Blogs | Community Magazine

Quality of Life

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October 2022

If Hashem wants to bless an individual with financial success, He can do so in an instant. To us, the road to success might seem very long, but Hashem has countless ways of shortening that road and bringing one instant success. Of course, we need to do our hishtadlut, to invest effort and to work hard. But our main area of hishtadlut upon which we focus must be the area of avodat Hashem, raising the standards of our service of Hashem. Wealth is a wonderful blessing, but the pursuit of money should not consume all our time. We need to make an effort, to put in a hard day’s work, but without ever forgetting the real purpose of life, which is to serve Hashem. We should be asking Hashem for success, and when he feels the time is right, he will send it to us, in ways we would never have imagined.

A successful businessman told me that he went to lunch with one of his friends in order to try to direct him toward greater emunah, to impress upon him that all success comes from Hashem.

“We don’t accomplish anything,” he told his friend, “It is all from Hashem.”

His friend, however, felt that to the contrary, we need to be investing greater effort. “I think you’re too laid back in your business,” he said, “and you’re not putting in enough effort. You don’t have accounts with the big names like Macy’s and Kohl’s.”

The man explained to him that building a relationship with these corporations requires a lot of time and a lot of traveling. To do so, he would have to spend a great deal of time away from his family, and he enjoys the quality of life which he has, being able to learn Torah in the morning until 8:45 and then coming home at 6:30 to be with his family and learn more Torah at night. He then said, “Hashem has blessed me with everything I need. If He wants to bless me with more money, I know that He could bring me any big company right to my doorstep.” These were his words.

The man returned to his office and a short while later he received a friendly call from his nephew. His nephew told him of a new job that he had recently started and mentioned that his company has a salesman with excellent connections with all the major stores, and who had succeeded in creating accounts with many of the big names. The next day, the nephew called back and said, “You won’t believe it. Remember that salesman I was telling you about? He just left the company and is looking for a new job.”

The businessman immediately contacted the salesman and hired him. The new employee spent the next two weeks on the phone trying to set up accounts with all the major companies. “Don’t worry,” he told his boss, “I know you don’t like traveling, so I will be happy to travel if I get meetings set up.” As it turned out, that week was market week, and every store came to them, right to their office. They held very successful meetings, and, as the man had said, Hashem brought all the major stores – such as Kohl’s, J.C. Penny, Sears, Kmart, and others – right to his doorstep. Sears even requested a follow-up meeting, and they agreed to meet at a show that the businessman was in any event planning to attend.

If Hashem wants, He could bring the business right where we are. We should work very hard, not be lazy, and put in the effort, but we should never compromise our quality of life.

What if Your Child Is Bullying Other Children?

Community Magazine

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October 2022

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What if Your Child Is Bullying Other Children?

As parents we all hope and pray to raise children that are kind to everyone. It is very painful for us to watch our children hurting others.

Our questions here are: why they do it and is there anything we can do to free them up to be their best selves?

Why Children Bully

Let’s address the first question. Why do children bully? Nobody is born a bully. Bullying happens when a person feels the need to expert power over someone else. If a person is fully aware that every human being is tremendously valuable, they would never feel the need to prove their value. Basically bullying stems from an insecurity. The person bullying believes that in order to be valuable, they need to prove that they are more, and the way to accomplish that is by knocking down others. Intentionally or not, the other person gets hurt, and nobody has a green light to hurt others.

How Parents Can Help

Our next question is: can we do anything as adults to help the bully? Thankfully, the answer is we can do A LOT!

In order to help the child who has been hurting others out if the bully role, we must use a two- pronged approach:

See the child’s soul, and speak only to the soul, never to the behaviors.

Set limits.

The first prong is a requirement in any and every relationship. People perform best with people who believe in them. No matter how low your child has stooped, if you maintain an unwavering position that you know 100 percent that these behaviors are not who the child really is, your child will get warm encouraging vibes. Say sincere things like, “The real you would never want to hurt someone on purpose,” or “You bring so much joy into our home.”

Setting Limits

Many years ago, I encountered a seventh grader who had a long history of bullying the girls in her class. During our first interaction I told her that I knew that the real her doesn’t want to hurt people. She answered, “You don’t know me. I don’t care about anyone except myself.” I answered her back, “There’s nothing in the world you can say or do that would make me believe that.”

I also explained to her that while I understood that this wasn’t the real her, we were going to structure things differently in the classroom so that she would be held accountable for her behaviors. This brings us to the second prong, which is setting limits.

We tell children that BECAUSE we believe in them we will be holding them accountable. We tell them that they will hate it at first, but then will feel amazing once they are successful. At the end of the day we all feel better about ourselves when we are doing the right thing.

If you see your child engaging in any form of belittling, hurting, etc.,

Wait at least an hour, and then say,

“I know you don’t mean to___. when you said___to ___, it really hurt him/her.

“Can I get a commitment from you to try your best to be careful about not saying hurtful things?”

Consequences

If you notice improvement, let your child know (often) that you see him/her becoming stronger and moving into the healthy CHAMPION role, being his or her “real self.”

If other children are still being hurt, say the following:

“Let’s think together. I know you don’t want to hurt people, and it seems it’s hard for you to remember which words/actions hurt. What do you think would be a good way for you to take responsibility in case you forget again?”

See what your child comes up with. Believe in him or her and follow through with whatever limit you and your child decide on. It’s never too late to start a new fresh day!

