Blogs | Community Magazine | New Community Magazine

How I Repaired a Broken Relationship with My Teenage Son

-

June 2022

How I Repaired a Broken Relationship with My Teenage Son

Dear Tammy,

I am sharing my story because I feel that if I was able to repair my difficult relationship with my teenage son, anyone can. He is 15 years old. We suffered a very long and difficult past few years together. We had a lot of differences of opinion and I spent a lot of time worrying about what will become of him. Most of our interactions were hostile, and he outrightly began defying the rules in our home. The younger children began to copy his behaviors, and we all began to experience lots of anxiety to say the least. One night he left the house at 11:00 and told us it’s not our business where he was going. He ignored our texts and we prayed until he returned, which was, thank Gd, only an hour later.

When he came home I knew that we needed serious help. I was basically a nice mother trying to raise good kids, just like everyone else. A friend of mine suggested that we contact Tammy Sassoon, who trains parents in reconnecting and setting limits with really difficult children. When we called her and described the situation, she didn’t seem moved, and told us that if we were willing to work really hard for a month, we can Gd-willing “get our son back.” I asked her why only a month, and she said that she only has a few sessions worth of what to teach us, and the goal was that we should learn the skills and develop wings to fly on our own healthier journey.

I hope my own story motivates other mothers to be introspective about how they are viewing their difficult child. There is much hope!

Mainly, I was taught to view him in a new way in order to be connected to him. Tammy told me that I would have to let go of everything that I thought I knew about my son. I then realized that for years I was viewing him as a problem! During our sessions I started to see that while it might be true that he meets diagnostic criteria for ADHD, that does not make him a “problem” in any way at all. If he was created with a lot of energy it means that he needs that energy. It also means that he is perfectly capable of being kind and cooperative just like everyone else in the world. The mitzvah of derech eretz is not exclusively for people who don’t have a lot of energy. I learned that it’s a privilege for children to act respectfully and that he’s perfectly capable of doing so. But he also desperately needed to see that I believed in him.

I was taught that if I humbly go back to my son and tell him about the mistake that I made, it could open up his heart to see that he is now safe with me in a new way.

So I literally did just that. I took my son for a ride in the car and told him that I was terribly sorry for mistakenly seeing him in a judgmental way, and I am so grateful that I am seeing the real truth that every child is good and wants to do good. I further told him that once I let go of that mistaken way of thinking it will be much easier for him to act like his real self. When I told him this, he looked like a ton of bricks were removed from his back, and it was the moment that we started a new relationship on new footing. I still sometimes mistakenly act judgmental towards him, but I am fully aware that it’s a mistake, and treat it that way.

Of course, I also learned how to start implementing limit-setting strategies throughout our sessions, but the basis of his newfound success and our calm relationship was that I now see him for who he really is.

Signed,

Anonymous Mother from Brooklyn

Hi-Tech Gizmos and Gadgets

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

Gocycle G4 Electric Bike

There are plenty of electric bikes on the market. But if you live in a city, and are constantly hopping on trains or buses, and going up and down stairs, the ability to fold down your electric bike can come in mighty handy. That’s the key feature of the new Gocycle G4, a premium electric bike that can easily be folded down.

There’s even an app that you can connect up that allows you to start the bike remotely, see how fast you’re going, how much battery you have left, and more!

Insta360 One

Action cameras need to be versatile, and able to catch every cliff jump, dirt bike trail, or wild wave while surfing. That’s where the new Insta360 One RS comes in. As far as action cameras go, this one provides some stand-out options. It uses a modular design, and offers a detachable 360 degree lens, wide angle lens, and a 4K action camera that are easily interchangeable.

Samsung Galaxy Z Flip3

This is the first foldable phone that might be worth a go. The first few iterations of foldables were marred with reliability issues and high price tags. However, this phone is likely to cost as much on contract as the latest Apple or Google devices. There’s no sacrificing on processing power or features to make the phone work at this price, either. The Flip3 comes with an octa-core processor inside, plenty of RAM, and a 120Hz display. Plus, it’s waterproof!

LEGO App-controlled Transformation Vehicle

When it comes to LEGO, there are a lot of choices. However, this new LEGO Technic set has a unique feature to help it stand out – the ability to control it via an app.

With the app, you can drive the vehicle around, and when you flip the car over (or it hits a wall), it will reveal a completely different car below. Because the LEGO car features suspension, you can even drive it over uneven surfaces.

Skydio 2+

There are a lot of drones on the market, however, Skydio’s 2+ has a unique feature that really helps to distinguish it.

Through technology known as Keyframe, you can plan out routes that the Skydio 2+ will follow. You can define complex camera movements and then choose what speed the drone will approach these routes.

