.

It’s also important to allow children to add their own ideas, so they feel a sense of ownership and they see that their contribution is valued. Plus, they’ll be more likely to follow the rules.

The Glass Is Half Full

Children may hear numerous criticisms throughout the day. “Stand up straight! Tuck in your shirt! Clean your room! Tie your shoes!” Yes, it is up to us adults to guide the youngsters under our charge and provide direction. But it is crucial to remember that children thrive on positivity, and therefore it is essential to focus on what they do right. “You did a lot of thinking while doing your homework” or “Wow, I like the way you put your knapsack by the door for tomorrow,” are things you can say to show your children that you notice their efforts.

Parents, make deposits in your child’s “emotional bank account” and catch them in the act of good behavior. Teachers, give your students reasons to succeed in your classroom! If children see that their good behavior is recognized, they will be motivated to achieve.

When the adults bring in the first days of school with positivity and patience, a daunting experience can be transformed into one surrounded by excitement and warmth. Parents and teachers, school can be a place where your child, or your student, can succeed. It is all in how you present it. Remember, your enthusiasm is contagious!