One on One with Susan Cohen

Community Magazine

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October 2022

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“Teaching as a profession is great but it’s the students that make it worthwhile. The reason I go back year to year is all about the relationships I have with my students. I am invested in them, and I so enjoy seeing their awareness when they figure things out.”

~~ Susan ~~

Did you have a favorite teacher?

We all have been touched by teachers in different ways. Whether they were younger or older mentors, they taught us valuable skills and life lessons from pre-school days through graduate school.

I was excited to interview Susan Cohen, a young and impassioned history teacher at Magen David Yeshiva High School.

One of my favorite middle division teachers was Ms. Haberman. She was probably in her 20s. I will never forget that she played the song “The Sound of Silence” for us in Social Studies class. You may wonder why a Simon and Garfunkel song was presented in Yeshiva. I believe it was to teach us about the difficulties people have communicating with each other. It was only this year that I read the back story about this piece. Paul Simon wrote this song, with input from Art Garfunkel, as a tribute and comfort to Art Garfunkel’s college roommate Sanford Greenberg. Sanford lost his sight months after the two met. What an extraordinary message Ms. Haberman shared with us.

As I listened to Susan Cohen’s life story and what energizes her about her career, she reminded me of the lifelong positive impact teachers can have on their students. They do not only teach academic skills, but also contribute to making a child a better human being.

A Little History

Please meet Susan Cohen, a vibrant educator from our community. Susan, daughter of Melissa and Allan Cohen, is the oldest of five, with two brothers and two sisters. Her grandparents from both sides are of Syrian descent. Susan is close with her siblings, “There is nothing like family,” she says, and she declares that she is such an oldest child! The firstborn child tends to be outspoken, a perfectionist, goal-oriented, and independent.

When it comes to role models, Susan’s mother Melissa Cohen is a shining example. She is Susan’s go-to person for advice and Susan learned from Melissa that she could accomplish anything if she put her mind to it. “My mother imparted, ‘sometimes you try something new or different and you can do all the right things and it doesn’t work out. If that happens, sit back, and enjoy what you do have.’”

Susan grew up in Brooklyn and attended Yeshiva Shaare Torah for grade school. Susan wanted a new start for high school and was eager to meet new people, so she decided to head to Ilan High School in NJ. She was fortunate to have good friends in both Brooklyn and Deal. An added plus was that there were other girls traveling from Brooklyn to Deal.

Susan’s family moved to Deal around seven years ago when Susan was already enrolled in Brooklyn College. During the week, Susan stayed in Brooklyn with her aunt and uncle and she traveled to Deal to spend Shabbat with her parents and siblings.

Susan – the Child and Student

Susan was always mature for her age. “I wasn’t shy, but I wasn’t super social either. I preferred having my six close friends rather than being around tons of people.”

She was always “good at school” and was an honor student. Susan was blessed that her studies came easily to her, except for anything math related.

Susan’s inquisitive and logical nature could get her into trouble, as she asked a lot of questions. At twelve, when she posed her questions on religion and hashkafah to her teachers, the response often was that she was not old enough to understand the answers. In hindsight, Susan now accepts that as observant Jews we do not know the exact reasons behind all our mitzvot, but she accepts observance of mitzvot, and enjoys being Torah observant, even if she does not have a logical answer for why Hashem commanded us to observe all of His mitzvot.

College and Career Choices

Susan had a clear career plan when she started college. She was determined to become a lawyer. Susan received a full scholarship to Brooklyn College, and her practical nature went for the “no debt” path. She opted for saving money for law school tuition.

It turned out that Susan made the right choice about colleges. “My college experience was amazing. I had the best of both worlds. My fellow Jewish community members were always close by and made going to a secular college less of a culture shock. There were no Jews in my history classes, which forced me to meet other people, hear other perspectives, and see the real world.”

Susan took twenty-two credits a semester. Sixteen credits for five classes is what most full-time college students take. Susan also worked 35 to 40 hours a week throughout college. Her jobs included working in the wholesale and retail sectors, tutoring, and SAT preparation. How did Susan juggle so many classes with long work hours? “I staggered all my classes, going to school from morning to night on Mondays and Wednesdays and working on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays.” She began Brooklyn College with a history major. “I am the biggest history nerd ever!” Susan exclaims. She took many law classes, although law was not an official minor. History is a natural major for future lawyers. A good lawyer knows not only the law itself, but also the historical context of legal changes.

An education minor fit well into Susan’s class schedule. She had no interest in pursuing a teaching career, but did enjoy the projects and could see the knowledge being helpful for the future.

Susan’s Pivot from Law to Education

What was the turning point for Susan? Her education professor reached out to her and asked her to consider taking the next class in the series. “The education classes were sequential. I liked the second class, so I took the third, and then I added an education major. It was never the plan, but I loved it!”

Susan decided on the seventh to twelfth grade track knowing that she would enjoy teaching a variety of subjects and teaching different students in each class.

She did her student teaching at James Madison High School, a large public school with 200-300 students per grade. “It was more of a culture shock than challenging – the public school environment versus the private school bubble I grew up in.”

I asked Susan about teaching high school kids who were not much younger than she was. In fact, a few were 20, the same age as she was!