NightWatch Magnifying Clock Dock for Apple Watch

This NightWatch orb magnifies an Apple Watch’s display to effectively turn it into an alarm clock for your bedside table. There’s a slot in the back of the watch that holds the MagSafe charger, and tapping the surface of the orb will wake up the watch screen so you can see the time. Plus, the shape of the NightWatch amplifies sound to transform your watch into an effective alarm clock.

Crown Shades Portable Outdoor Cooling Shade

Why stay indoors all summer? You’ll have it made in the shade when you use this 10ft x 10ft pop-up and foldable canopy shade by Crown Shades. It is height adjustable, can comfortably fit up to six people, has a sturdy steel frame construction, and is water repellent. It also comes with a carry bag and fits into most car trunks for easy transportation.

Tropicool Car Refrigerator 

Another cool and innovative gadget to consider is a mini car refrigerator. This Tropicool PortaChill 5L black refrigerator chiller comes with thermoelectric cooling technology. It includes AC and DC power cords and is perfect for keeping food and drinks cold right in your car

Everybody Has Their Own Special and Unique Mission

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

Everybody Has Their Own Special and Unique Mission

Imagine a plumber who puts on a white robe and a surgical mask, places a stethoscope around his neck, and walks into the operating room to perform open-heart surgery. Or a heart surgeon who picks up a tool box, walks into someone’s home and gets under the sink to repair a pipe.

Once we realize the absurdity of these scenes, we can begin to understand the mistake made by the ten spies sent by Moshe, as we read in the Torah this month.

Doing the Wrong Job

Before Beneh Yisrael were to enter the Land of Israel, Moshe sent twelve men into the land to see what it and its inhabitants were like. Upon their return from their excursion, ten of spies frightened the nation, claiming that the Canaanite armies were too powerful to be defeated, and there was no chance of capturing the land. Only two spies – Yehoshua and Kalev – insisted on trusting in Gd’s promise that He would help Beneh Yisrael capture and settle the Promised Land. The people panicked, and declared that they would not proceed into the land where they would – according to the ten spies – be routed by the native Canaanites.

Gd reacted angrily, killing the ten spies, and decreeing that Beneh Yisrael would wander through the desert for 40 years before entering the land.

There are numerous important lessons to be learned from this tragic episode, but I would like to focus on one particular aspect of the story.

The Torah says about the 12 spies, “kulam anashim,” which Rashi explains to mean that they were distinguished, righteous men. Moshe chose for this mission people of the highest caliber. Yet, they failed – because they did a job they weren’t asked to do, and weren’t supposed to do.

Their job was to get the people excited about the land, to tell them about the special qualities of Eretz Yisrael, about what a unique land it is. They were not asked to give an opinion as to whether Beneh Yisrael had the military capabilities to defeat the Canaanites. This was already assured by Gd, and was not something which they or anyone else had to decide. But the spies assumed for themselves this role – the role of military analysts, who were to give their assessment about the prospects of capturing the land.

In other words, they walked into the operating room to perform surgery without having gone to medical school.

Understanding the psychology underlying this mistake is crucial for learning the lesson of this tragic story. What happened to the spies is that their ego got in the way of their job. They wanted to feel important, and so they assumed for themselves a role which they were not meant to fill. They wanted to experience the power of decision-making, of determining

national policy, rather than humbly accept the role they were given, to report on the land’s greatness. It was this quest for honor and distinction that led to the spies’ tragic downfall.

The Lesson of Earthenware

This unfortunate episode directly contrasts with the successful spy mission carried out 39 years later, just before Beneh Yisrael crossed the Jordan River into the Land of Israel. As we read in the haftarah for Parashat Shelah, Yehoshua (Moshe’s successor) sent two men – identified by our Sages as Pinhas and Kalev – into the city of Yeriho (Jericho), the first city which Beneh Yisrael would conquer, to get a feel for the city and its population. This mission was successful, with the two spies learning that the people of Yeriho were petrified of Beneh Yisrael and realized that they would soon be vanquished.

The Midrash teaches that the two spies entered Yeriho disguised as potters – merchants selling earthenware utensils. (This is alluded to by the verse which tells of these men being sent “heresh – secretly.” The word “heresh” can be punctuated such that it is read “heres – earthenware.”) Of all the many different disguises which they could have chosen, they dressed themselves specifically as potters. The commentators explain the significance of this particular disguise based on a unique halachic feature of earthenware utensils. Functional utensils are susceptible to tum’ah (halachic impurity), but the way earthenware utensils attain tum’ah differs from the way all other utensils become tameh (impure). Other utensils become tameh when a source of impurity (such as a human corpse) touches its surface. An earthenware utensil, however, becomes tameh only when the source of impurity enters its space; if the source of impurity touches its exterior, it does not become impure. The reason is that other materials are intrinsically valuable; metal, for example, is a valuable commodity even before it is made into a utensil, and thus touching the metal brings impurity. Earthenware, however, is made from earth; the material itself has no value. The utensil’s value stems solely from its having been made into a receptacle, such that it serves a functional purpose. Hence, it is defiled not when a source of impurity touches it, but rather when a source of impurity enters the space of the receptacle, which is what gives it its value and worth.

The human being, like an earthenware vessel, is made from earth, as the Torah tells (“afar min ha’adamah” – Beresheet 2:7). A person’s value lies not in his physical being, but rather in his “functionality” – his serving the purpose for which he was created. If we are not “functional,” living our lives for the sake of fulfilling the mission for which we were sent into this world, then we are just “earth,” with no worth or value.

Unlike the ten spies sent by Moshe, the spies sent by Yehoshua fulfilled their mission without allowing their ego to get in the way. They went to Yeriho as “potters” – understanding the lesson of earthenware utensils, that their value lies solely in the fulfillment of the job assigned to them. Their mission succeeded because they did not try to extend beyond their mission. They humbly adhered to the job assigned to them, without seeking to usurp a role that was not theirs to perform.

Doing Our Job

In our Rosh Hashanah prayers, we fearfully acknowledge that on this day, Gd judges “ma’aseh ish ufkudato – a man’s actions and his mission.” This has been explained to mean that we are not simply judged, but we are judged in relation to the mission assigned to us. We are all brought into the world with certain talents, skills, strengths and capabilities. No

two people are born with the precise same skill set, because each person is given a unique, individual mission that nobody else can fulfill except him. We are to humbly accept our mission and make an effort to fulfill it to the best of our ability.

Unfortunately, as in the case of the spies, the ego sometimes gets in the way. Instead of sticking to the job assigned to them, people start looking to do other jobs which they feel will bring them more fame and prestige. They focus not on fulfilling their role, but rather on earning the esteem of other people. They thus betray the purpose for which they came into the world in the vain, foolish pursuit of honor and notoriety.

What a shame it would be if we fail to fulfill our Gd-given mission because we want to be noticed and respected.

Let us imagine that the leading rabbi of the generation would ask us for a simple favor, such as to buy for him a pack of tissues from the grocery store. Would any of us refuse to do the job, viewing it as beneath our dignity? Of course not! No matter how simple the favor was, we would be thrilled and honored to fulfill the request of a Torah luminary.

Well, Gd Himself has asked each of us to do a job. We all have certain natural skills, and certain activities to which we are naturally drawn, which can be channeled productively in the service of Gd, of the Jewish People, and the world. The very fact that Gd commissioned us for this job suffices to make the job honorable and the greatest possible privilege.

Certainly, it is not always easy to determine what our unique mission is. We do not have prophets to reveal to us our special role. We need to figure it out on our own, based on an honest assessment of our individual skills and interests. What we must never do, though, is make this determination based on ego, choosing the path that we feel will bring us fame and honor. We were not brought to the world to earn popularity and draw attention to ourselves; to the contrary, the desire for popularity and attention distracts us from fulfilling our mission.

The reason this is so challenging is because we have an ingrained misconception that importance is measured by fame and popularity; we intuitively feel that the more people know about us and about what we’re doing, the more important we are. But this is entirely incorrect. What makes us important is our fulfilling our mission in the world, regardless of how many people know about it.

If we want to make the most of our limited time on earth, we need to get our ego out the way. We need to live the life we are supposed to live, and not the life that will earn us popularity or make us famous. Let us, then, stay focused on our mission, and not on the vain pursuit of fame and recognition, realizing that there is no greater privilege than doing the work that Gd wants us to do.

One on One with Rochelle Dweck

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

One on One with Rochelle Dweck

“What drives me is my community service. My parents taught us by example to do for others – it was in the air that we breathed. They also gave me the gift of siblings.”

~ Rochelle

Ellen Geller Kamaras

Rochelle Hanon Dweck, daughter of Shifra and Ezra Hanon, grew up in Brooklyn with her nine siblings. She and her (fraternal) twin sister Ami are the third and fourth children in the lineup. Rochelle jokingly shared that she lived on a street that her parents made famous, 901 First Court, off East 9th, between Avenues R and S. Shifra taught English at Yeshiva of Flatbush High School for over 25 years and ten years ago founded its highly acclaimed Pathfinders program. Ezra was a long-time board member at both Yeshiva of Flatbush and Congregation Shaare Zion, and he has been always committed to serving the community. His most recent endeavor is building a shul on Har Gilo for our soldiers.

Rochelle is a proud alumna of Yeshiva of Flatbush, both the elementary and high school. Three of her children have graduated from the high school, and her youngest son is a sophomore. Rochelle is a long-standing key member of the Ladies Auxiliary team and is an active supporter of the Pathfinders program along with her husband Eli, who is on the school’s board. Eli, a real estate developer, worked on the Yeshiva’s expansion project. “Yeshiva of Flatbush did so much for us: this is our way of giving back and staying connected and close to our children,” Eli said.