Susan explained that finding the right balance between forming a good relationship with her students and being their teacher was the hardest challenge at the beginning of her career. The lines can get blurred, and it is necessary to establish clear boundaries. “I make clear to my students that they are individuals who have something valuable to contribute and that’s why I am there to teach them. I have something to add that they might not know. It’s also key to show no fear.”

In September, Susan sets the tone, rules, routine, and expectations for the coming year. Once her students adjust to the vibe of the class and the guidelines, the atmosphere can be more relaxed. “That is what’s best for learning. The students can ask questions and have them answered even if they are off topic.”

After completing her undergraduate degree, Susan enrolled at Rutgers University for a Master of Arts degree in American History. She taught at Hillel High School in Deal while attending graduate school. “At Hillel, I was able to figure out my teaching style. I prefer autonomy, but it’s important to check in to determine how things are going.” Susan has been accepted to a PhD program but put that on hold for the time being. Stay tuned!

Susan’s Essence

Susan describes herself as self-aware, confident, caring and, most definitely an over-achiever.

Susan is still passionate about both history and law as they are so interconnected. Her undergraduate thesis in World History was about the Nuremberg trials and how judges drew from different legal systems worldwide. If Susan won the lottery, she would be a full-time student for the rest of her life! Susan is a genuine lifelong learner.

Connecting with her students is what lights Susan up. “When a student gets it or is struggling and finally figures things out, seeing that awareness is so rewarding.”

Susan keeps up with what is happening in our country’s government and legal system. She reads the actual court decisions not only the news stories. “I tell my students to read the source documents. Everyone is pushing their own narrative and I encourage them to dig deeper.”

Community

Susan is grateful for being part of an amazing community and feels secure knowing that people are there for each other, no matter what they might need.

She teaches in her own community and sees her students often outside of school, at restaurants, stores, and shul. She is even first cousins with some of the kids. “In the summer, I take a break from school, hibernate, and meet up with friends.”

Connect with Susan at susancohen461@gmail.com.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Letters – September 2022

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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It was encouraging to see the topic of mental health and mental health illness being discussed openly in last month’s publication. For too long this topic has been largely ignored in our community as well as in most Jewish communities. While the emergence of new community health centers is very encouraging, perhaps our synagogues can assist in tackling this complex issue.

Our synagogues can bring these topics into the open by creating opportunities for awareness, discussion, and networking. Mental health support networks are an essential way to keep families feeling less isolated and ostracized. Possible supports might include discussions and committees to organize help for those with depression and anxiety, a briut hanefesh (spiritual health) support group, and mental health awareness Shabbatons for teens.

As our community continues to address this very sensitive issue, lives will be enhanced and hopefully saved.

Maurice H.

Israeli Elections

It was interesting to read the opinions of regular Israelis in regards to yet another election in the holy land (Israelis Head to the Polls – Again). I believe that returning to the polls for the fifth time in the last three and a half years is a lot even for a country as young and millennial as Israel, where people are aware that the Jewish State has grown and the challenges that await it are no longer those of thirty years ago. Hopefully, the next government will live up to a task that cannot be separated from the fundamental role of Judaism in the self-determination of the Jewish people in their land.

Mike B.

Homeschooling

As a homeschool parent, as I was very delighted to read last issue’s article titled, Homeschooling… Not Just for Financial Reasons. The biggest pro about homeschooling is the freedom it provides. You get to choose the schedule and style that is best for you, your child, and your family. I love being able to take an individualized approach with each child, according to the way he or she learns best.

Homeschooled children have the opportunity to learn at their own pace. If a child needs extra help with reading, then you spend more time on it. I think it helps develop self-confidence in a way that doesn’t happen in a standard classroom.

Linda M.

Back-to-School

Thanks for the back-to-school tips provided in the August issue (Back-to-School Tips – FOR PARENTS). I’m sure they will come in handy this coming school year.

One topic that was not discussed was what to do if your child is getting teased or bullied. From my own childhood experiences, it is important to teach our kids the proper way to deal with bullies, by reporting them to either a teacher or principal. Make sure they understand the right way to treat their peers, and when to speak up, if they see someone else being bullied. Tell your children to come to you immediately if they feel they are being threatened or picked on.

Alice D.

Woman to Woman

Dear Ellen, 

Thank you so much for the beautiful recap of your last five years of “Woman to Woman” articles that you wrote for Community Magazine.   One of the best parts of doing my interview was getting to meet you, Ellen.  We really do have to get together again at some time “over coffee.”

There are so many worthy, unrecognized women in our community, including you. We should write an article about how Ellen Kamaras is an inspiration for future writers and doers in our community. 

Thank you again for your beautiful words. You are too generous!

Gloria Bijou

Consider a New Career This New Year

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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With the new year upon us, many people use this time to reflect on life choices. Consider the amazing opportunities available to directly affect the community you live in. Cultivating your career as an insurance and financial professional might be a change worth considering.

Here’s Where You’ll Start

After connecting with a recruiter, you’ll participate in a thorough interview process. It may seem lengthy, but it’s important to make sure that this is the right choice for you. Once the interview process is complete, you’ll begin by obtaining your licenses, and, once you’re on board, you’ll start training for your new career.

Connecting the Dots

As part of your training, you’ll begin developing your own book of business by promoting yourself to people you already know – friends, family, colleagues. Our work is founded on relationships. It’s never been easier to start a successful career as an insurance and financial professional because people have never been so connected. Take a look at your phone. You’ll be surprised how big your network already is and how far it can take you.