The Blessings of Family

From the start, I was impressed with Rochelle’s warmth, kindness, humble nature, and sincerity. She describes herself as outgoing and chatty, and she thrives on connecting with others. Family is everything to her. Rochelle could not say enough about the kind of positive role models her parents were and still are, and so are her wonderful in-laws, Florence and Murray Dweck. Rochelle and her nine siblings feel so blessed to have been raised with the values, middot, and examples of kindness to others and of doing as much as you can to help people. “Doing for others was in the air that we breathed.”

Rochelle was a good student and loved everything about Yeshiva of Flatbush. What attracted her the most were the extra-curricular activities, working with friends, and chairing events. She and her twin sister, Ami, were not in the same class and they had different interests and friends. However, Rochelle explained that they were confident and independent and were always secure about being there for each other.

Rochelle’s mom Shifra was the Ladies Auxiliary President at Yeshiva of Flatbush and volunteered at the school throughout Rochelle’s childhood. When her youngest sister, Esther, was born Shifra began to teach at the high school. Rochelle’s daughter Florence was fortunate to be a student of her grandmother’s.

After high school, Rochelle spent her gap year at Machon Gold seminary in Israel, and upon her return she completed her bachelor’s degree and enrolled in a master’s program in Guidance and Counseling.

A Match is Made

A famous Mishnah states that Hashem has been matchmaking since he created the world. One never knows where and when they will meet their soulmate. Rochelle’s match was made when she went to a sebet for her friend who was soon to be married. Her naseeb, Eli Dweck, was a first cousin of the hatan, and Eli and Rochelle started chatting on the porch. After the party, Rochelle’s friend texted her, asking if she would go out with Eli. They had their first date and on their second date they sat together at a wedding. Eli drove Rochelle home and it was then that Rochelle sensed their connection and shared values. They have been married for twenty-six years. They live in Brooklyn, and have four children, Florence, Murray, Ezra, and Joshua Daniel.

Family and Community

When Rochelle married Eli she was thrilled to gain three grandparents, as her own had passed away.

She immediately connected with Esther Dweck, her father-in-law’s mother, who shared her cooking secrets with Rochelle. Every Friday, in Deal, N.J., Rochelle took notes while Grandma Esther demonstrated how to prepare a particular dish. Esther was known for her famous spareribs, empanadas, and Syrian entrees.

“My mother-in-law’s stories of her childhood keep us grounded and appreciative for all that we have. My father-in-law, so similar to my dad, is a soft spoken, positive person with tremendous emunah. He is also a shining example for our children.”

After their children were grown, Rochelle took an online certification course in integrative nutrition and became a health coach, inspired by her best friend Stephanie Sultan, a”h. Rochelle uses her expertise in community projects and in planning and cooking for her family. Rochelle’s goal is “clean” cooking, and she swaps out less healthy ingredients like brown sugar for healthier choices such as agave, and substitutes date syrup for preserves, even in traditional Syrian dishes. She finds great satisfaction in trying out new approaches.

Deeds of Loving Kindness

Let’s get back to Rochelle’s spark, that essence that drives and defines her.

Rochelle’s passion for family and community service are at her core. “I feel most fulfilled when I am doing community work. All ten of us [siblings] are involved. If I worry about filling up a room, I know some family members will come to support me.”

Rochelle has faith that Hashem will continue to bless her with the strength and family support to perform her hesed work.

Rochelle is the ultimate team player. “I don’t do anything alone. People think our community events happen effortlessly. My secrets to success are planning and having a good team to get things done. The best part of community work is the friends you gain along the way.”

The scope of Rochelle’s community work includes Yeshiva of Flatbush, her synagogue, Mikdash Eliyahu (which was founded by her father-in-law and dedicated in his father’s memory), and the Sephardic Community Center. Shifra and Ezra Hanon, and Florence and Murray Dweck were amazing role models for Rochelle and Eli. Rochelle and Eli strive to be positive role models for their children, too. They believe that all blessings come through their charity work and hesed. Their children and all participated in Cooking for a Cause, which was a project of the Pathfinders program.

Simply Traditional

Rochelle’s culinary passion and love for community and tradition got her thinking about interviewing community grandmothers about their cooking. She found out that Rosie Bawabeh, a young Syrian woman and an accomplished graduate of culinary school, was interviewing grandmothers in the community to preserve Syrian traditions through food. Rochelle, an SCC Board member, partnered with Rosie to launch Simply Traditional, right before the pandemic. Rochelle credits Rosie for bringing this project, “Rosie’s baby,” to the Center.

The Simply Traditional team documents these meaningful legacies. Team members include Rosie, Esther Haber, Kathy Shabot, and Rochelle.

Their mission is to capture recipes and a sense of suffeh of our community’s matriarchs and to bring together generations of families through food.

What is suffeh? Suffeh is portrayed by our grandmothers in many ways: opening your home and welcoming family and friends, doing things with love, sitting around the table, talking, enjoying food, and every aspect of being together.

Here’s how Simply Traditional works. A family member contacts the Center to book a video shoot for their grandmother. Grandma picks a recipe she wants to share and demonstrate either at the SCC kitchen or in her own home. The grandmother and her family are filmed for two hours. Interactive questions are prepared in advance, and grandchildren can ask questions as Grandma cooks the dish. The family receives a lifetime keepsake, and the Center maintains a library of these films for future generations. Families may choose to keep their videos private.

“Family is everything to us and our food is part of what brings families together and keeps them together for generations. When you watch these demonstrations, you feel the love for religion and the gratitude to Hashem,” Rochelle says.

Two interviews were conducted before the Pandemic hit, followed by a long break. Filming resumed in the summer of 2021 and then, to keep our grandmas safe, there was another pause during the Omicron outbreak. Word spread quickly and women called in, booking interviews.

The Center released 40 videos before Purim. Team members attend the filming and provide editing notes for the videographer (the two-hour film is edited down to 25 minutes). Rochelle feels that things have come full circle as Rosie’s sister, Joy, is now Rochelle’s daughter-in-law, married to her son Murray. Rochelle is grateful that her husband and children are always by her side for Simply Traditional and other projects.

Shifra Hanon, a grandmother and great-grandmother, was thrilled to share a recipe and receive a precious keepsake.

Given that Simply Traditional is one of Rochelle’s favorite projects, it’s no surprise that Eli declares that Rochelle’s cooking is her relaxation. Rochelle adores cooking and hosting guests, and she enjoys seeing people enjoying her meals and bonding.

Watch the interview clips on Instagram@simplytraditional, sign up your grandma, and look out for a cookbook!

You can reach Rochelle at Rdweck18@aol.com or message her on Instagram@simplytraditional.

Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach.  Her coaching specialties include life, career, and dating coaching.  Ellen is active in her community and is currently the Vice-President of Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights. She can be contacted at ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com).

Introducing Your Representatives in Trenton: Assemblywomen Kim Eulner and Marilyn Piperno

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

Introducing Your Representatives in Trenton: Assemblywomen Kim Eulner and Marilyn Piperno

As your newly elected members of the New Jersey General Assembly, we are proud to represent a large and growing Jewish community in the 11th Legislative District and we welcome back our summer residents to the Jersey Shore. We are focused on collaborating with community members and local leaders to tackle antisemitism and to keep our neighborhoods safe and secure amid the rising level of car thefts and home invasions.

To that end, we encourage all our residents to lock their car doors, remove their keys, and never leave their vehicles running, to prevent these egregious thefts. While these preventative measures will go a long way to deterring criminals, we understand that this is not enough to attack the problem afflicting our communities. In 2022 alone, 14,320 vehicles have already been stolen, a 53 percent increase since 2020. So far, the Legislative Majority has done nothing to confront this issue. We believe this must be addressed legislatively, and in the coming weeks we will be introducing legislation that will demand increased penalties for criminals charged with these crimes. Our proposed legislation is dedicated to keeping these lawbreakers behind bars and off our streets. It includes lowering the monetary threshold for stolen vehicles, not just luxury cars, to constitute a second-degree offense, making joyriding a third-degree crime, and removing pretrial release for suspected offenders.

We look forward to supporting the passage of these bills in the legislature. However, this is just a glimpse into our actions during our first three months in the General Assembly. We are aggressively fighting to get New Jersey back on track and to make our state more affordable as a place to live, work, and raise a family. We have introduced, sponsored, and voted on legislation to support our small businesses, to protect our first responders and front-line workers, to advocate for mental health and suicide prevention, to preserve our beaches, to lower our taxes, and to honor our veterans. We are equally dedicated to providing equitable access to high-quality education and achieving academic excellence, while combatting the loss of state aid, which results in staff and program cuts, increased class sizes, and local tax hikes.

District 11 public schools have collectively lost $28 million since the implementation of S2, the law that dictates the school funding formula, in 2020. This year, these public schools are losing another $11 million in state school aid. Five of the schools are considered high poverty/high need districts and are entitled to receive $18 million in funding increases under the federal American Rescue Plan. Instead, they face $15 million in cuts. This is completely unacceptable, and these cuts are truly a disservice to teachers, administrators, parents, and children. We call on the Murphy administration to reevaluate the unfair school funding formula and to put an end to this failed policy disaster. Additionally, a top priority is protecting all our students through improved security measures. That is why we are working to secure additional security and technology funding for our local private schools, such as Hillel Yeshiva.