What You Make Is Up to You

Let’s be clear. This is not a 9-to-5 job with a set salary. You will be building your own practice, but with help from us. Your commissions are generated from what you sell, so the more you produce, the higher your income. It’s empowering to know that you don’t have to wait for your boss to give you a raise. You’re in complete control of your success.

Get a Little Help Along the Way

We understand that it takes time to learn our business and to build a client base that can sustain your lifestyle and family. That’s why we offer a Training Allowance Subsidy (TAS) Plan that can provide an additional source of income during your first two years as a full-time insurance and financial professional at New York Life.

This Is a Career for the Long-Term

Insurance and financial services are at the heart of our business, and it’s the people who sell our products, and help their communities, that are the key to our ongoing success. We understand the importance of a vibrant sales force and we’re committed to its growth. Plus, as an insurance and financial professional at New York Life, you’ll benefit from the stability and reputation of working with a recognized and respected leader in the industry. We’ve been serving the insurance and financial needs of Americans for more than 175 years. It’s a history of achievement that you can be proud to be a part of.

Together let’s explore promising sales career opportunities for you at New York Life. Help secure your community’s financial future as well as your own. It’s time to be in business for yourself, but not by yourself. Contact me today to learn more. Make the most of this New Year with a New Career.

One on One with Nazira Chabbott

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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Please meet Nazira Chabbott, daughter of Lillie and Ronnie Ades. Nazira is a wife, mom, personal success and wellness coach, and laughter yoga leader. Nazira’s paternal grandparents were from Aleppo, Syria, and her mother’s parents were born in the U.S. and Israel. Nazira was born in Brooklyn and is the oldest of four children. She deeply values her two sisters and brother.

When Nazira was nine, the Ades family moved to Deal, NJ. Nazira hated the idea of living in Deal. “I was scared of bugs, and I knew from my summer visits to my grandma in Bradley Beach that there were lots of them.”

The Ades children attended the Deal school for their first year and then their parents transferred them to Hillel Yeshivah. Nazira was fortunate to have classmates that first year in Deal who she recalls were pretty friendly, and one classmate lived right on her block.

Nazira was a serious child and enjoyed her Hillel years. “I was always thinking about scenarios, experiences, the future, and the past. My relationship to school was dependent on the confidence I had in understanding the work (I was a disaster with anything mathematical), and my friendships.”

The age of nine was significant for Nazira, not only because of her move to Deal but also due to her discovery of creative writing. Her teachers assigned ten vocabulary words at a time, and Nazira loved creating stories with them. Nazira the storyteller was born.

When Nazira felt bullied in fourth grade, writing helped her to articulate her strong feelings and allowed her to speak out when she was shy. “I love the idea of integrating creativity with learning; it makes the subjects that are difficult for me more approachable.”

After Hillel Yeshiva, Nazira studied at Asbury Park High School and at the NYU General Studies program for two years. She took a year off from college to join the workforce and figure out her career goals. She began working at one of the first cell phone stores in NJ. “My computer skills were good, and I worked in Accounts Receivable. Collecting money can be fun!” After a few years, Nazira ventured into the city for sales work. Nazira did not enjoy cold calling, comparing it to talking to strangers on the subway. She happily returned to her first job.

Nazira spoke beautifully about her relationship with her husband. Joe is not only her husband; he is also her friend. He is supportive of her work and passions and respects her goals. The couple lives in Midwood. Their teenage son and daughter attend Yeshiva of Flatbush High School and Yeshiva Prep.

Nazira cherishes her community. She loves how people take care of each other, and she finds great security in this.

When her kids were young, Nazira worked for a company doing accounts payable. She was drawn to staying at home and realized that her family was her first priority. As her children started spending more hours in school, Nazira took on various creative jobs such as free-lance editing, opening a greeting card business, and writing bar mitzvah speeches.

Nazira’s Essence

The name Nazira refers to beauty and radiance in a person’s face. “K’shmo ken hu,” – he is like his name. This idea (from the book of Shmuel) fits Nazira to a tee. Her face just lights up when she talks about her passions.

Nazira describes herself as humorous, peaceful, spiritual, calm, creative, a listener, and a nature-lover. As I got to know her, these qualities, especially the humor, calmness, and creativity, all appeared. I would add laid-back and comfortable in her own skin.

I was curious to hear about Nazira’s role models. She laughingly replied that naming her role models would be something like the Oscar awards. There are so many people who helped her become who she is and still hopes to be, and she has only a few seconds to give heartfelt recognition.

Nazira’s mother has always focused on creativity and kindness and about tikkun olam. Lillie Ades taught her children that they can make the world a better place. Her father Ronnie modeled how significant it is to pay attention to someone’s character and be respectful of others. He also educated his kids about the importance of being a responsible person.

Find Your Breath and Laugh

Nazira has always felt good about her ability to make others laugh. By sharing observations, she can make a teacher, a doctor, or a co-worker laugh. “We take in so much during the day, we need to laugh.”

It’s no surprise that Nazira is a certified laughter yoga leader and teaches classes to seniors at Sephardic Bikur Holim. Laugh Yoga (appropriate for all ages) provides a space and permission to laugh and to be playful and helps people fight stress. “Laughter is good for the mind, body, and soul. It is laughter accompanied by yogic breathing that allows us to sustain laughter for long time periods.”

Nazira revealed a fact that most people don’t know about her, that she used to have a nervous laugh.

Her Greatest Accomplishments?

Being a parent – “The humility, perspective, the growth we experience never ends when we have children. We are blessed to be the child, to experience parenting, and hopefully to connect at some point to our parents and to recognize how difficult and trying parts of that learning curve were.”

Maintaining friendships – “I have been blessed to make friends at different stages of my life to where it feels silly calling them friends, because they are a part of me. I am very fortunate to be surrounded by so many awesome people.”

The Path to Coaching

The idea to pursue a career in coaching came to Nazira when she attended a Vision Board class sponsored by Propel and moderated by Alice Chera, a life coach

“I was doing editing work and when I walked out of the class, through the threshold of the doorway, it was a whisper – and I ran with it.”

In 2019, Nazira completed her coaching training with IPEC, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, and is a Certified Professional Coach and an Associate Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation. Her family is proud of her achievements. Her kids saw how hard she worked when she was in coaching school.

“Coaching offers me the people connection I love along with creativity and writing prompts I pose to my clients. I get to bring the best of everything I have to offer.”

When Nazira talks, it is easy to see that she makes a thoughtful and insightful life coach. Nazira is a pensive speaker, and pauses before she talks or responds to a question.

What really excites Nazira about coaching is helping others find peace and perspective. She particularly enjoys seeing clients gain a new awareness. “It’s like wanting to fly and suddenly realizing that you’ve always had wings.”

Her clients are diverse women from eighteen to middle age. Coaching comes with its challenges, though. Some people want to hire a coach but don’t fully know what coaches do and do not do. Coaching reminds her of her job writing bar mitzvah speeches. The boys had a week to start writing their speeches before she met with them. Some had an idea and wrote a rough draft of the speech and others would introduce themselves and ask Nazira, “So what are you going to write?” Even if a client has a rough idea of what they want to work on, or what they need to change in their lives to accomplish a goal, that is a great springboard, but they must commit to do the work.

Nazira launched The Happiness Experiment on August 4th to explore if joy is seasonal and why it seems easier to attain joy in the summer versus the fall. Nazira strongly believes that we can all achieve the grace to know that we have what we need to feel joy and we do not have to be smiley 24/7. Joy comes from within as opposed to happiness, which is external.

The Pandemic

The first thing Nazira learned when COVID-19 hit was how crucial it is not to panic. One cannot make rational decisions while panicking. It is okay to be scared, but try to stay calm.

Unwinding

Nazira loves being in nature, sitting on the beach, and enjoying the ocean. She plans mini adventures such as hiking in the summer, and she organized a snow tubing trip with two friends this past winter. Nazira enjoys channeling her adventurous spirit, but she is not a daredevil.

What’s Next?

Nazira is finetuning The Happiness Experiment to include different age groups. She may go back to school to complete her bachelor’s degree.

I leave you with Nazira’s advice for the New Year. In setting goals for Rosh Hashana, be kind and patient with yourself if your first try is not successful. If we do it for others, we can do it for ourselves. Stay in the game and do not give up.

A small school with a big heart

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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For nearly 50 years, the Yeshiva of Belle Harbor (YBH) in the Rockaways served as a beacon of high-level Torah education combined with secular studies. Since its inception in 1963, YBH strove to equip each and every student, from kindergarten through eighth grade, with the skills needed to live a successful and fulfilling Torah life.

Originally a school for local students, YBH gradually began attracting students from the Syrian community of Brooklyn. Its reputation for excellence, and for providing individual care and attention for each and every student, spread, drawing the interest of many families in our community, particularly when the yeshiva came under the leadership of its dynamic, multitalented principal, Rabbi Dr. Boaz Tomsky.

The yeshiva was dealt a devastating blow in the autumn of 2012, when Hurricane Sandy literally sent it underwater, demolishing the building. Everything from the desks to the books to the computers were completely destroyed. YBH’s students suddenly found themselves without a home.

What happened next was nothing short of miraculous. An emergency meeting for parents was held just several weeks after the hurricane, where it was decided not to allow Sandy’s furious winds and rain to put an end to YBH’s spectacular work. Under Rabbi Tomsky’s leadership, the parent body regrouped, and, with Hashem’s assistance, a building was found in the heart of Flatbush’s Jewish community, at 1649 E. 13th St. The building was renovated, and the institution was renamed Yeshivat BitaHon – maintaining the acrostic YBH. The new name was conceived by Mr. Sol Wahba, a parent at YBH, and currently President of the Board. It expresses the power of faith in Hashem, and trust in YBH’s staff and administration, that fueled the parents’ resolve to persevere and continue the yeshiva’s tradition of excellence.

Working Together a Family

A visitor who walks into YBH during the school day will encounter the beautiful, heartwarming scene of happy children learning, growing and thriving.

A small school with a big heart, YBH makes it a priority to ensure that everyone is on the same page. All staff members – the para and the P3, the primary classroom teacher, rabbi and principal – work closely with one another to create an upbeat, energized academic environment. They also work closely with the parents, acknowledging that education is a joint effort between the school and the home.

Rabbi Tomsky serves as the school’s Rabbinic and Educational leader and Advisor. He meets regularly with each and every student, carefully monitoring his progress. He also guides his devoted staff, together with the Educational Administrator, Leeora Bernstein. The faculty and administration work hard to ensure that no student slip through the cracks.