We also stand in opposition to the learning standards for grades K-12, as we are actively engaged in ensuring parental involvement in what their children are learning in school. After two years of learning loss, this shift away from hard academics in favor of social justice subjects is shortsighted. Thankfully, after a considerable amount of pushback from lawmakers and parents across the state, we are glad to see the state is reevaluating its curriculum standards. Our fundamental belief is that these sensitive conversations are best held at home, and parents should remain involved in their children’s education moving forward.

We are proud of our work so far in Trenton, and this is just the beginning. We hope to hear from you and learn more about the issues affecting you and your families. In the meantime, if you require assistance, or if you have any suggestions or ideas to help our district, please call the 11th Legislative District Assembly office at (732) 268-8968 or send an email to District11Help@njleg.org.

Yours in service,
Kim and Marilyn

Assemblywomen Kim Eulner and Marilyn Piperno represent the 11th Legislative District in New Jersey’s General Assembly, comprised of the following towns in Monmouth County: Allenhurst, Asbury Park, Colts Neck, Deal, Eatontown, Freehold Borough, Freehold Township, Interlaken, Loch Arbour, Long Branch, Neptune City, Neptune Township, Ocean Township, Red Bank, Shrewsbury Borough, Shrewsbury Township, Tinton Falls, and West Long Branch

Yeshivat Or Hatorah Lightning Basketball Team Crowned Champion

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

Yeshivat Or Hatorah Lightning Basketball Team Crowned Champion

Under the tutelage of coach Jonathan Frijah and the dedicated work ethic of the entire Ohr Hatorah Lightning team, Ohr Hatorah captured their first title in 25 years.

On May 15, 2022 at MDY Elementary School, the Or Hatorah squad faced YDH (Yeshivat Derech Hatorah) in the finals.

Or Hatorah came out strong with a 12-point lead led by Ariel Kahn and Ohr Barda, playing tough all game. Everyone was playing their best, but with two minutes left in the game, the score was tied. 

Ohr Barda hit two clutch free throws to put Or Hatorah up by 2 points. With 34 seconds remaining, YDH had possession of the ball. However, Ohr Barda stole the ball and passed it to passed to Joey Swaid who proceeded to hit a layup and a foul shot to put the game out of reach.

The final score was 44 to 39.

The Or Hatorah Lightning basketball team would like to thank Rabbi Yaakov Marcus, Rosh Yeshiva, their sponsors, teachers, and Coach Jonathan Frijah for making this year’s exciting season possible.

The Case – Better Late Than Never

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

Rachel rented an elaborate gown for her granddaughter’s upcoming wedding. The terms of the rental included a one-time wearing of the gown for the price of fifteen hundred dollars. After wearing the gown on the night of the festive wedding occasion, the next morning Rachel experienced pain on one side of her body and shortness of breath. She wisely phoned an ambulance and was rushed to the hospital before losing consciousness. In the hospital she recovered quickly and was discharged only a week after being admitted. When she returned home, she remembered that it was her responsibility to return the gown to the store it was rented from within three days of usage. When she finally called the store and explained her predicament, the store owner patiently explained that since the gown was not returned as scheduled, he lost a paying customer that was scheduled to rent the gown. Rachel explained that she lived alone, and her family was unaware of the urgency of the prompt return of the gown. The store owner sympathized with her condition but reasoned that she rented the gown knowing the consequences of a late return. In Bet Din, he further claimed that he understands that Rachel fell ill, however, renting a gown is like renting a car, if for any reason you do not return it, you are required to pay.

Is Rachel required to reimburse the store owner with an additional fifteen hundred dollars in damages for the lost customer? How should the Bet Din rule and why?

Torah Law

According to the ruling of the Shulhan Aruch, in the event a rented item is not returned as stipulated by contract, a renter can be held liable for the rent and/or damages sustained by the owner as a result of the late return.

Notwithstanding, by rule of the Shulhan Aruch, a renter who is unable to return an item due to circumstances beyond their control is not necessarily required to pay the owner in the event of a late return.

If by terms of the contract the rental payment is a fixed amount for the usage of the item and not per day, the renter is exempt if he is incapable of returning the item on time. If, however, the terms of the contract require the renter to pay per day, he is compelled to pay rent for each day he is late, regardless of all reason and circumstance.

The underlying reasoning for this distinction is that the legal definition of a daily rental is payment for the time the item is available to the renter. Whether or not the renter maximizes the usage of the item rented or is incapable of using the item, nevertheless, he is required to pay per day. His verbal or written contract requires him to pay for the time the item is entrusted to him, regardless of the amount of usage or benefit he receives.

However, if the rental agreement is for a designated usage, the agreement is terminated immediately after that specific usage. When the renter subsequently chooses not to return the item, he is liable for damages the owner sustains. If, however, the renter is incapable of returning the item due to circumstances beyond his control, he is absolved from paying the damages sustained by the owner. Unless stipulated otherwise, the owner is not entitled to collect indirect damage caused by extenuating circumstance.