“Yeshivat BitaHon is a kind, excellent school. I had two children attend this school and was and am very happy with their approach to children and their needs. I currently have one child attending the school and he is very happy. They cater to their needs by providing services like P3, OT, and PT for the children with IEP mandates. We are proud to say they are not a school; they are a family.” – Mrs. Mirav Lavi

Yeshivat BitaHon educates boys and girls from grades K-8, and is reasonably priced.

At the Cutting-Edge of Education

In additional to teaching all standard subjects included in a mainstream Jewish day school curriculum, YBH places a strong emphasis on the development of middot tovot (fine character traits). Jewish subjects are taught in Hebrew (“Ivrit be’Ivrit”), and cutting-edge educational technology programs are utilized to make learning effective and fun. The school’s well-rounded educational program includes trips, athletics, music and art. The wide range of activities ensures that every child can find an area to enjoy and in which to thrive.

Yeshivat BitaHon provides a warm and lively environment, and is run by a staff of highly-trained and passionately-devoted professions. The faculty, staff, parents and students all work together as a warm, close-knit family.

Registration is still open for the 2022-2023 school year. Educational administrator Leeora Bernstein interviews prospective students and their parents to review each applicant’s needs, and to explain the yeshiva’s program and philosophy in detail, in order to determine whether YBH is indeed suitable for the child and his or her family.

For more information about Yeshivat BitaHon, or to arrange an interview, please call the office at 718.474.0045.

Sending Memos to the Heavens

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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As the High Holidays approach, and believing Jews begin reflecting on the significance of this season, and of the judgment that will be taking place, we all naturally search for ways to ensure that we will be judged favorably and be considered worthy of a year filled with health, joy and prosperity. We look for ways to improve our conduct and increase our merits in preparation for the judgment of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

Many will be surprised to learn that one method of helping ourselves during the Days of Awe – one rooted in authentic Jewish tradition – is staring us right in the face each and every morning, when we open the siddur to begin the daily shaharit prayer.

It is customary to recite each morning the famous Adon Olam hymn, and in many editions of the siddur, this hymn is introduced with a teaching by some of the great sages of yesteryear (Rav Hai Gaon, Rav Sherira Gaon, and Rabbenu Yehuda Ha’hasid) regarding the precious value of this prayer. These luminaries taught that one who recites Adon Olam with concentration is guaranteed to have his prayers heard, and that the Satan and other harmful forces will not sabotage his prayers on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. By reciting Adon Olam with concentration, we will help ensure the success of our heartfelt prayers during the Days of Awe.

Why is this the case? What is so significant about the Adon Olam prayer, and how does it relate to the Yamim Noraim (Days of Awe)?

The Greatest of All Miracles

To answer this question, let us briefly examine one of the philosophical challenges that our theological adversaries have brought against Jewish belief – one which is discussed at length by Rav Meir Simchah Ha’kohen of Dvinsk (Lithuania, 1843-1926), in his classic Torah commentary, Meshech Hochmah (Parashat Beshalah).

As Rav Meir Simchah explains, there were philosophers who argued that it is impossible for human beings to experience an infinite Gd. The immeasurable gulf that separates a lowly human being from the omnipotent, all-knowing Creator, in the mind of these philosophers, makes any connection between them impossible. How can we physical beings possibly experience Gd’s presence? For the philosophers, we denigrate Gd by claiming that we can speak to Him, that we can feel His presence, that He is concerned about us, that we can have a meaningful relationship with Him.

The response to this claim, as Rav Meir Simchah discusses, is the Kabbalistic notion of “tzimtzum” (literally, “contraction”). This is a concept which I myself do not claim to fully understand, but it refers to the process whereby Gd “filters” His power and greatness, breaking it down in such a way that we human beings are able to experience His presence and have a relationship with Him.

We might suggest an analogy to a person sitting in a boat at the bottom of Niagara Falls holding an eight-ounce cup, trying to collect the water that flows. Obviously, the force of the falls will knock over the cup – and the person – in an instant. This was precisely the claim of the philosophers – that Gd’s power is too overwhelming to allow for any form of contact or engagement with Him. But let us imagine a large filtering system that is installed as the water falls, capable of collecting the water and releasing it slowly, in the form of a stream similar to what flows from our kitchen faucet. This would, of course, allow anybody to collect the water.

It is difficult to imagine such a system being installed in Niagara Falls – but Gd, in His infinite greatness, devised such a system to “filter” His power and majesty. Rav Meir Simchah argues that the philosophers in effect underestimated Gd’s power by claiming that He is too mighty for us to engage with Him – because they did not conceive of the possibility of His “filtering” His power. And this might be the greatest manifestation of Gd’s greatness – His ability to “contract” in such a way that He can be felt and experienced by us lowly human beings.

Rav Meir Simcha explains on this basis Beneh Yisrael’s jubilant pronouncement after crossing the sea: “Mi chamocha ba’elim Hashem…oseh pele – Who is like you among the mighty ones, O Gd…Doer of wonders!” (Shemot 15:11). When Gd split the sea, our ancestors beheld a revelation of Gd, as we recite each night in the arvit service: “Ra’u banim et geburato – [Gd’s] children saw His power”; “Malchutecha…ra’u banecha al hayam – Your Kingship…was seen by Your children at the sea.” The great “pele” – “wonder” – of the splitting of the sea was not that the sea split – but rather that human beings caught a glimpse, as it were, of the Almighty, that Gd “filters” His greatness to allow us, His children, to experience Him.