The above ruling, absolving a renter incapable of returning an object, is limited to instances in which the renter was unable to notify or appoint another party to return the item on his behalf. If, however, the renter could have spared the loss to the owner, he is viewed as negligent and is required to compensate the owner for the damage he caused.

Additionally, the renter is only absolved if the item was not used to his benefit during the interim of its late return. If the renter benefited, he is required to compensate the owner for the damages he caused. If one benefits from damage he caused, he is liable for payment.

As mentioned above, the exemption of a late return due to circumstances beyond one’s control is not applicable to instances in which the item was rented per day.

VERDICT: Extenuating Circumstances

Our Bet Din absolved Rachel of paying the store owner for the late return of the gown. As mentioned in Torah law, a renter is not liable if due to circumstances beyond his control he is incapable of returning the item on time. Rachel was hospitalized and remained unconscious and incoherent for three days before she was able to notify anyone of the delay. At that point the damage to the store owner was already done. Although the store owner indeed sustained a loss, Rachel is not responsible for secondary damages she caused due to extenuating circumstance beyond her control.

It is important to note that this exemption is not applicable to one who pays rent per day. One who pays rent per day is required to pay rent for every day late, regardless of the circumstance. Rachel, however, rented the gown for a one-time usage and not per day. She is therefore exempt from compensating the store owner for his damages. The store owner’s comparison of Rachel’s renting the gown to a daily car rental was therefore rejected by our Bet Din. The store owner’s claim that Rachel was aware of the consequences of a late return was also rejected, as the contract did not specify her liability even in a circumstance beyond her control.

YOU BE THE JUDGE

Not All Fun and Games

Annie operates a playgroup for toddlers from her home, located on the main floor of a three-story apartment house. She opened the playgroup nearly a year ago and did not receive any complaints from the neighbors in her building. Sally, the neighbor on the third floor, without warning, opened a file in our Bet Din demanding that Annie is to close her playgroup immediately. The basis for Sally’s complaint included congestion in the entrance way of the building, the noise coming from the playgroup throughout the day, and the depreciation of the value of her apartment by allowing a business to operate from the main floor of the building. In her defense, Annie responded that Sally’s complaints were not substantial issues. As per the congestion in the entrance way, Annie defended that not all the children arrive at the same time. Rather, most often the children arrive one by one in the span of an hour. They are picked up midday during hours that most of the residents of the building are either at work or are out shopping. Annie continued that the noise factor was a frivolous complaint, especially from a neighbor living on the third floor. She further defended that she is not the first person to open a playgroup from their home, and never heard of the value of a property depreciating as a result of a playgroup. Annie suggested that Sally was jealous of her successful business and that is the reason Sally is only complaining after nearly a year. Sally countered that the reason she did not complain earlier is because she originally thought she could handle the disturbances, but she now realizes that it is beyond her ability to do so.

How should the Bet Din rule, in favor of Sally or Annie, and why?

A Golden Lesson

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

Imagine never becoming angry or upset. Imagine living every day with joy and peace of mind. The Orchot Tzaddikim writes (Shaar HaSimchah) that someone who has full emunah and bitachon in Hashem will always be happy no matter what is happening, because he knows that Hashem is the cause of everything that happens and Hashem only does what is best for him.

Rav Lugassi told a story about the mekubal Rabbi Daniel Frisch who lived in our times. He wrote many books including the Masok MiDevash edition of the Zohar HaKadosh. On one occasion, he came to America to raise funds to print his sefarim. He stayed at the home of a very respectable family. While there, he continued his writing and avodat hakodesh. In general, he was sickly; his fingers were extremely bloated due to infections in his hands. It was very hard for him to write, but he did so anyway with incredible self-sacrifice. Although it was difficult, even in America he stayed up writing till the late hours of the night. The family hosting him was so proud to have this tzaddik with them.

One night, toward the end of his stay, one of the young adults in the family went up to the rabbi’s room to ask him some questions. At the time, the Rabbi was deeply engrossed in his writings, but he happily paused to speak to the boy. During the conversation, the boy accidentally knocked over the cup of grape juice that he was drinking and it spilled all over the Rabbi’s manuscripts, ruining many pages of hours of work. The boy didn’t know where to put himself. He tried to clean it up, but the damage was done. “I am so sorry, Rabbi. Please forgive me, please.” The Rabbi quickly calmed him down, looked at him with his soothing eyes and said the following impactful words, “You are asking me for forgiveness. But there is something you need to know. Many years before I was born, in fact many years before anyone in this world was born, Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, wrote down what is going to happen to every single person who would ever live. Of course, things could be changed, but there is a plan for every individual according to the needs of the soul. Hashem wrote down that on this day at this time, the writings of a Jew named Daniel Frisch should have this juice spilled upon them. What could possibly be bad about Hashem’s plan for me?”