The Memo Warren Buffet Never Received

This point is critical to appreciate as we approach Rosh Hashanah, the time when we reaffirm our belief in Gd as both King and Judge. We believe not only that He created and governs the universe – but that He is aware of, interested in, and exerts control over everything that happens, down to the last detail. The notion of judgment presumes that Gd truly cares about what we do, and governs even the smallest aspect of our lives.

Let us imagine Warren Buffet sitting at his desk in his office building. He undoubtedly receives many different memos throughout the day, matters of critical importance to the companies he owns. There is one memo which we can rest assured was never sent to him: “Mr. Buffet, the men’s room on the third floor is out of toilet paper; please put in some more.” We may presume that anybody who would send Mr. Buffet such a message would be fired in an instant.

Gd is infinitely greater than Warren Buffet – and it is because of His greatness that we can ask Him even about the “toilet paper,” about our daily problems and concerns. We can send Him a “memo” asking that He ensure the success of the medical procedure we are undergoing; asking that He help cover our tuition bill; and asking that He help our child who is struggling in school. There is no problem too small to bring to Hashem.

This is the theme of Adon Olam. The first half of this hymn extols Gd’s infinite greatness, expressing that He existed before there was a universe and will always continue to exist, and that He has no parallel. The prayer then transitions to describe our personal relationship with Gd, that He is “Keli – My Gd,” the One we turn to in times of trouble, the One in whom we place our trust at all times. We conclude, “Hashem li velo ira – Gd is Mine, and I shall not fear.” He is all-powerful, having brought the entire universe into existence – and yet He cares about each and every one of us, and about each and every one of our concerns and fears. We never need to hesitate to turn to Him when we need help.

This is why reciting Adon Olam with concentration helps ensure the success of our prayers on the Yamim Noraim. If we internalize the message of Adon Olam, we recognize that Gd is not just the King of the universe – but our King, the King who truly cares about us, who is truly interested in us, who truly wishes the best for us, and who truly desires, as it were, a relationship with us. We are then able to stand before Him on Rosh Hashanah, reaffirm our devotion to Him, and beseech Him to grant us a year filled with joy and blessing.

Lifting the Spirits of the “Final Generation”

King David says in Tehillim (102:18-19), “He turned to the prayer of the ar’ar, and did not reject their prayer; let this be written for the final generation.” Rashi explains the word “ar’ar” to mean “harus venish’hat” – broken and downtrodden. David here teaches us that Gd does not reject the prayers of the brokenhearted, those who cry out genuinely in pain, beseeching His help.

Later commentators noted that the phrase “let this be written” (“tikatev zot”) indicates that this verse speaks specifically of Rosh Hashanah, the time when Gd “writes,” or inscribes, our judgment for the coming year. On this day of judgment, our heartfelt pleas, emerging from our broken spirits, are lovingly accepted by Gd. Moreover, the commentators explain that this verse refers to “the final generation,” the generation that lives at the end of the long, bitter exile, and faces unprecedented spiritual challenges.

Many people today feel distanced from Gd and religion because they assume that religion is only for the previous generations, for our ancestors who lived with far greater purity and innocence. They figure that in our day, when we are submerged in a materialistic and decadent culture, we might as well not even bother striving for a connection to Gd. They feel irreparably “broken,” incapable and unworthy of any sort of relationship with Gd.

The month of Elul is the time to remind ourselves that Gd is always eagerly awaiting our “memos.” He is ready to heal our broken hearts, to help us with whatever we are struggling with, as we long as we turn to him with honesty and sincerity. Even – or especially – in this “final generation,” when people feel lost, confused and distanced from Gd, He hears our cries and accepts our prayers. The month of Elul – the month characterized by the famous verse, “Ani ledodi vedodi li – I am for my Beloved, and my Beloved is for me” (Shir Hashirim 6:3) – is the time to remember the great miracle of Gd’s accessibility, that specifically because of His infinite greatness, He invites us to build a personal relationship with Him.

Let us seize the precious opportunity presented by this special time of year to cultivate this relationship, to work toward bringing Hashem into our lives, and to remember that He eagerly await all the “memos” that we wish to send Him.

Preparation Is Key – Achieving a Meaningful High Holiday Season

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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Preparation Is Key – Achieving a Meaningful High Holiday Season

LEON SAKKAL

Elul, Selihot, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur… These days, perhaps the most important and holiest days of the Jewish year, are once again upon us.

While we’re well-aware that every day in the month of Elul is precious, the question begs to be asked: why the build up? Is it really necessary to brace ourselves for the holidays already 30 days before? The heartfelt supplications we recite in the Selihot may arouse and uplift us, but do they really justify giving up that extra hour of sleep? Must we be barraged with speeches emphasizing the power of self-improvement and teshuvah (repentance)? Surely many of us would rather enjoy the remainder of our summer months rather than focus us prayer, introspection, and repentance!

Albin the Villager

Albin, a young and aspiring entrepreneur, left his home in a small Russian village and set out for the city of Poznań, where he hoped to learn the art of trade and commerce. Upon arriving in the big city, the young suburban man was amazed by the hustle and bustle of the city, and he began learning and absorbing all he could from observing the skilled peddlers.

One day, as Albin looked for work, he was shaken by the sight of a raging inferno right in the center of town. One of the city’s tall and prominent buildings had caught fire, and the furious blaze spread wildly to the surrounding buildings. Albin looked on fearfully, and then he suddenly noticed a man with a small brass trumpet emerge from a nearby rooftop. The strange man began to blow the instrument at full volume, whereupon all the townspeople rushed to the scene, formed highly-organized assembly lines, and got to work. Many of them ran to fetch buckets, and then passed them to others who filled them with water. They were then delivered to another group, who raced to empty the buckets onto the blazing inferno. Another human conveyor belt was formed to collect buckets of sand. After just a few minutes, the fire was completely extinguished, and reconstruction was soon well underway.

Amazed by this display of strategic cooperation, Albin headed toward the trumpet blower and said, “That was incredible! How did you get all those people to do that?!”

“Simple,” replied the strange man. “Whenever I blow this horn, the entire town comes together to assist in times of crisis.”

Albin was amazed. “Where can I purchase this magical instrument?!”

The man reached into his sack, pulled out an identical little trumpet, and said, “You can have it for 16 rubles.” Albin happily agreed, figuring it was the bargain of a lifetime.

Months passed, and it was time for Albin to return home with his newly-acquired knowledge of business and trade and to start earning a better living for himself and his family.

Not long after returning to his hometown, a fire broke out in one of the village’s homes, destroying it completely and starting to make its way to the next hut. The blaze threatened to wreak havoc on the entire village and all its inhabitants.

Albin raced home and quickly grabbed the small trumpet he’d acquired in Poznań. He then raced to the village square and began blowing the loud instrument with all his might. Hoping to watch the masses gather to put out the fire, Albin watched as the people gawked at him. Again he put the horn to his lips and blew, this time even louder than the first – but again to no avail. The fire raged on, destroying nearly a quarter of the village homes.

Outraged, Albin saddled his horse and headed back to Poznań. After searching far and wide, Albin found the man who sold him the trumpet, and angrily berated him for selling him defective merchandise. He told him that a fire broke out in his village, and the horn proved to be useless.

“You fool!” the man replied. “Did you truly believe the instrument possessed magical qualities?!”

Albin, both confused and intrigued, listened attentively.

“The people of our city regularly rehearse the procedures, practicing how to react should such a crisis come about. When I blow that horn, it isn’t magic that brings everyone together to solve the problem. The horn alerts them of the crisis and lets them know it’s time to put all our practice to use!”

Time to Wake Up!

“Uru Yeshenim mishinatchem venirdamim hakitzu mitardematchem.”1

“Awake, you who are asleep, and those who are in a trance, arise from your slumber.”

The message is clear: If we foolishly waste the days leading up to the awesome Day of Judgment, then how can expect to have a meaningful holiday? What are we to do when we hear the roaring shofar blast on that awesome day if we do not rehearse ahead of time? The sounding of the horn is only as effective as the extent of our advanced training.

Like all things meaningful, preparation is key. Let us prepare now so we will know just what to do when we hear the shofar sound.

Chai Lifeline

Community Magazine

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September 2022

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Deal Community Hosts Chai Lifeline Kids for Simcha at the Shore

Once again, the Deal community came out in strong support of the children of Chai Lifeline as “Camp Simcha Without Borders – Simcha at the Shore” came to town.  Launched in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, Camp Simcha Without Borders was developed to bring the magic of Simcha to children and communities across the country through day camps and special programs and events in cities across the globe.

Jack Tabbush, director of Camp Simcha Without Borders, describes a particularly close bond between Chai Lifeline and the Deal community. “We are delighted to partner with the community here in Deal to bring Simcha and joy to children who need it most,” he said. “The Sephardic community members have been longtime supporters of Chai Lifeline and Camp Simcha, and we look forward to strengthening that bond and doing more to help all children and families in need.”

The boys day, hosted at the home of Shmuel and Victoria Kairy, was held on July 21 while the girls day took place later in the summer at the home of Ricky and Jamie Cohen. Simcha at the Shore opened with a series of activity stations and carnival games located across the outdoor gardens of the homes, ranging from caricature artists to cotton candy and cookie booths, exotic car rides, art booth, laser tag, and much more.  

“Aside from giving these kids a great time at the Jersey shore, Camp Simcha Without Borders helps showcase the impactful and critical programs of Chai Lifeline,” said Lee Cohen, a Chai Lifeline liaison to the Syrian community. “It’s important for our community to not only support this wonderful organization but to be aware of all they have to offer should any family require their professional services.”

After a fully catered lunch and concert featuring Uri Davidi and Nechemia Katz, the water activities came out, followed by a ventriloquist show and barbecue. Tables filled with gifts, toys and games donated by the community made sure that children didn’t leave empty-handed.

“Programs like Camp Simcha Without Borders and Deal Day exemplify Chai Lifeline’s community-based approach to care and services,” said Rabbi Simcha Scholar, CEO of Chai Lifeline. “We are able to accomplish all that we do for children and families impacted by illness and crisis because of the support of our community, and there has been no better friend to Chai Lifeline over the years than the Syrian community.”

Chai Lifeline is an international children’s health support network, providing social, emotional, and practical support to children, families and communities impacted by illness, crisis, and loss. To learn more about Chai Lifeline, visit www.chailifeline.org.