Those were simple words of emunah that not only kept the Rabbi calm and not only calmed down the boy, but they also taught us a golden lesson on how to live our lives with emunah.

It’s not easy to deal with the everyday annoyances when things don’t go the way we had hoped. But if we always remember that everything was planned in advance by the One Who knows better than we do, we will be able to accept everything.

Preparing for a Family Wedding

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

You pick up the phone and soak in the wonderful news: They’re finally engaged! And the wedding date has already been set. You feel a bit lightheaded when you hear that the big day is in a month or two!

The future bride or groom may be a sibling, in-law, or other close relative, and we know the preparation for any family wedding is surrounded by much excitement and anticipation. In our community, where engagements are relatively short and the wedding happens pretty quickly, those who need to prepare for it can feel delight tinged with a sense of overwhelm. Here are some steps you can take to ease the pressure and help ensure that you and your children can all arrive at the hall calm and ready to bring lots of joy to the bride and groom.

Right Together, Left Together

So you hear that some, or even all, of your children will be marching down the aisle before the kallah makes her grand entrance. Whether your children are toddlers or pre-teens, it is best for them to practice marching in advance. But there is no need for “marching practice” to be as pressure-filled as homework. This is the perfect opportunity to use your creative side and turn it into a game.

Stage a mock-wedding in your home, and let each of your children rehearse marching down the hallway. Teach each child to start with the right foot, and then bring the left foot forward so the two feet are side-by-side. Show them how to take the same step once again, this time leading with the left foot. Demonstrate how to make this into a cohesive march, and rehearse until they are able to make it all the way down the makeshift aisle.

In a few weeks’ time, when your children find themselves in a colossal brightly-lit room, with hundreds of people surrounding them and the rose-covered huppah facing them, they will be prepared to give a flawless march!

Petticoats and Tuxedos

Each child needs special wedding attire to wear to the big event. Younger girls will shine in flower-girl dresses, and the older ones will wear ball gowns. Younger boys will look adorable in miniature tuxedos, and the older ones will do fine in freshly-pressed suits.

You have the option to buy something new for each child, but for a more economical route, visit one of the numerous community wedding gemachs or bring out the wardrobe from a past family wedding and ask a good tailor to make a few changes. Adding rhinestones, ribbons, and lace are great ways to bring fresh accents to a tired look. Whatever you decide to dress your children in, make sure all outfits are tailored, cleaned, and pressed at least a week in advance.

Get a Sitter

Of course, even the tiniest members of your family have been invited to the wedding, and they are all expected to attend. However, little children need constant supervision, which is quite difficult to provide when you are busy greeting guests and dancing with the bride or her mother. So it’s best to hire a babysitter or find a family friend who is willing to attend the wedding and offer an extra set of hands. When the pictures and ceremony are done, you can bring the babysitter and your small children home, settle everyone in, and return to the wedding assured that everyone is supervised and getting a good night’s sleep.

Speaking of Sleep…

It’s going to be a long night! So even if you plan on bringing your children home in the middle of the wedding, make sure all of them (yes, even the ones that claim they are not tired!) get some rest the day of. The last thing you want is for your children to be bleary-eyed and hysterical during the wedding. So, set aside some naptime in the hours before the wedding, so everyone is alert, awake, and excited for this most special evening.

Family weddings are special occasions that only come along every so often. That is why it’s so important to give children the tools to capture the joy of the moment. Prepare ahead of time so that when the night of the wedding finally arrives, your family will be ready to revel in the celebration

Once Upon a Thyme – Orange Creamsicle Ice Pops

Community Magazine

-

June 2022

0

Once Upon a Thyme – Orange Creamsicle Ice Pops

ADINA YAAKOV

Nothing beats the summer warmth quite like a refreshing cold treat. This creamsicle recipe uses
tangy orange juice concentrate along with sweet vanilla cream, which results in a satisfying
combination of sweet but tart. Be sure to make a double batch to keep in your freezer for
whenever your sweet tooth strikes. Please note that the orange juice concentrate in this recipe
is not reconstituted, it is blended with coconut milk and sugar to make the orange sorbet.

Recipe:
2 cans coconut milk
1 cup sugar
1 can Pure Frozen Orange Juice Concentrate with No Pulp
1 8 oz container of non-dairy topping (like RichWhip)
1 tsp vanilla extract

Directions:
1. Whip non-dairy topping according to instructions with vanilla extract until stiff peaks form.
Set aside.
2. Place coconut milk, sugar, and slightly thawed orange juice concentrate into a food
processor and blend.
3. Carefully pour orange/coconut mixture into about ¾ of the ice pop molds. Place Whip on
top of the coconut/orange mixture, being careful to fill and press down to prevent any air
pockets.
4. Place the popsicle stick inside and freeze for 7 hours or overnight. Run warm water over
the mold to remove ice pop.

Keep frozen in an airtight container separated by parchment paper until ready to serve.